Boys Im Obsessed With 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7.

Andrew Garfield Aidan turner and dean ogorman and Richard armitage Logan echolls Michael Raymond james Gabriel macht
Tom Wlaschiha Chris evans

Baby Crushes 1. Skylar astin 2. Zach Gilford 3. Evan peters

May the vodka be with you love means never having to say you're sorry not sorry #sorrynotsorryy
17. Work like you dont need money, love like youve never been hurt, and dance like no ones watching Dance like no ones watching, love like youve never been hurt, and drink like youve never thrown up.

He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began Leo Tolstoy

Your 20s are your selfish years. Its a decade to immerse yourself in every single thing possible. Be selfish with your time, and all the aspects of you. Tinker, travel, explore, love a lot, love a little, and never touch the ground. Kyoko Escamilla -Theres only a God and its Death and only thing you can say to Death is Not Today -

Robert Frosts tombstone: I had a lovers quarrel with the world.

Where have you been? Away. Ah, one of my favorite places. I never want to be away from you again, except at work, in the restroom or when one of us is at a movie the other does not want to see. lemony snicket the Beatrice letters

It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things. Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Cant Avoid

Im just a single guy. Im not married, I dont have kids or anything like that. All of my friends are getting married and stuff which is, uh, kinda strange. I dont know, I feel like I see people my age getting married to people and its not people they know that well sometimes. Its like people theyve known for a year and a half. A year and a half? Is that enough time to get to know someone to know you want to spend the rest of your life with them? Ive had sweaters for a year and a half and been like what the fuck am I doing with this sweater? Its stupid-looking. Aziz Ansari

You dont get respect by giving it up to anyone who gives you attention. Thats why some men see women as purely sexual objects, because thats how they present themselves in this generation. Feminists have done nothing but change Get in the kitchen to Get in the bedroom.

i was only attracted to him for like several minutes when i first met him. but now im attracted to everyone when i first meet them. but it wore off. it always wears off.

Jaded as I am, I still hold out hope that the next party will be the best party ever. Jessa Youre doing all these things to distract yourself from becoming the person youre meant to be. Girls

Tell me my hair smells nice and kiss my neck and rub my back and speak softly and tell me you like the sound of my laughter and hold me tightly until I fall asleep first and brush your teeth with me and dont speak too much when Im irritable and always remember the exact color of my eyes and never forget to make my birthday the most special day of the year and dont hold back and never make me feel insecure and dont you dare leave me and if you do then please dont ever come back. 24 ribs tumblr

We said wed keep in touch. But touch is not something you can keep; as soon as its gone, its gone. We should have said wed keep in words, because they are all we can string between uswords on a telephone line, words appearing on a screen. David Levithan, Breaking and Entering

Not so long ago, you despised me, she said. You could barely stand to look at me. And now I cant keep my hands off you or get you out of my head. Which one of those reactions is the more accurate reflection of my true feelings, do you think, Violet? Let me give you a clue hereeven though were arguing, even though Im almost one hundred percent certain that youre about to walk out on me, I have a hard-on with your name on it. Thats how much I can barely stand to look at you. her best worst mistake Youre going to cause a stampede. And maybe a couple of heart attacks. And definitely a divorce or two.

What would you do if told you that I loved you? she said quietly, her voice barely above a whisper. Id say hallelujah, because Im crazy ape bonkers for you, Violet Sutcliffe. I love you. I love you, too. Im obsessed with you, and I admire you and I adore you. I love you, Violet. Can I at least offer to pay for dinner. You can offer, certainly. I dont suppose theres any point in me insisting?

Those were the days. No, these are the days. Brandon seidel at jakes house by the fire *rings intercom* Who is it? Steve. What do you want? Do you want your neighbors to hear? - Sex and the city I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you - sext
Tiffany: You know, for a while, I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me. But now I'm starting to think you're the worst. Pat: Of course you do. Come on, let's go dance. Tiffany: I was a slut. There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker? Can you forgive? Are you capable of that? -silver linings playbook

You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it is a reflection of something you love or hate about yourself. - http://rules4humans.com/

Valar morghulis all men must die. valar dohaeris first, well live. - Game of thrones Literature duplicates the experience of living in a way that nothing else can, drawing you so fully into another life that you temporarily forget you have one of your own. That is why you read it, and might even sit up in bed till early dawn, throwing your whole tomorrow out of whack, simply to find out what happens to some people who, you know perfectly well, are made up. Barbara Kingsolver

Combining the flakiness of los angeles with the rampant alcoholism of new York since 1981, yet still deetroit for life. someones twitter bio A womans beauty is supposed to be her grand project and constant insecurity. Were meant to shellac our lips with five different glosses, but always think were fat. Beauty is Zenos paradox. We should endlessly strive for it, but its not socially acceptable to admit were there. We cant perceive it in ourselves. It belongs to the guy screaming nice tits. Molly Crabapple, The World of a Professional Naked Girl If you have read 6,000 books in your lifetime, or even 600, its probably because at some level you find reality a bit of a disappointment. Jon Queenan (Wall Street Journal)

What you really want is a good, diverse group of friends who all talk and think like you so you can gallivant about having adventures and saying your snappy dialogue. thought cat

"So," I said to him. "What's up?" "I've been watching you dance in this little dress for the last half hour, and you probably want to rephrase that question." - Metro girl
This is the problem with playing games, someone has to lose. Would you like to have dinner this weekend? Sure I have dinner almost every night. I meant with me. - Me To him she seemed so beautiful, so seductive, so different from ordinary people, that he could not understand why no one was as disturbed as he by the clicking of her heels on the paving stones, why no one elses heart was wild with the breeze stirred by the sighs of her veils, why everyone did not go mad with the movements of her braid, the flight of her hands, the gold of her laughter. He had not missed a single one of her gestures, not one of the indications of her character, but he did not dare approach her for fear of destroying the spell. Gabriel Garca Mrquez, Love in the Time of Cholera Just because you did a bad thing doesnt mean youre a bad person. I dont know if Ill ever get used to how big you are. cosmo things your man wants to hear

How are you? Whelmed. What? You know, not overwhelmed or underwhelmed, just whelmed.

Me adapted from 10 things

Im upper ordinary, not extraordinary. Im used to getting dumped this isnt pain its nostalgia. ally mcbeal Without you its a waste of time, without you Im just miles away. coldplay strawberry swing She makes me excited about being a better person but she loves me as I am now thought cat? 1. A single dream is more powerful than a thousand realities. John Ronald Reuel Tolkien

You cant fuck your way out of everything tyrion i have until now cersei

Have you ever considered that maybe theres something wrong with your brain? Oh I think maybe theres something wrong with everyone elses. - Idk It looks like you guys are hitting off. Alittle too well weve moved right through the passion and the hot sex into the long and awkward silences. Wait please im just trying to alienate as many people as I can tonight with my piss poor conversational skills. Congratulations, youre my thousandth customer. Youre cute. Cute is the kiss of death. My kisses havent killed anybody yet. god hates us all, hank moody

Im many terrible things but a thief is not one of them idk

Ill do it if you promise to give me a blowjob every day. I dont make promises like that. How bout if you dont do it Ill never give you a blowjob again. - Idk Two can play that game. Im just warning you i only play to win. - Idk well get the sheets all wet. Heres hoping. -nothing gets through literotica

Promise me were never gonna end up like that. Were gonna end up like us. - Blow?

Do you want me to leave? Yes. Do you want me to stay? Yes. -? Only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony, which is why i will end up an old maid p&p

The Gods envy us. They envy us because were mortal, because any moment might be our last. Everything is more beautiful because were doomed. You will never be lovelier than you are now. We will never be here again.

I said you should marry me already and she said lets do it.
I met Andy and hes the only person in the entire universe who doesnt annoy me all the time. He wanted to marry me and I said Fine. Then we got married.

I know weve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The Jerk, 1979.

Other bands, its about sex. Or pain. Or some fantasy. But The Beatles, they knew what they were doing. You know the reason The Beatles made it so big? I Wanna Hold Your Hand. First single. Fucking brilliant. Perhaps the most fucking brilliant song ever written. Because they nailed it. Thats what everyone wants. Not 24-7 hot wet sex. Not a marriage that lasts a hundred years. Not a Porsche or a blowjob or a million-dollar crib. No. They wanna hold your hand. They have such a feeling that they cant hide. Every single successful love story has those unbearable and unbearably exciting moments of hand-holding. nick and norah must read all david leviathan books

If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.the man in the arena, Theodore Roosevelt

Some people call them jokes other people call it horrible

53. Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it. Ellen Goodman

If you cant imagine navigating the dating scene without having a hard rule about when the right time is to get your private parts involved, I can give you the answer: You should wait until you absolutely cannot wait any longer. And if that happens to be during taboo dates 1-3, you should go for it. If its further down the line, thats okay too. You should wait until it feels like you wont be able to function in your day-to-day life if you dont sleep with this person. You should wait until youre an hours commute away from either of your apartments, at some ungodly hour on a weeknight, and you still feel compelled to make the journey. You should sleep with them if it feels more important to you than anything else you could be doing, if it feels like youve been waiting years and not months or weeks or days (hopefully not hours, but I wont judge). You should give it up if you cant be with them in public without having to fight the urge to make out like teenagers if youre

suffering from this all-consuming thought about what it would feel like to be underneath them, and you cant focus on a single other thing than that. full 2. I only know about six things. Its true. Of all the things in the world, I really only know about six of them. Those things are: Baking, Hip Hop (19912001), Standup Comedy, Working in Childcare, Coen Brothers Movies, and New England Sports Teams. Chances are, if were having a conversation, it will be about one of those five things. Now, I like to listen to people talk about other stuff. Please, tell me about your job! Let me know about the cool avantgarde theater piece you just saw! I will listen attentively and ask questions, but I wont have a lot of my own information to offer. Chances are, after about five minutes I will just resort to making puns about the stuff youre talking about. Im a real pleasure to be around.
"I didn't come here to tell you I can't live without you. I can live without you. I just don't want to."

"Do you mind? I have a boyfriend." He leans in, whispering in my ear, "Good. I like competition." I laugh without humor, "There is no competition." Jacob's grin widens, "So I've already won." bet on me fanfic
"I won't bite, Princess," he comments on the distance between us. Easily wrapping his arm around my middle, he pulls me into his side. I feel his nose brush against my cheek as his teeth nip at my ear, causing me to jump a little. "Okay, maybe I will. But you'll like it." bet on me "They don't know that without this love there is no happiness or unhappiness for usthere is no life." Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy Im over it. Youre never really over it. You just learn to live with it. I dont seduce women they just fall into my arms. Clumsy of them

I told him I wanted to fuck you and he said I was trying to shock him with language. You told him you wanted to fuck him and he yelled at you for talking dirty? No. I told him I wanted to fuck you and he said- That wasnt a pass. The hell it wasnt. So youre not getting involved? No. Im just going to have cheap sex with you and then run like hell. Chicken.

He stood up and put her glass in the sink, and then he came back to stand in front of her, parting her knees with his body. You bet. I think its time we got to know each other, Phin said, laughter in his voice. What do you think about when you masturbate? I dont think about anything. Youre such a lousy liar. He rolled again, this time so that she was on top, his body sliding slickly under hers, and Sophie felt herself flush. Shhhh, she said, hearing people in the kitchen downstairs. Why? Its just Wes and Amy. I didnt lock the door. She tried to pull away from him, but he rolled and trapped her again, sliding deeper inside her and making her gasp. Im not even sure its closed all the way. Bothers you, huh? Phin started working his way down her neck again as he pulsed inside her, and Sophie felt the heat spread low as her blood pounded. No, she lied. They could walk in anytime. He nibbled on her shoulder. Walk right in and find us naked. He slid his hands up to her sweat-dampened breast, and the heat rolled across her as she moved to his rhythm. Find you naked. With me inside you. She caught her breath and said Stop it. He said Nope I think were getting somewhere. Maybe I can get somebody else to open that door he said in her ear and she said No a lot louder than she meant because it was part moan. She heard Amy say Sophie? downstairs. Amy called her name again and Phin said Excellent. He rocked higher into her and she bit her lip to keep from moaning and then moaned anyway. Louder he said and she shook her head as the heat built and his rhythm began to make her mindless. He leaned over her to the bedside table and she bit into his shoulder from the sheer pleasure of feeling him against her. Then he stopped and she looked up to see him holding the alarm clock. Ill buy you a new one he said and threw it against the wall. Amy called up Sophie? and Phin moved again rocking harder and she shuddered under him and gasped Stop it. This close? Not on your life. Welcome to Temptation by Jennifer Crusie

No, this wasnt just about sex, but for the next hour or so, it was going to be mostly about sex. strange bedpersons

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. - Ernest Hemingway

Sometimes you read a book so special that you want to carry it around with you for months after you've finished just to stay near it. Markus Zusak

Don't make me make you fall in love Youre good. Who told you?

I like leaving your bed in the morning but not as much as I like getting into it at night. living la vida 9-to-5

I had to suffer through another hour of clumsy panting, sweating and stumbling of a kind not seen outside of a Republican presidential debate.
Holier and whorier than thou Aint the kind of girl youll be seeing in the morning
shorts a little shorter cause the sun's a little hotter Owen: Im naked. Nikita: And observant. Woman: A nice guy told me to put some ice on it. Man: Who says Im nice? Woman: Who says its you? Ive never really been a a lie-by-the-pool-drinking-something-with-an-umbrella-in-it

kind of girl." truth about forever

"I think," she said, smiling with lowered eyelashes, "you, actually, are a very bad boy." "Why do I get the feeling you like that?"

Woman: Someone should send you to your room. Man: Sure, if I can take you with me. -not her type literotica He missed Hogwarts so much it was like having a constant stomach ache.

i have one shoe on lost my voice and my boyfriends lost in bed recipe for disaster not to be confused with the recipe for cinnamon buns/margaritas

i promise i wont take advantage of you. thats unfortunate i was kind of hoping you would take advantage of me.

I hope i didnt get you into trouble baby im always in trouble.

i wouldve been like how bout a quick fuck for old times sack sake**

FREUDIAN SLIP

Theres power in looking silly and not caring that you do Amy Poehler

There are no rules, only consequences. Im going to do what I want to do. Im going to be who I really am. Im going to figure out what that is. -Emma Watson

concupiscent/knkyoopisnt/
Adjective: Filled with sexual desire; lustful: "concupiscent dreams". Synonyms:lustful - prurient - libidinous - salacious - voluptuous

Chivalry is dead but youre still kinda cute. Promiscuous nelly Furtado

I think the concept of virginity was created by men who thought their penises were so important it changes who a woman is.

It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getting interesting. Lemony Snicket, The Grim Grotto If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part of your book, and then you should stay up all night and let your schoolwork fall by the wayside, a phrase which means 'flunk'. Lemony Snicket

Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing, because it can disappear for a long time, and then pop back up when you least expect it. Lemony Snicket, The Carnivorous Carnival Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel better about a terrible situation. Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. Thats Relativity." - Albert Einstein

This, coupled with our technological expertise and an understanding of our corporate vision, provides a fast-moving and exciting working environment. J.P. Morgan Technology has the best of all worlds like being part of a software house, with the benefit of seeing your work in use in real business situations.

 Jamie: I dont even know if I find you attractive. Dylan: Thats cute. Jamie: Mmm. I do have a thing for jerks. Well, do you even find me attractive? Dylan: Thats cute. Jamie: No! No! No! Before you got to know my awesome personality. Strictly physical. First time you saw me. Dylan: This is just two people talking? Jamie: Yeah. Two girls, over drinks at Bennigans. Go. Dylan: I liked your eyes. I didnt think Id ever seen such big beautiful eyes. Jamie: And your lips. Yeah, thought you might be a good kisser. Dylan: I am.

Dylan: Your breasts. Jamie: What about them? Dylan: They intrigued me. Jamie: Really? Dylan: Yeah! Jamie: Oh, I think theyre so tiny! Dylan: Still breasts. Jamie: Thanks. Jamie: I liked your hands. Dylan: Mouth. Jamie: Butt. Dylan: Voice. Jamie: Chest. Dylan: Eyes. Jamie: You said that. Dylan: I meant it.

"I wish my legs didnt go all jelloid when I see him. How do you make yourself not like someone? I think youre supposed to concentrate on some of their bad points. Maybe hes got horrible hands? I looked at his hands they are lovely - all strong-looking but quite artistic too. Like he could put up a shelf and also take you to a plateau of sensual pleasure at the same time. I bet he doesnt rest his hand on your breast I wish he would. Shut up!!!!!"
Angus, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging

"I always say that I wish to have three sorts of people as my friends, those who are very rich, those who are very witty, and those who are very beautiful."
a character from Christopher Isherwoods The Berlin Stories

"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."
Chuck Palahniuk

"Stars are beautiful, but they must not take an active part in anything, they must just look on forever. It is a punishment put on them for something they did so long ago that no star now knows what it was."
J.M. Barrie (Peter Pan)

"The three things a guy should want to change about his girl are her last name, address, and her viewpoint on men."
Kid Cudi

"I dont drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs."
Robert Downey Jr

"Victorino seems confused by the strange way we tend to speak our minds. That happens a lot with athletes. This isnt Green Bay or Milwaukee or some other Midwestern hamlet populated by mindless lemmings thankful that they simply have a pro team to cheer so they can escape another exciting night of cow-tipping. In Philly, life moves at a faster clip and the expectations are high. With that comes a certain edge and attitude, but that seems like a fair trade-off in exchange for genuine passion." John Gonzalez, The Philadelphia Inquirer "I dont have fun. Actually, I had fun once. In 1962. I drank a whole bottle of Robitussin cough medicine and went in the back of a 1961 powder-blue Lincoln Continental to a James Brown concert with some Mexican friends of mine. I havent had fun since. Its not a word I like. Its like Volkswagens or bell-bottoms, or patchouli oil or bean sprouts. It rubs me up the wrong way. I might go out and have an educational and entertaining evening, but I dont have fun." Tom Waits "Scarlett: Rhett, dont I shall faint. Rhett: I want you to faint. This is what you were meant for. None of the fools youve ever known have kissed you like this, have they?" Gone With The Wind "Your hair may be brushed, but your minds untidy. Youve had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. Youre sunk from a riot of relaxation." Ogden Nash "One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. Which road do I take? she asked. Where do you want to go? was his response. I dont know, Alice answered. Then, said the cat, it doesnt matter." Lewis Carroll "The professor spoke of the Swamp Gabbons: There will be many times in your lives at school, and more particularly when you are grown up when people will distract or divert you from what needs to be done. You may even welcome the distraction. But if you use it as an excuse for not doing what youre supposed to do,

you can blame no one but yourself. If you truly wish to accomplish something, you should allow nothing to stop you, and chances are youll succeed."

"They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever." Oscar Wilde "Frank: Its all right Charlie. You break my heart son. All my life Ive stood up to everyone and everything because it made me feel *important*. You do it because you mean it. Youve got integrity Charlie. I dont know whether to shoot you or adopt ya. Charlie: Not much of a choice is it sir? Frank: Oh dont get cute now." Jason Mesnick: Everybody knows in the real world engagements do end, as hard as that has to be. I was in a marriage and that ended and as hurtful as that was, thats real life. Jimmy Kimmel: Well look at Flava Flav, he does this show every year. And hes heart broken every year and then he goes and puts on a crown and stuff and does it again. Have you spoken to him about this, he might be able to guide you through this? That would be a great twist, if Melissa now starts dating Flava Flav. "Pax amor et lepos in iocando." (peace, love, and a sense of fun) -the last of the really great whangdoodles

"When I was 10, we went to England. My mother was shooting a miniseries there My dad took me to Paris for the weekend. We had the most amazing time. On the plane back to London, he asked me, Do you know why I took you to Paris, only you and me? And I said, Why? And he said, Because I wanted you to see Paris for the first time with a man who you know will love you for the rest of your life." Gwyneth Paltrow "doesnt life become a lot more meaningful when you find out its essentially meaningless?" "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves." Albert Einstein

Children's Ideas of Love

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, What does love mean? The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think: When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldnt bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. Thats love. Rebecca- age 8 When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth. Billy age 4 Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other. Karl age 5 Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy age 6 Love is what makes you smile when youre tired. Terri age 4 Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny age 7 Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss Emily age 8 Love is whats in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen. Bobby age 7 (Wow!) If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate, Nikka age 6 (we need a few million more Nikkas on this planet) Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday. Noelle age 7 Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. Tommy age 6 During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasnt scared anymore. Cindy age 8 My mommy loves me more than anybody You dont see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night. Clare age 6

Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine-age 5 Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford. Chris age 7 Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day. Mary Ann age 4 I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones. Lauren age 6 When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you. (what an image) Karen age 7 Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesnt think its gross. Mark age 6 You really shouldnt say I love you unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica age 8 And the final one Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbour was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentlemans yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, Nothing, I just helped him cry

Men always say that as the defining compliment, dont they? Shes a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like shes hosting the worlds biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I dont mind, Im the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe theyre fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men friends, coworkers, strangers giddy over these awful pretender women, and Id want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men whod like

to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. Id want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesnt really love chili dogs that much no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: Theyre not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, theyre pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if youre not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesnt want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version maybe hes a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe hes a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesnt ever complain. Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn