BY I.A.

Z Zuks ZAMELA

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
And upon considering all the years that I have spent upon this Earth, I am, out of inexpressible gratitude, compelled to thank my mother, Beauty Zamela. The one person through whom God commanded His blessings towards me more than everyone else combined.

FOREWORD
The desire behind this book is to share with you that which I have found to be the foundation of a life of immeasurable happiness and fulfillment. If you find any topic in this book that you would like me to expound further on for you please feel free to email me at: justthebeginningbyzuks@gmail.com May God bless you through the pages of this book.

Contents
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ............................................................ 2 FOREWORD............................................................................. 3 Prologue Come With Me ................................................. 7 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. Pre-birth.......................................................................... 8 Early Memories............................................................. 11 I am kind of useless................................................... 14 Maybe not quite ....................................................... 27 I can do it too! ........................................................... 34 Im bothered a bit ..................................................... 49 New In Town................................................................. 53 The Pride Increases I am Zeus! ................................. 74 So I can write ............................................................. 86 I am bothered still ............................................... 103 A Pattern Recognized ............................................. 108 A Long Journey Begins............................................ 125 As The Wind Blows ................................................. 137 The Pride Climaxes ................................................. 141 I am not all that................................................... 151 The Awakening Begins ........................................... 157 I am overwhelmed .............................................. 164 4

18. 19. 20. 21. 22.

Upside Down .......................................................... 176 I cant gainsay it .................................................. 180 Knowledge shall be increased ............................ 183 The Death Of Zeus .................................................. 191 The Doctrines (Part I) ............................................. 203

The Godhead (Trinity), the Sabbath, ................................. 203 Beyond Death Experience (Heaven and Hell).................... 203 23. The Doctrines (Part II) ............................................ 218

Prophecy (Light in a Dark World) ....................................... 218 24. 25. No Turning Back ..................................................... 224 The Doctrines (PART III) ......................................... 234

The Antichrist (Who is he?) ................................................ 234 26. The Doctrines (PART IV) ......................................... 248

Unto 2300 Days (At the Edge of Eternity) ......................... 248 27. 28. Its becoming precious to me! ............................ 267 The Doctrines (PART V) .......................................... 271

The Bearers of the Last Message ....................................... 271 (Church of the End) ............................................................ 271 29. The Doctrines (PART VI) ......................................... 289

Prophet of the end (Is there such?) ................................... 289 30. 31. A Tool In His Hands................................................. 302 End Of The Exile ...................................................... 327 5

32. 33. 34. 35. 36.

Atheism and Evolution ........................................... 338 Christianity and Evolution ...................................... 349 A Force Not To Be Taken Lightly ............................ 355 I missed something ............................................. 364 The Doctrines (PART VII) ........................................ 368

Righteousness by Faith With men it is impossible, but not with God. .......................................................................... 368 37. The Doctrines (PART VIII) ....................................... 378

Christ is All (A Relationship with the Lord)........................ 378 38. 39. 40. 41. Girls girls girls ......................................................... 385 No One Said There Would Be No Struggles ........... 402 A Long Journey Ending ........................................... 408 The End Game......................................................... 416

Epilogue Just the Beginning ......................................... 418

Prologue Come With Me

Its been long coming. To me at least I suppose. It has been. What has it been...? Half a decade now? Yes. Its been long coming. I was nineteen when I first had the edge to share a bit about my life from the beginning to the present day. But in time the desire vanished and then it emerged again. Then it vanished once more until now. Five years since the initial thought. O how different is the motive now than at the first though. For the teenager that wanted to share and the present man are worlds apart. I try to compare them at times and I find myself smiling and in awe. So come with me. Allow me please to take you down a road Ive walked. Come with me on a journey of sadness and happiness, of hope and discovery. Come on a journey in which my life was turned upside down. Come with me.

1. Pre-birth
Apartheid: A species of racism. An interesting philosophy which called for segregated amongst people according to their race, with an upper class and, well a somewhat below lower class. I never really experienced the wrath of apartheid personally though as I was born right at the edge of its extinction. But I have heard tales of a world I just missed. The depths to which the human heart can sink, the evil that it is capable of, really frightens me at times. Butterworth: A little town in the eastern sides of the Eastern Cape Province. Well back then this town was actually a part of the Transkei government which was formed as a result of the apartheid policies of segregation. It stood as an independent state and not considered as part of the larger South Africa. So the year was 1986 sometime before October. I was still in my mothers womb awaiting birth. One night an invasion took place. Police came and took my father away. It was to be only some three years later, in 1989, that he was to be released.

You see there existed people in those days known as freedom fighters. People who refused to simply accept the order of the day. The order that forcibly stated that darker is inferior and must be treated as such. Sadly these freedom fighters were, according to the law of the day, deemed terrorists. Thus the notable ones would be sent to jail. Thus I was born with my father in prison. The last couple of weeks that I was still in my mothers womb were spent by her alone without my father. This is where it gets even sadder: People feared to associate with someone directly connected to the rebels lest they themselves be visited. So thus neighbors and friends became distant. I do sometimes wonder how it is to be a mother expecting your first child with your husband in jail and for some time without even knowing if he is alive or dead. For not all those who were taken lived. Nevertheless on the 18th of October 1986 I was born. At the Makiwane hospital in the city of East London which is 100 kilometers (62 miles) from Butterworth was I born. Ishmael, Afrika and Zukisani are the three forenames that made it to my birth certificate as reflected in my ID,
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with Ishmael and Afrika being the names I received from my father. Ishmael is a Hebrew name which literally means God will hear or God hears. My father had given birth to two daughters before he got married to my mother. Thus he desired a son and I therefore became an answer to those prayers of his being his first born son. Then Afrika comes from the fact that he was a freedom fighter fighting for the right to live well in Africa being an African. Afrika is simply Africa in Xhosa, which is my home language. Zukisani was given to me by my oldest sister. Both her name and the name of the sister that I come right after starts with a Z thus she looked at my two names and complained that there was no name starting with a Z. Thus I received my third name which actually ended up being the most predominately used. Sadly Afrika is hardly known even by those close to me. Ishmael was later used at university level by my lecturers. By the way, there is one name that never even made it to the birth certificate. Mabutho which literally means troops was the name my uncle, fathers younger brother, gave me. It was never used though. So thus was I born and named. Thus I entered the world and my journey began.

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2. Early Memories
Ill be honest with you Wait wait wait! Before I can do that I need to give you just a little bit of insight as to how I went about writing this book. But just a little bit. After having thought of what it is that I wanted to share with you I then thought of the flow in which I would present my thoughts. Then with this done I wrote down the titles of all the chapters then began writing. Now this is where the honesty comes in: Of all the chapters that I wrote this is one that when I arrived at I found myself asking What on Earth do I want to share here? But I know though that there is something to share for it was impressed heavily in my mind to share this chapter with you. So this is it: Now as strange as this may be, even to me, the first memory that I have, though not fully vivid, is of when I was beginning to learn to walk. The reason why I find it so strange is because I am not sure if Im suppose to recall events that happened when I was that young. But nevertheless I see it with my minds eye. I was at my mothers home. A village called eMzinto in the very small town of Mount Frere in the northern parts of the Eastern Cape Province. I remember the hut in which we were in. It stood for many years thereafter.
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I remember my mothers smile. She was a distance from me, about five or so baby steps away, and calling out to me, cheering me, to let go of the bed that I was using for support and walk towards her. Hands extended she smiled. I could see she was excited. I was a bit scared though but excited at the same time. I then let go and took quick steps towards her and landed on her hands just as I was about to lose balance. I was very happy. From then on its a mixture of things I have memories of and also what I was told later on. I remember stepping into someones food. I think it was a girl who stayed with mum at the time. I dont remember fully. She might be a family member. So we were sitting on the floor and for some reason my foot ended up in her food. Now this is what mum told me some years ago though I dont myself remember this: That the lady was not upset at all. In fact she was more on a Step on it! More stepping! mood and encouraged me to do so. Watching me do that excited her and made her laugh. Then father came back from prison. I do remember that the sudden change had a notable bearing on my thoughts and feelings. I was not comfortable. All of a sudden there was this male figure at the house. Now though I dont remember this he later on told me that
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when he had just returned I found him sitting on the side of my mothers bed in their bedroom and started kicking him on his legs. He tells me that He liked that because it said to him My son is not used to the idea of a man in the house let alone one on his mothers bedroom. So my wife has been behaving. I somewhat laugh when I think about that. But I understand the logic though. But nevertheless he was back. In time, though I am not sure when, I got to understand that this man before me is my father. In time I got used to the idea. I even remember how I later on realized that I looked like him. The rest of the early memories are too much disjointed for me to make full sense of them.

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3. I am kind of useless
I am convinced that things that happen to a child at an early age in their life can send forth shockwaves that retain much of their strength for the whole duration of the childs life. In other words the effects of that single event, or of that period marked by some particular phenomenon, may last for as long as the child lives. What I have also come to conclude though is that all effects, even if bad or very bad, if rightfully identified, can be overruled for good in the individuals life if the right Force is applied. And thus we continue our journey. There are two things in my life, occurring almost perfectly in sync, that influenced my development so much that even to this very day I still see traces of the negative effects they brought to my life. The first of these is what happened at home. The second is what happened at school. These both took place over a period of nearly a decade and nearly at the same time. Lets start at home. So father came back in 1989. Having spent three years in prison due to being part of the struggle for freedom he finally came back to his family. During his stay in prison mother had been faithful in visiting him. Bringing him whatever she could that was
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allowed to make his stay a bit better. Now her man had returned. Sadly in no time that which should had been a cause for perpetual happiness turned out to be a nightmare that nearly destroyed both her life and her childrens lives. You see when father returned from prison he came back a heavy drinker and smoker. On top of that, though this became more apparent to me later on, adultery was also another thing that was a part of him. This all thus gave birth to a man who was exceedingly cruel and lacking much of the love that was suppose to be constantly manifested towards his wife and children. I loved my mother. After all I spent the first three years of my life with only her being the parent around. So when I began to see her being a punching bag it filled my heart with so much pain that I can not even attempt to fully explain it with words. I remember this one time that I was in the living room and I saw her lying on the floor. There was a blanket covering her face. He was kneeling on top of her with each knee on either side of her body. The punches he was delivering to her face are the kind of punches that you would expect to see from a man hitting an offender who dared to lay a figure on his wife. The irony.
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The man who fought for the freedom of his people became the inflictor of pain to his own family. I remember the sound that his knuckles made as they met her facial bones. I could not help. There is nothing that I could do. I wished I could stop him. I always wished I could stop him. I feared for myself though. No protection. My mother was the one that always protected me. When she was around I did not fear anything. Now here she was being brought to the ground and being abused before my very eyes. It hurt. It hurt me. And in like manner, though not as intense, I experienced his wrath. I remember once he came home and asked me where his car keys where. I looked for them but could not find them. He then slapped me on the face saying that I am useless. The next morning it turned out that he had dropped them by the car when he arrived. He then gave an apology which basically was of this form I hit you though I was not suppose to, Im sorry, get over it! It got to a point that whenever I would hear a car on the street I would find myself in fear as I would think that it was him coming home for the day. I remember how I
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feared finding myself having to eat in his car on the passenger seat next to him. I was always in a half shaking state. I would easily drop things and then immediately would be told that I have weak hands and am a weakling. You have shoelaces for hands were the exact words. So in time it became my reality that there is not much that I could achieve. An inherently weak and useless person as me is a mere bother. Thus the words of my mind to myself slowly became I am kind of useless. Much happened from 1989 to about 1999 as pertaining to these episodes of unhappiness. It is not my intention to try and recall all. I will tell you though that in the most unexpected way deliverance came when finally the violent episodes found a climax with bullets being projected towards my mothers direction from a nine millimeter gun. Though there was no injury from the projectiles it was enough for the state to be fully involved and thus finally resulting with fathers exile from home and thus marking the end of that reign. Then there is school. Let me first give you a quick tour of my schooling years up until just before I went into university:
1991 (Roman Catholic Church preschool and Langalethu Junior Secondary School preschool) 17

1992 (Khanya English Medium School sub A (grade 1)) 1993 1994 (Mayekiso farm school sub A and sub B (grade 1 and 2)) 1995 1996 (Khanya English Medium School std. 1 and std. 2 (grade 3 and 4)) 1997 2001 (New Horizon School std. 3 to std. 7 (grade 5 to grade 9)) 2002 2004 (Holy Cross High School std. 8 to std. 9 (grade 10 to grade 12))

The time of influence does not cover all of the years that I listed here. Its span was from 1991 to 1997. In 1991 I went to a Roman Catholic preschool then later went to Langalethu Junior Secondary School. As far as the former of the two I remember mean ladies, think it was nuns though Im not sure, who wanted us to be very quiet. If you dared talk a wet face cloth would be your wages for your misbehavior. Mum finally got tired of it and took me to Langalethu which is about ten minutes from home on foot. It was also convenient because it was about ten minutes away from the high school she worked at called Vuli Valley Senior Secondary School. I dont remember fully how things were at Langalethu. But I do remember though that there were fun times. Like when we would pack the toys and sing a song as we
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did it. I always loved that. I remember a few threats from some kids now and then. I can almost still feel the emotions of fear that were invoked back then when I think about it. Strangely enough I can neither put a face nor a cause for the fear though. I dont remember having a friend there. No. I didnt. It was always from school straight to home with no one to speak to. Maybe it was partly due to the fact that I had arrived later on during the year and not from the beginning since I had started at the Catholic preschool. I was also very naughty at times. Since where my mum worked was about ten minutes away I would sometimes take my school bag right as recess ended and would dash for her work place. I would then arrive and claim that school time is over. I think she once or twice allowed me to stay. This one time though she somehow got it out of me that school time was not actually over then told me to go back. I remember thinking O no! I am really going to get it! I got punished when I got back to school. I never really attempted to leave school before time again. Then I went to Khanya English Medium School in 1992 for grade 1. We called it sub A back then. I remember how frightened I was. The thing is I had to wear a
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uniform. This traumatized me. This is the reason why: My oldest sister, who still stayed with us at this time, was at high school by this time. I think in grade 10. I would come across some of her notebooks at times. I remember seeing this one textbook in which she had a drawing of a tapeworm. It was for biology I later on realized. So when I had to wear a uniform like her I thought to myself Will I have to do things like that too now? I am not going to manage! I am going to fail so much! I did not know that I was going to start at a level far lower in complexity from the one that she was in. So soon my fears subsided and I enjoyed school. I still never really had friends though. But my memories were mostly pleasant regardless. I got a lot of scolding from mum though for always losing my pencils. She would even take a string and with it tie the pencil around my neck. Being too embarrassed for that I would always take it of some time before getting to school lest the other children laugh at me. This act of disobedience guaranteed that I would lose yet another pencil. I passed grade 1 but my father was not impressed at all. The reason why he was not was due to the fact that Xhosa was not offered at Khanya and he did not want
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me to not have a sense of my roots as he explained. Thus the following year, that is 1993, I was sent to Mayekiso Farm School to redo grade 1. I spent two years there. There were very interesting times there. There were guys there who were very old doing the same grade as I. I remember this one time someone challenged me saying If this guy referring to one of the old fellows would tie your shoelaces together you would be unable to undo the knot. I accepted the challenge and the next thing I know the teacher, this old lady who taught us Xhosa if I remember well, was told that I had tied my shoelaces together. So she called me and asked me to walk. I couldnt. She started coming for me and beating me. Not too hard though. But I could not run away from her. I would try to run and then fall since I could but hop since my shoes were pretty much glued together. Everyone had a nice laugh at my expense as I hopped around and then fell then try to undo my shoelaces then realizing that she is too close, stand up then hop some more trying to escape her. She finally let me go and the guy who had tied my shoes together untied them. I am not exactly

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sure why she beat me. I think its since I was doing my own thing during class time. I also remember this time when these two kids from a more senior grade were in trouble due to a love letter between them being found by the teachers. It was then read out during assembly. I dont remember what their punishment was. But the whole ordeal made me laugh that much I remember. O, then there was the time when it was raining and thus muddy and the mud was so deep that I ended up losing one of my school shoes in it. It was not called Mayekiso Farm School for nothing. So thus I completed both grade 1 and 2 there. I then went back to Khanya English Medium School for the next two years from 1995 to 1996 to do grade 3 and 4. They were called std. 1 and std. 2 respectively back then. I had always wondered if we were going to move from sub b to sub c all the way to sub z. I was so happy when I found out that it switched to standard 1 after sub b and the standards ended in standard 10 which is grade 12. By now both my younger sisters were born. One was born some five years ago in 1990 and the other two years ago in 1993. Both were of course named according to the Z tradition which was well established by now. Actually my only brother, whom I only found
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out about during my high school life, born also in the same year as my youngest sister, is the only one who escaped the Z tradition of my siblings. He actually has a name sitting on the other side of the alphabet spectrum starting with an A. Being back in Khanya was delightful and also made me sad a bit. Sad when I realized that much had changed during the two years that I was gone. We were in a new location for one. A few faces as far as both the teachers and students were concerned. Okay not a few but a lot of new faces as far as the students were concerned. There are a few highlights from this period. For one I was in a fight and I won. Fighting was more common here than at the previous school I was in. The win made me particularly happy since in the last school I was in I had a serious beating from this kid who was seriously bigger than me. Then there was this teacher who made me hate Afrikaans. She was so mean. This one time, Im not sure what I had done exactly, but she beat me so much, and carelessly to, with a stick until my wrist watch broke. She got into trouble later on for that when my father decided to come storming to school to speak about the incident with the principal. Thus though I studied Afrikaans up till grade 9 I never knew anything
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that was happening because I had a bad attitude towards it from the word go. There were a few guys that I could call friends. But it was some what temporal and never did I have a serious friendship. They visited once or twice. Pretty much vanished though when I went to the next school. Thus far I could somewhat fit in at school but it was still hard though because home at this point was still hell. Still did wish I had proper friends like the other people around me. Then in 1997 I went to a new school in which drastic changes in my life would take place. I spent the longest time in it in comparison with my post-university schooling period, totaling five years. But for now it is the first year there that I would like to talk about. So far, as far as my academics are concerned, I have no idea how I made it. I was lost half the time. I dont remember really doing homework. I think I copied it at school or something. I had come into terms with the reality, what I thought was reality at least, of me being stupid. But beyond these there was another element

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that concerned me at the time more than my academics. This was my own personal bully. There was this guy in my class who targeted me and would smack me from time to time. I remember this one time when we were playing some game during recess that required people to be in pairs. People paired up and he and I were the only people without partners. So having paired up we played and I did a mistake and was out. So he then tells me that I am useless but using much more vulgar words. So I responded resistively saying that I was not useless. He then came by saying what did you say? then smacked me so hard across the face that I sat down leaning against a wall crying. I am not sure what his problem was with me. So my worthlessness was further impressed in my mind. I was beginning to hate my life a bit. Just a bit though. But I was certain that I am a below average person, so to speak. I was in my eyes a coward, a loser and a stupid person who did not know what was happening. Getting into a fight with a girl and receiving a beating also did not help. Cant even remember what the issue was. She beat me properly though. I remember some
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years later, as if to regain my manhood, saying to her half jokingly You know you could never do what you did back then again right? with her responding thus I am a lady I dont fight and we grown now so you would probably beat me. Hearing her say that made me feel better. I still had no friends of course. I longed to have friends though. Just could not really fit in for some reason. Thus was my first year at New Horizons. All of this, both what was happening at home and at school, filled my heart with a deep desire to prove a point as time passed by. Though I had apparently accepted it all, my mind would not let go of the faint thought that continuously said You can show them! It was swelling up in me with each passing day and with each passing month. It somewhat sustained me. The thought of a future in which I proved someone wrong kept me going to a great extent.

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4. Maybe not quite

Arigato gozaimashita. The first Japanese phrase I ever came across. I fell in love with the language almost immediately. I still love the language actually. Now why, you are probably asking yourself, am I telling you about a language from the Far East? What does it have to do with anything? Well, you see the dawn of the first major turning point in my life was upon me. A new element was about to be introduced that would trigger a change in me that I would much embrace, an element that came from the same land as the language. Japan. The birth place of an art of fighting in which empty hands (without weapons), and all blows from body parts are used: Karate. It is this new element that was introduced into my life that began the initial turning point. The year was 1998 now. I still dont quite remember how I passed the previous year. Thus began grade 6. I can not bring to remembrance anything that I learned that year actually. In fact I could easily confuse things I learned in that year and the things I learned the first half of the following year.

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In the second month of the year my mother introduced me to this man who was studying at the high school she taught at. He stood as a giant and well built. He was a karateka. That is to say one who trains karate. For a long time I had went on and on to her about how I wanted to train karate. A mixture of what I saw on television and a desire to not be bullied anymore brought this about. It seemed like the right way out of it all. Maybe it could even help me, in the long run I though, to free my mother. So there I was following behind him going to the gym. Soon I learnt that the training place is called a dojo. The first time I got there I was wearing a t-shirt and a track bottom. I quickly felt so inferior seeing the karate suits, let alone the belts in their different colors of ascension. In time I found a karate suit, or dogi or gi as they are called in Japanese, which belonged to my father from his earlier years. I later got one though that was specifically designed for the style I was training. Kyokushin. An interesting name for a karate style, with Kyoku meaning ultimate and shin meaning truth thus kyokushin being interpreted as the ultimate truth. This all fascinated me. There was so much depth and meaning in it all in my eyes. I belonged. Finally
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there was a place to which I belonged. I belonged to a fellowship of karatekas. Strange one though at times I thought. A fellowship often strengthened by a good fight with a clash of skill, speed and raw power. A fellowship though nonetheless, to which I belonged. Kyokushin is primarily a knockdown karate style. That is to say full contact is used with blows by fists being delivered at full force to the torso and blows by the legs and knees being delivered to the whole body except just below the belt. The head thus is also a target. Semi contact was at some point introduced though. I believe primarily to cater for the younger fighters. When it came to the knockdown side of things at first I was not that good a fighter. I lacked power or strength. In time though this slowly began to change as I got stronger. In the semi contact, which was mainly about speed and skill, I was not bad. For the strength that I lacked was fairly well covered for in technique. I remember my first tournament. I was fighting in the under 40kg division. I got a medal for best fighter, based on technique, for that tournament. I was so happy because of a number of reasons. Firstly because I could say I got a medal! Secondly because I thought to myself at least father will not be angry with me since
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Ill come back with a medal. For some reason, I dont really remember what it was, when I left for the tournament he had a problem with me going. I think he was complaining about having to cough out money for me for the trip. I dont quite remember though. Thus the victory, I though, would at least make him feel like it was worth it. He did seem much pleased when I came back. Whenever any of his children would achieve something he would always see it as a reflection of himself and thus boastfully rejoice in it. So thus my confidence began to increase. I began to slowly loose the sense of not being able to do anything. As the word went out amongst my class mates that I trained karate I began to feel like there was something special about me. Something worth liking even. Though I never really made any friends still I did feel less like an outcast. Then there was my bully of course. By now I did not fear him much. Partly due to an encounter that I had with him in which he tried to attack me in our class room. Holding him by his arms I pinned him to the desk and told him I dont want to fight you.

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The chain of bullying was thus somewhat broken. Well not completely then. There was a Christian organization at school that I would go to from time to time. This one time the guy was there sitting at a distance behind me and as the discussion went on I raised my hand to contribute. He then said something along these lines What do you know ***. Now the blanks involved a word that I was hearing for the first time that had something to do with my mother. That was it! He dared to involve my mother in it. Sadly for him he was not my fathers size thus nothing prevented me from taking immediate action. The anger rose in me from nothing to full force in a matter of seconds. I stood up and walked slowly towards him asking what did you say about my mother? Before he could really answer my hand rushed towards his face and delivered a blow that shocked everyone in the room. Of everyone he was the most shocked. He pulled back a bit. My anger was not abated at the very least. I was not done with him. I suppose it became now a matter of recalling all of the pain he had caused me and thus my anger still burned on. As he pulled back I continued walking slowly towards him still asking what did you say about my mother?
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Then people jumped in and held me back. The leader rebuked me saying go out if you want to fight, this is not a night club. So I settled down. I looked at the former bully and I could see that he was still shocked. He sat on a desk with his head facing the floor and his face covered by one hand. I was pleased. Sadly though for the next two to three years the bully became the victim. Whenever we would have a disagreement in which I perceived disrespect from him I would rarely not quickly remind him his place with a slap or two or more. I had foolishly become the bully. In time though it somewhat abated. When I look back into those days I sometimes think of him What a fool! He never realized that I looked up to him while he was busy playing bully! He seemed to have it all together. I would have not minded to be his friend. I was not cool enough though so I guess that is why I was instead bullied for a season. As far as the rest of my journey as a karateka goes this is it: I ascended in grades until I became a brown belt level karateka, the last color before entering the black belt grades which are the last color. I fought in a number of tournaments with the highest I would attend being the
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South African championships. I won here and there to a total of two medals and two trophies. It was only later on, in 2004, that my training began to abate as I was doing my matric (grade 12) and wanted to focus on that. I was to fight in one more tournament, that is in June 2005, before permanently taking of my karateka hat. I can never deny though that karate played a major role in my life in that it showed me, when nothing else did, that I could be a part of something and that I am not a worthless nobody. It made me realize for the first time that I could accomplish. Thus finally I found the thoughts of my mind saying to me Am I kind of useless? No! Maybe not quite.

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5. I can do it too!
The human mind: The most powerful tool that mankind possesses. It separates him, with a gulf so great, from the animal kingdom. It has an upper limit though. This limit is even more evident when the mind is not rightfully used. Thus it is seldom for it to reach anywhere near its full potential. In fact, in usually cases when it is convinced, by internally or externally influences, that it can go no further it indeed goes no further. Neither does it seek for liberation from the limit before it. So in 1998 I began to feel less and less like an outcast. This was due to, as I mentioned before, me finding a family of karatekas that I could do things with. Though this was the case though, when it came to the academic side of things in my life I still felt like a lost case. I never knew what was happening. In fact, I was just cruising along. This feeling in me was intensified by the fact that there were students around me who seemed like they knew everything there was to know, and even more at times. There were students that when considering their academics I would consider myself as being on Earth and them on the Moon. So unreachable were these!
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They were excellent in my eyes. This was further brought to life by an end of year function, right before the end of year results came out, called the prize giving. This is how the ceremony generally went: After some speeches and whatever else, I honestly do not remember what else was done ceremonially, the giving of awards began. Starting from the lowest grade, students who were the best in a particular subject were called to the stage. They would then receive a certificate for that subject. Then when all of those students were awarded the person who was third in class overall would be called and would receive a bronze medal. Then the second student would receive a silver medal. Then finally the top student would be called and receive a gold medal. This would be done for each grade in ascending order until the last grade was reached. There was also a best award for the student who was the best in the lower classes and for a student who was the best in the higher classes. There were also awards for such things as most properly dressed student given to students whose attire, that is the school uniform, was always presentable and neat.
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Now in 1997 I went there and watched this take place. It was an all-new experience for me. There were so many students and parents in one hall. Then the awards presentation began and continued until it reached our class. Now for some reason when it got to my class my heart started pounding hard. I do not know what it is exactly I expected knowing that I was below average when it came to my studies. The following year in 1998, the year in which I did grade 6 the same took place with almost the same super powers as the previous year being manifest. I was well aware by now that mine was to go to the prize giving merely to observe and see people reap the results of their labor. In fact the previous year I had just made the grade, my father had explained being disappointed, and was actually mercifully promoted to the next grade in reality. Thus, this was the note in which I started grade 6, knowing that I should have actually been repeating the previous grade. Thus to me something like the prize giving was not for the likes of me. Then came 1999, the year in which I did my 7th grade. The previous year, at the end of the year, the shooting incident had taken place. Because of this father had left
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by law for the first time, though he came back for a short time and then finally left that same year for good. By June, if I remember well, he was already gone for good. I was never sure of my results to an extent that when 1999 came and I was to be in grade 7 I spent some time in grade 6, a day to be specific, because I had not received my results from the previous year since my school fees were not paid. Then during that same day, after my parents paid and my results were made known to me, I went to join the seventh graders with much relief. During the first semester of that year I did badly as usually. I was however unaware of the steps that the principle would take in response to the June results that year. Steps that would mark the second major turning point in my life to that point in time. The principle decided to ask the parents of all the students who had failed during the first half of the year to come to school so that he could speak with them. So here I was in class chatting and all was sunny and the next thing I knew I was being called for to go to the principals office. When I got inside the office I saw the
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principal sitting on the other side of the desk facing me and opposite him, with her back towards me, was seated my mother. There was a chair next to her to which I was directed to sit. The atmosphere all of a sudden felt very dense and consequential in nature. I wondered to myself Did I do something? I dont remember doing anything wrong. What is it? What is it? What is it...? Then the principal began. I do not remember all that was sad but these things I do remember: He made known to me why it is that I was called into the office. Then after he spoke, my mother started. In short, this was the thought behind her words: I, Zukisani, am not stupid and I am failing because I choose to fail. Yes, there are problems at home but no one has asked me to make the problems between her and my father my own. That she gives the principle the right to beat the education into me if I do not want to study. Then the principle also added a few words, which again I do not remember that well, but what I do remember is that by this time I was crying. I do not know if it was a mixture of fear and feeling like no one understood me. I really cannot pinpoint the emotions that resulted in my tears coming forth. What I do remember though is
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the decision I took as I walked out of office to my classroom. When I was dismissed from the office I walked to my classroom, wiping my eyes lest any should see that I was crying, and I told myself as I took that walk that I am going to study my books. I will study and I will understand! I got into class and kept quiet. I opened one of my textbooks and started reading. There and then my academics hit a turning point. I continued studying my books and for the first time I was not overwhelmed with a sense of being lost and always not knowing what was going on. Actually, I got so enthusiastic that in this particular subject, history, I studied way ahead of the class. In fact, there was this particular assignment we got from the teacher in which he asked us to go and study and know from memory about one of the nations we had thus far covered. Then when the time came, I stood in front of the class and I started speaking about this very small African country on the Western side of the continent called Benin. I went on and on speaking about their history and their mythology and all I could

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remember. The class was silently listening to what I was presenting until I was done. Then after that as I was going to sit down the teacher spoke, with a facial expression showing a bit of confusion, saying something along these lines How enthusiastic of you! So you decided to present on a nation that we have not yet covered. I was a bit surprised. I asked a girl next to me Wait a minute? We have not covered that yet? She responded with a smile that I found to show both surprise and pleasure at my newfound drive for schoolwork reaffirming that we had not yet studied what I presented. I felt a bit shy after that but it was all good. Soon I lowered the pace just enough to be in line with class. The fact that the situation at home was much better, with father gone, made it even easier for me to focus on my academics. It thus seemed that the force of change had been applied and there was now no turning me back from that path as far as my academics were concerned. Of course the year came to an end and the prize giving drew near until it arrived. Though I had began to start working on my academics I still had no mistake in my
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mind as to who the stars were in our class. I did not care that much by now. I had not received a prize in the last two years and was really just enjoying going there to watch people collecting their prizes. Which reminds me; I neglected to tell you that there were situations in which in a particular class one student would take all of the prizes for nearly all of the subjects, often living just one to be claimed by another student. I enjoyed admiring these super stars doing god like things before my eyes. It finally got to my grade and as I was relaxing in my chair waiting for the confirmation of the usual I got one of the greatest surprises I had received in a long time. The person calling out the names and the relevant prizes said something like The prize for the most improved student (academically) goes to Zukisani Zamela. For a moment I remained on my seat. I could not believe it. I think I was confused a bit. Almost as if someone was playing a joke on me or something. I remained unsure of what exactly was happening until a few people around me started saying Zukisani! Get a move on! So I walked down towards the platform and as I did I heard people clap. I began to feel so happy and
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with each step and sound of the hands clapping the happiness grew even more as I was beginning to take in what was happening. My mother was so happy for me. I could almost read her mind and hear her say You see my son? This is what I was talking about! You are not stupid! Now press on! God forbid that I should ever forget all that my mother has done for me! I am thankful! Nowadays I find myself thinking more and more that I need to show her that she has a son both in words and in actions of love. Okay that was a side note. So thus a public declaration, if you may, was made to all of my class mates and to the whole school as a matter of fact that Zukisani is not stupid! And all the while a new voice found place in my heart saying to me in the first person I can do it too! Then came the year 2000, heralding in the 8th grade. In this year, more than anything else, I moved from being merely the most improved student to being a student that was just above average. I became more fully established in being aware always of what was happening as far as my school work was concerned. A few of the top students did not come back that year.
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They went to other schools to start their high school phase of life. Ah yes, I think I did not tell you, our school started at grade 0, if you may, all the way to grade 9. There was, and still isnt last I checked, no grade 10 through to 12. So thus since a number of good high schools started from grade 8 some students from our school left at this point so as to start at the very first grade in whatever high school they were going to. The year went on and ended with me finish with an average at the 60s as far as percentage goes. In the prize giving though I did not receive a prize. I could not get a most improved prize again since I was established now. My performance was very good considering where I was coming from academically but it was not good enough for me to sit at the top of the class in any subject. I think I thought I was at the top for a certain subject though if I remember well. I think accounting. I was disappointed at the prize giving but soon did not care after looking at my results joyfully. Then 2001 came ushering in the 9th grade and thus my final year in New Horizon. I remember that as the reality of possibly never seeing most of the people I had been class mates with for so long sank in that I was sad a bit.
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The idea though of moving to another chapter in my life also excited me a lot. With that year there were still two more things though that my New Horizons experience was going to add into my life. Firstly I became a prefect. This gave birth in me an idea that I have leadership qualities, which was then strengthened by me realizing that both my parents are generally leaders in a lot of the things they do in a lot of the places they have been. They always seem to end up leading. I was generally a strict prefect and was the all time favorite when it came to dealing with the notorious classes when it came to monitoring. During study time prefects would be dispatched to classes, one prefect per class, to monitor them and make sure that they do not make noise. Now during my time the class right below us was the most noisy and rebellious class. I was appointed to them most of the time and I hardly ever experienced any problems with them. It seemed very simple to me. When they were noisy there was usually one who was very bold amongst them I noticed. Id take that one and make an example out of them. How? Simple: Id ask them to stand outside and wait for me there then at the end of the study period I would go to the principal with them and give
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them a chance to explain what their problem was. It always worked. Actually in this case the word always can be a bit misleading. I did not always have to do it. Just once in a while whenever they forgot that I could be very serious. It got to a point where most of the time my reputation as a non nonsense taking guy did all the work for me. Of course this came with the sacrifice of being not the most popular guy. I really did not care that much as long as the duty was done. Anyways, remember I said two things were added into my life that year. This is the second: When the year finally came to an end and the prize giving came once more the tension this time around was higher than ever before. This was so in my personal sphere and also as far as the whole ninth grade was concerned. The reason why it was so for the whole class is because the stars that had dominated all these years had left. A few of them remained the previous year with one who was usually third in class becoming number one as the old number one was gone. Another thing that happened though is that a girl who was so unpopular and quiet in
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our class shocked virtually everyone by becoming the new number three. This was all in 2000. So now in 2001, with the previous number one and number two gone, this girl stood pretty much without a contender, and also for the first time there was generally no one with a clear idea as to who the number two and three would be. Now as for the tension in my personal sphere this was the cause: Firstly in my class by this time when it came to mathematics there was but one student who stood my equal and actually overwhelmed me with his understanding of concepts better than I understood most of the time. Secondly in June I managed to find out that the number one was who we all expected and that the number two was this other girl, and that sitting at third place with exactly the same overall percentage were two student, with some girl being one and the other student, to my surprise and excitement, being me. So thus when the prize giving came I thought to myself The number one and number two are certain. I wonder though if I managed to rise up above this girl and claim the third position for myself. So the usual formalities took place and it finally came to the awards. Starting at the lowest grade as usual the
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awards were rewarded to the students. By this time, by the way, both my younger sisters were studying at the same school. With the younger being four grades below me and the youngest six grades below me. Sadly when it came to the younger she did not get an award. I think she had received one the previous year so this made her cry. This was intensified by the fact, which came as a surprise and a delight to the family, that the youngest sister had not only received a prize but she ended up being the second best student in her grade and had a silver medal around her neck. Then it finally came to the last grade. The awards were received for subjects and right in the midst of it my name was called. I ended up emerging as the top mathematics student in my grade. Actually here is something that I had not thought back then, which is a good thing, that I was effectively not just the best student in my class in mathematics but was the best in the whole school since I had covered things that the juniors did not even know as of yet. Then the time came to announce the top three students. At third place the announcer began to say as my body got more tense and tense. I did not hear my name being called. I was down. Though this was the
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case I was also surprised a bit. The name that was called was the name of the girl who was sitting at second place in June. So I thought Wow, someone displaced her! So again we are going to have a surprise like the previous year when the new number three made her debut! I was still a bit down though. In fact I was still thinking of what had just happened and almost missed as the announcer continued saying At second place is... with my mind still wondering Who on Earth could it be? So they announced At second place is Zukisani Zamela. I could not believe it! I quickly believed it though. Quickly coming back into my senses than I did two years ago when I was announced as the most improved student in the grade I went and received the certificate and silver medal. I was on top of the world. What a finish! I thought to myself. As I looked back at my life at New Horizons, from the student who was worth nothing in their eyes and in the eyes, in his perception, of others to where I was now, I became filled with joy. Thus I settled in even deeper than at the first to the idea that would drive me for a number of years to come. That idea, when compressed to as few words as possible, being I can do it too!

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6. Im bothered a bit
Thus far most things began to make sense to me. They made sense and I was beginning to be happy. Yet there remained one element that filled my heart with much grief whenever I thought of it. I avoided it of course because I could not understand. I dont know. I really dont. Why is this feeling so heavy upon me? Its painful. Why me? Why am I thus...? There is a heavenly Father and there is His Son. No man can get to God except through the Son. No man who loves not the Son can be received by the Father. The Son died for us. He died for us that we may be saved. So then no man can go to heaven without accepting the Son. These are the words which come when I seek to reconstruct my earliest memories of my first impression, as I was told, of an existence of a being superior to human beings. A being worlds apart and to be feared much, a being that I was told to call God. God spelt with a capital letter G. Yes, soon it was impressed into my mind that this being is like nothing I have ever, and will ever, come across. Side by side to God, as seen above, was introduced to me a man who was called the Son of God. With Him also being God. A servant of God, a servant of the
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Father, but yet equal with God. One without which we could never see God for He died for us. So much in my head did not make sense. Fear surrounded my every thought about God. I knew that if I ended up being dead, and die being a bad person there was a place for me. A place called hell. A place filled with fire. No. That is not precise. A place only made of fire. This was a place where the inhabitants burned forever yet would never die. The thought sent shockwaves into my whole being that made me fear offending God so much. I mean, I would often think, do you have any idea how long forever is? It does not end! Burning and burning and burning and burning I became scared of Him. Those who were good went to a place very beautiful and peaceful and also lived forever with God. Heaven: a place of so much beauty that it was hardly describable but all I knew was that it far exceeded everything beautiful I had ever seen. I wished I could go there. I so desired to go to this seemingly magical place when I die. Now this was one of the main things that did not make sense to me: When I die I would either go to heaven or hell immediately I was told. Then at the same time I was told that when Jesus would come He would raise the
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dead from the graves and take them with Him to heaven. What? But if when I am dead I go immediately to heaven why on Earth, or why on Heaven, should He come and raise me from the grave? That does not make any sense to me! On top of this I was told that when Christ would come He would judge both the good and bad and they would have to answer for their sins. Wait wait wait, I often thought, even after He comes and takes me to heaven, if I make it to there that is, He is still going to ask me about my sins? What will He do then if I give Him an answer that is not adequate? Will He kick me out of heaven and send me to hell? I must have asked these questions once or twice and the answers that I got did not make that much sense to me at all. But I just thought o well, that is just how it is. Even above these holes in my understanding of God, Christ, Heaven, Earth and Hell, there was something that worried me more which was the main source of discomfort when it came to things pertaining to the supernatural realm. The constant feeling of being wrong in the sight of God was the issue. I hardly knew how He worked but this
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particular fear took root in my mind as though I was certain due to Him whispering it to me directly. There was virtually no time in which I felt like if I could die I would go to heaven. I was always hell bound in my mind. I would always be thinking Maybe He could show mercy upon me then second guessing my own thought and further think but who am I? Most things dont go right with me! So why on Earth should I think that something so great could be for me? Heaven for me?! Most unlikely! Both as a Roman Catholic, mainly while my father was still at home who is a Roman Catholic when it comes to religion, and also as a protestant I could never find a way to feel at peace with God. I always felt His displeasure with me irrespective of time, place or circumstance. So throughout my days at New Horizon there was always this feeling which I greatly tried to avoid. Regardless though it would pop up from time to time and thus I found myself having to finally admit to myself saying that Im bothered a bit. This God thing and the fact that I had a sense of not serving Him and thus a sense of Him being displeased, yes by this above all was I bothered as it were a bit.
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7. New In Town
So up until now I had spent all my life in Butterworth. Now the time had come for me to move on. There was no high school in Butterworth that satisfied my mother, as far as my education was concerned, so she turned to Mthatha. Mthatha, formerly known as Umtata, used to be the capital of the Transkei region during the apartheid regime. Located just over 100 km from Butterworth, northwards along the national road N2, it is about one hour thirty minutes away from Butterworth. Before this I had been to Mthatha a number of times. I was excited about the idea of starting a new life. O yes, let me speak very briefly as for my living arrangements during the three years that I spent in this town. I dont want to get into too much detail on this particular subject. At first I stayed with an aunt of mine for about three to four months from the beginning of 2002. Then I stayed with another aunt for the remaining months in that year and for the following year thus bringing me to the end of 2003. Then in 2004, my final high school year, I stayed with my mothers friend. Why so much moving?
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Well lets just say living with relatives, and even family friends, has its good sides and also has its very rocky sides. So here I was new in town. Holy Cross High School is the name of the school I was to spend the next three years in. It has since moved its geographical location though. The move was actually the year after I matriculated, that is to say the year in which I finished high school. I remember my first day at school. In fact I think that which I remember the most about that day was the first guy I met. The first guy I was to be friends with, even a close friend in fact. The first impression I had of him was not the brightest. I thought I was actually looking at a thug or something. I was behind him and could not help but notice the sketch done on his backpack with a pen. He had an FNB bag that I understand were given to some schools as a donation, or something like that, before I came to town. On the backpack was an unmistakable picture of Osama bin Laden. The thing is, the previous year, in 2001, on the 11th of September two twin buildings, each 110 stories high, were hit with planes and ultimately collapsed. Of the seven world trade center buildings
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these twins were the most notable. The man who was believed to be responsible for this attack was a man by the name Osama bin Laden. So now here is this guy, about four months after the attack, with a picture of bin Laden on his backpack like he looked up to him or something. I really thought that I was looking at a trouble maker. KT, I dont know how we started speaking but soon enough I realized that he was just a kid like me. He thought though. He appreciated looking into a lot of the things that I liked looking into. You know, the deep stuff. Space and how vast it is, black holes and atomic bombs and how destructive they are, etc. He liked conspiracies and conspiracy theories probably as much as I did. We clicked on a lot of levels. In fact in the group that I ended up in, my first group of friends, he was the only guy that I knew easily gave me a run for my money when it came to academics. He understood concepts much quicker than I with far less effort. He was the type of guy who could easily be way above average if he seriously put his mind into it. In time we ended up calling each other Mtanenkosi which literally means in Xhosa child of a king. Something we picked up along the way. We, the group
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we belonged to, also would call each other Mlungu which is white man in Xhosa but also used to denote ones boss. Just something we picked up initially as a joke from this guy who liked blowing his horn and would never let an opportunity pass by in which he could let you know of his achievements or status. He was a class below us but who was very good at expressing himself amongst other things. Ill touch a bit more on him later on. I will say this though, that our paths ended up crossing in the future in a way that I doubt either of us could have expected. I ended up being in a group of five guys. We were a bit diverse. The interesting thing though, now that I think about it, is that in each of them there was an element that I could relate to. First there was KT with his interest in deep stuff. Then there was SQ who was somewhat the craziest in our group. Although this was the case at my pick of crazy moments, which was seldom reached, I could easily eclipse him. Then there was SP who had quite the desire to be tight. That is to say to be hot, cool, attractive and likable, more especially by the ladies. Then last but not least was NJ who was the quietest and perhaps the most stable in the group.

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We never went out together that much though. One of the reasons I suppose was because of the fact that I was the only person in the group that did not drink. Three smoked if I remember well. I think NJ did not smoke. Maybe had a pull or two. I honestly dont remember. Nevertheless we had a lot of interesting times. I remember how we use to, after school and during recess at times, go to the back of the local library, where there was some grass and few stairs to sit, with white loaves of bread and some carbonated beverages and spend time eating and chatting away. At times I would finish my own loaf of bread, even proudly actually. So thus I found the first group of people that I could actually call my friends. It took me no time to find the nearest kyokushin karate dojo. I was still pushing hard at it. When I arrived in town I was already a brown belt, though I wore a green belt as I had not yet received my new belt. I soon received the belt from the sensei (instructor) to my great delight. The training was very intense at times. I had gotten used to it by now though, and besides the belt of high ranking, relative to most of the students, made one to want to set an example of perseverance at all times.

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As far as the academics were concerned I was alright. There were class stars again. Holy Cross High started in grade 8 when I arrived in 2002 for my 10th grade. So thus there were already students who had settled in for at least two years in the school by the time we joined them as their classmates. By the way, all five of us, my group that is, were new at the school in 2002 as we entered in at grade 10. It was very interesting to not be on top again. By now though being on top was not my main focus. I knew that I was capable of passing all my subjects and actually knew what it was that I was being taught in class. So I was fine with that, for the time being at least. The prize giving ceremony was also found at Holy Cross. It was done a bit different though from New Horizon. Personally I believe the New Horizon system was better. Let me try to explain why: At Holy Cross, unlike at New Horizon, the prize giving was shortly after the June vac. The awards were awarded based on the June results. The main downside to this system was that, though I am not certain if it ever happened, a student could potential get a prize and still fail the subject at the end of the year, or even fail the whole grade as a matter of

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fact. Thus the New Horizon system which was based on the end of year results made more sense to me. Nevertheless I received an award that year for the 2nd best geography student. I had not expected a prize actually. I was very pleased. At the same prize giving the super stars were made manifest unto us. The same girl who had been number one the previous year was number one once more. She was a very bright girl. This was in grade 10b. There were two classes for each grade determined by the level in which English was taken. a was the class in which English was taken as a first language with Afrikaans taken as the 2nd language. b on the other hand was the class that took English as a 2nd language and Xhosa as the 1st language. I dont know why one could not take Xhosa as a 1st language and English as a 1st language as well, as I had desired. They must have had their reasons I suppose. So the star in the a class was also revealed to be the guy who had been number one two years back when both classes were still combined in grade 8. So the first year in town went on relatively smoothly. Well besides me being mugged two times, no three
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times, with one of the muggings resulting to my first cell phone loss due to robbery. The cell phone was actually my first cell phone ever. I was so traumatized. Though this was the case with this first mugging in time, with three more cell phone muggings to date, I ended up being somewhat immune to the emotional stress that comes with it. Then in the second semester of that same year I was called by one of my teachers and asked to join the Junior Council. It is only recently, actually only now that I write this book to you, that I actually thought of a reason why she might had asked me. I was new at school and besides the prize giving in which I received an award in a number of weeks back, which I have now assumed is the only thing she could had judge me based on, I did not know how she could had seen anything in me. As time went on I did realize that she really had high expectation in me. Miss S. I really do appreciate all people that came into my life and thought I could amount to something. It did give me a reason to go on with a great hope for a brighter future. She taught me English by the way. I still remember to this day learning of Macbeth in her class.

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So here she was asking me to join the Junior Council. First of all I had never, up until that time, heard of such. I was thinking Join what? If I remember well there was a bit of reluctance in me based on a fear of the unknown. Regardless though I did not refuse. I was not too big at letting opportunities to try out new things that I thought were within my sphere of abilities pass me by. Then this student was called who was already in the organization to sort of mentor me into it. I mentioned him before earlier on. Remember the student from whom my friends and I got the term mlungu from? It was at this point that I officially crossed paths with him for the first time. He was highly ranked in the organization and at one point saw me walking with my friends, still in my early days in the organization, and said something along these lines to my friend: Ndingu mlungu wakhe which is to say I am his boss. I thought Is this guy for real? Then from that day on we started calling each other mlungu! So he went with me to the city hall where the Junior Council met for my first meeting and on the way explained to me what the Junior Council was about.

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Let me try to explain as much as necessary what the Junior Council is and how it is structured: Mthatha belongs to a district called the King Sabata Dalindyebo district or KSD district. When I joined the Junior Council its jurisdiction was beyond just the city itself but encompassed the whole district. In reality though it was only the following year that attempts were made to try and involve the surrounding smaller villages in activities and membership wise. The Junior Council was a structure that mimicked, to some extent, the district municipality and the national government at the same time. Its membership was made up of students from schools within the district primarily but by principle contained seats for all established youth clubs in the district. All members of the Council were referred to as councilor with the last name following there after instead of the first. Thus I would become councilor Zamela for instance. The organization could be viewed as having three levels. The first level consisting of members that were known as ground councilors. The second level consisted of the ministers, with their deputies, which were the heads of the five portfolios. I dont think I remember all the portfolios but Ill try. Then there was the highest,
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and most revered of course, level. This level was called The chair. It consisted of three councilors. These three held the position of Mayor, deputy Mayor and last but hardly least the Speaker. The functional units of the organization were the portfolios. These were the Education, Sports, Health and Environmental awareness, Religion and the fifth portfolio which I dont remember. The ground councilors were slotted in one of these five portfolios. Each portfolio was responsible for coming up with activities that would call for the participation of all the active schools in the district. These activities were called projects. The minister of each particular portfolio was directly responsible for the portfolio and the projects therein. The ministers were then accountable to the chair but more directly to the mayor. To give you a feel of the projects which were done I will give you an example of a project that was done by the Education portfolio: The projects involved students from different schools coming and sharing their various talents in terms of poetry and the likes. With a panel of judges to judge each category and give awards to the best students. So that is basically what the Junior Council was all about.
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So the guy who brought me to the meeting I soon found out was the deputy Mayor in the organization. There was actually another student from Holy Cross who was also already in the Junior Council. She became the minister of the Education portfolio. I soon learnt that I was not the only new student from my school joining the organization. A girl, who could not make it for that first meeting, was also recruited thus totaling at two guys and two girls from my school. At this point in time the Junior Council was undergoing a metamorphosis. Originally there had been two representatives from each school. Then some schools, that is to say the representatives from those schools, were inactive. So after attempts to get the inactive schools active again with no positive results a new strategy was devised. The inactive schools were left as they were and from the active schools two more representatives were requested. This is where I and a number of other students from other schools came in. So there I was in my first meeting. If I remember well the guy dropped me in the meeting and then left but the other girl, LG, who was already in the organization from my school was there. When we got inside the
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meeting room I thought to myself this is serious business! This room was called the council chamber. It consisted of a long conference table with a platform on the one side were the three powers sat, with the middle chair of the three, upon which the mayor sat, dwarfing the other two with its headrest height and beautiful design. There were also chairs against the wall in which other councilors sat when the table was fully occupied. The Speaker for that first meeting and the deputy mayor were absent. Thus the mayor was the only one of the three present. The meeting was not that long but nonetheless reaffirmed in my mind the reality of the seriousness of this organization. I had never been in any structure as formal as this one before. The mayor introduced herself and welcomed the few new members that were then present. Then quickly two councilors were summoned to stand. They were questioned if they were aware of the fact that they had missed three consecutive meetings without an apology. I actually leant the word consecutive for the first time in that meeting. They acknowledge that they were aware of this. Then without further inquires the constitution was taken out and a section was read out
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from it. It basically said that if a councilor missed three consecutive meetings without an apology they would be removed from their seat and asked to inform the school to send a new representative. After the mayor read it they were told to do just that. After that I dont remember what few other things were said as I was still traumatized by what I had just witnessed. I remember thinking wow! She just axed them without that much of emotion being displayed. She is cruel! This place is scary! After the meeting I left for school with LG and on the way I remember telling her I dont think I like this mayor girl. She is mean! Then her response, which was with little hesitation, shocked me so much that I remember thinking yho! Things just keep on getting better! She basically responded saying to me You think the mayor is bad? The mayor has NOTHING on the madam speaker! Nothing! It turned out that the mayor was not the only girl in the highest level in the organization. The speaker was also a girl. Not only that but she was also far capable, and actively at it, of cutting down people down to size. So thus my first impression of the Junior Council was made and I patiently waited for the next meeting in which most of the new and old councilors would be present and the
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portfolio reshuffling, including the allocation of some new ministers and the slotting in of all new ground councilors into the portfolios, would take place. So the day came. The meeting started with the mayor and the deputy mayor present. The madam speaker was not there. Then a bit later she arrived. She was not wearing her uniform in that day and as she sat down and took her position as chairperson she first apologized for being late and for her attire. Already I was thinking She is serious isnt she?! Then quickly she explained what was happening and all the councilors who did not have portfolios were asked to state which portfolio they would like to be in. Then after that the councilors who were not in portfolios were told to sit on an indicated location. Now as I went to sit this guy, who was apparently in trouble for something but was one of the councilors who had been around for sometime and actually the former deputy mayor to be exact, tells me that I do not need to sit there since I already said which portfolio I want to be in and should go join the people with portfolios. Though I resisted for a few seconds he quickly assured me that what he was saying was the

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right thing to do. I did not want to question anyone here as I did not know anything so I did what he said. At this point the chair was having a quick caucus to decide on were the members were to be allocated. So when the speaker saw me sitting were I was not officially asked to sit she quickly drew the attention to me. I was asked what on Earth it is that I thought I was doing. I tried to explain that the other guy had told me to come sit were I was. She quickly told me to go back to were I was told and made it clear that from now on I only was to answer to the chair and that I was not to do anything contrary to what they had commanded. Like a dog with its tail between its legs I went to sit down were I was told to sit at the first. Then after this there was a further discussion in which all councilors engaged which would further help the chair decide where to slot everyone. The workings of the Junior Council were explained and then the concept of a project was introduced. Then a question was asked What is a project? Then the deputy mayor out of the blue says perhaps councilor Zamela can assist us. I thought to myself no no no! How on Earth am I supposed to know what the definition of a project is? So as I stood up, as all stood up to speak except the
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three powers, my heart started racing. I started mumbling so much nonsense that with each word escaping my mouth I felt more and more like an idiot until I slowly sat down having being conquered by the definition of project. His game plan was to get as many of the students from Holy Cross to be highly seated councilors and I had just failed him. At this he then quickly turned to the other new recruit from my school saying maybe councilor M can assist councilor Zamela. What M did next was the final nail to the coffin of my embarrassment. She was naturally a fast speaker with a vocabulary and grammar that few I knew could rival, and she started. She was flowing so smoothly with such ease that I felt myself getting smaller with each word that she spoke. That alone was enough to set her as a force to be not taken lightly and also gave her a seat as minister. Thus the meeting ended with me having made a complete fool of myself in more than one occasion. I was so angry, but what was done had been done and I accepted that this whole Junior Council thing was going to be pain. I concluded that indeed I was not going to

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like the madam speaker after all. LG was very right! I thought to myself. Within a month of that meeting I was passing by the town hall and noticed that in one of the rooms there was a public meeting with a panel in front. It was a full house with at least 30 people in the audience. As I tried to pick so as to see what exactly was happening I noticed that at front the madam speaker was there. As I was contemplating leaving she spotted me and came running to me and quickly explained what was happening. It was a talk show which was hosted by a youth club in town and the topic this time around was the Junior Council. Thus the panel in front and facing the audience consisted of council members all new save for the madam speaker. By the way I was a ground councilor in the Sports portfolio at this time. So thus she told me that there were not enough councilors around and that I had to take one of the seats in front. I thought Woman what is wrong with you?! Do I look like I am someone who wants to sit in front of this crowd?! Of course I did not say this to her but simply gave her a semi-quick yes and started moving to the front and sat down.
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So the show began. She quickly explained what the J.C. was about and after that questions were asked. Some of the question, in fact I could even say the majority of them, were designed to attack the J.C. as they were coming from people who for one reason or another did not like the J.C. that much. The madam speaker took most of the hard questions then there was one that had something to do with AIDS and Sports which was asked at which point she directed the question to me as I was the only person from the Sports portfolio who was present. So feeling a bit nervous I tried to answer the question. Judging by the reaction of the crowd and the madam speaker I quickly realized that I had not done a bad job. This made me relax a bit and my mind was clearer and I could focus more from then on. Then someone asked another attack based question. To this I signaled the madam speaker to allow me to take it. I dont remember what the question was and what my response was but what I do remember is that I answered in such a way that said, by implication and as polite as possible, you are actually an idiot to ask such a question but nevertheless here is the answer to your silly question After that no attack questions followed and it was smooth sailing until the end of the meeting.
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That event changed everything! The madam speaker in that one talk show concluded that I was not an idiot after all. In fact to cut the long story short it got to a point in time where I was the closest person to her in the Junior Council both on a professional and person level. I remember how in meetings whenever there was a councilor who was not getting something that she was explaining she would often then ask me to explain further. I enjoyed it so much. Then there was a war between the powers. The war was primarily between the mayor and the madam speaker but the deputy was more on the side of the mayor. To be honest I dont really remember how it started, though if I remember well it was said to had started on a personal level, but all I know is that it got very bad and caused a lot of tension in the council. I generally did not mind controversy that much. I did not like it but when it came I tended to rise up to the occasion. I still have a bit of that to this day, though its consciously dying of. So in no time I picked sides. At this point I was very fond of the madam speaker which really made picking sides very easy. It was this that actually made us more close friends. The madam speaker camp was much larger
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than the mayor camp. In all honesty as far as people skills are concerned the mayor had nothing on the speaker as far as being able to get people to see why she believed she was on the right. It got so intense that an attempt of reconciliation came from above. That is to say from the actual municipality. Things were never the same though until the year ended. Thus was my first year in Mthatha in a nutshell. It was an interesting year. I think the most interesting up until that point in my life. So I looked forward to the following year as I had well settled into town by now.

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8. The Pride Increases I am Zeus!

The year 2003 came and with it was introduced into my life more elements, some of which I would carry for a few years into the future while some I would carry even to this very day and, unless by serious intervention, am to carry for the rest of my life. Hip-hop was one of these. Defined by Wikipedia with these words: Hip hop or Hip-Hop is an artistic culture that originated in
the 1970s in New York City. DJ outlined the four pillars of Hip-Hop Culture: MCing,DJing, b-boying (breakdancing), and graffiti writing. We will get back to that in a moment. Back to school So my pre-university life was slowly coming to its end. I was now in grade 11 and was still enjoying school. I was still close to my four friends and spent most of my time with them. There were many interesting characters, I had come to realize, both in the form of teachers and students at school. Let me touch on a few of the teachers: There was the lady who was rarely in a good mood. The type that you by all means avoid to cross paths with in a negative way. I liked her though. Its a pity that in one of my crazy moments the next year, remember I overshadowed my crazy friend at my peak times, I said something to her to the 74

hearing of a class filled with students that made her write me of and not speak with me even to this day. It was during exam time in June in 2004 and she was invigilating a class composed of grade 12 (my grade then) and grade 11 students. We were making noise and she got irritated and said that she would not give us the papers and we would not write that exam if we didnt stop making noise. Now smart me quickly thinking But there are grade 12 students here and you cant really prevent them from writing because of some little noise opened his mouth and said uyaxoka which means, in a not so polite but straightforward way in Xhosa, you are lying. Honestly speaking the intention was not for her to hear that but for the students around me to hear it so that we could have a quick laugh at her expense. Sadly I did not control my voice well enough and she heard. She then asked who it that had just said that, but no one answered her. We ultimately wrote and left. The next day the deputy principal, who was taught by my mother in her high-school years, called me to her office and told me that someone snitched and I was exposed as the person who told the teacher she was lying. She then made me go to her and tell her. I went to her and told her it was me that said she was lying. After a short chat that made me realize that she was really disappointed by the fact that it had been me, she told me very plainly that from henceforth I was 75

pretty much dead to her. To this very day that never changed. Its been six years since I last saw her and I sometimes wonder if she would still hold that against me. Then there was the fellow who loved his citi-golf chico a lot, and later on had a citi-golf life. There were a few things of note about him of which some I would rather not mention. He could get really angry, more especially when students were being silly or disrespectful. He could hit you on your head, like he was knocking on a door, with his ringed finger if you really got to him. Actually now Ive just remembered how we liked imitating some of our teachers. He was an all time favorite for imitation. This one time though, another crazy moment of mine, during break time he passed by me and pushed me, and a few other students, out of the way. He did it in a playful manner though with a smile on his face. So right after he did this, as he walked away towards the staff room, I started imitating him saying things like move out of my way man! Cant you see a teacher is passing by?! Guess what? He was not far away enough to not hear exactly what I was saying! So a few girls who were close by start giggling a lot and Im thinking to myself okayyyy. I know that can be funny but not that funny. Then as I turned towards the direction he was in, I realized that he had stopped and looking toward me started, the moment he saw I could see him, to call me to follow him to the staff room. And I was 76

thinking o no! The staff room! No no no no! Not the staff room! The staff room you see was really the last place you would want to find yourself in for the wrong reason. Teachers would spend their time there when not in class and during break time it was packed. Whenever a trouble maker was brought there by any of them they would then all converge with words on the trouble maker and the experience was generally not desirable. So here I was following him to the staff room. We got in and he sat down and said Do what you were doing outside! My heart started beating fast and Im thinking Dude no! What on Earth! Not here! So with a very low voice, hoping to draw as less attention to the two of us as possible, I responded to him saying Im sorry sir! Im sorry! I wont do it again. He asked me to do it one or two more times but then asked me to leave. I think more than what I did getting to him he actually found it amusing. Then there was Mr P. What shall I say of him? He was also an all time favorite when it came to our imitate this teacher moments. He liked making it known to the students, more especially the guys, that he had no problem crashing a boy who thought he was smart and if the boy is taller than him, which was rare since he was really tall, he had no problem smacking his chin and making him look to the sky. He really made us laugh. 77

There are many more characters that really made Holy Cross a unique experience and actually a joy to come to school of which I will not mention more. Then there was the RCL (Representative Council for Learners) aka SRC. I ran for RCL and made it in. It consisted of ten students if I remember well. Another interesting thing happened in that year though. Remember the guy who was from my school who served in 2002 as the deputy mayor of the Junior Council? In 2003 he was in grade 10. He also ran for RCL and ultimately, making history at Holy Cross, became the first student, as far as I am aware let me add, to be the RCL president while not in grade 12. He became the RCL president though there were two grades higher than the one he was in. A very serious achievement as far as high-school leadership is concerned. I enjoyed being in the RCL and generally, as it was in my prefect years at New Horizon, had not much of a problem with students. I did not take nonsense still. It was still very simple to me in this way: If you dont cooperate then you and I take a trip to the deputy principals office. No student wanted that believe you me. There were very serious clashes though with one overshadowing them all when I came face to face with a student that had a mob mentality, if we can just call it that, that nearly had a bunch of guys give me a serious beat down after school. Of course I quickly reported the event to the principal and his plans were stayed and he nearly got into serious trouble. 78

Academically the year went on with a few bumps here and there. We will speak more on that a bit later on when we sum up my high school experience three chapter away. This time around I did not get any prize in the prize giving and if I remember well my friend KT got a price for something. I dont remember if NJ got a price that year or the

following year but in one of the two he got a prize. It

was a bit of a let down since the previous year I had received a prize. I remember Miss S. asking me What happened? Why did you not get a prize? I have no idea what my response was to that question. But nevertheless life went on. I was still active as far as karate was concerned and this was actually the last year in which I would be seriously active. I went to a number of tournaments but never participated in any grading. My last was while I still stayed in Butterworth when I obtained a brown belt. Now back to the Junior Council. When the year started in 2003 we quickly realized that there were serious gaps to fill. Both the mayor and the speaker had left town and some of the experienced members could not join us as they were facing completing their high school level of studies. So we sat in one of the first meetings that year to vote in a completely new chair and cabinet. There were four people who were nominated for the position of mayor. One was a guy who was one of the oldest 79

amongst us. He was doing his final year at high-school that year. The other was a younger girl, about my younger sisters age, that I was fond of. We called each other little one and big one. Then there was the former deputy mayor who had introduced me to the Junior Council. Finally there was me. The former deputy mayor sadly had one vote, his own, which made him decide that that was his last day in the Junior Council. The little one, as I called her, did not get that many. Then the brother who was pretty much the oldest amongst us had the second highest votes thus making him the deputy mayor. This then thus made me, with the highest votes, the new mayor. I was very much excited and happy about it. The speaker, who had became very fond of me by now and likewise I of her, with little competition was the girl who from my school was recruited at the same time as me. The one who had helped me define what a project is. We did a few things as the Junior Council that year and the relationship between us was generally better than that in the previous year. Though I had a few clashes with the deputy mayor, I think because he was generally more serious than me and at times would want to forget his place, but we still maintained peace. We recruited a few more councilors and also invited a few more schools from the KSD district, including some from out 80

of the main town (Mthatha) which had not been represented up until that point in the KSD JC. Of all the new recruits there is one who stands in my eyes, both on the basis of contribution to the JC but mostly on a personal level, as the highest influence that I ever came across in the JC. In fact he would somewhat disappear in my life, though not fully, to emerge once more for an even greater work, a far greater work, than at the first. SD was this fellow. I remember the first time I met him. I was coming from the council chamber going down stairs for something and at the stairs I see this guy with long and uncombed hair. He wore glasses and looked slightly confused. So I greeted and asked him if I could help him to which he responded and stated that he was a representative from his school sent to join the JC. I then introduced myself as one of the members and as the mayor. Then we had our first meeting with the new recruits and had a few more similar ones as more joined to orientate them. As time went by I quickly realized that there were a few things about SD that were a bit out of the ordinary as far as I was concerned, in a somewhat interesting and positive way. I quickly discovered that he was doing his 12th and final grade as a high school student. On top of this he was a year younger than me being born in 1987. The way in which he thought though had an air of originality and depth that I was not quite used to. 81

There are actually two main things worth of note, of which ones I spoke of briefly earlier, that I picked up in that year of 2003 and of both of these he had a direct role to play in me picking them up. Firstly he was somewhat an atheist, but not quite. He had been a Rastafarian at some point in his experience and had even stopped eating meat at some other point due to this. He was much into ancient mythologies such as the Egyptian and Greek mythology. Thus to some extent he was even at the edge of being pagan in the Christian sense of the word. All of this was primarily because of a culture that he had fully embraced. A culture that I knew virtually nothing about. A way of life known as the Hip-hop culture. Up until now I had listened to rap. I listened to as much of it as I could listen to actually. With a white rapper by the name of Eminem, with his crazy lyrics and hypnotic background beats, being my favorite rapper. Then SD came and educated me that there are actually two worlds in the Hip-hop world. One of these, he told me, is the one I was well acquainted with known as commercial Hip-hop. This one is generally all about making money by rapping about sleeping with girls, having a lot of bling bling (jewelry), etc. Then there was the more serious and deep world known as underground hiphop. This consisting of conscious hip-hop heads. This deals

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with the deep and hardcore stuff such as social elements and even considering political and religious realities in the world. Science was also a subject of interest with everything else that is deep. There rappers are called hip-hop heads. He then taught me of the five elements of Hip-hop of which four I quoted above as found, or at least was found when I searched the internet, on Wikipedia. The first being MCing which means Mic Controlling were the rapping element comes into play. The second being DJing involving the element that deals with manipulating music discs and making them produce some fancy sounds. The third element being break dancing which deals with the type of dancing that is most associated with the culture. The fourth element being graffiti writing which involves using spray paints to create art usually on building walls (usually being vandalism). Then the fifth element was knowledge which basically said Get knowledge, get knowledge, get knowledge! Do not be an ignorant hip-hop head! I was immediately hocked. This seemed so deep to me. I wanted in. I also learned that hip-hop heads generally had a hip-hop name. The D in SDs name stood for the divine. He sought to awaken to his inner divinity as we all are gods as he would explain. Whenever he would tell me these things I would think DEEEEEEEP!!! This is serious business right here!!! We spent some time trying to figure out a name that would fit me. For some time we were not that much successful. 83

So this one time when we stood in front of a stranger introducing ourselves, right as I was about to tell him who I was SD jumped in and said His name Zeus! For a few seconds I thought What? Im who? but before he even explained I began to see were he was going and I liked the idea. I knew pretty well who Zeus was. According to Greek mythology there was first a race of older gods called the titans. These were then, as a result of a war, replaced by a younger and better known generation of gods known as the Olympians. Of these younger gods the most known and most powerful was Zeus, the king of gods. So SD explained to me that when he considered the fact that I seemed to have serious leadership qualities, being the mayor and a member of the RCL and a prefect earlier on in my life, and when he also considered that my name starts with the letter Z he found Zeus to be the perfect hip-hop name for me. I loved it so much so that for the next four years, including 2003, I would be known by that name. Thus Zeus was born. I started attending a hip-hop gathering known as a cypher in which hip-hop heads met and free styled and also battled lyrically to see who the best MC was. In time I began to improve a bit but never got to a point were it could be said he is a force not to be taken lightly

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The name Zeus though to me, when I look back, embodied more than just my hip-hop experience. Something was strengthening in me. I was beginning to really thing highly of myself. I often reflected on the reason why I had received the name in the first place. Was I not after all a mayor of a Junior Council of a whole district? Was I not after all a member of the RCL? Was I not all of this in the second year of my arrival to this town? These were the questions I asked myself with a positive yes to all. Pride in me began to increase seriously. I was slowly beginning to see no limit before. What I could not overcome or achieve now I could do a few years down the line I began to think to myself. I was on point! Who now could mock me? I had what a few could have and I loved it. Thus my thoughts became Zeus? Yes! A fitting name! I am Zeus! Remember I said elements, not element, were introduced into my life this year. Two elements standing out the most I said. Another element which was introduced was actually more of an awakening. A gift inherited from my father which up until this point had not found an opportunity to come forth

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9. So I can write
Writing: an extension of human language across time and space with human language in turn being a tool intended primarily for communication between humans. It stands as one of the strongest ties that bind us together. For through writing thoughts and feelings can be conveyed from one human to another even if the two are separated by thousands of miles in space or thousands of years in time. The new councilor had a number of interesting things about him. Firstly I remember a play that came into play. We were preparing for one of the JC events. One of the activities that we came up with was a play. At this point SD had a short play that he shared with us. Though I dont remember all of the elements that were in the play I do remember that the setting of the play was South African and in the black community. That was one of the first times that I realized that he wrote. Soon thereafter I was introduced to a file of his that he kept. The file was filled with a number of poems. I started reading them. I remember how for some time I thought This is not right. How can someone have so much depth into him? Someone in front of me and my

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age. No, not my age, a year younger than me! The things that he wrote were beyond what I had ever seen. The thing is, I had read a few poems here and there but would usually get bored. The English was either too archaic and simply too hard to understand or it was very irrelevant and thus I could hardly relate. But here was this boy, this 16 year old guy, writing about life and the deep issues therein and I could understand and even relate to the words. For sometime, days, I would always get hold of his file and flip the pages and read, repeating some favorites often. After sometime the admiration of his works turned in me into a desire to write. I wanted to take a pen and write something profound. I wondered if it was possible for me to write words with that much depth behind them. To take out the thoughts in my mind and put them down on paper. To paint a picture of my emotions in a poetic way. So soon I started. I remember the very first poem I wrote. In fact Ill share it with you and a few others in a moment. I showed SD that first poem and wanted to get some constructive criticism from him. I dont remember what he said word for word but these were the thoughts that he conveyed
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to me: You have potential but you should try to be less direct in your poetry. Try to hide the meaning in the words to get the reader to think a bit. Use your figures of speeches Figures of speech that till this day I am still not good at. I blame it on second language, as a close friend of mine would always point out. Okay I also blame it, and mainly so, on my unwillingness to master the language. So I took the advice and leant from the first poem. The poem that was my official debut to the poetic world

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The Institution What is the institution? Could it really be there for some education? Or is it there to blind our brothers and sisters of what is really in progression? Or could it be there to enter our minds and do a bit of some infiltration? The institution Was there nothing before it? We can not survive without it That is what it forcers us to think about it Now we all put our faiths in it The institution I want to be free from all these laws that bind me Forgive me for trying to find what is within me For trying to find me a life without thee Alas, freedom to be what I wish to be What is the institution? Or who is the institution Me, you, us or them, all assumptions Or maybe its something that was made by someone Made to be for everyone, and stay immortal I am blind, but seek to see, to see what is really in progression

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After this poem I continued to write more. I remember this one time I wrote something like ten poems in less than a week. I liked the fact that I could just write about anything and no one really could control how my pen flowed. It was all up to me. To voice my opinion about the most important things in life or to take something apparently insignificant and make it something worth pondering upon became a delight to me. As time went on my own style began to develop more. I ultimately liked, to this day still do, writing poems that had three stanzas in them. The first stanza containing the introduction of the idea being addressed, the second a build up of the idea and finally the third in which I concluded my thoughts on the matter. I wrote over a number of themes. Love, politics, a little bit of religion, philosophy and whatsoever else I could think of. Here are a few of the poems I wrote as time went by

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My lady My lady It is that time of the day again The time when I get to see my lady The sight alone is of perfect happiness Her black eyes shining like the mid-night moon and nothing less My lady A black Romeo and Juliet setting From the times of Shakespeare to the times of our love Love that was made to last for eternity With one thing as our guide, loyalty My lady What would I be without thee? I guess a shattered picture from an art collection Or a missing piece from a jigsaw puzzle The thought alone puts my body in shiver My lady If this is a dream let me not awake For all that I would feel then would all be fake Me and her is all I see when I close my eyes Eternity, yes, we will be until the end of time

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This was one of the first poems I ever wrote. It was my fourth poem to be precise. I remember reading it out to my mother with a number of poems I had written by then. It was rather very uncomfortable reading this particular one to her. O and for the record, there was no Juliet when I wrote this. Next poem

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Tears down my eyes Tears down my eyes Life in this land, my land Its like planting on sand Destruction upon all that one seems to mend Nothing but dust to attend Tears down my eyes I cried once twice, three times Nothing seems to change Its kind of no longer strange I sometimes think of revenge Is that all there is to it Floating around with evil thoughts Tears down my eyes The time is here For me to wipe my eyes With my mentality set to improve And penetrate my nation With thoughts of pride and togetherness And we shall be amongst most nations

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And then we learn again

Child blank is the start of it all Remains until we answer our call Then the land were we stand or fall We find ourselves were we can never be truly tall We grow till life ideas are formed Some poor, for we there were not informed Ideas strengthen, nearly unshaken For decisions were long taken We mature, we see other beings pain In accommodating, our ideas receive stains Until we know not anymore what's main And then once more we learn again

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The Right Accent Whose sound waves are perfect? We differ worse than the sounds of different serpents Whose sound waves are perfect? But those of all little infants I stand black and in soul still African And as I have spoken before again I do with this pen Where no sound can help make assumptions of what I can't and can Beyond all skins I dig so that all who these words see can learn Think deeply, far or near, the answer lies at all times The beauty of an accent depends on the lips from which it comes Imitated even as far at times as the acts of crimes But still in the same way we laugh, and if sad its the same cries

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I'll show you how to write Once more, "the pen is mightier than the sword" But not the pen but the mind that is referred to by the pen as lord But the mind is a secret thus it is a pen without which we can not afford For most secrets of the universe can be expressed by a word With every line and rhyme for the next eyes be clear A true poet will express their mind without a fear A true poet is one with an eye for a smile and a tear A true poet is one with words that feed minds afar and near In hope that from my words your eyes and mind will take a bite And in the future assist you to somewhat fly and glide like a kite That they may give you wisdom and the right sight for the right site Pay attention and I'll show you how to write
These poems are sampled from the 60+ poems I ended up writing in a time line from 2003 to 2006. They chronologically show how my style and poetic construct developed over time.

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So thus I became a poet. Actually SD served as a catalyst to help me take the first few steps in awakening, if you may, to my inner poet. My father is a writer. He has a number of poems and books under his belt. In fact in high school there was a book of poems in the Xhosa class from which we had to learn. The book contained poems from a number of poets and he was one of them. Thus I believe that it is one of the main reasons why I love expressing myself in poetry at times. There is a genre of poems that I did not touch for now, one that truly developed at a later on stage. We will get back to that at a later on chapter. Then at a later on stage, much later, a new element was born. For you to understand it more fully we will have to leave 2003 and travel just a bit into the relative future. In the end of the year 2005 a desire was born in me to write a book. A desire and idea that was conceived but was not to be born for a number of years thereafter with a few cycles of death and resurrection. At the first, in 2005, the desire was born when I looked back at all that I had experienced in my life and realized that though my life was with many challenges it was so far a story with a seemingly bright future. Thus in
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contemplation of this I decided I wanted to share my experience with the world so that as many as are discouraged and read my story might find a little bit, even if just a little bit, of encouragement. So I started writing starting from the beginning of my life. For some reason a title that I found myself moved to give the book was Half my life. A rather strange title given that I was nineteen when I came up with it. I mean youd think I was expecting to die at forty. Simply put the reasoning behind it was the fact that I concluded the next twenty years of my life would be a whole new experience as I would soon enter another phase in my life. That is to say a phase of working and responsibilities and so on. I wrote the first three or so chapters then slowly I lost interest for reasons that are not very clear to me right now. Then time passed by to the year 2008. In October a friend of mine, JT, gave me a book for my birthday. A book written by a man well known in the medical world called Ben Carson. A book titled Gifted hands. Having read about the first three or so chapters and already receiving inspiration from it the idea to share my experience was once more revived in me.

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By this time though I had become a different man from what I was back in 2005 when I wrote for the first time. This time around I only wrote a part of the first chapter and then I stopped again due to some distractions. I still remember though how much the book had inspired me. JT had actually given me that book with exactly that in mind. In fact these are the words that she wrote in one of the first pages of the book

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Then finally on the 8th of September in 2010 out of the blue I remembered that I had an experience to share. Thus the idea was resurrected once more. This time though it was different. I am not fully sure what made it different than the first two times. There are a few things I did differently this time around though that I believe helped make the difference. Firstly I spent a number of minutes thinking of the words for the prologue. I wanted to, with as few words as possible, capture the thought behind the book and share it with you from the start. Then with this being done I spend that very same night deciding on what each chapter would be about and giving each chapter its title. I then started using two word documents. The first document I used to write the actual book as I desired it to finally appear to all who would read it. The second I used to prepare the structure and write down all notes of things that I wanted to include in the book. In this second document each chapter had a sentence, or in some cases more, explaining what the chapter would contain and all highlights that I wanted to make sure I did not forget.

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On top of this I told about six people in my life and somewhat recruited them to share with me every chapter as I wrote it. This helped me to firstly have a basic idea as to whether the words in the book were rightfully conveying my thoughts and feelings as I desired and thus have an idea as to how people would receive the book. After each chapter I would convert the word document into a pdf file and then share it with these chosen ones. One of these for instance being a friend of mine, DX, from Johannesburg, standing as the most faithful in reading and then providing me with feed-back as to how she found the chapters as I wrote them, and also edging me to quickly write the next chapter so that she can read it. This then thus made me excited about writing more so that I could continue taking her on the journey with me. Thus my carrier as a writer was born. One that I hope will continue as time goes on and as I find much more meaning to life. That I may share on, for I am now convinced that I have been blessed with an ability to write. Thus I have come to acknowledge saying So I can write.

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10. I am bothered still

In the midst of my experience in the town of Mthatha there still hung a dark gray cloud over me. As things seemed to make more and more sense with time there was one element that seemed to be more and more confusing. The issue of religion. I still found myself with a pressure that I found more depressing than anything else in my life. I still was told that there is a God that I was to know. A God that required me to do some things and not do some other things. A God that ruled everything and to whom I had to surrender everything including my will. A concept that I had learned first from my mother. Then there was the issue of being told that I am no longer bound by the law of God and that Jesus freed me from it. Which to me meant that I just needed to accept Jesus and whether I sinned or not did not matter. This made so much contradiction in my mind and heart. I loved the idea of going to heaven irrespective of what I did but this idea just did not rest well with my heart. So I struggled.

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A new experience was about to deepen my fear of never becoming a Christian, thus never becoming close to God. So far I had a number of unanswered questions about religion. I just knew that I needed something that I felt like only God could give but I had no idea how to get to God. I had no idea what I needed to do. Sure I heard about giving your heart to Jesus and letting Him in and all of that, but I did not know what that meant practically. Then I came into fuller contact with the Pentecostal world. A world in the Christian realm marked with a few peculiar traits. I went to this particular charismatic (Pentecostal) church for the first time in the year 2002 when I first arrived in Mthatha. When ever I would go to church for the remainder of my stay In Mthatha I would go to this particular church. The first few times I would go I remember always feeling uncomfortable. Everyone around me seemed to be happy. All except me seemed to be in line with all that was happening. They seemed to love God sincerely and for me I just felt like if I would even so much as say I love God I would be lying. I did not enjoy church at all.

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Then there was the issue of speaking in tongues. It was this that made me believe more that this God, this Jesus Christ, would never be for me. From time to time, more especially during prayer, people would just switch and start speaking with very strange sounds. In a tongue or language, as I was later educated, that was not of this world. A language that came by the Holy Spirit. I learnt that all Christians truly touched by the Spirit of God talked with this language. Thus I learnt that if you can not speak with it then the Holy Spirit is lacking in you. It never came to me. I wished it would come so much. I wanted to speak in this language that was angelic but I never could. I concluded that I was not sincere in my Christianity. Later in time, while still in Mthatha, I decided I wanted to be really serious with God. I started attending some classes which would culminate in some form of graduation in which you would stand in front of the church on a Sunday as new people who have decided to follow God. If I remember well we would go on Friday evenings for the classes and the classes were divided into about five or so stages. So I started going to the classes and some bible studies were given. I dont really remember what
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was taught in details but I do know that it was about becoming a Christian. So thus I went through all of the classes until finally I was left with the last class. The final class or stage was not like any of the ones before it. In this stage there was no study. We all were gathered into a room and we stood in a few rows of about three or four. Then we were told that it was time for us to be baptized with the Holy Spirit. Then we started praying. Then as we prayed the people around me started speaking in the angelic language and got filled so much with the Holy Spirit that they started falling. The falling, another thing I learnt, was a good thing because it happened when a person was receiving God in the form of the Holy Spirit. So there I stood praying with fear in my heart that neither would I receive the Spirit and be filled to the point of falling. Some of the leaders who were there were going around moving from person to person and praying. They would touch the people as they moved and it was usually during this touching that the people would fall. I then started praying to God and said Lord please fill me with Your Spirit! Please Lord! Let me speak in tongues! Please Lord! As I prayed this prayer and one of the leaders passed by and heard my prayer he then
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confirmed with my request saying Yes! Speak to Him! Ask of Him and you shall receive! So thus I continued praying from God for the gifts of tongues but to no avail. Then when one of the leaders passed by and touched me I did not feel anything in me moving me towards the ground so I just allowed myself to fall as they touched me. In other words I pretended to be filled with the Spirit and thus was falling to the ground out of being overwhelmed by Him. Afterwards people were congratulated and I also was congratulated along with them. I felt so bad because I knew that which happened was a lie putting aside the fact that I did not even speak in tongues. It is thus that I became more and more convinced that Jesus was far and would always be far from me. It is thus that my fear that indeed God could not save me increased. Thus I believed more and more that my destiny was indeed hell. Yes, thus I realized admitted to myself saying I am bothered still.

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11. A Pattern Recognized

The year 2004 came and it was time for me to tackle my final year of high school. Two years had already passed since my arrival into town and only a year remained before I would have to move on again. This year though had a number of interesting things of its own, some of these interesting in a good way and some in a rather not so good way. Let me first start on the social side of things a bit. Firstly by now I really loved going to school. The people, my classmates, friends and teachers, were a delight to me. Some more than others of course but nevertheless I liked seeing them all. I remember one of my crazy moments at this time, but to share I need to introduce another crazy character. This was a guy by the name of SDM. He arrived at Holy Cross the same year as me back in 2002 but did not return in 2003. This guy was one of the craziest guys I have ever come across. I mean he was basically those guys in class who were known for being the most annoying and not so liked and he did not, at least in the surface, care at all.

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Now there was this song that he sang once in a while in class that belongs to a genre of music know as isicathamiya. We, the boys, would help him as the back ground singers to this song. A modified form of a song by a well known group called Ladysmith Black Mambazo. The name of the song was hello my baby. He would be singing along these lines Hello hello hello! Hello! Hello my baby! Hello, hello my baby! Hello my sweetie pie! Hello my darling... Then he would switch to vernacular and start telling his darling in song how much he loves her. All the while in the back ground we are singing hello my baby! Hello my baby! Hello my baby! Hello my baby! Then what he would do is he would then remove the baby part of the song and substitute it with the name of one of the girls in class. For instead, the song would then go like this: Hello hello hello! Hello! Hello Maria! It was so exciting watching the girl starting to blush like no ones business. Im laughing so much just thinking about it! So what happened was that when he left I took it up. We did it once in a while during recess. I would be standing outside my classroom with the guys on open air watching people going about their business and then I would be like guys lets sing. Then I would start and
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the guys would give the back ground music. Now when a girl would pass by that I thought shes pretty I would quickly inquire if anyone around knew her name and if I got it in time I would quickly switch to her and the song would be dedicated to her. The intention was to do it to her hearing. It was so nice seeing them blush as always! In fact there is not a single girl that did not seem to enjoy the attention of some six or so guys singing a love song directed her way. The last time I sang the song was on a school trip that I went to. In fact this was one of only two school trip I went to during my high school years at Holy Cross. I had specifically joined the rugby team, of which my friend KT had become the captain of, purely with the intention of going on the annual sports school trip in my finally year at Holy Cross. So on our journey on the bus, which took many hours, I decided to sing the song and the guys gave the back ground music as always. When the song had built up nicely and the attention of pretty much the entire bus was caught I then turned to this pretty girl who seemed a bit shy and put her name in it. I came closer to her and extended my hands towards her as I sang with a facial expression really saying hello my sweetie pie. Now this girl was very
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light in complexion so you could really see her turning reddish! Poor thing. When we went back to school the following week one of my friends, SP, comes to me and says Zeus what did you do to the child? She came to me asking if you were serious or not by what you sang in the bus. I remember thinking say what?! Mhhh. Was I serious? ... Then I started thinking about perhaps saying I was serious seeing that the girl was beautiful after all. We had a laugh about it and I blew it of and never followed up because honestly I was just having fun in the bus and that was all there was to it. Then in the midst of the year I came across one of the saddest evils of the human heart: A racist attack. I was walking from school to home on a sunny day on a Saturday coming back from preparing for exams. I saw this car coming towards me and I remember looking inside and for some reason I thought the person in it looked like a guy on his late teens or early twenties or something. What I clearly could see was that it was two white guys in the car though. As the car passed by the guy on the window towards me, the driver, having his window opened spat at me.
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The guy was aiming for my face but I managed to react in time and avoided his saliva altogether. I stopped walking as I was trying to process what it was that had just happened. I looked back at the car still in disbelief. It turns out that the guy was looking at me on his side mirror and when he noticed that I looked back he took his hand out of the car and raised the middle finger at me. I stood there thinking what on Earth?! Is this for real?! So I kind of leaned my head forward a bit as if trying to see if what I thought I saw was there or if it was just me hallucinating. As he notice me do this he waved his hand back and forth to make sure that I saw that he was indeed giving me the middle finger. By now I was getting very annoyed and thinking oh no you didnt! So I returned the gesture. The car stopped immediately, did a quick three point turn and came back towards me. As it stopped and I realize that both the men in the car were at least in their late thirties I ran a bit and then stopped at about twenty five to fifty meters or so away and looked back. The driver came out and started going on about how he was going to beat me up but not using that much polite a vocabulary.

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By now I was getting a bit excited by this whole thing so I responded saying listen I dont know what your deal is but I am not in the mood to fight you. At these words his facial expression changed expressing both surprise and extreme anger. He rushed back to the car at which point I knew he wanted to get closer to me so I started running again. I thought they would just give up quickly but they kept at it. I started getting scared now. I took a route in which a car could not go so he got out and started shouting at me again. I continued running. I was getting a bit closer to home. After I got out of the path I was in and joined the car path again I saw them at a distance joining the street I was in and rushing towards me. I turned a corner and as I was about to join my street the car stopped next to me. At this point I jumped a short fence into the yard next to me. This house was three houses away from home. This guy gets out of the car and follows me. So I kept on running and I jumped into the next yard. He still followed me while the other guy drove by in the car. Now there was just one house between me and home. There were just two problems between me and safety though. Problem number one was the fact that our neighbors had very vicious dogs. So if I jumped into that yard I would most probably had been slowed down
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enough for the guy to get to me as I would be trying to fend the dogs of me. Secondly we had a tall fencing around the house and it had proper barbwire at the top. That would also seriously slow me down. So having processed all of this while in the yard I was in I turned and went for the road again. Having jumped out of the yard I started running towards home. At this point the car was about ten seconds behind me and the guy on foot, who was the main antagonist, was about five seconds behind. I then remembered that we always locked the gate and on average it would probably take me about ten seconds or so to get my key out and unlock the gate. That was not going to be enough time! So I turned to the house across the street, of which we were good neighbors with, and it so happened that they did not always lock the gate like us. So I opened the gate and swung it behind me as I ran towards the main entrance to the house which was open. At this point the guy was so close that right as the gate was reaching its closed position he held it and ran into the yard still chasing me as the car stopped next to the yard.
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So when I got in there was this man that I had never seen before, probably in his early thirties or so, sitting on a sofa. So while panting I started help me! These guys are trying to get me for no reason at all! This guy says very calmly in a dont involve me sort of way I dont stay here. I am just a visitor. I thought what a coward! Who cares where you stay?! There is a situation that needs a man to stand up and intervene right here! By now the white guy was in. He got in and as he was about to come towards me he saw the guy sitting down and stopped on his tracks. He started saying with a calm voice hi. We just want to speak with him outside thats all. We dont want to hurt him. And there I was thinking Is this guy for real?! Man this is silly! Who is going to fall for that after he stormed in the house like that? The guy sitting on the sofa starts standing up while still maintaining that he is just a visitor and I thought to myself that this man was about to give me up to these two white fellows. At this time the lady who worked as the maid at the house, which I had had a number of friendly conversations with, came into the room and
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inquired about what had happened. So I quickly filled her in in about thirty seconds to a minute. The guy then started to try and make it seem like I had started the whole thing so I started saying tell her what you did. Why dont you tell her what you did? Then he got angry and his true colors emerged again Ill beat you boy. And I was like there you go! You see! Exposed! At this the lady had heard enough and started telling them to get out of the house. As they walked out they said We know where you stay! We will kill you! We know where you stay! And with that they left. We spent some time speaking about how crazy they are then after I was out of shock and thought it was safe for me to go home I left. I never saw those men again. Now as for the academic side I still had a few walls to break through. Firstly lets go a year back to grade 11. In the Geography class this one time we had some homework that we were suppose to do the previous day and bring that particular day. Class started and I had not done the homework. The teacher, Mrs. J, took it very seriously to an extent that when she realized that I

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had not done it she asked me to leave her class. So I went outside and stayed there. The following day she got in and told me to leave again. The next day she did the same thing and so on. This took place during the first semester before the June vacation. When we came back from vacation I thought she would allow me to stay in now. She got in and did according to her custom and asked me to leave. This continued until one of my other teachers, Miss S, intervened. So finally after months of being out, with her help, I got back in class. By now I was so behind that finally I failed Geography with an E. Now for you to understand the seriousness of this I will need to introduce to you a high academic achievement that existed during my time called the distinction or passing with a distinction. For one to pass with a distinction they basically had to have an average of A. Before we continue with that let us look at the two levels in which a person could take a subject in. The first was standard grade and the second was higher grade. Now higher grade was really higher in terms of difficulty than standard grade. This could include some things not done in standard grade being done in higher grade or simply more complex questions
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concerning the same issues being asked to the higher grade students. Institutions of higher education (universities) generally wanted students who took their subjects in higher grade. Now as far as the distinction was concerned I was told that if you take all of your subjects in higher grade the department added eight percent to your overall mark. Which then to me meant that if one took all six of his or her subjects in higher grade and got at least seventy two percent for their overall mark and with the eight percent boost they would land on eighty percent and thus obtain an A and thus pass with a distinction. Now beginning of the year during the matric year we had to go to all the teachers that taught the subjects we were going to be studying during the year and get them to assign us, after a brief consultation session with us, to either standard grade or higher grade. Now usually what happened was that the teachers would use the grade 11 marks to determine if it was really feasible for a student to take the subject in higher grade if they so desired. So you can imagine with an E how unfeasible it seemed for me to try to take Geography in higher grade.

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So after having indicated on the form that I was taking all my subjects in higher grade I started going from teacher to teacher until I arrived at Mrs. J who was still going to be taking the subject in grade 12. She actually just looked at my form and did not so much as say a single word and signed. I did see a bit of hesitation from her part though and a glimpse of annoyance. Its just that, at least it appeared to me, she would not careless if I over loaded myself or not. After she signed I was so happy. I myself did not really careless at the time as to why she signed as long as she signed. So the year started. At this time I had decided I wanted to go to UCT (University of Cape Town) because of a friend of mine, L, which I had met the previous year who was at the time doing his first year at UCT. I understood that UCT was not only the best university in the country but was the best university in the whole continent so thus I knew that I wanted to go there. I also knew that getting a distinction would not only give me bragging rights but would also guarantee me a place at UCT. So thus I started on the most challenging academic attempt of my life up until that point. By April I had a few As so I was on point. June came and my marks
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dropped a bit but I still was doing ok. In fact I was told by my class teacher that I was third in class by then. Another thing I noticed was that of all my subjects one that I could really use to boost my average was Biology. I was very good at it and understood it very easily. Then there was the mock exams which were taken during September or so to help students prepare for the final exams. They basically covered the whole syllabus. My grades dropped so much that I found myself loosing both the hope of a distinction and of going to UCT almost completely. When school reopened after the September vacation my Xhosa teacher spoke openly in class about how bad my results had been for the subject. In fact Xhosa was the only subject that I actually failed with an E. I had even passed Geography of which I had recovered from the previous years hit. Now of course what made the Xhosa thing really bad was the fact that it was a subject based on my mother tongue. Now whenever a person would ask me So how good do you think you will do I would always respond Well, Im aiming for a distinction. Whenever I said this I would somewhat receive strange looks which was somewhat understandable since I had not performed thus far, judging by each prize giving of the previous years even,
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at a distinction level. So I had thought to myself Really now? You think I cant do it? I will show you! I will show you all! But here I was now faced with the realization that perhaps I had bitten more than I could chew in aiming for a distinction. Soon though I looked at the odds and decided that I could still do it. In fact I told myself that at the very least I should get a pass with a merit which was the level below the distinction. So I started studying like I had never studied in my life. What I did was, during the time we as the matric students were given to study, during the day I would go to school and look at my class mates studying and study a little bit if at all. I went there to socialize actually more than anything else. Then as the sun set I would really open my books and go at until the late hours of the night, or rather the early hours of the morning. The day would then begin again and the cycle would start all over again. I actually even studied Xhosa seriously for the first time. Exams came and passed. I knew that I had done well in the exams but I did not know just how well. Days passed on and finally on the 29th of December throughout the country the news papers containing all the names of the students that passed metric, including
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the level in which they passed, came out. The person who brought the paper to me, my fathers younger brother, was so excited. I then knew that whatever was in that paper was good. I took it, went to where my school was listed and went right to the bottom as my surname starts with a Z. In front of my name was the letter D. I could not believe it! I quickly went through the paper and realized that I was actually one of only three people who had obtained a distinction at my school for that year. The first was the guy who had always been the star in the a class. The second was the new star of the b class. My friend KT who had a few months ago during the 2004 price giving shocked everyone by revealing himself as potentially the smartest student at school. He was the second distinction holder. I was on top of the world. I had gained my bragging rights and I was certainly going to get a spot at UCT. All three of us actually ended up going to UCT in 2005. At this I reflected back on my life and I realized two things. Firstly I realized that one of my greatest weaknesses is the fact that I do not apply myself fully from beginning until the end. As I looked at my symbols this fact struck home. I had received a C for
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Mathematics, a B for Xhosa, English, Physics and even Geography. Of course I got my A for Biology. When I thought about how much time I wasted doing nothing during the year I realized that with extra effort all of those Bs could had been As and the C could at least had been a B. I got frustrated a bit at the thought but I was still happy because I still got my distinction. The second thing that I realized was a pattern that seemed to mark all the activities of my life. I realized that I am not one who always has a good beginning in most things. In fact my beginnings tend to be very bad. But as I looked back at my New Horizon experience from being the stupid one to finally being the second most academically powerful student in the school, when I looked back at my Junior Council experience from being the one who could not even define what a project is to being the most powerful member in the organization, and finally when I looked at my high school life from being a slightly above average student to being in the top three in matric and amongst the only three who passed with a distinction, when I looked at all of this I was convinced that though my beginnings may be not so great I can so choose to rise above mediocrity and become great in what so ever I do.

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As I realized this pattern I smiled and thought to myself I am interested to see how things will go with me if this is how things happen in my life, to see if the pattern will hold.

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12. A Long Journey Begins

The year was now 2005. During my matric year I had applied to three universities, namely the University of Witwatersrand (Wits), the University of Pretoria and the University of Cape Town (UCT). I had already set my heart towards the Cape so when I got positive responses from all three universities making a decision was very easy. I actually remember on my way to Cape Town receiving a phone call from Wits being asked if I was going to take the offer and after I told them I was going to Cape Town being asked further if a bursary or scholarship would not change my mind. My response to this was a simple Im fine thank you. Nothing can change my mind. Thus I arrived in Cape Town for the first time. After I arrived in res and my mother, who had accompanied me, was certain that I had settled in well enough and left I meant up with my friend KT who was also at UCT by now. We spent sometime catching up on how the holidays were and reminding ourselves that we have arrived! We have arrived Mntwanenkosi! When the time for academic registration came we found the venue and we started with the paper work. Now when I was applying to UCT and all the other
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institutions I found myself in a predicament. There were two things that interested me. The first was Electrical Engineering and the second was Computer Science. I thought it would be wonderful to work under any of these fields. But I had to choose and ultimately Electrical Engineering won. When I arrived to register though I noticed that my friend had applied for something slightly different from mine. As I looked closer I was so amazed as I realized that the degree he was enrolling for was a hybrid of both Electrical Engineering and Computer Science. A degree known as Electrical and Computer Engineering. I looked at it and thought Man! I want that! So I asked the lady who was assisting us if it was possible for me to rather take Electrical and Computer Engineering rather than just Electrical Engineering. She told me I was allowed since my matric marks still allowed me to qualify for the hybrid degree. I was so happy! Thus my degree of study at UCT was set. There is a two week period at UCT known as o-week (orientation week). During o-week you are welcomed into Cape Town, into the University, into your degree of study and into the residence you are staying in. For those students in the university residences most of their
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orientation time is consumed by the residence. The different residences ran their programs independent of each other most of the time and from time to time they had joint activities between each other. I stayed in a residence known as Leo Marquard Hall. Leo Marquard Hall was a male residence that fostered in its residents the pride of being a Marquardian. There was a committee of ten guys called the house committee. They were the representatives of the students who organized events and made sure that the students got their moneys worth as far as residence life was concerned. It was also these guys who were responsible for running o-week. By the time o-week was over I was so much amazed by this new life that was before me. So much freedom and liberty to choose whatsoever I would choose in comparison to how my life had been so far. In fact by the time school started my mind was still locked in o-week mode. I still, perhaps subconsciously, thought this place was a place of fun. Then as the days turned into weeks and the first tests came and the results thereof I quickly realized that failing was something that happens at this place. But I did not care because I knew that I, Zeus, will rise up to the occasion
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even if I leave it to the last minute. I was doing five courses the first semester and it was becoming clear that I was trailing more and more behind in my course work. In fact I had common courses with some of the friends that I met at res and whenever they would spend time doing tutorials I would be lazing around doing nothing. Now between the Electrical Engineering and Computer Science side of things Electrical Engineering quickly became my favorite. The Electrical Engineering course made a lot of sense and though I was a bit lost in it I enjoyed it. The Computer Science course on the other hand, that required me to write computer programs, was a nightmare. I would be in class hearing about Object oriented programming languages such as java and c++. Classes, objects and methods or functions. Instance variables, arrays etc I had no idea what on Earth was happening. Then there would be the tutorials that made me feel even more stupid. We had to finish a program and submit it weekly. I would always try to find someone who could help me with the programs with the hope that they would actually just do it for me. On top of these there were those tutorials called closed
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tutorials. For these tutorials you would arrive at the computer lab and start coding from stretch and had to finish and submit in about three hours or so. It was such a nightmare for me because I really did not know what I was doing. I would usually end up doing what is called hard coding. In laymans terms hard coding is when you simply put a set output in the program instead of allowing the program to be flexible and work according to the input that the user puts at a particular time. Imagine if the people who were responsible for writing the software that interprets input from a keyboard in your computer did not know what they were doing and instead of doing it properly they just set the software to interpret whatever comes from the keyboard as the letter e. So irrespective of what you type you would always get the letter e. That is what hard coding is and that is what I would do for the software that I had to write. I ended up failing that semester course and as I result I could not do the second semester course. So by the time June hit I realized that I was in serious trouble. I had failed four of my five courses. The only thing that still made me smile was the fact that it was only the computer science course that was a semester

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course. All the other courses were full year courses. As a result I still had the opportunity to make things right. Now lets take a pause and look at res life. In res, as I mentioned before, there were ten gentlemen who ran the show. The members of the Leo Marquard Hall house committee. As the year progressed and I had come to realize that midway through the second half of the year a new house com was nominated I decided that I wanted to be a part of the house committee. Now this is how the process went. Firstly all of the students that wanted to run for house com had to make themselves known so that they could be accepted as valid candidates. Then the time came for the manifestos in the form of posters were students would start advertising themselves and state what it was that they stood for. After this there would then be a two day period of interrogations. The candidates would sit in front as a panel and one by one take the podium and give their opening statements about who they are and what they stood for. Each candidate had about five to ten minutes. All the residents were the audience. When the candidates were done the residents would then launch questions at them. The spirit behind these questions was to get the candidates to really sweat.
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So when the time came I put on my poster and hoped for the best. In no time the interrogation period arrived. The speakers varied, with some very strong and some very weak. There were also mediocre speakers. Now having both my parents as public speakers and having been involved in a few leadership positions I was pretty confident of my ability to speak in public. After the interrogations were over the people voted and the results came out. I actually ended up being the tenth member, by votes, of the new house com. Just made it! I was happy nonetheless because I was in. So my prominence thus began at res. Now lets go back to the academics. Although things were looking good for me at res my academic life was getting more and more dim. Let me tell you of two concepts so that you can better understand what went through my mind each step of the way. The first of these is what we call a DPR and the second of these is what we call an academic exclusion. To understand what a DPR is you would need to know what a DP is. Each course has a number of tests, tutorials and practical activities. These vary from course
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to course of course. Now during the year a student gathers a year mark and after everything has been weighted and a final year mark is given to the student who then receives a DP if their year mark is good enough. Now DPs usually range between 35 to 45% and even 50% at times. If your year mark is below the set mark your DP is refused or you get a DPR that is a DP refused. This then means you have automatically failed the course and you will not be even allowed to write the final exam. A low mark, even 30%, for a final course mark is better than a DPR because a DPR reflects that you did not take the course seriously at all. To understand the academic exclusion we need to understand the credit system of courses. Each course has a certain number of credits attached to it. In some faculties, like the science faculty for instance, these can be either half a credit or a full credit. In other faculties, like the EBE (Engineering and built environment) faculty of which I belonged, a course could have 8, 10, 16, 20, 32 and even 40 credits attached to it. The higher the credits the more difficult the course is. Now those credits are accredited to the student only when they pass the course. A student is only allowed to continue with their studies if at the end of the year they gather a certain minimum as far as the credits are concerned. If
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they however do not reach this minimum they are then academically excluded and are not allowed to continue with their studies. In fewer words they are kicked out of school. So now here I was learning about all of this as the year was nearing its end. I was failing tests like no ones business and was getting more and more demoralized. The DP lists came out. Of the four courses that I was doing I got two DPRs. This thus left me with only two exams. When I counted the credits I realized that even if I was to pass both these exams I would still be excluded. I was devastated. But I realized thought that one could appeal against an academic exclusion. Thus I decided that I would give all that I had to these two remaining courses so that at least I could pass two courses and use them in my appeal to show that I can be more serious. The end of year results came out and I ended up passing only one of the two courses. In other words of the six courses that I was suppose to had accomplished at the end of my first year I only passed one. The exclusion letter came when I had already returned home with appeal forms accompanying it. I then went through it with my mother and we started working on a draft as to what it is that I was going to say. After we filled in all I
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was suppose to fill in we sent the letter back and waited for the dead line. I remember thinking with such a reason for poor performance they cant help but take me back! When the date arrived for the results to be out I went to public phones and called to enquire. I remember the response of the lady who told me the result of the appeal, with such a careless and disinterested way, that your appeal was unsuccessful. Good bye. I stood holding the phone in my hand for some seconds feeling like a dagger had just pierced my heart. I was so caught of guard. I had not considered the possibility of my appeal being rejected. I found myself thinking then what on Earth could I have said to convince them to take me back?! I went home and wallowed in my sadness. My mother was not home at the time. I just wanted her to come home because I felt like she would know exactly what to do. I expected some words of encouragement and a way forward. She was out of town and would return in a day or two. When mother arrived I told her exactly what had happened and I remember her saying something along these lines leave them to me! I was busy thinking ok ma! What are you going to do because they are very
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clear that the appeal results are final?! But at the same time I felt like If there is anyone who can do something its her! So I just left it to my mum and the last bit of hope remained in my heart. She called them and rather seriously asked them why it is that they refused my appeal. After a long chat it was established that the main problem was that the things which I had mentioned in the appeal were not backed up by documents that could prove them. At this mum gathered all of the necessary documents and faxed them. In less than a week I received a voicemail after switching back my phone and I could not believe what I heard. It informed me saying after considering the new information provided the appeal committee decided to allow you back to UCT for the following year. I jumped up and down in excitement! I was so relieved. Thus my struggle to return to UCT ended and I had emerged the victor. Having received this news I was impressed to do three things. Firstly I decided I was tired of being not able to type without looking at the keyboard. So I started practicing on an old pc that used windows 95 for its operating system. Secondly I took my java textbook,
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java being the programming language used in first year in the computer science program at UCT, and I started from chapter one and studied day by day. Both of these things bore fruit in time as my ability to type fast and without looking at the pc increase and also java became very clear to me. The third of these was a result of me looking at my life up until that point. I looked and I was overwhelmed with the sense that I had come so far in life and my life was shaping up. It is at this point that for the first time I believed that I had a story to tell. It is this experience that is spoken of in the ninth chapter that gave birth to the first idea of writing a book to share my short experience in life with the world. Though I was to return to UCT the following year to continue with my studies for a degree in Electrical and Computer Engineering I was still to face a number of serious academic obstacles before I would finally graduate. Indeed 2005 was just the beginning of a very long journey as far as my academic life at UCT was concerned. Only just the beginning!

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13. As The Wind Blows

John 3:8 The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is every one that is born of the Spirit.

Really, few there be that can fully trace how God took them from a point of being estranged from Him to a point of being acquainted with Him, and from a point of being merely acquainted with Him to a point of actually knowing Him. I am amongst the many that can not fully trace how God introduced Himself to me. Though I am unable to fully point out, point by point, how I came to know Him there are however a number of incidents that I am aware of that brought me closer and closer to God in my life. At the end of 2005 in the midst of my sadness and excitement I experienced such an incident in my life that stood perhaps as a turning point as far as my relationship with God was concerned. I went to East London during that December vacation. My older cousin who stays there was out of town so I got her keys from a friend of hers and stayed at her place for a day. The reason why I was in East London was simply to enjoy myself. Go to the beach and go to the movies and just relax.

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In the evening as I lay in bed I got overwhelmed, perhaps more than ever before, with a sense of alienation from God. I did not know what was happening but there was a sharp pain in my heart that made me feel like the world was closing in on me. I projected my mind into the future and kept on pushing it until I stood at the brink of eternity. I then looked to see what my end would be. It did not matter from what angle I looked at it I could but see hell fire consuming me with God having turned His back completely from me. No hope what so ever! At this I started crying. I cried as I thought I am really going to perish! And my end is an eternity of torment! I could not bare it. Then all of a sudden words came into my mind. I had something to say to God and I was not sure where such thoughts came from. I knelt on my knees with my face on the bed and I started praying to God and said God, I dont want to die! I know that I am far away from You right now and I am just living my own life. I dont know how to get to You. I dont know how to be Yours. I dont know how to start a relationship with You. But regardless I am asking you this one thing: Whatever happens find a way to get me to You! Please get me to a
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point where I am truly a Christian and Your follower. Amen. After having prayed this prayer peace attended my heart and mind like it had never before. I stopped crying. The anxiety had vanished from me completely. The thing is, though I did not know that much about God there was one thing that I did know of a certainty. That was the fact that if there is any one who could bring me closer to Him it was certainly Him. I trusted that He was more than capable to bring me to Him. I did know what He would say or what He would do that would help me become a Christian but I did know that if there was anything to be done He would do it. It was this same experienced that led me to require a baptismal. I asked mother to ask the leaders at her church on my behalf to baptize me even as Christ was baptized. So I got baptized. After this experience I continued with my life still without being that much mindful of God. Yet something had happened. In the depths of my mind I knew that something would come my way. In the midst of all the confusion sense would emanate and I also, even I, would have an opportunity to be come a follower of God. Not in a superficial way merely to make myself feel
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better, no. I trusted that whatever God would do it would bring me to a real and deep understanding of things and fill my life with much more meaning than I could have ever hoped for.

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14. The Pride Climaxes

So after going through an emotional rollercoaster that ended on a good note I returned to UCT in 2006. It was interesting to know that nearly everyone at res knew that I had been excluded. I could actually see that a number of faces were surprised that I was actually back, some happy and some not so happy. In fact I was told that one guy, whose identity was hid from me, had actually remarked I will get his big house com room! Good that he is not coming back! There were a few things that an individual would gain by being in house com. One of these was that they were guaranteed a single room. Ah yes, before I continue let me fill you in a little bit more on the structure of Leo Marquard. Leo Marquard has ten floors with each containing three wings. Each wing has ten doors with other wings having an extra door. The first five of these ten doors are single rooms, or rooms that house only one person, and the next five are shared rooms with two people occupying each room. Behind the extra or plus door is a very large room. This room is easily twice the size of the average single room.

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It was in these rooms that the house com members lived. Actually nine of the ten house com members lived in these rooms. One had to occupy a normal single room. He was allowed to choose any single room he wanted though. With me being the tenth person as far as the votes were concerned I ended up being the person who had to get a normal single room. So this funny fellow who was to get his big house com room! was really just being silly and mean. Its a good think though that I was never told who he was because with the way I was back then I could had easily went to him and said something like I heard you had something to say about me. Would you like to say it to my face? Assuming he was not twice my size of course! I actually remember, of those who were happy that I was back, one guy who my immediate predecessor in house com. TL. During one of our meals in the dinning hall he looked at me with sincere concern and asked if everything was sorted out now and if I was ready to tackle the year. Cool Marquard was his alias. He later became the president of the UCT SRC. I dont think he ever knew he was Cool Marquard though. My friends and I in first year had given some of the house com members names that emanated from how we perceived them. On top of Cool Marquard there was Thug
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Marquard, Baby Marquard and Financial Marquard. We kind of like really admired these guys. They seemed like they had everything together. The naming of the Marquards brings me to another group of guys who were happy that I was back. That is the guys that I co-named the Marquards with. These are the guys that I became friends with in res from first year. There was SF. He was, on the academic side of things, more on point than all of us. He would later on finish his studies almost in record time, taking only an extra semester. For an only child, I would often think, he was surprisingly not a selfish guy at all. This became most apparent to me about two years later. Well touch on that later on. Then there was TR. Interesting fellow. From time to time he would do unexpected things like cutting all his hair off, which did not suit him, and give us a good laugh for a few days. The type of guy who comes across as being carefree about life and taking it as it comes. Not in an altogether flippant manner though.

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Then there was SLP. He was much into scientific concept that challenged logic. I remembered arguing with him once about the lowest dimension that we can speak of. He argued that there is no such thing, spatially speaking, as one dimension or 1D. His argument was based on the fact that a line, which is suppose to be 1D would not be visible if it was truly one dimensional. The fact that we can see it, he further would argue, meant that the line had thickness which then added another dimension thus actually making 2D. I could not really argue this fact besides saying the thickness is ignored SLP! These were the main guys that I would spend time with but there were other fellows that I spent time with. The young and funny Ishnish and the easily offended and laughter loving LB. Okay to be fair we picked on him a lot. There is a lot I went through with these guys. Like this one time, back in first year, Ishnish and SLP decide to get into trouble with this musician guy by prank calling him and thus leading him to leave a friends 21st birthday party. He then took them, with these two big guys, to his room in which a serious beating took place. By the time I got to res and SF told me about what had happened quite some time had already elapsed. When
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we got in the musician was the most hyperactive in the room, telling us, in a very rude way, to leave. In my mind I was saying if it was not for these two big and scary fellows by your side I would knock you down quick. Sub-wardens got involved shortly thereafter and the issue was resolved. Of course the beatees were teased for quite sometime thereafter. By this time all of my friends were in second year academically while I was repeating my first year of study. We remained good friends still though. So the year started and kicked into full gear. Being a member of the house com was very interesting. It had its ups and downs. One of the things that I learnt was that it is important to forever, as much as possible, communicate your activities with the house. This struck me the most when house meetings would emerge and some people would complain about having no idea as to what it was that we were doing. I enjoyed the experience though. The activities of the house com I could say could be split into two main categories: The regular activities and the innovative" activities. The regular activities were such activities as the o-week and the end year formal dinner. These
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activities took place annually and had to be done. All that a house com had to do to pull these off was to carefully consider what was done the previous year(s) and how it was done, make a few adjustments if any and then plan ahead of time. The innovative ideas are those once of or new ideas that could make a difference between a house com being one of the best or one of the worst ever. So the year went on and June came and June passed. By this time I had considered the house committee much from without, as an observer, and from within, as a member, and had began to entertain the idea of running for house com once again specifically for the position of head student. The head student was the most powerful member in the house com. He gave the house com direction, not in a dictatorship manner of course, and when things went wrong it was ultimately him who was the first point of questioning in an inquisition. When also there would be a matter in which the house com would be perfectly divided in half in and a decision had to be made it fell on him to cast the deciding vote. He also had a number of advantages though. In fact one stood out above all others in the materialistic side of
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things. The ten house com members, as we mentioned, had preference as far as rooms were concerned. One had to have a normal single room and the others had special rooms. Now on top of this there were different levels of how special the rooms were. Six of the members with special rooms stayed on the ten floors. Then there was the eleventh floor on which three of the house com members stayed. These were the treasurer, the deputy head student and the head student. Now I dont remember well how the rooms of the treasurer and the deputy head student were, as I hardly visited. The room of the head student though, which was the pinnacle of it all, I remember well. Though Leo Marquard was a catering residence the head students room had a kitchen. He also had a seating room, a bad room which alone in size could rival the normal single rooms and a shower with his own toilet. It was some sort of mini apartment. So the time finally came for the election process for the new house com to begin. As of the previous year it started with the candidates putting up their manifestos in poster form. My angle this time around summarized in a few words was I have the experience The previous year my angle was Ive been a leader
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before The experience angle was amplified by the fact that I was the only house com member who was rerunning for house com. A number of the other house com members I had served with, four to be exact, ran for the university SRC with all of them making it. So the two days of interrogations came. There were actually a number of interesting characters that took the stage this time around. One such was a guy who was asked a seemingly unfair question to which he responded with such a point on answer that almost immediately guaranteed him a position amongst the ten gentlemen of the new house com. Then there was a guy who had ran the previous year when I ran for house com the first time around who had not made it then. This time around he was more prepared and more focused and confidence. He was not scared to hassle for votes either. Then there was the boy who emerged with so much flame that had he wanted to be the head student he would have easily got it. Having rubbed shoulders with PP who was the head student when I arrived in Marquard, a well respected head student who knew his business, the kid pointing out some of the errors of the current house com and presenting the solutions thereof
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came across, out of nowhere as far as I was concerned, as a messiah figure. After all had been said and done the voting came and the voting passed. Then we went to observe the counting of the votes as the candidates. The boy wonder, who was running for treasurer emerged with the highest number of votes, the hassler took the second position and I was third. Now this presented two problems for me obviously. Firstly if the number one decided he wanted to be head student he could had, by votes, got the position with ease. Secondly the number two was also running for head student so with him having received more votes than me an indication that he could be head student was very clear to me. What would usually happen was that there would be a second round of interrogations if there was more than one person who wanted to be head student irrespective of the initial votes. The people who ran of course were those who were already voted into the ten house com seats. As far as the number one was concerned to be honest I feared the possibility of facing him head on for the head student position. The number two on the other hand not so much. Facing him one on one for the head student position did not bother me much but
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though that was the case I did not want to have to do that if I did not have to. Thus I spoke with him and he backed down. When we sat for our meeting to have our portfolios allocated to us it was revealed that the number one decided to stick with his treasurer portfolio and that thus officially made me the head student. When this was sealed I was so happy. I loved the power and all that attended it. The honor and the room and the chance to give the house com direction all made me very excited. This led me to really feel like I was on the top of my game. My self esteem and self confidence rocketed to a height higher than it ever had been on before, and ever would be thereafter. I became very full of myself in my mind and felt like nothing can stop me now. As my last words before I sat down during the interrogations were Vote for Zeus! Head student 2006-2007, my words to myself then frequently became Yes! Still Zeus! I can do whatever I want to do when I decide on it! I am Zeus!

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15. I am not all that

Now we just looked at how my life was in 2006 on the social and on the leadership side of things. We now turn to the academic side of things. Firstly lets go to the o-week of that year right at the beginning of the year. Now being a member of the house com I was a part of the team that orientated the new Marquardians. Being a victim of an academic exclusion, or rather an exclusion survivor, I was filled with the burden of sharing with these guys that they should watch out because this thing is real! This I did, with the approval of the head student, on the last day of orientation. That is the Sunday before the first Monday of school. I told them of what had happened to me and how I was fortunate enough to be back and how this is not always the case. I told them to take their studies seriously from the very word go otherwise they will be in trouble. Thus I hoped that many would avoid the same fate that had been mine the previous year. So the academic year started and this time around I was much better than the previous year. Firstly, as mentioned earlier, after I found out that I was accepted back I had studied the first year computer science programming language called java during the vacation.
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Going to class was somewhat a formality for me. I found it very easy and ultimately got 71%, if I remember well, for the first semester course and 70% for the second semester course. As far as the electrical engineering course I was not as clear with it as was the case with the computer science courses. This was due to the fact that I did not have any material that I could have used to study it during the vacation and thus I did not have a head start with it. But nevertheless I managed to pass it with a 56%. Then there were the two nemeses. Maths and Physics. For one of these I got a DPR again and did not even have the opportunity to write the final exam again. The other I wrote and failed. When I calculated my credits I realized that even if I fail Maths and Physics I would still have enough credits for a person doing first year. How wrong I was in my calculations! The thing is this: When you are a person doing a year for the second time the rules dont fully apply to you as they normally apply. I was actually expected to pass everything in order for me to move on the following year. Thus to my greatest shock, when I was already home, I received a letter which I was much familiar with stating that, and I paraphrase, We are sad to inform
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you that you have been academically excluded. I was like What?! Excluded?! No no no no no! This is not right! But the sad reality was that I was truly excluded. So I immediately started on the appeal letter as usually and sent it. My mother was as supportive as ever. Now the house com, that is the new house com of which I was the leader, had planned to have a retreat for the purpose of team building and a bit of planning beginning of the year in 2007. This was organized with the help of PP and through him sponsored by Absa. I arrived a bit early to try and find out what the deal was with the whole exclusion thing. I spoke with all the relevant authorities and the issue was explained to me clearly as to why I was excluded so thus all that remained was for me to wait for the results from the appeal. These were only going to come out after the retreat weekend. Thus I was faced with a decision to make. I wondered to myself Do I tell the team what my situation is or should I not? I ended up opting not to tell them. The reason why I took that decision was because I did not want to bring any negativity to the retreat and decided that we would cross that bridge if we got to it. The retreat was a great delight and then after we returned I went to check
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what the verdict was. To the fulfillment of my fears the exclusion this time around was final. I did not lose all hope though. I, with the promptings of my mother, asked an advisor what I could do. I was directed to UNISA (The University of South Africa) and was told to enroll with them and take the equivalents of these two courses that I had failed and if I showed proper improvement by passing well I would then be considered to continue my studies with UCT in 2008. At first the idea of spending the whole year studying just Maths and Physics seemed like such a joke to me. But as I quickly realized that this was the only way forward I accepted it and decided to embrace it. So many things came running through my mind. I was filled with so much embarrassment. I had told a group of first year students that they should avoid the academic exclusion and should be steadfast in their studies with such a passion beginning of the year yet here I was being excluded at the end of that very same year. Just a few months ago I had reran for house com for the highest position and had become the most powerful student in Leo Marquard, the student who was to lead out. Yet here I was being kicked out of UCT and for good this time around.
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I remember seating the team down and telling them about my exclusion and of the fact that I had to go. I was so ashamed but I broke the news to them and gave them the little instruction that I could master enough courage and words in my shameful state to give. I remember right before leaving speaking to PP telling him Ive made such a mess. Ive failed everyone He then told me something along these lines No you didnt. Focus and go do what you have to do! After all necessary good byes were done I boarded a bus to the Eastern Cape, East London. I was not willing to spend a year in Butterworth and have people ask me what was happening with me and my studies on a daily basis. Mother understood and thus allowed me to stay with my cousins in East London. This experience took me from my lofty heights, in my self evaluation, and brought me, very harshly, into terms with reality. Up until now, all the way from the days when I had started to stop seeing myself as a failure, my self-worth had been in a constant and almost altogether unchecked ascension. I was becoming very proud and getting to a point where there was not that much that people could tell me about life. But as
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the bus picked up speed on that February of 2007 I was left with no choice. I was left with no choice but to realize, as the bus left Cape Town, that I am not all that.

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16. The Awakening Begins

So I arrived at East London some seventeen or so hours after the bus had left Cape Town. I was a bit tired as usual after such a long journey. My mother was already waiting for me in East London. After we took my clothes to my cousins place we went to the UNISA branch in town. On our way my mother was still worried that UCT was draining all hope from me and suggested that perhaps we could go check the University of Fort Hare. I was not feeling this idea because it would almost certainly ruin all my chances of going back to UCT in 2008. When she realized how I felt about the issue then it was fully settled that UNISA would be the way forward. Before leaving UCT I had gathered all of the necessary information as pertaining to the equivalents of the two courses I wanted to do. Thus when we got to UNISA, after standing in the queue, it was a very simple process. I just had to indicate that I wanted to register for non-degree purposes. My very good grade 12 results ensured that there was no chance of me being denied admission on academic grounds. At the end the UNISA equivalent of the Maths course I was doing at UCT consisted of four modules or courses. The Physics equivalent consisted of three modules.
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I was about to deal with distant learning for the first time and thus a projection into the immediate future frightened me a bit. For each module I had about three assignments that I had to do and then either post, as I did the first few times, or submit the solution, which were multiple choice, online as I then later on did. The reason why I ultimately switch to the latter was because it allowed me to wait until the very last hour if I so chose before submitting an assignment. The results with the solutions would then be posted back. For six of the seven modules all that remained was for me to write the final exam and that would be that. The last, which was the third Physics module, required me to go to the UNISA headquarters in Pretoria for the final evaluation as it was a practical course. So after I finished the registration process I had to wait for a few weeks before my material or before the first correspondence from the university arrived. My friend KT had also sadly suffered the same fate as myself again. What I failed to do was to tell him immediately what I had planned on doing such that by the time I told him the closing date had already passed. Thus we were both out of UCT. This kind of marked the initial drift

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between as, due to distance at first, as he then return Mthatha while I was over 200 km away in East London. I stayed with two of my cousins. I have been told that it is against the laws of the English language to say cousin sister or cousin brother. I am always tempted to say it though as I find it to be very descriptive. In any case they are both females, with one being some eight years older than me and the other a year older than me. They are daughters of my mothers older sister. There was also a girl about two or three years younger than me that we stayed with. Then finally my cousins baby boy who was a couple of months old at the time and the nanny who stayed with him when she, the mother, was at work. I spent about three or so months with them before staying alone. At first I stayed in the same complex that I found them in, as they moved out, but later I moved to another complex that I stayed in for the rest of the year. During my stay with them I was with no serious difficulties and generally enjoyed myself. When my first correspondence from the university arrived I was still staying with them and had submitted my initial assignments while with them.

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One day, about a month since my arrival, I went to town to buy a few items. Then to my greatest and pleasant surprise I came across a familiar face that I had not seen in almost two years, SD in the flesh. The same guy a few years ago who had introduced me to underground and conscious hip-hop, and the same guy who had a hand in awakening the poetic pen in my life. I was so excited about seeing him after so long. After making a few inquires I quickly realized that he was not visiting but was currently residing in town. He had finished his three year degree in accounting at WSU (Walter Sisulu University) at the Mthatha branch formally known as UNITRA (University of Transkei) the previous year and was currently looking for a job. The fact that he was around to stay further excited me. At the same time I remember feeling like man I have wasted so much time. If SD is looking for work right now and I am having difficulty finishing my first year I really am falling behind! This was a feeling that I would keep on feeling from time to time for sometime for the next year or two to come as I would see people that I started with, or relatively started with as in the case of SD, moving on while I was still working on my undergraduate degree. But the dominant feeling was that of excitement for having him around.
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He was staying with His brothers at this time. At first he was staying with two of them but later on during the year it was three. From time to time I would visit him and he would visit me. I remember going to the movies with him. Two times if I remember well. The first movie we took to the big screen was a movie based on an excellent exaggeration of an ancient event based on a war between the Greeks, Spartans to be exact, and the Persian. The movie was titled 300. I remember how after getting out of the cinema we both felt like there was no one who could touch us. Like if anyone would dare come up to us and touch us we would cry out, as the main character cried out before kicking a man on the chest into a very deep pit, this is Sparta! One of the many things that remind me how much influential the things we watch are to our minds. The second movie was a completely fictional movie titled Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End. I enjoyed this movie a lot. But I noticed though that SD did not enjoy this movie as he did the first. As he later on said to me. There was a whole new set of principles that were beginning to take control of his life you see.
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In fact this had become very quickly apparent to me from the moment I met him. Firstly his usual afro was not there. This alone though was not that loud an alarm of change to me as I understood that SD was not that static and he was not that small in trying out new things. The first thing that caught my attention was when I had asked him So man where the cypher at in this city?! He then responds with I have put hip-hop on
hold for the time being. I was like Seriously?! YOU have put HIP-HOP on hold?! I was taken aback a bit. This was the very last thing I expected to hear from him. I mean he had told me how he was a part of a hip-hop group that was pretty much fast becoming untouchable in Mthatha. I had listened to some of their demo music and I could easily understand why they were becoming a hit. So then all of a sudden this guy is telling me that he is putting hip-hop on hold. This did not make much sense to me. As I inquired what the reason was he told me it was because he had become a Christian at about September the previous year. Now at this news the shock was two fold. Firstly I did not get how becoming a Christian had anything to do with him putting down the mic. But even more surprising than this was the fact that he was a Christian! I mean this was the guy who easily considered himself to be one, with the rest of humanity, who had an inner God that needed awakening. The same guy who was much into paganism as revealed in 162

the Roman, Greek and Egyptian cultures primarily, and the same guy who thus had given me the name Zeus. Here he was now telling me that he is a Christian. When he told me this though there was some excitement that came into my heart. Firstly I felt like if I am to ever give this Christianity thing a try now would be a good time. This was due to the fact that SD had an ability to make me understand things. Hence I had become a hip-hop head and a poet.

O how little an idea had I of what was about to take place in the next number of months. Up until this point in my life I had had to face changes of varying degrees. What was before me though was like nothing I had ever come across. But then, in retrospect, let me rather say what was before me was like nothing I had ever come across at this great a degree of power and change. What I was about to be exposed to firstly through SD and then later through others would awaken me to a world that I never even dreamed existed. Yes indeed, I had no idea that meeting SD marked the beginning of an awakening so great in my life that thereafter things would never be the same again.

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17. I am overwhelmed
Something was out of place. I could not help but notice that there was something out of place with SDs Christianity. If anyone could had given me one hour and asked me to speak about everything what I knew about Christianity I would most probably had finish in thirty minutes after much stuttering. In other words though I called myself a Christian, and could speak a number of things about it, there were still a lot of gaps in my understanding of what Christianity is. Still there remained the lingering question in my mind Am I really a Christian? Does God acknowledge me? And still the answer that I would often find would be No! Something is not in place. He surely does not acknowledge me as His own. But even though this was the case there was something about this guys Christianity that seemed a bit out of the norm even for me who did not know that much. SD I began asking once whenever you speak about church related activities you seem to be speaking about Saturday. Do you worship on Saturday? In less than two seconds I got a response that I was not hoping for Yes. Then there was silence from my side for sometime. I remember the thoughts that immediately
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followed in my mind: Here we go! There just had to be a twist in it with you! Nothing ever straight forward! It just had to be out of the norm! The thing is, if you remember well, SD is the guy who told me some four years ago I am not that big into commercial hip-hop. Its the underground hip-hop, the real conscious hip-hop, which is appealing to me. And on top of this I had come to know him as the type of guy who, though he had an appreciation for authority and order to a great degree, had a seemingly greater appetite for things not much considered by most. So now, after being happy at the prospect of being with someone that I could unearth this Christianity business with, I found myself coming across a speed bump. Not the last speed bump I must add. He worships on Saturday! What on Earth? That is so Old Testament! That is so Jewish! I began asking him So why on Earth do you worship on Saturday? I dont remember what his initial response was but that question began a process of questions and answers that would last for a number of weeks. Most of what he said was so interesting and I was hearing it for the first time.

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I remember once talking with him and somehow one of the most mysterious topics in Christianity, at least to me back then, came up. That is the identity of the Antichrist, the beast of the thirteenth chapter of the book of Revelation, and the mark of the beast. And he claimed to know the true meaning of all of this! I thought to myself Okay! This is interesting! But before he started I had the opportunity to do some guess work. I first asked Is it Nelson Mandela? Now if you dont know who Nelson Mandela is he is the first black president of South Africa. Why on Earth would I think he would be the Antichrist you may be wondering? Well this mysterious entity, according to the bible as I understood, had a number associated to it. This number was the number 666. Now Nelson Mandela happened to have a campaign that also had a number that was associated with it. This number was 46664. Now a while back, maybe about a year or so ago, I had visited one of my aunts. She had been Christian for a very long time. She happened to make a comment along these lines Look at this! I am telling you this Mandela could be the Antichrist. Look at that number he is throwing around! And I remember thinking Wow! This is some deep stuff! He is exposing himself! Wow! I might know the Antichrist! I did not care much about that a few
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days later though. Life continued as normal. But to this hypothesis SD simply said No. The bible does not say 46664 it says 666. And I responded O. okay and that simply the hypothesis vanished. The next guess was the guess of the bar codes. The idea that the mark of the beast is a bar code or some computer chip that we would be forced by the Antichrist to put on. Again my guess was met with a no accompanied, if I remember well, with a smile. That was that. I gave up. Then he began telling me something that I did not expect. Something that forced me to try to fight what he was saying. The sad thing, at least then I thought, was that for everything that I would say he would immediately come up with a counter that was based on facts backed up with history and bible verses. This was the second thing that I never expected. I never expected the Antichrist to be No, not yet, we will speak later on about that. In his successive explanations about the Antichrist and the whole Saturday thing he started speaking about statues and beasts. And to be honest this all bored me. I would try to listen to him, being my friend and all, because I did not want to hurt him by saying this is all

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boring me dude! But he never pushed though. He would mostly answer when I would ask. Then subsequently the issue of heaven and hell came up. I remember saying something like Yho! This hell business is deep! To burn forever and ever and ever! Eish! So I guess God is going to make an indestructible body that can still feel pain, so that He can burn you forever for your sins. Ouch! Then again he said something to me along these lines Actually that is not the case... I was very surprised again as he continued That is just another teaching that ultimately comes from the Antichrist. Then he began to explain to me what happened to a man when a man dies We will touch on that later as well. Two major things, and I use the word major relatively here, remained that would even deepen my sense of this strangeness in this fellows Christianity. Firstly I noticed that he did not eat meat. Now he had been a vegetarian in the past but more under some Rastafarian code. So now being a Christian I wondered if this meat business had anything to do with this strange Christianity of his. I asked him of course and his answer again was yes. I remember thinking You know every time this religion becomes attractive to me something
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just pops up that is makes me feel like this is something I want to have nothing to do with! He started explaining to me of course. In time I asked him The meat issueDo I have to stop eating meat if I want to fellowship with you guys? He then answered No. Its not forced its recommended! Then I responded Wonderful! I will tell you now. I will never stop eating meat! I remember him responding with a half saddened tone saying Never say never. To which I responded Im saying! Never! And I meant what I said with all my heart. Stop eating meat because it is SUGGESTED, never! was my thought on the matter. The Second major thing was something that almost made me decide on the spot that I didnt want to hear anything about these Christians that SD calls his family. I noticed that from time to time he would keep on saying as we would discuss issues Ellen White says Now whatever followed those words had a lot of weight in it. That I could not deny. It made sense though it was so challenging. But I wondered Who is this man?! For some reason I thought ELLEN was a man. Now that I think about it I probably thought in my mind ALAN. But in any case I asked Is this Ellen an important man in your church? Firstly he giggled with beams from his
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face revealing a bit of an uncomfortable state then he answered She is our prophet. We consider her our prophet. Then there was silence. A prophet?! I thought in my head Youve got to kidding me! A prophet! O brother! This is a sect! I actually dont know how I thought sect cause I dont remember ever coming across that term before that. But I was almost turned away completely from whatever he had to say. But strangely enough he did not have to say much, as he tried to explain the issue, before the initial shock was stabilized. Not to say I was all of a sudden okay with a prophet because I wasnt. Its just that he said just enough for me to not block my ears thereafter. Then soon I found out that Ellen was a woman and lived the majority of her life during the 1800s. She died in 1915. For some strange reason the fact that she had died nearly a hundred years ago made me relax a bit. Now that I think about it I realize that even in the bible people would always respect the dead prophets, pointing out how bad their ancestors were in not listening to them. But when God would send one during their time to them more often than not they would, like their fathers before them did, hate the prophet and the
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message they bore. An observation I find rather very interesting. As for what exactly I subsequently learned about this woman we will look at a bit later. By this time I had come to understand that SD belonged to a group of Christians called the Seventh-Day Adventists. Up until I met him all I knew about these guys was that They are those strange Christians who go to church on Saturday instead of Sunday. For some reason I further thought they dont seem to understand the New Covenant well Now if you were to ask me what the New Covenant was at this point in my life I would probably mumble three or so sentences and then say Something like that. But nevertheless they dont seem to understand the New Covenant well and are stuck in the Old Testament. My understanding of the Seventh-Day Adventists however began to widen very quickly after I met SD. As a matter of fact I soon started attending bible studies with him that had about ten or so people. Now for you to understand what was about to happen to me in these studies I need to bring to your attention some few things that you might have missed. Firstly remember that SD had only come across Seventh-Day Adventism about six months before we met in East London. In
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other words he was still fairly new to this. More especially for someone who had never really professed Christianity before. But because of his very enthusiastic personality that drove him to really go all out in what ever he did, as in the case of such things as hip-hop and poetry in his past, he had learnt a lot in those six or so months. This thus made SD the most Bible knowing Christian I had ever seriously interacted with in my life. But with these bible studies that was about to change. SD had been at it for six months. In these bible studies there were a few guys who had been at it for longer. When I say longer I mean in the order of years longer. Now these guys were not always as serious as they were when I met them but they had been exposed to these things for a very long time. Thus when they became seriously all that they knew began to just fit into place. I remember the first evening I went to these studies. The topic was The Godhead. Now most people, including Christians, may not know what this is, as I did not back then, but may know what it is commonly known as. That is the The Trinity or The Holy Trinity. Now the word trinity in the KJV bible version, which was their version of choice and later on became my version of choice even to this present day for a number
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of serious reasons, does not appear even in a single verse. But instead we find the word Godhead appearing three times, and all three times in the New Testament. At this time I had very long hair that I plaited 99% of the time and my ears were pierced. I had been so since 2005 June or so. So here I was in these bible studies ready to hear some interesting things and share my view points on the subject. There were brief introductions and the study began. I said a sentence or two and then soon kept my peace. In no time I realized that I was dealing with a group of people, a group of Christians, like no other group I had ever come across. In no time I realized that I knew virtually nothing as far as the Bible and Christianity was concerned. These guys studied the bible like I had never seen before. There was virtually no room for this is what I think. No! No room for that. To every issue the basis for reasoning was a verse. They turned the pages of the Bible all the time. In fact they even had a passage of Scripture that explained why they were using the approach they were using Isaiah 28:9, 10
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9 Whom shall he teach knowledge? and whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breasts. 10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little:

In other words, as they explained, we are not to build doctrines or teachings based on a single verse mixed with thousands of I think. Scripture was to be compared with Scripture. To understand a single issue you hunt out as many verses, all if you can, that speak on the issue. I became mesmerized at this simple but profound logic based on this verse. This then caused me to immediately admit to myself that I seriously did not know much about Christianity and thus made me willing to learn. Thus I continued going to these studies for a long time thereafter. At the beginning though this paradigm shift in my understanding of Christianity began to get me worried a bit. I was getting exposed to things that had so much weight in them but at the same time challenging nearly everything I thought I knew. Between the times I spent with SD and His friends, which were becoming my acquaintances, I kept on being exposed to things that I thought were out of this world. Many questions and many fitting answers was becoming my daily routine.
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And this input began to overwhelm me. I was frightened and getting more and more excited at the same time. All of these new concepts were truly overwhelming me and it was just getting deeper and deeper.

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18. Upside Down

Weeks passed by and I kept on hearing more and more about things concerning the Bible that I hitherto did not know. Soon though I realized that if I were to embrace this new understanding most of what I understood about Christianity and what it means to be a Christian on a day-to-day basis would change. In fact, I realized that embracing this new understanding of things would actually altogether turn what I had come to understand about life upside down. As I realized this, I began to fear. I think change and me were not the best of friends. I did not mind learning new things but when having to face something that could potentially shake the status quo from its very foundation my heart left an anxiety that kept me in deep thought. The change before me was of such great magnitude that I could not help finding a great part of my heart still fighting it. I remember once going to one of the weekly meetings that my newfound friends attended. It was on a Wednesday if memory serves me right. The person leading out said that we would each give a prayer request after which a few people would pray for those requests. Giving my prayer request, I said My prayer
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request is that the Lord could lead me to truth and help me accept it. Now when I said this I remember the people in the meeting saying with an enthusiastic tone amen! Little did they know that in the back of my mind I was thinking Lord, These Seventh-Day Adventists cant have it right! What they teach is so out of the ordinary! It just cant be right! Please Lord show me something from your word! Show me something that will prove that these ideas of theirs are not right. Please Lord! As the weeks went by something started happening. I had a mountain of questions hitherto that had never been answered far as the Bible is concerned. These people seemed to have an answer nearly to every question that I asked. By the way, though I had been studying with them for weeks I still had not yet set foot in their church. All that I was gaining was from SD and his friend in their weekly bible studies. Amongst the disturbing questions that I had, one that was amongst the prevalent concerned God and the devil. I had the understanding that though God and the devil were enemies they were not on par. That God was far more powerful than the devil with a gap in power immeasurable. In fact, I understood that the devil had
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actually been created by God as a good and powerful angel, called Lucifer, and later on became evil because he wanted to take Gods place. But this is what I never knew: Why on Earth did God not just destroy the devil?! This is a question that I had always asked Christians and never received an answer that made sense. Then for the first time my question was answered. In short I was made to understand that though God was more than capable of destroying the devil, as He will at the end, He needed to do something first before He could destroy Him. He needed to show all His obedient creatures, including the angels in heaven and those humans that would be saved, that the devil is truly evil and that his ways lead to misery and death, while His ways, as God, on the other hand are ways of love and lead to eternal happiness. For without doing this first then the inhabitants of the universe would only follow Him out of fear. Even as some today, because they understand Him not, follow Him because they are scared of Him not because they love Him. It is for this reason that God allowed the devil, with his principles that in nature are

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against the laws and government of God, to live and reveal the true nature of his heart and his ways. This explanation was profound to me and made perfect sense. It immediately started changing my view about God. I just marveled at the thought of a being so loving that He would rather not be worshiped, though He has the power to force it, than for Him to be worshiped out of fear and not out of love that comes from knowing Him. The thought intensified when I considered that He created all of the intelligent beings in the universe that He was refusing to treat as robots. As time went on and more answers attended my questions and more new ideas and concepts concerning God, the devil, eternal life, the Bible were presented to me indeed my world began being turned upside down step by step. At times I would even wake up thinking Is this really happening? What exactly is happening? I am not certain. I wonder But fairly quickly this upside down position began to become the upright position as I spent time considering these concepts. And as I beheld more of these ideas time slowly, it seemed, moved on.

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19. I cant gainsay it

It makes sense. The missing links are in place! I cant gainsay it at all! Still within the year 2007, about two or three months after having met with SD and having begun considering Adventism, I got to a point where I had to be honest to myself and admit that there was nothing biblical that I could use to fight what was before me. For me to fight would require me to lean on but that pastor said or that person said and this was not enough for me. I had considered every possible angle and I was pulling blanks. The more I opened up my mind to consider these things, not in a skeptic but rather analytical way, I could not help but find truth and beauty in what was before me. Yet my mind and heart had not yet fully embraced that which was before me for the reality of how great this change would be was still frightening me. Thus a weekend trip to Butterworth nearly resulted in me completely rejecting Seventh-Day Adventism completely. I arrived home for a weekend visit and after warm greetings between me and mum I sat down with her in
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the living room as was the custom to tell her a bit about my days away from home. After the usual a new element was introduced this time around though. For the first time I had a serious conversation with her concerning my new religious findings. The main issue was the issue of the Sabbath (day of rest). With the main controversy being over the fact that it was being kept by Christians on Sunday, without any Biblical basis or divine instruction, to do so instead of keeping it on Saturday which is the seventh day of the week. In no time mum convinced me that the Christians were justified for keeping the Sabbath on Sunday. Thus I found myself thinking Yes. Yes! This is what the Seventh-Day Adventists are missing! I remember further thinking I cant wait to see what response SD will have to this! So at the end of the weekend I went back to East London and as soon as I found an opportunity I met up with SD. Then I told him the reasons why Adventists had it all wrong. Then I waited to see what he was going to say. Then at a rate even faster than that which mum had convinced me of the error of the Adventists, he showed me the loop holes in what I had just presented to him. That was amongst the last nails in the coffin. I
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was more convinced than ever before that all that I had learnt thus far from SD and his friends was truth. It made the greatest sense and I simply could not gainsay it. Fighting seemed more and more a waste of time to me. My heart thus began to really open up and I was willing to learn and be taught by God all that He would teach me. It is at this point that my mind began opening up more fully. In fact the rate at which I began to accumulate understanding of what was before me was so high that even those who were my initial teachers at times were surprised. And thus for the next couple of weeks I began studying more and more.

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20. Knowledge shall be increased

Daniel 12:4 But thou, O Daniel, shut up the words, and seal the book, even to the time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.

God says of the book of Revelation The Revelation of Jesus Christ then humans say of the same book The Mystery of Jesus Christ You might be wondering what it is I am on about. Well, there is a part of the Bible that is so neglected by the majority of the Christian world you see, and is presented as an optional reading that one can do without. That is the prophetic component of the Bible. Of the books in the Bible that deal specifically with prophecy none is most misunderstood as the book of Revelation. It opens with the words The Revelation of Jesus Christ yet many Christians call it a Mystery, a hidden book that none understand. And thus the majority of the Christian world is left with an incomplete understanding of the workings of He whom they call Master. The book of Revelation does not stand alone though. It has a sister book. In the Old Testament the book of Daniel stands as a book that is half historical and half
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prophetic. The prophetic part of the book of Daniel, as well as the historical for that matter, ties in so wonderfully to the book of Revelation. The last chapter, which is the twelfth, of the book of Daniel speaks of a phenomenon that would happen at the end of time or in the last days of mans history. It speaks about how the knowledge of people would increase concerning crucial Bible truths. That things hitherto sealed would be understood and thus the work of God to save mankind would be better understood. And thus the plots of the devil to destroy mankind would be more revealed. Thus began in my life the realization that the Bible was not mere words as I had somewhat thought till this point, but rather on the contrary, I began to realize that the Bible was much alive. That in it was even contained that which I would go through. My experience was contained in it. Whether my choice was to be life or it was to be death was irrelevant. My experience was found in it. This idea brought me into a whole new experience altogether. I began experiencing the fulfillment of the prophecy that stated that knowledge shall be increased. I began
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understanding things that I never so much as dreamt I could ever understand. On top of this even the new concepts began to make sense to me. I remember this one time during one of the Bible studies when we were studying the eighth chapter of the book of Daniel and we came across a confusing issue and I contributed to show how one of two views could not hold at all. I remember noticing that the guys in the study were not expecting me to reason as I reasoned over the issue seeing I still had just a number of weeks under my belt of contemplating over these things. But in time it became more and more clear to them that I was grasping most of what they were teaching me and was getting to a point where I could study on my own and even possibly share with them things they had not yet considered. It was roughly at this point that I began going to church for the first time. I remember the first time the idea of how Adventists worshiped was introduced to me. I remember thinking Church the whole day?! How strange! I had been used to the two to three hour services on Sundays which then would be the end of it and you could do what you wanted with the rest of the day. Now here was before me worship that started at about 9 a.m., carried on until
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about 12 or so. Then after lunch, at about 3 p.m. or so, people would come back until sunset. By the time I went to church though I had already developed an appetite for spiritual things and thus the idea was not that frightening anymore. Or rather, in retrospect, the idea did not fill me with a fear of boredom anymore and feeling out of place. I enjoyed that first Sabbath at church. I remember getting very excited when I found out that there was going to be a bible study in the afternoon. I was later on disappointed a bit when I realized that the bible studies at church were not as deep or in-depth as the ones I had become accustomed to. And sadly I also soon realized that a lot of the people who had been in church for a long time did not seem to understand a lot of the things that I had learnt over the passed two or three months. This disappointed a lot. But I was happy nonetheless that my journey with God was beginning to shape up. As far as my Bible studies were concerned, at first I gained an understanding of individual concepts. Then as I further studied on the different concepts began fitting together like a great jigsaw puzzle. My days seemed to be filled with constant discovery. A number of these
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things challenged me as they continued requiring change to take place in my heart. But due to the fact that I was so willing to shallow up as much as I could I did not feel that much burdened to be honest. I embraced the change, as much as I could, as it came along. One of the reasons, I believe and in fact understand, that lead me to grasp at the rate at which I was grasping things was this very spirit of being willing to change. The Bigger pictured became clearer to me. I began to understand things from the top down and from the bottom up. I began to understand a very important reality known as The Great Controversy. The greatest war ever fought in the entire universe. A war that began in the very presence of God in heaven when the most powerful being ever created turned against God and sought to take His place and aspired thus to rule as God. How this being managed to convince a third of the inhabitants of heaven and thus when banished was banished with them. How he, Lucifer now turned Satan, then turned his attention to a newly created planet called Earth and the glorious new breed of creatures made in the very image of God. That is the human race. How he convinced, as he had convinced the third of the angels, mankind to distrust God and trust him rather.
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I then further understood how thus Earth became the arena upon which the battle between God and Satan would be settled. How one of the two would be revealed to be the true enemy of the safety, freedom and happiness of the inhabitants of the universe. With God on the one hand professing undying love for His creatures and the devil on the other hand calling God a liar and tyrant from whom he sought to liberate all from. And it is on this planet that all this would be accomplished.
Psa 23:3 He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

When I began to understand that we human beings are the deciding factor in this whole thing my mind was blown away as I discovered that in this great controversy by our choices we either vindicate the name or side of God or we vindicate the name or side of the devil. With this basic understanding everything else began to fall in place. My understanding of what really is at stake began to widen. It was not just about my salvation. No no no! Something greater than me was at play and I had the choice to cast a vote for one side or the other.

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Up until this point I had understood the Bible to consist of two parts with one part being more important to me as a Christian than the other: The New and the Old Testaments. I had come to believe that the Old Testament was for people who lived in the pre-Christian era and that the New Testament was the part of the Bible that was mainly for Christians. This view point was shaken from its foundation and was replaced by a reality that was so beautiful that at the first I would find myself almost literally opening my mouth in amazement. I discovered that actually all the people that were truly following God all the way back to the times of Adam, after his repentance, were actually Christians. I understood that their hope was built on nothing else save the coming Saviour. It was upon Him that their trust rested. I realized that even in the third chapter of the book of Genesis, the first book of the Bible, which spoke of the fall of man God began there and then to teach mankind of the coming Saviour. Hence you find even Adam and Eve being clothed with the skin of an animal that had to be killed before they could receive its skin for clothes. God showing them that the clothes, aprons, that they had made for themselves were not enough to cover
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their shame and nakedness and that only clothing that came from the animal that died because of their sins would suffice before God. Thus teaching them that not the righteousness of their own manufacturing would be acceptable to Him but the righteousness of One who would die in their stead would be acceptable before Him. Thus I realized that even in Genesis Christ or the coming Messiah was already presented by God to mankind as the only source of Salvation and that they were to fix their eyes and hope upon Him by faith. And this (Christ Jesus), I discovered, from Genesis to Revelation is the theme of the Bible. Not the Old Testament alone nor the New Testament alone but the entire Bible. This understanding made me look at the Bible in an altogether new light. And thus I continued to learn day by day. And with each passing day more and more was fulfilled in my life the prophecy that states that knowledge shall be increased.

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21. The Death Of Zeus

The god kind Zeus! And from hearing this alone I get mixed emotions of delight from knowing a familiar figure is around and at the same time shyness from the disassociation between me and that name and all it represents. The thing is, to this very day whenever Cool Marquard comes across me he shouts out these words. I appreciate the straightness and warmth that I have always received from him. Never had an opportunity to tell him that I dont go by that alias any more. He is not the only person that still calls me by that name. Most people who knew me at UCT from 2005 to 2006 and then never spent that much time with me thereafter still address me using that alias. I sometimes get surprised when greeted with it for a second or two then my memory kicks in and thus I smile and greet back. But why did I disassociate myself with this name you might possibly still wonder. Well its very simply:
Exodus 20:3 Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.

In the opening commandment of the Decalogue, that is the Ten Commandments, God opens to mankind His will by simply stating Thou shalt have no other gods before
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me. Now just in case you have forgot here is a short reminder of who Zeus is. He belonged to a race of gods, according to Greek mythology, know as the Olympians. Not only is he a god but he stands as the king of the Olympians. Thus it became very clear to me that I can not really hold on to such a name while I pursued the God of the Bible. This was even amplified by the fact that I had not received the name haphazardly. I received the name specifically due to who it stood for. A pagan god who stood as king of the pagan gods. I thus had to let it go. In its place a substitute was immediately provided. A Simply shortened version of my name: Zuks. By June or so I had made so much changes in my life that a person who had met me in January would wonder what exactly happened in the couple of months since they last saw me. Firstly I had deleted all of my music. Now the reason for this is also very simple. As I kept on listening to my hip hop and R-n-B I simply grew more and more uncomfortable. Why? You see, the principles that governed the music I had were completely against the principles that I was beginning to embrace with my mind and heart.

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I would be reading in the Bible how God is against vulgar language and then turn to Eminem who is the very personification, in his music, of vulgar language. I would be reading the Bible about how God is against fornication, sexual intercourse between unmarried people, and then listen to an R-n-B song that advocates sleeping with any one if you love them. Or even if you dont love them in some songs just as long as it feels good. The conflict in me was building up and I knew that I could not continue listening to this music any more. Thus one day I simply went through my computer and deleted every song that I had, given that I did not have any gospel music at the time. I knew if I procrastinated I would give myself a thousand reasons as to why I should not delete the music thus I made it immediate and without turning back. Then there were the movies. I later on realized, or rather admitted to myself, that the movies that I watched had an influence in the person I am. This is even amplified in my case because I have a very absorbing personality. Kind of like a sponge. Thus I would be reading the Bible and how God speaks about forgiveness then watch a movie with a plot along these lines: A mans gets killed. This man then goes to Japan
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for five years and there learns the way of the ninjas and the way of the samurai and a few other martial arts. Comes back and hunts these guys who killed his family and then slices their heads of. I realized how much happy I would be when this would happen. But this principle that was entering my mind was altogether different from the principle, that I inherently did not possess in me, stated and emphasized by Christ that we aught to forgive even as God forgives. As I realized this I decided that movies and series were not for me. My strongest challenge, which took me the longest to let go of, was anime. That is Japanese cartoons. An anime called Bleach to be specific that I loved a lot. I spent a long time with my earrings or rather ear stars or knobs to be specific and my long plaited hair. I could see that the people at church kind of looked at me in a strange way because of my ear knobs and long hair. I did not care that much what they thought and was going to hold on to my knobs and plaits until someone showed me from the Bible that it displeased God that I had them. The issue never really came up though so I maintained the status quo.

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This was until one night I received a rebuke from a drunken man. SD and I went to a Vodacom container, public phones with an operator, to make a phone call. While SD made the phone call I started having a religious conversation with the operator. Soon after SD was done he joined in and we continued for about five or ten minutes until these two guys got in. Both of them had obviously drunk alcohol. One was more sober than the other one but even the drunker guy could still reason fairly well. In no time they joined the conversation until it got to a point that it was actually between SD and I and these two fellows. At this point we got out of the container so as to not disturb the people who were making phone calls. The conversation continued until it got to a point that we actually spoke to the more drunk guy telling him that he has no idea if God looks at him and sees the next powerful preacher of our time or not. As we spoke thus he began smiling and said something like Nay! You guys are tricking me! It was obvious that the idea that he could be someone who not only had his act together but actually an ambassador of God made him very happy.

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Then in time this guy turns to me and says You know, you sound like someone who has been a Christian for a long time and who has experience. You sound like you know what you are talking about and that you are very sincere. But yet when I look at you, that is to say your outward appearance, I see one of these guys who go around taking our girlfriends and sleeping with them. When he said this my heart started beating faster. I had no come back for about a few seconds. Then I started speaking trying to justify that there was nothing wrong with my looks. At this point SD kind of pulled back a bit. As I was beginning to justify myself, while the drunk fellow still held his ground and calmly to, a light bulb switched on. I realized that if I continued justifying myself I could potentially be undoing everything that had been done in speaking with this man. For all I knew he was really beginning to think maybe religion is for him to and in my persistence, really for nothing, I was showing him what he perceived as a hypocrite. I pulled back and as SD noticed me do so we then together tried to end the conversation on the same note that it was on so as to make the last impression the same as the first. I felt so bad there after. I was also angry. I am not sure at whom exactly. But I was upset. Then I really started
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thinking about this and I realized that indeed my ear knobs and my long plaited hair could actually weaken the message that I was beginning to love. I could be teaching about God, as I now was beginning to understand Him, and my appearance could cause people to be turned away not only from me but from the very God I claimed to follow. I mean this is even the basic principle in the business world. You dont go to an accounting based companys interview and wear jeans and a t-shirt if you want to be taken seriously. Whether we like to admit it or not our appearance says I am of God or I am not of God to one extent or another to those who are onlookers. Thus one day as I was really thinking about this while walking to my place I turned to the nearest rubbish bin, took of my ear knobs, and threw them in. That was end of my ear knob era. It was only later that I undid my plaited hair and cut my hair short. That which nudged me to do this, on top of the experience that I already had, was a simple verse in the Bible that seemed to be suggestive rather than commanding:
1 Corinthians 11:14 Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?

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When I saw this verse, being showed by someone from church, I thought Wow! I did not know that was there! I was taken aback. Then for the next week I was in deep thought about the issue. This verse, coupled with me still thinking that my appearance might weaken the power of my impression as I share the word of God with others, was my main meditation. Then I finally decided to cut my hair. I was not as emotional as I thought I was going to be. My hair, after all, had virtually not seen a blade for nearly two years. And my hair grows fast, for the record. So it was very long by this time. But I understood why it was that I had to cut it and thus I cut it. I remember the way people from church would smile at me and congratulate me for my new look thereafter. I was happy but partly annoyed. I felt like Why on Earth did none of you tell me something for so long. I later on understood that the fear is overwhelming someone who is just embracing the truth with too much change. It is not everyone that has as strong a foundation as I had and thus quickly understands the necessity for one to train their mind to quickly obey when God has spoken in His word.

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In chapter nine I spoke of a genre of poems that I then did not touch on which I said came into the scene much later on. Well soon the poetic pen, which had laid dormant for sometime, awoke. Or rather as I chose to see it was resurrected. Though I did not right as much as I use to write but I began writing from my new understanding of life. Sometimes being unable to write a poem about a thought that would be impressed in my mind I would simply write the thought with the best flow of words that came to me. Here is a sample poem and then a note showing the style and content that then attended my writings thereafter, which still is the case to this day actually since I still write and share my thoughts, on facebook usually: The poem:

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The mind of the lost souls I woke up yet still half asleep and I saw With eyes half open how lies do draw The flesh for indeed its foreign to the law To avoid to obey it would chose a shark's jaw When it's said all is well and all truths are fair That all choices are good and the Lord still will spare That He loves and will save and for deeds doesn't care Oh! so I open my mouth to speak, though the world will say to me how dare As eyes widen I've decided to all declare Though in time such words will attract a snare That there is one Lord and all other choices do err Any contrary idea, oh is merely grabbing air So do know there is but one, though it seems there are many goals To have your name in just one, though this world has many scrolls Even in the Lamb's book in whose hands you did put holes That you may have no more the mind of the lost souls

And the note (from much later on though):

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Remind me please If you ever come across me and come to find that I... ...After having considered the arsenal of talents, gifts, and abilities I perceive to be at my disposal, seem to believe that I am all that and am better than anyone remind me please that all I have is from above. That God is the source of it all and my strength can only continue and grow only as I acknowledge Him in my mind, heart and through my mouth as the great Bestower. Remind me please that all is given me that He may be glorified through me not so that I can flatter myself and be flattered by others. Remind me please how vain such a mentally is. If you ever come across me and come to find that I... ...am down and out and seem to not find enough a reason in the world to stand up and walk once more remind me please that I can not find such a reason from below but from above. That God is the source of all true and worthy purposes to life. Remind me please of the future that awaits those that wait and trust upon the Lord. That the end of the true Christian is a life void of all sorrow and suffering and filled with everything beautiful, good and necessary for true happiness. Remind me please that I thus have no reason to remain down and out
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when there is such a definite, according to His promises, future for me if I hold on. If you ever come across me and come to find that I... ...am in need of a reminder that is necessary for me as a child of God to receive remind me please. Remind me please!
Thus all that the name Zeus represented, being contrary to the principles that began to govern me, found no place any more in my life. The pride and arrogance that had attended my mind found, by principle, no more a place to stay. Thus there was no other course to take save for me allow and in fact precipitate the death of Zeus.

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22. The Doctrines (Part I)

The Godhead (Trinity), the Sabbath, Beyond Death Experience (Heaven and Hell) Thus far I have told you the main things that happened in my life from birth to the year 2007. In this year, as I have told you, I came across things that I had never heard hitherto. On top of this, even some of those things that I had heard and thought I understood became, for the first time, very clear to me. I believe with all my heart that the concepts, yea the realities, that I learned in that year, and continue to learn to this present day, are so beautiful and so important for the understanding of God that I can not help but share some of the key points with you. My life story without a mention of these things would not be my life story after all. Lets first define a term. Doctrine: a teaching or that which is taught. Principle of religious or political belief. In the Biblical context, doctrines are those set of teachings that are essential for the believer to have the right understanding of who God is. They are those teaching which are essential for the believer to understand how to relate to God and to understand what it is that God expects of them. They are also those teachings that are essential for the believer to
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understand the world, both seen and unseen, that they may know how they are to operate therein. They are essential for the believer to know Jesus and thus have life eternal. Let me start by sharing three such teachings that began to be clear to me for the first time: The Godhead (The Holy Trinity), the Sabbath and What happens when a person dies (Hell? Heaven? What?) From a very early age I knew that there was God and there was Jesus Christ and from time to time I would hear about the Holy Spirit. It became clear to me that these three were connected but I had no idea how. In time I perceived God as this old man, very large, with large white hair and beard sitting on a large chair. He was very angry and was ready to destroy me because I was bad. Then Jesus was the sweet kind one who loved me and died for me and was always trying to calm God down. I was not very sure as to what or who the Holy Spirit was. Perhaps it or he, as I wondered, was wind that could think. I did not know. In time, I came to understand that these three are God. God is one, I would hear, but these three are God. This did not make that much sense to me. Now though I can
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not claim to fully fathom or comprehend the being of God I soon realized that it was not as complicated to understand as I first thought. Before there was ever anything created there was always in existence God. It does not matter how much far back in time we could go, God is there. To be even more specific there was always in existence the Godhead. That is those three eternal Beings that have introduced themselves to us as the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Now you might be thinking Wait wait wait. I thought you said God is one? You may further think that Is this not one of the differences between Christianity which is monotheistic (one God) and most pagan worship systems which are polytheistic (more than one god)? We would need to understand a few things in order for what I said to make sense. Firstly, you will notice that that which characterized the polytheistic gods is that they differed in character and purpose. There could be a god of life who specializes in blessing humanity with life according to the belief system, while at the same time there could be a god of death who specializes, with the same zeal, in causing people to die and finds joy in this.
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With the Godhead on the other hand they are, as wonderfully stated by one inspired writer, one in nature, in character, and in purpose. Furthermore, when the Bible opens it opens with these words in the first chapter of Genesis In the beginning God Now what most people dont know is that the word translated there into English as God in the original language, which is Hebrew, is the word Elohiym pronounced el-o-heem. This word is not in the singular but in the plural. Hence you find in verse twenty six of the same chapter the words And God said, Let us make man in our image It is not a conversation between God and angels, as I had concluded once upon a time, for angels do not create and further more in the next verse it continues to say So God created man in His own image Not in the image of God and angels or in the image of God and some other being but in the image of God. In the image of Elohiym. So then what does or rather who does Elohiym refer to? Firstly in the second verse of the first chapter of Genesis we find these words and the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. The Holy Spirit was present. Sadly He is often mistaken to be simply some
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form of force that God simply uses to do His will as I use my arm to do work. However, the Bible clearly presents Him as an intelligent and conscious Being who actually is God. Isaiah writes saying in chapter 63 the 10th verse But they rebelled, and vexed (grieved) His Holy Spirit. This is in much the same way that it could be said that They vexed His Son referring to Christ. And Christ said in John 16:13 Howbeit when He, the Spirit of truth, is come, He will guide you into all truth Not it but He. These are just a few verses that show that the Holy Spirit is not merely a force but is a personal being. We further find Paul saying to the Corinthians, in his second letter to them in the seventeenth verse of the third chapter, Now the Lord is that Spirit One who has always been there from the very beginning with God. But what of Jesus? Well, before Jesus became a man He was always with God and was God. John 1:1-3 states that In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by Him (the Word); and without Him was not any thing made that was made. And Paul writes in Philippians 2:5,6 Let this
mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God

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In other words the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, that is Elohiym, have always existed. In Them is life

original, unborrowed, underived. This leaves one question perhaps still not that much answered. We said God is one. Indeed Christ said Himself in Mark 12:19 The Lord our God is one The issue comes with the lack of understanding of how the Bible uses the word one. One can mean one as in a singular entity. This is what we generally understand one to mean. But the Bible uses the word also in another way. Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. We do understand that when a man gets married to a woman they do not become this one entity perhaps with four eyes and two mouths etc. But they become one in purpose and in agreement, ideally of course. In a similar sense God or the Godhead is, as we mentioned above, one in nature, in character, and in purpose. In many instances Christ clearly taught that He does nothing which is contrary to the will of the Father and visa versa. And similarly the Holy Spirit speaks nothing which is contrary to the words of the Father or of Christ and visa versa. Their thoughts and their feelings are in sync. As Jesus is kind, loving and unselfish in nature so is the Father and so is the Holy Spirit. They are one. Elohiym is one. God is one.

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This understanding cleared so many questions that I had about God and Christ and thus from then on as I sought to gain more and more understanding of God it became more easier for me to understand what the Bible was saying. Then there was the very controversial issue of the Sabbath. What is the Sabbath and where does it come from? What exactly is the controversy and why is there controversy over this issue? you may ask. Well this is what happened: Firstly, God created the Earth in six days. Then after having created the Earth He rested on the seventh day, having accomplished His wonderful work, and blessed the seventh day and hallowed (make holy) it. This day He set aside at it pointed at Him as creator. A day that He then called humanity to rest in and in it worship Him. Thus on every seventh day mankind would rest from their toils, from sunset to sunset, and consider the Earth and the things therein and thus remember God who created all these things. Before even the fall of man God set the seventh day as His weekly Holy day in which all humanity would, in a special way, focus their minds more on Him. Then when humanity fell, the Sabbath became more than a day that reminded them that God is creator but also became a day that reminded them that He was also the one who would restore them back to the place from
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which they fell. Ezekiel 20:12 Moreover also I gave them my sabbaths, to be a sign between me and them, that they might know that I am the LORD that sanctify (make holy) them. But how on Earth does the Sabbath show man that God, Jesus Christ, is their Saviour? How does it show them that He is the one who sanctifies them or makes them holy? This was the question that I asked myself when I first saw this verse. We find the answer in the book of Romans. Romans 1:20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead What does this mean? Well in simple words, God is saying that through the created things that we can see we can gain an understanding of the things that we cannot see. One of the things that we cannot see is the eternal power of God. One of the manifestations of this power is the Gospel: Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation In other words through the created things we can gain an understanding of the eternal power of God. We can gain an understanding of the Gospel, which is the power of God. For by the same power that God created all things that we can see, He creates in us new hearts. So if we look at the world and believe that it was the power of the Word of God, by Christ, that the world was created we can rest assured that God can certainly give
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us hearts that are like the heart of Jesus. Even as He said after creating the world it is very good, he shall bring us to a point when He can say of our hearts it is very good. This is the spirit, or mentality, in which we should consider the natural world: We should see it as the evidence of the power that is working in our hearts to create in us clean thoughts and feelings. So where does the Sabbath come in? Well remember what God had done after creating? He set a special day apart that all would consider the visible or created world and the God of nature who created it all. In other words the true spirit of the Sabbath is to consider the works of Gods Word and remember that He is creator and that He can thus create in us new hearts, and then rest peacefully with joy in that reality. This is the true spirit of the Sabbath observance. So now, if this day is of such great importance you can imagine how much the devil hates it. Firstly, he wants to be as God, that is to be as the creator, and secondly, he definitely does not want us saved. A day that is set divinely to both point at God as the Creator (Exodus 20:8-11) and to assure humanity that He is their Redeemer thus is a pain to the devil. Therefore, he decided to pollute and change it. Cutting the long story short he convinced the Christian world that the Sabbath was for the Jews, not
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humankind, though it was established before there was any Jew or before the fall even. He then caused the rebellious Jews to keep the Sabbath in a way that made it very burdensome and thus caused the Sabbath to be viewed in a bad light. He then further convinced the Christian world, without any scripture at all, that the day of worship, the Sabbath, for Christians was moved from the seventh day to the first day of the week. That is from Saturday to Sunday. Sadly the Christian world believed this although the true authors, or instruments of the change, the Roman Catholic Church, clearly state that the change has no Biblical authority. Thus, the first step was accomplished and in that step the law of God, which is the law of love, which in its nature is immutable, became ignored perpetually in the Christian world. Furthermore in time, since the Sabbath had already received a serious blow, even the very Sunday was not kept as God had instructed the daily seventh day of worship to be kept, even as Christ and His disciples kept it. A few hours were set aside for worship then the rest of the day used for whatever man saw fit. This, which still sadly prevails, was a form of worship altogether contrary to the expressed word of God. In so doing, the devil managed to remove a great pointer to the creatorship of God and thus a great sign or symbol or assurance of the ability of God to save man from sin by creating in them new hearts that are
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obedient to His will. This change, both in the day and in the observance, became so much intertwined with Christianity, though there was no Biblical basis for it. So much so was it intertwined that when God decided the time had come for Him to set the record straight and to reveal to the Christian world the seventh day as the day that He had set aside and blessed, most of the Christian world rejected it and continue rejecting it to this very day. Thus, we find Christians accepting such theories as the theory of evolution that not only denies Gods creatorship but also denies His very existence. Also hence, we find the mentality that God cannot truly free us from sin completely in this world more and more predominant in Christendom. For after all, the great day, which God had blessed of old, has been set aside and ignored. This of course, in its fuller details, which I have left out in this particular book, blew me away. At first, I tried to resist that which was before me, but in time I decided to stop fighting the expressed word of God and thus I became a Sabbath keeper. I became a Seventh-Day Sabbath keeper to be specific. Then finally, there was the issue of the destiny of a person when they die. This is what I had understood up until that year: When a person dies if they are good their spirit or soul would come out of them, go to
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heaven, a place of beauty and eternal bliss, and live with God. If a person dies and they are bad, their spirit or soul in like manner would live the body and then go to hell. A place made of fire that is seven times hotter than normal fire. The people in hell burn forever and ever and never die. Strangely enough though, when Christ comes for the second time the people who are in heaven somehow come up from the graves to meet Christ. Now this made no sense to me again because I wondered, If these people were with Christ, in heaven, from the day they died then why are they coming out of the graves to meet Him? The reality, as presented in the Bible, could not be further away from this. When God created mankind there were two things that were combined to make the living soul. Genesis 2:7 And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul. In other words [body + breath of life = living soul]. Man does not have a soul but man is a soul. When these two things separate, we do not speak of a soul that has gone somewhere. No, the soul, the person, is dead! The soul remains dead and unconscious. Ecclesiastes 9:5, 6 For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, and their hatred, and their envy, is now perished; neither have they any more a portion for ever in any
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thing that is done under the sun. They know not any thing. They are not in heaven rejoicing nor in hell being burnt. So what happens when a man dies? Psalm 104:29 Thou hidest Thy face, they are troubled: Thou takest away their breath, they die, and return to their dust. In other words, the reverse of what took place at creation takes place. That is [living soul breath of life = lifeless body]. No spirit or soul going somewhere and worshipping or going somewhere to be tormented. All the dead die and remain in the grave and await the resurrection. They either await the resurrection that will usher them into eternal life at the second coming of Christ or the second resurrection that will usher them into eternal destruction. John 5:28,29 Marvel not at this: for the hour is coming, in the which all that are in the graves shall hear His voice, And shall come forth; they that have done good, unto the resurrection of life; and they that have done evil, unto the resurrection of damnation. So the question is, Where does the idea that when a man dies they immediately receive their reward come from? Where does the idea that though they are dead they are not really or fully dead but simply change state come from? Well simply put it comes from the father of all lies, the devil himself. In the Garden of Eden when he came to tempt Eve, using the serpent as his medium, he asked Eve what it was that God had said. After Eve
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spoke of what the result of disobedience would be, he then told the first recorded lie ever told. When Eve said, God said we shall surely die. The devil responded in Genesis 3:4 saying Ye shall not surely die. Do note that the devil did not say ye shall not die. He said, ye shall not SURELY die. In fact, he then said they would be as gods. In other words you will not certainly die. You will not fully die. Rather you will be as gods. This is the basis of the idea that when a person dies they are not SURELY dead but are alive somewhere else. Even as a preacher will say so and so is dead but we can be happy that they are with God in heaven rejoicing and watching over us. Dead, as the devil had insinuated, but not surely. In some cultures, you will notice that this lie penetrates still to this day in its fullest form. For it is believed that when a person dies they all of a sudden become very wise and godlike with access to knowledge that the living do not have. Then they go to people who can communicate with the dead (the ancestors) who then give blessings and in some cases advice. What is the basis of all of this? Simply put the basis of this falsehood is that which the devil said to Eve in the beginning: Ye shall not surely die This then brings us to the second falsehood that emanates from this: The idea of a never-ending life of torment in fire is false and is so dangerous in so many levels. Firstly, and most sadly, it paints God in such bad
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a light that it helps increase the idea that the infidels believe: That if there is a God then He does not love but is cruel. Secondly, it makes many of those who worship God to worship Him out of fear rather than out of love. The end of the unrepentant sinners is not eternal life of torture. The wages of sin is death, Romans 6:23. This is the true end of the sinner who after considering, with conviction from the Holy Spirit, the shed blood and tears of a loving God still says I will not follow You! Death, not eternal torment, is the end of such. Thus were answered questions that I had asked myself for many years. I continued thus to learn and gain a more coherent understanding of the Bible.

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23. The Doctrines (Part II)

Prophecy (Light in a Dark World) As I explained before, I was very much interested in theoretical science. That science that involves concepts that are unprovable or can only be proved in an abstract way. Of these concepts one that caught my attention, perhaps the most of all of these, is the theory of time travelling. The idea that I could be able to enter into a machine or possess a device that could allow me to not only go into the past but also go into the future excited me. To be able to go into the past and fix my mistakes or go into the future and see how things will be. This excitement increased when I came across some information that seemed to make it something that could be explained or rather made possible scientifically. There are actually two things that I know of in the universe that could possibly allow, theoretically speaking, time travelling to take place. The first of these is light and the second is gravity. With light it is actually its speed that seems to allow for an alteration in the normal flow of time. Light is the fastest thing in the universe known to the scientific community. It has speeds so fast that it can go around the planet Earth about seven or so times in a single second. When an object travels at speeds that approach the speed of light time slows down. At exactly the speed of light time
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stops and even seems to reverse. Now of course man has no hope of creating a vessel that can carry a person and travel at the speed of light. Thus this approach remains unfeasible. With gravity there is also a distortion of time. The more the gravity is, similar to the speed of light, the slower time seems to move. Thus at the center of a black hole, objects of intense gravity, there is a point known as the event horizon where time seems to all together stop. Again for man to create such gravity and sustain it and use it efficiently is not really feasible. So thus time travelling still remains a theory. The idea fascinates me though nonetheless. Man can not travel to and fro in time. We only have access to the present. It is in the present that we operate. We are time bound. But you see unlike us God is not time Bound. The past, present and the future are as accessible to him as the present is accessible to us. And from time to time in His interactions with mankind He has allowed men to see that which He can. And He thus tells humanity of the things of the past immemorial and things that are yet to come. Prophecy: words that speak of things that are yet to come. This was one of the things that I gained a profound understanding of, in comparison with the past, in 2007. Finally, though not physically, I found my time machine. A time machine that does not only allow
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me to see my future or my past but that rather allows me to view the past and future of the world. A time machine that then allows me to see the path that those in the world have taken in the past and the paths that those in the world are taking at present and the paths that those in the world will take in the future. Then also allowing me to see the end of all these paths and thus giving me an opportunity to take an informed decision now according to the end that I desire. Now, as I mentioned before, the most dominating books in the Bible that speak about prophecies that concerns this time in which we live in are firstly the book of Daniel in the Old Testament and the book of Revelation in the New Testament. Now the sad reality is that these books amongst Christians are generally considered as being non salvational and thus the knowledge of what is contained in them is not that important. This is a sad falsehood which we will speak of a bit more in a moment. I further realized two things about prophecy, one almost at the very beginning and the second much later. The first of these which I will speak on in more detail at a later chapter is the issue of evidence. That is evidence of the divine origin of the Bible and thus an evidence even of the existence of God of whom the Bible testifies of.

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Now this is a big claim. Here is a bit of a foretaste of what I will disclose later on. You see, the second and seventh chapter of the book of Daniel written over two thousand and five hundred years ago contains the history of what happened in the world from those days up until now. All that Daniel wrote would happen from his time up until this present day, as shown by an angel of God, has thus far come to pass. With so much detail that no human being could just guess it is next to impossible to gainsay the evidence. The second of these things is actually the deepest purpose of prophecy. This purpose is actually the purpose of all scripture. That is the revelation of Jesus Christ. Peter wrote saying in 2 Peter 1:19 We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts: In other words prophecy is as a light that shines in a dark place and keeps us until the day star arises in our hearts. In other words it aught to lead us closer and closer to the day star. But what is the day star? Revelation 22:16 I Jesus have sent mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the root and the offspring of David, and the bright and morning star. The day star (phsphoros in the original language which specifically means morning star) is none other than Jesus Himself.

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Thus prophecy when rightfully understood reveals Jesus Christ to the Christian and helps the Christian to be more Christ-like as the day star arise in your hearts. Thus the notion that prophecy is not necessary amongst Christians and that all that is necessary is Jesus and prophecy is optional is a statement that is contradictory in its very nature for without prophecy one can not understand Jesus as much as they aught to. For the danger of this to be more apparent a quick consideration of history is necessary. In the ninth chapter of the book of Daniel is contained a prophecy that reveals the very year in which Christ was suppose to be baptized in. Not only this, but also the year in which He was to lay down His life for sinners is revealed in the same prophecy. This is something that was available to the Jews. This was a prophecy of so much importance that, in a very direct way, spoke of the appearance of the Day Star. But because they failed to search the scriptures humbly before God and ask His guidance they ended up missing the prophecy. Thus when Christ came He came unto his own, and his own received him not. John 1:11. Thus they ultimately cried outCrucify him. Mark 15:13. Of a certainty the result will be the same to those who neglect prophecy today. They will reject and persecute Christ again in the person of His followers who bring the message of this time even as Saul, who later became Paul by the grace and mercies of God, persecuted the
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early church while thinking he was doing God service because of his lack of understanding when it came to prophecy. Thus I began to love prophecy and in time I grew to understand more and more of its importance. And also the more time passed by the more apparent it became to me that for me as a Christian prophecy reveals more to me the love of Jesus for me, and all that He did, is doing and is to do just so that I can live with Him forever.

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24. No Turning Back

God, I dont want to die! I know that I am far away from You right now and I am just living my own life. I dont know how to get to You. I dont know how to be Yours. I dont know how to start a relationship with You. But regardless I am asking you this one thing: Whatever happens find a way to get me to You! Please get me to a point where I am truly a Christian and Your follower. Amen. About a year and a half earlier I had prayed thus to God. I had asked God to reveal Himself to me and make me understand Him and His ways and bring me closer to Him, and the time had come for Him to do just that. He had overruled events in my life, overturning the unfortunate into an ideal opportunity, for this very purpose. And thus to me knowledge had come. If anyone had come to me while I was still back at UCT, and ascending the ladder of stardom, and that someone would had told me about all these things concerning God I could had easily given them a deaf ear, with no desire to hear what they had to say at all. I had reached a point where I had really begun to feel like I had everything under control. The notion that I am a sinner and in serious need would had not fully sunk into my mind.

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But the way that things happened, finally culminating in the academic exclusion, humbled me. I was brought to a point in my life in which I was willing to listen and did not feel like I knew it all. Thus immediately thereafter God sent my way knowledge concerning Him that filled in most of the gaps I had in my mind. Thus He began to answer my prayer. Before I continue I would like to seemingly divert a bit and talk about someone. I would like to talk to you about Satan. Of the many questions that I had, a question that I myself have been asked a number of times, there was one about the devil. Simply put the question is: What would happen if the devil would repent? Or is it possible for the devil to turn and become right again? I had always wondered indeed how things would turn out if the arch-enemy himself would turn to God with a sincere heart and apologize for his evil ways and all the damage he has done in the world. Would God forgive him? What would happen? What would happen to those who remained evil? If the devil truly repented then God would most probably forgive him even as He forgave Adam and Eve after the fall. And on top of that the plan of salvation, with the arch-enemy turned into a friend once more, would probably speed up. This is what I think. But the reality of the matter is that this can never happen.
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Why? you may ask. Well to answer that question we would need to go to the very beginning. We would have to go to a point in the universe before evil existed. During the time of a very glorious angel called Lucifer. At the beginning, before even humanity and the planet Earth was created, God created angels. This was an order of beings that stood in His presence and with greatest delight served Him. At the highest rank amongst these creatures was Lucifer. An angel of whom God Himself said Thou sealest up the sum, full of wisdom, and perfect in beauty. Ezekiel 28:12. Now to seal up the sum is the equivalent of saying in our contemporary English you are it! God continues to say Thou hast been in Eden the garden of God; every precious stone was thy covering, the sardius, topaz, and the diamond, the beryl, the onyx, and the jasper, the sapphire, the emerald, and the carbuncle, and gold: the workmanship of thy tabrets and of thy pipes was prepared in thee in the day that thou wast created. Thou art the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou wast upon the holy mountain of God; thou hast walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire. Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the day that thou wast created Ezekiel 28:13-15. He was in the very presence of God with no other angel having a greater understanding of God than he. His
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intellect and wisdom was unparalleled. Only God was greater than he. But sadly he was perfect from the day he was created till iniquity was found in him, Ezekiel 28:15. Having considered His beauty and his knowledge that was unparalleled by any angel, a mystery began to happen in his heart. In a universe that had been harmonious up until that point discontent mysteriously was born in his heart. He began feeling like He should be exalted to the very position of God saying to himself I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High. Isaiah 14:13, 14. He then started spreading this discontentment that was born in his heart amongst the angels. In time a third, an entire third, of the angels in heaven sided with Him. God tried to show him the error of his ways, out of His love for His erring creature, but with no avail. Lucifer and his allies, though being exposed to all the glory of God and His kindness and the heavenly bliss up until that point, would not listen. Their hearts kept on hardening at a very fast rate as they resolved to continue with their treasonous campaign. There is not much that God could show them as they were exposed to it all. His words kept on falling on ears that were deafening by the moment until the
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ears were completely deaf and the hearts were altogether hardened. God, who by His very nature does not force the will of His creatures and thus making them robots, could do nothing for Lucifer and the third of the angels. Thus ... there was war in heaven: Michael (Jesus in His pre-incarnate form) and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon (Satan) fought and his angels, and prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. Revelation 12:7, 8. Thus was born Satan and the demons. The devil and the demons kept on refusing the word of God, knowingly, until they got to a point that their hearts were so hard that irrespective of what God would say or do their hearts could never fully surrender to God. They made themselves completely incapable to obey God. Thus he can never be able to repent. It is not possible for his heart to desire true repentance let alone have true repentance because of the persistent rejection of God, though he was exposed to all the glory and goodness of God. Even if God wanted to save him from himself, and He does for He desires that all of His creatures which He created out of His love to live, He would not be able to. In other words, even God is not able to save the devil. He, the devil and his allies for that matter, went too far.
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Now you might be wondering Why did he tell me all of this about the devil? The thing is, as I began to start learning from God all of these wonderful things about Him and how much He loves me and all He has done for me a thought and feeling was deeply impressed in my heart. Even before I knew about what happened at the beginning with Lucifer and his fellows the impression fell heavily upon me. I was strongly impressed with a feeling that after all these years of knowing a bit about God and still continuing as I saw fit the time had come for that to change. I knew things that I never dreamt I would ever know. I felt like if I would not take God seriously after all of this I would be seriously lost this time around. I felt like I knew too much. The reality is that it was the Holy Spirit Himself who impressed this on me. 2 Peter 2:21, 22 For it had been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them. But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, the dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire. In other words when a person has been exposed to the ways of God and begins walking in them and then turns to his worldly ways they become even worse than at the
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beginning. And again, in an even more frightening and sobering verse, the Bible says For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, and have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, if they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put Him to an open shame. Hebrews 6:4-6. Why does it become extremely hard and ultimately even impossible? Well, for the same reason why Lucifer can never repent. When a person turns away from God after gaining an understanding of how loving He is and knowledge of all His goodness and being led by His Spirit, that persons heart hardens to a frightening degree. The issue is not God getting tired and saying it is enough! I give up! The issue is the human heart saying, by persistent sinning though knowledge has arrived, I have heard enough God! I hear of your love! I hear of your Son who died! But I dont care! Leave me alone! Then the heart is hardened, by the choice of the person, to an extent that not even Gods Holy Spirit can touch it. So when I finally gained an understanding of what happened to Lucifer and the fallen angels I understood why I had felt the necessity to really take God seriously after receiving this knowledge. This was further
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strengthened in me when I realized that that which happened to Lucifer can really happen to a human being. Take Judas Iscariot for instance. He spent about three and a half years with Jesus listening to His wonderful lessons. The Holy Spirit impressed these things deeper into his heart. Yet he held on to the idea that he knew better and continuously fought the words of Jesus and the Holy Spirit in his heart until he got to a point of no return. It was also roughly at this time that another character came into the scene. This was a man who seemed to not only have a relationship with Christ but was very Christ-like to my perceptions. At first I came across SD who stood as the most knowledgeable person as far as the Bible was concerned. This is the element that was forcibly impressed in my mind about him. Then in meeting the guys at the Bible studies I came across more knowledgeable people and also a sense of experience in their handling of the word. Of these fellows one stood to me above them all at the first. MS. He is actually the one that had kick started the issue of serious Bible studies. It was from him that I had heard for the first time the Biblical method of studying the Bible precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little and there a little. Further more the idea that we could be so surrendered to God on this Earth until we live without sinning was introduced to me by him.
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Then in this fellow, HB, who seemed so Christ-like I saw a man who was extremely calm yet at the same time speaking the words of God in a way that forcibly pierced the heart and gave an understanding of who God is. The more I spent time with him the more I realized that there was a spirit of consistency in him. In time I realized that the key to his success, which gave him so much spiritual pressure, was nothing secret or hidden. I realized that he was a man given to much prayer and of studying the Bible both on a personal level and publicly when called to do so. Then finally later on I came across a girl, about two years my senior, who made me realize that indeed everyone can be a serious Bible student. CN: She was the first lady I ever heard explain Bible prophecy with so much fluency and force that I realized that being a diligent Bible student is not only for guys but it is for everyone who hears the word of God and is willing to walk therein without being negligent. It was also through her that I learnt, practically, how to go to people, door to door, and share about heavenly things. Thus God not only revealed to me His word but he sent people my way that helped me, more especially as a new babe in Christ, to physically see the results of surrendering the heart to God. Thus it was sealed in my mind and heart that if I were to then turn from God and not take Him seriously after all of this there would be
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little that He could do for me. In fact, I understood that it could quickly get to a point of no return. Thus I understood that such a course would be foolishness on my part and I knew that I should make up my mind that there is to be no turning back.

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25. The Doctrines (PART III)

The Antichrist (Who is he?) Who is the Antichrist? This is a question that I asked with anticipation when I realized that there was before me a person that claimed they could answer this question. I had no idea though that the answer would be so frightening that it would take time for me to accept even the possibility of it being true. Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition; Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God. 2 Thessalonians 2:3, 4. Thus began the first of many scriptures concerning this power. I did not know that much about the Antichrist accept that it was a very evil thing that is to be feared. I had never heard about it during my days of Catholicism, under the directions of my father who is Catholic. I neither had much about it when I started getting into the Pentecostal Christian world. From time to time though, I heard many strange things about this power. I even remember watching a movie about it once, with a man who seemed to become very powerful and a world icon. He became the most powerful man on Earth and all were caught up by his charm until he called himself
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God at which point the world religious leaders seemed to realize that he was evil. Thus I had a number of ideas as to how the whole Antichrist saga would play out but there was never anything concise that I could hold on to concerning the subject. Then with that question Sowho is the Antichrist was opened to me things that made me realize that, if they are true, the level of deception is far higher than what the Christian world thinks. Now one of the first things I learnt about the Antichrist is that it is mentioned in a number of places in the Bible under a number of names. In Daniel the seventh and eighth chapter it appears as a little horn. Paul writing to the Thessalonians called this power the the son of perdition. In Revelation the thirteenth chapter it appears as the first beast of two beasts. This is the same beast that the phrase mark of the beast refers to. In Revelation chapter fourteen it appears as Babylon the fallen and the mother of all harlots in Revelation seventeen. All these names describe the same entity. Now in order for me to tell you who the Antichrist is we need to first cover a few things. Whenever in the Bible God presents a very important entity that is to come He makes sure that He gives the prophets, through whom He writes to us, enough details so that the earnest and sincere student of the Bible can have no problem in identifying who or what that entity is.
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Lets take Jesus Christ Himself for instance. The reason why we know of a certainty that Jesus of Nazareth was indeed the Messiah is because of prophecy. For instance God had given the town, Bethlehem, in which the Messiah would be born. He had revealed a number of things that He would do in His ministry. He gave even the manner in which He would die. Not only this. A deeper study of prophecy, the book of Daniel to be specific, reveals down to the very years in which Christ would be baptized and would die respectively. In like manner when it comes to the Antichrist God made sure that He left no stone unturned so that those who earnestly searched the Scriptures would, in due season, know who or what the Antichrist is. Let us consider some of these identifying marks firstly by considering again a verse that we quoted above: Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first, and that man of sin be revealed, the son of perdition; Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshipped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God. 2 Thessalonians 2:3, 4. Let us note a few things first. The day that shall not come, except being spoken of here is the second coming of Christ. Now the first thing we see is that the Antichrist would appear before the second coming of
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Jesus. Or in other words Jesus will not come before the Antichrist takes center stage in the world. Secondly we see that it will be an entity that has Christian origins as it is a result of a falling away. Thirdly it is a sinful entity. Now here is a very important identifying mark: it is an entity that sets itself in a position that demands worship and claiming to be God on Earth. I am sure these identifying marks are very clear. Now the following will require you to pay attention and to follow me closely. I personally did not get it the first time around. We will consider some of the identifying marks about the Antichrist given in Daniel seven, the little horn, and in Revelation thirteen, the beast. Daniel 7:21, 25 I beheld, and the same horn made war with the saints, and prevailed against them; And he shall speak great words against the most High, and shall wear out the saints of the most High, and think to change times and laws: and they shall be given into his hand until a time and times and the dividing of time. Here are a few things to note: Firstly it makes war with the followers of God and prevails against them. It would also speak great or pompous words against God. It would further think to change times and laws. And the time that it would persecute the children of God for would be a time and times and the dividing of time Now to understand this time period we will need to establish a Biblical principle in prophetic time reckoning
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or calculation. But first we need to understand what a time is. A time simply put is a year. Even as you read the newer translations you will see this. Now each month has exactly thirty days. This you can establish from carefully following the months and days spoken of during the flood. For in the 17th day of the 2nd month the flood waters broke free, Genesis 7:11. Then on the 17th day of the 7th month the waters abated, Genesis 8:4. This time period of exactly five months, from the 17th day of the 2nd month to the 17th day of the 7th month, is again said to have taken exactly 150 days, Genesis 8:3. Thus for 150 days to be evenly distributed over five months the days in each month have to be 30. That is 30x5 = 150 days. Thus time which is a year is 12x30 days which is 360 days. Times which is two years is 24x30 days which is 720 days. And the dividing of time or half a time is half a year which is 6x30 days which is 180 days. Thus a time and times and the dividing of time is 360+720+180 days, which is 1260 days. But now in Numbers 14:34 and Ezekiel 4:6 we find that a prophetic day is a literal day. Thus 1260 prophetic days is equal to 1260 literal years. Now let us just recap so that we dont lose each other. Firstly we found that the Antichrist power must come before the second coming of the Lord. We also learned that this entity has Christian origins. Further more we found that it is a sinful entity. And another important
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marker is that it sets itself in a position that demands worship and claims to be God on Earth. It would also think to change times and laws. And we found that it would make war with the true followers of God for 1260 years. Now lets increase these identifying marks to narrow down the search even more. The seventh chapter of the book of Daniel further gives us the kingdoms that would rise and fall before this power. In short this is what Daniel saw leading up to the Antichrist represented by the little horn in this prophecy: He saw, symbolized by beasts, four kingdoms coming into power one after the other. Each successive kingdom first subdued the one before it, all the way to the fourth kingdom. The second of these kingdoms was unbalanced in power as it was a merger of two kingdoms with one kingdom more powerful than the other. The third kingdom would be split into four parts. Then the fourth kingdom would come and rule for sometime with terrible power and then ultimately split into ten parts. It is amongst these ten divided kingdoms that the Antichrist power emerges, first subduing three of the ten kingdoms, and begins its 1260 year rule of persecuting the people of God. Now from the time of Daniel and this prophecy this is how history unfolded: First there was the Babylonians which were subdued by the second kingdom which was the Medo-Persian empire composed of the Medes and the Persians with
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the Persians being more powerful. Then the third kingdom was the kingdom of the Greeks. After this then came the Roman Empire as the fourth kingdom which stretched far greater than all the kingdoms that were before it. The Roman Empire then broke into ten kingdoms. It is amongst these ten kingdoms of the Roman Empire that the Antichrist power would emerge. Then we turn to Revelation chapter thirteen to get some more identifying marks. Firstly we note that the first beast of Revelation thirteen does the same things as the little horn of Daniel seven thus showing us that it is the same entity. It had a mouth speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to continue forty and two months. Revelation 13:5. Note that 42 months = 42x30 days = 1260 prophetic days = 1260 literal years. This is the same time period as before. And again it speaks great things Then a new word is used. It speaks blasphemies. What is blasphemy? Consider the words of the Jews that they spoke to Jesus, not knowing that Jesus is God The Jews answered Him, saying, For a good work we stone thee not; but for blasphemy; and because that thou, being a man, makest thyself God. John 10:33. In other words blaspheme is when a man claims to be God or equal to God. Further more in Luke 5:21 we find them saying of Jesus Who is this which speaketh blasphemies? Who can forgive sins, but God alone? Thus when a man

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claims to be able to or claims to forgive sins they are blaspheming. Then finally we turn to the words of Christ that He spoke in the book of Revelation to the second church of the seven churches found in the second and third chapter of the book And unto the angel of the church in Smyrna write; These things saith the first and the last, which was dead, and is alive; I know thy works, and tribulation, and poverty, but thou art rich and I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan. Revelation 2:8,9. Now remember that the word Jew represents the followers of God or Christians in the post-Christ era For he is not a Jew, which is one outwardly; neither is that circumcision, which is outward in the flesh: But he is a Jew, which is one inwardly; and circumcision is that of the heart, in the spirit, and not in the letter; whose praise is not of men, but of God. Romans 2:28, 29. In other words blasphemy is also claiming to be a Christian or a follower of God while you are actually following satanic or demonic or pagan based principles. Now let us gather all of our identifying marks, which are not even exhaustive for the record, and try to see if we can get close to finding who the Antichrist is. Let us go over them one last time: The Antichrist would have to appear before the second coming of Christ.

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We found that the Antichrist would emerge amongst the ten divisions of the Roman Empire and would subdue three of these ten kingdoms. We also learned that the Antichrist actually has Christian origins. It is also a sinful entity. We also found that it sets itself in a position that demands worship and claims to be God on Earth. It would also think to change times and laws. It would also persecute the followers of God for 1260 years. It would claim to be God or like God. It would claim to have the power to forgive sins. And lastly it would claim to be Christian while having pagan based worship principles.

Now then already there is but one power in the world that fits all of these identifying marks perfectly. This is none other than the Roman Catholic Church or the papacy or the papal system. This power emerged amongst the divisions of the Roman Empire. It destroyed three nations which would not become Christians which were the Ostrogoths, the Heruli and the Vandals. It came from pure Christianity and in time, being polluted by the influence of Roman Emperors and a desire for power, changed. It took the commandments of God and removed the second commandment that prohibits the creation of statues and bowing down to them and worshiping
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them. It further changed the day of worship, the one commandment that deals with time, from the seventh day of the week, Saturday, to the first day of the week, the venerable day of the sun as they would put it or Sunday as we have come to know it. A change that even in their document is proudly stated to be the sign or mark of their authority. From the year 538 AD to the year 1798 AD the papacy or the Roman Catholic Church ruled with an iron feast. The time became known as the dark ages as the common people were not allowed to have the Bible. Anyone who dared worship in a way that was against the church was imprisoned, tortured or killed. Not just simple deaths but very intense deaths such as being burned alive or being stretched with your four limbs until your bones were out of joins and you die. The list is endless. Now if you have not calculated the number of years from 538 AD to 1798 AD, do so. It is exactly 1260 years. There are then the confessionals in which people go to the priests and confess their sins and the priest forgives the people their sins. Who can forgive sins but God? For a man, remember, to claim to be able to forgive sins is blasphemy. And the pope, even as recorded in their documents, is God on Earth. The Holy Father, the infallible, the Holy See are some of the titles given to the pope. These are titles that can only belong rightfully to God or to one who is indeed equal to God.
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What we have covered alone is enough to show beyond the shadow of a doubt that indeed the papal system or the Roman Catholic Church is the Antichrist system spoken of in the Bible. Now please do bear in mind, and never forget this, that there are many sincere Roman Catholics who love God and are serving Him as best as they know how. It is not them that are the Antichrist but the system itself. And remember Christ said And other sheep I have, which are not of this fold: them also I must bring, and they shall hear my voice; and there shall be one fold, and one shepherd. John 10:16. Now when I heard this for the first time I could not believe it. I had been a Roman Catholic. I had come to understand that the papacy originated with the apostle Peter. The basis for this I had later on learned was from the Bible. There was a time when Christ asked His disciples who people said He was. Then He asked them who they, as His disciples, say He is. Then Peter answered Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God. Matthew 16:16. Then the response of Christ to this statement is the basis of the papacy And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven. And I say also unto thee, that thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. Matthew 16:17,18.

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Now I understood, as I had been taught, that when Christ said thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church that he was saying Peter was the rock upon which He would build the church. But soon it became clear to me that this is a basis of not understanding the very center of the Bible which is none other than Christ Himself. To understand that this is not at all what Christ was saying we first consider the original language in which the New Testament was written in and we do two substitutions with the original language. When Christ was saying thou art Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church substituting Peter and rock in the original we would read thou art petros, and upon this petra I will build my church. Now the word petros means a piece of rock while petra means a mass of rock. There was a difference between what Christ was calling Peter and the rock which would be the foundation of his church. So what was this foundation? Well who is the petra or the rock? 1 Corinthians 10:4 And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ. The word here used for Rock is again the word Christ used when he said and upon this rock I will build my church and that is the word petra. Christ Himself is the rock. So then how does that fit in to the statement that he was making to Peter? Well remember Peter had just said
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something. Peter had said Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God. Christ was saying upon the words you just said Peter, that I Jesus am the Christ and the Son of God, upon this reality will I build my Church. Now Christ had further said the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. We know that Peter made a number of mistakes and was overcome by the devil a number of times. Like when he denied Christ even with cursing. But even before going that far we find him being influenced by the devil a few verses after he was influenced by the Holy Spirit. As Jesus began telling His disciples that He would die Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee. But He turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest (or regard) not the things that be of God, but those that be of men. Matthew 16:22, 23. Thus we quickly see Peter being overcome by the devil and even being used by him for a moment. The foundation, or the rock, on the other hand could never be prevailed against by evil. And indeed the rock upon which the church of Christ is build, with Him Himself being that rock, has never been overcome by evil. For He said of Himself the prince of this world cometh, and hath nothing in Me. John 14:30. So the idea that the church of God would be build upon Peter I found has no biblical foundation. Thus the claim that the papacy, taking Peters place or being the
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descendants of Peter, are to rule as the head of the church has no basis. And further more consider this And as Peter was coming in, Cornelius met him, and fell down at his feet, and worshipped him. But Peter took him up, saying, Stand up; I myself also am a man. Acts 10:25, 26. This clearly shows that Peter would never dare receive worship from any one. Yet the popes throughout the ages not only have accepted worship but have encouraged it and in many situations have forced it. The Spirit that governed the converted Peter is worlds apart from the spirit that governs the popes. And thus I came to know that the office that I thought was the highest office given to man by God on Earth turned out to be actually given by the devil Himself, Revelation 13:2 and the dragon (Satan Revelation 12:9) gave him (the first beast or Antichrist) his power, and his seat, and great authority., and turned out to be actually the very seat of the Antichrist.

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26. The Doctrines (PART IV)

Unto 2300 Days (At the Edge of Eternity) Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary: who is so great a God as our God? Psalm 77:13. The Bible says that Gods way is in the sanctuary. But what is the sanctuary? And let them make me a sanctuary; that I may dwell among them. Exodus 25:8. God instructed the Israelites to build Him a sanctuary so that He could dwell among them. He wanted to be closer to them so that they could be more and more acquainted with Him. And further more so that He could make known unto them His way. That they may understand the way of His salvation. Thus He had them build the sanctuary, under His strict directions, that within the sanctuary and its services they may find His way. But what is this way? What is this way of salvation that is in the sanctuary? Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6. The way is none other than Christ Himself. In other words Christ is in the sanctuary. But what does this mean exactly? It means that God gave the Israelites, and all His successive followers, the sanctuary that they may understand the ministry and mission of Christ of salvation. In the sanctuary He showed, through feast days, the path that Christ would follower in saving mankind. It taught beginning at His death, all the way to the great
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gathering that He would have with all of the redeemed from the second coming onwards. In other words, the sanctuary gives deep insight into the plan of salvation, which is very essential in order for the followers of God to know and understand Christs mission. The children of God were to know in which phase represented by the sanctuary services Christ was in, lest they get left behind and be caught unawares. Thus the sanctuary contains lessons so essential that if not studied the Christian can easily miss something so crucial that they might lose their salvation. For remember Thy way, O God, is in the sanctuary Christ, O God, is in the sanctuary. Now Daniel, caught in prophetic vision was told something of tremendous importance. He was told Unto two thousand and three hundred days (evenings and mornings); then shall the sanctuary be cleansed. Daniel 8:14. Now remember as we covered earlier on. God had given to Israel a principle by which to unlock prophecy I have appointed thee each day for a year. Ezekiel 4:6. So in other words Unto 2300 literal years then shall the sanctuary be cleansed. But what exactly did this mean? In order to understand this we will need to look a little bit closer into the sanctuary and see what lessons it taught. In the sanctuary services there were seven annual feasts, well presented in Leviticus chapter twenty three. The first being the Passover and the seventh being the feast of
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Tabernacles. These feasts were given to the Jews, as everything else in the sanctuary, by God Himself through Moses. Through these feast the Jews learnt each year about the great plan of eternal salvation for mankind. These feasts mapped out the task of the Messiah from His sinless life and death for the sins of mankind to His return to claim His own and dwell with them forever more in the ceaseless ages of eternity. Thus each year the plan of salvation was presented to the Jews and by faith they accepted the plan and the Messiah, the Christ, who was to come as their Saviour. Now the first of these feasts was the Passover. The Passover originates from the deliverance of the Israelites from Egypt where they had been slaves for four hundred years. After God had spoke with pharaoh to let His people go, first peacefully and later with nine plagues, pharaoh refused to let the Israelites go. Then God came with the tenth and final plague that would devastate pharaoh and the whole nation of Egypt greatly. God would send a destroyer to slay all the first born children of the Egyptians of both man and beast. Now God gave the Israelites instructions by which they would escape the great destruction that was to come. They were to take a lamb without any deformations whatsoever, per family, and kill it. And they were to take its blood and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of their houses, wherein they would eat it. Then when the destroyer would come and
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see the blood on the door posts it would not enter into that house but pass over. Thus God instructing that this was to be remembered yearly by the Jews in years to come gave them the Passover. Firstly as a reminder of the manner by which they were delivered from Egypt but also as a lesson of the great deliverance from sin that they, and the whole of humanity, would receive from Christ through His blood. Even as Paul centuries later would testify Christ our Passover is sacrificed for us. 1 Corinthians 5:7. The last of these annual feast days was the feast of Tabernacles or ingathering which symbolized the final union of Christ and His people from the second coming onwards to eternity. Through the prophet Ezekiel God had spoke of the fulfillment of this feast of Tabernacles saying My tabernacle also shall be with them: yea, I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And the heathen shall know that I the LORD do sanctify Israel, when my sanctuary shall be in the midst of them for evermore. Ezekiel 37:27, 28. And John in vision also saw the fulfillment of this feast And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. Revelation 21:3. So the first feast represents the sinless life of Christ and His death and the last feast represented His reunion with all those He has worked so hard to redeem. Then
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all of the feasts in-between, of which we are not going to deal with all, represented different phases of His mission. God had given the Jews these seven feasts so that when Christ would finally come as a man on Earth to live the sinless life, setting a perfect example to humanity, and then dying as the substitute for all humanity for their sins they would accept Him. These feasts also showed them the work that Christ would then do, after His resurrection, in the heavens above as the true High Priest on behalf of mankind before His coming. And of course they were also assured through these feasts of His second coming and an eternal life there after. Thus the Jews, and later the Christians, were supposed to always know the position of Christ as outlined by the seven feasts. But sadly they did not always know. When Christ came they did not recognize that He was the true Passover who came to die for them and thus treated Him as an impostor. But of the seven feasts there is one that demands all the people who live during the time that this feast represents to understand what it means and thus understand the position or the phase in which Christ is in in His work of saving mankind. This is the sixth feast, known as The day of atonement. What sets this particular feast apart? you may be wondering. The thing is this: The time represented by
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the first five feasts could come and go without the people of God knowing, but then later on understand and finally follower Christ by faith. For instance take the man Saul who appears in the Bible for the first time in the book of Acts the seventh chapter. The same man who was there when the Jews stoned Stephen in 34 AD. The same man who later on persecuted the Christians. The same man who on a road to Damascus was converted in an instantaneous conversion and became the great apostle Paul. When Christ fulfilled the Passover part of His mission Paul had not understood and thus had not accepted that the Saviour had come and had died for him and for the whole of humanity. He later on however understood and humbling himself before God accepted all that the Saviour had done and by the same faith accepted all that the Saviour was yet to do and believed that it would come to pass. Thus is the nature of all of the first five feasts. During the time of their fulfillment the people of God needed not know that they were occurring, and could learn later on and were to of course accept it as God revealed to them. But when you look at the seventh feast carefully and you think about it, something extremely important, in fact something of life and death importance comes into play. The seventh feast, as we said, is not like the first five feast. The time represented by this feast, when Christ comes to take His own, can not come and pass
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and then the people of God learn later on of it. By then it would be too late. All souls would be eternally sealed either for destruction or for eternal life. By this time all of the people of God would have to fully understand where Christ is, that when He comes He does not catch them unawares as a thief in the night. 1 Thessalonians 5:2-4. Thus the true nature and importance of the sixth feast and that which it represents appears to us. The sixth feast represents the final phase of Christs mediation or intercession on the behalf of mankind before His second coming. It represents the time in which all mankind are to have the final chance to become right with God. A time in which all the cases of all the professed followers of God would be viewed in the heavens above from the unerring records from which all cases are to be decided. First the cases of the dead, all the way from repented Adam, then the cases of the living. It is at the termination of this process that is represented by the sixth feast that Christ will say, putting off His priestly robes and putting on His kingly robes preparing to come back on Earth to take His own, He that is unjust, let him be unjust still: and he which is filthy, let him be filthy still: and he that is righteous, let him be righteous still: and he that is holy, let him be holy still. And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be. Revelation 22:11, 12.

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The sixth feast, that is the day of atonement or ym kippr as was known by the Jews, which is recorded in the sixteenth chapter of Leviticus in fuller details than in chapter twenty three were all seven feasts appear, was also the feast of cleansing. During this feast, in preparation for the joyous seventh feast, the sins of the Jews which had been carried by faith into the most holy place of the sanctuary were removed. Thus the sanctuary was cleansed. Leviticus 16:33 And he (the high priest who represented Christ the true High Priest) shall make an atonement for the holy sanctuary But the people of God also had a part during this solemn day And this shall be a statute for ever unto you: that in the seventh month, on the tenth day of the month, ye shall afflict your soulsFor on that day shall the priest make an atonement for you, to cleanse you, that ye may be clean from all your sins before the LORD. Leviticus 16:29, 30. Not only were they not to work but they were to afflict their souls. That is they were to do deep introspection and make sure that all their sins had been confessed and forsaken before God so that they could be at peace with God. Thus as the sanctuary was being cleansed of all the records of their sins their soul temples were also to be cleansed that they could be clean from allsins before the LORD Now when Christ enters the final phase of His ministry represented by the day of atonement, the sixth feast, of the seven annual feast all the people of God should
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have the experience that the Jews were instructed to have by God. The people who live under this most solemn time are to come to God humbly and work with Him with untiring perseverance to have all of their sins removed from them. All their sins of thoughts, words and deeds are to be removed from the character. No more laboring for that slave master called sin. And this all must happen before the time represented by the seventh feast which is the second coming of Christ that ye may be clean from al your sins before the LORD. So the question is when does this time start? When does Christ enter His final stage of preparing a place for us in eternity? When does the cleansing process of the sanctuary begin? Well, this then brings us back to that which was told the prophet Daniel in prophetic vision Unto two thousand and three hundred days (evenings and mornings); then shall the sanctuary be cleansed. Daniel 8:14. And as we had discovered earlier on each day for a year thus the beginning of this great cleansing process would take place after 2300 literal years. But the question is from what year do we begin counting? To understand the starting point of the 2300 years we will need to turn to the book of Daniel and pay careful attention to what God revealed there. When you read the eighth chapter of the book of Daniel in which the 2300 literal years prophecy is found, you will notice a number of things. The prophecy is given to Daniel and
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then the angel Gabriel explains to him what the prophecy means. Everything is explained except the issue of the 2300 years And the vision of the evening and the morning (days) which was told is true: wherefore shut thou up the vision; for it shall be for many days. And I Daniel fainted, and was sick certain days; afterward I rose up, and did the king's business; and I was astonished at the vision, but none understood it. Daniel 8:26, 27. In other words even Daniel did not understand the meaning of these 2300 years at the time. Then in the ninth chapter we find Daniel studying the writings of the prophets that were before him, Jeremiahs prophecies being the most prominent of that which he studied, looking to understand when it was that God was to free His people from Babylonian captivity that they can go and rebuild Jerusalem and the temple and the sanctuary. And he found, as Jeremiah had prophesied, that they were suppose to stay in slavery for seventy years. The problem was that Daniel understood that these seventy years of their punishment were coming to an end yet he had been told in vision that 2300 years would pass before the sanctuary would begin to be cleansed. You see in his mind he did not understand that that which would take place at the end of the 2300 years was not referring to the Earthly sanctuary but rather the heavenly sanctuary in which, by that time at the end of the 2300 years, Christ Himself would be ministering as High Priest in
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heaven for the Earthly sanctuary would be no more. So he thought that the 2300 years meant that the seventy year punishment had been extended. At this he began praying to God and confessing the sins of his people and asking for God to forgive them. At this the angel Gabriel was sent back to him saying O Daniel, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding. Daniel 9:22. Of the first vision the only part that confused Daniel was the 2300 years and this made him worry for his people. At this the angel began to tell Daniel that which concerned his people as far as the 2300 years were concerned. Seventy weeks are determined (cut) upon thy people and upon thy holy city, to finish the transgression, and to make an end of sins, and to make reconciliation for iniquity, and to bring in everlasting righteousness, and to seal up the vision and prophecy, and to anoint the most Holy. Daniel 9:24. In other words, in the 2300 years the first seventy weeks was determined or cut or given for his people to set their ways right with God. Now remember each day for a year thus seventy weeks which equal 490 days actually represent 490 literal years. God was telling Daniel that of the 2300 years I spoke of earlier I am giving the first 490 years for your people, the Jews, to be right with Me and to accept the Messiah (Christ) when He comes.

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Then the verse that follows gives the starting point of these 490 years which is also the starting point of the 2300 years Know therefore and understand, that from the going forth of the command to restore and to build Jerusalem unto the Messiah the Prince shall be seven weeks, and threescore (sixty) and two weeks: Daniel 9:25. Now if you read carefully what is happening youll realize that firstly the starting point is given to be the time when the command or decree to restore and to build Jerusalem would be given. Secondly an important event that would take place within these 490 years is given. That is after seven weeks, and sixty and two weeks, which is 69 weeks, the Messiah would appear. This appearing of the Messiah is when the Messiah would be anointed or baptized thus marking the beginning of His public ministry. Now again remember each day for a year thus 69 weeks which have 483 days represent 483 literal years. Thus from the starting point, which is at the time of the giving of the command to restore and rebuild Jerusalem, 483 years later the Messiah would be baptized. Now notice that after this, seven years remain before the termination of the 490 years. What would happen in that last prophetic week (7 literal years)? And He shall confirm the covenant with many for one week: and in the midst of the week He shall cause the sacrifice and the oblation to cease Daniel 9:27. In other words Christ would spread the good news of His gospel to the Jews. He would do this personally for three and a half
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years then die and thus cause the sacrifice and the oblation to cease as there would be no more a need for Earthly sacrifices of lambs as He the true Lamb would had come and died for mankind. Then in the remaining three and a half years He would instruct His disciples to focus their energies on the Jews before the 490 years, which mark the end of their probation as a nation, come to an end. Now I know we have covered a lot so let us bring it together. We want to establish when the 2300 years will end, as this will mark the beginning of a very important time in human history. We then found that the first 490 years of these 2300 years were set aside by God for the Jews and that these 490 years, and thus the 2300 years, start during the going forth of the decree to restore and rebuild Jerusalem. We further found that during the 490 years a few very important things were to happen. In the 483rd year Christ would be baptized. Then three and a half years later, in the midst of the last seven years, He would be crucified. This thus happening on the 487th year after the command would be given. Then finally on the 490th year the probation of the Jews as a nation would close and they would have made up their mind to either accept Christ or reject Him. Thus with the first 490 years passed 1810 years would remain before the termination of the 2300 years. It is clear that for us to be able to know when all of these events will take place we need to know when the
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command to restore and rebuild Jerusalem was given, as it marks the starting point. This command was actually given in its complete form by Artaxerxes Longimanus and is found in Ezra 6:14; 7:13. This took place in the autumn of the year 457 BC. Thus we have a starting point and we can start counting. So according to the prophecy of Daniel 483 years after this decree the Messiah was suppose to be baptized. Then three and a half years later He was to die and three and a half years after that the Jews would have to make their final decision about the Messiah or Jesus Christ. Did this actually happen? Well 483 years after 457 BC takes us to the year 27 AD. This is exactly the year in which Jesus was baptized and received the anointing of the Holy Spirit. Then three and a half years later the year was 31 AD. This is the year in which Jesus was crucified and thus causing the Earthly sacrificial system to end as He had fulfilled that which it had represented for centuries. Then three and a half years later, in the year 34 AD, the Jews stoned Stephen, the first Christian martyr, and thus altogether rejecting Christ and thus their probation closed and the gospel went with fuller force to the gentiles. So as we can see, the first 490 years of the 2300 years happened exactly as Gabriel had told Daniel. Thus we have an undeniable basis to believe that 1810 years later from 34 AD, at the end of the 2300 years, the final phase of Christs intercession would begin. Thus would
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be the beginning of that great time in which all of the followers of God must humble themselves before God and allow Him to remove all sins from their hearts. 1810 years from 34 AD, which is 2300 years from 457 BC, brings us to the year 1844. Thus in 1844 Jesus entered into the most holy place in the heavenly sanctuary to begin His final phase of intercession on behalf of mankind. Now this is a very serious issue because it means for 166 years we have been living under that phase of Christ ministries which is represented by the sixth feast of the seven annual feasts of the sanctuary. In other words now is the time for all Christians to turn to God and sincerely ask Him to teach them what it really means to be a Christian in this day and age. And then walk according to all the light He reveals to them as the Holy Spirit guides them according to His word. To help you understand this I will give you two timelines. The first one shows you the first 490 years which was dedicated to the Jews and also marks out the important events that took place during those 490 years as according to the word of God delivered to us through Daniel by the angel Gabriel. Then the second timeline shows the 2300 years and indicating the first 490 years so that you can get the bigger picture:

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Thus was I introduced to knowledge so essential, yet before this time I had no idea about. Before 2007 I had not so much as heard the word sanctuary, let alone understand that it referred to something so important without which it would be impossible to understand what Christ is doing on my behalf. And I know that because the Jews did not understand the sanctuary they were not ready for Christs first coming or advent and thus rejected him. Thus for me to be ready for the Second Advent or coming, for me to be a true Adventist (one who waits for the imminent coming of Christ), it is essential for me to learn from the mistakes of the Jews, and learn what the sanctuary is about lest I repeat their mistake. 1 Corinthians 10:11 Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come. For to me, to repeat their mistake would mean I would not be ready and the coming of the Lord would find me unprepared. And this is not necessary at all as knowledge has come to me while there is still time. For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night. For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape. But ye, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day should overtake you as a thief. Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness. 1
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Thessalonians 5:2-5. And what does is mean to be a child of the light? We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts: 2 Peter 1:19. Thus being a child of the light is also being one who takes heed or listens to prophecy, accepts it, and lives according to that which is revealed therein.

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27. Its becoming precious to me!

I continued learning these truths which seemed to be leaping out of the Bible into my mind at incredible speeds. Like I said before, at first I resisted that which was before me. But then as I kept on considering that which was presented to me I could not help but see the beauty that was contained therein. My very perception of the world was changing dramatically. I found myself being caught in constant awe by the knowledge which was unfolding before my eyes as though I was watching a motion picture. The Bible became a treasure island filled with precious gems that waited for me to find them. And I began to realize that all of these gems pointed to the greatest Gem ever made available to mankind. That is Jesus Christ Himself. I was still shocked at the realization that even the Old Testament taught of Christ. You see growing up, as I mentioned before, I had come to understand that as a Christian the most important part of the Bible was the New Testament and that the Old Testament was just mainly there for historical purposes with its many interesting stories. But looking closely I had began to understand that the hope of all the people who professed an allegiance to God had always been Jesus. You take for instance Moses of whom Paul wrote saying he by faith chose rather to suffer affliction with the people of God,
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than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season; esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt: for he had respect unto the recompense of the reward. Hebrews 11:25,26. Did you catch that? Moses esteemed the reproach of Christ greaterthan the treasures in Egypt He not only knew of the coming Christ but embraced Him and accepted Him and lived for Him. Looking at a prophet that came after Moses, but hundreds of years before New Testament times, by the name of Isaiah we find Him writing in prophetic words Who hath believed our report? And to whom is the arm of the LORD revealed? For He shall grow upas a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: He hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see Him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from Him; He was despised, and we esteemed Him not. Surely He hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem Him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon Him; and with His stripes we are healedby His knowledge (says God) shall my righteous Servant justify many; for He shall bear their iniquitiesHe hath poured out His soul unto deathand He bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors. Isaiah 53:1-5, 11, 12.
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Then when we go back even before the flood, which was ten generations after Adam, we find the man Enoch. Enoch was the seventh from Adam. He was the first man, as recorded in the Bible, who never saw death, but was taken by God while alive. His spiritual walk with God, that is the consciousness of his mind of the presence of God and his obedience to God thereof, was so intense that God, you could say, finally said This man lives as though he is hear in heaven with me! I might as well take Him! Jude recorded of him saying And Enoch also, the seventh from Adam, prophesied of these, saying, Behold, the Lord cometh with ten thousands of his saints Jude 1:14. Enoch knew of the coming, even the second coming and beyond, of Jesus Christ. Thus it became very apparent to me that indeed the saints of old understood that their faith was to be based on nothing else save the Lord Jesus Christ. Though they showed their faith in Him through the figures of the lambs they slew, they well understood that the virtue was not so much in the lambs themselves but in He to whom the lambs pointed. Thus they were, in the true sense of the word, Christians. Even as we look at the past and by faith believe that Jesus came and died for us and through the Holy Spirit we can receive His life and character by the same faith. In like manner they looked into the future and by faith believed that Jesus was to come and die for their sins and that through the Holy
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Spirit they could receive His life and character. Hence the kind David after sinning with a great sin prayed to God saying Cast me not away from Thy presence; and take not Thy Holy Spirit from me. Psalm 51:11. Thus this religion which had been so abstract and intangible to me began to come to life. And I realized that the more my heart opened up the more was I able to comprehend all that was before me. I began to fill a level of fulfillment that I had never felt in all my life up until that point. Indeed all this, which at the first I feared, began to become so beautiful to me and the language of my heart to my mind became Its becoming precious to me!

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28. The Doctrines (PART V)

The Bearers of the Last Message (Church of the End) Now to understand what I am about to share with you, you will need to have a fairly good understanding of what we spoke about in chapters 22, 23, 25 and 26. Like everything that I shared before this came to me with a sting which makes me appreciate just how much hard it can possibly be for a person to accept it. But nevertheless it answers a question that I had not so much as really asked. In fact whenever the notion would be brought up during my earlier years I would get irritated. The true church of God?! What nonsense is this that I am hearing? All churches, though they have different teachings, lead to God! These words show the emotions that would surge in my heart when I would so much as hear the idea of the only true church or the church with the actual truth. I considered it to be arrogance of the highest order. Further more whenever I would hear anything resembling these claims I would be presented with nothing upon which they were based. Then in time I came to understand, the more I interacted with people about spiritual issues, that the same emotions and

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thoughts that resided in my heart and mind were found in them as well. So the question stands? Is there indeed such a thing as the true church of God? Is there a church or movement that has the actual truth? A movement which teaches what God wants His people to know in these days? One that has enough Biblical evidence to be able to boldly, yet humbly, declare that they are the bearers of the oracles of God in these last days. Despite popular belief, as I without a basis believed, God clearly indicates in His word the people He would raise and use before the second coming of Christ. A people that He would entrust with the message necessary to get the inhabitants of this planet ready for that great day of eternal results. How is one to know who these people are? This is a very important question. In fact, it is as important as it was during Old Testament times to a person who sort to dwell amongst the people of God that He may more fully understand God. For this person the people amongst which he would have to go to, as a number of gentiles did, were the Jews. Not because the Jews were special in the usual or common sense of the word but rather because they were those who God bestowed His oracles upon.

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There are three things that identify the last day movement or church. In fact, this identification was used by God even to identify Jesus Christ so that when He would come those who read the scriptures would know that it is indeed Him. Firstly the word of God revealed the manner in which He would appear. That is born of a virgin and a number of things around His appearance including the town in which He would be born. Then secondly the word of God reveals the character that He would have and the principles that would govern Him as a person. That is the law of God itself. Said He Then said I, Lo, I come: in the volume of the book it is written of me, I delight to do Thy will, O my God: yea, Thy law is within my heart. Psalm 40:7, 8. Thirdly the manner of work He would do is revealed. For instance He went into the synagogue (church) at Nazareth, His home town, and being given the book of Isaiah to read He read a prophecy concerning Himself that said The spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; He hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD Isaiah 61:1, 2.

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In short, the word of God revealed concerning Christ how He would appear, how He would be, as in what principles would govern Him as a person, and lastly the work He would do. In like manner the word of God clearly reveals these three things about His church that would appear in the last days. Let us try to uncover these things. Firstly we look at the manner in which it would appear. This we find mainly in the book of Revelation the tenth chapter. But before we can understand what is happening there we need to first speak briefly on one of the things that the last movement or church would be called to do. Remember in chapter 26 we looked into the sanctuary. We realized that in 1844 Christ entered His final work and that we here on Earth who trust in Him should work hand in hand with Him or rather allow Him to remove our sins from us before He comes. This is actually the first thing that this movement would be called to do. That is to let people know exactly what time it is according to the prophetic clock. Now the tenth chapter of the book of Revelation shows how this movement came into being and how it came to identify its mission. Just a quick recap: Remember when Daniel received the vision of the 2300 years he himself did not understand what they meant. In fact he was told to seal or close those things.
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Then in the last chapter of the book, chapter twelve, we find him once again being told to seal up the book up until the time of the end. But thou, O Daniel, shut up the words, and seal the book, even to the time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased. Daniel 12:4. That is no one was to understand the things contained therein until the time of the end. Then when he asked when this time of the end is, the response was given by a man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, when he held up his right hand and his left hand unto heaven, and sware by Him that liveth for ever that it shall be for a time, times, and an half; and when he shall have accomplished to scatter the power of the holy people, all these things shall be finished. Daniel 12:7. Notice a few things. Firstly this man or angel, swearing by the name of God, says that it shall be for a time, times and an half. Remember this time period. It is the 1260 years that we spoke about in chapter 25. That is the time that the Antichrist persecuted the children of God from 538 AD to 1798 AD. And he says and when he shall have accomplished to scatter the power of the holy people that is to say when he has finished persecuting all these things shall be finished.

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Thus the time of the end began in 1798 AD. From this time God would unseal the book of Daniel and to be specific he would unseal that particular prophecy which was sealed. That is the prophecy about the beginning of the cleansing of the sanctuary after 2300 years. Then in Revelation chapter ten we find exactly the same angel that had announced to Daniel that it would be after 1798 AD that the people would begin to understand now coming to announce that the time had come for the seal to be completely broke and for the people of God to understand. In other words John the revelator saw in vision that which would happen as the people of God would begin to understand these things. Firstly he, the angel, had in his hand a little book open Revelation 10:2. The same book which was sealed is now opened. So in the manner in which he had done with Daniel he lifted up his hand to heaven, and sware by him that liveth for ever and ever, who created heaven, and the things that therein are, and the earth, and the things that therein are, and the sea, and the things which are therein, that there should be time no longer Revelation 10:5, 6. The time had come for the unsealing. Then the people of God, represented by John in the vision, are told to Go and take the little book which is open in the hand of the angel which standeth upon the sea and upon the

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earthTake it, and eat it up; and it shall make thy belly bitter, but it shall be in thy mouth sweet as honey. What does it mean to eat up a book? Jeremiah 15:16 Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart: for I am called by thy name, O LORD God of hosts. It is when one takes the word of God and studies it and accepts it and lives by it. So thus the people of God were told to take the now unsealed book and study it. Then we are shown the experience that the people of God would go through as they would begin to understand the issue of the 2300 years which had been sealed up until that point. And I took the little book out of the angel's hand, and ate it up; and it was in my mouth sweet as honey: and as soon as I had eaten it, my belly was bitter. Revelation 10:10. Thus in studying the issue they would have a joyful or sweet experience which would then be followed by a disappointing or bitter experience. But then after the bitter experience they would understand that they are to prophesy (preach these prophetic news) again before many peoples, and nations, and tongues (languages), and kings. Revelation 10:11. Bringing it together we found that the last movement would emerge in this way: Firstly it would not emerge before 1798 AD as 1798 AD is the beginning of the time
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of the end and also that the 2300 years were to be sealed only to be understood after the time of the end. Secondly it would study the issue of the 2300 years. Thirdly it would have a sweet experience followed by a bitter experience. Then finally they would go and preach the news of the cleansing of the sanctuary to many peoples, and nations, and tongues, and kings. There is one movement in this whole planet that fits all of these descriptions. A people who, first through a man called William Miller, began to understand the 2300 year prophecy in the early 1800s. They calculated the 2300 years, having established the 457 BC starting point, and realized that these years would terminate in 1844. But then a terrible thing happened. They did not understand the sanctuary well. They thought the cleansing of the sanctuary meant the second coming of Christ. They thought that the sanctuary represented the Earth and that the cleansing agent was flames that would accompany Christ in His second coming to cleanse the Earth. Thus their excitement grew to incredible proportions. They thought that their Lord was coming! Their experience, because of that which they had studied, was an extremely sweet one. But of course the time which they expected came and it passed and Christ did not come. Their sweet experience became deep and intense bitterness. They became the
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subjects of mockery and many dropped out. But then they turned back to the scriptures and before 1844 ended they realized what their mistake was. They realized that they had calculated the timing of the event well but had misunderstood what the event itself was. Thus having realized that Christ had entered His final phase in His work of cleansing sin amongst His people and removing their sins from the records in heaven, they realized their true mission and thus began preaching to many peoples, and nations, and tongues, and kings. They also found in the same book of Revelation what their full message was to the world. But we will touch on that as our last identifying mark of the people with the last message in these last days. Next we look at the principles that would govern them. We turn to the twelfth chapter of the book of Revelation. In the Revelation chapter twelve we find God showing John an overview of what would happen to the church from the time right before the birth of Christ all the way to the church of the end or the remnant. The church is represented as a woman in this prophecy. For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. 2 Corinthians 11:2. Thus John, in this vision, was shown how the devil wanted to kill Christ but failed. Then he was shown how,
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after Christs ascension which followed His resurrection, the devil would in anger turn his efforts towards the church of Christ and persecute it. Then he was finally shown the persecution coming through the form of the Antichrist or the Roman Catholic Church during the 1260 years of 538 to 1798 AD. And to the woman (church) were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent (devil) Revelation 12:14. Again remember the woman represents the church and the serpent is the great dragonthat old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world Revelation 12:9. Thus the devil, through the Antichrist power, was shown persecuting the church of God for a time, and times, and half a time which is the 1260 years. Then after this period he is shown the remnant. That is the remaining church that would emerge after the time of this persecution And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ. Revelation 12:17. Thus the devil was angry with the church of God and went to make war with those that remained faithful. Then notice that they are identified as those who keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of
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Jesus Christ. These are further identifying marks of the last day church. We will look into the second identifying mark in the next chapter. On the basis of the first one alone it can be safely said that at least 80% of the Christian world is immediately disqualified to be called the remnant or the last day church. Why? you may ask. Well its very simply For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all. For He that said, Do not commit adultery, said also, Do not kill. Now if thou commit no adultery, yet if thou kill, thou art become a transgressor of the law. James 2:10, 11. Notice two things. Firstly we are told that if you keep all commandments and break just one then in the eyes of God you are not a commandment or law keeper. Secondly it is made very clear which law is being spoken of for he then quotes from it For He that said, Do not commit adultery, said also Do no kill And these are two commandments from the Ten Commandments. That is the moral law of God that does not change as long as His morals stand. Now of the Ten Commandments there is also the fourth commandment which says Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holySix days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work Exodus 20:8-10. Now the seventh day of the week is
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Saturday yet most of the Christian world worships on Sunday according to the change made by the Antichrist power. On top of this even the day that is kept, Sunday, is not even kept in accordance to the way that God had said. Instead of a sunset to sunset time of worship it is a one to three hours of worship and all are free to do as they please thereafter. Thus this shows that most churches can not be the Biblical remnant church. Then finally there is the message itself that the church of God would give to the world. We already discussed part of it. Letting the world know that the finally process of looking at the books or records in heaven, removing all forsaken sins from the records and judging who is worthy to be taken by Christ when He comes, has began. Further more calling people to worship the true God who created all things according to that manner of worship He had given mankind by His Sabbath commandment. The full message is given in Revelation chapter fourteen. The messages are presented as being given by three angels flying in the midst of heaven and crying out symbolizing the urgency of the messages. Then immediately after the messages are given the second coming of Christ is shown And I looked, and behold a white cloud, and upon the cloud one sat like unto the Son of man (Jesus), having on his head a golden crown, and in his hand a sharp sickle. And another angel came out of the temple, crying with a loud voice to him that
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sat on the cloud, Thrust in thy sickle, and reap: for the time is come for thee to reap; for the harvest (people of God) of the earth is ripe. And he that sat on the cloud thrust in his sickle on the earth; and the earth was reaped. Revelation 14:14-16. This thus shows that the message given before this is the very last message from God to this Earth before He comes to take His own and destroy all His enemies. These are the messages, as shown given by three angels: Of the first it is said And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people, Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to Him; for the hour of His judgment is come: and worship Him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters Revelation 14:6, 7. Notice that firstly this angel represents those who preach the gospel of Christ. Further more it is preaching to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people, Sounds familiar? Remember what was told to the people of Revelation ten after their bitter experience? That they should preach to many peoples, and nations, and tongues, and kings. Further more this angel is calling people to Fear God. Now this fearing of God does not mean to be frightened by God but rather means revering Him and keeping His
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commandments. For Moses said to the Israelites after God spoke to them and they were scared Fear not: for God is come to prove you, and that His fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not. Exodus 20:20. Thus fearing God is not being scared of Him because we dont know Him but rather it is to love and revere Him, and to sin not against Him, which is to keep His commandments. Remember Jesus said If ye love me, keep my commandments. John 14:15. And through Solomon God simplified it by saying Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. Ecclesiastes 12:13. And giving glory to God is reflecting His character to the world that He may be known by the world Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16. Giving glory is also having a mentality that always acknowledges God as the One who has blessed with everything And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified GodThere are not found Jesus said that returned to give glory to God, save this stranger. Luke 17:15, 18. Then the hour of His judgment has come refers to the cleansing of the sanctuary. And then finally the call to worship the God who created is given and worship Him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the
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fountains of waters. This is pointing mankind to the Sabbath for God had said Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy.For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day, and hallowed it. Exodus 20:8-11. God through Solomon put the issue of fearing Him and giving glory to Him in light of the judgment which was yet to come during Solomons time in this way Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep His commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil Ecclesiastes 12:13, 14. Then the second message warns that there are those who have refused the first message which spells out Christianity for people living in the last days. Thus God gives the warning and shows that these all then constitute Babylon or are married to the Antichrist power. And there followed another angel, saying, Babylon is fallen, is fallen, that great city, because she (the fallen church) made all nations drink of the wine (teachings) of the wrath of her fornication (mingling truth with error). Revelation 14:8. Then the final message warns of the punishment that would come upon those who would refuse to cut their ties with the Antichrist power, the Church of Rome, and
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its mark, Sunday worship: And the third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive his mark in his forehead, or in his hand. The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb: And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name. Revelation 14:9-11. Now let us bring it all together. Firstly the church with the true message for this time would be one that understands and teaches the judgment or the cleansing of the sanctuary which started in 1844. Secondly they would have begun with an excitement followed by a bitter experience before fully understanding their message. This all of course would have to take place after 1798 AD. Further more they would keep all the commandments of God including the fourth Sabbath commandment neglected by majority of the Christian world. Then they would teach that God must be revered and His commandments kept. They would teach that God must be glorified and that His Sabbath must be kept thus worshiping Him as He has said.

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They would further warn that the devil has influenced, primarily through the Roman Catholic Church, many to neglect the teachings of the first angel. Then finally they would warn of the dangers that await those who refuse to cut ties with the fallen systems that still are bound to the Antichrist system. All these things they would teach not according to a desire to be different just for the sake of it or of making themselves to appear better than anyone. They would teach these things simply because this is what God, as was prophesied, had called them into existence as a movement or a people to proclaim to the world, that it may be ready for Christs second coming. As you have seen this has already narrowed the possibilities down drastically. To be precise this has narrowed it down to one. There is but one movement that meets all of these identifying marks perfectly. The Seventh-Day Adventist Church. A truth very hard to accept I understand. More especially for people who have been faithful in what they have know for years. It is painful to consider the possibility that one has been deceived for many years or, even worse, all their lives. But yet God still says out of His immeasurable love concerning His faithful people who are still deceived and in spiritual Babylon Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. For her sins have reached unto

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heaven, and God hath remembered her iniquities. Revelation 18:4, 5.

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29. The Doctrines (PART VI)

Prophet of the end (Is there such?) To the law and to the testimony: if they speak not according to this word, it is because there is no light in them. Isaiah 8:20. The prophet Isaiah spoke saying I hold before you the law and...the testimony and if any speak not in line with these two things it is because there is no light in them. I did not know much about prophets up until 2007 to be honest with you. I did know that there were people in the Bible who were called prophets. What I also knew was that there are a lot of people going around saying they are prophets and whenever I would hear their someone here is going to get rich kind of speech I would get annoyed for some reason. I always felt like they are fake. This then made me think modern day prophet = person who likes to pretend they have some ability so that they can be famous. But when I turned to the Bible in considering if there are indeed prophets or if there could be prophets in these days I found some interesting things. Firstly, having realized that I am living at a time when Christ is in His last stage in removing sin from the universe, I found myself confronted with a question If Christ has indeed entered His final stage thus making His coming closer, in the true sense of the word, with each passing day,

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would He not send a prophet to help prepare His people for such a solemn time as this? I turned to His first advent or coming and considered if a prophet went before Him or not. I realized that the first time He began His mission two thousand years ago God did indeed send a prophet before Him. The man who was sent was John the Baptist. A man who had been prophesied of, though not called by name. He came proclaiming that the time had come for the Messiah to appear in the very year in which Daniel had been told that the Messiah would emerge. That is 483 years after the 457 BC decree to rebuild Jerusalem as we covered in a previous chapter. So if God sent a prophet to go before Christ in His first coming would He not send one before His second coming of which if any person is not ready by the time it comes, unlike the first, it will be too later? Well firstly the Bible says Surely the Lord GOD will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets. Amos 3:7. Indeed all of Gods communications to the Earth have been through the prophets throughout the ages. And in those few times that He would appear personally to the general public like at Sinai in Exodus 20 people would be too scared of Him. Thus, amongst other reasons, He continued His communication through the prophets and would do nothing except He reveals it to and through His servants the prophets.

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The most powerful prerequisite of the gift of prophecy is obedience to His law. her king and her princes are among the Gentiles: the law is no more; her prophets also find no vision from the LORD. Lamentations 2:9. God holds back the prophetic gift when His law is not kept. Remember the two things that test truth? Isaiah said to the law and to the testimony. What is the testimony of the LORD? In Revelation 19:10 we find this explanation worship God: For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. In other words the two things upon which all truth should be tested is the law of God and the words spoken or written by the prophets as they were moved by the Holy Spirit. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost. 2 Peter 1:21. This actually brings us to the second identifying mark of the last day church in Revelation 12:17 And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ. They keep the commandments of God, as we discussed in the previous chapter, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ. What is the testimony of Jesus Christ? The angel in Revelation 19:10 made it clear that the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. That is to say the gift of prophecy by the Holy Spirit as it is written Now there are diversities of
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gifts, but the same SpiritFor to one is given by the Spirit wisdomto another prophecy 1 Corinthians 12:4,8,10. Thus the remnant was to have the gift of prophecy or to be specific a prophet. The remnant came from a people who, though at first out of ignorance did not keep the laws of God, had hearts willing to go all out for Jesus. Thus when God would show them the lost commandment which is the fourth commandment they embraced it. Thus He identified them, knowing their hearts, as a people worth receiving from Him instructions for the last days. Thus He raised a prophet. A girl by the name of Ellen Harmon, who later married James White and became more popularly known as Ellen G. White, was born in 1827. She, due to an accident that put her at a disadvantage, only studied formally up till the third grade. She was amongst those who were waiting for Jesus second coming on the 22nd of October 1844 after studying the 2300 years of Daniel 8:14. Then about two months after the great disappointment she claimed to had received a vision from God. This was the first of many prophetic visions and dreams that were to follow. As a result of these visions she wrote intensively covering such fields as: Education, Christianity, Health, Science etc. Her writings covered, in topics, virtually every aspect of human life for all the different stages of
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human development. And also intensely focused on showing how all of these difference spheres, that is physical mental and spiritual, are tied up. Her writings are accepted amongst Seventh-Day Adventists as revelations from God and are taken very seriously as they are understood to be necessary in helping mankind understand some of the things in the Bible that have been neglected for years which are necessary for people to be ready for the second coming of Christ. Now there are a number of things that we could go through in order to consider her validity but I will actually turn to the improbable for proof. I will turn to two people who are prominent in the world who do not however profess Adventism. As a matter of fact they do not, as far as I know, profess the Christ of the Bible. But in all fairness I am not certain if the second, that is the guy, is a Christian or not cause he never said saw in the documentary of I watched but I am certain of the other, that is the woman, that she does not believe in Jesus being the Saviour of mankind. But though this is the case I will turn to something that they both publicly presented on. This I do to also remove the possibility of the cry propaganda! But before we do that let us just consider, generally, what the Bible says about identifying prophets so that in the future when a person claims to be a prophet in the
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Biblical sense you may be able to know if you should believe their words or not. These, for the records, are tests that she was put to, by her people and by those who were not of her faith, before her people, the Seventh Day Adventist community, accepted her as a prophet or messenger of God. A true prophet will always uplift the law of God and will never claim people are free to break it as the gift of prophecy always goes hand in hand with the law of God: o Lamentation 2:9 o Ezekiel 7:26 o Jeremiah 26:4-6 o Proverbs 29:18 A true prophet will speak in harmony with the Bible o Isaiah 8:20 o Deuteronomy 13:1-3 A true prophet will exalt God and Jesus Christ rather than themselves o Jeremiah 1:4-9 o 2 Corinthians 10:5 A true prophet will reprove people of sin o Ezekiel 3:17-19 A true prophet will emphasize the necessity of Jesus in the heart o 1 John 4:1-3 A true prophet will live a godly life and will produce good fruit (good deeds and words)
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o Matthew 7:15-20 The predictions of a true prophet will come to pass o Deuteronomy 18:21,22 o Jeremiah 28:9 A true prophet will have visions and dreams o Numbers 12:6 While in vision, a prophet has no breath, and his natural strength is gone until the angel giving the vision strengthens him: o Daniel 10:15-16 While in vision, a prophet keeps his eyes open o Numbers 24:16

Try putting the hundreds who say are prophets to these tests and sadly you will find that most are false prophets. Or at the very least are not prophets of the heavenly or Biblical mold. Also both man and woman can be prophets: Examples of men who were called to be prophets: Enoch (Jude 14), Moses (Exodus 3:9-10), Elijah (1 Kings 17:1-3), Daniel (Matthew 24:15), John the Baptist (Luke 1:13-17), John the Revelator (Revelation 1:10). Examples of women who were called to be prophets: Miriam (Exodus 15:20), Deborah (Judges 4:4), Huldah (2 Kings 22:14), Anna (luke 2:36), Philips daughters (Acts 21:9).
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Now let us turn to the two whose words I had said I would use as a bit of evidence of the truthfulness of her calling: As I had said earlier on, of the many things she was shown one of these was the issue of health. You see, God expects His people to be healthy so that their minds can be clear that they can receive all that He communicates to them. The health message that she was given covered many things from diet to exercise and the importance of sunlight and fresh air amongst many things. The diet which she was ultimately shown to be the best is a vegan diet. That is a diet free of meat and all animal products. That is the same diet given to man by God at creation and the vegetables given right after the fall. Genesis 1:29, 3:18. Now there is a conference that is held annually called TED. It has world class presenters from different fields including those from the Technological world, the Entertainment world, and those from the world of Design and the Arts. They each, for about ten to thirty minutes, share their findings and what ever it is that they work on with regards to their research. In the 2009 conference a researcher by the name of Dan Buettner presented on a research they did called Blue Zones.

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The research was about finding how people can increase the number of years that they live. Not just increase the years but reach old age in a healthy way. They went around the world looking for communities that had the longest life span (the Blue Zones). And then from these communities learn what it is they do. The Blue Zone in America they found in the western side of the country in the Seventh Day Adventist community centered in and around Loma Linda, California. He showed how their studies discovered that the average life expectancy of an American woman is 80 years while that of an Adventist woman is 89. While for the men the gap is even more as the average life expectancy is 76 while for an Adventist man it is 87. He then further showed a 97 year old Adventist man who can still build fences and still perform about 20 open heart surgeries every month. Then he showed a 103 year old Adventist man who is an active cowboy as he put it. A man who still at his age starts his day with a swim and on the weekends puts on his swim wear and gets pulled by a speedboat and rides the water. Then lastly he shows a 104 year old Adventist woman who starts her day with lifting weights, rides her bicycle, then gets in her car and drives, not with grandma speed, down a free way to a part of town where she still volunteers for seven different organizations.

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All of these people, as he further explains, are this healthy because of not only following these health principles, which, I add, came to Adventists through the ministry of Ellen G. White, but live a lifestyle that includes love for God and your fellow men. The second person spoke on her talk show about these same facts that Dan Buettner presented on at the TED 2009 conference. This person is probably the most famous female talk show hostess that has ever lived. That is Oprah. Both she and Dan have no ties with the Seventh Day Adventist faith and thus with no bias simply presented the facts as they stands. This is the nature of the writings of Ellen White. She wrote on things that disagreed with the science of her time as there way beyond her time in advancement. The scientific world is still catching up to her words to this very day. Which actually reminds me: I actually came across a documentary a few months ago about a research made by some scientists that spoke about epigenetics. Epigenetics in short is about how the genes passed on to children can be directly affected by the parents. That is if for instance a mother is exposed to intense emotional trauma during her pregnancy her unborn child can be affected by this. This is something that for many years the basic laws of genetics did not allow as genes, according to these laws, are locked and can not
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be influenced by our habits. Ellen White wrote extensively about how parents good or bad habits or cultivated character traits can actually be passed on to their children. Now before I even came across one of these evidences my heart, I must admit, became open to her writings. I remember one night, few weeks after being introduced to Adventism, finding myself in mental anguish all of a sudden with such questions as Does God really exist? Is this woman really a prophet?... Then I remembered that she had a book called Steps to Christ, that I had a copy of, which had been much recommended to me. I remember starting up the software I had installed that contains pretty much all of her writings and going to this particular book thinking I wonder if there is anything she wrote on that deals with this heavy doubt that I find in my heart from who knows where? Then I went through the chapters in the table of contents and to my surprise I saw the twelfth chapter titled What to Do with Doubt. My heart rate increase immediately as I thought Wow! This is weird! I wonder what does she say? Then opening it I read and after the first two chapters I closed the software and I said with relief and a smile on my face That is enough for me! God must exist! And this woman must be a prophet of God.

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These are the words I read: Many, especially those who are young in the Christian life, are at times troubled with the suggestions of skepticism. There are in the Bible many things which they cannot explain, or even understand, and Satan employs these to shake their faith in the Scriptures as a revelation from God. They ask, "How shall I know the right way? If the Bible is indeed the word of God, how can I be freed from these doubts and perplexities?" God never asks us to believe, without giving sufficient evidence upon which to base our faith. His existence, His character, the truthfulness of His word, are all established by testimony that appeals to our reason; and this testimony is abundant. Yet God has never removed the possibility of doubt. Our faith must rest upon evidence, not demonstration. Those who wish to doubt will have opportunity; while those who really desire to know the truth will find plenty of evidence on which to rest their faith. (Steps to Christ page 105) After reading this right before closing the book I thought Wow! This is deep! Its like she knew, about a hundred years after her time, that I would find myself doubting thus she wrote specifically for me! I was moved and from then on I considered her words with an open heart. Thus in time I came to be blessed more and more as the Bible, and God thereof, became clearer to me. And I came in time to fully believe and except that

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indeed in these last days God has sent a prophet to His people.

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30. A Tool In His Hands

The year went on and my UNISA results started coming back. I was passing my assignments. In time, it became very clear that I would get an opportunity to write all of my exams towards the end of the year. But before that the time arrived for me to go to Pretoria to write the final exam for the practical physics module. The time that I had to spend for the two week examination period was somewhere between late August and early September, I dont remember when exactly. My mother, through a friend, made arrangements for me to stay with a lady. Aunt Zee, a lady who was probably in her early to mid forties then. The arrangement was that mum would give her money so that she could also cook for me during my stay. Then two weeks before I went to her place something happened. If you remember two or three months earlier I had said to SD Wonderful! I will tell you now. I will never stop eating meat! But two weeks before going to Pretoria, after having spent a long time, about two months or so, considering the issue of diet and realizing the role it plays in health and thus the clearness of my mind and ultimately therefore my spiritual life, I decided to not only stop eating meat, thus becoming a vegetarian, but to become vegan altogether. As I had firmly purposed in my heart from the start to adopt a healthy diet I have
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been vegan, and gladly so with no regrets, for over three years now. I see it necessary for me to give you also one other reason that nudged me to make the decision so early in my Adventist journey. Having been so long with people who were telling me these new things, through Bible studies, I had drawn to accepted them with all my heart. Even while I was still a flesh eater I was slowly beginning to love the idea of being a vegetarian or vegan. Then I started going to church. All of a sudden, I realized that people who had been Adventists for years were still not only eating meat but also defending it and telling people there is nothing wrong with you eating meat. This seriously surprised me. Then in time I realized that the same people who boldly stood for eating meat, and even those who did not stand for it so boldly but simply ate it, did not like the writings of Ellen G. White that much. In fact I would easily hear Give me just the Bible; I dont want to hear Ellen G. White that much. In fact let us put her aside a bit! Now the sad thing is that the same people would not rise up to the occasion of serious Bible studies! They liked simple concepts and things that required serious concentration they did not like that much. Such Bible texts which reproved some of the things they did they did not want to hear that much. Further more I found that the teachings that are suppose to be peculiar
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to them as a people, the ones that God called them to declare to the world, were not that much understood by the same people. Thus, I found myself wondering, Now this is strange! I have come across these wonderful teachings in the past couple of weeks and they make sense! I have come to understand the importance of the ministry of sister Ellen G. White. Now why do these people seem to not know these things that are so clear? Why do they not like the writings of Ellen G. White? Then it became very clear to me She condemns a lot of the things they do! Moreover, of the things she speaks and warns against that most still did, eating meat was chief. Thus a fear came into my mind and heart as I thought to myself Wait a minute Zuks! Have you noticed how you find yourself closing her books every time you come across a place in which she speaks about meat and the dangers of eating it? You are blessed by all she writes until you get to that point and then you get irritated? If you do not make up your mind in this one particular issue of meat, you might find yourself, because of your stomach, fighting against her writings! Even though you are convinced she received them from God! This was the final nail for me that sealed my decision to become vegan though it took me about two weeks after making the decision to final become vegan.

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So when the time finally came for me to go to Pretoria mum had to tell the lady I was to stay with that I was Adventist and recently thus became vegan. Thus, the plan changed and I was to cook for myself. This of course meant to me cereals and bread all the way! Let me actually take this time to admonish all who are at the verge of taking the decision of becoming vegan. It is a very good decision to take health wise and ultimately for your spiritual life. However, before you stop eating ABC make sure that you know what it is that you are going to stop eating in its place. If you do not consider this from the very start well you might end up injuring yourself instead of becoming healthier. I boarded the bus in East London and thus the journey began. Now I love travelling and being in a place that I have never been in before, though at the same time I love settling down and having a place that I reside in. As I was in the bus I wondered How will this trip be? I hope it all goes well! How exciting! But besides thinking about the trip and that mission of passing the module this trip meant something else to me. For a number of weeks now I had spent time with the people that had introduced me to Adventism and I had learnt a lot from them. I had even presented in a Bible study or two by now and was beginning to learn how to share that which I knew with others. Actually, I had been asked to present at church in the morning of that
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very Sabbath in which I left town. Though I had learnt a lot, I felt like I am not certain if I can stand alone for these truths that I have learnt and embraced. I have been kind of under their wings and have no idea if I can fly yet or not. Thus these two weeks, I reasoned to myself, would afford me an opportunity to see if I really knew what I believed or not. If I could share it and stand for it on my own with no one around me speaking the same words as I speak. In the bus there was no one next to the seat that I was occupying. Then I noticed that the lady behind me also did not have anyone sitting next to her. So I went and sat next to her and holding a Bible in my hand I inquired Do you mind if I share something with you? Now dont get me wrong and think I was all confident. I had debated in my head for a few minutes whether to speak to her or not and finally thought, Dude! When are you going to learn to speak these things on your own? Thus, I went to her. She was probably in her late twenties. She then responded to my question What do you want to share about? I then told her I wanted to speak about the word of God. She gave me a go-ahead and thus I started. Now I decided to start speaking about Christ and I started in John 1:1 moving forward In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God,
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and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by Him; and without Him was not any thing made that was made. After this, I began speaking about how we are told, as the verse reads, that Jesus created all things. Immediately she refuted what I was saying. She said she does not believe that Jesus created all things. Though I tried to show her that is exactly what the Bible was saying she would not have that. In a few minutes, she had enough and being annoyed asked me to stop and leave her alone. To that, I said okay and went back to my seat. My spirit was dampened as I thought to myself Wow! Maybe I dont know how to share! I actually felt bad after that experience. However, as the bus continued in its course I told myself O well. It happens! Let me not allow myself to be too discouraged. Therefore, as the sun set thus ending the Sabbath I prayed and after receiving a phone call telling me how the rest of the day unfolded at church I slept. Then I woke up on Sunday morning as we approached Pretoria. I finally arrived at Pretoria and after a thirty-minute or so wait my mothers friend came to pick me up. Actually, he is more like my mothers spiritual mentor rather than a friend as he was one of the people that had preached at my mothers school during her teenage

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years, which ultimately strengthened her belief in Christ. He took me around and showed me where the university is located so that I could know how to get there the following day. Then he introduced me to the lady that I was to stay with and we thus parted ways. Though I was shy and reserved, as I almost always am around people when I meet them for the first time, I quickly could see that she was kind and nice person. She showed me where my room would be and showed me where everything else that I would need was and after we exchanged a few words, I retreated to my room. Monday came and of I went to school. I got there and soon we were quickly orientated as to what would take place in the next two weeks. We were told that for the next eight days or so, that is from the following day till the Thursday of the following week, in each day we were to do some experiments and write reports on our findings. These would then be graded and would count as our year mark. All the assignments we had done while at our homes did not count for anything. Then on the Friday we would write an exam. It is this exam together with the year mark that would give the final mark for the modules. So on the Tuesday I went to school and all went fairly well. I had decided to just walk to and from school as the university was about thirty or so minutes away on
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foot. Then on my way back on this first Tuesday, with a heavy bag on my back, two guys pop up behind me. They start speaking to me in Sotho of which I could not hear a word. Then while slowing down and trying to understand what they wanted one takes out a knife. It was not a small knife at all. So having realized that I was about to possibly lose my phone for the third time due to a mugging my heart started pumping fast. Now as they were speaking this was my dilemma: Do I not respond to what they are saying and then risk the chance of getting them very angry and push them to start stabbing me, or do I start telling them in English that I dont have any idea what they are saying and risk the chance of encouraging them in what they are doing even more as they realize that I am not from around? After thinking this through for two seconds or so I opted to speak. So they start telling me Give us phone! Give us phone! So I quickly take it out and I give it to them. Then they start saying Give us money! Give us money! Now I had not carried that much money with. I had a note stashed somewhere and a few brownish coins in my pockets. So I take the coins out and I gave them to them saying Thats all I have! while trying to make my face look as innocent as possible. Then as they take my phone and start walking away, yes walk not run, they say to me Dont follow us!

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At this point, being one with experience in losing my phone through a mugging, I start thinking My SIMcard! I will have to start all over again! Then while they were telling me to not follow them I start saying Look. I wont follow you just please give me my SIM-card! They, to my surprise, come back and give me the phone and ask me to take the SIM-card out. So taking the phone I start pretending to be struggling to open the cover. I did this trying to buy some time so as to see if there was no way for me to escape the situation without losing my phone. But the problem was that the bag on my back, which had many important books, was too heavy. I could neither fight nor run properly while it was on me and leaving it behind was not an option. So while I was still pretending to struggle and thinking one of the guys takes the phone back and opens it then takes my SIMcard out and they start walking away while repeating Dont follow us! Now this happened during broad daylight. There were people around who could see what was happening but were either too scared or too disinterested to help. Then as they walked away and were at a distance I began to be a bit angry as I thought I have just lost a second phone to a mugging a few months ago and now another one! So I found myself trying to find where they went. Im not quite sure what I was planning to do had I found them. But they had escaped.
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This just made spirit very low. I thought to myself This trip is becoming a bit of a nightmare! So I called mum and told her what happened. After she found out that I was fine she told me not to worry about it and to focus at the task at hand. So I went home and never told aunt Zee what had happened as I did not want to find myself having a conversation that would both be awkward and sympathetic. I was still not used to her. So Wednesday came and passed well, and in no time the first week was almost over. Now on the Friday after coming from school I went looking for the closest SDA church using the instructions that one of the girls that I went to the Bible studies with had given me. After asking around a bit I finally found it. So the following Saturday morning I went to church. I arrived in the morning and realized that this church had a lot of people attending it. So much so that by the time the main service came I found myself seating outside. Though there were speakers I could not make out much of what the lady who was preaching was saying. So after the service I went home for lunch. Then during lunch I debated with myself whether to go to the afternoon program or not. Finally I decided to go. This time around, as I have come to find is nearly always the case with Adventists and afternoon programs, there were fewer people. So I got to sit inside and in no time
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the program started. It was the same lady who was preaching in the morning. Now I had not seen her face in the morning since I was outside but I could recognize her voice. She was saying a lot of interesting things about getting out of debt and so on and so forth. Then she said something that caught my attention even more than at the first We have a tendency she began as a people to eat that which we are not suppose to eat So Im thinking O wow! She is speaking even on the issue of diet that Adventists strangely seem to not like hearing that much! So she continued For instance we eat red meat which is so unhealthy for us! We should at least only eat white meat! At this point Im thinking Just when I thought she was coming with it nicely! Now she just had to say people should at least eat white meat! So after she had spoke for some time she then opened the floor for questions and contributions. At which I raised my hand. When she gave me a chance to speak I stood up and quickly introduced myself as a UNISA student from the Eastern Cape who is in town for a two week period due to my studies. Then I proceeded to say It is so nice being amongst the people of God. That is those who keep the commandments of God and have the testimony of Jesus which is the spirit of prophecy Then I continued I
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have been a Seventh-Day Adventist for about two months or so now and of all the writing of Ellen G. White that I have read I have never seen her speaking about us eating white meat. All meat is wrong for our health and should not be consumed period! Then the people began to laugh a bit and turning to them I added I do hope that we are laughing because we love hearing truth and for no other reason. To this they said Yes! as the laughter abated. Then I sat down. After this the lady, who appeared partially surprised, said There is nothing more that I can say to that. It is exactly as he is putting it... Then she added It is so wonderful to see people just coming into the faith understanding and embracing these truths that some of us have known for so long Then the afternoon continued and after all was said and the program was over I went home. On my way I was so happy that I was bold enough to stand out for what I believed in. I then thought to myself, The devil wanted to discourage me perhaps because he would have me not speak when God would have me speak! I arrived home and aunt Zee was not there so I started reading something. I remember sometime later during that week someone greeting me on my home. I did not recognize them at all but they seemed so happy to see me. They then said You were at church this Sabbath. In the afternoon
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program you spoke. Then I could feel the confused facial expression I had on melt away. I greeted him back and we exchanged a few smiles. I remember thinking Not everyone after all has a problem with truth! That is so wonderful! Within the hour after I arrived home from church aunt Zee arrived. A few minutes after arriving she came to my room holding a book in her hand and inquired about it. This was a book I had taken with from East London. It was written in 1988 by the Editor of a publishing house in America called Harvestime Books. The title of the book was Prophet of the End. This was a book that spoke about Ellen G. White. Now when she got to my room she asked What is this book about?... and while I was still thinking to myself O my! How on Earth do I start answering her?! Do I start by saying Ellen G. White a woman who received visions and dreams from God? Wont that lead her to think as I thought the first time I heard about her? she then followed up with another question asking Are there prophets in these days? Are there real prophets? I would be lying if I were to say I remember what my immediate next words were but that evening we started talking from about 6 p.m. and we ended up sleeping at about 1 a.m. We covered soo much. In that one conversation we spoke about prophecy and Ellen G.

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White. We spoke about Adventism and how she influenced it. Then on the Monday and on the Tuesday, on the Wednesday and on the Thursday, we continued in like manner. I would go to school during the day and then come back and at about 6 p.m. or so, after she returned, we would start talking until pass midnight non-stop. In those few days I basically told her everything that I had learnt in since being exposed into Adventism. I told her about the Sabbath and about diet, about the law of God and how God feels about His law still. Our chats were so wonderful and fruitful that I remember on the Wednesday she asked me to not leave her next Saturday when going to church. Now sadly on the Friday evening I was to board a bus back to East London. So what I did was leave her with directions to the church I had been to. Then I also took her postal address that I then used to send some DVDs that expounded on some of the things we had covered. Thus when I came back on Friday after writing my exam and had to leave I was slightly sad. I had come to enjoy our conversations soo much. But the time came for me to go. I remember she prepared a lunch box for me and gave me a few fruits. She then accompanied me to catch a taxi and told me the necessary directions to the bus station and we thus parted ways.
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She later told me that she went to church that Sabbath and she met some people who welcomed her warmly. In fact she was quickly given a copy of one of the most well known and enlightening books by Ellen G. White titled The Great Controversy. A book that starts from the time of the second destruction of Jerusalem in 70 AD, as Christ had prophesied, then covers the church history. First touching on the persecution of the first century then moving to the history of how the Antichrist power developed and how the Dark Ages were and also focusing on the men that God called to stand for His word during that dark era. It then finally moves from after the end of the persecution to the time of the great awakening that started with William Miller that ultimately resulted to the formation of the SDA church in response to prophecy. Then finally it reveals things that would take place leading to the second coming of Christ. Things of which a lot have either taken place or are taking place as I write to you. Thus she continued. Then a number of weeks later when I had long returned to the Eastern Cape I received a SMS from her in which she spoke along these lines Last Sabbath I got baptized. I am now an official member of the Seventh Day Adventist church. That is
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how much God used you. When I read it I was so excited. I shared it with my brothers and sisters in Christ that were with me that evening. I spoke a couple of times with her thereafter and the last time we spoke I remember her saying Hey! You know from time to time people ask how did you become an Adventist? and I begin telling our story. I have not spoke with her in years now. I think its time I hunt down her number again and speak of the good old days once more with her and also catch up. Now here is where it gets very interesting and sad at the same time. The interesting bit is the fact that she was the first person that I ever shared to my understanding of what it is to be a Seventh Day Adventist. Being the first person she then got baptized and became an official member of the church even before I was baptized. The sad bit about it is this: I was actually suppose to had been baptized a few weeks before I got the SMS from her but my baptism had been prevented by the then church leaders of the church I went to. I will be honest and tell you that I actually asked myself if it is well for me to share this with you or not. Having thought that you might yourself come across a similar situation or run the risk of putting people under the similar situation I thought it well to let you know even of this part of my journey into Adventism.

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You see, when I started going to church I was already much interested in studying my Bible and the writings of Ellen G. White. I knew quite a lot for someone who had just entered the doors of the church. The same zeal for Bible studies that was in me was also in the brothers that had helped me at the first to understand Bible truths. Now the reality was that their knowledge of scripture which led them to share that which they knew whenever they could at church caused a lot of tension. In fact this tension started before I even came into the scene. Thus when I came to church and was quickly associated with them I quickly became one of them. As a matter of fact it got so intense that at one point one of the people who hated the truths that were being presented had a sermon that spoke of the others. Speaking of these people who were anti peace and who liked starting up trouble. He even touched on what the original Greek word used to say others in a negative way is. That is to say heteros. We later, having realized that he was speaking of us, joked about it and started calling each other heteroi as we thought he was saying. In fact we still call each other that from time to time in a playful manner. Kind of like reminds me of the encounter between Ahab, an evil king, and Elijah the prophet of God And it came to pass, when Ahab saw Elijah, that Ahab said
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unto him, Art thou he that troubleth Israel? And he answered, I have not troubled Israel; but thou, and thy father's house, in that ye have forsaken the commandments of the LORD, and thou hast followed Baalim. 1 Kings 18:17,18. What was this tension about? Well I will touch on it just briefly because I dont want to go into too much detail. Firstly there was the issue of competitive sport. Now what I am about to say might shock you but it is truth and I will, yea I must, say it regardless that you may know. Its up to you to test my words by the word of God of course as I would hope youve been doing so far. You see, a Christian who truly follows the Bible has no place in competitive sports, or anything that is done in strife or vain glory for that matter. Now we can go through a lot of verses but for now I will give you just one upon which you can start doing you investigation if you are interested. Paul writing to the Philippians said Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Philippians 2:3. Now in their very foundation competitive sports are against these principles. I have had a lot of arguments for them such as what if you are playing to the glory of God? To this I always think Really now? And a question is asked Does God ever call people to glorify Him by using things that are
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against the principles of His word? Or do people rather, out of their rebellion, simply attach the name of God, as did Abel who killed His brother Cain for being faithful, to their activities that have nothing to do with God? Just think about it. Further more I have been presented with a number of other things that we do as people that have an element of competition as an argument for sport. Again it is well that we note that we do not use other things to decide of something is well and good before God. We use the word of God to weigh all things. So it might so happen that we might just need to evaluate a lot of the activities that we participate in and perhaps in some cases forsake them. We should always remember that we start the human journey with natural hearts which are inherently at war against Christ and His principles. So are the principles that govern the natural world and thus the ways thereof. As Christians we should come into terms with the reality that reformation is inevitable. Then another issue was the issue of forming a circle and holding hands to pray. This is a practice that I do not do to this very day. In fact, it is this particular practice that was given as the reason for me being unworthy of being baptized and accepted into church fellowship. This is a practice that does not appear anywhere in the word of God as being done by His people. A human tradition
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that actually traces its origin from the occult world rather than Christianity. Try going to the library or visit Google and investigate the issue for yourself. So thus I find myself being not baptized and later on, when the same man who had called us the Heteros became the elder of the church, being kicked out of the church. Not just me but all of the guys I attended Bible studies with. This Adventist world was becoming a rather unpleasant place. Having being asked to recant of my stances and refusing to recant without a clear It is written from the word of God I thus ended up being kicked out by the new church leadership working together with the then district pastor. Also kind of reminds me of Martin Luthers stance at the council of Diet when he was asked to give up his beliefs Since your most serene majesty and your high mightinesses require from me a clear, simple, and precise answer, I will give you one, and it is this: I cannot submit my faith either to the pope or to the councils, because it is clear as the day that they have frequently erred and contradicted each other. Unless therefore I am convinced by the testimony of Scripture or by the clearest reasoning, unless I am persuaded by means of the passages I have quoted, and unless they thus render my conscience bound by the word of God, I cannot and I will not retract, for it is unsafe for a
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Christian to speak against his conscience. Here I stand, I can do no other; may God help me. Amen." Later on, at the end of the year, I went to Butterworth and spoke with the local pastor that side without concealing to him what had happened lest I appear as one trying to enter in through the window or the back door into the church of God. After an initial conversation, which covered some of the things he already knew, it seemed as though he understood that I was not against church leadership but simply was not willing to do anything against the word of God and would ever teach others to do likewise. But sadly after I emailed him a document that contained some of the findings we had on the whole issue of prayer circles, as he had requested, he never got back to me. It would be over six months later in Cape Town that I would finally be baptized and be accepted into fellowship. A process that started with me approaching the local pastor and asking him for a baptism. Then after sending him an email, at his request, telling him how I became an Adventist, including my refused baptism and expulsion from church, he then cheered me on and baptized me the very next Sabbath. Thus was my entry point into Seventh Day Adventism. And I tell you all of these things for a few reasons. Firstly that you should know that you will come across leaders who sadly do not understand a point or two or even
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many and will deem you an enemy for holding on to the truth because they dont understand it. If this happens to you never despair for Christ spoke saying These things have I spoken unto you, that ye should not be offended. They shall put you out of the synagogues (churches): yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me. But these things have I told you, that when the time shall come, ye may remember that I told you of them John 16:1-4. And again He said And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved. But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into anotherThe disciple is not above his master, nor the servant above his lord. It is enough for the disciple that he be as his master, and the servant as his lord. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebub (Satan), how much more shall they call them of his household? Matthew 10:22-25. And always remember the spirit in which all of these things must be experienced in Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they stoned Stephen, calling upon God, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit. And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep Luke 23:24, Acts 7:59, 60.
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Secondly I tell you this because I want to let you know that if you are ever brought into a situation that calls you to live according to man made traditions and enforcing these upon you without a clear thus says God from the Bible, that is in the context of worship or even day to day life for that matter, be steadfast in your resolve to not budge without evidence from the Holy Bible. For again it is written Then came to Jesus scribes and Pharisees, which were of Jerusalem, saying, Why do thy disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? for they wash not their hands when they eat bread. But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition?...hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you, saying, This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men. Matthew 15:1-3, 7-9. Besides the rocky start and the name calling and being cast away by people, God had shown me through my experience with aunt Zee that He is more than able to use me if I but avail myself. Here is something to note: Two weeks before I met her I had decided to become vegan. When I spoke with her, as someone living to all the light he knew, my ability to influence her was
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increased drastically, for she well knew that there was something that Adventists seemed to have against meat. Just that sadly she had come across a few Adventist who actually did eat meat. Thus when she came across someone who took what he was saying seriously her heart was more open to hear what I had to say. It is no new thing that having victory over ones stomach precedes being a powerful tool in Gods hands. Take Daniel who was mightily used by God in Babylon, whose writings, as shown him by God, are still a source of light even to us thousands of years after his death. Before he was the great prophet the Bible introduces Him in this way But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king's meat, nor with the wine which he drank: therefore he requested of the prince of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself. Daniel 1:8. And of Jesus Himself it was prophesied that food would have an influence on Him Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a Son, and shall call his name Immanuel (God with us). Butter and honey shall He eat, that He may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good. Isaiah 7:14, 15. And in the wilderness of temptation before starting His public ministry the very first temptation that Satan tempted Him with was over food and it is in this point
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that Christ first conquered as the Anointed Messiah And when the tempter came to Him, he said, If thou be the Son of God, command that these stones be made bread. But He answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. Matthew 4:3, 4. Sadly in like manner being controlled by your stomach precedes a great fall. Take the very way in which sin entered into the world And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die (then some time later) And the serpent (Satan) said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely dieAnd when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. Genesis 2:16, 17; 3:4, 6. Thus, the year 2007 approached its end and I looked forward to see how things would play out with me both in the academic and religious world.

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31. End Of The Exile

If you pass all of the courses well said the professor to me we will CONSIDER taking you back. This was the word with which I left UCT after I was excluded from coming back in the year 2007 to continue with my studies. I was told to register with another institute, and advised to go to UNISA, and take the two courses, maths and physics, that I had failed and that if I passed these well UCT would consider taking me back in the year 2008. So the time came for me to receive the results. I went to the UNISA website (MyUnisa) at one of the internet cafes in town and with my heart pounding hard I looked for my results. Then when I went through them my face started with a smile and at the very end a frown dressed my countenance. I had passed six of the courses with a range between 60% and 80%+. But then the seventh, a physics module dealing with electromagnetism which I found extremely hard, was a paralyzing 17%! The hope of me going back to UCT and finishing my degree seemed to vanish with each passing second. They had said to be If you pass allwellwe will CONSIDER taking you back. I had not passed all well. I had a fail of embarrassing proportions! How on Earth would they take me back? Then I thought of my mother. What will she say? How will she feel about this?

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Soon I was home, back at Butterworth. I did not tell her immediately. I looked for the right moment to tell her. I finally showed her the results and told her the situation. I remember, we were in town going to a dentist to have a tooth of mine that was growing out of place removed when we discussed the issue. She first, as her custom always had been, congratulated me on the six courses that I passed well. Then turning to the one she simply commented that The material must have been not understandable to you because you clearly pushed this year as revealed by the other courses then she continued so what is the way forward? To this question, which I had considered for some time, I responded Well I will look at the courses that I am supposed to do at UCT at the second year level and then see which of these are offered at UNISA. Then next year (2008) I will do the remaining physics module together with as many of these courses that I can do. Then I will apply to UCT once more for 2009 to continue with my studies. Then she responded Okay. Thats the plan then. Still she strengthened in me the mentality that states Failure is only failure when you decide to not continue thereafter! Then I went to a camp during the Christmas-New year period at a place about two to three hours away from Cape Town called Tabakbaai. This was an annual camp usual held at Botswana. It was a Present Truth camp. Now present truth is that truth from the word of God
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that is relevant for the present generation. Thus it focused on what in means to be a Christian in this day in age covering such themes as righteousness by faith, the role that health plays in our spirituality and prophecy. I learnt a lot in that camp and met a number of interesting people. Actually it was at that camp that I met my friend from Johannesburg DX. I remember though throughout the camp I never revealed to my friends the high probability that I would not be accepted back to UCT for 2008. When ever a person would ask what I would be doing next year I would simply respond God willing I will be returning to UCT to continue with my degree. Finally camp ended and I went back home. When I got home I found waiting for me a letter from UCT. I was so used to these white enveloped letters that contained bad news from UCT that I was not even that much worried by now. Then as I opened it my heart beat increased as I began to read something along these lines We are pleased. I remember thinking what?! No way! as I read on to inform you that upon considering your performance this year we have decided to accept you back in the year 2008 for the above program I could not believe it! But it was so. Then as I considered the events of the past couple of years, all things began
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to make all the sense to me. From 2006 ending with me on top of my game and full of myself to me being excluded and thus exiled from UCT in the year 2007, from me meeting SD and all the people I met thus being introduced to Seventh-Day Adventist and thus having my mind grasping things about God and thus giving me a clearer understanding of God than I never thought I would get, and finally from me failing one module and regardless of this being accepted back to UCT. In all of this I saw the hand of God Himself answering the prayer I had prayed some two years ago asking Him to find a way to some how make Himself known to me. This is how He made Himself known to me! I was happy. Thus we arrive to the year 2008. I arrived in Cape Town a different man from the one I was when I left the previous year in so many levels. Having registered there was but one thing that stood as my greatest challenge. I did not have a place to stay. My cousin, who had arrived the previous year at UCT, organized a place for me to stay during the orientation week. A kind friend of hers was willing to let me sleep at his room while he slept with another friend. After orientation week I stayed with one of my friends, SF, who accommodated me for two to three months. It got tricky though when he got fined for keeping me as visitors were not allowed beyond twelve midnight. At this point we changed strategy. I decided to become somewhat nocturnal.
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I would go to the lectures in the morning and then come back in the afternoon and try to sleep. Then at about eleven pm I would take a shower and catch a shuttle to upper campus and go to one of the computer labs (TSL) and study a bit over night. Then whenever I would be sleepy I would rest my head on the table and sleep. Sometimes I would take some chairs and put them together then sleep on them. This continued for at least a month until I finally found a place to stay at Athlone. The place was a bit far off though from campus. I would take two trains to get to school and two trains to go back to where I stayed every day. Finally in the second semester I was accepted into res at Liesbeeck Gardens. This was where I would stay until the end of 2010. Now as for my friends, when I came back, not a single one was not surprised when they met me and spent a bit of time with me. Soon they realized that Zeus was no more and that completely new principles governed me. This sadly, but natural, made it impossible for us to be as close as we use to be. But we could still spend sometime and have a good laugh over a number of things. I remember how SF at first was on some you serious man! then even later called his girlfriend telling her that you wont believe this! Zeus has changed! He is
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all serious about God and stuff They all caught on though. One person though who was surprised by the new man but received it with much more joy was XL. I had met her for the first time in 2005 when we were both doing our first year. She is very light in complexion and always smiling and laughing. Quite warm I must add. We had not been close nor talked that much during my first stay at UCT but when I returned we became closer friends. We had many conversations on the word of God and Adventism. She even came to church with me a number of times. We still speak to this day. As far as church is concerned the experience that I had, which I continue to have to this very day, in Cape Town was very different to the experience by which I was welcomed by those at East London and later at Butterworth. Firstly HB, who had been also kicked out of East London central by association, was a well established person at this particular church I started going to. He was actually the baptismal teacher and taught freely with no suspicion laid upon him. Mowbray church was indeed altogether different from any church I had known. Through him I met a number of brother and sister that I would for some time eat lunch with during Sabbath lunch times. People like KN, the light complexioned and beautiful girl who liked laughing and speaking with semi-slang at times, JT who became a
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close friend of mine, Mrs. NK who to me did not look like she was that old thus shocking me when she introduced herself over lunch as being a Mrs. with two children. At about June the Holy Spirit impressed heavily in my heart that it was time for me to get baptized. So I spoke with the local pastor about the matter. He then asked me to send him an email, as I said in a previous chapter, telling him how I became an Adventist. Having told him all that had happened, both the good and the bad, he bade me Godspeed and had me baptized at Claremont church the following Sabbath as the next Mowbray baptism would only take place a few months later. This then marked the beginning of my active service as a teacher and preacher of the word of God. Leading me to preach at a number of churches and hold a number of Bible studies. Then later serve as a baptismal teacher for UCT SDASM (Seventh-Day Adventist Student Movement) at which time I had become the chairperson or president of the movement while serving as the Personal Ministries director at Mowbray church and later on, to this present date, serving as a deacon. I found myself serving freely at Cape Town with no eyes looking at me as a person who comes to destroy the church of God though my teaching, as I had myself learned, had not changed from that which I stood for while in the Eastern Cape.
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Two other extremely significant things happened in the year 2008. One calling forth joy from my heart and the other sadness so intense that in blocking my mind from the pain I ended up not crying to this very day, as I think a part of me, to this very day, never accepted it. A number of years ago I had come to the shocking realization that I have a brother seven years younger than me. I had always been the only son in my mind from both my parents thus when I found this out I never knew what to really think of it so for the most part I just ignored it. This was up until my younger sister called me and told me that the boy had made contact with her and had asked for my number. All of a sudden excitement came upon me. I looked forward to speaking with him. In no time he called me. The conversation was a very pleasant one which started with me teasing him for his small girlish voice. We spoke over the phone a number of times and finally at the end of the year we met for the first time. It was Sabbath so I had my suit on and my Bible on my hand. He on the other hand appeared before me with pierced ears and plaited hair. Very similar to Zeus I thought to myself with a smile. I smiled because of the similarities that I saw which made me think I will probably find it easy reading and

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understanding his personality and character. This has turned out to be the case over the course of time. For some time, having lost my phone for the fourth time, I lost his contact details until he found me once again on facebook and we reestablished contact. As a matter of fact as I write these words it was but yesterday, the 8th of December 2010, that I met him once more. Had a very interesting conversation about God, girls, sex, marriage, life, studies and a lot of other things. Look forward to seeing him grow older. Grow older in all spheres of his existence. Now as for the pain that came upon me: If you remember there is a friend of mine whose journey had been so close to mine for five years. We had arrived at Holy Cross High School together back in 2002, both passed grade 12 with distinction, both went to UCT and initial both studied Electrical and Computer Engineering. Both got excluded at the end of 2005 and both were taken back for 2006. Then finally both of us got excluded, for real this time, at the end of 2006 thus marking the end of the identical path. I made the mistake of not informing him in time of the advice I had received from UCT to study with UNISA in 2007 and thus he did not apply in time. Then in 2008 when I was back at UCT he returned for a few days due to miscommunication from UCT telling him to come and write a sup which when he arrived they told him they
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made a mistake. But I got to speak with him a bit at which point he also realized I had completely changed. Finally I saw him for the last time and we bade each other farewell as he spent time with some friends before going back to Mthatha. We then did not speak for about nine months until on the 31st of October he called me as the clock was crossing over to the 1st of November bringing in Saturday. I was so excited hearing from him and he began telling me how he had taken accounting at UNITRA, now a branch of WUSU (Walter Sisulu University), and that it was irritating him. Then he edged me to get on mxit with him from time to time to which I told him I will gladly do that the moment I receive a phone that is not as technologically challenged as the one I had. Then on the most pleasant of notes we ended the conversation. The following day, on the Sabbath, during lunch time I received a phone call from his oldest sister who I was very acquainted with. She did not sound well so I quickly inquired Are you well sisi then she told me NoIm not well asking what was wrong, the answer she gave filled me with immediately disbelief that actually caused me to giggle a bit KT has passed away. For a second I froze. KT passed away?! I thought to myself, When could that had happened? I just spoke with him a few hours ago! I inquired of her how this
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could be and when this happened. It turned out that about an hour or two after we spoke he resisted a robbery and was short at the head thus dying immediately. I could not believe it! How on Earth could he die? He is not suppose to die yet I thought to myself .he is so young! A year younger than me for crying out loud! My mind for the longest time could not stomach this. I ended up speaking at his funeral about a week later on behalf of his friends. During this time I was writing my exams. This together with the fact that I was going to speak forced me to not allow myself to breakdown and cry lest that continues until the very funeral or prevent me from focusing with my exams. And thus I watched his coffin descend. My heart cried out to his parents to whom he had been their only son. In fact, the only son and their last born child. Yes, to this day I still believe that a part of my heart has not fully settled into the reality that he has passed away. I could relate with him in so many levels. I loved him, and had respect for him. Thus was the year 2008. A year filled with a lot of joy and a lot of heartache. But I had returned from my exile and my journey with UCT continued.

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32. Atheism and Evolution

Psalm 14:1 ...The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God... These are words that I heard from my mother a few times growing up. But strangely enough there were times in which I found myself at the verge of becoming an atheist. When considering all the reasons given me as proof of the existence of God I could not find a reason or evidence good enough upon which to base my faith. Now a couple of chapters ago we spoke about prophecy. It is in this that I found my greatest evidence, upon which I could base my faith. And in a world filled with intellects who are celebrated as the best in their fields who speak of evolution and thus by their teachings remove God from the equation of the universe it became a precious thing for me to have found. It is upon one of the most profound prophecies in the Bible that I would like to draw your attention to. I wrote a note on facebook as I pondered on the fact that there are many in the world, like I was once, who would not only believe in God but would worship Him with their whole hearts if there was something that they could base their faith upon. And these were the words I was impressed to write: I am a Christian. Not a Christian by birth, for such is not even possible, but by choice. Thus you can see that I have not always been a Christian. There was a point in
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my life when I wanted to so badly and of the many things that stood before me the fact that there was nothing that I could hold on to and say "it is by this that I know I am not deceived in believing in God and following Him prevailed. Thus I remained seeking for something I did not so much as know what it was that I sought. It is thus that I bring before you that which I believe is unquestionable evidence that God exists and that He is who He presents Himself to be in the Bible. Through and through! First let's travel in time a bit and view the worlds history: In the ancient world there were many kingdoms that were formed and many that passed away. Some of these kingdoms were great and some not so great. Of these many kingdoms four stand with unparalleled attention during their times of supremacy: BABYLON MEDO PERSIA GREECE ROME

The first of these kingdoms was the Babylonian empire with its most famous king being Nebuchadnezzar. At its time of rule there was virtually no kingdom that could stand before it. So powerful it was that in the year 605 BC it captured, and later destroyed,
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Jerusalem. The home of the Jews who prided themselves of being God's elect and untouchable. In the year 539 BC though, when a less wise ruler had ascended the throne of Babylon, Belshazzar, at about his 17th year of reign, a new power took over and thus brought about the fall of Babylon. Under the ruler-ship of Cyrus the first the Medo-Persian empire, a kingdom formed by the merger of two kingdoms (the kingdom of the Medes and the kingdom of the Persians with the Persians being stronger), took the center stage. Having brought down the most powerful kingdom it stood for sometime unrivaled. In the year 330 BC, under the ruler-ship of a 26 year old warrior by the name of Alexander the great, the Greeks took over the Medo-Persian Empire. In no time though, by 323 BC, the kingdom was divided into 4 parts after the death of Alexander as he had no legal heir to the throne. In the year 146 BC the Roman Empire completely conquered the kingdom of Greece. The Roman Empire, which has never been conquered as its "predecessors" were, ruled the longest of these four super powers of the ancient world. The Roman empire later divided into ten kingdoms: the Alemani (Germany), the Franks (France), Burgundians (Switzerland), the Suevi (Portugal), the Anglo-Saxons (Britain), the Visigoths

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(Spain), the Lombards (Italy), the Vandals, Ostrogoths, and Heruli. Now we can stop there for now with the history of the world. A claim was made at the beginning that we would see evidence that God does exist. You are probably wondering what all of this has to do with the claim. Well consider this: You see back in 605 BC when Jerusalem was besieged by Babylon under the ruler-ship of Nebuchadnezzar there was a man amongst the Jews, a lad at the time, by the name of Daniel. This man received, as he claimed, many visions from God. Of these visions one told him of the things that would come to pass. He received this vision at about 556 BC during the first year of Belshazzar's reign. The vision, which is found on the 7th chapter of the book of Daniel in the Bible, was along these lines: He saw four beasts ascending from the sea. The first was first a Lion with wings of an eagle. The second a Bear with one side raised above the other. The third was a Leopard with four wings and four heads. The third was a beast that he could not liken to any animal on Earth which he simply called "...dreadful and terrible, and strong exceedingly..." This forth beast had 10 horns.

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Now the vision continued but we will stop there for now. You see after these things the vision was explained to him. He was told that "...These great beasts, which are four, are four kings, which shall arise out of the earth...", and was further told concerning the fourth beast and it's ten horns that "...the ten horns out of the kingdom the fourth are ten kings that shall arise..." In other words Daniel was told in 605 BC, during the time of Babylon, that after Babylon another kingdom would arise but a kingdom of unbalanced power being a union of two. Then after that kingdom another kingdom would arise and would then have four divisions. Then after this kingdom a very powerful kingdom would arise and would rule with much power and later be divided into ten kingdoms. This was a prediction that predicted hundreds of years into the future and each and every particular of it came to pass. For as we have seen indeed Babylon, which was the current power when Daniel received this vision, did pass away and the Medo-Persians took over. A union of two kingdoms but with unbalanced power. Then under Alexander the great the Greeks took over Medo-Persia and at his death the kingdom was divided into four parts under his generals. Then the Roman
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Empire came and destroyed the empire of the Greeks and ruled mightily as history shows. Later the empire became divided into ten kingdoms and was never again united until this very day. Now I ask a question: How many people do you know that have the ability to predict exactly how a single day will play out? How many people do you know who can predict how the next 365 days will play out? How about 5 or 10 years? A decade? A century? How about a thousand years into the future? How many? Honestly how many? You will realize that there is virtually no human who can predict how a single day will play out down to detail. Thus allow me to present to you a Being with the ability to predict events, concerning great empires even, for hundreds of years into the future! With each prediction fully coming to pass and all in its right order: The God of the Bible; The ruler of the heavens and the Earth. Please take time to think about it. Check history and do read the 7th chapter of the book of Daniel to see if these things are so. God understands that there is much in the world that has been designed by the enemy to cause us to doubt
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and thus has left us something upon which we can base our faith... "John 13:19 Now I tell you before it come, that, when it is come to pass, ye may believe that I am." Thus through this and many such prophecies my faith in Christ was strengthened. I found what my heart so longed for. I had faith in the Bible and thus the God of the Bible and my mind and heart became more open to learn from Him and about Him. And thus to this very day I still continue being fully convinced that I have not believed a cunningly devised fable in believing in the Bible, in believing in the Lord Christ Jesus. Then I would like to turn to that thing that calls Atheism my sister. That is to say Evolution. A belief, as with atheism, that almost found a dwelling place in my heart. That is the belief that things came into existence by accidents that happened over millions upon millions of year. First let us consider one thing that turns people away from Bible truth and thus at the same time strengthening their belief in evolution. FAITH. You see, it is generally understood that the Bible is based on faith. This is understood to mean, and wrongly so I must add, that one has to just believe what is written in it without any evidence upon which to base ones faith. Then on the other hand Evolution is presented as being based on

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hardcore evidence that is unshakable that can be proved beyond the shadow of a doubt. This understanding however can never be more far from the truth. The reality of the matter is that Evolution is actually a religion. It requires as much faith as the Bible. Actually when you take time to really think about it, Evolution requires more faith than is required to believe the Bible. Both the Bible and Evolution have a number of claims that cannot be proved in any laboratory. Both thus, have a number of claims that require those who believe in them to believe in them by faith. Both, again I say, are a form of religion. I mean consider a very simple question that at face value may seem silly. The Evolution theory states that all things come from the Bing Bang. Question: Who witnessed the Bing Bang theory? Answer: No one. Then theories, note I say THEORIES, are put forward to stand as evidence. But the reality still stands: No one saw it happen. It is by faith that you accept this theory as reality. With that being said I will not attempt to go into depths to try and disprove evolution but will say a few things that you can start considering. Firstly, up till today there are constant theories that keep on popping up to supply gaps in the Evolution theory. For instance, according to Newtonian laws, which can be proved, to a great extent, in a laboratory, when there is no force acting upon an
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object then it's velocity does not change. Now according to the Big Bang theory first everything was compressed into a single point. Then this point exploded with a big bang and all of the elements that are in the universe, first hydrogen and helium, come rushing out in all directions at an extremely fast rate. Then later on the rate slowed down enough for the hydrogen and helium particles to start gathering and forming the other elements. And later the circular celestial motions of the planets around the stars and the stars around the center of the various galaxies started. Now here is the question: How did these particles that were radiating away from each other from a central point change direction and start clustering and thus form the other higher elements and stars and planets and satellites? How did they cease from a straight path, moving away from the center and away from each other, and start moving towards each other? For remember the gravitational force would keep on being weaker and weaker than from the original point of the supposed explosion or the Big Bang. Then of course more theories emerge to deal with these questions and more similar questions. Then bringing it home we find the question of how all living things that are found on the planet came into existence being answered by the same Evolution question. We are to believe that from non living things or inorganic things all life emanated. That given millions
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of years dust together with water turns into living things. And all of this by chance! I will not even go beyond that. All these are merely theories that emerge as a desperate attempt to try to deny that there was a plan behind all that we see in the universe, a desperate attempt to run away from the fact that there is a Designer who designed all. But why run away from this with so much vigor? Well its very simple. You see if there is a Designer or a Creator that means there is the Designers will. Now if you find that the Designers will or regulations are contrary to the natural impulses of your heart you have about three options. Option one: Seek to align your thoughts and feelings with those of the Designer. Option two: Declare war with the Designer and His will or His law and resist Him with all you have. Option three: Convince yourself that the Designer does not even exist and come up with, or believe in, a system that will inherently teach against His existence and thus knock Him out of the equation of the universe systematically. In truth this is all evolution is and nothing more. Its simply an attempt to avoid the commandments of God by simply convincing ones self that there is no God. But the Bible has enough evidence upon which all can base

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their faith on a Designer and Creator of all things seen and unseen.

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33. Christianity and Evolution

This year, 2010, I found myself eavesdropping in a conversation between a guy and girl as I waited for a shuttle to upper campus. I dont remember what exactly they were speaking about but it was about religion, Christianity to be specific. In no time I found myself joining the conversation and before I knew it the guy was just listening and it was just me and the girl speaking. Then in no time the topic narrowed down to Christianity and Evolution. She said something that I once myself, because of a lack of faith in the clear words found in the Bible, believed in: Evolution is Biblical!... When she said this I got really surprised. I spend a minute or two telling her that Evolution and the Bible cannot be integrated, inherently. Then in response to her persistent zeal I asked her to please show me from the Bible that indeed Evolution is a tool of God. At this she responded saying there is no time and that she would arrange a meeting between me, her and a third party that could explain the whole issue to me. So I gave her my number and to this day I await an SMS or a call from her. Now again I do not claim to be one who has read each and every verse in the Bible and have thoroughly studied all thereof but what I will say is that I have come
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to understand key components that eliminate all of the apparent contradictions in the Bible and present a beautiful flow therein. Now when a person understands these key components it becomes very obvious that one cannot be a Bible believing Christian truthfully while being an evolutionist at the same time. But the question is Why do Christians become evolutionist while holding on to Christianity? Well simply put, though it can be covered by a number of layers of eloquence and even verses to provide the evidence, in most cases, if not all, it comes down to lacking faith in the Bible. The world around us, from the educational system and thus penetrating nearly every aspect of our lives, has embraced Darwinism (evolution theories and the likes) to a great extent. It is thus becoming more and more ridiculous in the eyes of the world for a person to believe in a God who created the world in six days. So as a result some Christians, not willing to seem stupid in arguing with so called evidence that proves evolution, try to meet the evolutionist half way. This is done, though the theory may vary slightly, by saying that Yes the universe is indeed a result of the big bang and evolution! But it is actually God who triggered the process! This of course immediately produces a problem when one simply reads Genesis chapter one that clearly
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teaches that the world was created in six days. Then to try and still merge the Bible with evolution the following verse is quoted completely out of context one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. 2 Peter 3:8. This is then used to say You see those days that were mentioned in Genesis the first chapter are not literal days but rather a thousand years! So you see, those things were created gradually over thousands of years! Now firstly we will consider how this idea is problematic and the loopholes thereof, then we will look at what the verse actually says. The evolution theory states that the Earth came into being over a period with a duration covering millions of years not thousands or six thousand years to be specific. According to the use of this verse the Christian-evolutionists are saying since a day is with the Lord as a thousand years that means those days in Genesis one represent a thousand years each thus meaning the Earth was created in six thousand years. This is not what the evolution theory says. Thus the Christians who make this claim are neither evolutionists and in fact sadly nor Bible believing Christians. God you see, knowing that even such theories as evolution would emerge amongst the infidels and those who claim to believe in Him and His word, set the Sabbath to be observed by His people forever so that they would forever remember that in six days (literal
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days) He created the heavens and the Earth and rested on the seventh day (Exodus 20:8-11). This is why the Sabbath is not kept every seven thousandth year, as this Christian-evolution reasoning would require, but is kept every seventh day. Now then, what does the verse actually say? To understand this we will consider the verse in connection with the verses amongst which it is found. 2 Peter 3:3, 4, 8, 9 there shall come in the last days scofferssaying, Where is the promise of His coming? For since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creationBut, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. This is the verse in its right context. Peter was speaking about the fact that as the second coming of Jesus would approach and His people would spread this message many would say Its been long since we have been hearing people saying He is coming! Surely He is not coming! Now you see if I, Zuks, were to give you a promise and then a thousand years pass, even a hundred years for
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that matter, without me having delivered then you can be completely certain that I lied to you and will not fulfill my promise. This is due to the fact that I would have died by then. But with Jesus, who says concerning Himself I am He that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Revelation 10:18, even if a thousand years pass we can still rest assured that He has not forgot His promise but is still advocating for us in heaven above so that as many as can be saved may be saved. Thus we should consider the passing of a thousand years as a passing of a day to Him. He is not wearied by a thousand years but is still fully mindful of His promise and is working towards fulfilling it even as a man who makes a promise is not wearied by a few days, but will work towards fulfilling it. In other words though a thousand years may pass these words of the Lord are still true: Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto Myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. John 14:1-3. This verse has nothing to do with the amount of time, as you can now see, that it took God to create the planet. He made that very clear from the beginning of His word
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and even set the seventh day apart as a constant reminder of also the amount of time that it took Him to create the world. Lastly I will touch on the dangers of believing in the evolution theory as a Christian. The first, and most obvious problem, is the fact that it weakens your faith in the word of God. You teach yourself to learn the dangerous art of distorting the clear word of God so that it can conform to the theories of the world. Hold on to the world of God for all true science will inevitably bow down to it. Isaiah 40:8 The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever. The second problem with believing in this theory is that you train yourself to disbelieve the power that is in the Word of God. You do not believe that the Word of God is powerful enough to create the Earth in six days. Thus, knowingly or unknowingly, you convince yourself that the word of God, in like manner, cannot altogether transform you so that you can be completely like Jesus in this life time. Dont fall for the Christian-evolution doctrine. The word of God is powerful enough to create the world in six days, and it did just that, as it is powerful enough to create in you and me new hearts. John 17:17 Sanctify them through Thy truth: Thy word is truth.

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34. A Force Not To Be Taken Lightly

For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus; 1 Timothy 2:5 In 2008 I came across a people that had a message so frightening that my heart filled with terror at the prospective danger I found myself saying Dear God! These people are going to mislead many! Their teachings have so many things that are tied up to truth that indeed, if it is possible, the very elect will be deceived! Even to this very day I from time to time come across people from this particular movement. Before we continue with this force that I came across I need us to consider a bit the opening words to this chapter one Godone mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus; In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth in six days and rested on the seventh day. Of the things that He created on the sixth day, in fact the very last thing He created, He created the crowning act. That is the human race. The only order of beings on the face of the planet created in His very image and likeness. Beings created with the capacity to grow more and more in understanding and thus appreciate the ways of God more and more throughout eternity. They communed with God and were perfectly in harmony
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with His ways. This was so until Satan made His way to them. He himself having been cast out of heaven and forever to remain cut away from the favor of God he moved with hatred for God and mankind, the Creator and the new creature who found joy in each other, to cut the bond between them. And sadly he succeeded. With the bond broken between God, the source of life, and mankind, humanity would die immediately except that a plan of redemption was immediately activated. Behold the Lamb of God slain from the foundation of the world which taketh away the sin of the world. John 1:29, Revelation 13:8. The Word of God by whom humanity was created, the second member of the Godhead, was to come down and, being a man, give Himself as the substitute and thus die for humanity. This He would do so that as many as received His sinless life, having believed in Him, should not perish but have the eternal life that He had intended for them from the onset. So thus even before He came to live amongst humanity as a human that He might set for them a perfect example, the perfect life that He would make available to His believers, He immediately began teaching humanity that it is only by His life and His death that hope of salvation can be found. He began to teach through the prophets of old that the only ladder
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connecting mankind to God was Him. Genesis 28:12, John 1:51, John 14:6. So thus the sacrificial system was born. First, the immediate result of sin was that humanity realized their alienation from God and their nakedness thereof. To this the transgressors attempted to take leaves and, making aprons, clothe themselves and in response to this God took the skin of an animal thus immediately teaching them that leaves which wither away, and are man made, can never cover their nakedness in His sight. It is only the covering that comes by the death of one innocent that the nakedness of a person with sin can be covered before God. Hence even when the two sons of Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, came with an offering God only respected the offering of Abel which was with the blood, that is the life (Deuteronomy 12:23), of an innocent animal. For without shedding of blood is no remission. Hebrews 9:22. Thus humanity began to learn of the coming Saviour, the true Lamb of God, which would die thus pouring out His life for and to the sinner. Thus the true followers of God always knew that their salvation rested on the coming Messiah and on nothing else. Hence even Enoch, the first person to never see death as he was taken by God, preached of the Messiah Jude 1:14. And even Moses believed in Jesus Christ hundreds
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of years before He came. Hebrews 11:24-26. Thus all, even from Adam, who were elected by God to bare His oracles and spread them to the world understood that it was in and through the Messiah, Jesus Christ, that they, and all who would follow after them, could have eternal life. Now Satan carefully watched throughout the ages and gaining an understanding of the plan of salvation as God unfolded it to His people he began to do all he could to fight this plan. From the beginning he moved Cain to come up with his own way of sacrificing which did not involve the spilling of blood thus not pointing to the Saviour who was to die. From the beginning thus Satan moved to mingle truth with falsehood. For indeed Cain at first claimed to be sacrificing to God but yet he rejected the plan of salvation. And further more Cain ended up killing righteous Abel for doing as God had instructed. That is for having faith in the coming Messiah. In ages to come the devil would continue with these two weapons. One being to persecute the people of God and seek to destroy them by force and the second being to destroy the people of God by mixing the truth they have with error which ultimately always entails removing their eyes from Jesus Christ their only hope of Salvation.

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This then brings us to the force not to be taken lightly that I speak of. A people who teach that there is God the Mother. They claim that the pre-Christ era involved salvation which was found by the blood of lambs. Then there was the Christian era in which salvation was by the blood of Christ. Then in these last days salvation is found in God the Mother and unless you receive God the Mother you will perish. Now at face value you may laugh at this rather strange and non-orthodox doctrine. The problem comes when you come across the teaching in its full package. Actually to be honest the first time I came across this teaching back in 2008 I spoke with three guys. By the time I was done with them, having stood my ground until out of irritation they left, I was left half shaken. The thing is, they do not just say There is God the Mother and then expect you to believe it. No no no! On the contrary they will show you a string of verses in the Bible that will, if you do not know the Bible well, convince you that that which they say is true. For instance remember we covered the Godhead earlier on. We spoke about how the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are one and have always been for eternity backwards. For even the word God used in Genesis one is in plural. They then take this fact and say the plurality shows that there is God the Father (the Male) and God the Mother (the Female). They say when God
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said let us make man in our image it was He speaking to Her hence He and She created a male and a female. And thus in this manner they continue using verses to present their idea. Now here is a quick verse that quickly shows how they misuse the words of God. 2 Corinthians 3:18 But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. Now if we take the image of God to mean male and female as this teaching would have us we would have a serious problem explaining the verse we just quoted. The question is If image of God means male and female then why must we be changed into the image of God though we are already males and females? Does this mean I will become more female, or more male, or both perhaps, since the change spoken of in the verse happens to us on an individual basis? The image of God is actually His character, which is to say His thoughts and His feelings. When humanity fell their thoughts and feelings became different from the thoughts and feelings of God and with time this alienation became more and more the reality. In and through Jesus the thoughts and feelings of God, the law of God, are restored back into us. It is in this true light that the Bible remains consistent not in the
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invention of a mother God who is not so much as mentioned in the Bible directly but is arrived at by combining verses in an abstract way. Furthermore, the reality of how much deep this threat is comes when you realize that married to these strange teachings is a lot of truth, such as the Sabbath for instance. They keep the seventh day Sabbath as instructed in the word of God. It is no wonder though, for their founder who died in the eighties, who claimed to be Jesus Christ, before forming this movement was first a Seventh-Day Adventist. Now I do not intend to present Biblical evidence of all the falsehood in this movement but will rather point you to that which I believe is the most dangerous thing about their doctrines. This is the removal of Jesus Christ as the only means of Salvation. Remember what we covered so far. Jesus has always been the way by which people could and can be saved. Satan knows this and thus will do everything to divert our eyes from Jesus. Now if we allow anything to take our eyes from Jesus and lay them on another source of Salvation we will be making a fatal mistake. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery (something to be held on to or grasped) to be equal with God: But made Himself of no reputation, and took
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upon Him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, He humbled Himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted Him, and given Him a name which is above every name: That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. Philippians 2:5-11. He that descended is the same also that ascended up far above all heavens, that He might fill all things. And He gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ: Ephesians 4:10-15. And finally Jesus said And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom Thou hast sent. And only by the Holy Spirit who
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works in us can we know Jesus and thus the Father. Embracing the Godhead through Christ is the only way that we can be saved. Not by a fictional Mother God that does not appear in the Word of God. And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen. Matthew 24:14, Matthew 28:19,20.

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35. I missed something

Since 2007, when I first came into contact with the Seventh - day Adventist world and constituted it, I began growing in intellectual understanding of the word of God. The things that baffled my mind began to make sense and all of a sudden the Bible moved from a collection of abstract books to being the word of God that flows with so much eloquence and sense that I, to this day, marvel at the simplicity of the lessons that I for years found confusing. As I gained an understanding of prophecy and how it has been fulfilled and how it is even being fulfilled today I began to see many of the components that are missing in the wider Christian world. Knowing that I knew that which most did not know began filling me with excitement. My knowledge of the finer details of the plan of salvation and how the other teachings of the Bible fit in increased, and again knowing that I knew what most do not know I was further excited as I realized that I had access to a treasure so precious. Something though had happened almost from the very beginning of my enlightenment. I quickly realized that there is a lot of falsehood close by, even amongst the very people of God. Such teachings as we cannot gain full victory over sin even in Jesus Christ. This then, again almost from the very beginning, switched my mind into a militant state. The zeal in me for the truth
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put, as it were, in my right hand a sword and in my left arm a shield. Ready to block of all falsehood and attack it as fast as it appears. Since this is how I began from the start my Christian experience became centered on this. In my mind I easily saw, by the words and actions, people who were not living up to the truth but on top of this would advocate falsehood. I lived for the purpose of standing up for the truth, more especially in Gods church, as I knew that He wants me to stand up for the truth. But quickly in time, even in 2007, there was unrest in my heart and mind that I could not put a finger on. As I grew in knowledge and kept on fighting for the truth I felt like, and knew for a fact that, my experience was lacking something. I could not put a finger on what it was that I lacked but I knew something was seriously out of place. And in no time I began to feel the assurance of my salvation slip away from me and there was nothing, I felt, that I could do about it. I continued as I could, yet with a burden in my heart and mind that none knew. I still attended church weekly and still continued speaking out the truth whenever I felt necessary yet in me my spiritual life seemed to be slowly slipping away. This continued until slowly God began showing me a number of things that brought about this state.

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It turned out that I had not altogether escaped the sophistries of Satan. What had happened was that by my mind being bombarded by falsehood and the likes the focused switched from the most important Object to all of these things. Now the effect of this was twofold in me. Firstly with my eyes not constantly fixed on Jesus I became my own standard unknowingly. How? Simple: As I looked at those around me who were not living up to the light shown them I began to think in my mind They are not living up to the light and they fight the light which is true. But my thoughts further became I am better than they are because I live according to the light. Comparing myself to those around me and finding them lacking I became to myself the standard and thus I began to believe that I was fine. Secondly with this first thing having happened not only were my eyes of Christ but because I thought myself better than they I unknowingly lost sight in my heart and mind of how much short I fall from the Divine standard. I lost sight therefore of how much I need Jesus in my life such that though I confessed my need for Him with my mouth my heart did not agree with it. So having realized this I began desiring to understand how I could have my mindset once more in the right place. Having become tired of having a form of

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godliness while the power of God was not fully active in my heart I sought to find what it was that I missed. God, who has thus far led me, began revealing to me, as He continues to reveal to me even now, that which I lost sight of in my Christian experience. And in a message first brought in the year 1888 amongst Seventh Day Adventists I found what it is that my soul lacked. That is Jesus Christ and His righteousness. Yes, the true meaning of righteousness by faith

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36. The Doctrines (PART VII)

Righteousness by Faith With men it is impossible, but not with God. When his disciples heard it, they were exceedingly amazed, saying: Who then can be saved? But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them: With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. Matthew 19:25, 26. There is evil in the world. We find ourselves in a time and place, in Earths history, were horrible things happen on a daily basis. A few weeks ago for instance an Indian couple arrived in Cape Town for their honeymoon. Then tragedy stroke when the lady was murdered by the tour guides. As if that was not saddening enough time revealed that it was actually the husband who arranged the whole thing. Then on the other hand there are the guardians and parents who make the little ones they are suppose to protect sex objects. Some sexually abusing them while some use them for child pornography and distribute the pictures and films they create. Then there are those sins that have become a norm to us such as rape, murder, robbery etc Because of all of this evil we find ourselves crying out We live in such an evil time Come Lord Jesus! We cant take this evil around us! These rapes, murders are
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too much for us! There is no righteousness in the world! Come now Lord Jesus! Then as we open the word of God we find a very shocking and sobering verdict from God. Isaiah 64:6 But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; But God we then think and at times even speak out saying I dont steal, I dont worship other gods, I dont murder. I dont do all these evil things! Am I altogether unrighteous?! Am I not better?! Am I not better than they Lord?! And I keep the Sabbath as well! Am I not better?! And so God begins unveiling to us the true form or a deeper form of what His righteousness truly is. Jesus giving one of His most famous sermons on a mount began expounding on the law of God. Matthew 5:21,22 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of the judgment: But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca (worthless person), shall be in danger of the council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.
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Matthew 5:27,28 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. Matthew 5:38-42 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. Matthew 5:43-48 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? Do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? Do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore

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perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. You see the law of God is deeper than we sometimes realize, for God does not look at things as we look at them: But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7. In other words, to God the conformity of the words and actions alone to His law is not enough! He considers the very thoughts and feelings. He looks at the motives that are behind the good words and actions to see if they themselves are not selfish and are in fact in line with His law of love. And right before Jesus began expounding upon the law He said these words For I say unto you, that except your righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, ye shall in no case enter into the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:20. And what was the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees? This He explained later on saying Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchers(graves) , which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so ye also outwardly
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appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity. Thus we begin to see that the only righteousness that will enter the kingdom of heaven is righteousness that emanates from within. The very thoughts and feelings must be in line with the law of God and should be not a place where sin finds a dwelling. Even if I preach the word of God if my intentions are selfish, perhaps I want people to think wow! He is such a good preacher!, then to God my preaching is in vain. But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway 1 Corinthians 9:27. Now when the mind well understands this then a problem emerges and it is twofold. Firstly since we all have sinned the law is already crying out for our blood and is condemning us to eternal destruction For the wages of sin is death Romans 6:23. And without us dying or without death the law of God can never be satisfied. The reason for this is similar to the reason why the detecting-part (the law) of an antivirus in a computer causes the antivirus to not rest until something is done to the threat. This is because if nothing is done, usually deletion, to the threat then the threat, that is the virus, will infiltrate the whole system and ultimately crush it as it grows stronger. In other words we are destined to die because of our sins.

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The second problem is that there is absolutely nothing we can do to enable ourselves to keep the law or to be perfectly in harmony with the will of God or possess His righteousness which is His standard. Jeremiah 13:23 Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil. In other words in as much as the Ethiopian cannot change his skin and the leopard cannot change its spots we also who are accustomed to doing, speaking and thinking evil cannot change this so that we conform completely to Gods standard. And again Who can bring a clean thing out of an unclean? Not one. Job 14:4. Not only are we guilty and deserve death for our past sins but we cannot keep the law of God even if we wanted to. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. Romans 7:19. Then, and only then, when the mind and heart realizes its true condition and all seems dark and lost, and when the soul begins crying: O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from the body of this death? only then can one begin to clearly hear and understand the words of the Baptist when after seeing Jesus cried out to us and said Behold the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world. John 1:29. And also the words of the angel of the Lord saying to Joseph and to us And she shall bring forth a Son, and thou shalt call His name

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JESUS: for He shall save His people from their sins. Matthew 1:21. Jesus Christ lived a perfect life, as a human, and thus having no sins of His own He could become the substitute for the sinful world. Thus He died on the cross so that as many as would receive Him would not have to die for their own sins, as He has already died for them. Secondly, through Him the connection that was destroyed between mankind and heaven is reestablished. This then allows God, who will not act while a person is rejecting Him, to release all of that which is necessary for the transformation of the mind and heart of all who receive Jesus. In other words because of the grace of Jesus Christ the Holy Spirit and the angels of heaven are able to freely minister to all those who do not refuse this grace, bringing the thoughts of the receiver of the gospel of Jesus into harmony with the will of God. How does this work? Here is a verse that shows how the life of Christ, that is His thoughts and feelings, is reproduced in us But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory (character) of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:18. In other words every time we humbly meditate on the thoughts and feelings of Jesus which are holy, with the desire to
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be as He is, the Holy Spirit transforms our thoughts and feelings, aligning them with the thoughts and feelings of Jesus, the thoughts and feelings of God Himself. And remember the place where we find the thoughts and feelings of Jesus is in the word of God Search the scripturesthey are they which testify of me said Jesus. John 5:39. So through Jesus, and only through Him, are we justified (forgiven of our sins) and through Him, and only through Him, are we sanctified (freed from the ruler ship of sin or enabled to keep the law of God even at the thought and emotional level). It is very important to understand that there is nothing that we of ourselves can do to justify or to sanctify ourselves. We have a part of cooperation in it but it is God who is doing the work in us For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure. Philippians 2:13. No room for am I not better? because no one is better! It is God and He alone who is good and He imputes (justifies) goodness and imparts (sanctifies or makes holy) goodness to all who are willing to cooperate with Him. Ellen G. White put it this way Paul had ever exalted the divine law. He had shown that in the law there is no power to save men from the penalty of disobedience. Wrongdoers must repent of their sins and humble themselves before God, whose just wrath they have
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incurred by breaking His law, and they must also exercise faith in the blood of Christ as their only means of pardon. The Son of God had died as their sacrifice and had ascended to heaven to stand before the Father as their advocate. By repentance and faith they might be freed from the condemnation of sin and through the grace of Christ be enabled henceforth to render obedience to the law of God. {The Acts of the Apostles, page 393 paragraph 1} Hence when the disciples, considering the gravity of the law of God, found themselves saying Who then can be saved Jesus answered them saying With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible. And it is by faith that we accept both justification and sanctification. It is by faith that we accept that Jesus death was enough for us to be pardoned of our sins. Even when, after sincerely confessing and forsaking our sins, we feel like our sins are too much for God to forgive us for them, we must believe that He has forgiven us for His word says so! We are justified freely in Jesus Christ. It is also by the same faith that we accept that Jesus life, perfect obedience to the law of God, can be made our own by the power of the indwelling Spirit There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath
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made me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh: That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. Romans 8:1-4. Though Satan will come with a thousand reasons trying to convince us that either justification or sanctification cannot be fully ours even in Jesus we must, unlike Eve in the beginning, have full faith in the word of God that it means what it says. But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:6. And when Jesus would heal people while He was on Earth often He would be heard saying THY FAITH hath made thee WHOLE. And so in like many we must receive the righteousness of Jesus, for ours will never cut it, by faith and live. Even unto life eternal.

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37. The Doctrines (PART VIII)

Christ is All (A Relationship with the Lord) For the love of Christ constraineth us 2 Corinthians 5:14 Hell fire is coming! ... I heard in one form or another. Repent lest you burn! God on many occasions has sent His warnings to the intelligent inhabitants of the Earth to warn them of the necessary destruction that is to come upon the Earth and showing them a way of escape. This He tells us to awaken us to the danger that we are in while sin still finds a dwelling place in our thoughts, feelings, words and actions. Like an antivirus, in a figure, that first pleads with an infected file in a computer, pleading that the file should allow it to cleanse it for if not it will be necessary for the file to be destroyed. But the fear of death alone can never be enough to keep us from sinning in this world and in the world to come. There is something more powerful than the fear of death, and it is this thing alone that can seal us into everlasting obedience to God. Consider a man and woman, a figure by which God often represents His relationship with His people, in a relationship who are about to get married. Now consider such a pair living in a poor country. The man however is extremely rich. Now when he proposed
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marriage to her the first thing that she thought was Security! With this man as my husband I will certainly escape the poverty in this country! Yes I will marry him! Now it is a logical thing for a woman to want security but with this being her motive and this alone there is a problem. The chances of this being a successful marriage are not that high at all because she marriage him for what he has not for who he is. Sooner or later the riches will not be enough to keep her eyes fixed on her husband and her husband alone. Unhappiness results then, lo and behold, she lives the rest of her life miserably, or she starts having an affair or affairs, or alas she takes his life that she may remain with the riches and have him out of the equation so that she can enjoy his riches with her lovers. The same is the result of serving God purely on the basis of desiring to escape hell fire. You will have a mind and heart that would go back to sin as quickly as possible if you could continue sinning while being assured of eternal life. And further more if you could have life and knock God out of the equation, that is to say kill Him, ultimately you would do exactly that. So if the fear of eternal death is not enough then what is? What will keep us, the redeemed and the angels who never fell, from never sinning against God?
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It might be thought that holiness, godliness and perfect harmony to the will of God is what will keep us from breaking that harmony. But here is something to consider: Satan, fallen Lucifer, a third of the angels in heaven, and even humanity at the beginning, that is Adam and Eve, all were created holy, godly and perfectly in harmony with the will of God. Of Satan God says Thou sealest up the sum, full of wisdom, and perfect in beautyThou art the anointed cherub that covereth; and I have set thee so: thou wast upon the holy mountain of God; thou hast walked up and down in the midst of the stones of fire. Thou wast perfect in thy ways from the day that thou wast created, till iniquity was found in thee Ezekiel 28:12, 14, 15. He was perfectly holy and godly and in harmony with the ways of God yet he fell. So was a third of the angels in heaven and likewise Adam and Eve. So if not even this then what? A wonderful answer is found in what I have come to understand as and call Peters ladder: ...beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity... brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall. 2 Peter 1:5-7, 10.
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Note the steps of the ladder: faith-virtue-knowledgetemperance-patience-godliness-brotherly kindnesscharity. At the top of the ladder is the word charity. Now the word translated in the KJV to charity is the Greek word agap pronounced ag-ah'-pay which simply means love. That is to say on the top of the ladder is love. And so when all these things are in you, the climax of which is love, you shall never fall. This is the unlocking factor that will keep us in this world and in the world to come from sinning. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. We love him, because he first loved us. 1 John 4:17-19. It is His love that God calls us to consider when He calls us to serve Him I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God... Romans 12:1. Jesus Himself showed the prerequisite of truthfully serving Him If ye love me, keep my commandments. John 14:15. And He again had said And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. John 17:3. And John moved by the Spirit wrote "He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 1 John 4:8. In other

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words knowing God is knowing that He loves perfectly for He is the very definition of love. It is this that Lucifer lost sight of when he thought that He could manage the universe with better fairness than God. It is this that a third of the angels in heaven lost sight of when they thought that they could trust the word of Satan rather than the word of God. It is this that Eve lost sight of when she thought she could trust the words of the serpent, the devil, rather than the word of God and it is this that Adam lost sight of when he thought that he would never find happiness without Eve and thus thought it well to eat and die with her. They all lost sight of who God is. They lost sight of the fact that God is love and that He loves them more than they could ever hope to love themselves even. Like the man and the woman when her reason for entering into a relationship with him is based not on what she gains but rather based on who he is. When she considers his love for her, a love that would drive him to die for her if he had to, she begins to warm up to him and his love for her awakens love for him within her. The type of love that causes her to altogether lose all interest in any other man and causing her to in turn rather die than to betray his great love for her. This is what God wants for us. He loves us so much that He, in Christ, died for us rather than see us perish. He
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wants us to serve Him not because we fear dying but rather because we, having considered the love by which He has loved us with and loves us still with, in turn love Him with all our hearts. But how on Earth can beings with selfish hearts as ours love with such love, seeing that we are naturally selfish? Well, this is again were Jesus Christ comes in. In Jesus Christ the love of God is shown to the greatest degree. When instead of destroying us for rebelling against Him He, in Christ, suffered pain unthinkable so that me and you could have an opportunity to chose Him and receive life. In other words, the only way for us to love Jesus is to realize how much He has loved us. And we can only realize this when we spend time reading His words and reading of Him in the Bible, by praying to Him and getting used to speaking with Him telling Him our joys and our sorrows not only on a daily basis but as often as possible. And it is the Holy Spirit that teaches us the depths of Christs love for us. Without Him, the Spirit, we can never know as much as is necessary for us to know how deep the love of Christ for us is. He impresses it in the heart in a way that only God can. Thus it is necessary for us to do everything that we can to not grieve Him and chase Him away, for it is He that teaches us about Jesus

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and His deep love for us. The love that when we contemplate upon, awakens love within us. To get to a point in our lives when Jesus Christ is not just a character from a fairy tale or an imaginary friend of a small child. To a point when He is not only as real to us as our Earthly friends but He is our best friend! That is to say, a point when He is closer to us than our friends, our siblings, our parents and even our husbands and wives. And the only way for this to happen is if we start considering the depths of what He did for us for in persistently doing so love within us will awaken in response to His love. Thus as far as sin is concerned we will sin no more for we would rather die than hurt the One that we love. For the love of Christ constraineth us;

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38. Girls girls girls

Now did you really think I would write a book about my life experience, being 24 of age, and have nothing to say about girls? Think again! One acquaintance considering my book asked "are you not going to say anything about relationships?!...How can that be?" This is due to the fact that everyone who knows me knows that I love marriage and that except God specifically says "Don't get married" I will, with His blessing, get married in due season. And it is easy to see that as I get excited whenever the subject comes up. After all I am not one who goes all out to mask my emotions before people except when I deem it necessary. The relationship between a man and a woman is one of the most wonderful and important gifts that God has ever given to humanity. Together with the Sabbath it is one of the two gifts that humanity took out of the Garden of Eden. From time to time in His word, as we mentioned before, God likens His relationship to His people to a relationship between a husband and his wife. Thus a happy marriage, in which tenderness, kindness, selflessness and love are constantly in the air, teaches how God wants the relationship between Him and His people, on an individual basis, to be.
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It is because, amongst other things, of this powerful object lesson that marriage offers that the devil has, and still, targets it with everything he has. He has taken the things that were designed by God to seal a bond between two people, a husband and his wife, and has perverted them in all kinds of ways. Fornication, adultery, rape are a result of the perversion that he introduced or inverted from the beautiful gift of sexual intercourse that God created to strengthen the bond between a husband and his wife. He further moves men to be violent, physically and emotionally, to those they are supposed to regard with the highest tenderness. And in the same light he moves women to disrespect their husbands. He moves humanity from one extreme of woman oppression to another of the so called "50/50" movement that calls women and men to lose sight of their God ordained roles that can best bring out happiness in the home. This and all other things Satan does, for he understands that a happy godly home represents that which can exist between God and humanity. It is because of this reason why God is so specific, as with all things, in giving us guidelines that do not only help us to have happy marriages but even guidelines in
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the very selecting of the one you would spend your life with and how to walk together in the period before marriage in a way that is honorable in His sight. Now having had a few encounters with girls and relationships myself, and having considered the word of God and advice from God fearing friends and elderly people including my mother, and having considered the destructive habit, more especially amongst us youth, of endless hook-ups and break-ups, I have come to treasure a few key points on the matter of uniting ones self to another. Firstly as pertaining to the issue of when one should enter into a relationship let me start by saying if you have no intention of marrying someone don't even enter into a relationship. You can not be a Bible following Christian and be one who does this. Players and she-players have no place in the kingdom of God for this evil habit is in and of itself unloving and thus extremely selfish. This I say more especially to those of my gender. In fact sometime ago I was moved to write a note on facebook as I thought upon this evil behavior. The title of the note was Whats up dog? and these were the thoughts thereof: I might not make as much sense as I would desire to for I am writing this note almost as fast as I am thinking it. A thought though has been impressed in my mind that I think it well to share. Primarily with my fellow men:
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"So...What's up dog?" I was walking home this morning coming from a meeting and saw a girl that I know goes to the same school as I. I have seen her around quite a number of times. But this time there was a little girl next to her. The girl was probably about 3 years or so of age. Now I found myself wondering "What is the relation between them?" Then as I looked at both of them again as we passed each other I noticed that both of them were very light in complexion. So I thought "Could it be her child?" I don't know. I might never know. But I remember thinking though that they looked beautiful together. I smiled. Then as I thought "If she is her mother then where is the father? She does not seem like she is married. She is still in school after all.", as I thought this my heart began to sink. You see, at the same time I recalled a girl doing a course with me, obviously much younger than me(23), of whom I noticed two weeks back that she is pregnant. She seemed isolated. I saw her again this past week. She seemed alone and lonely. I could not help but wonder "This guy, this man, this boy who got her pregnant, I just wonder, is he owning up?" Or has she found herself all of a sudden in a situation in which she is going to be raising a child alone at her relatively young age? I don't know. She
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just seems sad and alone. I don't like it. I wish I could talk to her and ask if she is well. Strangely enough for a moment I almost found myself wishing I could even help her raise the child if the father won't own up. This then brings me to the root of the problem... The definition of what a man is has been so warped that, though we may think it not, there are a very few of us who have the right idea of what a man is. The dignity is vanishing it seems to me, with each successive generation. We call ourselves men when indeed we act like boys. No. I stand corrected. We call ourselves men when in all fairness we act like dogs. Growing up I've seen a number of dogs. To be even more specific I have seen what happens when a dog sees a female dog at times, when it goes after it seeking to have sexual intercourse with it. You see, each time I've seen this I would notice that the dog seems to lose interest in everything else for the moment. All that it wants to do is come behind the female and satisfy its passion or lust. All reason is lost sight of completely it seems for a moment. There is nothing else besides this for it. It must be satisfied. That is all that matters. And when it is done it simply walks away like nothing has happened between it and the female dog. Now here is a sad reality. The encounter above so closely, even almost perfectly, reflects the thinking
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process that goes on in most of our minds when it comes to the ladies that God has blessed our planet with. The ladies that God has blessed us with. Not to be dishonored and used and devalued until they themselves believe they have no value. Not to be abused that our passions may be satisfied. But that they may be protected, loved and cherished. To be treated with respect and honor. The encounter above though it describes what happens when a dog's hormones kick into gear also sadly describes what happens in our minds when we think about ladies. I mean consider these situations: A man meets a girl in a club and considers her interesting and decides (him and his hormones) that he wants to sleep with her. A man tells his girlfriend "I love you and you love me so we can have sex" though they are not married. Does not love her enough to committee perpetually though. A man meets a girl at church, starts having bible studies with her and the next thing they are having sex. In all these situations here is the basic underlying principle: The man becomes a dog. He thinks as a dog. The moral seat, that is the conscience, is put aside for the sake of his arousal. He sees nothing else and knows nothing
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else besides the fact that he must sleep with her. What of her? Well for that moment, though it might be justified with a thousand poetic words, she is to him merely as that female dog. He will leave her most probably. Be it right after he has had his way with her and taken her virtue from her, the next day, or in a time to come. He will leave her having taken a part of her. Alas! He might leave her with a part of him, denying though ever even knowing her and wanting nothing to do with her. A dog! And thus if you know me you will virtually never hear me saying to you "what's up dog?" But I suppose those who use these words are on to something seeing that when it comes to these ladies around us most of us men act like, or at the very least think like, a dog. Secondly, as pertaining to the issue of when one should enter into a relationship, in this day and age if you are in your teens it is best to not even be thinking about relationships. "Why not?!" you may ask. Simply put because you are still in a stage in which you are seriously trying to find out who you are. You are far from being ready to evaluate the character of another and thus know if you can be well matched to make each other happy and draw each other closer to God. Now to this you might say two things if you are the type of teenager I was. "But I am not like other teens! I know what I am doing! I know who I am! I am ready!" Well
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that is exactly what many think, including me, when they are teenagers. And bare in mind I am only 24 so it has not really been that long since I've been a teenager and thus I still clearly remember how I and my friends and those around me thought during my teenage years. The reality is that if you are a teenager, though you may think and feel it, you do not have it all figured out. Then to those who are generally my age and slightly younger who are still at school I would actually advise you to try as much as you can to avoid entering into a relationship while you are in university or college. Now you to might say, "What on Earth is this guy saying now!" But before closing up your mind and heart please consider this: How many relationships do you know in university that actually last all the way to the marriage altar? How many hook-ups and break-ups do you know of? And with each sour break-up how much is the heart hurt and thus hardened and made less capable to trust? I could go on and on in this manner. Now what I have personally noticed is that the one of the main reasons why this happens during the university years is because though one is, relatively speaking, at the verge of independency and stability they are not quite there yet. The result of this is that in entering a relationship it is virtually impossible, for

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most, to make solid plans for the future because the future is not yet solid. Thus though a young man may confess love for a young woman he finds it hard to fully commit all the way because he himself is not certain of the future as he would if he was stable. This of course then opens doors to a lot of evil. For one because they are not fully committed to each other all the way a part of their minds still says "I can still do my own thing" even if they admit it or not. This then brings in a lot of problems which, because the two are not committed, quickly leads to a break-up. Then with the lesson being not learnt the person again, while still unstable, allows the cycle to start all over. Thus we find a lot of broken hearts even amongst the professed people of God. Another problem with entering into a relationship before starting working is that usually this means that you will be in a very long courtship or as it is with many cases "courtship". The result of this is that the opportunity for the devil to tempt you into entering into phases of the relationship that are only well before God after marriage prematurely are increased. It is mainly because of this reason why I person concluded to not enter into a relationship while I am a student and wait until I am done.

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And last but very much not least it is a very dangerous thing to enter into a relationship while your relationship with God is not stable. Even if you are already working if your relationship with God is not well I would advise you to take sometime and seek God. The dangers of this are very deadly spiritually. Literally! Consider Genesis chapter six: The people of God, or the sons of God, began intermarrying with those who were not of God. The result of this was that the people of God lost the knowledge that God had entrusted them with, being influenced by those they married. This displeased God so much for the world quickly got evil until He had no choice, lest the entire human family would be altogether Satan's subjects, but to destroy the old world with a flood. In like manner when you are spiritually unstable or weak you are more likely to be easily influenced against God to a small or a great extent. It is a very good thing to learn to wait upon God and He, who loves you more than you love yourself, will, when he sees you are ready, provide one that is best suited to walk side by side with you here on Earth and draw you, as you draw them, closer to Him. Now the sad reality is that a lot of us, and of a certainty even as I type and even as you will be reading these words, have been in relationships and have had our hearts broken and find ourselves suffering intensely
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emotionally. In some cases it is so painful that even death seems like a better alternative. So thus the question that I find worth answering is "How do I get over a break-up seeing that I entered into a relationship unwisely already and find myself hurting? How do I get over it?" First thing that is necessary is the acceptance of it. I know virtually nothing that makes the hurt last longer than not accepting the fact that it is over. Please be quick to do this. Now the second one is also a very hard thing to do but is very necessary for the healing process: Do not allow your mind and heart to think evil thoughts and keep ill-feelings towards the one you were with! Continuously pray for them whenever they come into mind and if they have moved on pray for them and the one they are with. Tell God how much you hurt but also ask Him to give you a mind and heart that will not think ill thoughts towards them and in fact sincerely desire the best for them. When you don't feel like it do not stop praying to God until you feel better. Do not stop! Thirdly keep yourself seriously preoccupied with a lot of useful work! This helps your mind from thinking about such things as "...I wish I still had them!" which then prevents you from falling into the first problem of denial.

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Persist in these three things and I assure you your heart will heal faster, extremely faster, than it normally would. Thus you will get over them and you will not have evil thoughts or feelings towards them, which in and of itself can be a prison of hurting within you. Then your heart will learn, by the touch of Christ, to love again and when the time comes for you to be with one the Lord approves of you will be ready. Then what happens when the time has come for two people to get married? There is the period before that which is essential for two people to know each other before finally sealing their lives together forever. Once again, I have come to realize that even amongst the people of God a lot of relationships, so called courtships, are done in an extremely worldly manner. In the name of courtship a lot of relationships that have no place in the kingdom of God are carried out and this is one of the ways through which the devil gains an upper hand on the people of God and in so doing causes the name of God to be reproached by the heathen as they cry out "There is altogether no difference in the way these so called people of God carry themselves in relationships. They do all that we do and at times even worse than that which we do! What profit is there in me then following this God they claim they serve if there is no difference between me and them?!"

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Now to avoid finding yourself in a premarital relationship that is not pleasing to God here are a few things that I have come to realize are to be avoided as they lay a foundation for a faulty relationship. Firstly there is a problem if the parents of both parties are not informed of the relationship. There is nothing that a Christian should do in the dark or in hiding "The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armour of light." Romans 13:12. If all is according to the principles of the word of God then there is absolutely no reason to hide the relationship. I have had a lot of theories that are presented as support for taking the path of secrecy but I have come to realize that the root of it all is the same. The usual reason why we often have the desire to hide our relationships is because we know deep in our hearts that they are not completely in par with the will of God. So transparency is extremely important at all times. Secondly let the relationship be pure from the very onset. Premarital sex, AND THE LIKES, will not, despite popular belief even as suggested by the media, strengthen your relationship. Instead it mutually decreases the respect in it which could either lead to a break-up before the "I do's" are said or a divorce thereafter.

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Now I do know that the hormones cause us to think "we are so connected! We love each other! We don't have to wait because we love each other!" Then with this step taken before marriage a nightmare of regrets usually follows. Unless of course you decide to altogether give yourself over to such a life style of sleeping around in which case the guilt and regret decreases. Need I mention the danger of a dying guilty conscience in response to the souls continuity in known a known sin? Even one wrong trait of character, one sinful desire, persistently cherished, will eventually neutralize all the power of the gospel. {Steps to Christ, page 34 paragraph 1} Finally, and again, please make God the center of your relationship. The only way for you to not fall pray to the first and the second trap is to first have a living relationship with Jesus Christ as an individual before you even see the person you would want to marry. When the relationship with Jesus is solid then many of the heartaches that attend the ways of a man and a woman would be avoided. Remember, and never forget, Christ is all to us! Now I am currently not in a relationship and will not be in one until I start working. Further more I have never been married therefore I do not have practical experience as far as marriage life is concerned. Nevertheless I will speak a bit of that which I have
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gathered in my 24 years on the Earth as pertaining to the marriage life: To the husbands first: It is essential that we as man seriously learn from Christ what it means to love. In a single verse I believe is contained all that I would need to say concerning how a man's mind and heart should be towards his wife "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it;" Ephesians 5:25. Jesus loved the church, His people, so much that He died for them! This is the manner of love by which a man should love his wife. But alas we are so selfish! It is impossible for us to have this love on our own! Then again in Jesus we find the answer! We can, by exercising faith on His grace, obtain from Him such hearts that will love even to the point of dying, if ever it becomes necessary, for the ones we have professed love for! And remember love is not selfish at any time! And to the wives: I know that the world has taught you that it is "50/50" in all things. This however is not the principle that we find in the word of God. God has assigned roles that are specific to men and roles that are specific to women and the moment we want to come up with our own ways we then have no right to point fingers at Him when things go wrong in our marriages.

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"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." Ephesians 5:22. Stop trying to compete with your husband over who wears the pants in the family! In so doing you are bringing an evil into your home that you might later on find hard to erase! Ellen White puts it in very clear words: "God's Instruction to Eve.--Eve was told of the sorrow and pain that must henceforth be her portion. And the Lord said, "Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." In the creation, God had made her the equal of Adam. Had they remained obedient to God--in harmony with His great law of love--they would ever have been in harmony with each other; but sin had brought discord, and now their union could be maintained and harmony preserved only by submission on the part of the one or the other. Eve had been the first in transgression; and she had fallen into temptation by separating from her companion, contrary to the divine direction. It was by her solicitation that Adam sinned, and she was now placed in subjection to her husband. Had the principles enjoined in the law of God been cherished by the fallen race, this sentence, though growing out of the results of sin, would have proved a blessing to them; but man's abuse of the supremacy thus given him has too often rendered the lot of woman very bitter, and made her life a burden. Eve had been perfectly happy by her husband's side in her Eden home; but, like restless modern Eves, she was
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flattered with the hope of entering a higher sphere than that which God had assigned her. In attempting to rise above her original position, she fell far below it. A similar result will be reached by all who are unwilling to take up cheerfully their life duties in accordance with God's plan." {Adventist Home page 115} But do bear in mind that in the same way that we can not rightfully take our positions under God if we do not know how much He loved us first, it is extremely difficult for a woman to take her position when the man does not take his position first. When instead of being a loving, kind, understanding and patient man while ever standing up for principle he instead acts as a tyrant in his family then in the woman the trust of his leadership is slowly destroyed. So it is essential for love to be the ruling principle upon which all other principles, roles and duties hang. I for one look forward to the day that I will, by God's grace, get married. And what I know of a certainty is that if I do not hold on to Christ and learn of Him the ways of love, and receive of Him a loving heart, I will ruin my marriage sooner or later. But on the other hand if I allow the love of Christ to swallow me up and thus awakening in my heart the ability to love as He loves I can be, in Jesus, counted amongst the most loving husband's on the face of the Earth in my generation.
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39. No One Said There Would Be No Struggles

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God." James 1:19, 20. I would like to now touch on something that I believe is extremely vital for one to realize as far as Christianity is concerned. Before I share with you what I have come to understand, first intellectually and then also by God's grace am daily grasping more and more with the heart, let me share with you a few verses upon which my understanding is based: "Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him." John 13:16. "For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:" 1 Peter 2:21 "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27. Now let us consider the first two verses. We learn that Christ suffered while He was on Earth. Jesus then lets us know that being our Master we can not expect to receive a better or greater treatment than He received.
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In another place He says "Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted Me, they will also persecute you..." John 15:20. Paul moved by the Holy Spirit wrote testifying of this very truth "Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution." 2 Timothy 3:12. In other words struggles and hardships are a part of the Christian experience on Earth. This is to say, when people treat you in a bad or evil way you should not count it or think of it as something that is strange. "and ALL that will live godly in Christ Jesus..." the Bible says "...shall suffer persecution." There is a reason why God allows tribulations to come upon us. Remember that Christs burden is to reproduce His character in us as it is the only character or righteousness that can stand before God. Tribulations are necessary for us to be refined into His image. "...we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Romans 5:3-5. But though the tribulations and trials shall come what Christ promises us is that when we abide in Him, in the very midst of the trials and tribulations we shall have "Peace...not as..." found in "...the world..." This is a
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peace that comes only as a result of the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit "But the fruit of the Spirit is...peace..." Galatians 5:22. In other words, when the Holy Spirit has taken our thoughts and feelings, as we allow Him to take over, and causes them to accept all that the Lord has said in His word, all the way to the promise of eternal happiness and joy in the hereafter, then even when tribulations come, which are necessary for Christ-like character building, we will by faith see beyond the trials and thus the peace of Jesus constantly will abide in us. Thus the world wonders "how can he, how can she, be so calm even in the midst of such challenges?!" For indeed "...the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7. But there is a form of struggle that is even more serious to the child of God than external persecutions. These are the battles with self. As God reveals His will to us we come to realize that there are some things in our actions, our words, our thoughts and our feelings that should not be there. And at times these evil habits have been so much cultivated that they are intertwined with our very characters and we knew it not. We know it not, at times, simply because to us it is the norm. Sin has thus blinded us that we accept it in our minds and

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hearts, until God reveals to us how sinful it is, as being the normal way of being. Let me be practical with you and share with you one such struggle that I have had to face as I had to come into terms with the reality that there is a serious character deformity in me that should not remain. This is the issue of anger. Our opening verse says Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift (quick) to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath (anger): For the wrath (anger) of man worketh not the righteousness of God. That is to say, when anger rules in your heart the righteousness of God can not at the same time be in you. Having realized that I have a serious anger problem, sadly through the way that I dealt with a number of people close to me, in some cases time after time, I began to find myself in serious anguish of soul. This was intensified when I realized that both my parents have the same problem. And the Bible teaches that we influence our children with our sins if we do not overcome them and thus expose them to them. So thus as I came to realize that the cause was twofold, firstly by inheritance and secondly by my personal choice of cultivating the evil habit, I realized that there is in me something that could altogether destroy relationships that could had been a blessing both to me and those who are a part of my life to whatever degree.
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At first, out of foolishness because I should had known better, I tried to convince myself that by self control alone I could put my anger in check. Of course this solution would last only for a short time. The one moment I am so down and sorrowful for having spoke out of impulse and regretting to the point of telling myself that I will never do it again and then the next moment I would be doing exactly the same thing. But lo and behold! As Jesus began teaching me the true meaning of righteousness by faith I began to realize where my hope and help are to be found. With my anger, as with any other sin, there is but one solution. That is Jesus Christ Himself. The only thing that can stop me from doing anything that I know to be wrong, I came to grasp with my mind and heart, is Jesus Christ living within me, or to be specific the Holy Spirit who guides us in all the ways of Jesus. Ours is to look upon Jesus constantly, in the Bible, and forever listen to the Holy Spirit as He speaks with us saying with a soft and tender voice "This is the way. Not that way. This way..." And as we continue thus, abiding in Christ, the Holy Spirit transforms our thoughts and our very emotions bringing them into harmony with those of Jesus. So no matter what the struggle be, from without or from within, it is essential that we know and fully
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understand that Jesus never said that it would all of a sudden be all "never ending roses and sunny" for us when we choose Him. Difficulties must and will come upon us for with each tribulation is an opportunity to surrender the will to God by listening to the Holy Spirit who speaks, reminding and explaining to us, the word of God and thus overcome in that situation. In so doing the character of Christ is formed in us for of even Him it is written "Though He were a Son, yet learned He obedience by the things which He suffered; And being made perfect, He became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey Him;" Hebrews 5:8,9.

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40. A Long Journey Ending

In 2005 I enrolled in the University of Cape Town to study Electrical and Computer Engineering. The journey in no time became the bitterest experience that I had ever faced up until that point academically. I found myself facing the realities of having so poor a performance that the university would not even allow me to write some exams. Then finally at the end of 2006 it all reached its climax when I got academically excluded from continuing with my studies at UCT. In 2007 I found myself back in the Eastern Cape, in East London, and at the first this to me seemed like a mere detour in the way of me achieving my ambitious goals. But of course in time I realized that this was the time God had appointed between me and Him that He could give me the necessary information for me to begin seeing the light, like never before, that would lead me to Him. And thus was the main purpose of the year 2007 in my life: God introducing Himself to me and for the first time I began understanding and consciously hearing His voice. Then in the year 2008 I returned back to UCT to finish that which I had started. Now my academic journey after my return to UCT was almost completely different from how it had been at the beginning. This is how the rest of my academic stay at UCT played out:

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When I came back in 2008 I still had a single UNISA module that was hanging over me. By God's grace I was allowed to register for all my second year courses and also register with UNISA to do the remaining module so that my first year physics course could be considered as complete and fully credited by UCT. So thus the academic year began. Unlike my previous years at UCT I studied more this time around, such that in June I passed all of my semester courses. At the end of the year I passed my remaining UNISA module thus finally completing all of my first year courses. Then as far as my second year courses were concerned I passed all save one. The second year maths course, MAM2080W, refused to let me go. I had not given it as much attention as was necessary and found myself failing in the mid 40's percentage wise. Regardless of this I was happy that I had managed to perform so much better than my previous years. Then in 2009 I manage to get permission to take all of my third year courses together with the remaining second year maths course. In the first semester of this year, having met a close friend of mine from church, SBW, doing the same degree as I, I studied with him with serious effort. The result of this was that I ended up passing all of my first semester courses once more. Then in the second semester I failed two second semester courses and once again, to my
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disappointment, the second year whole year maths course which still proved to be unwilling to let me go. What happened was that being in third year there were a few courses that demanded my attention and I felt like I could manage maths without giving it as much attention since I was repeating it. Well, the end of the year proved me wrong. Of the other two courses that I failed one was an elective course that I immediately decided I would not repeat the following year but rather take another elective course. Then the other was a compulsory course that I failed with a hurting 49%. In the beginning of this year, 2010, I asked the HOD (Head of Department) to give me an opportunity to try and do the highly improbable and take all of my final year courses together with the two courses from the third year level I had failed and the second year maths course that I refused to pass time and time again. This I requested hoping to graduate at the end of the year. Reluctantly, as he considered the weight of the task I was signing up for, I got his signature of approval. So the year started. The first semester was extremely challenging. Besides the fact that I was occupying two extremely important roles at church I was taking nearly twice the normal work load during the first semester. I knew that all rested on the first semester as far as my graduation at the end of the year was concerned.

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Then the June exams came and left. Being at home for the vacation, the time came for me to go and check my results. There was a particular course that I feared called DSP (Digital Signal Processing). This was one course that I expected a fail in. And indeed as I had feared, so it came to pass. I only managed to get 46% for the course to my disappointment. As if that was not enough that was not the end of the bad news. In fact before I had learnt about DSP I had, the previous week, learnt that there was another course I failed. In the beginning the second year maths course for engineering at UCT was a whole year course then in 2010 it was split into two semester courses both of which are offered in both semesters. So in the first semester I had to take the first of these two, MAM2083F. To my greatest surprise as I looked at my results I realized that maths still would not let me go! So thus I quickly realized that the dream of a graduation at the end of the year had to go. I was disappointed greatly for a few days but once again I remembered that it is when I decided to focus on failure and not stand back up quick that I will have really failed. Thus I arrived at a point, unlike in earlier years, in which the question was not "Am I going to make it all the way to the end and graduate?" but rather "When am I going to graduate?!" And again, more than anything else, that which held the key to my release was that second year
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maths that I failed for the first time back in 2008. Because I had failed the first of the two courses I had to repeat it in the second semester instead of doing the second one. This then meant I would have to come back during the first semester of 2011 to do the second course and then only would I be ready for graduation. Now if I happened to fail the first maths course again then I would have to spend the whole of 2011 doing maths instead of just the first semester. Second semester began. Now at this point I had to face the most difficult course that all undergraduate students have to face before their graduation in the engineering faculty called Thesis. So I had to juggle The Thesis together with a course called Design that I was supposed to take together or hand in hand with my Thesis. On top of that I had to deal with the course that I failed with 49% the previous year and the maths that had been my plague for so long. Cutting the long story short, when the end of year results arrived I came to learn that I passed design, I passed the Thesis, I passed the course I had failed the previous year, having taken another core elective course the first semester and passed in place of the one I had failed the previous year, and I was thus left with only maths as the outstanding course whose results I did not know.

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Now to understand the anxiety that I had over these results I would have to tell you about the exam a bit. The exam had been so tough that in no time meetings between the department and the students began to ask for something to be done as the standard of the exam was above the standard reflected by the tutorials and the class tests. And as for me, I needed to pass the exam because my second test was extremely bad, at thirty something percent, even though my first was good, at seventy something percent. This was due to me having had to focus on my Thesis for during its final stages I could not properly study for the second test. This then lowered my year mark and thus increased the pressure to perform in the exam. Now when I got to the exam there was this problem of extreme difficulty before me. The exam was split into two sections. The first was multiple choice questions with negative marking involved. That is, if you answered a question right you would get four marks, if you don't answer you get zero, but if you answer and you get it wrong then you lose a mark. Then the second section was full solution based problems where one would have to show how they arrived at the answer. Now when 15 minutes were left on the clock, as according to my custom, I started counting the questions I had answered and to my shock I had not
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answered enough to pass! Now as far as the full worked out solution based questions were concerned I could not even try to attempt the questions I had not yet answered for they were too difficult. Then I had two options with three possible outcomes before me. Firstly I could guess the multiple choice questions that I had not yet answered or I could leave them as they were. Leaving them unanswered would guarantee me a fail. If I answered them and got them wrong I would get even a worse fail than I would had ended up with had I left them unanswered. But finally if I answered and got even about 60% of the ones I guessed right I would pass the course. Having weighed my options I prayed to God saying "Lord I did all that I could to prepare for this exam. Please help me now! I do not see any other option but to just guess these answers. Please help me!" After that I started guessing the answers and finally handed in my answer sheet at the end of the exam and left. Then finally SBW, who was still at Cape Town when the results came out, sent me an sms telling me he was about to inform me of my maths results. Then the second sms came telling me that you got 57%" for the maths course! I was so excited that I called my mother immediately and she came home and shared my joy with me. It was now certain that I was going to be left with a single course in 2011 between me and the completion of my undergraduate degree as I had
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received a supplementary exam, together with SBW, for DSP of which of the five people who had received it only me and him received a definite pass. And thus I find myself here today! After years of dealing with extreme and discouraging difficulties academically I can finally see the end of the tunnel at this stage of my life shining brighter than ever before! This all because God, through various means, gave me a heart that refused to say "I give up! I have failed!" But instead a heart that would drive me to stand up once more and not only learn from my mistakes but gain, by experience, the ability to comfort and encourage those who would walk the thorny path, academically speaking, that I walked. That I may be able to tell them that "If I managed to finally graduate after having faced such discouraging situations you also can finally get to a point in your academic life when you can say "This long and hectic journey of a certainty has a positive end to it!" "

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41. The End Game

I am delighted to have gone on this journey with you! To have had an opportunity to declare to you the days of my life and the ways in which the Lord brought me to Him. From the days of my non ideal birth, with my father being in prison by faulty laws, and my belief in that I was worthless to the days of my believing that I was getting ready to conquer the world one way or another as my head grew exceedingly large; from the days of my initial awakening to the realities of the spiritual battle that is currently raging on to the days, which are upon me even as I write, of settling into the truth by the Spirit of God Who led me, before I even knew Him, to God. I am indeed delighted that I had an opportunity to declare all these days to you. Above all things this is my sincere desire: With Christ having opened the heavens and descended with all the heavenly angels to take us to heaven I will find myself in disbelief that I made it! Then I imagine coming across a saint, one of those redeemed from the planet Earth, and we speak as saints filled with love speak. Then the one before me tells me "You know once upon a time I was far away from God and I did not regard Him and His ways. I knew not that I was lost but yet I knew something was not in place in my life.

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Then I came across a book by a certain young author. The title of the book was "JUST THE BEGINNING". I picked it up and in the life of the author I found answers to questions that I had for a long time about God. I found the God of the author and made Him my God! And by the grace of Jesus Christ and the love of God I walked with Him until He finally decided to take me that I may continue my walk with Him in heaven for the ceaseless ages of eternity. Thus here I am today!" Then having considered the words, with tears in my eyes and tears in the eyes of the one before me, we embrace each other with those tears of joy flowing much. Then we both turn to Jesus and laying our crowns before His feet and bowing down our lips, from the abundance of our hearts, cry out to Him "You alone have been the lover of our souls and through various ways You persisted with us! Even when we seemed hopeless to all those who looked You never gave up on us! Worthy are you our dear Saviour to receive all our love and praises! Forever though art worthy!" May the grace of my Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you now and forever more! Amen!

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Epilogue Just the Beginning

What's the date today? The 27th of December it is, and I am in the foreign country of Botswana in an annual Present Truth camp and receiving wonderful blessings from the Lord. I'm 24 years old right now. Still young I suppose. There is much that I still need to learn from the Lord. So much! He who has thus lead me though will by no means fail to take me through all else that I need to go through. I am persuaded of this very thing: Whether I were to die today to be later resurrected into life eternal, or I live on for many more years it does not change this fundamental reality: That all I have declared to you, the journey you have allowed me to take you on, from the beginning till the Lord showed me His wonderful things, to this very day, is all "JUST THE BEGINNING."

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