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With David Shoalts being busy doing whatever it is when he isnt aggressively sniffing his own farts, Ive had time to look into some of Quebec Citys finest journalists! Enjoy Fred Poulin, self proclaimed Coyotes expert as he explains to us mere mortals the finer points of multi-million dollar relocation deals! -Greg In a decision that all but guarantees that the Sacramento Kings of the National Basketball Association (IS THAT WHAT NBA STANDS FOR? Mystery solved) are staying put, a committee of NBA (wait, NBA... WHAT DOES THIS STAND FOR?) owners voted unanimously on Monday to block the teams pending sale and relocation to Seattle. The league announced that its combined relocation and finance advisory committee, composed of twelve owners, voted unanimously to reject the Maloofs proposed sale (and subsequent relocation) of the Kings to hedge fund manager Chris Hansen and Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer, who planned to move the team to Seattle as soon as next season. This is unnecessary, and youre blatantly cribbing from this article: http://www.kcci.com/news/sports/NBAcommittee-recommends-denying-Kings-relocation-to-Seattle/-/9357168/19942698/-/pns4pdz/-/index.html I was wondering why this section had readable English. The relocation and finance committee included the following 12 people: No, it includes 12 OWNERS. You just said that. Not 12 PEOPLE. Also, who gives a shit? Unless youre going to point out the hilarity of Clay Bennetts vote, which would involve you doing some r esearch and not pulling stuff out of your butt, why is this section necessary? Clay Bennett Oklahoma City Thunder Jim Dolan New York Knicks Wyc Grousbeck Boston Celtics Ted Leonsis Washington Wizards Micky Arison Miami Heat Greg Miller Utah Jazz Robert Sarver Phoenix Suns (Sucks) Herb Simon Indiana Pacers Larry Tanenbaum Toronto Raptors Glen Taylor Minnesota Timberwolves

Peter Holt San Antonio Spurs Jeanie Buss Los Angeles Lakers Hansen was not available for comment today. As for Mi crosoft chairman Steve Ballmer, a member of Hansens group, he told Mitch Levy, a Seattle radio talk show host, that he is horribly, horribly disappointed. Ballmer told Levy that he and his group are continuing their communications (continuing their communications...hmm...lets go to the judges.... and yes, thats awful) with NBA commissioner David Stern and that they plan to put their heads together to see if there is a reasonable next step to pursue. NOTE: This section brought to you by... plagiarism. http://www.star-telegram.com/2013/04/29/4812150/nbacommittee-rejects-kings-move.html The Board of Governors will not vote on the Kings future until around May 13, 2013, but the committees recommendation will most definitely be influential. The Hansen-Ballmer group would need 23 of 30 owners votes to get control of the Kings and be able to transfer the concession to Seattle. Oh, itll be influential? Really? Did you not copy/paste enough to realize that no, its not INFLUENTIAL, its the nail in the coffin of relocation. The vote of the committee came after months of endless discussions and debates over the dysfunctional Kings. Please remember (Please remember? Who says this?) that the Maloofs agreed in last January to sell their 65 percent share to the Hansen group for $341 million. Hansen increased their offer to $357 million earlier this month. Unfortunately for Seattle, (or fortunately for Sacramento, isnt English fun?) a group of investors recruited by former NBA All-Star and current Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson (A legendary Phoenix athlete, that must really grind your gears) matched Hansens original offer of $341 million, according to a letter the Maloofs sent earlier this month to the NBA headquarters. The most obvious reason why the Kings will not move to Seattle, is because the Sacremento (interesting spelling, Cotton, lets see how that plays out for his journalistic career) deal includes more public funding, which the NBA loves. Or, it averts a PR disaster, keeps a team in a single sport city and gets rid of the Maloofs all in one stroke. But this is complex stuff, so Ill let it slide. Sadly for hockey fans who live in the Seattle area, this means that they will have to wait for the NBA to expand or to decide to move another struggling team before they get a chance to see NHL in the Northwest as the construction of the new arena was contingent on the arrival of a professional basketball team. Those poor Seattle hockey fans, who had an NHL franchise ripped away from them. What was their name again? The SuperSonics? About a year ago, Bay area hedge fund manager Chris Hansen, (you already identified him as a hedge fund manager in that section you plaigarized earlier- WHO EDITS THIS? Anyone? Bueller? *crickets*) who grew up

in Seattles Rainier Valley, made public his intentions to build an arena in Seattle in order to lure two anchor tenants: a new NBA team after the defunct (The SuperSonics werent defunct, Clay Bennett pissed all over them in a calculated strategy to ensure he was able to move them to OKC. In fact, he was such a colossal asshole THAT THERE WAS A MOVIE MADE ABOUT HIM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9Dp20ydm1E) Sonics moved out of town, as well as a NHL (wait, so now you ARENT going to spell out abbreviations?) franchise (Hansen would have built the arena if they landed ONLY an NBA team, but whatever) . Now that his NBA dream is put on hold by the decision of the NBA, (this sentence is already astoundingly bad and somehow manages to gets worse) Hansen will have to put his project the build a brand-new arena on the ice (swing and a miss...told ya) and try to find another solution to bring an NBA team to Seattle. Maybe he can steal the Wizards when the security guards change shifts! While it is possible that the NHL will move to Seattle in a near future, (no) contingent to the arrival of a pro basketball team, no investor has officially expressed (If youre keeping track at home, he just demolished his own premise) their interest to bring an NHL franchise to the Seattle area other than some innuendo about Chicago Wolves owner Don Levin being interested in a partnership with Hansen regarding the new arena. You mean THIS article, where he said, I am nowhere.? http://seattletimes.com/html/nba/2020184797_kingshockey22.html So what happens with the Phoenix Coyotes now with Seattle ruled out for the 2013-14 season? BWEEP, BWEEP, BWEEP - Full Scale Bullshit Assault Detected, Poutine Level 8! Basically, Gary Bettman and NHL will have to find a buyer interested in purchasing the team, (you dont say?) whether it is locally or not, or they will have to run the franchise for another lame-duck season in the desert. This is impressively inaccurate. There has NEVER, EVER been a mention ANYWHERE of a Coyotes owner being interested in a one year lame duck deal. Essentially, now that Seattle is out of the race, the only market that is ready to welcome an NHL franchise is Quebec City Zey can play in zee parks or in zee town square!... Oh, you mean zees arena? http://www.fieldofschemes.com/2012/03/26/3363/quebecs-new-arena-to-leave-taxpayers-at-least-250m-inhole-with-no-guarantee-of-nhl-team/ Will Gary miraculously (well, there are three rumored suitors, heres a real reporters take on that: http://www.foxsportsarizona.com/nhl/phoenix-coyotes/story/Gosbee-LeBlanc-near-agreement-forCoyote?blockID=897463&feedID=3702) Also, miraculously is a strong word. Let me give you a better example. Will Fred Poulin miraculously learn to write competently in English?)

find a serious buyer to keep the club in Glendale or will he finally give up on the Phoenix market and relocate the struggle franchise north? I dont know, Fred. What does the past four years tell you? What does the preponderance of evidence tell you? How did this article about Seattle turn into another Fred wants the Nordiques waaaahhh article?