Page 14 Healthy Cells Magazine Peoria May 2014

holiday grief
I
n mid-April there are two things you can count on in the United
States: one is the due date for filing your tax return and the other
is the arrival of the annual mailer reminding you to order those
special flowers so they will be shipped on time for Mothers Day.
However, the company that sends the notices doesnt know that
my mother died nearly 12 years ago.
Needless to say, Mothers Day has been different for me ever since.
The First Floral Reminder
I remember the first year after my mom died when the floral
reminder came in the mail. I recall standing in the den sorting through
the mail and seeing the vivacious motherly and grandmotherly pic-
tures in the full-color brochure. Within moments I fetched my hand-
kerchief from my back pocket to dab the tears from my eyes.
I thought about sending a note to the flower company asking
them to take me off their mailing list. After all, one less piece of junk
mail would be good for the environment. Wouldnt that make my
Remembering My
Mom on Mothers Day
Submitted by Clary Funeral Home
momma proud? Her son had finally become a solid citizen the
fact that I was 51 years old at that point, notwithstanding.
That first reminder encouraged me to call my dad and my sisters
and brother to talk about Mom. So I did, and we did. We talked,
we remembered Momma, we laughed, we cried. For me, the fond
memories mingled with fresh tears in a way that made me feel very
connected to my mother, even though I could not see her or touch
her in a physical sense. I believe something similar happened for
my dad and my siblings in our respective conversations. Openly
communicating the range of feelings we had about Mom was so
normal, natural, and healthy.
When the second Mothers Day came around, I didnt need a
postcard to kick me in the emotional pants to urge me to make
contact with my family. Remembering the sweet sadness of the
previous years Mothers Day calls, I got on the phone again to
my family. It was much the same only a little bit different. Each of
us had been adapting to Moms absence for another year. Each
May 2014 Peoria Healthy Cells Magazine Page 15
holiday grief
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of us was dealing with day-to-day life without Mom while dealing
with the emotional reality of it all.
That year, I had Mothers Day Sunday brunch with my Alice, her
daughter Claudia, and several friends. When Claudia presented
her mom with a card and a beautiful bouquet of flowers, I couldnt
help noticing that one of the young women in our group seemed
to turn away. Her name was Moira. I turned to her and asked her
what was going on. She told me that it had been years since her
mom died and she still missed her, but that shes always afraid to
say anything at these events and ruin everyone elses joy.
I told her that my mom had died about a year and half ago and
one thing Id learned was that wonderful things happen when I tell
the truth about my feelings. So I decided to make a toast to honor
my mom and hers. I clinked a glass and got everyones attention.
Friends, as some of you know, my mother died a year and a half
ago. You also might know that Moiras mom died several years
ago. Some of you knew our moms, some of you didnt. Id like
to propose a toast: To my mom and Moiras mom, and to all of
those people we miss every day, but especially on a special day
like today.
We toasted, and if memory serves, there were no dry eyes at
that table. There was a pause as each person went into a per-
sonal memory bank and found something of value about some-
one important to them. And then, as if an invisible switch had
been thrown, everybody started telling stories of loved ones who
are no longer here. It was funny, it was sweet, it was sad. It was
human and connecting. In a way, it was everything that Mothers
Day is supposed to mean.
The Annual Reminder
Every April I still get the annual brochure urging me to send
flowers to that longest running special gal in my life. I never did
tell them to cancel the mailers. I figure Ill do something else to
make it up to the environment. In the meantime, every cyber
flower shop has me on their emailing list, so theres no way to
avoid the notification anyway. So I do the next best thing. I talk
about my mom and invite everyone else to talk about the people
who have been important in their lives.
Now its your turn. Make sure that you keep the memories of
your loved ones fresh by sharing them with the people who are
important to you. Its not limited to memories of your mother. It
can be anyone you miss. And you dont have to wait until Moth-
ers Day to start talking.
I imagine that your momma, like mine, would approve.
This article was written by Russell P. Freidman, executive
director, and John W. James, founder, of The Grief Recovery
Institute. For more information about their programs and ser-
vices, visit their website at www.griefrecoverymethod.com.
For your time of need, contact Clary Funeral Home, family
owned and operated because it makes a difference. Please ask
about our pre-planning options. Located at 3004 West Lake
Avenue, Peoria, IL. Call us at 309-686-0166. Visit us on-line:
www.claryfunerals.com.
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