MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR PERINI 4.9.

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Mentoring Seminar
Part 1 | Mentoring in Context
Ask: When you think of a good mentor, what words or ideas come to mind? Next, Have participants list words and write them for all to see. Say: Given these words and ideas, what do you think a good mentor would do in these three scenarios? After each Scenario, Ask: What does a good mentor do in this situation? Then, have them their answers with Discuss with one another briefly . Scenario 1 Allison and Lily have been meeting weekly for about two months. Recently Allison's mentee has been reluctant to meet regularly. At their last meeting, Allison's mentee didn't show. Scenario 2 Ben and his mentee have hit a rough patch. Alex, Ben's mentee has significantly doubting his faith in God. Ben has tied to listen and understand but Alex has been communicating that he still feels unheard.

[15 MINS]
Scenario 3 Glen and Justin have been meeting regularly for a few years now. Their meeting times have mostly consisted of how each others families have been or how their job has been treating them. Lately Glen has been wondering if their meeting times should have more structure or goals than it currently seems to. A Pastor recommended reading a and discussing a certain book in order for the Glen feels like this may be a good idea sense his mentoring has come to be more mutually beneficial for him then originally planned.

Part 1 | Teacher notes

The purpose of this section is to introduce the participants to the idea that there is not only one best way to do mentoring. The reality is that a good mentor determines how they will engage mentoring depending on the context of the relationship. The goal of this section will be to help participants discover the importance of context in their mentoring relationship.

Mentoring in Context Continued:

Say: Its sometimes easy to believe that there are formulaic answers to common mentoring scenarios like these. We often pull from a vocabulary (like the one on this white board) that supposes that there is a right and a wrong way to handle difficulties in mentoring. However, the truth is that in mentoring, the answers to these scenarios can only be found through observation of each specific context. While it may be easy to say that the answer to Bens issue empa1

Part 1 | Teacher Tips Let the words given by the participants remain on the space you write them on. These can be a point of reference for everyone. They will also give a vocabulary for everyone to use and understand. If you can, put the Scenarios on a white board or PowerPoint slide so the participants can study them more in-depth.

thy and be support, that answer, while maybe true is really incomplete because we dont have enough information to understand the context of their relationship. What if Alex has a history of abandonment by loved ones? How should that change Bens response? In order to be a healthy mentor, you and I have to work to become deeply aware and in-tune with the context of our relationships. We must avoid comparison and the belief that there is always one right or wrong way to mentor. We must begin to develop a sense of the context of our own personal history, and the history of our mentees. We must be aware of the context of our unique relationship. And we must be aware that we have the freedom to mentor in the ways that work best for each of us. With the foundation of context, we have begin to use the skills, tools, and styles of mentoring in the healthiest way possible.

MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR PERINI 4.9.10

Mentoring Seminar
Part 2 | Mentoring with Balance
Say: We are going to talk about Balance in Mentoring. Balance in mentoring can best be found out through understanding the grasping of your unique situational and relational context. anity without Christ. Words that go well with the Discipleship model include: -Influence -Teaching -Challenging -And Agenda Approach #2 | Spiritual Direction in Mentoring According to author Heather Webb, "Spiritual direction is an ancient art of being with another person in relationship with God." The mentor who desires to be a Spiritual Director, according to Webb, must take on a non-authoritarian role where the director sees herself as a companion on the journey of the soul. What does this look like in mentoring? A mentoring relationship built on this model often focuses on (1) personal story, (2) a select text or (3) prayer. In each of these focal points, the Spiritual Director is guided by a focus on the spiritual walk, not necessarily on the members adherence to creeds or doctrine or on emotional and psychological insights interventions, or behavior. The earlier Scenario with 2

[45 MINS]
Glen and Justin may in fact be a relationship of Spiritual Direction rather than Discipleship. Words that go well the Director model include : -Questions -Journey -Companion -And Unstructured

Part 2 | Teacher notes

The purpose of this section is to introduce the participants to two common, styles of mentoring. The goal of this section will be to help participants identify which side of mentoring they might lean toward and challenge them to discover the how to find a healthy middle ground on which to mentor.

Throughout the long history of Christian mentoring, people have tended to lean toward one of two approaches. We are going to explore those approaches now and begin to learn from each of them. Approach #1 | Discipleship in Mentoring The term "Discipleship" is often used in Christian circles in order to attach Christ-like concepts to the model of mentorship. Discipleship driven mentoring often looks like this: An older, wiser mentor, meets regularly with a younger Christian who is beginning to make strides in growing in their faith. The mentor's role becomes one of guidance. He is the mentor who is there to answer life's toughest questions and to teach his mentee how to become more disciplined in being Christ-like in their time here on earth. Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said it this way, "Christianity without discipleship is always Christi-

In groups, have everyone discuss: -How have you been able to identify with either of these styles? -What dangers could present themselves by embracing either style of mentoring? -Which style of mentoring do you find yourself leaning toward?

Part 2 | Teacher Tips It may be helpful to draw a graph on a white board of a line with two ends representing the two styles on opposite sides. Provide a sheet of paper or the attached PowerPoint with the two approaches and the three discussion questions written on it. This page should take about 20 minuets to work through.

MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR PERINI 4.9.10

Mentoring Seminar
Part 2.5| Mentoring with Balance [45 MINS]
Say: While both of these styles of mentoring have positive sides to them they also have negative aspects as well. Ask: What possible dangers did you come up with in your group discussions? [possible answers might include: Discipleship may come across as conditional love, while Direction may come across as inference] In order to become healthier mentors, we have to learn how to balance our agendas with our flexible support of our mentees. Right now, we are going to look at three tools that can help us live in the land between Discipleship and Directive mentoring.

Part 2 | Teacher notes

Tool #1 | Profile Statements: Profile statements are brief sentences that state a specific measurable goal for your relationship. They are mentee focused and always are developed through a sense of context. By creating a few profile statements, you can set measurable goals that will help give your relationship a sense of direction that focuses on the heart of a person rather than simply their behavior. Note: Be aware and keep track of your progress in reaching these goals. Feel free to update, change, or replace statements depending on the context of your relationship. Here are a few examples of a profile statement: -I will help my mentee develop coping skills. -I will help my mentee recognize his impulsive tendencies and how they may affect his/ her relationships. -I will help my mentee develop practical skills to become more organized with time management. Tool #2 | Place-Sharing

The purpose of this section is to introduce the participants to two common, yet extreme styles of mentoring. The goal of this page will be to help participants identify specific tools to help them achieve and measure balance in their mentoring style.

Part 2 | Teacher Tips Use the PowerPoint or write on a white board the three tools and a brief description of each one. This page should take about 20 minuets to work through. If possible, provide copies of Andrew Roots book Relation-

Place-Sharing is a method developed by Andrew Root in his book Relationships Unfiltered. In order to find balance between Discipleship and Direction, Root offers up a role that guides the mentor to simply share in the lives of their mentees regularly and wholly. This happens in three ways: (1) Place-Sharers believe that for any true guidance, discipleship, or agendas for their relationship can find root only in the soil of simply being with one another. (2) Place-Sharing means to suffer with the other. The problem for many mentors is that they feel it is their role to hear the suffering of their mentees, and then provide answers and strategies to relive the pain. In order to be a Place-Sharer, you must learn to enter the suffering of the other, and be present in it with them. (3) Finally, A Place-Sharer can find comfort in the reality that they are living in a fuller picture of the Trinity. Just as all three persons in the Trinity point away from themselves by representing the others (The Incarnation, ect), so does a Place-Sharer live to share love for others. Tool #3 | Finding A Mentor Mentoring may best be learned through experience. Becoming an expert on mentoring may not be as far out of reach as you may think. A good first step may be to find a mentor of your own. These people will help teach you wisdom and love for the art of mentoring and help you through line while they are at it. Finding a mentor can come about in may ways. It can be a real person or even an author. There are many people who are gifted at mentoring through books. Go find some of them! 3

ships Unfiltered.

MICHAEL WILTSHIRE CORNERSTONE UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR PERINI 4.9.10

Mentoring Seminar
Part 3| Discovering Health [30 MINS]
Say: So far, weve talked about different mentoring styles, and the importance of your individual context in determining which works best for you. Weve also looked at several mentoring tools that may help us find balance in our mentoring strategies. Finally, we are going to explore with each other, how we can apply some principles or ideas weve found today. PlayDough Experiment: In groups, each person will take a can of PlayDough and shape an object or image that represents a particular part of the unique context of their relationship that they desire to be more aware of or more winning to engage in. After the creation is made, have each person briefly share what they have made and why. Some examples may be: -What makes your mentoring relationship unique from others? -What information do you need to better understand your current or future mentee? Soap Shavings: In groups, each person will take a bar of soap and a small carving knife. Then instruct participants to carve the bar into an object or image that represents which style of mentoring they feel most inclined. After each person is finished, have them briefly share with the rest of their group, Claymation: In groups, each person will create an object or image that represents one specific thing theyve learned in the last 90 minutes that they desire to apply to their mentoring relationships right away. After each person is finished making their object, have them share with the rest of their group. Conclusion: Say: When it comes to mentoring, there is not one right way and one wrong way. However, there is healthy ways and unhealthy ways. As you desire to move toward healthy, remember that context, styles, tools , and partners (in this room and elsewhere) are available to you. Q & A: As time permits, open yourself up for a Question and Answers session. This will not only help answer possible questions but also (1) help participants continue to think through the material, and (2) allow you to share personal stories that show what the ideas in this seminar look like in real life.

Part 3 | Teacher notes The purpose of this section is to help participants review and rethink what they have heard in this seminar. The goal of this section is to give participants at least one new idea of tool that they can remember and apply to their current mentoring relationship(s).

Part 3 | Teacher Tips Make a PowerPoint or write on a white board the three exercises and a brief description of each one. Depending on how many groups of people there are, it may be wise to have everyone find new groups for each exercise. This page should take about 30 minuets to work through.