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Mental Health Expert
Part 1: Mental
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Getting Back to Normal
Bill O’Hanlon, Mental Health Expert
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Getting Back to Normal
a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon
aimed at helping the millions of Americans who have been laid-off and are struggling to keep their heads above water both financially and emotionally.Page 2 Preface "Getting Back to Normal: The Great Depression Recovery Toolkit" is a 4-part series. The goal of this toolkit is to help you get back to normal quickly as possible. Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon .
It’s really important subject people are hurting and emotionally hurting as well as financially hurting so we can say something today that will make a little bit of a difference or maybe a great difference with people. physical. So. Robert. truly struggling not just financially. Bill thank you so much for taking the time to come on here. to share your wisdom with us.Page 3 Getting Back to Normal Bill O’Hanlon. In order to get back to normal we will tackle areas mental. You know. not just because they don’t have a job but because of this prolong unemployment for many of the people it’s almost as if they don’t know what step to take next. His name is Bill O’Hanlon. Robert That’s a great goal. Prolong unemployment can mess your sense of self and your confidence. I want to make sure you’ve got your head on straight. this part one: mental. I want to make sure you have a healthy mindset and the confidence that you need. the great depression recovery toolkit is a four part series aimed at helping the millions of Americans who have been laid off and are struggling to get their heads above the water both financially and emotionally. The goal of this toolkit is to help you get back to normal as quickly as possible. Bill O’Hanlon Thank you. Everything starts here. I get emails every single week from people who are truly. So. financial and career. He’s written 33 books and you’ve probably seen him on Oprah. The Today’s Show and many others. Mental Health Expert Robert Pagliarini Getting back to normal. They’ve lost their sense of confidence maybe they’ve had a really great job and they felt on top of the world and now all of the sudden they’ve been unemployed for six months or a year or two years and all of the Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . He’s a certified professional counselor and one of the developers of solution oriented therapy. I brought in one of the leading mental health experts and therapist in the country to work with us.
And so. When you’re unemployed. it’s called “Baby Steps” after that movie “What About Bob” and that’s the thing I think we should start with. small things rather than big things and you do one a day or one a morning or you get out and walk around the block if you haven’t gotten out of the house. you watched the news and say there’s no jobs out there. maybe the first six months they were out there every day… Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . either find some small thing to do or some small thing to stop doing that you know isn’t helpful for you even though you’re compelled to do it. Maybe you want to stop watching the news. The first and best thing that I recommend as a mental health expert is do one small thing. well. you know. There were about when I got through with that list there were 12 small things. I updated it a month ago but probably I can work on that. I’m wondering how we can help them get back to normal. they weren’t going to get me a job directly but 12 small things I could do to get myself out of that rut. you know. you start to think nothing’s going to work. You know. what have I ain’t done yet? Well. That’s the first recommendation I have. that mindset is not conducive to getting a job and it’s conducive to being depressed and discouraged. it’s just the nature of human psychology we get a little overwhelmed. that’s the doing thing and then there’s not doing. I was unemployed when I was younger and I certainly just the way you described it you get discourage. I wrote this book. So.Page 4 sudden that umph that they had is gone. to get myself out of the discouragement to give myself something to do rather than sit around and worry about money and not having a job and be depress all day. You know. there are jobs out there and there are things that you can do. so. Bill Well. Robert Now. I didn’t call this person that might have a lead on a job and I didn’t update my resume in the last month. News might not be too encouraging. so. I sat down and I wrote. Something small and you—so. You know. So. we want to do a hundred things or everything seems overwhelming or nobody can get a job. when you’re having any kind of major difficulty it’s easy to get overwhelmed. “Do One Thing Different” which is one that got me on Oprah and my latest book is coming out next year. what can happen when someone sense of self confidence sort of evaporates? When someone’s been unemployed for a year and they’ve been out there. I’m never going to get a job.
So. Or I did some things that I wasn’t proud of or I was unhappy about. Remember you had a few years living your early life before you had a job. I think that’s one of the things to start to get yourself out of that rut if you’re judging yourself I don’t have a job so I’m a loser and I’m worthless that’s pretty generalization but also equates all your worth with what you do rather than who you are. and emails and now it’s almost this. I think with women. you and I. you know. well. I think. You know. we’re left with what am I going to do now? Bill Yeah. You had self esteem and self worth and you were an okay person before you ever had a job. you know. there’re two things and I think one is we become so identified with our jobs or our careers or the ability to make money and I remind people keep your perspective. we kind of feel this sense of responsibility like we’re supposed to provide for our family and maybe we’ve done that for years or decades and all of the sudden that job is gone. Robert …they were networking. they were confident. remember that. Can you just change your language a little and say. I used to specialize in working with eating disorders. ooh. “learn helplessness” nothing they do seems to work. I think. you know. you know. and they would say I was really good this week or I was really bad this week and I would say. if you’re a man think about a woman staying home as a homemaker and all of the sudden starting to feel Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . what can that do to their sense of self and their confidence? Bill Well. This program is for both men and women I tend actually to get more emails from men. I’m a therapist and I’m kind of sensitive to this stuff. And I would get these women that would come in. Keep things in perspective. I did some things I was proud of this week. I think it’s probably because for guys their sort of self worth is tied to their net worth.Page 5 Bill Yes. That sense of financial security has evaporated and now. Robert I think that is absolutely what happens. most people. it’s tied to what they do because as guys. Separate what you do from who you are. mostly women.
when your buddy calls maybe you don’t want to hang out because you’re feeling so badly about things. you know. I’ve still got the people that I’ve love. Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . keep up those positive social interactions and that can be other thing that can increase yourself worth. and I’ve heard people say it and I’m sure you have too. So. I’ve still got my family. keep up your social networks because I think that’s one of the things that happens when people get off work they lose of their social networks or they withdraw from people. Robert That’s a fantastic recommendation because I think you’re absolutely right. you know. opportunity at this terrible financial crisis we had that people. if you have relationships good positive social relationship. she’s not being valued very much because we do in this culture we value people who make money. I think. friends. Robert And so. you know. or at least not dropping so much. Bill You don’t meet people after work for a drink or. just go out for a walk during lunch with. after I hurricane happens. family. you know.Page 6 worse and worse about herself like she’s not worthless. or keep yourself worth steady. So. you know. what you might recommend then is every week getting together with one or two of your close friends not necessarily for networking purposes but simply to establish or maybe re-establish that connection that you had. And so all of the sudden. if you will. one of your colleagues you have to really work at keeping those positive social relationships. Keep up those social positive social relationships not the negative ones. you know. very money oriented culture but I think that’s been the big. it’s a very success oriented. success and especially in America. if you have a job for a long time sure that’s where you make your money but it’s also where you have your friendships and some discussions. Monday morning rolls around and you don’t have an office to go into. And there’s some research in positive psychology that says. and then you feel a little bit badly. all of the sudden who are you talking to at that point. say.
Move and get your brain moving you know as Robin Williams said when he was Mrs. you make two really good points. And he wrote a wonderful book. called “A Whole New Life” and he said. you know. maybe you’re sleeping a lot because you’re feeling more depress so. The first one is. So. And so. but it was an English professor who got severe cancer. your kids. make an effort and.Page 7 Bill Absolutely. And keep it up with your family because again if you’re feeling. it’s not just pump your muscles it’s pumping your cranium to move it helps your brain stay alive and it helps your emotions stay a little more positive. Bill Yeah. what are some ways that people can think less about the past and what they once had and more toward what they currently have and maybe even—the next step is what they would like differently in the future. sometimes. there’s a great book by Reynolds Price (who is no longer with us. he was a great writer. oh. you almost go to the grief process of its just—it’s such a huge loss for somebody. really his whole life change. Bill Well. the previous person I was and I wish somebody had taken me by the shoulder and just look me in Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . I’m not contributing everything or I’m not worthwhile. I’m wondering. became paralyzed. pump your cranium. Robert And I think maybe. I know you’re covering the physical on this but what we’ve discovered in recent times is that obviously the mind and the body and the emotions in the body are connected so. maybe you would even withdraw from your partner. people can be so fixated on what was lost that they lose sight of what they still have. Robert And sometimes when someone loses their job especially for a prolong period it’s almost. I’m such a loser. I don’t think). get out and walk. keep that physical going as well as social. you know. Doubtfire. You know. “I struggled for years to get back to the old person I was.
in what you did before it’s gone. “The freedom you’ve had nobody can take away the freedom is to choose to point of you. Shed that old skin go to something new but what you say is really. and to a certain extent. you were a teenager then you became an adult. I love that you emphasize both getting a different perspective in the present and orienting to a more hopeful future. Robert And by the way. really important. I mean to have something to look forward to. “Man’s Search for Meaning” has said. you know. And you know. actually. So. everything’s going to be great you already tried that at the beginning where you got laid off or when you lost your job.” You have to find a whole new life. Orienting to the future which is something that human beings can do even in the darkest moments. lift your spirits a little and give you something to move tomorrow. eat your pride. So. that’s the first thing is.Page 8 the eye and shaken me when I first got this terrible thing that happened to me and say. that’s a great recommendation for anyone who’s feeling a little badly about themselves or their situation. You’ve got to create a new identity and you’ve done it before you were a son and then you became a father. You read that book and all of the sudden you’re going to have a whole new appreciation for whatever it is you’re going through. The second point you made is if you orient to the past and what’s not there it’s easy to get discouraged and depressed and stuck. watching this terrible news that we watch or. you know. “Man Search for Meaning”. the old Reynolds Price is dead you have to find a new version of you. it’s not psychotic optimism where you say. You’ve gone through identity changes before it’s time for another one. Bill I think that’s right. reading the news or hearing the news we Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . Robert Just fantastic and so. And if you focus on what you prefer in the future rather than what’s missing in the past. you know. that old identity is no longer there that was wrapped up in your work.” Now. Bill Absolutely. what an incredible book that [overlapping conversation] one of my favorite books of all time. Viktor Frankl who wrote a book called. in your career.
I’m not living homeless. I go to the shower and I’ve hot water. I have a glass of water. again. I’m not thirsty. Robert Yeah. but even three or four in the morning it sets the whole tone for the day as a tone of appreciation rather than resentment or frustration or depression. Everything else kind of sucks but… Bill That’s right. I still have a house even though I’m in foreclosure. you know what I’ve tried everything. And I come to you and I’ve been laid off maybe it’s been a year and half and I’ve tried everything and I tell you. I’ve got my beautiful spouse. I’ve got my spouse. this research on what works and what makes people better in life has been happening in the last 15 years or 20 years. Robert Things aren’t quite as bad. You know. let’s say I was your client. laying next to me today and we’re in good health. Robert …I’ve got my kids. wow. You know. Now. So. Bill. take a few minutes. you know. that’s a great tip as well is just being grateful for what you have can be small things like you flipping on the light switch like you mentioned or really big things like. no. And so. I had a guy that told me that he has a practice when he lost his job he noticed 25 things before breakfast that he could be grateful for. Bill Right. Those small things if you can think of. very difficult for a lot of people when they’re in that ditch. I’m at sort of the Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . you don’t have to think of 25. they say that appreciating what you do have rather than focusing on what you don’t have tends to increase your well being and your sense of satisfaction and your sense of happiness. when I go to the light switch and I turn it on the lights come on. you know. I have a friend who talks to me every day. these small things that we can be appreciative for. you know. that sounds like it takes hours and he said. And so. And I said. looking at the future can be very.Page 9 can get kind of a distorted perspective but one of the things that positive psychology. You know. You know.
I’d be getting dressed every day. psychological relational things that aren’t going well that are part of being discouraged about not having a job. you and I have this shared interest an approach to therapy called solution oriented therapy and it’s approach focuses on people’s strengths and abilities but it also have a future orientation as we were talking earlier and one of the simple things that I would is say. I don’t think that my future is going to be better than my past. well. I’d be probably. you know. let’s imagine you’ve got a job. Bill Yes. Robert And so. And they’d give me a list of all the things that would happen once they got a job. feeling happier. I know it seems unrealistic now and it may never happen but let’s imagine you’ve got a job what else would change in your life? And they’d say. everyday. And I’m really. I’d say. How can you help me Bill? Bill Well. we want to get you. that is a fantastic exercise sort of a miracle question asked. you know. I just want to bring some of that positive future into the present in a realistic way.Page 10 end. You know. keep you in that mode so you’re not dipping so deeply into that rut of depression or discouragement you don’t take care of yourself and other ways because you stopped dressing. I’d be getting out of bed by eight o’clock in the morning or seven o’clock in the morning or whatever I got out of bed. really depress about that insight that what I once had was great and I just don’t see myself having this better future. if someone’s not working with you which I wish everyone could because… Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . I’d be looking people in the eyes. you know. is there any part of that you can start to do voluntarily right away? So. and not just financial things but emotional things that mostly and relational things that’s mostly where we’re focusing on. I’m pretty hopeless. I’d be going out to exercising and running again because I’ve been too depressed to run. What you’d be doing? Well. look for a job because it’s ridiculous. you know. Robert And so. just getting them out of that rut of right now they don’t have a job plus they have all these emotional. not in again a psychotically optimistic way.
Page 11 Bill Well. Robert But if they don’t have that luxury. the more you recognize and use your strengths. some people have great ability to connect with other people. you can change your brain at any time. that is. again. your social connections to help you get a perspective or get moving or get out of your rut or feel a little better or little more hope. how can they do this by themselves? What would be the technique there? Bill You know. there are clinics that will do it for reduced fees or sliding scales. You can be your own. you know. You can go to self help groups. You know. again. you can do a little on your own if you go beyond the pill or you can use your friends. Robert Yeah. What are you good at? Some people artistically creative. Get yourself out of that rut. you know. Go with your strengths as there’s been some research on that. You can go to. the reason research is called Brain Plasticity. job supports or groups. behaving in a certain way and interacting in a certain way. just listened to a book called. “The Biology of Belief” by… Bill Yeah. it’s easy to stay stuck in that groove. So. number one do some of the things we talked about. Go get some professional help or some self help and read a book. Bruce Lipton. It takes a little effort to jump out of the groove and shift your gears to get into more positive frame of mind or more forward moving kind of actions. one of the things that solution oriented therapy is you look at your strengths. actually. that’s the good news. But if you get so discourage it’s a good idea to go get some professional help. Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . There some clinics that are associated with universities or sometimes do it for $5 or $10 per sessions. The bad news is if you get into the groove of thinking in a certain way. Go to the library and get out some books and start to fill your mind with things that Viktor Frankl’s Man Search for Meaning which is a little different and you know. that’s nice.
whether it’s relationship. your book. Robert And so. I can’t get a job nothing’s going to change. we got to. And really. all these experts. like you said. Bill Right. What I think is applicable here is it’s called. that you can continue doing exactly the same that you’ve been doing but you probably Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . if you’re not really happy with whatever the situation is. should give themselves a little credit. as your book points out. “Do One Thing Different: Ten Simple Ways to Change Your Life”. Thinking differently. And one of the quotes that I remembered in there is that we used to think.Page 12 Robert …Bruce Lipton. give yourself some credit the way you kind of get lost is if you stop doing anything that can possibly make a difference. you know. Not everything you’ll do will work but you’ve got to start doing something. your job or in life. relating differently. Exactly. let me give this thing a chance and see if there’s anything here that and hopefully something that you say that one of your guest say or one of the experts say we’ll make a little bit of difference. Jumps [overlapping conversation] Bill And that’s what this whole series is about. And so. Robert But it turns out that our life determines our genes and it’s the exact same concept that we’re talking about that once we start thinking in certain way and almost develop that rut. you know. who are listening to this or reading this. the take away from that is if you’re stuck. one of your 33 books. really. physically doing something different. People. sure watching this. really great. You did one thing different. I think people. in the brain we develop these pathways and we re-enforce them over and over and over. getting up and moving any of that stuff might make a difference so try what you can and wait for something to work. do one thing different to sort of break. And what a fascinating book that was. So you’re doing something. You didn’t just sit on the couch and think it’s hopeless. You took a little action and said. we use to think that our genes determined our life. doing something differently. jump the tracks.
Bill Right. And so they should be complimented for that. Life is an experiment and the experiments you’ve been doing recently if it’s not working try a different experiment. So. life as an ongoing experiment till you’re off the planet. stop doing what you’ve been doing that hasn’t been working and try something new because that’s sort of a trap that everything falls into partly because of this brain grooving that will happens but partly because we get a little righteous. well. So. Something they did today was different in order for them to get to this point. I’ve heard a Native American saying a while ago from the Dakota tribe that said. just get into life as an experiment rather than life as already settled. family and I’m wondering though if there could be a dark side to that because let’s say I got laid off and a few of my buddies got laid off and at first we were working together optimistic. maybe the last few months we kind of get together we drink a couple of beers and Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . what we’re suggesting in this whole program I think what you’re up to in this whole program is giving people a new perspective and some new options. Robert And I really like how you complimented the listeners and the audience here because you’re right. that was my point of view at that point but maybe there was another point of view that was equally valid or better and so. Robert … or do one exceptional thing different it’s just do something anything different. your concept is do one thing different and what’s great is that the name of the book is not doing one right thing different or… Bill No. I think that’s right.Page 13 get the same results. do something different. helping each other and I don’t know. the mere fact that they are participating with us means that they are doing something different. So. We decide or what we think is the right way to think the way we’re seeing it is true and we realize as you go through life. The other thing that we talked about was the importance of maintaining relationships whether it’s with friends. when you discover you’re riding a dead horse the best strategy is to dismount.
I think. and that’s your typical experience and I reduce the amount of time spent with that person and you know there are other people you just have a conversation with them. And especially as. read on this or quick meter that I have within myself and I suggest to my clients and that is if you spent time with a person on a regular basis and you leave drain or feeling worse. It doesn’t mean that every moment has to be wonderful but here’s my quick. definitely. you just feel badly. when you’re struggling in a period like this it’s even more critical to sort of ditch the liabilities in your life maybe temporarily and maybe forever and really just focus on those Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . a little more energy. that there are those that are assets to you that when you’re around them they’re optimistic. they can give you some validation or support. when you’re doing better you can go back to those relationships but maybe distance them a little for now if they’re negative social relationships. can you see that happening? Bill Yes. And then of course there is everyone else when you’re around them you feel just less then. When you leave them or the conversation so the interactions you have with them or do you feel a little more positive. About a year ago I wrote a column called something about when you should break up with your mother? And it’s this concept there’re really two types of people in the world. you feel good. feeling angrier feeling worse. they can get you new perspective. You’ve got to be really careful it’s like eating the right foods or not drinking too much alcohol. spend a little more time with those people during this difficult time for you. like you identified. they can give you some sense of hope or energy. You have to be really careful of your inputs at this point because you’re vulnerable because you could have a tendency to get too discourage or depressed or drink too much or develop some of those not helpful habits same things socially. There can be relationships that aren’t so great for you. they care about you.Page 14 we just kind of lament about how everything sucks and how this just—the economy’s terrible and. Robert Great. they’re supportive. they’re pessimistic. the politician they’re looking to get us and we kind of start feeding this negativity. you know. you know. they get you to laugh. Not in the long run but when you’re stronger. a little more hope. great point. That’s why I mentioned earlier the positive social relationships. they’re negative. they give you energy.
Bill Yes. yeah. you’re not getting out the couch. talking to somebody new seems daunting so. Your appetite changed. you know.Page 15 handful of key relationships where you feel good and where they support you because that’s just so important right now. I don’t know. you know what. maybe you’re sort of you feel like you’re at the end of the rope that you should seek some more professional assistance. use that social network and get somebody else to call for you. you know. Make an appointment get your buns off that couch or out of the bed and get there and that’s really typically the time when you’re just not getting out of bed. you can call—I used to work as suicide crisis line and people would call up not just with suicidal crisis but with depressed crises and we’d steered them to the right resources and those things are free. Robert Yeah. either get some distance for now or maybe for good. Robert You start with books and your friends but at what point would you say. you really have soaked into. Again. and I think there’s an old country song that says life’s too long for that. pick up that phone maybe schedule a meeting with somebody. You’re just not doing well and you’re not getting out of that rut it’s a good idea to seek something. Sometimes when you’re so depressed picking up the phone seems daunting. Bill Well. it’s not only too short but it’s too long for that. Bill Right. Or have somebody else pick up the phone. more of a clinical depression. they have them in almost every Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . And you mentioned earlier that if you get to the point where. Your eating is changed radically. you’re not doing and you’re feeling it’s not just a temporary discouragement blues. you’re going to be hanging out with these people for a long time and obviously we’re talking about in balance there maybe a day that’s off or it’s not so great in a relationship but if it’s an ongoing negative relationship probably yes.
That’s. reach out suicide hotline. so. if someone’s listening to this program and it’s in their feeling a sense of desperation or are hurting themselves. it’s that withdrawal thing that’s a dangerous sign. very low cost if not free. talk to your friends. absolutely. call a mental health center. well. When I was a younger person I used to be such a stigma. talk to somebody new. you’re depress or oh no you went to. you can call the emergency hotline and say I’m in desperate shape I need some help. your friends have gone so go get help. it’s a sliding scale sometimes it’s $5 a session. I guess I would be remissed if I didn’t say. well. talk to people that you know that know somebody who have been to therapy. And just making that one step may again start to pull you out of that deep. get yourself out of it as soon as you can and if you know you’re really seriously depressed. Robert And really the only reason that we are speaking today is because I got an email from a gentlemen who was suicidal and not when he emailed me he said it had been about a month but he was at the point where he was suicidal. go get some professional help it’s out there. you know. Well. again. It’s in the movies.Page 16 community. It’s just support while you’re going through this difficult period. you know. If you can’t do it on your own or with your friends or social network. you know. a lot of these resources are very. on TV. get a recommendation and go get some help. thankfully. let them know what’s really going on with you in the most honest way you can. There’s a local community health center in my area that I actually volunteer at and for most people it’s free. if you’re going to see a psychiatrist you should just have your head examined that was sort of the attitude now there’s so much more acceptance. the worse it gets so. You can call for help. what should they do at that point? Call the suicide hotline? Bill Yeah. it’ll make the difference. He had been unemployed for about a year and a half and he got some help. And. well worth checking out. worth it. deep rut that you’re getting into and get some help if you need to. Talk to somebody near you. There’s nothing to be ashamed about. there’s no shame in that. I think what change us. oh no. You know. you know. well. But he Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . The longer you spent in it. This is an investment in really your life so. And. yes. deep. you know. Robert And as you mentioned earlier. call a local health center.
I’m not talking about hopping a banana boat to Brazil let’s come up with a third option that’s different from stay miserable or kill yourself. and I say. That’s a start choice. that’s probably a distorted point of view. yeah. you know. if you talk to somebody if you get through those desperate moments. usually that’s suicidal stuff will pass in a short time if you get some help. Robert One of the ideas that I’ve actually interviewed Professor Jeffrey Pfeffer about is this idea of faking it until you make it. Bill Yeah. Go get some help but realize you’re stuck in a kind of a narrow perspective and don’t end your life over this. And. Maybe it’s not to the same level that he experienced for everyone but there is this general sense of hopelessness for a lot of people. no. Be miserable like I am or have it be worse or die. So. And we made a breakthrough on the telephone because we usually would when they see at least a third option. people would call and they would only see one option or two options. That is quite profound I’ve never really thought of that before when someone’s at that level where it’s either be miserable or end it all. I think that’s a perspective that they get into when they get so discouraged. And wow. give up this life here and they would laugh. And after reading that I thought he is not alone out there.Page 17 shared with me with this very long email his story and just how bad it got for him. you know. And this concept if you don’t feel confident if you Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . And 24 hours later they’ll probably remember something else or think of something else or if they have a conversation with somebody else they’ll realize there’s a slightly different perspective you could just so narrowed down it seems like those aren’t your only two choices. When I used to work on suicide crisis line. there’s always a third option. There’s almost always a third option for almost everybody. please don’t go with that. Robert That’s third option. I joke with them at a certain point when I had a little bit of a relationship with them and say well you can always have a banana boat to Brazil I mean. I agree. It’s not worth ending your life over this stuff. Bill Well.
Obviously. and one of the things you talked about is a recent study in that. So. right. yeah. Bill So you do a more positive thing and you might feel more positive feeling. Robert Yeah. One group they were told to sort of move their bodies in a depress way and the other group they were told to stand straight and put their shoulders back and to look people in the eye and to put their head up and as you suggested. Bill Oh. I think they go together. Bill You can go out and do it but new style psychology said do it and then the feeling will follow. two groups of people randomly selected. the insides affect the outside and the outside affect the insides but because you’re not feeling so good right now it’s extra important to go do something that might help you feel better.Page 18 don’t feel like you have this real strong sense of self esteem are there things that you can do to kind of pretend that you have confidence. Robert Yeah. Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . And the group that simply pretended that they were more confident in their blood work shows that they have much less cortisol which is the stress hormone. people who were pretending to be confident felt more confident. and that it actually just by moving differently change their biology. the old psychology said you have to go inside and work on your inside and you feelings and your childhood and all that stuff. Robert Yes. The other piece that I’ve add and it goes back to this whole biology of belief that we talked about is that they tested the blood of both sort of groups. you know.
change the interactions. shift your mind. Change your context or change the doing. I think that’s great because right now you’re not in that mind frame thinking. they’re not going to hire me or maybe they won’t hire me or I’m not good enough. change the viewing. that you don’t—you’re not really that. and shift your perspective. If what you doing isn’t working to get you the results. Robert And so. shift the point of view. We don’t mean. It might make a difference. And what are some things that they can do to project this sense of confidence or to feel better when they go in? Bill Right. change the doing. you know. If you change any of those things in the small way we’re talking about. maybe not great but they’re feeling a little bit better and they get a call back on an interview. Go some place. change your actions. Take a different route. get. you know. do something different. that’s something we sort of new intuitively but it’s great to have that scientific support for it that’s what Robert and I have been talking about this whole conversation is. If you’re thinking about doesn’t work. you know. Put yourself in other frame of mind and physically see if you can get yourself there. you know. pretend fake. someone listens to this whole program and feeling a little bit better. then you might get out of that negative groove and that discourage you. you know. And if you’re in a context that’s not so good you’re sitting around in the couch all the time get out the house. when you go to the unemployment office or whatever it may be. shift the viewing. shift your actions. I think what Professor Pfeffer said was great and that was act as if. Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . you know. let’s say optimistically. That. Dress that way and think that way and put your body in that position if you can. change the context. oh. baby steps Robert and. shift the doing. and again. change the viewing and change the context. I think that’s a great phrase. baby steps bob or Robert. shift you interactions and I call it. you know. what would you do if you were in the prime of your career and doing really well? How would you dress? How would you do your hair? How would you walk? How would you stand? What time would you get there? What would you do to prepare? You know. I mean put yourself in that as if I were framework. put yourself in that as if mind frame. Do something different. change the doing.Page 19 Bill I think that’s great. Be around different people.
you’re living in sort of solutionville. Robert Okay. this morning. one of the things that I just love about solution oriented therapy is that it doesn’t really focus so much on what the problem is. tough question here. Problems tell us certain things about ourselves and they get us to focus on certain things. It sort of jumps the wall so you’ve got problem. a lot of other things can follow that’s great. Take small steps. if you can make that small shift in perspective that as if. just one small thing you can do today. view something differently. If what you’re doing isn’t working. and this minute. do something different and that means think something different. get yourself out of the different context or take some different actions or interactively. You know. strengths. if you can jump over that wall even for a brief time. all of the sudden you see things you never saw. What’s one small thing and if you’re lying in bed depressed and you’re focused on Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . let’s say someone skip everything else and now they just come on the line here. and I mean. It’s like what—if you were in solution land what would be different? And exactly what you’re talking about.Page 20 Robert Yeah. I want to provide them some kind of actionable summary that they can say okay. all that stuff. Robert Yeah. Now. Don’t try to do everything you want. I’ve heard a lot and I’ve learned a lot but like you say. abilities. very simply. You see resources. this hour. So. you’ve got the wall and you’ve got the solution on the other side and it jumps over the wall. And it’s like… Bill I think that’s right. I can do this. you know… Bill Because I think we get hypnotized by problems. don’t try to overwhelm yourself. And so. What isn’t working? What’s wrong with this? How thing will never work? And I agree. what is that baby step? What is that one next thing that I should do? Bill Here it is.
I’m kind of hopeless right now I don’t think my future’s going to be any better. the small things you’re grateful for. no guarantee if you get out of bed and try something and do something different your future would be better but we can almost guarantee if you stand bad. I know people are thinking this. Think of who you’re going to be rather than who used to be that you can’t get back to. B~I~L~L O~H~A~N~L~O~N.billohanlon. really would desperately missed if they weren’t in your life. But you might have it a chance to influence that future but if you keep thinking it’s going to be terrible and nothing’s going to happen you won’t do anything to make that better future. loss in that self pity and lost in that negative rut. “Do One Thing Different: Ten Simple Ways to Change Your Life”. Robert that I can tell you right now is you don’t know what your future’s going to be. that’s right. from what I gather. Don’t try and take too big a leap but take a small baby step baby step. Love that. And that is.com. That’s as simple [overlapping conversation] Robert Love that. So. yes. Robert Fantastic advice. your own book which I would highly recommend it’s called. think of what you could do rather than what you can’t do. be grateful for what you have. Tell me why is that wrong? Why can my future be better than it is right this moment? Bill Oh. Hang out with friends. Thing of what you’re grateful for. You’re playing god in your own like you say. you know. probably the future is going to be much like today. And I’m going to tell people what that is: its www.com and you also do quite a few webinars and teleseminars and you are. get out of there and do something. I know it’s never going to be any better. I haven’t had the privileged to hear you but supposed to be one amazing public speaker. think of a few things every day that you really. The best thing. Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . So. let me play devil’s advocate just for a moment because I know. And you also have a really cool website with a lot of information. So it’s Bill. Only God knows what’s the future is. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. And so. get of off the couch and do something. And some great book we have talked about certainly Viktor Frankl’s “Man Search for Meaning”.Page 21 you’ll never going to get a job shift your perspective and think of something else. keep your social relationships going and shift in any small way you can.
I hope some people explore that if they’re stuck. It’s great. Occasionally. I got a little better over the years and less gastrointestinal symptoms when I stand in the live crowd.Page 22 Bill Thank you. Again. I do free teleseminars and things like that. your insight. Bill. I was a shy person. I love it. I travelled around and. Robert This has been absolutely fantastic. I write books probably one or two a year these days so they can find out what I’m up to. Robert Right. they can see. Well. Robert I like how you said “less” and not “none”. I mean there’s value to that Freudian kind of stuff and there’re value to this stuff. Maybe some [overlapping conversation] Bill Yeah. That’s. where you want to go and find the strengths and the abilities to get there.com one of Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . We don’t go back to your childhood.billohanlon. So people go to your website. I love it. Bill Yeah. So. you know. we figure out what’s happening right now. this is why I’m such an optimist for the future. that’s so true. I love it. I really. It’s a whole new way of looking at life and more importantly at how to change. yeah. we’re the mirror image of Freud. thank you again Bill. I mean. I was a shy person who didn’t like to speak in front of people and I got so passionate about these stuff that we’ve been talking about today that I overcame my fears and became a public speaker and I love it. really appreciate your time. you are a master at this whole solution oriented sort of paradigm. It’s great. you know. yes. your website is www. And so. what you’re going to be doing.
RicherLife. Bill Thanks. and meaning into your life.Page 23 the 33 books is “Do One Thing Different” absolutely check it out. at www. Wealth Creator. Best-Selling Author. Join Robert Pagliarini. Thank you again Bill. motivation. Entrepreneur.com. and TV Commentator as he has compelling conversations with experts that drive more money. Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon .
he appeared on Oprah with his Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon .E. families and organizations. Bill has now authored or co-authored 30 books.Page 24 About Bill O’Hanlon Bill O’Hanlon is a psychotherapist who was a developer of Solution-Oriented Therapy and a founder of Possibility and Inclusive Therapies.R. Deciding he really ought to know something more about what he was doing. Bill now brings his ideas to a wider audience. Bill then moved on to develop his own method. Earlier he ran growth groups and taught seminars at the Phoenix growth center Sentheon. In 1999. Arizona. the SolutionOriented Approach. irreverent humor. Erickson's only work/study student). Always looking for a challenge. His clinical work is recognized for its collaborative respectful approach to clients. a brief approach to change focused on identifying and using strengths to reach goals and overcome challenges. He is known for his storytelling. Erickson's work. couples. he studied Neuro-Linguistic Programming (before they even had a name for it) and ultimately went back to school and became a marriage and family therapist. He was so confused and impressed by Dr. he felt compelled to spend the next several years of his career writing and teaching in an effort to make Erickson's approach more understandable and accessible. Bill began his professional career in 1975 as a hippie transpersonal counselor at the A. During graduate school he studied with the eccentric and creative psychiatrist Milton Erickson and became Erickson's gardener (he was Dr. clear and accessible presentation style and his psychotic enthusiasm for whatever he is doing. It has been applied with individuals. (Edgar Cayce) Clinic in Phoenix.
Women's Health and The Psychotherapy Networker. Do One Thing Different: Ten Simple Ways to Change Your Life.Page 25 book. He has also appeared on The Today Show. Bill O’Hanlon on Facebook Bill O’Hanlon on Twitter Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . Bottom Line. Newsweek. Self. New Woman. Ladies Home Journal. and Body By Jake. Canada AM. His work has been featured in O Oprah's magazine.
become a member now. If you want to take your life and finances to the next level and want to have some fun in the process. We are acutely aware of information overload. He is obsessed with improvement.Page 26 About Richer Life Insights Richer Life Insights is a community of passionate people who want to learn and achieve more in life and at work. Robert Pagliarini is the founder of Richer Life Media. making the most of his time and energy. Members of Richer Life Insights include entrepreneurs. authors. While there is certainly no shortage of information—even good information—there doesn’t exist a system (until now!) that you can easily plug into that provides you with easy to implement advice that can radically change your life. He’s also obsessed with inspiring others to create and empowering them to live life to the fullest by radically changing the way they invest their time and energy. motivation. business owners. celebrities. and meaning into your life. It’s an online destination members can easily plug into that provides them with easy to implement advice that can radically change their life. and creating. and others who are focused on creating and living a better life. and thought leaders that is laser-focused on practical ways to drive more money. In addition to being the author of the national bestseller The Six Day Financial Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . LLC and runs Richer Life Insights. About Robert Pagliarini Best-Selling Author | Entrepreneur | Wealth Creator | TV Commentator Robert Pagliarini is a man on a mission. You can participate in conversations I have with an experts.
Robert will be identified as the founder of Richer Life Insights. a boutique wealth management firm specializing in sudden money recipients. he writes a personal development column for CBS that is syndicated to newspapers (e. LA Times. Robert on Facebook Robert on Twitter Getting Back to Normal a conversation with Bill O’Hanlon . Robert has also had multiple appearances on Good Morning America as well as Dr. and running a non-profit he co-founded called the Band of Brothers Foundation that helps impoverished kids around the world. He is a Certified Financial Planner. attending Saddleback Church. Inc. and The Other 8 Hours: Maximize Your Free Time to Create New Wealth & Purpose.g. Robert enjoys going to Disneyland with his wife and young daughter. Orange County Register) and popular online websites including the Huffington Post and many others.. For future appearances.Page 27 Makeover. 20/20.. ABC News and others. Plan Z: How to Survive the 2009 Financial Crisis (and even live a little better). When not working. and is currently completing a master's degree in counseling psychology. Robert is the president of Pacifica Wealth Advisors. Phil. Chicago Tribune. has a master’s degree in financial services.
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