Being That Special Someone

[awkward wave] hi. Hmm, I have no idea why I'm writing this, like I don't even show my shit to anyone but yeah, I already wrote an article about "me" and it felt pretty good writing it so, I hope this makes me feel good too. kay, I was inspired ! I actually wanted to write this for a while ! to write such thing from the "#$$ay because...I don't know, it was %ust so ama&ing and literally the best ' fucking hours ! yeah I'll swear a lot, you should read the terms and conditions ! of my entire life. It all made me feel a lot closer to the boys specially because it was live, which means no editing and no scenes were taken out or whatever, and also because the boys weren't really planning what they were going to say, they %ust said what made them feel right, they were being themselves and I really loved that. (ut yeah, that's totally not the point. )y point was the "fans". *he whole thing was made for the fans, %ust think about it+ the boys kept showing behind the scenes videos of them on tour because they know how much we love these videos, they made many compitions so that they can have as many fans at the studio, they made the fans listen to )idnight )emories before it even came out ! actually we did hear it before those bitches since itunes leaked the album like weeks before so lol on them ! and they gave snippets of the songs to the fans watching at home so they don't feel neglected or left out, they also kept chatting fans on ,oogle Hangouts and checking the fans' selfies and fan arts and literally the whole thing was something I honestly never e-pected them to do. .ike, I knew they loved us, but to the degree that they'd plan this whole fucking mess ! it was a mess, go watch /ouis' hour if you don't believe me lol ! %ust for us. 0 whole fucking seven hour stream full of fun and games and videos and music and loads of fucked up shit that wasn't supposed to happen 1ha23. In my opinion, when you think about this, this is huge. 0nd not something any other idol would do for their fans, and I mean no offence to other fandoms but correct me if I'm wrong+ $id 4ustin (ieber ever make such a long stream and basically an entire day dedicated to his fans5 $id *aylor 6wift 1talk about ew3 do it5 6elena ,ome&5 .ady ,aga5 /o. 6o yeah, this is only the primary paragraph where I'm actually

letting the whole thing sink in because it was literally epic. *ruly and beautifully epic ! though I hated the 7iers )organ part oops bc 8endaaaall oops again!. (ut this article is still not about this ! I'm not even sure what it's about ya know ! it's actually about...standing out. *hat's why I called it "(eing *hat 6pecial 6omeone" because during the last hour of the stream, there was these games where some fans were on teams with the boys and Harry was chatting up the girls and I was %ust so sad ! and a little %ealous, okay I was fucking %ealous ! because yes, he did chat them up, yes he might've liked these girls and en%oyed their company but, the important 9uestion is+ would he remember them when he goes home5 I know it's shit, because he meets new people everyday, how the fuck is he supposed to remember every person he meets5 (ut yes, there is a possibility for him to have such an interesting incounter with someone that he would always remember that fan. 0nd that's why I was so depressed+ because these girls were happy to be there, and they liked Harry ! probably claim to love him [rolls eyes] ! and all that, but did they even care for a second to actually get to know Harry5 *alk to him and converse with him as someone they're genuinely intrigued by5 I'm guessing no. 0nd that's why I'm pretty fucking sure ! call me a bitch with an ego ! that I fucking deserve to meet Harry more than those girls did. .ike, yeah they earned it but still, it's the reason they're there that matters to me. 4ust imagine if one of these two girls actually wanted to get to know Harry better5 )ake him smile5 *reat him as a friend5 :es, that would've made a huge difference. ;hy5 I'll tell you why+ because I'm fucking sure that if one of those girls was actually interested in Harry's personality, and she actually proved that in the way she talked to him, or the way she asked him 9uestions that might seem a bit odd and unusual, never been asked by any other fan, Harry would've been interested in her in return. 0nd it would've probably ended up with him warming up to the fan so much that he %ust had to find a way to connect with her somehow so in the end of the day he would've taken her twitter, or phone number or whatever. (ut that's what I'm talking about here...that's what keeps me awake at night, causes every bone in my body to ache, makes me cry every fucking day. I want to be that person. I know many many )0/: other directioners feel this way about all of the boys or maybe %ust their fave but I feel like the ones who deserve it the most are the ones that struggle. 0nd to be fucking honest, I'm not sure if I'm one of the ones who struggled, I mean I ain't gonna lie and say my dad was a drug dealer and my mom was an alcoholic and I was getting abused, etc. (ut I still didn't have the best life ! non of us did really ! and yet to this day, I still haven't figured out who I am completely, or what I want to do in my life, or where the future is taking me but I'm #<. I'm not supposed to figure these things out yet, I suppose. (ut basically I think I deserve to meet Harry because unlike most carrots and "fans" out there, I don't want to meet Harry so that I can mob him for a photo so that I can post it on twitter and get loads of followers, I don't want to meet him so that I can tell him how hot he is, I don't want to meet him to get a hug or a kiss on the cheek or all that ! though these wouldn't be too....bad ! I %ust want to meet him to have a talk with him, about anything+ death, people, whales, 4esus, ghosts, life, what he ate for breakfast, what he does in his spare time, and why on earth does he have a leg slightly shorter

than the other. =all me cra&y, call me selfish ! don't fuck with me bitch, I didn't say I'm the 9ueen or that I deserve to meet him more than anyone ! call me delusional for believing this might actually happen, but this is literally all I want in my life, %ust one chance to see if I can be that special someone. *he fan whose words would touch him so much, he wouldn't want to leave her, he would want to stay and listen to her talk more because yes, her words weren't the usual words he heard everyday. *he fan who would sound so sincere, he would give her a hug even though she didn't ask for one. *he fan who wouldn't care whether or not she gets a photo or even a simple reminder of him, only cares about sending him the message that would always be carved in her heart. *he fan who would actually be special to him. ;ho knows5 If he meets such a fan, he might admire her so much, they would turn into friends, or he would watch her leave while actually wanting to know her better, or they might even fall in love. :eah I believe in such shit. (ecause I have hope ! oh the fucking hope ! and I know hope can break you sometimes, that you would hope for something to happen so bad, that when it doesn't happen, it all literally breaks your heart and somehow splits your soul into two, that no matter how much you try to get back on your feet, you still feel something's missing, something should've happened. 6ome people let go of hope, but hope somehow manages to return to them in the end, how5 /obody knows. It's ,od's wisdom, I think+ that something so beautiful ! such as hope or Harry 6tyles [sigh] ! could give you so much happiness, and dreams to work hard to achieve or things to look up to. (ut at the same time, it would break you, crush you, make you trip and literally struggle to continue walking in the road you've chosen for yourself. 0nd by the way, I'm %ust talking about Harry because he means that to me, but while you're reading this ! hello2 ! you can still see it from your prespective, you can still imagine as if I'm talking about your fave or all of the boys in general. I'm not sure what it means, it could mean I'm destroying myself, or wasting my life but it could also mean that I have something !something ! to hold on to, something to keep me going through my dark times, an anchor you could call it that. I think it's the perfect describtion because an anchor keeps you steady, it keeps you in the direction you're going for, it keeps you from drowning, falling, giving up, fucking yourself up. (ut yeah, I have fucking hope, and ,od, I feel so stupid sometimes2 I literally curse myself for praying every night before I go to sleep like ",od, please make me meet Harry, is that too much to ask5 :ou make it too easy for others." and I do lose hope at times, and I end up being sad for no reason but for a lot of reasons at the same time. (ut I don't know, when I think more deeply about it, I feel like maybe, %ust maybe, the girls who get it so easily, get it easily because nothing special is meant to happen to them. *hat I have to struggle and go through too much shit and hardships to earn what's going to happen in the end. /ow, I'm not 4esus, I don't fucking know what's going to happen in the end but I have hope, and hope would either make you go blind or improve your sight so that you can go in the right way. I don't know which one is my case but yeah, at least I have it. *hough whenever someone asks me like at school for e-ample "do you even have hope that you're going to meet them5" and I go silent and I be like "no." but I %ust feel like no, this is my own mental shit and I ain't sharing it with you. (ecause, I'm a bit of a "me" person, who doesn't really share a lot of things with a lot of people ! only close ones ! but I think it's better, because what if I tell someone my whole "theory" and they

end up making fun of me and bringing me down5 >uck no, I'd rather make myself miserable than be %udged and tormented by others. 6o, to whoever is reading this, don't give up, don't lose hope, don't tell yourself shit like "He deserves better" , "I'm nothing special" , "I don't stand a chance against rich, white bitches". *rust me, I know, I say these things to myself all the time and it actually sucks because they kind of sound realistic that you almost convince yourself they're true. (ut never give up on hope. ;hy5 ;ell, let me rephrase my theory+ we all e-ist for a reason. 4ust think about it as if the world is a huge machine and we're all the parts that make it work. It doesn't come with e-tra parts because that machine only needs us ! the parts ! and if one part disappears, the whole machine is broken. 6o my point is, we all have a purpose, I do, you do, everybody does. /ow, you may not know what that purpose is yet, but you'll have to figure it out eventually, like I'm sure that stalking Harry 6tyles is not a purpose but oh well. 0lways remind yourself that you can be that special someone, whenever you're sad or frustrated or %ust tired and you %ust want to die so that you can get rid of the heart ache, head ache, physical and mental ache and %ust rest. :ou could be that special someone, you always could. :ou could meet your fave and talk to him, and he could be so ama&ed by your words that you would almost leave a piece of yourself inside him ! damn this is getting cheesy ! because you affected him *H0* much. He would want to sit down and talk to you, get to know you better, he could admire you and find you endearing, %ust because you acted as yourself and spilled your heart out. :ou might actually to a signing or a concert or a )?, thinking "oh they're gonna hate me" but a few simple words from you to your fave 1or to all of them3 and it could change your whole life. It could leave a mark over you forever because it wouldn't be %ust meeting your one and only, but it would be you actually achieving something everybody said was impossible. @ven if nothing happens after you meet him, you'd still be in his head. :ou might even suddenly pop into his head %ust because he met another fan who looked a little bit like you, but then he would listen to the fan who would be like " h, /iall I love you." for e-ample and then he would reali&e the difference between what she said and the way she said it and what you said and the way you said it. :ou'd actually leave a mark on him too. 0nd maybe ,od would make this beautiful thing happen to you, not because you're rich and can stalk him all around the world, not because you have an i7hone and can tweet him a lot and get noticed, but because you worked hard, you earned it, you spend ,od knows how long years torturing yourself, thinking about it, dreaming about it, living it, struggling with it, going through self!hatred and insecurity and putting his own happiness above yours to see if you're really meant to be that special person. (ut remember, you can't %ust memori&e some smart lines and 9uotes and tell them to your fave and that would mean you're special and shit, no, I meant, you have to be yourself, tell him everything, tell him that you don't want him for his looks, or his dick ! e-cuse meh ! or his fame or for being a part of an international boyband, but for himself, that if he wasn't famous and handsome, no girl would look at him, but you'd still love him %ust the same because his looks are a beautiful side of him but it's still the personality that caused you to fall in love in the first place. :es, you're in love, it's awful, it's torture, it's literally the worst thing anyone could feel, it's unhealthy and addicting in a way that could probably lead to madness or self!destruction, but still,

maybe all of that is worth it because the madness and self!destruction could lead you to him, I don't know how, trust me I don't know how the fuck I managed to write all that shit I never knew e-isted in my head, but %ust believe it. thers suffered, and they met the boys and their fave and got a hug and a kiss on the check and an autograph on their foreheads or whatever, but you, you suffered more, you literally struggled for a poster ! indirecting my best friend vida and all the poor beautiful fans who live in deserted countries where ne $irection is the name of a toothpaste brand ! or any piece of him that you could get, and where would that lead5 :ou getting something way more special than a kiss or an autograph, you'd get his attention, his true curiousity and caring, his love, his e-citement ! to %ust see what more you have to say ! and a lot of things that only ,od knows could happen, and yes I mention ,od and 4esus a lot because...I don't know I feel like he created me for a reason and he made me love Harry so fucking ! so fucking ! much for a reason as well, and it's his wisdom and only he knows what's going to happen to me and I'm sure that as long as I'm sticking to the right road, ,od will bring me something beautiful in the end, maybe not Harry but maybe %ust a little bit of him, who knows5 He might end up marrying a model ! [wipes a tear] ! but he would still remember me probably 1if I was that special someone, pff3 and I don't know, that would somehow be special as well. Have faith, have hope, keep loving him with all you have, it will knock you down, hurt you so many times, you'll fall, you'll cry, you'll smile, you'll fight, you'll struggle, you'll kill bitches for it but it will be worth it because the more you struggle, the more you fight, the more you remain true and genuine, the more you'll be worthy of it. :ou'll meet him in the end and by reali&ing what I was pointing at from aaaaall the blabbing I did above ! gee, am I tried ! you reali&e that you can be enough for him, you can have a piece of his heart, even if it's a little one, %ust by being who you are, %ust by bearing through the pain in your life and not giving up on the path you've chosen. I'm saying all this for myself because I honestly %ust described Harry in the deepest way I think anyone's ever did, not sure and I don't even know if I %ust love him too much to be considered human or if it's %ust me getting a little bit closer to mentality but whatever it is, it's a fact, I love him so much, so much, so much, that I'm crying right now, and it won't change, I'll probably get married, and still be thinking of him and loving him like no one else, though for =hrist's sake, the closest I have ever been to him was through a computer screen ! [cries] ! but it's a fact, it's the truth, it's my goddamn reality but what can I do5 I honestly think that trying to "get over" him would only take a part of my soul or even all of it because he literally makes me whole, I don't even know why this got so deep but I would feel missing if he wasn't happy or safe or in my life ! even if it was %ust through the computer screen ! so yes, I'll accept the torture, the pain, the tears, the vagina pains ! these suck like hell ! and the shithole I call my life because I have him, and I have the hope of meeting him, he's my best friend, my family, my heart, my angel, the light that makes me smile. ;ith his all, his uneven legs, his banana fetish, his stupid little face, his obsession with Aayn's cheekbones ! that's the highlight of it el oh el ! his beautiful beautiful personality and all the love he has in his heart for everyone, even people he doesn't know or never met ! [cough] me [cough] ! and his little %ournal, and rags that he calls clothes and his shitty tattoos and ugh %ust everything. I may have %ust talked about Harry but I know this is how

you feel towards your fave, e-actly how you feel. 0nd if I e-plained it well enough and my words somehow managed to make you smile, and you actually related to me then I'm the happiest I could be because you deserve to have hope. :ou really do. :ou can always be that special someone, never minding the circumstances because anything is fucking possible. 4esus, it's < am and I'm crying and I'm so emotional right now, and I have e-ams and school and a shitload of shit and I have no idea why I wrote all this or how I wrote all this but I'm proud because I needed to let it all out, it was turning into a knot in my heart that was becoming too much to bear and maybe I made you feel better. )aybe. (ut that maybe still means there's a possibility and that alone should be enough reason for you to hope because "maybe" could be a word used for uncertainty but it's not used to describe something impossible. :a know, I think with all this shit I could be describing .ouis too ! I fucking love that asshole ! but oh shit even more tears. . BI6 $ /'* >@@. /@,.@=*@$ (0(:, I . C@ : B ( *H *H@ 60)@ (B* H0DD: 0 .I**.@ (I* ) D@ 6 $ /'* H0*@ )@ : B'D@ 6*I.. ): 6 B. )0*@. bye. [runs away and hides under the sheets for ten bi&illion years because what the fuck %ust happened5]