Blurbing It Out A tirade on the writers craft Francis W. Porretto SmashWords Edition Copyright (C) 2011 Francis W.

Porretto Cover art by Francis W. Porretto iscover other wor!s by Francis W. Porretto at "#ashwords.Co# SmashWords Edition License Notice: $his e%oo! is &icensed for yo'r persona& en(oy#ent on&y. $his e%oo! #ay not be reso&d or given away to other peop&e. )f yo' wo'&d &i!e to share this boo! with another person* p&ease p'rchase an additiona& copy for each person yo' share it with. )f yo' did not p'rchase this e%oo!* or if this copy was not p'rchased for yo'r 'se on&y* p&ease ret'rn to "#ashwords.co# and p'rchase yo'r own copy. $han! yo' for respecting the hard wor! of this a'thor. ==<O>== We&co#e* +ent&e ,eader* to a brief tirade on an 'nderappreciated aspect of the writers craft-not his art* b't his craft-that ) hope wi&& prove 'sef'& to yo' and profitab&e to #e. $his &itt&e screed has a sing&e* a&&.i#portant point/ ANY !IN" WO# !Y O$ %&#'!ASE (&S $I#S BE SOL)* 0o'r writing wi&& not se&& itse&f. 0o'-the independent writer-#'st se&& it. $he independent writers #ove#ent is a thing of great pro#ise. )ve enco'ntered #'ch good fiction* #odest&y priced* here at SmashWords. )ve a&so enco'ntered 1'ite a &ot of crap-

often of the sort that def&ects #e fro# spending #y #oney* not #ere&y on that partic'&ar wor!* b't on anything e&se the a'thor has prod'ced or wi&& prod'ce. )f yo' thin! that to be a trivia& concern* be aware of the fo&&owing/ .. ) read appro2i#ate&y 130 f'&&.&ength nove&s per year4 .. ) operate two Websites* both of which pro#ote the wor!s of independent writers4 .. 5y fiction has a s'bstantia& fo&&owing/ appro2i#ate&y 63*000 readers overa&& at this ti#e. $his rant addresses the ineptit'de of the typica& independent at creating his pro#otiona& b&'rbs and &ong descriptions. )ts been provo!ed specifica&&y by the vast n'#ber of disheartening&y poor b&'rbs )ve enco'ntered at SmashWords b&'rbs so bad that a&& by the#se&ves they screa# Avoid my crap! Im a writer solely in my own imagination! "o #any writers treat the creation of their pro#otiona& #ateria&s-their b&'rbs and &ong descriptions-as inconse1'entia& throwaway efforts that ) so#eti#es fee& the onset of despair. ) fee& the 'rge to trac! those writers down* &ift the# by their &ape&s* and screa# into their faces/ )n +ods na#e* dont you want to be read? o yo' have the faintest idea what yo'r care&essness abo't yo'r 700.character b&'rb says abo't yo'r overa&& s!i&&s with the 8ng&ish &ang'age9 ont yo' crave the fee&ing of acceptance and appreciation that wo'&d co#e with a readership and a &itt&e reven'e9 o yo' thin! yo' can have it witho't p'tting in the necessary effort at se&&ing yo'r wor!s9 $hat effort #'st be of two !inds/ 1. 0o' #'st craft a b&'rb of professiona& 1'a&ity4 2. $hat b&'rb #'st give the reader a reason to care abo't yo'r story. :n&y yo'r c&ose friends and re&atives wi&& even feign interest in yo'r stories 'n&ess yo' satisfy those two re1'ire#ents.

)# a b&'nt sort* ('st in case the above hasnt a&ready revea&ed that to yo'. ) never restrain #y opinions* the dictates of good taste in the app&icab&e conte2t e2cepted. %'t yo're reading this beca'se yo've a&ready decided that it #ight be re&evant to yo'r pro#otiona& efforts4 therefore* ) sha&& spare yo' nothing. )f yo're serio's abo't i#proving yo'r pro#otiona& b&'rbs and &ong descriptions* read on.

%art he $irst: A Blurb Is A !oo+, Bait It %ro-erl./

)ve discovered so#e good fiction at SmashWords-and a &ot of 'tter crap* of co'rse-b't )ve a&so discovered that there are #any whose storyte&&ing gifts are greater than their abi&ity to pro#ote their wor!. ;ow* )# no pro#otiona& geni's. ) 'se this site* #y other* op.ed oriented site* a &itt&e $witter (fporretto)* and a &ot of prayer* and ('st abo't nothing e&se. %'t ) f&atter #yse&f that #y #a2.700.character SmashWords b&'rbs are #idd&ing.decent hoo!s* if not a &itt&e better* for the reader interested in #y ad#itted&y weird sort of fiction. And )ve so&d over 63*000 boo!s at this point. $o save yo' wear and tear on yo'r #o'se* here are a few of #y b&'rbs/ For Which Art In Hope: <ope* a wor&d peop&ed by anarchists* is in eco&ogica& crisis. For 1200 years* a secret Caba& has e&evated powerf'& psi ta&ents to the +odhood of <ope .. the #anage#ent of <opes cr'st .. at the event'a& cost of their &ives. ;ow on&y two re#ain/ Ar#and 5ore&on and =ictoria Peterson. %'t one is 'tter&y 'nwi&&ing and the other is #'rdero's&y insane. And the s'rviva& of 5an!ind hangs in the ba&ance. For On Broken Wings: 0o're a yo'ng wo#an with no #e#ory of yo'r past. 0o've been #ade a se2'a& s&ave by a gang of vicio's bi!ers. After ten years agony* yo've freed yo'rse&f by co##itting #'rder and earning a facef'& of

scars. %'t the bi!er !ing is obsessed with yo'. 0o'r so&e chance of escaping hi# &ies in tr'sting a #ysterio's yo'ng #an yo've ('st #et. o yo' choose the devi& yo' !now* or the devi& yo' dont9 For hadow O! A word: Christine A&essandro ret'rns to :nteora Co'nty and is en#eshed in two dead&y conf&icts/ one between sec'rity entreprene'r >evin Conway and his co#petitor 8rnest ?awrence4 and one between presidentia& aspirant "tephen "'#ner and President Wa&ter Co&e#an. %ehind the# &oo#s a third str'gg&e* between two i##orta&s* for the f't're of 5an!ind 'nto the &i#its of $i#e. "e1'e& to :n %ro!en Wings. $he idea is to pi1'e the readers interest witho't wearing o't his patience over so#ething hes odds.on not to want to read anyway. +ive hi# a g&i#pse of the centra& character(s)* the (first) #a(or conf&ict* and the sta!es4 yo' cant reasonab&y e2pect to do #ore than that in 700 characters. ;either can yo' reasonab&y e2pect to write a b&'rb that wi&& #a!e everyone desperate to read yo'r boo!4 the statistics are heavi&y against s'ch a t'rno't. )ndeed* if as #any as 10@ of the readers who read yo'r pro#o b&'rb go on to read the free sa#p&e of yo'r nove& .. yo' did #a!e the first 20@ or A0@ free&y avai&ab&e* didnt yo'9-yo're doing rea&&y we&&. ;ow have a &oo! at so#e...&esser e2a#p&es of the art/ B<a##er in the <eadB is a very short fiction story dea&ing with a tragic accident* the hope* the hea&ing and the coping and the &ove of grand#others for grand#others are are sa&vation. $his very short story a&so dea&s with tr'e forgiveness. $hose readers fort'ate eno'gh to read this very

short wor! wi&& be re#inded of si#p&icity* that si#p&icity wor!s and that si#p&icity wi&& get the (ob doneC

$he a'thor has to&d 's &itt&e abo't the #eat of his story* and far too #'ch abo't what he hopes the reader wi&& get o't of it. )n addition* the spe&&ing is poor and the gra##ar is 1'estionab&e. )n this* her ninth nove&* #orta& threats force iana e&aney to f&ee her 5idwest ho#e. "he ta!es ref'ge with a favorite co'sin in +reensboro* ;orth Caro&ina* and #eets ?ance Cassidy* a handso#e widower who is str'gg&ing with the &oss of his wife whi&e !eeping her #e#ory a&ive for their two yo'ng da'ghters. Who cares if its the a'thors ninth nove&9 oes it i#prove the &istening e2perience for yo' to !now* specifica&&y* that the "y#phony of Doy was %eethovens "inth# Anyway* whats the nove&s #a(or conf&ict9 A nove& of i#probab&e proportions* E ancing the ,iver ?ight&y ta!es yo' on a nonstop ride thro'gh the #agica& wor&d of the Pacific ;orthwest* where drea#s 'nfo&d* friendships are forged* and &ives are changed forever. ;o charactersC ;o conf&ictC ;o sense of the i#port of whatever action the boo! depictsC D'st ta!e the a'thors word for it/ it wi&& change yo'r &ifeC )ts possib&e that the fiction th's b&'rbed is high&y worthwhi&e4 ) wo'&dnt !now* not having read it. %'t the reason ) havent read even the free sa#p&es of those stories is that the pro#o b&'rbs are awf'&. $heir a'thors have done a poor (ob of catching #y interest.

)f yo' want to be read* yo' have to wor! at this st'ff. +rand#aster "iegbert $arrasch once said* after obtaining a poor res'&t in a to'rna#ent* F)n these co#petitions* it is not eno'gh to be a connoisse'r of chess4 one #'st a&so p&ay we&&.G "i#i&ar&y* its not 1'ite eno'gh to write a good story and #a!e it avai&ab&e at #odest cost4 yo' #'st a&so entice readers into devoting so#e of their cash and their precio's* ever.dwind&ing &ifespan to reading it. Physica& boo!s do that with d'st.(ac!et or bac!.cover b&'rbs. :n.&ine boo!s #'st #a!e do with co#pressed on.&ine b&'rbs. +iven the re&'ctance readers genera&&y fee& abo't spending #oney on an 'n!nowns e%oo!* the creation of s'ch b&'rbs #'st be ta!en serio's&y-as serio's&y as the crafting of a res'#e for a #'ch desired* high&y paid (ob. )n a way* its the sa#e 'nderta!ing.

%art he Second: Your Blurb Is he $irst E0am-le O1 Your 'ra1t A %otential #eader Will See: Dont Make It The Last ne!

As ) said in the previo's section* a pro#otiona& b&'rb is &i!e a (ob interview for writers. )f yo' #ess 'p at this stage* the odds are poor that a cr'ising reader wi&& bother with yo'r boo! or story. 0o'd thin! it wo'&dnt be a hard &esson to absorb* whether for its significance or for its ease of correction. At &east* )d have tho'ght #ost of 's are capab&e of editing o'r own b&'rbs with so#e faci&ity. 0et the c&in!ers !eep on co#ing. A great #any of the# are errors in spe&&ing or p'nct'ation-and no fa'&t revea&s a &ac! of s!i&& with the 8ng&ish &ang'age #ore swift&y or &'rid&y than those. "pe&&ing errors of the F's'a& sortG-i.e.* the si#p&e #ang&ing of a word-are easi&y corrected by the spe&&chec!ers b'i&t into progra#s s'ch as 5icrosoft Word. ) can on&y conc&'de that too #any wo'&d.be writers have far too #'ch confidence in their spe&&ing s!i&&s to 'se those chec!ers. $his is* to p't it as gent&y as possib&e* a severe* possib&y fata& #ista!e. "pe&&ing errors of the second order-i.e.* the 'se of the wrong word$ possib&y d'e to ho#ony# conf'sion .. re1'ire the 'se of a second pair of eyes. Do not ass'#e that ('st beca'se yo'r b&'rb passed the spe&&chec!er* it #'st therefore be correct in a&& regards. +et so#eone e&se to read it and as! abo't yo'r 'se of its where yo' sho'&d have written its$ or of there where yo' c&ear&y #eant their. Fina&&y* we have p'nct'ation errors. )ve been ca&&ed a Fgra##ar bigotG #any ti#es. $heres so#e tr'th to the acc'sation* as ) was we&& ed'cated in 8ng&ish gra##ar and consider poor written gra##ar a serio's fai&ing in an ed'cated person. ;ote the e#phasis on written gra##ar. )n ordinary*

co&&o1'ia& interco'rse* we get away with #any sins...beca'se* as the ,o#ans once said* ver%a volant: the great #a(ority of o'r words are heard on&y once before they ta!e wing and f&y away* rather than being recorded in so#e end'ring for# for others to criticiHe &ater. 5ore si#p&y p't* we spea! far #ore than we write. Infort'nate&y* one conse1'ence of this is the for#ation of a n'#ber of bad habits that seep fro# o'r patterns of speech into o'r written wor!. )n partic'&ar* since we dont p'nct'ate when we spea!* we tend to s&o'gh considerations of p'nct'ation when we write. %'t proper p'nct'ation is as i#portant to e&egance and &egibi&ity as good spe&&ing. ?ynne $r'sss #agnificent &itt&e boo! &ats$ hoots and 'eaves is inva&'ab&e in this regard/ at once entertaining and instr'ctive. "ead the damned thing. ) cannot overstress the i#portance of this step* as p'nct'ation errors can #a!e even the best.crafted b&'rb i&&egib&e or fata&&y conf'sing. Worse* a serio's p'nct'ation error wi&& evo!e the disdain of an ed'cated reader #ore swift&y than any other !ind of #isstep. $his is so serio's a #atter that if yo'* +ent&e ,eader* sho'&d ta!e on&y one of #y s'ggestions to heart* )d great&y prefer that it be this one. ?earn the proper 'ses of the co##a* the se#ico&on* and the co&on. ?earn how to for# p&'ra&s and possessives. ?earn what constit'tes a r'n.on sentence and strive with a&& yo'r #ight to avoid the#. ;o other i#prove#ent in yo'r b&'rb.gra##ar wo'&d be 1'ite as sa&'tary for yo'r sa&es.

%art he hird: !el- Is A2ailable*** $or A %rice*

)f yo' dont have a friend* wife* or chi&d to review yo'r b&'rb before yo' post it* yo're 'n&i!e&y to find errors of gra##ar* spe&&ing* or p'nct'ation yo'rse&f. "o )# going to #a!e yo' an offer/ SEN) YO&# BL&#B O (E* )&& correct it for yo'. )ndeed* I## edit your b#urb to $rofessiona# %ua#ity& and th's concea& yo'r pro#otiona& and &ing'istic ineptit'de fro# a&& and s'ndry 'nti& theyve ta!en the step of p&'n!ing their cash on the barre&head for yo'r boo!. 5y fee for this service/ 34*55 &*S*6 payab&e thro'gh 'ay'a#. "end yo'r b&'rb to #e at/ -orretto7o-tonline*net ...with the s'b(ect &ine F%&'rb <e&p.G )f ) find it 'nsa&vageab&e for any reason* )&& te&& yo' so %e!ore yo' pay #e* so yo're ris!ing very &itt&e. )f yo'd a&so &i!e #e to edit yo'r ?ong escription* that wi&& be another 34*55 &*S*6 and the sa#e g'arantee app&ies. ) wont ta!e yo'r #oney if ) cant he&p yo'* b't ) consider those fees to be #odest for the service...especia&&y since no one e&se appears to be offering the# at this ti#e. )nas#'ch as even writers wise eno'gh to hire professiona& editors for their e%oo!s see# not to 'nderstand how desperate&y they need the sa#e !ind of oversight for their pro#otiona& st'ff* ) e2pect this offer to be sp'rned. %'t there it is/ 'se it or not* as s'its yo'* and &ive with the conse1'ences of yo'r decision.

:h* and by the way* 5erry Christ#as* and #ay the (oy of <is Co#ing be yo'rs thro'gho't the ;ew 0ear .. no #atter how bad&y yo' p'nct'ate or spe&&C ==<O>==

About the Author

Francis W. Porretto is an engineer* fictioneer* and co##entator. <e operates the (ternity "oad Website (http/JJeternityroad.info)* a hotbed of pro.freedo#* pro. A#erican* pro.Christian senti#ent* where he and his 8stee#ed Co.Conspirators ho&d forth on every topic 'nder the "'n. 0o' can e#ai& hi# at 18-7eternit.road*in1o* $han! yo' for ta!ing an interest in his wor!s.