hollow.that is how I feel. this pain in my chest, the hollowness within, the endless gaping pit in my soul.

i am empty, something crucial is missing, there is a piece missing in me. I don't know what it is, its hard to move, I don't want to but I must if I'm ever to get over this. my heart is bleeding, my body is aching, from everywhere and nowhere. what happened to the happy carefree child that I was? the child that saw the world with wonder and facination? I used to love to explore and to discover the mysteries of life, it used to hold endless secrets for me to learn. the world has lost all of it's glamor and it has dimmed as if a veil has been shrounded over all. my smile is but a facad a mask that I had behind. people want to help me, my parents see that something is wrong. I am broken, fallen, I dispair and feel that my time here is over and yet I am still here, left behind all alone, even my closeness to G-D has been taken away, my powers stripped from me, wrenched away in some cruel mannerm leaving me alone and helpless, shunned from all that I once knew and loved. The future is daunting, I know not how I can go on, certainly not with this helplessness. I try to grin and bear it, and yet the times of lucidity and happiness are now rare and growing scarcer as time rolles on as it does, ticking away and moving on leaving me behind, alone. My soul brother's powers and knowledge have been growing with time, and I am losing them. All I had has been taken, stripped from me,even my connection to the Elements.I can barely get to my sanctuary within, as if the path has been blocked, all my respite and security, barred from me.In my mind I become a prisoner yet again, even my imagination which I could always turn to has been blocked. I can no longer envision hope for me. I can't go on like this, my emotions have been lost and hidden, nevermore to be mine. Imagination is the root of hope and I have it not. How can i hope when I can't imagine? how can I push onwards if I can't see a goal? There is no place for me now umongst those here. I have lived my life hoping, and now they have been dashed, ripped away leaving me raw and hurting, as the world passes me by, knowing not my plight, I can't even cry after all these years i have pushed tears aside, trying to get through this quagmire of grief,my world has turned grey, even the shadows tempt me not anymore. Energies continue to be sapped from me, my very essence siphoned away. i try to hide behind distractions, paltry attempts of som iota of happiness,lies all of them. they are almost as hollow and worthless as i am, they at least some ability to distract.I lay down at night dreading the morning. even the night holds no respite from this pain, even the dark grants me no solace. Even Death shuns me,I no longer await its arival, if only to free me from this pain.What comes after is not what I have always been lead to believe. I was supposed to fight an enemy in the name of my Lord and yet i am told that it is me and that all that I must do is not fall for the Dark. There is no worry of that any longer as it doesn't tempt me anymore.Its as if it doesn't want me, casting me aside for some other.i have become a castaway, a desolate relic of a bygone time. pushed aside and left as refuse. All of my work and suffering, for naught. all I am now is a forgotten martyr, forsaken. less than dust I have become.as if I had never

existed.even my mind has for the most part left me, leaving only that what I need to keep moving, an atomoton that was discarded into the dustbin of history, a ghost of the past nevermore to see the light of day.whoever sees me pities me yet none stretch out a helping hand, for none know how to repair me, even if they do they see no point and consider me a waste of effort.even beauty, that which I endeavored to surround myself with has dimmed. my eyes search in vain for clarity and escape from this endless pit of dispaire. I have naught to look forward to with excitement, I am alone helpless yet again and this time it is much worse for there is no end in sight. for there is no happy ending for me. I hunger yet see no point in taking nourishment as what do i need it for? To prolong this suffering? I am no massacist. I want not to add to my pains and desperations.Cries fall on deaf ears, reminicent of forgotten graves, the ghosts left there with none to mourn their passing and remeber their time here. The sun shines down upon me and yet it hurts, the nights cold and forbidding, once the embrace of a lover, all warmth gone, turned to cold indifference. held as a treasure now discarded like old relics. even cognizent thought has left, thoughts and memories hidden from me, i can't remeber things, they slip through my fingers as mist, retreating into the grey expanse fleeing from my outstretched had as if I were a lepor and not the one that once owned them. I am losing myself, my mind and body slowly breaking down, knowing they are past their time, and yet I still remain, not allowed to go on, without even memory of past times to reflect on and derive solace from. The sepulceral sound of music gives me no respite, i am old, alone and forgotten. It still is hard for me to cometo terms with the fact that almost every comfort has been taken, I fear the day that they shall all be taken, and yet I shall still be here, gazing without hope.