FactFILE

F Mar Hall Hotel, Mar

Hall Drive, Bishopton, Nr
Glasgow. Renfrewshire.
PA7 5NW
F www.marhall.com
F Tel: 0141 812 9999

If youarea
dessert lover,
thenyoull bein
your element at
Mar Hall.
SWING OF THINGS:
Stunning views greet
golfers.
Mar Hall aims
torecreatethe
opulenceof 19th
centuryGothic
mansions
SPA STAY WAS MAR-VELLOUS
Bishoptons Mar Hall has a top reputation which is well-deserved, writes the Teles BILLY BAIN
SPECIAL
TREAT: Billy
and Lynsey loved
Mar Halls spa
treatments and
relaxation rooms.
OCEAN FRESH:
Seafood is a
speciality.
A
S I kissed her wee bald head
goodbye, the forlorn stare in my
baby daughters eyes penetrated
layers of guilt never faintly tickled
before.
Having ofoaded our mewling ball of
curiosity with my parents, Lynsey and I were
racing towards Bishopton and attempting
to swallowaway the pulsating tumours of
remorse in our throats.
On paper, it looks far fromadmirable. We
had barely managed two months of parenthood
before abandoning our child for the sirens song
of an opulent hotel break.
There was no way of seeing our
actions other than a drowning couples
selsh scramble towards the fading
light of a half-remembered surface,
breaking though the black torrent to
gasp some precious air into our aching
lungs.
Or maybe we just needed a few
hours unbroken sleep.
Our destination was Mar Hall
the well-known Renfrewshire-based
haven of visiting celebrities, weddings,
foodies and lovers of spa luxury.
The estate is a hidden hideaway which
reveals its majesty in the heart of grim
mundanity namely three minutes motoring
off the M8.
Parking my decrepit Peugeot next to this
orid manor was a spit in the face of architect
Robert Smirke and its imposing stature
certainly had me questioning my worthiness in
the face of such opulent splendour.
Fortunately, the breathtaking surround of
the rolling Kilpatrick hills emanated powerful
amnesiac qualities, working to dimthe
relentless pound of everyday reality to a near
undetectable pulse.
This ve-star rated golf and spa palace is
located on the 240-acre Earl of Mar estate,
which has an enduring and fascinating history.
Mar was one of the seven ancient Pictish
kingdoms, while the title Earl of Mar is the
oldest regal title in Britian. Were talking
the real-life Game of Thrones -without the
dragons but with more than a touch of the
magic.
Far back in the misty murks of 14th century
Renfrewshire, there was a grand
aristocratic castle built on this land
several references are made in
the record books of Mary Queen of
Scots and Robert the Bruce having
visited.
In 1828, a lavish gothic
mansionhouse was commissioned
by the well-heeled Earl of Mar at
the stupendous cost at the time
of 50,000. Earl Green opposed to
Earl Gray.
Halfway through the First World
War in 1916, the house was taken over as the
headquarters of Erskine Hospital established
for the care of servicemen, mostly shipped
back fromthe horrors of the Somme. It later
became known as the Princess Louise Scottish
Hospital for Limbless Sailors and Soldiers.
A major buy-out and 10mrefurbishment
followed just over a decade ago, reinventing
the building and elevating it to its current
well-kent status as the west of Scotlands
premiumluxury hotel and spa.
Mar Hall aims to recreate the classic
opulence of 19th century Gothic mansions,
boasting period antique furniture, apintings,
tapestries, sumptious drapes and soft
furnishings and does so with casual aplomb.
Cowering like ants, we entered though the
cavernous reception hall where literally
thousands of blushing brides have ushered
themselves towards a lifetime of grim
acceptance, comprimise and conformity. Or
everlasting joy with their soulmate.
The delightful Hanifa on reception offered
us some refreshing drinks while our room
was being prepared, chatting knowledgeably
about what we could expect fromour
planned spa treatment and meal.
In no time at all, friendly staff
member Andrewwhisked us to
our roomwhich we entered
with genuine awe dawning on
our faces.
However, it would not matter
which of the 39 sumptious
bedrooms and suites you select
they are all breathtaking.
The colour schemes are tranquil and
soothing, with our roomboasting a magnicent
viewinto the rolling courtyard gardens
through the huge draped bay windows. A four-
poster king dominated the room, with thick
brocade drapes over each post, bedspread and
cushions.
A glossy gleaming palace of a bathroom
awaited, complete with traditional claw-foot
tub, power shower and a sizable window
offering stunning views over the entire estate.
Just make sure the blinds down when youre
in the shower to avoid embarassment or arrest.
Accomodation at Mar Hall covers the entire
spectrumof size and taste fromclub, classic
to deluxe rooms, and most important of all
your name is digitally rendered on the tvs
screensaver. Just incase you forget after a
refreshing evening in the hotels Spike Bar.
Its well known that Mar Hall offers
exceptional relaxational and beauty
treatments, and it wasnt long before Lynsey
and I stopped tripping over each others jaws
and made off to the spa annex for well-earned
pampering session.
Guests certainly make the most of the
relaxation rooms whilst on a spa package or
break, taking advantage of the specialist
Decleor facial and body treatments.
Patrons can also enjoy a light bite in
the Spa Caf, all in the comfort of a
uffy bathrobe and slippers. And face
covered in mud if you so wish.
Leisure facilities include a 20m
swimming pool, sauna, steamroom
and recently refurbished gymnasium.
Staff say they aimto restore balance
to mind, body and the soul whether you
believe you have one or not, theyll nd it and
rub it anew.
The dried fruit nibbles, dark roomscattered
with therapists couches and whale mating
ambience whispering through hidden surround
speakers could calmthe Hulk himself.
As an idiot abroad to spa treatments,
masseuse Lisa recommeded I try the deep
tissue option off the sizeable list of options,
each sumptuously-written description
sounding as soothing and mindmelting as the
next.
What followed was an hour of what was
the most welcome abuse of my body Ive ever
experienced. It was a minor revelation that
an elbowdriven hard down the entirety my
spine several times could leave me feeling like
I could do a cartwheel for the rst time since
1994. I didnt attempt it but I could have.
Lynsey also enthused about her Decleor
body treatment, but chose a rather more
gentle rubdown which left her feeling
refreshed and ready fordinner.
Mar Hall not only exists as a luxury spa
resort but also houses a world-class restaurant
in the formof the opulant Cristal eaterie.
This is, of course, if you nd your way from
the nearby Spike Bar, where an aperitif can
be enjoyed next to a roaring replace with
the bar menu offering a sizable selection of
gin, vodka and whisky and real locally-brewed
ales.
These venues are all by the way of the
Grand Hall, which is beautifully furnished
with French-style Louis XIV chairs and low
coffee tables, with a magnicent wall-hung
tapesry dominating the eyeline.
This is the main epicentre of the house,
where guests can pore over the morning
papers with a freshly-brewed coffee or enjoy
freshly-baked scones with clotted creamat
high tea with friends.
A highly efcient maitre-de spotted us
loitering around the entrance and guided us
to our table, knowledgably introducing us to
the wine selection which had an array of
options for every taste and budget.
An impeccably-mannered waiter then
offered us a selection of freshly-baked bread
rolls, a choise of parmesan, oat, black olive and
onion. It would have been rude not to try all
four varieties, each as moreish as the next.
Froma small but perfectly formed menu,
I opted for the chicken and Stornoway
black pudding parfait, which was certainly
a sizeable portion and served with a lovely
brioche toast.
The savoury saltiness of the brittle, perfect
pudding danced riotously with the sweetness
of the brioche like the simple folk on the
lower deck of the Titanic. An incredible
taste experience and the chef should take
considerable pride in his work for balancing
these strong avours.
For my main, I couldnt resist the
description of lemon Dover sole
on the menu, a buttery, shallot-
scattered Prince of the sea, its
grimnal destiny to end up on
someones dinner plate. Delicate,
rich akes slid off the tiny bones
with ease and little effort fromthe
cutlery melting in the mouth
upon contact.
I can assure the shs family that
it was a dignifed, if not desirable fate. He
or she was polished off to the degree that
only a cartoon-style skeleton was left on the
dinnerplate and very little else.
The dauphinoise potatoes and honey-coated
root vegetables were also wonderful, fresh and
perfectly cooked, washed down with a heady
nip of 12-year-old Ardbeg whisky providing
a rush of heady exhilaration to the tastebuds.
It didnt take much convincing to try a
desert.
The Tia Maria hazelnut parfait was soon
brought to the table, very light but boozy
enough to enrich the bitter avours and also
give the avours a second wind on the pallette.
Lynsey had honed straight in on the creamy
butternut squash and sun-blushed tomato
risotto with trufe oil and aged parmesan to
start. Still riding a wave of deep satisfaction
fromthe appetiser, she followed this up with
a succulent breast of free range corn-fed
chicken with glazed root vegetables, cont
rattes potatoes and creamy girolle
mushroomsauce.
A masterpiece of a plate, it had
me leering enviously despite
being more than satised by my
own choice. The raspberry and
coconut tart was also too enticing
to resist for Lynsey. The light
crumbly pastry with lovely tangy
sorbet proved too overwhelming for
my eyes and I was forced to sample a
spoonful to my tongues everlasting debt. If
you are a dessert lover, then youll certainly be
in your element at Mar Hall.
The fresh air, massage oils and gastronomic
indulgence will surely give all patrons of the
hotel a ne nights rest and healthy appetite
for breakfast and at Mar Hall, they take
this meal very seriously.
Much
too rarely do wee see kedgeree on a menu but
here you can savour this delectable Indian/
Scottish dish.
Otherwise, youll nd all the usual offerings
of fresh croissants, pastries, juices, yoghurts
and eggs with locally-sourced sausage and
bacon.
A wonderfully thick and wholesome porridge
impressed and smoked haddock or kippers are
also on the menu.
Its certainly an experience to savour and
comprehensively fulls its purpose to refuel
the body for the day ahead or the dreaded
journey back home.
A quick iPad facetime chat with baby Robyn
had her assuring us with a fewgurgled vowel
sounds that it was time to come home and be
parents once more.
Although she had behaved, missing each
other had been mutual. It was a welcome
return to planet Earth froman opulent,
marvellous disreality.
Newly calm, serene demeanours chimed
with our fully recharged bodies to walk with a
bounce in our steps to my clapped-out Peugeot,
nowparked between a shiny Jaguar and new
Merc.
We felt absolutely reinvigorated and eager
to grab the challenges of parenthood by the
horns.
But next time, well bring the wee one with
us. The Mar the merrier.