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A traditional Jewish wedding is full of meaningful rituals, symbolizing the beauty
of the relationship of husband and wife, as well as their obligations to each
other and to the Jewish people.
The following guide explains the beauty and joy of these the Jewish wedding
traditions.
The Wedding Day
The dawning wedding day heralds the happiest and holiest day of one's life.
This day is considered a personal Yom Kippur for the chatan (Hebrew for
groom) and kallah (bride), for on this day all their past mistakes are forgiven as
they merge into a new, complete soul.
As on Yom Kippur, both the chatan and kallah fast (in this case, from dawn until
after the completion of the marriage ceremony). And at the ceremony, the
chatan wears a kittel, the traditional white robe worn on Yom Kippur.
[Sefardim do not have the custom to fast and wear a kittel.]
Kabbalat Panim
It is customary for the chatan and kallah not to see each other for one week
preceding the wedding. This increases the anticipation and excitement of the
event. Therefore, prior to the wedding ceremony, the chatan and kallah greet
guests separately. This is called "Kabbalat Panim."
Jewish tradition likens the couple to a queen and king. The kallah will be seated
on a "throne" to receive her guests, while the chatan is surrounded by guests
who sing and toast him.
At this time there is an Ashkenazi tradition for the mother of the bride and the
mother of the groom to stand together and break a plate. The reason is to
show the seriousness of the commitment just as a plate can never be fully
repaired, so too a broken relationship can never be fully repaired.
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repaired, so too a broken relationship can never be fully repaired.
Badeken
Next comes the badeken, the veiling of the kallah by the chatan. The veil
symbolizes the idea of modesty and conveys the lesson that however attractive
physical appearances may be, the soul and character are paramount. It is
reminiscent of Rebecca covering her face before marrying Isaac (Genesis ch.
24).
The Ashkenazi custom is that the chatan, accompanied by family and friends,
proceeds to where the kallah is seated and places the veil over her face. This
signals the groom's commitment to clothe and protect his wife.
Chuppah
The wedding ceremony takes place under
the chuppah (canopy), a symbol of the
home that the new couple will build
together. It is open on all sides, just as
Abraham and Sarah had their tent open all
sides to welcome people in unconditional
hospitality.
The Ashkenazi custom is to have the
chuppah ceremony outside under the stars, as a sign of the blessing given by
God to the patriarch Abraham, that his children shall be "as the stars of the
heavens" (Genesis 15:5). Sefardim generally have the chuppah indoors.
The Ashkenazi custom is that the chatan and kallah wear no jewelry under the
chuppah (marriage canopy). Their mutual commitment is based on who they
are as people, not on any material possessions.
The kallah follows the chatan, and both are usually escorted to the chuppah by
their respective sets of parents.
Under the chuppah, the Ashkenazi custom is that the kallah circles the chatan
seven times. Just as the world was built in seven days, the kallah is figuratively
building the walls of the couple's new world together. The number seven also
symbolizes the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately.
The kallah then settles at the chatan's right-hand side.
[At this point, the Sefardic custom is that the chatan says the blessing
She'hecheyanu over a new tallit, and has in mind that the blessing also goes
on the marriage. The tallit is then held by four young men over the head of the
chatan and kallah.]
Blessings of Betrothal (Kiddushin)
Two cups of wine are used in the wedding ceremony. The first cup
accompanies the betrothal blessings, recited by the rabbi. After these are
recited, the couple drinks from the cup.
Wine, a symbol of joy in Jewish tradition, is associated with Kiddush, the
sanctification prayer recited on Shabbat and festivals. Marriage, called
Kiddushin, is the sanctification of a man and woman to each other.
Giving of the Ring
In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the chatan gives an object of
value to the kallah. This is traditionally done with a ring. The ring should be
made of plain gold, without blemishes or ornamentation (e.g. stones) just as
it is hoped that the marriage will be one of simple beauty.
The chatan now takes the wedding ring in his hand, and in clear view of two
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The chatan now takes the wedding ring in his hand, and in clear view of two
witnesses, declares to the kallah, "Behold, you are betrothed unto me with this
ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel." He then places the ring on the
forefinger of the bride's right hand. According to Jewish law, this is the central
moment of the wedding ceremony, and at this point the couple is fully married.
If the kallah also wants to give a ring to the chatan, this is only done afterwards,
not under the chuppah. This is to prevent confusion as to what constitutes the
actual marriage, as prescribed by the Torah.
Ketubah (Marriage Contract)
Now comes the reading of the ketubah
(marriage contract) in the original Aramaic text.
The ketubah outlines the chatan's various
responsibilities to provide his wife with food,
shelter and clothing, and to be attentive to her
emotional needs. Protecting the rights of a
Jewish wife is so important that the marriage
may not be solemnized until the contract has
been completed.
The document is signed by two witnesses, and has the standing of a legally
binding agreement. The ketubah is the property of the kallah and she must
have access to it throughout their marriage. It is often written amidst beautiful
artwork, to be framed and displayed in the home.
The reading of the ketubah acts as a break between the first part of the
ceremony Kiddushin ("betrothal"), and the latter part Nissuin ("marriage").
The Seven Blessings
The Seven Blessings (Sheva Brachot) are now recited over the second cup of
wine. The theme of these blessings links the chatan and kallah to our faith in
God as Creator of the world, Bestower of joy and love, and the ultimate
Redeemer of our people.
These blessings are recited by the rabbi or other people that the families wish
to honor.
At the conclusion of the seven blessings, the chatan and kallah again drink
some of the wine.
Breaking the Glass
A glass is now placed on the floor, and the chatan shatters it with his foot. This
serves as an expression of sadness at the destruction of the Temple in
Jerusalem, and identifies the couple with the spiritual and national destiny of
the Jewish people. A Jew, even at the moment of greatest rejoicing, is mindful
of the Psalmist's injunction to "set Jerusalem above my highest joy."
In jest, some explain that this is the last time the groom gets to "put his foot
down."
(In Israel, the Ashkenazi custom is that the glass is broken earlier, prior to the
reading of the ketubah. Sefardim always break the glass at the end of the
ceremony, even in Israel.)
This marks the conclusion of the ceremony. With shouts of "Mazel Tov," the
chatan and kallah are then given an enthusiastic reception from the guests as
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Published: June 30, 2001
they leave the chuppah together.
Yichud
The couple is then escorted to a private "yichud room" and left alone for a few
minutes. These moments of seclusion signify their new status of living together
as husband and wife.
Since the couple has been fasting since the morning, at this point they will also
have something to eat.
[Sefardim do not have the custom of the yichud room; the chatan and kallah
immediately proceed to the wedding hall after the chuppah ceremony.]
The Festive Meal (Seudah)
It is a mitzvah for guests to bring simcha (joy) to the chatan and the kallah on
their wedding day. There is much music and dancing as the guests celebrate
with the new couple; some guests entertain with feats of juggling and
acrobatics.
After the meal, Birkat Hamazon (Grace After Meals) is recited, and the Sheva
Brachot are repeated.
During the week following the wedding, it is customary for friends and relatives
to host festive meals in honor of the chatan and kallah. This is called the week
of Sheva Brachot, in reference to the blessings said at the conclusion of each
of these festive meals.
If both the bride and groom are marrying for the second time, sheva brachot
are recited only on the night of the wedding. The last bracha, Asher Bara, can
be recited for three days.
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About the Author
Chaplain Shlomo Shulman, an alumni of Aish HaTorah in Jerusalem, heads home this
week to his wife and two daughters at Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah, Georgia, where he
is stationed. Shulman grew up in Beverly Hills, graduated with a degree in journalism from
San Diego State, and worked in the field of environmental education. Write to him at
a.shulman@us.army.mil.
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Visitor Comments: 181
(180) re student, October 17, 2013 12:52 PM
great
this is probaly the best website i have ever been on its got everything a student could
want i love this website its better than free game website and fifa 14
(179) JennieSchmitzJES555@gmail.com, October 9, 2013 7:51 AM
Thank you for being there for this information for my wedding!
I am so grateful for this information being available to me on this most important day in
my life!! and that I'm reading this at 2:50 in the morning at my own home. Thank You!!
(178) John, July 25, 2013 6:07 AM
This has such deep meaning in their covenant made
Thank you for having this website. Is there any provision of hope declared during the
ceremony focused upon the Messiah?
(177) Anonymous, January 29, 2013 4:06 PM
There seems to be a lot of ignorance about Sephardi wedding customs. I
Michael, April 12, 2013 2:02 AM
As a Sephardic Jew, I'm not sure what you mean. What they've written seems to
fall right into the Sephardic customs that I had at my wedding and grew up with
seeing at others.
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