The Deer Are Running

Jack Galmitz

The Deer are Running Copyright Jack Galmitz ImPress, New ork !"#$

The %eer are running& Running 'or their li(es& Through water& )ater (ery *lue an% white& +tems o' %ea% plants protru%e here an% there& ,ne is ahea%& I %on-t know i' he is the lea%er or merely the 'astest runner& ,ne nearly has 'altere% an% create% *rown wa(es& They all create *rown wa(es& The water must *e shallow& It-s har% to tell 'rom their 'aces i' they are running 'rom something 'ear'ul or towar%s something 'ear'ul& The terror is there& I am a'rai% 'or them& I 'eel 'ear& +uch wakes 'ear makes& .our %eer& .our wakes& /n% mine, which is not there& ,r, is there *ut only I can see it& The chaos 'ear makes& The lea%er, we-ll call him that, looks to ha(e reache% shallower water& 0ay*e they-ll *e 'ree o' whate(er stunne% them& /n% my heart can stop racing& This time&

Twine& Damne% twine& It must ha(e gotten wet at some time& I coul%n-t untie the knot it ha% taken& I wante% to use it to hang a painting I ha% 'inishe% an% now the e%ges were 'raying& I wasn-t sure i' it woul% *e long enough& I-% *een at it so long that sweat was %ripping on the ta*le I was working at& .rom my chin& 1(en 'rom my el*ows& It was ma%e 'rom 2ute, a strong 'i*er, an% it clung together no matter what metho% I use% to separate it& It ma%e me itch where small particles *roke o'' an% stuck to my wet skin& It remin%e% me o' wool& It coul% *e so't i' you stroke% it on a sheep, *ut once sheere% an% stretche% into threa%s an% wo(en, it coul% cut into your skin at any moment like an insect-s teeth& I was *eginning to 'eel itchy aroun% my neck& Not the kin% o' itch you

want to scratch, the kin% you know %raws *loo% i' you %o& Just the pain'ul kin% that comes 'rom an im*e%%e% sharp3e%ge% material& I remem*ere% a time when I was a*out eight years ol% an% ha% to wear a tie 'or au%itorium in school& 0y mother chose a woolen tie that I hate%& I tol% her I %i%n-t want to wear it& +he hit me in the 'ace& 0ore than once& I remem*er it was an e4pensi(e tie, *ut I can-t recall i' she *ought it or it was a gi't& I like% the pattern an% the way it knotte%& 5ut I crie% to her that it itche% me all %ay aroun% my neck& I swore when I was ol%er, I woul% ne(er *uy woolen clothing& 5esi%es, the trauma o' *eing hit like that ne(er le't me an% 'rom then on was associate% with wool3 an% now twine& /s I continue% to try to unra(el the knots 6I 'aile% to mention that the twine ha% *een tie% a num*er o' times7, a 'on% memory o' a 'o4 o' a woman, re%3 haire%, too, returne%& )e were ha(ing an a''air3 I was a gra%uate stu%ent at a school where her hus*an% was on the 'aculty o' the

math %epartment3 an% were going to Toronto to spen% a weeken%& +he %i%n-t want me wearing my usual %ungarees an% lum*er shirts, so she wante% to *uy me pants& )hen she mentione% wool3 it *eing winter3 I tol% her I coul%n-t wear wool& +he was a clothes %esigner an% recommen%e% ga*ar%ine, which she sai% %i%n-t itch or scratch& It turne% out she was right& I thought i' I ha%n-t recently cut my nails perhaps I woul%n-t *e ha(ing so much trou*le with the knots& Then, I thought my nails woul% ha(e *roken against the tension in'use% in the tying o' the threa%s& I ha% thus 'ar trie% to unloosen the top knot with (arious thicknesses o' nee%les& /s sharp as the points were I coul%n-t get them *etween the two lengths o' twine& I pushe% one thick nee%le through towar%s where they 2oine% an% with one han% at each en% pulle% up on the nee%le& The coils %i%n-t *u%ge& I nee%e% something stronger an% hea(ier& I trie% a tweezers, thinking it woul% grasp the line an% allow it to li't out o' its

con'ines& 8owe(er, this pro(e% as 'utile as the nee%les& .inally, out o' %esperation, I snippe% the e%ge o' the protru%ing twine an% trie% to push it out with a Phillip-s screw ri(er& 9n'ortunately, all that happene% was that the en% o' the twine crushe% an% 'raye% a *it more& I took a *reak to %ry my 'ace o''& I put on some music to help rela4 me as I worke% the pro*lem out& /'ter trying to pull on the e4ten%e% loops o' the *oun% twine themsel(es without their *u%ging, I ga(e up& I thought o' throwing out the twine, as I ha% %e(elope% a personal antipathy towar%s it& Then, an i%ea occurre% to me& I took the twine as it was to a store in the neigh*orhoo% that ma%e trophies an% laminate% things such as %iplomas& I aske% them i' they coul% make a *ronze cast o' the twine& They sai% they coul%& I also wante% it mounte% on en% on a mar*le *ase, which they sai% they coul% accommo%ate me with& .inally, I wante% a small metal pla:ue on the mar*le to rea%

;The 9n%ispute%< an% my name *eneath it& =

I repeat mysel'& I repeat mysel'& I repeat mysel'& ou repeat yoursel'& ou repeat yoursel'& ou repeat

yoursel'& +he repeats hersel'& +he repeats hersel'& +he repeats hersel'& 8e repeats himsel'& 8e repeats himsel'& 8e repeats himsel'& )e repeat oursel(es& )e repeat oursel(es& )e repeat oursel(es& They repeat themsel(es& They repeat themsel(es& They repeat themsel(es& Those solutions ha(e *ecome new pro*lems&

New York City& +irens& >ampposts& +treets that slope %ownwar% go %owntown& +treets that slope upwar% go uptown& Trains un%ergroun% that go up an% go %own town& That go east an% go west& 8ansom ca*s in Central Park 'or tourists& They %on-t go anywhere& Just some clop clop o' hoo(es an% sometimes huge steaming %roppings& 8ospitals& 8ospitals& 8ospitals& 1mergencies& 1mergencies& 1mergencies& +tores& +tores& >ights& Jewelry shining& )omen-s clothing on manne:uins& 5ars& People lining up to see a 2azz concert& People lining up to see a mo(ie& Chinatown& ,l% *uil%ings& Crow%s o' outsi%ers& >ines 'or a restaurant that has *een gi(en a goo% rating& )or% o' mouth& ? million mouths& /*an%one% *uil%ings& +teel %oors& Drugs passe% un%er one way, money the other& >ines o' people *uying 8& )or% o' mouth& >ines o' people *uying C& )or% o' mouth& 14pressway, o(erpasses, *uttresses, a*utments, %esolate

places, homeless out *egging or alrea%y sleeping un%er *ri%ge spans& +tretch limousines 'rom the *oroughs 'ille% with into4icate% chil%ren o' the working classes& Ca*s like yellow32ackets& 8orns presse% %own& elling insi%e& Domestic %isputes& Domestic (iolence& Domestic a*use& Police& Police& Police& .ires& 8ook an% >a%%er companies& )hiskey poure%& 1ast Ri(er& The 8u%son& The :uiet Cloisters& The :uiet 5ron4 @oo& +e4& +e4& In hotels& In resi%ences& ,n the street& In cars& In mo(ie theaters& 9n%ergroun% in the meat market %istrict& Ice skaters at Rocke'eller Center& The Christmas tree lit& The *allet& 5reak3%ancers& +treet musicians in the col%& +treet per'ormers& ,nlookers& Champagne& Night Train& .lAneurs& +tray cats& +tray %ogs& ,ne huge, ol%, *lack %og *y my house& )e-(e talke% *e'ore& / young man unaware o' e(erything walks up to pass us like an arrow in the night& The %og growls an% the man 'reezes& I talk the %og %own, release his crisis& I tell the man to

walk aroun% me, :uietly, so'tly, without 'ear& I thank the %og 'or its generosity& I tell him I sympathize with his plight, *eing out%oors an% harrie% an% unwante% an% soon hunte%& I tell him I woul% take him in i' I %i%n-t ha(e so many cats& 5ig, *lack, *rutal an% ol%& The city&

The man is 'orty3'i(e an% li(es with his mother& 8e has always li(e% with her& 8e is in a 'oreign country3 /merica3 an% a'ter 'ourteen years is still una*le to speak an% rea% an% write in 1nglish& 8e has ma%e no e''ort in this regar%& 8e has not worke% in 'i(e years& 8e collecte% 9&I&5& 'or two years an% %i% some *uying an% selling o' Chinese anti:ues on the si%e& Then, two years ago, coming *ack 'rom a 'lea market, he slippe% in the *athroom o' a thruway rest stop an% 'racture% his skull& 8e was rushe% to a hospital in Connecticut an% un%erwent *rain surgery 'or ? hours& 8e %ie% an% was re(i(e% a 'ew times on the

operating ta*le& 8e manage% to maintain most o' his prior a*ilities, e(en though he su''ere% a cere*ral stroke& 8e coul%n-t 'eel along the right si%e o' his 'ace an% he coul%n-t 'eel his lips or aroun% the taste *u%s o' his tongue& 8e spent the ne4t two years in o*sessi(e attempts to correct these pro*lems, *uying all manner o' Chinese me%icines, Ti*etan her*al me%icines, anything *ut 'ollow the %irections an% take the me%icines the )estern %octors ga(e him& 8e 'ile% a law suit, although no one witnesse% his 'all or the reason 'or it, an% he applie% at the last minute 'or +ocial +ecurity Disa*ility with a *lin% Chinese lawyer& 8e %i% nothing each %ay& 8e was waiting to get a large sum o' money 'or a settlement an% go *ack to China& 8is mother ga(e him succor, *ut he an% she always *ickere% until it le% to all out (er*al *rawls& It was then that he went into tantrums& 8e crie% in an unusually high3 pitche% (oice an% *ange% an% *ange% as har% as he coul% against the woo%en rails o' the so'a& It was

this that 'inally *rought out his step'ather, who was kept out o' these 'ights *ecause he was /merican an% %i% not speak Chinese& .rom the poun%ing the last time, he thought the man must *e poun%ing with his 'eet on the stone 'loor& 5ut, no, he was actually poun%ing on the so'a, which cost the step3'ather B#,C""&""& 8e was now on +ocial +ecurity Disa*ility himsel' an% tol% the younger man that i' he *roke the so'a he woul% call the police an% ha(e him remo(e%& The storm su%%enly *egan to su*si%e& There was still high3pitche% so**ing an% kicking, *ut o' %iminishe% strength& /n%, then, su%%enly, it went :uiet& 8is wi'e sai% nothing& The younger man sai% nothing& It was like any other +un%ay a'ternoon& The step3 'ather coul% watch 'oot*all, take a walk in the slums he li(e% in, rea% a *ook, or smoke an% %rink co''ee an% listen to music on his computer& 8e woul% ne(er *e inclu%e% in these out*ursts an% he woul% ne(er 'eel like a mem*er o'

a 'amily& 8e %i%n-t care %eeply& 8e was waiting to %ie&

Between the 'lakes& The trees& +peech& +he sai%, ;I think it-s the new contours, the *lurring o'

e%ges, the loss o' 'ocus that makes snow'all so *eauti'ul& >ook at the shru*s& 5e'ore they ga(e away their %eath& They were sharp an% without %irection& Now they look like contemplation in a Chinese lan%scape painting&< It was his turn an% incum*ent to *e the other si%e o' the rock& ;It lasts so short a time& / 'ew 'ootprints, a 'ew cars, an% it *egins to *ecome slush& Then it melts an% runs to corners an% you can-t cross& It-s %angerous going 'or ol% people an% %ri(ers&< They looke% closely in one another-s eyes an% laughe%& They ha% each playe% their role per'ectly& Then they looke% at the large 'lakes again, this time without wor%s or e4pecte% responses an% %escriptions& It was :uiet& It was always :uiet when snow 'ell& There was enough on the groun% that in waste places along the railroa% track, it ha% swirle% an% 'orme% peaks an% (alleys& Dea% (ines *ecame white electrical cor%s crossing o(er 'rom 'armlan% to the use% car lot& )here there was earth 2utting,

there were %eep pockets o' %arkness contrasting with the white tops o' e(ery car& The rectangles the 'armers ma%e o' 'oun% woo% to separate o'' %i''erent (egeta*les in the summer were %isappearing into a common element an% color& They looke% at one another an% su%%enly kisse%& They hel% han%s an% hea%e% home& It was col% an% coming %own har% an% without saying it each thought it woul% *e nice to watch 'rom in%oors %rinking a cup o' cocoa&

He %istri*ute% 'lyers throughout the neigh*orhoo% an% poste% them on woo%en telephone poles an% steel streetlamps& 8e e(en went so 'ar as to put an a% in a Penny +a(er an% one in a local newspaper& The a% rea% 0r& D will %isappear on )e%nes%ay night at EF"" P0 'rom the )hitestone +hopping Center& It was a con(enient place to stage the e(ent, since most o' the people o' a%2oining neigh*orhoo%s %i% their *anking, 'oo% shopping, an% sun%ry other tasks there& +ince nothing much e(er happene% in )hitestone, New ork, hun%re%s o' people showe% up 'or the per'ormance& /t EF"" P0 sharp, 0r& D i%enti'ie% himsel' to the crow% an% aske% i' anyone there knew him& No one answere% in the a''irmati(e& 8e aske% i' anyone knew where he li(e%& /gain, no one knew where he li(e%& /n% no

one knew his telephone num*er& 8e lit a 'lare to %ramatize the moment, as well as to %istract the people assem*le% 'rom his person& /s the 'lare temporarily *lin%e% them, 0r& D *egan to walk away& The 'lare, le't on the groun% continue% to shine *rightly an% *lin%ingly& 5y the time it 'izzle% out, 0r& D was a 'ew *locks away, out o' sight& No one ha% seen the %irection he ha% taken, so no one coul% 'ollow him an% 'in% out his wherea*outs& 8e ha%, as it were, kept his wor% an% %isappeare%& There was :uite a *it o' grum*ling 'rom those who ha% taken the time to witness the act& ;)hat a cheap trick,< someone sai%, an% the rest 2oine% in with ;yeah, a real weasel&<

The telephone rang at aroun% #!F"" /0, *ut it was his wi'e-s pulling his arm that woke him& 8e ha% taken a large %ose o' anti3 psychotics to sleep& +he han%e% him the phone, while he whine% in annoyance 'or *eing %istur*e%& The (oice on the line was a woman-s, 'rom the 10+ o' the .ire Department& +he sai% they were trying to re(i(e his 'ather 'or hours, *ut ha% *een unsuccess'ul& I' he wante% to see his 'ather one more time, he-% *est come o(er& 8e sai% he woul%, although he ha% alrea%y *een there this morning, to watch o(er his 'ather while his mother

was hospitalize%& During the %ay, he realize% his 'ather-s %elirium ha% progresse%G his 'ather %i% not know who he was& It was the 'irst time his 'ather recognize% there was something wrong with him& Now, a'ter nearly E" years an% the amputation o' a leg, he was %ea%& It was a long time to li(e an% his son wasn-t (isi*ly mo(e%& It 'elt to him like he woul% ne(er %ie an% the routine woul% go on 'ore(er like a *a% situation come%y& 5ut, the time ha% come& 8is wi'e calle% a ta4i an% they were soon on their way& It was raining, *ut it always %oes when someone %ies& /t the house, there were three policeman an% two 10+ workers& The woman he ha% spoken to o''ere% her con%olences& ;)e %i% all we coul%,< she sai%& 8e per'unctorily thanke% her 'or her help an% caring, went o(er to his mother, who was slumpe% in a chair whimpering in an uncon(incing way, an% pecke% her cheek& 8e %i% not like her& 8e walke% to the *e%room to see his 'ather& 8e touche% him& The *o%y

was col%, the 'ace rigi%& ;+o, it-s 2ust like that, huh, %a%H< 8e kisse% his 'orehea%, although it was without lo(e3%uti'ully& 8e returne% to the li(ing room an% stroke% his mother-s arm, to :uiet herG it worke% an% the police took notice& To calm the situation, they notice% the co''ee coasters with 'amous race horses on them an% %iscusse% horse3racing with his mother& It worke%& It was something she care% a*out, as ha% his 'ather& That-s a*out all they really share%& / *elie' in luck an% a no 'at %iet& )hen the coroner-s came, he notice% their *lack clothes an% the 'act that the young apprentice ha% whitish green skin, 'rom working at nights in%oors e(ery %ay& They prepare% his 'ather-s *o%y, put a tag aroun% his toe, an% slowly took it %own the stairs on a gurney& 8e went %ownstairs to ha(e a cigarette an% two o' the policeman were %own there& 8e mentione% to them the unusual 'erocity o' the storm an% sai% it

always seeme% to rain when someone %ie%& They *oth looke% at him as i' he were a patient in an asylum an% he turne% an% smoke% the cigarette& 8e was literally 'alling asleep 'rom the me%icine he ha% earlier taken& 8e staye% an accepta*le length o' time an% then tol% his mother he ha% to go *ack to sleep& 8e ha% his wi'e call a ta4i&

Im retire% 'rom the Post ,''ice& I spent thirty years working there an% now I rela4 as much as possi*le& I-m not an o(erly e%ucate% man, *ut I-(e %one my

share o' rea%ing an% still %o& ,ne a'ternoon, years ago, I remem*er %eli(ering mail to a local *ranch o' the li*rary an% the li*rarian in charge sai%, ;ah, here-s our representati(e 'rom the epistolarium&< I knew the wor% epistle 'rom college 'rom rea%ing +amuel Richar%son-s no(el Clarissa, a no(el written in the epistolary mo%e& )hen the li*rarian sai% epistolarium, I thought o' a great room o' letters, like an au%itorium or gymnasium& Then, I thought she was teasing me in a goo%3nature% way, so I laughe% a little to ease the tension& 5ut, 'or the rest o' the %ay an% 'or many %ays a'ter I coul%n-t get the i%ea o' an epistolarium out o' my min%& I e(en looke% it up in my %ictionary a'ter I got home, something I rarely %i% a'ter a %ay spent looking at wor%s an% num*ers o' a%%resses& 0y 0iriam3 )e*ster %ictionary %e'ine% it as #7 the epistolary recor% o' what remains an% is a(aila*le 'or present3%ay scrutiny, the Isur(i(ing letters- written *y some*o%y& It can

*e thought o' as the entirety o' the letter3writing that a particular person e(er wrote, that is, as the totality o' e(ery letter, postcar% an% so on they e(er penne% an% so encompassing those written *ut which now no longer e4ist, *ecause %estroye%, lost or otherwise missing& It can *e thought o' more wi%ely still as not only all o' some*o%y-s letters, *ut also as inclu%ing all the replies to these which were recei(e% to e(ery single one o' their letters 'rom e(ery single one o' their correspon%ents& /n% an epistolarium can also *e seen as encompassing the Iur3letters-, the sha%ow3letter 'orms which are pro%uce% through transcri*ing an% pu*lishing printe% (ersions o' manuscript letters an% which result 'rom the posterior acti(ities o' later e%iting *y a thir% party& I *egan to see it more clearly, *ecause I was a mail3carrier& It wasn-t 2ust an in%i(i%ual-s recor%e% letters an% responses, lost an% remaining, *ut must inclu%e all the letters e(ery written, concei(e%, some ne(er put

to pen an% paper, that e4iste% in the history o' literacy, in this country an% all countries with written languages that ha% or ha% not ha% e4changes with us& It was a staggering i%ea& I coul%n-t, at 'irst, really a*sor* it& I' it was as I concei(e% it, it was really the history o' the worl% since the conception o' writing, the real history, since much containe% in pri(ate letters is le't unsai% in pu*lic& /'ter that %ay so many years ago, I *egan to 'eel more important& In each %ay-s sorte% an% *agge% letters, I carrie% an% %eli(ere% a small part o' the e(er3 e4pan%ing uni(erse o' e4change o' i%eas an% 'eelings throughout my route& I knew my part& It was a network an% I was only one small unit in the working o' it& +till, though I might *e replacea*le, I was an instrument in the network that was necessary& /n% at that moment, I realize% the same was true o' e(eryone& ou %i%n-t ha(e to *e at a higher le(el, like a trans'ormer or con(ertor or computer o' this network o'

e4change, you 2ust ha% to *e in it& ou coul% *e the recipient or the courier, it %i%n-t matter& In either e(ent, you were part o' imparting an% recei(ing the necessities an% 'ri(olities o' the worl%&

!"ail /%% 5cc +u*2ec t

J ones, J o

/ttach a 'ile InsertF In(itation Na%iaF These people are scum& They-(e sprea% a rumor that I-m gay an% once something like that happens there-s no un%oing it& I can see it in their smirks when I approach

a*out a work assignment& They actually whisper to each other right in my 'ace an% sometimes when I pass they titter with laughter& I-m *eginning to 'eel paranoia& I can-t work un%er these circumstances& et, I can-t complain to the *osses, *ecause it-s so humiliating& These un%erlings know that an% take a%(antage o' it& The other %ay that 'Jing shit 'rom 5e%'or% +tuy(esant ma%e a comment a*out Clau%ia while I was there an% his pals were aroun%& 8e sai% as *a% as he 'elt she ma%e him 'eel goo%& It was really %irecte% at me3a ghetto way o' attacking on the sly, so i' you counter you-(e incriminate% yoursel'& >ow li(es ha(e their cunning& That sha(e% hea% *astar% who %oes the *illing actually tol% me a story a*out a 'rien% o' his who *ought homes in .lori%a an% sol% them to gays3a growing market3an% then laughe% alou%, as i' homose4uality was an amusement& I' only any o' these ignorant shits knew that the /merican Psychiatric /ssociation an% /merican Psychologists

/ssociation ha% *oth remo(e% homose4uality 'rom their lists o' mentalKemotional illnesses a*out thirty years ago& They still think 'rom the street, 'rom the rocking *rimstone *i*le church with its knowle%ge o' human nature %e(elope% in the 5ronze /ge& Psychological *ullies, torturersL

There was a *oy, a 'ew years ol%er than the rest o' us, who use% to hang aroun% the schoolyar%& 8e was a goo% car% player an% e4ceptionally smart& I was tol% he

was gay, *ut I coul%n-t put that i%ea together then, *ecause he was strong, i' wiry, athletic i' somewhat wil%, an% 'ast as a test car on the %esert& There was nothing unusual a*out him, although I suppose such thinking is merely stereotyping& Mnowing then in the #EN"s that he woul% 'ace 2o* %iscrimination, he %eci%e% to 2oin the post o''ice an% staye% there 'or his whole li'e& 8e was one o' the guys an% I %i%n-t 'eel any %iscom'ort aroun% him& ,ne %ay I sat at one o' the chess ta*les in the schoolyar% an% on the *oar% was a s:uirrel& Peter, the gay young man, ha% 'oun% it in his car an% ma%e a pet o' it& It was o%%& The s:uirrel %i%n-t look real it was so still an% I ha% ne(er seen a s:uirrel so accustome% to people as to 2ust sit in their company& Peter took out a peanut an% ga(e it to the s:uirrel, who took it in his clawe% han% an% chewe% it open& I woul%n-t touch it& I ha(e to a%mit I was a'rai%, not 2ust *ecause they sometimes carry ra*ies, *ut simply *ecause to me they were small

wil% animals& Peter stroke% it as we all talke% a*out it& .inally, he took it in his han% an% carrie% it to his car an% put it in the *ack seat& )hen he le't, I thought, %amn, that-s the :ueerist thing I e(er saw&

#hen I walk these streets I pass through angels, a *ir% with *roken wings& 8ow many yar%s, what spee%, what re'lection, %i% it take 'or it to *reak its neck& It looke% at me& I coul% see it coul% see& 5ut I was no sa(iorG coul%n-t hol% the lea(ing& Things happen& +u%%enly, I-m thrust in a situation o(er which I ca(e& Its eyes hel% mine like the han%s o' a small chil%& )hat coul% I say& )histle a tune to soothe it, as i' I weren-t a'rai%& It coul%n-t *e 'oole% *y music howe(er inspire% it may& It nee%e% assuranceG it nee%e% to know I was *ra(e& I picke% it up an% stroke% its hea%, small as the tears that angels she%, an% sai%, ;Plo(er chick, 'ar 'rom the shores o' *irth, soon you-ll *e *ack amongst the others at the waters growing up&< The eyes were wi%e an% small an% un%eci%e%, *ut I was all it ha% so it truste%& I was late 'or work& I %eci%e% to take o'', take a train an% go to 0ontauk Point an% lay the *ir% in the %unes or in

the 'lats or 0arram grass, where it coul% %ie where it knew *est, coul% smell the salty air, the win% o'' the sea-s *ack, the piping perhaps o' its own kin% in the whirlwin% air& I put it un%er my hat an% o'' we went& I whispere% to it an% tol% it the name o' each stop, so it woul% store it in memory o' its li'e& / man *esi%e me eye% me in a way that I 'elt sure he knew I ha% a plo(er chick on my hea%, *ut what he %i%n-t know was the *ir% ha% 'oun% me or the other way an% I was 2ust 'ollowing or%ers& )e got o'' an% there was the 0ontauk lighthouse at Turtle 8ill, the 'urthest tip o' >ong Islan%& It-s a hea(ily woo%e% area an% I coul% see an% I showe% the *ir% the con(erging o' the /tlantic ,cean an% 5lock Islan% +oun%& I took a trail into the woo%s an% sat on a rock an% tol% the chick to take a look at the seals sunning on the o''shore rocks& I-m not sure it coul% see anything more than a *lur, *ut there we were 'inally& /s the sky turne% pink an% la(en%er, I sai% goo%*ye to the *ir% an% place% it in

some san% grass& Its eyes were still wi%e an% it was still ali(e an% I think it thanke% me&

Gentleman 6H7F I-(e *een in'orme% *y a mutual ac:uaintance that your gallery is looking 'or an otherwise healthy two3hea%e% cal' 'or e4hi*ition& I think I may *e a*le to assist, although I woul% nee% your prior guarantee that the animal6s7 wasKwere not shown 'or the amusement o' your patrons an% that itKthey woul% not *e *aite% or humiliate% or stare% at 'or any amount o' time e4ten%ing *eyon% two minutes 6as this seems su''icient 'or (iewing an% protecting the animal6s7- %ignity& Coinci%entally, I ha% place% a want notice in a 'ew local newspapers

out west 'or 2ust such an item animal an% recei(e% two replies, one 'rom )yoming an% one 'rom Ne*raska& The 'armers are awaiting my response& I suggest you place the animals6s7 in a pen surroun%e% *y mirrors, as this will gi(e (iewers ample e4posure as well as ampli'y the polycephaly& Perhaps, a *ill*oar% with a *rie' history o' the con%ition might recommen% itsel'& ou may want to %iscuss the mythology o' the ancient Greeks- Typhon O Cer*erus, the 8in%us- Ra(ana, the Romans- Janus 6nee%less to say7, an% such creatures *eings as ,rochi, @mey Gorynych, O +(eto(i%& These are merely suggestions, as I am not a curator *y tra%e, *ut a *ar*er& The musical score ,cean o' +oun%s *y John Cage woul% *e an a%mira*le accompaniment to the (isual e4perience& It clim*s an% ten%erly touches an% repeats notes much as the cal'-s polycephaly %oes i' (iewe% properly& It will so'ten the (iewersK(oyeurs to reach a state o' holy regar% 'acing

the acci%ents o' our natural worl%& +peaking o' which, 2ust how %o you plan to prepare 'or the unnatural surroun%ings o' your stu%io space& )ill you *e willing to lay so%, perhaps that %iamon% shape so% they lay in ankee +ta%ium, as this woul% com'ort the cal'H 8a(e you listene% to John Cage-s +uite 'or Toy PianoH ou can play this once ,cean o' +oun%s completes its running& I strongly recommen% that you ha(e instructors, license% pet trainers, teach your (isitors how to stroke an animal-s hea%6s7& +ome %on-t like to *e touche% on the hea%, as it terri'ies them& Please *ear this in min% in promoting your show& /s I un%erstan% it, you will simultaneously *e e4hi*iting on loan 5uil%ing PI %esigne% *y /ntony Gormley, as well as representati(e pieces 'rom the show against NatureF The hy*ri% 'orms o' mo%ern sculpture, which was recently at the 8enry 0oore Institute in >ee%s& I think *elie(e The Rock Drill *y Jaco* 1pstein O 0organ >e .ay *y Pierre Roche will

nicely *alance the cal'-s presence, as it places the li(ing *eing against within :uestions o' Darwinian e(olution an% mo%ernist sculptural imagination& Please con(ey your anticipate% response to this in:uiry /+/P, as I will ha(e to make arrange 'or purchase an% trans'er& I want to minimize the trauma, assuming you are stea%'ast in your intentions, an% much planning will go into this& I am in a wheelchair, which 'urther complicates the matter6s7& I presume your gallery is in accor%ance with access law 'or the %isa*le%& In January, !""Q, the New ork +tate Di(ision o' 8uman Rights incorporate% a section o' the 'e%eral /&D&/& co(ering *usinesses or places o' pu*lic accommo%ation& That allows state en'orcement o' the part o' the /&D&/& re:uiring ;places o' pu*lic accommo%ation to make reasona*le mo%i'ications in policies, practices an% proce%ures when pro(i%ing access 'or a person with a %isa*ility,< sai% John P& 8errion, %irector o'

%isa*ility rights 'or the +tate Di(ision o' 8uman Rights& /s 'ar as what %ecisions are ma%e regar%ing the cal' a'ter the e4hi*ition runs its course that will ha(e to *e %iscusse%& I *elie(e *arnyar% animals are not permitte% in resi%ential areas, so I will not *e a*le to gi(e the cal' a home& Perhaps, you can 'in% a suita*le place in the *ack o' your gallery, well3sheltere% an% com'orta*le 'or the cal'& I suggest you contact your lawyers regar%ing this&

The 'ar o'' soun% o' a siren was nearing& )hen it got close enough, he looke% aroun%, to see outsi%e i' there was a 'ire or i' someone was %ying an% people in the *uil%ing were assem*ling outsi%e& It was %ark an% he coul% not see *ut he coul% imagine the re% an% *lue stro*es o' light 'rom the (ehicle on the walls o' the chippe% re% *rick *uil%ings& )as it an ol% man or woman %ying o' a heart attack or stroke an% this was the last 'ew moments o' their li(es& )as it a man %ea% alrea%y in his home, the *athroom water running, a neigh*or ha(ing calle% the 'ire %epartment 'or help& That happene% to him once an% he an% the 'ireman agree% that i' the man were %ea% there woul% *e a %istincti(e an% strong o%or& / week later when they were calle% again an% clim*e% *y la%%er into the apartment, it turne% out they ha% *een wrong& The man ha% *een %ea% 'or two weeks& The 'ireman there sai% there was no

smell *ecause the temperature was col%& )hene(er he hear% a siren approaching, he always imagine% it was coming 'or him& To take him away or *ring him to a hospital, restraine%& 8e %i%n-t see any help or ser(ice in sirens& 8e was counting on %eath& 8e was looking 'or %eath& 8is li'e ha% *een so %isappointing an% he was so shut3o'' 'rom the worl% an% any contact with people& 8e ha% come to know laughter was cruelty& That you coul% always %epen% on *etrayal& That howe(er well you knew it, the kni'e still hurt& 8e emaile% a 'rien% in Taiwan to %iscuss poetry& 8is only 'rien%s were on the internet an% they were not easily a(aila*le& They all ha% 'amilies an% responsi*ilities an% only so much time 'or him& 8e nee%e% much more&

The strings to hea(en were se(ere% with scissors o' water& /ll 'ell %own& )e went shopping an% *ought& Nicolas Joseph Cugnot in(ente% a steam powere% automo*ile in #?NE lea%ing to *ank ro**ery getaways, the %eli(ery o' milk *ottles, an% steaming hours stuck on stagnant highwaysR sometimes to the *each an% wa(es& 0en an% women stoppe% wearing hea% co(erings as prescri*e% in Corinthians an% the wa(y look *ecame 'ashiona*le& >ouis3Pictor %e 5roglie claime% that all matter, not 2ust light, ha% a wa(e3like nature& +ome people care%G most %i% not gi(e a 'uck& )e sat on the knoll *y the lake an% watche% win% ripples all %ay& >ess

an% less o' the *o%y was co(ere%& )e were not ashame%& 1%ison in(ente% the light *ul* an% soon night was %ay an% stars were plucke% %own an% place% on 'ilthy, co**lestone% streets& Trains were gi(en o(erhea% catenary systems an% people tra(ele% 'rom 8o*oken to Gla%stone looking out at cows an% horses, tractors, threshers an% night gathering 'rom clou%s o' gray& Then *ack again& 1le(ators clim*e%& The iron 'rame raise%& Cities were mountain rangesG apartments ca(es& )e wore less an% were not ashame%& +teamships tra(ele% oceans, ri(ers, lakes, %roppe% goo%s at ports an% %i%n-t stay& )e looke% aroun% an% saw oursel(es& )hat we thought we printe% an% it staye%& )e %issecte%& +aw how we were ma%e& Diseases were catalogue%& )e looke% aroun% an% saw oursel(es an% wa(e%& )e ma%e steel an% *uilt tanks an% machine guns, han%3grena%es, airplanes an% *om*s& )e were less than nake%, millions were merely *o%y parts& )e playe% the harp& )e coul%n-t

reattach the strings to the sky& 6Though some thought that they ha%&7 >ooking %own 'rom the o*ser(atory o' the 1mpire +tate 5uil%ing are lines o' yellow ca*s an% cars an% corners, gri%s, an% %ark stops& ou can see Piet 0on%rian in his stu%io puri'ie% o' things painting 5roa%way 5oogie )oogie& ou can anticipate +hinya Tsukamoto& I took an ocean liner an% stoo% on the %eck an% though no one was waiting 'or me at the %ock, like e(eryone else I wa(e% an% wa(e% until my arm %roppe%&

There$ a 'ew 'amily photos I keep on the wall in whate(er motel or one3room occupancy hotel I rent& 0y 'ather looks so young& 8e was con(icte% twenty3'i(e years ago 'or mur%er an% now he-s mi%%le3age%& ou coul% say I ne(er ha% a 'ather, *ut that woul% not *e accurate& 8e wrote to me weekly 'or all these

years an% I wrote *ack& 8a(ing no 'amily, I ne(er %e(elope% a relationship with society3I was suspen%e% 'rom school *e'ore gra%uating 8igh +chool an% I %e(elope% no work skills to speak o'G so, I worke% with my han%s at o%% 2o*s& I like% working with my han%s an% one %ay I %eci%e% to take the letters *etween me an% my 'ather an% sa(e them in some way& I coate% them with paper3 machS, li'te% some o' the paper, an% let certain wor%s in *lue ink peak throughF so*er, sorry, li*rary, church, cooking were a 'ew that I le't (isi*le& I also sa(e% my 'irst reply to him& >et most o' it show& I was 'aith'ul& )hat *egan as a ho**y turne% into a way o' li'e& I *egan to *uil% small rooms 'ille% with woo%en sculptures o' my 'ather 'acing me in a chair& Then I %i% a series calle% I ne(er playe% *all with my 'ather, in which ne4t to a ru**er *all, I ma%e out o' my 'ather-s mug shot a pro'ile o' him an% place% it on another ru**er *all& This was my way o' ha(ing a relationship with him& Then, I %i% a

series o' painting calle% my 'ather was not a thing, mo(ing 'rom a realistic painting to increasingly a*stract ren%erings o' him an% then a series o' *ursting non3 representational paintings& It was at this time that I *egan to show my art at galleries& The showings were success'ul an% I 'inally 'oun% a way to li(e in the worl% an% *e pro%ucti(e& 9ncon(entional, *ut my 'ather in his way *rought me up right&