When Grace goes looking for the Traverses summer house, in the Ottawa Valley, it has been many

years since she was in that part of the country. An , of course, things have change . !ighway " now avoi s towns that it use to go right through, an it goes straight in places where, as she remembers, there use to be curves. This part of the #ana ian $hiel has many small lakes, which most maps have no room to i entify. %ven when she locates $abot &ake, or thinks she has, there seem to be too many roa s lea ing into it from the county roa , an then, when she chooses one, too many pave roa s crossing it, all with names that she oes not recall. 'n fact, there were no street names when she was here, more than forty years ago. There was no pavement, either()ust one irt roa running towar the lake, then another running rather hapha*ar ly along the lakes e ge.

+ow there is a village. Or perhaps its a suburb, because she oes not see a post office or even the most unpromising convenience store. The settlement lies four or five streets eep along the lake, with houses strung close together on small lots. $ome of them are un oubte ly summer places(the win ows alrea y boar e up, as they always were for the winter. ,ut many others show all the signs of year-roun habitation(habitation, in many cases, by people who have fille the yar s with plastic gym sets an out oor grills an training bikes an motorcycles an picnic tables, where some of them sit now having lunch or beer on this warm $eptember ay. There are other people, not so visible(stu ents, maybe, or ol hippies living alone(who have put up flags or sheets of tinfoil for curtains. $mall, mostly ecent, cheap houses, some fi.e to withstan the winter an some not.

Grace woul have turne back if she ha nt caught sight of the octagonal house with the fretwork along the roof an oors in every other wall. The Woo s house. $he has always remembere it as having eight oors, but it seems there are only four. $he was never insi e, to see how, or if, the space is ivi e into rooms. /r. an /rs. Woo s were ol (as Grace is now(an i not seem to be visite by any chil ren or frien s. Their 0uaint, original house now has a forlorn, mistaken look. +eighbors with their ghetto blasters an their half- ismembere vehicles, their toys an washing, are pushe up against either si e of it.

't is the same with the Travers house, when she fin s it, a 0uarter of a mile farther on. The roa goes past it now, instea of en ing there, an the houses ne.t oor are only a few feet away from its eep, wraparoun veran a.

't was the first house of its kin that Grace ha ever seen(one story high, the roof continuing without a break out over that veran a, on all si es(a style that makes you think of hot summers. $he has since seen many like it, in Australia.

12O/ T!% '$$3%,34 A$ A 52'+T%-/A'& T!'$ 't use to be possible to run from the veran a across the usty en of the riveway, through a san y, trample patch of wee s an wil strawberries, an then )ump(no, actually, wa e(into the lake. +ow Grace can har ly even see the lake, because a substantial house(one of the few regular suburban houses here, with a two-car garage(has been built across that very route.

What was Grace really looking for when she un ertook this e.pe ition6 5erhaps the worst thing woul have been to fin e.actly what she thought she was after( the sheltering roof, the screene win ows, the lake in front, the stan of maple an ce ar an balm-of-Gilea trees behin . 5erfect preservation, the past intact, when nothing of the kin coul be sai of herself. To fin something so iminishe , still e.isting but ma e irrelevant(as the Travers house now seems to be, with its a e ormer win ows, its startling blue paint(might be less hurtful in the long run.

An what if it ha been gone altogether6 $he might have ma e a fuss, if anybo y ha come along to listen to her7 she might have bewaile the loss. ,ut mightnt a feeling of relief have passe over her, too, of ol confusions an obligations wipe away6

/r. Travers ha built the house(that is, he ha it built(as a surprise we ing present for /rs. Travers. When Grace first saw it, it was perhaps thirty years ol . /rs. Traverss chil ren were wi ely space 8 Gretchen, twenty-eight or twentynine, alrea y marrie an a mother herself7 /aury, twenty-one, going into his last year of college7 an then there was +eil, in his mi -thirties. ,ut +eil was not a Travers. !e was +eil ,orrow. /rs. Travers ha been marrie before, to a man who ha ie . 1or a few years, she ha earne her living, an supporte her chil , as a teacher of business %nglish at a secretarial school. /r. Travers, when he referre to this perio in her life before he met her, spoke of it as a time of har ship almost like penal servitu e, something that woul barely be ma e up for by a whole lifetime of comfort, which he woul happily provi e.

/rs. Travers herself i nt speak of it that way at all. $he ha live with +eil in a big ol house broken up into apartments, not far from the railway tracks in the town of 5embroke, an many of the stories she tol at the inner table were about events there, about her fellow-tenants, an the 1rench-#ana ian lan lor , whose harsh 1rench an tangle %nglish she imitate . The stories coul have ha titles, like the stories by 9ames Thurber that Grace ha rea in :The Anthology of American !umor,; foun unaccountably on the library shelf at the back of her gra e-ten classroom. The +ight Ol /rs. #romarty Got Out on the 2oof. !ow the 5ostman #ourte /iss 1lowers. The <og Who Ate $ar ines.

/r. Travers never tol stories an ha little to say at inner, but if he came upon you looking, for instance, at the fiel stone fireplace he might say, :Are you intereste in rocks6; an tell you how he ha searche an searche for that particular pink granite, because /rs. Travers ha once e.claime over a rock like that, glimpse in a roa cut. Or he might show you the not really unusual features that he personally ha a e to the house(the corner cupboar shelves swinging outwar in the kitchen, the storage space un er the win ow seats. !e was a tall, stoope man with a soft voice an thin hair slicke over his scalp. !e wore bathing shoes when he went into the water an , though he i not look fat in his clothes, a pancake fol of white flesh sloppe over the top of his bathing trunks.

Grace was working that summer at the hotel at ,aileys 1alls, )ust north of $abot &ake. %arly in the season, the Travers family ha come to inner there. $he ha not notice them(it was a busy night, an they were not at one of her tables. $he was setting up a table for a new party when she reali*e that someone was waiting to speak to her.

't was /aury. !e sai , :' was won ering if you woul like to go out with me sometime.;

Grace barely looke up from shooting out the silverware. $he sai , :'s this a are6; ,ecause his voice was high an nervous, an he stoo there stiffly, as if forcing himself. An it was known that sometimes a party of young men from the cottages woul are one another to ask a waitress out. 't wasnt entirely a )oke( they really woul show up, if accepte , though sometimes they only meant to park, without taking you to a movie or even for coffee. $o it was consi ere rather shameful, rather har up, of a girl to agree.

:What6; he sai painfully, an then Grace i stop an look at him. 't seeme to her that she saw the whole of him in that moment, the true /aury. $care , fierce, innocent, etermine .

:O.=.,; she sai 0uickly. $he might have meant, O.=., calm own, ' can see its not a are. Or, O.=., 'll go out with you. $he herself har ly knew which. ,ut he took it as agreement, an at once arrange (without lowering his voice, or noticing the looks that he was getting from the iners aroun them(to pick her up after work the following night.

!e i take her to the movies. They saw :1ather of the ,ri e.; Grace hate it. $he hate girls like %li*abeth Taylors character(spoile rich girls of whom nothing was ever aske but that they whee le an eman . /aury sai that it was )ust a come y, but she tol him that that was not the point. $he coul not 0uite make clear what her point was. Anybo y woul have assume that it was

because she worke as a waitress an was too poor to go to college, an because, if she wante that kin of we ing, she woul have to save up for years to pay for it herself. >/aury i think this, an was stricken with respect for her, almost with reverence.?

$he coul not e.plain or even 0uite un erstan that it wasnt )ealousy she felt7 it was rage. An not because she coul nt shop like that or ress like that but because that was what girls were suppose to be like. That was what men( people, everybo y(thought they shoul be like8 beautiful, treasure , spoile , selfish, pea-braine . That was what a girl ha to be, to be fallen in love with. Then she become a mother an be all mushily evote to her babies. +ot selfish anymore, but )ust as pea-braine . 1orever.

Grace was fuming about this while sitting besi e a boy who ha fallen in love with her because he ha believe (instantly(in the integrity an uni0ueness of her min an soul, ha seen her poverty as a romantic gloss on that. >!e woul have known she was poor not )ust because of her )ob but because of her strong Ottawa Valley accent.?

!e honore her feelings about the movie. 'n ee , now that he ha listene to her angry struggles to e.plain, he struggle to tell her something in turn. !e sai he saw now that it was not anything so simple, so feminine, as )ealousy. !e saw that. 't was that she woul not stan for frivolity, was not content to be like most girls. $he was special.

Grace was wearing a ark-blue ballerina skirt, a white blouse, through whose eyelet frills the upper curve of her breasts was visible, an a wi e rose-colore elastici*e belt. There was a iscrepancy, no oubt, between the way she presente herself an the way she wante to be )u ge . ,ut nothing about her was ainty or pert or polishe , in the style of the time. A bit ragge aroun the e ges, in fact. Giving herself Gypsy airs, with the very cheapest silver-painte bangles, an the long, wil -looking, curly ark hair that she ha to put into a snoo when she waite on tables.

$pecial.

!e tol his mother about her, an his mother sai , :4ou must bring this Grace of yours to inner.;

't was all new to her, all imme iately elightful. 'n fact, she fell in love with /rs. Travers, almost e.actly as /aury ha fallen in love with her, though it was not in her nature, of course, to be as openly umbfoun e , as worshipful, as he was.

Grace ha been brought up by her aunt an uncle, really her great-aunt an great-uncle. !er mother ha ie when she was three years ol , an her father ha move to $askatchewan, where he now ha another family. !er stan -in parents were kin , even prou of her. ,ut they were not given to conversation. The uncle ma e his living caning chairs, an he ha taught Grace how to cane so that she coul help him an eventually take over the business when his eyesight faile . ,ut then she ha got the )ob at ,aileys 1alls for the summer, an though it was har for him(an for her aunt as well(to let her go, they believe that she nee e a taste of life before she settle own.

$he was twenty years ol an ha )ust finishe high school. $he shoul have finishe a year earlier, but she ha ma e an o choice. 'n the very small town where she live (it was not far from /rs. Traverss 5embroke(there was nevertheless a high school that offere five gra es, to prepare stu ents for the government e.ams an what was then calle senior matriculation. 't was never necessary to stu y all the sub)ects offere , an at the en of her first year in gra e thirteen(what shoul have been her final year(Grace took e.aminations in history an botany an *oology an %nglish an &atin an 1rench, receiving unnecessarily high marks. ,ut there she was in $eptember, back again, proposing to stu y physics an chemistry, trigonometry, geometry, an algebra, though these sub)ects were consi ere particularly har for girls. $he i cre itably well in all three branches of mathematics an in the sciences, though her results were not as spectacular as they ha been the year before. $he thought, then, of teaching herself Greek an $panish an 'talian an German, so that she coul try those e.ams the following year(those sub)ects were not taught by any teacher at her school(but the principal took her asi e an tol her that this was getting her nowhere, since she was not going to be able to go to college, an , anyway, no college re0uire such a full plate. Why was she oing it6 <i she have any plans6

+o, Grace sai , she )ust wante to learn everything you coul learn for free. ,efore she starte her career of caning.

't was the principal who knew the manager of the inn at ,aileys 1alls an sai that he woul put in a wor for her if she wante to try for a summer waitressing )ob. !e, too, mentione getting :a taste of life.;

$o even the man in charge of learning in that place i not believe that learning ha to o with life. !e thought that what she ha one was cra*y, as everyone else i .

%.cept /rs. Travers, who ha been sent to business college, instea of a real college, in or er to make herself useful, an who now wishe like anything, she sai , that she ha cramme her min first with what was useless.

,y tra ing shifts with another girl, Grace manage to get $un ays off, from breakfast on. This meant that she always worke late on $atur ays. 'n effect, it meant that she ha tra e time with /aury for time with /aurys family. $he an /aury coul never see a movie now, never have a real ate. 'nstea , he woul pick her up when she got off work, aroun eleven at night, an they woul go for a rive, stop for ice cream or a hamburger(/aury was scrupulous about not taking her into a bar, because she was not yet twenty-one(then en up parking somewhere.

Graces memories of these parking sessions(which might last till one or two in the morning(prove to be much ha*ier than her memories of sitting at the Traverses roun ining table or, after everybo y ha finally got up an move , with coffee or fresh rinks, on the tawny leather sofa or the cushione wicker chairs at the other en of the room. >There was never any fuss about oing the ishes7 a woman /rs. Travers calle :the able /rs. Abel; woul come in the morning.?

/aury always ragge cushions onto the rug an sat there. Gretchen, who never resse for inner in anything but )eans or Army pants, usually sat cross-legge in a wi e chair. ,oth she an /aury were big an broa -shoul ere , with something of their mothers goo looks(her wavy caramel-colore hair, warm ha*el eyes, easily sun-browne skin. %ven, in /aurys case, her imple. >The other waitresses calle /aury :cute; an :hunky,; an respecte Grace somewhat more since she ha got him.? /rs. Travers, however, was barely five feet tall, an un er her bright muumuus seeme not fat but stur ily plump, like a chil who hasnt stretche up yet. An the shine, the intentness, of her eyes, the gaiety that was always rea y to break out in them, ha not been inherite . +or ha the rough re , almost a rash, on her cheeks, which was probably a result of going out in any weather without thinking about her comple.ion, an which, like her figure, like her muumuus, showe her in epen ence.

There were sometimes guests, in a ition to Grace, on these $un ay evenings. A couple, maybe a single person as well, usually close to /r. an /rs. Traverss age, an not unlike them. The women woul be eager an witty, an the men 0uieter, slower, more tolerant. These people tol amusing stories, in which the )oke was often on themselves. >Grace has been an engaging talker for so long now that she sometimes gets sick of herself, an its har for her to remember how novel these inner conversations once seeme to her. On the rare occasions when her aunt an uncle ha ha company, there ha been only praise of an apology for the foo , iscussion of the weather, an a fervent wish for the meal to be finishe as soon as possible.?

After inner at the Travers house, if the evening was cool enough, /r. Travers lit a fire, an they playe what /rs. Travers calle :i iotic wor games,; for which, in fact, people ha to be fairly clever to win. !ere was where somebo y who ha been rather 0uiet at inner might begin to shine. /ock arguments coul be built up in efense of preposterous efinitions. Gretchens husban , Wat, i this, an so, after a bit, i Grace, to /rs. Traverss an /aurys elight >with /aury calling out, to everyones amusement but Graces, :$ee6 ' tol you. $hes smart;?. /rs. Travers herself le the way in this making up of ri iculous wor s, insuring that the play i not become too serious or any player too an.ious.

The only time there was a problem was one evening when /avis, who was marrie to /rs. Traverss son +eil, came to inner. /avis an +eil an their two chil ren were staying nearby, at her parents place own the lake. ,ut that night she came by herself(+eil was a octor, an he was busy in Ottawa that weeken . /rs. Travers was isappointe , but she rallie , calling out in cheerful ismay, :,ut the chil ren arent in Ottawa, surely6;

:3nfortunately not,; /avis sai . :,ut theyre thoroughly awful. They shriek all through inner. The babys got prickly heat, an Go knows whats the matter with /ikey.;

$he was a slim, suntanne woman in a purple ress, with a matching wi e purple ban hol ing back her ark hair. !an some, but with little pouches of bore om or isapproval hi ing the corners of her mouth. $he left most of her inner untouche on her plate, e.plaining that she ha an allergy to curry.

:Oh, /avis. What a shame,; /rs. Travers sai . :'s this new6;

:Oh, no. 've ha it for ages, but ' use to be polite about it. Then ' got sick of throwing up half the night.;

:'f you only tol me . . . What can we get you6;

:<ont worry about it. 'm fine. ' ont have any appetite anyway, what with the heat an the )oys of motherhoo .;

$he lit a cigarette.

Afterwar , in the game, she got into an argument with Wat over a efinition he use , an when the ictionary prove it acceptable she sai , :Oh, 'm sorry. '

guess 'm )ust outclasse by you people.; An when it came time for everybo y to han in their own wor on a slip of paper for the ne.t roun she smile an shook her hea . :' ont have one.;

:Oh, /avis,; /rs. Travers sai .

An /r. Travers sai , :#ome on, /avis. Any ol wor will o.;

:,ut ' ont have any ol wor . 'm sorry. ' )ust feel stupi tonight. The rest of you )ust play aroun me.;

Which they i , everybo y preten ing that nothing was wrong, while she smoke an continue to smile her etermine , unhappy smile. 'n a little while she got up an sai that she coul nt leave her chil ren on their gran parents han s any longer. $he ha a lovely an instructive visit, an now she ha to go home.

:' must give you an O.for ictionary ne.t #hristmas,; she sai to nobo y in particular before she left, with a merry, bitter little laugh. The Traverses ictionary, which Wat ha use , was an American one.

When she was gone, none of them looke at one another. /rs. Travers sai , :Gretchen, o you have the strength to make us all a pot of coffee6; An Gretchen went off to the kitchen, muttering, :What fun. 9esus wept.;

:Well. !er life is trying,; /rs. Travers sai . :With the two little ones.;

On We nes ays, Grace got a break between clearing breakfast an setting up inner, an when /rs. Travers foun out about this she starte riving up to ,aileys 1alls to bring her own to the lake for those free hours. /aury woul be at work then(he was spen ing the summer with the roa gang repairing !ighway "(an Wat woul be in his office in Ottawa an Gretchen woul be off with the chil ren, swimming or rowing on the lake. 3sually /rs. Travers herself woul announce that she ha shopping to o or letters to write, an she woul leave Grace alone in the big, cool, sha e living- ining room, with its permanently ente leather sofa an crow e bookshelves.

:2ea anything that takes your fancy,; /rs. Travers sai . :Or curl up an go to sleep, if thats what you like. 'ts a har )ob(you must be tire . 'll make sure youre back on time.;

Grace never slept. $he rea . $he barely move , an her bare legs below her shorts became sweaty an stuck to the leather. @uite often she saw nothing of /rs. Travers until it was time for her to be riven back to work.

'n the car, /rs. Travers woul not start any sort of conversation until enough time ha passe for Graces thoughts to have shaken loose from whatever book she ha been in. Then she might mention having rea it herself, an say what she ha thought of it(but always in a way that was both thoughtful an lighthearte . 1or instance, she sai , of :Anna =arenina,; :' ont know how many times 've rea it, but ' know that first ' i entifie with =itty, an then it was Anna(oh, it was awful with Anna(an now, you know, the last time, ' foun myself sympathi*ing with <olly. When she goes to the country, you know, with all those chil ren, an she has to figure out how to o the washing, theres the problem about the washtubs(' suppose thats )ust how your sympathies change as you get ol er. 5assion gets pushe behin the washtubs. <ont pay any attention to me, anyway. 4ou ont, o you6;

:' ont know if ' pay much attention to anybo y.; Grace was surprise at herself, won ere if she soun e conceite . :,ut ' like listening to you talk.;

/rs. Travers laughe . :' like listening to myself, too.;

$omehow, by the mi le of the summer /aury ha begun to talk about their being marrie . This woul not happen for 0uite a while, he sai (not until after he was 0ualifie an working as an engineer(but he spoke of it as something that she, as well as he, must be taking for grante . :When we are marrie ,; he say, an , instea of 0uestioning or contra icting him, Grace woul listen curiously.

When they were marrie , they woul have a place on $abot &ake. +ot too close to his parents, not too far away. 't woul be )ust a summer place, of course. The rest of the time they woul live wherever his work might take them. 't coul be anywhere(5eru, 'ra0, the +orthwest Territories. Grace was elighte by the i ea of such travels(rather more than she was by the i ea of what he spoke of, with a severe pri e, as :our own home.; +one of this seeme at all real to her, but then the i ea of helping her uncle, of taking on the life of a chair-caner in the town an in the very house where she ha grown up, ha never seeme real, either.

/aury kept asking her what she ha tol her aunt an uncle about him, when she was going to take him home to meet them. 'n fact, she ha sai nothing in her brief weekly letters, e.cept to mention that she was :going out with a boy who works aroun here for the summer.; $he might have given the impression that he worke at the hotel.

't wasnt as if she ha never thought of getting marrie . That possibility ha been in her min , along with the life of caning chairs. 'n spite of the fact that nobo y ha ever courte her, she ha felt sure that it woul happen some ay, an in e.actly this way(with the man making up his min imme iately. !e woul see her an , having seen her, he woul fall in love. 'n her imagination, he was han some, like /aury. 5assionate, like /aury. 5leasurable physical intimacies followe .

,ut this was the thing that ha not happene . 'n /aurys car, or out on the grass un er the stars, she was willing. An /aury was rea y, but not willing. !e felt that it was his responsibility to protect her. An the ease with which she offere herself threw him off balance. !e sense , perhaps, that it was col (a eliberate offering that he coul not un erstan an that i not fit in at all with his notions of her. $he herself i not reali*e how col she was(she believe that her show of eagerness woul lea to the pleasures she knew about, in solitu e an in her imagination, an she felt that it was up to /aury to take over. Which he woul not o.

These sieges left them both isturbe an slightly angry or ashame , so that they coul not stop kissing, clinging, an using fon wor s to make it up to each other as they sai goo night. 't was a relief to Grace to be alone, to get into be in the hotel ormitory an blot the last couple of hours out of her min . An she thought it must be a relief to /aury, too, to be riving own the highway by himself, rearranging his impressions of his Grace so that he coul stay wholehearte ly in love with her.

/ost of the waitresses left after &abor <ay, to go back to school or college. ,ut the hotel was going to stay open till October, for Thanksgiving, with a re uce staff(Grace among them. There was talk, this year, of opening again in early <ecember for a winter season, or at least a #hristmas season, but nobo y on the kitchen or ining-room staff seeme to know if this woul really happen. Grace wrote to her aunt an uncle as if the #hristmas season were a certainty an they shoul not e.pect her back anytime soon.

Why i she o this6 't was not as if she ha other plans. /aury was in his final year at college. $he ha even promise to take him home at #hristmas to meet her family. An he ha sai that #hristmas woul be a goo time to make their engagement formal. !e was saving up his summer wages to buy her a iamon ring.

$he, too, ha been saving her wages, so that she woul be able to take the bus to =ingston, to visit him uring his school term.

$he spoke of this, promise it, so easily. ,ut i she believe, or even wish, that it woul happen6

:/aury is a sterling character,; /rs. Travers sai . :Well, you can see that for yourself. !e will be a ear, uncomplicate man, like his father. +ot like his brother. +eil is very bright. ' ont mean that /aury isnt(you certainly ont get to be an engineer without a brain or two in your hea (but +eil is . . . !es eep.; $he laughe at herself. :<eep unfathomable caves of ocean bear( What am ' talking about6 1or a long time, +eil an ' i nt have anybo y but each other. $o ' think hes special. ' ont mean he cant be fun. ,ut sometimes people who are the most fun can be melancholy, cant they6 4ou won er about them. ,ut whats the use of worrying about your grown-up chil ren6 With +eil ' worry a lot, with /aury only a tiny little bit. An Gretchen ' ont worry about at all. ,ecause women have always got something, havent they, to keep them going6;

The house on the lake was never close up till Thanksgiving. Gretchen an the chil ren ha to go back to Ottawa, of course, for school. An /aury ha to go to =ingston. /r. Travers coul come out only on weeken s. ,ut /rs. Travers ha tol Grace that she usually staye on, sometimes with guests, sometimes by herself.

Then her plans change . $he went back to Ottawa with /r. Travers in $eptember. This happene une.pecte ly(the $un ay inner that week was cancelle .

/aury e.plaine that his mother got into trouble, now an then, with her nerves. :$he has to have a rest,; he sai . :$he has to go into the hospital for a couple of weeks or so, an they get her stabili*e . $he always comes out fine.;

Grace sai that /rs. Travers was the last person she woul have e.pecte to have such troubles. :What brings it on6;

:' ont think they know,; /aury sai . ,ut after a moment he a e , :Well. 't coul be her husban . ' mean, her first husban . +eils father. What happene with him, et cetera.;

What ha happene was that +eils father ha kille himself.

:!e was unstable, ' guess. ,ut ' ont know if it even is that. 't coul be her age, an female problems an all that sort of thing. ,ut its O.=.(they can get her straightene out easy now, with rugs. Theyve got terrific rugs. <ont worry about it.;

,y Thanksgiving, as /aury ha pre icte , /rs. Travers was out of the hospital an feeling well. Thanksgiving inner woul take place at the lake, as usual. An it was being hel on $un ay, instea of /on ay(that was also customary, to allow for the packing up an closing of the house. An it was fortunate for Grace, because $un ay was still her ay off.

The whole family woul be there, even +eil an /avis an their chil ren, who were staying at /aviss parents place. +o guests(unless you counte Grace.

,y the time /aury brought her own to the lake on $un ay morning, the turkey was alrea y in the oven. The pies were on the kitchen counter(pumpkin, apple, wil blueberry. Gretchen was in charge of the kitchen, as coAr inate a cook as she was an athlete. /rs. Travers sat at the kitchen table, rinking coffee an working on a )igsaw pu**le with Gretchens younger aughter, <ana.

:Ah, Grace,; she sai , )umping up for an embrace(the first time she ha ever one this(an with a clumsy motion of her han scattering the )igsaw pieces.

<ana waile , :Gran -ma,; an her ol er sister, 9aney, who ha been watching critically, scoope up the pieces.

:We can easy put them back together,; she sai . :Gran ma i nt mean to.;

:Where o you keep the cranberry sauce6; Gretchen aske .

:'n the cupboar ,; /rs. Travers sai , still s0uee*ing Graces arms an ignoring the estroye pu**le.

:Where in the cupboar 6;

:Oh. #ranberry sauce,; /rs. Travers sai . :Well, ' make it. 1irst ' put the cranberries in a little water. Then ' keep it on low heat(no, ' think ' soak them first(;

:Well, ' havent got time for all that,; Gretchen sai . :4ou mean you ont have any canne 6;

:' guess not. ' must not have, because ' make it.;

:'ll have to sen somebo y to get some.;

:<ear, its Thanksgiving,; /rs. Travers sai gently. :+owhere will be open.;

:That place own the highway, its always open.; Gretchen raise her voice. :Wheres Wat6;

:!es out in the rowboat,; /avis calle from the back be room. $he ma e it soun like a warning, because she was trying to get her baby to sleep. :!e took /ikey out in the boat.;

/avis ha riven over in her own car, with /ikey an the baby. +eil was coming later(he ha some phone calls to make.

An /r. Travers ha gone golfing.

:'ts )ust that ' nee somebo y to go to the store,; Gretchen sai . $he waite , but no offer came from the be room. $he raise her eyebrows at Grace. :4ou cant rive, can you6;

Grace sai no.

/rs. Travers sat own, with a gracious sigh.

:Well,; Gretchen sai . :/aury can rive. Wheres /aury6;

/aury was in the front be room looking for his swimming trunks, though everybo y ha tol him that the water was too col for swimming. !e sai that the store woul not be open.

:'t will be,; Gretchen sai . :They sell gas. An if it isnt theres that one )ust coming into 5erth(you know, with the ice-cream cones.;

/aury wante Grace to come with him, but the two little girls, 9aney an <ana, were begging her to come see the swing that their gran father ha put up un er the +orway maple at the si e of the house.

As Grace was going own the steps, she felt the strap of one of her san als break. $he took both shoes off an walke without ifficulty on the san y soil, across the flat-presse plantain an the many curle leaves that ha alrea y fallen.

1irst she pushe the chil ren in the swing, then they pushe her. 't was when she )umpe off, barefoot, that one leg crumple an she let out a yelp of pain, not knowing what ha happene .

't was her foot, not her leg. The pain ha shot up from the sole of her left foot, which ha been cut by the sharp e ge of a clamshell.

:<ana brought those shells,; 9aney sai . :$he was going to make a house for her snail.;

:!e got away,; <ana sai .

Gretchen an /rs. Travers an even /avis ha come running out of the house, thinking that the cry ha come from one of the chil ren.

:$hes got a bloo y foot,; <ana sai . :Theres bloo all over the groun .;

9aney sai , :$he cut it on a shell. <ana left those shells here(she was going to buil a house for 'van. 'van her snail.;

A basin was brought out, with water to wash the cut an a towel, an everyone aske how much it hurt.

:+ot too ba ,; Grace sai , limping to the steps, with both girls competing to hol her up an generally getting in her way.

:Oh, thats nasty,; Gretchen sai . :,ut why werent you wearing your shoes6;

:,roke her strap,; <ana an 9aney sai together, as a wine-colore convertible swerve neatly into the parking space by the house.

:+ow, that is what ' call opportune,; /rs. Travers sai . :!eres the very man we nee . The octor.;

This was +eil(the first time that Grace ha ever seen him. !e was tall, thin, impatient.

:4our bag,; /rs. Travers crie gaily. :Weve alrea y got a case for you.;

:+ice piece of )unk youve got there,; Gretchen sai . :+ew6;

+eil sai , :5iece of folly.;

:+ow the babys awake,; /avis sai , with a sigh of unspecific accusation. $he went back into the house.

:<ont tell me you havent got it with you,; /rs. Travers sai . ,ut +eil swung a octors bag out of the back seat, an she sai , :Oh, yes, you have. Thats goo . 4ou never know.;

:4ou the patient6; +eil sai to <ana. :Whats the matter6 $wallow a toa 6;

:'ts her,; <ana sai with ignity. :'ts Grace.;

:' see. $he swallowe the toa .;

:$he cut her foot.;

:On a clamshell,; 9aney sai .

+eil sai , :/ove over,; to his nieces, an sat on the step below Grace. !e carefully lifte the foot an sai , :Give me that cloth or whatever,; then blotte away the bloo to get a look at the cut. +ow that he was so close to her, Grace

notice a smell that she ha learne to i entify over the summer, working at the inn(the smell of li0uor e ge with mint. 5A$$'O+ ,4 A&'#% /3+2O /A2#! BB, BCCD EFC

52'+T /O2% =%4WO2<$ ,O412'%+<$7 &OV%7 <AT%$7 !O3$%$7 OTTOWA VA&&%47 $A,OT &A=%7 #A+A<A When Grace goes looking for the Traverses summer house, in the Ottawa Valley, it has been many years since she was in that part of the country. An , of course, things have change . !ighway " now avoi s towns that it use to go right through, an it goes straight in places where, as she remembers, there use to be curves. This part of the #ana ian $hiel has many small lakes, which most maps have no room to i entify. %ven when she locates $abot &ake, or thinks she has, there seem to be too many roa s lea ing into it from the county roa , an then, when she chooses one, too many pave roa s crossing it, all with names that she oes not recall. 'n fact, there were no street names when she was here, more than forty years ago. There was no pavement, either()ust one irt roa running towar the lake, then another running rather hapha*ar ly along the lakes e ge.

+ow there is a village. Or perhaps its a suburb, because she oes not see a post office or even the most unpromising convenience store. The settlement lies four or five streets eep along the lake, with houses strung close together on small lots. $ome of them are un oubte ly summer places(the win ows alrea y boar e up, as they always were for the winter. ,ut many others show all the signs of year-roun habitation(habitation, in many cases, by people who have fille the yar s with plastic gym sets an out oor grills an training bikes an motorcycles an picnic tables, where some of them sit now having lunch or beer on this warm $eptember ay. There are other people, not so visible(stu ents, maybe, or ol hippies living alone(who have put up flags or sheets of tinfoil for curtains. $mall, mostly ecent, cheap houses, some fi.e to withstan the winter an some not.

Grace woul have turne back if she ha nt caught sight of the octagonal house with the fretwork along the roof an oors in every other wall. The Woo s house. $he has always remembere it as having eight oors, but it seems there are only four. $he was never insi e, to see how, or if, the space is ivi e into rooms. /r. an /rs. Woo s were ol (as Grace is now(an i not seem to be visite by any chil ren or frien s. Their 0uaint, original house now has a forlorn, mistaken

look. +eighbors with their ghetto blasters an their half- ismembere vehicles, their toys an washing, are pushe up against either si e of it.

't is the same with the Travers house, when she fin s it, a 0uarter of a mile farther on. The roa goes past it now, instea of en ing there, an the houses ne.t oor are only a few feet away from its eep, wraparoun veran a.

't was the first house of its kin that Grace ha ever seen(one story high, the roof continuing without a break out over that veran a, on all si es(a style that makes you think of hot summers. $he has since seen many like it, in Australia.

12O/ T!% '$$3%,34 A$ A 52'+T%-/A'& T!'$ 't use to be possible to run from the veran a across the usty en of the riveway, through a san y, trample patch of wee s an wil strawberries, an then )ump(no, actually, wa e(into the lake. +ow Grace can har ly even see the lake, because a substantial house(one of the few regular suburban houses here, with a two-car garage(has been built across that very route.

What was Grace really looking for when she un ertook this e.pe ition6 5erhaps the worst thing woul have been to fin e.actly what she thought she was after( the sheltering roof, the screene win ows, the lake in front, the stan of maple an ce ar an balm-of-Gilea trees behin . 5erfect preservation, the past intact, when nothing of the kin coul be sai of herself. To fin something so iminishe , still e.isting but ma e irrelevant(as the Travers house now seems to be, with its a e ormer win ows, its startling blue paint(might be less hurtful in the long run.

An what if it ha been gone altogether6 $he might have ma e a fuss, if anybo y ha come along to listen to her7 she might have bewaile the loss. ,ut mightnt a feeling of relief have passe over her, too, of ol confusions an obligations wipe away6

/r. Travers ha built the house(that is, he ha it built(as a surprise we ing present for /rs. Travers. When Grace first saw it, it was perhaps thirty years ol . /rs. Traverss chil ren were wi ely space 8 Gretchen, twenty-eight or twentynine, alrea y marrie an a mother herself7 /aury, twenty-one, going into his last year of college7 an then there was +eil, in his mi -thirties. ,ut +eil was not a Travers. !e was +eil ,orrow. /rs. Travers ha been marrie before, to a man who ha ie . 1or a few years, she ha earne her living, an supporte her chil , as a teacher of business %nglish at a secretarial school. /r. Travers, when he referre to this perio in her life before he met her, spoke of it as a time of

har ship almost like penal servitu e, something that woul barely be ma e up for by a whole lifetime of comfort, which he woul happily provi e.

/rs. Travers herself i nt speak of it that way at all. $he ha live with +eil in a big ol house broken up into apartments, not far from the railway tracks in the town of 5embroke, an many of the stories she tol at the inner table were about events there, about her fellow-tenants, an the 1rench-#ana ian lan lor , whose harsh 1rench an tangle %nglish she imitate . The stories coul have ha titles, like the stories by 9ames Thurber that Grace ha rea in :The Anthology of American !umor,; foun unaccountably on the library shelf at the back of her gra e-ten classroom. The +ight Ol /rs. #romarty Got Out on the 2oof. !ow the 5ostman #ourte /iss 1lowers. The <og Who Ate $ar ines.

/r. Travers never tol stories an ha little to say at inner, but if he came upon you looking, for instance, at the fiel stone fireplace he might say, :Are you intereste in rocks6; an tell you how he ha searche an searche for that particular pink granite, because /rs. Travers ha once e.claime over a rock like that, glimpse in a roa cut. Or he might show you the not really unusual features that he personally ha a e to the house(the corner cupboar shelves swinging outwar in the kitchen, the storage space un er the win ow seats. !e was a tall, stoope man with a soft voice an thin hair slicke over his scalp. !e wore bathing shoes when he went into the water an , though he i not look fat in his clothes, a pancake fol of white flesh sloppe over the top of his bathing trunks.

Grace was working that summer at the hotel at ,aileys 1alls, )ust north of $abot &ake. %arly in the season, the Travers family ha come to inner there. $he ha not notice them(it was a busy night, an they were not at one of her tables. $he was setting up a table for a new party when she reali*e that someone was waiting to speak to her.

't was /aury. !e sai , :' was won ering if you woul like to go out with me sometime.;

Grace barely looke up from shooting out the silverware. $he sai , :'s this a are6; ,ecause his voice was high an nervous, an he stoo there stiffly, as if forcing himself. An it was known that sometimes a party of young men from the cottages woul are one another to ask a waitress out. 't wasnt entirely a )oke( they really woul show up, if accepte , though sometimes they only meant to park, without taking you to a movie or even for coffee. $o it was consi ere rather shameful, rather har up, of a girl to agree.

:What6; he sai painfully, an then Grace i stop an look at him. 't seeme to her that she saw the whole of him in that moment, the true /aury. $care , fierce, innocent, etermine .

:O.=.,; she sai 0uickly. $he might have meant, O.=., calm own, ' can see its not a are. Or, O.=., 'll go out with you. $he herself har ly knew which. ,ut he took it as agreement, an at once arrange (without lowering his voice, or noticing the looks that he was getting from the iners aroun them(to pick her up after work the following night.

!e i take her to the movies. They saw :1ather of the ,ri e.; Grace hate it. $he hate girls like %li*abeth Taylors character(spoile rich girls of whom nothing was ever aske but that they whee le an eman . /aury sai that it was )ust a come y, but she tol him that that was not the point. $he coul not 0uite make clear what her point was. Anybo y woul have assume that it was because she worke as a waitress an was too poor to go to college, an because, if she wante that kin of we ing, she woul have to save up for years to pay for it herself. >/aury i think this, an was stricken with respect for her, almost with reverence.?

$he coul not e.plain or even 0uite un erstan that it wasnt )ealousy she felt7 it was rage. An not because she coul nt shop like that or ress like that but because that was what girls were suppose to be like. That was what men( people, everybo y(thought they shoul be like8 beautiful, treasure , spoile , selfish, pea-braine . That was what a girl ha to be, to be fallen in love with. Then she become a mother an be all mushily evote to her babies. +ot selfish anymore, but )ust as pea-braine . 1orever.

Grace was fuming about this while sitting besi e a boy who ha fallen in love with her because he ha believe (instantly(in the integrity an uni0ueness of her min an soul, ha seen her poverty as a romantic gloss on that. >!e woul have known she was poor not )ust because of her )ob but because of her strong Ottawa Valley accent.?

!e honore her feelings about the movie. 'n ee , now that he ha listene to her angry struggles to e.plain, he struggle to tell her something in turn. !e sai he saw now that it was not anything so simple, so feminine, as )ealousy. !e saw that. 't was that she woul not stan for frivolity, was not content to be like most girls. $he was special.

Grace was wearing a ark-blue ballerina skirt, a white blouse, through whose eyelet frills the upper curve of her breasts was visible, an a wi e rose-colore elastici*e belt. There was a iscrepancy, no oubt, between the way she presente herself an the way she wante to be )u ge . ,ut nothing about her

was ainty or pert or polishe , in the style of the time. A bit ragge aroun the e ges, in fact. Giving herself Gypsy airs, with the very cheapest silver-painte bangles, an the long, wil -looking, curly ark hair that she ha to put into a snoo when she waite on tables.

$pecial.

!e tol his mother about her, an his mother sai , :4ou must bring this Grace of yours to inner.;

't was all new to her, all imme iately elightful. 'n fact, she fell in love with /rs. Travers, almost e.actly as /aury ha fallen in love with her, though it was not in her nature, of course, to be as openly umbfoun e , as worshipful, as he was.

Grace ha been brought up by her aunt an uncle, really her great-aunt an great-uncle. !er mother ha ie when she was three years ol , an her father ha move to $askatchewan, where he now ha another family. !er stan -in parents were kin , even prou of her. ,ut they were not given to conversation. The uncle ma e his living caning chairs, an he ha taught Grace how to cane so that she coul help him an eventually take over the business when his eyesight faile . ,ut then she ha got the )ob at ,aileys 1alls for the summer, an though it was har for him(an for her aunt as well(to let her go, they believe that she nee e a taste of life before she settle own.

$he was twenty years ol an ha )ust finishe high school. $he shoul have finishe a year earlier, but she ha ma e an o choice. 'n the very small town where she live (it was not far from /rs. Traverss 5embroke(there was nevertheless a high school that offere five gra es, to prepare stu ents for the government e.ams an what was then calle senior matriculation. 't was never necessary to stu y all the sub)ects offere , an at the en of her first year in gra e thirteen(what shoul have been her final year(Grace took e.aminations in history an botany an *oology an %nglish an &atin an 1rench, receiving unnecessarily high marks. ,ut there she was in $eptember, back again, proposing to stu y physics an chemistry, trigonometry, geometry, an algebra, though these sub)ects were consi ere particularly har for girls. $he i cre itably well in all three branches of mathematics an in the sciences, though her results were not as spectacular as they ha been the year before. $he thought, then, of teaching herself Greek an $panish an 'talian an German, so that she coul try those e.ams the following year(those sub)ects were not taught by any teacher at her school(but the principal took her asi e an tol her that this was getting her nowhere, since she was not going to be able to go to college, an , anyway, no college re0uire such a full plate. Why was she oing it6 <i she have any plans6

+o, Grace sai , she )ust wante to learn everything you coul learn for free. ,efore she starte her career of caning.

't was the principal who knew the manager of the inn at ,aileys 1alls an sai that he woul put in a wor for her if she wante to try for a summer waitressing )ob. !e, too, mentione getting :a taste of life.;

$o even the man in charge of learning in that place i not believe that learning ha to o with life. !e thought that what she ha one was cra*y, as everyone else i .

%.cept /rs. Travers, who ha been sent to business college, instea of a real college, in or er to make herself useful, an who now wishe like anything, she sai , that she ha cramme her min first with what was useless.

,y tra ing shifts with another girl, Grace manage to get $un ays off, from breakfast on. This meant that she always worke late on $atur ays. 'n effect, it meant that she ha tra e time with /aury for time with /aurys family. $he an /aury coul never see a movie now, never have a real ate. 'nstea , he woul pick her up when she got off work, aroun eleven at night, an they woul go for a rive, stop for ice cream or a hamburger(/aury was scrupulous about not taking her into a bar, because she was not yet twenty-one(then en up parking somewhere.

Graces memories of these parking sessions(which might last till one or two in the morning(prove to be much ha*ier than her memories of sitting at the Traverses roun ining table or, after everybo y ha finally got up an move , with coffee or fresh rinks, on the tawny leather sofa or the cushione wicker chairs at the other en of the room. >There was never any fuss about oing the ishes7 a woman /rs. Travers calle :the able /rs. Abel; woul come in the morning.?

/aury always ragge cushions onto the rug an sat there. Gretchen, who never resse for inner in anything but )eans or Army pants, usually sat cross-legge in a wi e chair. ,oth she an /aury were big an broa -shoul ere , with something of their mothers goo looks(her wavy caramel-colore hair, warm ha*el eyes, easily sun-browne skin. %ven, in /aurys case, her imple. >The other waitresses calle /aury :cute; an :hunky,; an respecte Grace somewhat more since she ha got him.? /rs. Travers, however, was barely five feet tall, an un er her bright muumuus seeme not fat but stur ily plump, like a chil who hasnt stretche up yet. An the shine, the intentness, of her eyes, the gaiety that was always rea y to break out in them, ha not been inherite . +or ha the rough re , almost a rash, on her cheeks, which was probably a result of

going out in any weather without thinking about her comple.ion, an which, like her figure, like her muumuus, showe her in epen ence.

There were sometimes guests, in a ition to Grace, on these $un ay evenings. A couple, maybe a single person as well, usually close to /r. an /rs. Traverss age, an not unlike them. The women woul be eager an witty, an the men 0uieter, slower, more tolerant. These people tol amusing stories, in which the )oke was often on themselves. >Grace has been an engaging talker for so long now that she sometimes gets sick of herself, an its har for her to remember how novel these inner conversations once seeme to her. On the rare occasions when her aunt an uncle ha ha company, there ha been only praise of an apology for the foo , iscussion of the weather, an a fervent wish for the meal to be finishe as soon as possible.?

After inner at the Travers house, if the evening was cool enough, /r. Travers lit a fire, an they playe what /rs. Travers calle :i iotic wor games,; for which, in fact, people ha to be fairly clever to win. !ere was where somebo y who ha been rather 0uiet at inner might begin to shine. /ock arguments coul be built up in efense of preposterous efinitions. Gretchens husban , Wat, i this, an so, after a bit, i Grace, to /rs. Traverss an /aurys elight >with /aury calling out, to everyones amusement but Graces, :$ee6 ' tol you. $hes smart;?. /rs. Travers herself le the way in this making up of ri iculous wor s, insuring that the play i not become too serious or any player too an.ious.

The only time there was a problem was one evening when /avis, who was marrie to /rs. Traverss son +eil, came to inner. /avis an +eil an their two chil ren were staying nearby, at her parents place own the lake. ,ut that night she came by herself(+eil was a octor, an he was busy in Ottawa that weeken . /rs. Travers was isappointe , but she rallie , calling out in cheerful ismay, :,ut the chil ren arent in Ottawa, surely6;

:3nfortunately not,; /avis sai . :,ut theyre thoroughly awful. They shriek all through inner. The babys got prickly heat, an Go knows whats the matter with /ikey.;

$he was a slim, suntanne woman in a purple ress, with a matching wi e purple ban hol ing back her ark hair. !an some, but with little pouches of bore om or isapproval hi ing the corners of her mouth. $he left most of her inner untouche on her plate, e.plaining that she ha an allergy to curry.

:Oh, /avis. What a shame,; /rs. Travers sai . :'s this new6;

:Oh, no. 've ha it for ages, but ' use to be polite about it. Then ' got sick of throwing up half the night.;

:'f you only tol me . . . What can we get you6;

:<ont worry about it. 'm fine. ' ont have any appetite anyway, what with the heat an the )oys of motherhoo .;

$he lit a cigarette.

Afterwar , in the game, she got into an argument with Wat over a efinition he use , an when the ictionary prove it acceptable she sai , :Oh, 'm sorry. ' guess 'm )ust outclasse by you people.; An when it came time for everybo y to han in their own wor on a slip of paper for the ne.t roun she smile an shook her hea . :' ont have one.;

:Oh, /avis,; /rs. Travers sai .

An /r. Travers sai , :#ome on, /avis. Any ol wor will o.;

:,ut ' ont have any ol wor . 'm sorry. ' )ust feel stupi tonight. The rest of you )ust play aroun me.;

Which they i , everybo y preten ing that nothing was wrong, while she smoke an continue to smile her etermine , unhappy smile. 'n a little while she got up an sai that she coul nt leave her chil ren on their gran parents han s any longer. $he ha a lovely an instructive visit, an now she ha to go home.

:' must give you an O.for ictionary ne.t #hristmas,; she sai to nobo y in particular before she left, with a merry, bitter little laugh. The Traverses ictionary, which Wat ha use , was an American one.

When she was gone, none of them looke at one another. /rs. Travers sai , :Gretchen, o you have the strength to make us all a pot of coffee6; An Gretchen went off to the kitchen, muttering, :What fun. 9esus wept.;

:Well. !er life is trying,; /rs. Travers sai . :With the two little ones.;

On We nes ays, Grace got a break between clearing breakfast an setting up inner, an when /rs. Travers foun out about this she starte riving up to ,aileys 1alls to bring her own to the lake for those free hours. /aury woul be at work then(he was spen ing the summer with the roa gang repairing !ighway "(an Wat woul be in his office in Ottawa an Gretchen woul be off with the chil ren, swimming or rowing on the lake. 3sually /rs. Travers herself woul announce that she ha shopping to o or letters to write, an she woul leave Grace alone in the big, cool, sha e living- ining room, with its permanently ente leather sofa an crow e bookshelves.

:2ea anything that takes your fancy,; /rs. Travers sai . :Or curl up an go to sleep, if thats what you like. 'ts a har )ob(you must be tire . 'll make sure youre back on time.;

Grace never slept. $he rea . $he barely move , an her bare legs below her shorts became sweaty an stuck to the leather. @uite often she saw nothing of /rs. Travers until it was time for her to be riven back to work.

'n the car, /rs. Travers woul not start any sort of conversation until enough time ha passe for Graces thoughts to have shaken loose from whatever book she ha been in. Then she might mention having rea it herself, an say what she ha thought of it(but always in a way that was both thoughtful an lighthearte . 1or instance, she sai , of :Anna =arenina,; :' ont know how many times 've rea it, but ' know that first ' i entifie with =itty, an then it was Anna(oh, it was awful with Anna(an now, you know, the last time, ' foun myself sympathi*ing with <olly. When she goes to the country, you know, with all those chil ren, an she has to figure out how to o the washing, theres the problem about the washtubs(' suppose thats )ust how your sympathies change as you get ol er. 5assion gets pushe behin the washtubs. <ont pay any attention to me, anyway. 4ou ont, o you6;

:' ont know if ' pay much attention to anybo y.; Grace was surprise at herself, won ere if she soun e conceite . :,ut ' like listening to you talk.;

/rs. Travers laughe . :' like listening to myself, too.;

$omehow, by the mi le of the summer /aury ha begun to talk about their being marrie . This woul not happen for 0uite a while, he sai (not until after he was 0ualifie an working as an engineer(but he spoke of it as something that she, as well as he, must be taking for grante . :When we are marrie ,; he say, an , instea of 0uestioning or contra icting him, Grace woul listen curiously.

When they were marrie , they woul have a place on $abot &ake. +ot too close to his parents, not too far away. 't woul be )ust a summer place, of course. The rest of the time they woul live wherever his work might take them. 't coul be anywhere(5eru, 'ra0, the +orthwest Territories. Grace was elighte by the i ea of such travels(rather more than she was by the i ea of what he spoke of, with a severe pri e, as :our own home.; +one of this seeme at all real to her, but then the i ea of helping her uncle, of taking on the life of a chair-caner in the town an in the very house where she ha grown up, ha never seeme real, either.

/aury kept asking her what she ha tol her aunt an uncle about him, when she was going to take him home to meet them. 'n fact, she ha sai nothing in her brief weekly letters, e.cept to mention that she was :going out with a boy who works aroun here for the summer.; $he might have given the impression that he worke at the hotel.

't wasnt as if she ha never thought of getting marrie . That possibility ha been in her min , along with the life of caning chairs. 'n spite of the fact that nobo y ha ever courte her, she ha felt sure that it woul happen some ay, an in e.actly this way(with the man making up his min imme iately. !e woul see her an , having seen her, he woul fall in love. 'n her imagination, he was han some, like /aury. 5assionate, like /aury. 5leasurable physical intimacies followe .

,ut this was the thing that ha not happene . 'n /aurys car, or out on the grass un er the stars, she was willing. An /aury was rea y, but not willing. !e felt that it was his responsibility to protect her. An the ease with which she offere herself threw him off balance. !e sense , perhaps, that it was col (a eliberate offering that he coul not un erstan an that i not fit in at all with his notions of her. $he herself i not reali*e how col she was(she believe that her show of eagerness woul lea to the pleasures she knew about, in solitu e an in her imagination, an she felt that it was up to /aury to take over. Which he woul not o.

These sieges left them both isturbe an slightly angry or ashame , so that they coul not stop kissing, clinging, an using fon wor s to make it up to each other as they sai goo night. 't was a relief to Grace to be alone, to get into be in the hotel ormitory an blot the last couple of hours out of her min . An she thought it must be a relief to /aury, too, to be riving own the highway by himself, rearranging his impressions of his Grace so that he coul stay wholehearte ly in love with her.

/ost of the waitresses left after &abor <ay, to go back to school or college. ,ut the hotel was going to stay open till October, for Thanksgiving, with a re uce staff(Grace among them. There was talk, this year, of opening again in early <ecember for a winter season, or at least a #hristmas season, but nobo y on the

kitchen or ining-room staff seeme to know if this woul really happen. Grace wrote to her aunt an uncle as if the #hristmas season were a certainty an they shoul not e.pect her back anytime soon.

Why i she o this6 't was not as if she ha other plans. /aury was in his final year at college. $he ha even promise to take him home at #hristmas to meet her family. An he ha sai that #hristmas woul be a goo time to make their engagement formal. !e was saving up his summer wages to buy her a iamon ring.

$he, too, ha been saving her wages, so that she woul be able to take the bus to =ingston, to visit him uring his school term.

$he spoke of this, promise it, so easily. ,ut i she believe, or even wish, that it woul happen6

:/aury is a sterling character,; /rs. Travers sai . :Well, you can see that for yourself. !e will be a ear, uncomplicate man, like his father. +ot like his brother. +eil is very bright. ' ont mean that /aury isnt(you certainly ont get to be an engineer without a brain or two in your hea (but +eil is . . . !es eep.; $he laughe at herself. :<eep unfathomable caves of ocean bear( What am ' talking about6 1or a long time, +eil an ' i nt have anybo y but each other. $o ' think hes special. ' ont mean he cant be fun. ,ut sometimes people who are the most fun can be melancholy, cant they6 4ou won er about them. ,ut whats the use of worrying about your grown-up chil ren6 With +eil ' worry a lot, with /aury only a tiny little bit. An Gretchen ' ont worry about at all. ,ecause women have always got something, havent they, to keep them going6;

The house on the lake was never close up till Thanksgiving. Gretchen an the chil ren ha to go back to Ottawa, of course, for school. An /aury ha to go to =ingston. /r. Travers coul come out only on weeken s. ,ut /rs. Travers ha tol Grace that she usually staye on, sometimes with guests, sometimes by herself.

Then her plans change . $he went back to Ottawa with /r. Travers in $eptember. This happene une.pecte ly(the $un ay inner that week was cancelle .

/aury e.plaine that his mother got into trouble, now an then, with her nerves. :$he has to have a rest,; he sai . :$he has to go into the hospital for a couple of weeks or so, an they get her stabili*e . $he always comes out fine.;

Grace sai that /rs. Travers was the last person she woul have e.pecte to have such troubles. :What brings it on6;

:' ont think they know,; /aury sai . ,ut after a moment he a e , :Well. 't coul be her husban . ' mean, her first husban . +eils father. What happene with him, et cetera.;

What ha happene was that +eils father ha kille himself.

:!e was unstable, ' guess. ,ut ' ont know if it even is that. 't coul be her age, an female problems an all that sort of thing. ,ut its O.=.(they can get her straightene out easy now, with rugs. Theyve got terrific rugs. <ont worry about it.;

,y Thanksgiving, as /aury ha pre icte , /rs. Travers was out of the hospital an feeling well. Thanksgiving inner woul take place at the lake, as usual. An it was being hel on $un ay, instea of /on ay(that was also customary, to allow for the packing up an closing of the house. An it was fortunate for Grace, because $un ay was still her ay off.

The whole family woul be there, even +eil an /avis an their chil ren, who were staying at /aviss parents place. +o guests(unless you counte Grace.

,y the time /aury brought her own to the lake on $un ay morning, the turkey was alrea y in the oven. The pies were on the kitchen counter(pumpkin, apple, wil blueberry. Gretchen was in charge of the kitchen, as coAr inate a cook as she was an athlete. /rs. Travers sat at the kitchen table, rinking coffee an working on a )igsaw pu**le with Gretchens younger aughter, <ana.

:Ah, Grace,; she sai , )umping up for an embrace(the first time she ha ever one this(an with a clumsy motion of her han scattering the )igsaw pieces.

<ana waile , :Gran -ma,; an her ol er sister, 9aney, who ha been watching critically, scoope up the pieces.

:We can easy put them back together,; she sai . :Gran ma i nt mean to.;

:Where o you keep the cranberry sauce6; Gretchen aske .

:'n the cupboar ,; /rs. Travers sai , still s0uee*ing Graces arms an ignoring the estroye pu**le.

:Where in the cupboar 6;

:Oh. #ranberry sauce,; /rs. Travers sai . :Well, ' make it. 1irst ' put the cranberries in a little water. Then ' keep it on low heat(no, ' think ' soak them first(;

:Well, ' havent got time for all that,; Gretchen sai . :4ou mean you ont have any canne 6;

:' guess not. ' must not have, because ' make it.;

:'ll have to sen somebo y to get some.;

:<ear, its Thanksgiving,; /rs. Travers sai gently. :+owhere will be open.;

:That place own the highway, its always open.; Gretchen raise her voice. :Wheres Wat6;

:!es out in the rowboat,; /avis calle from the back be room. $he ma e it soun like a warning, because she was trying to get her baby to sleep. :!e took /ikey out in the boat.;

/avis ha riven over in her own car, with /ikey an the baby. +eil was coming later(he ha some phone calls to make.

An /r. Travers ha gone golfing.

:'ts )ust that ' nee somebo y to go to the store,; Gretchen sai . $he waite , but no offer came from the be room. $he raise her eyebrows at Grace. :4ou cant rive, can you6;

Grace sai no.

/rs. Travers sat own, with a gracious sigh.

:Well,; Gretchen sai . :/aury can rive. Wheres /aury6;

/aury was in the front be room looking for his swimming trunks, though everybo y ha tol him that the water was too col for swimming. !e sai that the store woul not be open.

:'t will be,; Gretchen sai . :They sell gas. An if it isnt theres that one )ust coming into 5erth(you know, with the ice-cream cones.;

/aury wante Grace to come with him, but the two little girls, 9aney an <ana, were begging her to come see the swing that their gran father ha put up un er the +orway maple at the si e of the house.

As Grace was going own the steps, she felt the strap of one of her san als break. $he took both shoes off an walke without ifficulty on the san y soil, across the flat-presse plantain an the many curle leaves that ha alrea y fallen.

1irst she pushe the chil ren in the swing, then they pushe her. 't was when she )umpe off, barefoot, that one leg crumple an she let out a yelp of pain, not knowing what ha happene .

't was her foot, not her leg. The pain ha shot up from the sole of her left foot, which ha been cut by the sharp e ge of a clamshell.

:<ana brought those shells,; 9aney sai . :$he was going to make a house for her snail.;

:!e got away,; <ana sai .

Gretchen an /rs. Travers an even /avis ha come running out of the house, thinking that the cry ha come from one of the chil ren.

:$hes got a bloo y foot,; <ana sai . :Theres bloo all over the groun .;

9aney sai , :$he cut it on a shell. <ana left those shells here(she was going to buil a house for 'van. 'van her snail.;

A basin was brought out, with water to wash the cut an a towel, an everyone aske how much it hurt.

:+ot too ba ,; Grace sai , limping to the steps, with both girls competing to hol her up an generally getting in her way.

:Oh, thats nasty,; Gretchen sai . :,ut why werent you wearing your shoes6;

:,roke her strap,; <ana an 9aney sai together, as a wine-colore convertible swerve neatly into the parking space by the house.

:+ow, that is what ' call opportune,; /rs. Travers sai . :!eres the very man we nee . The octor.;

This was +eil(the first time that Grace ha ever seen him. !e was tall, thin, impatient.

:4our bag,; /rs. Travers crie gaily. :Weve alrea y got a case for you.;

:+ice piece of )unk youve got there,; Gretchen sai . :+ew6;

+eil sai , :5iece of folly.;

:+ow the babys awake,; /avis sai , with a sigh of unspecific accusation. $he went back into the house.

:<ont tell me you havent got it with you,; /rs. Travers sai . ,ut +eil swung a octors bag out of the back seat, an she sai , :Oh, yes, you have. Thats goo . 4ou never know.;

:4ou the patient6; +eil sai to <ana. :Whats the matter6 $wallow a toa 6;

:'ts her,; <ana sai with ignity. :'ts Grace.;

:' see. $he swallowe the toa .;

:$he cut her foot.; :On a clamshell,; 9aney sai . +eil sai , :/ove over,; to his nieces, an sat on the step below Grace. !e carefully lifte the foot an sai , :Give me that cloth or whatever,; then blotte away the bloo to get a look at the cut. +ow that he was so close to her, Grace notice a smell that she ha learne to i entify over the summer, working at the inn(the smell of li0uor e ge with mint. :!urts6; he aske . Grace sai , :$ome.;

!e looke briefly, though searchingly, into her face. 5erhaps won ering if she ha caught the smell an what she ha thought about it.

:' bet. $ee that flap6 We have to get un er there an make sure its clean, then 'll put a stitch or two in it. 've got some stuff ' can rub on it, so that wont hurt as much as you might think.; !e looke up at Gretchen. :!ey. &ets get the au ience out of the way here.;

!e ha not spoken a wor , as yet, to his mother, who now sai again what a goo thing it was that he ha come along )ust when he i .

:,oy $cout,; he sai . :Always prepare .;

!is han s i nt feel runk, an his eyes i nt look it. +or i he look like the )olly uncle he ha impersonate when he talke to the chil ren, or the purveyor of reassuring patter he ha chosen to be with Grace. !e ha a high pale forehea , a crest of tight curly gray-black hair, bright gray but slightly sunken eyes, high cheekbones, an rather hollowe cheeks. 'f his face rela.e , he woul look sombre an hungry.

When the cut ha been ealt with, +eil sai that he thought it woul be a goo i ea to run Grace into town, to the hospital. :1or an anti-tetanus shot.;

:'t oesnt feel too ba ,; Grace sai .

+eil sai , :Thats not the point.;

:' agree,; /rs. Travers sai . :Tetanus(thats terrible.;

:We shoul nt be long,; he sai . :!ere. Grace6 Grace, 'll get you to the car.; !e hel her un er one arm. $he ha strappe on the goo san al, an manage to get her toes into the other, so that she coul rag it along. The ban age was very neat an tight.

:'ll )ust run in,; he sai , when she was sitting in the car. :/ake my apologies.;

/rs. Travers came own from the veran a an put her han on the car oor.

:This is goo ,; she sai . :This is very goo . Grace, you are a go sen . 4oull try to keep him away from rinking to ay, wont you6 4oull know how to o it.;

Grace hear these wor s, but i nt give them much thought. $he was too ismaye by the change in /rs. Travers, by what looke like an increase in bulk, a stiffness in her movements, a ran om an rather frantic air of benevolence. An a faint crust showing at the corners of her mouth, like sugar.

The hospital was three miles away. There was a highway overpass above the railway tracks, an they took this at such spee that Grace ha the impression, at its crest, that the car ha lifte off the pavement an they were flying. There was har ly any traffic, so she wasnt frightene , an anyway there was nothing she coul o.

+eil knew the nurse who was on uty in %mergency, an after he ha fille out a form an let her take a passing look at Graces foot >:+ice )ob,; she sai without interest? he was able to go ahea an give the tetanus shot himself. >:'t wont hurt now, but it coul later.;? 9ust as he finishe , the nurse came back into the cubicle an sai , :Theres a guy in the waiting room who wants to take her home.;

$he sai to Grace, :!e says hes your fiancG.;

:Tell him shes not rea y yet,; +eil sai . :+o. Tell him weve alrea y gone.;

:' sai you were in here.;

:,ut when you came back,; +eil sai , :we were gone.;

:!e sai he was your brother. Wont he see your car in the lot6;

:,ut ' parke out back in the octors lot.;

:5ret-ty trick-y,; the nurse sai , over her shoul er.

An +eil sai to Grace, :4ou i nt want to go home yet, i you6;

:+o,; Grace sai , as if she seen the wor written in front of her, on the wall. As if she were having her eyes teste .

Once more she was helpe to the car, san al flopping from the toe strap, an settle on the creamy upholstery. They took a back street out of the lot, an unfamiliar way out of town.

$he knew that they woul nt see /aury. $he i not think of him. $till less of /avis.

<escribing this passage, this change in her life, later on, Grace might say(she i say(that it was as if a gate ha clange shut behin her. ,ut at the time there was no clang(ac0uiescence simply ripple through her, an the rights of those left behin were smoothly cancelle out.

!er memory of this ay remaine clear an etaile for a long time, though there was a variation in the parts of it she welle on.

An even in some of those etails she must have been wrong.

1irst they rove west, on !ighway ". 'n Graces recollection, there was not another car on the highway, an their spee approache the flight on the highway overpass. This cannot have been true(there must have been people on the roa , people on their way home from church that $un ay morning, or on their way to spen Thanksgiving with their families. +eil must have slowe own when

riving through villages, an aroun the many curves on the ol highway. $he was not use to riving in a convertible with the top own, win in her eyes, taking charge of her hair. 't gave her the illusion of constant perfect spee (not frantic but miraculous, serene.

An though /aury an /avis an the rest of the family ha been wipe from her min , some scrap of /rs. Travers i remain, hovering, elivering in a whisper an with a strange, shame giggle, her last message.

4oull know how to o it.

Grace an +eil i not talk, of course. As she remembers it, you woul have ha to scream to be hear . An what she remembers is, to tell the truth, har ly istinguishable from her i ea, her fantasies at that time, of what se. shoul be like. The fortuitous meeting, the mute but powerful signals, the nearly silent flight in which she herself figure more or less as a captive. An airy surren er, her flesh nothing now but a stream of esire.

They stoppe , finally, in =ala ar, an went into the hotel(the ol hotel that is still there. Taking her han , knea ing his fingers between hers, slowing his pace to match her uneven steps, +eil le her into the bar. $he recogni*e it as a bar, though she ha never been in one before. >,aileys 1alls 'nn i not yet have a license, so rinking was one in peoples rooms, or in a rather ramshackle night club across the roa .? This bar was )ust as she woul have e.pecte (a big, ark, airless room, with the chairs an tables rearrange in a careless way after a hasty cleanup, the smell of &ysol not erasing the smell of beer, whiskey, cigars, pipes, men.

A man came in from another room an spoke to +eil. !e sai , :!ello there, <oc,; an went behin the bar.

't occurre to Grace that it woul be like this everywhere they went(people woul know +eil.

:4ou know its $un ay,; the man sai in a stern, almost shouting voice, as if he wante to be hear out in the parking lot. :' cant sell you anything in here on a $un ay. An ' cant sell anything to her, ever. $he shoul nt even be in here. 4ou un erstan that6;

:Oh, yes, sir. 4es, in ee , sir,; +eil sai . :' heartily agree, sir.;

While both men were talking, the man behin the bar ha taken a bottle of whiskey from a hi en shelf an poure some into a glass an shove it across the counter to +eil.

:4ou thirsty6; he aske Grace. !e was alrea y opening a #oke. !e gave it to her without a glass.

+eil put a bill on the counter, an the man shove it away.

:' tol you,; he sai . :#ant sell.;

:What about the #oke6; +eil sai .

:#ant sell.;

The man put the bottle away. +eil rank what was in the glass very 0uickly. :4oure a goo man,; he sai . :$pirit of the law.;

:Take the #oke along with you. $ooner shes out of here the happier 'll be.;

:4ou bet,; +eil sai . :$hes a goo girl. /y sister-in-law. 1uture sister-in-law. $o ' un erstan .;

:'s that the truth6;

They i nt go back to !ighway ". 'nstea , they took the roa north, which was not pave but was wi e enough an ecently gra e . The rink seeme to have affecte +eils riving in the opposite way than it was suppose to. !e ha slowe own to the seemly, even cautious rate that this roa re0uire .

:4ou ont min 6; he sai .

Grace sai , :/in what6;

:,eing ragge into any ol place.;

:+o.;

:' nee your company. !ows your foot6;

:'ts fine.;

:'t must hurt some.;

:+ot really. 'ts O.=.;

!e picke up the han that was not hol ing the #oke bottle, presse the palm of it to his mouth, gave it a lick, an let it rop.

:<i you think ' was ab ucting you for fell purposes6;

:+o,; Grace lie , thinking how like his mother that wor was. 1ell.

:There was a time when you woul have been right,; he sai , )ust as if she ha answere yes. :,ut not to ay. ' ont think so. 4oure safe as a church to ay.;

The change tone of his voice, which ha become intimate, frank, an 0uiet, an the memory of his lips presse , his tongue flicke , across her skin, affecte Grace to such an e.tent that she was hearing the wor s but not the sense of what he was telling her. $he coul feel a hun re flicks of his tongue, a ance of supplication, all over her skin. ,ut she thought to say, :#hurches arent always safe.;

:True. True.;

:An 'm not your sister-in-law.;

:1uture. <i nt ' say future6;

:'m not that, either.;

:Oh. Well. ' guess 'm not surprise . +o. +ot surprise .;

Then his voice change again, became businesslike.

:'m looking for a turnoff up here, to the right. Theres a roa ' ought to recogni*e. <o you know this country at all6;

:+ot aroun here, no.;

:<ont know 1lower $tation6 Ompah6 5olan 6 $now 2oa 6;

$he ha not hear of them.

:Theres somebo y ' want to see.;

A turn was ma e, to the right, with some ubious mutterings on his part. There were no signs. This roa was narrower an rougher, with a one-lane plank-floore bri ge. The trees of the har woo forest lace their branches overhea . The weather ha been strangely warm this year, an the leaves were still green, e.cept for the o one here an there that flashe out like a banner. There was a feeling of sanctuary. 1or miles, +eil an Grace were 0uiet, an there was still no break in the trees, no en to the forest. ,ut then +eil broke the peace.

!e sai , :#an you rive6; An when Grace sai no he sai , :' think you shoul learn.;

!e meant right then. !e stoppe the car, got out, an came aroun to her si e, gesturing to her to move behin the wheel.

:+o better place than this.;

:What if something comes6;

:+othing will. An we can manage if it oes. Thats why ' picke a straight stretch.;

!e i not bother e.plaining anything about how cars ran(he simply showe her where to put her feet, an ma e her practice shifting the gears, then sai , :+ow go, an o what ' tell you.;

The first leap of the car terrifie her. $he groun the gears, an she thought he woul put an en to the lesson imme iately, but he )ust laughe . !e sai , :Whoa, easy. %asy. =eep going,; an she i . !e i not comment on her steering, e.cept to say, :=eep going, keep going, keep on the roa , ont let the engine ie.;

:When can ' stop6; she sai .

:+ot till ' tell you how.;

!e ma e her keep riving until they came out of the tunnel of trees, an then he instructe her about the brake. As soon as she ha stoppe , she opene the oor so that they coul tra e si es, but he sai , :+o. This is )ust a breather. $oon youll be getting to like it.; An when they starte again she began to see that he might be right. !er momentary surge of confi ence almost took them into a itch. $till, he laughe when he ha to grab the wheel, an the lesson continue .

$he rove for what seeme like miles, an even went(slowly(aroun several curves. Then he sai that they ha better switch back, because he coul not get a feeling of irection unless he was riving.

!e aske how she felt now, an though she was shaking all over she sai , :O.=.;

!e rubbe her arm from shoul er to elbow an sai , :What a liar.; ,ut i not touch her, beyon that, i not let any part of her feel his mouth again.

!e must have got his feeling of irection back when they came to a crossroa s some miles on, for he turne left, an the trees thinne out an they climbe a rough roa up to a village, or at least a roa si e collection of buil ings. A church an a store, neither of them open to serve their original purposes but probably live in, to )u ge by the vehicles aroun them an the sorry-looking curtains in the win ows. There were a couple of houses in the same state, an , behin one of them, a barn that ha fallen in on itself, with ol ark hay bulging out between its cracke beams like swollen innar s.

+eil e.claime in celebration at the sight of this place, but i not stop there.

:What a relief,; he sai . :What(a(relief. +ow ' know. Thank you.;

:/e6;

:1or letting me teach you to rive. 't calme me own.;

:#alme you own6; Grace sai . :2eally6;

:True as ' live.; +eil was smiling, but he i not look at her. !e was busy looking from si e to si e, across the fiel s that lay along the roa after it ha passe through the village. !e was talking as if to himself. :This is it. Got to be it. +ow we know.;

An so on, till he turne onto a lane that i nt go straight but woun aroun through a fiel , avoi ing rocks an patches of )uniper. At the en of the lane was a house, in no better shape than the houses in the village.

:+ow, this place,; he sai , :this place ' am not going to take you into. ' wont be five minutes.;

!e was longer than that. $he sat in the car, in the sha e. The oor to the house was open()ust the screen oor close . The screen ha men e patches in it, newer wire woven in with the ol . +obo y came to look at her, not even a og. An now that the car ha stoppe , the ay fille up with an unnatural silence. 3nnatural because on such a hot afternoon you woul e.pect the bu**ing an chirping of insects in the grass an in the )uniper bushes. %ven if you coul nt see them, their noise woul seem to rise out of everything growing on the earth, as far as the hori*on. ,ut it was too late in the year, maybe too late even to hear geese honking as they flew south. At any rate, she i nt hear any.

't seeme that they were up on top of the worl here. The fiel fell away on all si es7 only the tips of the trees were visible, because they grew on lower groun .

Whom i +eil know, who live in this house6 A woman6 't i nt seem possible that the sort of woman he woul want coul live in a place like this, but then there was no en to the strangeness that Grace coul encounter to ay. +o en to it.

Once, this ha been a brick house, but someone ha begun to take the brick walls own. 5lain woo en walls ha been bare un erneath, an the bricks that ha covere them were roughly pile in the yar , maybe waiting to be sol . The bricks left on the wall in front of her forme a iagonal line, a set of steps, an Grace, with nothing else to o, leane back to count them. $he i this both foolishly an seriously, the way you woul pull petals off a flower, but not with any wor s so blatant as !e loves me, he loves me not.

&ucky. +ot. &ucky. +ot. That was all she are .

$he foun that it was har to keep track of the bricks arrange in this *ig*ag fashion, especially since the line flattene out above the oor.

Then she knew. What else coul it be6 A bootleggers place. $he thought of the bootlegger in the town where her aunt an uncle live (a ra le , skinny ol man, morose an suspicious. !e sat on his front step with a shotgun on !alloween night. An he painte numbers on the sticks of firewoo stacke by his oor so he know if any were stolen. $he thought of him(or this one( o*ing in the heat, in his irty but ti y room >she knew that it woul be that way by the men e patches in the screen?, getting up from his creaky cot or couch, covere with a staine 0uilt that some woman relate to him, some woman now ea , ha ma e long ago.

+ot that she ha ever been insi e the bootleggers house, but the partitions were thin, back home, between the threa bare ways of living that were respectable an those that were not. $he knew how things were.

!ow strange that she thought of becoming one of them(a Travers. /arrying /aury. A kin of treachery, it woul be. ,ut not a treachery to be ri ing with +eil, because he wasnt fortunate(he knew some of the things that she i .

An then in the oorway it seeme that she coul see her uncle, stoope an baffle , looking out at her, as if she ha been away for years an years. As if she ha promise to come home an then ha forgotten about it, an in all this time he shoul have ie but he ha nt.

$he struggle to speak to him, but he was lost. $he was waking up, moving. $he was in the car with +eil, on the roa again. $he ha been asleep with her mouth open an she was thirsty. !e turne to her for a moment, an she notice , even with the win blowing aroun them, a fresh smell of whiskey.

:4ou awake6 4ou were fast asleep when ' came out of there,; he sai . :$orry(' ha to be sociable for a while. !ows your bla er6;

That was a problem she ha been thinking about, in fact, while she was waiting. $he ha seen a toilet behin the house, but ha felt shy about getting out an walking to it.

!e sai , :This looks like a possible place,; an stoppe the car. $he got out an walke in among some blooming gol enro an @ueen Annes lace an wil asters, to s0uat own. !e stoo in the flowers on the other si e, with his back to her. When she got into the car, she saw the bottle, on the floor besi e her feet. /ore than a thir of its contents seeme alrea y to be gone.

!e saw her looking.

:Oh, ont worry,; he sai . :' )ust poure some in here.; !e hel up a flask. :%asier when 'm riving.;

On the floor there was also another #oca-#ola. !e tol her to look in the glove compartment for a bottle opener.

:'ts col H; she sai in surprise.

:'cebo.. They cut ice off the lakes in the winter an store it in saw ust. !e keeps it un er the house.;

:' thought ' saw my uncle in the oorway of that house,; she sai . :,ut ' was reaming.;

:4ou coul tell me about your uncle. Tell me about where you live. 4our )ob. Anything. ' )ust like to hear you talk.;

There was a new strength in his voice, an a change in his face, but it wasnt the manic glow of runkenness. 't was as if he been sick(not terribly sick, )ust own, un er the weather(an was now wanting to assure her that he was better. !e cappe the flask an lai it own an reache for her han . !e hel it lightly, a comra es clasp.

:!es 0uite ol ,; Grace sai . :!es really my great-uncle. !es a caner(that means he canes chairs. ' cant e.plain that to you, but ' coul show you how, if we ha a chair to cane(;

:' ont see one.;

$he laughe , an sai , :'ts boring, really.;

:Tell me about what interests you, then. What interests you6;

$he sai , :4ou o.;

:Oh. What about me interests you6; !is han sli away.

:What youre oing now,; Grace sai

etermine ly. :Why.;

:4ou mean rinking6 Why 'm rinking6; The cap came off the flask again. :Why ont you ask me6;

:,ecause ' know what you say.;

:Whats that6 What woul ' say6;

:4ou say, IWhat else is there to o6 Or something like that.;

:Thats true,; he sai . :Thats about what ' say. Well, then you try to tell me why ' was wrong.;

:+o,; Grace sai . :+o. ' woul nt.;

When she sai that, she felt col . $he ha thought that she was serious, but now she saw that she been trying to impress him, to show that she was as worl ly as he was, an in the mi le of that she ha come on a rock-bottom

truth, a lack of hope that was genuine, reasonable, everlasting. There was no comfort in what she saw, now that she coul see it.

+eil sai , :4ou woul nt6 +o. 4ou woul nt. Thats a relief. 4ou are a relief, Grace.;

'n a while he sai , :4ou know, 'm sleepy. $oon as we fin a goo spot 'm going to pull over an go to sleep. 9ust for a little while. Woul you min that6;

:+o. ' think you shoul .;

:4oull watch over me6;

:4es.;

:Goo .;

The spot he foun was in a little town calle 1ortune. There was a park on the outskirts, besi e a river, an a gravelle space for cars. !e settle the seat back, an at once fell asleep. %vening ha come on as it i now, aroun suppertime, proving that this wasnt a summer ay after all. A short while ago, people ha been having a Thanksgiving picnic here(there was still some smoke rising from the out oor fireplace, an the smell of hamburgers in the air. The smell i not make Grace hungry, e.actly(it ma e her remember being hungry, in other circumstances.

$ome ust ha settle on her, with all the stopping an starting of her riving lesson. $he got out an washe her han s an her face as well as she coul , at an out oor tap. Then, favoring her cut foot, she walke slowly to the e ge of the river, saw how shallow it was, with ree s breaking the surface. A sign there warne that profanity, obscenity, or vulgar language was forbi en in this place an woul be punishe .

$he trie the swings, which face west. 5umping herself high, she looke into the clear sky(faint green, fa ing gol , a fierce pink rim at the hori*on. Alrea y the air was getting col .

$he ha thought that it was touch. /ouths, tongues, skin, bo ies, banging bone on bone. 'nflammation. 5assion. ,ut that wasnt what she been working towar

at all. $he ha seen eeper, eeper into him than she coul ever have manage if they gone that way.

What she saw was final. As if she were at the e ge of a flat ark bo y of water that stretche on an on. #ol , level water. &ooking out at such ark, col , level water, an knowing that it was all there was.

't wasnt the rinking that was responsible. <rinking, nee ing to rink(that was )ust some sort of istraction, like everything else, from the thing that was waiting, no matter what, all the time.

$he went back to the car an trie to rouse him. !e stirre but woul nt waken. $o she walke aroun again to keep warm, an to practice the easiest way with her foot(she un erstoo now that she woul be working again, serving breakfast in the morning.

$he trie once more, talking to him urgently. !e answere with various promises an mutters, an once more he fell asleep. ,y the time it was really ark she ha given up. +ow, with the col of night settle in, some other facts became clear to her8 that they coul not remain here, that they were still in the worl , after all, that she ha to get back to ,aileys 1alls.

With some ifficulty, she got him over into the passenger seat. 'f that i not wake him, it was clear that nothing coul . 't took her a while to figure out how the hea lights went on, an then she began to move the car, )erkily, slowly, back onto the roa .

$he ha no i ea of irections, an there was not a soul on the street to ask. $he )ust kept riving, to the other si e of the town, an there, most blesse ly, was a sign pointing the way to ,aileys 1alls, among other places. Only nine miles.

$he rove along the two-lane highway, never at more than thirty miles an hour. There was little traffic. Once or twice a car passe her, honking, an the few she met honke also. 'n one case, it was probably because she was going so slowly, an , in the other, because she i not know how to im the lights. +ever min . $he coul nt stop to get her courage up again. $he ha to )ust keep going, as he ha sai . =eep going.

At first she i not recogni*e ,aileys 1alls, coming upon it in this unfamiliar way. When she i , she became more frightene than she ha been in all the nine

miles. 't was one thing to rive in unknown territory, another to turn in at the inn gates.

!e was awake when she stoppe in the parking lot. !e i nt show any surprise at where they were, or at what she ha one. 'n fact, he tol her, the honking ha woken him, miles back, but he ha preten e to be still asleep, because the important thing was not to startle her. !e ha nt been worrie , though. !e known that she woul make it.

$he aske if he was awake enough to rive now.

:Wi e awake. ,right as a ollar.;

!e tol her to slip her foot out of its san al, an he presse it here an there, before saying, :+ice. +o heat. +o swelling. 4our arm hurt from the shot6 /aybe it wont.; !e walke her to the oor, an thanke her for her company. $he was still ama*e to be safely back. $he har ly reali*e that it was time to say goo bye.

As a matter of fact, she oes not know, to this ay, if those wor s were spoken or if he only caught her, woun his arms aroun her, hel her so tightly, with such continuous, changing pressure that it seeme as if more than two arms were nee e , as if she were surroun e by him, his bo y strong an light, eman ing an renouncing all at once, telling her that she was wrong to give up on him, everything was possible, but then again that she was not wrong, he meant to stamp himself on her an go.

%arly in the morning, the manager knocke on the ormitory oor, calling for Grace.

:$omebo y on the phone,; he sai . :<ont bother getting up(they )ust wante to know if you were here. ' sai ' go an check. O.=. now.;

't woul be /aury, she thought. One of them, anyway. ,ut probably /aury. +ow she have to eal with /aury.

When she went own to serve breakfast(wearing running shoes, one loosely lace (she hear about the acci ent. A car ha gone into a bri ge abutment halfway own the roa to $abot &ake. 't ha been ramme right in(it was totally smashe an burne up. There were no other cars involve , an apparently no

passengers. The river woul have to be i entifie by ental recor s. Or probably ha been, by this time.

:One hell of a way,; the manager sai . :,etter to go an cut your throat.;

:'t coul ve been an acci ent,; sai the cook, who ha an optimistic nature. :#oul ve )ust fell asleep.;

:4eah. $ure.;

!er arm hurt now, as if it ha taken a wicke blow. $he coul nt balance her tray, an ha to carry it in front of her, using both han s instea .

$he i not have to eal with /aury face to face. !e wrote her a letter.

9ust say he ma e you o it. 9ust say you i nt want to go.

$he wrote back five wor s. ' i want to go.

$he was going to a

, 'm sorry, but stoppe herself.

/r. Travers came to the inn to see her a few ays later. !e was polite an businesslike, firm, cool, not unkin . $he saw him now in circumstances that let him come into his own. A man who coul take charge, who coul ti y things up. !e sai that it was very sa , they were all very sa , but alcoholism was a terrible thing. When /rs. Travers was a little better, he was going to take her on a trip, a vacation, somewhere warm.

Then he sai that he ha to be going. !e ha many things to o. As he shook her han to say goo bye, he put an envelope into it.

:We both hope youll make goo use of this,; he sai .

The check was for a thousan ollars. 'mme iately she thought of sen ing it back or tearing it up, an sometimes even now she thinks that that woul have been a gran thing to o. ,ut in the en , of course, she was not able to o it. 'n those ays, it was enough money to insure her a start in life.