Montana

James and the Tomb of the Vocal Enhancer By Ricky Diaz A young explorer and his trusted sidekick are on a search for a magical object that could change their lives forever. The question is will they make it back from their journey alive? Email: rbdm93@mail.missouri.edu Cell: 618-670-8338 Address: 2900 Old Highway 63 South Apt. 5-305 Columbia, MO 65201 2012 Ricky Diaz

Characters:

Montana James (16): A young adventurous explorer who longs to be the next great Pop singing sensation. Hes bossy and a bit selfish. Hes oblivious to how bad he is at all things musical. His character is modeled after Indiana Jones. Tonto (16): Montana Jamess trusty and faithful sidekick. Hes always very real with Montana and is constantly undermining him. Hes very trusting and a little nave. Mom (30): Tontos mother. Shes a loving and caring mother that pampers Tonto. She has very strict rules when it comes to household items such as candles. Setting: A pretend tomb in Tontos basement. Time: Present Day

 1. SCENE 1: THE TOMB Lights come up, but stay dim. There are half melted candles scattered all around the room. The microphone sits at center stage with a spotlight on it. MONTANA JAMES and TONTO enter slowly. TONTO Where are we? I cant see a thing. MONTANA JAMES Were deep in the belly of the beast. TONTO What!? When did we get eaten!? MONTANA JAMES Its a figure of speech, moron! Were not really in a monsters stomach. TONTO Oh. Then where are we really? MONTANA JAMES Were inside the Tomb of the Vocal Enhancer. TONTO Oh. [Beat.] Well, what are we doing here? MONTANA JAMES Do I have to explain everything to you? TONTO Yes. [Beat.] Because Im really confused. MONTANA JAMES I knew I should have left you in the car. TONTO But the windows dont work and it gets so hot! MONTANA JAMES Shhhh

 2. TONTO What? Did you hear something? MONTANA JAMES No, I just want you to shut up now. MONTANA JAMES and TONTO slowly inch closer to the microphone. MONTANA JAMES stops and then stops TONTO. MONTANA JAMES points at the microphone. Look, there it is! TONTO What? MONTANA JAMES The Vocal Enhancer. Its the most powerful device in the art of articulation! They say its power is beyond measure. TONTO Whoa! How powerful is it? MONTANA JAMES I just said they say its beyond measure. TONTO Well, whos they? What they are you talking about? MONTANA JAMES (Off-guard) Oh, you know... them... those people... the ones say things such as that. TONTO Ooooooh, right! Got it Jimmy. MONTANA JAMES Its not Jimmy! Its Montana James! TONTO Then who am I?

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MONTANA JAMES Youre my trusty sidekick Tonto. TONTO Why am I always the sidekick!? MONTANA JAMES Because you whine like one! TONTO I do not! MONTANA JAMES Sam! [Beat.] I mean Tonto... shut up. [Beat.] We have to obtain the Vocal Enhancer. TONTO Why do you want this thing so much? MONTANA JAMES You know I want to be the next Pop sensation! The Vocal Enhancer takes in your voice and exports beautiful music, no matter what you sound like. It holds get power. TONTO Well good because youre a horrible singer. MONTANA JAMES Im not that bad! [Beat.] Regardless, with the Vocal Enhancer, that wont matter. Ill become the best singer anyones ever heard! Even better than J-Lo! [Beat.] Ah... Jennifer TONTO Okay, so your voice will be fixed, but what about your songs? MONTANA JAMES What about my songs? TONTO Theyre worse than your singing! MONTANA JAMES Youre exaggerating.

 TONTO Am I? Need I remind you of "Fine Day" TONTO begins to sing some lyrics from "Fine Day" to the tune of "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter. He sings it very bad as to imitate MONTANA JAMES. (Singing) So Ive had a fine day. Makes me say hey! Get outta my way! Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay, yay. MONTANA JAMES Yeah, whats wrong with that? Thats some of my best work. TONTO For one thing, that is definitely Powters song. MONTANA JAMES No, its not. He sings "Bad Day", I sing "Fine Day". Completely different. Mine is way better. Trust me, Im going to write the next big hit! TONTO I think youre delusional. MONTANA JAMES Your moms delusional. TONTO Thats a side effect of her medication! You show some respect! MONTANA JAMES You show me some respect! Youre my sidekick. So stand at my side, and shut up. Theres a brief pause. So what if my songwriting sucks? Ill have people to write my songs for me. I the meantime, Ill have to think of a great song so I can get some recognition. TONTO If you showed some people your current songs, youd get recognition... from an insane asylum! TONTO begins laughing hysterically. MONTANA JAMES stares at him angrily. TONTO sees MONTANA JAMES scowling at him and stops laughing immediately.

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Youre right. Sorry. Shutting up now. MONTANA JAMES Lets just grab the Vocal Enhancer and get out of this tomb, but be careful! It could be booby-trapped. TONTO snickers at the words "booby trapped". TONTO Ha... booby-trapped. MONTANA JAMES shoots him an angry look. TONTO stops snickering. MONTANA JAMES As I was saying, there could be booby traps all over this room. So watch your step! MONTANA JAMES and TONTO slowly start creeping towards the microphone. When they have just about reached it, theres the clicking sound of a trip wire being tripped. You set off a trip wire! Tonto, jump on it! TONTO leaps to the side and stomps loudly on the floor. TONTO I got it. MONTANA JAMES Wait a second. [Beat.] MONTANA JAMES thinks hes got an idea for a song. He sings it in the tune of "Apache" by the Sugar Hill Gang. Tonto, jump on it! [Beat.] No thats just stupid. TONTO What should I do? MONTANA JAMES walks over to TONTO to examine the situation. MONTANA JAMES Whatever you do, dont move! If you wouldve been careful and watched where you were stepping like I told you to, you wouldnt be in this situation now.

6. TONTO So what are we going to do? MONTANA JAMES We cant do anything until we find a weight to replace you. TONTO Do you see anything that would work? MONTANA JAMES and TONTO quickly scan the room. MONTANA JAMES I dont think so. [Beat.] Okay listen up Tonto. Im going to go for the Vocal Enhancer. Once I get it, Ill come right back to get you. TONTO No, dont leave me here. MONTANA JAMES I cant do anything right now. Not without a counter-weight! There might be one in that chamber with the Vocal Enhancer. Let me go check. TONTO (Frightened) Okay. Just make sure you come back. MONTANA JAMES Never fear faithful Tonto! I shall be back for you. MONTANA JAMES slowly starts moving towards the microphone. TONTO So, youre coming back right? MONTANA JAMES stops walking and turns around. MONTANA JAMES Oh yeah, totally, totally. TONTO Okay good. I wont stop believing. MONTANA JAMES Dont stop believin! [Beat.]

 (Exasperated) No! MONTANA JAMES starts slowly walking towards the microphone again. He reaches the microphone and grabs the stand. Yes, I got it! Its mine! Its finally mine! MONTANA JAMES begins laughing menacingly. TONTO What about me!? MONTANA JAMES stops laughing. MONTANA JAMES Oh, right! Here I come! MONTANA JAMES pulls a tiny dart out of his jacket pocket. Oh no! I set off another trip wire! MONTANA JAMES flings the dart at TONTO. It hits him. He lets out a grunt and collapses to the floor, keeping his feet on the trip wire. MONTANA JAMES runs over and kneels at TONTOs side. Oh no, Tonto! What happened!? TONTO I was hit by a stray dart. It looks like Im really rolling in the deep this time. MONTANA JAMES Hmm, rolling in the deep? TONTO Would you stop that!? MONTANA JAMES Okay, Ill stop. [Beat.] That was a dumb idea for a song anyway. TONTO Did you get the Vocal Enhancer?

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 MONTANA JAMES Yeah, I got it. TONTO begins getting weaker and weaker. TONTO So we can get out of here now, right? MONTANA JAMES Yeah, we can get out of here. TONTO Did you find a counter-weight? MONTANA JAMES No, I didnt find one. TONTO starts coughing and breathing heavily. TONTO I guess thats for the best. We both know Im not making it out of here. MONTANA JAMES (Sarcastically) Dont say that. Youre fine. Its just a little deadly poison dart. TONTO No, its okay. I get it. You get out of here and fulfill your dream of becoming the next Britney Perry. MONTANA JAMES Britney Perry? TONTO Whatever. [Beat.] Just promise me, youll tell my family what happened here. That I died a hero. MONTANA JAMES I will. Ill tell them you died a zero. TONTO A hero!

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 MONTANA JAMES Im kidding. Just one for old times sake. TONTO Yeah, good times, good-- TONTO begins convulsing until he dies. MONTANA JAMES It was either you or both of us buddy. Im sure this is how you wouldve wanted it. MONTANA JAMES stands up and looks sadly down at TONTO. MONTANA JAMES Goodbye old friend. MOM (Offstage) Sammy!? Sammy, are you down there!? TONTO comes back to life, but stays on the ground. He only lifts his head. TONTO Yes, mom! MOM You better not be using any of my candles! You remember what happened last time! TONTO I set the family cat on fire one time and you never let me forget it! TONTO stands up. Lights fade up to full and MOM enters. MOM Would you and Jimmy like some more toaster pizzas? TONTO (To Montana James) Hey, Jimmy do you want more toaster pizzas? MONTANA JAMES Yeah, Im starving! (To Mom) Go ahead Mary! Hit baby, one more time!

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10. MOM Alright, Ill go get them started for you. MOM exits. MONTANA JAMES Sam, your Mom is a fox! Damn! TONTO Shut up Jimmy! I hate it when you hit on my mom. MONTANA JAMES Maybe one of these times it will actually work, then Ill stop. TONTO Whatever man. Lets go upstairs. TONTO begins to exit and MONTANA JAMES follows. They stop before exiting. And I know you threw that dart at me. TONTO exits. MONTANA JAMES begins to follow, but stops once more just before exiting. MONTANA JAMES Wait! [Beat.] Hit me baby one more time! [Beat] No! Thats just ridiculous. MONTANA JAMES exits. Lights fade to black. END OF PLAY