A Birthday by Christina Rossetti My heart is like a singing bird Whose nest is in a water'd shoot; My heart is like an apple-tree Whose

boughs are bent with thickset fruit; My heart is like a rainbow shell That paddles in a halcyon sea; My heart is gladder than all these Because my lo e is come to me! Raise me a dais of silk and down; "ang it with air and purple dyes; Car e it in do es and pomegranates# $nd peacocks with a hundred eyes; Work it in gold and sil er grapes# %n lea es and sil er fleurs-de-lys; Because the birthday of my life %s come# my lo e is come to me! On your birthday, today, by % an &onn Carswell 'n your birthday# today# there is time to reflect 'n the essence of our intimacy# (rom a beginning in the spring-tide of youth To an afterward secured in the distant mist# $nd for what reason and to what end it endures! )ach year % feel the conse*uence# keen With up-welling of sentiment# Where new lo e springs before the old "as run its course +but its course is ne er run,# $nd each day adds its weight to the sum We bear on that date this day in -une# To solidify with birthdays gone by %n an endless# ban*uet be*uest! Today we take time out to renew $nd re isit the mood of our youthful lo e! Tomorrow# with the same tremulous e.citement $s beset us when we danced on its e e /til dawn We will wed again!

Society is funny! They ask you to be yourself and yet they 0udge you!!! 1ociety is a persistent relations of a large social group! %ts based on stratification which permits the

dominant social group to 0udge the other subgroups! But being yourself is significant amid such di erse stratification2 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 &on't try to understand e erything! Because sometimes it's not meant to be understood# but to be accepted! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 (irst they ignore you# then they ridicule you# then they fight you# and then you win! 4 Mahatma 5andhi 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 1taying up late e ery night!!! Regretting it e ery morning!!! then doing it all o er again22 -ust me!!6 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 That really awkward moment when someone is watching you take a picture of yourself! 7ou may see me struggle but you will ne er see me fall! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 % sometimes wonder what tune you hum# What song you sing when alone! %f % didn't see you again# Would % spend nights strolling !!!8nder the moonlight! -ust allowing my mind to lea e this world! 9o perspecti e! % would whistle tunes of pain# $s the night asked me to tell my story! Where do you linger When you're alone# % asked the night# but it wouldn't tell! My thoughts consume me# $s silence wraps! % will always be here# 9o matter how much you delay! There will ne er be an end! %t will always be the beginning# the start! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3

%t's hard to hold on to something that you know would ne er be yours in any way you think of! 7ou 0ust ha e to learn to let go and face the fact that while good things ne er last# some don't e en start! What takes us back to the past are the memories! What brings us forward is our dreams! Be weird! Be random! Be who you are! Because you ne er know who would lo e the person you hide! Things will happen in your life that you can't stop# but that's no reason to shut out the world! There is a purpose for the good and the bad# now and then! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 Two men at a bus stop started a con ersation! 'ne of them kept complaining of family problems! (inally# the other man says# :7ou think you ha e family problems6: ;isten!! To my situation!! $ few years ago % met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married! ;ater# my dad married my stepdaughter! That made my stepdaught!!!er my step-mom and my dad became my stepson-in-law! $lso my wife became mom-in-law to her dad-in-law! Then my wife's daughter# my step- mom# had a son! This boy was my half-brother 'cause he was my dad's son# but he was also the son of my wife's daughter# which made him my wife's grandson! That made me the grandfather of my half-brother! This was nothing until my wife and % had a son! 9ow# the half-sister of my son# my stepmom# is also the grand-mom! My dad is the broin-law of my child# who is the stepbrother of my dad's wife2 $9& 7'8 T"%9< 7'8 "$=) ($M%;7 >R'B;)M16: The other guy fainted!! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE (rom? Charlie %ndelicato ;et's face it -- )nglish is a cra@y language! There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple! )nglish muffins weren't in ented in )ngland or (rench fries in (rance! 1weetmeats are candies while sweetbreads# which aren't sweet# are meat!

We take )nglish for granted! But if we e.plore its parado.es# we find that *uicksand can work slowly# bo.ing rings are s*uare and a guinea pig is neither from 5uinea nor is it a pig! $nd why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing# grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham6 %f the plural of tooth is teeth# why isn't the plural of booth beeth6 'ne goose# A geese! 1o one moose# A meese6 'ne inde.# A indices6 &oesn't it seem cra@y that you can make amends but not one amend# that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal6 %f you ha e a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them# what do you call it6 %f teachers taught# why didn't preacher praught6 %f a egetarian eats egetables# what does a humanitarian eat6 %f you wrote a letter# perhaps you bote your tongue6 1ometimes % think all the )nglish speakers should be committed to an asylum for the erbally insane! %n what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital6 1hip by truck and send cargo by ship6 "a e noses that run and feet that smell6 >ark on dri eways and dri e on parkways6 "ow can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same# while a wise man and wise guy are opposites6 "ow can o erlook and o ersee be opposites# while *uite a lot and *uite a few are alike6 "ow can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another! "a e you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent6 "a e you e er seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown6 Met a sung hero or e.perienced re*uited lo e6 "a e you e er run into someone who was combobulated# gruntled# ruly or peccable6 $nd where are all those people who $R) spring chickens or who would $CT8$;;7 hurt a fly6 7ou ha e to mar el at the uni*ue lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down# in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on! )nglish was in ented by people# not computers# and it reflects the creati ity of the human race +which# of course# isn't a race at all,! That is why# when the stars are out# they are isible# but when the lights are out# they are in isible! $nd why# when % wind up my watch# % start it# but when % wind up this essay# % end it! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 GOLF LESSONS $ husband and wife lo e to golf together# but neither of them are playing like they want to# so they decide to take pri ate lessons!

The husband has his lesson first! $fter the pro sees his swing# he says# :9o no# no# you're gripping the club way too hard2: - :Well# what should % do6: asks the man! - :"old the club gently#: the pro replied# :0ust like you'd hold your wife's bre!!!ast!: The man takes the ad ice# takes a swing# and >'W2 "e hits the ball ABC yds! 1traight up the fairway! The man goes back to his wife with the good news# and the wife can't wait for her lesson! The ne.t day the wife goes for her lesson! The pro watches her swing and says# - :9o# no# no# you're gripping the club way too hard!: - :What can % do6: asks the wife! - :"old the club gently# 0ust like you'd hold your husband's penis!: The wife listens carefully to the pro's ad ice# takes a swing# and T"8M>! The ball goes straight down the fairway! ! ! $bout DB ft2 :That was great#: the pro says with a straight face! :9ow# take the club out of your mouth and swing it like you're supposed to2: 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 $ man mo es into a nudist colony! "e recei es a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location! Too embarrassed to let her know that he li es in a nudist colony# he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top part! ;ater he recei es another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother! The man cuts another picture in half# but accidentally se!!!nds the bottom half of the photo! "e is really worried when he reali@es that he sent the wrong half# but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is# and hopes she won't notice! $ few weeks later he recei es a letter from his grandmother! %t says# :Thank you for the picture! Change your hair style!!! it makes your nose look short2: 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 Y!ES OF !EO!LE ON FACEBOO"# D, The :Rooster: E (eels that it is their 0ob to tell (acebook :5ood Morning: e ery day! A, The :;urker: E 9e er posts or comments on your post# but reads e erything# and might make reference to your status if they see you in public! F, The :"yena: E &oesn't e er really say anything# 0ust ;';s and ;M$'s at e erything! G, :MrHMs >opular: E "as G#FIJ friends for 9' r!!!eason

B, The :5amer: E >lays Words With (riends# Mafia Wars# Bakes irtual cakes and stuff# etc!# $;; &$7!, I, The :Cynic: E "ates their life# and e erything in it# as e idenced by the somber tone in $;; of their status updates! J, The :Collector: E 9e er posts anything either# but 0oins e ery group and becomes fans of the most random stuff! K, The :>romoter: E $lways sends e ent in itations to things that you ultimately delete or ignore! L, The :;iker: E 9e er actually says anything# but always clicks the :like: button DC, :&rama MueenH <ing: E This person always posts stuff like :% can't belie e this2:# or :They gonna make me snap today2:# in the hopes that you will ask what happened# or what's wrong but then they ne er finish telling the story! DD, The :9ews: E $lways updates you on what they are doing and who they are doing it with# no matter how arbitrary# and ;astly DA, The :Thief: E 1teals status updates!!! and will probably steal this one! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 $It%& 'ar( In Here)$ $ woman takes a lo er home during the day while her husband is at work! "er L year old son comes home une.pectedly# sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to see what they're doing! The woman's husband also comes home! 1he puts her ;o er in the closet# not reali@ing that the little boy is in there already2 The little boy says# :&ark in here!: The man says# :7es# it i!!!s!: Boy - :% ha e a baseball!: Man - :That's nice!: Boy - :Want to buy it6: Man - :9o# thanks!: Boy - :My dad's outside!: Man - :'<# how much6: Boy - :NABC: %n the ne.t few weeks# it happens again that the boy and the lo er are in the closet together! Boy - :&ark in here!: Man - :7es# it is!:

Boy - :% ha e a baseball glo e!: The lo er# remembering the last time# asks the boy# :"ow much6: Boy - :NJBC: Man - :1old!: $ few days later# the father says to the boy# :5rab your glo e# let's go outside and ha e a game of catch! The boy says# :% can't# % sold my baseball and my glo e!: The father asks# :"ow much did you sell them for6: Boy -:ND#CCC: The father says# :That's terrible to o ercharge your friends like that! That is way more than those two things cost! %'m going to take you to church and make you confess!: They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door! The boy says# :&ark in here!: The priest says# :&on't start that shit again# you're in my closet now!: 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 $n old man goes to the Wi@ard to ask him if he can remo e a :Curse: he has been li ing with for the last GC years! The Wi@ard says :maybe# but you will ha e to tell me the e.act words that were used to put the curse on you!: The old man says without hesitation :% now pronounce you man and wife:! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 9o N &ear &ad# Nchool iN really great! % am making lotN of friendN and Ntudying ery hard! With all my Ntuff# % Nimply can't think of anything % need# No if you would like# you can 0uNt Nend me a card# aN % would lo e to hear from you! ;o e# 7our Non! 3333333333333333333333333333333333333333 &ear 1on# % k9'w that astro9'my# eco9'mics# and ocea9'graphy are e9'ugh to keep e en an ho9'urs student busy! &o 9't forget that the pursuit of k9'wledge is a 9'ble task# and you can ne er study e9'ugh! ;o e# &ad!

33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 The Buddhist mandalas in Tibet re*uire painstaking time and patience to build but when completed# they literally sweep them away! 9othing in life is permanent but the memory and feeling! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 >lease do not let the title of this post confuse you! % am not hell bent on gi ing a tough competition to dear old Rudyard <ipling in order to dislodge him from the pedestal that bestows upon him the sole credit for making this two letter word world famous! OPP! %f you can make one heap of all your winnings $nd risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss# $nd lose# and start again at your beginnings $nd ne er breathe a word about your loss;PPP!!Q Many a times % ha e sat and pondered about the many OifQs that flashes in my mindRs eye from the years gone by! What if that had happened instead of this6 What if things had turned the other way round6 But in no way do % mean to show my dissatisfaction with what % ha e today! % celebrate each moment of my life# and the OifQs that feature here are again some fractioned fragments of life that may or may not ha e contributed to my present! This good friend of mine ran into her old flame +the flame burnt on her side only and the poor boy ne er had any inkling to what was going on in her mind, the other day in a crowded market place! "e greeted her like any old friend would and was naturally elated to ha e met an old pal une.pectedly! They caught up with the years spent apart o er a cup of coffee# and that made her imaginations run wild! 1he called me up in the middle of the night and kept narrating tales of what would ha e happened %( she had e.pressed her feelings to him! % honestly had no answer to that# 0ust as % did not ha e any answer to the conclusions of the person who had predicted a long time ago that % would make the /best wifeR and the Rbest motherR if we got together +again /ifR,2 1he is burning the midnight candles culti ating the fertile thoughts of the million dollar /ifR of her past making her present miserable and forcing me to bear the brunt of her /what-would-ha e-beenR conclusions! $nother specimen of a friend wonders how his life would ha e been %( he had married his more beautiful sister-in-law instead of his wife +though % fail to understand why the grass always is greener on the other side6,! -okes apart# the ery fact that the sister-in-law is soon going to marry his younger brother make the situation all the more difficult for him! Woody $llen wondered about the gra ity of this notorious two letter word in a single line#

Q What %( nothing e.ists and we're all in somebody's dream6 O % ha e heard many a times from almost e erybody around me speculating about the %( that has no rele ance in their li es at the present! % too use the word at times# but % try my le el best to keep the demon away from my dictionary! The %(s ne er offer any solution to any problem; rather it only complicates the matter at hand by incorporating unforeseen angles that ne er really e.ist2 %( % e er had the good sense to control my sweet tooth2 But then % would ha e been unfortunate enough to not taste the unmatched desserts and other sugar laced poisons!!% could ha e gi en the likes of Mehr -essia and 9oyonika Chatter0ee a run for their money +and hourglass figures, %( % had maintained my weight with daily e.ercises and proper diets2 "ow would ha e life been %( % had a daughter too6 +The ery idea makes my husband sweat when he takes into account the school fees and also the result of ha ing a third kid along with the two little hurricanes at home right now2, -ust before capping my pen after speculating on the arious %(s that orbit around our li es# % would like to tell you all that we must ne er let the elusi e %( to control our li es! To li e my tomorrows# % go o er my todays 0ust before % fall asleep# and thank life for blessing me with all the wonderful people and the good moments! %f +again the word2, there was something % wanted to happen differently# % try to replay it in my mind the way % wanted it to go! $s % feel myself sinking in the comforting world of sleepiness# the only promise that % make to myself is that tomorrow is going to be the most beautiful day of my life# without any O%(Qs to mar its beauty! O%f only the dreams were at par with the facts %f only we learnt from our acts; %f only the shadows had ceased to grow %f only 5od li ed in 0ust a stoneRs throw; %f only % had the courage to be 7ou would ha e been you $nd % would ha e been mePP!!Q There is a lot of difference between being happy and trying to be happy or pretending to be happy!!!! %t's like laughing but not really smiling!!!! 33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3 FA*ORI E +UO A IONS !:7ou may say %'m a dreamer# but %'m not the only one! % hope someday you'll 0oin us! $nd the world will li e as one!: 4 -ohn ;ennon OThere are only two tragedies in life? one is not getting what one wants# and the other is getting it!Q 4'scar Wilde!