Katherine Lim (9)

Intro to Pub A3
10/02/2013

The IOS7- Simplicity over Colors?
On October Oct. 5thth, 2011, millions of people all over around the world lamented
over the death of Steve Jobs, the CEO of Apple, one of the most successful and
distinguishing Electronics Company. For years, Steve Jobs worked wasas the mastermind
behind the products sold in Apple, such asincluding the iIPhone, iIPod, and iIPad., etc.
In regards of the tragic death of Steve Jobs, Apple had another reason for their
sorrow. Apples main source of ingenuity and innovation has disappeared and in order to
maintain the reputation and skyrocketing sales that Steve Jobs has solidified during his
lifetime, Apple needed something that would revive the attention and curiosity of their
customers. A big change was needed and the answer for this was the ios7.

Until now, this doesnt seem like a commentary. Its unnecessary that you talk about
Steve Jobs in the first place.

Just recently, Apple released their newest software update, the ios7iOS7. As soon
as it was released, it received mass amounts ofgreat attention. At first glance, customers
were intrigued by the evident changes that were made to the newest software. There were
some new features such as the Control Center, Airdrop, and Multitasking that have been
implemented into the software. MBut more importantly, Apple re-designed the apps and
included more vivid colors in an attempt to make them more accessible and approachable
for users. The iOSos7 is different than all the previous software updates that Apple has
released in the past and people are always drawn to new things.
I updated the iOSos7 the day it was released and I am actually pretty impressed
with the colors and new features that it contains, said Ariel Lee (9). I think I like the
iOSos7 primarily because it is so pretty. The new design and colorful colors that Apple
incorporated makes my phone so much more unique and fun. Also, since the iOSos7 is
different from all the other software updates, it gives a fresh perspective.
Although there are strong advocates of the iOSos7, praising its creativity and
distinctive colors, there are also people like myself that think that the changes made
through the iOSos7 deviates from the original reputation of Apple.

Your opinion is really weak. Until now, you talk about iOS7, and then suddenly you say
I think its bad. Kick in from the beginning to clearly state your opinion.

I used to prefer Apple over Samsung products because of is simplicity. Apple has
always been is always easy to use and convenient, whereas Samsung is an
overcomplicated version of Apple. Now whenever I see the iOSos7 update, I get the
feeling of seeing a Samsung or Android Phone
Simplicity is what allowedThrough promoting simplicity in their products, Apple
flourished to become successful in the wide, competitive market of electronics. to
flourish in the worldwide market of electronics. Apple is easy to use even for those who
Comment [JM1]: The headline should hint
at your opinion.
Comment [JM2]: Too wordy
Comment [JM3]: Awkward structure
Comment [JM4]: Too wordy.
Comment [JM5]: Unnecessary
Comment [JM6]: Where is your opinion?
Comment [JM7]: This quote doesnt add
much to the article.
Comment [JM8]: The word pretty makes
your article seem informal.
Comment [JM9]: The quote is really long
and unnecessary, because it is not a hard
news story.
Comment [JM10]: Informal language
Comment [JM11]: Word choice
Comment [JM12]: Dont use first person.
use, even for older generations who are not familiarized familiar with the technology-
dominant generation, and that is what customers enjoyed.
However, tThe release of iOSos7 brought great blowbacks in terms of how Apple
is viewed by its universal customers. Change does not always bring positive reactions,
and Apple, through the release of the iOSos7, proved this right showed that this is true.
As for the solution, the best way for Apple to solve the polar opposite views
existent regarding the software update is to allow users to either degrade or upgrade their
software according to their preference. People like Ariel Lee (9), will be able to update
their phone to the newest software whereas people like myself and Jane Lee (10) who
prefer the earlier updates will be able to degrade it back to previous software. In this way,
with more choices available, Apple will be able to attract a wider pool of customers.

Your solution needs to be elaborated, and it needs to come throughout the article.
Though you offer both sides of the issue, it would be better if you could take a clear
stance.




need help with caption!!


Citations
Dilger, Daniel Eran. "Apple Bumps into Some Third Party Apps to Extend IOS 7." Apple
Insider. N.p., 10 June 2013. Web. 01 Oct. 2013.

Comment [JM13]: ?
Comment [JM14]: This opinion should
come in earlier in the article.

Comment [JM15]: This is unclear. Are you
trying to say that the target towards
consumers is making Apple enjoyable?
Comment [JM16]: As for the solution
sounds awkward.
Comment [JM17]: Dont explicitly state
people like Ariel Lee or Jane Lee.
Formatted: Indent: First line: 0"