Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Volume 89, Issue 18
Volume 89, Issue 18
ONLINE: www.nique.net
A special edition of The Souths Liveliest College Newspaper ESTABLISHED 1911, GEORGIA INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY
Tragedy strikes the ASS program after an initial attempt at manned flight ends in a crash. Hot air balloons were first used in the 16th century.
Interactive learning materials such as Playdough, KNex, and Legos, as well as an extensive Erector Set collection.
Video documentaries including every NASCAR race as well as all 15 volumes of Bass Fishing Pro and Expert Deer Hunter.
Bessie the cow marches along with her fellow December graduate candidates. Bessie was part of the initial program started by President Adams last fall to allow U[sic]GA to admit non-human students. Adams is very pleased with the results of the program, as the schools average GPA has nearly tripled.
I mean, how do you think we attract all the dirty homeless people that live here on campus?
Frank Tinkler TERD Director
U[sic]GAs finest reading last years THWUGA issue (Its real, we swear.) Entering tractor Stolen fake mullet
Cruelty to Uga
11/21/2003 09:13:00 hrs. LOCATION: The dawghouse INCIDENT: Report that Uga VI was beaten over the head with a baseball bat, tied up in a black bag and tossed off a second-floor balcony.
Public drunkenness
11/22/2003 07:31:12 hrs. LOCATION: Every dorm on campus INCIDENT: Report that 7,298 students were arrested for being totally wasted before breakfast because kickoff was at noon.
from page 1
the glory of U[sic]GA, said Luigi Portabello, Blackshirt leader. Under Portabellos direction, the fascist revolutionaries have seized control of the Student Learning Center. Though information is scarce,
reports indicate they are barricading the entrances and are making Molotov cocktails. Adams has requested support from the National Guard. He vowed to put an end to the unrest. The Bulldawg people will not be intimidated by acts of terrorism,
Wrong religion
11/21/2003 15:30:45 hrs. LOCATION: BSU INCIDENT: Report that students at the Baptist Student Union identified a non-Baptist. Subject was immediately arrested.
Fascists
all the participants in the coming years date-match so that they could find matches for people on a genetic level. I think this is an incredible idea, said Vice President Jesse McMac. This way, we will be able to match people together with others who have even more in common than just their grandparents. However, the bill for We Got Culture was not as well received by the representatives. Many thought that U[sic]GA had all the culture it needed. They cited
11/21/2003 21:10:00 hrs. LOCATION: Fifth pasture on the right INCIDENT: Report that a 2003 John Deere tractor was entered and items taken. The tractor was uninjured, but felt violated.
11/22/2003 44:75:30 hrs. LOCATION: Mullets Are Us INCIDENT: Report of a stolen mullet hairpiece valued at $3,400.
Burglary
11/23/2003 33:88:91 hrs. LOCATION: K-Mart INCIDENT: Report of stolen jewelry valued at $19.99 (but only with the Blue Light Special).
Chicken rape
11/21/2003 81:34:77 hrs. LOCATION: Presidents residence INCIDENT: Report of a chickenplucking (Injuries reported; chicken well done.)
Incest
11/20/2003 69:69:69 hrs. LOCATION: Under the arch INCIDENT: Case number voided; Incest is not a crime in the Athens metropolitan area.
Fire
11/20/2003 32:43:86 hrs. LOCATION: SAE House INCIDENT: Report that a methamphetamine lab exploded; no injuries but many disappointed.
Loons
forts, but, at least for now, the balloon idea was abandoned. local man decided his son, 15, had The school has tried to model its outgrown the backyard tree house. curriculum on rival school Georgia We find theres plenty of room Techs Aerospace program, due to for our meetings up there, said As- its success in national rankings. sociate ASS Master Jim Bob ArmWe figure well just do what strong. Were even pretty far off they do, Armstrong said. We asthe ground, so we can test our, you sign really hard homework, like know, flying multiplication. things, he said. Then, when the The school, students turn it We had these tubes composed of two in, we tell them faculty members its late and fail hooked up to giant and three stuthem. Also, we canisters labeled ASS test them at least dents, has suffered a recent twice a week Gas, But when we reduction in enover material tried to put em in the rollment when they havent two students, unlearned, like alcows asses, they got der the mistaken gebra, and then kinda mad. impression they make them take had discovered extra classes to Peter Pan how to fly, leapt make it up. ASS Master from the tree S o house. far, it hasnt The closest worked, Armweve come to flight has been drug- strong added, indicating one of his induced hallucinationswe decid- students struggling with Airplane ed to stop Wacky Wednesdays in Models 101. Apparently the stuthe tree house after that, Armstrong dent placed the wheel of a model said. airplane on its tail fin. So far, the schools biggest obWith the failure of methane balstacle has been gravity, according to loons, the ASS has turned its attensixth-year senior Bubba Sawmill. tion to large blimps, called dirigibles. The schools latest attempt at obI think hydrogen might be the taining its elusive goal brought it key, Pan said. Hydrogen + a strong closest to success of any other ef- German name = success.
from page 1
Head
from page 1
Bookin It
from page 1
tated. I sure gonna miss that there great book place said Sally May Jenkins. Thats was one of the best durned places that I ever done seen. Police are still baffled as to who the culprit is, but they have reason to believe the culprit was a student at Georgia Tech, who leave the premises. When asked about the alleged perpetrator, the president only had this to say: What they done is a very bad thing, and they should be
shown that we dont take kindly to no fires. The police should take immediate action and cut off all access to NASCAR games on TV and radio. That will show them that we means business. Tech representatives were not available for comment, but since they are in the midst of Dead Week and finals, this reporter is sure that they have plenty of time to goof around and do such horrible things. Its only a matter of time before the Tech arsonist is caught, tortured and punished.
they wandered too close to the scene of the accident. The deputies exploded with such force as to shatter windows and severely damaging a load-bearing column. This incident is indicative of an emerging problem U[sic]GA students attempting to show that their IQ is, contrary to popular belief, higher than their blood alcohol level. A similar incident occurred last spring in the Van Leer building after a U[sic]GA student attempted to steal Buzz, the Tech mascot, and hide him in a janitors closet. The perpetrator instead walked into a lecture of Microelectronic Circuits Theory and spontaneously combusted. The incident is still under investigation. Adams has issued a warning to U[sic]GA students in an attempt to stop the bloodshed. This is a terrible tragedy. I will set up a foundation devoted to the victims, then promptly divert massive amounts of funds to finance the purchase of a luxury resort in Cancun, Adams said. As a gesture of good will, Tech President Wayne Clough offered Adams a shiny object and a piece of string. Anthropologist and National
Police would not allow the gruesome scene to be photographed, but witnesses reported a horrific scene. U[sic]GA students should avoid Tech. Public Radio commentator Lily Prick offered an explanation of the incident. Examples of pre-Neanderthal brains exploding at attempting complex tasks has been recorded for centuries. But it is quite surprising to see this happen in the modern age. We thought they all died out, but hey, I guess we learn something new every day, Prick said. Atads goat is currently being questioned at an undisclosed location. Mark Geragos, the goats lawyer, declined requests for an interview. I think we all learned a lesson today. If you have a friend at U[sic]GA, think of their goat friends before letting them enter a Tech classroom. You might well save a pre-Neanderthals life every time you prevent such actions, Prick said. I feel horrible, Clough said. This a case of cross-cultural misunderstanding. Its just a shame U[sic]GA students are so damn stupid.
HEY YALL
THWUGA Tuesday, November 25, 2003
THWUGA
The Souths Liveliest College Newspaper Serving Georgia Tech Since 1911
Quote of the week: She thinks my tractor's sexy, it really turns her on, she's always staring at me, while I'm chuggin along. Kenny Chesney
Consensus editorials reflect the majority opinion of the Editorial Board of the Technique, but not necessarily the opinions of individual editors.
EDITORIAL BOARD
Tony Kluemper, Editor-in-Chief Justin Partlo, Managing Editor Daniel Amick, News Editor Jennifer Lee, Focus Editor Art Seavey, Entertainment Editor Jennifer Schur, Opinions Editor Kimberly Rieck, Sports Editor Scott Meuleners, Photography Editor Karl Guertin, Online Editor Julia Trapold, Advertising Manager Jody Shaw, Associate Editor
Copyright Notice
Copyright 2003, Tony Kluemper, Editor-in-Chief, and by the Board of Student Publications. The Technique is an official publication of the Georgia Tech Board of Student Publications. No part of this paper may be reproduced in any manner without written permission from the Editor or from the Board of Student Publications. The ideas expressed herein are those of the Editor or the individual authors and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Board of Student Publications, the students, staff or faculty of the Georgia Institute of Technology or the University System of Georgia.
HEY YALL
HOT or
ST ANKY
Wrell, I lick er a wittle, then I slobber on er, then we go eat some chow while laying on a pile of ice.
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HEY YALL
New butt butter product keeps football players wedgy- and chafe-free
BEER!!! page 9
BEER!!!
THWUGA Tuesday, November 25, 2003 By Ivanna Beabum I see the future, and it is beer
U[sic]GA is cribbin, yo
MTV Cribs is coming to campus, and weve got tips for how you can make sure you and your humble abode can look camera-perfect. Page 15
The new Center for Rehabilitation of Alcoholic Persons (CRAP) is currently under construction. Built by a donation from a bum-turned-millionaire, the CRAP features 19 detoxification centers and a lecture hall for Drinking101. of Athens has already presented Niseguy the key to the city and declared him to be the most useful person to come out of the city in the past 50 years. Niseguys company, Canman Inc., is currently the largest, most profitable business in northern Georgia, and they have recently announced they are going public in January 04. Canman Inc. is also a large supplier of jobs for U(sic)GA graduates, and undergrads. Business major, Hugo Dumass, works for Canman Inc. and describes the company as Dis thing, where we like, uh, git moneys for cans. Dumass drove his bulldozer into the Foreign Language building before we could get further comment. Without a college degree, Niseguy has contemplated going to college, when asked if he was considering U(sic)GA, Niseguy replied with laughter. They offered me a job teaching a Business course, he said, but I told em I dont know nothing bout business. I just pick up cans.
Do you know how to tell if your best friends a rural-sexual? Look for the tell-tale signs: impeccable fashion sense, unkempt facial hair, desire to start a bluegrass band and an appreciation for Joe Dirt and Kid Rock.
BEER!!!
Rurals
from page 9
A group of students on the Television Innovation Team (TIT) are trying to sell a proposal for a new show, Country Eye for the City Guy, to the Country Music Television network. Clyde Cleming, the head of the TIT, thinks the show will be a huge success. Country Eye for the City Guy will promote our lifestyle to them people who aint lucky enough to experience rural life, said Cleming. Country Music Television officials commented on the status of the negotiations with the TIT. We have been working closely with the production team for the Country Eye show. We want to see some proposals before we agree to suck up everything that comes flowing from the TIT. Officials wanted to stress that they have nothing in writing con-
cerning the deal with the DICK. Everything has been oral thus far, said one executive who wished to remain anonymous. While no one is sure how pervasive the new rural-sexual trends will be, most agree that they have improved the student body at U(sic)GA tremendously. Several new clothing lines have approached students for ideas on new styles. OshKosh BGosh has been offering jobs to the students who have helped promote the latest rural-sexual styles. We want to make sure we are ahead of all the other designers, said an OshKosh representative. The students at U(sic)GA have shown themselves to be naturals at shaping the new fashion trends. However, the representative added, We are having a difficult time getting the students to reject other more traditional job offers from companies like Jiffy Lube, Burger King, and others, he added.
Gadgets
from page 9
ter than games on calculators. Plus, calculators are just somathematical. Cellphones are much cooler-looking. And they work much better than calculators when you put them up to your ear. Other electronic devices, such as laptops, are also growing in usage, though they are still not as popular as cellphones. The slower growth of laptop usage may be due to simple misunderstanding. When I first heard of a laptop, I thought it was a new kind of dance that the girls at the Gold Club do, said Jed Blanket, an Animal Education major. But now that I have one, I have to say that its pretty cool, though not as cool as what I thought it was before. Along with laptop usage comes and increase in internet use as well. The internet is the greatest thing. I
found a picture that shows monkeys doing it, and I printed it out and taped it up on my roommates door, said Iddy Ott, a second-year Custodial Engineer. I could never have done that if I had had to go to
When I first heard of a laptop, I thought it was a new kind of dance that the girls at the Gold Club do.
Jed Blanket Animal Education major
the library. Lotto Harrison agreed. The internet has so many possibilities. You can download porn and download some more porn. Harrison added, Oh, and my
newest favorite thing to do online is take those nifty quizzes about What type of porno would you star in? and If you were an animal, which one would you be? Harrison said that as a Psychology major, he found these quizzes fascinating. However, the increase in internet has created some problems for the school. Several students have been sent warnings about abusing the schools network. Bubba Clyde, an Agriculture major, recently was requested by the Office of Technology to remove several gigs of downloaded material from his hard drive. Currently, Clyde has not complied with their request. When asked for a comment, he responded that he did not understand the offices request. Hard drive? he asked. Is that what happens when a tractor gets stuck in fourth gear? he said. Oh, oh, I know. Is that some kind of new sexual position?
ointhenique
blueprint erato
writers i photographers i
northavenuereview
pizza-eaters i editors i movie critics i video game players i sports enthusiasts i layout designers i artists i theater-goers i engineers
BEER!!!
UgaUpClose
This weeks Tech Up Close (for those who cant stand the suspense):
Close up of behind of Uga statue
email: stoneballjackson@arches.uga.edu
sliver box
Wow...Falcons won...shocker there I rode the Tech Trolley---and it made me LATE! Use your cellphone in the library---perish the thought!!!!!!!!! she done blingified the microphone! i saw buzz at the source awards? did you? oh wait, i go to a white school. The other day I read a copy of the Emory Wheel. The Nique is five times better, and we have no journalism school. Not only that, but Tech girls are five times hotter than Emory chicks. why didn't I hear about GT Goth Night??? Alright, what the hell is a "When Harry Met Sally Complex"? And was she implying that i have one? I ate that test up, methinks sometimes some crimes go slipping through the cracks... Goofus and Gallant Rocks. I wish they were on GTCN ... Check it out after November 17. That Gallant guy is really sexy. fix the damn steps by the marc, i like to walk there Why is it when people call you a faggot they don't think you can hear them? and then they casually smile as if they weren't biggots themselves... SNARFUS CREEBLER IS MY ANTI-DRUG You know, the Nazis made the Jews wear pieces of flair... Okay so let me get this straight: the CoC doesn't have enough money to pay TA's BUT they have enough to construct a new building? Don't get me wrong...Dippin' Dots is good...but it is 51 degrees outside. Actually, I am the type of person I would like to spend the rest of my life with. I was not offended by the bake sale....I just wanted you to get the facts straight...White Women are the demographic to get the most advantage from affermative action. An electron cloud....you REALLY should be a physics major. More sliver on page 21
To H wi Geor
BEER!!!
BEER!!!
Im hoping that people from out of town have a real fire taste for my beaver art.
Coonskin Bubbs Local Athens resident
their contacts. Sometime shortly after the announcement of Athens as the Olympic committees choice for the games of the Summer 2004, the mayor contacted the Olympic committee
HOES N SPADES
THWUGA Tuesday, November 25, 2003 By Big Giant Head Bred for Pleasurin year (the duration of the contest) make sure that you answer any knocks while fully clothedespecially if you MTV recently announced the are male. We know that many of kick-off of its nation-wide search you enjoy running around in the for the best university campus in nude with your roommates, but we America. Its popular television pro- do not want the inadequacies of our gram MTV Cribs will be scouring nether-regions to be exposed by the nations most revered colleges misplaced red-and-black thong unto discover the prime educational derwear. At least toss on one of real estate littered with the hippest your wife-beater tank tops that does not have the students and friendliest atmovomit stains sphere. The profrom last weekTake the crew ducers have told ends kegger. outside to the parking us that this show Try as much as can make anypossible to disdeck to display your guise your body look aweresidences prized some, because of Southern drawl the quick-cut edso that viewers collection of vintage iting and popueverywhere can automobiles... lar music. After understand exviewing a sample actly what you are saying. If episode with total tool Aaron only it were posCarter rummaging around his house sible that every state could speak while spouting hip-hop slang, we Redneck. Feel free to pepper your are confident that these people can (complete) sentences with the phrases work their magic on anybody. What popular with the kids these days, a relief, considering the diverse en- like Fo shizzle, my nizzle. All the rollment here at U(sic)GA. Yet it is better for evoking the aura of cool. of enough concern to our officials Definitely take the crew outside that we feel inclined to impose some to the parking deck to display your guidelines on the student body. After residences prized collection of vinall, this is a magnificent marketing tage automobiles, rusted with cracked opportunity where we can recruit windows and sitting on cinder blocks. future Bulldogs into our top-ranked We hear that the audiences will be agricultural school. With this in especially impressed with the cusmind, please take note of the fol- tomized rims from your friends in lowing issues, in case you open the Alabama. It should be only a short door only to be rushed by a gaggle walk from here to the glistening swimming pond. Wink at the camera of surprise cameras. From now until the end of the and invite those at home in for a
So yeah, the MTV is coming here. Now we all love our prized possesions, but sometimes the rest of the country just doesnt see things the same way we Athens folks do. With that said...clean up your act a bit, dress to impress. skinny dip. We want this to be a defining moment in the history of U(sic)GA and hope that you will wear your spirit as a badge of pride. Chew a big wad of tobacco as you recite the details of your hunting rifle collection, and beam a megawatt smile to provide a glimpse of your tooth. Upon entering the bedroom, it cannot be readily apparent you are sleeping with your sister. Disappointingly, most other institutions look down on some good old-fashioned brotherly love. Point to your tricked-out entertainment center with the black and white television and broken radio in the corner. Underscore your personal accomSee Cribs, page 10
Students and celebrities came out in droves to try and find that diamond in the rough at the student yard sale. Empty Bud cans proved to be a hot item.
HOES N SPADES
incompatible, or worse. Suzie Hick, a third year major in Adding Single Digit Numbers, had a bad experience with BALLS. It left a bad taste in my mouth, she said. They matched me with my brother and Id just broken up with him. And he was supposed to be home with the kids anyway. Fourth year student of Probability and the Lottery Hank Reardon had a worse experience with BALLS. I got a date with this sheep Dolly, he said, But there was two of em and I grabbed the wrong one. So Bubba busts in a hootin and a hollerin. The sheep hed gotten had been Sally, Bubbas wife. Despite these occasional bad episodes, most students remain positive about BALLS. Its lots easier than going to family reunions for girls, Baker said.
time. Also, tractor driversll need more beer for the trip down cause of the longer trip. Theres some fancy science behind as to why, but its all Greek to me. Whatever Greek is So, there yall have it, my handydandy list of tips for the beginning drinker and driverer. Follow em all and youll be sure to have a grand ole time this weekend. Be sure to read next weeks article, Hangover Remedies for the Week After. Trust me, if you have the kind of time you should be having, youll need them. Until then, bye yall.
Bubba Atkinsons Looking for Love Service (BALLS) has helped many students find their soul mate on U(sic)GAs campus. Not only is Bubba the president hes also a satisfied customer. He was matched to his current wife.
HOES N SPADES
Cribs
from page 15
plishments with anecdotes, such as the tale of how you captured that stuffed possum hanging on the wall with your bare hands. Highlight your special talents by burping the alphabet or manually pleasuring yourself as many times as possible in sixty seconds. Bling-bling acquired from the quarter machine during your recent visit to K-Mart should be prominently draped around your neck. Yes, we here in Athens do have some fine-looking women. However, girls, it is probably best if you keep your mouths shut and just bat your eyelashes. Invite the crew to the local Country Kitchen for a postshoot celebration dinner of collard greens, okra, and grits to butter them up. Slipping them a flask of moonshine is strongly encouraged, but not mandatory. In anticipation of these exciting possibilities, it might be best to go ahead and schedule an afternoon
for clearing out your pantry and refrigerator. The viewers always want to discover what you have been cooking, but, despite the support of our mascot, other people do not eat dog biscuits and cans of Alpo. Understandably, undergraduates everywhere struggle with mold and dirty dishes, but your pet cockroaches need to be hidden along with your Condylox genital warts cream. There is a solution. Considering that most of you have some massive cleaning ahead, we have designated the entire student center as a depository where items can be left in a secret stash not available for filming. Sanford Stadium will be available for overflow, just in case. After our moment in the spotlight, you can return to pick up your favorite set of NASCAR trading cards and the complete masterworks of Bubba Sparxxx. However, a much more exciting alternative is participation in the countrys largest yard sale of utter crap. Details on that as it approaches. For now, get ready. MTV is coming. We can do it! In a strange turn of events, event organizer Rodeo Clown cited rival school Georgia Tech as the inspiration for an event held in conjunction. I got a telegram telling me of their Barnyard Bingo event, and I was certain it would be a hit here, Clown went on to remark that It just goes to show, that after all these years, our little sister school to the south has finally come round to proper views on what true entertainment means. Their fabulous Fox aint nothing. Its all about the Fox hunting.
Junks
from page 15
ties of bb guns, orange dont shoot me vests and the ever stylish camouflage bow ties, the garage sale included several other fascinating events, such as moo cow rodeo, the funds embezzlement bake sale and a veritable country palate of other events. All things considered, I would say this was even better than last years cow pie eating contest, remarked last years reigning champion, Marshall Mathers.
You have been fooled too, dont deny it. Bands these days will call themselves anything to get us to go to their stuff. I personally want to see chickens and guitars.
BALLIN
faces in the
by missy butt
pasture
Yandel Jones Senior-Football
An eighth-year senior from Valdosta, GA, Yandel Jones is a defensive back who doesnt see much playing time for the Dawgs because of his recent academic ineligibility. Yandel is the son of Delmont and Betty Rae Jones and believes he has at least one brother and one sister that he knows about. He is a Physical Education major and enjoys playing games on his Play Station II in his spare time. He lists his favorite food as his mommas road kill pate. Yandel says if he had a million dollars, he would buy his momma a new trailer and have fried chicken every night and nekkid ladies feeding it to me in a hot tub. Yandel lists Ric Flare and Triple H as his role models because they throw down like bad-asses because everybody knows that wrestlin is a real sport and we should respect them boys.
sliver box
I am a democrat...and i will be the devil's advocate...."republican's make me laugh"...but so do democrats. why are tech guys such women sometimes? When I love something it turns to MONKEEEEEEY AHHH!!! MOTHERLAND! ...can't seem to pray the gay away GOODTIMES Anagrams! Clemson graduate: cant measure gold Georgia graduate: garage grout aide Duke University grad: derisive gaudy trunk Asking students how they feel about Georgia Tech is like asking lamp posts how they feel about dogs. How can we have the #1 systems engineering department in the nation and have so many broken systems... Maintenance, you 'ignant' sons-of....stop fu**ing with da A/C THE DOORS ARE ATTACKING ME!!! AGGHHH! Uh, sorry Maintenance folks. Good Job turning it back on in time. so I was wrong...shame on Tech for the dumpsters! The best part of a lollipop is eating the stick. That's stupid. bored, bored, bored to whoever slashed all the bike tires in Perry Hall, please do the world a favor and put a gun in your mouth. Your mom says hi! She told me to tell you hello! The following is a song for a girl: Smile that smile again for me. Look at me, yeah just that way. Take me back where I'm safe from, these thoughts that I think everyday. You're the one who has th being more is what you mean to me. So take my hand and lead me, I'll follow wherever you go. Take me down your road tonight, The one I pray I may know. Why is it that I can't think about anything else but her?? Why does she talk to me!! AAAHHHH!!! I WANT YOU SO BAD ! "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing." More sliver on page 23
BALLIN
Big Jim
page 24
M.B.: Coach, just for the record, how many lies have you told over the years? J.H.: 38,754. Give or take a couple. You got any vodka? M.B.: No. J.H.: [Expletive]. M.B.: Coach, what has been your most memorable moment off the court? J.H.: Sexually harassing that young lady while I was the coach at Rhode Island is something Ill never forget. Actually, Muddy, I think that whole situation was blown out of proportion. I simply asked her if shed like to find out why they call me Big Swinging Pendulum Jim, followed by a slight grabbing of her buttocks. I mean, I thought this was America! When was free speech ruled unconstitutional? M.B.: So Coach, do you want to go back to coaching in college one day? J.H.: Hell yeah, whoo doggie, the finest pieces of ass in the world are college girls. Aint nothing like them Georgia peaches though. M.B.: Marvelous. Lastly coach, how are you enjoying your new capacity with the NBAs Denver Nuggets? J.H.: Its a pretty sweet gig, Muddy. I get to travel to many a college campus and scout some great athletes. My job also allows me to frequent sorority houses across the country for some rockin parties. While I was on a trip to Iowa State a couple of weeks ago, I woke up one morning following a party with nothing on but my bikini style leopard underwear with a whip in my hand. Haha! That was a wild night. M.B.: Thanks for your time, coach. J.H.: You bet, Muddy. Let me know next time youre in town and Ill treat you to some girls.
BALLIN
Over the past year, Georgias football team has engaged in many activities to boost performance on the field. Georgias starting QB has morphed into a super-powered Harry the Dawg after vitamin use. the support Georgia receives from its loyal base makes it a great program. One legacy athlete says, Knowing that my Mom, and Dad, and wife, I mean, sister are watching me play every Saturday from the farm, well, it just gives me that little extra incentive to give it my all. I want to show my little nephew, I mean, son that his Dad, I mean, Uncle or wait, did I get that backwards? However, the critics and spectators seem to feel that it is the attitude and standard that Head Coach Mark Richt brings to the Bulldogs that make them the one of the best in the nation, and with only three loses under his belt, how can one not agree? It makes any person wonder what his secret to success is. Well that is something that will go with me to the grave, snickers Richt. It is a play that you dont see all that often on Saturdays, but Ive given it the codename bribing the guys in white and black stripped shirts. It has won me more than my fair share of games, mind you. Of course, the school fight songs know the truth. It is the red, black and white that have won the bulldogs every game this season, and will continue to guide them into the future. Lycra and spandex are great to wear on the field, says running back Kregg Lumpkin. But off the field only DKNY touches this fine Queens ass!...mmmmmm-hmm <snap>.
sliver box
"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within." "Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye." "Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love - and to put its trust in life." "You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love." "Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." I won't make that mistake.....this semester will not end before I try!!! WISH ME LUCK!! I made my "kitty" mad by throwing it out That's like buying a haircut for Adolf Hitler! And I hate Adolf Hitler! I like his haircut, but that's IT! Take A Picture With Adam and Eoin ROCKS! Those guys are the coolest ... Check 'em out Friday afternoons. Goofus and Gallant ... the movie. The first must-see film of the year. Now Showing: http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~dohhafwd/ So how did our blood battle with UGA goes? Oh, that's right. NOBODY CARES. Watching people camp out for UGA/GT tickets is the funniest thing I've seen all month. Thanks, folks. Canada Kicks Ass...well Vancouver does at least because they understand hockey and they make it their religion Who will win between Michigan and Ohio State this week? Michigan! Who will be national champions? The "real" USC damn it...you heard it here first...USC Trojans WILL be National Champs Here's the official major for all those females looking to get their MRS degree from Tech...Domestic Engineering "Tolerant" people absolutely cannot stand intolerance. No sliver published this week...why waste our time submitting them? georgia tech's campus is terrible Let us all hold a vigil for Michael Jackson for the music he brought us, not for the boys he has molested
BALLIN page 28
BALLIN
THWUGA Tuesday, November 25, 2003
NASCAR baby
Here in Athens, we love ourselves some cars. Read what we think about those boys who grace the tv. Page 22
Whew doggie!
The Dawgs have a new tool to help improve performance on the field. Find out what Richts boys are up to. Page 23
by the 760
numbers
Average SAT score of this years football team. Its a whole ten points up from last years class. Recruiting tools like free access to Georgia girls, playstations in the locker rooms and improved strength of the basketweaving and turf management classes contributed to the increase.
1
Number of classes a U[sic]GA student athlete is required to attend each week. Attendance is taken once a week to comply with the strict standards set for student athletes. Regular students usually dont attend any.
6
Number of athletes on the football and basketball teams who can speak in complete sentences during interviews with the media. Mandatory grammer classes are required for team captains in football and basketball.
home game. A d amss announcement had raised protests f r o m other SEC schools as well. Other schools goats have been known to chew and eat grass and turf.
16
Number of points Florida scored in its win against Georgia at this years contest in Jacksonville. The Dawgs scored 13 points in the loss against the victorious Gators.
shorts
20,814
Average number of fans at Sanford Stadium who actually attended U[sic]GA. Over half of the fans at football games have never set foot in a classroom on campus.
0.201
Average blood alcohol content of a Dawg fan at halftime. Despite Sanford Stadiums lack of alcohol at concession stands, fans still manage to have a roarin good ole time between the hedges during TV breaks.
on the fields
Event
Special to THWUGA
Last spring, Jim Harrick went down fast in the wake of a crippling scandal. He was accused of several NCAA infractions. His son also improperly taught a class in basketball techniques to several basketball players. sulting from the accusations of one of your former players, Tony Cole. Did you feel remorse for him initially being pegged as the culpable party in the whole fiasco? J.H.: Nah, Jims a big boy. I feel I did my best to take him under my wing at a young age. Jim has been privy to many a scheme of mine before they even came to their ultimate fruition over the years. Im very proud of the shameless liar he has become. Its just too bad I had to lose my job, too. Jims currently pursuing a job in the pornography industry, and my wife and I couldnt be happier. Hes a Harrick through and through. See Big Jim, page 22
Date
Whooping at Bobby Dodd Mudbogging at Truitt Cow tippin Nationals Whiffleball at Auburn Monster Truck Rally Redneck Nationals Quailhunting at Darton