Pantea Ghoroori Sonia Di Placido

How to be really annoying (in life or on Facebook or other social media platforms)

Have you ever found yourself in a group setting blabbering on and on about stuff that is making

half the people around you yawn out of excitement (duh!) and the other half roll their eyes out of

respect (obviously!)? If that, is you, CONGRATULATIONS! You have mastered the techniques

on how to be the most annoying and intolerable person in the room. No need to keep reading

this. Go out and use this “talent” of yours and ruin everyone’s day. If that is not you, you better

keep reading this article and maybe one day you will also master this talent and start asking

yourself why you are spending Friday nights in your average-sized apartment in east Hastings

with a glass of wine and a computer, writing an article to teach others how to be just as annoying

as you. Anyways, lets get started!

1. Post every second of every hour of every day!

First and most important thing you should do is post as much as possible on Facebook,

Instagram and almost any other platform you, your mother in-law or Beccy from across

the street uses. Just woke up? Take a picture and post! Your white crusty chihuahua dog

threw up? Take a picture and post it! Just finished cooking? Post it! Keep it consistent

and post every single second of every single hour of every single day.

2. Social ques? Throw that out the window!

Do you think you just caught Emma roll your eyes at Sarah after you started talking about

how horses are just big dogs? That definitely wasn’t about you! Keep talking or even

better start going in more detail with a much clearer voice. Remember, if you notice any

yawns, chuckles, eye-rolls, or straight faces, THAT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. My

friends used to do all those things every time I started talking. It shows they are interested

so keep talking.
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3. Make an Instagram account for your dog pretending you are them

This one is definitely a classic! Always and I mean always, make an account for every

household (including every single pet, even Berry the hamster who you guys probably

lost). Post the same picture of them in different angles more than 100 times and caption

each one like he’s the one talking. Trust me, people love to wake up and check their

Instagram to see the same dog everyday just doing normal dog activities. My aunt Jamie

always talked to her 9 cats like they understood her. She had a whole Instagram fan page

with million captions like “mew meow mew, she’s saying she appreciates all her fans :)”

And before you ask, no that is not why she is 56 and single.

4. Show up to your friend’s houses unannounced

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “isn’t that intruding? Wouldn’t they get mad?” throw

all those questions out and head to their place right now. I remember when I decided to

surprise my best friend from high school. Her name was Martha and she was quite shy

around me and liked to disappear at times while I had to go find her. Isn’t she just silly?

“Why are you always in my house Lili? Who invited you here Lili?” she would always

ask me when I would go to hers unannounced to surprise her. I would kill to see the look

on her face every time. She loved it and so will your friends. Sadly, there’s a restraining

order now and I can’t surprise her anymore but I’m sure she would’ve loved it and so will

your friends.

5. Knock-Knock jokes are still funny

The perfect joke doesn’t exist? That’s a lie! Let me assure you that those Knock-Knock

jokes that your 14-year-old cousin used to yell out at family gatherings while everyone

sighed and told him to shut up, are actually very funny. If you pay close attention to them
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the punchline and the suspicion are all just so perfectly calculated to ensure maximum

laughter and enjoyment from anyone you’re trying to impress. Let me tell you one of my

experiences with this to all of you. It was a sunny Saturday and I had a date with one of

the most handsome men I’ve ever met. We decided to go to a small café by his place. We

sat down and he seemed to be very interested in me however, our conversations were

very dry and boring so I had to step in and save it, right?

“Knock knock?” I said and his eyes widen out of surprise.

“Uh, who’s there?”

“Woo”

“Woo who?”

“Oh, good glad you’re excited, too!” I say while dying of laughter

I look up at him with a smirk of proudness and I see a little smile. This is great, I thought.

So, I kept making knock-knock jokes one after another. They were all so funny and

original and it definitely got everyone’s attention because people around us kept staring

and then whispering something to each other. Probably complimenting me on my good

knock-knock joke collections. We eventually did get kicked out of the restaurant but at

least my date and I had the best day ever. Actually, maybe just me because he didn’t call

or text me the next morning even though I called about 40 times. You know, just to check

up! There, now you know knock-knock jokes always work.

6. Always be fashionably late (even to events you organized)

Did your friends plan a hangout at 6 pm? That technically means the plan is at 7 pm.

Where do you think the saying “fashionably late” came from? I usually don’t get onvited

to hangouts but the one time that I did get invited I made sure to be very fashionably late.
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They planned on meeting up around 6 pm and they all seemed very determined with the

timing as well. I lived an hour away from the restaurant plus I got started to get ready

around 6:15 so by the time I got there, they were already eating and once I got there, they

all sighed and looked up at me. All attention was on me it was great but I miss them I

haven’t seen them ever since that restaurant plan.

Finally, we have come to the end of this article. I hope I could help you be the most annoying

person anyone has ever met. Listening to my stories and reading these tips can definitely help

you make more friends, connections and relationships in your life.