******The Project Gutenberg Etext of A Young Girl's Diary******

Prefaced with a Letter by ig!und "reud

#o$yright laws are changing all o%er the world& be sure to chec'
the co$yright laws for your country before $osting these files((
Please ta'e a loo' at the i!$ortant infor!ation in this header)
*e encourage you to 'ee$ this file on your own dis'& 'ee$ing an
electronic $ath o$en for the next readers) Do not re!o%e this)
***elco!e To The *orld of "ree Plain +anilla Electronic Texts**
**Etexts ,eadable -y -oth .u!ans and -y #o!$uters& ince /01/**
*These Etexts Pre$ared -y .undreds of +olunteers and Donations*
2nfor!ation on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts& and
further infor!ation is included below) *e need your donations)
A Young Girl's Diary
Prefaced with a Letter by ig!und "reud
Dece!ber& /003 4Etext 51678
******The Project Gutenberg Etext of A Young Girl's Diary******
*****This file should be na!ed ygdsf/9)txt or ygdsf/9):i$******
#orrected ED2T2;< of our etexts get a new <=>-E,& ygdsf//)txt)
+E,2;< based on se$arate sources get new LETTE,& ygdsf/9a)txt)
canned by #harles ?eller with
;!niPage Professional ;#, software
$urchased fro! #aere #or$oration& /@A99@6B6@1773)
#ontact >i'e Lough C>i'elDcaere)co!E
*e are now trying to release all our boo's one !onth in ad%ance
of the official release dates& for ti!e for better editing)
Please noteF neither this list nor its contents are final till
!idnight of the last day of the !onth of any such announce!ent)
The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at
>idnight& #entral Ti!e& of the last day of the stated !onth) A
$reli!inary %ersion !ay often be $osted for suggestion& co!!ent
and editing by those who wish to do so) To be sure you ha%e an
u$ to date first edition 4xxxxx/9x)xxx8 $lease chec' file si:es
in the first wee' of the next !onth) ince our ft$ $rogra! has
a bug in it that scra!bles the date 4tried to fix and failed8 a
loo' at the file si:e will ha%e to do& but we will try to see a
new co$y has at least one byte !ore or less)
2nfor!ation about Project Gutenberg Gone $ageH
*e $roduce about two !illion dollars for each hour we wor') The
fifty hours is one conser%ati%e esti!ate for how long it we ta'e
to get any etext selected& entered& $roofread& edited& co$yright
searched and analy:ed& the co$yright letters written& etc) This
$rojected audience is one hundred !illion readers) 2f our %alue
$er text is no!inally esti!ated at one dollar then we $roduce I7
!illion dollars $er hour this year as we release thirty@two text
files $er !onthF or J99 !ore Etexts in /003 for a total of A99)
2f these reach just /9K of the co!$uteri:ed $o$ulation& then the
total should reach A9 billion Etexts)
The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Gi%e Away ;ne Trillion Etext
"iles by the Dece!ber B/& 799/) 4/9&999 x /99&999&999LTrillion8
This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred !illion readers&
which is only /9K of the $resent nu!ber of co!$uter users) 799/
should ha%e at least twice as !any co!$uter users as that& so it
will reMuire us reaching less than 6K of the users in 799/)
*e need your donations !ore than e%er(
All donations should be !ade to NProject GutenbergO-=NF and are
tax deductible to the extent allowable by law) G-= L -enedictine
=ni%ersityH) Gubscri$tions to our $a$er newsletter go to -=)H
"or these and other !atters& $lease !ail toF
Project Gutenberg
P) ;) -ox 71A7
#ha!$aign& 2L 3/A76
*hen all other e!ail fails try our Executi%e DirectorF
>ichael ) .art ChartD$obox)co!E
*e would $refer to send you this infor!ation by e!ail
G2nternet& -itnet& #o!$user%e& ATT>A2L or >#2!ailH)
******
2f you ha%e an "TP $rogra! Gor e!ulatorH& $lease
"TP directly to the Project Gutenberg archi%esF
4>ac users& do <;T $oint and clic') ) )ty$e8
ft$ uiarchi%e)cso)uiuc)edu
loginF anony!ous
$asswordF yourDlogin
cd etextOetext09 through Oetext03
or cd etextOarticles 4get suggest gut for !ore infor!ation8
dir 4to see files8
get or !get 4to get files) ) )set bin for :i$ files8
GET 2<DEPQ99)G=T
for a list of boo's
and
GET <E* G=T for general infor!ation
and
>GET G=T* for newsletters)
**2nfor!ation $re$ared by the Project Gutenberg legal ad%isor**
GThree PagesH
***TA,T**T.E >ALL P,2<T(**";, P=-L2# D;>A2< ETEPT**TA,T***
*hy is this N!all Print(N state!ent hereQ You 'nowF lawyers)
They tell us you !ight sue us if there is so!ething wrong with
your co$y of this etext& e%en if you got it for free fro!
so!eone other than us& and e%en if what's wrong is not our
fault) o& a!ong other things& this N!all Print(N state!ent
disclai!s !ost of our liability to you) 2t also tells you how
you can distribute co$ies of this etext if you want to)
*-E";,E(* Y;= =E ;, ,EAD T.2 ETEPT
-y using or reading any $art of this P,;RE#T G=TE<-E,G@t!
etext& you indicate that you understand& agree to and acce$t
this N!all Print(N state!ent) 2f you do not& you can recei%e
a refund of the !oney Gif anyH you $aid for this etext by
sending a reMuest within B9 days of recei%ing it to the $erson
you got it fro!) 2f you recei%ed this etext on a $hysical
!ediu! Gsuch as a dis'H& you !ust return it with your reMuest)
A-;=T P,;RE#T G=TE<-E,G@T> ETEPT
This P,;RE#T G=TE<-E,G@t! etext& li'e !ost P,;RE#T G=TE<-E,G@
t! etexts& is a N$ublic do!ainN wor' distributed by Professor
>ichael ) .art through the Project Gutenberg Association at
-enedictine =ni%ersity Gthe NProjectNH) A!ong other
things& this !eans that no one owns a =nited tates co$yright
on or for this wor'& so the Project Gand you(H can co$y and
distribute it in the =nited tates without $er!ission and
without $aying co$yright royalties) $ecial rules& set forth
below& a$$ly if you wish to co$y and distribute this etext
under the Project's NP,;RE#T G=TE<-E,GN trade!ar')
To create these etexts& the Project ex$ends considerable
efforts to identify& transcribe and $roofread $ublic do!ain
wor's) Des$ite these efforts& the Project's etexts and any
!ediu! they !ay be on !ay contain NDefectsN) A!ong other
things& Defects !ay ta'e the for! of inco!$lete& inaccurate or
corru$t data& transcri$tion errors& a co$yright or other
intellectual $ro$erty infringe!ent& a defecti%e or da!aged
dis' or other etext !ediu!& a co!$uter %irus& or co!$uter
codes that da!age or cannot be read by your eMui$!ent)
L2>2TED *A,,A<TYS D2#LA2>E, ;" DA>AGE
-ut for the N,ight of ,e$lace!ent or ,efundN described below&
4/8 the Project Gand any other $arty you !ay recei%e this
etext fro! as a P,;RE#T G=TE<-E,G@t! etextH disclai!s all
liability to you for da!ages& costs and ex$enses& including
legal fees& and 478 Y;= .A+E <; ,E>ED2E ";, <EGL2GE<#E ;,
=<DE, T,2#T L2A-2L2TY& ;, ";, -,EA#. ;" *A,,A<TY ;, #;<T,A#T&
2<#L=D2<G -=T <;T L2>2TED T; 2<D2,E#T& #;<ET=E<T2AL& P=<2T2+E
;, 2<#2DE<TAL DA>AGE& E+E< 2" Y;= G2+E <;T2#E ;" T.E
P;2-2L2TY ;" =#. DA>AGE)
2f you disco%er a Defect in this etext within 09 days of
recei%ing it& you can recei%e a refund of the !oney Gif anyH
you $aid for it by sending an ex$lanatory note within that
ti!e to the $erson you recei%ed it fro!) 2f you recei%ed it
on a $hysical !ediu!& you !ust return it with your note& and
such $erson !ay choose to alternati%ely gi%e you a re$lace!ent
co$y) 2f you recei%ed it electronically& such $erson !ay
choose to alternati%ely gi%e you a second o$$ortunity to
recei%e it electronically)
T.2 ETEPT 2 ;T.E,*2E P,;+2DED T; Y;= NA@2N) <; ;T.E,
*A,,A<T2E ;" A<Y ?2<D& EPP,E ;, 2>PL2ED& A,E >ADE T; Y;= A
T; T.E ETEPT ;, A<Y >ED2=> 2T >AY -E ;<& 2<#L=D2<G -=T <;T
L2>2TED T; *A,,A<T2E ;" >E,#.A<TA-2L2TY ;, "2T<E ";, A
PA,T2#=LA, P=,P;E)
o!e states do not allow disclai!ers of i!$lied warranties or
the exclusion or li!itation of conseMuential da!ages& so the
abo%e disclai!ers and exclusions !ay not a$$ly to you& and you
!ay ha%e other legal rights)
2<DE><2TY
You will inde!nify and hold the Project& its directors&
officers& !e!bers and agents har!less fro! all liability& cost
and ex$ense& including legal fees& that arise directly or
indirectly fro! any of the following that you do or causeF
4/8 distribution of this etext& 478 alteration& !odification&
or addition to the etext& or 4B8 any Defect)
D2T,2-=T2;< =<DE, NP,;RE#T G=TE<-E,G@t!N
You !ay distribute co$ies of this etext electronically& or by
dis'& boo' or any other !ediu! if you either delete this
N!all Print(N and all other references to Project Gutenberg&
orF
4/8 ;nly gi%e exact co$ies of it) A!ong other things& this
reMuires that you do not re!o%e& alter or !odify the
etext or this Ns!all $rint(N state!ent) You !ay howe%er&
if you wish& distribute this etext in !achine readable
binary& co!$ressed& !ar'@u$& or $ro$rietary for!&
including any for! resulting fro! con%ersion by word $ro@
cessing or hy$ertext software& but only so long as
*E2T.E,*F
4*8 The etext& when dis$layed& is clearly readable& and
does *not* contain characters other than those
intended by the author of the wor'& although tilde
GUH& asteris' G*H and underline GVH characters !ay
be used to con%ey $unctuation intended by the
author& and additional characters !ay be used to
indicate hy$ertext lin'sS ;,
4*8 The etext !ay be readily con%erted by the reader at
no ex$ense into $lain A#22& E-#D2# or eMui%alent
for! by the $rogra! that dis$lays the etext Gas is
the case& for instance& with !ost word $rocessorsHS
;,
4*8 You $ro%ide& or agree to also $ro%ide on reMuest at
no additional cost& fee or ex$ense& a co$y of the
etext in its original $lain A#22 for! Gor in E-#D2#
or other eMui%alent $ro$rietary for!H)
478 .onor the etext refund and re$lace!ent $ro%isions of this
N!all Print(N state!ent)
4B8 Pay a trade!ar' license fee to the Project of 79K of the
net $rofits you deri%e calculated using the !ethod you
already use to calculate your a$$licable taxes) 2f you
don't deri%e $rofits& no royalty is due) ,oyalties are
$ayable to NProject Gutenberg Association O -enedictine
=ni%ersityN within the 39 days following each
date you $re$are Gor were legally reMuired to $re$areH
your annual Gor eMui%alent $eriodicH tax return)
*.AT 2" Y;= **A<T* T; E<D >;<EY E+E< 2" Y;= D;<'T .A+E T;Q
The Project gratefully acce$ts contributions in !oney& ti!e&
scanning !achines& ;#, software& $ublic do!ain etexts& royalty
free co$yright licenses& and e%ery other sort of contribution
you can thin' of) >oney should be $aid to NProject Gutenberg
Association O -enedictine =ni%ersityN)
*E<D*T.E >ALL P,2<T( ";, P=-L2# D;>A2< ETEPT*+er)9J)70)0B*E<D*
canned by #harles ?eller with
;!niPage Professional ;#, software
$urchased fro! #aere #or$oration& /@A99@6B6@1773)
#ontact >i'e Lough C>i'elDcaere)co!E
A Young Girl's Diary
Prefaced with a Letter by
ig!und "reud
Translated by
Eden and #edar Paul
#;<TE<T
"2,T YEA, Age // to /7
E#;<D YEA, Age /7 to /B
T.2,D YEA, Age /B to /J
LAT .AL"@YEA, Age /J to /J /O7
#;<#L=2;<
P,E"A#E
T.E best $reface to this journal written by a young
girl belonging to the u$$er !iddle class is a letter
by ig!und "reud dated A$ril 71& /0/6& a letter
wherein the distinguished +iennese $sychologist
testifies to the $er!anent %alue of the docu!entF
NThis diary is a ge!) <e%er before& 2 belie%e& has
anything been written enabling us to see so clearly
into the soul of a young girl& belonging to our social
and cultural stratu!& during the years of $uberal
de%elo$!ent) *e are shown how the senti!ents $ass
fro! the si!$le egois! of childhood to attain !aturityS
how the relationshi$s to $arents and other !e!bers
of the fa!ily first sha$e the!sel%es& and how
they gradually beco!e !ore serious and !ore inti!ateS
how friendshi$s are for!ed and bro'en) *e
are shown the dawn of lo%e& feeling out towards its
first objects) Abo%e all& we are shown how the !ystery
of the sexual life first $resses itself %aguely on
the attention& and then ta'es entire $ossession of the
growing intelligence& so that the child suffers under
the load of secret 'nowledge but gradually beco!es
enabled to shoulder the burden) ;f all these things
we ha%e a descri$tion at once so char!ing& so serious&
and so artless& that it cannot fail to be of su$re!e
interest to educationists and $sychologists)
N2t is certainly incu!bent on you to $ublish the
diary) All students of !y own writings will be grateful
to you)N
2n $re$aring these $ages for the $ress& the editor
has toned down nothing& has added nothing& and has
su$$ressed nothing) The only alterations she has
!ade ha%e been such as were essential to conceal the
identity of the writer and of other $ersons !entioned
in the docu!ent) #onseMuently& surna!es& #hristian
na!es& and na!es of $laces& ha%e been changed)
These !odifications ha%e enabled the original author
of the diary to allow !e to $lace it at the free dis$osal
of serious readers)
<o atte!$t has been !ade to correct trifling faults
in gra!!ar and other inelegancies of style) "or the
!ost $art& these !ust not be regarded as the ex$ression
of a child's inca$acity for the control of language)
,ather !ust they be loo'ed u$on as !anifestations of
affecti%e trends& as errors in functioning brought
about by the influence of the =nconscious)
T.E ED2T;,)
+2E<<A& VAutu!nV& /0/0)
"2,T YEA,
AGE ELE+E< T; T*EL+E
"2,T YEA,
Ruly /7& /0 ) ) ) .ella and 2 are writing a diary)
*e both agreed that when we went to the high school
we would write a diary e%ery day) Dora 'ee$s a
diary too& but she gets furious if 2 loo' at it) 2 call
.elene N.ella&N and she calls !e N,itaSN .elene and
Grete are so %ulgar) Dora has ta'en to calling herself
NThea&N but 2 go on calling her NDora)N he says
that little children Gshe !eans !e and .ellaH ought
not to 'ee$ a diary) he says they will write such a
lot of nonsense) <o !ore than in hers and Li::i's)
Ruly /Bth) ,eally we were not to begin writing
until after the holidays& but since we are both going
away& we are beginning now) Then we shall 'now
what we ha%e been doing in the holidays)
The day before yesterday we had an entrance
exa!ination& it was %ery easy& in dictation 2 !ade
only / !ista'e@@writing VihnV without VhV) The !istress
said that didn't !atter& 2 had only !ade a sli$) That
is Muite true& for 2 'now well enough that VihnV has
an VhV in it) *e were both dressed in white with rose@
coloured ribbons& and e%eryone belie%ed we were
sisters or at least cousins) 2t would be %ery nice to
ha%e a cousin) -ut it's still nicer to ha%e a friend&
for we can tell one another e%erything)
Ruly /Jth) The !istress was %ery 'ind) -ecause
of her .ella and 2 are really sorry that we are not
going to a !iddle school) Then e%ery day before
lessons began we could ha%e had a tal' with her in
the class@roo!) -ut we're awfully $leased because
of the other girls) ;ne is !ore i!$ortant when one
goes to the high school instead of only to the !iddle
school) That is why the girls are in such a rage)
NThey are bursting with $rideN Gthat's what !y
sister says of !e and .ella& but it is not trueH) N;ur
two studentsN said the !istress when we ca!e away)
he told us to write to her fro! the country) 2 shall)
Ruly /6th) Li::i& .ella's sister& is not so horrid
as Dora& she is always so nice( To@day she ga%e
each of us at least ten chocolate@crea!s) 2t's true
.ella often says to !eF NYou don't 'now her& what
a beast she can be) VYourV sister is generally %ery
nice to !e)N #ertainly it is %ery funny the way in
which she always s$ea's of us as Nthe little onesN
or Nthe children&N as if she had ne%er been a child
herself& and indeed a !uch littler one than we are)
-esides we're just the sa!e as she is now) he is in
the fourth class and we are in the first)
To@!orrow we are going to ?altenbach in Tyrol)
2'! frightfully excited) .ella went away to@day to
.ungary to her uncle and aunt with her !other and
Li::i) .er father is at !anoeu%res)
Ruly /0th) 2t's awfully hard to write e%ery day
in the holidays) E%erything is so new and one has
no ti!e to write) *e are li%ing in a big house in
the forest) Dora bagged the front %eranda straight
off for her own writing) At the bac' of the house
there are such swar!s of horrid little fliesS e%erything
is blac' with flies) 2 do hate flies and such
things) 2'! not going to $ut u$ with being dri%en
out of the front %eranda) 2 won't ha%e it) -esides&
"ather saidF NDon't Muarrel& children(N GV#hildrenV
to VherV too( (H .e's Muite right) he $uts on such
airs because she'll be fourteen in ;ctober) NThe
%erandas are co!!on $ro$erty&N said "ather)
"ather's always so just) .e ne%er lets Dora lord
it o%er !e& but >other often !a'es a fa%ourite of
Dora) 2'! writing to .ella to@day) he's not written
to !e yet)
Ruly 7/st) .ella has written to !e& J $ages& and
such a jolly letter) 2 don't 'now what 2 should do
without her( Perha$s she will co!e here in August
or $erha$s 2 shall go to stay with her) 2 thin' 2
would rather go to stay with her) 2 li'e $aying long
%isits) "ather saidF N*e'll see&N and that !eans
he'll let !e go) *hen "ather and >other say *e'll
see it really !eans YesS but they won't say NyesN
so that if it does not co!e off one can't say that they
ha%en't 'e$t their word) "ather really lets !e do
anything 2 li'e& but not >other) till& if 2 $ractice
!y $iano regularly $erha$s she'll let !e go) 2 !ust
go for a wal')
Ruly 77nd) .ella wrote that 2 $ositi%ely !ust
write e%ery day& for one !ust 'ee$ a $ro!ise and we
swore to write e%ery day) 2) ) ) )
Ruly 7Brd) 2t's awful) ;ne has no ti!e) Yesterday
when 2 wanted to write the roo! had to be cleaned
and D) was in the arbour) -efore that 2 had not
written a VsingleV word and in the front %eranda all
!y $ages blew away) *e write on loose $ages) .ella
thin's it's better because then one does not ha%e to
tear anything out) -ut we ha%e $ro!ised one another
to throw nothing away and not to tear anything u$)
*hy should weQ ;ne can tell a friend e%erything)
A $retty friend if one couldn't) Yesterday when 2
wanted to go into the arbour Dora glared at !e
sa%agely& saying *hat do you wantQ As if the
arbour belonged to her& just as she wanted to bag
the front %eranda all for herself) he's too sic'ening)
Yesterday afternoon we were on the ?olber@?ogel)
2t was lo%ely) "ather was awfully jolly and we
$elted one another with $ine@cones) 2t was jolly)
2 threw one at Dora and it hit her on her $added bust)
he let out such a yell and 2 said out loud You couldn't
feel it VthereV) As she went by she said Pig( 2t doesn't
!atter& for 2 'now she understood !e and that what
2 said was true) 2 should li'e to 'now what VsheV writes
about e%ery day to Eri'a and what she writes
in her diary) >other was out of sorts and stayed at
ho!e)
Ruly 7Jth) To@day is unday) 2 do lo%e undays)
"ather saysF You children ha%e undays e%ery day)
That's Muite true in the holidays& but not at other
ti!es) The $easants and their wi%es and children
are all %ery gay& wearing Tyrolese dresses& just li'e
those 2 ha%e seen in the theatre) *e are wearing
our white dresses to@day& and 2 ha%e !ade a great
cherrystain u$on !ine& not on $ur$ose& but because
2 sat down u$on so!e fallen cherries) o this afternoon
when we go out wal'ing 2 !ust wear !y $in'
dress) All the better& for 2 don't care to be dressed
exactly the sa!e as Dora) 2 don't see why e%eryone
should 'now that we are sisters) Let $eo$le thin' we
are cousins) he does not li'e it eitherS 2 wish 2
'new why)
;swald is co!ing in a wee'& and 2 a! awfully
$leased) .e is older than Dora& but 2 can always get
on with hi!) .ella writes that she finds it dull without
!eS so do 2)
Ruly 76th) 2 wrote to "raulein Pruc'l to@day)
he is staying at Achensee) 2 should li'e to see her)
E%ery afternoon we bathe and then go for a wal')
-ut to@day it has been raining all day) uch a bore)
2 forgot to bring !y $aint@box and 2'! not allowed
to read all day) >other says& if you gobble all your
boo's u$ now you'll ha%e nothing left to read) That's
Muite true& but 2 can't e%en go and swing)
Afternoon) 2 !ust write so!e !ore) 2'%e had a
frightful row with Dora) he says 2'%e been fiddling
with her things) 2t's all because she's so untidy)
As if VherV things could interest !e) Yesterday she
left her letter to Eri'a lying about on the table& and
all 2 read wasF .e's as handso!e as a Gree' god)
2 don't 'now who NheN was for she ca!e in at that
!o!ent) 2t's $robably ?rail ,udi& with who! she
is e%erlastingly $laying tennis and carries on li'e
anything) As for handso!e@@well& there's no accounting
for tastes)
Ruly 73th) 2t's a good thing 2 brought !y dolls'
$ort!anteau) >other saidF You'll be glad to ha%e
it on rainy days) ;f course 2'! !uch too old to $lay
with dolls& but e%en though 2'! // 2 can !a'e dolls'
clothes still) ;ne learns so!ething while one is doing
it& and when 2'%e finished so!ething 2 do enjoy it so)
>other cut !e out so!e things and 2 was tac'ing
the! together) Then Dora ca!e into the roo! and
said .ullo& the child is sewing things for her dolls)
*hat chee'& as if she had ne%er $layed with dolls)
-esides& 2 don't really $lay with dolls any longer)
*hen she sat down beside !e 2 sewed so %igorously
that 2 !ade a great scratch on her hand& and saidF
;h& 2'! so sorry& but you ca!e too close) 2 ho$e
she'll 'now why 2 really did it) ;f course she'll
go and snea' to >other) Let her) *hat right has
she to call !e child) he's got a fine red scratch anyhow&
and on her right hand where e%eryone can see)
Ruly 71th) There's such a lot of fruit here) 2
eat ras$berries and gooseberries all day and >other
says that is why 2 ha%e no a$$etite for dinner) -ut
Dr) ?lein always says "ruit is so wholeso!e) -ut
why should it be unwholeso!e all at onceQ .ella
always says that when one li'es anything awfully
!uch one is always scolded about it until one gets
$erfectly sic' of it) .ella often gets in such a te!$er
with her !other& and then her !other saysF *e
!a'e such sacrifices for our children and they reward
us with ingratitude) 2 should li'e to 'now what
sacrifices they !a'e) 2 thin' it's the children who
!a'e the sacrifices) *hen 2 want to eat gooseberries
and a! not allowed to& the sacrifice is V!ineV not
V>other'sV) 2'%e written all this to .ella) "raulein
Pruc'l has written to !e) The address on her letter
to !e was s$lendid& N"raulein Grete Lainer&
Ly:ealschulerin)N ;f course Dora had to 'now better than
anyone else& and said that in the higher classes fro!
the fourth u$wards Gbecause she is in the fourthH
they write NLy:eistin)N he saidF NAnyhow& in the
holidays& before a girl has attended the first class
she's not a Ly:ealschulerin at all)N Then "ather
chi$$ed in& saying that VweV GV2V didn't begin itH really
!ust sto$ this eternal wranglingS he really could
not stand it) .e's Muite right& but what he said
won't do any good& for Dora will go on just the sa!e)
"raulein Pruc'l wrote that she was VdelightedV that 2
had written) As soon as 2 ha%e ti!e she wants !e
to write to her again) Great cott& 2'%e always ti!e
for VherV) 2 shall write to her again this e%ening after
su$$er& so as not to 'ee$ her waiting)
Ruly 70th) 2 si!$ly could not write yesterday)
The *arths ha%e arri%ed& and 2 had to s$end the
whole day with Erna and Liesel& although it rained
all day) *e had a ri$$ing ti!e) They 'now a lot
of round ga!es and we $layed for sweets) 2 won
J1& and 2 ga%e fi%e of the! to Dora) ,obert is already
!ore than a head taller than we are& 2 !ean than
Liesel and !eS 2 thin' he is fifteen) .e says "raulein
Grete and carried !y cloa' which >other sent !e because
of the rain and he saw !e ho!e after su$$er)
To@!orrow is !y birthday and e%eryone has been
in%ited and >other has !ade strawberry crea! and
waffles) .ow s$iffing)
Ruly B9th) To@day is !y birthday) "ather ga%e
!e a s$lendid $arasol with a flowered border and
$ainting !aterials and >other ga%e !e a huge $ostcard
albu! for A99 cards and stories for school girls&
and Dora ga%e !e a beautiful box of note$a$er and
>other had !ade a chocolate@crea! ca'e for dinner
to@day as well as the strawberry crea!) The first
thing in the !orning the *arths sent !e three birthday
cards) And ,obert had written on hisF *ith
dee$est Vres$ect your faithful ,V) 2t is glorious to ha%e
a birthday& e%eryone is so 'ind& e%en Dora) ;swald
sent !e a wooden $a$er@'nife& the handle is a dragon
and the blade shoots out of its !outh instead of fla!eS
or $erha$s the blade is its tongue& one can't be Muite
sure) 2t has not rained yet on !y birthday) "ather
says 2 was born under a luc'y star) That suits !e
all right& ti$ to$)
Ruly B/st) Yesterday was hea%enly) *e laughed
till our sides ached o%er #onseMuences) 2 was always
being cou$led with ,obert and oh the things we did
together& not really of course but only in writingF
'issed& hugged& lost in the forest& bathed togetherS
but 2 say& 2 wouldn't do Vthat(V Muarrelled) That
won't ha$$en& it's Muite i!$ossible( Then we dran'
!y health clin'ing glasses fi%e ti!es and ,obert
wanted to drin' it in wine but Dora said that would
ne%er do( The real trouble was this) he always
gets furious if she has to $lay second fiddle to !e
and yesterday 2 was certainly first fiddle)
<ow 2 !ust write a word about to@day) *e'%e
had a s$lendid ti!e) *e were in Tiefengraben with
the *arths where there are such a lot of wild strawberries)
,obert $ic'ed all the best of the! for !e&
to the great annoyance of Dora who had to $ic'
the! for herself) ,eally 2 would rather $ic' the! for
!yself& but when so!e one else $ic's the! for one
for Vlo%eV Gthat's what ,obert saidH then one is Muite
glad to ha%e the! $ic'ed for one) -esides& 2 did
$ic' so!e !yself and ga%e !ost of the! to "ather
and so!e to >other) At afternoon tea which we
had in "lischberg 2 had to sit beside Erna instead
of ,obert) Erna is rather dull) >other says she is
Vane!icVS that sounds frightfully interesting& but 2
don't Muite 'now what it !eans) Dora is always
saying that she is ane!ic& but of course that is not
true) And "ather always says NDon't tal' such stuff&
you're as fit as a fiddle)N That $uts her in such a
wax) Last year Li::i was really ane!ic& so the doctor
said& she was always ha%ing $al$itation and had to
ta'e iron and drin' -urgundy) 2 thin' that's where
Dora got the idea)
August /st) .ella is rather cross with !e because
2 wrote and told her that 2 had s$ent the whole day
with the *'s) till& she is really !y only friend or
2 should not ha%e written and told her) E%ery year
in the country she has another friend too& but that
doesn't $ut !e out) 2 can't understand why she
doesn't li'e ,obertS she doesn't 'now anything about
hi! exce$t what 2 ha%e written and certainly that
was nothing but good) ;f course she does 'now hi!
for he is a cousin of the ernigs and she !et hi! once
there) -ut one does not get to 'now a $erson fro!
seeing the! once) Anyhow she does not 'now hi!
the way 2 do) Yesterday 2 was with the *arths
all day) *e $layed Place for the ?ing and ,obert
caught !e and 2 had to gi%e hi! a 'iss) And Erna
said& that doesn't count& for 2 had let !yself be caught)
-ut ,obert got sa%age and saidF Erna is a $erfect
nuisance& she s$oils e%eryone's $leasure) .e's Muite
right& but there's so!e one else just as bad) -ut 2
do ho$e Erna has not told Dora about the 'iss) 2f
she has e%eryone will 'now and 2 shouldn't li'e that)
2 lay in wait for Erna with the sweets which Aunt
Dora sent us) ,obert and Liesel and 2 ate the rest)
They were so good and nearly all large ones) At
first ,obert wanted to ta'e Muite a little one& but
2 said he !ust only ha%e a big one) After that he
always $ic'ed out the big ones) *hen 2 ca!e ho!e
in the e%ening with the e!$ty box "ather laughed
and saidF There's nothing !ean about our Gretel)
-esides& >other still has a great box fullS 2 ha%e no
idea whether Dora still has a lot& but 2 ex$ect so)
August 7nd) ;swald arri%ed this afternoon at
6) .e's a great swell nowS he's begun to grow a
!oustache) 2n the e%ening "ather too' hi! to the
hotel to introduce hi! to so!e friends) .e said it
would be an awful bore& but he will certainly !a'e
a good i!$ression es$ecially in his new tourist getu$
and leather breeches) Grand!a!a and Grand$a$a
sent lo%e to all) 2'%e ne%er seen the!) They ha%e
sent a lot of ca'es and sweets and ;swald gru!bled
no end because he had to bring the!) ;swald is
always s!o'ing cigarettes and "ather said to hi!F
#o!e along old cha$& we'll go to the inn and ha%e a
drin' on the strength of your good re$ort) 2t see!s
to !e rather funnyS no one wants to drin' anything
when Dora and 2 ha%e a good re$ort& at !ost they
gi%e us a $resent) ;swald has only Twos and Threes
and %ery few ;nes and in Gree' nothing but atis@
factory& but 2 ha%e nothing but ;nes) .e said so!ething
to "ather in Latin and "ather laughed heartily
and said so!ething 2 could not understand) 2 don't
thin' it was Latin& but it !ay ha%e been >agyar or
English) "ather 'nows nearly all languages& e%en
#:ech& but than' goodness he doesn't tal' the! unless
he wants to tease us) Li'e that ti!e at the station
when Dora and 2 were so asha!ed) #:ech is horrid&
>other says so too) *hen ,obert $retends to s$ea'
#:ech it's screa!ingly funny)
August Brd) 2 got a chill bathing the other day
so now 2 a! not allowed to bathe for a few days)
,obert 'ee$s !e co!$any) *e are Muite alone and
he tells !e all sorts of tales) .e swings !e so high
that 2 $ositi%ely yell) To@day he !ade !e really
angry& for he saidF ;swald is a regular noodle) 2
said& that's not true& boys can ne%er stand one another)
-esides& it is not true that he lis$s) Anyhow 2
li'e ;swald !uch better than Dora who always says
Nthe childrenN when she is tal'ing of !e and of .ella
and e%en of ,obert) Then he saidF Dora is just as
big a goose as Erna) .e's Muite right there) ,obert
says he is ne%er going to s!o'e& that it is so %ulgar&
that real gentle!en ne%er s!o'e) -ut what about
"ather& 2 should li'e to 'nowQ .e says& too& that he
will ne%er grow a beard but will sha%e e%ery day and
his wife will ha%e to $ut e%erything straight to hi!)
-ut a beard suits "ather and 2 can't i!agine hi!
without a beard) 2 'now 2 won't !arry a !an without
a beard)
August 6th) *e go to the tennis ground e%ery
day) *hen we set off yesterday& ,obert and 2 and
Liesel and Erna and ,ene& Dora called after usF
The bridal $air in s$ee) he had $ic'ed u$ the
$hrase fro! ;swald) 2 thin' it !eans in a hundred
years) VheV can wait a hundred years if she li'es& we
shan't) >other scolded her li'e anything and said
she !ustn't say such stu$id things) A good job tooS
in s$ee& in s$ee) <ow we always tal' of her as 2ns$ee&
but no one 'nows who we !ean)
August 3th) .ella can't co!e here& for she is going
to ?lausenburg with her !other to stay with her
other uncle who is district judge there or whate%er
they call a district judge in .ungary) *hene%er 2
thin' of a district judge 2 thin' of District Rudge T)&
such a hideous !an) *hat a nose and his wife is so
lo%elyS but her $arents forced her into the !arriage)
2 would not let anyone force !e into such a !arriage&
2 would !uch sooner not !arry at all& besides she's
awfully unha$$y)
August 1th) There has been such a fearful row
about Dora) ;swald told "ather that she flirted
so at the tennis court and he could not stand it)
"ather was in a towering rage and now we !ayn't
$lay tennis any !ore) *hat u$set her !ore than
anything was that "ather said in front of !eF This
little chit of /J is already encouraging $eo$le to !a'e
lo%e to her) .er eyes were Muite red and swollen
and she couldn't eat anything at su$$er because she
had such a Vheadache((V *e 'now all about her headaches)
-ut 2 really can't see why 2 shouldn't go and
$lay tennis)
August Ath) ;swald says that it wasn't the
student's fault at all but only Dora's) 2 can Muite
belie%e that when 2 thin' of that ti!e on the outhern
,ailway) till& they won't let !e $lay tennis any
!ore& though 2 begged and begged >other to as'
"ather to let !e) he said it would do no good for
"ather was %ery angry and 2 !ustn't s$end whole
days with the *arths any !ore) *hole days( 2
should li'e to 'now when 2 was a whole day there)
*hen 2 went there naturally 2 had to stay to dinner
at least) *hat ha%e 2 got to do with Dora's lo%e
affairsQ 2t's really too absurd) -ut grown@u$s are
always li'e that) *hen one $erson has done anything
the others ha%e to $ay for it too)
August 0th) Than' goodness& 2 can $lay tennis
once !oreS 2 begged and begged until "ather let !e
go) Dora declares that nothing will induce her to as'(
That's the old story of the fox and the gra$es) he
has been $laying the in%alid lately& won't bathe& and
stays at ho!e when she can instead of going for
wal's) 2 should li'e to 'now what's the !atter with
her) *hat 2 can't !a'e out is why "ather lets her
do it) As for >other& she always s$oils DoraS Dora
is >other's fa%ourite& es$ecially when ;swald is not
on hand) 2 can understand her !a'ing a fa%ourite
of ;swald& but not of Dora) "ather always says
that $arents ha%e no fa%ourites& but treat all their
children ali'e) That's true enough as far as "ather
is concerned& although Dora declares that "ather
!a'es a fa%ourite of !eS but that's only her fancy)
At #hrist!as and other ti!es we always get the sa!e
sort of $resents& and that's the real test) ,osa Plan'
always gets at least three ti!es as !uch as the rest
of the fa!ily& that's what it is to be a fa%ourite)
August /7th) 2 can't write e%ery day for 2 s$end
!ost of !y ti!e with the *arths) ;swald can't
stand ,obert& he says he is a cad and a greenhorn)
*hat %ulgar $hrases) "or three days 2 ha%en't
s$o'en to ;swald exce$t when 2 really had to) *hen
2 told Erna and Liesel about it& they said that brothers
were always rude to their sisters) 2 said& 2 should
li'e to 'now why) -esides& ,obert is generally %ery
nice to his sisters) They said& Yes before you& because
he's on his best beha%iour with you) Yesterday we
laughed li'e anything when he told us what fun the
boys !a'e of their !asters) That story about the
cigarette ends was screa!ingly funny) They ha%e a
society called T) Au) >)& that is in Latin -e ilent
or Die in initial letters) <o one !ay betray the
society's secrets& and when they !a'e a new !e!ber
he has to stri$ off all his clothes and lie down na'ed
and e%ery one s$its on his chest and rubs it and saysF
-e ;ne of =s& but all in Latin) Then he has to go
to the eldest and biggest who gi%es hi! two or three
cuts with a cane and he has to swear that he will
ne%er betray anyone) Then e%eryone s!o'es a cigar
and touches hi! with the lighted end on the ar!
or so!ewhere and saysF E%ery act of treachery will
burn you li'e that) And then the eldest& who has
a s$ecial na!e which 2 can't re!e!ber& tattoos on
hi! the word Tau!& that is -e ilent or Die& and a
heart with the na!e of a girl) ,obert says that if
he had 'nown !e sooner he would ha%e chosen
NGretchen)N 2 as'ed hi! what na!e he had tattooed
on hi!& but he said he was not allowed to tell) 2
shall tell ;swald to loo' when they are bathing and
to tell !e) 2n this society they abuse the !asters
frightfully and the one who thin's of the best tric's
to $lay on the! is elected to the ,ohonS to be a
,ohon is a great distinction and the others !ust always
carry out his orders) .e said there was a lot
!ore which he couldn't tell !e because it's too
tre!endous) Then 2 had to swear that 2 would ne%er
tell anyone about the society and he wanted !e to ta'e
the oath u$on !y 'nees& but 2 wouldn't do that and
he nearly forced !e to !y 'nees) 2n the end 2 had
to gi%e hi! !y hand on it and a 'iss) 2 didn't !ind
gi%ing hi! that& for a 'iss is nothing& but nothing
would induce !e to 'neel down) till& 2 was in an
awful fright& for we were Muite alone in the garden
and he too' !e by the throat and tried to force !e
to !y 'nees) All that about the VsocietyV he told !e
when we were Muite alone for he saidF 2 can't ha%e
your na!e tattooed on !e because it's against our
laws to ha%e two na!es but now that you ha%e sworn
2 can let you 'now what 2 really a! and thin' in
secret)
2 couldn't slee$ all night for 2 'e$t on drea!ing
of the society& wondering whether there are such
societies in the high school and whether Dora is in
a society and has a na!e tattooed on her) -ut it
would be horrible to ha%e to stri$ na'ed before all
one's schoolfellows) Perha$s in the societies of the
high@school girls that $art is left out) -ut 2 shouldn't
li'e to say for sure whether 2'd ha%e ,obert's na!e
tattooed on !e)
August /6th) Yesterday ,obert told !e that there
are so!e schoolboy societies where they do %ery i!$ro$er
things& but that ne%er ha$$ened in their society)
-ut he didn't say what) 2 said& the stri$$ing na'ed
see!s to !e awfulS but he said& ;h& that's nothing&
that !ust ha$$en if we're to trust one another& it's
all right as long as there's nothing i!$ro$er) 2 wish
2 'new what) 2 wish 2 'new whether ;swald 'nows
about it& and whether he is in such a society or in
a $ro$er one and whether "ather was in one) 2f 2
could only find out) -ut 2 can't as'& for if 2 did
2 should betray ,obert) *hen he sees !e he always
$resses !y left wrist without letting anyone see) .e
said that is the warning to !e to be silent) -ut he
needn't do that really& for 2 ne%er would betray hi!
whate%er ha$$ened) .e saidF The $ain is to bind
you to !e) *hen he says that his eyes grow dar'&
Muite blac'& although his eyes are really grey and they
get %ery large) Es$ecially in the e%ening when we
say goodbye& it frightens !e) 2'! always drea!ing
of hi!)
August /Ath) Yesterday e%ening we had illu!inations
in honour of the e!$eror's birthday) *e didn't
get ho!e until half $ast twel%e) At first we went
to a concert in the $ar' and to the illu!inations)
They fired salutes fro! the hills and there were beacons
flaring on the hill@to$sS it was rather cree$y although
it was wonderful) >y teeth chattered once or
twice& 2 don't 'now whether 2 was afraid so!ething
would ha$$en or why it was) Then ,) ca!e and
tal'ed such a lot) .e is set on going into the ar!y)
"or that he needn't learn so !uch& and what he's learning
now is of no use to hi!) .e says that doesn't
!atter& that 'nowledge will gi%e hi! a great $ull) 2
don't thin' he loo's stu$id& though ;swald says so to
!a'e !e angry) All at once we found oursel%es Muite
away fro! the others and so we sat on a bench to wait
for the!) Then 2 as'ed ,) once !ore about the other
societies& the ones in which they do such i!$ro$er
things) -ut he wouldn't tell !e for he said he would
not rob !e of !y innocence) 2 thought that %ery
stu$id& and 2 said that $erha$s he didn't 'now hi!self
and it was all $ut on) All that ha$$ened& he said&
was that anyone who joined the society was tic'led
until he couldn't stand it any longer) And once one
of the! got t) +itus's dance& that is frightful
con%ulsions and they were afraid that e%erything would
co!e out) And since then in their society no !ore
tic'ling had been allowed) hall 2 tic'le you a littleQ
2 don't understand you& 2 said& and anyhow you
daren't)
.e ga%e a great laugh and suddenly he sei:ed !e
and tic'led !e under the ar!) 2t !ade !e want to
laugh frightfully& but 2 stifled it for there were still
lots of $eo$le going by) o he ga%e that u$ and
tic'led !y hand) 2 li'ed it at first& but then 2 got
angry and dragged !y hand away) Rust then 2ns$ee
went by with two other girls and directly they had
$assed us we followed close behind as if we had been
wal'ing li'e that all the ti!e) 2t sa%ed !e a wigging
fro! >other& for she always wants us all to 'ee$ together)
As we went along ,) saidF Loo' out& Gretel&
2'! going to tic'le you so!e day until you screa!)@@
.ow absurd& 2 won't ha%e it& it ta'es two to do that)
-y the way& in the raffle 2 won a %ase with 7
turtledo%es and a bag of sweets and ,) won a 'nife& for'
and s$oon) That annoyed hi! frightfully) 2ns$ee
won a fountain $en& just what 2 want& and a !irror
which !a'es one loo' a $erfect fright) A good job
too& for she fancies herself such a lot)
August 70th) ; dear& such an awful thing has
ha$$ened) 2 ha%e lost $ages B9 to BJ fro! !y diary)
2 !ust ha%e left the! in the garden& or else on the
Louisenhohe) 2t's $ositi%ely fiendish) 2f anyone was
to find the!) And 2 don't 'now exactly what there
was on those $ages) 2 was born to ill luc') 2f 2
hadn't $ro!ised .ella to write !y diary e%ery day
2 should li'e to gi%e u$ the whole thing) "ancy if
>other were to get hold of it& or e%en "ather) And
it's raining so fearfully to@day that 2 can't e%en go
into the garden and still less on the Louisenhohe abo%e
all not alone) 2 !ust ha%e lost it the day before yesterday&
for 2 didn't write anything yesterday or the
day before) 2t would be dreadful if anyone were to
find it) 2 a! so !uch u$set that 2 couldn't eat anything
at dinner& although we had !y fa%ourite
chocolate crea! ca'e) And 2'! so unha$$y for "ather
was Muite anxious and >other too and they both
as'ed what was the !atter with !e and 2 nearly
burst out crying before e%eryone) *e had dinner in
the hotel to@day because ,esi had gone away for 7
days) -ut 2 couldn't cry in the roo! before "ather
and >other for that would ha%e gi%en the show away)
>y only ho$e is that no one will recognise !y writing&
for .ella and 2 use u$right writing for our diary&
first of all so that no one !ay recognise our writing
and secondly because u$right writing doesn't use u$
so !uch $a$er as ordinary writing) 2 do ho$e it
will be fine to@!orrow so that 2 can hunt in the garden
%ery early) 2 ha%e been utterly in the du!$s all day
so that 2 didn't e%en get cross when 2ns$ee saidF
N.a%e you been Muarrelling with your future husbandQN
August B9th) 2t's not in the garden) 2 begged
>other to let us go to Louisenhutte this afternoon)
>other was awfully nice and as'ed what 2 was so
worried about& and whether anything had ha$$ened)
Then 2 couldn't 'ee$ it in any longer and burst out
crying) >other said 2 !ust ha%e lost so!ething&
and this ga%e !e an awful fright) >other thought
it was .ella's letter& the one which ca!e on Tuesday&
so 2 saidF <o& !uch worse than that& !y diary)
>other saidF ;h well& that's not such a terrible loss&
and will be of no interest to anyone) ;h yes& 2 said&
for there are all sorts of things written in it about
,) and his society) Loo' here& Gretel& said >other&
2 don't li'e this way you tal' about ,)S 2 really don't
li'e you to s$end all your ti!e with the *arthsS
they're really not our sort and ,) is not a fit
co!$anion for youS now that you are going to the high
school you are not a little girl any longer) Pro!ise
!e that you'll not be eternally with the *arths)@@All
right& >other& 2 will brea' it off gradually so that
nobody will notice) he burst out laughing and 'issed
!e on both chee's and $ro!ised !e to say nothing
to 2ns$ee about the diary for she needn't 'now e%erything)
>other is such a dear) till B hours and
$erha$s the $ages are still there)
E%ening) Than' goodness( 2n front of the shelter
2 found 7 $ages all $ul$ed by the rain and the writing
all run and one $age was in the foot$ath Muite torn)
o!eone !ust ha%e trodden on it with the heel of
his boot and 7 $ages had been rolled into a s$ill and
$artly burned) o no one had read anything) 2 a!
so ha$$y) And at su$$er "ather saidF 2 say& why
are your eyes shining with delightQ .a%e you won
the big $ri:e in the lotteryQ and 2 $ressed >other's
foot with !ine to re!ind her not to gi%e !e away
and "ather laughed li'e anything and saidF ee!s
to !e there's a cons$iracy against !e in !y own
house) And 2 said in a great hurryF Luc'ily we're
not in our own house but in a hotel& and e%eryone
laughed and now than' goodness it's all o%er) Li%e
and learn) 2 won't let that ha$$en again)
August B/st) ,eally 2'! not so !uch with the *'s
and with ,) 2 thin' he's offended) This afternoon&
when 2 went there to tea& he sei:ed !e by the wrist
and saidF Your father is right& you're a witch) NYou
need a castigation)N .ow rude of hi!) -esides& 2
didn't 'now what castigation !eant) 2 as'ed "ather
and he told !e and as'ed where 2 had $ic'ed u$ the
word) 2 said 2 had $assed 7 gentle!en and had heard
one of the! use it) *hat 2 really thought was that
castigation !eant tic'ling) -ut it is really horrid to
ha%e no one to tal' to) >ost of the $eo$le ha%e gone
already and we ha%e only a wee' longer) About that
castigation business) 2 don't li'e fibbing to "ather&
but 2 really had to) 2 couldn't say that ,) wanted to
gi%e !e a castigation when 2 didn't 'now what it
!eant) Dora tells a lot !ore lies than 2 do and 2
always lo%e catching her in a lie for her lies are so
ob%ious) 2'! ne%er caught) 2t only ha$$ened once
when "rau ;berst %on tary was there) "ather
noticed that ti!e& for he saidF You little rogue& you
tarradiddler(
e$te!ber Brd) uch a horrid thing has ha$$ened)
2 shall ne%er s$ea' to ,) again) ;swald is Muite
right in calling hi! a cad) 2f 2 had really fallen out
of the swing 2 !ight ha%e bro'en !y leg J days before
we ha%e to start fro! ho!e) 2 can't !a'e out how
it all ha$$ened) 2t was frightful chee' of hi! to
tic'le !e as he did& and 2 ga%e hi! such a 'ic') 2
thin' it was on his nose or his !outh) Then he
actually dared to sayF After all 2'! well $aid out&
for what can one ex$ect when one 'ee$s co!$any
with such young !on'eys& with such babies) "ine
tal' fro! hi! when he's not /J hi!self yet) 2t was
all hu!bug about his being /6 and he see!s to be
one of the idlest boys in the school& ne%er anything
but atisfactory in his re$orts& and he's not in the
fifth yet& but only in the fourth) Anyhow& we'%e
settled our accounts) #hee'y de%il) 2 shall ne%er
tell anyone about it& it will be !y first and 2 ho$e
!y last secret fro! .ella)
e$te!ber 3th) *e are going ho!e to@!orrow)
The last few days ha%e been awfully dull) 2 saw
,) once or twice but 2 always loo'ed the other way)
"ather as'ed what was wrong between !e and the
*arths and ,)& so that our great friendshi$ had been
bro'en off) ;f course 2 had to fib& for it was absolutely
Vi!$ossibleV to tell the truth) 2 said that ,) found
fault with e%erything 2 did& !y writing& !y reading
aloud) GThat's Muite true& he did that onceH and
"ather saidF *ell& well& you'll !a'e it u$ when you
say goodbye to@!orrow) "ather !a'es a great !ista'e)
2'll ne%er s$ea' a word to hi! again)
"or her birthday& although it's not co!e yet& Dora
is to ha%e a na%y blue sil' dustcloa') 2 don't thin'
the colour suits her& and anyhow she's !uch too thin
to wear a dustcloa')
e$te!ber /Jth) .ella ca!e bac' the day before
yesterday) he loo's s$lendid and she says 2 do
too) 2'! so glad that she's bac') After all 2 told her
about ,) he was %ery angry and said 2 ought to
ha%e gi%en hi! 7 !oreS one for the tic'ling and
one for the NbabyN and one for the Nyoung !on'ey)N
2f we should ha$$en to !eet hi!& shan't we just glare
at hi!)
e$te!ber /1th) 2ns$ee has really got the sil'
dustcloa' but 2 thin' the tartan hood loo's rather
silly) till& 2 didn't say so& but only that the cloa'
fitted beautifully) he has tried it on at least fi%e
ti!es already) 2 don't 'now whether "ather really
wants to treat her as a grown@u$ lady or whether
he is !a'ing fun of her) 2 belie%e he's only !a'ing
fun) he doesn't really loo' li'e a grown@u$ lady)
.ow could she when she's not /J yetQ Yesterday
afternoon such a lot of girls were in%ited& and of
course .ella was in%ited on !y account and we had
a grand tal') -ut !ost of the! bragged frightfully
about the country where they VsaidV they had been) *e
were 0 girls) -ut .ella is the only one 2 care about)
e$te!ber 7/st) chool begins to@!orrow) -y the
way& we ha%e agreed to call it Li: 4Ly:eu! L .igh
chool8 and not chool) 2'! frightfully curious)
e$te!ber 77nd& /0@@) chool began to@day) .ella
ca!e to fetch !e and we went along together) 2ns$ee
$eached on us to >other& saying we ran on in front
of her) *e don't want her as go%erness) There
are BJ of us in the class) ;ur teachers are a "rau
Do'tor& 7 !istresses& one $rofessor& and 2 thin' a
drawing !istress as well) The "rau Do'tor teaches
Ger!an and writing) he $ut us together on the
Brd bench) Then she !ade a s$eech& then she told
us what boo's to get& but we are not to buy the!
till >onday) *e ha%e B inter%als& one long and 7
short) The long one is for ga!es& the short ones
to go out) 2 usen't to go out at the ele!entary school
and now 2 don't need to) >other always says that
it's only a bad habit) >ost of the girls went out&
and e%en as'ed to lea%e the roo! during lesson ti!e)
To@day we hadn't any $ro$er lessons) They are to
begin to@!orrow& but we don't 'now what) Then
we ca!e ho!e)
e$te!ber 7Brd) To@day we had the !istress who
teaches geogra$hy and history& she has no degree)
2ns$ee says that she had her last year& but she could
not stand her& she's so ugly) "ather was angry and
said to 2ns$eeF You silly goose& don't fill her head
with such stuff) how what you are worth as elder
sister) ;ne can learn so!ething fro! e%ery !istress
and e%ery !aster if one li'es) -ut 2 can't say& we're
really fond of "raulein +ischer and 2 don't !uch
care for geogra$hy and history) -esides 2'! not
learning for her but for !yself) "rau Dr) >allburg
is awfully nice and $retty) *e shall always write
"rau Dr) >) for short) *hen she laughs she has
two di!$les and a gold sto$$ing) he is new at the
school) 2 don't 'now if we are to ha%e singing too)
2n "rench we ha%e >ada!e Arnau& she is beautifully
dressed& blac' lace) .ella has a lo%ely $en and
$encil caseS it's Muite soft& we !ust ha%e it soft so
that it shan't !a'e a row when it falls down during
lesson ti!e) 2 thin' it cost 1 crowns or /)19 crowns&
2 don't 'now exactly) To@day lessons went on until
/7& first Ger!an& then arith!etic& then religion for
#atholics& and then we ca!e away) .ella waited
for !e& for the .err Pastor did not co!e)
e$te!ber 7Jth) *e thought the boo' sho$s would
be o$en to@day but we were wrong) .ella's !other
said& that's what ha$$ens when the chic's thin'
the!sel%es wiser than the hens) 2n the afternoon
.ella ca!e to our house and 2ns$ee had been in%ited
by the "s) 2 don't go there& for it's so dull& they
$lay the $iano all day) 2 ha%e enough $iano at !y
lessons) >y !usic lessons will begin when the school
ti!e@table has been fixed u$) Perha$s on ;ctober /st&
then 2 !ust write to "rau -)& she told !e to write
!yself) he tells all her $u$ils to do that) 2 would
rather ha%e had .ella's !usic !istress) -ut she
has no ti!e to s$are and 2 thin' she charges !ore)
At least she wouldn't always be holding !e u$
N"raulein DoraN as a !odel) *e are not all so
!usical as "raulein Dora) 2n the e%ening 2ns$ee
was reading a great fat boo' until /9 or /7 o cloc'
and she si!$ly howled o%er it) he said she had
not& but 2 heard her and she could hardly s$ea')
he says she had a cold& liar)
e$te!ber 76th) To@day they ga%e us the $rofessors'
ti!e@table& but it won't wor' until the $rofessors
fro! the Gy!nasiu! 'now exactly when they can
co!e) ;ur "rau Do'tor !ight be teaching in a
Gy!nasiu!& but since there is only one here she
teaches in our school) To@!orrow we are going to
ha%e a %i%a %oce co!$ositionF ;ur .olidays) *e
!ay write A or /9 sentences at ho!e before we co!e&
but we !ust not loo' at what we ha%e written in
class) 2'%e written !ine already) -ut 2'%e not said
anything about ,obert) .e's not worth thin'ing
about anyhow) 2 did not e%en tell .ella e%erything)
e$te!ber 76th) *e had the %i%a %oce co!$osition
and "rau Do'tor said& %ery good& what is your na!eQ
Grete Lainer 2 said and she saidF And is that your
chu! next youQ <ow she !ust tell us how she s$ent
her holidays) .ella did hers %ery well too and "rau
Do'tor said again& %ery good) Then the bell rang)
2n the long inter%al "rau Do'tor $layed dodge with
us) 2t was great fun) 2 was it six ti!es) 2n the
little inter%als we were Muite alone for the staff has
such a lot to do drawing u$ the ti!e@table) A $u$il@
teacher fro! the ") high school is in our class) he
sits on the last bench for she is %ery tall) As tall as
"rau Do'tor)
e$te!ber 73th) To@day we had Professor ,iegel
for the first ti!e in natural history) .e wears eye@
glasses and ne%er loo's any of us in the face) And
in "rench >ada!e A) said that !y accent was the
best) *e'%e got an awful lot on and 2 don't 'now
whether 2 shall be able to write e%ery day) The
younger girls say Professor 2gel instead of ,iegel
and the *ein!ann girl said <i'el)
e$te!ber B9th) 2'%e had si!$ly no ti!e to write)
.ella hasn't written anything since the 7Jth) -ut
2 !ust write to@day for 2 !et ,obert in chottengasse)
Good !orning& >iss& you needn't be so stuc'
u$& he said as he went by) And when 2 turned round
he had already $assed& or 2 would ha%e gi%en hi! a
$iece of !y !ind) 2 !ust go to su$$er
;ctober /st) 2 can't write& ;swald has co!e fro!
)& he has s$rained his an'le& but 2'! not so sure
because he can get about) .e is awfully $ale and
doesn't say a word about the $ain)
;ctober Jth) To@day is a holiday& the e!$eror's
birthday) Yesterday ,esi told !e so!ething horrid)
;swald can't go bac' to ) .e has been u$ to so!ething&
2 wish 2 'new what& $erha$s so!ething in the
closet) .e always stays there such a long ti!e& 2
noticed that when 2 was in the country) ;r $erha$s
it !ay ha%e been so!ething in his society) 2ns$ee
$retends she 'nows what it is but of course it isn't
true& for she doesn't 'now any !ore than 2 do)
"ather is furious and >other's eyes are all red with
crying) At dinner nobody says a word) 2f 2 could
only find out what he's done) "ather was shouting
at hi! yesterday and both Dora and 2 heard what he
saidF You young sca!$ Gthen there was so!ething
we couldn't understandH and then he said& you attend
to your school boo's and lea%e the girls and the
!arried wo!en alone you $itiful scoundrel) And Dora
said) Ah& now 2 understand and 2 saidF Please tell
!e& he is !y brother as well as yours) -ut she saidF
NYou wouldn't understand) 2t's not suitable for such
young ears)N "ancy that& it's suitable for her ears&
but not !ine though she's not Muite three years older
than 2 a!& but because she no longer wears a short
s'irt she gi%es herself the airs of a grown@u$ VladyV)
uch airs& and then she snea's a great s$oonful of
ja! so that her !outh is stuffed with it and she can't
s$ea') *hene%er 2 see her do this& 2 !a'e a $oint
of s$ea'ing to her so that she has to answer) he
does get in such a wax)
;ctober 0th) 2 'now all about it now) ) ) That's
how babies co!e) And VthatV is what ,obert really
!eant) <ot for !e& than' you& 2 si!$ly won't !arry)
"or if one !arries one has to do itS it hurts frightfully
and yet one has to) *hat a good thing that 2 'now
it in ti!e) -ut 2 wish 2 'new exactly how& .ella
says she doesn't 'now exactly herself) -ut $erha$s
her cousin who 'nows e%erything about it will tell
her) 2t lasts nine !onths till the baby co!es and
then a lot of wo!en die) 2t's horrible) .ella has
'nown it for a long ti!e but she didn't li'e to tell !e)
A girl told her last su!!er in the country) he
wanted to tal' about it to Li::i her sister& really she
only wanted to as' if it was all true and Li::i ran
off to her !other to tell her what .ella had said
And her !other saidS NThese children are awful&
a corru$t generation& don't you dare to re$eat it to
any other girl& to Grete Lainer& for instance&N and
she ga%e her a box on the ear) As if she could hel$
it( That is why she didn't write to !e for such a
long ti!e) Poor thing& $oor thing& but now she can
tell !e all about it and we won't betray one another)
And that deceitful cat 2ns$ee has 'nown all about
it for ages and has ne%er told !e) -ut 2 don't understand
why that ti!e at the swing ,obert saidF You
little fool& you wont get a baby si!$ly fro! that)
Perha$s .ella 'nows) *hen 2 go to the gy!nastic
lesson to@!orrow 2 shall tal' to her first and as' her
about it) >y goodness how curious 2 a! to 'now)
;ctober /9th) 2'! in a great fun'& 2 !issed !y
gy!nastic lesson yesterday) 2 was u$stairs at .ella's
and without !eaning it 2 was so late 2 did not dare
to go) And .ella said 2 had better stay with her
that we would say that our su! was so difficult that
we had not got it finished in ti!e) Luc'ily we really
had a su! to do) -ut 2 said nothing about it at
ho!e& for to@!orrow ;swald is going to G) to .err
's) 2 thought that 2 'new all about it but only now
has .ella really told !e e%erything) 2t's a horrible
business this ) ) ) 2 really can't write it) he
says that of course 2ns$ee has it already& had it
when 2 wrote that 2ns$ee wouldn't bathe& did not
want to batheS really she had it) *hate%er ha$$ens
one !ust always be anxious about it) Vtrea!s of
bloodV says .ella) -ut then e%erything gets all bl ) ) )
That's why in the country 2ns$ee always switched
off the light before she was Muite undressed& so that
2 couldn't see) =gh( #atch !e loo'ing( 2t begins
at /J and goes on for 79 years or !ore) .ella says
that -erta "ran'e in our class 'nows all about it)
2n the arith!etic lesson she wrote a noteF Do you
'now what being un ) ) ) isQ .ella wrote bac'&
of course 2'%e 'nown it for a long ti!e) -erta waited
for her after class when the #atholics were ha%ing
their religion lesson and they went ho!e together)
2 re!e!ber Muite well that 2 was %ery angry& for
they're not chu!s) ;n Tuesday -erta ca!e with
us& for .ella had sent her a note in class saying that
2 'new Ve%erythingV and she needn't bother about !e)
2ns$ee sus$ects so!ething& she's always s$ying about
and sneering& $erha$s she thin's that she's the only
$erson who ought to 'now anything)
;ctober /3th) To@!orrow is "ather's and Dora's
birthday) E%ery year it annoys !e that Dora should
ha%e her birthday on the sa!e day as "atherS *hat
annoys !e !ost of all is that she is so coc'y about
it& for& as "ather always says& it's a !ere chance)
-esides& 2 don't thin' he really li'es it) E%eryone
wants to ha%e their own birthday on their own day&
not to share it with so!eone else) And it's always
nasty to be stuc' u$ about a thing li'e that) -esides&
it's not going to be a real birthday because of the
row about ;swald) "ather is still furious and had
to stay away fro! the office for 7 days because he
had to go to G) to see about ;swald going there)
;ctober /1th) 2t was !uch jollier to@day than 2
had ex$ected) All the -ruc'ners ca!e& so of course
there was not !uch said about ;swald only that he
has s$rained his an'le& G2 'now Muite well now that
that's not trueH and that he is $robably going to G)
#olonel -) saidF The best thing for a boy is to send
hi! to a !ilitary acade!y& that 'ee$s hi! in order)
2n the e%ening ;swald saidF That was awful rot
what .ella's father said& for you can be ex$elled
fro! a !ilitary acade!y just as easily as fro! the
Gy!nasiu!) That's what ha$$ened to Edgar Groller)
;swald ga%e hi!self away and Dora $ro!$tly saidF
Ah& so you ha%e been ex$elled& and we belie%ed you
had s$rained your an'le) Then he got in an awful
wax and saidF ; you wretched fla$$ers& 2'%e gone
and blabbed it all now& and he went away sla!!ing
the door& for >other wasn't there
;ctober /0th) 2f we could only find out what
;swald really did) 2t !ust ha%e been so!ething
with a girl) -ut we can't thin' what "ather !eant
about a !arried wo!an) Perha$s a !arried wo!an
co!$lained of hi! to the head !aster or to the school
co!!ittee and that's how it all ca!e out) 2 feel
awfully sorry for hi!& for 2 thin' how 2 should ha%e
felt !yself if e%erything had co!e out about ,obert
and !e) ;f course 2 don't care now) -ut in the
su!!er it would ha%e been awful) ;swald hardly
says a word& exce$t that he has tal's with >other
so!eti!es) .e always $retends that he wants to
read& but it's absurd& for with such a lo%e trouble
one can't really read) 2 ha%e not told -erta "ran'e
all about it& but only that !y brother has had an
unha$$y lo%e affair and that is why he is bac' in
+ienna) Then she told us that this su!!er a cousin
of hers shot hi!self because of her) They said in the
news$a$ers that it was because of an actress& but
really it was because of her) he is /J already)
;ctober 79th) *e s$end !ost of our ti!e now
with -erta "ran'e) he says she has had a tre!endous
lot of ex$erience& but she can't tell us yet because
we are not inti!ate enough) -y and by she says)
Perha$s she is afraid we shall gi%e her away) he
wants to !arry when she is /3 at latest) That's in
7 years) ;f course she won't ha%e finished school
by then& but she will ha%e left the third class) he
has three ad!irers& but she has not yet !ade u$ her
!ind which to choose) .ella says 2 !ustn't belie%e
all this& that the story about the three ad!irers at
once is certainly a cra!)
;ctober 7/st) -erta "ran'e says that when one
is dar' under the eyes one has it and that when one
gets a baby then one doesn't ha%e it any !ore until
one gets another) he told us too how one gets it&
but 2 didn't really belie%e what she said& for 2 thought
she did not 'now herself exactly) Then she got %ery
cross and saidF NAll right& 2 won't tell you any !ore)
2f 2 don't 'now !yself)N -ut 2 can't belie%e what
she said about husband and wife) he said it !ust
ha$$en e%ery night& for if not they don't ha%e a
babyS if they !iss a single night they don't ha%e a
baby) That's why they ha%e their beds so close
together) Peo$le call the! V!arriage beds(((V And
it hurts so frightfully that one can hardly bear it)
-ut one has to for a husband can !a'e his wife do
it) 2 should li'e to 'now how he can !a'e her)
-ut 2 didn't dare to as' for 2 was afraid she would
thin' 2 was !a'ing fun of her) >en ha%e it too&
but %ery seldo!) *e see a lot of -erta "ran'e now&
she is an awfully nice girl& $erha$s >other will let
!e in%ite her here next unday)
;ctober 7Brd) "ather too' ;swald away to@day)
>other cried such a lot) *hen ;swald was lea%ing
2 whis$ered to hi!F 2 'now what's the !atter with
you) -ut he did not understand !e for he saidF
illy duffer) Perha$s he only said that because of
"ather who was loo'ing on with a fearful scowl)
;ctober 71th) E%erything see!s to ha%e gone
wrong) Yesterday 2 got unsatisfactory in history& and
in arith!etic to@day 2 couldn't get a single su! right)
2'! frightfully worried about !issing that gy!nastic
lesson) 2t will be all right if >other gi%es !e the
!oney to@!orrow& for if she goes herself she will
certainly find out about it)
;ctober 7Ath) To@day the head !istress was $resent
at our "rench lesson and said awfully nice things
about !e) he said 2 was good enough in "rench
to be in the Third and then she as'ed !e whether
2 was as good in the other subjects) 2 didn't want
to say either Yes or <o& and all the other girls said
Yes& she's good at e%erything) The head $atted !e
on the shoulder and saidF 2'! glad to hear that)
*hen she had gone 2 cried li'e anything and >ada!e
Arnau as'edF *hy& what's the !atterQ and the other
girls saidF 2n arith!etic she had =nsatisfactory but
she can really do her su!s awfully well) Then
>ada!e saidF NYou'll soon wi$e off that =nsatisfactory)N
;ctober B9th) To@day 2 had a frightful bother
with "raulein +ischer in the history lesson) Yesterday
when 2 got into the tra! with >other there was
"raulein +) 2 loo'ed the other way so that >other
shouldn't see her and so that she should not tell
>other about !e) *hen she ca!e in to@day she saidF
Lainer& do you 'now the rulesQ 2 'new directly what
she !eant and said N2 did bow to you in the tra!
but you didn't see !e)N NThat's a fine thing to do&
first you do wrong and then try to excuse yourself by
telling a lie) it down(N 2 felt awful for all the
girls loo'ed at !e) 2n the // inter%al -erta "ran'e
said to !eF Don't worry& she's got her 'nife into you
and will always find so!ething to co!$lain of) he
!ust ha%e s$o'en to "rau Do'tor >)& for in the Ger!an
lesson the subject for %i%a %oce co!$osition was
Good >anners) And all the girls loo'ed at !e again)
he didn't say anything !ore) he's a $erfect angel&
!y darling E) >)& her na!e is ElisabethS but she
does not 'ee$ her na!e@day because she's a ProtestantS
that's an awful sha!e because <o%e!ber /0th is co!ing
soon)
;ctober B/st) 2'%e been so luc'y) <othing's co!e
out about the gy!nastic lesson though >other was
there herself) And in !ental arith!etic to@day 2
got a ;ne) "raulein teiner is awfully nice too and
she saidF *hy& L) what was the !atter with you
in your su!s the other day& for you're so good at
arith!eticQ 2 didn't 'now what to do so 2 saidF
;h 2 had such a headache the other day) Then -erta
"ran'e nearly burst out laughing& it was horrid of
herS 2 don't thin' she's Muite to be trustedS 2 thin'
she's rather a snea') *hen the lesson was o%er she
said she had laughed because NheadacheN !eans
so!ething Muite different)
<o%e!ber /st) To@day we began to wor' at the
tablecloth for "ather's #hrist!as $resent) ;f course
2ns$ee bagged the right side because that's easier to
wor' at and 2 had to ta'e the left side and then one
has the whole caboodle on one's hand) "or >other
2'! !a'ing an e!broidered leather boo' co%er&
e!broidered with sil' and with a $ainted designS 2
can do the $ainting $art at school in "raulein .)'s
lesson& she's awfully nice too) -ut 2 li'e "rau Do'tor
>) best of all) 2'! VnotV going to in%ite -erta "ran'e
because of the way she laughed yesterday& and besides
>other doesn't li'e ha%ing strange girls to the house)
<o%e!ber 7nd) 2 don't 'now all about things yet)
.ella 'nows a lot !ore) *e said we were going
to go o%er our natural history lesson together and we
went in to the drawing@roo!& and there she told !e a
lot !ore) Then >ali& our new ser%ant& ca!e in&
and she told us so!ething horrid) ,esi is in a hos$ital
because she's ill) >ali told us that all the Rews
when they are Muite little ha%e to go through a %ery
dangerous o$erationS it hurts frightfully and that's
why they are so cruel) 2t's done so that they can ha%e
!ore childrenS but only little boys& not little girls)
2t's horrid& and 2 should not li'e to !arry a Rew)
Then we as'ed >ali whether it is true that it hurts
so frightfully and she laughed and saidF 2t can't be
so bad as all that& for if it were you wouldn't find
e%eryone doing it) Then .ella as'ed herF -ut ha%e
you done it already& you ha%en't got a husbandQ he
saidF Go on& >iss( ;ne !ustn't as' such Muestions
it's not ladyli'e) *e were in an awful fun'& and
begged her not to tell >other) he $ro!ised not to)
<o%e!ber 6th) E%erything has co!e out through
that stu$id waist band) Yesterday when 2 was tidying
!y drawers >ali ca!e in to !a'e the beds and
saw !y fringed waistband) N2 say& she said& that is
$retty(N You can ha%e it if you li'e& 2 said& for
2'%e gi%en u$ wearing it) At dinner yesterday 2
noticed that >other was loo'ing at >ali and 2
blushed all o%er) After dinner >other said& Gretel&
did you gi%e >ali that waistbandQ Yes& 2 said& she
as'ed !e for it) he ca!e in at that !o!ent to clear
away and saidF N<o& 2 ne%er as'ed for it& "raulein
Grete ga%e it to !e herself)N 2 don't 'now what
ha$$ened after that& 2'd gone bac' to !y roo! when
>other ca!e in and saidF A fine lot of satisfaction
one gets out of one's children) >ali has told !e the
sort of things you and .ella tal' about) 2 ran
straight off to the 'itchen and said to >aliF .ow
could you tell such tales of usQ 2t was you who
chi$$ed in when we were tal'ing) 2t was frightfully
!ean of you) 2n the e%ening VsheV !ust needs go and
co!$lain of !e to "ather and he scolded !e li'e anything
and saidF You're a fine lot& you children& 2
!ust say) You are not to see so !uch of .ella now&
do you understandQ
<o%e!ber 3th) A fine thing this& that 2'! a silly
fool now) *hen 2 ga%e .ella a nudge so that she
should not go on tal'ing before >ali& she laughed
and saidF *hat does it !atter& >ali 'nows all about
it& $robably a great deal !ore than we do) 2t was
only after that that >ali told us about the Rews)
<ow& if you $lease& 2 a! a silly fool) All right& now
that 2 'now what 2 a!& a silly fool) And that's what
one's best friend calls one(
<o%e!ber 1th) .ella and 2 are %ery stand@offish)
*e wal' together& but we only tal' of e%eryday
things& school and lessons& nothing else) *e went
s'ating to@day for the first ti!e and we shall go
whene%er we ha%e ti!e& which is not %ery often)
>other is wor'ing at the table cloth) 2t's %ery hard
wor' but she has not got as !uch to do as we ha%e)
<o%e!ber Ath) There was such a lo%ely young lady
s'ating to@day& and she s'ates so beautifully& inside
and outside edge and figures of A) 2 s'ated along
behind her) *hen she went to the cloa' roo! there
was such a lo%ely scent) 2 wonder if she is going to
be !arried soon and whether VsheV 'nows all about
e%erything) he is so lo%ely and she $ushes bac' the
hair fro! her forehead so $rettily) 2 wish 2 were as
$retty as she is) -ut 2 a! dar' and she is fair) 2
wish 2 could find out her na!e and where she li%es)
2 !ust go s'ating again to@!orrowS do !y lessons
in the e%ening)
<o%e!ber 0th) 2'! so u$setS VsheV didn't co!e to
s'ate) 2'! afraid she !ay be ill)
<o%e!ber /9th) he didn't co!e to@day either) 2
waited two hours& but it was no good)
<o%e!ber //th) he ca!e to@day& at last( ;h
how $retty she is)
<o%e!ber /7th) he has s$o'en to !e) 2 was
standing near the entrance gate and suddenly 2 heard
so!e one laughing behind !e and 2 'new directlyF
That is Vshe(V o it was) he ca!e u$ and saidF
hall we s'ate togetherQ Please& if 2 !ay& said 2&
and we went off together crossing ar!s) >y heart
was beating furiously& and 2 wanted to say so!ething&
but couldn't thin' of anything sensible to say) *hen
we ca!e bac' to the entrance a gentle!an stood there
and too' off his hat and she bowed& and she said to
!eF Till next ti!e) 2 said Muic'lyF *henQ To!orrowQ
Perha$s& she called bac') ) ) ) ;nly
$erha$s& $erha$s& oh 2 wish it were to@!orrow already)
<o%e!ber /Bth) 2ns$ee declares that her na!e is
Anastasia ?lastosche') 2'! sure it can't be true that
she has such a na!e& she !ight be called Eugenie or
era$hine or Laura& but Anastasia& i!$ossible) *hy
are there such horrid na!esQ "ancy if she is really
called that) ?lastosche'& too& a #:ech na!e& and she
is su$$osed to co!e fro! >ora%ia and to be 73 alreadyS
73& absurd& she's /A at !ost) 2'! sure she's
not so !uch as /A) Dora says she li%es in Phorusgasse&
and that she doesn't thin' her $articularly $retty) ;f
course that's ran' jealousyS Dora thin's no one $retty
exce$t herself)
<o%e!ber /Jth) 2 as'ed the wo!an at the $ay box&
her na!e really is Anastasia ?lastosche' and she
li%es in the PhorusgasseS but the wo!an didn't 'now
how old she is) he would not tell !e at first but
as'ed why 2 wanted to 'now and who had sent !e
to enMuire) he wouldn't loo' into the boo' until
2 told her that it was Vonly for !yselfV that 2 wanted
to 'now) Then she loo'ed& for 2 'new the nu!ber
of the cloa' roo! loc'erF B3& a lo%ely nu!ber& 2 li'e
it so !uch) 2 don't really 'now why& but when 2
hear anyone say that nu!ber it sounds to !e li'e a
sMuirrel ju!$ing about in the wood)
<o%e!ber 79th) 2t's really i!$ossible to write
e%ery day) >other is ill in bed and the doctor co!es
e%ery day& but 2 don't really 'now what's the !atter
with her) 2'! not sure whether the doctor 'nows
exactly) *hen >other is ill e%erything at ho!e is
so unco!fortable and she always saysF *hate%er
you do don't get ill& for it's such a nuisance) -ut
2 don't !ind being illS indeed 2 rather li'e being ill&
for then e%eryone's so nice& when "ather co!es ho!e
he co!es and sits by !y bed and e%en VDoraV is rather
nice and does things for !eS that is she VhasV to)
-esides& when she had di$theria two years ago 2 did
e%erything 2 could for her& she nearly died& her
te!$erature went u$ to /91 and >other was sic' with
crying) "ather ne%er cries) 2t !ust loo' funny when
a !an cries) *hen there was all that row about
;swald he cried& 2 thin' "ather had gi%en hi! a
box on the ear) .e said he hadn't but 2 thin' he
hadS certainly he cried& though he said he didn't)
After all& why shouldn't he for he's not really grown
u$ yet) 2 cry !yself when 2 get frightfully annoyed)
till 2 shouldn't cry for a box on the ear)
<o%e!ber 7/st) 2n the religion lesson to@day Lisel
chrotter who is the .err #atechist's fa%ourite& no
we'%e got to call hi! .err Professor& as she is the
.err Professor's fa%ourite& well she went to hi! with
the -ible and as'ed hi! what Vwith childV !eant)
That's what they say of >ary in the -ible) The
chrotter girl does not 'now anything yet and the
other girls egged her on till she went and as'ed) The
.err Professor got Muite red and saidF 2f you don't
'now yet it does not !atter) *e shall co!e to that
later& we're still in the ;ld Testa!ent) 2 was so
glad that .ella does not sit next !e in the religion
lesson& because she's a ProtestantS we should certainly
ha%e both burst out laughing) o!e of the girls
giggled frightfully and the .err Professor said to
LiselF You're a good girl& don't bother about the
others) -ut Lisel $ositi%ely howled) 2 would not
ha%e as'ed& e%en if 2 hadn't really 'nown) V*ith
childV is a stu$id word anyhow& it doesn't !ean anything
reallyS only if one 'nows)
<o%e!ber 77nd) *hen 2 was co!ing away fro!
the religion lesson with -erta "ran'e the other day&
of course we began tal'ing about VitV) he says that's
why $eo$le !arry& only because of VitV) 2 said 2 could
not belie%e that $eo$le !arry only for VthatV) Lots
of $eo$le !arry and then ha%e no children) That's
all right said -erta& but it's Muite true what 2 tell
you) Then she told !e a lot !ore but 2 really can't
write it all down) 2t is too horrid& but 2 shan't forget)
*hen 2 was sitting on >other's bed to@day 2 suddenly
realised that "ather's bed is really Muite close to
>other's) 2 had ne%er thought about it before) -ut
it's not really necessary now for we are all Muite big)
till 2 su$$ose they'%e just left things as they were)
*ell dear& said >other& what are you loo'ing round
so forQ ;f course 2 didn't let on& but saidF 2 was
only loo'ing round and thin'ing that if your bed was
where the washstand is you could see to read better
when you are lying in bed) That would not do because
the wall's all wrong said >other) 2 said nothing
!ore and she didn't either) 2 li'e !uch better
to slee$ on a sofa than in a bed& because 2 li'e to
snuggle u$ against the bac') 2'! so glad >other
didn't notice anything) ;ne has to be so frightfully
careful not to gi%e oneself away when one 'nows
e%erything)
<o%e!ber 76th) 2 ha%e just been reading a lo%ely
storyS it is called VA True .eartV and is about a girl
whose betrothed has had to lea%e her because he has
shot a !an who was s$ying on hi!) -ut ,osa re!ains
true to hi! till he co!es bac' after /9 years
and then they !arry) 2t's si!$ly s$lendid and
frightfully sad at first) 2 do lo%e these library boo's&
but when we were at the ele!entary school 2 'new
all the boo's they had and the !istress ne%er 'new
what to gi%e !e and .ella) 2n the high school we
get only one boo' a !onth& for the "rau Do'tor
says we ha%e $lenty of wor' to do& and that when
we are not at wor' we ought to be out in the fresh
air) 2 can't !anage to go s'ating e%ery day) 2 do
lo%e the Gold "airy& that is !y na!e for VherV& for
2 hate her real na!e) 2ns$ee declares that they call
her tasi for short& but 2 don't belie%e thatS !ost
li'ely they call her Anna& but that's so co!!on)
Than' goodness .ella always calls !e ,ita& so at
school 2'! 'nown as ,ita) 2t's only at ho!e that
they will call !e Gretl) The other day 2 said to
2ns$eeF 2f you want !e to call you Thea you !ust
call !e ,itaS and anyhow 2 won't let you call !e
Gretl& that's what they call a little girl or a $easant
girl) he saidF 2 don't care tu$$ence what VyouV call
!e) All right& then& she shall be Dora till the end
of ti!e)
<o%e!ber 71th) "ather has been !ade A$$eal
#ourt Rudge) .e is awfully glad and so is >other)
The news ca!e yesterday e%ening) <ow he can
beco!e President of the u$re!e #ourt& not directly&
but in a few years) *e shall $robably !o%e to a
larger house in >ay) 2ns$ee said to >other that
she ho$ed she would ha%e her VownV roo! where she
would not be VdisturbedV) .ow absurd& who disturbs
her& 2 su$$ose 2 doQ >uch !ore li'e she disturbs
!e& always watching while 2'! writing !y diary)
.ella always saysF NThere really ought not to be
any elder sistersS she's jolly well right) 2t's a $ity
we can't alter things) >other says we are really too
big to 'ee$ t) <icholas& but 2 don't see why one
should e%er be too big for that) Last year 2ns$ee
got so!ething fro! t) <icholas when she was /B
and 2'! not /7 yet) All we get are chocolates and
sweets and dates and that sort of thing& not $ro$er
$resents) The girls want to gi%e the "rau Do'tor
a great ?ra!$us4/8 to lea%e it on her des') 2 thin'
that's silly) 2t's not a $ro$er $resent for a teacher
one is really fond of& one doesn't want to waste sweets
on a teacher one doesn't li'e& and to gi%e an e!$ty
?ra!$us would be rude) >other is really right and
a ?ra!$us is only suitable for children)
4/8 ?ra!$usL,u$rechts'necht& i)e) a little De!on& who ser%es
t) <icholas& and is a bogey !an to carry off naughty children
An i!age of this De!on filled with sweets& is gi%en as a $resent
on the feast of t) <icholas which inaugurates the #hrist!as
season)@@Translators' <ote)
Dece!ber /st) *e are gi%ing e%eryone of the staff
a ?ra!$us& each of us is to subscribe a crown& 2 ho$e
"ather will gi%e !e the crown extra) Perha$s he'll
gi%e us !ore $oc'et !oney now& at least another
crown& that would be s$lendid) *e are going to gi%e
big ?ra!$uses to the ones we li'e best& andF s!all
ones to those we are not so fond of) *e're afraid to
gi%e one to Professor R) -ut if he doesn't get one
$erha$s he'll be offended)
Dece!ber 7nd) To@day we went to buy ?ra!$uses
for the staff) The one for "rau Do'tor >) is the
finest) *hen you o$en it the first thing you see is
little boo's with chiller& Goethe& and "airy Tales
written on the bac's& and then underneath these
are the sweets) That's exactly suited for her& for the
"rau Do'tor teaches Ger!an and in the "ourth in
Ger!an they are reading these $oets) Last !onth in
the "ourth they had a chiller festi%al and "rau Do'tor
!ade a s$lendid s$eech and so!e of the girls
ga%e recitations) -esides .ella has shown !e an
awful $oe! by chiller) There you can readF if
only 2 could catch her in the bath& she would cry for
!ercy& for 2 would soon show the girl that 2 a! a
!an) And then in another $laceF NTo !y !ate
in God's li'eness 2 can show VthatV which is the source
of life)N -ut you can only find that in the VlargeV
editions of chiller) 2 belie%e we'%e got so!e boo's
of that sort in our boo'case& for when 2ns$ee was
ru!!aging there the other day >other called fro!
the next roo!F NDora& what are you hunting for
in the boo'caseQ 2 can tell you where it is)N And
she saidF ;h& it's nothing& 2 was just loo'ing for
so!ething& and shut the door Muic'ly)
Dece!ber Jth) The girls are so tireso!e and ha%e
!ade such a !uddle about the ?ra!$uses for the
staff) The !oney didn't co!e out right and ?eller
said that >ar'us had ta'en so!e but >ar'us said
not ta'en only 'e$t) ;f course >ar'us co!$lained
to "rau Do'tor and her father went to the head
and co!$lained too) "rau Do'tor said we 'now Muite
well that collections are not allowed and that we
!ust not gi%e any one a ?ra!$us) <ow ?eller has
the fi%e ?ra!$uses and we don't 'now what to do
about it) >other says that sort of thing ne%er turns
out well but always ends in a Muarrel)
Dece!ber 6th) *e are in such a fun'F .ella
and 2 and Edith -ergler ha%e ta'en the ?ra!$us
which we bought for "rau Do'tor >) and $ut it on
her doorste$) Edith -ergler 'new where she li%ed for
she co!es by there e%ery day on her way to school)
2 wonder if she'll guess where the ?ra!$us co!es
fro!) 2 did not 'now that Edith -ergler was such
a nice girl& 2 always thought she !ust be deceitful
because she wears s$ectacles) -ut now 2'! Muite
certain she is not deceitful& so one sees how easy it
is to !a'e a !ista'e) To@!orrow's our Ger!an
lesson)
Dece!ber 3th) "rau Do'tor did not say anything
at first) Then she ga%e out the subject for the essayF
N*hy once 2 could not go to slee$ at night)N The
girls were all ta'en abac'& and then "rau Do'tor saidF
<ow girls that's not so %ery difficult) ;ne $erson
cannot go to slee$ because he's just going to be ill&
another because he is excited by joy or fear) Another
has an uneasy conscience because he has done so!ething
which he has been forbidden to doS ha%e not
all of you ex$erienced so!ething of the 'indQ Then
she loo'ed frightfully hard at Edith -ergler and us
two) he did not say anything !ore& so we don't
really 'now if she sus$ects) 2 couldn't go to the ice
carni%al yesterday because 2 had such a bad cough&
and Dora couldn't go either because she had a headacheS
2 don't 'now whether it was a real headache
or Vthat 'indV of headacheS but 2 ex$ect it was that 'ind)
Dece!ber /1th) 2 ha%en't !anaged to write anything
for a whole wee') The day before yesterday
we had our #hrist!as re$ortsF 2n history 2 had
satisfactory& in <atural .istory good& in e%erything
else %ery good) 2n diligence because of that stu$id
+ischer 2 had only a 7) "ather was %ery angryS he
says e%eryone can get a / in diligence) That's true
enough& but if one has satisfactory in anything then
one can't get a / for diligence) 2ns$ee of course had
only /'s& exce$t a 7 in English) -ut then she's a
frightful swot) +erbenowitsch is the best in our class&
but we can't any of us bear her& she's so frantically
conceited and -erta "ran'e says she's Vnot to be
trustedV) -erta wal's to school with her cousin who's
in the se%enthS she's nearly /J& and is awfully $retty)
he didn't say what sort of a re$ort she had& but 2
belie%e it was a %ery bad one)
Dece!ber /Ath) To@day at su$$er Dora fainted because
she found a little chic'en in her egg& not really
a chic'en yet& but one could !a'e out the wings and
the head& just a s'etch of a chic'en "ather said)
till& 2 really can't see what there was to faint about)
Afterwards she said it had !ade her feel Muite cree$y)
And she'll ne%er be able to eat another egg) At first
"ather was Muite frightened and so was >other& but
then he laughed and saidF *hat a fuss about nothing(
he had to go and lie down at once and 2 stayed
downstairs for a long ti!e) *hen 2 ca!e u$ to our
roo! she was reading& that is 2 saw the light through
the crac' in the doorS but when 2 o$ened the door it
was all dar' and when 2 as'edF Ah so you're still
reading she didn't answer and she $retended to wa'e
u$ when 2 switched on the light and saidF *hat's the
!atterQ 2 can't stand such hu!bug so 2 saidF hut
u$& you 'now Muite well it's 0 o@cloc') That's all)
;n our way to school to@day we didn't $ea' a word
to one another) Luc'ily after awhile we !et a girl
belonging to her class)
Dece!ber /0th) 2'! frightfully excited to 'now
what 2'! going to get for #hrist!as) *hat 2'%e
wished for isF A set of white furs& boa& !uff& and
%el%et ca$ tri!!ed with the sa!e fur& ac!e s'ates
because !ine are always wor'ing loose& VGer!anV sagas&
not Gree'S no than' you& hair ribbons& o$enwor'
stoc'ings& and if $ossible a gold $in li'e the one .ella
got for a birthday $resent) -ut "ather says that
our #hrist #hild would find that rather too ex$ensi%e)
2ns$ee wants a corset) -ut 2 don't thin' she'll get
one because it's unhealthy) The tablecloth for "ather
is finished and is being tri!!ed& but >other's boo'
co%er is not Muite ready yet) 2'! gi%ing Dora a
little !anicure case) ;h& and 2'd nearly forgotten
what 2 want !ore than anything else& a loc'@u$ box in
which to 'ee$ !y diary) Dora wants so!e o$enwor'
stoc'ings too and three boo's) A frightful thing
ha$$ened to !e the other day) 2 left one of the
$ages of !y diary lying about or lost one so!ehow
or other) *hen 2 ca!e ho!e 2ns$ee saidF Nyou'%e
lost VthisV& ha%en't youQ chool notes 2 su$$oseQN
2 didn't notice what it was for a !o!ent& but then
2 saw by the loo' of it and saidF Yes& those are school
notes) .!@!@!& said 2ns$ee& not exactly that are
theyQ You can than' your stars that 2'%e not shown
the! to >other) -esides $eo$le who can't s$ell yet
really ought not to 'ee$ diaries) 2t's not suitable for
children) 2 was in a wax) 2n the closet 2 too' a
sMuint to see what !ista'es 2 had !ade) There was
only VwennV with one VnV instead of double VnV and VdassV
with short Vss'sV& that's all) 2 was jolly glad that there
was nothing about VherV on the $age) he'd under@
lined the VnV and the short Vss'sV with red& just as if she
was a school!istress& infernal chee'( The best would
be to ha%e a boo' with a loc' to it& which one could
alway 'ee$ loc'ed& then no one could read any of it
and underline one's !ista'es in red) 2 often write
so fast that it's easy to !a'e a sli$ now and again)
As if she ne%er !ade a !ista'e) The whole thing
!ade !e furious) -ut 2 can't say anything about it
because of >other& at least on the way to schoolS but
no& if 2 say nothing at all then she always gets !ore
waxy than e%er) 2f 2 were to say !uch about it
>other !ight re!e!ber those 6 $ages 2 lost in the
country and 2'd rather not than' you)
Dece!ber 77nd) Aunt Dora ca!e to@day) he's
going to stay with us for a ti!e till >other is Muite
well again) 2 didn't re!e!ber her at all& for 2 was
only four or fi%e when she went away fro! +ienna)
You dear little blac' beetle she said to !e and ga%e
!e a 'iss) 2 didn't li'e the Vblac'V !uch& but .ella
says that suits !e& that it's V$iMuantV) VPiMuantV is
what the officers always say of her cousin in ?re!s&
"ather says she is a beauty& and she's dar' li'e !e)
-ut 2'd rather be fair& fair with brown eyes or better
still with %iolet eyes) hall 2 grow u$ a beautyQ ;h
2 do ho$e 2 shall(
Dece!ber 7Brd) 2 a! frightfully excited about to@
!orrow) 2 wonder what 2 shall getQ <ow 2 !ust go
and decorate the #hrist!as tree) 2ns$ee saidF .ullo&
is VGretlV going to hel$ decorate this yearQ he's ne%er
done it before( 2 should li'e to 'now why not) -ut
Aunt Dora too' !y side) N;f course she'll hel$
decorate tooS but $lease don't stuff yoursel%es with
sweets)N N2f Dora doesn't eat anything 2 shan't
either&N said 2 $ro!$tly)
E%ening) Yesterday was our last day at school)
The holidays are fro! the 7Brd to Ranuary 7nd) 2t's
glorious) 2 shall be able to go s'ating e%ery day)
;f course 2 had no ti!e to@day and shan't ha%e to@@
!orrow) 2 wonder whether 2 should send the Gold
"airy a #hrist!as card) 2 wish she had a $rettier
na!e) Anastasia ?lastosche'S it is so ugly) All
#:ech na!es are so ugly) "ather 'nows a #ount
*ilc:e'& but a still worse na!e is chafgotsch)
<othing would induce !e to !arry anyone called
chafgotsch or *ilc:e' e%en if he were a count and
a !illionaire) Yesterday we $aid our res$ects to the
staff& +erbenowitsch and 2 went to "rau Do'tor because
she is fondest of us& or is VsaidV to be) <obody
wanted to go to Professor ,igl& 2gel& we always say
<i'el& for when he has res$ects $aid to hi! he always
saysF NAw ri')N -ut it would ha%e been rude
to lea%e hi! out and so the !onitors had to go) *hen
#hrist!as was drawing near "rau Do'tor told us
that we were none of us to gi%e $resents to the staff)
N2 beg you& girls& to bear in !ind what 2 a! saying&
for if you do not there will only be trouble) You
re!e!ber what ha$$ened on t) <icholas' day) And
you !ust not send anything to the ho!es of the staff&
nor !ust the #hrist #hild lea%e anything on any one's
doorste$)N As she said this she loo'ed hard at !e
and Edith -ergler& so she 'nows who left the ?ra!$us)
2'! so tired 2 can't 'ee$ !y eyes o$en) .urrah&
to@!orrow is #hrist!as E%e(((
Dece!ber 7Jth) #hrist!as E%e afternoon is horrid)
;ne does not 'now what to be at) 2'! not allowed
to go s'ating so the best thing is to write) ;swald
ca!e ho!e yesterday) E%eryone says he's loo'ing
s$lendidS 2 thin' he's awfully $ale and he snorted
when e%eryone said he had such a fine colourS of
course& how can he loo' well when he has such a
VheartacheV) 2 wish 2 could tell hi! that 2 understand
what he feels& but he's too $roud to acce$t sy!$athy
fro! !e) .e has wished for an ar!y re%ol%er for
#hrist!as& but 2 don't thin' he'll get one for boys at
the !iddle school are not allowed to ha%e any firear!s)
<ot long ago at a Gy!nasiu! in Galicia one
of the boys shot a !aster out of re%engeS they said
it was because the boy was getting on badly with his
wor'& but really it was about a girl& although the
!aster was B3 years old) This !org) 2 was in town
with ;swald sho$$ingS we !et the *arths& Elli
and ) ) ) ,obert) ;swald said that Elli was Muite
nice@loo'ing but that ,obert was an ugly beast) -esides&
he can't stand hi! he said& because he glared
at !e so) 2f only he 'new what ha$$ened in the
su!!er( 2 was awfully condescending to ,obert and
that !ade hi! furious) 2f one could only sa%e you
girls fro! all the troubles which the world calls
NLo%e&N said ;swald on the way ho!e) 2 was just
going to say N2 'now that you're unha$$y in lo%e
and 2 can feel for you&N when 2ns$ee ca!e round
the corner of the -ognergasse with her chu! and 7
officers were following the!& so none of the! saw us)
NGreat cott& "rieda's full@fledged now&N said ;swald&
Nshe's a little tart)N 2 can't stand that sort of %ulgarity
so 2 did not say another word all the way ho!e) .e
noticed and said to >otherF NGretl's !outh has been
fro:en u$ fro! en%y)N That's all) -ut it was really
disgusting of hi! and now 2 'now what line to ta'e)
Rust a !o!ent for a word or two) The whole
#hrist!as E%e has gone to $ot) A co!!issionaire
ca!e with a bouMuet for Dora and "ather is fu!ing)
2 wish 2 'new who sent it) 2 wonder if it was one
of those 7 officersQ ;f course 2ns$ee says she has
not the ghost of an idea) *hat sur$rises !e is that
;swald has not gi%en her away) All he said wasF
2 say& what a lar'( -ut "ather was down on hi!
li'e anything& NYou hold your jaw and thin' of your
own beastly conduct)N 2 didn't en%y hi!S 2 don't
thin' !uch of Dora's loo's !yself& but a$$arently she
$leases Vso!eoneV) 2n the bouMuet there was a $oe!
and Dora got hold of it Muic'ly before "ather had
seen it) 2t was awfully $retty& and it was signedF
;ne for who! you ha%e !ade #hrist!as beautiful(
The heading isF NThe >agic eason)N 2 thin'
Dora's s$lendid not to gi%e herself awayS e%en to !e
she declares she does not 'now who sent itS but of
course that !ay be all hu!bug) 2 thin' it really co!es
fro! young Perathoner& with who! she's always
s'ating)
Dece!ber 7Ath) 2'%e had absolutely no ti!e to
write) 2 got e%erything 2 wanted) Aunt Dora ga%e
both of us an o$era glass in !other@of@$earl in a $lush
case) *e are going to all the school $erfor!ances&
"ather's arranged itS he has subscribed to VallV the
$erfor!ances during the school year /0@@ to /0@@)
2 a! so delighted for "rau Do'tor >) will co!e too)
2 do ho$e 2 shall sit next to her)
Dece!ber B/st) To@day 2 wanted to read through
all 2 ha%e written& but 2 could not !anage it but in
the new year 2 really !ust write e%ery day)
Ranuary /st& /0@@) 2 !ust write a few sentences
at least) "or the afternoon we had been in%ited to
the ,ydberg's the *arths were there and Edle %on
*ernhoff(( 2 was just the sa!e as usual with Lisel
but 2 would not say a word to ,) They left before
us& and then .eddy as'ed !e what was wrong between
!e and ,) .e had said of !eF Any one can
ha%e the Vblac' goose for !eV) Then he said that any
one could ta'e !e in) 2 was so stu$id that 2 would
belie%e anything) 2 can't thin' what he !eant& for
he ne%er too' !e in about anything) Anyhow 2 would
not let Vhi!V s$oil new year's day for !e) -ut .ella
is Muite right for if the first $erson one !eets on
Ranuary /st is a co!!on $erson that's a bad beginning)
The first thing this !orning when 2 went out 2 !et
our old $ost!an who's always so gru!$y if he's 'e$t
waiting at the door) 2 loo'ed the other way directly
and across the street a fine young gentle!an was $assing&
but it was no good for the co!!on $ost!an had
really been the first)
Ranuary /7th) 2 a! so angry) V*eV !ayn't go s'ating
any !ore because 2ns$ee has begun to co!$lain
again of her silly old ears and >other i!agines that
she got her earache last year s'ating) 2t's all right
to 'ee$ VherV at ho!eS but why shouldn't V2V goQ .ow
can V2V hel$ it when VsheV gets a chill so easilyQ 2n !ost
things "ather is justice itself& but 2 really can't understand
hi! this ti!e) 2t's si!$ly absurd& only it's too
!iserable to call it absurd) 2'! in a $erfect fury)
till& 2 don't say anything)
"ebruary /7th) 2 ha%e not written for a whole
!onth& 2'%e been wor'ing so hard) To@day we got
our re$orts) Although 2'%e been wor'ing so frightfully
hard& again 2 only got a 7 in Diligence) "rau
Do'tor >) !ade a s$lendid s$eech and saidF As
you sow& so you shall rea$) -ut that's not always true)
2n <atural .istory 2 did not 'now !y lesson twice but
2 got a /& and in .istory 2 only did not 'now !y
lesson once and 2 got atisfactory) Anyhow "raulein
+) does not li'e !e because of that ti!e when 2
did not bow to her in the tra!) That is why in Ranuary&
when >other as'ed about !e& she saidF Nhe
does not really $ut her bac' into her wor')N 2 o%erheard
"ather sayF After all she's only a 'id& but to@
day he !ade a frightful row about the 7 in Diligence)
.e !ight ha%e 'nown why she ga%e !e that) Dora&
Vso she saysV& has only ones& but she has not shown !e
the re$ort) 2 don't belie%e what 2 don't see) And
>other ne%er gi%es her away to !e)
"ebruary /6th) "ather is furious because ;swald
has an =nsatisfactory in Gree') Gree' is really no
useS for no one uses Gree'& exce$t the $eo$le who
li%e in Greece and ;swald will ne%er go there& if he
is going to be a judge li'e "ather) V;f courseV Dora
learns LatinS but not for !e than' you) .ella's re$ort
is not $articularly good and her father was in a
V$erfect fury(((V .e says she ought to ha%e a better
re$ort than any one else) he does not bother !uch
and saysF ;ne can't ha%e e%erything) -ut if she
doesn't get nothing but ones in the su!!er ter! she
is not to stay at the high school and will ha%e to go
to the !iddle school) That'll !a'e her sit u$)
"ather's awfully funny tooF *hat ha%e you got history
boo's for& if you don't read the!Q Yesterday
when 2 was reading !y albu! of stories& "ather ca!e
in and saidF You li'e a story boo' better than a
history boo'& and shut the boo' u$ and too' it away
fro! !e) 2 was in such a te!$er that 2 went to bed
at 1 o'cloc' without any su$$er)
"ebruary 79th) 2 !et the Gold "airy to@day) he
s$o'e to !e and as'ed why 2 did not co!e s'ating
any !ore) The fancy dress 2ce #arni%al on the 7Jth
was s$lendid she said) 2 saidF *ould you belie%e
it& a year ago !y VsisterV had an earache& and Vfor that
reasonV they won't allow VeitherV of us to s'ate this year)
he laughed li'e anything and said so exMuisitelyF
;h& what a wic'ed sister) he loo'ed $erfectly
ra%ishingF A red@brown coat and s'irt tri!!ed with
fur& sable 2 belie%e& and a huge brown bea%er hat with
cre$e@de@chine ribbons& lo%ely) And her eyes and
!outh) 2 belie%e she will !arry the !an who is always
going about with her) <ext autu!n& when we
get new winter clothes& 2 shall ha%e a fur tri!!ed
red@brown) *e !ust not always be dressed ali'e)
.ella and Li::i are ne%er dressed ali'e)
>arch Ath) 2 shall ne%er say another word to -erta
"ran'er she's utterly false) 2'%e such a frightful
headache because 2 cried all through the lesson) he
wrote to .ella and !e in the arith!etic lessonF A
V+erhaltnisV478 !eans so!ething Muite different) Rust
at that !o!ent the !istress loo'ed across and saidF
To who! were you noddingQ he saidF To Lainer)
-ecause she laughed at the word N+erhaltnis)N 2t was
not true) 2 had not thought about the word at all)
2t wasn't till 2 had read the note that it occurred to
.ella and !e what V+erhaltnisV !eans) After the lesson
"raulein t) called us down into the teachers' roo!
and told "rau Do'tor >) that "ran'e and 2 had
laughed at the use of the word N+erhaltnis)N "rau
Do'tor saidF *hat was there to laugh atQ *hy did
you not just do your su!sQ "raulein t) saidF You
ought to be asha!ed of yoursel%es& young girls in the
first class shouldn't 'now anything about such things)
2 shall ha%e to s$ea' to your !others) 2n the Ger!an
lesson "rau Do'tor >) told us to write an essay on
the $ro%erbF Pure the heart and true the word& clear
the brow and free the eye& these are our safeguards&
or so!ething of that sortS 2 !ust get .ella to write it
for !e& for 2 was crying all through the lesson)
478 The Ger!an word +erhaltnis as used in the arith!etic lesson
!eans ratio& $ro$ortion) The word is in co!!on use in
Ger!any for a lo%e inti!acy or liaison)@@Translators' <ote)
>arch /9th) To@day -erta "ran'e wanted to tal'
things out with usS but .ella and 2 told her we would
not s$ea' to her again) *e told her to re!e!ber
Vwhat sortV of things she had said to us) he denied it
all already) *e shouldn't be such hu!bugs) 2t was
!ean of her) ,eally we didn't 'now anything and
VsheV told us all about it) .ella has told !e again and
again she wished we didn't 'now anything) he says
she's always afraid of gi%ing herself away and that
she often thin's about that sort of thing when she
ought to be learning her lessons) o do 2) And one
often drea!s about such things at night when one
has been tal'ing about the! in the afternoon) till&
it's better to 'now all about it)
>arch 77nd) 2 so seldo! !anage to write anything&
first of all our lessons ta'e such a lot of ti!e&
and second because 2 don't care about it any !ore
since what "ather said the other day) The last ti!e
2 wrote was on aturday afternoon& and "ather ca!e
in and saidF #o!e along children& we'll go to chonbrunn)
That will do you !ore good than scribbling
diaries which you only go and lose when you'%e written
the!) o >other told "ather all about it in the
holidays) 2 couldn't ha%e belie%ed it of >other for
2 begged her to $ro!ise not to tell anyone) And she
saidF ;ne doesn't $ro!ise about a thing li'e thatS
but 2 won't tell anyone) And now she !ust ha%e told
about it& although she said she wouldn't) E%en
"ran'e's deceitfulness was nothing to that for after
all we'%e only 'nown her since last autu!n& but 2
could ne%er ha%e belie%ed that >other would do such
a thing) 2 told .ella when we were ha%ing tea at
the Ti%oli and she said she would not altogether trust
her !other& she'd rather trust her father) -ut if that
had ha$$ened to VherV& her father would ha%e boxed
her ears with the diary) 2 did not want to show anything&
but in the e%ening 2 only ga%e >other Muite a
little 'iss) And she said& what's the !atter& dearQ has
anything ha$$enedQ Then 2 could not 'ee$ it in
and 2 cried li'e anything and saidF You'%e betrayed
!e) And >other saidF N2QN Yes& youS you told
"ather about the diary though you $ro!ised !e you
wouldn't) At first >other didn't re!e!ber anything
about it& but soon she re!e!bered and saidF N-ut&
little one& 2 tell "ather e%erything) All you !eant was
that Dora was not to 'now)N That's Muite true& it's
all right that Dora wasn't toldS but still "ather need
not ha%e been told either) And >other was awfully
sweet and nice and 2 didn't go to bed till /9 o'cloc')
-ut whate%er ha$$ens 2 shan't tell her anything again
and 2 don't care about the old diary any !ore) .ella
saysF Don't be stu$idS 2 ought just to go on writingS
but another ti!e 2 should be careful not to lose
anything& and besides 2 should not blab e%erything to
>other and "ather) he says she no longer tells her
!other anything since that ti!e in the su!!er when
her !other ga%e her a box on the ear because that
other girl had told her all about e%erything) 2t's Muite
true& .ella is right& 2'! just a child still in the way
2 run to >other and tell her e%erything) And it's not
nice of "ather to tease !e about !y diaryS 2 su$$ose
he ne%er 'e$t one hi!self)
>arch 71th) .urrah we're going to .ainfeld for
EasterS 2 a! so delighted) >other has a friend there
whose husband is doctor there& so she has to li%e there
all the year round) Last year in the winter she and
Ada stayed three days with us because her eyes were
bad) Ada is really nearly as old as Dora& but Dora
said& li'e her chee'F N.er intellectual le%el !a'es
her !uch !ore suitable co!$any for you than for !e)N
Dora thin's herself cle%erer than anyone else) They
ha%e 7 boys& but 2 don't 'now the! %ery well for they
are only A and 0) >other's friend was in an asylu!
once& for she went off her head when her 7 year old
baby died) 2 re!e!ber it Muite well) 2t !ust ha%e
been !ore than 7 years ago when "ather and >other
were always tal'ing of $oor Anna who had lost her
child within B days) And 2 belie%ed she had really
lost it& and once 2 as'ed whether they had found it
yet) 2 thought it had been lost in the forest& because
there's such a great forest at .ainfeld) And since
then 2 can't bear to hear $eo$le say lost when they
!ean dead& for it is so difficult to 'now which they
really !ean)
;n the Ath of A$ril the Easter holidays will begin
and we shall go on the //th& on >aundy Thursday)
A$ril 3th) 2 don't 'now what to do about writing
!y diary) 2 don't want to ta'e it with !e and as
for re!e!bering e%erything and writing it down afterwards
2 'now Muite well 2 should ne%er do that) .ella
says 2 should only jot it down in outline& that's what
"rau Do'tor >) always says& and write it out $ro$erly
after 2 co!e bac' fro! .ainfeld) That's what she
does) They are going to the -rioni 2slands) 2'%e
ne%er seen the sea) .ella says there's nothing so
wonderful about it) he's been there four ti!es)
Anyway she does not thin' so !uch of it as !ost
$eo$le do) o it can't be anything so frightfully
grand) ,ather stu$id 2 dare say)
A$ril /7th) *e got here yesterday) Ada is a
darling but the two boys are awfully %ulgar) Ernstl
said to AdaF 2 shall gi%e you a s!ac' on the a@@@@
if you don't gi%e !e !y $istol directly) Ada is as
tall as her !other) Their s$eech is rather countrified
E%en the doctor's) .e drin's a frightful lot of beerS
Muarts 2 belie%e)
A$ril /Jth) "ather ca!e to@day) .e's awfully
fond of the doctor) They 'issed one another) 2t did
!a'e !e laugh) 2n the !orning we were in the forestS
but there are no %iolets yet& only a few snowdro$s& but
a tre!endous lot of hellebores Muite red)
A$ril /6th) *e got u$ at J yesterday !orning)
*e did not go into the church for >other was afraid
that the s!ell of incense and boots would !a'e Dora
feel bad) *hat rot( 2t was lo%ely) This afternoon
we are going to ,a!sau& it's lo%ely there)
A$ril /3th) "ather went ho!e to@day) *e go
ho!e to@!orrow) At *hitsuntide Ada's !other is
going to bring her to be confir!ed) They are all
co!ing to stay with us) 2 got stuc' in a bog on the
ban' of the ,a!sau) 2t was awful) -ut the doctor
$ulled !e out and then we did all laugh so when we
saw what !y shoes and stoc'ings were li'e) Luc'ily
2 was able to catch hold of a tree stu!$ or 2 should
ha%e sun' right in)
A$ril /Ath) .ella says it was s$lendid at the -rioni
2slands) he is frightfully sunburned) 2 don't li'e
that& so 2 shall Vne%erV go to the VsouthV) .ella says that
if one !arries in winter one V!ustV s$end one's honey!oon
in the south) That would not suit !e& 2 should
just $ut off !y !arriage till the su!!er)
Ada is only /B not /J li'e Dora& and the $arish
$riest !a'es a tre!endous fuss because she's not
confir!ed yet) .er !other is going to bring her to be
confir!ed soon) *e are not going to be confir!ed
because "ather and >other don't want to be bothered
with it) till 2 should li'e to be confir!ed& for then
one VhasV to ha%e a watch& and one can as' for so!ething
else at #hrist!as)
A$ril 7/st) ;ur lessons are so!ething frightful
just now) The school ins$ector is co!ing soon) 2t's
always %ery disagreeable) >!e A) saysF The in@
s$ection is for the staff not for the $u$ils) till& it's
horrid for the $u$ils too first of all because we get
bla!ed at the ti!e and secondly because the staff
!a'es such a frightful row about it afterwards) Dora
says that a bad ins$ection can !a'e one's re$ort 7
degrees worse) -y the way& that re!inds !e that
2 ha%e not yet written why ;swald did not co!e ho!e
at Easter) VAlthough his re$orts were not at all goodV&
he was allowed to go to Aunt Al!a's at Pola& because
this year ,ichard co!es ho!e for the holidays for
the last ti!e) After that he's going away for three
years in the stea!shi$ N;:eanN to the East or Tur'ey
or Persia& 2 don't Muite 'now where) 2f ;swald li'es
he can go into the <a%y too in two years)
>ay 0th) The school ins$ector ca!e to@day& first
of all in natural history& than' goodness 2 wasn't
in for it that ti!e& and then in Ger!anS 2 was in
that& reading and in the table of contents of the
*andering -ells) Than' goodness 2 got through
all right)
>ay /Jth) 2t's >other's birthday to@day) *e'%e
had si!$ly no ti!e to wor' anything for her& so we
got a wonderful electric la!$ for her bed table& the
switch is a bunch of gra$es and the stand is !ade
of brass) he was so $leased with it) Yesterday
"rau %) ,) was here) he's a friend of >other's and
of .ella's !other) 2 should li'e to ha%e !usic lessons
fro! "rau %) ,)& she gi%es lessons since her husband
who was a !ajor died though she is Muite well off)
>ay /6th) That !ust ha%e been true about the
ins$ectionS in the inter%al to@day Professor 2gel@
<i'el said to the .err ,eligions$rofessorF *ell& he
will go on co!ing all through the wee' and then we
shall be all right for this year) V*eV& of course that
!eans the staff) -ut really the staff can't hel$ it if
the $u$ils are no good) Though ;swald says it's
all the fault of the staff) 2 shall be glad too when
the ins$ection is o%er) The staff is always Muite
different when the ins$ector is there& so!e are better&
so!e are stricter& and >!e) A) saysF 2 always feel
Muite ill with anxiety)
>ay 70th) At *hitsuntide "rau Doctor .aslinger
ca!e fro! .ainfeld with Ada and the two boys for
the confir!ation) ;n *hitsunday the doctor ca!e
too and in the e%ening they all went ho!e again)
Ada is %ery $retty& but she loo's countrified) 2'!
not going to be confir!ed anyhow) *e had to wait
B hours& though the "riday before *hitsunday was
a %ery fine day) Dora did not co!eS only >other
and 2 and Ada and her !other) The wo!en who
were selling white fa%ours all thought that 2 was one
of the candidates because 2 wore a white dress too)
Ada was rather $ut out about it) ;n aturday we
were in town in the !orning and afternoon because
Ada li'ed that better than the ?ahlenbergS on unday
!orning we went to chonbrunn and in the afternoon
they went ho!e) The watch they ga%e to Ada was a
lo%ely one and Dora and 2 ga%e her a gold chain for
a loc'et) he enjoyed herself i!!ensely& exce$t that
on unday she had a frightful headache) -ecause
she is not used to town noises)
>ay B/st) Ada 'nows a good deal already& but
not e%erything) 2 told her a few things) 2n .) last
winter a girl drowned herself because she was going
to ha%e a baby) 2t !ade a great sensation and her
!other told her a little& but not e%erything) Ada
once saw a bitch ha%ing her $u$s& but she didn't tell
her !other about itS she thought that her !other !ight
be %ery angry) till& she could not hel$ it& the dog
belonged to their next door neighbour and she ha$@
$ened to see it in the out@house) Ada is ex$ecting
VitV to begin e%ery day for she is nearly /J) 2n .) e%ery
grown@u$ girl has an ad!irer) Ada says she will
ha%e one as soon as she is /JS she 'nows who it will be)
Rune Brd) Ada wrote to@day to than' >other about
the confir!ation and she wrote to !e as well) 2t is
strange that she did not !a'e friends with Dora but
with !e) 2 thin' that Dora won't tal' about VthoseV
things& at least only with her friends in the high
school& es$ecially with "rieda Ertl) That is why Ada
!ade friends with !e& though 2 a! 7 years younger)
he is really an awfully nice girl)
Rune /0th) ;ne thing after another goes !issing
in our class& first it was "leischer's galoshes& then !y
new glo%es& three ti!es !oney was !issing& and today
"raulein teiner's new %anity bag) There was a
great enMuiry) -ut nothing was found out) *e all
thin' it is ch!ol'a) -ut no one will tell) To@day
we could none of us attend to our lessons es$ecially
when ch) left the roo! at half $ast //)
Rune 79th) 2n our closet the school ser%ant found
so!e beads on the floor but since she did not 'now
anything she threw the! into the dustbin) *as it
really ch)Q 2t would be a dirty tric') "rl) t) is
frightfully u$set because her betrothed ga%e her the
%anity bag for a birthday $resent and his $hoto was
in it) -ut 2'! really sorry for ch) <obody will
s$ea' to her although nothing is $ro%ed yet) he is
frightfully $ale and her eyes are always full of tears)
.ella thin's too that $erha$s she didn't do it& for she
is one of "rl) t)'s fa%ourites and she is %ery fond of
her herself) he always carries the co$yboo's ho!e
for her)
Rune 77nd) ;ur closet was sto$$ed u$ and when
the $orter ca!e to see what was the !atter he found
the %anity bag) -ut what use is it to "rl) nowS she
can't $ossibly use it any !ore) *e giggled all through
lessons whene%er we caught one another's eye and the
staff was in a frightful rage) ;nly "rau Do'tor >)
saidF N<ow $lease get through with your laughing
o%er this extre!ely unsa%oury affair& and then ha%e
done with it)N
Rune 7Brd) There was a frightful row to@day)
+erbenowitsch was collecting the Ger!an co$yboo's
and when ch) wanted to hand u$ her co$yboo' she
saidF Please gi%e u$ your co$yboo' yourselfS 2 won't
ha%e anything to do with Gthen there was a long
$auseH you) *e were all a$alled and ch) went as
white as a sheet) At /9 o'cloc' she begged $er!ission
to lea%e the roo! because she felt bad) 2'! sure her
!other will co!e to s$ea' about it to@!orrow)
Rune 7Jth) ch)'s !other did not co!e after all)
+erbenowitsch saidF ;f course not( ch) did not
co!e either) .ella says she couldn't stand anything
li'e that& she would rather drown herself) 2 don't
'now& one wants VotherV reasons for drowning oneself)
till& 2 should tell "ather so that he could s$ea' about
it at school) "ran'e saidF Yes& that's all %ery well&
because VyouV didn't do itS but VifV one had done it one
would not dare to say anything at ho!e) -esides&
ch)'s father is an in%alid& he's Muite $aralysed& has
been bedridden for two years and can't s$ea')
Rune 71th) To@day .ella and 2 wal'ed ho!e with
"rau Do'tor >) ,eally she always goes ho!e alone
but .ella suddenly left !e and went u$ to "rau
Do'tor in the street and saidF Please excuse !e "rau
Do'tor for bothering you in the street& we V!ustV s$ea'
to you) he got Muite red) Then "rau Do'tor saidF
N*hat's the !atterQN And .ella saidF N2sn't it
$ossible to find out who too' the %anity bagQ 2f
it wasn't ch) the way the other girls treat her will
!a'e her Muite ill& and if it was we can't stand ha%ing
her a!ong us any longer)N .ella was really s$lendid
and "rau Do'tor >) !ade us tell her e%erything that
had ha$$ened& including about +erbenowitsch and
the co$yboo'sS and we saw Muite clearly she had tears
in her eyes and she saidF NThe $oor child( #hildren
2 $ro!ise 2 will do what 2 can for her)N *e both
'issed her hand and !y heart beat furiously) And
.ella saidF NYou are an angel)N 2 could ne%er ha%e
!anaged to say a thing li'e that)
Rune 7Ath) To@day ch) was there again& but "rau
Do'tor >) did not say anything) .ella and 2 'e$t
on loo'ing at her and .ella cleared her throat three
ti!es and "rau Do'tor saidF -ruc'ner& do sto$ clearing
your throatS it will only !a'e your sore throat
worseF -ut it see!ed to !e her eyes twin'led as she
said it) o she hasn't forgotten) 2 wanted to s$ea'
to ch)& but .ella saidF *ait a bit& we !ust gi%e the
"rau Do'tor a chance) he's ta'en the !atter in
hand) To@!orrow before 0 we'll wal' u$ and down
in front of her house till she co!es out)
Rune B9th) =nluc'ily yesterday was a holiday and
to@day "rau Do'tor's first lesson began at //) -ut
she has already had a tal' with ch) only we don't
'now when and whereS certainly it was not in
the inter%al and she did not send for ch) during
lessons)
Ruly /st) To@day we wal'ed to school with her
he VisV such a dear) #hildren& she said& this is such
a $ainful !atter& and it is difficult to find a way out)
ch) insists that she did not do it& and whether she
did it or not these days are burning the!sel%es into
her soul and .ella as'edF NPlease& "rau Do'tor
ad%ise us what to do& s$ea' to her or notQN Then
she saidF #hildren 2 thin' that after this affair she
won't co!e bac' to us next yearS you will be doing a
good wor' if you !a'e these last days bearable to
her) You were ne%er inti!ate with her& but to gi%e
her a friendly word or two will do you no har! and
!ay hel$ her) You 7 ha%e a high standing in the
classS your exa!$le will do good) *e wal'ed with
her till we reached the school& and because we were
there we could not 'iss her hand but .ella said out
loudF .ow sweet you are( he !ust ha%e heard it)
-ut ch) was not at school) "ather says he's glad
that the ter! is nearly o%er& for 2 ha%e been Muite
cra:y about this affair) till& he thin's that .ella and
2 should tal' to ch) o does >other) -ut Dora
saidF Yes that's all right but you !ust not go too far)
Ruly 6th) ch) was not at school to@day) To@!orrow
we are to get our re$orts)
Ruly 3th) *e cried li'e anything 2 and .ella and
+erbenowitsch because we shan't see "rau Do'tor >)
any !ore for nearly B !onths) 2 only had 7 in .istory
and <atural .istory& but / in e%erything else)
"ran'e saysF Anyone who is not in Professor 2gel@
<igl's good boo's can find out that he's cran'y and
stu$id and VheV could ne%er get a one) "ather is Muite
$leased) ;f course Dora has got only ones and .ella
has three twos) Li::i& 2 thin'& has B or J) "ather
has gi%en each of us a 7 crown $iece& we can blow it&
he says and >other has gi%en us a lace collar)
Ruly 0th) *e are going to .ainfeld this su!!er&
its jolly& 2'! awfully $leasedS but not until the 79th
because "ather can't get away till then and >other
won't lea%e "ather so long alone) 2t is only a few
days anyhow) 2t's a $ity .ella's gone already& she
left early this !orning for Parsch near al:burg&
what a horrid na!e and .ella too doesn't li'e saying
itS 2 can't thin' how anyone can gi%e a $lace such a
nasty na!e) They ha%e rented a house)
Ruly /7th) 2t's shoc'ingly dull) <early e%ery day
2 ha%e a Muarrel with Dora because she's so conceited
;swald ca!e ho!e yesterday) .e's fearfully s!art
nearly as tall as "ather only about a Muarter head
shorter& but then "ather's tre!endously tall) And his
%oice is Muite dee$& it was not before) And he has
$arted his hair on one side& it suits hi! %ery well)
.e says his !oustache is growing already but it isn'tS
one could see it if it wereS fi%e hairs don't !a'e a
!oustache)
Ruly /0th) Than' goodness we're going at last the
day after to@!orrow) "ather wanted >other to go
away with us earlier& but she would not) 2t would
ha%e been nicer if she had)
Ruly 7Jth) ;ur house is only B doors away fro!
the .s) Ada and 2 s$end the whole day together)
There ha$$ens to be a schoolfellow of Dora's here&
one she gets on with Muite well& ,osa Tilofs'y
;swald says that .ainfeld bores hi! to death and
that he shall get a friend to in%ite hi! so!ewhere)
<othing will induce hi! to s$end the whole holidays
here) .is na!e for Ada isF N#ountry i!$licity)N
2f he only 'new how !uch she 'nows) ,osa T) he
calls a NPi!$le #o!$lexN because she has two or
three $i!$les) ;swald has so!e fault to find with
e%ery girl he co!es across) .e says of DoraF he
is a green frog& for she always loo's so $ale and has
cold hands& and he says of !eF You can't say anything
about her yetF NVheV is still nothing but an
unri$e e!bryo)N Than' goodness 2 'now fro! the
natural history lessons what an e!bryo is& a little
frogS N2 got in a frightful wax and "ather saidF
Don't you worry& he's still a long way fro! being a
!an or he would be !ore $olite to his sisters and
their lady friends)N This annoyed hi! frightfully&
and since then he ne%er says a word when Ada and
,osa are with us) >y birthday is co!ing soon& than'
goodness 2 shall be /7 then& only 7 years !ore and
2 shall be /JS 2 a! so glad) .ella wrote to !e to@
day for the second ti!e) 2n August she is going to
.ungary to stay with her uncle& he has a great estate
and she will learn to ride there)
E#;<D YEA,
AGE T*EL+E T; T.2,TEE<
E#;<D YEA,
August /st) 2t was awfully jolly on !y birthday)
*e dro%e to Glashutte where it is lo%elyS there we
coo'ed our own dinner in the inn for the landlady
was ill and so was the coo') ;n one's birthday e%eryone
is always so nice to one) *hat 2 li'e !ost of all
is the Ebeseder $aint@box& and the boo' too) -ut
2 ne%er ha%e any ti!e to read) .ella sent !e a
lo%ely $ictureF >aternal .a$$iness& a dachshund
with two $u$$ies& si!$ly sweet) *hen 2 go ho!e
2 shall hang it u$ near the door o%er the boo'case)
Ada ga%e !e a sil' $urse which she had wor'ed for
!e herself) Aunt Dora ga%e !e a diary& but 2 can't
use it because 2 $refer to write u$on loose sheets)
Grandfather and Grand!other at -) sent !e a great
$iece of !ar:i$an& s$lendid) Ada thin's it lo%elyS
she didn't 'now !ar:i$an before)
August 0th) *hen it's not holidays Ada goes to
school in t) Polten staying there with her aunt and
uncle& because the school in .) is not so good as the
school in t) P) Perha$s next ter! she is co!ing to
+ienna& for she has finished with the !iddle school
and has to go on learning) -ut she has no near
relations in +ienna where she could stay) he !ight
co!e to li%e with us& Dora could ha%e a roo! to herself
as she always wants& and Ada and 2 could share
a roo!) 2 would !uch rather share a roo! with her
than with Dora who is always !a'ing such a fuss)
August /9th) 2 do really thin'( A boy can always
get what he wants) ;swald is really going for
a fortnight to Wnai! to stay with his chu!S only
;swald of course) 2 should li'e to see what would
ha$$en if Dora or 2 wanted to go anywhere) A boy
has a fine ti!e) 2t's the injustice of the thing which
!a'es !e furious) "or we 'now for certain that he's
had a VbadV re$ort& e%en though he does not tell us
anything about it) -ut of course that doesn't !atter)
They throw e%ery 7 in our teeth and when he gets
se%eral atisfactories he can go where%er he li'es)
.is chu! tooS he only got to 'now >ax ,o:ny this
year and he's a chu! already) .ella and 2 ha%e
been chu!s since we were in the second in the ele!entary
school and Dora and "rieda Ertl since they went
to the .igh chool) *e both ga%e hi! a $iece of
our !ind about friendshi$) .e laughed scornfully
and saidF That's all right& the friendshi$s of V!enV
beco!e closer as the years $ass& but the friendshi$s
of you girls go u$ in s!o'e as soon as the first ad!irer
turns u$) *hat chee') *hate%er ha$$ens .ella and
2 shall stic' to one another till we're !arried& for we
want to be !arried on the sa!e day) <aturally she
will $robably get engaged before !e but she V!ustV
wait for !e before she's !arried) That's si!$ly her
duty as a friend)
August /7th) ;swald went away yesterday and we
had another scene just before he left because he wanted
one of us to go with hi! to the station and hel$
carry his luggage) As if we were his ser%ants) Ada
wanted to %olunteer to carry it& but Dora ga%e her
a nudge and luc'ily she understood directly) o!eti!es&
but only so!eti!es& when Dora gets in a wax
she is rather li'e .ella) he thin's it's better that
;swald has gone away because otherwise there are
always rows) That's because she always co!es off
second@best) "or really he is cle%erer than she is)
And when he wants to !a'e her really angry he says
so!ething to her in Latin which she can't understand)
2 thin' that's the real reason why she's learning Latin)
2 !ust say 2 would not bother !yself so about a thing
li'e that) 2 really wouldn't bother)
August /6th) To@day 2 $osted the $arcel to .ella&
a sil%er@wire watchchainS 2 !ade it in four days)
2 ho$e she'll get it safely& one can ne%er be sure in
.ungary)
August /1th) *e are so frightfully busy with
Ra$anese lanterns and fir garlands) The $eo$le who
ha%e recei%ed birthday honours are illu!inating and
decorating their houses) *hile we were at wor' Ada
told !e a Vfew thingsV) he 'nows !ore than .ella
and !e& because her father is a doctor) .e tells her
!other a good deal and Ada o%erhears a lot of things
though they generally sto$ tal'ing when she co!es
in) Ada would li'e awfully to be an actress) 2 ne%er
thought of such a thing though 2'%e been to the
theatre often)
August 77nd) .ella is awfully $leased with the
chainS she is wearing it) he is really learning to
ride at her cousin's) 2t's a $ity he's called Lajos)
-ut Ludwig is not any better) .e see!s to be awfully
nice and s!art& but it's a $ity he's 77 already)
August 76th) Ada is frightfully 'een on the theatre)
he has often been to the theatre in t) Polten and
she is in lo%e with an actor with who! all the ladies
in t) Polten are in lo%e) That is why she wants
to be an actress and so that she can li%e Vfree and
unfetteredV) That is why she would li'e so !uch to
co!e to +ienna) 2 wish she could co!e and li%e with
us) he says she is $ining away in .) for it's
a dull hole) he says she can't stand these Vcra!$ing
conditionsV) 2n t) Polten she s$ent all her $oc'et
!oney u$on flowers for Vhi!V) he always said that
she had to buy such a lot of co$yboo's and things
for school) That's where she's luc'y not to be at
ho!e& for 2 could not easily ta'e in >other li'e that)
2t would not wor') ;ne always has too little $oc'et
!oney anyhow& and when one li%es at ho!e one's
$arents 'now just what co$yboo's one has) 2 should
li'e to go away fro! ho!e for a few !onths) Ada
says it is %ery good for one& for then one learns to
'now the worldS at ho!e& she says& one only grows
V!ustyV and VfustyV) *hen she tal's li'e that she really
loo's li'e an actress and she certainly has talentS
her Ger!an !aster at school says so too) he can
recite long $oe!s and the girls are always as'ing the
!aster to let her recite)
August B9th) To@day Ada recited Geibel's $oe!&
The Death of Tiberius& it was s$lendidS she is a
born actress and it's a horrid sha!e she can't go on
the stageS she is to teach "rench or sewing) -ut she
says she's going on the stageS 2 ex$ect she will get
her way so!ehow)
August B/st) ;swald's ha%ing a fine long fortnightS
he's still there and can stay till e$te!ber Jth((
2f it had been Dora or !e) There would ha%e been
a frightful hulabaloo) -ut ;swald !ay do VanythingV)
Ada saysF *e girls !ust ta'e for oursel%es what
the world won't gi%e us of its own free will)
e$te!ber 6th) 2n the forest the other day 2
$ro!ised Ada to as' >other to let her co!e and stay
with us so that she could be trained for the stage)
2 as'ed >other to@day& but she said it was Muite out
of the Muestion) Ada's $arents si!$ly could not afford
it) 2f she has talent& the thing co!es of itself and she
need only go to a school of Dra!atic Art so that she
could !ore easily get a good Theatre says Ada) o
2 don't see why it should be so frightfully ex$ensi%e)
2'! awfully sorry for Ada)
e$te!ber /9th) ;h we ha%e all been so excited)
2'%e got to $ac' u$ !y diary because we're going
ho!e to@!orrow) 2 !ust write as Muic'ly as 2 can)
There ha%e been so!e gy$sies here for three days&
and yesterday one of the wo!en ca!e into the garden
through the bac' gate and loo'ed at our hands and
told our fortunes& !ine and Ada's and Dora's) ;f
course we don't belie%e it& but she told Ada that
she would ha%e a great but short career after !any
difficult struggles) That fits in $erfectly) -ut she
!ade a frightful !ess of it with !eF Great ha$$iness
awaits !e when 2 a! Vas old again as 2 a! nowVS a
great $assion and great wealth) ;f course that !ust
!ean that 2 a! to !arry at 7J) At 7J( .ow
absurd( Dora says that 2 loo' !uch younger than /7
so that she !eant 79 or e%en /A) -ut that's just
as silly& for Dr) .)& who is a doctor and 'nows so
!any girls& says 2 loo' VolderV than !y age) o that
it's i!$ossible that the old gy$sy wo!an could ha%e
thought 2 was only /9 or e%en 0) Dora's fortune was
that in a VfewV years she was to ha%e !uch trouble and
then ha$$iness) And she told Ada that her line of
life was bro'en((
e$te!ber /Jth) ;swald left early this !orning&
"ather 'issed hi! on both chee's and saidF "or
God's sa'e be a good cha$ this last year at school)
.e has to !atriculate this year& it's frightfully difficult)
-ut he says that anyone who has chee' enough can
get through all right) .e says that chee' is often
!ore hel$ than a lot of swoting and grinding) 2 'now
he's rightS but unfortunately at the !o!ent it ne%er
occurs to !e what 2 ought to do) 2 often thin'
afterwards& you ought to ha%e said this or that) .ella
is really wonderfulS and "ran'e too& though she's not
$articularly cle%er& can always !a'e a s!art answer)
2f only half of what ;swald says he says to the $rofessors
is true& then 2 can't understand why he is not
ex$elled fro! e%ery Gy!) says >other) ;swald saysF
2f one only $uts it in the right way no one can say
anything) -ut that doesn't hold always)
e$te!ber /3th) .ella is co!ing bac' to@day)
That's why 2'! writing in the !orning& because she's
co!ing here in the afternoon) 2'! awfully glad) 2
ha%e begged >other to buy a lo%ely ca'e& one of the
'ind .ella and 2 are both so fond of)
e$te!ber 79th) ;nly a word or two) chool
began again to@day) Than' goodness "rau Do'tor >)
still ta'es our class) "rl) teiner too' her doctor's
degree at the end of the school year) 2n history we
ha%e a new "rau Do'tor& but we don't 'now her
na!e yet) The +ischer wo!an has been V!arriedV in
the holidays((( 2t's enough to !a'e one s$lit with
laughing that anyone should !arry Vher(((V Dora
says she wouldn't li'e to be her husbandS but !ost
li'ely he will soon get a di%orce) -esides& s$ectacles
in a wo!an are awful) 2 can $ut u$ with a $incene:
for one does not wear the! all the ti!e) -ut s$ectacles(
Dora says too that she can't understand how
a !an can !arry a wo!an with s$ectacles) .ella
often says it !a'es her feel Muite sic' when +ischer
glares at her through her s$ectacles) *e ha%e a new
natural history $rofessor) 2'! awfully glad that
three of our !istresses ha%e doctors degrees and that
we ha%e one or really 7 $rofessors& for we ha%e the
,eligions$rofessor too) 2n the Third they are frightfully
annoyed because only one of their !istresses has
a doctor's degree) Dora has 7 doctors and three
$rofessors)
e$te!ber 76th) All the girls are !adly in lo%e
with Professor *il'e the natural history $rofessor)
.ella and 2 wal'ed behind hi! to@day all the way
ho!e) .e is a s$lendid loo'ing !an& so tall that his
head nearly touches the la!$ when he stands u$
Muic'ly& and a s$lendid fair beard li'e fire when the
sun shines on itS a un God( we call hi! ) G)& but
no one 'nows what it !eans and who we are tal'ing
about)
e$te!ber 70th) ch!ol'a has left& 2 su$$ose because
of "rl) t)'s %anity bag) Two other girls ha%e
left and three new one's ha%e co!e& but neither 2
nor .ella li'e the!)
;ctober /st) 2t was !y turn in <atural .istory
to@day 2 wor'ed frightfully hard and V.eV was
s$lendid) *e are to loo' after the $ictures and the
ani!als Vall through the ter!V) .ow jolly) .ella and
2 always wear the sa!e coloured hair ribbons and in
the <at) .ist) lesson we always $ut tissue $a$er of
the sa!e colour on the des') .e wants us to 'ee$
noteboo's& obser%ations on <ature) *e ha%e bound
ours in lilac $a$er& exactly the sa!e shade as his
nec'tie) ;n Tuesdays and "ridays we ha%e to co!e to
school at half $ast A to get things ready) ;h how
ha$$y 2 a!)
;ctober 0th) V.eV is a cousin of our gy!nastic
!aster& s$lendid( This is how we found it out) *e&
.ella and 2& are always going $ast the #afe ic'
because he always has his afternoon coffee there)
And on Thursday when we $assed by there before
the gy!nastic lesson there was the gy!nastic !aster
sitting with hi!) ;f course we bowed to the! as
we $assed and in the gy!nastic lesson .err -aar
said to usF o you two are tor!ented and $estered
by !y cousin in natural historyQ NPesteredN we said&
o no& it's the !ost delightful lesson in the whole wee')
N2s that soQN said he& N2 won't forget to let hi! 'now)N
;f course we begged and $rayed hi! not to gi%e us
away& saying it would be awful) -ut we do ho$e he
will)
;ctober 79th) "rau Do'tor teiner's !other is
dead) *e are so sorry for her) o!e of us are
going to the funeral& 2 !ayn't go& >other says it is
not suitable& and .ella is not allowed to go either& 2
wonder if V.eV will goQ 2'! sure he will& for really he
VhasV to)
;ctober 7Brd) "rau Do'tor t) loo's frightfully
$ale) "ran'e says she will certainly get !arried
soon now that both her $arents are dead) .er fiance
often fetches her fro! the Ly:& 2 !ean he waits for
her in L) treet) .ella thin's an awful lot of hi! of
course& because he's an officer) 2 don't thin' !uch
of hi! !yself& he's too short and too fat) .e's only
a %ery little taller than "rl) t) 2 thin' a husband
should be nearly a head taller than his wife& or at least
half a head taller& li'e our "ather and >other)
;ctober 70th) *e ha%e such a frightful lot of
wor' to do that we're not ta'ing season tic'ets this
winter& but are going to $ay each ti!e when we go
s'ating) 2 wish we 'new whether V.eV s'ates& and
where) .ella thin's that with great caution we !ight
find out fro! his cousin during the gy!nastic lesson)
They are often together in the #afe) 2 should li'e
to 'now what they tal' about& they are always laughing
such a lot& es$ecially when we go by)
;ctober B/st) Ada has written to !e) he is
VawfullyV unha$$y) he is bac' in t) P)& in a continuation
school) -ut the actor is not there any !ore)
he writes that she yearns to throw off her chains
which lie hea%y on her soul) Poor darling) <o one
can hel$ her) That is& her >other could hel$ her
but she won't) 2t !ust be awful) .ella thin's that
her $arents will not allow her to go on the stage until
she has tried to do herself a !ischiefS then things !ay
be better) 2t's Muite true& what can her !other be
thin'ing of when she 'nows how fearfully unha$$y
Ada is) After all& why on earth shouldn't she go on
the stage when she has so !uch talentQ All her
!istresses and !asters at the !iddle school $raised
her reciting tre!endously and one of the! said in so
!any words that she had Vgreat dra!atic talentV)
>asters don't flatter oneS exce$t ) ) )S first of all
V.eV is not just an ordinary !aster but a $rofessor& and
secondly V.eV is Muite& Muite different fro! all others
*hen he stro'es his beard 2 beco!e Muite hot and cold
with extasy) And the way he lifts u$ his coat tails
as he sits down) 2t's lo%ely& 2 do want to 'iss hi!)
.ella and 2 ta'e turns to $ut our $enholder on his
des' so that VheV can hallow it with his hand as he
writes) Afterwards in the arith!etic lesson when 2
write with it& 2 'ee$ loo'ing at .ella and she loo's
bac' at !e and we both 'now what the other is thin'ing
of)
<o%e!ber /6th) 2t's a holiday to@day so at last 2
can write once !ore) *e ha%e such a frightful lot
to do that 2 si!$ly can't !anage to write) -esides
>other is often ill) he has been laid u$ again for
the last J days) 2t's awfully dull and dreary) ;f
course 2 had ti!e to write those days& but then 2
didn't want to write) As soon as >other is well again
she's going to the Ly: to as' how we are getting on
2'! awfully glad because of )G)
<o%e!ber 7Ath) >other ca!e to school to@day
and saw hi! too) 2 too' her to hi! and he was
hea%enly) .e saidF 2 a! %ery $leased with your
daughterS she's %ery 'een and cle%er) Then he turned
o%er the $ages of his noteboo' as if to loo' at his
notes) -ut really he 'nows by heart how we all wor')
That is not VallV of course) That would be i!$ossible
with so !any girlsS and he teaches in the science
school as well where there are e%en !ore boys than
we are)
Dece!ber 6th) 'ating to@day 2 saw the Gold
"airy) he is awfully $retty& but 2 really don't thin'
her so lo%ely as 2 did last year) .ella says she ne%er
could thin' what had ha$$ened to !y eyes) NYou
were !adly in lo%e with her and you ne%er noticed
that she has a ty$ical -ohe!ian nose&N said .ella)
;f course that's not true& but now !y taste is VMuite
differentV) till& 2 said how d'you do to her and she
was %ery nice) *hen she s$ea's she is really char!ing&
and 2 do lo%e her gold sto$$ings) "rau Do'tor
>) has two too and when she laughs its hea%enly)
Dece!ber Ath) 2 do wish Dora would 'ee$ her
silly jo'es to herself) *hen the Trobisch's were all
here to@day they were tal'ing about the school and
she saidF NGretl has a fresh enthusias! each yearS
last year it was "rau Do'tor >alburg and this
year it's Professor *il'e) "rau Do'tor >alburg
has fallen fro! grace now)N 2f 2 had wanted to
2 could ha%e begun about the two students on the
ice) -ut 2'! not li'e that so 2 !erely loo'ed at
her with conte!$t and ga%e her a 'ic' under the
table) And she had the chee' to sayF *hat's the
!atterQ ;h& of course these tender secrets of the
heart !ust not be disclosed) <e%er !ind Gretl& it
does not !atter at your age& for things don't cut dee$)N
-ut she was rightly $aid outF "rau %on Tr) and
"ather roared with laughter and "rau %) Tr) saidF
N*hy& grand!other& ha%e you been loo'ing at your
white hair in the glassQN ;h& how 2 did laugh& and
she was so frightfully $ut out that she blushed li'e
fire& and in the e%ening VsheV said to V!eV that 2 was an
ill@!annered $ig) That's why 2 did not tell her that
she'd left her co!$osition boo' on the table and to@
!orrow she has to gi%e it in) 2t's all the sa!e to V!eV&
for 2'! an ill@!annered $ig)
Dece!ber 0th) 2t's awful) At 7 o'cloc' this afternoon
.ella was ta'en to the Low sanatoriu! and was
o$erated on at once) A$$endicitis) .er !other has
just tele$honed that the o$eration has been successful)
-ut the doctors said that 7 hours later it would ha%e
been too late) >y 'nees are tre!bling and !y hand
sha'es as 2 write) he has not sle$t off the anisthetic
yet)
Dece!ber /9th) .ella is frightfully wea'S no one
can see her exce$t her father and !other& not e%en
Li::i) ;n t) <icholas Day we had such a jolly ti!e
and ate such a lot of sweets that we al!ost !ade oursel%es
sic') -ut its i!$ossible that she got a$$endicitis
fro! that) ;n >onday e%ening& when we were
going ho!e after the gy! lesson& she said she did
not feel at all well) The night before last she had a
rigor and the first thing in the !orning the doctor
said that she !ust go to hos$ital at once for an
o$eration)
Dece!ber //th) All the girls at school are frightfully
excited about .ella& and "rau Dr) t) was
awfully nice and $ut off !athe!atics till next Tuesday)
;n unday 2 a! going to see .ella) he does
want to see !e so and so do 2 want to see her)
Dece!ber /7th) he is still %ery wea' and doesn't
care about anythingS 2 got her !other to ta'e so!e
roses and %iolets fro! !e& she did li'e the! so !uch)
Dece!ber /Jth) This afternoon 2 was with .ella
fro! two until a Muarter to J) he is so $ale and when 2
ca!e in we both cried such a lot) 2 brought her
so!e !ore flowers and 2 told her directly that when
he sees !e Prof) *) always as's after her) o do the
other !e!bers of the staff es$ecially "rau Do'tor >)
The girls want to %isit her but her !other won't let
the!) *hen anyone is lying in bed they loo' Muite
different& li'e strangers) 2 said so to .ella& and she
saidF *e can ne%er be strangers to one another&
not e%en in death) Then 2 burst out crying again
and both our !others said 2 !ust go away because
it was too exciting for .ella)
Dece!ber /6th) 2 was with .ella again to@day)
he $assed !e a little note as'ing !e to get fro! her
loc'er the $arcel with the blotting@boo' for her father
and the 'ey bas'et for her !other and bring it to her
because the things are not ready yet for #hrist!as)
Dece!ber /3th) .ella's better to@day) 2'%e got to
$aint the blotting@boo' for her father) Than' goodness
2 can) he'll be able to finish the 'ey bas'et
herself& that's nothing)
Dece!ber /Ath) The -ruc'ners are all frightfully
unha$$y for it won't be a real #hrist!as if .ella has
to stay in hos$ital o%er #hrist!as) -ut $erha$s she
will for since yesterday she has not been so well&
the doctors can't !a'e out why she suddenly had
fe%er once !ore) "or she didn't let on that 2 had
brought her so!e burnt al!onds because she's so
awfully fond of the!) -ut now 2'! so terribly
frightened that she'll ha%e to ha%e another o$eration)
Dece!ber /0th) Directly after school 2 went to
see .ella again for 2 had been so anxious 2 could
not slee$ all night) Than' goodness she's better) ;ne
of the doctors said that if she'd been in a $ri%ate
house he would ha%e felt sure it was an error in diet&
but since she was in hos$ital that could be excluded)
o it was fro! the burnt al!onds and the two stic's
of !ar:i$an) .ella thin's it was the !ar:i$an& for
they were large ones at 79 hellers each because nuts
lie hea%y on the sto!ach) he had a $ain already
while 2 was still there& but she wouldn't say anything
about it because it was her fault that 2'd brought her
the sweets) he can beg as !uch as she li'es now&
2 shan't bring her anything but flowers& and they
can't !a'e her ill) ;f course it would be different
if it were true about the N+engeance of "lowers)N
-ut that's all nonsense& and besides 2 don't bring any
strong@scented flowers)
Dece!ber 79th) 2 a! so glad& to@!orrow or Tuesday
.ella can co!e ho!e& in ti!e for the #hrist!as
tree) <ow 2 'now what to gi%e her& a long chair&
"ather will let !e& for 2 ha%e not enough !oney !yself
but "ather will gi%e !e as !uch as 2 want) ;h
there's no one li'e "ather( To@!orrow he's going to
ta'e !e to the *ahringerstrasse to buy one)
Dece!ber 7/st) 2 was only a %ery short ti!e with
.ella to@day because "ather ca!e to fetch !e soon)
At first she was a little hurt& but then she saw that
we had i!$ortant business so she saidF All right
as long as it is not anything !ade of !ar:i$an) That
nearly ga%e us both away) "or when we were in the
street "ather as'ed !eF *hy did .ella say that
about !ar:i$anQ o 2 said Muic'lyF ince she's
been ill she has a $erfect loathing for sweets)
Than' goodness "ather didn't notice anything) -ut
2 do hate ha%ing to tell fibs to "ather) "irst of all
2 always feel that he'll see through it& and secondly
anyhow 2 don't li'e telling fibs to hi!) The couch
is lo%ely& a Tur'ish $attern with long tassels on the
round bolster) "ather wanted to $ay for it altogether&
but 2 saidF <o& then it would not be !y $resent& and
so 2 $aid fi%e crowns and "ather B1) To@!orrow
early it will be sent to the -ruc'ners)
Dece!ber 77nd) .ella is going ho!e to@!orrow)
he has already been u$ a little& but she is still so
wea' that she has to lean on so!eone when she wal's)
he is awfully glad she is going ho!e& for she says
in a hos$ital one always feels as if one was going to
die) he's Muite right) The first ti!e 2 went to see
her 2 nearly burst out crying on the stairs) And afterwards
we both really did cry frightfully) .er !other
'nows about the couch& but it has not been sent yet)
2 do ho$e they won't forget about it at the sho$)
Dece!ber 7Brd) .ella went ho!e to@day) .er
father carried her u$stairs while 2 held her hand)
The two tenants in the !e::anin ca!e out to congratulate
her and the old $ri%y councillor on the
second story and his wife sent down a great $ot of
lilac) he was so tired that 2 ca!e away at 6 o'cloc'
so that she could rest) To@!orrow 2'! going to their
#hrist!as tree first and then to ours) -ecause of
.ella the -r's are going to ha%e the $resent gi%ing at
6 o'cloc'& we shall ha%e ours as usual at 1)
Dece!ber 73th) Yesterday and the day before 2
si!$ly could not write a word) 2t was lo%ely here
and at .ella's) 2 shan't write down all the things
2 got& because 2'%e no ti!e& and besides 2 'now anyhow)
.ella was awfully $leased with the couch& her
father carried her into the roo! and laid her on the
sofa) .er !other cried) 2t was touching) 2t's certainly
awfully nice to ha%e got through a bad illness&
when e%eryone ta'es care of one& and when no one
denies you the first $lace) 2 don't grudge it to .ella)
he's such a darling) Yesterday 2 was there all day&
and after dinner& when she had to go to slee$& she saidF
;$en the drawer of !y writing@table& the lowest one
on the right& and you'll find !y diary there if you
want to read it) 2 shall ne%er forget it( 2t's true
that we agreed we would let one another read our
diaries& but we'%e ne%er done it yetS after all we're
a little shy of one another& and besides after a long
ti!e one can't re!e!ber exactly what one has written)
*hat she writes is always Muite short& ne%er !ore than
half a $age& but what she writes is always i!$ortant)
;f course she couldn't slee$ but instead 2 had to read
her a lot of things out of her diary& es$ecially the
holidays when she was in .ungary) he was !ade
!uch of there) -y two cadets and her two cousins)
*e laughed so !adly o%er so!e things that it hurt
.ella's wound and 2 had to sto$ reading)
Dece!ber 70th) *e were $ut in such a frightful
rage yesterday) This is how it ha$$ened) 2t is a
long ti!e since we both ga%e u$ $laying with dolls
and things of that sort but when 2 was ru!!aging
in .ella's box 2 ca!e across the dolls' thingsS they
were Muite at the botto! where .ella ne%er loo'ed
at the!) 2 too' out the little Paris !odel and she
saidF Gi%e it here and bring all the things that belong
to it) 2 arranged the! all on her bed and we were
trying all sorts of things) Then >other and Dora
ca!e) *hen they ca!e in Dora ga%e such a s$iteful
loo' and saidF Ah& at their fa%ourite occu$ationF
loo'& Li::i& their chee's are Muite red with excite!ent
o%er their $lay) *asn't it i!$ertinent) *e $laying
with dolls( E%en if we had been& what business was
it of hers to !a'e fun of usQ .ella was in a frightful
rage and to@day she saidF N;ne is ne%er safe fro!
s$iesS $lease $ut all those things away in the box so
that 2 shan't see the! any !ore)N 2t really is too
stu$id that one should always be re$roached about
dolls as if it was so!ething disgraceful) After all&
one doesn't really understand until later how all the
things are !adeS when one is 1 or A or still !ore
when one is Muite a little girl and one first gets dolls&
one does not understand whether they are $retty and
nicely dressed or not) till& to@day we'%e done with
dolls for e%er) A good day to turn o%er a new leaf&
for the day after to@!orrow is <ew Year's Day)
-ut what annoys !e !ost of all was this $iece
of chee' of Dora'sS she says that Li::i saidF N*e
used to delight in those things at one ti!e&N but 2
was in such a rage that 2 did not hear it) -ut to
eat all the best things off the #hrist!as tree on the
sly((( 2 saw it !yself& VthatV is nothing) VThat'sV Muite
fit and $ro$er for a girl of /6) After su$$er yesterday
2 as'edF -ut what's beco!e of the second !ar:i$an
sandwich& 2'! sure there were two on the tree) And 2
loo'ed at her steadily till she got Muite red) And after
a ti!e 2 saidF the big bas'et of %egetables is gone
too) Then she said) Yes& 2 too' it& 2 don't need to
as' your $er!ission) As for the sandwich& ;swald
too' that) 2 was in such a te!$er& and then "ather
saidF #o!e& co!e& you little witch& cool your wrath
with the second sandwich and wash it down with a
si$ of liMueur) "or Grandfather sent "ather a bottle
of liMueur)
Dece!ber B9th) This is a fine ending to the year)
2'%e no interest in the school any longer) *e're silly
little fools& lo%e@sic' and forward !inxes) That's all
the than's we get for ha%ing gone e%ery Tuesday
and "riday to the school at half $ast A to arrange
e%erything and dust e%erything and then he can say a
thing li'e that) 2 shall ne%er write VheV with a big h
againS he is not worthy of it) And 2 had to swallow
it all& cho'e it down& for 2 si!$ly !ust not excite
.ella) 2t !ade !e frightfully angry when >other
told !e& but still 2'! glad for 2 'now what line to
ta'e now) >other was $aying a call yesterday and
the sister of our gy!nastic !aster& who is at the @@@@
.igh chool& ha$$ened to be there& and she told
>other that her cousin Dr) *) is so !uch annoyed
because the girls in the high school are so forward)
uch silly little fools& and the little !inxes begin it
already in the "irst #lass) V"or that reason he $refers
to teachV boys& they are fond of hi! too but they don't
!a'e the!sel%es such an Vinfernal nuisanceV) *ell&
now that 2 'now V2V shant !a'e !yself a nuisance to
hi! any !ore) ;n "riday& when the next lesson is&
2 shall go there 7 !inutes before nine and ta'e the
things into the class@roo! without saying a word) And
2 shall tell ?alins'y too that we're such an Vinfernal
nuisanceV to hi!) Rust fancy& as if VweV were in the
"irst #lass(
Ranuary /st& /0@@) This business with Prof) *)
!a'es !e $erfectly furious) .ella 'e$t on as'ing
yesterday what was the !atter& said 2 see!ed different
so!ehow) -ut than' goodness 2 was able to 'ee$
it in) 2 !ust 'ee$ it in for the sa'e of her health&
e%en if it !a'es !e ill) Anyway what use is life now)
ince $eo$le are so falsehearted) .e always loo'ed so
awfully nice and char!ingS when 2 thin' of the way
in which he as'ed how .ella was and all the ti!e he
was so false((( 2f .ella only 'new) Aha& to@!orrow(
Ranuary 7nd) 2 treated hi! Vabo!inablyV) ?noc'ed
at the door@@Good@!orning& .err Prof) $lease what
do we want for the lesson to@dayQ .e %ery ci%illyF
<othing $articular to@day) *ell& what sort of a
#hrist!as did you ha%e@@2F Than' you& !uch as
usual)@@.e turned round and stared at !eF 2t does
not see! to ha%e beenS to judge fro! your !anner)
@@2F There are Muite other reasons for that) .eF
;@o@hQ .e !ay well say ;@o@h( "or he has not
the least idea that 2 'now the way in which he s$ea's
of us)
Ranuary 3th) To@day .ella was able to go out for
her first dri%e) he's !uch better now and will co!e
bac' to school by the !iddle of the !onth) 2 V!ustV
tell her before that or she'll get a shoc') Yesterday
she as'edF Does not ) #) as' about !e any !oreQ@@
;h yes& 2 fibbed& but not so often as before) And
she saidF That's the way it goes& out of sight out
of !ind) *hat will ha$$en when she learns the
truth) Anyhow 2 shan't tell her until she's Muite
strong)
Ranuary /9th) 2'%e had to tell .ella already)
he was tal'ing so enthusiastically about ) G) At
first 2 said nothing) And then she saidF *hat are
you !a'ing such a face forQ Are not you allowed
to arrange the things any !oreQ@@2F VAllowedVQ ;f
course 2'! VallowedV& but 2 don't VwantV to any !ore)
2 did not tell .ella VhowV bad 2 feel about itS for 2
really VwasV !adly in lo%e with hi!)
Ranuary /7th) .ella !ust ha%e been !adly in lo%e
with hi! too or rather !ust be in lo%e with hi! still)
;n unday e%ening she was so !uch u$set that her
!other belie%ed she was going to ha%e a rela$se) he
had $ains and diarrea at the sa!e ti!e) Than' goodness
she's got o%er it li'e !e) he said to@dayF Don't
let's bother oursel%es about it any !ore) *e wasted
our feelings Gnot lo%e((H on an unworthy object) At
such !o!ents she is !agnificent& es$ecially now when
she is still so $ale) -esides in the holidays and now
since she has been ill she has grown tre!endously)
-efore 2 was a little taller and now she is a Muarter
head taller than !e) Dora is frightfully annoyed
because 2 a! nearly as tall as she is) Than' goodness
it !a'es !e loo' older than /7 /O7)
.ella is not to co!e to school on Ranuary /6th& for
her !other is going to ta'e her to Tyrol for 7 or B
wee's)
Ranuary /Ath) 2t's horridly dull with .ella away)
;nly now do 2 realise& since her illness) 2 a! always
feeling as if she had fallen ill again) .er !other
has ta'en her to >eran& they are co!ing bac' in
the beginning of "ebruary)
Ranuary 7Jth) ince .ella has been ill& that is
really since& she went away& 2 s$end !ost of !y ti!e
with "rit:i .ubner) he's awfully nice& though 2 did
not 'now it last year) Till .ella co!es bac' she and
2 sit together) "or it's horrid to sit alone on a bench
"rit:i 'nows a good deal already) he would not
tal' about it at first because it so often leads to trouble)
.er brother has told her e%erything) .e's rather a
swell and is called Paul)
Ranuary 70th) Yesterday was the ice carni%al and
Dora and 2 were allowed to go) 2 s'ated with "rit:i
and Paul !ost of the ti!e and won 7 $ri:es& one
of the! with Paul) And one of the! s'ating in a
race with 6 other girls) Paul is awfully cle%er& he
says he's going into the ar!y& the flying cor$s)
That's e%en !ore select than being on the general
staff) .er father is a !ajor and he& 2 !ean Paul&
ought to ha%e gone to the !ilitary acade!y& but his
grandfather would not allow it) .e is to choose for
hi!self) -ut of course he will beco!e an officer)
>ost boys want to be what their father is) -ut
;swald is $erha$s going into the <a%y) 2 wish 2
'new what "ather !eant once when he said to >otherF
Good God& 2'! not doing it on !y own account) 2'!
only doing it because of ;swald) The two girls won't
get !uch out of it)
"ebruary Brd) 2'%e just been reading what 2 wrote
about "ather) 2 a! wondering what it can be) 2
thin' that "ather either wants to win the great $ri:e
in the lottery or is $erha$s going to buy a house)
-ut Dora and 2 would get so!ething out of that& for
it would not belong to ;swald only)
"ebruary Jth) Yesterday 2 as'ed >other about it)
-ut she said she didn't 'nowS if it was anything
which concerned us& "ather would tell us) -ut it
!ust be so!ething& or >other would not ha%e told
"ather in the e%ening that 2 had as'ed) 2 can't
endure these secrets) *hy shouldn't we 'now that
"ather's going to buy a house) "rit:i's grandfather
has a house in -runn and another in 2glau) -ut
"rit:i is %ery si!$ly dressed and her !other too)
"ebruary 0th) Than' goodness .ella is co!ing
bac' to@!orrow& just before her birthday) Luc'ily
she can eat e%erything again so 2 a! gi%ing her a
huge bag of +i'tor ch!id's sweets with a sil%er
sugar tongs) >other and 2 are going to !eet .ella
at the station) They are co!ing by the A)79)
"ebruary /9th) 2 a! so glad .ella is co!ing
to@day) 2 nearly could not !eet her because >other
is not %ery well to@day) -ut "ather's going to ta'e
!e) "rit:i wanted to co!e and see .ella to@!orrow
afternoon& but she can't) he's an awfully nice girl
and her brother is too& but on the first day .ella is
bac' we !ust be alone together) he said so too in
the last letter she wrote !e) he's been away !ore
than B wee's) 2t's a frightfully long ti!e when you
are fond of one another)
"ebruary /6th) 2 si!$ly can't write !y diary
because .ella and 2 s$end all our free ti!e together)
Yesterday we got our re$orts) ;f course .ella has
not got one) Exce$t in Geogra$hy and .istory 2
ha%e nothing but ;nes& e%en in <atural .istory
although since <ew Year 2 ha%e not done any wor'
in that subject) 2 detest <atural .istory) *hen
.ella co!es bac' to school we are going to as' the
Vso!eti!eV ) G) to relie%e us fro! the labours of loo'ing
after the things) .ella is still too wea' to do it)
.ella is /B already and "ather says she is going to
be wonderfully $retty) VGoing to beV& "ather saysS but
she's lo%ely already) he's been burned as brown as
a berry by the war! southern sun& and it really suits
VherV& though only her) 2 can't stand other $eo$le
when they are sun@burned) -ut really e%erything
suits .ellaS when she was so $ale in hos$ital& she
was lo%elyS and now she is just as lo%ely& only in Muite
a different way) ;swald is Muite right when he saysF
You can !easure a girl's beauty by the degree in which
she bears being sunburned without losing her good
loo's) .e really used to say that in the holidays
si!$ly to annoy Dora and !e& but he's Muite right all
the sa!e)
"ebruary 79th) The second half@year began yesterday)
They were all awfully nice to .ella& and "rau
Do'tor >) stro'ed her chee's and $ut her ar! round
her so affectionately) <ow for the chief thing) Today
was the <atural .istory lesson) *e 'noc'ed at
the door and when we went in Prof) *) saidF Ah
2'! glad to see you -ruc'nerS ta'e care that you
don't gi%e us all another fright) .ow are youQ
.ella saidF NTuite well& than' you& .err Prof)N
And as 2 loo'ed at her she $ut on a frightfully serious
face and he saidF 2t see!s to !e that you'%e caught
your friend's ill hu!our)@@.ellaF N.err Prof)& you
are really too 'ind& but we don't want to trouble you)
*hat things ha%e we to ta'e to the class@roo!Q And
then we beg lea%e to resign our $osts& for 2 don't feel
strong enough for the wor')N he said this in Muite
a soldierly way& the way she is used to hear her father
s$ea') 2t sounded !ost distinguished) .e loo'ed
at us and saidF NAll right& two of the other $u$ils
will ta'e it o%er)N *e don't 'now whether he really
noticed nothing or si!$ly did not wish to show that
he had noticed) -ut as we shut the door 2 felt so
awfully sorryS for it was the last ti!e& the %ery last
ti!e)
"ebruary 71th) 2n <atural .istory to@day 2 got
V=nsatisfactoryV) 2 was not being Muestioned& but when
?laiber could not answer anything 2 laughed& and he
saidF +ery well& Lainer& you correct her !ista'e)
-ut since 2 had been thin'ing of so!ething Muite different
2 did not 'now what it was all about& and so 2
got an =nsatisfactory) V-eforeV of course that would
not ha%e !atteredS but now since ) ) ) .ella and
"ran'e did all they could to console !e and saidF
NThat does not !atter& it wasn't an exa!inationS he'll
Vha%eV to exa!ine you $ro$erly later)N Anyhow "ran'e
thin's that howe%er hard 2 learn& 2 shall be well off
if he gi%es !e a atisfactory) he says no $rofessor
can forget Vsuch a defeatV) "or we told her about the
silly little fools) he said& indeed& that we had !ade
it too ob%ious) That's not really true) -ut now she
ta'es our side& for she sees that we were in the right)
+erbenowitsch and -ennari bring in the things now)
They are !uch better suited for it) .ella's father did
not li'e her doing it anyhowS he saysF The $orter
or the !aidser%ant are there for that@@we ne%er see
the! all the year round& that's a fine thing)
>arch Ath) Easter does not co!e this year until
A$ril /3th) 2 a! going with the -ruc'ners to #illi&
outside the town there they ha%e a %ineyard with a
country house) .ella needs a change) 2 a! awfully
glad) All the flowers begin to co!e out there at the
end of >arch or beginning of A$ril)
>arch /7th) .ella is not straightforward) *e !et
a gentle!an to@day& %ery fashionably dressed with
gold@ri!!ed eyeglasses and a fair !oustache) .ella
blushed furiously& and the gentle!an too' off his hat
and saidF Ah& "raulein .elenchen& you are loo'ing
%ery well) .ow are youQ .e ne%er loo'ed at !e&
and when he had gone she saidF NThat was Dr)
"e'ete& who assisted at !y o$eration)N@@NAnd you
tell !e VthatV now for the first ti!eQN Then she $ut
on an innocent air and saidF N;f course& we'%e ne%er
!et hi! before&N but 2 saidF N2 don't !ean VthatV)
2f you 'new how red you got you would not tell !e
a lie)N Then she saidF N*hat a! 2 telling you a lie
aboutQ Do you thin' 2'! in lo%e with hi!Q <ot
in the %ery least)N@@-ut when one is VnotV in lo%e one
does not blush li'e that) Anyhow 2 shan't tell e%erything
now eitherS 2 can hold !y tongue too)
>arch /Jth) Yesterday we did not tal' to one another
so !uch as usualS 2 es$ecially was %ery silent)
*hen the bell rang at 6 and 2 had just been doing
the translation .ella ca!e and begged !y $ardon and
brought !e so!e lo%ely %iolets& so of course 2 forga%e
her) This is really the first ti!e we'%e e%er Muarrelled)
"irst she wanted to bring !e so!e sweets& but then
she decided u$on %iolets& and 2 thin' that was !uch
!ore graceful) ;ne gi%es sweets to a little child when
it has hurt itself or been in a te!$er) -ut flowers
are not for a child)
>arch /0th) "rieda -elay is dead) *e are all
terribly u$set) <one of us were %ery inti!ate with
her& but now that she is dead we all re!e!ber that
she was a schoolfellow) he died of heart failure following
rheu!atic fe%er) *e all attended her funeral&
exce$t .ella who was not allowed to co!e) .er
!other cried li'e anything and her grand!other still
!oreS her father cried too) *e sent a wreath of white
roses with a lo%ely inscri$tionF Death has snatched
you away in the flower of your youth@@Your choolfellows)
2 ha%e no $leasure in anything to@day) 2 did not
see "rieda -elay after she was dead& but "ran'e was
there yesterday and saw her in her coffin) he says
she will ne%er forget it& it ga%e her such a $ang) 2n
the church La!$l had a fit of hysterics& for her !other
was buried only a !onth ago and now she was re!inded
of it all and was frightfully u$set) 2 cried
a lot too when 2 was with .ella) he fancied it was
because 2 was thin'ing she !ight ha%e died last Dec)
-ut that wasn't it& 2 don't thin' about that sort of
thing) -ut when anyone dies it is so awfully sad)
>arch 7Jth) 2 ne%er heard of such a thing) 2
can't go to #illi with .ella) .er !other was at
her cousin's& and when she heard that she was going
to #illi at Easter she as'ed her to ta'e >elanie with
her) That is& she didn't as' straight out& but 'e$t
on hinting until .ella's !other saidF Let >elanie
co!e with us& it will hel$ to set her u$ after her illness)
2n the winter she had congestion of the lung)
.ella and 2 can't bear her because she's always s$ying
on us and is so utterly false) o of course 2 can't
go) .ella says too she's frightfully sorry& but when
VsheV is about we could ne%er say a word about anything&
it would dri%e us cra:y) he Muite agrees
that 2 had better not co!e) -ut oh 2'! so annoyed
for first of all 2 do so li'e going away with .ella
and secondly 2 should li'e to go away in the holidays
anyhow for nearly all the girls in our class are going
away) till& there's nothing to be done) .ella's
!other says she can't see why we can't all B go
though it si!$ly would not wor') -ut we can't ex$lain
it to her) .ella is so $oetical and she says
NA beautiful drea! %anished)N
2n .ella's !outh such fine words sound !agnificent&
but when Dora uses such ex$ressions they annoy !e
frightfully because they don't co!e fro! her heart)
>arch 73th) The school $erfor!ances finish today
with *a%es of the ea and *a%es of Lo%e) 2'!
awfully fond of the theatre& but 2 ne%er write anything
about that) "or anyhow the $lay is written by a
$oet and one can read it if one wants to& and one just
sees the rest anyhow) 2 can't !a'e out what Dora
finds such a lot to scribble about always the day after
we'%e been to the theatre) 2 ex$ect she's in lo%e with
one of the actors and that's why she writes such a lot)
-esides we in the second class did not get tic'ets for
all the $erfor!ances& but only the girls fro! the "ourth
u$wards) till& it did not !atter !uch to !e anyhow
for we often go in the e%ening and on unday
afternoons) -ut unfortunately 2 !ayn't go in the
e%ening as a rule)
>arch 70th) To@day so!ething horrible ha$$ened
to Dora and !e) 2 si!$ly can't write it down) he
was awfully nice and saidF Two years ago on the
>etro$olitan ,ailway the sa!e thing had ha$$ened
when she was tra%elling with >other on "ebruary
/6th& she can ne%er forget the date& to .iet:ing to
see "rau %) >artini) -esides her and >other there
was only one gentle!an in the carriage& >other always
tra%els second class) he and >other were sitting
together and the gentle!an was standing farther
down the carriage where >other could not see hi!
but Dora could) And as Dora was loo'ing he o$ened
his cloa' and@@ @@ @@( just what the !an did to@day
at the house door) And when they got out of the
train Dora's boa got stuc' in the door and she had to
turn round though she did not want to& and then she
saw again@@ @@ @@( he si!$ly could not slee$ for
a whole !onth afterwards) 2 re!e!ber that ti!e
when she could not slee$ but 2 did not 'now why it
was) he ne%er told anyone exce$t Eri'a and the
sa!e thing ha$$ened to her once) Dora says that
ha$$ens at least once to nearly e%ery girlS and that
such !en are NVabnor!alV)N 2 don't really 'now what
that !eans& but 2 did not li'e to as') Perha$s .ella
will 'now) ;f course 2 did not really loo'& but
Dora shi%ered and saidF And VthatV is what one has
to endure) And then& when we were tal'ing it o%er
she said to !e that VthatV was why >other was ill and
because she has had fi%e childrenS Then 2 was %ery
silly and saidF N-ut how fro! VthatVQN one does not
get children fro! thatQ N;f course&N she said 2
thought you 'new that already) That ti!e there was
such a row with >ali about the waistband& 2 thought
you and .ella had heard all about e%erything)N Then
2 was silly again& really frightfully stu$idS for instead
of telling her what 2 really 'new 2 saidF N;h&
yes& 2 'new all about it exce$t just that)N Then she
burst out laughing and saidF NAfter all& what you
and .ella 'now doesn't a!ount to !uch)N And in
the end she told !e a VlittleV) 2f it's really as Dora
says& then she is right when she says it is better not
to !arry) ;ne can fall in lo%e& one !ust fall in lo%e&
but one can just brea' off the engage!ent) *ell&
that's the best way out of the difficulty for then no
one can say that you'%e ne%er had a !an in lo%e with
you) *e wal'ed u$ and down in front of the school
for such a long ti!e that we were %ery nearly late
and only got in just as the bell rang) ;n the way
ho!e 2 told .ella the awful thing we'd seen the !an
do) he does not 'now either what Nabnor!alN really
!eans Vas far as this is concernedV) -ut now we shall
use it as an ex$ression for so!ething horrible) ;f
course no one will understand us) And then .ella
told !e about a drun'en !an who in <agy ?) ) ) )
was wal'ing through the streets Vli'e thatV and was
arrested) he says VtooV that one can ne%er forget seeing
anything li'e VthatV) Perha$s the !an this !orning
was drun' too) -ut he didn't loo' as if he were
drun') And if he hadn't done VthatV one would really
ha%e ta'en hi! for a fine gentle!an) .ella 'nows
too that it is fro! VthatV that one gets children) he
ex$lained it all to !e and now 2 can Muite understand
that VthatV !ust !a'e one ill) Yesterday it was after
// at night and so 2'! finishing to@day) .ella saysF
VThatV is the original sin& and VthatV is the sin which
Ada! and E%e co!!itted) -efore 2 had always belie%ed
the original sin was so!ething Muite different)
-ut that@@that) ince yesterday 2'%e been so u$set
2 always see! to be seeing VthatVS really 2 did not loo'
at all& but 2 !ust ha%e seen it all the sa!e)
>arch B9th) 2 don't 'now why& but in the history
lesson to@day it all ca!e into !y head once !ore
what Dora had said of "ather) -ut 2 really can't
belie%e it) -ecause of "ather 2'! really sorry that
2 'now it) Perha$s it does not all ha$$en the way
Dora and .ella say) Generally 2 can trust .ella&
but of course she !ay be !ista'en)
A$ril /st) To@day Dora told !e a lot !ore) he
is Muite different now fro! what she used to be)
;ne does not say P4eriod8& but >4enstruation8)
;nly co!!on $eo$le say P@@) ;r one can say one's
Vli'e thatV) Dora has had >@@ since August before
last& and it is horribly disagreeable& because !en always
'now) That is why at the .igh chool we ha%e
only three !en $rofessors and all the other teachers
are wo!en) <ow Dora often does not ha%e >@@ and
then so!eti!es it's awfully bad& and that's why she's
ane!ic) That !en always 'now& that's frightfully
interesting)
A$ril Jth) *e tal' a lot about such things now)
Dora certainly 'nows !ore than 2 do& that is not
!ore but better) -ut she isn't Muite straightforward
all the sa!e) *hen 2 as'ed her how she got to 'now
about it all& whether Eri'a told her or "rieda& she
saidF N;h& 2 don't 'nowS one finds it all out so!ehowS
one need only use one's eyes and one's ears&
and then one can reason things out a little)N -ut
seeing and hearing don't ta'e one %ery far) 2'%e always
'e$t !y eyes o$en and 2'! not so stu$id as all
that) ;ne !ust be told by so!e one& one Vcan'tV just
ha$$en u$on it by oneself)
A$ril 3th) 2 don't care about $aying %isits now)
*e used always to li'e going to see the ,ichters& but
to@day 2 found it dull) <ow 2 'now why Dora hates
going second class on the >etro$olitan) 2 always
thought it was only to s$ite !e because 2 li'e tra%elling
second) he ne%er li'es going second since VthatV
ha$$ened) 2t see!s one is often unjust to $eo$le
who ne%er !eant what one thought) -ut why did
she not tell !e the truthQ he says because 2 was
still a child then) That's all right& but what about
this winter when 2 was cross because we went Third
class to chonbrunnS 2 really belie%ed she did it to
annoy !e& for 2 could not belie%e she was afraid that
in the second class& where one is often alone& so!ebody
would suddenly attac' her with a 'nife) -ut
now 2 understand Muite well& for of course she could
not tell >other the truth and "ather still less) And
in winter and s$ring there are really often no $assengers
to s$ea' of on the >etro$olitan& es$ecially on
the ;uter #ircle)
A$ril 1th) >other said to@day that at the ,ichters
yesterday we& es$ecially 2& had been frightfully dull
and stu$id) *hy had we 'e$t on exchanging glancesQ
*e had been !ost un!annerly) 2f she had only
'nown what we were thin'ing of when "rau ,ichter
said& the weather to@day is Vcertainly Muite abnor!alVS
we ha%e not had such Vabnor!alV heat for years) And
then when .err ,ichter ca!e ho!e and s$o'e about
his brother who had s$ent the whole winter at
.ochschneeberg and saidF ;h& !y brother is a little
Vabnor!alV& 2 thin' he's got a tile loose in the u$$er
storey& 2 really thought 2 should burst) Luc'ily "rau
,) hel$ed us once !ore to a tre!endous lot of ca'e
and 2 was able to lean well forward o%er !y $late)
And >other said that 2 ate li'e a little glutton and
just as if 2 ne%er had any ca'e at ho!e) o >other
was V%eryV unjust to !e& for the ca'e had nothing at
all to do with it) Dora says too that 2 !ust learn
to control !yself better& that if 2 only watch her 2'll
soon learn) That's all %ery well& but why should one
ha%e to botherQ 2f $eo$le did not use words that
really !ean so!ething Muite different then other $eo$le
would not ha%e to control the!sel%es) till& 2
!ust learn to do it so!ehow)
A$ril Ath) *e were terribly alar!ed to@dayS Muite
early& at half $ast A& they tele$honed fro! the school
that Dora had suddenly been ta'en ill in the Latin
lesson and !ust be fetched in a carriage) >other
dro%e down directly in a taxi and 2 went with her
because anyhow !y lessons began at 0 and we found
Dora on the sofa in the office with the head sitting
by her and the head's friend& "rau Do'tor Preis'y&
who is a !edical doctor& and they had loosened her
dress and $ut a cold co!$ress on her head for she
had suddenly fainted in the Latin lesson) That's the
third ti!e this year& so she !ust really ha%e ane!ia)
2 wanted to dri%e ho!e with her& but >other and "rau
Dr) P) said 2'd better just go to !y lessons) And as
2 went out 2 heard "rau Dr) P) sayF NThat's a fine
healthy girl& a jolly little fellow)N ,eally one should
only use that word of boys and !en& but 2 su$$ose
she has got into the way of using it through being
with !en so !uch) 2f one studies !edicine one has
to learn all about VthatV and to loo' at e%erything) 2t
!ust be really horrid)
Dora is 'e$t in bed to@day and our Doctor says too
that she's ane!ic) To@!orrow or the day after >other
is going to ta'e her to see a s$ecialist) Dora says it's
a lo%ely feeling to faint) uddenly one can't hear
what $eo$le are saying and one feels Muite wea' and
then one does not 'now anything !ore) 2 wonder
if 2 shall e%er faintQ +ery li'ely when@@ @@ @@ *e
tal'ed a lot about e%erything we are interested in)
2n the afternoon .ella ca!e to as' after Dora& and
she thin's she loo's awfully $retty in bed& an interesting
in%alid and at the sa!e ti!e so distinguished
loo'ing) 2t's Muite true& we all loo' distinguished)
A$ril 0th) To@day is "ather and >other's Vwedding
dayV) <ow 2 'now VwhatV that really !eans) Dora says
it can't really be true that it is the !ost lo%ely day
in one's life& as e%eryone says it is& es$ecially the $oets)
he thin's that one !ust feel frightfully e!barrassed
because after all e%eryone 'nows) ) ) ) That's Muite
true& but after all one need not tell anyone which
one's wedding day is) Dora says she will ne%er tell
her children which her wedding day is) -ut it would
be a great $ity if $arents always did that for then in
e%ery fa!ily there would be one anni%ersary the less)
And the !ore anni%ersaries there are& the jollier it is)
A$ril /9th) To@!orrow 2'! going with "ather to
al:burg) Dora can't co!e& for they thin' she !ight
faint in the train) 2'! rather glad really& though 2'%e
nothing against her and 2'! sorry for her& but it's
!uch nicer to go with "ather alone) 2t's a long ti!e
since 2 was in al:burg) 2'! so awfully glad to go)
;ur s$ring coats and s'irts are so $retty& dar' green
with a sil' lining stri$ed green and gold@brown& and
light brown straw hats with daisies for the s$ring
and later we shall ha%e cherries or roses) 2'! ta'ing
!y diary so that 2 can write e%erything which VinterestsV
!e)
A$ril /7th) 2 sle$t all the way in the train) "ather
says 2 ground !y teeth frightfully and was %ery restlessF
but 2 did not 'now anything about it) *e had
a co!$art!ent by oursel%es& exce$t just at first when
there was a gentle!an there) .ella did not co!e with
us& because her aunt& who has just been !arried& is
co!ing to %isit the!) ,eally 2'! Muite glad& for 2
li'e so !uch being with "ather Muite alone) This
afternoon we were in .ellbrunn and at the ,oc'
Theatre) 2t is wonderful)
A$ril /Bth) "ather always calls !eF Little *itch(
-ut 2 don't !uch li'e it when other $eo$le are there)
To@day we went u$ the Gaisberg) The weather was
lo%ely and the %iew !agnificent) *hen 2 see so extensi%e
a %iew it always !a'es !e feel sad) -ecause
there are so !any $eo$le one does not 'now who $erha$s
are %ery nice) 2 should li'e to be always tra%elling)
2t would be s$lendid)
A$ril /Jth) 2 nearly got lost to@day) "ather was
writing a letter to >other and he let !e go to see
the salt wor'sS 2 don't 'now how it ha$$ened& but
suddenly 2 found !yself a long way fro! anywhere&
in a $lace 2 did not 'now) Then an old gentle!an
as'ed !e what 2 was loo'ing forS because 2 had
wal'ed $ast the sa!e $lace B ti!es and 2 said we
were staying in the NWur Post .otelN and 2 did not
'now how to find !y way bac') o he ca!e with !e
to show !e and as we were tal'ing it ca!e out that
he had 'nown "ather at the uni%ersity) o he ca!e
in with !e and "ather was awfully glad to see hi!)
.e is a barrister in al:burg but he has a grey beard
already) As he was going away he said in an undertone
to "atherF N2 congratulate you old cha$ on
your daughterS she'll be so!ething Muite out of the
ordinary(N .e whis$ered it really& but 2 heard all
the sa!e) *e s$ent all the afternoon with hi! at
the ?a$u:inerberg) There was a s$lendid !ilitary
bandS two young officers in the Yagers who were sitting
at the next table to ours 'e$t on loo'ing our wayS
one was $articularly handso!e) >y new su!!er
coat and s'irt is awfully beco!ing e%eryone says)
"ather says tooF N2 say& you'll soon be a young lady(
-ut don't grow u$ too Muic'ly(N 2 can't !a'e out
why he said thatS 2 should li'e to be Muite grown u$S
but it will be a long ti!e yet)
A$ril /Jth) 2t's been raining all day) .ow horrid)
;ne can't go anywhere) All the !orning we were
wal'ing about the town and saw se%eral churches)
Then we were at the $astrycoo''s& where 2 ate J chocolate
eclairs and 7 tartlets) o 2 had no a$$etite for
dinner)
A$ril /6th) Rust as 2 was writing yesterday Dr)
Grat:l sent u$ the hotel cler' to as' us to dinner)
*e went& they li%e in the .ellbrunnerstrasse) .e
has J daughters and 7 sons and the !other died three
years ago) ;ne of the sons is a student in Gra: and
the other is a lieutenant in the ar!yS he is engaged
to be !arried) The daughters are Muite old alreadyS
one of the! is 71 and is engaged) 2 thin' that is
horrid) The youngest G(((H is 7J) 2t is so funny
to say Nthe youngestN and then she is 7J) "ather
says she is %ery $retty and will certainly get !arried
At 7J(( when she's not e%en engaged yetS 2 don't
belie%e she will) They ha%e a large garden& B dogs
and 7 cats& which get on %ery well together) There
are ste$s leading u$ and down fro! roo! to roo!&
it is lo%ely& and all the windows are bow@windows)
E%erything is so old@fashioned& e%en the furniture
2 do thin' it's all so $retty) The hall is round li'e
a church) After tea we had candied fruits& stewed
fruit& and $astries) 2 had a huge go of stewed fruit)
They ha%e a gra!a$hone and then Leni and 2 $layed
the $iano) Rust as we were going away "rit:& the
student& ca!e inS he got Muite red and in the hall
Dr) Grat:l said to !eF NYou'%e !ade a conMuest
to@day)N 2 don't really belie%e 2 ha%e& but 2 do li'e
hearing it said) 2'! sorry to say we are going away
to@!orrow& for we are going to stay 7 days in Lin:
with =ncle Theodor who! 2 don't 'now)
A$ril /1th) =ncle Theodor is 39 already and Aunt
Lina is old too) till& they are both awfully nice)
2 did not 'now the! before) *e are staying with
the!) 2n the e%ening their son and his wife ca!e)
They are !y cousins& and they brought their little
girl with the!S 2 a! really a sort of aunt of hers)
2t's awfully funny to be an aunt when one is only /7
and BOJ and when one's niece is 0) To@day we went
wal'ing along the Danube) 2t only rained %ery gently
and not all the ti!e)
A$ril /Ath) *e are going ho!e to@day) ;f course
we ha%e sent a lot of $icture $ostcards to >other
and Dora and .ellaS we sent one to ;swald too) .e
ca!e ho!e for Easter) 2 don't 'now whether he will
still be there to@!orrow)
A$ril 77nd) *e'%e begun school again) Dora and
2 generally wal' to school together since she does not
go to the Latin lesson now because it was too great a
strain for her) The s$ecialist >other too' her to see
wanted her to gi%e u$ studying altogether& but she
absolutely refuses to do that) -ut 2'! %ery furious
with herS she's learning Latin in secret) *hen 2 ca!e
into the roo! the day before yesterday she was writing
out words and she shut her boo' Muic'ly instead of
saying o$enly and honestlyF ,ita& don't tell "ather
and >other that 2'! still studying in the e%eningF
N2 trust your word)N he could trust !e $erfectly
well) There are $lenty of things 2 could tell if 2
li'ed( Perha$s she fancies that 2 don't see that the
tall fair !an always follows us to school in the !orning)
.ella has noticed hi! too& besides he is frightfully
bald and !ust be at least B9) And 2'! certain she
would not tal' as !uch as she does to .ella and !e
if it were not that she wants to tal' about VthatV) -ut
this deceitfulness annoys !e frightfully) ;therwise
we are now Muite inti!ate with one another)
A$ril 7Jth) *e went to confession and co!!union
to@day) 2 do hate confessionS though it's ne%er ha$$ened
to !e what !any girls ha%e told !e& e%en girls
in the "ifth) <o $riest has e%er as'ed !e about the
3th co!!and!entS all they'%e as'ed isF 2n thought&
word& or deedQ till& 2 do hate going to confession&
and so does Dora) 2t's !uch nicer for .ella as a
Protestant for they ha%e no confession) And at co!!union
2'! always terrified that the host !ight dro$
out of !y !outh) That would be awful) 2 ex$ect
one would be i!!ediately exco!!unicated as a
heretic) Dora was not allowed to co!e to confession
and co!)& "ather would not let her) he !ust not
go out without her brea'fast)
A$ril 73th) 2n the Third there really is a girl who
dro$$ed the host out of her !outh) There was a
frightful row about it) he said it was not her fault
the $riest's hand shoo' so) 2t's Muite true& he was
%ery old& and that is why 2'! always afraid it will
ha$$en to !e) 2t's !uch better when the $riest is
young& because then that can ne%er ha$$en) "ather
says that the girl won't be exco!!unicated for this&
and luc'ily one of her uncles is a distinguished
$relate) .e is her guardian too) That will hel$
her out)
A$ril 71th) To@day we got to 'now this girl in
the inter%al) he is awfully nice and she says she
really did not do it on $ur$ose for she is frightfully
$ious and $erha$s she's going to be a nun) 2 a!
$ious too& we go to church nearly e%ery unday& but 2
would not go into a con%ent& not 2) Dora says $eo$le
generally do that when they'%e been crossed in lo%e&
because then the world see!s e!$ty and hateful)
he loo'ed so frightfully senti!ental that 2 saidF
ee!s to !e you'%e a fancy that way yourselfQ
Then she saidF N<o& than' goodness& 2'%e no reason
for that)N ;f course what she !eant was that she
was not crossed in lo%e but the other way) <o doubt
the tall !an in the !ornings) 2 loo'ed hard at
her for a long ti!e and saidF N2 congratulate you on
your good fortune) -ut .ella and 2 wish he was not
bald&N then she said with an astonished airF N-aldQ
*hat are you tal'ing about& he has the lofty brow of
a thin'er)N
71th) To@day >ade!oiselle ca!e for the first ti!e)
2 ha%e forgotten to say that Dora has to go out e%ery
day for two hours to sit and wal' in the sunshine)
ince >other is not %ery well and can't wal' !uch&
we'%e engaged the >ad) "ather says that when 2 ha%e
ti!e 2 !ust go too Nas a $recautionary !easure)N 2
don't li'e the idea at all& it's !uch too dullS besides
2 ha%e si!$ly no ti!e) >ad) is co!ing B ti!es a wee'&
>ondays& *ednesdays& and "ridays& and on >ondays&
Thursdays& and aturdays 2 ha%e !y !usic
lesson& so 2 can't goS so "inis and Rubilation( That's
what ;swald always says at the end of the year and
at the end of ter!) till& she's %ery $retty& has fair
curly hair& huge grey eyes with blac' lashes and eyebrows&
but she s$ea's so fast that 2 can't understand
all she says) ;n the other B days an Englishwo!an
is to co!e& but we ha%e not got one yet& they are all
so ex$ensi%e) 2t does see! funny to !e to get a salary
for going out with Vgrown u$ girlsV& that's only an
a!use!ent) *ith regular to!boys& such as we saw
last year in ,athaus Par'& it would be different) As
for the "rench or English con%ersation( 2f they did
not want to tal' what would it !atterQ And besides
why should one want to tal' either "rench or English&
it's so stu$id)
A$ril 7Ath) The ,ichters were here to@day& and
the eldest son ca!e too& the lieutenant fro! Le!bergS
he is awfully handso!e and !ade hot lo%e to DoraS
*alter is %ery nice too& he is at the chool of "orestry
in >odlingS to@!orrow the lieutenant is going to bring
Dora one of Tolstoi's boo's to read) Then they will
do so!e !usic together& she $iano and he %iolinS it's
a $ity 2 can't $lay as well as Dora yet) At *hitsuntide
*alter is co!ing too and +i'tor Gthat !eans
conMuerorH is on furlough for 3 !onths& because he's
ill& or because he is said to be illS for one does not
loo' li'e VthatV when one is really ill)
>ay Jth) Lieutenant ,) is always co!ing here& he
!ust be frightfully s!itten with Dora) -ut "ather
won't ha%e it at any $rice) .e said to Dora to@dayF
You get this gay young s$ar' out of your headS he
is no good) -ut at sight of a unifor! there is no
holding you girls) 2'%e no objection to you doing
!usic together for an hour or twoS but this $er$etual
running to and fro with boo's and notes is all hu!bug)N
>ay 3th) Lieutenant ,) wal's with us& that is
with Dora& to school e%ery day) .e is su$$osed to
lie in bed late e%ery !orning& for he is really ill
but for Dora's sa'e he gets u$ frightfully early and
co!es o%er fro! .eit:ing and waits in @@@@ treet)
;f course 2 go on alone with .ella and we all !eet
2n @@@@ treet& so that no one shall notice anything at
school)
>ay /Bth) To@!orrow is >other's birthday and
+i'tor Gwhen 2 a! tal'ing about hi! to Dora 2 always
s$ea' of hi! as +)H brought her so!e lo%ely roses
and in%ited us all to go there next unday) 2n the
hall he called !e Nthe Guardian Angel of our Lo%e)N
Yes& that is what 2 a! and always shall beS for he
really deser%es it and Dora too is Muite different fro!
what she used to be) .ella says one can see for
oneself that lo%e ennoblesS u$ till now she has always
thought that to be !ere $oetical fiction)
>ay /6th) "ather saidF 2 don't care !uch about
these %isits to the ,ichters as long as that Vyoung
jac'ana$esV is still there& but >other can't %ery well
refuse) *e shall wear our green coats and s'irts
with the white blouses with the little green sil' lea%es
for Dora does not li'e to wear all white exce$t in
su!!er) And because the lea%es on the blouses are
Vclo%er lea%esV& that is because of their !eaning) *e
are loo'ing forward to it tre!endously) 2 do ho$e
>other will be all right& for she is in bed to@day) 2t's
horrid being ill anyhow& but when being ill interferes
with other $eo$le's $leasure it's si!$ly frightful)
>ay /3th) The day before yesterday was >other's
birthdayS but it was not so jolly as usual because
>other is so often illS for a birthday $resent 2
$ainted her a box with a s$ray of cle!atis& which
loo's awfully chic) Dora ga%e her a boo' co%er
e!broidered with a s$ray of Ra$anese cherries& 2
don't 'now what "ather ga%e her& !oney 2 thin'&
because on her birthday and na!e day he always
hands her an en%elo$e) -ut since >other is not well
we were not %ery cheerful& and when we dran' her
health at dinner she wi$ed her eyes when she thought
we were not loo'ing) till& it's not so dangerous as
all thatS she is able to go out and doesn't loo' bad)
2 thin' >other's awfully s!art& she loo's just as well
in her dressing gown as when she's dressed u$ to
go out) Dora says that if she had been !ade ill by
her husband she would hate hi! and would ne%er
let her daughters !arry) That's all %ery well& but
one ought to be Muite VsureV that VthatV is why one has
beco!e ill) They say that is why Aunt Dora doesn't
li'e "ather) #ertainly "ather is not so nice to her
as to other relations or to the ladies who so!e to see
>other) -ut after all& Aunt Dora has no right to
!a'e VscenesV about it to "ather& as Dora says she does)
>other's the only $erson with any right to do that)
Dora says she is afraid that it will co!e to >other's
ha%ing to ha%e an o$eration) <othing would e%er
induce !e to undergo an o$eration& it !ust be horrible&
2 'now because of .ella and the a$$endicitis) -ut
Dora saysF NAnyone who's had fi%e children !ust be
used to that sort of thing)N 2 shall $ray e%ery night
that >other !ay get well without an o$eration) 2
ex$ect we shan't all go away together at *hitsuntide
this year& for >other and Dora are to go to a health
resort& !ost li'ely to "ran:ensbad)
>ay /Ath) 2t was lo%ely at the ,ichtersS *alter
was there fro! >odling& he was awfully nice& and
said 2 was so li'e !y sister that it was difficult to tell
us a$art) That's a frightful cra!& but 2 'now what
he really !eant) .e $lays the flute s$lendidly& and
the three $layed a trio& so that 2 was frightfully annoyed
with !yself for not ha%ing wor'ed harder at !y
!usic) "ro! to@!orrow on 2 shall $ractice 7 hours
e%ery day& if 2 can $ossibly find ti!e) <ext winter
+i'tor is going to found a $ri%ate dra!atic club& so
he !ust be going to stay !ore than six !onths in
+ienna) *alter thin's Dora awfully char!ing& and
when 2 saidF NThe great $ity is that she's got such
frightful ane!ia&N he saidF 2n a !an's eyes that is
no drawbac' whate%er& as you can see in !y brother)
>oreo%er& that illness is not a real illness& but often
!a'es a girl !ore char!ing than e%er& as you can
see in your sister)
Day before yesterday >iss >aggie Lundy ca!e for
the first ti!eS anybody can ha%e her for !e) he
wears false hair& flaxen) he says she is engaged& but
Dora says& has been) 2 si!$ly don't belie%e it) +)
says >ad) is awfully $retty) *hen 2 as'ed Dora
if she was not jealous& she said she didn't care& she
was Muite sure of his lo%e) .e !eans to lea%e the
ar!y and go into the ci%il ser%ice& and then he will
be able to !arry) -ut Dora said& there's $lenty of
ti!e for that& a secret engage!ent is !uch nicer)
Then she noticed she'd gi%en herself away& and she
blushed li'e anything and saidF You naturally !ust
be engaged before you are !arried& !ustn't youQ@@
of course she VisV secretly engaged& but she won't tell
!e about it) *hat's the good of !y being the
NGuardian Angel of their Lo%eQN 2f he only 'new)
>ay /0th) 2 really ought to $ractice to@day& but 2
si!$ly ha%e no ti!e& first of all 2 had !y lesson
anyhow& and secondly so!ething awful ha$$ened to
Dora) he left her diary lying about in the schoolS
and because we ha%e our religion lesson in the "ifth
2 saw a green bound boo' lying under the third bench)
Great cott& 2 thought& that loo's li'e Dora's diary)
2 went u$ as Muic'ly as 2 could and $ut !y satchel
o%er it) Later in the lesson 2 $ic'ed it u$) *hen
2 got ho!e at / o'cloc' 2 did not say anything at
first) After dinner she began ru!!aging all o%er the
$lace& but without saying anything to !e& and then
2 said Muite MuietlyF NDo you ha$@@$en to be loo'@@
ing for your di@@ar@@yQ .ere it isS you@@left@@it
@@in@@the@@fifth@@class@@un@@der@@the@@
third@@bench)N G2 'e$t her on tenter hoo's that way)H
he got as white as a sheet and saidF You VareV an
angel) 2f any one else had found it& 2 should ha%e
been ex$elled and >ad) would ha%e had to drown
herself) ;h& it can't be as bad as all that&N 2 said&
for what she said about >ad) was frightfully exciting)
2n class 2 had loo'ed chiefly at what she had
written about +) -ut 2 could not read it there&
because it was written %ery s!all and close together
and was se%eral $ages& but 2 had not loo'ed !uch at
what she had written about >ad) NDid you read itQN
<o& only where it ha$$ened to co!e o$en because
there's a $age torn out) About +) or about >adQ
NA little about >adS but tell !e all about itS 2 shan't
tell anyone) "or if 2'd wanted to betray you& you
'now Muite well) ) ) )N And then she told !e all
about >ad) -ut first 2 had to $ro!ise that 2 would
not e%en tell .ella) >ad) is secretly engaged to a
!an to who! she has gi%en Nthe ut!ost gifts of lo%e&N
that is to say she has ) ) ) ) he is !adly in lo%e
with hi!& and they would !arry directly but he is
a lieutenant too& and they ha%e not enough !oney
for the security) he says that when one really lo%es
a !an one can bear e%erything for his sa'e) he has
often been to his roo!s& but she has to be frightfully
careful for her father would 'ill her if he found out)
Dora has seen the lieutenant and says he is %ery
handso!e& but that +) is !uch handso!er) >ad)
says that you can't trust !en as a rule& but that her
lo%er is Muite different& that he is true as steel) 2 a!
sure +) is too)
>ay 7/st) *hen >ad) ca!e to@day 2 si!$ly could
not loo' at her while >other was there and Dora
says 2 !ade an awful fool of !yself) "or 2 went
out wal'ing with the! to@day& and when we !et a
s!art@loo'ing officer 2 he!!ed and loo'ed at Dora)
-ut she didn't 'now why) >ad) is the daughter of a
high official in the "rench !ilitary ser%ice and she
only too' her teacher's degree in order to get free fro!
her >other's NVtyrannyVSN she nagged at her frightfully
and until she began to gi%e lessons she was ne%er
allowed to go out alone) Dora says she is %ery refined in
her s$eech& es$ecially when she is tal'ing about
VtheseV things) ;f course about Vthe!V she always s$ea's
Ger!an& for it's !uch !ore difficult to say it in
"rench& and $robably Dora would not understand
it and then >ad) would only ha%e to translate it)
he is called yl%ia and he calls her yl%ette) >ad)
says that if one is !adly in lo%e with a !an one does
whate%er he as's) -ut 2 don't see that one need do
that& for he !ight as' the !ost idiotic thingsS he
!ight as' you to get the !oon out of the s'ies& or to
$ull out a tooth for his sa'e) Dora says she can
understand it Muite wellS that 2 still lac' Vthe true
inwardness of thought and feelingV) 2t loo's li'e utter
nonsense) -ut since it sounds fine 2'%e written it
down& and $erha$s 2 shall find a use for it so!e day
when 2'! tal'ing to *alter) >ad) is always frightfully
anxious lest she should get a baby) 2f she did
she's sure her father would 'ill her) The lieutenant
is in the flying cor$s) .e ho$es he's going to in%ent
a new aero$lane& and that he will !a'e a lot of !oney
out of it) Then he will be able to !arry >ad) -ut
it would be awful if Vso!ething ha$$enedV and she got
a baby already)
>ay 77nd) Dora as'ed !e to@day how it was 2
'new all about these things& whether .ella had told
!e) 2 did not want to gi%e .ella away& so 2 said
Muite casuallyF N;h& one can read all about that in
the encyclo$edia)N -ut Dora laughed and saidF
NYou are Muite on the wrong scentS you can't find a
tenth of all those things in the encyclo$edia& and what
you do find is no good) 2n VtheseV !atters it is Vabsolutely
no goodV de$ending on boo's)N "irst of all she
would not tell !e any !ore& but after a ti!e she told
!e a good deal& es$ecially the na!es of certain $arts&
and about VfertilisationV& and about the !icrosco$ic
baby which really co!es fro! the husband& and not
as .ella and 2 had thought& fro! the wife) And how
one 'nows whether a wo!an is VfruitfulV) That is
really an awful word) 2n fact al!ost e%ery word
has a second !eaning of VthatV sort& and what Dora
says is Muite true& one !ust be fearfully careful when
one is tal'ing) Dora thin's it would be best to !a'e
a list of all such words& but there are such a frightful
lot of the! that one ne%er could) The only thing
one can do is to be awfully carefulS but one soon gets
used to it) till it ha$$ened to Dora the other day
that she said to +)F 2 don't want any VintercourseV)
And that really !eans Nthe ut!ost gifts of lo%e&N so
>ad) told her) -ut +) was so well@!annered that
he did not show that he noticed anythingS and it
did not occur to Dora until afterwards what she had
said) 2t's really awfully stu$id that e%ery ordinary
word should ha%e such a !eaning) 2 shall be so
frightfully careful what 2 say now& so that 2 shan't
use any word with two !eanings) >ad) says it's just
the sa!e in "rench) *e don't 'now whether it is the
sa!e in English and we could ne%er drea! of as'ing
that awful fright& >iss Lundy) +ery li'ely she does
not 'now the first thing about it anyhow) 2 'now a
great deal !ore than .ella now& but 2 can't tell her
because of betraying Dora and >ad) Perha$s 2 can
gi%e her a hint to be !ore careful in what she says&
so as not to use any word with two !eanings) That
is really !y duty as a friend)
>ay 7Brd) 2 Muite forgot) Last wee' ;swald had
his written !atriculation exa!& he wrote a $ostcard
e%ery day and >other was frightfully annoyed because
he !ade such silly jo'es all the ti!e that we could
not really tell how he got on) Dora and 2 are awfully
excited because next >onday we are going to the
aerodo!e with "rau ,ichter and her niece who is
at the conser%atoire) Lieutenant trein: is going to
fly too) ;f course we'll !otor out because the railway
is not con%enient) ;f course +i'tor will be there&
but he is !otoring o%er with so!e other officers) 2t's
a great $ity& for it would ha%e been lo%ely if he'd
been in our car) -y the way& 2 sa%ed the class to@day&
the school ins$ector has been this wee' and exa!ined
our class first in .istory and then in Ger!an& and
2 was the only one who 'new all that "rau Do'tor
>) had told us about the ;rigin of "able) The ins$)
was %ery co!$li!entary and afterwards "rau Do'tor
>) saidF its Muite true one can always de$end u$on
LainerS she's got a trustworthy !e!ory) *hen we
were wal'ing ho!e she was awfully niceF NDo you
'now& Lainer& 2 feel that 2 really !ust as' your
$ardon)N 2 was Muite $u::led and .ella as'edF -ut
whyQ he saidF N2t see!ed to !e this year that you
were not ta'ing Muite so !uch interest in your Ger!an
lessons as you did last yearS but now you'%e
VreinstatedV yourself in !y good o$inion)N Afterwards
.ella saidF 2 say you 'now& "rau Do'tor >) is not
so far wrong when 2 thin' of all that we used to
read last year so that we !ight 'now e%erything when
the lesson ca!e& and when 2 thin' of what we do
this year((( You 'now %ery well@@ @@ @@ @@)
.ella is Muite right& but still one can learn in s$ite
of Vthose thingsV& one can't be ValwaysV tal'ing about
the!) And then it's Muite easy to learn for such an
angel as "rau Do'tor >) .ella says that 2 got as
red as a tur'ey coc' fro! $ride because 2 could say
it all in the %ery words of "rau Do'tor >)& but it
was not so& for first of all 2 was not a bit $uffed u$
about it& and secondly 2 really don't 'now !yself how
2 !anaged to say it all) 2 only felt that "rau Do'tor
>) is so annoyed when no one offers to answer a Muestion&
and so 2 too' it on)
>ay 76th) #onfound it& 2 could sla$ !yself a
hundred ti!es) .ow could 2 be so stu$id( <ow
we're not allowed to go to the aerodo!e) "ather only
let us go because +i'tor is in Lin: and "ather belie%ed
he was going to stay there another fortnight)
And at dinner to@day 2 !ade a sli$ and saidF N2t is
a $ity there's no roo! for fi%e in our car) 2f "raulein
Else were not co!ing Lieutenant ,ichter could co!e
with us)N Dora 'ic'ed !e under the table and 2
tried to bra:en it out& but "ather was so angry and
said) N.ullo& is the flying !an co!ingQ <o& no&
children& nothing doing) 2 shall !a'e your excuses
to "rau ,ichter directly) 2'! not ha%ing any& did
not 2 tell you you weren't to see the fellow any !oreQN
;f course this last was to Dora) Dora did not say
anything but she did not eat any $udding or fruit&
and as soon as we were bac' in our roo! she ga%e
it !e hot& sayingF You did that on $ur$ose& you
little beast& but really you are only a child who! 2
ne%er ought to ha%e trusted& and so on) 2t's really
too bad to say 2 did it Von $ur$oseV& as if 2 en%ied her)
-esides it's bad for !e as well as for her& for 2 li'e
hi! %ery !uch too& for he !a'es no difference between
us and treats !e exactly li'e Dora) ;f course
we are not on s$ea'ing ter!s now& and what infuriated
!e !ore than anything was that she said she
grudged e%ery word she had said to !e in VthisV connectionF
NPearls before wine)N *hat a rude thing to
say) o 2 a! an ) -ut 2 should li'e to 'now who
told !ost) 2 forsoothQ Anyhow 2'! Muite sure that
2 shall ne%er tal' to her again about Vanything of that
sortV) Than' goodness 2 ha%e a friend in .ella)
he would ne%er say or thin' anything of the 'ind
of !e)
>ay 73th) <either of us could slee$ a win' all
nightS Dora cried frightfully& 2 heard her though she
tried to stifle it& and 2 cried too& for 2 was thin'ing
all the ti!e what 2 could do to $re%ent +i'tor fro!
thin'ing un'indly of !e) That would be awful) Then
2 thought of so!ething& and chance or 2 ought to say
luc' hel$ed !e) +i'tor does not wal' to school with
us any longer& because the girls of the "ifth ha%e
seen us se%eral ti!es& but he co!es to !eet Dora
when she co!es away at / o'cloc') o Muite early
2 tele$honed to hi! at a $ublic tele$hone call office&
for 2 did not dare to do it at ho!e) Dora was so
bad that she could not go to school so 2 was going
alone with .ella) 2 tele$honed saying a friend was
ringing hi! u$& that was when the !aid answered
the tele$hone& and then she called hi!) 2 told hi!F
that whate%er ha$$ened he was not to thin' un'indly
of !e and 2 !ust see hi! at / o'cloc' because Dora
was ill) .e !ust wait at the corner of @@@@ treet)
All through lessons 2 was so u$set that 2 don't in the
least 'now what we did) And at / o'cloc' he was
there all right& and 2 told hi! all about it and he
was so awfully 'ind and he consoled !eS VheV consoled
V!eV) That's Muite different fro! the way Dora
beha%ed) 2 was so !uch u$set that 2 nearly cried&
and then he drew !e into a doorway and V$ut his ar!
round !eV and with his VownV hand'erchief wi$ed away
!y tears) 2 shall ne%er tell Dora about that) Then
he as'ed !e to be awfully 'ind to Dora because she
had such a VlotV to bear) 2 don't really 'now VwhatV she
has to bear& but still& for his sa'e& because it's really
worth doing it for that& after dinner 2 $ut a note
u$on her des'& sayingF +) sends oceans of lo%e to
you and ho$es you will be all right again by >onday)
At the sa!e ti!e his best than's for the boo') 2
$ut the note in .eide$eter's Gabriel& which she had
lent to !e to read and $ut it down %ery significantly)
*hen she read it she flushed u$& swallowed a few
ti!es and saidF N.a%e you seen hi!Q *here was
it and whenQN Then 2 told her all about it and she
was frightfully touched and saidF NYou really are
a good girl& only frightfully unde$endable)N *hat
do you !ean& unde$endableQ he saidF Yes unde$endable&
for one si!$ly !ust not blurt out things
in that wayS ne%er !ind& 2 will try to forget) .a%e
you finished .eide$eter's Gabriel yetQ N<o&N 2 said&
N2'! not going to read anyone's boo' with who!
2'! angry)N 2n the end we !ade it u$& but of course
we did not tal' any !ore about it and 2 did not say
a word about that business with the hand'erchief)
>ay 70th) ;n Rune /9th or /7th& >other and
Dora are going to "ra:ensbad& because they both ha%e
to ta'e !ud baths) -esides& "ather says that a
change will gi%e Dora new thoughts& so that she
won't go about hanging her head li'e a sic' chic'en)
To@day Dora told !e so!ething %ery interesting)
=n!arried !en ha%e little boo's and with these they
can go to %isit wo!en Nof a certain 'indN in Graben
and in the ?arntnerstrasse) There& Dora says& they
ha%e to $ay /9 florins or /9 crowns) 2n Dora's class
there is a girl whose father is $olice surgeon& and
they ha%e all to be exa!ined e%ery !onth to see if
they are healthy& and if not they can't %isit these
Nladies&N and that's why the Preusses can ne%er 'ee$
a ser%ant) 2n !y bath yesterday 2 noticed that 2 had
a certain line& so 2 !ust be fr@@) -ut 2 shan't ha%e
!ore than / or 7 children at !ost for the line is %ery
faint) *hen 2'! studying 2 often thin' of such
things& and then 2 read a whole $age and turn o%er
and ha%e not the re!otest idea what 2'%e been reading)
2t's %ery tireso!e& for soon the other school ins$)
for !aths) and the other subjects is co!ing& and 2
should not li'e to !a'e a fool of !yselfS es$ecially
not because $erha$s the ins$ectors tal' us o%er with
one another about who is cle%er and who stu$id)
>ay B9th) The concert was glorious) *hen 2
hear such grand !usic 2 always ha%e to 'ee$ !yself
well in hand for 2 fear 2 should cry) 2t's %ery stu$id&
of course& but at such ti!es 2 can only thin' of sad
things& e%en if it's just a s!all $iece) Dora can $lay
-rah!s' .ungarian Dances& too& but that ne%er !a'es
!e want to cry) 2 only get annoyed because 2 can't
$lay the! !yself) 2 could all right& but 2 ha%e not
got $atience to $ractice long enough) 2 ne%er tell
anyone that 2 want to cry when 2 a! listening to
!usic& not e%en .ella& though 2 tell her e%erything&
exce$t of course about >ad) Yesterday 2 !ade a
fool of !yselfS at least so Dora says) 2 don't 'now
how it ha$$ened& we were tal'ing about boo's at
su$$er& and 2 saidF N*hat's the use of boo's& one
can't learn anything out of the!S e%erything is Muite
different fro! what they say in boo's)N Then "ather
got in a wax and saidF NYou little duffer& you can
than' your stars there are boo's fro! which you can
learn so!ething) Anyone who can't understand a
boo' always says it is no good)N Dora ga%e !e a
loo'& but 2 didn't 'now what she !eant& and 2 went
onF NYes& but there's an awful lot that the encyclo$edia
$uts all wrong)N N*hat ha%e you been ferreting
in the encyclo$edia forS we shall ha%e to 'ee$ the 'ey
of the boo'case in a safer $lace)N Than' goodness
Dora ca!e to !y hel$ and saidF NGretel wanted to
loo' u$ so!ething about the age of ele$hants and
!a!!oths& but it's Muite different in the encyclo$edia
fro! what Prof) ,igl told her last year)N 2 was
sa%ed) Dora can act s$lendidlyS 2'%e noticed it before)
2n the e%ening she rowed !e& and saidF NYou
little goose& will you ne%er learn cautionS first that
stu$idity about +i'tor and to@day this new blunder(
2'%e hel$ed you out of a hole once but 2 shan't do
it again)N And then she s$ent all the ti!e writing
a letter& to hi! of course@@( .ella and 2 ha%e just
been reading a lot of things in the encycl)& about V-irthV
and VPregnancyV& and 2 on !y own about abor@@S we
ca!e across the words E!byro and "oetus& and 2 said
nothing at the ti!e but tied 7 'nots in !y hand'erchief
to re!ind !e& and yesterday 2 loo'ed the! u$)
>ad) need not be anxious e%en if she VreallyV did get
li'e that) -ut e%ery doctor 'nows about it and one
often dies of it) 2 wonder if >ad) 'nows anything
about it) *e were tal'ing about the VdifferencesV between
!en and wo!en& and it ca!e out that when
.ella has her bath she is still washed by Anna who
has been with the! for /7 years) <othing would
induce !e to allow that& 2 would not let anyone wash
!e& exce$t >otherS certainly not Dora& for 2 don't
want her to 'now what V2V loo' li'e) The nurse in
the hos$) told .ella that she is de%elo$ed just li'e
a little ny!$h& so lo%ely and sy!etrical) .ella says
that is nothing unusual& that e%ery girl loo's li'e
that& that the fe!ale body is V<ature's *or' of ArtV)
;f course she's read that so!ewhere& for it does not
really !ean anything) V<ature'sV wor' of artS it
ought to beF a wor' of art !ade by husband and
wife(((
>ay B9th) Dora and >other are going to "ran:ensbad
on Rune 3th& directly after *hitsuntide) Dora
has got another new coat and s'irt& grey with blue
stri$esS yesterday our white straw hats ca!e& it suits
!e %ery well says .ella and e%eryone& with white
ribbons and wild roses) There !ight ha%e been a
fearful row about what's just ha$$ened) *hen 2
went to tele$hone 2 had !y #hrist!as u!brella with
the rose@Muart: handle and 2 left it in the tele$hone
boxS the girl in the tobacco sho$ found it there& and
as she 'nows !e she brought it here and ga%e it to
the $orter who brought it u$stairs) Than' goodness
it occurred to !e at once to say that 2 went into the
tobacco sho$ to buy sta!$s and 2 !ust ha%e left it in
the Vsho$V) <o one noticed anything)
>ay B/st) They wanted !e to go and stay with
.ella for the !onth when >other and Dora are
away) 2t would be awfully nice& but 2'! not going
to& for 2 want to stay with "ather) *hat would he
do all alone at !eal ti!es& and who! would he ha%e
to tal' to in the e%eningsQ "ather was really Muite
touched when 2 said this and he stro'ed !y hair as
he can and no one else& not e%en >other) o 2'!
going to stay at ho!e whate%er ha$$ens) "lowers
are %ery chea$ now& so 2 shall $ut VdifferentV flowers
on the table e%ery day& 2 shall go to the >ar'et e%ery
day to buy a little $osy& so that they can always be
fresh) 2t would be stu$id for !e to go to the -rs)&
why should 2& ,esi has been with us for such a long
ti!e& she 'nows how to do e%erything e%en if >other
is not there and e%erything else 2 can arrange) "ather
won't want for anything)
Rune /st) *e'%e had such an ex$erience to@day(
2t's awfulS it's Muite true then that one ta'es off
Ve%ery stitchV when one is !adly fond of anyone) 2
ne%er really belie%ed it& and 2'! sure Dora did not&
although >ad) hinted it to herS but Vit's trueV) *e'%e
seen it Vwith our own eyesV) 2 was just sitting and
reading tor!'s The ,ider of the Grey .orse and
Dora was arranging so!e writing $a$er to ta'e to
"ran:ensbad when ,esi ca!e and saidF "raulein
Dora& $lease co!e here a !o!ent& 2 want you to
loo' at so!ething( "ro! the tone of her %oice 2
saw there was so!ething u$ so 2 went too) At first
,esi would not say what it was but Dora was generous
and saidF N2t's all right& you can say Ve%erythingV
before her)N Then we went into ,esi's roo! and
fro! behind the curtain $ee$ed into the !e::anin)
A young V!arried cou$leV li%e there((( At least ,esi
says $eo$le say they are VnotV really !arried& but si!$ly
li%e together(((( And what we saw was awful) he
was absolutely na'ed lying in bed without any of the
clothes on& and he was 'neeling by the bedside Muite
n@@ too& and he 'issed her all o%er& Ve%erywhere(((V
Dora said afterwards it !ade her feel Muite sic')
And then he stood u$@@no& 2 can't write it& it's
too awful& 2 shall ne%er forget it) o Vthat'sV the way
of it& it's si!$ly frightful) 2 could ne%er ha%e belie%ed
it) Dora went as white as a sheet and tre!bled
so that ,esi was terribly frightened) 2 nearly cried
with horror& and yet 2 could not hel$ laughing too)
2 was really afraid he would stifle her because he's
so big and she's so s!all) And ,esi says he is certainly
!uch too big for her& and that he nearly tears
her) 2 don't 'now why he should tear her but certainly
he !ight ha%e crushed her) Dora was so
terrified she had to sit down and ,esi hurried to get
her a glass of water& because she belie%ed she was
going to faint) 2 had not i!agined it was anything
li'e VthatV& and Dora certainly had not either) ;r she
would ne%er ha%e tre!bled so) till 2 really don't
see why she should tre!ble li'e that) There is no
reason to be frightened& one si!$ly need not !arry&
and then one need ne%er stri$ off e%ery stitch& and
oh dear& $oor >ade!oiselle who is so s!all and the
lieutenant is %ery tall) -ut just thin' if anyone
is as fat as .err ,ichter or our landlord) ;f course
.err ,ichter is at least 69& but last Ranuary the
landlord had another little girl& so so!ething V!ust
ha%e ha$$enedV) <o& 2'! sure it's best not to !arry&
for VitV is really too awful) *e did not loo' any !ore
for then ca!e the worst& suddenly Dora began to
be actually sic'& so that she could hardly get bac'
to our roo!) 2f she had not been able to& e%erything
would ha%e co!e out) >other sent for the doctor
directly and he said that Dora was %ery !uch o%erwor'edS
that it was a good thing she was going away
fro! +ienna in a few days) <o girl ought to study&
it does not $ay) Then he said to !eF NYou don't
loo' u$ to !uch either) *hat are you so hollow@
eyed forQN N2'! so frightened about Dora&N 2 said)
N"iddlededee&N said the doctor& Nthat does not gi%e
anyone blac' rings round the eyes)N o it !ust be
true that one gets to loo' ill when one always has
to thin' about VsuchV things) -ut how can one hel$
it& and .ella saysF 2t's awfully interesting to ha%e
blac' rings under the eyes and !en Vli'eV it)
*e were going to !a'e an excursion to@!orrow to
?ahlenberg and .er!anns'ogel& but $robably it
won't co!e off) 2ts // already and 2'! fearfully
tired fro! writing so !uchS 2 !ust go to bed) 2 do
ho$e 2 hall be able to slee$& but@@ @@ @@ @@
Rune Brd) "ather too' .ella and !e to ?ahlenbergS
we enjoyed oursel%es tre!endously) After
dinner& when "ather was reading the $a$er in the
hotel& we went to $ic' flowers& and 2 told .ella all
about what we'd seen on "riday) he was si!$ly
s$eechless& all the !ore since she had ne%er heard
what >ad) told us about ta'ing off e%erything) he
won't !arry either& for it's too disagreeable& indeed
too horrid)@@The doctor said tooF This $er$etual
learning is $oisonous for young girls Vin the years of
de%elo$!entV) 2f he only 'new VwhatV we had seen)
.ella is frightfully annoyed that she was not there)
he can be jolly glad& 2 don't want to see it a second
ti!e& and 2 shall ne%er forget it all !y life longS
what 2 saw at the front door was nothing to this)
Then .ella went on !a'ing jo'es and saidF N2 say&
just thin' if it had been +i'tor)N N;h& do shut u$&N
2 screa!ed& and "ather thought we were Muarrelling
and called outF NYou two see! to be ha%ing a dis$ute
in the grand style)N 2f he'd only 'nown what
we were tal'ing about((( ;swald has been ho!e
since "riday e%eningS he did not arri%e till half $ast
/9) -ut he did not co!e on the excursion with us
yesterday& although "ather would ha%e li'ed hi! toS
he said he would find it !uch too dull to s$end the
day with two Nfla$$ersSN that !eans that we're not
grown u$ enough for hi! and is a $iece of infernal
chee' es$ecially as regards .ella) he says she will
si!$ly ignore hi! in future) ince 2 a! his sister
2 can't %ery well do that& but 2 shan't fetch and carry
for hi! as he would li'e !e to) .e's no right to
insult e%en his sister)
Dora has just said to !eF 2t's horrible that one
has to endure that Gyou 'now what((( @@ @@ @@ @@H
when one is !arried) ,esi had told her about those
two before& and that only the Rews do it just li'e
VthatV) he said that other $eo$le did not stri$ Muite
na'ed and that $erha$s it's different in so!e other
ways(( @@ @@ @@ -ut >ad) i!$lied that it was just
VthatV way& only she did not say anything about the
crushingS but 2 su$$ose that's because of the cruelty
of the Rews@@ @@ @@) 2'! afraid e%ery night that
2'! going to drea! about it& and Dora has drea!ed
about it already) he says that whene%er she closes
her eyes she sees it all as if it were actually before
her)
Rune Jth) *e understand now VwhatV "ather !eant
the other day when he was s$ea'ing about Dr) Diller
and his wife and saidF N-ut they don't suit one
another at all)N 2 thought at the ti!e he only !eant
that it loo's so absurd for so tiny a wo!an to go
about with a big strong !an) -ut that's only a
!inor thingS the !ain $oint is so!ething Muite
different(((( .ella and 2 loo' at all cou$les now
who go by ar! in ar!& thin'ing about the! fro!
VthatV $oint of %iew& and it a!uses us so !uch as we
are going ho!e that we can hardly 'ee$ fro! laughing)
-ut really it's no laughing !atter& es$ecially for the
wo!an)
Rune 6th) This !orning >other too' Dora with
her to $ay a farewell call at the ,ichter's) -ut there
was no one at ho!e& that is "rau ,) was certainly
at ho!e& but said she was not because they are %ery
!uch offended with "ather) 2n the afternoon Dora
and 2 had a lot of things to get& and we !et +i'tor&
by arrange!ent of course) Dora cried a lotS they
went into the >inorite church while 2 went for a wal'
in ?ohl!ar't and .errengasse) .e is going to
A!erica in the beginning of Ruly& before Dora co!es
ho!e) .e has gi%en her so!e exMuisite note$a$er
sta!$ed with his regi!ental ar!s& s$ecially for her
to write to hi! on& and a loc'et with his $ortrait)
To@!orrow she is going to send hi! her $hoto&
through !e& 2 shall be awfully glad to ta'e it) Dora
has been !uch nicer to !e lately)
Rune 3th) >other and Dora left early this !orning)
>other has ne%er gone away fro! us before for
long at a ti!e& so 2 cried a lot and so did she) Dora
cried too& but 2 'now on whose account) "ather and
2 are alone now) At dinner he said to !eF N>y
little housewife)N 2t was so lo%ely) -ut it's frightfully
Muiet in the house& for 7 $eo$le don't tal' so
!uch as J) 2t !ade !e feel Muite unco!fortable)
To@day 2 tal'ed se%eral things o%er with ,esi) *hat
2 thin' worst of all is that one saw the whole of his
behind& it was really disgusting) Dora said the other
day she thought it was $ositi%ely infa!ous) ,esi
said they !ight at least ha%e $ulled down the blind
so that nobody could see in& that's what res$ectable
$eo$le would do) -ut Vres$ectableV $eo$le si!$ly
would not stri$& or at least they'd co%er the!sel%es
res$ectably with the bedclothes) Then ,esi told !e
so!e !ore about the ban' cler' and his wife& that is
VnotV@wife) he does not 'now if her $arents 'now
about it& and what excuse she !a'es for not li%ing
at ho!e) he is not a Rewess& though he is a Rew)
,esi absolutely curled u$ with laughing because 2
saidF Ah& that is why he insists that they shall VbothV
stri$ though ordinarily only the wife has to stri$)N
-ut she herself said a little while ago that only Rews
do it Vthat wayV& and to@day she laughed as if 2 were
tal'ing utter nonsense) ,eally she does not 'now
exactly herself& and she cloa's it with laughter because
she's annoyed& first because VsheV does not 'now& and
then also 2'! sure because she really began to tal'
about the !atter) ;ne thing that $u::les !e is that
2 ne%er drea! about VitV) 2 should li'e to 'now whether
$erha$s Dora ne%er really drea!ed of it& though she
$retended she did) As for .ella saying she drea!ed
of it the day before yesterday& 2'! sure that was $ure
in%ention& for she was not there at all) he says it's
a good thing she was not for if she had been she
would ha%e burst out laughing) -ut 2 fancy if she'd
seen what we saw she would ha%e found there was
nothing to laugh at)
Rune 1th) 2t's frightfully dull after dinner and
in the e%ening before bed ti!e& es$ecially because
this year& since the affair at the front door& Dora
and 2 ha%e always had $lenty to tal' about) 2 !iss
it) 2 wish .ella would co!e and stay with us for
the J wee's) -ut she does not want to) "ather
had wor' to do to@day& so 2'! Muite alone and feel as
if 2'd li'e to cry)
Rune 0th) Yesterday& when 2 was feeling so !elancholy&
,esi ca!e to !a'e !y bed& and we tal'ed
about the !arried cou$le o$$osite& and then she told
!e awful things about a young !arried cou$le where
she was once) he left because they always went
into the bath togetherS she says she's certain that
Vso!ething ha$$enedV there) And then she told !e
about an old gentle!an who !ade Vad%ancesV to herS
but of course she would not ha%e anything to do
with hi!S besides he was !arried& and anyhow he
would ne%er ha%e !arried a ser%ant for he was a
$ri%y councillor) Yesterday "ather saidF Poor little
witch& it's %ery lonely for you nowS but loo' here&
,esi is no fit co!$any for youS when your little
tongue wants to wag& co!e to !y roo!) And 2 was
awfully stu$id& 2 began to cry li'e anything and
said) N"ather& $lease don't be angry& 2'll ne%er thin'
and ne%er tal' of such things any !ore)N "ather
did not 'now at first what 2 !eant& but afterwards
it !ust ha%e struc' hi!& for he was so 'ind and gentle&
and saidF N<o& no& Gretel& don't corru$t your youth
with such !atters& and when there's anything that
bothers you& as' >other& but not the ser%ants) A girl
of good fa!ily !ust not be too fa!iliar with ser%ants)
Pro!ise !e)N And then& though 2'! so big he too'
!e on his 'nee li'e a child and $etted !e because 2
was crying so) N2t's all right& little >ouse& don't
worry& you !ust not get so ner%ous as Dora) Gi%e
!e a nice 'iss& and then 2'll co!e with you to your
roo! and stay with you till you go to slee$) ;f
course 2 stayed awa'e on $ur$ose as long as 2 could&
till a Muarter to //)
And then 2 drea!ed that "ather was lying in Dora's
bed so that when 2 wo'e u$ early in the !orning 2
really loo'ed across to see if he had not gone to bed
there) -ut of course 2'd only drea!ed it)
Rune /7th) To@!orrow there's a great school excursionS
2 a! so glad& a whole day with "rau Do'tor
>) and without any lessons) *e are going u$ Eisernes
Tor) Last year there was no outing& because the
"ourth did not want to go to the Anninger& but to
the .ochschneeberg& and the .ead did not want to
go there)
Rune /Bth) *e had a lo%ely outing) .ella and
2 s$ent the whole day with "rau Do'tor >)S in the
afternoon "ran'e saidF 2 say& why do you stic' to
"rau Do'tor li'e thatQ ;ne can't get a word with
you) o then we went for a good wal' through the
forest with "ran'e and she told us about a student
who is in the Eighth now and who is !adly in lo%e
with her) "or all students are in lo%e with her& Vso
she saysV) *e were not !uch interested in that& but
then she told us that "rau Do'tor >) is secretly
engaged to a $rofessor in Lei$:ig or so!e other town
in Ger!any) .er cousin is "rau Do'tor's dress!a'er&
and she is Muite certain of it) .er $arents
are o$$osed to it because he is a VRewV but they are
frantically in lo%e with one another and they intend
to !arry) And then we as'ed "ran'e& since she is
a Rewess too whether it was all true what >ali& who
was here when ,esi was in hos$ital& had told us
about the Rews) And "ran'e saidF ;h yes& it is true
2 can confir! it in e%ery $oint) -ut it's not so bad
about the cruelty& e%ery !an is cruel& es$ecially in
this !atter)N <o doubt she's right& but it's horrible
to thin' that our lo%ely and refined "rau Do'tor >
is going to ha%e a cruel husband) .ella says that if
VsheV is satisfied& 2 don't need to get excited about it)
-ut $erha$s she does not 'now that@@ @@ @@) *hen
we ca!e out of the wood the .err ,eligions$rofessor
who is awfully fond of "rau Do'tor >) called outF
N"rau Do'tor& you ha%e lost your two satellites(N
And e%erybody laughed because we'd co!e bac')
"ather ca!e to fetch .ella and !e& and since it was
nearly // o'cloc' .ella stayed the night with us) 2t
was awfully nice& but at the sa!e ti!e 2 was sorry
because 2 could not ha%e any !ore tal' with "ather)
*hen we were getting u$ in the !orning we s$lashed
one another and $layed the fool generally& so that
we were nearly late for school) The staff was still
in high s$irits& including Professor *il'e& about
who! we had not bothered oursel%es all dayS that is
he did not co!e until the afternoon when he ca!e to
!eet us on our way) *e belie%e he is in lo%e with
"rau Do'tor >) too& for he went about with her all
the ti!e& and it was $robably on her account that
he ca!e) <one of the other $rofessors were there&
for they were all ta'ing their classes in the different
Gy!nasiu!s)
Rune /Jth) 2 a! so excited) *e were going to
school to@day at 0 and suddenly we heard a tre!endous
rattling with a swordS that is .ella heard it&
for she always notices that sort of thing before 2 do&
and she saidF N.ullo& that's an o@@ in a frightful
hurry& and loo'ed roundS N2 say& there's +i'tor behind
usN and he really was& he was saluting us and
he saidF "raulein ,ita& can you gi%e !e a !o!entS
you'll excuse !e won't you& "raulein .ellaQ .e
always calls !e ,ita& and it shows what a nice refined
'ind of a !an he is that he should 'now !y friend's
na!e) .ella said directlyF NDon't !ention it& .err
;berleutenant& don't let !e be in your way if it's
anything i!$ortant&N and she went o%er to the other
side of the street) .e loo'ed after her and saidF
N*hat a lo%ely& well@!annered young lady your
friend is)N Then he ca!e bac' to the !ain $oint
.e has already had 7 letters fro! Dora& but not an
answer to his letter& because she can't fetch it fro!
the $ost office& V$oste restanteV) Then he i!$lored !e
to enclose a letter fro! hi! in !ine to Dora) -ut
since >other naturally reads !y letters& 2 told hi!
it was not so si!$le as all thatS but 2 'new of a
s$lendid way out of the difficultyS 2 would write to
>other and Dora Vat the sa!e ti!eV& so that Dora
could get hold of Vhis letterV while >other was not
noticing) +i'tor was awfully $leased and saidF
You're a genius and a first@class little sche!er& and
'issed !y hand) till& he !ight ha%e left out the
Nlittle)N 2f one's is so VlittleV& one can't %ery well be a
sche!er) "ro! the other side of the street .ella
saw hi! 'iss !y hand) he says 2 did not try to draw
it away& but held it out to hi! li'e a grand lady and
e%en dro$$ed it at the wrist) he says we girls of
good fa!ily do that sort of thing by instinct) 2t !ay
be so& for 2 certainly did not do it intentionally)
2n the afternoon 2 wrote the two letters& just the
ordinary one to >other and a short one to Dora
with the enclosure& and too' it to the $ost V!yselfV)
Rune /3th) 2'%e already got so used to being alone
with "ather that 2 ta'e it as a !atter of course) *e
often dri%e in the Prater& or go in the e%ening to ha%e
su$$er in one of the $ar's& and of course .ella co!es
with us) 2 a! frightfully excited to 'now what Dora
will write) 2 forgot to write in !y diary the other
day that 2 as'ed +i'tor if he was really going to
<ew Yor') .e said he had no idea of doing anything
of the 'ind& that had only been a false alar!
on the $art of the ;ld >an) That's what he calls
his father) 2 don't thin' it's %ery nice of hi!& a
little %ulgar& and $erha$s that is why "ather can't
stand hi!) 2n fact "ather does not li'e any officers
%ery !uch& exce$t .ella's father& but then he's fairly
old already) 2 say& .ella !ustn't read that& it would
$ut her in an awful waxS but her father really is at
least J or 6 years older than "ather)
Rune /1th) "rau Do'tor >) is ill& but we don't
'now what's the !atter with her) *e were all
frightfuly dull at school) The head too' her classes
and we were left to oursel%es in the inter%al) 2 do ho$e
she has not got a$$endicitis& that would be awful)
Rune /Ath) VheV isn't bac' yet) "rau Do'tor
teiner says she has %ery bad tonsillitis and won't
be able to co!e for at least a wee')
Rune /0th) There was a letter fro! Dora to@day)
2'! furious) <ot a word about !y sisterly affection&
but onlyF N>any than's for your trouble)N 2t's
really too badS VheV is Muite different(( 2 shan't forget
this in a hurry) .ella says that she only hinted
at it li'e that to be on the safe side) -ut it's not
true& for she 'nows V$erfectly wellV that "ather ne%er
reads our letters) he si!$ly ta'es it as a !atter of
course) Yesterday was the first ti!e 2 stayed away
fro! school since 2 went to the .igh chool) Early
in the !orning 2 had such a bad sore throat and a
headache& so "ather would not let !e go) 2 got better
as the day went on& but this !orning 2 was worse
again) >ost li'ely 2 shall ha%e to stay at ho!e for
7 or B days) "ather wanted to send for the doctor&
but it really was not necessary)
Rune 79th) *hen ,esi was doing our roo! to day
she wanted to begin tal'ing once !ore about V%arious
thingsV& but 2 said 2 did not $articularly care to hear
about such !atters& and then she i!$lored !e ne%er
to tell >other and "ather anything about what she
had said to us about the young !arried cou$leS she
said she would lose her $lace and she would be awfully
sorry to do that)
Rune 7/st) >y 'nees are still tre!blingS there
!ight ha%e been a frightful rowS luc'ily "ather was
out) At half $ast 3& when .ella and 2 were ha%ing a
tal'& the tele$hone bell rang) Luc'ily ,esi had gone
out too to fetch so!ething so 2 answered the tele$hone&
and it was +i'tor( N2 !ust see you to@!orrow
!orning early or at / o'cloc'S 2 waited for you Vin
%ainV at / to@day)N ;f course& for 2 was still ill& that
is still a! ill) -ut well or ill 2 !ust go to school
to@!orrow) 2f "ather had been at ho!eS or e%en
,esi& she !ight ha%e noticed so!ething) 2t would
ha%e been %ery disagreeable if 2 had had to as' her
not to gi%e !e away) .ella was frightfully chee'y&
she too' the recei%er out of !y hand and saidF
NPlease don't do this again& it's frightfully ris'y for
!y friend)N 2 was rather annoyed with her& but .ella
said he certainly deser%ed a lecture)
To@!orrow we are going to a concert and 2 shall
wear !y new white dress) 2t does loo' rather nice
after all for sisters to be dressed ali'e) 2'%e ta'en
to wearing snails&N4B8 "ather calls the! Ncow@$atsSN
but e%eryone else says it's exceedingly beco!ing)
4B8 "lat rolls of hair@$lait co%ering the ears)@@Translators'
<ote)
Rune 77nd) .e was awfully char!ing when he
ca!e u$ to us and saidF N#an a re$entant sinner
be recei%ed bac' into graceQN And he ga%e each of
us a lo%ely rose) Then he handed !e a letter and
saidF N2 don't thin' we need !a'e any secret before
your energetic friend)N ,eally 2 did not want to
forward any !ore letters but 2 did not 'now how
to say so without offending hi!& for Dora's chee'
is not his fault& and 2 did not want to say anything
to@day& / because of the roses& and 7 because .ella
was there) There can't be !ore than 7 or B ti!es
!ore& so 2 shan't bother) -ut VDoraV doesn't deser%e
it& really) "ran'e is a %ulgar girl) he saw us together
the other day& and the next day she as'edF
*here did you $ic' u$ that handso!e son of >arsQ
.ella retortedF NDon't use such co!!on ex$ressions
when you are s$ea'ing of ,ita's cousin)N N;h& a
cousin& that's why he 'isses her hand 2 su$$oseQN
ince then we only s$ea' to "ran'e when we are
$ositi%ely obliged) <ot to s$ea' to her at all would
be too dangerous& you ne%er can tellS but if we s$ea'
only a little& she can't ta'e offence)
Rune 7Brd) The school ins$) ca!e yesterday& the
old one who always co!es for >aths) .e is so 'ind
and gentle that all the girls can answer e%erythingS
we li'e hi! better than the one who co!es for
languages) +erbenowitsch was awfully $uffed u$
because he $raised her) Good Lord& 2'%e been $raised
often enough& but that does not !a'e V!eV conceited)
Anyhow he did not call on !e yesterday because 2'd
been absent J days) "rau Do'tor >) ca!e bac'
to@day) he loo's awfully $ale and wretched& 2 don't
'now whyS it's such a $ity that she does not let us
wal' ho!e with her& exce$t last year when there was
all that fuss about "raulein t)'s bead bag) he bows
to us all %ery $olitely when we salute her& but she
won't wal' with any of the $u$ils& though +erbenowitsch
is horribly $ushing and is always hanging
about on the chance)
Rune 73th) 2t's really stu$id how anxious 2 a!
now at #o!!union lest the host should dro$ out of
!y !outh) 2 was so anxious 2 was %ery nearly sic')
.ella says there !ust be so!e reason for it& but 2
don't 'now of any& exce$t that the accident which that
girl Lutter in the Third had !ade !e e%en !ore
anxious that 2 was before) .ella says 2'd better turn
Protestant& but nothing would induce !e to do thatS
for after #o!) one feels so $ure and so !uch better
than one was before) -ut 2'! sorry to say it does not
last so long as it ought to)
Rune 71th) >other is VreallyV ill) "ather told !e
about it) .e was awfully nice and saidF 2f only
your >other is s$ared to us) he is far fro! well)
Then 2 as'edF "ather& what is really wrong with
>otherQ And "ather saidF N*ell& dear& it's a hidden
trouble& which has really been going on for a long
ti!e and has now suddenly bro'en out)N N*ill she
ha%e to ha%e an o$erationQN N*e ho$e we shall be
able to a%oid that) -ut it's a terrible thing that
>other should be so ill)N "ather loo'ed so !iserable
when he said this that 2 did !y best to console hi!
and saidF -ut VsurelyV the !ud baths will !a'e her all
right& or why should she ta'e the!QN And "ather
saidF N*ell& darling& we'll ho$e for the best)N *e
went on tal'ing for a long ti!e& saying that >other
!ust ta'e all $ossible care of herself& and that $erha$s
in the autu!n Aunt Dora would co!e here to
'ee$ house) 2 as'ed "ather& N2s it true that you don't
li'e Aunt DoraQN "ather saidF N<ot a bit of it&
what $ut that idea into your headQN o 2 saidF
N-ut you do li'e >other !uch better& don't youQN
"ather laughed and saidF NYou little goose& of course
2 do& or 2 should ha%e !arried Aunt Dora and not
>other)N 2 should ha%e li'ed awfully to as' "ather
a lot !ore& but 2 did not dare) 2 really do !iss
Dora& es$ecially in the e%enings)
Ruly 7nd) 2 was in a tre!endous rage at school
to@day) Professor *)& the traitor& did not co!e
because he had confession and co!!union in the
Gy!nasiu!& and the !atron did not 'now anything
about the subject so there was no one to ta'e his
class) Then the .err ,eligions$rofessor too' it& he
had co!e earlier than usual to write u$ the re$orts)
-ut since the Rewish girls were there too& of course
there was no religion lesson) -ut the .) ,el) Prof)
had a chat with us) .e as'ed each of us where we
were going to s$end the su!!er& and when 2 said 2
was going to ,odaun& *einberger saidF 2 say& VonlyV
to ,odaun( and se%eral of the other girls chi!ed inF
V;nlyV to ,odaunS why that's only a dri%e on the stea!
tra!) 2 was frightfully annoyed& for we generally
go to Tyrol or tyriaS 2 said so directly& and then
"ran'e saidF Last year too& 2 thin'& you went so!ewhere
Muite close to +ienna& where was it& .ain@@&
and then she sto$$ed and !ade as if she had ne%er
heard of .ainfeld) ;f course that was all $ut on&
but she's %ery angry because we won't s$ea' to her
since that business about the Vcousin(V -ut now 2 was
to learn what true friendshi$ is) *hile 2 was getting
still !ore angry& .ella saidF ,ita's >other is now in
V"ran:ensbad& the world@fa!ous health resortVS she is
ill& and Prof) ch) has to go and see her at least once
a wee') The .err ,el) Prof) was awfully nice and
saidF ,odaun is a lo%ely $lace) The air there is
%ery fine and will certainly do your >other a lot of
good) That's the chief thing& isn't it childrenQ 2
ho$e that God will s$are all your $arents for !any
years) *hen the .err ,el) Prof) said that& La!$el&
whose >other died last winter& burst out crying& and
2 cried too& for 2 thought of !y tal' with "ather)
*einberger and "ran'e thought 2 was crying because
2 was annoyed because we were only going to ,odaun)
2n the inter%al "ran'e saidF After all& there's no
har! in going to ,odaun& that's no reason for crying)
-ut .ella saidF NExcuse !e& the Lainers can go
anywhere they $lease& they are so well off that !any
$eo$le !ight en%y the!) -esides& her >other and her
sister are in "ran:ensbad now& where e%erything is
frightfully ex$ensi%e& and in ,odaun they ha%e rented
a house all for the!sel%es) ,ita is crying because she
is anxious about her >other& not because of anything
you said)N ;f course we don't s$ea' a word to "ran'e
now) >other does not want us to anyhow& she did
not li'e her at all when she !et her last year) >other
has a fine instinct in such !atters)
Ruly 3th) *e bro'e u$ to@day) 2 ha%e nothing but
+ery Goods& exce$t of course in @@@@ <atural .istory(
That was to be ex$ected) *hat @@ @@ G2 can't bring
!yself to write the na!eH said was $erfectly right)
<early all the girls who were still there brought "rau
Do'tor >) and "rau Do'tor t) flowers as farewell
to'ens) This ti!e& .ella and 2 were allowed to go
with "rau Do'tor >) to the !etro$olitan) *hen we
'iss her hand she always blushes& and we lo%e doing
it) This su!!er holidays she is going to @@ @@ @@
VGer!anyV& of courseS really .ella need not ha%e as'edS
it's ob%ious(((
Ruly Ath) >other and Dora are co!ing ho!e today)
*e are going to !eet the! at the station) -y
the way& 2'd Muite forgotten) The other day "ather
hid a new 6 crown $iece in !y table na$'in& and
when 2 lifted u$ !y table na$'in it fell out& and
"ather saidF 2n $art $ay!ent of your outlay on
flowers for the table) "ather is such a darling& the
flowers did not cost anything li'e 6 crowns& B at !ost&
for though they were lo%ely ones& 2 only bought fresh
ones e%ery other day) <ow 2 shall be able to buy
>other lots of roses& and 2 shall either ta'e the! to
the station or $ut the! on her table) ;n the one
hand 2'! awfully glad >other is co!ing ho!e& but
on the other hand 2 did li'e being alone with "ather
for he always tal'ed to !e about e%erything just as
he does to >otherS that will co!e to an end now)
Ruly /9th) >other and Dora loo' s$lendidS 2'!
es$ecially glad about >otherS for one can see that
she is Muite well again) 2f we had not ta'en the
house in ,odaun& we !ight just as well go to Tyrol&
for one can't deny it would be !uch nicer) Dora
loo's Muite a stranger) 2t's absurd& for one can't
alter in / !onth& still& she really loo's Muite differentS
she does her hair differently& $arted o%er the ears)
2 ha%e had no chance yet to say anything about the
Ntrouble&N and she has not alluded to it) 2n the
autu!n she will ha%e to ha%e a s$ecial exa!) for
the ixth because she went away a !onth before the
end of ter!) "ather says that is only $ro for!a
and that she !ust not ta'e any lesson boo's to the
country) .ella went away yesterday& she and her
>other and Li::i are going first to Gastein and then
to stay with their uncle in .ungary) Life is dull
without .ella& !uch worse than without DoraS without
her 2 was si!$ly bored so!eti!es in the e%ening&
at bedti!e) Dora gi%es it out that in "ran:ensbad
$eo$le treated her as a grown@u$ lady) 2'! sure
that's not true for anyone can see that she's a long
way fro! being a grown@u$ lady yet)
Ruly //th) 2 can't thin' what's ha$$ened to Dora)
*hen she goes out she goes alone) he doesn't tell
!e when she is going or where& and she hasn't said
a word about +i'tor) -ut he !ust 'now that she is
bac') To@!orrow we are going to ,odaun& by train
of course& not by the stea! tra!) The day after
to@!orrow& the /Bth& ;swald has the %i%a %oce exa!
for his !atriculation) .e says that in e%ery class
there are at least / or se%eral VswottersV& li'e +erbenowitsch
in ours& he says they s$oil the $itch for the
others& for& because of the swotters& the $rofessors
ex$ect so !uch !ore of the others and sit u$on the!)
This !ay be so in the Gy!nasiu!& but certainly not
at the .igh chool) "or though +erb) is always
suc'ing u$ to the staff& they can't stand herS they
gi%e her good re$orts& but none of the! really li'e
her) >other says the /Bth is an unluc'y day& and it
!a'es her anxious about ;swald) -ecause of that she
went to .igh >ass yesterday instead of the 0 o'cloc'
>ass as usual) 2 ne%er thought of $raying for ;swald&
and anyhow 2 thin' he'll get through all right)
Ruly /Bth) Than' goodness ;swald has wired he
is through& that is he has wired his fa%ourite $hraseF
"inis with Rubilation) At any rate that did not worry
>other as he did o%er the written exa!)& when he
!ade silly jo'es all the ti!e) .e won't be ho!e
until the /1th& for the !atriculation dinner is on the
/6th) "ather is awfully $leased too) 2t's lo%ely hereS
of course we ha%e not really got a whole house to
oursel%es& as .ella $retended at school& but a flat on
the first storyS in the !e::anin a young !arried
wo!an li%es& that is to say a Vnewly !arried cou$le((V
*hene%er 2 hear that $hrase it !a'es !e sha'e
with horror and laughter co!bined) ,esi !ust ha%e
thought of it too& for she loo'ed hard at Dora and
!e when she told us) -ut they ha%e a baby already&
so they are not really a newly !arried cou$le any
!ore) The landlord& who li%es on the sa!e floor as
us& is ha%ing a swing $ut u$ for !e in the garden
for it is horrid not to ha%e a swing in the country)
Ruly /3th) At last Dora has said so!ething to
!e about +i'tor& but she s$o'e %ery coldlyS there
!ust be so!ething u$S she !ight just as well tell
!eS she really ought to seeing all that 2'%e done)
2 ha%e not seen hi! since that last letter of Rune 71thS
that ti!e so!ething !ust ha%e ha$@@ no that word
!eans so!ething Muite different& there !ust be so!ething
u$& but 2 do wonder what) .ella is delighted
with Gastein& she writes that the only thing wanting
is V!eV) 2 can Muite understand that& for what 2 want
here is VherV) -efore the end of ter! Ada wrote to
as' whether we were not co!ing to .) this yearS she
said she had such a frightful lot to tell !e& and Vshe
wants !y ad%iceV) 2 shall be %ery glad to ad%ise her&
but 2 don't 'now what it is about)
Ruly /Ath) o!ething s$lendid& we are @@ @@ @@
-ut no& 2 !ust write it all out in $ro$er order) ;swald
ca!e ho!e yesterday& he is in great for! and said
jo'ingly to Dora that she is so $retty he thin's he
would fall in lo%e with her if she were not his sister)
Rust before it was ti!e to go to su$$er& >other called
us in& and 2 was rather annoyed when 2 saw that it
was only a Muarter to A) Then "ather ca!e in with a $a$er
in his hand as he often does when he co!es bac' fro!
the office& and saidF NDear ;swald and you two girls&
2 wanted to gi%e you and es$ecially ;swald a little
treat because of the !atriculation)N Aha& 2 thought&
the great $ri:e after all( Then "ather o$ened the
$a$er and saidF NYou ha%e often wondered as children
why we ha%e no title of nobility li'e the other
Lainers) >y grandfather dro$$ed it& but 2 ha%e got
it bac' again for you ;swald& and also for you two
girls) .enceforward we shall call oursel%es Lanier
%on Lainshei! li'e Aunt Anna and your uncles)N
;swald was si!$ly s$eechless and 2 was the first to
$ull !yself together and gi%e "ather a great hug)
-ut first of all he saidF NDo credit to the na!e)N
;swald went on clearing his throat for a frightfully
long ti!e& and then he saidF Than' you& "ather& 2
shall always hold the na!e in trust& and then they
'issed one another) *e were on our best beha%iour
all through the e%ening& although >other had ordered
roast chic'en and "ather had $ro%ided a bottle of
cha!$agne) 2 a! frightfully ha$$yS it's so s$lendid
and noble) Thin' of what the girls will say& and the
staff( 2'! frantically delighted) To@!orrow 2 !ust
write and tell .ella all about it)
Ruly /0th) 2'%e !anaged it beautifully) 2 did not
want to write justF *e are now noble& so 2 $ut it
all in the signature& si!$ly writing Always your lo%ing
friend ,ita Lainer %on Lainshei!) 2 told ,esi
about it first thing this !orning& but "ather scolded
!e about that at dinner ti!e and said it was Muite
unnecessaryS it see!s the nobility has gone to your
head) <othing of the sort& but it's natural that 2
should be frightfully glad and Dora too has co%ered
a whole sheet of $a$er writing her new na!e) "ather
says it does not really !a'e us any different fro!
what we were before& but that is not true& for if it were
he would not ha%e bothered to re%i%e the title) .e
says it will !a'e it easier for ;swald to get on& but
2'! sure there's !ore in it than that) ,esi told the
landlord about it and in the afternoon he and his
wife called to congratulate us)
Ruly 79th) ;swald says he won't stay here& it's
!uch too dull& he is going for a wal'ing tour through
the Al$s& to Grossgloc'ner& and then to the ?arawan'en)
.e will tal' of "ather as the N;ld >an&N and
2 do thin' it is so %ulgar) Dora says it is absolutely
Vfli$$antV)
Ruly 7Jth) .ella's answer ca!e to@dayS she congratulates
!e !ost heartily& and then goes on to write
that at first she was struc' du!b and thought 2'd gone
cra:y or was trying to ta'e her in) -ut her !other had
already heard of it fro! her father for it had been $ublished
in the ;fficial Ga:ette) <ow we are both noble&
and that is awfully nice) "or 2 ha%e often been
annoyed that she was noble when 2 was not)
Ruly 76th) ;swald left to@day) "ather ga%e hi!
B99 crowns for his wal'ing tour& because of the !atriculation)
2 saidF N2n that case 2 shall !atriculate
as soon as 2 canN and ;swald saidF N"or that one
wants rather !ore brains in one's head than you
girls ha%e)N *hat chee'& "rau Do'tor >) $assed the
Gy!nasiu! !atriculation and "rau Do'tor teiner
$assed it too as an extra) Dora said MuietlyF >aybe
2 shall show you that your sister can !atriculate
tooS anyhow you ha%e always said yourself that
the chief thing you need to get through the !atriculation
is chee') Then 2 had a s$lendid idea and saidF
N-ut we girls ha%e not got chee'& we VstudyV when we
ha%e to $ass an exa!ination(N >other wanted us
to !a'e it u$ with hi!& but we would not) 2n the
e%ening Dora said to !eF ;swald is frantically
arrogant& though he has had such a lot of atisfactories
and has only just scra$ed through his exa!) -y the
way here's another sa!$le of ;swald's stu$idityS
directly after the wireF N"inis with RubilationN
ca!e another which ought to ha%e arri%ed first& for
it had been handed in J hours earlier& with nothing
but the word NThroughN 4Durch8) >other was frightfully
u$set by it for she was afraid it really !eant VfailedV
4durchgefallen8& and that the other telegra! had been
only an idiotic jo'e) Dora and 2 would ne%er condescend
to such horse$lay) "ather always says ;swald
will sow all his wild oats at the uni%ersity& but he said
to@day that he was not going to the uni%ersity& but
would study !ining& and then $erha$s law)
Ruly 70th) 2t's sic'eningly dull here& 2 si!$ly
don't 'now what to doS 2 really can't read and swing
the whole day long& and Dora has beco!e as dull as
she used to beS that is& e%en duller& for not only does
she not Muarrel& but she won't tal'& that is she won't
tal' about Vcertain thingsV) he is $erfectly cra:y
about the baby of the young cou$le in the !e::aninS
he's /9 !onths old& and 2 can't see what she sees to
$lease her in such a little $igS she's always carrying
hi! about and yesterday he !ade her all wet& 2
wished her joy of it) 2t !ade her $retty sic'& and
2 ho$e it will cure her infatuation)
Than' goodness to@!orrow is !y birthday& that
will be a bit of a change) To@!orrow we are going
to the Para$luie -erg& but 2 ho$e we shan't want
our u!brellas) "ather is co!ing bac' at / so that
we can get away at 7 or half $ast) .ella has sent !e
to@day a loc'@u$ box for letters& etc)((( of course
filled with sweets and a tre!endously long letter to
tell !e how VsheV is getting on in Gastein) -ut they
are only going to stay a !onth because it is frantically
ex$ensi%e& a roll 6 'ren:er and a bottle of beer / crown)
And the rolls are so s!all that one si!$ly has to eat B
for brea'fast and for afternoon tea) -ut it's awfully
s!art in the hotel& se%eral groo!sS then there are
!asses of A!ericans and English and e%en a consul's
fa!ily fro! ydney in Australia)@@2 s$end !ost of
the day $laying with two dachshund $u$$ies) They
are called >ax and >orit:& though of course one of
the! is a bitch) That is really a word which one
ought not to write& for it !eans so!ething& at least
in its other !eaning)
T.2,D YEA,
AGE T.2,TEE< T; ";=,TEE<
T.2,D YEA,
Ruly B/st) Yesterday was !y birthday& the
thirteenth) >other ga%e !e a cloc' with a lu!inous
dial which 2 wanted for !y night@table) ;f course
that is chiefly of use during the long winter nightsS
e!broidered collarsS fro! "ather& A -ad -oy's Diary&
which one of the nurses lent .ella when she was in
hos$italS it's such a delightfully funny boo'& but
"ather says it's stu$id because no boy could ha%e
written all that& a new racMuet with a leather case&
an awfully fine one& a ir'& and tennis balls fro!
Dora) #orres$ondence cards& blue@grey with sil%er
edge) Grandfather and Grand!other sent a bas'et
of cherries& red ones& and a bas'et of currants and
strawberriesS the strawberries are only for !e for !y
birthday) Aunt Dora sent three nec'ties fro! -erlin
for winter blouses) 2n the afternoon we went to the
Par)@-erg) 2t would ha%e been awfully jolly if only
>other could ha%e gone too or if .ella had been there)
August /st) 2 got a letter fro! Ada to@day) he
sends !e !any ha$$y returns& for she thin's it is
on the /st of August& and then co!es the chief thing)
he is frightfully unha$$y) he writes that she wants
to esca$e fro! the cra!$ing en%iron!ent of her fa!ily&
she si!$ly can't endure Vthe stifling at!os$here of
ho!eV) he has been to t) P) to see the actor for
who! she has such an ad!iration& he heard her recite
so!ething and said she had real dra!atic talentS he
would be willing to train her for the stage& but only
with her $arents' consent) -ut of course they will
ne%er gi%e it) he writes that this has !ade her Vso
ner%ousV she feels li'e crying or ra%ing all day long&
in fact she can't stand so dis!al a life any longer) V2V
a! her last ho$e) he would li'e !e to co!e to stay
with the!& or still better if she could co!e and stay
with us for two or B wee's& then she would tell
>other about e%erything& and $erha$s it !ight be
$ossible to arrange for her to li%e with us in +ienna
for a yearS in the autu!n .err G)& the actor& is co!ing
to the ,ai!und Theatre and she could begin her
training there) At the end of her letter she says that
it rests with !y discretion and !y tact to !a'e her
the ha$$iest creature in the world( 2 don't really
'now what 2 shall be able to do) till& 2'%e !ade a
beginningS 2 said 2 found it so frightfully dull@@if
only .ella were here& or at least Ada& or e%en >arina)
Then >other saidF -ut >arina is away in the
country& in #arinthia& and it's not li'ely that Ada will
be able to co!e) "ather& too& is awfully sorry that
2 find it so dull& and so at su$$er he saidF *ould
you really li'e Ada to co!e hereQ #ertainly her age
!a'es her a better co!$anion for you than Dora)
You see!ed to get on better together last year) And
then he said to >otherF Do you thin' it would
bother you& -erta& to ha%e Ada hereQ and >other
said& N<ot a bitS if Gretel would li'e itS it's really
her turn now& Dora ca!e with !e to "ran:ensbad&
;swald is ha%ing his wal'ing tour& and only our
little $et has not had anything for herselfS would
you li'e it GretelQN N;h yes& >other& 2 should li'e
it awfully& 2'll write directlyS it's no fun to !e to
carry about that little brat the way Dora does& and
jolly as the -ad -oy's Diary is 2 can't read it all
day)N o 2 a! writing to Ada directly& just as if V2V
had thought of it and wanted her to co!e) 2 shall
be so frightfully ha$$y if it all co!es off and if Ada
really beco!es a great actress& li'e *olter who!
>other is always tal'ing of& then 2 shall ha%e done
so!ething towards hel$ing +ienna to ha%e a great
actress and towards !a'ing Ada the ha$$iest creature
in the world instead of the unha$$iest)
August 7nd) 2n !y letter 2 did not say anything
to Ada about our ha%ing been ennobled& or as Dora
says Vre@ennobledV& since the fa!ily has been noble for
generationsS she will find out about it soon enough
when she co!es here) >other 'ee$s on sayingF
Don't $ut on such airs& es$ecially about a thing which
we ha%e not done anything $articular to deser%e)
-ut that's not Muite fair& for unless "ather had done
such s$lendid ser%ice in connection with the laws or
the constitution or so!ething two years ago& so!eti!es
sitting u$ writing all night& $erha$s he would
ne%er ha%e been re@ennobled) -esides& 2 really can't
see why "ather and >other should ha%e !ade such a
secret about it last winter) They !ight just as well
ha%e let us 'now) -ut 2 su$$ose "ather wanted to
gi%e us a real sur$rise) And he did tooS Dora's face
and the way ;swald cleared his throat(( As far as 2
can !a'e out no one see!s to ha%e noticed what sort
of a face 2 was !a'ing)
August Brd) 2'%e found out now why Dora is so
different& that is why she is again just as she was
so!e ti!e ago& before last winter) During the J
wee's in "r) she has Vfound a real friend in >other(V
To@day 2 turned the con%ersation to +i'tor& and all
she said at first wasF ;h& 2 don't corres$ond with
hi! any !ore) And when 2 as'edF N.a%e you had
a Muarrel& and whose fault was itQN she saidF N;h&
no& 2 just Vbade hi! farewellV)N N*hat do you !ean&
bade hi! farewellS but he's not really going to A!er@
ica& is heQN And then she saidF N>y dear V,itaV&
we had better clear this !atter u$S 2 $arted fro! hi!
u$on the well@justified wish of our Vdear >otherV)N
2 !ust say that though 2'! Vawfully& awfullyV fond of
>other& 2 really can't i!agine ha%ing her as a VfriendV)
.ow can one ha%e a true friendshi$ with one's own
!otherQ Dora really can't ha%e the least idea VwhatV a
Vtrue friendshi$V !eans) There are so!e things it's
i!$ossible for a girl to s$ea' about to her !other&
2 could not $ossibly as' herF Do you 'now what&
Vso!ething has ha$$enedV& really !eansQ -esides& 2'!
not Muite sure if she does 'now& for when she was /B
or /6 or /3& $eo$le !ay ha%e used Muite different
ex$ressions& and the !odern $hrases %ery li'ely did not
then !ean what they !ean now) And what sort of a
friendshi$ is it when >other says to DoraF You
!ust not go out now& the stor! !ay brea' at any
!o!ent& and just the other e%eningF Dora you V!ustV
ta'e your shawl with you) "riendshi$ between
!other and daughter is just as i!$ossible as friendshi$
between father and son) "or between friends
there can be no orders and forbiddings& and what's
e%en !ore i!$ortant is that one really can't tal' about
all the things that one would li'e to tal' of) All 2
said last night wasF N;f course >other has forbidden
you to tal' to !e about Vcertain thingsVS do you call
that a friendshi$Q Then she said %ery gentlyF N<o&
,ita& >other has not forbidden !e& but 2 recognise
now that it was thoughtless of !e to tal' to you about
those thingsS one learns the seriousness of life Muite
soon enough)N 2 burst out laughing and saidF N2s
VthatV what you call the seriousness of lifeQ .a%e you
really forgotten how screa!ingly funny we found it
allQ 2t see!ed to !e that your !e!ory has been
affected by the !ud baths)N he did not answer that)
2 do ho$e Ada will co!e) "or V2V need VherV now just
as !uch as VsheV needs V!eV)
August Jth) Glory be to God& Ada's co!ing& but
not directly because they begin their fa!ily washing
on the 6th and no one can be s$ared to co!e o%er
with her till the Ath) 2 a! so glad& the only thing
2'! sorry about is that VsheV will slee$ in the dressing@
roo! and not Dora) -ut >other says that Dora and
2 !ust stay together and that Ada can lea%e the door
into the dining@roo! o$en so that she won't feel lonely)
August 1th) The days are so frightfully long)
Dora is as !ild and gentle as a nun& but she tal's
to !e just as little as a nun& and she's eternally with
>other) The two dachshunds ha%e been sold to so!e
one in <eulengbach and so it is so horribly dull)
Than' goodness Ada is co!ing to@!orrow) "ather
and 2 are going to !eet her at the station at 3)
August Ath) ;nly ti!e for a word or two) Ada
is !ore than a head taller than 2 a!S "ather saidF
.ullo you longshan's& how you ha%e shot u$) 2
su$$ose 2 !ust treat you as a grown@u$ young lady
nowQ And Ada saidF Please& .err ;berlandesgerichtsratS
$lease treat !e just as you used toS 2
a! so ha$$y to ha%e co!e to stay with you)N And
her !other saidF Yes& unfortunately she is ha$$y
anywhere but at ho!eS NVthat is the way with young
$eo$le to@dayV)N "ather hel$ed Ada out and saidF
"rau .aslinger& the sa$ of life was rising in us once&
but it's so long ago that we ha%e forgotten)N And
then "rau Dr) .) hea%ed a tre!endous sigh as if
she were suffocating& and Ada too' !e by the ar!
and said under her breathF #an you i!agine what
!y life is li'e VnowVQ .er !other is staying the night
here& and she s$ent the whole e%ening la!enting about
e%erything under the sun Gthat's what Ada told !e
just before we went to bedHS but 2 did not $ay !uch
attention to what "rau .) was doing& for 2'! $ositi%ely
burning with curiosity as to what Ada is going to
tal' to !e about) To@!orrow !orning& directly after
brea'fast(
August /7th) "or B days 2'%e had no ti!e to
write& Ada and 2 ha%e had such a lot to say to one
another) he Vcan'tV and Vwon'tV li%e any longer without
art& she would Vrather die than gi%e u$ her $lansV) he
still has to s$end a year at a continuation school
and !ust then either ta'e the "rench course for the
state exa!ination or else the needlecraft course)
-ut she wants to do all this in +ienna& so that in
her s$are ti!e she can study for the stage under .err
G) he says she is not in lo%e with hi! any longer&
that he is only a V!eans to an endV) he would sacrifice
VanythingV to reach her goal) At first 2 did not understand
what she !eant by anything& but she ex$lained
to !e) he has read -artsch's no%el Elisabeth ?ott&
the boo' >other has too& and a lot of other no%els
about artistic life& and they all say the sa!e thing&
that Va wo!an cannot beco!e a true artist until she
has ex$erienced a great lo%eV) There !ay be so!ething
in it) "or certainly a Vgreat lo%eV does !a'e one
VdifferentVS 2 saw that clearly in DoraS when she was
!adly in lo%e with +i'tor& and the way she's rela$sed
now(( he is learning Latin again& to !a'e u$ for
lost ti!e( Ada does not s$ea' to her about her $lans
because Dora Vlac's true insight(V ;nly to@day she
!entioned before Dora that whate%er ha$$ened she
wanted to co!e to +ienna in the autu!n so that
she could often go to the theatre) And Dora saidF
You are !a'ing a !ista'e& e%en $eo$le who li%e in
+ienna don't go to the theatre oftenS for first of all
one has %ery little ti!e to s$are& and secondly one
often can't get a seatS $eo$le who li%e in the country
often fancy that e%erything is !uch nicer in +ienna
than it really is)
August /Jth) Rust a word& Muic'ly) To@day when
Ada was ha%ing a bath >other said to Vus twoVF NGirls&
2'%e so!ething to tell youS 2 don't want you to get
a fright in the night) Ada's !other told !e that
Ada is %ery ner%ous& and often wal's in her slee$)N
N2 say&N said 2& Nthat's frightfully interesting& she
!ust be V!oonstruc'VS 2 su$$ose it always ha$$ens
when the !oon is full)N Then >other saidF NTell
!e& Gretel& how do you 'now about all these thingsQ
.as Ada tal'ed to you about the!QN N<o&N said 2&
Nbut the "ran'es had a !aid who wal'ed in her slee$
and -erta "ran'e told .ella and !e about it)N 2t
has just struc' !e that >other saidF how do you
'now about all VtheseV thingsQ o it !ust ha%e so!ething
to do with VthatV) 2 wonder whether 2 dare as'
Ada& or whether she would be offended) 2'! frightfully
curious to see whether she will wal' in her slee$
while she is staying here)
August /6th) .ella's answer ca!e to@day to what
2 had written her about the Vfriendshi$V between
>other and Dora) ;f course she does not belie%e
either that VthatV is why Dora Vbade farewellV to +i'tor&
for it is no reason at all) Li::i has ne%er had any
$articular friendshi$ with her !other& and .ella
could ne%er drea! of anything of the sortS she thin's
2'! $erfectly right& one !ay be VawfullyV fond of one's
$arents& but there si!$ly can't be any Muestion of
a friendshi$) he would not stand it if 2 were so
changeable in !y friendshi$s) he thin's Dora can
ne%er ha%e had a true friendshi$& and that is why
she has ta'en u$ with >other now) The -ruc'ners
are co!ing bac' on the /0th because e%erything is so
frightfully ex$ensi%e in Gastein) After that !ost
li'ely they will go to stay with their uncle in .ungary&
or else to "ieberbrunn in Tyrol) "or .ella's na!e
day 2 ha%e sent her A -ad -oy's Diary because she
wanted to read it again) <ow we ha%e both got it&
and can write to one another which are the best bits
so that we can read the! at the sa!e ti!e)
August 79th) VLast night Ada really did wal' in
her slee$V& $robably we should ne%er ha%e noticed it&
but she began to recite Roan of Arc's s$eech fro!
The >aid of ;rleans& and Dora recognised it at once
and saidF N2 say& V,itaV& Ada really is wal'ing in her
slee$)N *e did not stir& and she went into the dining@
roo!& but the dining@roo! door was loc'ed and the
'ey ta'en away& for it o$ens directly into the $assage&
and then she 'noc'ed u$ against >other's sofa and
that wo'e her u$) 2t was horrible) And then she
lost her way and ca!e into our roo! instead of going
into her ownS but she was already awa'e and begged
our $ardon and said she'd been loo'ing for the *)
Then she went bac' to her own roo!) Dora said we
had better $retend that we had not noticed it& for
otherwise we should u$set Ada) <ot a bit of it& after
brea'fast she saidF N2 su$$ose 2 ga%e you an awful
fright last nightS don't be %exed with !e& 2 often
get u$ and wal' about at night& 2 si!$ly can't stay
in bed) >other says 2 always recite when 2 a!
wal'ing li'e thatS do 2Q Did 2 say anythingQN
NYes&N 2 said& Nyou recited Roan of Arc's s$eech)N
NDid 2 really&N said she& Nthat is because they won't
let !e go on the stageS 2'! certain 2 shall go off !y
headS if 2 do& you will 'now the real reason at any
rate)N This slee$@wal'ing is certainly %ery interesting&
but it !a'es !e feel a little cree$y towards Ada&
and it's $erfectly true what Dora has always saidF
;ne ne%er 'nows what Ada is really loo'ing at) 2t
would be awful if she were really to go off her head)
2'%e just re!e!bered that her !other was once in an
asylu!) 2 do ho$e she won't go !ad while she is
staying here)
August 7/st) >other heard it too the night before
last) he is so glad that she had warned us& and
Dora says that if she had not 'nown it beforehand
she would $robably ha%e had an attac' of $al$itation)
"ather saidF NAda is thoroughly histerical& she has
inherited it fro! her !other)N 2n the autu!n Li::i
is going to England to finish her education and will
stay there a whole year) "ond as 2 a! of Ada and
sorry as 2 a! for her& she !a'es !e feel uneasy now&
and 2'! really glad that she's going ho!e again on
Tuesday) he told !e so!ething terrible to@dayF
Alexander& he is the actor& has V%enereal diseaseV& because
he was once an officer in the ar!yS she says
that all officers ha%e %enereal disease& as a !atter of
course) At first 2 did not want to show that 2 did not
understand exactly what she !eant& but then 2 as'ed
her and Ada told !e that what was really a!iss was
that VthatV $art of the body either gets continually
s!aller and s!aller and is Muite eaten away& or else
gets continually larger because it is so frightfully
swollenS the last 'ind is !uch better than the other&
for then an o$eration can hel$S a retired colonel who
li%es in .) was o$erated u$on in +ienna for VthisVS but
it did not cure hi!) There is only one real cure for
a !an with a %enereal disease& that a young girl should
Vgi%e herselfV to a !an suffering fro! it( G>ad) often
said that tooH& then she gets the disease and he is
cured) That !ade Ada understand that she did not
really lo%e A)& but only wanted hi! to train herS for
she could ne%er ha%e done that for hi!& and she did
not 'now how she could $ro$ose VthatV to hi! e%en VifV
she had been willing to) -esides& it is generally the
!an concerned who as's it of the girl) And when 2
saidF N-ut just i!agine& what would you do if you
got a baby that way&N and she saidF NThat does not
co!e into the Muestion& for when a !an has %enereal
disease it is Vi!$ossibleV to ha%e a child by hi!) -ut
after all& only a wo!an who has had a baby can beco!e
a true artist)N "ran'e& who has a cousin on
the stage said so!ething of the sa!e sort to .ella
and !eS but we thought& "ran'e's cousin is only in
the *iener Theatre& and that !ight be true thereS but
it !ay be Muite different in the -urg Theatre and in
the ;$era and e%en in the Peo$le's Theatre) 2 told
Ada about this& and she saidF ;h& well& 2'! only a
girl fro! the $ro%inces& but 2 ha%e 'nown for ages
that Ve%eryV actress has a child)
7Brd) Ada really is a born artist& to@day she read
us a $assage fro! a s$lendid no%el& but oh& how wonderfully&
e%en Dora saidF NAda& you are really $heno!inal(N
Then she flung the boo' away and we$t
and sobbed frightfully and saidF N>y $arents are
sinning against their own flesh and bloodS but they
will rue it) Do you re!e!ber what the old gy$sy
wo!an foretold of !e last yearF NA VgreatV but VshortV
career after !any difficult strugglesS and !y line of
life is bro'en(N That will all ha$$en as $redicted&
and !y !other can recite that lo%ely $oe! of "reiligrath's
or Anastasius Grun's& or whose%er it is NLo%e
as long as thou canst& lo%e as long as thou !ayst)
The hour draws on& the hour draws on& when thou
shalt stand beside the gra%e and !a'e thy !oan)N
Then Ada recited the whole $oe!& and when 2 went to
bed 2 'e$t on thin'ing of it and could not go to slee$)
August 7Jth) To@day 2 %entured to as' Ada about
the slee$@wal'ing& and she said that it was really so&
when she wal'ed in her slee$ it was always at Vthat
ti!eV and when the !oon is full) The first ti!e& it was
last year& she did it on $ur$ose in order to frighten
her !other& when her !other had first told her she
would not be allowed to go on the stage) 2t does not
see! to !e a %ery cle%er idea& or that she is li'ely to
gain anything by it) The day after to@!orrow so!eone
is co!ing to fetch her ho!e& and for that reason
she was crying all the !orning)
August 76th) .ella was here to@day with her
!other and Li::i) .ella had a s$lendid ti!e in
Gastein) he wanted to ha%e a $ri%ate tal' with
!e& to tell !e so!ething i!$ortant) That !ade it
rather incon%enient that Ada was still there) .ella
ne%er gets on with Ada& and she says too that one
ne%er really 'nows what she is loo'ing at& she always
loo's right through one) *e could not get a
Vsingle !inuteV alone together for a tal') 2 do ho$e
.ella will be able to co!e o%er once !ore before she
goes to .ungary) Last wee' they went to "ieberbrunn
in Tyrol because an old friend of her !other's fro!
-erlin is staying there)
August 73th) Ada went ho!e to@day& her father
ca!e to fetch her) .e says she has a screw loose&
because she wants to go on the stage)
August 7Ath) .ella ca!e o%er to@dayS she was
alone and 2 !et her at the stea! tra!) At first she
did not want to tell !e what the i!$ortant thing was
because it was Vnot flatteringV to !e& but at last she
got it out) The *arths were in Gastein& and since
.ella 'nows Lisel because they used to go to gy!)
together& they had a tal'& and that chee'y ,obert saidF
2s your friend still such a baby as she was that ti!e
in er ) ) ) er ) ) )& and then he $retended he could
not re!e!ber where it wasS and he s$o'e of Vthat ti!eV
as if it had been /9 years ago) -ut the !ost i!$udent
thing of all was thisS he said that 2 had not
wanted to call hi! -ob& because that always !ade !e
thin' of a certain $art of the bodyS 2 ne%er said anything
of the 'ind& but only that 2 thought -ob silly
and %ulgar& and then he said Git was before we got
inti!ateHF N2ndeed& "raulein Grete& 2 really $refer
that you should use !y full na!e)N 2 re!e!ber it as
well as if it had ha$$ened this !orning& and 2 'now
exactly where he said it& on the way to the ,ed #ross)
.ella too' hi! u$ shar$lyF That !ay be all Muite
true& we ha%e ne%er discussed such trifles& and& at that
ti!e we were Nall& Ve%ery one of usV& still nothing but
children)N ;f course she !eant to include @@@@) 2
won't e%en write his na!e) Another thing that !ade
!e frightfully angry is that he saidF 2 dare say your
friend is !ore li'e you now& but at that ti!e she was
still Muite unde%elo$ed) .ella answered hi! curtlyF
NThat's not the sort of $hrase that it's see!ly to use
to a young lady&N and she would not s$ea' to hi! any
!ore) 2 ne%er heard of such a thing& what business is
it of his whether 2 a! Vde%elo$edV or not( .ella thin's
that 2 was not Muite $articular enough in !y choice
of co!$anions) he says that -ob is still nothing but
a -ub 4young cub8) That suits hi! $erfectly& -ob@@
-ubS now we shall ne%er call hi! anything but -ubS
that is if we e%er s$ea' of hi! at all) *hen we don't
li'e so!e one we shall call hi! si!$ly -ob& or better
still -)& for we really find it disagreeable to say -ob)
August B/st) The holidays are so dull this year&
.ella has gone to .ungary& and 2 hardly e%er tal'
to Dora& at least about anything VinterestingV) Ada's
letters are full of nothing but !y $ro!ises about
+ienna) 2t's really too absurd& 2 ne%er $ro!ised any@
thing& 2 !erely said 2 would s$ea' to >other about
it when 2 had a chance) 2 ha%e done so already& but
>other saidF There can be no Muestion of anything
of the 'ind)
e$te!ber /st) .ullo& .urrah( To@!orrow .ella's
father is going to ta'e !e to ?@@ >@@in .ungary
to stay with .ella) 2 a! so awfully delighted) .ella
is an angel) *hen she was ill last #hrist!as her
father saidF he can as' for anything she li'es)
-ut she did not thin' of anything in $articular& and
had her #hrist!as wishes anyhow& so she sa%ed u$
this wish) And after she had been here she wrote to
her father in #racow& where he is at !anoeu%res&
saying that if he would li'e to grant her her chief
wish& then& when he ca!e bac' to +ienna& he was to
ta'e !e with hi! to ?@@ >@@S this was really the
Vgreatest wishV she had e%er had in her life( o #olonel
-ruc'ner called at "ather's office to@day and showed
hi! .ella's letter) To@!orrow at B 2 !ust be at the
tate ,ailway ter!inus) =nfortunately that's a horrid
railway) The *estern ,ailway is !uch nicer& and
2 li'e the outhern ,ailway better still)
e$te!ber 7nd) 2 a! awfully excitedS 2'! going
to +ienna alone and 2 ha%e to change at Liesing& 2
do ho$e 2 shall get into the right train) 2 got a letter
fro! .ella first thing this !orning& in which she
wroteF NPerha$s we shall be together again in a few
days)N That's all she said about thatS 2 su$$ose she
did not 'now yet whether 2 was really co!ing) >other
will ha%e to send !y white blouses after !e& because
all but one are dirty) 2'! going to wear !y coat
and s'irt and the $in' blouse) 2'! going to ta'e
twenty $ages for !y diary& that will be enoughS for
2'! going to write whate%er ha$$ens& in the !ornings
2 ex$ect& because in the holidays 2'! sure .ella
will ne%er get u$ before 0S on undays in +ienna she
would always li'e to lie in bed late& but her father
won't let her)
-ut whate%er ha$$ens 2 won't learn to ride& for it
!ust be awful to tu!ble off before a strange !an)
2t was different for .ella& for Reno& Lajos& and
Erno are her cousins& and one of the! always rode
close beside her with his ar! round her waistF but
that would not Muite do in !y case)
e$te!ber 3th) ;h it is so glorious here) 2 li'e
Reno best& he goes about with !e e%erywhere and
shows !e e%erythingS .ella is fondest of Lajos and
of Erno next) -ut Erno has still a great deal to learn&
for he was nearly flun'ed in his exa!) <ext year
Lajos will be a lieutenant& and this autu!n Reno is
going to the !ilitary acade!y& Erno has a slight li!$&
nothing bad& but he can't go into the ar!yS he is
going to be a ci%il engineer& not here& he is to go to
A!erica so!e day)
2 ha%e ti!e to write to@day& for all J of the! ha%e
gone to ) on their cycles and 2 ha%e ne%er learned)
2t was lo%ely on the journey( 2t's so s$lendid to
tra%el with an officer& and still !ore when he is a
colonel) All the station!asters saluted hi! and the
guards could not do enough to show their res$ect)
;f course e%eryone thought 2 was his daughter& for
he has always said NDuN to !e since 2 was Muite
a little girl) -ut to Ada "ather always says Nie)N
*e left the train at "orgacs or "ar'as& or whate%er
it is called& and .ella's father hired a carriage and
it too' us 7 hours to dri%e to ?@@ >@@) .e was
awfully jolly) *e had our su$$er in ")& though it
was only half $ast 3) 2t was a jo'e to see all the waiters
tu!bling o%er each other to ser%e hi!) 2t s just
the sa!e with "ather& exce$t that the station!asters
don't all salute) "ather loo's frightfully distinguished
too& but he is not in unifor!)
.ere is so!ething awfully interestingF .err %on
?raics ca!e yesterday fro! ,adufal%a& his best friend
left hi! the ,adufal%a estate out of gratitude& because
A years ago he ga%e u$ his fiancee with who! the
friend was in lo%e) 2t's true& #olonel -ruc'ner says
that ?) is a wretched !il'so$S but 2 don't thin' so
at allS he has such fiery eyes& and loo's a real .ungarian
noble!an) .ella says that he used to run
hi!self frantically into debt& because e%ery six !onths
he had an Vinti!acyV with so!e new wo!anS and all
the $resents he ga%e Vreduced hi! al!ost to beggaryV)
till& it's difficult to belie%e that& for howe%er fond a
wo!an !ay be of flowers and sweets& one does not
Muite see why that should reduce anyone to beggary)
-efore we went to slee$ last night .ella told !e that
Lajos had already been NinfectedN !ore or lessS she
says there is not an officer who has not got %enereal
disease and that is really what !a'es the! so frightfully
interesting) Then 2 told her what Ada had told
!e about the actor in t) P) -ut .ella saidF 2 doubt
if that's all trueS of course it is !ore li'ely since he
was an actor& and es$ecially since he was in the ar!y
at one ti!e& but generally s$ea'ing ci%ilians are
VwonderfullyV healthy((( And she could not stand that in
her husband) E%ery officer has Vli%edV franticallyS
that's a $olite $hrase for ha%ing had %enereal disease&
and she would ne%er !arry a !an who had not Vli%edV)
>ost girls& es$ecially when they get a little olderS
want the %ery o$$osite( and then it suddenly occurred
to !e that VthatV was $robably the VrealV reason why
Dora Vbade farewellV to VLieutenant ,V)& and not the
Vfriendshi$ with >otherVS it is really awfully funny&
and no one would ha%e thought it of her) .ella's
father thin's !e Vchar!ingVS he is really awfully nice)
.ella's uncle hardly e%er says anything& and when he
does s$ea' he is difficult to understandS .ella's father
says that his sister@in@law wears the breeches) That
would ne%er do for !eS the !an !ust be the V!asterV)
N-ut not too !uch soN says .ella) he always gets
cross when her father says that about wearing breeches)
2 got an awful start yesterdayS we went out on the
%eranda because we heard the boys tal'ing& and found
.ella's great uncle lying there on an in%alid couch)
he told !e about hi! once& that he's Muite off his
head& not really $aralysed but only $retends to be)
.ella is terribly afraid of hi!& because long ago& when
she was only 0 or /9 years old& he wanted to gi%e her
a thrashing) -ut her uncle ca!e in& and then he let
her go) he says he was only hu!bugging& but she is
awfully afraid of hi! all the sa!e) .e 'ee$s his
roo!& and he has a !ale attendant& because no nurse
can !anage hi!) .e ought really to be in an asylu!
but there is no high class asylu! in .ungary)
e$te!ber 0th) There was a frightful ru!$us
this !orningS the great uncle& the $eo$le here call
hi! N'utya !ogN or howe%er they s$ell it& and it
!eans V!ad dogV& well& the great uncle Vs$ied in on usV)
.e can wal' with a stic'& our roo! is on the ground
floor& and he ca!e and $lanted hi!self in front of
the window when .ella was washing and 2 was just
getting out of bed) Then .ella's father ca!e and
!ade a tre!endous row and the uncle swore horribly
in .ungarian) -efore dinner we o%erheard .ella's
father say to Aunt ;lgaF NThey would be dainty
!orsels for that old swine& those innocent children)N
*e did laugh so& VweV and Vinnocent children(((V
*hat our fathers really thin' of usS we innocent(((
At dinner we did not dare loo' at one another or
we should ha%e ex$loded) Afterwards .ella said to
!eF 2 say& do you 'now that we ha%e the sa!e na!e
dayQN And when 2 saidF N*hat do you !ean& it
see!s to !e you !ust ha%e gone dotty this !orning&N
she laughed li'e anything and saidF NDon't you see&
Dece!ber 71th& .oly 2nnocents' Day(N ;h it did
tic'le !e) he 'new that date although she's a
Protestant because Dece!ber 71th is >arina's birthday&
and in our letters we used to s$ea' of that deceitful
cat as NThe 2nnocent)N
The three boys and 2 ha%e begun to use NDuN to
one another& at su$$er yesterday .ella's father said
to ErnoF NYou see! frightfully cere!onious still&
can't you !a'e u$ your !inds to dro$ the NieQN
o we clin'ed glasses& and afterwards when Reno and
2 were standing at the window ad!iring the !oon&
he saidF You >argot& that was not a real $ledge of
good@fellowshi$& we !ust 'iss one another for thatS
hurry u$& before anyone co!es& and before 2 could
say <o he had gi%en !e a 'iss) After all it was all
right as it was Reno& but it would not ha%e done with
Lajos& for it would ha%e been horrid because of .ella&
or 2lon'a as they call her here)
.ella has just told !e that they saw us 'issing
one another& and Lajos saidF NLoo' 2lon'a& they
are setting us a good exa!$le)N *e are so awfully
ha$$y here) 2t's such a $ity that on the /3th Reno and
Lajos ha%e got to lea%e for the Acade!y& where
Reno is to enter and Lajos is in his third yearF Erno&
the least interesting of the three& is staying till ;ctober)
-ut that is always the way of life& beautiful
things $ass and the dull ones re!ain) *e go out
boating e%ery day& yesterday and to@day by !oonlight)
The boys !a'e the boat roc' so frightfully that we
are always terrified that it will u$set) And then they
sayF NYou ha%e your fate in your own handsS buy
your freedo! and you will be as safe as in Abraha!'s
boso!)N
e$te!ber /7th) The great uncle Vhates usV since
what ha$$ened the other dayS whene%er he sees us
he threatens us with his stic'& and though we are
not really afraid& because he can't do anything to us&
still it's rather cree$y) ;ne thin's of all sorts of
things& stories and sagas one has read) That is the
only thing 2 don't Muite li'e here) -ut we are lea%ing
on the /Ath) ;f course Lajos and Reno will often
co!e to see the -ruc'nersS 2'! awfully glad) 2
don't 'now why& 2 always fancied that they could
only s$ea' >agyarS but that is not so at all& though
they always s$ea' it at ho!e when they are alone)
.ella told !e to@day for the first ti!e that all the
flowers on the table by her bed one unday in hos$ital
had been sent by LajosS and she did not wish to tell
!e at that ti!e because he wished her to 'ee$ it a
secret) This has !ade !e rather angry& for 2 see
that 2 ha%e been !uch fran'er with her than she has
been with !e)
e$te!ber /3th) The boys left to@day& and we
stayed u$ till !idnight last night) *e had been to
<@@ ?@@& 2 don't 'now how to s$ell these .ungarian
na!es& and we did not get bac' till half $ast //) 2t
was lo%ely) -ut it see!s all the sadder to@day& es$ecially
as it is raining as well) 2t's the first ti!e it's
rained since 2 ca!e) Partings are horrid& es$ecially
for the ones left behindS the others are going to new
scenes anyhow) -ut for the $eo$le left behind e%erything
is hatefully dull and Muiet) 2n the afternoon
.ella and 2 went into Reno's and Lajos' roo!& it had
not been tidied u$ yet and was in a frightful !ess)
Then .ella suddenly began sobbing %iolently& and
she flung herself on Lajos' bed and 'issed the $illow)
VThatV is how she lo%es hi!( 2'! sure VthatV is the way
>ad) lo%es the lieutenant& but Dora is si!$ly inca$able
of VsuchV lo%e& and then she can tal' of her Vtrue and
inti!ate friendshi$ with >otherV) .ella says she has
always been in lo%e with Lajos& but that Vher eyes were
first o$enedV when she saw Reno and !e going about
together and tal'ing to one another) <ow she will
lo%e Lajos for e%er!ore) <ext year they will $robably
get engaged& she can't be engaged till she is /J for her
$arents would not allow it) 2t is for her sa'e that
he is going into the .ussars because she li'es the .ussars
best) They all Vli%e frightfully hardV& and are
tre!endously s!art)
e$te!ber 7/st) ince aturday we ha%e been bac'
2n +ienna& and "ather& >other& and Dora ca!e bac'
fro! ,odaun on Thursday) Dora really is too funnyS
since Ada stayed with us and wal'ed in her slee$
Dora is afraid she has been VinfectedV) he does not
see! to 'now what the word really !eans( And while
2 was away she sle$t with >other& and "ather sle$t
in our roo!& because she was afraid to slee$ alone)
;f course no one ta'es to wal'ing in their slee$ si!$ly
fro! slee$ing alone& but that was only a $retextS Dora
has ne%er been %ery courageous& in fact she is rather a
coward& and she was si!$ly afraid to slee$ alone) 2f
"ather had been afraid too& 2 su$$ose 2 should ha%e
had to co!e bac' $ost@haste& and if 2 had been afraid
to tra%el alone& and there had been no one to co!e with
!e& that would ha%e been a $retty state of affairs) 2
told the! so) "ather laughed li'e anything at !y
NVco!binationsV&N and Dora got in a frightful wax)
he is just as stu$id and conceited as she was VbeforeV
she fell in lo%e) o .ella is right when she saysF Lo%e
enobles 4%eredelt8) Erno !ade a rotten jo'e about
that when he heard .ella say it once) .e saidF
You'%e !ade a sli$ of the tongue& you !eant to sayF
Lo%e !a'es fools of $eo$le 4%ereseltl) ;f course
that's because he's not in lo%e with anyone)
e$te!ber 77nd) chool began again to@day) "rau
Do'tor >) is $erfectly fascinating& she loo's s$lendid
and she said the sa!e to both of us) Than' goodness
she's the head of our class again) 2n "rench we ha%e
a new !istress "rau Do'tor Dun'er& she is $erfectly
hideous& co%ered with $i!$les& a thing 2 si!$ly can't
stand in any oneS .ella says we !ust be careful ne%er
to let her handle our boo'sS if she does we !ight catch
the!) 2n >aths and Physics we ha%e another new
!istress& she is a Do'tor too& and she s$ea's so fast
that none of us can understand herS but she loo's
frightfully cle%er& although she is %ery s!all) *e
call her NV<utlingVN because she has such a tiny little
head and such lo%ely light@brown eyes) ;therwise the
staff is the sa!e as last year& and there are a few new
girls and so!e ha%e left& but only ones we did not
'now inti!ately) This is "ran'e's last year at the
Ly:)& she will be /3 in A$ril and has a s$lendid figure)
.er worst ene!y !ust ad!it that) Dora is ha%ing
English lessons fro! the !atron& and she is Vawfully
$leasedV about it& for she is one of her fa%ourites and
it will hel$ her too in her !atriculation)
e$te!ber 76th) Yesterday and the day before
>other was so ill that the doctor had to be sent for
at half $ast /9 at night) Than' goodness she is better
now) -ut on such days 2 si!$ly can't write a word
in !y diaryS 2 feel as if 2 oughtn't to) And the days
see! e%erlasting& for nobody tal's !uch& and it's awful
at !ealti!es) >other was u$ again to@day& lying on
the sofa)
e$te!ber 70th) 2'%e had such an awful toothache
since the day before yesterday) Dora says it's only
an ache for a gold filling li'e "rau Do'tor >)'s) ;f
course that's absurdS for first of all& surely 2 ought
to 'now whether !y own tooth hurts or not& and
secondly the dentist says that the tooth really is decayed)
2 ha%e to go e%ery other day and 2 can't say
2 enjoy it) At the sa!e ti!e& this year we ha%e such
a frightful lot to learn at school) The <utling is
really %ery nice& if one could only understand better
what she says& but she tal's at such a rate that in the
"ifth& where she teaches too& they call her *aterfall)
<obody has e%er gi%en "rau Do'tor >) a nic'na!e&
not e%en an endearing one) The only one that could
$ossibly be gi%en to her is Angel& and that could not
be a real na!e& it's Muite un!eaning) 2n the drawing
class we are going to draw fro! still life& and& best
of all& ani!al studies too& 2 a! so delighted)
;ctober Jth) Goodness& to@day when we were
co!ing ho!e fro! the 2!$erial "esti%al& we !et
+i'tor in >) treet& but unfortunately he did not see
us) .e was in full@dress unifor! and was wal'ing
with B other officers who! neither 2 nor .ella 'now)
*e were frightfully angry because he did not recognise
usS .ella thin's it can only be because we were
both wearing our big new autu!n hats& which shade
our faces %ery !uch)
;ctober //th) There was a frightful row in the
drawing lesson to@day) -oro%s'y had written a note
to one of her friendsF The little Rewess& ") Gthat
!eans the <utlingH is newly i!$orted fro! candala%ia
with her horsehair $ate with or without inhabitants)N
o!ething of that sort was what she had
written and as she was throwing it across to "ellner&
"raulein choll turned round at that %ery !o!ent
and sei:ed the note) N*ho is ")QN& she as'ed& but
no one answered) That !ade her furious and she $ut
the note in her $oc'et) At / o'cloc'& when the lesson
was o%er& -oro%s'y went u$ to her and as'ed her for
the note) Then she as'ed once !oreF N*ho is ")QN
And "ellner& thin'ing 2 su$$ose that she would hel$
-oro%s'y out& saidF Nhe forgot to write "rau Do'tor
"uchs)N Then the row began) 2 can't write it all
down& it would ta'e too longS of course -oro%s'y will
be ex$elled) he cried li'e anything and begged and
$rayed& and said she did not !ean it& but "raulein
choll says she is going to gi%e the letter to the head)
;ctober /7th) #ontinuationS the head is laid u$
with a chill& so "rl) choll ga%e the note to "rau
Do'tor >)S that was both good and bad) Good because
-oro%s'y will $erha$s be able to stay after all&
and bad because "rau Do'tor >) was frightfully
angry) he ga%e us a fine lecture about True Good
>anners& si!$ly s$lendid) 2 was so glad that 2 was
not !ixed u$ in the business& for she did gi%e -oro%s'y
and "ellner a rating) 2t's $robably true& then&
that her own fiance is a Rew) 2ts horrible that VsheV
abo%e all should be going to ha%e a cruel husbandS
at least if all that ,esi told us is trueS and 2 ex$ect
there is so!e truth in it) *e are frightfully curious
to 'now whether the <utling has heard anything
about it and if so what she will do)
;ctober /Bth) 2 don't thin' the <utling can ha%e
heard anything for she see!ed just as usualS but
.ella thin's and so do 2 that she would not show
anything e%en if "rl) choll had told herS anyhow
it was horridly %ulgarS one is not li'ely to $ass it
on to the $erson concerned) *hy we thin' she does
not 'now anything is that neither -oro%s'y nor "ellner
were called u$)
;ctober /Jth) To@day the needlewo!an brought
Dora's hand'erchiefs with her !onogra! and the
coronet& lo%elyS 2 want so!e li'e the! for #hrist!as)
And for >other she has e!broidered six $illow@cases&
these ha%e a coronet tooS by degrees we shall ha%e the
coronet u$on e%erything) -y the way& here is so!ething
2'd forgotten to writeF 2n one of the first days
of ter! "ather ga%e each of us one of his new %isiting
cards with the new title& 2 was to gi%e !ine to "rau
Do'tor >) and Dora hers to "rau Prof) ?reidl& to
ha%e the na!es $ro$erly entered in the class lists)
"rau Prof) ?reidl did not say anything& but "rau
Do'tor >) was awfully sweet) he saidF N*ell&
Lainer& 2 su$$ose you are greatly $leased at this rise
in ran'QN And 2 saidF N;h yes& 2'! awfully delighted&
but only inside&N then she saidF That's rightS
N,eligion& na!e& and !oney do not !a'e the !an)N
*as not that char!ing( 2 write the % before !y na!e
awfully s!allS but anyone who 'nows can see it)
*hat a sha!e that she is not noble( VheV would be
worthy of it((
;ctober /6th) ;swald has gone to Leoben to@day&
he is to study !ining& but VagainstV "ather's will) -ut
"ather says that no one !ust be forced into a $rofession&
for if he is he will always say throughout life
that he only beca!e this or that on co!$ulsion) The
other e%ening Dora said that ;swald had only chosen
!ining in order to get away fro! ho!eS if he were to
study law or agricultural che!istry he could not get
away fro! +ienna& and that is the chief thing to hi!)
-esides& he is a bit of a hu!bugS for when he ca!e
ho!e fro! Gra: after !atriculation he said in so !any
wordsF N.ow delightful to ha%e one's legs under one's
own table again and to breathe the Vfa!ily at!os$hereV)N
Dora $ro!$tly said to hi!F N.!& you don't see!
to care so %ery !uch about ho!e& for always when
you co!e ho!e for the holidays the first thing you
do is to !a'e $lans for getting away)N "or she is
annoyed too that ;swald can tra%el about where%er
he li'es) And yet he goes on tal'ing about being
NVsubjected to intolerable su$er%isionN((V *hat about
usQ .e can stay out until /9 at night and Vne%erV
co!es to afternoon tea& and in fact does just what he
li'es) 2f 2 go to su$$er with .ella and a! just e%er
so little late& there's a fine row) As for the lectures
$oor Dora had to endure when +i'tor was waiting for
her& 2 shall ne%er forget the!) ;f course she denies
it all now& but 2 was $resent at so!e of the! so 2
'nowS otherwise he would not ha%e called !e Nthe
Guardian Angel)N he beha%es now as if she had
forgotten all about that& so 2 often re!ind her of it
on $ur$ose when we are alone together) The other
day she saidF N2 do beg you& Grete Gnot ,itaH& don't
s$ea' any !ore of that !atterS 2 ha%e buried the
affair for e%er)N And when 2 saidF N-uried& what
do you !eanQ A true lo%e can't si!$ly be VburiedV
li'e that&N she saidF N2t was not a true lo%e& and that's
all there is to say about it)N
;ctober /3th) 2 had a frantically anxious ti!e in
the arith!etic lesson to@day) All of a sudden .ella
flushed dar' red and 2 thought to !yselfF Aha& that's
it( And 2 wrote to her on !y blac'@line $a$erF .as
it begunQQQ for we had agreed that she would tell !e
directly& she will be /J in "ebruary and VitV will
certainly begin soon) "rau Do'tor ") saidF Lainer&
what was that you $ushed o%er to -r)Q and she ca!e
u$ to the des' and too' the blac'@line $a$er) N*hat
does that !eanF .as it begunQQQN Perha$s she
really did not 'now what 2 !eant& but se%eral of the
girls who 'new about it too laughed& and 2 was in
a terrible fright) -ut .ella was si!$ly s$lendid)
NExcuse !e& "rau Do'tor& ,ita as'ed whether the
frost had begun yet)N NAnd that's the way you s$end
your ti!e in the !athe!atics lessonQN -ut than'
goodness that !ade things all right) ;nly in the
inter%al .ella said that really 2 a! inconcei%ably
stu$id so!eti!es) *hat on earth did 2 want to write
a thing li'e that forQ V*henV it begins& Vof courseV
she will let !e 'now directly) As a !atter of fact it
has VnotV begun yet) *e ha%e agreed now that it will
be better to say NEndt&N a sort of $ort!anteau word
of Vde%elo$edV 4entwic'elt8 and Vat lastV 4endlich8 ) That
will really be s$lendid and .ella says that 2 ha$$ened
u$on it in a lucid inter%al) 2t's really rather chee'y
of her& but after all one can forgi%e anything to one's
friend) he absolutely insists that 2 !ust ne%er again
$ut her in such a fix in class) ;f course it ha$$ened
because 2 a! always thin'ingF <ow then& this is the
day)
<o%e!ber Ath) ;n "ather's and Dora's birthday
>other was so ill that we did not 'ee$ it at all) 2
was in a terrible fright that >other was seriously
ill& or e%en that @@ @@ @@ @@ @@ <o& 2 won't e%en
thin' itS one si!$ly !ust not write it down e%en
if one is not su$erstitious) Aunt Dora ca!e last wee'
to 'ee$ house for >other) *e are not going s'ating&
for we are always afraid that >other !ight get worse
just when we are away) As soon as she is able to
get u$ for long enough "ather is going to ta'e her to
see a s$ecialist in the Vdiseases of wo!enVS so it !ust
be true that >other's illness co!es fro! VthatV)
<o%e!ber /3th) ;h it's horrible& >other has to
ha%e an o$erationS 2'! so !iserable that 2 can't
write)
<o%e!ber /0th) >other is so good and dearS she
wants us to go s'ating to ta'e our thoughts off the
o$eration) -ut Dora says too that it would be brutal
to go s'ating when >other is going to ha%e an o$eration
in a few days) "ather said to us yesterday
e%eningF NPull yoursel%es together children& set your
teeth and don't !a'e things harder for your $oor
>other)N -ut 2 can't hel$ it& 2 cry whene%er 2 loo'
at >other)
<o%e!ber 7Brd) 2t is so dis!al at ho!e since
>other went awayS we had to go to school and we
belie%ed she would not lea%e until the afternoon& but
the carriage ca!e in the !orning) Dora says that
"ather had arranged all that because 2 could not control
!yself) *ell& who couldQ Dora cries all dayS
and at school 2 cried a lot and so did .ella)
<o%e!ber 7Ath) Than' goodness& it's all safely
o%er& >other will be ho!e again in a fortnight) 2'!
so ha$$y and only now can 2 realise how VhorriblyV
anxious 2 ha%e been) *e go e%ery day to see >other
at the hos$italS 2 wish 2 could go alone& but we always
go all together& that is either with "ather or with
Aunt Dora) -ut 2 sus$ect that Dora does go to see
>other Muite alone& she ga%e herself away to@day
about the flowers& she beha%es as if >other were only
VherV !other) ;n Thursday& the first ti!e we saw
>other& we all whis$ered& and >other cried& although
the o$eration had !ade her Muite well again) =nfortunately
yesterday& Aunt Al!a was there when we
were& and "ather said that seeing so !any $eo$le
at once was too exciting for >other& and we !ust
go away) ;f course he really !eant that Aunt Al!a
and >arina had better go away& but Aunt did not
understand or would not) *hy on earth did Aunt
co!eQ *e hardly e%er !eet since the trouble about
>arina and that jac'ana$es ErwinS only when there
is a fa!ily $artyS ;swald says it's not a fa!ily
gathering but a fa!ily dis$ersal because nearly always
so!e one ta'es offence)
<o%e!ber B9th) To@day 2 !anaged to be ValoneV
with >other) At school 2 said 2 had an awfully bad
headache and as'ed if 2 !ight go ho!e before the
"rench lessonS 2 really had) *hat 2 told >other
was that "rau Do'tor Dun'er was ill& so we had no
lesson) ,eally one ought not to tell lies to an in%alid&
but this was a V$ious fraudV as .ella's !other always
calls anything of the sort& and no one will find out&
because "rau Do'tor Dun'er has nothing to do with
the "ourth& so Dora won't hear anything about it)
>other said she was Vawfully $leasedV to be able to see
V!eV alone for once) That absolutely $ro%es that Dora
does go alone) >other was so sweet& and ister ?lara
said she was a $erfect angel in goodness and $atience)
Then 2 burst out crying and >other had to soothe !e)
At first& after 2 got ho!e& 2 did not want to say anything
about it& but when we were $utting on our things
after dinner to go and see >other 2 said en $assant
as it wereF NThis is the second ti!e 2 shall be seeing
>other to@day)N And when Dora saidF *hat do
you !eanQ 2 said Muite curtlyF N;ne of our lessons
did not co!e off& and so 2 too' the chance VtooV of being
able to see >other ValoneV)N Then she saidF Did the
$orter let you in without any troubleQ 2t sur$rises
!e %ery !uch that such V%eryV young girls& who are
al!ost children still& are allowed to go in alone)
Luc'ily Aunt ca!e in at that !o!ent and saidF N;h
well& nobody thin's Gretl Muite a child now& and Vboth
of youV can go alone to the hos$ital all right)N ;n the
way we did not s$ea' to one another)
Dece!ber 6th) "or t) <icholas day we too'
>other a big flower $ot& and tied to the stic' was a
label on which "ather had writtenS N-eing ill is
$unishable as an un$er!issible offence in the sense
of ection 1 the >others' and .ousewi%es' Act)N >other
was frightfully a!used) The doctor says she is going
on nicely& and that she will be able to co!e ho!e in
a few days)
Dece!ber 3th) 2t was awful to@day) 2n the
e%ening when we were lea%ing the dining@roo! "ather
saidF NGretl you ha%e forgotten so!ething) And
when 2 ca!e bac' he too' !e by the hand and saidF
N*hy didn't you tell !e that you want so !uch to
see >other ValoneVQ You need not !a'e such a secret
of it)N And then 2 burst out crying and saidF NYes&
2 need not 'ee$ it secret fro! you& but 2 don't li'e
Dora to 'now all about it) Did she tell you what
ha$$ened the other dayQN -ut "ather does not 'now
anything about !y $retended headache& but only that
2 wanted so !uch to see >other alone) .e was
awfully 'ind and 'issed and $etted !e& sayingF
NYou are a dear little thing& little witch& 2 ho$e you
always will be)N -ut 2 got away as Muic' as 2 could&
for 2 felt so asha!ed because of !y fibbing) 2f it
were not for Dora 2'! sure 2 should ne%er tell any
lies)
Dece!ber 3th) "ather is an angel) .e and 2 went
to see >other in the !orning& and Aunt and Dora
went in the afternoon) And since "ather had to go
into the #afe where he had an a$$oint!ent with a
friend& 2 went on alone to see >other and he ca!e in
afterwards) >other as'ed !e about !y #hrist!as
wishesS but 2 told her 2 had only one wish& that she
should get well and li%e for e%er) 2 was awfully glad
that Dora was not there& for 2 could ne%er ha%e got
that out before her) till& she !ade !e tell her !y
wishes after all& so 2 said 2 wanted hander'erchiefs
with N!onogra! and coronet&N %isiting cards with V%onV&
a satchel li'e that which !ost of the girls in the VhigherV
classes ha%e& and the no%el Eli:abeth ?ott) -ut 2 a!
not to ha%e the no%el& for >other was horrified and
saidF >y darling child& that's not the sort of boo' for
youS who on earth $ut that into your headS Ada& 2
su$$oseQ "ro! what 2 'now of your tastes& it really
would not suit you at all) o 2 had to gi%e that u$&
but 2'! certain 2 should not find the boo' stu$id)
Dece!ber //th) >other ca!e ho!e again to@dayS
we did not 'now what ti!e she was co!ing& but only
that it was to be to@day) And because 2 was so glad
that >other is Muite well again& 2 sang two or three
songs& and >other saidF That is a good o!en when
one is greeted with a song) Then Dora was annoyed
because VsheV had not thought of singing) *e had
decorated the whole house with flowers)
Dece!ber /6th) 2 a! e!broidering a cushion for
>other and Dora is !a'ing her a footstool so that
she can sit Muite co!fortably when she is reading)
"or "ather we ha%e bought a new brief bag because
his own is so shabby that it !a'es us Muite asha!edS
but he always saysF N2t will do for a good while yet)N
"or a long ti!e 2 did not 'now what to get for Aunt
Dora& and at length we ha%e decided u$on a lace
fichuS for she is awfully fond of lace) 2 a! gi%ing
.ella a s'etch boo' and a $encil caseS she draws
beautifully and will $erha$s beco!e an artist& for Dora
2 a! getting a %anity bag and for ;swald a cigarette
case with a horse's head on it& for he is frightfully
ta'en u$ with racing and the turf)
Dece!ber /3th) ;wing to >other's illness 2'%e
had si!$ly no ti!e to write anything about the school&
although there has been a Vgreat dealV to write about&
for exa!$le that Prof) *) is %ery friendly again&
although he no longer gi%es us lessons& and that !ost
of the girls can't bear the <utling because she !a'es
such fa%ourites of the Rewish girls) 2t's Muite true
that she does& for exa!$le "ran'e& who is ne%er any
good& will $robably get a Praiseworthy in >aths and
PhysicsS and she lets *einberger do anything she
li'es) 2 always get Excellent both for school wor'
and $re$)S so it really does not !atter to !e& but
-erbenowitsch is frightfully $ut out because she is
no longer the fa%ourite as she was with "rau Do'tor
t) The other day it was Muite un$leasant in the
>aths lesson) 2n the answer to a su! there ha$$ened
to be /@B& and then the <utling as'ed what /@B would
be as a deci!al fractionS so we went on tal'ing about
recurring 4$eriodic8 deci!als and e%ery ti!e she used
the word V$eriodV& so!e of the girls giggled& but luc'ily
so!e of the! were Rews& and she got $erfectly sa%age
and si!$ly screa!ed at us) 2n "rau Do'tor t's
lesson in the "irst& so!e of the girls giggled at the
sa!e thing and she went on just as if she had not
noticed it& but afterwards she always s$o'e of V$eriodic
$lacesV& and then one does not thin' of the real !eaning
so !uch) "rau Do'tor ") said she should co!$lain
to "rau Do'tor >) about our unsee!ly beha%iour)
-ut really all the girls had not giggled& for ex) .ella
and 2 si!$ly exchanged glances and understood one
another at once) 2 can't endure that idiotic giggling)
Dece!ber 79th) ;swald ca!e ho!e to@dayS he's
fine) 2t's Muite true that he has really had a !oustache
for a long ti!e& but was not allowed to grow it at the
Gy!nasiu!S in boarding schools the barber co!es
e%ery aturday& and they Vha%eV to be sha%ed) .e
always says that at the Gy!nasiu! e%erything !anly
is si!$ly su$$ressed) 2 a! so glad 2 a! not a !an
and need not go to Gy!nasiu!) Anyhow he has a
s$lendid !oustache now) .ella did not recognise
hi! at first and drew bac' in alar!& she only 'new
hi! after a !o!ent by his %oice) *e ha%e rec'oned
it u$& and find that she has not seen hi! since the
Easter before last) At first he called her "raulein&
but her !other saidF Don't be silly) 2t did not see!
silly to !e& but !ost $olite(((
Dece!ber 7Brd) >other is so delighted that ;swald
is ho!e again and he really is awfully niceS he is
gi%ing her a wonderful flowers@of@iron grou$ re$resenting
a !ountain scene with a forest& and in the foreground
so!e roe deer as if in a $asture)
Dece!ber 76th) ;nly ti!e for a few words) >other
was %ery well yesterday& and it has not done her any
har! to stay u$ so long) 2 a! so ha$$y) *e both
got a tie $in with a sa$$hire and B little dia!onds&
they ha%e been !ade out of so!e earrings which
>other ne%er wears now) -ut the nice thing about
it is that they are !ade fro! her earrings) The satchel
and tifter's Tales are awfully nice and so are the
hand'erchiefs with the coronet and e%erything else)
.ella ga%e !e a reticule with !y !onogra! and the
coronet as well) ;swald has gi%en Dora and !e
s!all $a$erweights and "ather a big one& bron:e
grou$s) *e really need two writing tables& but there
is no roo! for two) o 2 a! going to arrange the
little corner table as !y writing table and ha%e all
!y things there)
Dece!ber 71th) At the -ruc'ners yesterday it
was really awful) .ella's !other is $erfectly rightS
when anyone loo's li'e VthatV she ought not to $ay
%isits when she 'nows that other $eo$le !ay be there)
.ella told !e the day before yesterday how frightfully
noticeable it is in her cousin that she is in an i@@ c@@(
.er !other was %ery !uch $ut out on her account
and she wanted to $re%ent E!!y's standing u$) *e
were si!$ly disgusted and horrified) -ut her husband
is awfully gentle with herS he is certainly not $retty
and es$ecially the $uffiness under her eyes is horrid)
They say that !any wo!en loo' li'e that when they
are $r) he was wearing a V!aternity dressV& and that
gi%es the whole show away( .ella says that so!e
wo!en loo' awfully $retty when they are in an
i@@ c@@& but that so!e loo' hideous) 2 do ho$e 2
shall be one of the first 'ind& if 2 e%er ) ) ) <o& it
is really horrible& e%en if it !a'es one $rettyS when 2
thin' of "rau %on -aldner and what she loo'ed li'e
last su!!er& yet "ather has always said she is a
a $erfect beauty) ,eally no one is $retty in an
i@@ c@@) oon after tea .ella and 2 went u$ to
her roo!& and she said it had really been too !uch
for her and that she could not ha%e stood it !uch
longer) And we went on tal'ing about it for such a
long ti!e& that it really !ade both of us nearly ill)
;n unday E!!y and her husband are co!ing to
dine with the -rs)& and .ella begged !e to as' her to
dinner with us& or she would be Muite u$set) o of
course she is co!ing here and than' goodness that
will sa%e her fro! feeling ill) And then she said that
2 !ust not thin' she wanted to co!e to us because of
;swald& but only for that VotherV reason) 2 understand
that $erfectly well& and she does not need to !a'e any
excuses to !e)
70th) .ella ca!e to dinner to@day& she was wearing
a new dress& a light strawberry colour& and it suited
her ad!irably) 2n the e%ening ;swald saidF Ntwo
or three years !ore& and .ella will loo' ri$$ing)N
2t does annoy !e so this continual VwillV) .ella's
father si!$ly said of !e that 2 VwasV char!ing&& and not
that idioticF 2 Vwas going to beco!eV char!ing) 2 do
hate the way $eo$le always tal' out into the future)
.owe%er& ;swald $aid .ella a great deal of attention)
2n the afternoon& when .ella and 2 were tal'ing about
hi!& 2 wanted to turn the con%ersation to Lajos& but
she flushed u$ and said he was utterly false& for since
;ctober he had only been to see the! once& on a unday&
just when they were going to the theatre) ;f
course he says he does not care a jot about the %isits
unless he can see her alone) he can't realise that
that shows the greatness of his lo%e) 2 understand it
$erfectly) -ut it is really !onstrous that Reno has
as'ed after !e only once& Muite casually) And he
really !ight ha%e sent !e a card at #hrist!as) -ut
that's what young !en are li'e) The $ro%erb really
a$$lies to the!F ;ut of sight out of !ind)
Dece!ber B9th) "rau ,ichter called to@day& but
only in the !orning for a Muarter of an hour) <ot
a word was said about +i'tor& though 2 stayed in
the drawing@roo! on $ur$ose) Dora did not $ut in
an a$$earance& though 2'! sure she was at ho!e)
.e is extraordinarily li'e his !other& he has the sa!e
lo%ely straight nose& and the s!all !outh and well@
cut li$sS but he is %ery tall and she is Muite s!all
half a head shorter than >other) *e owe the! a
call& but 2 don't !uch thin' that we shall go)
Dece!ber B/st) 2 really ha%e no ti!e& since this is
<ew Year's E%e& but 2 si!$ly V!ustV write) Dora and
2 went s'ating this !orning& and we !et +i'tor on
the iceS he went frightfully $ale& saluted& and s$o'e
to usS Dora wished to $ass on& but he detained her
and said that she !ust allow hi! to ha%e a tal'& so
he ca!e s'ating with us since she would not go to
a confectioner's with hi!) he was certainly Muite
right not to go to a confectioner's) ;f course 2 don't
'now what they tal'ed about& but in the afternoon
Dora cried frightfully& and +i'tor ne%er said good@bye
to !eS it's i!$ossible that he can ha%e forgotten& so
either 2 !ust ha%e been too far away at the ti!e& or
else Dora did not want hi! toS !ost li'ely the latter)
2'! frantically sorry for hi!& for he is $assionately
in lo%e with her) -ut she won't co!e to her senses
until it is too late) 2 don't thin' she has said a word
to >other either) -ut all the afternoon she was $laying
!elancholy !usic& and that shows how !uch she
had felt it)
Ranuary 7nd) Yesterday 2 had no ti!e to write
because we had callers& $retty dull for the !ost $art&
the Listes and the TrobischesS Rulie Tr) is such a
stu$id creature& and 2 don't belie%e she 'nows the
first thing about Vthose !attersVS Annie is not Muite
all there& Lotte is the only tolerable one) till& since
we $layed round ga!es for $ri:es& it was not as dull
as it !ight ha%e been& and "rit: and ,udl are Muite
nice boys) 2n the e%ening >other was so tired out
that "ather said he really !ust $ut a sto$ to all this
callingS 2 can't say 2 care !uch !yself for VthatV sort
of %isits& es$ecially since Dora always will tal' about
Vboo'sV) Peo$le always tal' about such frightfully dull
boo's whene%er they ha%e nothing else to say) chool
began again to@day& with a Ger!an lesson than' goodness)
Though 2'! not su$erstitious in general& 2 !ust
say 2 do li'e a good beginning) -esides& first thing
in the !orning we !et two chi!neyswee$s& and without
our ha%ing tried to arrange it in any way they
$assed us on our VleftV) That ought to bring good luc')
Ranuary 6th) >ost i!$ortant& .ella since yesterday
e%ening @@ @@ @@ @@( he did not co!e to school
yesterday& for the day before she felt frightfully bad&
and her !other really began to thin' she was going
to ha%e another attac' of a$$endicitis) 2nstead of
that((( he loo's so ill and interesting& 2 s$ent the
whole afternoon and e%ening with herS and at first
she did not want to tell !e what was the !atter)
-ut when 2 said 2 should go away if she did not tell
!e& she saidF NAll right& but you !ust not !a'e
such idiotic faces& and abo%e all you !ust not loo'
at !e)N N+ery well&N 2 said& N2 won't loo'& but tell
!e e%erything about it)N o then she told !e that she
had felt frantically bad& as if she was being cut in
two& !uch worse than after the a$$endicitis o$eration&
and then she had frantically high fe%er and shi%ered
at the sa!e ti!e& all "riday& and yesterday @@ @@ @@
tableau(( And then her !other told her the chief
things& though she 'new the! already) Earlier on
"riday the doctor had saidF NDon't let us be in a
hurry to thin' about a rela$se& there !ay be Vother((V
causes)N And then he whis$ered to her !other&
but .ella caught the word VenlightenV) Then she 'new
directly what ti!e of day it was) he acted the innocent
to her !other& as if she 'new nothing at all& and
her !other 'issed her and said& now you are not a
child any !ore& now you belong a!ong the grown@u$s)
.ow absurd& so V2V a! still a child( After all& on Ruly
B9th 2 shall be /J too& and at least one !onth before 2
shall ha%e it too& so 2 shan't be a VchildV for !ore than
six !onths !ore) .ella and 2 laughed frightfully&
but she is really a little $uffed u$ about itS she won't
ad!it that she is& but 2 noticed it Muite clearly) The
only girl 2 'now who did not $ut on airs when that
ha$$ened was Ada) -ecause of the school .ella is
awfully shy& and before her father too) -ut her
!other has $ro!ised her not to tell hi!) 2f only one
can trust her(((
Ranuary 1th) .ella ca!e to school to@day Vin s$ite
of e%erythingV) 2 'e$t on loo'ing at her& and in the
inter%al she saidF N2 ha%e told you already that you
!ust not stare at !e in that idiotic way& and this is
the second ti!e 2'%e had to s$ea' to you about it)
;ne !ust not !a'e a jo'e about such things)N 2 was
not going to stand that) ;ne !ust not loo' at herS
%ery well& in the third lesson 2 sat turning away fro!
herS then suddenly she hoo'ed one of !y feet with
hers so that 2 nearly burst out laughing& and she saidF
NDo loo' round& for that way is e%en stu$ider)N ;f
course Dun'er $ro!$tly called us to order& that is& she
told .ella to go on reading& but .ella said $ro!$tly
that she felt %ery unwell& and that what she had said
to !e was& she would ha%e to go ho!e at /7) All
the girls loo'ed at one another& for they all 'now what
VunwellV !eans& and "rau Do'tor Dun'er said .ella
had better lea%e directly& but she answered in "rench
@@that $leases Dun'er awfully@@that she would
rather stay till the end of the lesson) 2t was si!$ly
s$lendid(
Ranuary /7th) *e went to the Peo$le's Theatre
to@day to the !atinee of The "ourth #o!!and!ent)
The $arting fro! the grand!other was lo%elyS al!ost
e%eryone was in tears) 2 !anaged to 'ee$ fro! crying
because Dora was only two $laces fro! !e& and
so did .ella& $robably for the sa!e reason) Anyway
she was not $aying !uch attention to the $lay for in
the !ain inter%al Lajos& who had been in the stalls&
ca!e u$ and said how d'you do to .ella and her
!other) .e wanted to go ho!e with the! after the
$erfor!ance) Reno has !u!$s& it is a horrid sort of
illness and if 2 had it 2 should ne%er ad!it it) Those
illnesses in which one is swelled u$ are the nastiest
of all) The unday after next Lajos and Reno ha%e
been in%ited to the -rs) and of course they as'ed !e
too& 2 a! so glad)
Ranuary /Ath) 2 ha%e not written for a whole wee'&
we ha%e such a frantic lot of wor'& es$ecially in
"rench in which we are %ery bac'ward& at least
Dun'er says so(( he can't stand >ada!e Arnau&
that's ob%ious) "or !y $art 2 li'ed >ad) Arnau a
great deal better& if only because she had no $i!$les)
And Prof) Rordan's .istory class is awfully difficult&
because he always !a'es one find out the causes
for oneselfS one has to learn Vintelligently(V& but that
is %ery difficult in .istory) <o one e%er gets an
Excellent fro! hi!& exce$t +erbenowitsch so!eti!es&
but she learns out of a boo'& not our class boo'& but
the one on which .err Prof) R) bases his lectures)
And because she reads it all u$ beforehand& naturally
she always 'nows all the causes of the war and the
VconseMuencesV) ,eally VconseMuencesV !eans so!ething
Muite different& and so .ella and 2 ne%er dare loo'
at one another when he is exa!ining us and as'sF
*hat were the conseMuences of this e%entQ ;f
course the .err Prof) i!agined that "ran'e was
laughing at Vhi!V when she was only laughing at
VconseMuencesVS and it was i!$ossible for her to ex$lain&
es$ecially to a gentle!an((((
Ranuary 79th) *hen Dora and 2 were co!ing
ho!e fro! s'ating to@day we !et >ade!oiselle& and
2 said how d'you do to her at once& and 2 was as'ing
her how VsheV G!uch e!$hasisedH was getting on& when
suddenly 2 noticed that Dora had gone on& and
>ade!oiselle saidF NYour sister see!s in a great
hurry& 2 don't want to detain her)N *hen 2 caught
Dora u$ and as'ed herF N*hy did you run awayQN
she tossed her head and saidF NThat sort of co!$any
does not suit !e)N N*hat on earth do you !ean&
you were so awfully fond of >ad)& and besides she
is really lo%ely)N That's true enough& she saidS but
it was awfully tactless of her to tell !e of all that@@
you 'now what) uch an inti!acy behind her $arents'
bac's Vcannot $ossibly lead toV ha$$iness) Then 2 got
in such a fearful te!$er and saidF N;h do shut u$)
"ather and >other did not 'now anything about
+i'tor either& and you were ha$$y enough then) 2t
is just the secrecy that !a'es one so ha$$y)N Then
she said %ery softlyF NDear Grete& you too will
change your %iews&N and then we did not say another
word) -ut 2 was awfully angry o%er her !eannessS
for first of all she wanted to hear the whole story&
although >ad) ne%er offered to tell her& and now she
$retends that VsheV did not wish it) 2f 2 only 'new
where to find >ad) 2 would warn her) Anyhow& this
day wee' at 1 2 shall ta'e care to be in *) treet&
and $erha$s 2 !ay !eet her& for she $robably has
a $ri%ate lesson so!ewhere in that neighborhood)
Ranuary 7Jth) >other is %ery ill again to@day&
Vin s$ite ofV the o$eration) 2 ha%e decided that 2
won't go on unday to the -rs) although Reno will
be there& and that 2 won't wait about for >ade!oiselle
on >onday) 2 ha%e not told .ella anything about
this for she would $robably say it was %ery stu$id
of !e& but 2 would rather notS not because Dora
has twice s$o'en to !e $ointedly about a Vclear
conscienceV& but because 2 don't enjoy anything when
>other is ill)
Ranuary 73th) >other is an angel) Yesterday she
as'ed Aunt DoraF N-y the way& Dora& has Grete $ut
a fresh lace tuc'er in her blue froc'& ready for the
-rs) to@!orrowQN Then 2 saidF N2'! not going
>other&N and >other as'edF N-ut why not& surely
not on !y accountQN Then 2 rushed u$ to her and
saidF N2 can't enjoy anything when you are ill)N
And then >other was so awfully sweet& and she we$t
and saidF NVuch !o!entsV !a'e one forget all $ains
and troubles) -ut really you V!ustV go& besides 2'!
a good deal better to@day& and to@!orrow 2 shall be
Muite well again)N o 2 answeredF NAll right& 2'll go&
but only if you are VreallyV well) -ut you !ust tell
!e VhonestlyV)N -ut in any case 2 shan't go to !eet
>ade!oiselle on >onday)
Ranuary 7Ath) 2t was >athe!atics to@day at
school& so 2 could not write yesterday) *e had a
hea%enly ti!e on unday) *e laughed till our sides
ached and .ella was nearly suffocated with laughing)
Lajos is enough to gi%e one fitsS it was absolutely
ri$$ing the way he i!itated the wife of >ajor Woltan
in the Acade!y and #a$tain ,iffl) 2 can hardly
write about it& for !y hand sha'es so with laughing
when 2 thin' of it) And then& while .ella and Lajos
were singing songs together& Reno told !e that e%ery
student in the <eustadt has an ina!orata& a VrealV one)
>ostly in +ienna& but so!e in *iener <eustadt
though that is dangerous because of being caught)
All the officers 'now about it& but no one !ust be
found out) Then 2 told hi! about ;swald's affair
and he saidF N;swald was a great don'ey& you'll
excuse !e for saying so since he's your brotherS but
really he !ade a fool of hi!self) .e was only a
ci%ilianS it's Muite different in the ar!y)N Then 2 got
cross and saidF NThat's all %ery well& Reno& but you
are not an officer yourself& so 2 don't see how you can
'now anything about it)N Then he said to .ellaF
N2 say& 2lon'a& you !ust 'ee$ your friend in better
order& she is rather inclined to be insubordinate)N
he is to !a'e a written note of e%ery act of
VinsubordinationV& and then he will ad!inister Vexe!$laryV
$unish!ent) All %ery fine& but it will ta'e two to that)
Ranuary B9th) 2 wish 2 'new whether >ade!oiselle
really $assed through *) treet again at 1 o'cloc'
on >onday& for she certainly said %ery distinctlyF
NAu re%oir& !a cherie(N he is so $retty and so $aleS
$erha$s she is really ill& and she !ust be awfully ner%ous
about @@ @@ @@ That would be terrible) *e wonder
whether she 'nows about certain !eans& but one
si!$ly can't tell her)
"ebruary 7nd) 2'%e had a wonderful idea and
.ella thin's it a $ositi%e ins$iration) *e are going
to write anony!ously to >ade!oiselle about those
!eans& and .ella will write& so that no one can recognise
!y writing) *e thin' so!ething of that sort
!ust ha%e ha$$ened to >ade!oiselle& for the other
day 2 heard >other say to Aunt DoraF N2f we had
'nown that& we should ne%er ha%e engaged her for
the childrenS it will be a terrible thing for her $arents)N
And Aunt Dora saidF NYes& those are the sort of
$eo$le who hide their disgrace under the water)N 2t
see!s Muite clear& for VdisgraceV !eans an Villegiti!ateV
child) And the worst of it is& that they 'now that she
has done VthatV) *e !ust hel$ the $oor thing) And
VthatV is why Dora is so indignant all of a sudden) -ut
how can she 'nowQ there is nothing to notice yet in
>ade!oiselleS if there had been 2 should certainly
ha%e seen it& for .ella often says 2'%e a 'een eye for
it) That is Muite true& 2 was the first $erson to notice
it in the !aid at Prof) .ofer's& when e%en "ather had
not noticed it)
"ebruary Jth) *ell& we na%e written to her& at
least .ella has& saying there are VsuchV !eans& and that
she will find all the details in the encyclo$edia) *e
ha%e addressed it to ") >) and signed it No!eone
who understands you)N =nfortunately we shall ne%er
be able to find out whether she got the letter& but the
!ain thing is that she VshouldV)
"ebruary 1th) *hat a frightful lot of anxiety a
letter can gi%e one( 2n the inter%al to@day the school
ser%ant ca!e u$ to !e and saidF Please are you
"raulein Lainer of the Third) NThere is a letter for
you)N 2 blushed furiously& for 2 thought& it !ust
be fro! >ade!oiselle& but !y blushing !ade "rau
-erger thin' it !ust be fro! a young !anF N,eally
2 ought to gi%e it to the head !istressS 2 a! not
allowed to deli%er any letters to the $u$ils& but in
your case 2 will !a'e an exce$tion) -ut $lease re!e!ber
if it ha$$ens again 2 shall ha%e to hand it
in to the office)N Then 2 saidF N"rau -erger& 2 a!
Muite certain it is not fro! a gentle!an& but fro! a
young lady&N and when she ga%e it to !e 2 saw directly
that it really was not fro! a gentle!an but only fro!
Ada( 2t really is too stu$id of her( At the <ew
Year she re$roached !e for ha%ing bro'en !y word&
and now she begs !e to enMuire at the ,ai!und
Theatre or at the Peo$le's Theatre whether .err G)
is thereS she says she can't li%e without hi! in t) P)
-ut in the holidays she told !e that she was not
in lo%e with hi!& that for her he was only Va !eans
to an endV) 2'! absolutely certain she said that)
<othing will induce !e to go to enMuire at a theatre
VofficeV& and .ella says too that to !a'e VsuchV a suggestion
is a $iece of i!$udence) 2 shall just write her an
ordinary letter& telling her what a row she !ight ha%e
got !e into at school) 2 really thin' Ada has a bee
in her bonnet& as "ather always says)
"ebruary /9th) 2 ne%er heard of such a thing(
2 was sent for to the office to@day because the school
ser%ant had co!$lained that on two occasions 2 had
thrown down so!e orange $eel at the entrance) 2t's
Muite true that 2 did dro$ one $iece there yesterday&
but 2 $ushed it out of the way with !y foot into the
corner& and as for any other ti!e 2 'now nothing
about it) -ut 2 see which way the wind is blowing)
"rau -erger thought 2 would gi%e her so!e !oney
for that letterS just fancy& how absurd& !oney for a
letter li'e that& 2 wouldn't gi%e 79 'reu:er for such
a letter) -ut since then she's been in a frightfully
bad te!$er& 2 noticed it on *ednesday when we were
wi$ing our shoes at the door) *hat 2 said to the
head wasF 2t ha$$ened only once& and 2 'ic'ed the
$eel into the corner where no one could tread on it&
but 2 certainly did not do it twice& and -ruc'ner can
confir! what 2 say)N Then the head saidF N;h
well& we need not !a'e a state affair of it& but the
next ti!e you dro$ so!ething& $lease $ic' it u$)N
"rau -erger is furious& and all we girls in our class
ha%e decided that while we won't !a'e !ore !ess
than we need& still& we shan't be too $articular) 2f
any one of us ha$$ens to dro$ a $iece of $a$er she will
just let it lie) uch chee'& one really can't stand it(
"ebruary /7th) *e got our re$orts to@day) 2 ha%e
not got any atisfactories& only Praiseworthy and
Excellent) "ather and >other are awfully $leased
and they ha%e gi%en each of us 7 crowns) 2ndeed
Dora has $ractically nothing but Excellents& only
three PraiseworthiesS but she studies frantically hard&
and she is learning Latin again with "rau Do'tor >)
2f she is still teaching the lower classes next year&
2 shall go too& for that way we shall ha%e her for
B hours longer each wee') -y the way& "ran'e has
actually got Praiseworthy in >aths) and Physics&
though she's hardly any good) The <utling see!s to
gi%e extraordinarily good re$orts& for twice in the
>aths) schoolwor' .ella has had an =nsatisfactory&
and yet now in her re$ort she has Praiseworthy)
*ith "rau Do'tor >) one has really to deser%e one's
re$ort& and it was just the sa!e last year with "r)
Dr) t) The worst of all is with .err Prof) Rordan)
<ot a single one of us has got an Excellent exce$t
that deceitful cat +erbenowitsch) To@!orrow the -rs)
are gi%ing a great birthday $arty because of .ella's
/Jth birthday) Lajos and Reno are co!ing and the
two Ehrenfelds& because .ella is %ery fond of the!&
es$ecially Trude& the elder& that is she is 7 days older
than ?itty& for they are Vtwins((V .ow awful(((
They only ca!e to the Ly: this year& and .ella !eets
the! s'ating e%ery day& 2 don't because we ha%e no
season tic'ets this year but only ta'e day tic'ets when
we can go& because of >other's illness) 2 a! gi%ing
.ella an electric torch with a %ery $owerful reflector&
so that it really lights u$ the whole roo!& and an
a!ber nec'lace)
"ebruary /Jth) 2t's a good thing that we ha%e
the half@ter! holiday to@day and to@!orrow for that
gi%es !e ti!e to write all about yesterday) 2t was
si!$ly $heno!enal( 2 went to wish .ella !any
ha$$y returns Muite early& and 2 stayed to dinner
and Lajos and Reno had been in%ited to dinner too
in the afternoon the 7 Ehrenfelds ca!e and brought
a box of sweets& and B of .ella's girl cousins and two
boys& one of who! is frightfully stu$id and ne%er
s$ea's a word& and se%eral aunts and other ladies&
for the grown@u$s had their friends too) -ut we did
not bother about the!& for the dining@roo!& Li::i's
roo!& and .ella's roo! had been arranged for us)
.ella had been sent such a lot of flowers that
they nearly ga%e us a headache) At dinner Lajos
$ro$osed a toast to .ella and another at tea) .ella
was s$lendid& and in the e%ening she said to !eF NAt
/J one really does beco!e a different being)N "or
in $ro$osing his toast Lajos had said that e%ery 1
years a hu!an being is co!$letely changed& and .ella
thin's that is $erfectly true) Than' goodness& Vin 3 /O7
!onths 2 shall change !y whole being tooV) There
really did see! to be so!ething different about her&
and when we all had to blow to extinguish the candles
on her birthday ca'e& all exce$t the life@light in the
!iddle& as a sign that the other years ha%e $assed&
she really got Muite $ale& for she was afraid that in
jo'e or through aw'wardness so!e one would blow
out her life@light) Than' goodness it was all right)
2 don't !uch care for such things !yself& for 2'!
always afraid that so!ething !ight ha$$en) ;f
course 2 'now that it's only a su$erstition& but it
would ha%e been horribly un$leasant if anyone had
blown out the life@light) V;$enly((V Lajos ga%e .ella
an enor!ous VsMuareV box of sweets& and Vsecretly((V a
sil%er ring with a heart $endant) .e wanted her
to wear this until it is re$laced by a VgoldV one@@the
VweddingV ring) -ut she can't because of her $arents&
so she begged !e to allow her to say that 2 had gi%en
it her& but that would not do either because of "ather
and >other) VTheseV things are such a nuisance& and
that is why no young !an will e%er go on li%ing at
ho!e where one is continually being Muestioned about
e%erything one has& and does& and wears) After tea
we sangF N.ad 2 but stayed on !y lonely .earthN
and other sad songs& because they are the $rettiest&
and in the e%ening we danced while .ella's "ather
$layed for usS and then Elwira& the tall cousin&
danced the c:ardas with Lajos& it was wonderful)
2'%e ne%er 'nown such a birthday $arty as yesterday's)
2t's only $ossible in winterS you can ne%er ha%e anything
li'e it on !y birthday& Ruly B9th& for the $eo$le
one is fondest of are ne%er all together at that ti!e)
,eally no one ought to ha%e a birthday in the holiday
!onths& but always so!eti!e between the end of e$@
te!ber and Rune) 2 do wish 2 were /J& 2 si!$ly
can't wait) .ella's !other said to .ella& You are
not a child any longer& but a grown@u$S 2 do wish
2 were too(((
"ebruary /3th) *e ha%e a new schoolfellow) All
the girls and all the staff are delighted with her) he
is so s!all she !ight be only /9& but awfully $retty)
he has brown curls G.ella says foxy red& but 2 don't
agreeH hanging down to her shoulders& large brown
eyes& a lo%ely !outh& and a co!$lexion li'e !il' and
roses) he is the daughter of a ban' !anager in
.a!burgS he shot hi!self& 2 don't 'now why) ;f
course she is in !ourning and it suits her wonderfully)
he has a strong <orth Ger!an accent) "rau Do'tor
"uchs is si!$ly infatuated with her and the head is
awfully fond of her too)
"ebruary /0th) .ella and 2 wal'ed ho!e to@day
with Anneliese) he is called Anneliese %on Wer'wit:)
.er !other has been so frightfully u$set by her
father's death that she'll $robably ha%e to be sent to a
sanatoriu!S that is why Anneliese has co!e to +ienna
to stay with her uncle) .e is a $rofessor and they
li%e in *iedner .au$tstrasse) Dora thin's her
char!ing too& the whole school is in lo%e with her&
she is going to gy!) with usS 2 a! so glad) ;f
course she won't stand near .ella and !e because
she's so s!allS but we can always 'ee$ an eye on her&
show her e%erything& and hel$ her with the a$$aratus)
.ella is a trifle jealous and saysF N2t see!s to !e
that Anneliese has Muite ta'en !y $lace in your
affections)N 2 said that was not a bit true& but did she
not thin' Anneliese awfully lo%eableQ NYes&N said
.ella& Nbut one !ust not neglect old friends on that
account)N N2 certainly shan't do anything of the
'indS but Anneliese really needs so!e one who will
show her e%erything and ex$lain e%erything)N -esides&
the head !istress and "rau Do'tor >) $laced
her in front of !e and said to usF NGi%e her a
hel$ing hand)N
"ebruary 79th) 2t's such a $ity that 2 can't as'
Anneliese here& for >other has been in bed for the
last wee') -ut she is going to .ella's on unday&
and since 2 a! going too of course 2 a! frightfully
glad) <aturally 2 would !uch rather ha%e her hereS
but unfortunately it's i!$ossible because of >other)
Dora thin's that >other will ha%e to ha%e another
o$eration& but 2 don't belie%e it& for VsuchV an o$eration
can only be done VonceV) *hat 2 can't understand
is why there should be anything wrong with >other
if the o$eration was successful) Dora is afraid that
>other has cancer& that would be horribleS but 2
don't belie%e she has& because if one has cancer one
can't reco%er)
"ebruary 7Brd) 2t was hea%enly at the -ruc'ners(
Anneliese did not co!e until J& for they don't ha%e
dinner until B) he wore a white e!broidered froc'
with blac' sil' ribbons) .ella's !other 'issed her
with tears in her eyes) "or her !other really is in
a sanatoriu! because is suffering fro! Vner%ousV
disease) Anneliese is li%ing with her uncle and aunt)
-ut she often cries because of her father and !other)
till& she enjoyed herself i!!ensely in the round
ga!es& winning all the best $ri:es& a $oc'et co!b
and !irror& a box of sweets& a toy ele$hant& a negro
with a %ase& and other things as well) 2 won a $en@
wi$er& a double %ase& a $encil holder& a lot of sweets&
and a note boo'& .ella won a lot of things too& and so
did her two cousins and Renny)
Then we had so!e !usic and Anneliese sang the
*acht a! ,hein and a lot of fol' songsS her %oice is
as sweet as herself) he was fetched at 1& 2 stayed till A)
>arch /st) To@!orrow .ella and 2 ha%e been in
%ised to Anneliese's) 2 a! so awfully glad) 2 shall
as' >other to let !e wear !y new theatre blouse
and the green s$ring coat and s'irt) The te!$erature
went u$ to 6J degrees to@day)
>arch Brd) Yesterday we went to Anneliese's)
he shares a roo! with her cousinS she is only //
and goes to the !iddle school& but she is a nice girl
2 ex$ected to find e%erything frightfully s!art at
Professor Arndt's& but it was not so at all) They
ha%e only B roo!s not $articularly well furnished)
.e has retired on a $ension& E!!y is their granddaughter&
she li%es with the! because her father is
in Galicia& a ca$tain or !ajor 2 thin') 2t was not
so a!using as at .ella's) *e $layed ga!es without
$ri:es& and that is dullS it is not that one $lays for
the sa'e of the $ri:es& but what's the use of $laying
if one does not win anythingQ Then they read aloud
to us out of a story boo') -ut what .ella and 2
found exas$erating was that Anneliese's uncle said
NDuN to us both) "or .ella is /J& and 2 shall be
/J in a few !onths) -ut .ella was Muite rightS in
con%ersation she saidF NAt the .igh chool only
the !istresses say Du to us& the $rofessors Vha%eV to
say ie)N =nfortunately he went away soon after&
so we don't 'now whether he too' the hint) .ella
says too that it was not $articularly entertaining)
>arch 0th) ;h dear& >other really has got cancerS
of course "ather has not told us so& but she has to
ha%e another o$eration) Dora has cried her eyes out
and !y 'nees are tre!bling) he's going to hos$ital
on "riday) Aunt Dora is co!ing bac' on Thursday
and will stay here till >other is well again) 2 do
so dread the o$eration& and still !ore >other's going
away) 2t's horrible& but still lots of $eo$le ha%e
cancer and don't die of it)
>arch 77nd) >other is co!ing ho!e again to!orrow)
;h 2 a! so glad( E%erything is so Muiet
in the hos$ital and one hardly dares s$ea' in the
$assages) >other saidF N2 don't want to stay here
any longer& let !e go bac' to !y children)N *e
went to see >other in hos$ital e%ery day and too'
her %iolets and other flowers& for she was not allowed
to eat anything during the first few days after the
o$eration) -ut it's Muite different now that she's
ho!e again) 2 should ha%e li'ed to stay away fro!
school to@day& but >other saidF N<o& children& go
to school& do it to $lease !e)N o of course we went&
but 2 si!$ly could not attend to !y lessons)
>arch 7Jth) >other is aslee$ now) he loo's
frightfully ill and still has a lot of $ain) 2'! sure the
doctors can't really understand her caseS for if they
had o$erated $ro$erly she would not still ha%e $ain
after the VsecondV o$eration) 2 should li'e to 'now
VwhatV >other has been tal'ing to Dora about& for they
both cried) Although Dora and 2 are on good ter!s
now& she would not tell !e& but said she had $ro!ised
>other not to s$ea' about it) 2 can't belie%e that
>other has told Dora a VsecretV& but $erha$s it was
so!ething about !arrying) "or Dora only saidF
N-esides& >other did not need to say that to !e&
for !y !ind was Muite !ade u$ in any case)N 2 do
hate such hints& it's better to say nothing at all) As
soon as >other can get u$ she is going to Abba:ia
for a change& and !ost li'ely Dora will go with her)
>arch 73th) >other and Dora are going to Abba::ia
next wee') Dora thin's 2 en%y her the journey&
and she saidF N2 would VwillinglyV renounce the jour@
ney and the seaside if only >other would get well
And this year when 2 ha%e to !atriculate& 2 certainly
should not go for $leasure)N 2'! so awfully !iserable
that 2 si!$ly can't wear a red ribbon in !y hair&
though red suits !e best) 2 generally wear a blac'
one now& but since yesterday a brown one& for >other
saidF N;h& Gretel& do gi%e u$ that blac' ribbonS
it loo's so gloo!y and does not suit you at all) ;f
course 2 could not tell >other VhowV 2 was feeling& so
2 too' the brown one and said the red ribbon was
Muite worn out)
A$ril /7th) 2 ne%er get !y diary written) 2t's so
gloo!y at ho!e for >other is %ery bad) ;swald is
co!ing ho!e to@!orrow for the Easter holidays and
>other is loo'ing forward so to seeing hi!) 2 was
to ha%e gone with .ella and her father to >aria@Well&
for this year they are $robably going to ta'e a house
for the su!!er in >itterbach or >itterberg near
>aria@Well) -ut 2 a! not going after all& for 2 don't
feel inclined& and 2 thin' >other is better $leased
that 2 should notS for she saidF No 2 shall ha%e all
!y three darlings together here at Easter)N *hen
she said that 2 wanted to cry& and 2 ran Muic'ly out
of the roo! so that she !ight not see !e) -ut she
!ust ha%e seen& for after dinner she saidF NGretel&
if you really VwantV to go with the -ruc'ners& 2 should
li'e you toS 2 should be so glad for you to ha%e a little
$leasure& you ha%e not had !uch enjoy!ent all the
winter)N And then 2 could not sto$ !yself& and 2
burst out crying and saidF N<o& >other& 2 won't go
on any account) All 2 want is that you should get
Muite well again)N And then >other cried too and
saidF Darling& 2'! afraid 2 shall ne%er be Muite well
again& but 2 should li'e to stay until you are all grown
u$S after that you won't need !e so !uch)N Then
Dora ca!e in and when she saw that >other was
crying she said that "ather had sent for !e) .e
hadn't really but in the e%ening she told !e that
>other's illness was ho$eless& but that 2 !ust not do
anything to u$set her or let her see what 2 was feeling)
And then we both cried a lot and $ro!ised
one another that we would always stay with "ather)
>ay /3th) >other died on A$ril 7Jth& the unday
after Easter) *e are all so awfully unha$$y) .ardly
anyone says a word at !ealti!es& only "ather s$ea's
to us so lo%ingly) >ost li'ely Aunt Dora will stay
here for good) 2t's not three wee's yet since >other
was buried& but in one way we feel as if she had already
been dead three years& and in another way one
is always suddenly wanting to go into her roo!& to
as' her so!ething or tell her so!ething) And when
we go to bed we tal' about her for such a long ti!e&
and then 2 drea! about her all night) *hy should
$eo$le dieQ ;r at least only Muite old $eo$le& who
no longer ha%e anyone to care about it) -ut a !other
and a father ought ne%er to die) The night after
>other died .ella wanted !e to co!e and stay with
the!& but 2 $referred to stay at ho!eS but late in
the e%ening 2 did not dare to go into the hall alone&
so Dora went with !e) "ather had loc'ed the door
into the drawing@roo!& where >other was laid out&
but all the sa!e it was awfully cree$y) They did
not call !e on the 7Jth until after >other was deadS
2 should ha%e so li'ed to see her once !ore) Good
God& why should one dieQ 2f only 2 had been called
-erta after herS but she did not wish that either of
us should be called after her& nor did "ather wish
it in ;swald's case)
>ay /0th) *hen >other was buried& one thing
!ade !e frightfully angry with Dora& at least not
really angry but hurt& that VsheV should ha%e gone into
church and co!e out of church with "ather) "or V2V
ha%e always gone with "ather and Dora has always
gone with >other) And while $oor >other was in
hos$ital& Dora went with Aunt) -ut at the funeral
"ather went with her& and 2 had to go with Aunt
Dora) A few days later 2 s$o'e to her about it& and
she said it was Muite natural because she is the elder)
he said that ;swald ought to ha%e gone with !e&
that that would ha%e been the $ro$er thing) -ut he
went alone) Another thing that annoys !e is thisS
when Aunt Dora ca!e here in the autu!n& Dora and
2 sat on the sa!e side of the table at dinner and
su$$er& and Aunt sat o$$osite >other& and when
>other too' to her bed her $lace was left %acant)
After she died ;swald sat on the fourth side& and
now for about a wee' Dora has been sitting in
>other's $lace) 2 can't understand how "ather can
allow it(
>ay /0th) At dinner to@day no one could eat anything)
"or we had breast of %eal& and we had had
the sa!e thing on the day of $oor >other's funeral&
and when the joint was brought in 2 ha$$ened to
loo' at Dora and saw that she was Muite red and was
sobbing frightfully) Then 2 could not contain !yself
any !ore and saidF N2 can't eat any breast of %eal&
for on >other's burial day @@ @@ @@&N then 2 could
not say any !ore& and "ather stood u$ and ca!e
round to !e& and Dora and Aunt Dora burst out
crying too) And after dinner Aunt $ro!ised us that
we should ne%er ha%e breast of %eal again) "or tea&
Aunt Dora ordered an =l! ca'e because we had eaten
hardly anything at dinner)
>ay 73th) To@day is the first day of Dora's written
!atriculation) "ather wanted her to withdraw
because she loo's so ill& but she would not for she
said it would be a distraction for her and that she
would li'e to finish with the .igh chool) <ext
year she is to go to a $re$aratory school for the Gy!nasiu!)
he ought really to go to a dancing class&
for she is nearly /1& but since she is in !ourning it is
Muite i!$ossible and of course she does not want to
go anyhow) The head thought too that Dora would
withdraw fro! the exa!ination because she is so
o%erwrought& but she did not want to withdraw) The
staff were so awfully sweet to us after >other's death&
at least the wo!en teachers were) The $rofessors
don't bother the!sel%es about our $ri%ate concerns&
for they only see us for / or 7 hours a wee') "rau
Do'tor teiner& fro! who! we don't ha%e any lessons
this year& was awfully sy!$atheticS 2 saw $lainly
that she had tears in her eyes& and "rau Do'tor >)
was an angel as she always is( *e did not go to the
s$ring festi%al on >ay 79th& though "ather said we
could go if we li'ed) .ella and Anneliese were
awfully anxious that 2 should goS but 2 would not&
and indeed 2 shall ne%er go to any !ore a!use!ents)
<o doubt the others enjoyed the!sel%es i!!ensely&
but for Dora and !e it would ha%e been horrible)
2n the e%enings 2 often fancy to !yself that it is not
really true& that >other has si!$ly gone to "ran:ensbad
and will be bac' soon) And then 2 cry until !y
head aches or until Dora saysF N;h Gretel& 2 do wish
you'd sto$& it's awful)N he often cries herself& 2
can hear her Muite well& but V2V ne%er say anything)
Rune Jth) o Dora loo's u$on >other's death
as Va sign of God's dis$leasure against "ather(V -ut
what could VweV ha%e done to $re%ent itQ he said&
;h& yes& we did a lot of things we ought not to ha%e
done& and abo%e all we had secrets fro! >other)
That is why God has $unished us) 2t's horrible& and
now that she is always s$ea'ing of the eye of God
and the finger of God it !a'es !e so terribly afraid
to go into a dar' roo!& because 2 always feel there is
so!e one there who is eying !e and wants to sei:e
!e)
Rune Ath) "ather is in a frightful rage with DoraS
yesterday e%ening& when 2 o$ened the drawing@roo!
door and there was "ather co!ing out& Muite unintentionally
2 ga%e a yell& and when "ather as'ed
what was the !atter 2 told hi! about God's dis$leasureS
only 2 did not tell hi! it was against hi!& but
only against Dora and !e) And then "ather was
frightfully angry for the first ti!e since >other's
death& and he told Dora she was not to u$set !e with
her ill@conditioned fancies& and Dora nearly had an
attac' of $al$itation so that the doctor had to be sent
for) Aunt ca!e to slee$ in our roo! and we both
had to ta'e bro!ide) To@day "ather was awfully
'ind to us and saidF NGirls& you'%e no reason to re$roach
yoursel%es& you ha%e always been good children&
and 2 ho$e you always will be good)N Yes& 2
will be& for >other's eye watches o%er us) .ella
thin's 2 loo' %ery $oorly& and she as'ed !e to@day
whether $erha$s ) ) ) ) QQ -ut 2 told her that 2
would not tal' about such things any !ore& that it
would be an offence to !y >other's !e!ory) he
wanted to say so!ething !ore& but 2 saidF N<o&
.ella& 2 si!$ly won't tal' about VthatV any !ore) You
can't understand& because your !other is still ali%e)N
Rune /7th) 2t is awfulS just when 2 did not want
to thin' any !ore about VsuchV things& there co!es an
affair of that %ery sort( 2'! in a frightful !ess
through no fault of !y own) Rust after 0 to@day a
girl fro! the econd ca!e in to our >athe!atic les@
son and saidF NThe head !istress wishes to see
Lainer& -ruc'ner& and "ran'e in the office directly)
All the girls loo'ed at us& but we did not 'now why)
*hen we ca!e into the office& the door of the head's
roo! was shut and "raulein <) told us to wait) Then
the head ca!e out and called !e in) 2nside a lady
was sitting& and she loo'ed at !e through a lorgnon)
NDo you s$end !uch ti!e with Wer'wit:QN as'ed the
head) Yes& said 2& and 2 had a foreboding) NThis
lady is Wer'wit:'s !other& she co!$lains that you
tal' about %ery i!$ro$er things with her daughterS
is it soQN N.ella and 2 ne%er wanted to tell her
anythingS but she begged us to again and again& and
besides we thought she really 'new it anyhow and
only $retended she didn't)N NV*hatV did you thin'
she 'new& and what did you tal' to her aboutQN bro'e
in Anneliese's !other) NExcuse !e&N said the head&
N2 will exa!ine the girlsS so -ruc'ner was concerned
in the !atter tooQN N+ery seldo!&N said 2S NYes& the
chief offender is Lainer& Vthe girl whose !other died
recentlyV)N Then 2 cho'ed down !y tears& and saidF
N*e should ne%er ha%e said a word about these !atters
unless Anneliese had 'e$t on at us)N After that
2 would not answer any !ore Muestions) Then .ella
was called in) he told !e afterwards that she 'new
what was u$ directly she saw !y face) N*hat ha%e
you been tal'ing about to Wer'wit:QN .ella would
not say at first& but then she said in as few words as
$ossibleF NAbout getting babies& and about being
!arried(N NGracious goodness& such little brats& and
to tal' about VsuchV things&N said Anneliese's !other)
Nuch corru$t !inds)N N*e did not belie%e that
Anneliese did not VreallyV 'now& or we should ne%er
ha%e told her anything&N said .ella just as 2 hadS
she was si!$ly s$lendid) NAs regards Alfred& we
ha%e nothing to do with that& and we ha%e often ad%ised
her not to allow hi! to !eet her co!ing ho!e
fro! schoolS but she would not listen to us)N N2 a!
tal'ing about your con%ersations with which you ha%e
corru$ted the $oor innocent child&N said "rau %on
Wer'wit:) Nhe certainly !ust ha%e 'nown so!ething
about it before& or she would not ha%e gone
with Alfred or wanted to tal' about it with us&N said
.ella) N.ea%enly "ather& that is worse stillS such
corru$tness of !ind(N Then we were sent out of
the roo!) ;utside& .ella cried frightfully& and so
did 2& for we were afraid there would be a row at
ho!e) *e could not go bac' into the >athe!atic
lesson because we had been crying such a lot) 2n the
inter%al .ella wal'ed $ast Anneliese and said out
loudF NTraitress((N and s$at at her) "or that she
was ordered out of the ran's) 2 ste$$ed out of the
ran's too& and when "rau Professor ?reindl saidF
N<ot you& Lainer& you go on&N 2 saidF NExcuse !e&
2 s$at at her VtooV&N and went and stood beside .ella)
All the girls loo'ed at us) 2t was $lain that "rau
Prof) ?reindl 'new all about it already for she did
not say any !ore) 2n the Ger!an lesson fro! //
to /7 "rau Do'tor >) saidF NGirls& why can't you
'ee$ the $eace togetherQ This continual !isconduct
is really too bad& and ser%es only to !a'e trouble
for you and for your $arents and for us)N Rust
before /7 .ella and 2 were su!!oned to the head's
roo! again) NGirls&N she said& Nit's a horrible
business this) E%en if your own i!aginations ha%e been
$re!aturely $oisoned& why should you try to corru$t
othersQ As for you& Lainer& you ought to be es$ecially
asha!ed of yourself that such co!$laints
should be !ade of you when your !other has been
buried only a few wee's)N NExcuse !e&N said .ella&
Nall this ha$$ened in the s$ring& and e%en earlier&
in the winter& for we were still s'ating at the ti!e)
,ita's !other was $retty well then) -esides& Wer'wit:
was continually $estering us to tell her) 2 often
warned ,ita& and saidF NDon't trust her&N but she
was Muite infatuated with Wer'wit:) Please& "rau
Dire'torin& don't say anything about it to ,ita's
father& for he would be frightfully u$set)N
.ella was si!$ly s$lendid& 2 shall ne%er forget)
he does not want !e to write thatS we are writing
together) .ella thin's we !ust write it all down
word for word& for one ne%er can tell what use it
!ay be) <o one e%er had a friend li'e .ella& and she
is so bra%e and cle%er) NYou are just as cle%er&N
she says& Nbut you get so easily o%erawed& and besides
you are still Muite ner%ous because of your !other's
death) 2 only ho$e your father won't hear anything
about it)N That stu$id idiot dug u$ the old story
about the two students on the ice& a thing that was
o%er and done with ages ago) NYou should ne%er
trust anyone&N says .ella& and she's $erfectly right)
2 ne%er could ha%e belie%ed Anneliese would be such
a snea') *e don't 'now yet what was u$ with
"ran'e) As she ca!e in she $ut her finger to her
li$s& !eaning of course N-etray nothing(N
Rune /6th) The school ins$ector ca!e to@day) 2
was at the blac'board in the >aths lesson& when there
was a 'noc' at the door and the head ca!e in with
the .err 2ns$) "or a !o!ent 2 thought he had co!e
about Vthat !atterV& and 2 went as white as a sheet Gat
least the girls say 2 didS .ella says 2 loo'ed li'e
<iobe !ourning for her childrenH) Than' goodness&
the su! was an easy one& and besides 2 can always do
su!sS in >aths and "rench 2 a! the best in the class)
-ut the .err 2ns$) saw that 2 had tears in !y eyes
and said so!ething to the headS then the head saidF
Nhe has recently lost her !other)N Then the .err
2ns$) $raised !e& and li'e a stu$id idiot 2 !ust needs
begin to howl) The head saidF N2t's all right L)& sit
down&N and stro'ed !y hair) he is so awfully
sweet& and 2 do ho$e that she and "rau Do'tor >)
will say a word for !e at the taff >eeting) And
2 do ho$e that "ather won't hear anything of it& for
of course he would re$roach !e dreadfully because
it all co!es so soon after >other's death) -ut really
it all ha$$ened long before that) The way it all
ha$$ened was that .ella's !other went away to see
E!!y& her !arried niece& who was Vha%ing her first
babyV) And then it was that we told the Ninnocent
childN Gthat's what we call the deceitful catH e%erything)
.ella still thin's that the Ninnocent childN
was a hu!bug) That is Muite li'ely& for after all
she is nearly fourteenS and at /J one !ust VsurelyV
'now a great deal alreadyS it's i!$ossible that at that
age a girl can continue to belie%e in the stor' story&
as Anneliese is said((( to ha%e done) .ella thin's
that 2 shall soon be Nde%elo$edN too& because 2 always
ha%e such blac' rings under !y eyes) 2 o%erheard
"rau %on Wer'wit: say& NLittle bratsSN but .ella
says that the head Vhe!!ed loudly to drown itV) Afterwards
.ella was in fits of laughter o%er the ex$ression
Nlittle bratsN for her !other always says
about VsuchV thingsS VLittle bratsV li'e you ha%e no concern
with such !atters) Good Lord& when is one to
learn all about it if one does not 'now when one is
nearly /J( As a !atter of fact both .ella and 2
learned these things V%ery earlyV& and it has not done
us any har!) .ella's !other always says that if one
learns such things too early one gets to loo' oldS but
of course that's nonsense) -ut why do !others not
want us to 'nowQ 2 su$$ose they're just asha!ed)
Rune /3th) Yesterday e%ening after we had gone
to bed& Dora saidF N*hat were you really tal'ing
about to W)& or whate%er her na!e isQ The head
called !e into the office to@day and told !e that you
had been tal'ing of i!$ro$er !atters) he said 2
!ust watch o%er you in V>other's $lace(VN *ell that
would be a fine thing( -esides& it all ha$$ened when
>other was still ali%e) A !other ne%er 'nows what
children are tal'ing of together) Dora thin's that 2
shall ha%e a written ,e$ri!and fro! the taff >eeting)
2 should hate that because of "atherS that would
!ean another fearful rowS although "ather is really
awfully sweet nowS 2 ha%e not had a single rowing
since >other first got ill) 2t's Muite true that death
!a'es $eo$le gentle& but whyQ ,eally one would
ha%e thought $eo$le would get disagreeable& because
they'%e been so !uch distressed) Last wee' the
to!bstone was $ut u$ and we all went to see it) 2
should li'e to go alone to the ce!etery once at least&
for one does not li'e to wee$ before the others)
Rune /Ath) The Ninnocent childN does not co!e to
gy!) any longer& at least she has not been since Vthat
affairV) *e thin' she's afraid& although we should
not say anything to her) *e $unish her with Vsilent
conte!$tV& she'll VfeelV that V!ore than anythingV) And
than' goodness she does not co!e to $lay tennis)
2 do hate $eo$le who are VdeceitfulV& for one ne%er
'nows where to ha%e the!) *hen a girl tells an outright
cra!& then 2 can at least say to herF ;h& clear
out& don't tell such a frightful whac'erS 2 was not
born yesterday) -ut one has no safeguard against
VdeceitfulnessV) That's why 2 don't li'e cats) *e ha%e
another na!e for the Ninnocent child&N we call her
the Nred cat)N 2 thin' she 'nows) Day after to!orrow
is the school outing to #arnuntu!) 2 a! so
excited) *e ha%e to be at the Muay at half $ast 1)
Rune 7/st) The outing was lo%ely) .ella was
to co!e and fetch !e) -ut she o%ersle$t herself&
so her !other too' a taxiS and luc'ily 2 had waited
for her) 2 should li'e to be always dri%ing in a taxi)
Dora would not wait& and went away at a Muarter to 1 by
electric car) At a Muarter to A .ella ca!e in the taxi& and
just before the shi$ weighed anchor G2 belie%e one
ought only to say that of a sailing shi$ at sea& but
it does not !atter& 2'! not >arina who 'nows Ve%erythingV
about the na%yH& that is just at the right !o!ent&
we arri%ed) They all stared at us when we
ca!e rushing u$ in the taxi) 2 tu!bled down as 2
got out of the car& it was stu$idS but 2 don't thin'
they all noticed it) Aunt Dora said that for this one
day we had better $ut off our !ourning& and "ather
said so too& so we wore our white e!broidered froc's
and Aunt Dora was awfully good and had !ade us
blac' sashesS it loo'ed frightfully s!art& and they
say that $eo$le wear !ourning li'e that in A!erica)
2 do lo%e A!erica& the land of liberty) -oys Gthat
is young studentsH and girls go to school VtogetherV
there(( @@ @@ @@ -ut about the outing) 2n the boat
we sat next "rau Do'tor >)& she was awfully niceS
.ella was on the right and 2 was on the left& and we
sat so close that she saidF NGirls& you're sMuashing
!e& or at least you're crushing !y dress(N he was
wearing a white froc' and had a coral nec'lace which
suited her si!$ly s$lendidly) *hen we were near
.ainburg .ella's hat fell into the Danube& and all
the girls screa!ed because they thought a child had
fallen o%erboard) -ut than' goodness it was only
the hat) *e went u$ the chlossberg and had a
lo%ely %iew& that is& V2V did not loo' at anything exce$t
"rau Do'tor >) because she was so lo%elyS Professor
*il'e was with us& and he went about with her all
the ti!e) The girls say he will $robably !arry her&
$erha$s in the holidays) ;h dear& VthatV would be
horrid) .ella thin's that is Muite out of the Muestion
because of the Ger!an $rofessorS at any rate it would
be better for her to !arry Professor *) than the
other& because he is said to be a Rew) Ntill& with
regard to all the things that hang u$on !arriage& it's
the sa!e with e%ery !an&N said 2) NThat's just the
chief $oint& you little goose&N said .ella) And "rau
Do'tor >) saidF NDo you allow your chu! to tal'
to you li'e thatQ *hat is the chief $ointQN 2 was
just going to sayF N*e Vcan'tV tell you VthatV&N when
.ella interru$ted !e and saidF NRust because 2'!
her chu! 2 can tal' to her li'e thatS she would not
let anyone else do it)N Then we went to dinner)
=nfortunately we did not sit next NVherV)N *e had %eal
cutlets and four $ieces of chocolate ca'e& and as the
.err ,eligions$rof) went by he saidF N.ow !any
wee's ha%e you been fastingQN -efore dinner we
went to the !useu! to see the things they had dug
u$ in the ,o!an ca!$) The head !istress and
"raulein +) ex$lained e%erything) 2t was !ost
instructi%e) 2n the afternoon we went to Deutsch@
Altenburg) 2t was great fun at tea) Then we had
ga!es and all the staff joined in& the "ifth had got
u$ a co!edy by one of the girls) *e were all in fits
of laughter) Then suddenly there ca!e along a
whole troo$ of officers of the flying cor$s& frightfully
s!art& and one of the! sat down at the $iano and
began to $lay dance !usic) Another ca!e u$ to the
head and begged her to allow the Nyoung ladiesN to
dance) The head did not want to at first& but all the
girls of the "ifth and ixth begged her to& and the
.err ,el) Prof) saidF N;h& "rau Dire'torin& let
the! ha%e the innocent $leasure&N and so they really
were allowed to dance) The rest of us either danced
with one another or loo'ed on) And then& when .ella
and 2 were standing right in front& u$ ca!e a s$lendid
lieutenant and saidF N>ay 2 %enture to se$arate the
two friends for a little danceQN N2f you $lease&N
said 2& and sailed off with hi!) To dance with a
lieutenant is glorious) Then the sa!e lieutenant
danced with .ella and in the e%ening on the way
ho!e she said that the lieutenant had really wanted
to dance with her first& but 2 had been so $ro!$t with
!y N2f you $leaseN and had $laced !y hand on his
shoulder) ;f course that's not true& but it is not a
thing one would Muarrel about with one's best friend&
and anyhow he danced with both of us) =nfortunately
we were not able to dance %ery long because
we got so hot) ;h& and 2 had al!ost forgotten& a
ca$tain with a blac' !oustache saluted "rau Do'tor
>)& for they 'now one another) he blushed furiouslyS
so he is $robably the !an she will !arry& and
not .err Prof) *il'e and not the Rewish $rofessor)
.e would $lease !e a great deal better) They were
all so awfully s!art( -efore we left a lieutenant
brought in a huge bunch of roses& and the officers
ga%e a rose to each !e!ber of the staff& the ladies 2
!ean) Then so!ething awfully funny ha$$ened)
There is a girl in the ixth who loo's Muite old& as if
she !ight be 7J& and NourN lieutenant offered her a rose
too) And then she saidF N<o than' you& 2 a! not
one of the staff& 2'! in the ixth)N E%eryone burst
out laughing& and she was Muite abashed because the
lieutenant had ta'en her for one of the staff) And
the .err ,el) Prof) said to herF NTscha$$erl& you
!ight just as well ha%e ta'en it)N -ut really she
was Muite right to refuse) 2 thin' there !ust ha%e
been 79 officers at least) ;f course .ella told the
lieutenant that she was a colonel's daughter) 2 wonder
if we shall e%er see hi! again)
2 a! writing this four days after the outing) Dora
told !e yesterday that when 2 was dancing with the
lieutenant the .err ,el) Prof) said to the "rau Dire'torinF
NDo just loo' at that young LainerS little
rogue& see what eyes she's !a'ing)N >a'ing eyes&
forsooth( 2 did not !a'e eyes& besides& what does
it !ean anyhow to !a'e eyes(( ;f course 2 did
not shut !y eyesS if 2 had 2 should $robably ha%e
fallen down& and then e%eryone would ha%e laughed)
And 2 don't li'e being laughed at) 2 hardly saw
Dora all through the outing& and she did not dance)
he said %ery cuttinglyF N;f course not& for after all
we VareV in !ourning& e%en if we did wear white dressesS
you are only a child& for who! that sort of thing
does not !atter)N VThat sort of thingV& as if 2 had done
so!ething dreadful( 2 don't lo%e >other any the
less& and 2 don't forget her) "ather was Muite differentS
the day before yesterday e%ening he saidF No
!y little witch has !ade a conMuestS you're beginning
early) -ut it's no good ta'ing u$ with an officer&
little witch& they're too ex$ensi%e)N -ut 2 would li'e
to ha%e the lieutenant& 2 would go u$ with hi! in
an aero$lane& u$& u$& till we both got Muite giddy)
2n the religion lesson yesterday& when the .err Prof)
ca!e in he laughed li'e anything and saidF N.ullo&
Lainer& is the world still s$inning round youQ The
.err Leutnant has not been able to slee$ since)N
o 2 su$$ose he 'nows hi!) till& 2'! Muite sure
that he has not lost his slee$ on !y account& though
%ery li'ely he said so) 2f 2 only 'new what his na!e
is& $erha$s Leo or ,o!eoS yes& ,o!eo& that would
suit hi! ad!irably(
Rune 73th) *hen 2 was writing hard yesterday
Aunt Al!a ca!e with >arina and that jac'ana$es
Erwin who was really res$onsible for all the row that
ti!e) ince >other died we ha%e been !eeting again)
2 don't thin' >other li'ed Aunt Al!a !uch& nor she
her) Rust as "ather and Aunt Dora are not $articularly
fond of one another) 2t is so in !ost fa!ilies&
the father does not care !uch for the !other's brothers
and sisters and %ice %ersa) 2 wonder whyQ 2 wonder
whether V.eV has a fiancee& $robably he has& and what
she loo's li'e) 2 wish 2 'new whether .e li'es brown
hair or fair hair or blac' hair best) -ut about the
%isit( ;f course >arina and 2 were V%eryV standoffish)
he is so frightfully conceited because she goes to the
Training #ollege) As if that were so!ething !agnificent(
The .igh chool is !uch !ore i!$ortant&
for fro! the .igh chool one goes on to the uni%ersity&
but not fro! the Training #ollegeS and they don't
learn English& nor "rench $ro$erly& for it is only
o$tional) Aunt Al!a 'nows that it annoys "ather
when anyone says we don't loo' well& so she saidF
N*hy& Dora loo's Muite o%erwor'edS than' goodness
it's nearly o%er& and she won't get !uch out of it after
all& it's really better for a girl to beco!e a teacher)N
Erwin lounged in his chair and said to !eF NDo you
dare !e to s$it on the car$etQN NYou are ill@bred
enough to do itS 2 can't thin' why >arina& the future
school!istress& does not gi%e you a good s!ac'ing&N
said 2) Then Aunt Al!a chi!ed inF N*hat's the
!atter childrenQ *hat ga!e are you $layingQN N2t's
not a ga!e at allS Erwin wants to s$it on the car$et
and he see!s to thin' that would be all right)N Then
Aunt said so!ething to hi! in 2talian& and he $ulled
a long nose at !e behind "ather's bac'& but 2 si!$ly
ignored itS little $ig& and yet he's !y cousin( ?a!illo
is su$$osed to ha%e been just as i!$udent as -ub) -ut
we ha%e ne%er seen hi!& for he has been in Ra$an as
an ensign for the last two years) >ourning does not
suit >arina at allS there's a $ro%incial loo' about her
and she can't sha'e it off) .er clothes are too long
and she has not got a trace of b@@& although she was
/1 last e$te!berS she is disgustingly thin)
Rune 71th) The .err 2ns$) ca!e to our class to@
day& in "rench this ti!e) "rau Do'tor Dun'er is
always frightfully excited by his %isits& and at the
beginning of the lesson she saidF NGirls& the 2ns$ector
is co!ing to@dayS $ull yoursel%es togetherS $lease
don't lea%e !e in the lurch)N o it !ust be true
what ;swald always says that the ins$ectors co!e
to ins$ect the teachers and not the $u$ils) NAt the
ins$ection&N ;swald often says& Ne%ery $u$il has the
$rofessor in his hands)N -eing first& of course 2 was
called u$on& and 2 si!$ly could not thin' what
NtrotteurN !eant) 2 would not say NTrottelN 4idiot8&
and so 2 said nothing at all) Then Anneliese turned
round and whis$ered it to !e& but of course 2 was
not going to say it after her& but re!ained s$eechless
as an owl) At length the .err 2ns$e'tor saidF NTranslate
the sentence right to the end& and then you'll
gras$ its !eaning)N -ut 2 can't see the sense of thatS
for if 2 don't 'now one of the words the sentence has
no !eaning& or at least not the !eaning it ought to
ha%e) 2f .ella had not been absent to@day because
of @@ @@& she !ight ha%e been able to whis$er it to
!e) Afterwards "rau Do'tor Dun'er re$roached !e&
saying that no one could e%er trust anyone& and that
2 really did not deser%e a ;ne) NAnd the stu$idest
thing of all was that you laughed when you
did not 'now a si!$le word li'e that)N ;f course 2
could not tell her that !y first thought had been to
translate it NTrottel)N =nseen translation is really
too difficult for us)
Rune 7Ath) The taff >eeting is to@day) 2'! on
tenter hoo's to 'now whether 2 shall ha%e a ,e$ri!and&
or a bad conduct !ar' in !y re$ort) That
would be awful) 2t does not !atter so !uch to .ella&
for her father has just gone away to !anoeu%res in
.ungary or in -osnia& and by the ti!e he is bac'
the holidays will ha%e begun and no one will be
bothering about re$orts any !ore) o 2 shall 'now
to@!orrow) ;h bother& to@!orrow is a holiday and
next day is unday) o for another 7 /O7 days 2 shall
ha%e Nto linger in sus$ense&N but a different sort of
sus$ense fro! what Goethe wrote about)
Rune B9th) *e were at ho!e yesterday and this
afternoon because of Dora's !atriculation) The
-ruc'ners went to -reitenstein to %isit an aunt& who
is in a con%alescent ho!e& and so 2 could not go
with the!) 2n the e%ening we went to Tur'enschan:
Par' to su$$er& but there was nothing on) -y the
way& 2 ha%e not written anything yet about the
Ninnocent childN at the outing) ;n the boat she began
fussing round .ella and !e and wanted to $ush
into the con%ersation& indirectly of course( -ut she
did not succeedS .ella is extraordinarily cle%er in
such !attersS she si!$ly see!ed to loo' through her
,eally 2'! a little sorry for her& for she hasn't
any close friends beyond oursel%esS but .ella saidF
N.a%en't you had enough of it yetQ Do you want to
be coo'ed once !ore with the sa!e sauceQN And
when .ella's hat fell into the water and we were still
loo'ing after it in fits of laughter& all of a sudden we
found Anneliese standing behind us offering .ella a
fine lace shawl which she had brought with her for
the e%ening because she so readily gets earache)
N*ouldn't you li'e to use this shawl& so that you won't
ha%e to go bac' to +ienna without a hatQN NPlease
don't trouble yourself& 2'! Muite used to going about
bare@headed)N -ut the VwayV she said it& li'e a Mueen(
2 V!ustV learn it fro! her) he is really shorter than 2
a!& but at such !o!ents she loo's just li'e a grown@
u$ lady) 2 told her as !uch& and she rejoinedF
NDarling ,ita& you can't VlearnV a thing li'e thatS it's
VinbornV)N he rather annoyed !e& for she always
see!s to thin' that an officer's daughter is a thing
a$art)
Ruly /st) Than' goodness& e%erything has $assed
off without a $ublic scandal) "rau Do'tor >) s$o'e
to !e in the corridor& sayingF NLainer& you'%e had
a narrow esca$e) 2f certain %oices had not been
raised on your behalf& 2 really don't 'now @@ @@ @@)N
Then 2 saidF N2'! Muite certain& "rau Do'tor& that
you alone ha%e sa%ed !e fro! a -ad #onduct >ar')N
And 2 'issed her hand) NGet along& you little baggage&
for the one $art si!$ly a child& and for the other
with your head full of thoughts which grown@u$s
would do well to dis$ense with)N
After all& one can't hel$ one's VthoughtsV& and we shall
be !ore careful in future as to the $ersons to who!
we tal' about Vthat sort of thingV) .ere's another thing
2 forgot to !ention about the outingF *hen we got
bac' into +ienna by rail& !ost of the $arents ca!e
to !eet us at the stationS "ather was there too& and
so was the Ninnocent child'sN !other) Than' goodness
"ather did not 'now her) *hen we got out of
the train there was a great scri!!age& because we
were all trying to sort oursel%es to our $arents& and
suddenly 2 heard .ella's %oiceF N<o& >ada!& your
child is not in our bad co!$any)N 2 turned round
shar$ly& and there was .ella standing in front of
"rau %on Wer'wit: who had just as'ed herF N.ullo&
VyouV& what has beco!e of !y little AnnelieseQN The
answer was s$lendidS 2 should ne%er ha%e been able
to hit u$on itS 2 always thin' of good re$artees after
the e%ent) 2t was just the sa!e that ti!e when the
old gentle!an in the theatre as'ed .ella if she was
alone there& and she sna$$ed at hi!) .e saidF
2!$udent as a Rewess& or an i!$udent Rewess( 2t
was too absurd& for first of all it's not i!$udent to
!a'e a cle%er re$artee& and secondly it does not follow
because one can do it that one is a Rewess) o .ella
finished u$ by saying to hi!F N<o& you'%e !ade a
!ista'e& you are not s$ea'ing to one of your own
sort)N
*e brea' u$ on the 3thS but because of Dora's
!atriculation we are staying here until the //th)
Then we are going to "ieberbrunn in Tyrol& and this
year we shall stay in a hotel& so 2 a! awfully $leased)
.ella had a s$lendid ti!e there last year
Ruly 7nd) >y goodness& to@day 2 ha%e ) ) ) )&
no& 2 can't write it $lain out) 2n the !iddle of the
Physics lesson& during re%ision& when 2 was not thin'ing
of anything in $articular& "raulein <) ca!e in
with a $a$er to be signed) As we all stood u$ 2 thought
to !yselfF .ullo& what's thatQ And then it suddenly
occurred to !eF Aha(( 2n the inter%al .ella as'ed
!e why 2 had got so fiery red in the Physics lesson&
if 2'd had so!e sweets with !e) 2 did not want to
tell her the real reason directly& and so 2 saidF N;h
no& 2 had nearly fallen aslee$ fro! boredo!& and
when "raulein <) ca!e in it ga%e !e a start)N ;n
the way ho!e 2 was %ery silent& and 2 wal'ed so
slowly Gfor of course one !ust not wal' fast
VwhenV ) ) ) H that .ella saidF NLoo' here& what's
u$ to@day& that you are so frightfully sole!nQ .a%e
you fallen in lo%e without !y 'nowing it& or is it
Vat long lastV ) ) ) )QN Then 2 said NV;r is it at long
last(VN And she saidF NAh& then now we're eMuals
once !ore&N and there in the !iddle of the street she
ga%e !e a 'iss) Rust at that !o!ent two students
went by and one of the! saidF NGi%e !e one too)N
And .ella saidF NYes& 2'll gi%e you one on the chee'
which will burn)N o they hurried away) *e really
had no use for the!F to@day(( .ella wanted !e to
tell her Ve%erything about itVS but really 2 hadn't anything
to tell& and yet she belie%ed that 2 Vwouldn'tV tell)
2t is really %ery un$leasant& and this e%ening 2 shall
ha%e to ta'e frightful care because of Dora) -ut 2
!ust tell Aunt because 2 want a an@@ T@@) 2t will
be frightfully aw'ward) 2t was different in .ella's
case& first of all because she had such frightful cra!$s
before it began so that her !other 'new all about it
without being told& and secondly because it was her
V!otherV) 2 certainly shan't tell Dora whate%er ha$$ens&
for that would !a'e !e feel still !ore asha!ed)
As for a an@@ T@@& 2 shall ne%er be able to buy one
for !yself e%en if 2 li%e to be A9) And it would be
awful for "ather to 'now about it) 2 wonder whether
!en really do 'nowS 2 su$$ose they !ust 'now about
their wi%es& but at any rate they can't 'now anything
about their daughters)
Ruly Brd) Dora does 'now after all) "or 2
switched off the light VbeforeV 2 undressed& and then
Dora sna$$ed at !eF N*hat on earth are you u$ to&
switch it on again directly)N N<o 2 won't)N Then
she ca!e o%er and wanted to switch it on herselfS N;h
do $lease wait until 2'%e got into bed)N N;@o@h& is
that it&N said Dora& Nwhy didn't you say so beforeQ
2'%e always hidden !y things fro! you& and you
ha%en't got any yet)N And then we tal'ed for Muite
a long ti!e& and she told !e that >other had co!!issioned
her to tell !e e%erything VwhenV @@ @@ @@ >other
had told her all about it& but she said it was better
for one girl to tell it to another& because that was
least aw'ward) >other 'new too that in Ranuary
.ella had ) ) ) -ut howQ 2 ne%er let on( 2t
was !idnight before we switched off the light)
Ruly 3th) ;h& 2 a! so unha$$y& when we went
to get our re$orts to@day and said good@bye to "rau
Do'tor >)& she was awfully sweet& and at the end
she saidF N2 ho$e that you won't gi%e too !uch
trouble to !y successor)N At first we did not understand&
for we thought she only !eant that it is always
uncertain whether the sa!e !e!ber of the staff will
'ee$ the sa!e class fro! year to year& but then she
saidF N2 a! lea%ing the school because 2 a! going
to be !arried)N 2t ga%e !e such a $ang& and 2 saidF
N;h& is it trueQN NYes& Lainer& it's Muite true)N And
all the girls thronged round her and wanted to 'iss
her hand) <o one s$o'e for a !o!ent& and then
.ella saidF N"rau Do'tor& !ay 2 as' you so!ethingQ
-ut you !ustn't be angry(N NAll right& as' away(N
N2s it the ca$tain we !et in #arnuntu!QN he was
Muite $u::led for a !inute& and then she laughed li'e
anything and said& N<o& -ruc'ner& it is not he& for
he has a wife already)N And Gilly& who is not so
frightfully fond of her as .ella and 2 are& saidF N"rau
Do'tor& $lease tell us who! you are going to !arry)N
NThere's no secret about it& 2 a! going to !arry a
$rofessor in .eidelberg)N That is why she has to
lea%e the .igh chool) 2t's si!$ly ruined !y holidays)
.ella has such lo%ely ideas) The girls would
not lea%e "rau Do'tor alone& and they all wanted to
wal' ho!e with her) Then she saidF N>y darling
girls& that's i!$ossible& for 2 a! going to Pur'ersdorf
to see !y $arents) And then .ella had her s$lendid
idea) The others saidF NPlease !ay we co!e with
you as far as the !etro$olitanQN and at length she
said they !ight) -ut .ella said& N#o!e along&N and
we hurried off to the !etro$olitan before the! and
too' tic'ets to .utteldorf so that we should be able
to get bac' in $lenty of ti!e& and there we were waiting
on the $latfor! when she ca!e and when all the
girls ca!e with her as far as the entrance) Then
we rushed u$ to her and got into the train which ca!e
in at that !o!ent) ;f course we had second class
tic'ets& for .ella& being an officer's daughter& !ayn't
tra%el third& and "rau Do'tor >) always tra%els second
too) And we all three sat together on a seat for
two& though it was frightfully hot) he was so nice
to usS 2 begged her to gi%e us her $hotogra$h and she
$ro!ised to send us one) Then& alas& we got to
.utteldorf) N<ow& girls& you !ust get out)N Then
we both burst out crying& and she V'issed us(V <e%er
shall 2 forget that blessed !o!ent and that hea%enly
ride( As long as the train was still in sight we both
wa%ed our hand'erchiefs to her and she Vwa%ed bac'(V
*hen we wanted to gi%e u$ our tic'ets .ella loo'ed
e%erywhere for her $urse and could not find itS she
!ust ha%e left it in the tic'et office) Luc'ily 2 still
had all !y Ruly $oc'et !oney and so 2 was able to
$ay the excess fare& and then for once in a way V2V was
the shar$@witted oneS 2 said we had tra%elled third and
had only $assed out through the second& so we had not
to $ay so !uchS and no one 'new anything about it&
there's no har! in that sort of cheating) ;f course
we really did go bac' third& although .ella said it
would s$oil the !e!ory for her) That sort of thing
does not !atter to !e) *e did not get ho!e until
a Muarter $ast /& and Aunt Dora ga%e !e a tre!endous
scolding) 2 said 2 had been arranging boo's in the
library for "rau Do'tor& but Dora had enMuired at the
.igh chool at /7& and there had been no one there)
*e had already gone away then& 2 said& and had gone
$art of the way with "rau Do'tor >)& for she was
lea%ing because of her !arriage) Then Dora was
Muite astonished and saidF NAh& now 2 understand)N
The other day when she had to go into the roo! while
the staff !eeting was on& the staff was tal'ing about
an engage!ent& and "raulein Thi! was sayingF N<ot
e%eryone has the luc' to get a uni%ersity $rofessor)N
That !ust ha%e been about VherV) #ertainly Thi!
won't get one& not e%en a school $orter) To@day& G2'%e
been writing this u$ for two daysH& 2 had such a
delightful sur$riseS VsheV sent !e her $hoto& si!$ly
hea%enly(( "ather says the $ortrait is better loo'ing
than the reality) <othing of the sort& she is $erfectly
beautiful& with her lo%ely eyes and her s$iritual
ex$ression( ;f course she has sent .ella a $hoto too)
*e are going to ha%e $oc'et leather cases !ade for
the $hotogra$hs& so that we can ta'e the! with us
where%er we go) -ut we shall ha%e to wait until after
the holidays because .ella has lost her !oney& and
nearly all !ine was used u$ in $aying the excess fares)
And such a leather case will cost B crowns) "ather
has so!e untearable trans$arent en%elo$es& and 2 shall
as' hi! for two of the!) They will do as a !a'eshift)
Dora's !atriculation is to@!orrow& she's Muite
ner%ous about it although she is %ery well u$ in all the
subjects) -ut she says it's so easy to !a'e !ista'es)
-ut "ather is Muite unconcerned& though last year he
was %ery !uch bothered about ;swald& and $oor dear
>other was frightfully anxiousF NPooh&N said ;swald&
N2 shall soon show the! that there's no need
to botherS all one wants at the !etric is Vchee'V& that's
the whole secret(N And then all he telegra$hed was
NdurchN 4through8 and $oor >other was still %ery
anxious& and thought that it !ight !ean VdurchgefallenV
4failed8) -ut of course it really !eant Vdurchge'o!!enV
4$assed8& for !eanwhile the second telegra! had
co!e) And father had brought two bottles of cha!$agne
to ,odaun& ready to celebrate ;swald's return)
There won't be anything of the sort after Dora's
!atriculation because >other is not with us any !oreS
oh it does !a'e !e so !iserable when 2 thin' that
7 C/O7 !onths ago she was still ali%e& and now @@ @@ @@)
Ruly 0th) This !orning& while Dora was ha%ing
her exa! Gshe $assed with DistinctionH& 2 went to
the ce!etery Muite alone) 2 told Aunt Dora 2 was
going sho$$ing with .ella and her !other& and 2
told .ella 2 was going with Aunt& and so 2 too' the
tra! to Pot:leinsdorf and then wal'ed to the ce!etery)
Peo$le always ought to go to the ce!etery alone)
There was no one in the $lace but !e) 2 did not
dare to stay long& for 2 was afraid 2 should be ho!e
late) 2t's a frightfully long way to Pot:leinsdorf& and
it always see!s so !uch further when one is alone)
And when 2 ca!e away fro! the ce!etery 2 too' a
wrong turning and found !yself in a Muite deserted
street near the Tur'enschan:e) That sort of thing is
%ery aw'ward& and for a long ti!e there was si!$ly no
one of who! 2 could as' the way) Then by good luc'
an old lady ca!e along& and she told !e 2 had only
to ta'e the next turning to get bac' to the tra! line)
And just as 2 did get there a Pot:leinsdorf car ca!e
along& so 2 got in and reached ho!e long before
Dora) -ut in the afternoon .ella nearly ga%e !e
away& Muite unintentionally) -ut since they were all
tal'ing about the !atriculation 2 was able to s!ooth
it o%er) <ow that Dora has finished her !atriculation
she will ha%e to tell !e a great deal !ore about Vcertain
thingsVS she $ro!ised she would) -efore the !atriculation
she was always so tired because of the frightful
grind& but that is o%er now& and 2 ne%er do any wor'
in the holidays) *hat are holidays forQ "rau Do'tor
Dun'er has really gi%en !e only a atisfactory&
it's awfully !ean of herS and 2 shall ha%e to learn
fro! VherV for three years !ore( <othing will induce
!e to bother !yself about "rench now& for she has
a down on !e& and when one's teacher has a down
on one& one can wor' as hard as one li'es and it's
no good) 2t was so different with "rau Do'tor >)((
2 ha%e just been loo'ing at her $hoto so long that !y
eyes are $ositi%ely burningS but 2 had to write u$
about to@dayF e%en when one had been stu$id once
or twice& she ne%er cast it u$ against one& ne%er& ne%er&
ne%er @@ @@ the sweet angel(
Ruly /9th) *e are going to ") to@!orrowS 2 a!
so glad) 2t is frightfully dull to@day& for .ella went
away yesterday to -erchtesgaden where she is to
stay for 3 wee's& and on the way bac' she is going
to al:burg and $erha$s Aunt Dora will ta'e !e to
al:burg for 7 days so that we can see one another
again before .ella goes to .ungary) he is luc'y( 2
can't go to ?@@ >@@ this year& for we are going to stay
in ") till the !iddle of e$te!ber) 2 got !y na!e day
$resents to@day because they are things for the journeyF
a blac' tra%elling satchel with a blac' leather belt&
and half a do:en !ourning hand'erchiefs with a narrow
blac' border& and an outfit for $o'erwor'& and a huge
bag of sweets for the journey fro! .ella) The world
is a wretched $lace without .ella) 2 do ho$e we shall
!arry on the sa!e day& for >other always used to sayF
NThe !ost ardent VgirlV friendshi$s are always bro'en
u$ when one of the two !arries)N 2 su$$ose because
the other one is annoyed because she has not !arried)
2 wonder what it will be li'e at "rau Do'tor >)'s
wedding( and 2 wonder whether she 'nows about
Ve%erythingVS %ery li'ely not& but if not 2 su$$ose her
!other will tell her all about it before she is !arried)
Dora told !e yesterday that >other had once said
to herF NA girl always gets all sorts of false ideas
into her headS the reality is Muite different)N -ut
that is not so in our case& for we really 'now e%erything
Muite $recisely& e%en to the fact that you ha%e
to ta'e off e%ery stitchS oh dear& 2 shall ne%er forget
it(@@;swald is co!ing to ") on the 79th& for first
he is going to >unich for a few days)
Ruly /7th) 2t's lo%ely hereS !ountains and !ountains
all round& and we're going to cli!b the! allS
oh& how 2 a! enjoying !yself( 2 si!$ly can't 'ee$
a diaryS it will ha%e to be a wee'ary) "or 2 !ust
write to .ella at least e%ery other day) *e are staying
in the Edelweiss boarding houseS there are about
J9 %isitors& at least that's what we counted at dinner)
There is a %isitors' list hanging u$ in the hall& and
2 !ust study it thoroughly) The journey was rather
dull& for Dora had a frightful headache so we could
not tal' all through the night) 2 stood in the corridor
half the night) At one $lace in al:burg there was
a frightful fireS no one was $utting it out& so 2 su$$ose
no one 'new anything about it) The boarding
house is beautifully furnished& car$ets e%erywhereS
there are se%eral grou$s of statuary in the hall) *e
are awfully $leased with e%erything) There are J
courses at dinner and two at su$$er) "lowers on
e%ery table) "ather says we !ust wait and see
whether they change the! often enough) "ather has
a new tweed suit which beco!es hi! s$lendidly for
he is so tall and aristocratic loo'ing) *e ha%e coats
and s'irts !ade of thin blac' cotton !aterial and
blac' lace blouses& and we also ha%e white coats and
s'irts and white blouses& and light grey tweed dresses
as well) "or "ather is really Muite rightF N>ourning
is in your VheartV& not in your VdressV)N till& for the
$resent& we shall wear blac'& but we ha%e the white
things in case it gets frightfully hot) To@day& on a
cliff Muite near the house& we $ic'ed a great nosegay
of Al$ine roses) Dora has brought >other's $hoto
with her and has $ut the flowers in front of itS unluc'ily
2 forgot to bring !ine) 2 should li'e to go
to the to$ of the *ildec' or one of the other
!ountains) 2t would be lo%ely to $ic' Edelweiss
for oneself) -ut "ather says that !ountaineering is
not suited to our ages) The baths here always see!
%ery cold& only about 6J or 39 degrees at !ost) Dr) ?lein
said we should only bathe when the water is Muite
war!) -ut a$$arently that won't be often) *e ha%e
not !ade any acMuaintances yet& but 2 li'e the loo'
of the two girls wearing -osnian blouses at the second
table fro! ours) Perha$s we shall get to 'now the!)
;ne $lan &has co!e to nothing) 2 wanted to tal' to
Dora in the e%enings about all sorts of Vi!$ortantV
things& but it is i!$ossible because Aunt Dora shares
our roo!) .ere's another tireso!e thingS "ather's
roo! has a lo%ely %eranda loo'ing on to the $ro!enade&
while our roo! only loo's into the garden) ;f
course the %iew is lo%ely& but 2 should ha%e li'ed
"ather's roo! !uch better& only it is a great deal too
s!all for three $ersonsS there is only one bed and
its furniture is of a %ery ancient order) 2 do hate that
sort of furnitureS the lady who 'ee$s the boarding
house calls it VE!$ire((V 2 don't su$$ose she can e%er
ha%e seen a roo! furnished in real E!$ire style)
Ruly /6th) *hen Dora and 2 were out for a wal'
yesterday she told !e a great deal about Aunt Dora)
2 ne%er really 'new before whether =ncle ,ichard was
e!$loyed in the asylu! or whether he was a $atient
thereS but he is a $atient) .e has s$inal disease and
is Muite off his head and often has attac's of ra%ing
!adness) ;nce before he was sent to the asylu! he
tried to throttle Aunt Dora& and Vin another res$ectV
he did her a Vfrightful lot of har!(((V 2 don't Muite
understand how& for Aunt Dora has ne%er had any
children) And why on earth do they !a'e such a
secret about =ncle ,ichardQ -ut when 2 co!e to
thin' of it& no one e%er wanted to tal' about >other's
illness) There's no sense in this secrecy& for in the
first $lace that always !a'es one thin' about things&
and secondly one always finds out in the long run)
At last Aunt Dora was so terribly afraid of =ncle
that she always 'e$t the door of her bedroo! loc'ed)
2t !ust be awful to ha%e a husband who is a raging
!aniac) "ather once said to DoraF your Aunt Dora
is enough to dri%e one !ad with her whi!s and
fancies) ;f course he didn't !ean that literally& but
2 !ust watch carefully to find out what Aunt really
does to annoy anyone so !uch) >ost li'ely it is
so!ething connected with Vthis !atterV) To !y !ind
Aunt Al!a has !any !ore whi!s and fancies& and
yet =ncle "ran: has ne%er gone ra%ing !ad) Dora
says that =ncle ,ichard !ay go on li%ing for another
79 years& and that she is frightfully sorry for Aunt
Dora because she is tied to such a !onster) *hy
tiedQ After all& he is in an asylu! and can't do her
any har!) Dora didn't 'now about all this before&
Aunt only told her after >other's death) Dora thin's
it is better not to !arry at all& unless one is V!adly in
lo%eV with a !an) And then only by a V!arriage contract((V
2n that case VthatV would be excluded) -ut 2
always i!agined a !arriage contract was !ade because
of a dowry and !oney affairs generallyS and
ne%er thought of its ha%ing VsuchV a $ur$ose) "rau
>ayer& who! we !et in the su!!er holidays two
years ago& had !arried under such conditions) -ut it
$u::les !e& for if VthatV is what !en chiefly want when
they !arry& 2 don't see how any !an can be satisfied
with a !arriage contract) There !ust be a !ista'e
so!ewhere) Perha$s it is different a!ong the Rews&
for the >ayers were Rews)
Ruly 7/st) <o& 2 ne%er should ha%e thought that
.ella would $ro%e to ha%e been right in that !atter)
2 got a letter A $ages long fro! Anneliese to@day)
That ti!e when .ella had to stay at ho!e for fi%e
days she belie%ed that Anneliese would !a'e fresh
ad%ances) -ut ob%iously she was afraid) o now she
has written to !eF >y own dear ,ita( You are the
only friend of !y lifeS where%er 2 go& all the girls and
e%erybody li'es !e& and only you ha%e turned away
fro! !e in anger) *hat har! did 2 do you @@ @@ @@Q
After all& she did do !e so!e har!S for there !ight
ha%e been a fine row if it had not been for "rau
Do'tor >)& that angel in hu!an for!( he writes she
is so lonely and so unha$$yS she is with her !other
at the Gratsch .ydro$athic near >eran or -o:en& 2
forget which& 2 !ust loo' it u$ VifV 2 answer her) "or
2 ga%e !y word of honour to .ella that 2 would ne%er
forgi%e the Ninnocent child)N -ut after all& to write
an answer is !ere ordinary $oliteness& and is far fro!
!eaning a reconciliation& and still less a friendshi$)
he says that there are absolutely no girls in Gratsch&
only grown@u$ ladies and old gentle!en& the youngest
is B7( brr& 2 'now 2 should find it de$lorably dull
!yself) o 2 really will write to her& but 2 shall be
exceedingly reser%ed) he finishes u$ withF Listen
to the $rayer of an unha$$y girl and do not harden
your heart against one who has always lo%ed you
truly) That is really %ery fine& and Anneliese always
wrote the best co!$ositionsS "rau Do'tor >) used
often to $raise the! and to s$ea' of her excellent
style& but later she really did not li'e her at all) he
often told her she ought not to be so affected& or she
would lose the $ower of ex$ression fro! sheer affectation)
2 shall not write to her i!!ediately& but only
after a few days& and& as 2 said& with VgreatV reser%e)
Ruly 7Brd) 2 got to 'now the two girls to@day& their
na!es are ;lga and <elly& one is /6 and the other /BS
2 don't 'now their surna!e yet& but only that they
ha%e a leather goods business in >ariahilferstr) Their
!other's hair is Muite grey already& their father is not
co!ing until August Ath) *e ha%e arranged to go
for a wal' at J o'cloc' this afternoon& to -rennfelden)
Ruly 73th) 2 ha%e !ade u$ !y !ind to write e%ery
day before dinner& for after dinner we all go with our
ha!!oc's into the wood) After all 2 wrote to Anneliese
three days ago& without waiting& so as not to
'ee$ her on tenterhoo's) 2 ha%e not written anything
to .ella about it because 2 don't 'now how Anneliese
will answer) .ella says she is ha%ing a royal ti!e
in 2nnichenS but the tireso!e thing does not say just
what she !eans by royalS she wrote only a bare B
sides including the signature so of course 2 did not
write to her as !uch as usual)
Ruly 71th) Dora is not %ery !uch ta'en with the
*einersS she thin's they are frightfully stuc' u$)
he says it's not the $ro$er thing to wear gold bracelets
and chains in the country& abo%e all with $easant
costu!e) ;f course she is right& but still 2 li'e the
two girls %ery !uch& and es$ecially ;lga& the younger
oneS <elly $uts on such airsS they go to a high school
too& the .iet:inger .igh choolS but ;lga has only
just got into the econd while <elly is in the "ifth)
Dora says they will ne%er set the Danube on fire) <o
!atter& lea%e it to others to do that) *e enjoyed
oursel%es i!!ensely on our wal') 2'! going to s$end
the whole day with the! to@day) "ather saysF
NDon't see too !uch of the!S you'll only get tired
of the! too soon)N 2 don't belie%e that will ha$$en
with the *einers)
Ruly 70th) 2t's !y birthday to@!orrow) 2 wonder
what !y $resents will be) 2'%e already had one of
the! before we left +ienna& B $airs of o$enwor'
stoc'ings& Aunt Dora ga%e the! to !e& exMuisitely
fine& and !y feet loo' so elegant in the!) -ut 2 !ust
ta'e frightful care of the! and not wear the! too
often) Aunt saysF NPerha$s now you will learn to
gi%e u$ $ulling at your stoc'ings when you are doing
your lessons)N As if 2 would do any lessons in the
holidays)
LAT .AL"@YEA,
AGE ";=,TEE< A<D A .AL"
LAT .AL"@YEA,
Ruly B9th) Than' goodness this is !y /Jth(((
birthdayS ;lga thought that 2 was /3 or at least /6S
but 2 saidF <o than' youS to Vloo'V li'e /3 is VMuiteV
agreeable to !e& but 2 should not li'e to VbeV /3& for
after all how long is one young& only 7 or B years at
!ost) -ut as to feeling different& as .ella said she
did& 2 really can't notice anything of the 'indS 2 a!
!erely delighted that no one& not e%en Dora& can now
call !e a VchildV) 2 do detest the word Nchild&N exce$t
when >other used to sayF N>y darling child&N but
then it !eant so!ething Muite different) 2 li'e
>other's ring best of all !y birthday $resentsS 2 shall
wear it for always and always) *hen 2 was going
to cry& "ather said so sweetlyF NDon't cry& Gretel&
you !ust not cry on your /Jth(( birthday& that would
be a fine beginning of Vgrown@u$ness(V -esides the
ring& "ather ga%e !e a lo%ely blac' $earl nec'lace
which suits !e $erfectly& and is at the sa!e ti!e so
coolS then Theodor tor!'s V2!!enseeV& fro! Aunt
Dora the blac' o$enwor' stoc'ings and long blac'
sil' glo%es& and fro! Dora a dar' grey leather wristband
for !y watch) -ut 2 shan't wear that until we
are bac' in +ienna and 2 a! going to school again)
Grandfather and Grand!other sent fruit as usual& but
nothing has co!e fro! ;swald) .e can't $ossibly
ha%e forgotten) 2 su$$ose his $resent will co!e later)
"ather also ga%e !e a box of delicious sweets) At
dinner Aunt Dora had ordered !y fa%ourite chocolate
crea! ca'e& and e%ery one saidF .ullo& why ha%e we
got a unday dish on a wee'dayQ And then it ca!e
out that it was !y birthday& and the *einer girls&
who 'new it already& told !ost of the other guests
and nearly e%eryone ca!e to wish !e !any ha$$y
returns) ;lga and <elly had done so in the !orning&
and had gi%en !e a huge nosegay of wild flowers and
another of cut flowers) This afternoon we are all
going to "laggS it is lo%ely there)
E%eningF 2 !ust write so!e !ore) *e could not
ha%e the ex$edition& because there was a frightful
thunderstor! fro! 7 to J o'cloc') -ut we enjoyed
oursel%es i!!ensely) And 2 had another ad%entureF
As 2 was lea%ing the dining@roo! in order to go to
the ) ) ) )& 2 heard a %oice sayF >ay 2 wish you a
ha$$y birthday& "rauleinQ 2 turned round& and there
behind !e stood the enor!ously tall fair@haired student&
who! 2 ha%e been noticing for the last three
days) NThan' you %ery !uch& it's awfully 'ind of
you&N said 2& and wanted to $ass on& for 2 really had
to go) -ut he began s$ea'ing again& and saidF N2
su$$ose that's only a jo'e about your being /J) urely
you are /3 to@dayQN N2 a! both glad and sorry to
say that 2 a! not& said 2& but after all e%eryone is as
old as he see!s) Please excuse !e& 2 really !ust go
to !y roo!&N said 2 hurriedly& and bolted& for
otherwise @@ @@ @@ @@(( 2 ho$e he did not sus$ect the
truth) 2 !ust write about it to .ella& it will !a'e her
laugh) he sent !e a lo%ely little jewel box with a
%iew of -erchtesgaden $ac'ed with !y fa%ourite
sweets& filled with brandy) 2n her letter she co!$lains
of the Nshortness of !y last letter)N 2 !ust write her
a long letter to@!orrow) At su$$er 2 noticed for the
first ti!e where N-alderN sitsS that's what 2 call hi!
because of his lo%ely golden hair& and because 2 don't
'now his real na!e) .e is with an old gentle!an and
an old lady and a younger lady whose hair is li'e
his& but she can't $ossibly be his sister for she is
!uch too old)
Ruly B/st) The fa!ily is called charrer %on Arnec'&
and the father is a retired !e!ber of the -oard
of >ines) The young lady is really his sister& and she
is a teacher at the !iddle school in -runn) 2 found
all this out fro! the house!aid) -ut 2 went about it
in a %ery cunning way& 2 did not want to as' straight
out& and so 2 saidF #an you tell !e who that white@
haired old gentle!an is& he is so awfully li'e !y
Grandfather) G2 ha%e ne%er see !y Grandfather& for
"ather's "ather has been dead /7 or /6 years& and
>other's "ather does not li%e in +ienna but in -erlin)H
Then Luise answeredF NAh& "raulein& 2 ex$ect
you !ean .err ;berbergrat ch)& %on ch) -ut 2
ex$ect "raulein's Grandfather is not Muite so gru!$y)N
2 saidF N2s he so frightfully gru!$y thenQN And
she answeredF N2 should thin' soS we !ust all ju!$
at the word go or it's all u$ with us(N And then one
word led to another& and she told !e all she 'newS
the daughter is B7 already& her na!e is .ulda and her
father won't let her !arry& and the Vyoung gentle!anV
has left ho!e because his father $estered hi! so) .e
is a student in Prague& and only co!es ho!e for the
holidays) 2t all sounds %ery !elancholy& and yet they
loo' $erfectly ha$$y exce$t the daughter) -y the
way& it's horrid for the *einersS ;lga is /B and <elly
actually /6& and their !other is once !ore @@ @@ @@ @@
2 !ean their !other is in an i@@ c@@) They are both
in a frightful rage& and <elly said to !e to@dayF N2t's
a $erfect scandalSN they find it so aw'ward going
about with their !other) 2 can't say 2'd noticed anything
!yselfS but they say it has really been ob%ious
for a long ti!eS NVthe ha$$y e%ent((V will ta'e $lace in
;ctober&N said ;lga) 2t really !ust be %ery disagreeable&
and 2 too' a disli'e to "rau *) fro! the first)
2 si!$ly can't understand how such a thing can ha$$en
when $eo$le are so old) 2'! awfully sorry for the
two *einer girls) o!ething of the sa!e sort !ust
ha%e ha$$ened in the case of the chs)& for Luise has
told !e that the young gentle!an is 7/ and his sister
not B7 but B6& she had !ade a !ista'eS so she is /J
years older& a$$alling) 2'! awfully sorry for her because
her father won't let her !arry& or rather would
not let her !arry) 2'! sure "ather would ne%er refuse
if either of us wanted to !arry) 2 ha%e written all
this to .ellaS 2 !iss her dreadfully& for after all the
*einer girls are only strangers& and 2 could Vne%erV tell
!y secrets to Dora& though we are Muite on good ter!s
now) ;swald is co!ing to@!orrow)
August /st) A young !an has a fine ti!e of it)
.e co!es and goes when he li'es and where he li'es)
A telegra! arri%ed fro! ;swald to@day& saying he was
not co!ing till the !iddle of AugustF ?onigsee&
*at:!ann& glorious tra!$) Letter follows) "ather
did not say !uch& but 2 fancy he's %ery !uch annoyed)
Es$ecially just now& after $oor >other's death& ;swald
!ight just as well co!e ho!e) Last year he was
so long away after !atriculation& Muite alone& and
now it's the sa!e this year) ;ne $leasure after another
li'e that is really not the thing when one's >other
has been dead only three !onths) The day after we
ca!e here and before we had got to 'now anyone&
2 went out Muite early& at half $ast A& and went alone
to the ce!etery) 2t is on the slo$e of the !ountain
and so!e of the to!bstones are frightfully old& in
!any cases one can't deci$her the inscri$tionsS there
was one of /10A in ,o!an figures) 2 sat on a little
ban' thin'ing about $oor >other and all the unha$$i@
ness& and 2 cried so terribly that 2 had to bathe !y
eyes lest anyone should notice it) 2 was horribly annoyed
to@day) A letter ca!e fro! Aunt Al!a& she
wants to co!e here& we are to loo' for roo!s for her&
to see if we can find anything suitable& Aunt Al!a
always !eans by that %ery chea$& but abo%e all it
!ust be in a $ri%ate houseS of course& for a boarding
house would be far too dear for the!) 2 do ho$e we
shan't find VanythingV suitable& we really did not find
anything to@day& for a stor! was threatening and we
did not go far) 2 do so ho$e we shall ha%e no better
success to@!orrowS for 2 really could not stand ha%ing
>arina here& she is such a s$y) Than' goodness Aunt
Dora and Dora are both %ery !uch against their
co!ing) -ut "ather saidF That won't do girls& she's
your aunt& and you !ust loo' for roo!s for her) All
right& we can Vloo' for the!VS but see'ing and finding
are two %ery different things)
August 7nd) This !orning we went out early to loo'
for the roo!s& and since Dora always !a'es a $oint
of finding what's wanted& she !anaged to hunt u$ 7
roo!s and a 'itchen& though they are only in a far!)
The su!!er %isitors who were staying there had to
go bac' suddenly to +ienna because their grand!other
died& and so the roo!s are to let %ery chea$) Dora
wrote to Aunt directly& and she said that we shall all
be delighted to see the!& which is a downright lie)
.owe%er& 2 wrote a P)) in which 2 sent lo%e to the!
all& and said that the journey was scandalously
ex$ensi%eS $erha$s that !ay cho'e the! off a bit)
;wing to this silly running about loo'ing for roo!s
2 saw nothing of the *einers yesterday afternoon or
this !orning& and of course nothing of God -alder
either) And at dinner we can't see the charrers'
table because they ha%e a table in the bay window&
for they ha%e co!e here e%ery year for the last 0 years)
2'! absolutely tired out& but there's so!ething 2
!ust write) This afternoon the *einers and we went
u$ to ?reindl's& and iegfried ch) ca!e with us& for
he 'nows the *einers& who ha%e been here e%ery year
for the last B years) .e tal'ed chiefly to Dora& and
that annoyed !e frightfully) o 2 said not a word&
but wal'ed well behind the others) ;n the way ho!e
he ca!e u$ to !e and saidF N2 say& "raulein Grete&
are you always so reser%edQ Your eyes see! to contradict
the idea)N 2 saidF N2t all de$ends on !y
!ood& and abo%e all 2 hate forcing !yself on any
one)N N#ould you not change $laces at table with
your !otherQN N2n the first $lace& she is not !y
>other& who died on A$ril 7Jth& but !y Aunt& and in
the second $lace& why do you say that to V!eV& you had
better say it to !y sister(N NDon't be jealous(
There's no reason for VthatV) 2 can't hel$ tal'ing to
your sister when we're in co!$anyS but 2 can assure
you that you ha%e no occasion whate%er to be jealous)N
2 wish 2 'new how 2 could !anage that change of
$laces& but 2 always sit next "atherS anyhow 2 would
not do it directlyS next wee' at soonest) "arewell&
!y .ero iegfried& slee$ sweetly and drea! of @@ @@)
August Brd& Anneliese wrote to !eF You heart of
gold& so you are able to forgi%e !y sins of youthQ
The world shines with a new light since 2 recei%ed
your letter)N 2 don't 'now that !y letter was so forgi%ing
as all that& for all 2 said was that 2 was %ery
sorry she was so lonely in Gratsch& and that we could
not alter the $ast& so we had better bury it) he sends
!e a belated birthday greeting Glast winter we told
one another when our birthdays wereH& and she sends
!e a great $ressed forget@!e@not) he waited to
answer until it had been $ressed) 2 don't 'now Muite
what 2 had better do) -ig iegfried could no doubt
gi%e !e %ery good ad%ice& but 2 can't %ery well tell
hi! the whole story& for then 2 should ha%e to tell
hi! why we Muarrelled& and that would be awful)
2 had better write to .ella before 2 answer) 2 !ust
write to@day& for it will be Muite three days before 2
can get an answer& and then / or two days !ore before
Anneliese gets the letter& so that will be 6 days at
least) 2t is raining in torrents& so it is %ery dull& for
"ather won't let us sit in the hall aloneS 2 can't thin'
why) Generally s$ea'ing "ather's awfully 'ind&
Muite different fro! other fathers& but this is really
disgusting of hi!) 2 shall lie down on the sofa after
dinner and read V2!!enseeV& for 2'%e not had a chance
before)
August 3th) *ell& the whole tribe arri%ed to@dayS
>arina in a dust@grey coat and s'irt that fits her
abo!inably& and Erwin and "erdinandS "erdinand is
going through the artillery course in +ienna& at the
<eustadt !ilitary acade!yS he's the !ost $resentable
of the lot) =ncle was in a frightful te!$er& growling
about the journey and about the handbaggage& 2 thin'
they !ust ha%e had A or /9 $ac'ages& at least 2 had
to carry a hea%y tra%elling rug and Dora a handbag of
which she said that it contained the accu!ulated rubbish
of /9 years) Aunt Al!a's a$$earance was enough
to gi%e one fits& a tweed dress 'ilted u$ so high that
one saw her brown stoc'ings as she wal'ed& and a
hat li'e a scarecrow's) *hen 2 thin' how awfully
well dressed V>otherV always was& and how nice she
always loo'edS of course >other was at least 79 years
younger than Aunt Al!a& but e%en if >other had li%ed
to be A9 she would ne%er ha%e loo'ed li'e VthatV) Than'
goodness& on the way fro! the station we did not !eet
any one& and abo%e all we did not !eet Vhi!V) "or
once in a way they all ca!e to dinner at our boarding
house) *e had two tables $ut together& and 2 sei:ed
the o$$ortunity to change !y $lace& for 2 offered Aunt
Al!a the $lace next "ather and seated !yself beside
the lo%ely >arina& exactly o$$osite @@ @@ @@( Anyway&
>arina loo'ed Muite nice at dinner& for her white
blouse suits her %ery well& and she has a lo%ely
co!$lexion& so white& with just a touch of $in' in the
chee's) -ut that is her only beauty) The way she
does her hair is hideous& $arted and brushed Muite
s!ooth& with two $igtails) 2'%e gi%en the! u$ long
ago& though e%eryone said they suited !e %ery well)
-ut NsnailsN suit !e a great deal better) V.eV
loo'ed across at !e the whole ti!e& and Aunt
Al!a saidF NGrete is blosso!ing out& 2 ho$e there's
not a !an in the case already)N N;h no&N said "ather&
Ncountry air does her such a lot of good& and when 2
ta'e the children away for a change 2 don't forbid
any innocent $leasures)N >y darling "ather& 2 had
to 'ee$ a tight hand on !yself so as not to 'iss hi!
then and there) They were all so $ri!& with their eyes
glued to their $lates as if they had ne%er eaten ru!
$udding before) 2t is true that "erdinand win'ed at
>arina& but of course she noticed nothing) They soon
$ut away their first hel$s& and they all too' a second&
and then they went on tal'ing) *hen we went to
our roo!s 2 'noc'ed at "ather's door and ga%e hi!
the $ro!ised 'iss and saidF NYou really are a jewel
of a "ather)N N*ell& will you& if you $lease& be a
jewel of a daughter& and 'ee$ the $eace with >arina
and the othersQN 2 saidF N;h dear& 2 si!$ly can't
stand her& she's such a hu!bug(N N;h well&N said
"ather& Nit !ay be a $ity& but you 'now one can't
choose one's $arents and one's relations)N N2 would
not ha%e chosen any different $arents& for we could
not ha%e found another "ather and another >other
li'e you)N Then "ather lifted !e right u$ into the
air as if 2 had still been a little girl& sayingF NYou
are a little treasure&N and we 'issed one another
heartily) 2 really do li'e "ather better than anyone
in the worldS for the way 2 li'e .ella is Muite different&
she is !y friend& and Dora is !y sisterS and 2
li'e Aunt Dora too& and ;swald VifV 2 e%er see hi!
again)
August Ath) ;h& 2 a! so furious( To@day 2 got
a $ostcard fro! .ella& with nothing on it but N"ollow
your own bent& with best wishes& your >)N *hen
we write $ostcards we always use a ci$her which no
one else can understand& so that >) !eans .) 2t's
a good thing no one can understand it) ;f course 2
wrote to Anneliese directly& and was !ost affectionate&
and 2 sent a $ostcard to .ella& in our ci$her& with
nothing !ore thanF .a%e done so& with best wishes&
*) <ot e%en VyourV *) 2 do wonder what she will do)
.ero iegfried was lying with us to@day in the hayfield&
and what he said was lo%ely) -ut 2 can't agree
that all fathers Vwithout exce$tionV are tyrants) 2
saidF NV>yV "ather isn't(N .e rejoinedF N<ot VyetV&
but you will find out in ti!e) .owe%er& anyone with
a character of his own won't allow hi!self to be
su$$ressed) 2 si!$ly bro'e with !y ;ld >an and left
ho!eS there are other technical schools besides the
one in -runn) And since you say not VallV fathersS well
just loo' at .uldaS whene%er anyone fell in lo%e with
her the ;ld >an !arred her chance& for no one can
stand such tutelage)N NTutelage& what do you !ean&N
said 2& but just at that !o!ent e%eryone got u$ to go
away) To@!orrow $erha$s& $oor $ersecuted !an)
August 0th) ;h dear& it's horrible if it's all really
true what .ella writes about being infectedS an eru$@
tion all o%er the body& that is the !ost horrible thing
in the world) 2 !ust tear u$ her letter directly& and
since she could not write A whole $ages in our ci$her&
2 !ust Vabsolutely destroyV it& so that no one can get
hold of a frag!ent of it) Abo%e all now that >arina
is here& for you ne%er can tell @@ @@ @@) -ut 2 'now
what 2'll doS 2'll co$y the letter here& e%en if it ta'es
7 or B days) he writesF
Darling ,ita& what did you say when you got yesterday's
$ostcard) 2f you were angry& you !ust !a'e it
u$ with !e) #onsort with who! you $lease and
write to who! you $leaseS but all the VconseMuencesV
be on your own head) "ather always saysF -eware
of red hair( And 2 insist that the Ninnocent childN
has Vfoxy redV hair) -ut you can thin' what you li'e)
<ow 2'%e got so!ething !uch !ore i!$ortant to
tell you) -ut you !ust $ro!ise !e dirst that you will
tear u$ !y letter directly you ha%e read it) ;therwise
$lease send it bac' to !e VunVread)
Rust fancy) .ere in -) there is a young !arried
wo!an li%ing with her !other and her cousin& a girl
who is studying !edicineS they are Poles and 2 ha%e
always had an enthusiastic ad!iration for the Poles)
The young wife has got a di%orce fro! her husband&
for she was VinfectedV by hi! on the Vwedding nightV)
;f course you re!e!ber what being VinfectedV is) -ut
really it is so!ething Muite different fro! what we
i!agined) -ecause of VthatV she got a frightful eru$tion
all o%er her body and her face& and !ost li'ely all
her hair will fall outS is it not frightfulQ .er cousin&
the !edical student& who is a$$arently %ery $oor& is
there to VnurseV her) ;ur ser%ant ,osa told !e about
it& she heard of it fro! the house!aid where they ha%e
roo!s) As you 'now& one can't tal' to Li::i about
anything of that 'ind& and so 2 did not learn any !oreS
but the other day& when 2 went to buy so!e $icture
$ostcards& 2 !et the three ladies) The young wife was
wearing a %ery thic' %eil& so that one could see nothing)
They were sitting on a bench in the garden in
front of their house& and 2 bowed in $assing& on the
way bac') They bowed& and s!iled in a friendly way)
2n the afternoon 2 had to lie down& for 2 was feeling
%ery bad because of ) ) ) )(( Then 2 suddenly heard
so!e $eo$le tal'ing on the %eranda just outside !y
window@@the %eranda runs all round the house) At
first 2 saw shadows $assing& and then they sat down
outside) 2 recognised the soft %oice of the Polish
student directly& and 2 heard her say to the wife of
the !ayor of R)F NYes& !y unfortunate cousin's ex$erience
has been a terrible oneS that is because $eo$le
sell girls li'e !erchandise& without as'ing the!& and
without their ha%ing the least idea what they are in
for)N 2 got u$ at once and sat down close to the
window behind the curtain so that 2 could hear e%erything)
The !ayor's wife saidF NYes& it's horrible
what one has to go through when one is !arried)
V>yV husband is not one of that sort but @@ @@ @@ And
then 2 could not understand what she went on to say
2 o%erheard this con%ersation on Thursday) -ut
that's not all 2 ha%e to tell you) ;f course !y first
thought was& if only 2 could ha%e a tal' with herS
for she s$o'e about Venlighten!entV and although we
are both of us already V%ery !uch enlightenedV& still&
as a !edical student& she !ust 'now a great deal
!ore than we do& so that we can learn fro! her) And
since she said that girls ought not to be allowed to
Vrun blindly into !arriageV& 2 thought she would $robably
tell !e a little if 2 went cautiously to wor')
There was a word which she and the !ayor's wife used
!ore than once& VsegsualV and 2 don't 'now what it
!eans& and 2'! sure you don't 'now either& darling
,ita) he said so!ething about Vsegsual inti!aciesVS
of course when $eo$le tal' about Vinti!aciesV& one
'nows it has a !eaning& but what on earth does segsual
!eanQ 2t !ust !ean so!ething& since it is used with
Vinti!acyV) *ell& let !e get on) ;n aturday there
was a $arty& and the !edical student ca!e& and 2
left !y Al$ine ongs lying on the $iano& and so!ebody
$ic'ed it u$ and turned o%er the $ages& and the
word went round that the $erson to who! it belonged
!ust sing so!ething) At first 2 did not let on& but
went out for a !o!ent& and then ca!e bac' sayingF
2'! loo'ing for !y !usic boo'& 2 left it lying about
so!ewhere) There was a general shout& and e%eryone
saidF *e'%e agreed that the $erson to who! that
boo' belongs has got to sing) <ow 2 'new that
"raulein ?arwins'a had acco!$anied the singing on
such e%enings before) o 2 saidF 2 shall be delighted
to sing& $ro%ided "raulein ?) will acco!$any !e&
"or you gentle!en $lay too loud for !y %oice) Great
laughter& but 2 had got what 2 wanted) *e were
introduced& and 2 thought to !yselfF You will soon
i!$ro%e the acMuaintance) ;n unday for once in a
way 2 got u$ Muite early& at half $ast 3& for "raulein ?)
can only go out wal'ing early in the !orning since she
s$ends the whole day with her cousin) he sits near
the LuisenMuelle& so 2 went there with a boo'& and
as soon as she ca!e 2 ju!$ed u$& said good@!orning&
and went onF 2'! afraid 2'%e ta'en $ossession of
VyourV bench) N<ot at all&N she said& NDo you study
on undaysQN N;h no& this is only light reading&N
2 answered& and 2 !ade haste to sit on the boo'& for
in !y hurry 2 had not noticed what it was) -ut luc'
was with !e) he sat down beside !e and saidF
N*hat is it you are reading that you hide so
anxiouslyQ 2 su$$ose it's so!ething that your !other
!ust not 'now about)N N;h no&N said 2& Nwe ha%e
not brought any such boo's to the country with us)N
N2 ta'e it that !eans that you do !anage to get the!
when you are in townQN NGoodness !e& one !ust
try and learn a little about VlifeVS and since no one will
e%er tell one anything& one loo's about for oneself to
see if one can find anything in a boo')N N2n the
encyclo$edia& 2 su$$oseQN N<o& that's no good& for
one can't always find the truth there)N he burst out
laughing and saidF N*hat sort of truth do you
wantQN N2 thin' you can i!agine %ery well what sort
of things 2 want to 'now)N ;f course one can s$ea'
!ore $lainly to a !edical student than one can to
other girls& and she was not in the least disgusted or
angry but saidF Yes& it's the sa!e struggle e%erywhere)
Then 2 !ade use of your fa%ourite $hrase
and saidF Ntruggle& what do you !eanQ *hat 2
really want to 'now about is being infected)N Then
she flushed u$ and saidF N*ho's been tal'ing to you
about thatQ 2t see!s to !e that the whole town is
chattering about !y unha$$y cousin) You !ust see
that V2V can't tell you that)N -ut 2 answeredF N2f you
don't& who willQ VYouV study !edicine& and are seeing
and tal'ing about such things all day)N N<o& no& !y
dear VchildV Gyou can i!agine how furious that !ade
!eH& you are still !uch too young for Vthat sort of
thingV)N *hat do you thin' of that& we are too young
at /J /O7& it's utterly absurd) 2 ex$ect that really her
studies ha%e not gone %ery far& and she would not
ad!it it) Anyhow& 2 stood u$& and saidF N2 !ust
not disturb you any longer&N and bowed and went
awayS but 2 thought to !yselfF NA fig for her and
her VstudiesVS fine sort of a doctor VsheV'll !a'e(N
N*hat do you thin' about it allQ *e shall still
ha%e to trust to the encyclo$edia& and after all a lot
of what we can learn there is all right& and luc'ily
we 'now !ost things exce$t the word segsual) <ext
winter 2 ex$ect we shall find it easier than we used
to to get to the boo'case in your house) 2 don't bow
to the silly idiot any !ore)
-ut darling ,ita& with regard to the Ninnocent
child&N 2 don't want to influence you in any way& and
2 shan't be angry with you for $referring an VunworthyV
$erson to !e((( "aithless though you are& 2 send
you half a !illion 'isses& your e%er faithful friend&
.) P)) 2 ha%e been J days writing this letterS tear
it u$& Vwhate%erV you do(((
<ow that 2 ha%e co$ied the letter& 2 really can't see
why .ella wants !e to tear it u$) There's nothing
so %ery dreadful in it) -ut there is one thing 2 shan't
be able to do for .ella& to hel$ her in loo'ing u$
things in the encyclo$edia) 2 thin' 2 should always
feel that >other would suddenly co!e in and stand
behind us) <o& 2 si!$ly can't do it)
August /Bth) Through that stu$id co$ying 2 ha%e
been $re%ented writing about V!y ownV affairs& although
they are far !ore i!$ortant) Last *ednesday the
ociety for the Preser%ation of <atural -eauties had
arranged a great excursion to 2nner@Lahn in brea's)
Dora did not want to go at first& but "ather said that
if it would gi%e VusV $leasure& he would %ery !uch li'e
to go with us& and >other would be only too delighted
to see that we were enjoying so!ething once !ore)
And two days before the excursion Dora finally decided
that she would li'e to goS 2 'new why at onceS
she thought that by that ti!e all the $laces would
ha%e been ta'en& and that we should ha%e been toldF
+ery sorry& no !ore roo!) -ut luc'ily she had !ade
a VgreatV !ista'e) "or the secretary saidF *ith $leasureS
how !any $laces shall 2 reser%eQ and so we saidF
1S na!ely& "ather& Dora& and 2& Aunt Al!a GunfortunatelyH&
>arina G%ery unfortunatelyH& and the two
boys Gno less unfortunatelyH) NThat will need an
extra con%eyance&N re$lied the secretary& and we
thought we should !a'e a fa!ily $arty) -ut it was
not soF <ext Dora sat a gentle!an who! 2 had seen
once or twice before& and he $aid her a tre!endous
a!ount of attention) -esides that there were 7 strange
gentle!en& "rau -ang and her 7 daughters and her
son& who is not Muite all thereS o$$osite was .ero
iegfried& a young lady who is 2 belie%e going on the
stage& the two *einer girls and their >other
Gnotwithstanding(((H& then 2& and afterwards >arina&
"ather& Aunt Al!a& and the two boys o$$osite) 2
don't 'now who !ade u$ the other brea'@loads) At 3
in the !orning we all !et outside the school& for the
school!aster acted as our guide) 2 did not 'now before
that he has two daughters and a son who has
!atriculated this year) "irst of all they held a great
re%iew& and the gentle!en fortified the!sel%es with
a ni$ and so did so!e of the ladiesS 2 did not& for 2
hate the way in which a liMueur burns one's throat so
that e%ery one& at any rate girls and ladies& !a'e
such faces when they are drin'ing& that is why 2 ne%er
drin' liMueur) 2 did not care !uch about the dri%e
out& for it was %ery cold and windy& !ost of us had
red noses and blue li$sS 2 'e$t on biting !y li$s to
'ee$ the! red& for one loo's si!$ly hideous when
one's li$s are white or blue& 2 noticed that in Dora
when we were s'ating last winter) "ather went only
on our account& and Aunt Dora stayed at ho!e so
that Aunt Al!a could go) >arina wears NsnailsN
now& the sight of her is enough to gi%e one fits) Dora
gets on with her Muite well& which is !ore than 2 can
say for !yself) ;nly when we got out aid 2 notice
that iegfried's sister& "raulein .ulda& had been sitting
next the as$iring actress) he is awfully nice&
and !any& !any years ago she !ust ha%e been %ery
$rettyS she has such soft brown eyes& and her hair is
the sa!e colour as her brother'sS but he has glorious
blue eyes& which get Muite blac' when he is angry&
as he was when he was tal'ing about his father) 2
should tre!ble before hi! in his wrath) .e is so tall
that 2 only co!e u$ to his shoulder) "ather calls
hi! the red ta$ewor!S but that's really not fair) .e
is %ery broad but so thin) 2n =nter@Toifen we
sto$$ed for brea'fast& eating the food we had brought
with usS about half an hourS then the school!aster
hurried us all away& for we had Muite /9 !iles to
wal') The two boys !ade a $arty with other boys&
and we fi%e girls& we 7& the 7 *einers& and >arina&
led the way) Aunt Al!a wal'ed with a clergy!an's
wife fro! .ildeshei!& or whate%er it was called& and
with the school!aster's wife) 2t was VawfullyV dull at
first& so that 2 began to be sorry that 2 had begged
"ather to let us go) -ut after we had gone a few !iles
the school!aster's son and three bright young fellows
ca!e along and wal'ed with us) Then we had such
fun that we could hardly wal' for laughing& and the
elders had continually to dri%e us on) >arina was
Muite unrestrained& 2 could ne%er ha%e belie%ed that
she could be so jolly) ;ne of the school!aster's
daughters fell down& and so!e one $ulled her out of
the broo' into which she had slid because she was
laughing so !uch) 2 really don't 'now what ti!e we
got to 2nner@Lahn& for we were enjoying oursel%es so
!uch) Dinner had been ordered ready for us& and we
were all frantically hungry) *e laughed without
sto$$ing& for we had all sat down just as we had co!e
in& although Aunt Al!a did not want us to at first)
-ut she was out%oted) 2 was Ves$ecially $leasedV to
show .ero iegfried that 2 could a!use !yself %ery
well without hi!& for he had fro:en on to the as$iring
actress& or she had fro:en on to hi!@@2 don't 'now
which& or at least 2 did not 'now Vthen(V ince we were
sitting all !ixed u$ e%eryone had to $ay for hi!self&
and "ather said next day we had s$ent a $erfect
fortuneS but that was not in the hotel& it ha$$ened
later& when we were buying !e!entoes) And 2 thin'
Dora ga%e >arina B crowns& so that she could buy
so!e things too) -ut Dora ne%er lets on about anything
of that sort) 2 !ust say 2 li'e her character
better and betterS in those ways she is %ery li'e >other)
*ell& our $urchases were all $ac'ed into two or three
ruc'sac's& and were 'e$t for a raffle in =nter@Toifen
on the way bac') 2 !ust ha%e s$ent at least 1 crowns&
for "ather had gi%en each of us 6 crowns before we
started& and 2 still had a lot of !y August $oc'et
!oney left& and now 2'%e got only J9 hellers) After
we had had dinner and bought the things we lay
about in the forest or wal'ed about in cou$les) 2 had
curled !yself u$ for a na$ when so!e one ca!e u$
behind !e& and when 2 sat u$ this Vso!eoneV $ut his
hands o%er !y eyes and saidF NThe >ountain
$irit)N And 2 recognised VhisV hands VinstantlyV& and
saidF N.ero iegfried(N Then he laughed li'e anything
and sat down beside !e and saidF NYou were
enjoying yourself so !uch this !orning that you had
not e%en a glance to s$are for !e)N N#ontrariwise
G2'%e got that fro! DoraH& 2 ne%er foist !yself on
anyone& and ne%er Vhang around anyone's nec'V)N Then
he wanted to $ut his ar! round !y waist Gand $robably&
!ost $robably& he would ha%e 'issed !eH& but
2 s$rang to !y feet and called Dora or rather Thea&
for before the gentle!en we $retend that we ne%er
call one another anything but Thea and ,ita) "ather
says that that is awfully silly& and no longer suitable
for Dora Gbut of course it was alright for !e(H& but
we 'ee$ to our arrange!ent) Then he raised !y hand
to his li$s and saidF NDon't call(N -ut Dora ca!e
u$& and with her the gentle!an with the $incene:&
who is a doctor of law belonging to the District #ourt
of 2nnsbruc'& and >arina and one of the young !en&
and 2 as'ed& N2 say& when VareV we going to ha%e teaQN
NRust fancy& she is hungry again already&N they all
said& and laughed li'e anything) And Dora loo'ed
VfrightfullyV ha$$y) he was wearing an edelweiss
buttonhole which she had not been wearing beforeS in
the e%ening she told !e that Dr) P) had gi%en it her)
2f $ossible he is e%en taller than .ero iegfried& for
Dora is taller than 2 a! and her head only co!es u$
to his ear) At B o'cloc' the last $arty ca!e u$ to the
bel%edere& we had got there earlier) The %iew was
lo%ely) -ut 2 !ust say 2 can enjoy a fine %iew !uch
better when 2 a! alone& that is with "ather or Muite a
few $ersonsS it is no good when there's such a crowdS
each additional $erson see!s to ta'e so!ething !ore
away) 2n a lo%ely $lace and at the ce!etery one !ust
be alone) "or a beautiful %iew usually !a'es one feel
frightfully sad& and one ought not to ha%e been laughing
so !uch just before& or laugh directly afterwards)
2f 2 were alone in 2nner@Lahn 2'! sure 2 should beco!e
!elancholy& for it is so gloriously beautiful
there)
At J o'cloc'& after tea& we started bac'& for the
school!aster thought the descent would not ta'e !ore
than two hours and a half& but we needed !ore than
three) "or we were all %ery tired& and a great !any
of the! had sore feet& es$ecially Aunt Al!a( *e had
said before& that it would be too !uch for AuntS but
she had to co!e with us to ta'e care of >arina& though
>arina enjoyed herself Vextre!elyV with a .err "urtner&
who is studying !ining li'e ;swald& not in Leoben
but in Ger!any) ;ne does not really find out
what a girl is li'e until one sees how she beha%es with
a !an& or what she is li'e when one tal's to her about
Vcertain thingsVS as for the last& of course that's
i!$ossible with >arina Vsince the ex$erienceV we had) -ut
anyhow she is nicer than one would ha%e thought at
first sight) 2t was lo%ely on the way ho!e) Dri%ing
bac' fro! =nter@Toifen we sat Muite differently)
2n our brea'& instead of the *einers& there were
three students fro! >unich& they were awfully nice&
and we sang all the songs we 'newS es$ecially N.och
%o! Dachstein& wo der Aar nur haust&N and N"orelle N
and N*o !ein chat: ist&N were lo%ely& and the $eo$le
in two different brea's sang together) And then so!e
of the! sang so!e Al$ine songs and yodelled till the
hills echoed) Two or three of the !en in the third
brea' were rather ti$sy and V.ero iegfried((V was one
of the!) Aunt Al!a had a frightful headacheS it was
utterly idiotic for her to co!e& and we did not 'now
yet what was still to ha$$en) At e%ery house fro!
which a girl had co!e there was a serenade) And
next e%ening there was to be a great raffle of the
!e!entoes we had bought& but "ather would not let us
go to that)
August /Jth) 2t is des$erately dull) 2 don't
'now what on earth to do& so 2 a! writing !y diary)
-esides& 2 ha%e not written about the row yet) The
next afternoon Aunt Al!a ca!e just as we were going
out and said to "atherF Ernst& $lease let !e ha%e
a word with you) <ow we all 'now Aunt Al!a's Vlet
!e ha%e a word with youV) 2n $lain language it
!eansF 2'! going to !a'e a scene) he began F Ernst&
you 'now 2 ne%er li'e these big $arties with a lot of
strangers& for no good can co!e of the!) till& 2 !ade
u$ !y !ind to go for the sa'e of the children& and
chiefly for the sa'e of Vyour !otherlessV children) G<obody
as'ed her toS and Aunt Dora had to stay at ho!e
on her account)H Do you 'now what sort of $eo$le
were in our co!$anyQ That i!$udent young student
who! Gretel is always running after Gdid you e%er
hear anything li'e it( 2 should li'e to 'now when
2 ran after hi!S 2 su$$ose in the wood 2 $ut V!yV ar!
round VhisV waist& and 2 su$$ose that it was V2V who began
the acMuaintance on !y birthdayH and that girl who's
training for the stage did not co!e ho!e after the
excursion till the night was half o%er) God 'nows
where they were( They were certainly no VcleanerV
when they got ho!e) G<aturally& for where could
they ha%e had a wash)H .is father ga%e the young
blac'guard a fine tal'ing to& but of course the girl's
!other ta'es her side) 2t would $ositi%ely 'ill !e to
thin' of V!y >arina doing anything of the 'indV)N
"ather was able to get a word in at lastF N-ut !y dear
Al!a& what has all this to do with !y girlsQ As far as
2 'now these two $eo$le weren't in our brea'& isn't that
so girlsQN 2 was glad that "ather turned to VusV& and 2
saidF iegfried ch) and the girl dro%e in the fourth
brea'& 2 saw the! getting in) And it was toute !e!e
chause where he dro%e and with who! he was dri%ing)N
G;f course that's not true& but 2 said it was because of
Aunt)H Nuch language and such a tone to your own
"ather(N Directly she said that "ather was in such
a $assion as 2 ha%e ne%er seen hi! in before) N>y
dear Al!a& 2 really !ust beg you not to interfere with
V!yV educational !ethods& any !ore than 2 e%er atte!$t
to interfere in VyourV affairs)N "ather said this Muite
Muietly& but he was si!$ly white with rage& and Dora
told !e afterwards that 2 was Muite white too& also
fro! rage of course) Aunt Al!a saidF N2 don't want
to $ro$hesy e%il& but the future will show who is right
Goodbye)N As soon as she had gone Dora and 2
rushed to "ather and saidF NPlease "ather& don't be
so frightfully angryS there's no reason why you
should)N And "ather was awfully sweet and saidF
N2 'now Muite well that 2 can trust youS you are !y
-erta's children)N And then 2 si!$ly could not contain
!yself& and 2 saidF N<o& "ather& 2 really did
flirt with iegfried& and in the wood he $ut his ar!
round !y waistS but 2 did not let hi! 'iss !e& 2 gi%e
you !y word 2 did not) And if you want !e to 2'll
$ro!ise ne%er to s$ea' to hi! again)N And then
"ather saidF N,eally& Gretel& you ha%e $lenty of ti!e
yet for such affairs& and e%en if that Vred@haired rascalV
$lays the gallant with you& he is only !a'ing hi!self
a laughingstoc') And you don't want that& do you&
little witchQN Then 2 threw !y ar!s round "ather
and $ro!ised hi! Von !y word of honourV that 2 would
ne%er s$ea' to iegfried again) "or it really distresses
!e %ery !uch that he should !a'e hi!self ridiculousS
and that he should go out wal'ing half the night with
that girlS such sha!elessness(
*e were so !uch u$set that we did not go for a
wal'& and of course did not go to the raffle) -ut 2'!
frightfully sorry about those things 2 $aid 1 crowns
for) 2 do ho$e he did not win any of the!)
August /6th) Rust a few words !ore) Early this
!orning& as 2 was going to brea'fast& in the corridor
2 !et ) Git's a good thing that is the initial both
of his na!e and of tric' 4rascal8 as "ather called
hi!H and he saidF NGood !orning& "raulein Gretchen)
*hy weren't you at the raffleQ .adn't you any
shareQ@@N;h yes& 2 had bought 1 crowns worth for it&
but 2 had no fancy for the co!$any 2 should
!eet)N@@ @@ *hy& what has ta'en you all of a
suddenQ They were the sa!e $eo$le as at the
excursion( @@ @@ @@ NPrecisely for that reason&N said 2&
and $assed on) 2 thin' 2 ga%e hi! what for& for he
si!$ly !ust ha%e understood) "ather is really Muite
right& and it is not at all nice to abuse one's $arents
to strangers as he is always doing) 2 could not say a
word against !y $arents to anyone& although 2'!
often frightfully angry with the!S of course not about
>other& for she is dead) -ut not e%en about "atherS
2 would rather cho'e down the greatest injustice) "or
when we had that trouble with Aunt Al!a about
>arina& 2 was really not in the least to bla!e& but he
scolded !e so& e%en while Aunt Al!a was there& so
that 2 can ne%er forget it) -ut still& to a stranger& to
so!e one who! 2 had only just got to 'now& 2 would
ne%er say a word against anyone in our fa!ilyS though
2 used to get on so badly with Dora& 2 ne%er said
!uch against her e%en to .ellaS at !ost that she was
deceitful& and that really used to be so& though she
seldo! is now)
August /0th) 2t is so filthyly dull hereS 2 can't bear
the word filthy& but it's the only one that's strong
enough) ;swald is co!ing this e%ening& at last)
Than' goodness) ) has !ade se%eral Vad%ancesV& but
2 ha%e VignoredV the!) Let hi! stic' to his actress who
can go out wal'ing with hi! half the night) 2 really
VshouldV li'e to 'now where they went) 2n the night&
2 ne%er heard of such a thing( Dora says she too' a
disli'e to ) fro! the first because he @@ @@ @@ @@ @@
it's an absolute lie( @@ @@ @@ has cla!!y( hands)
2t's si!$ly not true& on the contrary he has such
entrancingly cool hands& 2'! sure 2 !ust 'now that
better than Dora) -ut 2'%e 'nown for a long ti!e
that whene%er anyone $ays V!eV attention Dora is
Vunsy!$atheticV& naturally enough) -y the way& on unday
2 got a char!ing letter fro! Anneliese) 2 !ust
answer it to@day)
August 77nd) ;swald is awfully nice) .e did
not forget !y birthday& but he says that at that ti!e
he was stoney& in student's slang that !eans that he
hadn't any !oney& and then he could not find anything
suitable& but that he will re$air the o!ission as
soon as we get bac' to +ienna) -ut 2 don't 'now
what 2 should li'e) ;swald is going to stay until
we all go bac' to +ienna& and we are !a'ing a few
excursions Vby oursel%esV) That is really the best way
after all) 2 a! not !uch with the *einers now& for
we had a little tiff on the big excursion) -ut <elly
is rather ta'en with ;swald& so she ca!e twice to our
table to@day& once about a boo' we had lent her& and
once to arrange for a wal')
August 7Jth) 2t is really absurd that one's own
brother can thin' such a lot of oneS but if he does&
2 su$$ose he 'nows) ;swald said to !e to@dayF
Gretl& you are so s!art 2 could bite you) .ow you
are de%elo$ing)N 2 saidF N2 don't want anyone to
bite !e& and he saidF N<or do 2&N but 2 was awfully
delighted& though he is only !y brother) .e can't
stand >arina& and as a !an he finds Dora too stu$idS
2 thin' he's right& really) And 2 si!$ly can't understand
Dr) P)& that he can always find so!ething to
tal' about to Dora) .e has hardly said /9 words to
!e yet) till& 2 don't care)
August 71th) *e went u$ the >atscher'ogel yesterday&
and we had a lo%ely %iew) The two boys
ca!e& for they had begged their father to let the!S
but of course Aunt Al!a and >arina did not co!e)
;swald calls Aunt Al!a VAngular PincushionV& but only
when "ather isn't there& for after all she is "ather's
sister) The *einers wanted to co!e too& but 2 said
that !y brother was staying only a few days !ore&
and that this was a farewell excursion Ven fa!illeV)N
They were rather hurt& but they ha%e !ade !e %ery
angry by the way in which they will go on tal'ing
about ) in front of !e& on $ur$ose& saying that he is
engaged or is going to be engaged to the actress girl
against his father's will) *hat does it !atter to V!eVQ
They 'ee$ on exchanging glances when they say that&
es$ecially ;lga& who is really rather stu$id) 2 a!
so sad now at ti!es that 2 si!$ly can't understand
how 2 could ha%e enjoyed !yself so !uch on the big
excursion) 2'! always thin'ing of dear >other& and
2 often wear !y blac' froc') 2t suits !y !ood better)
August B9th) 2 belie%e the chs) are lea%ing to@
!orrow) At least the old gentle!an said to "ather
the day before yesterdayF NThan' the Lord& we shall
soon be able to enjoy the co!forts of ho!e once !ore)N
That is what .ella's grand!other used to say before
they ca!e bac' fro! the country) And to@day 2 saw
two great trun's standing in the $assage just outside
.err charrer's roo!) ;swald thin's the old gentle!an
char!ingS well& there's no accounting for tastes)
2 don't belie%e he's e%er s$o'en to )& though he is a
Ger!an <ationalist too& but of a different sectionS
;swald belongs to the ud!ar'& and ) abused that
section frightfully when 2 told hi! that ;swald belonged
to the ud!ar')
August B/st) .e has really gone to@day& that is&
the whole fa!ily has gone) They ca!e to bid us
goodbye yesterday after su$$er& and they left this
!orning by the 0 o'cloc' train to 2nnsbruc') And his
hands are not cla!!y& 2 $aid $articular attention
to the $ointS it is $ure i!agination on Dora's $art)
.e and ;swald greeted one another with .ail( That's
a s$lendid salutation& and 2 shall introduce it between
.ella and !e)
e$te!ber 7nd) The *einers left to@day too& because
$eo$le are really beginning to stare at their
!other too !uch) *hen ;lga said goodbye to !e
she told !e she hated ha%ing to tra%el with her !other
and whene%er $ossible she would lag behind a little so
that $eo$le should not 'now they belonged together)
e$te!ber Jth) 2 ne%er heard of such a thing((
) has co!e bac'& alone of course) E%eryone is indignant&
for he has only co!e bac' because of "raulein
A)& the actress girl) -ut ;swald defends hi!
li'e anything) This afternoon "rau Lunda said to
Aunt DoraF N2t's si!$ly scandalous& and his $arents
certainly ought not to ha%e allowed hi! to co!e& e%en
if the girl's !other does not 'now any better)N Then
;swald saidF NExcuse !e& "rau Lunda& charrer is
no longer a schoolboy who !ust cling to his !other's
a$ron@stringS such tutelage would really be unworthy
of a full@grown Ger!an)N 2 was so $leased that he
ga%e a $iece of his !ind to "rau L)& for she is always
glaring at one and is so frantically inMuisiti%e) And
VtutelageV is such an i!$ressi%e word& ) used it once
when he was s$ea'ing of his sister and why she had
ne%er !arried) "rau L) was furious) he turned to
Aunt Dora and saidF NYoung !en naturally ta'e
one another's $art& until they are fathers the!sel%es
and then they hold other %iews)N
e$te!ber Ath) Than' goodness we are going
ho!e the day after to@!orrow) 2t really has been
rather dull here& certainly 2 can't join in the $aean
.ella sang about the $lace last yearS of course they
were not staying in the Edelweiss boarding house but
in the .otel ?aiser %on ;esterreich) 2t !a'es a lot
of difference VwhereV one is staying) -y the way& it
has just occurred to !e) The young wife who had
the eru$tion after VinfectionV can't ha%e been di%orced&
as .ella wrote !e the wee' before lastS for her husband
has been there on a %isit& he is an actor at the
Theatre ,oyal in >unich) o it would see! that
actors really are all VinfectedVS and .ella always says
it is only officers( he ta'es rather an exaggerated
%iew)
e$te!ber /Jth) *e ha%e been bac' in +ienna
since the //th& but 2 ha%e been absolutely unable to
write& though there was $lenty to write about) "or
the first $erson 2 !et when 2 went out on the //th to
fetch so!e cocoa which ,esi had forgotten& was
Lieutenant ,) +i'tor& Vthe #onMueror((V ;f course he
recognised !e i!!ediately& and was awfully friendly&
and Vwal'ed with !e a little wayV) .e as'ed casually
after Dora& but it is ob%ious that he is not in lo%e
with her any !ore) And it was so funny that he
should not 'now that Dora had !atriculated this
year and so would not be going to the .igh chool
any !ore) 2 did not tell hi! that she intends to go
on with her studies& for it is not absolutely settled
yet)
e$te!ber /3th) .ella ca!e ho!e yesterdayS 2
a! so gladS 2 greeted her withF V.ail(V but she saidS
Ndon't be silly&N besides& it's unsuitable for an Austrian
officer's daughter((( till& we won't Muarrel about it
after 7 !onths' se$aration& and Ver%usV is %ery s!art
too though not so distinguished) he told !e a
tre!endous lot !ore about that young !arried wo!anS
so!e of the ladies in -) said that her cousin was Vin
lo%eV with the husband) That would be awful& for
then she would get infected tooS but .ella says she
did not notice anything& though she watched %ery
closely during the fortnight he was there) .e sang
at two of the !usical e%enings& but she did not see
any sign of it) Li::i is VengagedV& but .ella could not
write anything about it& for the engage!ent is only
being officially announced now that they are bac' in
+iennaS her fiance is -aron G) .e is an attache in
London& and she !et hi! there) .e is !adly in lo%e
with her) 2n August he was on lea%e& and he ca!e to
-) to !a'e an offer of !arriageS that is why they
stayed the whole su!!er in -) instead of going to
.ungary) Those were the Vs$ecial circu!stancesV&
about which .ella said she could not write to !e)
2 don t see why she could not ha%e told !e VthatV& 2
should ha%e 'e$t it to !yselfS and after all& Li::i
is /0 /O7 now& and no one would ha%e been sur$rised
that she is engaged at last) They can't ha%e a great
betrothal $arty& for -aron G)'s father died in Ruly)
.ella is %ery !uch $ut out) Li::i says it does not
!atter a bit)
e$te!ber /Ath) Li::i's betrothal cards arri%ed
to@day) 2t !ust be glorious to send out betrothal
cards) Dora got Muite red with annoyance& though
she said when 2 as'ed herF N*hy do you flush u$
so& surely there's no reason to be asha!ed when anyone
is Vengaged(VN N,eally& why should you thin' 2
a! asha!ed& 2 a! !erely Vextre!ely sur$risedV)N -ut
one does not get so red as VthatV fro! sur$rise)
e$te!ber /0th) chool began to@dayS unfortunately&
for VsheV has gone) And what was the Third
is now the "ourth& and that is detestable& to sit in
the classroo! without VherV) Luc'ily we ha%e "rau
Do'tor t) as class !istress& and she is to teach us
!athe!atics and $hysics once !oreS "rau Do'tor ")&
who! we used to call <utling and the "ifth used to
call *aterfall has gone& for she has been a$$ointed
to the Ger!an .igh chool in Le!berg) "or the
ti!e being we are sitting in our old $lace& but .ella
says we !ust as' "rau Do'tor ) to let us ha%e another
seat& for the !e!ory of the three years when
we had "rau Do'tor >) !ight !a'e us inattenti%e)
That is a s$lendid idea) 2n Ger!an we ha%e a !aster&
in "rench 2 a! sorry to say it's still "rau Do'tor
Dun'er& whose co!$lexion has not i!$ro%ed& and in
English the head !istress) 2 a! %ery $leased with
that& for first of all 2 li'e her %ery !uch& and secondly
2 shall be in her good boo's fro! the start because
Dora was her fa%ourite) ;f course 2'! not learning
Latin& for it would not interest !e now that "rau
Do'tor >) has gone) ;h& and we ha%e a new ,eligion
teacher& for .err Professor ?) has retired& since he
was 39 already)
e$te!ber 7/st) *e ha%e !anaged it) 2n the
long inter%al& .ella said to "rau Do'tor t)& who was
in charge) N"rau Do'tor& !ay we %enture to as'
for so!ethingQN o she saidF N*hat& in the %ery
first wee'S well& what is itQN *e said we should li'e
to !o%e fro! the third bench towards the window&
for we found it %ery $ainful to go on sitting where
we had sat when "rau Do'tor >)& was there) At
first she refused& but after a while she saidF 2'll see
what 2 can do& if you are really not ha$$y where you
are)N "ro! // to /7 was the !athe!atic lesson&
and as soon as "rau Do'tor teiner had ta'en her
$lace she saidF NThis arrange!ent of your seats was
only $ro%isional) You had better sit !ore according
to height)N Then she rearranged us all& and .ella
and 2 were !o%ed to the 6th bench on the window
sideS the two twins& the Ehrenfelds got our $lacesS in
front of us is Lohr and a new girl called "riederi'e
.a!!er whose father is a confectioner in >ariahilferstrasse)
*e are awfully glad that we ha%e got
away fro! that hateful third bench where VsheV used
so often to stand near us and lay her hand on the
des')
e$te!ber 70th) Professor "ritsch& the Ger!an
$rofessor& ca!e to@day for the first ti!e) .e is
always clearing his throat and he wears gold s$ectacles)
.ella thin's hi! VtolerablyV nice& but 2 don't) 2'!
Muite sure that 2 shall ne%er get an Excellent in Ger!an
again) Yesterday the new ,eligion !aster ca!e
for the first ti!e& and 2 sat alone& for .ella being a
Protestant did not attend) .e loo's frightfully ill
and his eyes are always lowered though he has burning
blac' eyes) <ext ti!e 2 shall sit beside .a!!er
which will be co!$any for us both)
;ctober 7nd) *e had confession and co!!union
to@day& and since the staff will not allow us to choose
our confessors& 2 had to go to Professor ,u$$y) 2
did hate it) 2 whis$ered so low that he had to tell
!e to s$ea' louder three ti!es o%er) *hen 2 began
about the sixth co!!and!ent he co%ered his eyes
with his hand) -ut than' goodness he did not as'
any Muestions about that) The only one of the staff
who used to allow us to choose our confessors was
"rau Do'tor >) ,eally& she did not allow it directly
but when one ran Muic'ly to another confessional
box& she $retended not to notice) The .err ,el) Prof
gi%es frightfully long $enancesS all the girls who
went to hi! too' a tre!endous ti!e to get through)
2 do ho$e he won't be so strict o%er his exa!inations
or 2 shall get an =nsatisfactoryS that would be awful)
;ctober Brd) "ather was so s$lendid to@day(
Aunt Dora !ust ha%e told hi! that 2 as'ed her not
long ago whether "ather was li'ely to !arry "rau
,iedl& whose husband died al!ost exactly the sa!e
ti!e as >other& for "ather is guardian to her three
children) he was here to@day with *illi& because
he has just begun going to school) Dora and 2 tal'ed
it o%er& and she said that if "ather !arried "rau ,)&
she would lea%e ho!e) 2n the e%ening when we were
at su$$er& 2 saidF 2f only "rau %) ,) was not so ugly)
"ather& don't you thin' she's $erfectly hideousQ
And "ather laughed so lo%ingly and saidF You
need not be anxious& little witch& 2'! not going to
inflict a ste$!other on you)N 2 was so glad& and so
was Dora and we 'issed "ather such a lot& and Dora
saidF N2 felt sure that you would ne%er brea' your
oath to >other&N and she burst out crying) And
"ather saidF N<o& girls& 2 did not gi%e any $ro!ise
to your >other& she would ne%er ha%e as'ed anything
of the 'ind) -ut with grown girls li'e you it would
ne%er do to bring a ste$!other into the house)N And
then 2 told "ather that Dora would ha%e gone away
fro! ho!e& and as for !e& 2 should certainly ha%e
been frightfully u$set) "or VifV "ather really wanted
Vto !arryV again V2V should ha%e to $ut u$ with itS and
so would Dora) -ut "ather said once !oreF Don't
worry& 2 certainly shan't !arry again)N And 2 saidF
N<ot e%en Aunt DoraQN And he saidF N;h& as
for her @@ @@N And then he $ulled hi!self u$ and
saidF N<o& no& not e%en Aunt Dora)N Dora has just
told !e that 2 a! a $erfect idiot& for surely 2 !ust
'now that "ather is not $articularly char!ed by
Aunt) And then she bla!ed !e for ha%ing told
"ather that she would lea%e ho!e if he were to !arry
again) V2 a! a childV to who! it is i!$ossible to entrust
any secrets(( <ow we ha%e been Muarrelling for at least
three Muarters of an hour& so it is already half $ast //)
Luc'ily to@!orrow is a holiday& because of the
E!$eror's birthday) -ut 2 a! so glad to 'now for
certain that "ather is not going to !arry "rau %) ,
2 could ne%er get on with a ste$!other)
;ctober 0th) 2t's horribly difficult in Ger!an this
year) 2n co!$osition we are not allowed to !a'e
any rough notes& we ha%e to write it straight off and
then Vhand it inV) 2 si!$ly can't) Professor "ritsch
is %ery handso!e& but the girls are terribly afraid of
hi! for he is so strict) .is wife is in an asylu!
and his children li%e with his !other) .e has got
a di%orce fro! his wife& and since he has the luc' to
be a Protestant he can !arry again if he wants to)
.ella is $erfectly fascinated by hi!& but 2'! not in
the least) "or 2 always thin' of Prof) *) in the
econd& and that's enough for !e) 2'! not going
to fall in lo%e with any !ore $rofessors) 2n the Training
#ollege& where >arina is now& in her fourth year
one of the $rofessors last year !arried a for!er $u$il)
2 would not do that at any $rice& !arry a for!er
$rofessor&F who 'nows all one's faults) -esides& he
!ust be at least /7 or 79 years older than the girlS
and that's $erfectly horrible& one !ight as well !arry
one's fatherS he would be at least fond of her& and
she would at least 'now the way he li'es to ha%e
e%erything doneS but to !arry one's for!er $rofessor&
what an extraordinary thing to do(
;ctober /6th) 2'! frightfully anxious that .ella
!ay ha%e a rela$seS she says that nothing would
induce her to ha%e a second o$eration& es$ecially now
that @@ @@ @@S she says she would rather die) That
would be awful( 2 did !y best to $ersuade her to
tell her !other that she has such $ainS but she
won't)
;ctober /0th) 2n <o%e!ber& .ella's father will
be !ade a general and will be stationed in #racow)
Than' goodness she is going to stay here with her
grand!other until she lea%es the Ly:) he will only
go to #racow at #hrist!as and Easter and in the
su!!er holidays) he is frantically delighted) The
good news has !ade her Muite well again) E%eryone
at school is %ery $roud that there will be a general's
daughter in our class) 2t's true that there is a field@
!arshal's daughter in the Third& but he is retired)
"ather always saysF <obody !a'es any fuss o%er a
retired officer)
;ctober 77nd) *e are so !uch excited that we'%e
hardly any ti!e to learn our lessons) At #hrist!as
last year so!e one ga%e .ella's !other se%eral of
Geiersta!!'s no%els) The other day one of the!
was lying on the table& and when her !other was out
.ella had a hurried loo' at it and read the title VThe
Power of *o!an(((V *hen her !other had finished
it& she watched to see where it was $ut in the boo'case&
and now we are reading it) 2t's si!$ly wonderful(
2t 'ee$s !e awa'e all nightS igne who! he is so
$assionately fond of and who decei%es hi!) *e
cried so !uch that we could not go on reading) And
Gretchen& the girl& to who! her father is e%erythingS
2 can understand so well that she is always anxious
lest her father should !arry that horrid "rau Elise&
although she has a husband already) And when she
dies& oh& it's so horrible and so beautiful that we read
it o%er three ti!es in succession) The other day
!y eyes were Muite red fro! crying& and Aunt said
2 !ust be wor'ing too hardS for she thin's that .ella
and 2 are studying literature together) ;h dear& lessons
are an awful nuisance when one has VsuchV boo's
to read)
;ctober 7Jth) *hen 2 loo' at "ather 2 always
thin' of the no%el VThe Power of *o!anVS of course
lea%ing igne out of account) .ella ho$es she'll be
able to get hold of so!e other boo'& but it's not so
easy to do without her !other finding it out& for she
often lends boo's to her friends) Then there would
be an awful row) *e certainly don't want to read
VThe Little -rother's -oo'V& the title does not attract
usS but there's a no%el called VThe #o!edy of >arriageV&
it !ust be s$lendidS we V!ustV get that whate%er ha$$ens)
;ctober 73th) The -ruc'ners are going to 'ee$
on their flat& and .ella's grand!other will co!e and
li%e thereS only the .err VGeneral(((V is going to #)&
and of course .ella's !other too) Li::i will stay&
for she is ta'ing coo'ing lessons& since she is to be
V!arriedV in >id@Lent)
;ctober B/st) .ella's $arents left to@day& she
cried frightfully& for she did so want to go with the!)
Li::i was Muite unconcerned& for she is engaged already&
and the -aron& her fiance& is co!ing at #hrist!as&
either to +ienna or #racowS he does not care
which)
<o%e!ber Jth) o!e of the girls in our class were
furious in the Ger!an lesson to@day) ;ne or two of
the girls did not 'now the $ro$er $laces for co!!as&
and Prof) "ritsch hinted that we had learned nothing
at all in $re%ious years) *e understood $erfectly
well that he was ai!ing at "rau Do'tor >)& whose
Ger!an lessons were /9 ti!es or rather /99 ti!es better
than Professor ")'s) And on this %ery !atter of
$unctuation "rau Do'tor >) too' a tre!endous lot
of trouble and ga%e us lots of exa!$les) -esides&
whether one has a good style or not does not de$end
u$on whether one $uts a Vco!!aV in the right $lace)
The two Ehrenfelds& who towards the end were awfully
fond of "rau Do'tor >)& say that we& who were "rau
Do'tor >)'s fa%ourites& ought to write a co!$osition
without a single co!!a& just to show hi!) That's a
s$lendid idea& and .ella and 2 will do it li'e a shot
if only the others can be trusted to do it too)
<o%e!ber 3th) This year all the classes V!ustV
ha%e at least two outings e%ery !onth& e%en in winter)
2f that had been decided in the last school year& when
"rau Do'tor >) was still there& 2 should certainly
ha%e gone e%ery ti!e) -ut this year& when she has
left& we can't enjoy it) "rau Do'tor t) is awfully
nice& but not li'e "rau Do'tor >) -esides& we go
so!ewhere with "ather e%ery unday& .ella co!es
with us& and Li::i if she li'es) As soon as the snow
co!es we are going to ha%e tobogganing $arties at
.ainfeld or Lilienfeld)
Dece!ber Brd) <early a whole !onth has $assed
without !y writing& but 2 !ust write to@day( There's
been such a row in the Ger!an lesson(( *e got
bac' the co!$ositions in which .ella and 2& the 7
Ehrenfelds& -rauner& Edith -ergler& and ?uhnelt&
had not $ut a single co!!a) <othing would ha%e
been found out had not that idiot -rauner $ut in
co!!as first and then scratched the! out) *e had
agreed that if the Prof) noticed anything we would
say we had !eant to go through the! together before
the lesson& and to decide where to $ut in co!!as&
but that we had had no ti!e) <ow the silly fool
has gi%en away the whole show) .e is going to bring
the !atter before the staff !eeting) -ut after all&
it's si!$ly Vi!$ossibleV to gi%e 3 girls out of 76 a bad
conduct !ar')
Dece!ber Jth) The head !istress ca!e to ins$ect
the Ger!an lesson to@day) Afterwards she said that
she ex$ected us to !a'e all the 'nowledge which
"rau Do'tor >) had instilled into us for B years& the
fir! foundation of our further de%elo$!ent in the
higher classes) 2n the English lesson she referred
to the !ore restricted use of $unctuation !ar's in
EnglishS and afterwards we 3 VsinnersV were su!!oned
to the office) The whole school 'new about the trouble
and was astonished at our courage& es$ecially the lower
classesS the "ifth and the ixth were rather annoyed
that we in the "ourth had dared to do it) The head
ga%e us a terrible scolding& saying that it was an unexa!$led
$iece of i!$udence& and that we were not doing
credit to "rau Do'tor >) Then .ella said %ery !odestlyF
N"rau Dire'torin& will you $lease allow !e to
say a word in our defenceQN Then she ex$lained that
Prof) "ritsch ne%er !issed a chance of casting a slur
u$on "rau Do'tor >)& not in $lain words of course&
but so that we could not fail to understand it& and that
was why we acted as we did) The head answered we
!ust certainly be !ista'en& that no !e!ber of the
staff could e%er s$ea' against another in such a way
we had si!$ly !isunderstood Prof "ritsch( -ut we
'now $erfectly well how often the <utling used to
say in the >aths lessonF NDon't you 'now VthatVQ
urely you V!ustV ha%e been taught that)N The e!$hasis
does it((((( The staff !eeting is to@!orrow& and we
were told to do our best to !a'e a!ends before the
!eeting) The 7 Ehrenfelds suggested that we should
write the co!$ositions o%er again& of course with all
the co!!as& and should $lace the! on his des' to@
!orrow !orning before the Ger!an lessonS but all
the rest of us were against this& for we saw $lainly
that the head had changed colour when .ella said
what she did) *e shall !a'e the corrections and
then we shall all begin new co$yboo's)
Dece!ber Ath) 2t is B days now since the staff
!eeting& but not a word has been said yet about our
affair& and in the Ger!an lesson yesterday the Prof)
ga%e out the subject for the third $iece of ho!e wor'
without saying anything in $articular) 2 thin' he is
afraid to) .ella has sa%ed us all& for e%eryone else
would ha%e been afraid to say what she did& e%en 2)
.ella saidF N>y dear ,ita& 2'! not an officer's
daughter for nothingS if V2V ha%e not courage& who
should ha%eQ The girls stare at us in the inter%al
and whene%er they !eet us& though in the office the
head said to usF N2 do ho$e that this business will
not be s$read all o%er the school)N -ut -rauner has
a sister in the econd and Edith -ergler's sister is in
the "ifth and through the! all the classes ha%e heard
about it) 2 su$$ose nothing is going to be said to our
$arents or so!ething would ha%e ha$$ened already)
-esides& to be on the safe side& 2 ha%e already dro$$ed
a few hints at ho!e) And since Dora& than' goodness&
is no longer at the school& it is i!$ossible that there
can be !uch fuss) 2t was only at first that we were
alar!ed& but .ella was Muite right when she saidF
N2'! sure nothing will ha$$en to us& for Vwe are in
the rightV)N
Dece!ber /6th) A !eeting with +i'tor((( Dora
and 2 had gone to do our #hrist!as sho$$ing& and
we ca!e across hi! just as we had turned into Tuchlauben)
Dora got fiery red& and both their V%oices
tre!bledV) .e does loo' fine& with his blac' !oustache
and his flashing eyes( And the green facings on his
tunic suit hi! s$lendidly) .e cleared his throat
Muic'ly to co%er his e!barrass!ent& and wal'ed with
us as far as the =$$er >ar'et@$laceS he has another
six@!onths furlough because of throat troubleS so
Dora can be Muite easy in her !ind in case she fancied
that @@ @@ @@ @@ @@) *hen he said goodbye he
'issed our hands& V!ine as well as Dora'sV& and s!iled
so sweetly& sadly and sweetly at the sa!e ti!e) e%eral
ti!es 2 wanted to turn the con%ersation u$on hi!)
-ut when Dora does not want a thing& you can do
what you li'e and she won't budgeS she's as obstinate
as a !ule( he's always been li'e that since she
was Muite a little girl& when she used to sayF Dor
not( That !eantF Dora won'tS little wretch( such a
wilful little beast(
Dece!ber /1th) Yesterday we had our first tobogganing
$arty on the AnningerS it was glorious& we
'e$t on tu!bling into the snowS the snow lay fairly
thic'& es$ecially u$ there& where hardly anyone co!es)
As we were going ho!e such a ridiculous thing ha$$ened
to .ellaS she caught her foot on a snag and
tore off the whole sole of a brand new shoe) he had
to tie it on with a string& and e%en then she li!$ed so
badly that e%ery one belie%ed she had s$rained her
an'le tobogganing) .er grand!other was frightfully
angry and saidF NThat co!es of such Vunladyli'eV
a!use!ents(N Aunt Dora was %ery !uch u$set& for
she had been with us& but "ather saidF .ella's grand!other
is Muite an old lady& and in her day $eo$le
had %ery different %iews in this res$ect) 2 should say
so& Vin this res$ectV& .ella finds it out a do:en ti!es
a day& all the things she !ust not say and !ust not
do& and all the things which are unsuitable for young
girls( .er grand!other would li'e to 'ee$ her under
a glass shadeS but not a trans$arent one& for she !ust
not be able to see out& and Vno oneV !ust be able to see
VinV) GThe last is the !ain $oint)H
Dece!ber 79th) To@day was the last Ger!an lesson
before #hrist!as& and not a word !ore has been
said about our affair) .ella has $ro%ed s$lendidly
right) E%en +erbenowitsch& who curries fa%our with
e%ery !e!ber of the staff& has congratulated her& and
so has .a!!er& who is a newco!er and did not
'now "rau Do'tor >) -y the way& at / o'cloc' the
other day we !et "ran'eS she goes now to a school
of dra!atic art& and says that the whole tone of the
$lace is utterly different& she is so glad to ha%e done
with the .igh chool) he had heard of the affair
with Prof) ") and she congratulated us u$on our
Vstrength of characterV& es$ecially .ella of course) he
says that the !atter is co!!on tal' in all the .igh
chools of +ienna& at least she heard of it fro! a girl
at the .igh chool for the Daughters of #i%il er%ants&
a girl whose sister is at the chool of Dra!atic Art)
he is %ery ha$$y there& but she is annoyed that such
an institution should still be called a schoolS it's not
a VschoolV in the leastS we would be astonished to see
how free they all are) he is %ery $retty and has e%en
!ore figure than she used to ha%e) he s$ea's %ery
$rettily too& but rather too loudly& so that e%eryone
turned round to loo' at us) he ho$es that she will
be able to in%ite us to see her debut in Vone year(((V
2 should ne%er be able to stand on a stage before a lot
of strangers& 2 'now 2 would ne%er be able to get a
word out)
Dece!ber 7/st) .ella is awfully unluc'y) The
day before yesterday she got such bad influen:a and
sore throat that she can't go to #racow) he says
she is born to ill luc'S this is the second #hrist!as
that has been s$oiled& two years ago the a$$endicitis
o$eration& and now this wretched influen:a) he ho$es
her !other will co!e to +ienna& but if so her father
will be left Muite alone) And how on earth shall we
get on& #hrist!as without >other& the first #hrist!as
without >other) 2 si!$ly don't dare to thin' of it&
for if 2 did it would !a'e !e cry) Dora says too
that it can't be a $ro$er #hrist!as without >other) 2
wonder what "ather will say when he sees >other's
$ortrait) 2 do ho$e the fra!e will be ready to@!orrow)
.ella is es$ecially unha$$y because she is not able
to see Lajos) -esides& she is !adly in lo%e at the sa!e
ti!e with a lieutenant of dragoons who! we !eet e%ery
day and who is a count& and he is !adly in lo%e with
her) .e 'nows that her father is a general& for when
her father went to 'iss the E!$eror's hand he too'
.ella $art of the way with hi! in the !otor& and she
was introduced to the lieutenant then) o now he
salutes her when they !eet) .e is tre!endously tall
and loo's fearfully aristocratic) -ut what annoys
!e with .ella is that she Vin%ariablyV denies it when
she is in lo%e with anyone) 2 always tell her& or if
she notices anything 2 don't deny it) *hat's the
sense of it between friendsQ for exa!$le& the year before
last she was certainly in lo%e with the young
doctor in the hos$ital) And in e$te!ber when we
ca!e bac' fro! Theben with that !agnificent lieutenant
in the flying cor$s& 2 !ade no secret of the
fact that 2 was frantically in lo%e with hi!) -ut she
did not belie%e !e& and saidF That is not real lo%e&
when $eo$le don't see one another for !onths and
flirt with others between whiles) That was ai!ed at
.ero iegfried) Goodness !e& at hi!(( it's really
too absurd)
Dece!ber 77nd) 2 a! so delighted& "rau Do'tor
>)& at least she is "rau Professor Theyer now& has
written to !e) 2 had sent her #hrist!as good wishes&
and she sent a line to than' !e& and at the sa!e ti!e
she wished !e a ha$$y <ew Year& Vshe too' the lead
in thisVS it was hea%enly) 2 was frightfully annoyed
because Dora said that she had done it only to sa%e
herself the trouble of writing againS 2'! sure that's
not true) Dora always says things li'e that si!$ly
to annoy !e) -ut her sweet& her di%ine letter& 2
carry it about with !e where%er 2 go& and VherV $hotogra$h
too) he sent .ella only a card& naturally& for
that was all .ella had sent her) 2 can Muite well
fancy "rau Do'tor >) as a ste$!other& that is& not
Muite well& but better than anyone else) he wrote
so sweetly about >other& saying that of course 2
should find this #hrist!as less ha$$y than usual) he
is certainly right there) *e can none of us feel as if
the day after to@!orrow is to be #hrist!as E%e) The
only thing that 2 really enjoy thin'ing of is the way
"ather will stare when he sees the $ortrait) -ut
really in the first years after such a loss one ought not
to 'ee$ #hrist!as& for on such days one feels one's
sadness !ore than e%er)
Dece!ber 7Brd) 2 ha%e still a frightful lot to do
for #hrist!as& but 2 !ust write to@day) There was a
ring at the front door this !orning at about half $ast //)
2 thought it !ust be .ella co!e to fetch !e& that she
!ust be all right again& so 2 rushed out& tore the door
o$en& $re$ared to greet .ella& and then 2 was si!$ly
'erblunxed& for there was a gentle!an standing who
as'ed !ost $olitelyF 2s anyone at ho!eQ 2 'new
hi! in a !o!ent& it was that Dr) Pruc'!uller fro!
"ieberbr) >eanwhile Dora had o$ened the drawing@
roo! door& and now ca!e the great $roof of deceitfulnessF
he was Vnot in the leastV sur$rised& but saidF
NAh& Dr) Pruc'!uller& 2 a! so glad you ha%e 'e$t
your word)N o it was $lain that he had $ro!ised
her to co!e& and 2 a! $ractically sure she 'new he
was co!ing Vto@dayV& for she was wearing her best blac'
sil' a$ron with the insertions& such as we only wear
when %isitors are ex$ected) *hat a hu!bug she is(
o 2 went into the drawing@roo! too) Then Aunt
Dora ca!e in and as'ed hi! to su$$er this e%ening)
Then he went away) All the ti!e he had not said
a word to !e& it see!ed as if he had not e%en noticed
that there was such a $erson as !e in the world
<ot until he was actually lea%ing did he sayF N*ellS
"raulein& how are youQN N;h well&N said 2& N2'!
!uch as anyone can ex$ect to be so soon after >other's
death)N Dora got as red as fire& for she understood) 2
shall 'now how to treat hi! VifV he beco!es !y brother@
in@law) -ut that !ay be a long way offS for he
li%es in 2nnsbruc'& and "ather is not li'ely to allow
Dora to !arry away to 2nnsbruc') At dinner 2 hardly
said a word& 2 was so enraged at this deceitfulness)
-ut there is !ore to co!e) At 1& or whate%er ti!e
it was& Dr) Pruc'!uller turned u$) Dora a$$eared
in a white blouse with a blac' bow& and had re!ained
in her roo! till the last !inute so that 2 !ight not
'now what she was wearing) "or 2 had belie%ed she
would wear her blac' dress with the insertions& and so
2 was wearing !ine) ;h well& that did not !atter)
At su$$er he tal'ed all the ti!e to Dora& so 2 $ur$osely
tal'ed to ;swald) Then he said that on >arch
/st he was going to be transferred to +ienna) ;nce
!ore Dora was not in the least astonished& so Vshe !ust
ha%e 'nown all about it(V -ut now 2 re!e!ber Muite
well that in ;ctober the $ost!an handed !e a letter
for her with the 2nnsbruc' $ost!ar') o she was
Vcorres$onding with hi! o$enly the whole ti!eV& less
than 3 !onths after >other's death) 2t really is too
bad( -ut when 2 was chattering about the country&
she 'ic'ed !e under the table as a hint not to laugh
so frightfully) And when !y brother@in@law in s$e&
oh how it does !a'e !e laugh& two or three years
ago& in Goisern 2 thin' it was& we used to call Dora
2ns$e& because she had said of ,obert *arth and
!eF The bridal $air in s$e( And now she is in
the sa!e $osition) *hen he went away in the e%ening
2 was tre!bling lest "ather should in%ite hi! to the
#hrist!as tree& but than' goodness when "ather
as'edF N*hat are you doing with yourself to@!orrow&N
he answeredF NTo@!orrow 2 a! s$ending the
day with !y sister's fa!ily& she is !arried to a ca$tain
out *ieden way)N Than' goodness that ca!e to
nothing& for we are not at all in the !ood for %isitors&
es$ecially the first #hrist!as without >other) And
if she 'new @@ @@ @@ 2 wish 2 'new what really ha$$ens
to the soul) ;f course 2 ga%e u$ belie%ing in
.ea%en long agoS but the soul !ust go so!ewhere)
There are so !any riddles& and they !a'e one so
unha$$yS in a news$a$er feuilleton the other day
2 saw the title of a cha$terF VThe ,iddle of Lo%eV)
-ut VthisV riddle does not !a'e $eo$le sad& as one can
see by Dora) Anyhow& all girls& that is all elder sisters&
see! ali'e in this res$ect) 2 re!e!ber what .ella
told !e about Li::i's engage!ent) 2t is true& she
had first !ade his acMuaintance in London& not at
ho!eS but there was just the sa!e deceitfulness)
*hat on earth does it !eanQ *ould it not be !uch
!ore 'indly and reasonable to tell your sister Ve%erythingVQ
;therwise how can anyone ex$ect one to be
an ally) ;h well& V2V don't care& 2'! not going to let
!y #hrist!as E%e be disturbed by a thing Vli'e thatVS
if one can call it a V#hrist!as E%eV at all) ;n -oxing
Day& when he is to s$end the e%ening here& 2 shall
tell .ella that 2 want to co!e to her and her grand!other)
After all& 2 a! glad she has stayed in +ienna)
Dece!ber 76th) #hrist!as E%e was V%eryV !elancholy)
*e all three got >other's $icture& life si:e in
beautiful green fra!es& for our roo!s) Dora sobbed
out loud& and so 2 cried too and went u$ to "ather and
$ut !y ar!s around hi!) .is eyes were Muite wetS
for he adored >other) ;nly ;swald did not actually
cry& but he 'e$t on biting his li$s) 2 was so glad that
Dr) P) was not there& for it is horribly disagreeable to
cry before strangers) *e VbothV got lo%ely white gui$ure
blouses& not lace blouses& then Aunt ga%e !e a s$lendid
albu! for 699 $ostcards& and she also ga%e !e an
anthology which 2 had as'ed for) -rah!s' .ungarian
Dances& because Dora would not lend !e hers last
year because she said they were too difficult for !eS
as if VthatV were any business of hersS surely !y !usic
!istress is a better judgeS then so!e writing $a$er
with !y !onogra!& a new en@tout@cas with e%erything
co!$lete& and hair ribbons and other trifles) "ather
was awfully delighted with >other's $ortraitS of
course we had not 'nown that he was getting us life@
si:e $ortraits of >other& and fro! the last $hotogra$h
of the winter before last we had Muite a s!all li'eness
$ainted by .err >ilanowit:& who is a $ainter& and
who 'new >other %ery well@@in colour of course)
And we got a lo%ely rococo fra!e to close u$S when
it is o$en it loo's as if >other were loo'ing out of
the window) That was V!yV idea& and .err >ilanowit:
thought it V!ost originalV) Dora considered it %ery
aw'ward that he would not ta'e any !oney for it& but
it !ade it $ossible for us to get a !uch !ore elegant
fra!e) After #hrist!asS for <ew Year& we are going
to send .err >) so!e of the best cigars& bought with
Vour ownV !oney& 2 wanted to send the! for #hrist!as&
but we don't 'now anything about cigars& and we
did not want to tell anyone because one can ne%er
'now whether one won't be betrayed and you will be
told it is unintentionalS but that is not true& for when
one betrays anything one has always secretly intended
to do soS and then one says it was a sli$ of the tongueS
but one really 'nows all the ti!e) 2 can't write down
all the extra things that Dora got& only one of the!F
At 1 o'cloc' just when "ather was lighting the candles
on the tree& a co!!issionaire brought so!e lo%ely roses
with two s$rays of !istletoe interwo%en and beneath
a nosegay of %iolets @@ @@ @@ of course fro! Dr) P)
with a card& but she would not let anyone read that)
All she said wasF Dr) P) sends e%eryone #hrist!as
greetingsS 2 belie%e he had really writtenF V>erryV
#hrist!as&N but Dora did not dare to say VthatV) ;h&
and .ella ga%e !e a bead bag& and 2 ga%e her a
$urse with the double eagle on it& for she wanted a
$urse that would ha%e a !ilitary loo') 2 ne%er 'new
anyone with such an enthusias! for the ar!y as .ellaS
certainly 2 thin' officers loo' awfully s!artS but
surely it's going too far when she feels that other !en
$ractically don't exist) The others ha%e to learn a
lot& for exa!$le doctors& lawyers& !ining engineers&
not to s$ea' of students at the #ollege of Agriculture&
for $erha$s these last Nhardly countN Gthat's the $hrase
.ella is always usingHS but all of the! ha%e to learn
a great deal !ore than officers doS .ella ne%er will
ad!it that& and always begins to tal' of the officers
of the general staffS as if they VallV belonged to the
general staff( *e ha%e often argued about it) till&
2 do ho$e she will get an officer for her husband& of
course one who is well enough off to !arry& for otherwise
it's no goS for "ather says the -ruc'ners ha%e
no $ri%ate !eans) 2t's true he always says that of
us too& but 2 don't belie%e itS we are not so to say rich&
but 2 fancy we should both of us ha%e enough !oney
for an officer to be able to !arry us) Anyhow& Dora
%oluntarily renounces that $ossibility& VifV she is really
going to !arry Dr) P)
71th) *ell& 2 went to .ella's yesterday and stayed
till 0& and on #hrist!as Day she was here) 2 see that
2 wrote abo%e that the -s) were not well offS it see!s
to !e to be %ery !uch the re%erse) *e always get a
great !any things and %ery nice ones at #hrist!as and
on our birthdays and na!e days Gof course Protestants
don't ha%e these lastH& but we don't gi%e one another
such s$lendid things as the -s) do) .ella had been
gi%en a $iece of rose@coloured sil' for a dress to wear
at the dancing class which !ust ha%e cost at least 69
crowns& and a lace collar and cuffs& which we had
seen at the sho$& and it had cost 7J crowns& then she
had a gold ring with an e!erald& and a nu!ber of
s!aller things which she ne%er e%en loo'ed at) And to
see all the things her sister got& things for her Vtrousseau(V
And the -s) #hrist!as tree cost /7 crowns whilst ours
cost only 1& though ours was just as good) o 2
thin' that the -s) really ha%e $lenty of !oney& and
2 said to .ellaF NYou !ust be enor!ously rich)N
And she saidF N;h well& not so rich as all thatS 2
!ust not ex$ect to !arry an officer on the general
staff) Li::i has done %ery well for herself for Paul
is a baron and is %ery well off) .e is frantically in
lo%e with herS Mueer taste& isn't itQN 2 Muite agree&
for Li::i has not !uch to boast of in the way of loo's&
beautiful fair hair& but she is so awfully thin& not a
trace of b @@ @@& .ella has !uch !ore figure) And
if one hasn't any by the ti!e one is 79 one is not
li'ely to get one)
o!ething awfully funny ha$$ened to@day) .ella
as'ed !eF N2 say& what's the #hristian na!e of that
Dr) who is dangling after your sisterQN Then it struc'
!e for the first ti!e that on his %isiting card he only
has Dr) jur) A) Pruc'!uller& and then 2 re!e!bered
that last su!!er& when we first !ade his acMuaintance&
Dora said& 2t's a $ity he's called August& the na!e
does not suit hi! at all) *ell& we laughed till we felt
Muite ill& for of course .ella began to singF N; du
lieber Augustin&N and then 2 thought of Der du!!e
August 4clown's nic'na!e in circus8 and we wondered
what Dora would call hi!) Gusti or Gustel& or Augi&
!y darling Augi& !y belo%ed Gusterl& oh dear& we were
in fits of laughter) Then we discussed what na!es
we should li'e to ha%e for our husbands& and 2 saidF
Ewald or Leo& and .ella saidF *ouldn't you li'e
iegfriedQ -ut 2 $ut !y hand on her !outh and saidF
Nhut u$& or you will !a'e !e really angry& VthatV is
and !ust re!ain forgotten)N he said what she would
li'e best would be to ha%e a husband called Peter or
Tha!ian or #hrysosto!usS then for a $et na!e she
would use Da!i or ostiS and then she said Muite
seriously that she would only !arry a !an called
Egon& or Alexander& or at least Georg) Rust at that
!o!ent her !other ca!e in to call us to tea& and she
saidF N*hat's an that about Alexander and GeorgQ
You are such dreadful girls) 2f you are alone together
for a cou$le of !inutes G2 had co!e at half $ast 7
and the -rs) ha%e tea at J& and that's what .ella's
!other calls 7 !inutesH& you begin to tal' of unsuitable
things)N .ella was afraid her !other would
thin' God 'nows what& so she saidF N;h no& >other&
we were only discussing what na!es we should li'e
our fiances to ha%e)N You ought to ha%e seen how
her !other went on) NThat's just it& that when you
are barely /6 G2'! not /6 yetH you should ha%e nothing
but VsuchV things in your heads(N VuchV things&
how absurd) At tea it was al!ost as dull as it was
the other e%ening at ho!eS for the .err -aron was
there& that is& they all say Du to one another now& for
the wedding is to be in "ebruary& as soon as it is settled
whether the -aron is to stay in London or to be
transferred to -erlin) 2t !ust be funny to say NDuN
to a strange !an) .ella says she soon got used to it&
and that she li'es Paul well enough) *hen he brings
Li::i sweets& when he is ta'ing her to the theatre& he
always gi%es .ella a box for herself) V;therV $eo$le
would certainly not do that& and 2 'now VotherV $eo$le
who wouldn't acce$t it) *hen 2 got ho!e& "ather
saidF *ell& another ti!e 2 thin' you'd better stay
and slee$ at the -rs)& and 2 saidF 2 did not want to
be a 'illjoy here) And ;swald saidF N*hat you need
is a box on the ear&N "ather was luc'ily out of the
roo! already and so 2 saidF NVYourV children& if you
e%er ha%e any& can be 'e$t in order by boxing their
ears till they are green and blue& but you ha%e no
rights o%er your sisters& "ather told you so in
"ieberbrunn)N N;h& 2 'now "ather always bac's you two
u$& he has done so fro! the first)N NPlease don't
draw !e into your Muarrels&N said Dora& as if she had
been so!ething Muite different fro! !e) And then
Aunt Dora saidF N2 do wish you would not 'ee$ on
Muarreling)N NV2V didn't begin it&N said 2& and went
away without saying goodnightS that is 2 went to
"ather's roo! to say goodnight to hi! and 2 saw Aunt
Dora in the hall& but 2 Vdidn'tV say goodnight to ;swald
and Dora& for 2'! not going to $ut u$ with Ve%erythingV)
And now it's half $ast // already& for 2 ha%e been writing
such a long ti!e& and ha%e cried such a lot& for 2'!
V%eryV unha$$y) E%en .ella doesn't 'now how unha$$y
2 a!) 2 !ust go to bed nowS whether 2 shall
slee$ or not is another Muestion) 2f 2 can $ossibly
!anage it& 2 shall go alone to the ce!etery to@!orrow)
B/st) .ella and 2 went to the ce!etery to@day)
.er father and !other returned to #racow yesterday
e%ening& and she told her grand!other she was going
to s$end the !orning with !e& and 2 said 2 was going
to the -rs)& so we went alone to Pot:leinsdorf) .ella
went for a wal' round the ce!etery while 2 went to
darling >other's gra%e) 2 a! so unha$$yS .ella consoles
!e as !uch as she can& but e%en she can't understand)
Ranuary /& /0@@( ;f course we did not 'ee$ <ew
Year's E%e yesterday& but were Muite alone and it
was %ery !elancholy) This !orning Dr) P) brought
Dora and Aunt Dora so!e roses and he ga%e !e so!e
lo%ely %iolets as a <ew Year's greeting) .e is lea%ing
on the Jth& so he is co!ing here on the e%ening of
the Brd) 2 can't say 2 loo' forward to it) To@!orrow
school begins than' goodness) 2 !et a dust cart& that
!eans good luc'S "ather says it is a scandal the way
the dirt carts go on all through the day in +ienna&
and that one should see one e%en on <ew Year's day
at 7 in the afternoon) -ut still& if it !eans Vgood luc'(V
Ranuary 7nd) The dust cart did bring good luc')
*e had a real $iece of Vluc'V to@day( 2n the big inter%al
2 noticed a little 'not of girls in the hall& and suddenly
2 felt as if !y heart would sto$ beating) "rau
Do'tor >)& 2 should say "rau Professor Theyer& was
standing a!ong the!& she saw us directly and held out
her hand to us so we 'issed it) he has co!e to %isit
her $arents and Vher husbandV is with herS since she
did not 'now for certain whether she would be able
to co!e to the school she had not written either to
!e or to .ella about it) he is so lo%ely and so
entrancingly lo%eable) *hen the bell rang for class and
"rau Do'tor Dun'er ca!e in 2 saw that VsheV was still
standing outside) o 2 $ut !y hand'erchief u$ to !y
face as if !y nose were bleeding& and rushed out to
her) And because 2 sli$$ed and nearly fell& she held
out her ar!s to !e) .ardly had 2 reached her& when
.ella ca!e out and saidF N;f course 2 understood
directlyS 2 said you were awfully bad& so 2 !ust go
and loo' after you)N Then the "rau Professor laughed
li'e anything and saidF NYou are such wic'ed little
actressesS 2 !ust send you bac' i!!ediately)N -ut
of course she did not but was frightfully sweet) Then
we begged her to let us stay with her& but she saidF
N<o& no& 2'%e been your teacher here& and 2 !ust not
encourage you in !ischief) -ut here is a better idea)
*ould you li'e to co!e and see !e to@!orrowQN
N,ather&N we both exclai!ed) he said she was staying
in a hotel& but we !ust not co!e alone to a hotel&
so she would see us at her $arents& in chwindgasse&
and we were to co!e there at J or half $ast) Then we
'issed both her hands and were so ha$$y( To@!orrow
at J( ;h dear& a whole night !ore and nearly a whole
day to wait) N2f your $arents allow you&N she saidS
as if "ather or e%en .ella's grand!other would not
allow Vthat(V All "ather said wasF NAll right Gretel&
but don't go Muite off your head first or you won't be
able to find your way to chwindgasse) 2s .ella as
cra:y as you areQN ;f course& how can one be otherwiseQ
Ranuary Brd) till 7 hours& it's awful& .ella is co!ing
to fetch !e at half $ast B) 2n school to@day we 'e$t
on loo'ing at one another& and all the other girls
thought it !ust be so!ething to do with a !an) Goodness&
what do we care about a !an now( *e had a
s$lendid idea& that we had just ti!e to !a'e a !e!ento
for VherV& since she does not lea%e until the e%ening
of the 6th) 2 a! ha%ing traced on a $iece of yellow
sil' for a boo' !ar'er an edelweiss and her !onogra!
E) T)& the new one of course) .ella is $ainting a
$a$er'nife in i!itation of tarsia !osaic) 2 would
rather ha%e done so!ething of that sort too& but 2 ha%e
no $atience for such wor'& so 2 often s$oil it before
2'%e finished) -ut one can't %ery well s$oil a $iece of
e!broidery) -ut 2 shan't get the tracing on the sil'
bac' fro! the sho$ until half $ast B& so 2 shall ha%e to
wor' all night and the whole day to@!orrow)
E%ening) Than' goodness and confound it& whiche%er
way you li'e to ta'e it& the idiot at the sho$ had
forgotten about the boo'!ar'er and 2 shan't get it
until to@!orrow !orning early) o 2'! able to write
nowF 2t was hea%enly( *e had to wal' u$ and down
in front of her house for at least half an hour& until
at last it was 6 !inutes $ast J) he was so sweet
to us( he wanted to say ie to us& but we Vsi!$ly
would not ha%e itV& and so she said Du as she used to)
*e tal'ed of all sorts of things& 2 don't 'now what&
only that 2 suddenly burst out crying& and then she
drew !e to her b @@ @@& no& 2 can't write that about herS
she drew !e to herself and than 2 felt Vher heart beating(V
and went al!ost cra:y) .ella says that 2
$ut both !y ar!s round her nec'& but 2'! sure that's
all i!agination& for 2 should ne%er ha%e dared) he
has such fascinating hands& and the Vwedding ringV
glistens so on her di%ine ring finger) ;f course we
tal'ed about the school& and then she suddenly saidF
Tell !e what really ha$$ened about those co!$ositions&
when half the class deliberately refrained fro!
$utting any $unctuation !ar's) N;h&N we said& Nthat
is a frightful cra!& it wasn't VhalfV the class& but only 3
of us who ha%e a s$ecial %eneration for you)N Then
we told her how it all ca!e about) he laughed a
little& and saidF N*ell& girls& you did not do !e
any $articular Vser%iceV) 2t really was a great $iece of
i!$ertinence)N -ut 2 saidF NProf) "ritsch's re!ar's
were /9 ti!es !ore i!$ertinent& for they related to
another !e!ber of the staff& and what was worse to
you)N Then she saidF N>y darling girls& that often
ha$$ens in life& that the absent are gi%en a bad re$uta@
tion& whether justly or unjustlyS one is liable to that
in e%ery $rofession)N .ella said that the head !istress
was not li'e that or there would ha%e been a frightful
row& since the !atter had beco!e 'nown in all the
.igh chools of +ienna) Then "rau Do'tor >) saidF
NYes& the "rau Dire'torin is really a s$lendid wo!an)N
Then there ca!e so!ething glorious& or really 7 glorious
thingsF /H) he ga%e us so!e !agnificent sweets&
better than 2 ha%e e%er eaten before) .ella agrees& and
we are really connoisseurs in the !atter of sweets)
The second thing& e%en !ore glorious& was thisF after
we had been there so!e ti!e& there was a 'noc' at
the door and in ca!e VherV husband& the .err Prof)&
and saidF N.ow are you !y treasureQN and to usF
NGoodday& young VladiesV)N Then she introduced us&
sayingF NTwo of !y best@lo%ed $u$ils and !y !ost
faithful adherents)N Then the .err Prof) laughed a
great deal and saidF NThat can't be said of all
$u$ils)N o 2 said Muic'lyF N;h yes& it can be said
of "rau Do'tor& the whole class would go through
fire for her)N Then he went away& and she saidF
NExcuse !e for a !o!ent&N and we could hear Muite
$lainly that Vhe 'issed herV in the next roo!& and then
she said as she ca!e in againF N;h well& be off with
you& ?arl& goodbye)N 2t's a $ity his na!e is ?arl&
it's so $rosaic& and he calls her Lise& and 2 ex$ect
when they are alone he calls her Lieschen& since he
is a <orth Ger!an) 2 !ust go to bed& it's half $ast //
already) To be continued to@!orrow) lee$ well&
!y sweet glorious ecstatic golden and only treasure(
God& 2 a! so ha$$y)
Ranuary 3th) Than' goodness to@day is a holiday&
and we can't go tobogganing because Dora has a
Vchill(((V 2 got the boo'!ar'er on the Jth& wor'ed at
it all day and u$ till !idnight& and yesterday 2 got u$
at half $ast 6& went on wor'ing the whole !orning& and
at 7 o'cloc' we too' our !e!entoes to the house)
Though we should ha%e li'ed to gi%e the! to her
oursel%es& we didn't& but only ga%e the! to the !aid)
he saidF hall 2 show you inQ but .ella saidF
N<o& than' you& we don't want to disturb "rau Theyer&
and when 2 re$roached her for this she saidF ;h no&
it was better notS you are Muite u$set anyhow& you
'now what VsheV saidF -ut !y dear child& you will !a'e
yourself illS you !ust not do that on V!yV account(N
;h dear& 2'! crying so that 2 can hardly write&
but 2 V!ustV write& for there is still so !uch that's glorious
to $ut down& things that 2 !ust ne%er& ne%er forget&
e%en if it should ta'e !e a wee' to write) The great
thing is that 2 shall si!$ly li%e u$on this !e!ory&
and the only thing 2 want in life is that 2 !ay see
VherV once !ore) ;f course we too' her so!e flowers on
"riday& 2 lilies of the %alley with %iolets and tuberoses&
and .ella #hrist!as roses) he was delighted& and
went directly to fetch 7 %ases which her !other brought
in) he is as s!all as "rau ,ichter& and her hair
is grey& she is char!ingS but she is not in the least
li'e "rau Do'tor >) *hen we said goodbye she
offered us still !ore sweets& but since we were both
nearly crying already we did not want to ta'e any
!ore& but she wra$$ed the! nearly all u$ for us& sayingF
NTo console you in your sorrow)N "ro! anyone
else it !ight ha%e sounded ironical& but fro! her it
was si!$ly lo%ely) There were /1 large sweets& and
.ella ga%e !e 0 of the! and too' only A for herself)
2 shall eat only one e%ery day& so that they will last
!e 0 days) VRoy and sorrow co!bined((V .ella is not
so frightfully in lo%e as 2 a!& and yesterday she said&
in jo'e of courseF N2t see!s to !e that your whole
world is founderedS 2 !ust $ull you out& or you'll be
drowned)N And then she as'ed !e how 2 could ha%e
been so stu$id as to use the word Vhoney!oonV to VherV&
although she he!!ed to warn !e) he said it really
was utterly idiotic of !e& and that the "rau Prof)
blushed) 2 did not notice it !yself& but when her
VhusbandV ca!e in& she certainly did flush u$ li'e anything)
.ella and 2 tal'ed of Muite a lot of Vother things
of that sortV) 2 should so !uch ha%e li'ed to as' her
whether she has gi%en u$ going to church& for 2 thin'
the .err Prof) really is a Rew& though he does not Vloo'V
li'e one) "or lots of other !en wear blac' beards)
-ut 2 did not %enture to as'& and .ella thin's it is
a %ery good thing 2 did not& for one Vdoes not tal' about
such thingsV) 2 wonder Vwhether she will ha%e a babyVQ
;h& it would be horrible) ;f course she !ay ha%e
entered into a V!arriageV contract& that would ha%e been
the best way) .owe%er& .ella thin's that the $rofessor
would not ha%e agreed to anything of the 'ind)
-ut surely if he was frantically in lo%e with her ) ) )
Ranuary / 6th) The girls in our class are frantically
jealous) *e did not say in so !any words that we&
alone a!ong the! all& had been in%ited to see her&
but .ella had brought one of the sweets she had gi%en
us and in the inter%al she saidF This !ust be eaten
re%erently& and she cut it in two to gi%e !e half) The
Ehrenfelds thought it !ust ha%e been gi%en by so!e
acMuaintance !ade at the s'ating rin'& and Trude
saidF NDoubly sweetened& by chocolate and lo%e)N
NYes&N said 2& Nbut not in the sense you i!agine)N
And since she saidF N;h& of course& 2 'now all about
that& but 2 don't want to be indiscreet&N .ella saidF
N2 !ay as well tell you that "rau Do'tor >)& or 2
should say the V!arriedV "rau Prof) Theyer& ga%e us
this sweet and a great !any !ore on the day she had
in%ited us to go and see her)N Then they were all
utterly 'erblunxed and saidF NGreat cott& what
luc'& but you always were "rau Do'tor >)'s fa%ourites&
es$ecially Lainer) -ut Lainer always courted "rau
Do'tor >)N
Ranuary /1th) The whole school 'nows about our
being in%ited to see her& the glorious one( 2'%e just
been reading it o%er& and 2 see that 2 ha%e left a frightful
lot out& es$ecially about her father) *hen we were
lea%ing& just outside the house door we burst out crying
because as 2 o$ened the door 2 had said& "or the
last ti!e( Rust then an old gentle!an ca!e u$ and
was about to go in& and when he saw that we were
crying& though we were standing Muite in the shadow&
he ca!e u$ to us and as'ed what was the !atter)
Then .ella saidF N*e ha%e lost out best friend)N
Then the old gentle!an loo'ed at us for a tre!endously
long ti!e and saidF N2 say& do you ha$$en to
be the two ardent ad!irers of "rau Do'tor >allburgQ
he is !y daughter& you 'now) And then he saidF
-ut you really can't go through the streets bathed in
tears li'e that) #o!e u$stairs again with !e and
!y daughter will console you)N o we really did go
u$stairs again& and she was $erfectly uniMue) .er
father o$ened the door and called outF Lieserl& your
ad!irers si!$ly can't $art fro! you& and 2 found
the! being washed out to sea in a ri%er of tears) Then
she ca!e out wearing a Vrose@coloured dressing@
gown(((V exMuisite) And she led us into the roo! and
saidF NGirls& you !ust not loo' at !e in this old rag&
which is only fit to throw away)N 2 should ha%e li'ed
to sayF NGi%e it to V!eV then)N -ut of course 2 could
not) And when we !ade our final goodbye& $erha$s
Vfor e%erV& she 'issed each of us Vtwice o%erV and saidF
Girls& 2 wish you all the ha$$iness in the world(
Ranuary /Ath) .ella in%ited !e there to@day& to
!eet Lajos and Reno) -ut 2'! not going& for Reno
does not interest !e in the %ery least) That was not
a VrealV lo%e) 2 don't care for anyone in the whole world
exce$t her& !y one and only( E%en .ella can't understand
that& in fact she thin's it VdottyV) "ather wanted
!e to go to .ella's Vto change the current of !y
thoughtsV) ;f course 2 hardly say a word about VherV
to anyone& for no one understands !e) -ut 2 ne%er
could ha%e belie%ed that "ather would be just li'e
anyone else) 2t's Muite true that 2'! getting thin)
2'! so glad that we are not going tobogganing to@day
because Dora has a chill& a VrealV chill this ti!e) o
2 a! going to the church in chwindgasse and shall
wal' u$ and down in front of VherV houseS $erha$s 2
shall !eet her father or her !other) 2 wrote to her
the day before yesterday)
Ranuary 7Jth) 2 a! so ha$$y) he wrote to !e
Vby return(V This is the second letter 2 ha%e had fro!
her( At dinner to@day "ather saidF N.ullo& Gretel&
why are you loo'ing so ha$$y to@dayQ 2 ha%e not seen
you with such a sunny face for a long ti!e)N o 2
answered in as few words as $ossibleF NAfter dinner
2 will tell VyouV why)N "or the others need not 'now
anything about it) And when 2 told "ather %aguely
that "rau Prof) Th) had written to !e& "ather saidF
N;h& is VthatV what has $leased you so !uch) -ut 2
ha%e so!ething u$ !y slee%e which will also $lease
you) "ebruary /st and 7nd are unday and >onday&
you ha%e 7 days free& and if you and .ella can get
a day off fro! school on aturday we !ight !a'e an
excursion to >aria:ell) .ow does that stri'e youQN
2t would be glorious& if only .ella is allowed to co!e&
for her grand!other i!agines that the sore throat she
had before #hrist!as was due to the tobogganing on
the Anninger& where the sole was torn off her shoe(
As if VweV could hel$ that) till& by good luc' she !ay
ha%e forgotten itS she is 3B already& and one forgets
a lot when one is that age)
E%ening) .ella !ay co!eS it will be s$lendid(
Perha$s we shall try a little s'iing) -ut really .ella
is a horrid $igS she saidF NAll right& 2'll co!e& if
you'll $ro!ise not to be continually tal'ing about "rau
Professor Th) 2'! %ery fond of her too& but you
are si!$ly cra:y about her)N 2t's really too bad& and
2 shall ne%er !ention VherV na!e to the others any !ore)
2 a! loo'ing forward so to the tobogganing at >aria:ell)
*e'%e ne%er !ade any such excursion in winter
before) .urrah& it will be glorious( ;h 2 do wish the
B/st of Ranuary were hereS 2'! frantically excited)
ED2T;,' <;TE
,ita's joyful ex$ectations of tobogganing a!ong glistening
snow@clad hills& re!ained unfulfilled) The rude hand of fate
was thrust into the li%es of the two sisters) ;n Ranuary 70th
their father& suddenly struc' down with $aralysis& was brought
ho!e in an a!bulance& and died in a few hours without reco%ering
consciousness)
Torn fro! the sheltering and affectionate at!os$here of ho!e&
se$arated fro! her !ost inti!ate friend& the young or$han had
to struggle for $eace of soul in the isolation of a $ro%incial
town @@ @@ @@
End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of A Young Girl's Diary
Prefaced with a Letter by ig!und "reud