Colonel Walter E.

Kurtz
Have you ever considered any real freedoms? Freedom from the opinions of others...even the opinions of yourself? We must kill them. We must incinerate them. Pig after pig. Cow after cow. Village after village. Army after army. And they call me an assassin. What do you call it when the assassins accuse the assassin? hey lie. hey lie! and we have to "e merciful! for those who lie. hose na"o"s. # hate them. # do hate them. #$ve seen horrors % horrors that you$ve seen. &ut you have no right to call me a murderer. 'ou have a right to kill me. 'ou have a right to do that % "ut you have no right to (udge me. #t$s impossi"le for words to descri"e what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face % and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. #f they are not! then they are enemies to "e feared. hey are truly enemies. # remem"er when # was with )pecial Forces. )eems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to inoculate the children. We left the camp after we had inoculated the children for Polio! and this old man came running after us! and he was crying. He couldn$t see. We went "ack there! and they had come and hacked off every inoculated arm. here they were in a pile. A pile of little arms. And # remem"er % # % # % # cried. # wept like some grandmother. # wanted to tear my teeth out. # didn$t know what # wanted to do. And # want to remem"er it. # never want to forget it. # never want to forget. And then # reali*ed % like # was shot % like # was shot with a diamond % a diamond "ullet right through my forehead. And # thought+ ,y -od % the genius of that. he genius. he will to do that. Perfect! genuine! complete! crystalline! pure. And then # reali*ed they were stronger than we. &ecause they could stand that these were not monsters. hese were men % trained cadres. hese men who fought with their hearts! who had families! who had children! who were filled with love % "ut they had the strength % the strength % to do that. #f # had ten divisions of those men! then our trou"les here would "e over very .uickly. 'ou have to have men who are moral % and at the same time who are a"le to utili*e their primordial instincts to kill without feeling % without passion % without (udgment % without (udgment. &ecause it$s (udgment that defeats us. We train young men to drop fire on people. &ut their commanders won$t allow them to write /fuck/ on their airplanes "ecause it$s o"scene0 # watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight ra*or. hat$s my dream. #t$s my nightmare. Crawling! slithering! along the edge of a straight ra*or % and surviving. # worry that my son might not understand what #$ve tried to "e. And if # were to "e killed! Willard! # would want someone to go to my home and tell my son everything 1 everything # did! everything you saw 1 "ecause there$s nothing that # detest more than the stench of lies. And if you understand me! Willard! you will do this for me. he horror % the horror %

Captain Benjamin L. Willard

)aigon % shit2 #$m still only in )aigon % 3very time # think #$m gonna wake up "ack in the (ungle. When # was home after my first tour! it was worse. #$d wake up and there$d "e nothing. # hardly said a word to my wife! until # said /yes/ to a divorce. When # was here! # wanted to "e there2 when # was there! all # could think of was getting "ack into the (ungle. #$m here a week now % waiting for a mission % getting softer2 every minute # stay in this room! # get weaker! and every minute Charlie s.uats in the "ush! he gets stronger. 3ach time # looked around! the walls moved in a little tighter. 3veryone gets everything he wants. # wanted a mission! and for my sins! they gave me one. &rought it up to me like room service. #t was a real choice mission! and when it was over! #$d never want another. 3verything # saw told me that 4urt* had gone insane. % #f # was still alive! it was "ecause he wanted me that way. he crew were mostly (ust kids. 5ock $n$ rollers with one foot in their graves. #t was the First of the 6inth 7 the Air Cav. 8ur escorts to the mouth of the 6ung 5iver! "ut they were supposed to "e waiting for us another thirty kilometers ahead. Well! Air ,o"ile! those "oys (ust couldn$t stay put. he First of the 6inth was an old cavalry division that had cashed in its horses for choppers! and gone tear9assing around $6am! looking for the shit. hey$d given Charlie a few surprises in their time here. What they were mopping up now hadn$t even happened yet an hour ago. Part of me was afraid of what # would find and what # would do when # got there. # knew the risks! or imagined # knew. &ut the thing # felt the most! much stronger than fear! was the desire to confront him. He was one of those guys that had that weird light around him. 'ou (ust knew he wasn$t going to get so much as a scratch here. # was going to the worst place in the world! and # didn$t even know it yet. Weeks away and hundreds of miles up a river that snaked through the war like a main circuit ca"le 1 plugged straight into 4urt*. #t was no accident that # got to "e the caretaker of Colonel Walter 3. 4urt*$s memory 1 any more than "eing "ack in )aigon was an accident. here is no way to tell his story without telling my own. And if his story really is a confession! then so is mine. How many people had # already killed? here was those si: that # know a"out for sure. Close enough to "low their last "reath in my face. &ut this time it was an American and an officer. hat wasn$t supposed to make any difference to me! "ut it did. )hit % charging a man with murder in this place was like handing out speeding tickets at the #ndy ;<<. # took the mission. What the hell else was # gonna do? &ut! # really didn$t know what #$d do when # found him. #f that$s how 4ilgore fought the war! # "egan to wonder what they really had against 4urt*. #t wasn$t (ust insanity and murder! there was enough of that to go around for everyone.

8h man! the "ullshit piled up so fast in Vietnam you needed wings to stay a"ove it. 6o wonder 4urt* put a weed up Command$s ass. he war was "eing run "y a "unch of four star clowns who were gonna end up giving the whole circus away. #t$s a way we had over here with living with ourselves. We cut $em in half with a machine gun and give $em a &and9Aid. #t was a lie. And the more # saw them! the more # hated lies. he machinist! the one they called Chef! was from 6ew 8rleans. He was wrapped too tight for Vietnam! pro"a"ly wrapped too tight for 6ew 8rleans. =ance on the forward ;<$s was a famous surfer from the "eaches south of =.A. 'ou look at him and you wouldn$t "elieve he ever fired a weapon in his whole life. Clean! ,r. Clean! was from some )outh &ron: shithole. he light and space of Vietnam really put the *ap on his head. hen there was Phillips! the Chief. #t might have "een my mission! "ut it sure as shit was the Chief$s "oat. Charlie didn$t get much >)8. He was dug in too deep! or movin$ too fast. His idea of a great 5?5 was cold rice and a little rat meat. He had only two ways home+ death or victory. 3veryone gets everything he wants. # wanted a mission! and for my sins! they gave me one. &rought it up to me like room service. #t was a real choice mission! and when it was over! #$d never want another. )omeday this war$s gonna end. hat$d "e (ust fine with the "oys on the "oat. hey weren$t looking for anything more than a way home. rou"le is! #$d "een "ack there! and # knew that it (ust didn$t e:ist anymore. Charlie didn$t get much >)8. He was dug in too deep! or movin$ too fast. His idea of a great 5?5 was cold rice and a little rat meat. He had only two ways home+ death or victory. 6ever get out of the "oat. A"solutely goddamn right. >nless you were goin$ all the way. 4urt* got off the "oat. He split from the whole fuckin$ program. =ate summer9autumn @ABC+ 4urt*$s patrols in the highlands coming under fre.uent am"ush. he camp started falling apart % 6ovem"er+ 4urt* orders the assassination of three Vietnamese men and one woman. wo of the men were Colonels in the )outh Vietnamese army. 3nemy activity in his old sector dropped off to nothing. -uess he must have hit the right four people. he army tried one last time to "ring him "ack into the fold. And if he pulled over! it all would have "een forgotten. &ut he kept going! and he kept winning it his way! and they called me in. hey lost him. He was gone. 6othing "ut rumors and random intelligence! mostly from captured VC. he VC knew his name "y now! and they were scared of him. He and his men were playing hit and run all the way into Cam"odia. 8n the river! # thought that the minute # looked at him! #$d know what to do! "ut it didn$t happen. # was in there with him for days! not under guard! # was free! "ut he knew # wasn$t going anywhere. He knew more a"out what # was going to do than #

did. #f the -enerals "ack in 6ha rang could see what # saw! would they still want me to kill him? ,ore than ever! pro"a"ly. And what would his people "ack home want if they ever learned (ust how far from them he$d really gone? He "roke from them! and then he "roke from himself. #$d never seen a man so "roken up and ripped apart. hey were gonna make me a ma(or for this! and # wasn$t even in their fuckin$ army anymore. 3very"ody wanted me to do it! him most of all. # felt like he was up there! waiting for me to take the pain away. He (ust wanted to go out like a soldier! standing up! not like some poor! wasted! rag9assed renegade. 3ven the (ungle wanted him dead! and that$s who he really took his orders from anyway. He was close. He was real close. # couldn$t see him yet "ut # could feel him! as if the "oat was "eing sucked up river and the water was flowing "ack to the (ungle. Whatever was going to happen! it wasn$t going to "e the way they called it "ack in 6ha rang. 3verything # saw told me that 4urt* had gone insane. he place was full of "odies 7 6orth Vietnamese! Vietcong! Cam"odians. #f # was still alive! it was "ecause he wanted me that way. here has "een a new development regarding your mission which we must now communicate to you. ,onths ago a man was ordered on a mission which was identical to yours. We have reason to "elieve that he is now operating with 4urt*. )aigon was carrying him ,#A for his family$s sake. hey assumed he was dead. hen they intercepted a letter he tried to send his wife. Captain 5ichard Col"y 7 he was with 4urt*.

Lieutenant Colonel Bill Kilgore

#f # say it$s safe to surf this "each! Captain! then it$s safe to surf this "each0 'ou either surf or you fight. What the hell do you know a"out surfing! ,a(or? 'ou$re from god damned 6ew Dersey. Charlie don$t surf0 We use Wagner. ,y "oys love it. #t scares the hell outta$ the gooks. Eon$t these people ever give up? Fucking savages0 8utstanding! 5ed eam! outstanding0 -etcha a case of "eer for that one. =ance Dohnson the surfer? 'ou can take that "oat anywhere that suits you! young captain.

# will not hurt or harm you. Dust give me "ack the "oard! =ance. #t was a good "oard 1 and # like it. 'ou know how hard it is to find a "oard you like. 'ou smell that? Eo you smell that? 6apalm! son. 6othing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. 'ou know! one time we had a hill "om"ed! for twelve hours. When it was all over # walked up. We didn$t find one of $em! not one stinkin$ dink "ody. he smell! you know that gasoline smell! the whole hill. )melled like % victory. )omeday this war$s gonna end % >nass that shit! get it out of here. Any man "rave enough to fight with his guts strapped on him can drink from my canteen anyday.

Jay "Chef"
Fucking tiger0

i!"s

Fuck it. #$m gonna get me some mangoes. 'ou can kiss my ass $cause #$m "ugging out0 # didn$t drop out of the goddamn eigth grade for this shit! man0 # only wanted to learn to cook! # only wanted to fuckin$ cook! man0 hat$s fuckin$ typical0 )hit0 Fuckin$ Vietnam mission0 #$m short and we gotta go up there so you can kill one of our own guys? hat$s fuckin$ great0 hat$s (ust fuckin$ great! man. )hit. hat$s fuckin$... cra*y0 # thought you were going in there to "low up a "ridge! or! some fucking railroad tracks or somethin$. #$m asleep. #$m asleep and dreaming #$m on this shitty "oat. 6ever get out of the "oat0

Chief #hillips
,y orders say #$m not supposed to know where #$m taking this "oat! so # don$t. &ut one look at you! and # know it$s gonna "e hot. 'ou know! #$ve pulled a few special 8ps in here. A"out si: months ago! # took a man who was going past the "ridge at Eo =ung. He was regular army! too. # heard he shot himself in the head. Which way! Captain? 'ou$re on your own! Captain. )till wanna go on? =ike this "ridge+ we "uild it every night. Charlie "lows it right "ack up again. Dust so the generals can say the road$s open. hink a"out it. Who cares?

'ou got us in this mess! and now you can$t get us out! "ecause you don$t know where the hell you$re going! do you? Eo you? 'ou son of a "itch0 'ou "astard0