Jessicas Literacy Memoir I have a love hate relationship with reading and writing.

I would have to say that my lack of interest in reading has hampered my development with writing. Throughout my education, I developed certain habits to get by in my classes. Regrettably, this has only weakened my view on the importance of reading and writing. I know I have acceptable literacy skills. The question is will my skills be enough for college. When did I love reading? I think back to my early childhood. My first attempts were with books like Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr., The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle, and Dr. Seuss books. My favorite book by far was Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?. From what I have been told, I gradually learned to recognize my color words. My mom and I would sit together and she helped me to learn each word. After a couple of days, I was able to recite the book word for word. I was so happy and would take the book everywhere with me. Every person in my family had the privilege of hearing me read. I would not even need to open the book. The next book I recall reading is The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Even though it was more challenging than Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?, I was determined to learn this book as well. Again, I would sit with my parents and use their help when I would struggle with new words. I can remember the frustration but did not give up. The hungry caterpillar taught me the days of the week and different types of foods. Not that I understood at the time, the story also described the life cycle of a caterpillar. I just thought the butterfly at the end was pretty. Shortly after starting school, I was introduced to Dr. Seuss books. My favorite Dr. Seuss book was One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish. With the catchy phases, I

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remember going around the house chanting One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish Black fish, blue fish, old fish, new fish. I enjoyed Dr. Seuss books and always thought they were so entertaining. I remember in elementary school, we would celebrate Dr. Seuss Day. One of the teachers would dress up as the cat in the hat and we would listen as they share the stories. This was such a fun day at school. Unfortunately, I do not recall many of my writing events from my early years. Of course, I learned how to write my name. During kindergarten, I had perfected the alphabet. My teacher gave us a sheet of paper with the alphabet on it and we would trace the letters. From there, honestly speaking, I do not remember when I started to write sentences. I have a book from second grade that I wrote called All About Me. It was a story about my family and favorite things to do with friends. Of course, being 8 years old, my sentence structure was not very good. My attitude towards reading started to shift during fourth grade. It was around this time that my teachers started to use reading logs. We were asked to read between 30 minutes to an hour and record the number of pages. This is when my anxiety kicked in and began to impact me as a student. I would worry about how many pages I got through each night. What I was reading and whether I found it interesting took a back seat for me. I am sure that there were many times I fudged on how many pages. If I did not read enough pages for the night, I would be behind and break down. Reading logs made me despise reading in school. After elementary school, I lost my desire to read and now have a new problem. I get bored. Why read it when you can watch it? Considering most of the books required during middle school were movies, I was able to avoid reading the book. I am a very

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visual learner and find it easier to relate to a story through movies. Another study habit that helped me was the use SparkNotes. What I might have missed by skimming the book, SparkNotes made up for with detailed summaries. Since I was able to earn As and Bs on most of my assignments, I was not inspired to change. As I start my high school career, my anxiety towards writing continues to increase. First foremost, if the writing assignment was based on a book, I was faced with double the apprehension. Completing the reading assignment in enough time to produce a paper was an ongoing struggle. Once I would start the assignment, I focused on the number of sentences in each paragraph. I would be frozen by the thought that I did not have enough information to complete the paper. The content was never the priority. Like Fan Shen, I struggled with developing a thesis. I would second guess myself. As soon as I create my thesis, I immediately start to stress about my supporting paragraphs. My sentences are simple and I find it hard to expand my thoughts. I do not remember receiving any guidance from my teachers. An unforgettable literacy event for is my poem called The Breakers. I wrote this poem about my travel soccer team. I was able to say something special about each teammate. That year, we were able to form a very unique bond as teammates. Since we were so close, I was able to capture my thoughts without any anxiety. I enjoyed writing this for my team. The teammates and parents gave me a lot of positive feedback. The poem was submitted in a contest and was eventually selected to be published in a poetry journal. I would have to say poetry is my strong point. Unfortunately, my school did not stress writing in every class. There were no requirements to compile a portfolio or complete a senior exit project. My last major

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assignment came in my English 4 class. I was required to select a British literature book. I chose Alices Adventures in Wonderland. As with all my reading assignments, I was unable to connect with the topic. While reading the novel, I seemed to understand the basic themes. My English teacher wanted us to argue a point from the novel. My initial topic for the paper was the difference between reality and dreams. As I started writing, I realized there was not enough information on my topic. At this point my anxiety was pretty bad. The paper was due in a month and I still did not know my thesis. Thankfully, my teacher intervened and helped steer me in the right direction. She explained to me that the novel is satire on Victorian Era. I changed my thesis to the Victorian Era relationship as it was depicted in the book. After weeks of perseverance, my paper was finished. I was nervous with my finish product. It was a couple of weeks before she handed me my paper. I did not want to look at my grade. I finally flipped the paper over and in the corner was my grade of a 98%. I was shocked. This was the first time that I received an A on a paper. While I was proud with my accomplishments, I only wish I could have had more of an opportunity to improve my skills. I can admit that I felt the same anxiety with this assignment. Here it was my first college assignment and I was scared to death of failing. However, this time is different. I know as my courses increase in difficulty I must face these writing challenges head on. In 5 years, I want this paper to be a significant of literacy event for me. Through this paper and the papers to come, I want to be able to look back and see how much I have improved over time. I want to develop strategies that lessen the anxiety and allow me to write well written papers without any trouble. That said I cannot forget about reading.

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I need to find a way to push past that initial feeling of boredom. I really wish I could just find a balance between reading and writing.

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