Deadpool Intro

By
Ryan Wise

Based on the characters created by Rob Liefeld and Fabian

Nicieza

radubs2913@gmail.com

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING ROOFTOP - DAY

Deadpool stands on top of his apartment building. Hes
dressed in a gray sweatsuit with white wrist wraps on his
hands. Hes breathing heavily and jogging in place.
The sun rises behind him, providing for a beautiful shot of
the New York skyline behind him. Music that makes you feel
like getting off your ass and doing something with your life
plays in the background. Did I mention hes wearing a red
and black mask?
DEADPOOL (NARRATION)
You see that guy right there. Yeah.
Thats me. Deadpool. Why am I on
the roof? Why am I breathing so
heavily? Why do I look like Rocky
Balboa? Well. I kind of watched
Rocky last night, for the like
bagillyinth time, and was feeling
all inspirational and shiznit. So I
put on this outfit and put on this
music....
The shot reveals a boombox to be sitting on the edge of the
roof.
DEADPOOL (NARRATION) (CONTD)
....so I could jump off this roof
and kill myself.
Suddenly Wade runs for the edge of the roof. Right before he
reaches the edge he stops.
DEADPOOL
Nope. Cant do it.
YELLOW HEAD VOICE
Aw stop being such a cat will ya?
Just jump.
DEADPOOL
A cat?
WHITE HEAD VOICE
I think hes referring to the term
pussycat. He failed to realize that
he used the wrong noun out of this
compound word.
DEADPOOL
(still confused)
Oh...

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

2.

YELLOW HEAD VOICE

Blah blah big words. Blah blah cat.
Blah blah educated. Blah Blah no
one gives a damn.
(a la mexicano)
This is PG-13, we cant say the
other part of that composte word to
much or itll be R and wont make
any pesos.
DEADPOOL
Thats racist.
WHITE HEAD VOICE
You do have a valid point. We might
want to save the use of that word
for later.
DEADPOOL
Wait so we cant say...PUSSYcat to
much?
WHITE HEAD VOICE
(as if it followed a face
palm)
Yes Wade...yes...
DEADPOOL
....(BLEEP)....
YELLOW HEAD VOICE
((at one point) realizing he
cursed)
What the hell?
WHITE HEAD VOICE
(shocked)
They just censored us...They
bleeped out the other part of the
compound word! In...In a movie!!!
DEADPOOL
(nervous, confused, curious,
intrigued, childlike)
...P...Pu...Pus...Puss...
Pusssssssssss(BLEEP)
YELLOW HEAD VOICE
Whoa...Let me try!
Deadpool dances around as him and his
more...deadpooly....head voice enjoy the pleasures of
censorship.
(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

3.

DEADPOOL
(BLEEP)(BLEEP)(BLEEP)(BLEEP)

YELLOW HEAD VOICE

(BLEEP)(BLEEP)(BLEEP)(BLEEP)

WHITE HEAD VOICE

Please just jump off of the
building now....
DEADPOOL
(BLEEP) no!!! Im enjoying this too
much!
In the middle of a Michael Jackson Thriller esque move,
Deadpool accidentally dances himself off of the roof.
DEADPOOL
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
YELLOW HEAD VOICE
(BLEEP)(BLEEP)(BLEEP)(BLEEP)

WHITE HEAD VOICE

YEEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!

BOOM, CRACK, POW, CRUNCH, CLINK, CLANK, DONK, BOINK,

KLABLOW, BANG, DOING, SLAM.
After a storm of sound effects, we find Deadpool on the
ground. His body is misshapen and clearly (BLEEP)ed up.
DEADPOOL
Ow
Deadpools bones begin to move back in to the right places.
His bruises begin to fade away. His cuts begin to seal.
Before we know it, hes completely healed!
DEADPOOL
WOOHOO!!!! SUICIDE (BLEEP)ING
RULES!!!!
Deadpool thrusts his hands in the air before the screen
freezes and the color slightly fades. Deadpool, fully clad
in his red and black outfit, causally walks on to the
screen. He turns towards the camera.
DEADPOOL
The people over at FOX told me to
tell you that they dont support
suicide and think that its
horrible. But theyre the guys who
mad me this bullshit.
He holds up an X-Men Origins: Wolverine Barakapool action
figure.

(CONTINUED)

CONTINUED:

4.

DEADPOOL
So what the hell do they know?
SLAM TO:
BLACK
SUPERIMPOSED: "Seriously though. We dont condone suicide.
Dont try it at home"
Goes back to black.
SUPERIMPOSED: "Or anywhere for that matter. Enjoy your
movie!
- 20th Century Fox"
A sword slices through the superimposed text and it falls
off the screen. Right behind it, "DEADPOOL" in bold red
letters slowly zooms in as we hear Deadpool hum his "theme
song".
YELLOW HEAD VOICE
(repeats)
OOGA CHAKA OOGA OOGA OOGA
CHAKA

DEADPOOL (V0)
AAAAA-AAA-AAA-A-AH!
BUM BUM!! HOOKED ON A
FEELING!!! Bum, budum,
dum!!!!

WHITE HEAD VOICE

Wrong movie.
DEADPOOL
Oh...whats my theme song gonna be?
YELLOW HEAD VOICE
I got the perfect song!!!
As the "DEADPOOL" text stops zooming in, the song My Dick by
Mickey Avalon begins to play. Gunshots are heard as bullet
wholes appear in the text until theres nothing more.
FADE TO: