A Doll's Dream Translated by Sonic1004

I love a guy. But...he is not by my side anymore. I loved him. I really loved him. But...he is not in this world now.

Chapter 1

I am twenty-two years old. I have a friend (also a boyfriend) who grew up with me for 20 years. His name is Jun Jin. I always though him as a friend until last winter, when we went a club. Before that winter was over, I took a step and confessed my love to him. Then, we became lovers. But...he and I loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him. He, on the other hand, had many other girls. To me, he was the only one but to him, I was just another person. "Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" "I can't." "Why? Do you need to study at home?" "No, I'm going to a meeting..." "Meeting? Again?" "Yeah. It's alright, right?"

"Yeah..." He was always like that. He met girls in front of me like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word love came out only from my mouth. He never said that he loved me. To us, their wasn't any anniversaries. He never said anything starting from the first day and it continued for 100 days, 200 days. He just handed me a little doll to me everyday before we say goodbye...out of pity. "Bye now..." "Don't worry about me and just go wash your feet and sleep." "Um...Jin..." "What...don't drag and just say it." "I...love...you." "You...um...just take this and go in." That's how he ignored my confession and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday filled my room, one by one, until another day came. It was my twenty-second birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him. So, I stranded myself in the room waiting for his call. But lunch passed, dinner passed, and until a dark night came, he didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone. Around 2 in the morning, he called and told me to come outside of the house. I still felt joy and ran outside. "Jin!" "Here."

He handed me a little doll again. "What's this...?" "I didn't give you one today. I"m leaving now." "W-wait! Do you know what today is" "Today? Hmm..." I felt absurd. I thought he would at least remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing happened. "Wait!" "What? You have something to say?" "Tell me...you love me." "What?" "TELL ME!" I put my pathetic mind behind and clung to him. But he just said simeple, cold words and left. "I don't want to say I love someonethat easily. If you're desperate to hear those words then find someone else." My legs felt numb and collapsed down on the ground. He didn't want to say it easily. How could he say that so easily... I felt that maybe...he's not the right guy for me.

Chapter 2

After that day, I stopped calling him and stranded myself from, just crying. He didn't give a call and I was waiting for it.

Just a little doll outside of my house every morning. That's how those dolls piled up in my room everyday. After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But I saw him on a street with another girl, picking out a doll. He had a smile on his face which he never showed to me before as he touched the dolls. I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room. Tears fell... Why did he give those to me? Those dolls were probably picked out by some other girls. By my anger, I threw those dolls everywhere. Then, the phone rang. It was him... He told me to come out to the bus stop. I calmed myself fown for the last time and walked towards the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I'm going to forget about him, that it's going to end. He came into my sight. He was holding a big doll today. "I thought you were pissed. You really came? I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing happened as he joked around. Soon, he held out the doll like usual. "This is the last..." "I don't need it." "What?" I grabbed the doll from him and threw it onto the road. "I don't need this doll. I don't need it anymore. I really don't want to see a person like you." I spit out all the words that were inside of me. But unlike other days, his eyes were shaking.

"I'm sorry..." Jin apologized in a tiny voice and walked over to the doll, to pick it up. "You stupid! Why are you picking that up! Just throw it away!" But Jin ignored me and went to pick up the doll Then, with a loud honk, a big truck headed towards Jin... "JIN! MOVE!" But, like a deaf person, Jin squatted down and picked up the doll. "JUN JIN, MOVE! MOVE!" H-O-N-K DUSH! That's how he went away from me. That's how he went away fro me without opening his eyes, without saying one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guilt and sadness over losing him. I spent two months acting like a crazy person. I couldn't look at those dolls that he gave me. The only gift that he left me since we started to go out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days that we loved each other. "One, two, three..." That's how I started to count the dolls without noticing that the night was going by. "Four hundred eighty-one, four hundred eighty-two, four hundred eighty-three..." Ending with 485, the dolls were all gone. I started to cry with the dolls in my arms. Then, suddenly... "I love you! I love you!" I dropped teh dolls, shocked. I...love...you?

I picked up the doll carefully and pressed it's stomach. "I love you! I love you!" It can't be... I pressed all the dolls' stomachs that I piled up on the side. "I love you!" "I love you!" "I love you!" Those words came out nonstop. I...love...you. Why didn't I realize that his heart was always protecting me by my side... ...that he loves me this much. I took out the box under the bed like a crazy person. The last doll with blood stains left by Jin... I carefully picked up the doll and pressed it's stomach. And the voice that came out was his voice, the one that I miss so much. "ChaeYun...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know waht 486 is? I couldn't say that I love you since I was so shy. If you take this doll then I'll say that I love you till I die. ChaeYun, I love you..."

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He can't be by my side. But he loved me until his last minute. For that reason, it gave me the courage to live a beautiful life.

- The End -