You are on page 1of 64

God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

1 | P a g e

God’s Birther
The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

How an obscure southern preacher became a hero to “Birthers,” a laughing stock to “Obots,” and the
single worst Baptist prognosticator of the future since William Miller.

By Frank Arduini

Near the tip of the Florida panhandle, perched on the banks of the aptly named Blackwater River, lays
the small town of Milton. Originally named Scottsman’s Anchorage and still carrying the local nickname
of “Scratch Ankle,” Milton’s primary claim to fame is that it was burned to the ground by Confederate
forces retreating from the Union capture of Pensacola in May of 1862 after which most of its residents
fled to Alabama. With a population of less than 10,000 today, its primary industries are warehousing
prisoners at the State Correctional Facility, a 129 bed general hospital, and a railroad museum. It is your
typical Deep South backwater, long past its prime, redolent with a pervasive sense of southern decay. It
is, as the wag would say, a great place to be from.

Head a few miles to the southeast across the Blackwater and Interstate 10, and you will eventually find
on the edge of a cemetery (and in the middle of almost nowhere else) a complex of five tin roofed
buildings with dirt parking lots on one side and across the road. This is Hickory Hammock Baptist Church.
Over the course of a quarter century, the senior pastor there, William Carl Gallups Jr., has built the
congregation from about 100 people to more than a thousand; a decent sized church for the Southern
Baptist Convention.
1


Gallups received the call to preach after a ten year career in law enforcement and Florida Department of
Corrections, though the actual details are sketchy. He built his ministry in the time tested Baptist way,
primarily around good old Christian apologetics; the combative defense of the faith in the face of
encroaching secularism and unbelief. As part of his apologetic program, he holds a vigorous and
sometimes unintentionally humorous obsession with end-time eschatology, spending a vast amount of
effort explaining with great confidence the often imaginary details of an event that even Jesus himself
proved unable to predict accurately.
2
The record of his ministry (at least as can be found online) is that
of a joyless theological offensive against the evils of Darwinism, homosexuality, atheism, Islam and
anything else he can spin as signs of the end of days.


1
Of the 61 churches in Milton, 30 identify themselves as "Baptist," 3 as "Methodist," 3 as "Church of God," 6 as
"Assembly of God," 2 as "Pentecostal," and the rest as the typical small-town Southern smatterings of Episcopal,
Catholic, Nazarene, Apostolic, AME, Church of Christ, LDS, Presbyterian, and nondenominational . There are no
synagogues or mosques in Milton. Hickory Hammock is actually only the 2
nd
largest Southern Baptist Convention
affiliated church in Milton, the largest being the Milton First Baptist Church. Milton’s other Baptist churches are
not SBC affiliates, so we cannot tell how large they are from a distance.,
2
Matthew 16:28
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

2 | P a g e

At some point, certainly by late 2010, he had added President Obama to the mix and began to hint that
he might actually be “The Antichrist.”
3
At about the same time Gallups became a vocal adherent of
birthism.
4
But it wasn’t until later the next year when he hitched his wagon to the Maricopa County Cold
Case Posse’s ostensible investigation of the President’s birth certificate that other Birthers began to pay
attention to him. By striking up a personal relationship with the equally oleaginous lead investigator of
that Posse, Mike Zullo, Gallups managed to usurp the position of a previous MCCCP mouthpiece
5
and
take over as the media face of the Posse, even though he would never be an actual member.

It is worth reflecting on the similarity between both of Gallups’ most prominent obsessions. The first is
the imminent return of Jesus Christ. The second is the imminent exposure of Barack Obama. The former
remains an unsatisfied expectation after almost two thousand years. The latter remains an unsatisfied
expectation after a half decade. This sort of identical outcome at two such widely different scales of
resolution is what mathematicians call “fractal.” It does not matter how close you look, or how far you
step back. It looks exactly the same.

And certainly, Gallups has proved to “fail fractally” with almost his every assertion, conclusion,
prediction and expectation regarding the Birther issue. At almost every level of resolution, what he says
he believes on the issue turns out to be wrong. Even his most casual anecdote regarding the issue often
proves unable to survive the slightest critical scrutiny.
6
At the most granular level he embraces as true
every absurd Birther “fact” no matter how long ago it was utterly debunked. His more comprehensive
theories are simultaneously erroneous on their own and mutually contradictory when considered
together. His pronouncements on the issue have progressively escalated in urgency and absurdity over
the months and years, and yet the outcomes have never once changed. Every deadline he sets is missed.
Every prediction he ventures ends up being wrong. Every accusation he makes proves false. Every
promise he makes crumbles to ash in the mouths of his rapt Birther flock.

But only long enough for him to rinse and repeat.


3
http://beforeitsnews.com/obama-birthplace-controversy/2013/08/ppsimmons-bible-says-obama-antichrist-see-
8-videos-2465822.html
4
In this article, I define “Birther” and “birthism” to include any and all of the sometimes contradictory theories
that Barack Obama is not a natural born US citizen, and thus ineligible for the Presidency.
5
Mark Gillar of the Tea Party Power Hour channel on YouTube.
6
Perhaps the most droll example was his tale of a visit to Mount Vernon with Mike Zullo of the Cold Case Posse
after the 2013 CPAC conference. They recounted in melodramatic detail an encounter with a (either weeping or
disgusted, depending on the telling) security guard, heartbroken over the “fact” that Obama was “the only
president in US history who has never set foot on this property.” The assertion turned out to be an unrefined
falsehood, and Gallups spent the next several days defending Zullo and himself from the accusation that they had
made the whole thing up.
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

3 | P a g e

The Posse

On March 1, 2012 Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s “Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office Cold Case Posse” held the first
of two disastrous press conferences to announce the status of their “investigation” into the legitimacy
of the scanned image of the President’s birth certificate that had been released almost a year earlier and
posted on the Whitehouse.gov website. It was the coming out party for lead investigator Mike Zullo, a
retired used car salesman who decades earlier had tried his hand at becoming first a police officer and
then a private investigator. Both attempts soon fizzled, and Zullo relocated to Arizon to join the family
car business.

Arpaio provided Zullo the opportunity to “play cop” again in October of 2006 by appointing him
“Commander” of the brand new Cold Case Posse. By 2011 Zullo and the Posse had assembled a half
decade record of not actually investigating cold cases, relegated instead to transporting prisoners
between the court and jail or serving as bouncers for local bars.

The birth certificate “investigation” changed that. Within Birthistan, Zullo quickly became a bit of a hero
(even though many of his supporters insisted on referring to him as “Zulu” when calling into one of the
several redundant Birther BlogTalk programs). As the proverbial big fish in a tiny puddle, Zullo’s sense of
self importance quickly clouded any serious introspection regarding his actual competence as an
investigator. Almost out of the gate, Zullo found himself in charge of an “investigation” concerning
technical and legal issues that he comprehensively could not understand.
7


As far as we can tell, it was April of 2012 when Zullo and Gallups linked up directly for the first time. On
the 29
th
of that month, Gallups interviewed Zullo on his Freedom Friday radio program
8
during which the
introduction implied their initial conversation had taken place only a few days prior. Over the course of
the subsequent two years their relationship would grow increasingly symbiotic, with Gallups repeatedly
claiming that he “talks to Mike on the phone nearly every day,” repeatedly asserting that he was privy to
all or most of the developing “evidence” the Posse was acquiring, and ultimately claiming to have even
become “Mike’s Pastor.” On at least one occasion, the two traveled together to the Greater
Washington DC area to promote the Posse’s work at CPAC. By March of 2014, Zullo had formalized

7
A perfect example can be found in Paragraph 46 of his November 2012 “affidavit.” In an attempt to sound
technically competent, Zullo completely confused the radically different technologies used for photocopying with
those used for scanning; offered a description of Optical Character Recognition that was practically
unrecognizable; and arbitrarily employed technical terms of art with no connection to their actual meaning. It was
a one paragraph tour de force of incompetent technical hand-waiving.
http://www.wnd.com/files/2012/11/ZulloAffidavit.pdf
8
Freedom Friday is Gallups’ weekly program broadcast on AM radio WEBY in Milton, Florida. Gallups purchases his
time slot from the station as part of its “Your Turn” scheduling in which they turn the station over to local folks for
a couple of hours every day in an AM version of public access television. Gallups also takes great pride that the
station “broadcasts to parts of five states,” but any look at a map reveals the accident of geography that renders
this detail less than impressive.
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

4 | P a g e

Gallups’ status as quasi-official Posse mouthpiece by announcing that “when I release information about
this it will be released to Carl Gallups and through PPSIMMONS.”
9


It was this relationship with Zullo and the Posse that elevated Gallups into the top tier of Birther
aristocracy and took the governor off of his own capacity for self restraint. Faced with the fact that the
Posse’s “investigation” had stretched from weeks to months to years, Gallups apparently felt obligated
to simulate progress when there was actually none, lest the Birther faithful grow bored and frustrated.
Worse yet, on November 6, 2012 Obama was reelected to a second term in spite of the Posse’s two
press conferences and subsequent continuous hand-waving across the Birthersphere. So much hope had
been pinned on the Posse’s findings being able to prevent exactly that event. It had proved incompetent
to the task. By winter 2012, the wheels were coming off for what would not be the last time.

This is an account of Carl Gallups’ relentless but ultimately failed effort to sustain the relevance of the
Cold Case Posse’s “investigation” in the face of its actual ineffectiveness, paralysis and pointlessness.
Throughout, the claim that Posse was making actual progress would never rise beyond an article of
faith, a revealed dogma for which Gallups would serve as John the Baptist to Zullo’s Jesus, the privileged
messenger sent to prepare the way of the lord.

And it was on December 1
st
, 2012 that Gallups offered his first prophecy.



9
PPSIMMONS is another of the online media faces of Carl Gallups Ministries.
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

5 | P a g e

A “Huge Announcement.”

On December 1, 2012 PPSIMMONS
10
posted a video, narrated by Gallups himself entitled, “Breaking: 2
Huge Announcements on BHO’s Eligibility.” The second of those “huge announcements” was the first of
what would become a long line of failed predicitions regarding imminent breaks in the eligibility
controversy. Gallups breathlessly announced that:

PPSIMMONS has exclusive inside information that a surprising and potentially
devastating eligibility event is scheduled to happen before the January 6
th

Electoral College certification, perhaps by the middle of December. This event
most likely will be aired on national cable television and around the world
exposing Obama’s ineligibility. The person doing the exposing is a Very
Important Person with Constitutional standing to do the exposing of the
evidence against Obama. Stay tuned to the PPSIMMONS channel for all the
breaking news on this topic.
11


The announcement was met with jubilation across Birthistan. Having already lost the election, and with
Obama having weathered a lengthy Birther campaign of sometimes comical state ballot challenges, the
Electoral College certification was seen as the last obvious opportunity for the Cold Case Posse to still
make a difference. The added promise of exposure on “national cable television” was like catnip to the
masses. Throw in the mysterious “Very Important Person with Constitutional standing” and the buzz was
electric.

It worked so well that Gallups decided to do it again one week later. In another Gallups narrated
PPSIMMONS video titled, “Breaking! Sheriff Arpaio – FULL STEAM AHEAD with BHO Investigation –
Surprises COMING!” he announced that:

According to Lieutenant
12
Mike Zullo, the evidence continues to mount and
continues to be verified by some surprising and perhaps soon to be announced
sources. As PPSIMMONS reported last week we have also received inside
information from a confidential but highly knowledgeable source that within the
next week or so there will be a huge push forward on the eligibility

10
PPSIMMONS is part of the suite of “media properties” that together constitute Carl Gallups Ministries. Often
misunderstood as a person’s name, PPSIMMONS is actually supposed to be a mnemonic acronym for Preaching
the Precious Salvation of Jesus In Many nations and in Many ways, thus Obliterating our Nemesis Satan! Of course
its mnemonic value is almost zero, and the real acronym would probably be more along the lines of
PPSJIMNIMWTOONS. Gallups does not appear to have access to a good marketing resource.
11
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgBbc0h12Hw
12
The title of “Lieutenant” when assigned to Mike Zullo has been a topic of considerable amusement within the
community of Obot Birther-watchers. It was Gallups who first began publicly calling Zullo a “Lieutenant” even
though Zullo appears to have never held a formal police rank above the entry level “Officer.” Among actual
members of the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office he is referred to simply as, “Mr. Zullo.”
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

6 | P a g e

investigation, lining up before the January 6
th
date when Congress is supposed
to certify the Electoral College votes. According to the US Constitution Congress
has the authority and responsibility to verify the eligibility of the candidate that
it is certifying by the Electoral College. This huge push forward is scheduled to
involve a uniquely qualified VIP whose announcement may wind up on national
and international television. Stay Tuned. PPSIMMONS will keep you up to date
on all of this information and any other breaking news.
13


“Within the next week or so” was reasonably understood to mean by the middle of December. And so as
December drew to a close both the expectation and frustration level among the Birther faithful began to
rise dramatically. By the first week of January, Birthers were wearing out the refresh button on their
browsers, desperately waiting for the event that would stop the Electoral Vote Certification in its tracks.

It never came.




13
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWuEd81YMa4
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

7 | P a g e

Plan “B”

Obama’s reelection was certified on January 4
th
, 2013
14
without objection from any member of the
House or Senate, and without the promised surprising or devastating “eligibility event.” By January 12
th
,
the building pressure for Gallups to explain the failure of his announcement could no longer be ignored.
But rather than simply eating the crow so delightfully laid out before him, Gallups instead made excuses
and then doubled down with an even more ambiguous “Plan B.”

A few weeks back we reported to you at PPSIMMONS that some surprises were
in the works on the Obama citizenship scandal. We reported that we expected
some breaking news on the matter within weeks. The particular event that we
expected did not happen, but through a very strange and unfortunate set of
circumstances. However, do not be dismayed. As it turns out, the Plan B for the
matter may turn out to be a more powerful revelation event than the first
planned one since it still involves some of the same major players and perhaps
more major players this time. We still cannot reveal the details of the plan.
However I can report with honesty and accuracy these… facts:

… A potentially monumental Plan B exposure of the Obama fraud is in the
works by very reliable and competent people. The plan includes people who will
easily garner national attention to the matter. Stay in prayer about the matter.
We at PPSIMMONS will keep you posted of any breaking news in this case.
Again, if nothing comes of this matter we will eventually expose all of the details
of what was supposed to happen. This could be big, so stay tuned.
15


A month later, Gallups was still feeling the heat regarding his blown deadline. Both inside and outside of
Birthistan his credibility and honesty were being questioned. On February 12, PPSIMMONS released
another Gallups narrated video in which he attempted to backpedal from his initial announcement,
reframing it as having been more tentative than it actually was.

Just a few weeks back I made a video announcement and radio announcement
that a potentially big exposure was in the works in this case. I also said that
there was a possibility that it would not come through as expected. Well, it did
not come through as expected, but it still may. Listen to Lieutenant Zullo
confirm every bit of this truth in the next one minute clip. I include this so that
you will know that my integrity is intact and that we will always give you the
very best information.
16


14
The certification date was two days earlier than provided by law because January 6
th
actually fell on a Sunday
that year.
15
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzdvjOgr1r4
16
At the 0:15 mark, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9N2vXXGLCU
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

8 | P a g e


Gallups was of course not being truthful when claiming that he “also said that there was a possibility
that it would not come through as expected.” While he certainly offered qualifications regarding some
details (he had for example waffled over how “devastating” it could be and whether or not it would be
covered by “national” and “international” media) he had never once suggested that it might not happen
at all.

He was also being less than accurate when he asserted that the clip he was about to play would
“confirm every bit of this truth.” Any careful listen shows that Zullo’s words and Gallups’ music were not
in synch. Zullo spoke unenthusiastically and ambiguously of “other things” plural, and “taking a different
tack.” Whatever it was that was supposed to happen before the Electoral College certification might not
be “totally out of the realm of possibility,” but Zullo spoke of it entirely in the past tense. Rather than
the “definitive plan” that Gallups had previously insisted was in place, Zullo came off as man without any
real plan whatsoever, casting hopefully in the dark for something, anything that might provide a
direction worth pursuing.

Gallups’ first great reveal had sputtered out without explanation or effect. Just over a week later an
even finer point was put the investigation’s failure when Barack Obama was inaugurated as President of
the United States for the second time. The Birthers had not only failed to drive Obama out of the White
House, but he had taken up residency again… the first President in a generation to win both elections
with more than 51% of the popular vote.

But at least Gallups had stumbled upon a model for future announcements that, if nothing else, got the
attention of his listeners and contributors.

First, there would from here on out always be vague claims of “Very Important People” who were
climbing “on board” and in a position to “move the investigation forward.” Second, there always had to
be unspecified “new information” that had just arrived, giving the impression of a community of well
placed informants to go along with the equally anonymous community of “VIPs.” Third, confidence had
to always be unquestioned that the Posse already had “100% proof” of their previous claims. It did not
matter that, were this true, any additional information would be at best redundant and certainly offer
no real explanation for additional delay. Fourth, they alternatively always either “had a plan” or were
developing one. Either would do at any particular moment, in fact often both would do at the exact
same time.

Gallups would soon try again, but first there was a little matter of a fishing expedition.




God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

9 | P a g e

Mike and Carl’s Excellent Adventure

It had been more than half a year since the Cold Case Posse had held its two press conferences. Their
claims of “proven forgery” had proved to be less than a speed bump on Obama’s road to a second term.
The centerpiece of the second press conference had been quickly exposed as a fraud engineered by
right-wing author and conspiracy buff Jerome Corsi, and once this was revealed Corsi was
unceremoniously expelled from the Posse proper. He subsequently abandoned birthing altogether. Zullo
had stopped talking publicly about the “evidence” in any detail, preferring instead to go (in his words)
“under the radar.” He had apparently decided that silence was safer than the sort of wholesale
humiliation that had followed the second conference.

Most inconceivable to Birthers was the fact that the main stream media was still refusing to cooperate.
Insensible that the reason for this was simply that the Posse’s “evidence” was entirely unimpressive,
theBirthers grew more deeply entrenched in their opinion that the media was an active part of the
conspiracy, or had somehow been threatened into silence. If deliverance was going to come, they were
convinced that it would not come from the press.

Mid-March saw the start of the 2013 Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC) Conference in
Washington DC. Zullo and Gallups had done the calculus and concluded that as far as they could see it
held the greatest opportunity to find a sympathetic ear capable of actually doing something with the
Posse’s “findings.” Tone deaf to the fact that among serious conservative politicians and pundits the
Birther movement had long been anathema, the dubious duo packed their bags and headed to the
Capitol, anxious to share their message with somebody, anybody who would listen. Zullo would later
admit that their trip was “a fishing expedition.” Gallups would eventually call it a “last ditch effort.” The
“definitive plan” of just a few weeks prior appeared all but forgotten.

CPAC ended on March 18
th
, and by the following day Gallups was online with another PPSIMMONS
video, this one hopefully titled “STUNNING! Forward Movement in the Obama FRAUD CASE!” In
retrospect, the video proves how completely oblivious Gallups and Zullo were to how utterly they had
been blown off.

While at CPAC we had several important and lengthy meetings with high ranking
officials at various levels of government. We have promises and very good
prospects of more meetings to come. We networked with some important
people who have promised to help us contact other important government
officials around the nation. Some of those contacts have already called me back
with promises of forward movement. There are plans for additional trips and
contacts with other officials around the country. Some of these additional
meeting plans were laid as a definite result of the CPAC trip.
17


17
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SE83Gfct7Fo
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

10 | P a g e


Over the next few days and weeks, other CPAC stories would dribble out suggesting that their reception
had not been quite as enthusiastic and productive as Gallups was letting on. Most prominent among
them was their brush with Tea Party über-hero Allen West, an encounter so crushingly disappointing
that Gallups went as far afield as The Western Center of Journalism
18
to whine about it. Gallups seemed
truly shocked to be dismissed so directly and cavalierly by somebody who he had admired from afar for
years. It never crossed his mind that West was merely the most honest of the “high ranking officials” he
had met during the three days of CPAC. The others would all ultimately deliver the same message, but
with a little more subtlety and finesse.

Whether Gallups truly believed they had made progress at CPAC or was simply vamping for time is
difficult to tell. By the time of the March 22
nd
Freedom Friday broadcast Gallups was practically bipolar;
swinging wildly between emotional states. On the one hand he remained furious with the Conservative
pundits who continued to ignore or disparage the Birthers, ranting that all them from Beck to O’Reilly
were “fools” and “idiots.” On the other, he was ready to again start making predictions of imminent
satisfaction with the help of the “VIPs” he had met at CPAC:

We made some contact with Very Important People on Capitol Hill and at CPAC.
And those important conversations led indirectly to other important
conversations and important contacts at state and federal level around the
nation. And those things continue to pile up. And in the last several days since
I’ve been back we have received - we, Lieutenant Zullo and I - have received
phone calls and emails from Very Important People at state and federal levels
looking to have more meetings, looking to see this evidence, looking to submit it
to more investigation, looking to move it along and get something done. Folks, it
wouldn’t surprise me if these people will do what they say they’re going to do
that in the next month or two… we might see something happen at a national
level – international level actually.
19


It should come as no surprise given this account by Gallups that the Birthersphere quickly understood
“VIP” to actually mean “member of Congress.” And in fact, two more names of Congressmen would
soon be floated in relationship to the Posse’s investigation (though neither would ultimately prove to
have ever actually been “on board”). The following weeks and months were filled with excited
recitations by Gallups of the vast numbers of other VIPs jumping “on board”. It became routine for
Gallups to end such accounts with the excited announcement that at that very moment even more VIPs
had just contacted Zullo anxious for a briefing.

In almost every interview with or update from Zullo, “surprising new information” had just been
uncovered within “a few days prior”; information that “put the nail in the coffin” of the “forged birth

18
http://www.westernjournalism.com/allen-west-wont-help-expose-obamas-ineligibility/
19
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1mqZk4JHEY#t=657
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

11 | P a g e

certificate.” In short order there were so many nails that there was no longer any room for coffin. Zullo
had not actually described a single new piece of “evidence” (that had not subsequently been exposed as
fraudulent on the Posse’s part) in more than a year.

On the April 5
th
Freedom Friday broadcast, Zullo took an hour and a half of his precious time away from
the investigation to instead appear on the show. The following Monday, PPSIMMONS published a
“recap” of that program which, ignoring their inability to count, indicated that the on-again-off-again
definitive “plan of action” was back in the formulation stage:

2. Within the last couple of days before the interview, Zullo had several lengthy
meetings with VIPS who have promised to soon bring this case forward in an
"official" manner. The VIPS are of "standing" and have the authority to bring the
case forward. They have promised full public exposure to the case, the
evidence, and to the hopeful ends of a full and official "hearing" of the matter.

3. A definitive "plan of action" is now being formulated with several VIPS to
make number 3 (sic) above happen as soon as possible.
20


In spite of other indications that at least some VIPs were already beginning to renege on whatever
promises Gallups understood them to have made, spirits were high. In short order Gallups was getting
back on the horse of predicting when the big revelations and leaps forward were finally going to take
place.

7. Zullo says the public disclosure of the evidence and the push for definitive
legal action may take from 3 - 6 months depending upon the "plan of action"
that is being formulated by the VIPS who are already on board and the VIPS that
they are trying to bring on board with them in this matter. Further VIP meetings
are being scheduled at this time.
21


Gallups was soon so excited and confident that the Posse was finally onto something that he completely
forgot that a few months prior he had proclaimed they were already on “Plan B.” In the real world, Plan
B is usually followed by Plan C. But in the Ground Hog’s Day that is greater Birthistan, everything old is
new again.

By April 12
th
the Cold Case Posse plan of action was definitive again. It was time for the “Big Plan A”


20
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/04/recap-stunning-new-revelations-from-lt.html
21
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

12 | P a g e

The “Big Plan A”

On April 12, 2013 Carl Gallups took to the Freedom Friday airwaves to more formally establish the
narrative that had been organically developing ever since the CPAC conference. Taking advantage of the
repeatedly declared “need for secrecy,” the narrative was a carefully contrived symbiot of declaration
and implication. More often than not, the implications were not particularly candid. Specifically, we are
talking about the identities of what was by now a legion of “VIPs.”

Gallups had carefully created the false impression that the VIPs of whom he was speaking were primarily
members of the US Congress. After all, Arpaio had long before expressed the desire to target them for
action, and Gallups had repeatedly stressed that at least some of his CPAC meetings with VIPs had been
“on Capitol Hill.” He further used three specific story-lines to reinforce the impression of significant
Congressional attention.

The first of these was the already mentioned cold shoulder offered by ex-Congressman Allen West at
CPAC itself. Sure, he was no longer in Congress and, sure, he declined to get involved. But such
distinctions were rarely recognized within the Birthersphere and his blow-off at least established one
degree of separation between Gallups, Zullo and a real Congressman.

The second was an interminably telegraphed eventual “outing” of one congressman who, on realizing
what Gallups wanted to talk to him about, quickly and comprehensively deep sixed any further contact.
With perhaps less candor but no less finality than West, Representative Jeff Miller of Florida’s 1st
District would also have to be chalked up as a Posse failure. But his impending exposure became a minor
cliff hanger that spawned wide anticipation within the Birther ranks.

Third was the delusional conviction that Representative Steve Stockman of Texas’s 36
th
District was fully
on board. This one appears to at least have partly been the result of deception on the part of Stockman
himself. But even as the Congressman stood-up Gallups on his radio program and scrupulously avoided
public birthing, Zullo and Gallups were convinced that he was actually pushing the Posse’s agenda in the
House of Representatives. He wasn’t.

So as the "Big Plan A” proceeded, whenever Gallups spoke of “VIPs” (which was almost constantly) his
followers heard “Congressman.” It would be near the end of May before it became clear that this was
not who Gallups actually had in mind.

As part of one of his regular Posse updates, Gallups ran down a list of things that Zullo had “revealed” to
him in one of their recent phone chats. Most of it was more of the same. New evidence. More
information. 100% proof of forgery… again. Yada-yada-yada.

And then there was this:

God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

13 | P a g e

The third thing that he (Zullo) revealed was that there is now a definitive plan of
action that is being formulated by these VIPs to make this official outing happen
soon. Now that’s huge. Because up until now there has been no definitive plan
of action by VIPS. In fact VIPS have been avoiding an official plan of action. But
there is one in place now. That was a huge revelation. We’re closer now to
having something done than we have been in this whole five or six years.
22


The “definitive plan of action” was back. It hardly mattered that even in this one paragraph it was both
“in place now” and “being formulated” at the same time. Coherence and consistency were not
important. The “fishing expedition” of CPAC had finally led back to a plan. Birthers apparently have no
capacity for recognizing déjà vu.

But that was not all. Gallups continued:

Also, if you’ll remember, Zullo said that this public disclosure of this whole
investigation, he said probably would occur within three to six months
depending upon the plan of action and how many other VIPs got involved and it,
what - but you know - how they were going to be involved . There could be state
VIPs and federal VIPs all involved in this together. So that’s gonna take some
coordinated effort. So that’s why it may take between three and six months.
But folks that’s okay. If it takes six months, what is six months after five years?
You know?

But, the thing that I was gonna reveal today before we take your phone calls is
that now, in the last couple of days, Mike Zullo has received information from
one of these VIPS that this thing may happen much, much sooner than all of
that. And, and, and th - and this - phone con - and I’m speaking very generally
now and you know why - but this conversation lasted for a long time as they
discussed a very specific plan of action, and this VIP connected with other VIPs
have assured Zullo and Arpaio that they are going to out this thing, and it’s
going to be done in a huge way.
23


The following day on the Birther blog The Post & Email, blogger Sharon Rondeau published the interview
with Gallups where he declared the new push to be the “Big Plan A.” Gallups said:

(T)here are some VIPs who have now seen and/or are seeing and/or have had
lengthy meetings and heard about all the evidence and are anxious to move
forward on it in an official level and are now making plans to move forward on

22
http://www.1330weby.com/media/com_podcastmanager/FreedomFriday/2013/4-12/Segment1.mp3

23
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

14 | P a g e

it. That's why we originally said ‘probably 3-6 months based upon what these
people are telling us.’ But now, based upon some of the latest meetings, it
looks as if there's a real possibility this could happen before the 3-6 months.
But we're being guarded because it is subject to change, because we are dealing
with powers and people and authorities who have other responsibilities and
their schedules could change at the last second. But if it moves forward like the
plan of action that's being put in place calls for, then I would say without any
hesitation that the public will see something on this before the 3-6-month
period.
24


Three to six months from the date of that announcement yielded a window between July 12, and
October 12, 2013, even ignoring the claim that it could happen sooner. If nothing else, it bought Gallups
and Zullo some breathing room into mid-Autumn. Now all they had to do was provide a reasonable
simulacrum of progress as they waited for some miraculous event to bail them out from the sinking
dinghy of their investigatory stalemate. One or two miracles actually were in their future, though not
the ones they were hoping for.



24
http://www.thepostemail.com/2013/04/13/breaking-carl-gallups-on-plan-to-expose-obama-birth-
certificate-fraud/print

God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

15 | P a g e

VIPs. You Keep Using That Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You
Think It Means.

The rest of April, and May was a repetitious drumbeat of more and more powerful VIPs climbing aboard
the Posse train. None of the Birther faithful seemed to be aware that it was a train without much of an
engine.

On April 23
rd
PPSIMMONS announced in a headline that “The Obama Fraud Is Nearing a Complete
Exposure!”

Another, and very important, VIP of standing is still promising and laying specific
plans for a monumental exposure of the case and movement for criminal
prosecution. We are still hoping this plan will come to fruition within the next
couple of months. If this comes off as planned, it will be huge, especially if that
plan then has the backing of the large group of VIPs mentioned above.
25


On April 29
th
the ranks of interested VIPs were swelling so rapidly that the PPSIMMONS editor was
struggling to keep up. The image of the writer pounding away at the keyboard, interrupted by phone
calls announcing even more VIPs joining the team is simply so humorous that it deserves a lengthy
quotation just to get the proper feeling.

As we have been reporting, Zullo expects several VIPS to bring this case to
public light in the very near future. Not only is the case expected to be soon
brought to national attention but also there is a strong movement towards the
prosecution of the case. Also, as reported just days ago, Zullo was recently
contacted by a large group of VIPS who wish to see all the evidence of the
Arpaio Obama Fraud investigation. These VIPS can be hugely instrumental in
galvanizing nation-wide support in pushing the prosecution of the case forward.
Lt. Zullo is now slated to present the case to this group of VIPS. That is what has
been happening in just the last week or two.

But hang on - it gets better!

Just this evening, Lt. Zullo reports that ANOTHER two groups of VIPS have
asked to meet with him and want to see the evidence as well. These VIPS also
are directly connected to people who can bring the case to the prosecution level
and are extremely anxious to get something moving on the case - and soon!

25
http://www.ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/04/breaking-more-vips-are-getting-on.html

God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

16 | P a g e


As I was in the process of taking this interview information from Carl Gallups, Lt.
Zullo contacted Gallups by phone and indicated that he just, at that very
moment, had received information that arrangements were being made for him
to present his investigation information to yet ANOTHER group of some of the
most powerful VIPS yet. These VIPS would also be interested in quickly moving
the case forward once they have seen the evidence. It seems that there is now
the snow-ball/avalanche effect taking place that Carl Gallups predicted in an
earlier interview some time back. Gallups indicated that all of the VIPS and the
various groups are from different areas of the country. Gallups says, "This is
really becoming a nation-wide phenomenon.” (All emphasis in the original)
26

In just those three paragraphs, at least five new “groups of VIPs” had joined the ranks of those Gallups
had already been touting for weeks. Assuming that a “group” is by definition more than one, there are
somewhere between ten and forty VIPs accounted for in that announcement alone. And remember,
these VIPs had allegedly been joining at a furious pace for weeks, so we must be talking scores of them
by now. Of course, we are told no names. We are presented with no actual job titles or positions. And
the discussion of “prosecutions” fairly directly telegraphed that these were not the congress people that
Gallups had previously hinted at.

On May 2
nd
PPSIMMONS announced in a spectacular about face from earlier refusals to cooperate with
any of Orly Taitz’s countless court cases that Zullo and the Posse were going to participate in Larry
Klayman’s doomed Alabama ballot challenge appeal. As part of an article headlined, “BREAKING! - Cold
Case Posse WILL Assist in Alabama Supreme Court Case Against Obama!” they characterized these still
anonymous VIPs in this way:
Gallups… tells us that VIPs, in this case, are only people who can actually move
this case to a prosecution level. Gallups says, “We are not fooling with people
who are just curious or who have a desire to simply be ‘in the loop’ of
information. We are now dealing with people who have the connections,
money, authority, and standing to actually move the case forward into the
arena of full public knowledge and, as stated before, full prosecution.” Gallups
went on to say, “These are people with relatively unrestrained financial abilities,
media exposure, and most importantly – a deep desire to see our Constitutional
Republic restored and protected.”
27


On that same day, Gallups finally outed Jeff Miller as the despicable congressperson who had reneged
on meeting with Zullo after CPAC. Certainly if the repeated claims of all these tens or scores of other
VIPs were true, Miller cannot by this point have been the only such VIP to have walked away from

26
http://www.ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/04/latest-4-29-13-more-vips-on-board-with.html
27
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/05/breaking-cold-case-posse-will-assist-in.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

17 | P a g e

cooperation with the Posse. They had left CPAC already claiming a number of “promises” by VIPs, but all
we were continuing to hear about were the enormous number of new VIPs and nothing about the
original crop. A full year later, the original group had apparently completely evaporated. If Gallups’
accounts to this point had been truthful, we should have expected Jeff Miller-like “outings” by the tens
or even scores. Gallups would ultimately never name a second.

Zullo’s “affidavit” for the Alabama court case was released on May 14. As with his earlier affidavits, it
was composed almost entirely of hearsay accounts of what other people had discovered or may have
believed. There was painfully little that either Zullo or Gallups could honestly pretend was a product of
the Posse’s investigation. It was also simply irrelevant to the actual issue before the court. And of
course, it contained exactly nothing that had not been covered by the Posse press conferences a year
earlier. Zullo’s excuse for the affidavits underwhelming currency was that it was necessary to hold back
the alleged “new information” from any civil proceeding so as to not hamstring the criminal
prosecutions that always seemed to dangle on the horizon. Generally, the Birthers bought it.

I write “generally” because at this point Gallups was becoming a participant in one of the perennial
internecine spats between members of the Birther aristocracy. Frustrated by the Posse’s sudden
willingness to cooperate with Larry Klayman in Alabama after refusing to help in any of her cases, Orly
Taitz had gone on the attack. In response, Gallups began to speculate openly that Taitz was an Obot. On
the May 18
th
Freedom Friday broadcast Gallups seemed absolutely flabbergasted by her assault.

I used to think highly of her, until just recently I’ve been reading her website
with my jaw on the ground. It’s as if – I mean she’s leveling charges against the
affidavit, against you (Zullo), against Arpaio. It’s as if her law degree apparently
was gotten of the back of a matchbox. Or she’s an Obamabot operative. ‘Cause,
I mean, she’s parroting the things the Obamabots have, and the things that
she’s claiming legally are not correct.
28


On May 20
th
, and for the first time in more than a month, an actual development was offered regarding
the “Big Plan A.” For weeks we had been hearing of “groups of VIPs” and for those same weeks the anti-
Birther blogosphere had kept up a chorus of mockery regarding the transparent absurdity of the reports.
Most specifically, the obvious disconnect between their extravagant claims of huge numbers of involved
VIPs and the complete vacuum of corresponding progress was being hammered at relentlessly. Zullo and
Gallups simmered, insisting alternately that the Obots were “irrelevant” and then spending vast
amounts of their broadcast time talking about them

More ominously, there was beginning to grow a dangerous leakage of the Obot attitudes into the ranks
of the Birther community online. Keying off a hypothetical worst-case-scenario question asked on
Freedom Friday, the Birther community had exploded with disgust over what they understood to be

28
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqD8qCkjESk

God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

18 | P a g e

Zullo’s intention to write a book rather than pursue a prosecution. Lead in expressing that fear was the
man who had initiated the investigation with his petition to Arpaio; Surprise Arizona Tea Party member
Brian Reilly.

In a special PPSIMMONS Radio interview with Zullo on the subsequent Monday, all stops were taken out
in the name of damage control. But in retrospect the only genuinely interesting part of the interview
could be found in a tantalizing nose tweak that Zullo offered his “naysayers.”

I want your listeners to really mark the calendar today. In two weeks they’re
gonna find out how wrong these other people truly are. How ill informed they
are. This investigation is moving forward. It may not seem like it to them. It is
moving forward faster than it ever has.
29


Zullo was actually speaking a half truth here and in fact had done something of which Gallups had
resolutely proved incapable. He had offered a date for a revelation that he actual would be capable of
keeping. He was preparing to demonstrate for the first and only time that there actually was at least one
group of “VIPs” interested in hearing his story. But to the disappointment of Birthers and amusement of
Obots, it would not actually be a group that bore any of the characteristics previously described.

It would not be members of congress. It would not be people who could “bring the case to the
prosecution level.” It would not be “people with relatively unrestrained financial abilities (or) media
exposure.”

Back on April 5, 2013 on the Freedom Friday program, a caller named Amy had posed what in retrospect
proved to have been a prescient question. Here is her question and Zullo’s response:

Amy: I just want to ask. Have you presented this issue to other law
enforcement agencies? I would think that it might be effective to go sideways
on this and present it to other - I’m sure there are is a sheriff’s organization.


Zullo: The problem Amy with going sideways with this is you start running into a
lot of political agendas. Not every sheriff is elected like Sheriff Arpaio is, some
are appointed in places. With that being the case you run into a lot of politics
and we’re trying to cut a clear path. Now there are sheriff’s that I know want to
hear what we have to say and we’ll make those plans accordingly. But we right
now are in possession of the criminal evidence and we would rather keep it that
way and move the way we are moving.
30



29
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LZDKmzi56Q
30
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/04/its-over-arpaio-investigation-team.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

19 | P a g e

So what was going to happen in two weeks to prove the naysayers that they were wrong? Who was the
huge group of “VIPs” that were about to receive the information that would blow this whole thing wide
open?

You guessed it.

Sheriffs.


God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

20 | P a g e

The Constitutional Sheriffs and Peace Officers Association

The Constitutional Sheriffs and Peace Officers Association (CSPOA) is a relatively small group of “peace
officers” founded by anti-government former-sheriff Richard Mack. Among a raft of other Tenther/Oath
Keeper/anti-Federal government beliefs, they share the conviction that sheriffs are "the highest
executive authority in a county and therefore constitutionally empowered to be able to keep federal
agents out." Having experienced a growth spurt after the election of Barack Obama, they were
scheduled to commence their 2013 convention on the last day of May in St. Charles, Missouri. On the
one hand, they seemed likely to be a very receptive audience for Zullo and his “findings.”

But on the other hand, what the hell were they going to do with those “findings”? Zullo was supposedly
conducting the investigation at the behest of one sheriff already; a sheriff who had not proved
particularly helpful in terms of propelling his own inquiry forward. What did Gallups imagine that the
Sheriff of, say, Henry County, Alabama might bring to the table that the Sheriff of Maricopa County,
Arizona did not? The actual pointlessness of the exercise must not have been lost on Gallups, as
evidenced by his compulsion to misrepresent what was coming.

Without naming the actual venue, Gallups provided a “sneak peak” on the May 23
rd
edition of the new
“Ask Mr. Zullo” feature of PPSIMMONS Radio. Speaking to Zullo, Gallups proclaimed:

Now. Let’s get to the sneak peak of the big announcement. Because you said
several days back that in a couple of weeks the naysayers would see how wrong
they’ve been. Well, what was it that they would be wrong about? Well, they
were saying things like, “This is going nowhere. You guys have stopped. You
guys have stalled. You have nothing. The reason no complaint has been filed is
because you have nothing.” And what you said is, is that a lot is happening that
you and I have been talking about ever since we went to CPAC and Capitol Hill.
VIPs. Very Important People. And when I say VIP I mean people of, well, VIP
means Very Important People, you know that, but, I’m talking about people of
influence, people of power, people of financial means, people of standing, and I
mean Constitutional standing to get things done in Congress or in courts or in
state levels. So when I say VIP I’m not talking about just curious people, I’m
talking about people who can get something done. And what you were referring
to, if I understand correctly, you correct me if I’m wrong, that in a couple of
weeks and now as of this broadcast, just what? Ten or twelve days from now
you are getting ready to be in a big meeting! A big meeting of well known
nationally known VIPs, and you have been asked to speak before this big
meeting of nationally known VIPs to present your evidence or at least
everything you can present fairly publicly. Now! If these officials back your
investigation, and we believe they will, I mean the ones that have already got a
sneak peak are just, they got it. But if this group, if these officials will back your
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

21 | P a g e

investigation, this could be a huge monumental shift in advancing this
investigation towards this Constitutional end.
31


It is simply not credible to believe that Gallups did not realize that almost every single detail of this
speech was a lie. Almost nobody attending the 2013 CSPOA Convention was well known at all, let alone
“nationally known.” With perhaps the sole exception of the still elusive Steve Stockman, none had any
more power, or standing, or financial means, or influence than Arpaio did already. There is essentially
nothing that this group could actually do to advance anything.

But it was all they had.

News of the actual venue leaked out three days later, again from Surprise Tea Party member Brian
Reilly. The collective gasp of disappointment from the Birther faithful could not be concealed. Several
seemed bewildered by the effort to reconcile the CSPOA with Gallups’ previous descriptions of the VIPs
he supposedly had on board. Others noted that while Stockman at least was going to be in attendance,
he had already (in their eyes) proved unwilling to get behind the issue, having done nothing in support
since the meetings at CPAC. The CSPOA meeting schedule was published by Birther blogs with Zullo’s
name clearly displayed as a speaker. On his part, Gallups simply vamped trying to ignore both the leak
and the response.

Four days later on May 30
th
he finally fessed up, trying to downplay the conference in light of his
previous promises. PPSIMMONS announced what everybody had already known for days as a “Breaking
Exclusive!” Writing as Zullo (but in a voice that was unmistakably Gallups) the publication read in part:

Mike Zullo stressed, "I want to be clear. This conference is monumentally
important to the CCP Obama Fraud Case. However, this particular conference
and the potentially powerful outcomes of its presentation is not the only line of
approach in which we are currently engaged. We have other people looking at
this - very important people - very powerful people. We have other plans of
action, currently in the works, in moving the case forward to a full federal
investigation. All of these plans, including this conference, have been the direct
or indirect result of my trip to CPAC and to Capitol Hill with Carl Gallups earlier
this year."
32


The reception of the Birther faithful to the announcement could hardly have been less auspicious. Once
the conference actually began things just went from bad to worse. Scheduled for a twenty minute
“teaser” presentation on Day 1, Zullo was instead limited to just five. Worse, his scheduled four hours of
breakout sessions for the second day were slashed in half, even as large parts of the conference
schedule remained unfilled. There just wasn’t enough interest to fill two sessions.

31
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/05/breaking-new-revelation-mike-zullo.html
32
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/05/major-announcement-obama-fraud-case.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

22 | P a g e


That first evening of the conference, Zullo called into the Freedom Friday show where Gallups frantically
tried to put a positive spin on the event in the face of continuing Birther disappointment and Obot
snark. Sure, there may only have been a single Congressman in attendance, but “it only takes one
person to turn the ship.” Sure, there may have been no obvious benefit to getting other sheriffs
involved, but they were at least real sheriffs and some of them weren’t even retired. Finally, as in the
prior day’s “Breaking Exclusive,” Gallups was compelled to pretend that the CSPOA conference was
really not all that important after all.

Gallups: I think it should be stressed that this is not the culmination, when you
and I were several months ago we said that some really big things were coming
down the road if people keep their promises, that this is not what we were
talking about. This was dropped in your lap just a few weeks back, right?

Zullo: Yeah, it was about five or six weeks ago that I did receive a call from
Sheriff Mack asking me if I would attend this over here.
33


Of course, “five or six weeks prior” would have been right in the middle of April. The CSPOA conference
had been on Zullo’s schedule for the entire duration of Gallups’ “Big Plan A.”

Zullo’s truncated breakout session for Day Two was broken into two segments. A first hour was a
general session for anybody in attendance. A second hour (limited to “sworn law enforcement officials”
and “congressmen”) was supposedly going to provide a “FULL criminal disclosure” of the “new
information” that Zullo claimed to have accumulated over the year since the Posse’s first press
conference.

It has been said that when you lay down with dogs, you should expect to get fleas. And when you
present to a group like the CSPOA, you should expect to get someone pretty much like Gilberton
Borough, Pennsylvania Police Chief Mark Kessler. As far as we can tell, Kessler was the single attendee at
Zullo’s briefing who left the presentation energized and on board, and his immediate enthusiasm knew
no bounds. Zullo might have hoped to come away with a number of supporting guns.

What he got instead was one loose cannon.



33
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZUf7Nbhk_A

God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

23 | P a g e

A Keystone Kop from the Keystone State

On the evening of June 1, PPSIMMONS Radio conducted a remote interview with Zullo who had just
moments earlier finished his breakout session at the CSPOA conference. They posted the interview in a
video titled, “BREAKING! Mike Zullo: NOTHING Can Stop Us Now,” working very hard to sell the
conference as having been a smashing success. Of course, at the time of the interview, neither Zullo nor
Gallups had an inkling about what they had actually just set in motion. Once again we were assured of
Congressman Steve Stockman’s enthusiastic support (whose presence at the conference was attributed
explicitly by Gallups to an act of Divine intervention). Once again we were informed of other avenues,
other anonymous but vastly powerful VIPs and other meetings scheduled and pending.

But there was one exchange that in retrospect drips so deliciously with oblivious irony that even the
most jaded Obot has to feel a little sympathy for their shared cluelessness.

Gallups: What’s really big about this to me, I mean Mike really, if it goes no
further than this, and I know it will, I mean it’s gonna go a lot further, but if it
didn’t go any further than this, you know, I feel so vindicated. (laughing) And I
know you do too because, because for so long the mainstream media has made
people like you and I, they’ve made us out to be, you know, nutjobs and
wingnuts and tin foil hat wearing conspiracy theorists, they’ve labeled us
“Birthers.” And now you, as you’ve just said, you sat down in front of your
peers, lawmen sheriffs, police chiefs, constitutional attorneys, congressmen, I
mean constitutional authority people. They’ve looked at the same evidence
you’ve had, and not one of them challenged the evidence. Every one of them
said, “Oh my gosh! Where has this been?” And so, you know, there’s a huge
vindication here, don’t you think?

Zullo: I do. And Carl there was a, like I told you earlier, a constitutional attorney
that when it was over she came up to me and she said, “I practice in Florida.
And whatever I can do for you, whatever I can do for you, you just call me.” I
mean, here’s somebody that knows the Constitution, knows the law inside and
out. Watched this stuff and walks away with the same conclusion.

Gallups: Right! Absolutely, absolutely. So that’s huge, and as I said if it didn’t go
any further than this there has been in my mind a complete vindication of you
and Sheriff Arpiao. But I know it will go further because you can’t get this many
American lawmen together who have, I mean, hundreds of years total together
in criminal investigation experience, and then a congressman, and a
constitutional attorney looking at evidence that would be presented in a court
or in a Congressional hearing for example and every one of them are saying,
“This is huge. This is monumental. This is for real.” So, so Mike, I’m telling you
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

24 | P a g e

that from this point forward the Obamabots and the mainstream media,
regardless of what they think about you and me and Arpaio, regardless of what
they wish would happen, from this point forward the Obamabots and the
mainstream media are going to have one heck of a time labeling us as just, you
know, right-wing idiots.
34


How were they to know that the only significant advocate they had actually gained from Zullo’s
presentation at the conference would be somebody whom even they would soon conclude was a “right-
wing idiot”?

Steve Stockman’s congressional career would end before they ever got any actual support out of him.
Richard Mack may have come away as a believer, but the most he was willing to actually offer was moral
support. In an interview with Gallups on June 4
th
, Mack made all the right noises, but then washed his
hands of the issue and declared it Congress’s problem.
35


Then there was Mark Kessler. Kessler was the already locally controversial Police Chief of Gilberton
Borough, a tiny town of fewer than 800 people in the Keystone State of Pennsylvania. Unlike any other
attendee at the CSPOA conference, he came away determined to do something about the astounding
things that Zullo had revealed.

Appearing on the Pete Santilli Show on June 4
th
, Kessler was almost beside himself both with horror at
the “Obama fraud” and admiration for Mike Zullo. It is difficult to imagine a less glib advocate for an
issue of this sort, but what he lacked in eloquence he compensated for with enthusiasm. By the end of
the segment, he was advocating the violent overthrow of the government as an appropriate response to
Congressional inaction on the Obama birth certificate.
36


Two days later on June 6
th
, Zullo and Kessler were back together on Kessler’s own Internet radio
program with their budding bromance in full display for a whole hour, bound together by their shared
disdain for the President. The conversation ranged widely and often erratically from discussions of the
birth certificate, to the 2
nd
Amendment, to a number of old Birther myths (told as if Zullo was the
original source) to the TSA. But early in the conversation Zullo made a tongue-in-cheek comment that he
would soon come to regret. Speaking of some obscure reference to the Arpaio investigation by Senator
Marco Rubio, Zullo commented:

Rubio said that if Arpaio has information like this he needs to make it public.
Well, you know, we’ve tried to make it public. So we’re going to do better than

34
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJvG1hdKMho
35
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxaJm_relXc
36
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1O8sfVKifwg
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

25 | P a g e

making it public. Our plan, Sheriff Arpaio’s plan is we are gonna take it to the
White House steps. That’s how public we want to make it.
37


The comment was simply hyperbolic bluster and macho posturing between two men’s men. Zullo never
meant for Kessler to take it literally. Kessler not only took it literally, but just a few days later
unilaterally announced a “Sworn Officer’s March on Washington” and encouraged participants to bring
their guns. The response from several directions was immediate and unequivocal; the groups with
which Kessler had associated himself such as the Oathkeepers and the CSPOA threw up their collective
hands and declared that they would have nothing to do with it. Kessler was furious.

On June 10
th
, Kessler’s BlogTalk radio show was an extended profanity laced rant against the groups he
felt had betrayed him. And at the beginning of the program Kessler was still laboring under the
misconception that even as the other groups had turned tail, Zullo and Arpaio were standing with him
shoulder to shoulder. After all, in Kessler’s view it was all their idea in the first place.

Then, about 13 minutes before the end of the show Kessler received a call he absolutely did not expect.
Cold Case Posse member Don Jeffrey was on the line bearing bad news, and wasted no time getting
directly to the point. Arpaio and the Posse were not on board with Kessler’s march and they wanted him
to stop saying they were.

Kessler seemed stunned and confused. On one hand he very weirdly insisted (in direct contradiction to
the then current content of his web page and FaceBook) that there was no plan for any march on
Washington at all. On the other he admitted there was such a march, but claimed that the plan was
Arpaio's and not his. He protested that what he was doing was what Zullo “wanted” and what Zullo had
explicitly “asked him to do.” Sarcastically, Jeffrey put him in his place.

What I’m saying is like even on your webpage there was a mix up because you
said that, uh, the Sheriff, Sheriff Arpaio and Mike Zullo, the Cold Case Posse is,
you know, on your side. Well, you’re on our side, I guess… I guess you had it
reversed.
38


By the time Jeffrey hung up the message to Kessler from the Cold Case Posse was unambiguous; Shut up
about a march on Washington, and in the meantime don’t call us, we’ll call you.

The significance of the call took a while to sink in. As the show drew to a close Kessler still did not seem
to fully understand how completely he had been thrown under the bus. But based on the comments
online, his listeners understood exactly what had just taken place. And within a few hours Kessler did
too.


37
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrnzSHSTifY#t=288
38
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmK8tKYlGcY#t=165
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

26 | P a g e

That night Kessler appeared to break the confidentiality agreement he had made regarding the “secret”
evidence of the closed session at the CSPOA conference. Kessler posted to his FaceBook account (with
what was for him a typically casual attitude towards grammar, spelling, capitalization and syntax) that:

here’s what I was told, VIA cold case possie , 1) bozo isn’t American nor was he
born in Hawaii, 2) they believe he’s Saudi , 3) their not his real parents, 4) Russia
is involved, 5) it wasn’t an accident he’s president, 6) bill ayers and the weather
underground are involved, 7) Kenya played a roll, Hawaii state officials did the
birth certificate, he has several other names , not just the ones the public knows
about, 9) he don’t exsist in the usa until the age of 5.....10) WERE ALL F*CKED

If his post was true, it would immediately make clear why the information was being kept secret; even
Zullo and Arpio would have had to recognize at some level how insane it was. The details left the
inescapable impression that Zullo had plunged headfirst into the most extreme of the right-wing
nutburger rabbit holes and was still digging. The claims were so absurd that it is fair to suspect that
Kessler had simply made them up as part of what would quickly become an anti-Posse vendetta over the
following days and weeks. Certainly, they were not repeated in an extended interview Kessler would
give to Jeff Rense a month and a half later. Except… Kessler already had let a couple of details or hints of
them slip even before the Posse tossed him to the wolves. He had already for example revealed that
Zullo believed Obama was neither American nor Kenyan, that his parents were not actually his parents,
and that there was no documented trace of Obama in the US for his first five years of life.

It is anyone’s guess as to whether this post was true or not. But if it was, then the Posse was chasing
unicorns and leprechauns.

Kessler’s warfare with Zullo, Gallups and the Arpaio Posse continued for more than a month during
which his invective grew increasingly strident and the effort by Zullo and Gallups to try and ignore it
grew more pointed. Where on June 4
th
Kessler had called Zullo “a great man,” “the real deal” and
“brother,” by June 28
th
he was ranting that “Mike Zullo is a piece of garbage. He is a lying sack of shit
and excuse my French, but when you bring law enforcement from all over the country into a room and
pretend to be a law enforcement officer and host a alleged top secret meeting, it’s a slap in the face to
every cop on the planet.”
39


A month later on July 29
th
, Kessler went on the Jeff Rense program to talk again about the closed session
from the CSPOA meeting. His account (which remains the only one available from anybody who was in
attendance) was damning.

For starters, the entire scheduled hour of the “closed” session was essentially identical to the “open”
session. The “new” information that Gallups and Zullo had repeatedly insisted was pouring in and
putting additional nails into the coffin of the birth certificate did not exist. There was nothing of any

39
http://Birtherthinktank.files.wordpress.com/2013/06/chief-mark-kessler-june-282.pdf
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

27 | P a g e

value as “evidence” that had not already been presented at the first Posse press conference on March 1,
2012. At the close of that hour, during a debate over whether or not it was time for Zullo to clear the
room for the next presenter, most of the original 50 person audience walked out.

The only other thing that was shown was a secretly recorded video that Zullo or
one of his associates videotaped the state officials in Hawaii without their
knowledge. And I guess that’s okay to do that in Hawaii. They interviewed a lady
and some of her statements were quite, from a law enforcement aspect, I
would say she was lying about some stuff. She was very nervous in the video. I
mean just by her body language she was very, very nervous.
40


Hardly the sort of evidence one would hope to have in the effort to unseat an illegitimate President.

Where Zullo had reported on Freedom Friday that “every one of them (who attended) are saying, ‘This is
huge. This is monumental. This is for real.’”, Kessler’s version was less positive.

If he (Zullo) has such damaging evidence, where is it? I don’t know. All I saw was
videos. I didn’t see no – He said, what he said to us out there at that CSPOA
convention, to stand with Joe Arpaio and to come to Washington, the whole
nine yards. And to tell you the truth, you know, a lot of the guys just got up and
walked out. And not only that, but one sheriff actually sat in the back of the
room and started heckling Mr. Zullo, saying, “Why should we stand with you?
Why should we stand with Arpaio?” You know, “Why should we do this for you
guys?”
41


Being an inveterate and indiscriminate conspiracy theorist, Jeff Rense was of the ultimate opinion that
Arpaio and Zullo were actually Obots engaged in an anti-Birther campaign of “misdirection and
obstruction.”

But for Kessler, it was not just his relationship with Zullo and the Posse that had imploded. Other things
were imploding as well, to include his job as Police Chief for Gilberton Borough. On the same day that
Kessler was giving his interview to Jeff Rense, Gallups broke his radio silence and in one of his usual
displays of Christian charity and humility used his ministry to gloat about Kessler’s problems. A
PPSIMMONS entry on July 29
th
was a reprint of an unflattering article about Kessler’s employment
situation.

The PPSIMMONS headline was, “Another one attacks Carl Gallups: AND GETS FIRED?” It is worth
noting that I can find no hint anywhere that Kessler had ever even heard of Carl Gallups, let alone said
anything to attack him.

40
http://k002.kiwi6.com/hotlink/al3037vmqq/rense.20130729.2of3.mp3
41
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

28 | P a g e


The Birther war between Kessler and Zullo ultimately stands as the only actual outcome of Zullo’s
presentation to the CSPOA. Not a single other attendee appear to have ever lifted a finger to help
“propel the case forward.” Not Congressman Stockman, not Sheriff Mack, not the unnamed Floridian
“constitutional attorney,” not one of the other 200 or so attendees can be identified as having done
anything more than simply walk away.

At the same time, the other alleged meetings with VIPs were still going nowhere. The leaked content of
the closed session was taken seriously by no one, to include the vast majority of the Birthersphere. The
payoff for the “Big Plan A” had not happened in the shorter time period Gallups had predicted, and we
were now several weeks into the “three to six month” window originally announced.

But nature abhors a vacuum. If the Posse was going to prove incapable of delivering anything of actual
interest over the next few months, others were standing by to fill it.


God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

29 | P a g e

Bending Like a Reed

Reed Hayes was presented to the world in a lie.

During Zullo’s CSPOA presentation on June 1, 2013, at the tail end of a video narrated by erstwhile Posse
mouthpiece Mark Gillar, it was suddenly announced that:

Some of the anomalies that we have pointed out today were first discovered by
a certified document examiner named Reed Hayes.
42


The problem with this opening assertion is that exactly none of the anomalies that were pointed out
were “first discovered… by Reed Hayes.” Every single one of them was already “old news” at the time of
the Posse’s first press conference in March of 2012, long before Hayes and the Posse had ever crossed
paths. Hayes was being given credit for things that he did not deserve primarily because as we would
quickly learn, Zullo was unwilling to give him credit for anything he did deserve. Hayes did something.
Hayes even wrote something. But nobody would ever learn what.

Reed Hayes was not exactly in the first string if you were trying to field a team of forensic experts.
According to Zullo he was the 213th such “expert” the Posse had approached in the effort to get
somebody… anybody with credentials to look at the White House PDF. To put this in perspective, the
Posse could have filled out more than half the teams in the NBA before they got around to asking Hayes
to play. Birthers can’t be choosers.

But let us be clear on what is certainly the most important fact regarding Reed Hayes and Posse
investigation out of the gate. No one outside of the Posse has ever seen four sentences from the “Reed
Hayes Report.” At the June 1
st
presentation Gillar quoted only two though they have been repeated ad
nauseam by Gallups and Zullo ever since.

“In over 20 years of examining documentation of various types I have never
seen a document that is so seriously questionable in so many respects. In my
opinion the birth certificate is entirely fabricated.”
43


Clearly, these were useful sentences for the Posse’s purposes. A month later in another online article,
Zullo would add part of a third:

“…based on my observations and findings, it is clear that the Certificate of Live
Birth I examined is not a scan of an original paper birth certificate, but a digitally
manufactured document created by utilizing material from various sources,”
44


42
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2TkX3-jEgc&feature=youtu.be
43
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

30 | P a g e


To this day, those three (or is it two and a half?) useful sentences constitute the full extent of what has
ever been disclosed from Hayes’ report. Given the desperate secrecy surrounding the rest of the
report’s alleged 40 pages, it is fair to speculate that they are probably the only three useful sentences in
the entire thing. Hayes cannot actually be challenged on these conclusions because there is no visibility
into their context, why he reached them, or even a single one of the “respects” that he claims to have
found “questionable.”

The report remains a complete bogeyman.

At the time of the original revelation of Hayes’ involvement, Zullo’s tendency to conceal exculpatory
evidence had already been well established. During the second Posse press conference, a passing
mention was made of “tests” performed for the investigation by Tim Selaty. He was included so that
Zullo could incorporate the number of “tests” he performed into a grand total number that Zullo wished
to sound impressive. But Selaty’s actual report was withheld because it actually contradicted several of
Zullo’s basic claims about the birth certificate. In that same press conference, Zullo also depended
heavily on the alleged testimony of a retired Hawaii registrar to support claims (which were quickly
proved false) regarding the numbering and coding on the President’s BC. A recording of the phone
conversation from which this testimony was allegedly gleaned was said to exist and reporters asked if
they could hear it. It still has never been released.

Reed Hayes’ actual report was likewise carefully insulated from critical scrutiny by a cone of silence that
descended around it. Zullo even went so far as to copyright the report, ostensibly to keep it out of the
hands of “civil litigation” (read: Orly Taitz). In the absence of any substantive handles to grab, the
blogosphere jumped on the only other thing they actually had available with which to consider Hayes’
participation; his Curriculum Vitae. And in the face of Obot observations that the CV was not actually all
that impressive, Gallups helped lead the charge to pump it up..

Let’s concede that in the narrow and arguably questionable field of handwriting analysis, Hayes has a
reputation. And certainly there are three signatures on the birth certificate that might lend themselves
to some sort of review by an expert in that area. But even the most diehard of Birthers quickly
understood how thin a reed (pun intended) this was to lean upon for a claim of the document being
“entirely fabricated.” Haye’s CV was otherwise glaringly devoid of the actual experience one would
expect of an “expert” asked to analyze a digital document like the White House PDF.

By the time of a June 4
th
PPSIMMONS article, Zullo was putting a somewhat more evolved spin on Hayes
and his credentials:


44
http://www.worldtribune.com/2013/07/08/forensic-findings-on-obamas-birth-certificate-a-100-percent-
forgery-no-doubt-about-it/
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

31 | P a g e

This ought to serve as a warning shot across the bow to the naysayers of our
criminal investigation in the Obama fraud case. The impressive credentials of
Mr. Hayes, and the fact that he has testified in court cases for Perkins-Coie
coupled with the fact that Mr. Hayes is a registered Democrat, demonstrates
the integrity of our investigation and our conviction that we possess
incontrovertible evidence to back our case. It must be emphasized that we
possess much more evidence similar to this revelation that we have not yet
released for public information.

In actuality, it was not a “fact” that Hayes had ever “testified in court cases for Perkins-Coie.” The detail
that Hayes had once done some unspecified work for a single attorney associated with that law firm had
been noticed first by one of the eagle-eyed partisans on the right-wing Free Republic forum. It was
quickly exaggerated into imaginary expert testimony in an imaginary court case. By Zullo’s count, Hayes
had “testified 26 times in various courtroom proceedings in Hawaii” and all of them were at that time
(but apparently no longer) cited in his online CV. Some were simply arbitration hearings, and in at least
one his appearance was made over the phone. None were in Federal Court.

None of them showed any involvement by Perkins-Coie.

The claim that Hayes was also a “registered Democrat” further demonstrated the tendency of Zullo to
pay little attention to the actual details of his off-hand assertions. While Hayes very well may be a
Democrat, Hawaii is among the states in which voters do not register their party affiliation. Whatever
Hayes might be, a “registered” anything was not on the list.

By July 8
th
, the inflation of Hayes’ CV had continued apace. In an “interview” by Gallups’ associate Grace
Vuoto that bears only passing resemblance to an interview, Hayes had evolved into some sort of in-
house expert for Perkins-Coie. What had previously only been vague references to “cases” plural now
explicitly becomes regular work. Vuoto paraphrased Zullo this way:

This is a key development, asserts Lt. Zullo, because Mr. Hayes is a certified
handwriting analyst and forensic document examiner who worked repeatedly
for Perkins Coie, a reputable law firm, and was deemed a dependable
professional in their legal cases. Moreover, Perkins Coie has defended Mr.
Obama in his legal jousts on the birth certificate matter over the past five
years.
45


Again… there is no evidence that Hayes “repeatedly” did anything for Perkins-Coie, let alone was
considered “a dependable professional in their legal cases.” And even more, Perkins-Coie never had
actually defended the President in any of his “legal jousts.”

45
http://www.worldtribune.com/2013/07/08/forensic-findings-on-obamas-birth-certificate-a-100-percent-
forgery-no-doubt-about-it/
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

32 | P a g e


A month later in an August 2
nd
PPSIMMONS Radio posting titled, “100% PROMISES! The Obama Fraud
Case - LATEST UPDATE” Gallups was running even further with the exaggeration of Hayes’ credentials.

Reed Hayes, an expert digital document examiner court certified as an expert
witness and used as an expert witness by Obama’s own attorneys in the past
through Perkins-Coie out of Hawaii. And Reed Hayes is a Democrat who lives in
Hawaii and works in Hawaii. Reed Hayes, he filed a forty page sworn affidavit
into the file of evidence in the Obama fraud case. He too is criminally liable, and
he too has placed his entire reputation, business and livelihood on the line.
46


This account contains at least three clear falsehoods, two of them new.

First, nowhere in Hayes experience or training is there anything that would suggest he is an “expert
digital document” examiner. His expertise lay entirely in the area of traditional handwriting analysis, and
betrays no competence in “digital” anything. Even Zullo in his original reveal had merely referred to him
as a “document examiner.”

Second, and as we have already noted, there is no evidence that Hayes has ever once been “used as an
expert witness by Obama’s own attorneys.” Gallups gratuitously gilds the fake lily here by also specifying
that this was “Perkins-Coie out of Hawaii” when the only reference in Hayes’ CV to Perkins-Coie at all
specifies that it was for a lawyer out of Seattle, Washington. From the broadest details to the narrowest,
Gallups is wrong again.

Third, Hayes “filed” nothing, let alone “a forty page sworn affidavit”, anywhere. Gallups here is trying
very hard to make it appear that Hayes filed an affidavit under penalty of perjury in the Alabama
Supreme Court appeal for which Zullo did contribute an affidavit. But the only document Hayes has ever
actually been alleged to provide is his copyrighted 40 page report to Zullo; a report that is not a “sworn
affidavit,” that was never submitted to the Alabama court, and that exposes him to no criminal liability
whatsoever. The entirety of Hayes’ contribution to the Alabama court case was Zullo’s inclusion of the
three useful sentences in his own affidavit.

Hayes was never even mentioned by name.

Whatever work Hayes had actually performed for the Posse, whatever technical conclusions he had
reached regarding whatever details he may have analyzed, none of that was destined to ever see the
light of day. Sheriff Arpaio was himself so disinterested in the investigation by this point that he
couldn’t even be bothered to read the Hayes report, trusting Zullo (he said) to tell him what it
contained. As with so many others of the Posse’s false starts, feints and pump fakes, the Hayes report

46
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg5qzRj59jc#t=324
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

33 | P a g e

eventually faded into another Birther myth to which the faithful could point but that they could never
defend. There was nothing there to defend.

Three sentences are not a report.
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

34 | P a g e

The Dog Days of Xerox

From the first moments that amateur Birther “experts” armed with Adobe Illustrator had begun to
deconstruct the White House PDF and declare forgery, the response by more technically savvy observers
on both sides of the political divide was to pronounce the claims nonsense. The “anomalies” being
pointed at were (they asserted) the ordinary results of ordinary compression algorithms applied by
ordinary computers when performing ordinary scans of ordinary paper documents. But they looked…
weird. And that was all that most of the Birther faithful needed to be convinced that something
nefarious was afoot.

The Cold Case Posse had been riding that wave of technical ignorance from the moment it was
chartered to investigate the BC. And when time came to respond to more technically competent
criticism, the trump card they invariably chose to play was simple: the debunker’s arguments, no matter
how compelling, were also essentially theoretical. No one had actually demonstrated that they could
replicate the details of the PDF that Birthers considered to be signs of fabrication. Their own “experts”
had performed “more than 1200 tests” with different hardware and software, unable to come up with
an innocent technical explanation, or so they claimed. It had finally even become an explicit challenge
from Zullo to his naysayers:

(I)f you can show me how a one-button scan push can do this to a document,
please come in; I’d love to sit here and have you show me. Nobody ever steps
up to that plate.
47


By the end of July, it had become clear at the on-again off-again Native and Natural Born Citizenship
Explored Blog that somebody was getting ready to step up to that plate. The blogger NBC had been
involved in an open conversation with a commenter named Kevin Vicklund regarding the technical
issues associated with the White House PDF. They had also stumbled upon earlier comments by posters
named “JPotter” and “justlw” at the Obama Conspiracy Theories Blog from almost a full year earlier that
suggested the hardware that created the PDF might have been a Xerox WorkCentre applying Mixed
Raster Compression (MRC) algorithms to a simple scan. JPotter had even pointed to a number of Xerox
patents explaining the technology and how it worked. It was a brilliant observation that had for too long
gone unnoticed. But no longer.

Soon, NBC and Vicklund were joined by RC of the Reality Check Radio Blog in a comprehensive analysis
of the White House PDF. Rather than merely concentrating on explaining the handful of “anomalies”
that had captured the Birther imagination, they plunged deeply into both the metadata and vestigial
programming artifacts that would not simply replicate the White House PDF, but also help identify the
PDF creation hardware/software combination to the exclusion of all others. By the time they were

47
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/05/detective-zullobenghazi-might-have.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

35 | P a g e

finished, they had met Zullo’s challenge almost completely.

I say “almost” completely because Zullo’s demand had always been a bit of a snipe hunt. He had
demanded a “one-button scan push.” The Workflow discovered by NBC, Vicklund and RC actually
required that button to be pushed twice. Zullo would later hold this out as if the difference was decisive,
or even meaningful. It wasn’t.

What NBC’s team had discovered was a stunningly simple four step workflow that explained every single
one of the digital “anomalies” identified by Birthers as signs of forgery. The original document had been
“scanned to email” on a Xerox WorkCentre All-In-One Scanner/Copier/Printer using its default settings.
When time came to post the PDF on line, the person responsible for posting apparently noticed that the
document had been scanned upside down. To make sure it would be show right side up on the
Whitehouse.gov web site, the image was opened in MAC Preview, rotated 180 degrees, and then saved
again to PDF.

Four steps, two button pushes, and the PDF was fully explained. No need for forgery. No need for
assembly from multiple source documents. No need to import features or alter details. Putting an even
finer point on the explanation’s extremely high probability, it was also proved that the White House
absolutely did possess at least one Xerox WorkCentre capable of producing the PDF. The fat lady had
truly and loudly sung.

It is worthwhile to note here the profound differences between how the NBC team’s investigation
proceeded and how the Posse’s did. Zullo and Gallups were obsessed with secrecy, terrified that their
information might get into the wrong hands and be used for some nefarious purposes. Every Posse act
was conducted behind closed doors. Participants were sworn to confidentiality. “Expert” reports were
suppressed. Challenges to evidence and conclusions were taken as personal attacks. And (they claimed)
all their most powerful and important evidence was known only to them.

In contrast, NBC and team did everything in the open. They published to the web every step of the
process and all their findings. They exposed their work to as broad an audience as possible, inviting and
incorporating ideas and criticism as they went. They allowed opposition “researchers” to challenge their
work at every turn, and went out of their way to explore and account for every Birther criticism in
essentially real time. While yes, they were on occasion compelled to snark, they were still a completely
open book. They were the antithesis of Birther paranoia and opacity.

By the beginning of August the Xerox Workflow had been so comprehensively verified and replicated
that RC was ready to take the battle to the Birthers. This is not to say that the general Birther
community was not already aware of what had been taking place on NBC’s blog. Lengthy anxious
discussions of the Xerox workflow could already be found in places like Free Republic as early as August
3
rd
. Even some hardcore Birthers were shaken by the findings.
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

36 | P a g e


Gallups and Zullo tried to keep control of the situation by feigning complete disinterest.

On August 2, PPSIMMONS Radio released an audio clip by Gallups entitled “100% PROMISES! The
Obama Fraud Case - LATEST UPDATE.”
48
As usual it contained no update, but Gallups was not lying
about the 100% promises. In barely over seven minutes, Gallups uttered the word “promise” twelve
times (once every 36 seconds) trying desperately to keep alive the illusion that the “Big Plan A” was
unfolding according to schedule. When all you have is lemons, you make lemonade. And when all you
have are promises, you make a lot of them.

Most fascinating, though, were the signs that Gallups and Zullos confidence had been shaken by…
something. Along with his promises Gallups was also offering preemptive excuses reagrding why he was
unlikely to keep them. First he would promise that after several presentations to congressmen and their
staffs “these congressmen are telling us that they will move forward with this information with a plan to
move to a congressional investigation.” But then just moments later, he would explain that “We cannot
promise you that these congressman and VIPS will do what they say they will do, or what they are
intimating that they will do, or what they are saying they are planning to do. We can only tell you what
they’re saying. And we can only promise you that the information that we are releasing about these
meetings and their plans are accurate and truthful.”
49


It was as if even Gallups did not believe them.

More embarrassing was that they had by then lost control of their most reliable Congressional narrative;
that Congressman Steve Stockman was “on board” and working with the Posse to commence a
Congressional investigation of the President’s birth. Having connected with Stockman first at CPAC and
then at CSPOA, a lot of Carl Gallups Ministry’s bandwidth had been invested in conveying the impression
that they were working together as a highly coordinated team. But as July had segued into August,
Stockman was talking to everybody it seemed except for Zullo and Gallups. While WND was getting
“exclusive interviews” and other sources were breaking allegations by Congressman Ted Yoho of Florida
that Stockman was readying a “bill” on the issue, Gallups couldn’t even manage to get Stockman to
reschedule the Freedom Friday appearance he had blown off months earlier. Zullo and Gallups were
relegated to simple bystanders, unable to do more than comment on other people’s Stockman stories
and pretend to be encouraged by the news.

Other signs contributed to the general impression that the investigation was flailing. A few weeks prior,
Zullo had been instructing the Birther faithful to stand down from letter writing campaigns to their
congress people. Suddenly, he had reversed direction and was asking them to write those letters after
all, stressing paper letters rather than e-mails. On August 16
th
Zullo and Gallups were back together on
the Freedom Friday show to “out” Congressman Jeff Miller yet again, as if no one remembered they had

48
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zg5qzRj59jc
49
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

37 | P a g e

already done so three and a half months prior. And while “update” after “update” offered nothing of
their own initiative to report, their worst nightmare was rising out of the Obot community.

Word was getting out that the “forger” had finally been found, and that it was a Xerox machine.

On the August 23
rd
broadcast of Freedom Friday, Gallups and Zullo reconvened to offer their first
response in a set of messages so mixed they might have been using a blender. On the one hand, they
wanted to reassure the Birther faithful that there was nothing to see here. They began by trying to
dismiss the Obots as simultaneously “irrelevant” and engaged in “a big disinformation campaign.”

Gallups: Mike, what’s your response to these Obots, in my opinion these
nobodies, these irrelevant little people, running around crying on national talk
radio about how you won’t tell them anything. And you’re a professional
criminal investigator in a criminal case getting information before Congress but
they’re whining because you won’t tell them what you know.

Zullo: Well Carl, I think they’re delusional. I think they’re deluded that they’re
some vessel of authority somewhere, I don’t know in what stratosphere. But I
don’t owe them anything. I have never engaged them in two years. I don’t really
pay a lot of attention to them. And what little I do know of them besides from
the identities of a few and one that I am intently focused on now, um, it really
just seems to me to be nothing more than a big disinformation campaign. It
goes beyond even misinformation, it is disinformation. And for a definition, now
its false information that is deliberately and a lot of times covertly spread in
order to influence public opinion or to obscure the truth.
50


The two then proceeded to pay attention to the “irrelevant little people” for the entire rest of the show
segment. Gallups engaged in a bit of adolescent penis waving, offended that RC (whom he would not
identify by name) might consider his BlogTalk show in the same breath as Freedom Friday. Zullo
(revealing that he was apparently a listener) described RCs show as “like the 1950s party line. You know
they should just sit around in their feety pajamas and talk to each other.” For however “irrelevant” the
Obots might have been, they were apparently living in Gallups’ and Zullo’s heads rent free.

But if anybody had been expecting an actual response to the Xerox workflow, they would be
disappointed. Recounting an earlier program in which an Obot had called into confront Gallups with the
Xerox findings, he recounted the story and then dissembled:

Gallups: But my response was, because of what I know, I said, “I will not give
any details of the criminal investigation but I can say this. That allegation that’s
just made about the Xerox machine, it is of no concern to the Arpaio

50
http://www.1330weby.com/media/com_podcastmanager/FreedomFriday/2013/8-23/Segment7.mp3
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

38 | P a g e

investigation.” I, uh, I said, “Zullo and Arpaio are miles down the road ahead of
that.” And I mean, if that’s what they think is the golden bullet they are going to
be sorely disappointed. Did I answer that correctly? And should we say anything
else? Is there anything else you want to say or is that just kinda where it needs
to be? Or if I said something wrong correct me.

Zullo: No, you answered it the way that I would answer it. It is absolutely
nothing of concern to us. It is not exculpatory on any level. And there isn’t
anything I’m going to say about it.

Gallups: Right.

Zullo: You know, if these people think they have exculpatory evidence, then
send signed affidavits with your computer files and the experts that did the
analysis and we’d be more than happy to look at it. But don’t disseminate this
nonsense over the Internet and think that I have some obligation to you.
Because I don’t.
51


The cavalier dismissal was not doing a very effective job of masking what was going on underneath the
covers. They were at least concerned enough to begin laying the foundation for a fallback position on
the President’s eligibility should their claims regarding the birth certificate have actually come a cropper.

Gallups: But, but you guys are way down the road ahead of this Xerox machine
thing. You’re aware of it. You’re aware of every detail of their allegations. You
guys have done your thing. You’re way beyond that. And your case does not rest
on that. Nor does it really rest totally on the PDF. I mean there’s just so much to
this that people don’t know. You’ve got three to four hundred pages of criminal
investigation stuff.
52


Less than a week later, Gallups could not constrain himself from investing more of his time obsessing
over “these irrelevant little people” and the Xerox workflow which was supposedly “of no concern.” On
August 29
th
he released a desperately defensive PPSIMMONS Radio clip entitled “Obamabots Now
SUSPECTS?! Obots going CRAZY over Obama Fraud Case!” Primarily upset over a snarky article that
had been published by the Phoenix New Times regarding the Xerox workflow, Gallups again spent most
of the clip in a pointless spasm of macho posturing regarding the size of his… audience. He repeated the
bald but vacuous assertion that:

The Xerox machine that they’re talking about? It is of no consequence to this
investigation. It is of no concern. Zullo and his team completely, I gotta be

51
Ibid
52
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

39 | P a g e

careful of what I say here because I don’t want to give away any information.
Bottom line is they’re very aware of the whole allegation. They have
investigated it to the hilt. It is of no concern. It is of no concern.
53


In reality, the Xerox workflow was of enough concern that Gallups had to spend a moment laying the
grounds for ignoring it. He did so with a bit of disingenuous quibbling:

There is no machine anywhere in the world that exists wherein a birth
certificate can be placed in it, the button pushed one time, and every one of the
anomalies that’s on the Obama birth certificate that can be replicated exactly,
and especially some of the most condemning anomalies. And that’s as far as I’m
gonna go. There is no machine that exists that does that.
54


Of course, Gallups was setting up and knocking down a strawman. No Obot had claimed that one
machine and one button push created the White House PDF, because no one machine did. The Xerox
workflow was a workflow of the sort used tens of thousands of times every day by organizations posting
ordinary documents to the World Wide Web. In very few of those cases was the intent either forgery or
fraud. But the admission that came next was a bit of surprise:

The Obamabots may have found a machine that produces several anomalies
that appear to be similar to those on the Obama birth certificate, but that does
not derail this investigation. But let me tell you what it does do. It opens up a
whole other branch of the investigation. That’s for certain.
55


The workflow that was of “no concern” and “no consequence” apparently had consequences after all.
Even with Gallups’ obligatory weasel words, he was admitting that Obots had accomplished what until
now the Posse’s “experts” had alleged was impossible. What Gallups was not admitting was that among
the “several anomalies” it did explain were all of the digital anomalies that served as the core of Zullo’s
press conferences, of his presentation (public and private) at the CSPOA conference and as we would
soon learn in his private presentations to Congressmen.

Remember the “irrelevant little people” that Gallups considered delusional and that Zullo didn’t “really
pay a lot of attention to? Suddenly they were very interesting and relevant. In fact, Gallups asserted that
they were his “prime suspects, from the beginning.”

I can tell you this. The Zullo investigation is now looking at persons of interest,
specific people, specifically because of the Obamabots going frenetically crazy
over this so-called Xerox machine evidence. So, the bottom line is, again, it is of

53
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LKv8X7_M2E#t=56
54
Ibid
55
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

40 | P a g e

no concern. They can keep printing their little articles and their little news rags
and talk to themselves on their little party-line BlogSpot radio programs with 10
or 20 people as they scream among themselves. They can continue to call into
the real radio programs and try to derail the conversation, but that’s all they can
do. In the meantime a whole different line of investigation has been opened
now.
56

By early September it was clear that the workflow which Gallups and Zullo had asserted was “of no
concern” had actually been receiving a lot of attention within the Posse since at least the prior month. It
was discovered that the Posse’s favored amateur digital document “expert,” Garret Papit, had already
begun tests to replicate the Xerox findings. Someone stumbled upon his first attempt which had been
inexplicably posted as an embarrassing YouTube in which he was unable to get his Xerox workstation to
even work. When the video became the subject of much Obot mirth, it was quickly pulled.

Papit was also offered the opportunity to comment on the Xerox workflow by the Obama Conspiracy
Theories Blog. After all, it was Papit’s report that was most directly and decisively eviscerated by the
work of NBCs team. Apparently, the standard Posse gag order remained firmly in place. Papit demurred:

Unfortunately I’m not at liberty to discuss it at this point. But sit tight. It will be
covered in due time. … Once I am allowed to discuss it I will be more than happy
to address your points.
57


Papit either was never finally allowed to discuss it, or he ended up not quite as happy as he thought he
would. He has not been heard from since.

Zullo and Gallups had for months kept up the façade that not only was their evidence of the birth
certificate’s forgery 100% incontrovertible, but that every few days or so it had been augmented with
more and better proof. Protected behind a wall of criminal investigatory secrecy was supposed to be
evidence even more powerful than that they had first made public on March 1, 2012; evidence that the
Posse was sharing only in closed door meetings with VIPs of standing who could propel the investigation
forward to the level of a congressional investigation. VIPs with standing like Congressman Rob Woodall,
representing Georgia’s 7
th
District.

Already mortally wounded by the Xerox workflow, the death rattle of the birth certificate investigation
took place in Representative Woodall’s office on September 6
th
, 2013.

According to the organizer of meeting, a long time Birther who went by the nom-de-plume of Pixel
Patroit, “(T)he meeting was established for the sole purpose of opening up a channel of communication
between Rep. Woodall and Lt. Mike Zullo.” Since Zullo was joining by phone, he was not able to see an

56
Ibid
57
http://www.obamaconspiracy.org/2013/08/loss-of-liberty
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

41 | P a g e

important detail of the meeting’s proceedings. While Zullo believed he was engaged in another private
meeting behind closed doors, the entire discussion was actually being videotaped for eventual posting
to YouTube. As Pixel Patriot would declare when he posted it three days later:

The meeting represents the first such on the record exchange having been
recorded for the American public whereby Lt. Zullo as a law enforcement official
is directly disclosing to a U.S. Congressman irrefutable evidence of crimes
surrounding the President of the United States and his eligibility.
58


Within hours, Zullo frantically called Pixel Patriot demanding it be taken down. There was a reason why
the meetings took place behind closed doors, but it was not the one that Zullo and Gallups had been
asserting for months. The video exposed that real reason in all its pathetic glory. Zullo and Gallups had
been lying all along.

There was no “new evidence.” There were no additional “nails in the coffin.” There was nothing that had
been held back specifically for important meetings like this. There was only the exact same information
that Zullo had announced to the press conference in Maricopa County on March 1, 2012. Zullo talked of
layers. Zullo talked of how the Registrar’s Stamp could be “moved about the page.” Zullo talked only of
things that the Xerox workflow had already destroyed as real evidence of forgery. There was nothing
else.

The video was quickly scrubbed without explanation. Even the article about the video posted on the
Birther Report Blog was scrubbed, also without explanation. Birthers were left scratching their heads
over what had just happened and why.

That moment marked a seismic shift in the Posse narrative. While neither Zullo nor Gallups would ever
actually come clean regarding how decisively their birth certificate claims had been put to rest, never
again would the birth certificate or "evidence of its forgery" be anything more than an embarrassed
aside. All that was left on that subject was pretense. Oh… pretense and anger.

The narrative would no longer be about proving a fraud; it would now be about putting people in jail.
Despite the fact that no crimes could be identified, especially now that the evidence of a forgery had
been so comprehensively disproved, the Birthers were out for blood. What had generally been just idle
claims would now morph into idle threats.

Zullo was coming to get the Obots.



58
http://beforeitsnews.com/obama-birthplace-controversy/2013/09/on-the-record-rep-woodall-and-lt-zullo-talk-
obama-id-fraud-phony-forged-document-2466562.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

42 | P a g e

Be Vewy, Vewy Quiet. We’w Hunting Obots!

Carl Gallups was in a reflective mood. Not necessarily because he wanted to be. And certainly not
because it came to him either naturally or easily. Gallups was in a reflective mood because he had been
confronted by a disgruntled Birther in a public forum and had no choice but to reflect.

On September 11, 2013 Carl Gallups was appearing on one of the latest of the Birther internet radio
shows to metastasize across the World Wide Web, Mike Volin’s baroquely named
wheresobamasbirthcertificateXcom show. A loyal listener named Ed had called in to observe that:

A lot of us don’t feel like Zullo and Team Arpaio that they’re moving with this
thing. They’re not stepping up with this thing and taking action. Because, you
know, we remember way back, what was it? February? March? When you and
Mike Zullo went to CPAC? Yeah, well, you know. About that time we heard you
and some from Zullo too, you know, so many VIPs were coming on board, these
were wealthy VIPs and they could move this thing into a state and federal court.
And they had the power to get this into the media and make this thing move.
And it’s been like six months or so, and we’ve seen absolutely nothing, Carl.
Absolutely zero.
59


Gallups was in a tough spot. It was not his own show, so he knew he couldn’t smugly change the subject
or accuse the caller of being an Obot and hang up. Volin had already vouched for Ed as somebody he
“works with.” Ed’s account was certainly on the money, and far more accurate than the alternative
version Gallups was about to spin up. But the faithful were listening, and Gallups needed to put lipstick
on this pig. The result was almost unrecognizable to anyone who had been paying attention to the
previous months of Posse “progress.”

Gallups began, of course, by repeating Arpaio’s silly claim (believed by exactly no one) that his original
intention for launching the investigation had been to “vindicate Obama.” He then repeated the equally
false assertion that “The news media shut it down and refused to report it.” In reality of course, the
news media did report it; but simply not in the way Gallups would have preferred.

At that point, Gallups launched into a version of history that managed to actually contradict pretty much
everything he had been saying himself for the previous year and a half:

So immediately Arpaio starts, you know, trying to get a hold of congressmen
and federal courts and all of his connections to deal with this and nobody will,
will touch it. So, so, for, it went on hold for about a year and a half. I mean, they
kept investigating. They kept digging. They kept finding more and more stuff.

59
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9WKoAcRPOw
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

43 | P a g e

They were overwhelmed how deep and dark and dirty this thing went. But
nobody would touch it.
60


Trying to align this account with the actual timeline runs into an immediate rending of the time-space
continuum as well as irreconcilable contradictions with both known facts and Gallups’ own prior claims.
The first Posse press conference was on the first day of March, 2012. A “year and a half” afterwards
would take us all the way to September 1, 2013… less than two weeks prior to the moment Gallups was
speaking. Certainly, Gallups could not really have been claiming that nothing had actually happened
until just ten days prior.

And Arpaio’s general disinterest in the birth certificate “investigation” had by that point become
painfully clear. The last time he had been coaxed into a discussion specifically about Zullo’s work was the
Freedom Friday interview months earlier during which he admitted that he hadn’t even bothered to
read the Reed Hayes report. When the subject came up (generally in the course of interviews on other
subjects) the Sheriff invariably glossed over it with platitudes of support while never hinting he had a
clue regarding the details. And nowhere in the months of florid hand waiving by Zullo or Gallups was
there even a suggestion that Arpaio had ever lifted a finger to contact any let alone “all of his
connections” to help.

Even more significantly, during that entire period Gallups had insisted almost non-stop that large
numbers of “VIPs with standing” were already on board or getting there, and that they were “making
promises” to get the investigation moved to “a higher level.” It was during that period that Gallups had
promised the first “huge announcement” prior to the Electoral College certification. It was during that
period that he launched the first of his “Plan Bs.” It was during that period he had announced the “Big
Plan A.” And if we take his claim of “a year and a half” literally, that window would also include the trip
to CPAC, followed by the trip to CSPOA.

And even that only accounted for thirteen months.

All that time Gallups had been reassuring his listeners again and again that “progress (was) being made,”
that “important players” were involved, that “monumental” things were about to break that would
“grab national and international attention.” Now suddenly he was telling them that none of that had
been true. For that entire time things had actually been “on hold,” during which “nobody would touch
it.”

One sentence later Gallups leaped back though the wormhole and suddenly was in March again.

And then remember, Ed, you said “Way back in March.” Well, (Laughing) that’s
just been a handful of months ago. When remember, prior to that nothing was
happening. Nothing was moving. Nobody would talk to anybody about it. But

60
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

44 | P a g e

just a handful of months ago Mike Zullo and I decided we’d make one last ditch
effort and try to bring some people on board.
61


This of course was a reference to the CPAC trip, a trip that even Zullo had slipped up at least twice prior
to call “a fishing expedition.” Gallups now confirmed that dismal assessment. And it was the period since
that meeting that Ed had called “absolutely nothing, Carl. Absolutely zero.” It was about to get a
completely different interpretation by Gallups.

Ed. And so we did, and I believe God opened some doors and led us into the,
into the, uh, offices of people who finally listened to us. Congressman Steve
Stockman was one of ‘em who sat down with us for hours. There were others.
And uh, and so, the bottom line is, Ed, here’s where we are now. The
investigation is still going forward. We have persons of interest now. Mike Zullo
is on top of this every day.
62


In short, Gallups really had nothing to tell Ed or the other listeners that was different from what he had
been telling them the whole time that (as he had just admitted) nothing had actually been taking place.

After a passing slap at the Xerox workflow, offering a long string of excuses for congressional inaction,
and completely pretending that the CSPOA affair had never happened at all, Gallups then gave the first
hint that they were already anticipating the failure of the “Big Plan A.”

I can promise you that Mike Zullo, Sheriff Arpaio, are going to move it forward
as far as they can take it. Their goal is to get it to a Congressional investigation.
If that happens it will blow this thing wide open. If it doesn’t happen, let’s say
Stockman backs out, or some other congressmen back out, let’s say everybody
just gets cold feet and doesn’t deal with it , then we have a Plan B. And I don’t
want to give it all away right now. But Zullo and Arpaio have talked about it at
length. Mike and I have talked about it. Other people who are involved in this.
We have a Plan B to get every piece of evidence that they have, and it’s amazing
what they have that they haven’t even released not counting the affidavit that’s
been released with 200 points of evidence, uh, but they will release every bit of
it in a multi-faceted releasing fashion.

This thing is moving along. It’s getting deeper and deeper and darker and
darker. And, and people are making promises to us that they’re going to move it
to a Congressional investigation and all we can do is wait for them to keep their

61
Ibid
62
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

45 | P a g e

promise. If they keep it, you will see the results of it. If they don’t keep it, then
Mike Zullo has a Plan B.
63


Right. It was moving along, but they already were preparing for it to go nowhere. Only halfway through
the “three to six month” window of the “Big Plan A,” they were spinning their wheels and they knew it.
Frankly, any talk of lettered plans had by this point devolved into unrefined farce. The only observation
that can be made with any confidence at this point is that being planful was not among the virtues of
either Gallups or Zullo. None of their “definitive plans of action” had managed to survive first contact
with reality. Instead of following any plans, they had leaped from one “fishing expedition” to the next,
counting on divine intervention to make up for their own inability to get any influential person to take
them seriously. What would follow now would be not be a Plan B to “release every bit of it in a multi-
faceted releasing fashion,” but instead an equally ineffective and amateurish attempt at vendetta.

Gallups had telegraphed his rising irritation at the end of August when he had referred to the Obots as
his “prime suspects” and spoke of “the whole other branch of investigation” being opened up. The
Birther Report posted that audio clip the next day under the headline, “Team Arpaio: Obamabots Now
SUSPECTS?! Obots going CRAZY over Obama Fraud Case! “In a mere six days the Obots had gone from
being “completely irrelevant” to the focus of Posse attention. If anyone needed an indication of how
severely stung Zullo and Arpaio had been by the Xerox workflow, that was it.

The online responses of the two communities (Birther and Obot) could not have been more
complementary. The comment sections of Birther blogs filled with celebration over the impending
imprisonment of the Obots for crimes that to this point neither Zullo nor Gallups were able to describe.
Simultaneously on the Obot forums and blogs, commenters speculated giddily (and often jealously) over
who among them would be targeted by the Posse’s crack team of investigators.

Gallups’ initial comments indicated that NBC’s team would be near the top of that list. The Birther rank
and file made no mystery of their hopes that it would instead be headed by Bill Bryan (“Foggy”) of The
Fogbow and Kevin Davidson (“Dr. Conspiracy”) of the Obama Conspiracy Theories Blog. But both Bryan
and Davidson were non-anonymous and therefore difficult for Gallups or Zullo to portray as criminal
types. NBC’s team on the other hand offered two Obots who were not only anonymous, but one of
them had already also proved willing to directly invade the Birther echo chamber. That of course was RC
of the Reality Check Radio Blog.

On September 6
th
, in response to the hints from Gallups that RC was the most persistent thorn in his
side and therefore worthy of labeling a “person of interest,” RC called Zullo directly to ask whether or
not he actually was “a person of interest.” When RC declined to break his veil of anonymity, Zullo hung
up. By the time RC called back to try again, Zullo had managed to call Gallups and surreptitiously
conference him in. In perfect symmetry, RC recorded the conversation.


63
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

46 | P a g e

The call itself is actually not particularly edifying. RC repeatedly asks if he is a person of interest. Zullo
refuses to answer until such time as RC provides “valid United States identifiable background
information checked identification.” (Hey, no one ever said that Zullo couldn’t string together large
numbers of redundant adjectives.) In the back and forth that followed each managed to get in an insult
or two, Zullo reaffirmed that his straw man standard for the Xerox workflow was “one push of a button”
and the call ended.

Later that same day, RC’s call became a subject of discussion on Freedom Friday, eventually also posted
to PPSIMMONS as an audio clip titled, “WHAT?! Obamabot Calls Zullo and Gallups on Phone! SUSPECT
IN CASE?”Gallups’ description of the conversation is on occasion in factual variance with the recording
of the call, but not in a way that is very significant. What was more interesting was that it had goaded
Gallups into an even more explicit version of the threat from the week before.

One of the latest developments in the Arpaio case is that the, I gotta be careful
of what I say here, but that the investigation is now pointing to some people of
interest who are known Obamabots. And they have been doing deep
investigations of these people. And they’ve discovered some amazing ties across
this land to some very important people. And that’s all I’m gonna say right now.
Amazing. Here before unknown ties.
64


This is one of those clips where it is particularly fun to listen to Gallups’ dramatic presentation, filled
with great tension and ominous import while the words actually say very little. How “deep” the alleged
investigations could have been is questionable since earlier that same day Zullo had demonstrated that
he had no clue who RC even was, though by the end of the clip Gallups is again hinting that RC was the
key suspect. And again, the stark contradiction between Gallups’ earlier claim in the same audio clip that
Obots are “irrelevant” and his final assertion that they are tied to some “very important people” strains
credulity.

It was five days later that Gallup offered the caller Ed his ill considered, internally contradictory
explanation for why the Posse had accomplished essentially nothing. A week and a half later, on
September 23
rd
The Fogbow’s Bill Bryan received an email from Mike Violin who had been raising his
profile among the Birthers in association with “Sheriff’s Kits” he had assembled from Posse materials.
Bryan had offered to enter the lion’s den and give Volin a full two hour interview with the de facto
“head obot” on Volin’s BlogTalk radio program. Volin was turning him down.

After close consultations with members of the team it would not be prudent for
me to interview you, mainly due to several obots are now the focus of a law
enforcement criminal investigation this would only be a conflict due to my
attachment to the Sheriff's Kits.
65


64
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/09/what-obamabot-calls-zullo-and-gallups.html
65
http://www.thefogbow.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=548471#p548471
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

47 | P a g e


The prospect of their Obot antagonists being frog-marched to prison was fresh meat to the Birther rank
and file. It became a fantasy of such orgasmic pleasure that it successfully distracted Ed and his brethren
from the actual state of affairs. On PPSIMMONS and Freedom Friday almost nothing was heard about
any new VIPs coming on board, the Xerox workflow, the birth certificate itself, or (especially) the
looming deadline for culmination of “The Big Plan A.”

October 12, 2013 was the last day of the window. It was Friday, and Zullo was scheduled for a full hour
on Gallups show. The first segment was spent with what was supposed to be a demonstration by Zullo
of his incredible investigatory skills regarding his pursuit of the Obot “persons of interest.” Instead he
merely demonstrated that he knew how to use Google but not how to interpret the results. Bloggers Bill
Bryan and Kevin Davidson were his targets, and for all the effort Zullo had put into his investigations he
proved unable to learn a single thing about them that was both true and not already publicly available
online. Worse, he got much of what he had discovered spectacularly wrong. During this entire episode
of attempted well poisoning, Gallups provided comedic relief by repeatedly being unable to remember
which of the two Obots he was even talking about.

The next segment commenced where the first had left off, but with the addition of Carl Gallups’ son
Brandon immediately demonstrating that he was even easier to confuse than his father was. Having
mentioned in the first segment that Davidson had professional experience in the design and
implementation of vital statistics software, Brandon had stumbled upon an Internet joke website from
the earliest days of the Birther movement, “The Republic of Kenya Birth Certificate Generator.”
66
The
website had nothing whatsoever to do with Kevin Davidson, but Brandon announced that it was “Dr.
Conspiracy’s website” and that he was at that moment creating a Kenyan birth certificate for Michael
Zullo. It was good for a laugh, but not for Brandon Gallups’ credibility.

But it was during that second segment that Zullo effectively threw in the towel regarding the birth
certificate investigation. For more than 17 months, Zullo’s entire theory of forgery had been based on
the discussion of specific digital anomalies that had been found on the Whitehouse.gov PDF. Mark
Gillar’s videos, Zullos presentation to the CSPOA and to Congressman Woodall, even Mike Volin’s
“Sheriffs Kits” all revolved around details like the “layers,” the “halos,” and the “movable registrar’s
stamp.” With all of these having been proved to be the ordinary results of an ordinary scan on a Xerox
WorkCentre, Zullo was now prepared to toss that entire line of inquiry under the bus. He did so with a
comment that even Gallups seemed unprepared to hear:

Let me say something Carl. You know we have been focused on this issue and,
you know, your listeners, everybody is so intently focused on the birth
certificate. And I just really want to make it clear. The birth certificate as it’s, in
the form that it is now, a PDF file is absolutely of no evidentiary value. It’s
useless. And it doesn’t really matter to an extent other than from a

66
http://kenyanbirthcertificategenerator.com/
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

48 | P a g e

conspiratorial standpoint in the commission of felonies. It doesn’t matter about
all these anomalies because this thing has no evidentiary value. It is nothing. It is
absolutely nothing, and the American people were shown absolutely nothing.
67

The admission was so shocking to the Birther audience that upon returning from break, Gallups knew he
had a fire that desperately needed to be put out.

Listen, we’ve had several callers during the break that were just freaking out
about a statement you made. I want to give you an opportunity to straighten
that out. That you made a statement that the birth certificate, the PDF birth
certificate file is “of no evidentiary value.” I knew exactly what you mean by
that, but make it very clear for our listeners.
68


Instead of the restatement Gallups was hoping for, Zullo dug in deeper. Zullo was even more explicit
that the entire basis of the previous two plus years of Posse work, the anomalies, were no long an issue
that would work for them

The PDF file in its present form, in other words as a PDF file, an image is of no
evidentiary value. In other words you cannot take that PDF file and use it as a
legitimate birth certificate. ‘Cause it just isn’t. You need a hard copy document
that has a state seal on it and registrar’s stamps that could be verified to some
level. And this thing just doesn’t do that. So constantly, you know, shifting gears
and looking at this anomaly and that anomaly, look. We know the anomalies are
there. We know this thing’s plagued with problems. That’s not the issue any
longer. The fact is it has no evidentiary value as a birth certificate.
69

This was essentially the exact thing Obots had been saying since the first Birther theory of forgery was
raised following the April 27, 2011 release. It was the first observation made by almost all of the actual
digital document experts who had commented on it. The entire exercise of trying to prove the forgery of
a paper document based upon an analysis of its digital image had always been a fool’s errand. Every
Birther “analyst” from Mara Zebest to Reed Hayes was trying to analyze a document that none of them
had ever even seen.

Now that the Xerox workflow had eviscerated the Posse’s work, Zullo (though not Gallups) finally
realized the wisdom of that simple truth. He was now taking the position that anomalies didn’t matter at
all, so what would it matter that the Obots could prove them all to be completely ordinary? The
Whitehouse.com PDF no longer actually even mattered at all.


67
http://www.1330weby.com/media/com_podcastmanager/FreedomFriday/2013/10-11/Segment6.mp3
68
http://www.1330weby.com/media/com_podcastmanager/FreedomFriday/2013/10-11/Segment7.mp3
69
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

49 | P a g e

Gallups was audibly panicked. With Zullo having failed to salvage the investigation with a second try,
Gallups desperately tried to put words in his mouth.

It is not a birth certificate. It is fabricated fraudulent mess … And so what you
meant by “it has no evidentiary value” is the fact that it’s just a useless piece of
paper. But that does not take away from the fact that there is criminal activity in
the fabrication of it and the presentation of it as his, uh, as his identifying
document. I mean somebody forged a document. Somebody created a
document. Somebody committed some felonies. So, it is of criminal value but
it’s no evidentiary value as far as him taking that, or anybody taking it and using
it as a birth certificate. Did I say that correctly?
70


In response, Zullo did what he does best. He sidestepped the question so deftly that it must have left
Gallups’ head spinning.

Yeah, you can print that thing out a thousand times and it’s never worth
anything more than the paper it’s printed on.
71


The rest of the program contained a few moderately interesting exchanges about more Obots and the
Xerox workflow, and an entertaining call to the show from Bill Bryan himself. But the damage was done.
The birth certificate forgery argument had been completely conceded and would never again take
center stage except within the general Birther community, a place where lies never die. Zullo’s flaccid
investigation of the Obots would continue, and as we will see later periodically would turn over more
kibble to toss at the faithful. But none of it would ever manage to be at the same time interesting,
damaging and true.

Perhaps the single most important detail of this October 12, 2013 Freedom Friday broadcast was the
thing it never said. At the sign off of the show, Gallups “Big Plan A” ended with even less fanfare than
the world does in a T.S. Eliot poem. As the fall of 2013 broke across the country, the Posse
“investigation” entered its third year with nothing to show for its effort. What could possibly be next?

Other of course than for the shattering of the entire universe?




70
Ibid
71
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

50 | P a g e

Waiting for Zullo

A disheartened silence settled over the Posse for the next four weeks. Once again, they had failed to
meet their own self imposed and very public deadline. Worse yet, the birth certificate “evidence” upon
which they had so completely depended had sublimated away like a dusting of snow in the sun. While
they tried to ignore it, the mockery was merciless on the Obot blogs. And in the comments sections of
the Birther blogs it had become generally acceptable to disparage Gallups , Zullo and Arpaio without
fear of being automatically banned as an Obot. Even some of the remaining faithful conceded that while
they still believed, it really had begun to sound like Aesop’s fable of the boy who cried wolf, except that
in the Birther version the boy never actually got eaten.

If nothing else, Gallups had to be getting very tired of reassuring his listeners that he was not lying to
them.

If, as Gallups had repeatedly insisted, the Posse investigation was a pursuit of truth, this would have
been a very good time to soberly reassess what had been settled truthfully to this point. But if anyone
had expected a sincere response from either Gallups or Zullo to the debilitating setbacks of the summer
they were in for a disappointment. Drinking from a shared font of paranoia and prejudice, their
codependence had evolved into a mutually reinforcing echo chamber of two. There were secrets that
only they seemed to share. They spoke on the phone “almost every day.” Gallups’ role as “confidant”
had grown to where he now considered himself to be Zullo’s “pastor,” a truly bizarre circumstance to
anyone familiar with the age old relationship between Southern Baptists and Roman Catholics. The
religious component of their relationship was not insignificant.

The belief that something was “wrong” with the President’s nativity story had for them long ago crossed
the line to a religious conviction. Their struggle was “not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers,
against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness
in the heavenly places.”
72
The escalating obsession with the secret identities of some of the Obots, even
at the same time they incongruously dismissed them as “irrelevant” and “of no concern” was
symptomatic of the belief that they were on a crusade against evil. For Gallups it had always been that
way, convinced as he was of Obama’s role in the Biblical end-times. For Zullo it was another step on his
path to apostlehood.

By the second week in November, Gallups and Zullo were ready to reboot the “investigation.” From an
evidentiary perspective, their new story was starting at zero. But the bald assertions of secret evidence
had always worked well for them before, so that was not an insurmountable issue. What was a real
problem was that two years of concentration on the birth certificate had delivered nothing, as even the
Birther faithful knew. No prosecutorial authority had given them the time of day. No congressperson

72
Ephesians 6:12
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

51 | P a g e

had ever more than pump-faked their support. None of the VIPs they claimed to have engaged had ever
come through. When media coverage occurred, it was invariably negative.

They needed a different narrative, while maintaining at least a veneer of continuity with the past.

The reboot formally commenced on November 8
th
with a PPSIMMONS post titled, “BREAKING!
EXCLUSIVE! MONUMENTAL BREAKTHROUGH in Birth Certificate Case!” In a painfully vacuous 500
words, Gallups managed to say absolutely nothing of substance, all but admitting that the primary
purpose of the announcement was to fill the vacuum of the previous month. But it also served to lay a
foundation for the new spin moving forward. The new rhetorical rules were these:

1. Absolutely nothing new of actual substance would ever again be asserted, promised, hinted at
or revealed. Absolutely nothing! Ambiguity was a virtue, clarity an unacceptable risk. This was a
position they had actually evolved to the hard way, and had been incrementally approaching its
ultimate complete opacity ever since the debacle of the second press conference. Give the
Obots nothing to rebut, and there could hopefully be no rebuttals.

2. Equivocation would serve as the deliberate central tactic for responding to previous substantive
Obot rebuttals. The stellar example would be their response (from here on out) to the Xerox
workflow. They would refer to the workflow as “debunked,” “eviscerated” and “obliterated,”
but not because they were actually able to show that the Xerox theory failed. Instead, these
were all euphemisms for “we’re not making that argument anymore.” The conclusion of forgery
was no longer to be based on forensic evidence, but on the a priori presumption that Obama
simply was not born in Hawaii. So it had to be a fraud, no matter how forensically perfect it
might be.

3. To fill the vacuum of actual information left by the studied refusal to provide any, two tools
would be employed: Promises and hyperbole. If an adjective was useful, it would be used twice.
If a qualitative label had been employed previously, the next label would magnify the quality in
question. No level of exaggeration was foreclosed. Melodrama would be king.

Even the most casual look at the new rhetoric surrounding the birth certificate would show these rules
in action:

I can also tell you that – based upon what I know – the birth certificate issue has
been 100% settled. I am not at liberty to tell you how we know, but we now
know without any argument or even the slightest shade of doubt – the birth
certificate posted on the White House website is a 100% fabrication. (Emphasis
in the original).
73



73
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/11/breaking-exclusive-monumental.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

52 | P a g e

So there you go. The BC is a forgery. It’s 100% settled. There can be no “argument.” How do they know?
They are not at liberty to say.

All the talk about the Xerox machine and reproducing certain anomalies found
on the White House birth certificate has now been completely, forensically, and
in 100% evidentiary fashion – debunked. The entire Obot minutia portfolio has
been completely eviscerated. Their smokescreen has been obliterated. To all of
those who have had deep concerns about the matter of the authenticity of the
birth certificate – you have been vindicated. You were right! This will eventually
come to light. Be patient.
74


Gallups might have spun this more honestly, but could not have been spinning more feverishly. This was
written knowing full well that nothing about the Xerox workflow had been “debunked.”Certainly if it had
been, the demonstration would have been inestimably valuable for the Posse’s credibility. It would have
compromised exactly nothing about any other facet of the investigation; it would have vindicated their
previous months of asserted confidence; and it would have soundly humiliated the Obots who had
proposed the Xerox workflow in the first place. Neither Zullo nor Gallups had ever demonstrated the
generosity of character to miss such an opportunity had it ever actually presented itself. But it did not.

Since they no longer could seriously pretend that they had proved forgery directly, they instead
pretended to reason to it. After all, if Zullo could prove that Obama was actually born in Kenya, or
Indonesia, or Saudi Arabia then any certificate saying he was born in Hawaii had to be a fraud quod erat
demonstrandum. From now on, their assertions of forgery need have nothing whatsoever to do with
any actual evidence of forgery. They could not drop it from discussion completely, after all that would
put an even finer point on how futile the previous year and half had been for them. But from here on
out the birth certificate would merely be a vestigial side show to the investigation, like nipples on a bull,
or a baby born with a tail. “Again,” Gallups droned, “this entire affair is now much bigger than the birth
certificate.”

What “entire affair” you ask? Rule 1: He can’t tell you.

Back during the CSPOA conference, Zullo had reportedly made claims that Obama was actually a Saudi,
not the child of Barack Obama Sr. or Stanley Ann Dunham, and placed in the presidency by a complex
Manchurian plot involving the Russians, the Saudis, the Kenyans, the State of Hawaii, Bill Ayers and the
Weather Underground. It is safe to suspect moving forward that while the details might be different, it is
a theory of equally spectacular inanity upon which Zullo had now fastened.

For the next several months, actual Zullo sightings became excruciatingly rare. “Updates” when they
occurred would be spaced out with several weeks in between, and each update would essentially be
indistinguishable from the one prior. In the spaces between, the faithful were fed periodic helpings of

74
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

53 | P a g e

contradictory Birther chatter; subjects ranging from “Obama is the son of an Indonesian Cult Leader” to
“British barrister declares Obama born in Mombasa” to “Loretta Fuddy assassinated by frogman with
heart attack darts.” Every once in a while, however, a claim or detail would leak out that showed the
Posse had grown no more competent behind the curtain than they had ever been in front of it.

On the November 22
nd
Freedom Friday show, Gallups was engaged in the regular repeat of earlier
promises and platitudes, trying to string together as many synonyms as he could for “big.” The “new
evidence” (still secret of course) was consecutively called “history making," then "earth shattering," and
then finally "monumental." Apparently at that moment Zullo was listening and decided that the
hyperbole was inadequate. He called in to set that straight.

Once again, Zullo spent an inordinate amount of time tap-dancing around the “irrelevant” Xerox
workflow. On the one hand he worked very hard to portray it as a “red herring” that didn’t “cut it… in
light of what we now know,” and on the other he pretty much conceded that everything they used to
“know” before the Xerox process was no longer important. Zullo had still not learned the art of
matching his words to his music. If the Xerox was as irrelevant as he continued to insist it was, he should
have stopped complaining about it month’s previously.

Finished with his complaints about RC and the Xerox, Zullo then took his first step in more than a month
to try and reassert his own relevance and that of the Cold Case Posse.

I am going to tell you, and you could take this show and play it in the future that
when this information is finally exposed to the public it will be universe
shattering.
75


Instantly across both the Birthersphere and its Obot compliment the phrase “universe shattering”
became a wildly popular catch phrase. In short order it would return almost 20 thousand results on
Google, almost all of them in reference to Zullo and the Posse. It would be held out both as a beacon of
hope and a signal of absurdity, depending on which community was using it at that moment.

By December 12
th
, the impending shattering of the universe came to the attention of perhaps the last
active Birther at World Net Daily, Bob Unruh. Under the three week old audio clip from November 22
nd
’s
Freedom Friday, Unruh pretended to conduct his own “Exclusive” interview with Mike Zullo. In actuality
the quotes he used were all gleaned from Freedom Friday broadcasts, and then disingenuously
repackaged with the clause, “Mike Zullo told WND.” It was distinctly reminiscent of Zullo’s own
affidavits, consisting as they sometimes did of long stretches cribbed verbatim from old Jerome Corsi
articles, but with the insertion of similar deceptive verbiage.

The WND article does, however, stand out for a single tiny reason. Whether Unruh invented the claim
out of whole cloth, or he had actually talked to Zullo is not completely clear, though if the latter was the

75
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2013/11/breaking-lt-zullo-we-have-universe.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

54 | P a g e

case you would have expected at least a single original quotation in his article. Almost as an aside,
Unruh wrote:

Zullo explained that because it’s an active investigation that could produce
criminal charges, he’s unable to reveal details at the moment.

But the allegations, he said, which go far beyond a fraudulent birth certificate,
could be public as early as March.
76


It would be another three weeks before Gallups would attach himself to the new prediction, perhaps
taking so long because of all the previous times such predictions had burned him. Or perhaps when he
did embrace the March date, he did so by accident. It was certainly not clear whether he was speaking
from actual knowledge or had simply gotten carried away in a conversation with another WEBY talk
show host. But a PPSIMMONS post on January 9
th
, 2014 titled “’UNIVERSE SHATTERING!’ Arpaio Team to
Release Investigation Info in March!” found Gallups’ collaborator Mike Shoesmith committing him to the
prediction without ambiguity, without qualification and without any of Gallups’ own tradition weasel
words.

Today, Gallups revealed that the long-awaited details of this investigation will
be made public in March of this year, a mere two months from now.
77


Groundhog’s Day had returned to Birthistan. No. I’m not just making a snarky reference to the Bill
Murray movie in which the same events repeats over, and over, and over. I mean literally, Groundhog’s
Day had returned. On February 2
nd
, Gallups was back on the airways with an update titled, “Zullo/Arpaio
Info Release Update! IT'S STILL ON! March Press Conference on Schedule.”

Nothing of substance? Check! Past mistakes and errors ignored? Check! Hyperbole and exaggeration?
Here, judge for yourself:

The information continues to get deeper and deeper. The evidence continues to
mount. Documented evidence as well as other evidence that’s extremely, umm,
uh, what’s the word? I, I, I’m not, I’m not at liberty to tell what all they have.
Okay? I just, in fact I can’t even hint. But I’m just telling you that he (Zullo)
confirmed yesterday that they’re still shooting for a March news conference
release date of all of this information. Universe shattering.
78


Gallups launched further into the rhetorical stratosphere when considering whether or not the media
would be likely to respond as they had always responded previously, with a collective yawn.

76
http://www.wnd.com/2013/12/universe-shattering-twist-in-obama-birth-probe/#scFI7PvFf5YdmD6A.99
77
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2014/01/universe-shattering-arpaio-team-to.html.
78
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2014/02/zulloarpaio-info-release-update-its.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

55 | P a g e


This is so huge. I’ve gotta be careful that I don’t say too much or you’ll kinda
getta figure out what it is. But it’s so huge that I don’t think they’re gonna be
able to ignore it. I mean it’s that big. And if they do try to ignore it I don’t think
that the international media will ignore it. In fact I know they won’t.

There will be an absolute, I don’t mean armed revolt, okay? I’m not calling for
an armed revolt. But there will be an absolute American revolt if the American
media doesn’t deal with what comes forward. Because what’s gonna come
forward doesn’t really, the birth certificate is gonna be a part of it I imagine. I
mean because that’s huge. That is huge. But this is not a birth certificate issue
now.
79


Once again, Gallups provided a whole lot of words and said precisely nothing. Five days later it was
groundhog’s day yet again, this time metaphorically. All the rules were followed; no actual information
was imparted. But also, as in all previously promised deadlines going back more than a year Gallups was
beginning to backpedal. Speaking to Zullo, Gallups began to qualify:

I know that, of course that it’s all over the internet and, uh, we’ve reported, you
have said and I have said that shooting for a March revelation date. And my
understanding is that‘s still the date we’re shooting for, but, but I’ve been telling
people, and you can confirm or deny this, but I’ve been telling people that look,
uh, there’s been no hard and fast day set, and even that March time period
could shift as you continue to work.
80


After a year and half of this, it becomes a complete mystery why they even bother to set dates.

Another interesting detail came from Zullo’s description of “resources” that Arpaio had allegedly
dedicated to the investigation from among his actual detectives. Zullo asserted that:

I know that the criminal investigation that we’re working on now, Sheriff Arpaio
has dedicated resources in two full time Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office
detectives. These are seasoned pros that are working this. These are the guys
that go hunt down the really bad guys. You don’t want these guys trying to find
you ‘cause they will find you.
81


This assertion would in very short order be tested by the Arizona Politics Blog. Confronted with the
expenditure of taxpayer dollars after repeated assurances from Arpaio that the Obama investigation

79
Ibid
80
Ibid
81
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

56 | P a g e

would cost them nothing, MCSO spokesperson, LT. Brandon Jones first confirmed and then denied
Zullo’s claim. LT. Jones’ final email to Arizona Politics read in part:

I was misinformed. The detectives are not working on anything regarding the
birth certificate. Not even surrounding. Mr Zullo was incorrect, they are working
on other sensitive cases not even related.
82


In very short order, Zullo’s erratic attitude towards the Obots was again moved to center stage. The
“irrelevant” group “of no concern” was being ignored in a way that only Zullo and Gallups knew how to
ignore:

We have a pretty good idea who some of the ones that are anonymous are. One
in particular we know works in the field of artificial intelligence in projects that
are funded by DARPA. So, that tells you a lot right there. We have traced IP
addresses going back directly to the administration. What we’re finding on
those is very suspicious as to when log-ins happen and when things are
posted.
83


Zullo then proceeded to offer a description of DARPA that would have been just as at home in an Austin
Powers movie, complete with “killer robots” and “psychological warfare.” It was all in all a fascinating
account, given the fact that just a few seconds later Zullo would offer advice on how to deal with these
ominous administration DARPA Obots. “Turn ‘em off. It’s the simplest thing to do. Turn ‘em off… they
are irrelevant like I’ve always been saying.” Perhaps the clearest sign of Gallup’s capacity to follow this
advice was in the title that PPSIMMONS put on the clip. “Zullo: Some Obots Working for Obama Regime
- “I'VE GOT THE PROOF.”

On February 8
th
Mike Shoesmith announced a Prayer Support Group for the Cold Case Posse, intimating
that they were at risk of being murdered by the Obama administration. Towards the end of the
discussion, Gallups took the opportunity to backpedal further on the March release date.

It is coming down to the hour. I mean tomor… March is right around the corner.
And as you just heard Zullo say and I was saying, I mean it, I, I don’t know. He
didn’t give me this percentage. But it sounds like about a 90% chance it’s gonna
come off in March. But it could be a little bit later simply because the evidence
continues to mount. And, and you know Mike Zullo talks to me about these
things and I know what’s going on and it’s overwhelming. It’s unbelievable. And,
uh, er…universe shattering. So if we need to wait ‘til April or May or June, I
mean, those are not Zullo’s words, these are mine. If we need to wait ‘til then to

82
http://arizonaspolitics.blogspot.com/2014/02/breaking-update-maricopa-county.html
83
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2014/02/arpaio-investigation-team-traces-o-bots.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

57 | P a g e

get this out and to get it out there good so the world knows it? Man, I’m cool
with that.
84


By the beginning of the decisive month of March the Posse appeared to be slipping further and further
away from any likelihood that they could finally put their money where their mouths had been since the
spring of 2012. Two years of “new evidence” had delivered exactly no new evidence, and witnessed
instead the evaporation of the old. On March 6
th
Gallups posted a video that cataloged almost every old
piece of meretricious hearsay he could find and more than a few long debunked falsehoods under the
title, “BREAKING PROOF! OBAMA BORN IN KENYA - Long Form BC A FRAUD?” The most recent of the
“breaking proof” dated from 2010, and much of it was as old as 2008. None of it had originated with
Zullo or the Posse.

As so often happens when things are going poorly, people pile on. On March 9
th
another assault on the
credibility of Zullo and the Posse arrived from the Surprise Arizona Tea Party member who had been
growing more and more disillusioned with the Posse for a year. , and specifically through the effort of
Tea Party member Brian Reilly. Most importantly, Reilly had at one point been deputized into the Posse
investigation and participated as a formal member from April 2012 until resigning in frustration just over
two months later. His account of the inner workings were published in an open letter on the Obama
Conspiracy Theories Blog, and it was devastating; Particularly in its portrayal of Zullo as volatile,
paranoid, credulous and occasionally memory challenged.

The opening paragraph of his letter captured a sentiment that was universal among Obots, and had long
before gained significant traction among the Birthers:

Once again, America is being told by Birther news outlets that new, universe
shattering evidence about the Obama investigation will be released by
Commander Mike Zullo and his non-profit, all volunteer, Cold Case Posse in
March, or possibly April or possibly May or, possibly never, depending on who
the Birther spokesperson is for the day. Even if new evidence were released this
month, the Cold Case Posse has cried wolf so many times, who really is going to
listen, except hardcore, agenda driven Birthers?
85


By the fourth week of March it was clear to all but the most blinkered Birthers that Gallups and Zullo
were going to miss yet another of their self imposed deadlines. On March 21
st
, Mike Shoesmith went on
PPSIMMONS in a transparent effort to model the behavior that Gallups was desperately hoping would
be a more general Birther response to the pending failure. He began by establishing that he was just one
of the ordinary folks in the listening audience:


84
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2014/02/ppsimmons-launches-prayer-support-group.html
85
http://www.obamaconspiracy.org/2014/03/banned-Birther-breaks-br-censorship-barrier/
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

58 | P a g e

You know, I am in the exact same boat that many of you are. I’m like, when are,
is Zullo and Arpaio going to release the universe shattering information?
Because you know what? I don’t know anything either. I just don’t know
anything. I’m, people are emailing me going “Come on you guys gotta, here it is
the 21
st
of March already and we were promised that it was gonna happen in
March.” And, “Where is it?” and people have been emailing me since March the
1
st
saying, “Well come on now. It’s March.” Well you know what? I’m in the
same boat guys. I’m like, man, when are they gonna release this thing? And I
think to myself, man, this is, we gotta get this out now.
86


But of course, the purpose of Shoesmith’s video was not to demonstrate that he was "everyman." It was
actually to make preemptive excuses, and that’s what the remaining six minutes were spent doing. Most
ironically, Shoesmith also made an effort to assert that March was never actually promised as the
release date, having apparently forgotten that the unqualified, unambiguous promise of a March
revelation was made under his personal byline. In the greatest effort to dampen expectations to date,
he even intimated that the release might actually take months, years, even “more than a decade.” And
towards the end, he finally telegraphed the real concern that had prompted this otherwise pointless
preview of the deadline’s impending failure:

You guys have gotta let the process happen. Nobody has done anything to rob
you of donation money. This isn’t a Ponzi scheme or any kind of scheme at all to
get people to donate money to a group. That’s not what this is.
87


Much of the Birther rank and file were no longer buying it. Not on The Birther Report. Not on Free
Republic. Zullo and team had lost Taitz and her most loyal minions months before. The circle of people
willing to believe and support was shrinking. Shoesmith’s plea seemed to indicate it was affecting more
than just contributions to the Posse. Certainly, Gallups was hearing complaints.

Adding injury to insult, on that same day the long awaited decision on the Alabama Ballot Challenge was
handed down by the Alabama Supreme Court. Birther hopes had been high from the start, since two of
the justices on the panel were already explicitly Birther friendly, and all the others were Republicans.
The case was also of particular interest to Gallups, as Zullo had submitted a lengthy affidavit at the
request of Birther Attorney Larry Klayman. It was this affidavit and its great length (if not great content)
that Gallups had touted regularly on his program for months.

To no rational person’s surprise, the decision was another Birther defeat, 7 to 2. Even PPSIMMONS’
procrustean efforts to twist the decision and dissents into something vaguely fitting a comfortable
Birther bed could not hide their frustration. Their article impotently whined that:


86
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmrRTdkPmMg
87
Ibid
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

59 | P a g e

Our readers may also remember that Zullo submitted a 40-page affidavit,
attesting to his findings of fraud, to the Alabama Supreme Court, in this
particular case, at the request of court officials. That document also contained
the fact that Reed Hayes, a digital document expert often employed by Perkins-
Coie law firm, submitted a lengthy sworn affidavit to the Zullo investigation that
the Obama long form birth document was a fabricated forgery. Perkins-Coie is
the law firm that Obama has used in the past in the defense of his birth
certificate questions.
88


PPSIMMONS was confused. Zullo’s affidavit was 69 pages long, not 40. And of course, Zullo’s affidavit
was not submitted “at the request of court officials,” unless one misunderstood Birther Attorney
Klayman’s status as “an officer of the court” as something very different. And as to Reed Hayes, he was
not a “digital document expert,” was not “often employed by Perkins-Coie,” his report was not a “sworn
affidavit” (though it was 40 pages long), it was not submitted to the court at all, and his name was never
even mentioned.

March was not quite shaping up as Gallups had led his listeners to hope.

As pages continued falling off the calendar with no news conference in sight, Pixel Patriot, the
videographer who months before had pulled the boneheaded move of briefly releasing Zullo’s
embarrassing non-performance in front of Representative Woodall struck again. On March 26
th
he
released a 9 and a half minute “teaser” for the Posse news conference. It was arguably the single most
professionally produced Birther video in the five years of the issue. The problem was that it had
specifically been created in anticipation of a second round of “Sheriff’s Kits” that the truest of believers
expected would immediately follow the big reveal. But at the time of its release it was a trailer to
nowhere.

As the dramatic opening graphics splashed across the screen, an amateurish last second edition
completely neutered the video’s intent by drawing attention to yet another missed deadline. The
intended message was “The Greatest Fraud in World History is About to be Revealed.” But
superimposed over that message was the only message that actually counted. “No Official
Announcement Date Has Been Given. Much Patience is still required. Thanks for your continued
support.”
89


On March 27
th
, Gallups dissonantly revived the years old Birther trope that Hillary Clinton and Chris
Matthews were the “First Birthers.” Of course, the claim about Clinton was a lie, and Matthews’ ancient
misstatement that Obama was born in Indonesia did not even reconcile with any but the goofiest of
Birther theories. Worse, just 21 days earlier Gallups had been cataloging other equally ancient hearsay
as “proof that Obama was born in Kenya.” Here we were a mere three weeks later and Gallups was now

88
http://ppsimmons.blogspot.com/2014/03/ala-sup-ct-decideds-in-obama-case-7-2.html
89
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwj2tk7Ee9c
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

60 | P a g e

asserting (in a delusional recollection of an event that never took place) that he had personally heard
Hillary Clinton claim she had proof of Obama’s Indonesian birth on Fox News.

March was burning down around him, and Gallups was no longer even trying to keep his own story
straight. Born in Kenya, born in Indonesia, what was the difference? It is fair to suspect that the
confusion displayed by Gallups regarding the most fundamental details of his own Birther theory was a
direct reflection of Zullo’s confusion as well; The same confusion that had repeatedly led them to
impulsively announce pending revelations and then, when the time came to make them, realize that
they had no compelling story to actually tell.

On the penultimate day of March the frustrated sense of anxiety blanketing the Birthersphere was at a
fever pitch. On the Birther blogs, those who were already declaring another Gallups failure
outnumbered the tiny number of remaining hopefuls almost two to one. On the Obot blogs, full helpings
of smug snark could be found with almost every mouse click. And the closest thing to an announcement
from Zullo and the Posse that could be found anywhere on-line or in the media was a frustrated and
flaccid message from Zullo that “If people don’t hear it from me, it isn’t true. Furthermore, when I
release information about this it will be released to Carl Gallups and through PPSIMMONS.”
90


April Fool’s day 2014 broke across the globe without incident. And nobody heard it from Zullo.



90
http://www.Birtherreport.com/2014/03/update-sheriff-joe-obama-fraud.html
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

61 | P a g e

The Great Disappointment

I do not know Carl Gallups. I have never met him. I am aware of him exclusively through the carefully
crafted persona he presents on his Freedom Friday broadcasts and special reports via his PPSIMMONS
website. For all I truly know, the real Carl Gallups is a perfectly nice guy who strives to be an exemplar of
the traditional Christian virtues. But that Gallups never seems to show up for Freedom Friday. Instead
we get a smug and insufferable caricature; mean spirited and spiteful; a southern fried hybrid of Phil
Donahue and Marjoe Gortner. But it really does not matter which is the real Gallups. What matters is
that he is so consistently, comprehensively and unapologetically wrong.

What can account for such exceptional and unfortunate reliability? After a review like this one, it
bubbles up as a compelling question. It is axiomatic that even blind squirrels find nuts and even stopped
clocks are right twice a day. How is it that Gallups should be the exception that proves those rules?

One common opinion that has been expressed by Obots and disgruntled Birthers alike is that Gallups
and Zullo together have simply been engaged in a scam. It is a suggestion certainly worthy of
consideration. “Send money” had been one of the most consistent components of their message since
the earliest moments of their collaboration, and recently Mike Shoesmith has been compelled to
explicitly deny that accusation. But even before the first Cold Case Posse press conference, Zullo was
cashing in via an eBook published for sale on Amazon. His excuse for immediately getting his hands
caught in that particular cookie jar was that the media had refused to cover the press conference, and
so an alternative way to get the story out was required. This is difficult to reconcile with the fact that the
eBook was actually already on sale before the first press conference had even taken place.

Cormac Herley, a computer security expert at Microsoft Research, wrote a paper in 2012 explaining why
the Nigerian Email Scams are so pathetically obvious to the average person.
91
Using an approach called
“signal theory” he mathematically analyzed the con but with an important new insight. He decided to
look at the con from the perspective of the scammers rather than that of the victims. He realized that it
cost them next to nothing to spam the world. But to make real money, they needed to be able to
efficiently tell the difference between the “true positives” ( those who would get sucked in deeply
enough to send a significant amount of money) and the “false positives” ( targets who might seem like
suckers at first, but who later got suspicious and bailed out early before they paid off). “False positives”
were expensive. They wasted time and resources that could have been more profitably spent on the
“true positives.”

In short, the Nigerian Email Scams are deliberately stupid specifically to filter out even those with only
the tiniest bit of common sense, and to insure that those responding were already identified as
complete idiots.


91
2012, Henley, Cormac. “Why do Nigerian Scammers Say They are from Nigeria?”
http://research.microsoft.com/apps/pubs/?id=167719
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

62 | P a g e

It is difficult to listen to a Gallups broadcast without suspecting that this is also his intent. Seriously…
“universe shattering?” “Deeper and deeper, darker and darker?” “Tons of evidence is piling up,” but
“I’m not at liberty to tell you” what it is? Scores of “VIPs are on board,” powerful people with “unlimited
financial resources” and “standing” to “move this forward to congressional investigations” or” criminal
prosecutions,” but I can’t tell you who any of them are?

What rational person could listen to months of such elaborate and melodramatic gibberish and not run
for the door? The argument that this has been nothing more than an elaborate grift designed to
separate the most credulous and vulnerable of Birthers from their retirement checks is not without
merit.

If it is not all merely an elaborate grift, other possibilities certainly present themselves. There can be no
doubt that birthism is, at its core, an expression of fundamentally racist impulse. This is not to say that
all Birthers are racists, or more specifically that either Gallups or Zullo are racist. Certainly, there has
been next to nothing in their statements, writing or actions that betray an obviously racist motivation.
But they embrace enthusiastically the contention that Obama is somehow “other.” That he is not a
“real” American. That he is undeserving of the respect and deference generally offered all 42 previous
American Presidents. It is not the wild exaggerations of his mainstream, center-right policies as
“communist” or “Marxist” that are the most concerning. It is the conviction that he is himself
unacceptably “different” that gives cause to consider the consuming disapproval as a mere euphemism
for less socially acceptable opinions.

Finally, there is always the possibility that Gallups and Zullo are actually true believers; that they actually
do believe that Barack Obama is not a natural born US citizen, and therefore ineligible for the position
he has held now for more than 5 years. Such a circumstance would not reflect well on their intelligence,
but then again neither of them has ever demonstrated any but the most ordinary of intellectual gifts.
Zullo is demonstrably one of the worst investigators in the history of the profession. And without the
technological help of the Internet, Gallups would still be just an obscure southern pastor of only the 2
nd

Largest SBC congregation in the little town of Milton.

But true believers are simply impervious to evidence, to reason, to rational considerations of possibility
or reality. They cannot be wrong. It’s not among their conceptual options.

On October 22
nd
, 1844 tens of thousands of people gathered on hill tops and looked to the sky. They
were waiting for the arrival of Jesus Christ.

These were the “Millerites,” the followers of the teachings of Baptist lay-preacher William Miller who in
1831, first shared publicly his belief that the world was roughly a decade away from the Second Coming.
After a series of several missed predictions based on arcane calculations using clues from the Book of
Daniel, anticipation had soared among the 100 thousand believers that finally, this was it; October 22
nd
,
1844. Many sold, discarded or gave away all their earthly possessions. Most garbed themselves entirely
God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

63 | P a g e

in white robes, wanting the appropriate dress for their entry into the Kingdom of God. When the day
ended without event, it became known as “The Great Disappointment,” and commenced a period of
confusion, schism and ultimately vast sectarian realignment among American Christians. Efforts to
explain the prediction’s failure were diverse and legion. Some claimed it had failed because of bad math.
Some that it had failed because they used the wrong calendar. Others blamed their collective faith, or
rationalized that Christ had actually come after all but was in hiding during the “tarrying time.” Almost
none of those who had stood on the mountain tops with their faces raised that day ventured to suggest
a simpler, more fundamental reason for the prediction’s failure.

It was never going to happen, period.

William Miller went to his grave five years later on December 20, 1849, convinced that Christ's second
coming was imminent. It still hadn’t happened.

That was more than one hundred and sixty years ago. It still hasn’t happened.

April 18
th
, 2014 was almost three weeks after the most recent of Gallups’ serial failed deadlines for
releasing the results of the Posse investigation. On Freedom Friday nothing had changed. “More
information” was still coming in. The release still “will happen.” It’s “amazing the stuff they’re
uncovering.”

And the investigation, was going “swimmingly”









The End


God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups

64 | P a g e

God’s Birther: The Fractal Failures of Carl Gallups, Version 1.1, © 2014

Frank Arduini

Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material for any non-commercial purpose is wildly encouraged.
Any part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system
without any express written permission from the author whatsoever.

April 29, 2014