ALSO BY COLSON WHITEHEAD

The Intuitionist
John Henry Days
The Colossus of New York
Ae! Hi"es the Hurt
#or $a""ie
Contents
NOTIONS O# %OLLE%&%IN' IN#INITY
THE HEYDAY O# DA(
I# I CO)LD *AY YO) LESS+ I WO)LD
THE (AN(STE%S
TO *%E,ENT #LA%E&)*S
B%EATHIN( TI*S O# (%EAT A$E%ICAN BEATBO-E%S
TONI(HT WE I$*%O,ISE
THE BLAC' NATIONAL ANTHE$
#I%ST YO) HAD TO SETTLE THE .)ESTION O# O)T/ When "i" you 0et
out1 Askin0 this was showin0 o2+ e3en thou0h anyone you 4oul" 5ra0 to ha"
re4ei3e" the sa6e 0ift an" ha" 4o6e 5y it the sa6e way you "i"/ Sa6e sun
wrae" in shiny aer+ sa6e soft 5ene3olent sky+ sa6e 0ra3el roa" that
sooner or later skinne" you/ It was har" not to 5elie3e it 5elon0e" to you
6ore than anyone else+ 6a"e for you an" waitin0 all these years for you to
4o6e alon0/ E3eryone felt that way/ We were 0rateful 7ust to 5e stan"in0
there in that heat after su4h a lon0 5leak year in the 4ity/ When "i" you 0et
out1 was the soun" of our tra 5itin0 shut8 we took the 5ait year after year+
ure inne" 7oy in the town of Sa0 Har5or/
Then there was the ne!t out9 How lon0 are you out for1&&an" the
4o6etition ha" 5e0un/ The 6a0i4 answer was Throu0h La5or Day or The
Whole Su66er/ Anythin0 less was to si0nal 6isfortune/ Out for a weeken" at
the start of the season+ to oen u the house+ swee 4ra4ks+ that was okay/
But only 4o6in0 out for a 6onth1 A week1 What was wron0+ were you ha3in0
:nan4ial "i;4ulties1 E3eryone ha" :nan4ial "i;4ulties+ sure+ 5ut to let it
interfere with Sa0+ your shit was seriously a6iss/ Out for a week+ a 6onth+
an" you were allowin0 yourself to 5e 4heate" 5y life/ Ask+ How lon0 are you
out for1 an" a 4lou" wie" the sun/ The <uestion traile" a whi2 of autu6n/ All
answers 4onte6late" the en"+ the "eath of su66er at its 3ery 5e0innin0/
Still waitin0 for the 5ay to war6 u so you 4oul" 0o for a swi6 an" alrea"y
i4turin0 it fro=en o3er/ La5or Day su""enly not so far o2 at all/
The :nal out was one&half infor6ation&0atherin0 an" one&half rayer9
Who else is out1 The season ha" 5e0un+ we were roof of it+ instru6ent of it+
5ut thin0s 4oul"n>t really 0et starte" until all the layers took their 6arks+
5oun"in0 "own "ri3eways+ all 0i66e&:3es/ The others were ne4essary+ an"
we nee"e" wor"/ The erson stan"in0 5efore you in leate" sal6on shorts
6i0ht say+ ?I talke" to hi6 on We"nes"ay an" he sai" they were 4o6in0 out/?
They were always the :rst ones out+ ne3er 6isse" June like their li3es
"een"e" on it/ @This was true/A So6eone 6i0ht o2er+ ?Their lawn was 4ut/? A
4ut lawn was an un"enia5le o6en of i6en"in0 ha5itation+ to"ay or
to6orrow/ ?Saw a 4ar in their "ri3eway/? E3en 5etter/ There was no 0reater
truth than a 4ar in a "ri3eway/ A 4ar in the "ri3eway was an in3itation to
kno4k on the "oor an" 0et "own to the 5usiness of su66er/ 'no4k on that
"oor an" wat4h it relent un"er your knu4kles&&on4e you were out+ the "oor
staye" unlo4ke" until you 4lose" u the house/
On4e we>re all out+ we 4an 5e0in/
$Y NA$E IS BEN/ In the su66er of BCDE I was :fteen years ol"/ $y
5rother+ %e00ie+ was fourteen/ As for when we 0ot out+ we 0ot out that
6ornin0+ hour an" a half Fat+ ha3in0 5eat the tra;4/ O3er the 4ourse of a
su66er+ you hear" a lot of "i2erent strate0ies of how to 5eat the tra;4+ or at
least sla it aroun" a little/ There were those who "it4he" the o;4e early on
#ri"ay afternoon+ 4asually lettin0 their 4o&workers know the reason for their
"earture in or"er to en7oy a little low&ressure en3y/ Others hea"e" 5a4k to
the 4ity late Sun"ay e3enin0+ 4hokin0 e3ery last ulse of 7oy fro6 the
weeken" with 4o4oa&5uttere" han"s/ They stoe" to 0ra5 a 5ite an"
wat4he" the slow re" sur0e outsi"e the restaurant win"ow while "ra00in0
4la6 stris throu0h tartar sau4e&&soon+ soon+ not yet&&until the 4oast was
4lear/
$y father>s 6etho" was easy an" 5rutal&&hit the roa" at :3e in the
6ornin0 so that we were the only li3in0 souls on the Lon0 Islan" E!ressway+
6akin0 a 5reak for it in the haunte" "ark/ E3ery so often 6y 6other sai"+
?There>s no tra;4+? as if it were a 6ira4le/ Well+ it wasn>t really "ark+ June
sunrises are u an" at >e6+ 5ut I always re6e65er those "ri3es that way&&
6e6ory has a alette an" 5roa" 5rush/ *erhas I re6e65er it that way
5e4ause 6y eyes were 4lose" 6ost of the ti6e/ The tri4k of those early&
6ornin0 7aunts was to wake u 7ust enou0h to haul a 5a0 of 4lothes "own to
the 4ar+ nestle in+ an" then retreat 5a4k into slee/ Any unne4essary
6o3e6ent 6i0ht e!ile you fro6 the real6 of half aslee an" into the 5leary
half awake+ so 6y 5rother an" I "i" a =o65ie 6ar4h slow an" 6ute until we
hit the 5a4kseat+ where we turne" into our searate nooks+ sni;n0
uholstery+ 5utt to 5utt+ 6ore or less lookin0 like a %ors4ha4h test/ What "o
you see in this i4ture1 Two 5rothers 0oin0 o2 in "i2erent "ire4tions/
We ha" re4ently 4ease" to 5e twins/ We were 5orn ten 6onths aart
an" until I went to hi0h s4hool we 4a6e as a 6at4he" set+ 6ore Sia6ese
than fraternal or i"enti4al+ "e:ne" 5y an un4anny inseara5ility/ Joine" not at
the hi or sleen or ner3ous syste6 5ut at that 6ore i6ortant la4e&&that
sot on your self where you 6eet the worl"/
There was so6ethin0 in the hu6an DNA that 4o6elle" eole to say
?Ben7i >n> %e00ie+ Ben7i >n> %e00ie? in a sin0son0 way+ as if we were 4artoon
4hara4ters or 6as4ots of so6e twenty&:3e&4ent 4an"y/
On the rare o44asions we were 4au0ht alone+ the :rst thin0 eole
aske" was ?Where>s Ben7i1? or ?Where>s %e00ie1+? whereuon we "eli3ere" a
thorou0h a44ount of our other>s wherea5outs+ <ui4kly in4lu"in0 4onte!t as if
e65arrasse" to 5e 4au0ht out in the sunli0ht with only half a sha"ow9 ?He
ro"e into town/ He lost his CAT Diesel *ower 4a at the 5ea4h an" went to 0et
a new one at the :3e&an"&ten/? An" the <uestioner no""e" sole6nly9 %e00ie>s
lo3e for his CAT Diesel *ower 4a+ fostere" 5y >GHs tru4ker 6o3ies+ was well&
known/
There was su66er+ an" then there was the rest of the ti6e/ Durin0 the
rest of the ti6e+ 5efore we were searate"+ you 4oul" :n" us 6o"elin0 0ear
fro6 the Brooks Brothers Youn0 $en>s Deart6ent&&s6art white O!for" shirts+
for e!a6le+ tu4ke" in "urin0 s4hool hours+ Fain0 in soft re5ellion when we
were ho6e/ The ele6entary s4hool we went to re<uire" us to wear 7a4kets
an" ties+ so we "i"/ Our wrists ine3ita5ly outran our 7a4ket slee3es "esite
our 6other>s atte6ts at ti6ely he6&7o5s/ The ties as a se4ies were 4li&on+
5ut we ha" a few that our father tie" for us at the 5e0innin0 of the s4hool
year+ whi4h we then sli" loose an" sli" ti0ht for the ne!t nine 6onths+ knots
0ettin0 0reasier an" 0ru55ier as our ki""ie :n0ers oo=e" into the6/ We ha"
one 5lue 5la=er an" one 5ei0e 4or"uroy 7a4ket aie4e+ rotate" o3er 0ray
sla4ks an" khaki ants/ I was a little taller+ whi4h hele" us sort out whose
was whose+ 5ut not always/
What "i" we look like+ walkin0 "own Le!in0ton+ a4ross Si!ty&se4on"
Street+ si"e 5y si"e on our way to an" fro6 s4hool1 I re6e65er one "ay in
the se3enth 0ra"e when an ol" white 6an stoe" us on a 4orner an" aske"
us if we were the sons of a "ilo6at/ Little rin4es of an Afri4an 4ountry/ The
)/N/ 5ein0 half a 6ile away/ Be4ause&&why else woul" 5la4k eole "ress like
that1 Lookin0 u into his 6ossy teeth+ I 4roake" a tiny ?No? an" tu00e"
%e00ie into the 4rosswalk+ as 6y "on>t&talk&to&stran0ersIe3eryone&is&a&4hil"&
6olester trainin0 ki4ke" in/ The T, was our 5a5ysitter+ sure+ so :n0er&
wa00in0 6o3ies of the week were our 6anual on how to "eal with stran0ers/
We ea0erly riJe" throu0h the literature+ tsk&tskin0 an" 4hu4klin0 o3er tales
of ne0le4te" white ki"s 0one awry+ the sa" ro4ession of =afti0 an"
sus4eti5le teena0e hit4hhikers+ the illoin0 honor stu"ents turne"
wil"4at o3er ?the ressure to su44ee"/? When stran0ers stoe" us on the
street askin0 <uestions+ we knew what to "o/ 'ee walkin0+ 5rother/ What "i"
he look like1 Senior artner in the law :r6 of Cra4ker+ Cra4ker K Cra4ker/
What "i" we look like1 I "on>t know+ 5ut his <uestion wasn>t so6ethin0 we>"
e3er 5e aske" in Sa0 Har5or/ We :t in there/
Su66ers we 5ran4he" out in our 6easly fashion/ #ree" fro6 the "ress
4o"e+ what "i" we "o1 As fake twins+ we 4oul"n>t shake our lo3e of the
unifor6/ Ea4h "ay we wore the sa6e 6ake of shirt+ 5ut "i2erent 4olors+
"i2erent iron&on "e4als/ E3ery 4oule of 6onths our 6other 5ou0ht us so6e
4lothes at (i65els&&se4urity 4a6eras 4ature her fora0in0 for her 4u5s+
6ur6urin0 ?Two of these+ an" two of these?&&an" then tosse" the6 into our
4a0e for us to hyena&yi o3er who 0ot what/ Want the 6aroon terry&4loth
shirt1 (et to it :rst or else you>ll 5e wearin0 the oli3e one >til ne!t Christ6as/
%L&DL 7a66ies for you+ C&M*O for 6e/ You ha" to work fast/ Di5s was all/
We were a 5it of a 0enre when you rie" oen a fa6ily hoto al5u69
There>s Ben7i >n> %e00ie slou4hin0 in the 5ea4h 0rass+ leanin0 on the hoo" of
that su66er>s rente" 4ar+ hu""le" on a 5en4h outsi"e the i4e&4rea6 arlor/
One 5rother in a ow"er&5lue I=o" olo+ the other in a 4ri6son I=o" "ri==le"
with %o4ky %oa"/ Ar6s noose" aroun" ea4h other>s ne4ks+ always wearin0
the sa6e shirts 5ut for that one 4ru4ial+ "i2erentiatin0 "etail that was
e3erythin0/ The sa6e+ 5ut a little o2+ an" it was to that 4rooke" little 4orner
of "i2eren4e that we truly asire"/
Our e!ressions+ i4ture to i4ture1 $e9 aine" an" "yseti4+
s<uintin0 in "is4o6fort at the "is4o3ery of so6e new "efe4t in the "esi0n of
the worl"+ the thou0ht 5u55le askin0+ ?Aren>t we all 7ust ants un"er the
6a0nifyin0 0lass+ really1? an" ?Is this the assin0 of our "ays+ so 6u4h *i!y
Sti! "ust fallin0 in an hour0lass1? The only ti6e ?early 5loo6er? has e3er
5een alie" to 6e is 3is&a&3is 6y re6ature arehension of the "ee
"rea"&of&e!isten4e thin0/ In all other 4ases+ I lo" an" tro6 alon0/ $y
knu4kles1 Well "ra00e"/
Say Cheese/ An" what>s %e00ie u to1 $u00in0+ of 4ourse+ 4ross&eye"+
sneerin0+ :n0ers 5ent into "e3il>s horns+ wa3in0 his "ente" 5e00ar>s 4u for
one e!tra oun4e of re4ious attention+ a rare ele6ent in our househol"/ We
knew we wante" to 5e searate" 5ut 4oul" only 5ear it in sli6 "e0rees/ So
when our father showe" u with kno4ko2 sou3enirs fro6 the BCGN $ontreal
Oly6i4s+ I sna00e" the 7a3elin T&shirt+ %e00ie rea4he" for the shot&ut T&
shirt+ an" we 5roke out of the lo4ker&roo6 tunnel into the arena of sunli0ht+
su66er after su66er+ 6e65ers of the sa6e tea6/ It was ni4e to ha3e a
tea6+ e3en if it was 7ust us two/
Where is the sur0eon 0ifte" enou0h to un"ertake this risky oeration+
searate these haless 4on7oine"1 *a0in0 Do4 *u5erty+ ar6s s4ru55e"+
s6o4ke" to the hilt+ s6a4kin0 the nurses on the ass+ an" well&3erse" in all
the latest te4hni<ues/ $ore su4tionO Ja3elin an" shot ut&&that>s a5out ri0ht/
Hor6ones sent 6e u an" air5orne+ tall an" skinny+ a kno4k&knee" little ree"+
while %e00ie+ always 4hu55y in the 4heeks an" ar6s+ 5ul0e" out into
so6ethin0 roun" an" in4h&a5le+ soft an" s6ooth+ where I stu4k out in shar
an0les/ We "isentan0le" week 5y week+ one new hair at a ti6e/ Junior hi0h+
they 4alle" it/
There were no 4o6li4ations on the hysi4al searation+ 5ut what
a5out the 6ental one+ to se3er the hanto6 4onne4tion where5y if %e00ie
stu55e" his toe+ I 4rie" out in ain+ an" 3i4e 3ersa1 The 6o6ent of 6y
sy4hi4 release was o44asione" 5y Li=a #inkelstein>s ei0hth&0ra"e roller&"is4o
arty in the srin0 of >DM/
IT WAS BA% $ITP,AH SEASON+ a 0oo" ti6e to 5e ali3e 5y any
6easure+ 5ut arti4ularly for "ie&har" :n0er&foo" a:4iona"os like 6yself/ As
6y frien"s un"erwent their ti6e&honore" initiation rituals+ I e!erien4e" 6y
own 4o6in0&of&a0e+ 4ulinary&wise/ I ha" le" a rather sheltere" life with
re0ar"s to 5ite&si=e" sna4ks+ ha3in0 only 6esse" aroun" with $ini Hot Do0s+
La Choy E00 %olls+ an" other lo3elies of the *reheat To MEH s4hool/ The ra4y+
4atere" leasures of the full&tilt+ 5ank&5ustin0+ "on>t&you&lo3e&6e 5ar 6it=3ah
were a re3elation/ I re6e65er 6ar3elin0 at the sil3er hors ">oeu3res trays as
they "ie" an" Fitte" throu0h the air like Fyin0 sau4ers out of a >EHs s4i&:
6o3ie+ 5earin0 alien life for6s I ha" ne3er re4kone"+ 6essen0ers of
0ustatory ea4e an" 0oo"will/ Chi4ken teriyaki on skewers+ Swe"ish
6eat5alls s<uattin0 in 5rown ools+ all 6anner of "iin0 sau4es in "ark an"
0luey a5un"an4e&&it was "i==yin0+ an" that wasn>t 7ust the thi65les of
$anis4hewit= talkin0/
I was use" to 5ein0 the only 5la4k ki" in the roo6&&I was only there
5e4ause I ha" 6et these assorte" A5es an" Sarahs an" Dannys in a
$anhattan ri3ate s4hool+ after all&&5ut there was so6ethin0 instru4ti3e
a5out 5ein0 the only 5la4k ki" at a 5ar 6it=3ah/ E3ery 5ar or 5at 6it=3ah
shoul" ha3e at least one 5la4k ki" with a yar6ulke ho3erin0 on his Afro&&it>s a
ni4e 3isual 7oke+ let>s 7ust 0et that out of the way+ 5ut 6ore i6ortant it trains
the ki" in <uestion to "eter6ine when eole in the 4orner of his eye are
talkin0 a5out hi6 an" when they are not+ a useful skill in later life when
sortin0 out 5ona&:"e erse4ution fro6 er4ei3e" erse4ution+ the this&is&
a4tually&haenin0 fro6 the 6ere aranoi" 6anifestation/ ?Who>s that1?
?Whiser whiser a frien" of An"y>s fro6 s4hool/? ?So re0al an" 4o6ose"&&
he looks like a youn0 Si"ney *oitier/? ?Whiser whiser or the son of an
Afri4an "ilo6atO?
E3entually I>" ha3e so6e 4o6any when the o44asional %KB 5an"
showe" u to "ra0 the6sel3es throu0h the o5li0atory $otown retrose4ti3e+
with the ine3ita5le ?Suer #reak? thrown in/// as Li=a #inkelstein+ 0ri6 an"
silent+ s<uashe" her la4e settin0 in her :st an" 4urse" us all/ Her arents
were 4i3il ri0hts lawyers+ not that I knew what that 6eant+ e!4et that it
4o6elle" Li=a to 5lurt out ?$y arents were thereO? on that one "ay a year
when a tea4her 6entione" the $ar4h on Washin0ton/ Her arents rese4te"
all ra4es+ 4olors+ an" 4ree"s+ unless that 4ree" was their own/ A44or"in0 to
so6e lefty 4al4ulus they ha" 4on4lu"e" that the tra"itions of their faith were
5o0us+ an" 4onse<uently Li=a was 0oin0 to ha3e to wait a while 5efore
enterin0 the worl" of 4alli0rahi4 in3itations an" their little 0uy %S,*
en3eloes/
%e5ellion tri4kles "own/ Li=a>s ?$y arents were thereO?s "i6inishe" in
enthusias6 year 5y year+ to 5e true+ 5ut I think it was 5at 6it=3ah season+
with its e!u5erant a0eantry an" lo3ely haul of resents+ that u4kere" her
to new outy e!tre6es/ To 5e so e!ile"/ It 4a6e to ass that one 5ri0ht srin0
6ornin0 our hiie En0lish tea4her $r/ Johnson 6entione" the $ar4h on
Washin0ton an" the asse65le" of Ho6eroo6 DB instin4ti3ely turne" to Li=a
to hear her "e4laration for the last ti6e/ *erhas we were feelin0
senti6ental/ We>" 5e in hi0h s4hool in a few 6onths+ slit u after 5ein0
to0ether&&so6e of us&&sin4e re&'/ This was a 6ilestone+ an" we waite" for
Li=a to 0i3e us what we nee"e"/ The 6o6ents ile" u/ A susi4ion or fear
that Li=a 6i0ht not ro3i"e her ne4essary ser3i4e 5e0an to 4ree a4ross the
roo6 in the sa6e way that+ 0ently+ 6enthol 4i0arette s6oke 4ret fro6 un"er
the "oor of the tea4hers> loun0e/ $y eyes fell to her 4he4kere" New Wa3e
knee&hi0h so4ks+ an" I thou0ht+ Li=a>s not New Wa3e/ Then she sneere" a ?$y
arents were there+? rollin0 her eyes an" ki4kin0 her feet out into the aisle
5etween "esks/ Li=a "i"n>t nee" the whole 5at 6it=3ah treat6ent/ She was a
teena0er in that 6o6ent/
The #inkelsteins ne0otiate" a settle6ent where5y the ol"er 0eneration
woul" shell out for a roller&"is4o arty of se4ular "esi0n an" e!e4ution+ an"
the youn0er 0eneration woul" 4ut "own on her use of the hrase ?But all 6y
frien"s? 5y at least EH er4ent/ )sually other eole>s arents s4are" 6e+ 5ut
$r/ #inkelstein always see6e" 0la" to ha3e 6e aroun"/ Sen"in0 their
"au0hter to a fan4y ri3ate s4hool was a 5etrayal of 4ore 3alues+ ayin0
tuition when you were suose" to suort lo4al u5li4 s4hools 5ein0 in
traitorous e<ui3alen4e with eatin0 0raes when you were suose" to
5oy4ott 0raes/ Those "ays+ e3ery nonunioni=e" 0rae was a tear s<uee=e"
out of the eye of a 6i0rant worker>s 4hil"/
The fa4t that $r/ #inkelstein>s "au0hter ha" a 5ona&:"e 5la4k frien"
6iti0ate" the situation a 5it/ Hey+ wasn>t that why they>" 6ar4he" on
Washin0ton in the :rst la4e1 The i4tures of that "ay in BCNM are 6a7esti4
an" holy&&the 5la4k&an"&white 6osai4 of fa4es an" stone+ the for4e of eole
su4h that it o3erwhel6s the ool an" the 6onu6ent an" wies the sneer o2
the fa4e of ar4hite4tural arro0an4e/ If you were a4tually there+ what "i" you
think when you saw the hoto0rahs1 The 6ass of :0ures was the sheer
e!ression of hu6an otential+ 6akin0 it ossi5le to ki" yourself that you
4oul" sot yourself in that sea of eole&&that>s 6e in this i6ortant e3ent+
ri0ht there+ as I was+ 5efore all this/ It 6ust 5e ossi5le to fool yourself that
you were not lost in the 4row"/ I ha" no ro5le6 with $r/ #inkelstein/
A roller&"is4o arty was surely an artifa4t of the ost&inata+ re&
inter4ourse era/ Whither all the inatas of yester"ay1 In a su44ession of :nely
furnishe" li3in0 roo6s we took sti4ks an" e!resse" our lust throu0h an
ea0er fury+ assailin0 the oor inatas an" sen"in0 their sa" aer fur
Fain0+ their e6ty 5ulk wo55lin0 a5o3e us+ su4h a 0ru55y 6o5 we were/
We nee"e" to 0et insi"e there+ slit the 5easts oen+ see their ink 0uts 5urst
to loose that 4lu6sy rain of 6on0rel 4an"ies that e!ist only insi"e inatas+
the "in0y Pi6=is+ Dolos+ an" Shrats+ sweet shre"s that we s4ra65le" after
like well&"resse" 3ultures/ We wante" "i2erent 4an"y now/ #or so6e+ this
erio" of re&se!ual li65o woul" 5e short/ Not for 6e/ Whi4h 6a"e 6y
inFate" sense of self after that ti6e E6ily Dorf6an aske" 6e to skate with
her all the 6ore atheti4/
E6ily Dorf6an was the tallest erson in our 4lass+ ha" 5een for a
while/ We 4alle" her Si"er/ Her ar6s an" le0s were ale s4a2ol"in0 roin0
u her shirts an" skirts+ an" she ha"n>t yet reali=e" that 0rowin0 her hair out
6i0ht 4o3er u the e!tra 3erte5rae she see6e" to ha3e in her ne4k&&if she
were an ani6al+ she>" 5e ni55lin0 those hi0h&u lea3es/ While I 5elie3e" she
was the owner of a 4ertain 5ow&le00e" ele0an4e+ a 0an0ly 0ra4e+ I ha" ne3er
thou0ht of her as a se! o57e4t/ We>" share" 4o&e" 5athroo6s as youn0sters+
seen ea4h other>s 5al" arts 5a4k in the "ay+ an" 6ay5e that ha" so6ethin0
to "o with it/ No 6ystery/
We were on our se4on" or thir" su0ar rush of Li=a>s 5irth"ay arty
when E6ily 4a6e o3er/ I ha"n>t hit the Foor that 6u4h/ The skates were too
ti0ht+ an" I win4e" throu0h wi"e+ oa:sh 4ir4uits aroun" the rink/ I "i"n>t know
what si=e 6y feet were any6ore/ $y 5o"y was ha3in0 an o2 year 5asi4ally+
an" I was not the kin" of erson to ask for the ri0ht si=e after I ha"
4o66itte"+ referrin0 to stu65le aroun" in ain for a 4oule of hours rather
than seak u for 6yself/ An" so/ I was stan"in0 with the 0uys o3er 5y the
Asteroi"s 6a4hine&&all of us 6o6entarily 5etween <uarters an" se4ulatin0
as to the trainin0 re0i6en of D$P+ the hi0h s4orer on the 0a6e&&when E6ily
stee" into our 4ir4le an" sai"+ ?Ben7i+ let>s 0o out there/ I want to skate/?
She slae" 6e on the 5a4k to e6hasi=e the 4asualness of her roosal/
I looke" o3er at An"y Stern+ who was 6y 5u""y/ We laye" DKD
to0ether+ went way 5a4k+ to Star Wars 6arathons/ I re6e65ere" he asse"
notes to E6ily for a while in the thir" 0ra"e/ Was this okay1 Woul" he take
re3en0e as Dun0eon $aster1 Those "ays we e!resse" a00ression 5y si44in0
or4s+ 0ryhons+ an" ho6un4uli on ea4h other/ An"y Stern s4rat4he" 5eneath
his 5owl hair4ut+ eyes 3a4ant/ What was the 5i0 "eal1 I "i"n>t think of Si"er
in that way an" why woul" anyone think of 6e in that way/ I sai"+ ?Okay+? an"
we hea"e" out/
It was all retty inno4ent+ 7ust als+ as we "o"0e" a Fotilla of ol"er ki"s
skatin0 to0ether in a 0ossiy swar6 an" "is4o3ere" a 4o6forta5le little
slistrea6 on the insi"e of the tra4k/ Then she 0ra55e" 6y han" an" I al6ost
7u6e"/ Her han" was hot an" 6oist/ She was sweatin0 a lot/ I 6ention her
sweatiness not to raise the se4ter of 0lan"ular a5erration 5ut to e!lain the
sy6atheti4 0ushin0 of sweat it rouse" in 6y own han"/ (uh/ Our :n0ers
slo55ere" o3er ea4h other/ I ha" 5een "ra00in0 a little 5ehin" her on a44ount
of 6y aine" feet 5ut I 4au0ht u an" starte" 6at4hin0 her rhyth6/ We
swooe" ast where our frien"s were han0in0 out 5ut we "i"n>t look at the6/
We ket the6 5ehin" the alu6inu6 rails an" far fro6 us/ I "i" not witness
any hyotheti4al thu65s&u $r/ #inkelstein threw 6y way/ As 6y :n0ers sli"
in the 0roo3es 5etween her knu4kles+ I re4kone" that her si"ery :n0ers
ro3i"e" 6ore oints of 4onta4t than those of our 4lass6ates/ If you were
0oin0 to hol" han"s with so6eone+ this was the han" to hol"+ 3olu6e&wise/
$y er4etion 5urrowe" "own into those la4es where our Fesh ru55e"
to0ether/ I turne" to her+ she looke" at 6e an" I s6ile" an" lifte" 6y
eye5rows+ this sua3e ti4/ Then it was <ui4kly eyes "own a0ain/ Too 6u4hO I
s<uee=e" her han" twi4e in so6e kin" of weir" 4o"e an" she s<uee=e" 5a4k/
An" then 6y other han" o44urre" to 6e/ It was e6ty/ I wasn>t ullin0 %e00ie
out of tra;4 or u out of 5us seats so that we woul"n>t 6iss our sto+ he
wasn>t "riftin0 5ehin" 6e sloshin0 a 4u of so"a+ he wasn>t there at all/ This
was no threeso6e+ I was alone with so6eone else/ The awareness of 6y left
han" fa"e" an" I returne" to the little worl" of sweet 4onta4t in 6y ri0ht/
We were out there fore3er/ How "oes one 6easure in:nity in a roller
rink1 You 4an test the uni3erse 5y askin0 <uestions&&how 6any 6irrore" tiles
on "is4o 5alls shootin0 how 6any ure white streaks a4ross the walls an"
Foors+ how 6any 5all 5earin0s 4la4kin0 into ea4h other like a0itate"
6ole4ules in how 6any olyurethane wheels+ how 6any ink5lot 4olonies of
5a4teria 5loo6in0 un4he4ke" in the toe&war" 0loo6 of how 6any rente"
skates/ But let>s say this notion of 4hint=y roller&rink in:nity is 5est e!resse"
5y the nu65er two/ Two eole+ two han"s+ an" two son0s+ in this 4ase ?Bi0
Shot? an" ?Bette Da3is Eyes/? The lyri4s of the two son0s ro3i"e" no
4o66entary+ honest or ironi4+ on the ro4ee"in0s/ They were 6erely there
an" always un"erfoot+ the insistent 0ray 6u4k that was o 4ulture/ It stu4k
to our shoes an" we tra4ke" it throu0h our li3es/ Si"er an" 6e slo00e"
throu0h the son0s+ han" in han"/ O44asionally seekin0 ea4h other>s fa4es to
tra"e 5rief+ worrie" s6iles/
Then ?-ana"u? 4a6e on+ 6ur"erer/ We 4lo6e" o2 the tra4k an"
re7oine" our rese4ti3e tri5es+ slou4hin0 6ale an" fe6ale on oosite walls of
the su5terranean roller rink+ ne3er a4knowle"0in0 this eiso"e a0ain/ What
6a"e her ste u1 Ne!t year we went to our searate hi0h s4hools+ an"
E6ily 6i0ht as well ha3e 5een 5roken "own into anti6atter 5e4ause we
ne3er saw ea4h other a0ain/ #rankly+ I took our 6o6ent of 4loseness for
0rante" @this will 5e a runnin0 the6eA an" if I ha" known that that was the
6ost 0irl 4onta4t I was 0oin0 to ha3e for 6any years+ I woul" ha3e taken a
sou3enir/ Wie" her sweat o2 6y han" with a han"ker4hief an" 4herishe" the
hankie as an eroti4 ai" "urin0 the lon0 erio" of self&a5use that was to
4o66en4e a few 6onths later @initiate" 5y a 3ision of a 0listenin0 Bar5ara
Carrera in the 6inor Ja6es Bon" 3ehi4le Ne3er Say Ne3er A0ain+ whi4h
feature" 6any water&the6e" s4enariosA/ %etrie3e" fro6 its se4ret hi"in0
la4e+ the un4ru6le" hankie+ saturate" with E6ily>s sweat+ woul" ha3e
a""e" an olfa4tory 4o6onent to the 3isual artifa4ts I ha" in 6y 6ental :les+
6ostly sniets of Cine6a! 6o3ies an" a"oles4ent se! 4o6e"ies of the
$akin It&Doin> It&Losin> It ilk+ lus the o"" stray tit fro6 National La6oon as I
was too afrai" to 5uy *lay5oy/ The surfa4e area of her lon0 :n0ers woul"
ha3e left 6ore sweat than the a3era0e ei0hth&0ra"e han"/ I woul" ha3e
hu2e" that hankie for all it was worth/
The ni0ht of the roller&"is4o arty I "e4i"e" I was in 5i0&5oy territory/
Other ki"s in our 4lass were "oin0 6ore than hol"in0 han"s+ an" the fa4t of
other eole>s 0reater leasure was 5e4o6in0 a feature of 6y reality/ Now
e3en I was on 6y way+ ha3in0 re4ei3e" what I interrete" as an o6en of
0lorious hi0h s4hool&style intera4tion into 6y feti" san"5o!/ #resh6an year
was 0oin0 to 5e 0reat/ %e00ie woul"n>t e3en 5e in the sa6e 5uil"in0/ I was
relie3e" the "ay he tol" 6e that he "i"n>t want to 0o to 6y hi0h s4hool/ ?I>6
tire" of 5ein0 e3eryone>s little 5rother+? he sai"/ @We ha3e an ol"er sister I
ha3en>t 6entione" yet&&we 5oth 5o55e" in si5lin0 wake all throu0h
ele6entary s4hool/A #air enou0h/ I was tire" of 5ein0 e3eryone>s ol"er
5rother/ By the su66er of BCDE+ we were at a ti6e when if so6eone aske"+
?Where>s %e00ie1+? I "i"n>t know/ An" it was 0oo" to say I "i"n>t know/
$Y $OTHE% SAID+ ?We>re 6akin0 0oo" ti6e/? The LIE ha" stoe"
sli4in0 towns in half an" now 4ut throu0h unta6e" Nassau County 0reenery+
always a 0oo" si0n/ Aart fro6 the o44asional lu6 of an o;4e ark on the
si"e of the hi0hway+ we were in the trees/ I slunk 5a4k "own an" trie" to 4law
6y way 5a4k into slee/ It was har" to 0et a ni4e "ee slee 0oin0 when
hea"in0 out there&&all you 4oul" really "o was slash aroun" in shallow
water&&an" I en"ure" 6y usual 6essy "rea6s+ althou0h the reason for the6
re<uires a 5it 6ore 4onte!t9
Before we starte" stayin0 at the 5ea4h house+ we use" to stay at the
He6stea" House+ an" 5ehin" the He6stea" House was a s6all white
woo"&fra6e 4otta0e with "in0y yellow tri6/ At ni0ht+ sie" throu0h the thin
wall of trees searatin0 the roerties+ the li0ht in their kit4hen was the only
thin0 ali3e in the "ark+ the 4onstant 6oon of su66er/ The wo6an who li3e"
there in the >EHs+ 6y 6other re6in"e" us fro6 ti6e to ti6e+ use" to ha3e a
:sh fry on Satur"ays+ sellin0 lun4hes+ an" le0en" ha" it that DuBois 4a6e out
to Sa0 on4e an" ate there/ I no""e" in a show of ri"e whene3er 6y 6other
tol" us this story e3en thou0h I ha" no i"ea who DuBois was/ I ha" learne" to
kee 6y 6outh shut a5out thin0s I "i"n>t know when I sense" that I was
e!e4te" to know the6/
#or instan4e9 there were #a6ous Bla4k *eole I ha" ne3er hear" of+ 5ut
it was too late to ask who they were 5e4ause I was ol" enou0h+ 5y so6e
se4ret 6easure+ that it was a "is0ra4e that I "i"n>t know who they were+
these eole who ha" stru00le" an" su2ere" for e3ery last 4o6fort I en7oye"/
How un0rateful/ One of 6y un4les woul" 5e o3er an" 6ention $ar4us (ar3ey
an" I>" ask+ ?Who>s that1+? as the eyes of all the a"ults in the roo6 slitte" for
a sa" roun" of tsk&tskin0/ ?Who>s Toussaint L>Ou3erture1? I>" stui"ly in<uire+
an" 6y father woul" shoot 5a4k+ ?You "on>t know who Toussaint L>Ou3erture
is1 What "o they tea4h you at that fan4y s4hool I 5ust 6y ass to sen" you
to1? Not ?I4oni4 #i0ures of Bla4k Nationalis6+? that>s for sure/
What I "i" know a5out DuBois was that he fell into the 4ate0ory of
#a6ous Bla4k *eole&&there was a way eole sai" 4ertain na6es so that
they ha" an e6anation or halo/ The rese4tful way 6y 6other ronoun4e"
DuBois tol" 6e that the 6an ha" ulifte" the ra4e/ Years later in 4olle0e I>"
rea" his 6ost fa6ous essay an" 5e 5lown away/ An" I <uote9 ?It is a e4uliar
sensation+ this "ou5le&4ons4iousness+ this sense of always lookin0 at one>s
self throu0h the eyes of others+ of 6easurin0 one>s soul 5y the tae of a
worl" that looks on in a6use" 4onte6t an" ity/ One e3er feels his two&
ness+&&an A6eri4an+ a Ne0ro8 two souls+ two thou0hts+ two unre4on4ile"
stri3in0s8 two warrin0 i"eals in one "ark 5o"y+ whose "o00e" stren0th alone
kees it fro6 5ein0 torn asun"er/ The history of the A6eri4an Ne0ro is the
history of this strife+&&this lon0in0 to attain self&4ons4ious 6anhoo"+ to 6er0e
his "ou5le self into a 5etter an" truer self/? I thou0ht to 6yself9 The 0uy who
wrote that was 4howin0 frie" :sh 5ehin" 6y houseO
Dri3in0 with 6y father+ it was otholes of "ou5le 4ons4iousness the
whole way/ There were only two thin0s he woul" listen to on the ra"io9 Easy
Listenin0 an" Afro4entri4 Talk %a"io/ When a son0 4a6e on that he "i"n>t like
or stirre" a feelin0 he "i"n>t want to ha3e+ he swit4he" o3er to the tur5ulent
rhetori4 of the 4all&in shows+ an" when so6e knu4klehea" 4a6e on
a"3o4atin0 so6e i"ea he foun" too 4owar"ly or too 6u4h of a sellout+ he
swit4he" 5a4k to the 6usi4/ An" all these soun"s seee" into 6y "rea6s/
One 6inute we were listenin0 to the Carenters sin0in0 ?I>6 on the to of the
worl" lookin0 "own on 4reation+? like so9
Su4h a feelin0>s 4o6in0 o3er 6e
There is won"er in 6ost e3erythin0 I see
Not a 4lou" in the sky
(ot the sun in 6y eyes
An" I wont 5e surrise" if it>s a "rea6
E3erythin0 I want the worl" to 5e
Is now 4o6in0 true ese4ially for 6e
An" the reason is 4lear
It>s 5e4ause you are here
You>re the nearest thin0 to hea3en that I>3e seen
E3ery ti6e 'aren Carenter 6o3e" her 6outh it was like the li" of a
su0ar 5owl tinklin0 oen an" 4lose" to e!ose "ee "unes of whiteness/ Then
the ne!t son0 woul" sen" 6y father>s :n0ers to the reset stations an" we
were knee&"ee into oli4e 5rutality+ the 4ru66y s4hools+ the 6e4hanisti4
4ruelty of 4ity hall/ The laylist of the 4ity in those "ays was hea"line after
hea"line of outra0e+ in 4onstant rotation were 5loo"y i6a0es of $i4hael
Stewart 4hoke" to "eath 5y 4os+ (ran"6a Eleanor Bu6urs shot to "eath 5y
4os+ Yusef Hawkins shot to "eath 5y ra4ist thu0s/ On WLIB+ they laye" the
5la4k To QH+ an" the lyri4s went like this9
What I want to know is
When are we 0oin0 to ha3e our "ay of 7usti4e
These white eole think they 4an kill us in our ho6es
Cant walk "own the street
Without so6e 4ra4ker with a 5ase5all 5at
Tryin0 to 6ur"er us
$ur"er our 4hil"ren+ our future
When are we 0oin0 to ha3e our "ay1
$y father announ4e" his aro3al 5y sin0in0 alon0 or 6utterin0
?That>s 7ust 4o66on sense+? "een"in0 on the son0 or stu6 see4h/ Is it
any won"er 6y "rea6s were trou5le"1 Ease an" "is<uiet wea3e" in an" out
of re4etion+ 4hasin0 ea4h other "own+ two si0nals too weak to 5e hear" for
6ore than a few 6o6ents/
$y father shut o2 the ra"io on4e we hit the 6ani4 nowhere that was
East En" ra"io+ where a"s for 4ar "ealershis an" la"ies> ni0ht at the latest
one&season won"er "uke" it out 5etween last 6onth>s hits/ A"s for la4es we
ne3er went+ ser3i4es we ne3er nee"e" ren"ere"/ At the oenin0 of su66er+
the wor"s of the lo4al DJs an" 6er4hants were 4in"er 5lo4ks+ re5ar+ I 5ea6s+
an" 5it 5y 5it the e"i:4e of the su66er worl" rose fro6 the "irt/ A3oi" the
fen"er&5en"er on Stehen Han"s *ath+ re" Fa0 at $e4o! Bea4h+ no
swi66in0/ With e3ery 6ention of a lan"6ark+ that la4e 4a6e into 5ein0
after nine 6onths of 5anish6ent 5y the 4ity/ The wor"s fro6 the ra"io sai"+
Stehen Han"s *ath e!ists a0ain+ $e4o! Bea4h e!ists a0ain+ ulle" out of
6oth5alls+ an" e3en the ti"e itself has 5een 4on7ure" 5a4k to the shores/ #or
we ha3e returne"/
We "it4he" %oute LG an" 4ruise 4ontrol an" wea3e" "own S4uttlehole
%oa"+ =iin0 ast the white fen4in0 an" rustin0 wire that hel" 5a4k the
5ul0in0 a4res at the si"e of the roa"/ I s6elle" the sweetly 6u""y fu6es of
the otato :el"s an" i4ture" the 4orn stalks in their lon0 re0i6ents/ $y
6other sai"+ ?That sweet Lon0 Islan" 4orn+? as she always "i"/ %e00ie ha"
5een fartin0 for the last :3e 6inutes while reten"in0 to 5e aslee/ $y feet
s4ra55le" un"er the front seat in anti4iation/ Al6ost there/ We slowe" 5y the
ol" re" 5arn at the turnike an" 6a"e the left/ #ro6 there to our house was
like fallin0 "own a 4hute+ nothin0 left to "o 5ut reare for lan"in0/
I ket 6y eyes 4lose"/ A few years earlier+ I woul" ha3e 5een antin0
at this oint+ u on 6y knees at the win"ow an" whiin0 6y tail at the
rose4t of returnin0 to Sa0 Har5or/ I was 5eyon" that&&anythin0 I 4oul" ha3e
seen here was not art of su66er in a true sense+ 7ust a 5it of war6in0 u/ I
i4ture" what was outsi"e an" trees an" houses in 0ray silhouette s4rolle"
5y+ the featureless+ unre6arka5le sots I ha" no 4onne4tion to/ The 0ray was
interrute" 5y la4es that 0lowe"+ 4har0e" in 6y 6in" 5y asso4iation/ The
4harre"+ heae" re6ains of that "ou5le&wi"e that 5urne" "own a few seasons
5a4k&&we saw the :re+ ru55erne4kin0 on the way to Cal"or one afternoon/ The
"u6+ e!e"itions to whi4h always ha" 6e an" %e00ie run&walkin0 to the
Du6sters 5efore the o3er&full 5a0s 5roke oen/ So6eti6es we ushe" our
lu4k+ uttin0 o2 a 3isit to the "u6 "urin0 a hot sell+ an" writhin0 6a00ots
"ri==le" on our sneakers/
The 0lowin0 la4es were re3iews to the 6ain attra4tion+ re3iews
6ost "e:nitely+ 5e4ause so6e of the6 ha" ratin0s/ $ashashi6uet *ark+
%ate" ( for (eneral Au"ien4es+ ho6e to the only really 0oo" lay0roun" for
6iles+ where %e00ie an" I an" the 4rew ha" 7u6e"+ "an0le" on 5ars+ an"
4hase" one another until we were si4k+ 3o6itin0 *o %o4ks an" 4ola/ There
was also the *( art of $ashashi6uet+ the s4ra55ly 5ase5all :el"+ where the
5oys of 6y sister>s a0e 0rou ha" ha" a few 6ini ra4e wars a few years
5a4k&&5la4k 4ity ki"s 3ersus white town ki"s o3er loiterin0 ri0hts to "irt an"
5urrs/ Then the turn at the on" an" another hun"re" yar"s to the House on
Otter *on"+ %ate" % restri4te"+ as it was one of 6y arents> haunts+ where
they went out to eat without us an" "rank an" "i" a"ult stu2/ An" on ast the
0ra3eyar"+ the 5i00est 4o6in0 attra4tion of all+ rate" I for Ine3ita5le+ where
4usto6 4alle" for you to hol" your 5reath as you asse"+ no 6atter what a0e
you were+ lest a sirit enter your oen 6outh/ Or so it was sai"/
ONE S$ALL ASIDE ON $O,IE *%E,IEWS+ 6ore or less 0er6ane9 our
lo4al 6o3ie ala4e was the Oly6ia on BHGth an" Broa"way+ 4hroni4 6atinee
"estination for %e00ie an" 6e+ an" so6eti6es #ri"ay ni0ht+ too+ when we
ha" no other lans+ whi4h was 6ore fre<uent than we like"/ Site of what little
han0in0 out we "i" that year+ Han0o3er Central+ a la4e to re4o3er fro6 the
weeklon0 5en"er of 6is:try that was our hi0h&s4hool e!erien4e thus far/ The
Oly6ia ha" sur3i3e" the 5a" run that was the lot of utown theaters in the
>GHs+ when 4ritters of inse4t an" ro"ent "es4ent often 7u6e" into your la
for a little o4orn an" the 5a4k rows were lost in the oily fo0 of 4hea+ la4e"
4hee5a/ The real 0ri6y 7oints ha" 5anks of hone 5ooths in the lo55y+ ol"&
s4hool sli"in0 "oors an" e3erythin0+ so you 4oul" 6ake a "eal or a lea
"urin0 the slow arts+ an" the worst 4hara4ters were always "i""lin0 the 4oin
slots with their :n0ers after that 4ru4ial "i6e/
The Oly6ia ha" a new 6ar<uee of hot&ink neon an" new seats with
re" uholstery+ 5ut was still 5eset 5y a few 0re6lins/ $ana0e6ent 4oul"n>t
0et the 4urtains 0oin0/ #irst 4a6e the 4ra4klin0 of the seakers+ an" then we
wat4he" as the No S6okin0INo Cryin0 Ba5ies 6essa0es an" the :rst half of
the re3iews laye" out on the stalle"+ 4ri6son 4urtain in front of the s4reen/
The ruJe" i6a0es 4ontinue" until the au"ien4e>s in3e4ti3e 0rew lou" enou0h
that the ro7e4tionist or whate3er 6ultitaskin0 4hara4ter u there in the
5ooth hit the swit4h an" the 4urtain 4reake" aart/ E3ery ti6e/ A 4oule of
years earlier an" you woul" ha3e 5een 5ra4in0 yourself for the 3olley of
5ullets ai6e" at the white slot of the 5ooth+ no 7oke/
The 4urtains always 5u00e" 6e+ aart fro6 the o53ious way they
5othere" e3eryone else/ The 4urtains were 7ust wron0 in there+ 4onsi"erin0
the "in0y e!loitation fare we ha" ai" to see+ the slasher Fi4ks+ the low&
5u"0et yrote4hni4s of ti6e&tra3elin0 Ter6inators/It was a senti6ental reli4
of the ti6e when eole 4a6e to the Oly6ia for the sta0e se4ta4les of a
kin"er+ 4lassier a0e+ an" ha" no la4e in our li3es/ As a for6er twin+ I like"
thin0s searate/ You are there+ 6e o3er here/ Be nostal0i4 for the ol" "ays+
5ut "o it o3er there on your own ti6e/ %i0ht here is the way thin0s are now/
We>re tryin0 to wat4h a 6o3ie/
WE D%O,E *AST the weathere" an" slittin0 shin0les of the ol" houses
on Jer6ain A3enue an" $a"ison Street+ an" the e6ty or4hes that referre"
to 4on3ersations lon0 ast or yet to 4o6e+ ne3er now+ then the <uiet lot that
was *ierson Hi0h S4hool+ where no soul was e3er seen+ as if to ai" in the
illusion that the town was swit4he" o2 when we weren>t aroun"/ Those of a
nar4issisti4 5ent 4oul" :n" su4h roof in any ol" la4e+ e3erythin0 was a ro
if you wante" it to 5e+ the 5ea4hes+ $ain Street+ the sky+ all of it 0atherin0
"ust an" waitin0 for your ani6atin0 0ra4e/
We stoe"+ whi4h 6eant that 6y father was waitin0 for an oenin0 to
4ross %oute BBQ+ an" then we were rollin0 "own He6&stea"+ the o;4ial start
of our hoo"/ O;4ial&&the 5ook sai" so/ We ha" this 5ook+ (ui"e to Sa0 Har5or9
Lan"6arks+ Ho6es K History+ whi4h we ket han"y 5y the 4ou4h+ for 3isitors I
suose+ e!4et that the only eole who e3er 3isite" were other su66er
eole+ so we 6i0ht as well ha3e 5een "islayin0 a a6hlet 4alle" An
Illustrate" (ui"e to Your Own Da6n Han"/ The 5ook ha" a ni4e 6a of the
3illa0e in it+ tu4ke" in 5etween 4hroni4les of the whalin0 5oo6 an" Fori"
salutes to the <uaint ar4hite4ture+ an" we knew where our nei0h5orhoo"
5e0an 5e4ause that>s where the 6a en"e"/ The 5la4k art of town was o2 in
the 6ar0ins/
He6stea" was where the houses starte" to ha3e na6es+ with stories
an" histories atta4he"/ ?That>s the (ra5les+? ?That>s the Huntin0tons+? e3en if
the (ra5les an" Huntin0tons ha" sol" o2 years a0o/ If I "i"n>t know the
eole+ I oulate" the houses usin0 stories I>" hear"+ "rawin0 6aterial fro6
the inFe4tions of the seaker an" the rea4tions of the listeners/ The atriar4h
or nu65erone son of the #ranklin House+ for e!a6le+ was surely a skirt&
4hasin0 horn"o0+ if 6y hoar" of ran"o6 intel was any in"i4ation/ Call9 ?Then
Bo5 #ranklin walke" in with this youn0 little 0al who looke" 4ountry as hell+
with that 5i0 hair like they>re wearin0 these "ays an" skirt u so hi0h so
e3ery5o"y 4oul" 0et a look at her stu2/? %esonse9 Shakin0 of hea"s+ sli3er of
a s6ile/
*ast Yar"ley #lorist+ whose 0reenhouses were 3isi5le fro6 our ol" tree
house/ Our ol" tree house+ whi4h 4onsiste" of two ie4es of rottin0 lywoo"
lyin0 in the "irt an" three nails in the "ea" 5ark of an oak tree+ was a4tually
an e!&tree house+ stake" out 5y ol"er ki"s years earlier+ then a5an"one"/
$ay5e it ha" ne3er 5een 6ore than the i"ea of a tree house+ an afternoon>s
fan4y/ But we ha" 4o6e uon it one "ay in the woo"s an" "e4i"e" it ha"
5een a ho6e to a"3enture an" we woul" 6ake it so a0ain/ We were always
4o6in0 uon aths 6a"e 5y those who ha" 4o6e 5efore us+ retra4in0 their
"is4o3eries an" 6istakes/ We tol" ea4h other+ so6e 6ore woo"+ so6e nails
ilfere" fro6 a 7ar in so6e5o"y>s 5ase6ent+ an" we>" 6ake it into a real
hi"eout/ We ha"n>t 5een near it in years/
Then the turn onto %i4har"s Dri3e+ where I 4len4he" 6y eyes ti0hter+
for e!tra rote4tion fro6 a 0li6se of the He6stea" House throu0h the
trees/ Soon 0ra3el oe" a0ainst the un"er4arria0e+ the 4ar 0a3e one last
re3 of e!haustion 5efore shuttin0 o2+ an" we ha" arri3e"/ The 5ay 4oul" wait+
the house 4oul" wait&&they ne3er 4han0e" so there was no nee" to araise
the6+ 4oo o3er the6+ honor the6 in any way&&an" 6e an" 6y 5rother 5eat it
to our 5e"roo6 for so6e roer slee/ Sin4e 6y sister went o2 to 4olle0e+
%e00ie an" I ha" searate 5e"roo6s after sharin0 a roo6 our whole li3es+
either sta4ke" on to of ea4h other in 5unk 5e"s or hea"&to&hea" in a twin&
5e" L alon0 the walls/ Ha3in0 our own sa4e was won"erful/ But out in Sa0+
we were 5a4k to sharin0 a roo6 an" we "esise" 5ein0 so re"u4e" in
4ir4u6stan4e/ The in"i0nity of it all/ There was an in3isi5le fur 4o3erin0
e3erythin0+ a 6usty 4oat+ an" it woul" lin0er for a 4oule of "ays until the
house aire" out/
It was si!&thirty in the 6ornin0/ That was that/ We were out for the
su66er/
R R R
ONCE THE SEASON WAS IN #)LL SWIN(+ you 4a6e a4ross one of the
tri5e an" they aske"+ Do you know who else is out1 The tantali=in0 inFe4tion
6eant that they>" run into so6eone who ha"n>t 5een seen in a lon0 ti6e+
so6e unlikely soul who>" 0one 6issin0 in the 5i0 wil" worl"/ Bo55y He6hill+
they sai"+ Ta66y Bro"eri4k+ they sai"+ an" all the an4ient stories an"
es4aa"es 5u55le" u+ no"s an" winks all aroun" 5efore you 0ot to the
5usiness of tra"in0 ru6ors+ the un"er6inin0 of 4o3er stories/ Hear" he 0ot
his ilot>s li4ense+ he tol" 6e he went 5a4k to "ental s4hool/ %eha5/ She
followe" the trail of han0 us an" o"" re4eits to her hus5an">s 6istress+
"u6e" hi6+ an" "e4i"e" to start 4o6in0 out a0ain/ What were they u to1
?A little this+ a little that+ you know+ 6akin0 so6e 6o3es/? That 0ol"en ol"ie9
?(ettin0 so6e stu2 o2 the 0roun"/? ,a0ue as hell+ 5ut ersuasi3e if the
seaker <ui4kly 4han0e" the su57e4t with a ?How>s your 6o6 an" os1?
They were 5a4k out to see if it ha" 4han0e"+ if it was still the sa6e+ to
re4ou+ re4o3er+ 4at4h a 5reath/ It was the 5e" you knew the 5est an" all that
entaile"/ We trie" not to s6irk at their re"i4a6ents+ s6irk at ho6e 6ay5e
5ut not out there in u5li4/ It>s su4h a ni4e "ay an" we were raise" 5etter
than that/ By that stri4t 0eneration/
There was so6ethin0 so sa" a5out Those Who Di"n>t Co6e Out
Any6ore/ So6eti6es we knew why they "i"n>t 4o6e out any6ore+
so6eti6es we "i"n>t/ Slan"er 5y their na6e if we suse4te" they thou0ht
the6sel3es 5etter than us/ (oo" ol" Bo55y+ (oo" ol" Ta66y/ We 4alle" the6
5y the ol" ni4kna6es after all this ti6e 5e4ause it ket the6 in our 4lut4hes
no 6atter how they stru00le"/ They were 5ran"e" 5y their asts as 6u4h as
we were/ It was a 4lose 4o66unity an" we all ha" "ossiers on one another/
When I woke u+ I hear" 6y 6other workin0 the hone+ tryin0 to :n"
out who was out+ if the eole who sai" they were 4o6in0 out were in"ee"
out+ or if they ha" yet to arri3e/ No one was answerin0/ Tra;4 or 4atastrohe+
who knew/ %e00ie was alrea"y out of 5e"/ In the kit4hen+ 6y father was 5ent
o3er the 0rill s4rain0 o2 last year>s resi"ue+ stru66in0 his har with a inkly
foa6in0 s4ourin0 a"/ The ink re6in"e" 6e of so6ethin0 an" I went to
4he4k it out/
The "oors to the stora0e sa4e 5eneath the "e4k were se4ure" 5y a
4hea 5olt fro6 the Har"ware Store in Town+ as it was always referre" to/ No
one e3er trie" to 5reak in/ I wa"e" into the slatte" li0ht+ swattin0 si"erwe5s
an" half&"i0este" 4reatures fro6 6y hair/ I stee" o3er a sa0hetti late of
hose an" our three ri=e:0hter rakes+ one full s6ile 5etween the6+ an"
aroa4he" the 5lue sloes of $ount #u7i/ I ulle" the tar fro6 the 5ike+
sillin0 the "irty lakes that ha" a44u6ulate" o3er the winter/ %e00ie>s 5ike
lay a few feet away+ wheels okin0 out fro6 un"er lasti4/ It ha" fallen o3er
at so6e oint while we were away/
I tu00e" the re" #u7i outsi"e/ The 5ike ha" 5een too s6all for 6e for a
lon0 ti6e 5ut now looke" hoelessly la6e/ The 0ri tae on the han"le5ars+
on4e a 5rilliant re"+ ha" fa"e" to an ine!4usa5ly 0irlie ink/ I>" raise" the 5ike
seat the last few su66ers+ thin rusty s4ars 6arkin0 the 5ar like the 0rowth
rin0s in a tree/ When I raise" the seat u this year+ it>" 5e a 4lown 5ike/ It
nee"e" air+ an" oil+ an" when I lifte" it+ it felt as li0ht as a 5all of alu6inu6
foil/
?%e00ieO? I yelle"/ He "i"n>t answer/ ?%e00ieO?
I foun" hi6 u on the "e4k+ hun4he" o3er the si"e of a 4haise/ At his
feet+ on so6e newsaer+ I re4o0ni=e" an an4ient 5ottle of a66onia fro6
un"er the kit4hen sink/ It was ol"er than I was/ %e00ie "ie" a tooth5rush
into the 5ottle an" then slowly ru55e" it a0ainst the fo!in0 of one of his new
sneakers&&u2y white #ilas+ B&5oy se4ials he>" starte" wearin0 the week
5efore/ They weren>t his usual style of footwear+ a little further out into the
Street than we e3er 3enture"/ He araise" the sneaker+ ru55e" the
tooth5rush a0ainst so6e tiny s4u2+ returne" to the a66onia+ an" reeate"
the ro4ess/ It was the 6ost 0entle I ha" e3er seen hi6/
?What are you "oin01?
?What>s it look like1 Cleanin0 6y ki4ks/?
Su4h an alien thou0ht+ keein0 your sneakers 4lean/ I>" swit4he" o3er
to 5la4k Chu4k Taylors that srin0+ a 0esture towar" unk 5y 6y si0hts @no
one 4are"A+ an" the "ays ha" not 5een kin" to the6/
The 5la4k 4an3as ha" si4kene" to une3en 0ray+ an" the toe 5u6ers a
7aun"i4e" yellow/ But the true sha6e was the shoela4es+ whi4h were too lon0
to 5e0in with+ an" whi4h I inetly tie" in a""ition+ an" ha" o3er the 6onths
"ra00e" a4ross whole 6arathons of $anhattan a3e6ent/ *erhas you ha3e
seen "o4u6entary foota0e of a "ry lake 5e" in the 'alahari+ where it rains
on4e a year for one re4ious hour/ The lake 5e" transfor6s into an all&star
tri5ute to the "yna6is6 of 4reation/ Drie"&out see"s e!lo"e into Fowerin0
3e0etation in an instant+ nearsi0hte" ollywo0s an" 0an0s of win0e" 5u0s
su""enly hat4h out of 6i4ros4oi4 e00s+ an" all the ar4he" ani6als who
ha3e 5een "yin0 for a "rink s4urry out on their skinny le0s to :ll their hu6s
an" 4anteens/ A whole+ ra00e" worl" erutin0 fro6 that one thun"er4la/
Now i6a0ine the 0er6y le0ions an" 5a4terial hor"es slu65erin0 in the
si"ewalks of New York+ waitin0 for a little 6oisture/ On rainy "ays+ the
shoela4es were their Foy refu0e+ soakin0 u these 6is5e0otten life&for6s
an" 0rantin0 the6 sal3ation/ They were a holy lan"/
I hear" a5out his sneakers 5efore I saw the6/ %e00ie was an easy
sleeer who o44asionally talke" in his slee+ an" I was an arenti4e
inso6nia4 an" ea0er au"ien4e for his no4turnal solilo<uies/ I usually trie" to
en0a0e his 0i55erish an" 0et a 4on3ersation 0oin0 5ut it ne3er worke"/ His
6outh was awake 5ut his ears slu65ere"/ The week 5efore we went out to
Sa0+ we were wat4hin0 T, in the li3in0 roo6 when %e00ie fell aslee an"
5e0an to 6u65le/ I waite" for an oenin0/ $ay5e this ti6e I woul" unlo4k the
se4rets of his un4ons4ious 6in"+ an" use what I learne" a0ainst hi6 later/
?$y new #ilas /// the 5ra65les/?
?Tell 6e a5out the 5ra65les+? I sai" atiently/
%e00ie turne" into the 4ushions/ He sai"+ ?$y new #ilas /// are ///? An"
that was it/
I saw now that the 6issin0 wor" was white/ His new #ilas+ followin0 his
6inistrations+ were a sheer 0lea6in0 white/ He ha" his han" "ee in one
sneaker an" hel" it u to the sky+ s4rutini=in0 it+ tiltin0 slowly to an" fro+ as if
it were a ie4e of 4lou" that ha" 5roken o2 an" 4onke" hi6 on the hea"/ ?The
5ra65les? I interrete" as the un7ust worl"+ the 3ast array of 6ale3olent
for4es out to 5le6ish or 6ar his 5lesse" ki4ks/ I>" talk in 6y slee+ too+ if I
ha" su4h hea3y thou0hts roilin0 in 6y 5rain/ @$ay5e I "i" talk in 6y slee 5ut
there was no one to hear 6e/A I wante" to know the ori0in of %e00ie>s
5eha3ior/ Why #ilas1 Who tol" hi6 a5out usin0 a66onia1 I sai"+ ?Let>s 0o
ri"in0 aroun"/?
?I 0otta wait for the6 to "ry/?
Half an hour later+ I was waitin0 in the "ri3eway/ Three 6onths+ I
thou0ht/ In i"le 6o6ents+ I retreate" into that early&su66er "rea6 of
rein3ention+ when you set your eyes on Sete65er an" that refur5ishe" self
you were 0oin0 to tool aroun" in+ honkin0 the horn so eole woul" take
noti4e+ "ri3in0 slowly aroun" all the ri0ht hot sots9 Look at 6e/ I ha" a *lan
4o6in0 to0ether+ an" three 6onths to i6le6ent it/ Surely I was not alone in
6y "elusion+ althou0h that woul"n>t ha3e o44urre" to 6e then/ All o3er the
worl" the teena0e 6illions sear4he" for routes out of their "ank+ ersonal
la5yrinths/ Si0nin0 u for that erfe4t e!tra4urri4ular+ rehearsin0 fake s6iles
5efore toothaste&Fe4ke" 6irrors+ ru66a0in0 throu0h their ersonalities to
4o6e u with lai"&5a4k 0reetin0s an" 4le3er ut&"owns to 5e sa3e" for that
se4ial o44asion/ Lyin0 srawle" on their 5e"s+ ankles 4rosse"+ while they
o3eranaly=e" the lyri4 sheets of the 5an" that 4urrently owne" their soul+
until the wor"s 5e4a6e a hilosohy/ %unnin0 u to 5or"erin0 4li<ues an"
hurrie"ly e!4lai6in0+ ?I want to "efe4tO? All of the6 stooe" an" hun0ry+
lur4hin0 after that sha"owy 4reature+ the New $e/ An elusi3e 5east+ 5ut like I
sai"+ I ha" three 6onths to 0et 6y shit to0ether/
?Co6e onO? I yelle"/
$y little 5ike/ I leane" it away fro6 6e so I 4oul" 0et a 0oo" look/ #lat
tires+ ruste" 7oints+ eelin0 aint+ out of s4ale/ Only a 5u2oon woul" 4li65 on
su4h a thin0+ 5ut I>" 5een 6arke" as su4h for a while now&&so6e 0ra3e
6istakes the :rst week of fresh6an year+ an" I>" "eraile" all 6y 7unior&hi0h
s4he6es of so4ial i6ro3e6ent/ I was one of those "ullar"s who thou0ht that
?Just 5e yourself? was the wis"o6 of the a0es+ the 6ost 4al6in0 ie4e of
a"3i4e I ha" e3er hear"+ an" a4te" a44or"in0ly/ It ena5le" these wor"s+ for
e!a6le+ to es4ae 6y 6outh9 ?I 4an>t wait for $aster of Horror (eor0e A/
%o6ero to 6ake another :l6/ #an0oria 6a0a=ine&&still the 5est horror an"
s4i&: 6a0a=ine aroun" if you ask 6e&&says he has trou5le raisin0 fun"in0+ 5ut
I think Hollywoo" is 7ust s4are" of what he has to say/? An" also9 ?It see6s like
we&&all of us&&6a"e a 6istake 5y swit4hin0 o3er to A"3an4e" DKD/ The Basi4
0a6e was /// urer+ you know1? State6ents @of si6le truthOA that ha" 5een
har6less weeks a0o were now sy6to6s of "isease/ An" ossi5ly 4at4hin0/ I
was 7ust 5ein0 6yself+ an" I was 7ust 5ein0 a3oi"e"/ #or whole+ 4onta6inate"
se6esters now/
%e00ie "i"n>t talk a5out his :rst year of hi0h s4hool/ But he "i"n>t look
hay+ an" if I was farin0 oorly+ lo0i4 sai" he ha" to 5e "oin0 worse/ I ha"
always 5een the 4aa5le one+ if you 4an i6a0ine/
?Where>s your 5ike1? I aske"+ when he :nally showe" u/
?Nah+ I>6 0oin0 to walk/?
This was a 5rea4h of roto4ol/ %i"in0 aroun" 6eant ri"in0/
?You 4an ri"e if you want+? %e00ie sai"/ ?I>6 0oin0 to walk/? He looke"
"own at his sneakers with 0reat 6eanin0/
It was the last ti6e we>" start the su66er that way/ It was how we
always "i" it+ that :rst "ay&&0et out the 5ikes an" take the 6easure of thin0s/
Tour the "e3elo6ents to see who else was aroun"+ re4ruit+ then hit town+ the
:3e&an"&ten+ the I"eal+ 0et a sli4e at Con4a Doro/ This was our syste6+
ski""in0 "own the streets like so6e fraternal tu65lewee" 0uste" a5out/
Te4hni4ally+ we were hittin0 the reset 5utton on our twinhoo"+ 5ut it "i"n>t
see6 like that 6u4h of a 4heat/ $ay5e it "i"n>t 6atter what went on "urin0
the rest of the year/ Sa0 Har5or was outsi"e the rules/
?I>6 not 0oin0 to wait for you+? I sai"/ But I "i"n>t lea3e hi6/ I wo55le"
in foolish loos aroun" hi6+ out in front then "ou5lin0 5a4k/ $y lon0 le0s
=a00e" 0oo:ly a5out/ Ea4h ti6e I turne"+ the Fat tires 6a"e lon0 fartin0
noises as the ru55er 4ollase" into the ashalt/ %e00ie ket a soli" a4e as
we hea"e" u Walker A3enue/ There were three housin0 "e3elo6ents in our
su66er worl"&&A=urest+ where we staye"+ Sa0 Har5or Hills+ an" Nine3ah/ But
Nine3ah was a 5it of a hike+ an" only Bo55y li3e" there+ an" we>" traine" hi6
o3er the years to 4o6e to us+ so it was o2 our itinerary/ A=urest+ 4he4k out
the Hills+ then town/
I "i"n>t see a lot of arke" 4ars/ The su66er eole were tri4klin0 in/
This was when there were still lenty of uni6ro3e" lots an" eole ha"n>t
starte" 5uil"in0 the really 5i0 la4es/ The 6a7ority of the houses were two&or
three&5e"roo6 7o5s 5uilt in the >NHs/ Snu55e"&nose"+ sin0le&story ran4h
houses with 4e6ent atios an" s4reene"&in or4hes sat ne!t to astel&4olore"
slit&le3els with oil&staine" 4arorts an" unruly hy"ran0eas for that e!tra "a5
of 4olor/ O44asionally you 4a6e a4ross a harsh&an0le" 5ea4h house+ sheathe"
in rain&streake" 0ray ine an" intro"u4e" 5y "ark 0ra3el that leake" out into
the street after e3ery 5i0 stor6/ No 6atter the si=e or 6ake of the house+ the
early arri3als were tor6ente" 5y the sa6e <uestions/ Di" the roof kee
throu0h the winter+ "i" the ies hol"+ "i" a townie or lo4al 5a" ki" 5reak in
an" steal the tele3ision+ or was it 7ust the ra44oons an" s<uirrels who ha"
0i3en the la4e the on4e&o3er1 Is it still here or "i" I 7ust "rea6 it1
We asse" the house that we always 4alle" ?haunte"+? an" for the :rst
ti6e we skie" our ritual+ in whi4h one of us "are" the other to kno4k on the
"oor+ we ar0ue" a5out it for a few 6inutes+ an" then so6e5o"y threw a
e55le at one of the win"ows as we ran away s4rea6in0/ It was a tiny 5o! of
a house+ shrinkin0 e3ery year into further "ilai"ation as 6ore roof shin0les
Few away an" the aint s4a55e" o2/ A 6otor5oat on its hit4h was 5arely
3isi5le for the wee"s an" 5ushes+ 5ea4he" there in 4ra4ke" :5er0lass after
the (reat #loo"+ an" an ol" 5ar5e4ue 0rill lay on its si"e+ half in the woo"s+
le0s okin0 u+ like a ot5ellie" ani6al that ha" 4rawle" there to "ie/ Like we
sai"+ haunte"/
There were a 5un4h of these ra6sha4kle a5o"es s4attere" throu0hout
the "e3elo6ents/ The he"0es 0rew out into&&let>s fa4e it&&a nay riot+
0rasses :lle" the tire ruts of the "ri3eways+ an" the front yar" 5e4a6e a
6ine:el" of ol" hone 5ooks+ the swollen a0es of info strainin0 a0ainst their
lasti4 sheaths/ The houses of Those Who Di"n>t Co6e Out Any6ore/ Who
knew the stories 5ehin" the6/ Ask 6y 6other a5out this or that house an"
she>" say+ ?They Don>t Co6e Out Any6ore+? in su4h a way that you saw the
wee"s 0rowin0 u aroun" her wor"s/ There were o53ious reasons&&e4ono6i4
re3ersal+ no lon0er li3in0 in the Northeast&&5ut 6y thou0hts always ten"e" to
the 6elan4holi4/ Like+ the re" house on $ilton was one 0eneration>s 0ift to
the ne!t+ 5ut the ki"s an" 0ran"ki"s ne0le4te" it+ "i"n>t are4iate the
treasure they ossesse"+ an" left it to rot/ Or+ the eole who li3e" on Cu2ee
Dri3e ha"n>t 4o6e out in "e4a"es+ 5ut if they sol" the roerty+ what "i" they
ha3e1 It was the 6ost i6ortant thin0 they ha" in their li3es an" they hel"
out hoe that one su66er they woul" return/ $ay5e the 6issin0 nei0h5ors
a5sor5e" all our 5a" lu4k so that we 4oul" ha3e it easy/
O3er the years I "is4o3ere" that there was a 3ariety of haunte"/ There
were houses that were i66a4ulately 6aintaine"+ 5ut where you ne3er saw
any eole/ The 0utters sarkle" in the sunli0ht+ the he"0es were 0ra=e" into
4lean+ erfe4t 0eo6etry+ the 4urtains in the win"ows 7ust so/ The lawn
6owers aeare" the :rst "ay of srin0+ shre""in0 u an" "own the rows
twi4e a week+ an" the srinklers 6aintaine" sure+ si5ilant or"er+ 4ali5rate" to
wet one 6ole4ule>s "istan4e fro6 the roerty line an" no farther/ But you
ne3er saw a hu6an resen4e/ No li0hts+ no 4ars+ no life&a;r6in0 5ar5e4ue
s6oke risin0 fro6 the "e4k in the 5a4kyar"/ The houses waite" all su66er
for their owners to aear+ an" then one "ay the lawn 0uy 6a"e his last 3isit
an" that was that/ Well+ takin0 into a44ount eole>s s4he"ules+ it was
ossi5le that you 6i0ht 6iss seein0 your nei0h5or+ ne3er ass the6 on the
street/ You 4oul" 4oe!ist in this Sa0 Har5or 0ala!y in erfe4tly alienate"
or5its+ always =iin0 into ea4h other>s 5lin" sots+ or hi""en on the "ark si"e
of the 6oon/ Of 4ourse that 4oul" haen to eole who li3e" on the sa6e
street/ So6eti6es it haene" to eole who li3e" in the sa6e house/
So6eone was writin0 the 6aintenan4e 4he4ks+ "olin0 out 4ash to
LILCO an" the water 4o6any+ 5ut so6ewhere they 0ot stalle" out/ There
was a 6alfun4tion/ I 4oul"n>t wra 6y hea" aroun" it/ That kin" of house was
"i2erent fro6 the ones that were ket u all su66er 5ut were only inha5ite"
one weeken" a year+ usually La5or Day/ The one&weeken"ers were a fa6iliar
0rou+ not known for their lannin0 skills/ An" for 4o6letion>s sake+ we
shoul" also rese4t that renaissan4e house+ haunte" for lon0 years 5ut
re"is4o3ere" 5y a new 0eneration out to re4lai6 so6e shre" of 4hil"hoo" 7oy+
or 5y new arri3als who :nally owne" their little ie4e of the Sa0 Har5or
6ysti<ue after so lon0/ They :!e" the roof+ re"i" the atio+ :nally ut in a
"e4ent water heater that "i"n>t 0o into a 4o6a after one shower/ *erfor6e"
an e!or4is6/ 'u"os/
WE %O)NDED THE BEND on Walker/ $ar4us was :rst u in our 4ir4uit/
The Collins House was a li6e&0reen slit&le3el where we were ne3er allowe"
ustairs/ $ar4us>s 5e"roo6 was on the :rst Foor+ ne!t to the re4 roo6+ an"
there we ha" often loitere" aroun" the ol" Trinitron+ 5ut 0oin0 ustairs was
o2&li6its to ki"s/ *erio"i4ally+ his 6other shoute" "own "ire4ti3es we 4oul"n>t
"e4iher+ an" $ar4us woul" 4urse+ sto6 ustairs+ an" "isaear for a while/
When that haene" we knew we were 0ettin0 ki4ke" out into the street/ We
were alrea"y stan"in0 when $ar4us e3entually reaeare"+ tossin0 e!4uses+
an" we 5eat it out the sti4ky s4reen "oor to the ne!t afternoon oasis/
The telehone 5ook was still waitin0 on $ar4us>s front ste+ an" this
year>s Ol"s6o5ile+ the ne!t in a rou" line of Collins Ol"s6o5iles+ was not to
5e seen/ ?Let>s take the short4ut+? %e00ie sai"/ Walker was the last street in
A=urest 5efore Sa0 Har5or Hills+ so it was 4on3enient for takin0 a short4ut to
the other si"e/
We lo3e" short4uts/ #or a lon0 ti6e+ it was har" to to the thrill of
sliin0 into a sli6 4orri"or into the woo"s+ un"ete4ta5le e!4et for the s6all
6oun" of ki4ke"&u soil 5y the si"e of the roa"/ So6eti6es a short4ut was
half woo"s an" half a srint throu0h so6eone>s roerty+ 5ut the 5est ones
4ut throu0h two uni6ro3e" roerties+ one in A=urest+ the other in the Hills/
E3en thou0h you were only 6akin0 your way a4ross two <uarter&a4re lots+ it
was like ha4kin0 throu0h ri6e3al forests+ the 0i0anti4 fron"s of an alien
lanet/ The only eole who ha" re4e"e" us were fellow e!lorers/ Ea4h
ti6e the 5ran4hes shi3ere" 4lose" 5ehin" us+ we e!ite" our 7u3enile
e!isten4es an" 7oine" the fraternity of the 5ra3e/ I ne3er "is4o3ere" any
short4uts on 6y own/ I only foun" out a5out the6 when the rest of the 0an0
initiate" 6e/ Di"n>t ha3e the eye+ aarently/
The real woo"s outsi"e of the "e3elo6ents were the true frontier+
eni06ati4 an" inti6i"atin0/ Behin" the 0as station+ or lea"in0 out fro6 the
aths 5ehin" the ark+ we tra6e" farther an" farther fro6 the roa"s we
knew+ ea4h fork thorou0hly "e5ate"&&left is 6a"ness+ ri0ht is the 5urie"
treasure+ the 0ol" "ou5loons to 5e "i33ie" u a44or"in0 to a0e an" status/
We stu65le" a4ross shot0un shells+ re6ains of :res+ 4rushe" 5eer 4ans+ fresh
tra4ks 0ou0e" 5y 6otor5ikes&&"an0erous 4hara4ters were u to ins4ruta5le
thin0s 5etween towns/ Who ha" left these thin0s+ who was lurkin0 in the
sha"ows1 ?The '''? was the usual answer+ the relia5le if unlikely
5oo0ey6an+ tosse" out there to a6 u the feelin0 of "an0er/ Statisti4ally
seakin0+ there 6ay ha3e 5een so6e 6e65ers of the ''' in the near
3i4inity&&it was the Ha6tons+ a ?resort 4o66unity? after all+ an" e3en the
worst A6eri4a has to o2er o44asionally nee" to unwin"+ 4at4h so6e rays&&5ut
it was unlikely that they were atrollin0 on horse5a4k+ in full 0etu+ 4o6lete
4ra4ker re0alia+ 5ehin" the "irt trails of $ashashi6uet *ark/ Nonetheless+
e3ery5o"y i66e"iately tra"e" 3ersions of how they were 0oin0 to outrun the
'''&&?I>" 5e out in front of you "u66ies with a <ui4kness+? ?'no4k your ass
"own to 5uy 6e so6e ti6e?&&while I ket silent+ thinkin0 of how I was 0oin0
to sa3e %e00ie/ (ran"iose s4enes of self&sa4ri:4e 4a6e easily to 6e+ wherein
I "istra4te" the Hoo"e" $ena4e lon0 enou0h to allow hi6 to es4ae/ He was
6y little 5rother/
When we 0ot to the short4ut in <uestion+ there was nothin0 to say
5eyon" %e00ie>s 3er"i4t9 ?That>s 6esse" u/? We were use" to e6er0in0 fro6
the woo"s to see a 4ar in the "ri3eway of a short4ut house an" ha3in0 to
hi0htail it 5a4k/ We were not a44usto6e" to the woo"s "isaearin0/ The ol"
oaks an" 4hestnut trees an" low&lyin0 sti4ker 5ushes ha" 5een uroote" an"
4leare"/ In their stea"+ 6oist oran0e "irt was heae" in iles+ an" the freshly
lai" 4e6ent foun"ation 0ae" at us/ It was 6esse" u+ so6e new4o6ers
takin0 o3er lan" we ha" 4lai6e"/ It wasn>t har" to i4ture the future/ #irst this
lot+ then the rest/ One 5y one+ the new Sa0 Har5or woul" rela4e the haunte"
houses in all their for6s/
?I hate that+? I sai"/
?That>s 6esse" u+? %e00ie reeate"/
We took the lon0 way aroun"/ Not a lot of eole in the Hills+ either/
Cli3e>s house looke" "ea"/ The 5rown kente&4loth "raes 5ehin" the sli"in0
0lass "oors to his li3in0 roo6 were ti0ht/ )sually+ they were oen fro6 $ay to
Sete65er+ in3itin0 us in/ The 0rass ha" 5een 4ut+ thou0h+ so this was a
ro6isin0 si0n/ $ay5e ne!t weeken"/
?I think we>re the only ones here+? I sai"/ *ri3ate s4hools were "one for
the year+ 5ut not u5li4 s4hools yet+ an" I "i"n>t know a5out the Catholi4
s4hools/ $ay5e it was 7ust us/
?$a&a&nn+? %e00ie sai"/
Then we hear" a far&o2 4all/ We listene" an" no""e" to ea4h other/
One two three/ *ause/ One two/ *ause/ It was the 6etalli4 s<ueal of a
5asket5all on ashalt+ the teena0e $orse 4o"e of in"olent 5oys that sai"9 I
A$ O,E% HE%E/ We followe" the trail/
We saw N* 5oun4in0 a5out in his fa6iliar rhyth6/ To o5ser3e N* was to
witness a haha=ar" 4horeo0rahy of 7oints an" li65s/ His in3isi5le ueteer
ha" shaky han"s+ 6akin0 it see6 that N* was always on the 3er0e of 5ustin0
out into so6e freaky "an4e 6o3e/ Lookin0 5a4k+ his 4on"ition was ro5a5ly
4ause" 5y hi6 tryin0 to kee his freaky "an4e 6o3es in 4he4k+ whate3er
4on3ulsi3e thin0 he>" taken notes on at a arty the week 5efore an" ha" 7ust
:nishe" ra4ti4in0 in his roo6/ That I woul"n>t ha3e hear" of the "an4e was a
0i3en&&the *hillie Bu0aloo+ the %e3erse Ca55a0e *at4h/ Han0in0 out with N*
was to start 4at4hin0 u on nine 6onths of 5la4k slan0 an" other sun"ry
soulful artifa4ts I>" 6isse" out on in 6y ?re"o6inately white? ri3ate s4hool/
$ost of the year it was like I>" 5een 5lin"fol"e" an" thrown "own a well+
frankly/
Not that I "i"n>t learn anythin0 in s4hool+ 4ulture&wise/ The hallways
5etween 4lasses were tutela0e into the wi"e ran0e of "i3ersions our 4ountry>s
white youth ha" 4o6e u with to o44uy the6sel3es/ When I ha" free ti6e in
5etween en0ineerin0 6y ne!t hu6iliation+ I was intro"u4e" to the ha4ky
sa4k+ whi4h was a sort of 6iniature leather 5ean5a0 that 4o6elle" white
ki"s to 7u00le with their feet/ It was a wholeso6e 4o66unal a4ti3ity+ I saw+ as
they lo55e" the o57e4t a6on0 one another+ 4heerin0 the6sel3es on+ an" it
aeare" to foster tea6work an" 0oo"will a6on0 its a"herents/ Bra3oO There
was also a kin" of 6a0i4al ro" 4alle" a la4rosse sti4k/ It "ire4te" the 6ore
out0oin0 an" athleti4 se4i6ens of 6y s4hool to stalk the 4arete" Foors an"
o5sessi3ely wrin0 their han"s aroun" it+ as if to 4all forth oularity or a
hi0her "e0ree of so4ial a44etan4e 5y "ili0ent ali4ation of fri4tion/ You
hear" the6 6utterin0 ?hut hut hut? in 6astur5atory fer3or as they
aroa4he"/ (oo" stu2+ in an anthroolo0i4al sense/ But these thin0s were
not the Te4hnotroni4 Bunny Ho+ or the (o&(o Bu6&Sto6+ the assorte"
:el" e!er4ises of 5la4k 5oot 4a6/ An" as with DuBois+ I knew I 4oul"n>t ask
what these thin0s were/ I ha" to o5ser3e an" 0ather infor6ation/
Swit4h o2 this+ swit4h on that/ We hun0 out with ea4h other e3ery "ay+
all "ay+ all su66er+ an" then "i"n>t see ea4h other for nine 6onths/
?Ben7i >n> %e00ie+ Ben7i >n> %e00ie/?
We e!4han0e" frien"ly outs @?This 6ornin0+? ?)s+ too?A an" tol" hi6
we>" 5e out for the su66er/ There was also the lan0ua0e of rison in there+
in how lon0 are you out for/ Ti6e on the East En" was furlou0h+ a "ay ass+ a
5rief 3isit with the ol" fa4es an" na6es 5efore the ine3ita5le 6o6ent when
you were lo4ke" u a0ain/ That har" ti6e that "e:ne" the 6a7ority of our
"ays/ You "i" so6ethin0 wron0+ why else woul" su4h a thin0 like the 4ity
haen to you/ #or a 4oule of weeks ea4h year us ha5itual o2en"ers 0ot
to0ether an" 0ot u to no 0oo" 5efore the han"4u2s in4he" our wrists
a0ain/ Earlier+ I "es4ri5e" Sa0 as a kin" of tra+ 5ut the la4e also attra4te"
the lan0ua0e of free"o6/ I "on>t know whi4h is worse+ the tra or the rison/
Either way+ you>re stu4k/
We 4alle" hi6 N*+ for Ni00er *lease+ 5e4ause no 6atter what 4a6e out
of his 6outh+ that was usually the 6ost aroriate resonse/ He was our
5est liar+ a ra4onteur of 5aro<ue teena0e shenani0ans/ E3erythin0 in his :el"
of 3ision re6in"e" hi6 of so6e es4aa"e he nee"e" to share+ or "ire4te"
hi6 to so6e es4aa"e a5out to 5e0in+ as soon as all the witnesses "earte"/
He was "een"a5le for nonsense like+ ?Yo+ last ni0ht+ after you left+ I went
5a4k to that arty an" 0ot with that .ueens 0irl/ She tol" 6e she was raise"
stri4t+ 5ut I was all u in those tittiesO She ai" 6e :fty "ollarsO?
Ni00er+ lease/
?Yo+ yo+ listen9 I was walkin0 5y the $iller House an" I went to take a
look at their %olls an" 0et this+ I was like+ they left the keys in the i0nition/ You
know I took that shit for a sin+ I was like Thurston Howell the Thir" u in that
5it4hO With (illi0anO?
Ni00er+ lease/
Shortene" to N* 5e4ause the a"ults 0a3e us trou5le when they hear"
us usin0 the wor" ni00er/ #or un"erstan"a5le reasons/ Like 6ost authority
:0ures+ they ha" a hyo4riti4al streak+ as they use" the wor" all the ti6e+ in
its fa6iliar 4o6ra"e sense+ 5ut also to "istin0uish the6sel3es fro6 those of
our ra4e who ossesse" a 4ertain te6era6ent an" 4ir4u6stan4e/ The kin"
of erson that 6a"e the announ4er on the e3enin0 news say+ ?We ha3e an
artist>s ren"erin0 of the suse4t+? <ui4kenin0 your heart/ There were no street
ni00ers in Sa0 Har5or/ No+ no+ no/
But we all ha" 4ousins who /// you know/
We thou0ht we were 5ein0 s6art with his ni4kna6e until one "ay we
were o3er at N*>s house an" his 6o6 starte" 0ettin0 on his 4ase for so6e
4hore or other that he ha" ne0le4te"/ He 5e0an so6e ela5orate e!lanation&&
6eteorites ha" s<uashe" his 5ike an" he 4oul"n>t 6ake it ho6e&&when she
lost her atien4e an" 4ut hi6 o2 with a su""en+ shrill+ ?Ni00er+ leaseO? $rs/
Ni4hols>s han" shot to her 6outh+ 5ut it was too late/ His ni4kna6e ha"
aro3al at the hi0hest le3els/ #or all we knew+ she>" 4oine" it in the :rst
la4e/ One 4an only i6a0ine wat4hin0 the 5oy 0row u in your house an"
knowin0 you were artially resonsi5le/
Like us+ like all of us+ resent or as yet una44ounte" for+ N* ha" 4o6e
out here e3ery su66er of his life+ an" e3en 5efore he was 5orn+ as his
6other ha" wa"e" into the 5ay to 4ool her re0nant 5elly/ We ha" 5eaten
ea4h other u+ stolen ea4h other>s toys+ fallen aslee in the 5a4kseats of
station wa0ons to0ether as we 4ara3anne" 5a4k fro6 "ou5le features at the
Bri"0eha6ton Dri3e&In+ the stars s4rollin0 5eyon" the 5a4k win"ow/ We were
4oyin0 our arents+ who went 5a4k 7ust as far+ 5eatin0 ea4h other u thirty
years a0o un"er the sa6e sky/ Eatin0 ea4h other>s 5ar5e4ue+ 4hasin0 ea4h
other "own the ha4ke"&out footaths to the 5ea4h 5efore there were roa"s+
5ea4h houses+ a 4o66unity at all/
?Hey Ben7i+ wat4h itO? N* 4rie" out/ ?You>re 6essin0 u 6y ki4ksO?
I ha" 5een 4ir4lin0 aroun" hi6 an" %e00ie+ an" 6y front wheel ha"
s<uee=e" out a e55le an" sent it Fyin0/ The e55le 4olli"e" with N*>s
sneaker+ whi4h I now noti4e" was the #ila 6o"el that %e00ie was wearin0/
An" 7ust as white/
I "i"n>t see any 6ark/ N* ulle" a white han"ker4hief fro6 his o4ket+
li4ke" it+ an" ru55e" it a0ainst his sneaker/
?Sorry a5out that+? I sai"/
?These are 6y #ilas/?
?There is one thin0+ thou0h/? I 4leare" 6y throat/ ?I>6 not 0oin0 5y
Ben7i any6ore/ I>6 0oin0 5y Ben/?
?What1? N* looke" at %e00ie for 4on:r6ation/ I ha"n>t 5roken the news
to %e00ie yet/ He tilte" his hea"/
?I want to 0o 5y Ben+? I sai"/ ?You know+ ha3e eole 4all 6e Ben
instea" of Ben7i/?
Harkenin0 5a4k to the afore6entione" *lan9 No 6ore of this Ben7i shit/
It was a little ki">s na6e+ an" I was not a little ki" any6ore/ Ben+ Ben/ Case in
oint9 stu4k there ne!t to 6y 5rother in that ?Ben7i >n> %e00ie? 4onstru4tion&&it
was "e6eanin0/ Ben7i was the na6e of a han"hol"er+ not a :n0erfu4ker or
a3i" s<uee=er of 5reasts+ or whate3er tyro se!ual&tye a4t I woul" en0a0e in
on4e I foun" a willin0 su57e4t/ One ste at a ti6e+ an" a ste away fro6 Ben7i
was a 0oo" one/
?Okay Ben7i+ whate3er+ ho6ie/? N* yawne"/
%e00ie shook his hea"/ ?Let>s 0o to town/?
The three of us starte" 5a4k "own the street/ I was retty e!4ite" to
0et out of the "e3elo6ents an" 0ra5 a sli4e/ To see if e3erythin0 was where
it was suose" to 5e/ But when we shoul" ha3e 5een turnin0 ri0ht+ N*
steere" left+ an" %e00ie followe"/
?Where are you 0uys 0oin01? I aske"/
?We shoul" take the 5ea4h+? N* sai"/ ?It>s faster/?
?I 4an>t take 6y 5ike on the san"/?
A 6o6ent asse" where we all looke" at the Li>l %e" #u7i/ An" its retty
ink han"le5ars/ It shoul" 5e note" that they were not a ristine ink+ 5ut
one 6u4h&0ru55e" 5y years of sweat an" assorte" 5oyhoo" anti4s/
Nonetheless/
?I tol" you+? %e00ie sai"/
?It>s a short4ut+? N* sai"/ He "ri55le" his 5asket5all for a se4on"+ then
tu4ke" it un"er his ar6/ ?We>ll 6eet you there/ I ain>t 0ettin0 6y 5ike out+? he
sai"/ ?The tires are Fat/ $ess u the ri6s/?
I looke" to %e00ie for 5a4ku/ He was lookin0 "own at his sneakers/
?Where are you 0oin0 to 5e1? I e!hale" lou"ly/ Town wasn>t that 5i0+
5ut still/
?Con4a D>Oro+ whate3er+? N* sai"/ ?You>ll :n" us/?
They "isaeare" "own the ath to the 5ea4h+ that narrow aerture
into water an" sunli0ht/ There was that one 3ariation of out+ Who else is out1+
whi4h was the 6ost i6ortant out of all/ E3erythin0 "een"e" on it/ Who else
is out1 We aske" ea4h other/ We nee"e" to know+ Is it 7ust you an" 6e or is
there another to sa3e us fro6 ea4h other1
THE%E WE%E SO$E WHITE *EO*LE CO$IN( )* THE 5ea4h so we 0ot
out the 5ino4ulars/ White eole owne" the waterfront 5ehin" town+ 5ut the
5ea4h was ours+ an" any in:ltration ha" to 5e 4he4ke" out/ The front wall of
our li3in0 roo6 was 0lass+ 0i3in0 us suerior an0les of sur3eillan4e+ an" 6y
father ket 5ino4ulars han"y for this 3ery urose/ He owne" two airs+ one
for here an" one for the 4ity+ where we fa4e" West En" A3enue an" tee6in0
5eehi3es of nake" otential/ At any 0i3en 6o6ent+ a ni4e er4enta0e of
aart6ents ha" their 5lin"s u+ their 4urtains srea"+ an" you ne3er knew
what "ra6a 6i0ht e6er0e if you were on the lookout/ Best to kee the
5ino4ulars 4lose/
?That>s tresassin0+? N* sai"/
Bo55y raise" the 5ino4ulars/ ?It looks like two fa0s hol"in0 han"s+? he
sai"/
It was the hey"ay of fa0/ (et a 5un4h of teena0e 3ir0ins an" future
re6ature e7a4ulators to0ether+ an" you were 0oin0 to hear fa0 a lot/ (et a
5un4h of ki"s to0ether who felt unke" out in 3arious ways+ an" the 4olle4ti3e
6in" sou0ht ways to unk out others/ A tou4h of ho6oho5ia was also 0oo"
for hi"in0 any nas4ent re"ile4tions an"Ior yearnin0s lurkin0 a5out/
Bino4ulars9 a "e3i4e that fa4ilitates lookin0 "own on eole/
?They 5etter not try to 4o6e u here+? N* sai"/ ?I>ll 5ust their ass/?
?Shit+ you>" 5e like+ >Co6e u here+ sailor+ I 7ust "roe" the soa/>?
?Da0/?
It was also the hey"ay of "a0/ Da0 was 5itter a4knowle"06ent of the
5rutish 6a4hinery of the worl"/ It was a 0li6se into the 4ruel 3oi"+ as
e3i"en4e" 5y the fa4t that it was often followe" 5y ?That was 4ol"/? In the
hey"ay of "a0+ we a44ete" our "uty to 4all attention to su4h 6o6ents+
takin0 turns at this 6inor 6aso4his6/ It asse" the ti6e/
I took the 5ino4ulars fro6 Bo55y/ The intru"ers were a4tually a 6i""le&
a0e" 6an an" wo6an+ soft an" shuJin0/ They 4lut4he" their shoes an" "u0
their toes into the "a6 san"/ E3ery few stes+ one of the6 ointe" at so6e
feature of the lan"s4ae&&the li0hthouse s<uattin0 on its nest of ro4ks+ the
0reen $ohawk of seawee" on a 5la4k stone+ the ale 4ar4ass of an
o3erturne" horseshoe 4ra5&&as their 4o6anion 0ae" in won"er/ The 0en"er
4onfusion&&aart fro6 so6e wishful thin0 on N*>s art+ as he was always
tryin0 to start so6e shit&&4a6e fro6 their shaeless 4lothes+ the way they
"isaeare" into the T&shirt&khaki shorts 4o65o that was the o;4ial unifor6
of tourists the worl" o3er/
?We shoul" 0o "own there an" tell the6 to 0et o2 our 5ea4h+? Bo55y
sai"/ He li3e" in Nine3ah+ "own the way+ hen4e his interest in keein0 the
san"s un"e:le" 5y outsi"ers+ 5ut e3ery5o"y in the "e3elo6ents+ whether
they li3e" on the 5ea4h or not+ felt that sel:sh tu0 of ownershi when they
saw stran0ers&&i/e/+ white eole&&on our little stret4h/ $ost of the strollers
4a6e fro6 the *u5li4 Bea4h+ 3isitin0 frien"s for the afternoon an" then lettin0
their 4uriosity "raw the6 towar" A=urest/ We 6a"e noises of outra0e+ 5ut
ne3er "i" anythin0/ There was an ol"er la"y or two of the :rst 0eneration who
were known to Fy a4ross the san" an" a"6onish stran0ers that "o0s weren>t
allowe" on the 5ea4h+ if the eole in <uestion haene" to 5e 4haeronin0
so6e yain0 enthusiast o2&leash+ 5ut 6ostly we 0ru65le" to re6in"
oursel3es we ha" ri0hts to assert+ an" that was enou0h/
Alrea"y the 4oule was turnin0 5a4k/ ,isitors ne3er 6a"e it that far u
the 5ea4h in those "ays/ Wat4hin0 the6 slow "own+ sto for a 4onferen4e+
an" then turn 5a4k 6a"e you an au"ien4e to a fa6iliar anto6i6e/
So6ethin0 was o2/ E3eryone was 5rown/ The la"ies loe" on strie" 5ea4h
4hairs an" towels+ the ki"s stirrin0 san" with lasti4 sho3els an" 4hie"
4la6shells/ They were e3ery sha"e in the "essert 6enu of wor"s 5elo3e" 5y
ro6an4e no3elists to "es4ri5e Afri4an A6eri4an skin+ 4ho4olate an" 4ara6el+
5utters4ot4h an" 6o4ha/ Bla4k eyes 0lare" "own fro6 the 5ea4h houses+ the
lookouts on the "e4ks of our ar6a"a/ Yes+ so6ethin0 is o2+ let>s hea" 5a4k/
They rarely 6a"e it ast the %o4k/ The %o4k was a few houses "own
fro6 ours an" a owerful sy4holo0i4al 6eri"ian/ 'i"s tol" ea4h other+ ?I>ll
ra4e you to the %o4k+? 5e4ause it was an i6ossi5le+ antin0 "istan4e/
*arents warne"+ ?Don>t 0o ast the %o4k+? to kee their o2srin0 in 3iew as
they 0ossie" an" sie" #res4a/ *arents let their attention lase+ ar0ue"+
Firte"+ "o=e"&&as lon0 as the ki"s "i"n>t stray ast the %o4k+ nothin0 woul"
haen to the6/ *erhas this has haene" to you+ on 5ea4hes9 you start
"riftin0 o2 while lyin0 on a 5ea4h 5lanket+ 4lose your eyes an" shut "own
your ears only to :n" yourself re3isitin0 so6e ersonal tor6ent still owerful
enou0h after all these years to su4k you into its un"ertow/ Don>t know what
I>6 talkin0 a5out1 Ne3er 6in"/ Take 6y wor"+ frien"+ the %o4k was an an4hor
to kee you fro6 "riftin0 too far/
It was our al6ana4+ re0isterin0 all thin0s ti"al+ e3ery o2&season
4ata4lys6/ In the autu6n an" winter+ nor>easters 4a6e to lay in Sa0 Har5or
Bay+ 5i0 "u65 4hil"ren that ne3er 4leane" u after the6sel3es/ The 0reat
stor6s 6u4ke" u san" in i6ressi3e tonna0e+ sho3in0 the ti"e line snu0 u
to the 5ea4h 0rass one year+ al6ost no la4e to walk+ then 4lawin0 it 5a4k
the ne!t year so that low ti"e 5e4a6e a stri4tly ankle a2air+ wearyin0 you to
0et halfway wet/ Wa"e+ wa"e+ wa"e/ You ne3er knew how 6u4h 5ea4h you
were 0oin0 to see at the start of the su66er+ what kin" of state the %o4k was
0oin0 to 5e in that year/ This season+ the %o4k was hi0h an" rou"+ ne!t
season it ha" 5een 5rou0ht "own low+ u to its ne4k in san"/ But it was
always a real trooer+ 5ir"&shitte" an" 5urie" or no/ After eons of 5ein0 ki4ke"
aroun" 5y 0la4iers+ an" then "eosite" on so6e ran"o6 stri of 5ea4h+ it
6ust 5e har" to fa=e you/
The %o4k+ the Creek+ the *oint9 the in4re6ents of our e!isten4e/ Earth+
solar syste6+ 0ala!y/ The shallow wa3es of the Creek ut an en" to the line of
5ea4h houses+ an" on the oosite 5ank the wetlan" outskirts of East
Ha6ton whisere" in their eternal hu""le/ Wat4hin0 o3er a s4ra55le of
inhosita5le 5ea4h+ the wetlan"s 4ur3e" u to Bar4elona Ne4k+ aka the *oint+
an" 5eyon" that 6as faile"/ E3en the ani6als 4han0e"+ so e!tre6e the
5or"er 5etween Sa0 Har5or an" East Ha6ton/ Cres4ent rin"s of "rie"&out
san" sharks littere" the shore an" this new 5ree" of horseFies+ the 7u3enile
"elin<uents of their set+ taunte" an" nie" the whole way to the *oint+
tryin0 to su4k the 6oisture on your le0s/ The HorseFy ShuJe was the one
"an4e I 4oul" "o+ no hassle9 5at at thi0hs an" 4al3es+ skitter a few feet in a
serentine style+ reeat/ Also9 shout ?Da0O? whene3er a horseFy raise" a
welt/ Who knew what kin" of fauna lurke" aroun" the 5en" of Bar4elona
Ne4k1 *tero"a4tyls wearin0 as4ots an" siin0 0in an" toni4s+ trust&fun"
"u4k&5ille" latyuses 4o6lainin0 a5out ?the hel/? It was all hoity&toity
o3er there/
When we were s6all+ we were i6atient for the "ay when we>" 5e a5le
to un"ertake an e!e"ition out to the *oint/ San"wi4hes in 5a00ies+ oran0e
so"a+ 5aleful 0lan4es 5a4kwar" after the soothin0 si0ht of our ho6es/ By
BCDE+ we knew it wasn>t worth it+ an" ha" "e4i"e" the sa6e was true of the
entire 5ea4h/ This 0rousin0 a5out 5ea4h ri0hts an" intru"ers was 5esi"e the
oint 5e4ause we ne3er hun0 out "own there any6ore/ The 5ea4h was for
little ki"s an" ol" eole/ We referre" the o4ean+ on the other si"e of the
islan"/ Ese4ially now that we ha" a44ess to a 4ar/ The o4ean+ in fa4t+ was our
"estination that afternoon+ on4e the 0uys :nally showe" u/
So for0et the 5ea4h an" the rest of it+ the <uality of the sunrises an"
sunsets /// althou0h it 6ust 5e sai" that those two thin0s were to&not4h/
Wakin0 u early in that house was s4ien4e&:4tion stu2/ The sky o3er the
wetlan"s was a :ne+ si66erin0 5lue+ slowly 5oilin0 u 6ornin0/ Before you
lay the "ea"+ 6isty surfa4e of the 5ay+ an i6ertur5a5le line of "ark 0ray+ a
sla5 of an4ient stone 4o6e out fro6 un"er the earth/ A re3ersal there9 the sky
was li<ui"+ the water a soli" s4reen/ There were fewer 5oats then to =it the
surfa4e of the 5ay/ No one to 5e seen at that hour+ e65ol"enin0 that
4herishe" "rea" of early risers+ that you were the only 5ein0 ali3e an" awake
in the worl"/ O44asionally so6e "rowsily "iin0 sea0ull shot into the water
after low&ti"e 4ra5+ sei=e" its <uarry in its 5eak+ an" swooe" 5a4k u to the
sky+ "roin0 the 5its of shell after it nu==le" out the 6eat so that the "ea"
ie4es 5rieFy rile" the water 5efore all was silent a0ain/ A 6ute+ ri6or"ial
theater/
Sunsets unfol"e" a5o3e the 5i0 houses in North Ha3en/ The sunset
6a"e it aear that the sun an" the sky were not searate thin0s 5ut
"i2erent states of the sa6e 6a0ni:4ent su5stan4e&&as if the sky were a
weakene" "ilute" for6 of the sun+ the 5lue an" the white 6erely "raine"&
away ele6ents of the swirlin0 re"&an"&oran0e "isk sittin0 on the hori=on/ I>ll
wa0er on this9 the sunsets 4lose" the "eal for that :rst 0eneration+ the ones
who 4a6e here ori0inally+ 6y 0ran"arents an" their 4rew/ After walkin0
"own throu0h the woo"s o2 He6stea" Street+ the 6eek trails that woul"
one "ay 5e roa"s+ it 6ust ha3e 5een won"rous to e6er0e on that unsoile"
5ea4h an" see that sunset/ No houses+ no footrints e3en+ 7ust 5ea4h 0rass
whiserin0 to itself/ Sayin0&&what1 You>" ha3e to sen" so6e ti6e to learn its
lan0ua0e/ That :rst 0eneration aske"+ Can we 6ake it work1 Will they allow
us to ha3e this1 It "oesn>t 6atter what the worl" says+ they answere" ea4h
other/ This la4e is ours/ O3er the years I ha3e learne" that the sunrises an"
sunsets of that 5ea4h are rare an" astonishin0 5ut I "i" not know this then/
Sunset 6eant that the "a6ne" 0nats were 4o6in0 out+ that was it/
N* SAID+ ?Ben7i+ 4an I 0et a Coke1? His hea" was in the refri0erator/
Cokes were no ro5le6/ $y arents ket a healthy store of 6i!ers an"
su4h/ With their frien"s 4o6in0 u fro6 the 5ea4h for "rinks+ an" now 6e
an" %e00ie>s 0an0 sen"in0 so 6u4h ti6e han0in0 out on our 4ou4h all "ay+
they ha" a"7uste" their 6i!ers suly/ #oo" was so6ethin0 else+ howe3er+
with %e00ie an" 6e on rations/
That su66er we swit4he" fro6 a 'i" with the *ool&5ase" han0in0 out
e4ono6y to a 'i" with the E6ty House&5ase" han0in0 out e4ono6y/ Before
his fa6ily 6o3e" to California an" he stoe" 4o6in0 out+ 'e3in ha" 5een
our 'i" with the *ool+ an" the fa4t that we ne3er saw his 6other 6a"e it a
relu"e to the "ays of E6ty Houses/ I think I saw her on4e+ when I was little/
I think/ We knew so6eone was in there&&the afternoon soas 5lare" kissin0
6usi4 or a5out&to&kiss 6usi4 throu0h the win"ows an" on4e in a while a han"
4lawe" 5a4k the 4urtains o3erlookin0 the ool area/ Safe to say we were
unsuer3ise"/ As we horse" aroun" in the ool+ we reten"e" that we li3e" in
a worl" without arents+ 5ut a4tually it "i"n>t take that 6u4h reten"in0/
We>" 5een 6o3in0 towar" E6ty House status for a while/ #or years+
we>" skulke" in 5ase6ent re4 roo6s+ on s4reene" or4hes+ laye" ta0 on
4ra4ke" atios/ We hear" footstes a5o3e+ insi"e+ o3er there+ 5ut ne3er saw
who they 5elon0e" to/ In e3ery house there were se4ret roo6s with lo4ke"
"oors an" if you aske" who was in there wat4hin0 T,+ the ki" always sai"+
?$y 0ran"6a+? in the sa6e "ea" tone/ The 6o6s ran throu0h their su66er
itinerary+ o2 to the 5ea4h with a fol"in0 4hair un"er one ar6 an" an
o3erFowin0 wi4ker 5a0 in the other+ o2 to ?a lun4heon+? a 4o4ktail arty in
the Hills+ or an art oenin0 in the 5a4kyar" of so6eone who ha" a 4ousin with
a 5un4h of frien"s who were sai" to 5e talente" an" known in Harle6
0alleries/ The "a"s were in the 4ity+ 6akin0 6oney+ 6akin0 so6ethin0
haen+ reaearin0 on the #ri"ay e3enin0 G9LE train in East Ha6ton+
sta00erin0 o2 the 4lu5 4ar with 5i0 s6iles9 Showti6e/
That su66er we 7ust 6a"e it o;4ial/ %e00ie an" I were the 'i"s with
the E6ty House+ an" the 0an0 4han0e" their s4he"ules an" routes
a44or"in0ly/ Our arents only 4a6e out on weeken"s+ whi4h 6eant that now
6e an" %e00ie ha" the la4e to oursel3es 6ost of the week/ Our sister+
Elena+ use" to 5e the one in 4har0e+ 5ossin0 us aroun" with su4h relish that
history>s 0reat lesson+ ?*ower 4orruts+? laye" out in inti6ate s4ale in our
li3in0 roo6/ How we 4rin0e" as she ket us in line with her owerful 4lu5+ ?I>ll
tell Da""y on you/? But she was 0one now/ On4e you were ol" enou0h to 0o
to 4olle0e+ you stoe" 4o6in0 out to Sa0/ It was ki"s> stu2+ it was too
5our0ie+ the 4ity su66one"+ et4/ (ra"uate fro6 hi0h s4hool+ an" you
0ra"uate" fro6 Sa0 as well/ )ntil you were 4alle" 5a4k/
?You>re 6en now+? 6y father tol" 6e when I aske" who was 0oin0 to
look after us/ ?You 4an take 4are of yoursel3es/? $en1 A 4o6li6ent an" a
4urse9 no 6ore e!4uses+ no one to 5la6e/ At :rst I thou0ht he was 7okin0/ But
there we were&&6e an" %e00ie alone "urin0 the week+ an" 6y arents only
4o6in0 out on weeken"s/ If then/
Now that we ha" a free house+ what "i" we "o with it1 Sit aroun" an"
talk shit/ That "ay it was 6e+ N*+ an" Bo55y/ %e00ie was workin0 at Bur0er
'in0/ The s6ell of %e00ie>s 0rease&infuse" 4lothes 4ret fro6 our 5e"roo6+
fro6 the 4orner where he tosse" his work "u"s+ 6akin0 us hun0ry whene3er
a 5ree=e swet throu0h/
?You want srinkles with that Coke1? Bo55y aske"/ N* ha" a 7o5 at
Jonni WaJe+ the new i4e&4rea6 7oint in town+ an" when we went to 3isit hi6
for free5ies we taunte" hi6 o3er the stui" shit he ha" to say all "ay/ Whi
on to+ waJe 4one+ slo5 your kno51 N* ha" also 5een ri55in0 Bo55y a5out
his ?S4ars"ale 6ansion? lately+ 4ausin0 Bo55y to ush 5a4k a little/
?Shut u+ you leather $e65ers Only&wearin> 6otherfu4ker+? N* sai"/
Whi4h 6i0ht aear to 5e a non se<uitur+ as Bo55y was wearin0 a T&shirt an"
shorts+ 5ut there was history there+ 4onte!t/ It was a referen4e to so6e intel
fro6 Cli3e+ who ha" infor6e" us that he>" run into Bo55y "urin0 the s4hool
year+ an" "es4ri5e" how Bo55y was wearin0 a Win"5reaker that looke"
susi4iously like a kno4ko2 $e65ers Only 7a4ket/ No s6all 6is"e6eanor+
that+ an" Cli3e>s alha&"o0 status only 6a0ni:e" the "is/
The tren" that su66er+ insult&wise+ was towar" 0ra66ati4al
a4ro5ati4s+ the unlikely 4olla0e/ One s6ashe" a 4olorful an" e3o4ati3e noun
or roer noun into a e7orati3e+ 0luin0 the6 to0ether with an&in> 3er5/ I>6
not sure of the synta4ti4al arenta0e of the&in> 3er5s+ so I>ll 7ust 4all the6 the&
in> 3er5s/ ,er5al noun+ 0erun"like 4reature+ 4o0 in the a"7e4ti3al 6a4hine+
who knew&&as was the 4ase with so6e of the eole in 6y li3in0 roo6+ there
was a little un4ertainty in the 5loo"lines/ ?Lookin>? was a 4o66on&in> 3er5/
Like so9
?Wearin>? 6a"e the roun"s as well9
You 4oul" also refa4e thin0s with a throat&4learin0 ?You fu4kin>+? as in
?You fu4kin> Cha&'a fro6 Lan" of the Lost&lookin> 6otherfu4ker+? "ire4te" at
Bo55y+ for e!a6le+ who ha" li0ht 5rown skin+ li0ht 5rown hair+ an" in"ee"
share" these 4hara4teristi4s with the ho6ini" si"eki4k on the Satur"ay
6ornin0 a"3enture show Lan" of the Lost/ ?You fu4kin>? a4te" as a rhetori4al
ause+ allowin0 the seaker a few e!tra se4on"s to lu4k so6e slen"i"
6o"i:er out of the in3e4ti3e ether+ an" 0i3in0 the listener a 4han4e to 0ir"
hi6self for the to&not4h ut&"ownIslen"i" i6a0ery to follow/
True 6asters of the style so6eti6es atta4he" the nonsensi4al ?with
your 6onkey ass? as a ki4ker+ to 4on3ey sin4erity an" "eth of feelin0/
Hen4e+ ?You fu4kin> 'unta 'inte&lookin> 6otherfu4ker /// with your 6onkey
ass/? You 6ay ha3e noti4e" that the&in> 3er5s were 0enerally 3isual/ The heart
of the 4riti<ue 4on4erne" what you were uttin0 out into the worl"+ the 3i5es
you 0a3e o2/ Whi4h is what 6a"e the6 so "e3astatin0 when e!e4ute" well&&
this or"nan4e "etonate" in that area 5etween you an" the 6irror+ 5etween
you an" what you thou0ht e3eryone else was seein0/
There was a lou" s<ueakin0 noise/ ?Hear that1? I aske"/ It was $ar4us
on that 6esse"&u 5ike of his+ you hear" hi6 4han0in0 0ears two 6iles away/
We all si0he" with relief/ $ar4us was a key layer in that he reassure"
us that there was so6eone 6ore unfortunate than oursel3es/ He ossesse"
three ri6ary 6utant owers8 we ha" all seen the6 in a4tion9 B/ He was a5le
to attra4t to his erson all the free&Foatin0 "erision in the 3i4inity throu0h a
stran0e 6a0netis6/ L/ He 5ent li0ht wa3es+ ren"erin0 the rest of us in3isi5le
to 5ullies/ When $ar4us was resent+ the 5i0 ki"s were in4aa5le of seein0
us+ i4kin0 on hi6 e!4lusi3ely+ "eli3erin0 noo0ies+ knu4kle un4hes+ an"
In"ian roe 5urns to his waitin0 Fesh/ In"ian roe 5urns always ut an en" to
the torture+ 5e4ause e3ery5o"y 0ot "istra4te" while 5on"in0 o3er their
s6i"0en of In"ian 5loo"+ one&ei0hth+ one&si!teenth Se6inole whate3er+ an"
that was that/ M/ Suerior olfa4tory 4aa5ility/ We hear" his 5ike fro6 two
6iles away8 he s6elle" 5ar5e4ue fro6 twi4e that "istan4e+ attainin0 su4h
6astery that he 4oul" as4ertain+ with the faintest nostril <ui3erin0+ if the stu2
on the 0rill ha" 7ust 5een thrown on or was a5out to 4o6e o2+ an" a4te"
a44or"in0ly/ Like a knife an" fork+ he aeare" aroun" "innerti6e/ I think
there was a su66er or two when he ate o3er e3ery ni0ht+ 0u==lin0 Hi&C an"
wa3in0 a lasti4&4oate" aer late aroun" for se4on"s+ 6ore+ 6ore/ Not until
later "i" I won"er why there was no "inner at his house+ why no one 6isse"
hi6 at twili0ht/ Call hi6 a 6oo4h to hurt his feelin0s+ an" he>" 7ust s6ile+
wie his 6outh with his wrist+ an" snat4h the last ie4e of 4hi4ken+ ro5a5ly a
win0+ "a6n hi6/ He was always hun0ry+ like we all were+ 5ut at least he ha"
the 0oo" sense to eat/
$ar4us rie" oen the 0lass "oors/ They were sti4ky/ De4a"es of san"
:lle" their tra4ks/ ?What>s u1? He ha" his 5ea4h towel aroun" his ne4k+ an"
he wore "ark&0reen&an"&0ray lai" shorts+ an" a T&shirt that rea" 5oy>s har5or
J)LY Q :reworks BCDM/ He e!ten"e" his han" to Bo55y an" I witnesse" a 5lur
of 4horeo0rahy/
Yes+ the new han"shakes were out+ sha6in0 6e with their
er6utations an" sliery routines/ Sla6+ 0ri+ Futter+ sna/ Or was it sla6+
Futter+ 0ri+ sna1 I was all thu65s when it 4a6e to shakes/ De3ise" in the
un"er0roun" soul la5oratories of Harle6+ oun"e" out in the 5la4ker&than&
thou sweatshos of the South Bron!+ the new han"shakes always ha" 6e
falterin0 in e65arrass6ent/ Like this1 No+ you "i"n>t sti4k the lan"in09 the
7u"0es 0i3e it Q/N/ @The 7u"0e fro6 Hollis+ .ueens+ was a notorious "i4k+
un"er6inin0 e3eryone fro6 the other 5orou0hs/A No one e3er 4o66ente" on
6y fu65les+ thou0h+ an" I was 0rateful/ I ha" all su66er to 0et it ri0ht+
unless so6eone went 5a4k to the 4ity an" returne" with so6e new 3ariation
that srea" like a 3irus+ an" whi4h 6y stron0 "ork 4onstitution ro"u4e"
4ountless anti5o"ies a0ainst/
N* slae" $ar4us>s han"/ ?Hey+ A4t&&? N* 5e0an+ 5efore 4uttin0
hi6self o2/ He was a5out to use last year>s ni4kna6e/
We use" to 4all $ar4us ?Arthur Ashe/? Two su66ers a0o+ $ar4us ha"
su2ere" a "ry at4h&&a4tually 6ultile "ry at4hes+ on his el5ows+ knees+ in
the we55in0 5etween his :n0ers an" toes/ ?Why>" his 6other let hi6 out the
house like that+? we>" all won"er+ 5ut ne3er say alou"+ 5e4ause talkin0 a5out
so6eone>s 6other was+ well+ talkin0 a5out so6eone>s 6other/ Talkin0 a5out
so6eone>s 6other was talkin0 a5out your own 6other9 it oene" a "oor/
O53iously the ni4kna6e a2e4te" hi6 "eely/ *erhas the si0ht of a
tennis ra4ket 6ortifyin0 hi6+ all those lon0 6onths of the s4hool year+ or a
4han4e en4ounter with so6eone "resse" in 4ris white 4lothin0 4ur"lin0 his
6oo"/ All I know is that the ne!t su66er $ar4us returne" so rofoun"ly
6oisturi=e" that there was nary a Fake of ash to 5e seen on his skin/ In fa4t
his skin was so lu5e" u that he 0listene" 6i0htily whene3er the sun hit his
Fesh+ an" e3en when it "i"n>t/ He ha" 5e4o6e+ sa"ly+ a li3in0 Jheri Curl/
?Hey+ A4ti3atorO? N* 4alle" out one afternoon+ while 6akin0 little
srit=in0 6otions a5out his hea"+ an" Arthur Ashe was now A4ti3ator until
La5or Day/
It was the last week of June+ still early in the season+ so there was no
tellin0 what kin" of han"le $ar4us woul" 0et this year/ Whate3er ni4kna6e
he 0ot+ it was likely to 5e of the kin"er 3ariety&&he ha" 0rown four in4hes o3er
the year an" starte" liftin0 wei0hts+ or tie"&to0ether hone 5ooks+ so6e kin"
of hea3y o57e4t/ $ay5e he>" 4ast his "isaoint6ents in lea"/ No one ha" ut
hi6 to the test yet+ 5ut owwows o3er the 6atter+ e3en our "ilute" one&
ei0hth or one&si!teenth owwows+ "e4i"e" that he 4oul" ki4k all our asses+
an" we ha" it 4o6in0/
I "i" a hea" 4ount9 four of us+ %an"y an" Cli3e on their way/ There were
:3e seats in %an"y>s 4ar/
?They>re not here yet1?
Bo55y su4ke" his teeth/ ?Waitin0 on the6 all "ay/?
?It>s 0oin0 to 5e "ark 5y the ti6e they 0et here/?
?It>s 0oin0 to 5e si! of us1? I aske"/ I was tryin0 to 0et the :0ht starte"
o3er who was 4o6in0 in the 4ar/ Let e3ery5o"y 0et their ar0u6ents for
in4lusion 0oin0 5eforehan"+ an" see where I stoo"/
?Shit+ I know I>6 0oin0+ I ha" to ri"e 6y 5ike last ti6e+? $ar4us sai"/
?I know I>6 0oin0&&he>s 6y 4ousin+? N* 4ountere"/
I "e4i"e" to 6ake so6e lun4h+ to fortify 6yself for the 5attle to 4o6e/
%e00ie an" 6e "i"n>t a0ree on 6u4h when it 4a6e to foo"+ 5ut we were 5oth
artial to Ca65ell>s Ho6estyle Chi4ken Sou with E00 Noo"les/ It was the
Ca"illa4 of 4anne" sou+ the noo"les :r6 yet liant on the ton0ue+ the ratio
of 4elery an" 4arrots 4onsistent an" relia5le/ The tiny a65er 0lo5ules of fat
shi66ere" on the surfa4e in an enti4in0 "islay+ to "eli0ht the eye/ There
was one 4an left8 I>" tra"e" it with %e00ie that 6ornin0 for a 5a0 of Lay>s
*otato Chis an" two i4e&4rea6 san"wi4hes/ E3ery 4oule of "ays+ %e00ie
an" I walke" o3er to #re"eri4o>s an" sto4ke" u on foo"/ Our fa6ily ha" a
4re"it a44ount there/
E3ery5o"y ha" their 5ran"s+ 5la4k ki"s+ white ki"s/ Serry+ (ir5au"+
an" Benetton+ Lee 7eans an" Le Ti0re olos+ a44or"in0 to the lu6a0e theory
of so4ial 4o66er4e/ If the 4orre4t thin0s 5elon0e" to you+ erhas you 6i0ht
5elon0/ I was 6ore sur3i3al&oriente"/ The 5ran"s I worshie" li3e" in the
sou aisle+ in the free=er se4tion 5ehin" 0lass/ I>6 talkin0 fro=en foo" here/
Swanson+ of 4ourse+ was the stan"ar"+ the ele0ant 6arria0e of for6 an"
fun4tion/ The four foo" 0rous @6eat+ 3e0+ star4h+ ale 4o55lerA lay ristine
in their searate foil 4o6art6ents+ whi4h were in fa4t+ resto+ a ser3in0
"ish/ $eal an" late in one sli6 re4tan0le&&this was A6eri4an in0enuity at its
5est an" 6ost sustainin0/ #rie" Chi4ken+ Turkey+ Salis5ury Steak+ that was
three "ays of the week ri0ht there/
All hail Stou2er>sO *ure royalty+ their 5ri0ht&oran0e a4ka0in0 a 5ea4on
in refri0erator se4tions a4ross the NY 6etro area/ #ren4h Brea" *i==as&&so
4ontinentalO Turkey Tetra==ini+ Chi4ken *ot *ie+ Beef *ot *ie/ #ri"ay+ Satur"ay+
Sun"ay/ Stou2er>s e6loye" the 5est 6in"s the rea4ka0e" foo" in"ustry
ha" to o2er+ no "ou5t lurin0 0eniuses fro6 ri3al :r6s with 0roo3y erks an"
e!tensi3e 5ene:t a4ka0es+ ulti6ately ro"u4in0 that su5li6e Boil&in&Ba0
te4hnolo0y+ u there with eni4illin an" the 6i4ro4hi in the antheon of
twentieth&4entury s4ienti:4 a4hie3e6ent/ I will a"6it to an unwholeso6e
fas4ination with Boil&in&Ba0 te4hnolo0y/ Chi4ken a la 'in0+ Swe"ish $eat5alls+
Beef Stro0ano2 with *arsley Noo"les&&>twas satisfa4tion itself that oo=e" out
of the lasti4 5a0s an" 6urke" our waitin0 5owls/
There were+ as well+ rene0a"es to who6 we ha" 0i3en our hearts+ like
Howar" Johnson>s Ten"ersweet #rie" Cla6s+ CE er4ent 5atter lus a se4ial
in0re"ient that 6a"e you for0et that they were CE er4ent 5atter the ne!t
ti6e you rea4he" for the6 in the suer6arket/
An" the rare an" 3alue" Wei0ht Wat4hers Chi4ken Cutlet K ,e0eta5le
$e"ley+ tou0h to :n" on a44ount of so6e 4o6le! "istri5ution <uirk 5eyon"
6y ken+ an" enterin0 our 6enu rotation 5y a44i"ent8 6y 6other ha" 5ou0ht
a 5o! for herself one ti6e+ an" in a fa6ishe" eiso"e I ha" "e3oure" it an"
5e4o6e a""i4te"/ I felt ri"i4ulous 5uyin0 a Wei0ht Wat4hers 6eal+ the si0ht
of the ink 5o! sli"in0 a4ross the s4anner rousin0 6y sun"ry 6anhoo" issues+
the 0entle in0 of the 5ar&4o"e rea"er 5e4o6in0 in 6y 6in" a 0i0anti4
4hur4h 5ell "in0&"on0in0 6y worthlessness throu0hout #oo" E6oriu6 an"
5eyon"+ to the entire =i 4o"e+ 5ut there was no "enyin0 the tantali=in0
5rea"in0 on the 4utlet+ featurin0 a 5len" of si4es so well&4ali5rate" for
"eli0ht that it was har" to a44et that it ha" 5een s<uirte" on 5y 6a4hine+ for
surely this was hu6an ten"erness an" lo3e of 4raft 5efore you+ an" the
oran0e 5utter sau4e+ yes+ the oran0e 5utter sau4e+ 6ore of a 4hutney really+
4o3erin0 the 3e0 6e"ley/ Belie3e this one truth in 6y story if nothin0 else/
#inally+ sou/ Broth of life/ We were Ca65ell>s 6en+ ha" 5een for
years+ an" nothin0 took the e"0e o2 like the talent in their 5outi<ue Chunky
line/ We a"ote" the a"3ertisin0 slo0an of Chunky>s Sou as our rallyin0 4ry
an" 6otto&&it was in"ee" the Sou That Eats Like A $eal/ Or we for4e"
oursel3es to 5elie3e this o3er ti6e 5y ne4essity/ Like I sai"+ I was sur3i3al&
oriente"/
$on"ays we usually ate lefto3er 5ar5e4ue fro6 the weeken"+ 5ut our
arents ha" tol" us on #ri"ay that they weren>t 4o6in0 out after all+ so our
stash took a 5i0 hit+ lus the last ti6e we went to #re"eri4o>s+ the 6ana0er
tol" us that we>" 6a!e" out our 4re"it+ those 5o!es of Yo"els ushin0 us o3er
the e"0e a 4oule of "ays a0o+ an" our 6other was 0oin0 to ha3e to 0i3e
the6 a 4all to "is4uss it/ Whi4h I "i"n>t know if she ha"/ After the 4an of
Ho6estyle Chi4ken Sou with E00 Noo"les+ there was one 4an of Hor6el Chili
with Beans left for %e00ie&&I 4oul"n>t a5i"e the stu2&&an" the le0en"ary i4i4le"
5o! of $a4aroni K Beef with To6atoes/ If Stou2er>s was royalty+ this 0uy was
the in5re" "olt e3eryone feare" as4en"in0 the throne/ %e00ie an" I
so6eti6es sooke" ea4h other with tales of its wret4he"ness/ It was har"
ti6es when you oene" the free=er "oor to "is4o3er that you were senten4e"
to $a4aroni K Beef with To6atoes/ *ur4hase" 5y a44i"ent a few years rior
@in a hurry we ha" 6istaken it for Lasa0na with $eat Sau4eA+ the si0ht of that
a44urse" a4ka0e+ nestle" in there with its froste" 4ohort of alu6inu6 foil&
4o3ere" eni06as+ was an in"i4t6ent of our 4hara4ter9 if that was your only
4hoi4e+ you "eser3e" to eat it/ We raye" a0ainst that "ay/
I 0o55le" 6y sou as we wat4he" T,/ %ai"ers of the Lost Ark was
win"in0 "own on Showti6e+ one of our fa3orite arts+ The Burnin0 of the
Na=is 5y Hea3en/ If we ha" a ,C%+ we>" 5e layin0 the se<uen4e fra6e 5y
fra6e+ so as not to 6iss a se4on" of the ela5orate se4ial e2e4ts+ whi4h ha"
6erite" a 4o3er story in #an0oria 6a0a=ine+ althou0h I now knew 5etter than
to a"6it to this knowle"0e/
?(o">s 0onna 6elt that Na=i+? $ar4us sai"/
?You 5etter 6elt that Na=i&ass 6otherfu4ker+ (o"O? N* sai"/ Then we
hear" %an"y honkin0 an" we were outsi"e in :3e se4on"s Fat/ #ire6en ha"
nothin0 on us when it was ti6e to roll+ the e6er0en4y we waite" for/
%ANDY D%O,E A $OSS&(%EEN TOYOTA hat4h5a4k that he 4lai6e" to
ha3e 5ou0ht for a hun"re" 5u4ks/ Its fen"ers were "ente" an" "i6le"+ rust
6ottle" the fra6e in lerous 4lu6s+ an" the insi"e s6elle" like hiie
anar4hists on the la6 ha" 6a"e it their 4o66une/ But who was I to 4ast
asersions1 %an"y ha" a li4ense+ he ha" a 4ar+ an" our worl" ha" 4han0e"/
Cli3e was in the assen0er seat+ ra"io an" 4ooler at his feet/ ?What>s
u+ what>s u+ what>s u1?
?You 0uys rea"y to 0o1? %an"y aske"+ a 5it e!aserate"+ as if it were
hi6 who ha" 5een left waitin0/
?$ay5e we shoul" "o a hea" 4ount+? I sai"/ A0ain9 there were si! of us+
an" :3e seats/ Nee"less to say+ this was a no&la situation/
?Your 4ar only :ts :3e+ 4u=+? N* sai"/
?We 4an>t all :t+? I sai"/
?I 0ot left 5ehin" last ti6e+? $ar4us sai"/
We s4anne" one another>s fa4es for weakness/ ?I>6 skinny+? I a""e"/ ?I
ha3e skinny le0s/? There was no "enyin0 the twi0like nature of 6y le0s/
?%i0ht+? %an"y sai"+ ?Ben7i has skinny le0s/ Look at those Christ6as
ha6s you 0ot there+ $ar4us&&you take u two seats as it is/? The :! was in/
He reten"e" to 4onsi"er the otions/ ?$ay5e you 4oul" ro4k shot0un+ 5ut
Cli3e has shot0un/?
?I ha3e shot0un+? Cli3e sai"/
?An" it woul"n>t 5e fair to take that away fro6 hi6+? %an"y 6use"/
?An" Bo55y+ he 0ot left last ti6e/?
?I was left last ti6eO? $ar4us sai"/ He 0rie" his 5ea4h towel aroun"
his shoul"ers like a yoke/
?That was two ti6es a0o+? %an"y i6ro3ise"+ ?on Thurs"ay/ On #ri"ay
we went to Bri"0eha6ton an" there was no roo6 for Bo55y+ so he ha" to
stay 5ehin"/ That 6eans you 0ot left two ti6es a0o/? %an"y looke" at Bo55y+
an" Bo55y 6a"e a show of feelin0 woun"e" 5y this :4tional a5an"on6ent/
?*lus+ you 0ot your 5ike/ You 4an ri"e your 5ike an" 6eet us there/?
?$y 5ike is 5uste"+? Bo55y sai"/
?I "on>t e3en ha3e a 0o""a6ne" 5ike+? N* sai"/
?If you start e"alin0 now+? Cli3e sai"+ ?you 6i0ht 5eat us there/? We
all knew this was ri"i4ulous/
?Yeah+ you 5etter start e"alin0 now+ ni00erO? N* sai"/
$ar4us shook his hea"+ re4on4ilin0 hi6self to this 5rutal 4al4ulus/
?Da0+ y>all/? He 0ot on his 5ike/ ?Can you at least take 6y towel1? he aske"/
%an"y looke" at hi6 sketi4ally/ ?Is it /// "ry1? he sai"+ wrinklin0 his
nose/
We were on the roa" a few 6inutes later+ %an"y ahe6&ahe6in0 a5out
0as 6oney 5efore we e3en 0ot out of A=urest/ I "i"n>t aro3e of how %an"y
han"le" 5ein0 the 'i" with the Car+ how swiftly he ha" 5een 4orrute"/ The
"ay 5efore the su66er starte"+ he was a no5o"y/ Now he was a sneerin0
"esot+ honkin0 his si4k little horn/ He rewar"e" 5rownnosin0 with a ?I>ll 0i3e
you shot0un for a week+? unishe" with a ?Just for0ot to i4k you u? for
whate3er 4riti4al 6ission was 0oin0 on that "ay+ the 6o3ies+ 'arts&a&(o&(o+
the o4ean/
E3en if there ha" 5een only :3e of us+ he 6i0ht ha3e left $ar4us
5ehin"/ The 5a4kseat of his Toyota ossesse" this e!tra"i6ensional <uality
where it :t 6a! two or 6a! three eole "een"in0 on %an"y>s whi6/ %e00ie
an" I ket our sli"in0 "oors oen+ no attitu"e/
Ai"in0 %an"y>s s4he6es was the fa4t that there were no 0irls aroun" to
"istra4t us/ Our troue+ at :rst 0lan4e+ "e:e" 5irth statisti4s/ $y sister>s a0e
0rou+ four years ol"er+ was 5alan4e" 5etween 5oys an" 0irls/ There were
twenty or so ki"s in 6y sister>s 0rou+ an" o3er the su66ers they all "ate"
one another+ nurse" 4rushes a4ross years+ tra"e" :rst lo3es an" :rst kisses
an" assorte" :rst fon"lin0s 5etween the6/ One su66er Elena "ate" Bill+ two
su66ers later she was "ri3in0 aroun" in Nat>s 4on3erti5le+ an" so on/ %e00ie
an" 6e 5ene:te" fro6 this situation/ The 5i0 ki"s ha" to 5e ni4e to us+ lest
wor" of their 5ullyin0 6is"ee"s 0et 5a4k to our sister an" ruin lon0&or short&
ter6 lans/ The ol"er 5oys ferrie" us in their 5a4kseats to the o4ean+ to the
6o3ies+ they 5ou0ht us 4o6i4s at the I"eal in town+ forke" o3er the 4ash for
i4e 4rea6 at the Tu4k Sho/ Not 5a" at all/
Then Elena>s 0rou turne" ei0hteen+ 0ra55e" their "ilo6as+ an"
stalke" o2 into the 5i0 wi"e worl"+ 4e"in0 4ontrol of the "e3elo6ents to our
0an0/ We were a "i2erent 5ree"/ Whether it was 6artinis or 4i0arettes or the
"eleterious e2e4ts of a65ient Ni!onian ra"iation+ >ND to >GL turne" out to 5e
a har" ti6e for - 4hro6oso6es/ The 0irls were s4ar4e/ Look at us in the 4ar
there/ Boy>s town/
Bla6e for %an"y>s su""en aearan4e in our 0rou shoul" fall on his
arents> lo3e6akin0 s4he"ule/ He was an in&5etweener+ li3in0 like a wee" in
the 4ra4ks 5etween the 6i4ro&"e6o0rahi4 0rous of the "e3elo6ents/ Too
ol" to han0 out with us+ really+ an" too youn0 to 5e fully a44ete" 5y 6y
sister>s 0rou+ he ha" wafte" in a so4ial netherworl" for years/ #rankly+ 5efore
he starte" utt&uttin0 aroun" town in his Toyota+ I ha" little i"ea who he
was+ ne3er saw hi6 e!4et at the annual La5or Day arty/ %an"y ha" 7ust
:nishe" his fresh6an year in 4olle0e+ 5ut a0ainst usual 4usto6+ he still 4a6e
out to Sa0/ No (reat E!o"us for hi6&&why lea3e when the on" was so s6all+
an" you were so 5i01 He relishe" his new status/ He ha" a 4ar+ he was ol"
enou0h to 5uy us 5eer+ an" for this we a44ete" hi6 into our tri5e/ It has
5een o5ser3e" 5y wiser 6en than 6e that ki"s who han0 out with ki"s who
are too youn0 for the6 often 6ake the6sel3es useful in the transortation
an" 5eer&5uyin0 se4tors/ We o3erlooke" his short4o6in0s/
The No&(irls thin0 was true in essen4e+ althou0h there were a few
e!4etions/ Let us oen the 4ase :les/ $arnie was two years ol"er than 6e+
5ut ha" ne3er 5een art of our 0rou+ e3en when we were 3ery youn0 an"
the 5oy&0irl "i3i"e a nonissue/ The 0irls of Elena>s 0rou ket her as a sort of
6as4ot+ "it4hin0 her only when it was re4&roo6 slow&7a6 ti6e or walk&"own&
the&5ea4h&at&ni0ht ti6e+ an" on4e they left Sa0 Har5or+ she starte" sen"in0
her su66ers in the 4ity as well+ in re6ature e!it/ An" then there was
#ran4es4a+ who6 we ha" 5arely seen for years/ She was a 5it of a "e5utante+
oin0 out of her 6other>s wo65 with el5ow&len0th white 0lo3es+ so it was
sai"+ an" 4o6e 7unior hi0h she sent all her ti6e on the o4ean si"e with her
:nishin0&s4hool frien"s/ O44asionally we>" see her 5ein0 "roe" o2 in a
white *ors4he or si6ilar 4hariot+ an" she>" "eli4ately wa3e in our "ire4tion
an" run insi"e her house as if we were swar6in0 aara==i/ So in truth+ there
were 0irls our a0e&&they 7ust "i"n>t want to han0 out with us+ an" frankly who
4oul" 5la6e the6/ This was to 4han0e in a few weeks+ 5ut we "i"n>t know
that yet/
?Look at that 0oofy 6otherfu4ker u thereO?
We asse" $ar4us on the turn to Sa00 %oa"+ whi4h was a "ea" shot
throu0h the South #ork to the Atlanti4/ $ar4us>" 6a"e 0oo" ti6e/ #or his
e2orts we he4kle" hi6/ #ists an" 4at4alls out the win"ows/
?Better 4han0e that 0earO?
?$y 0ran"6a 0oes faster than that in her wheel4hair+ su4kerO?
Che4k out $ar4us hu;n0 away/ What ha" for6erly 5een the
e65o"i6ent of 4ool&&ten+ 4ount >e6+ ten see"sO&&was now the ulti6ate
si0ni:er of la6eness/ That su66er you walke" like a 6an+ a su66erin0
"esera"o+ or "ro3e+ 5ehin" the wheel or shot0un/ $ar4us was 6akin0 0oo"
ti6e+ 5ut let>s fa4e it+ he was on a 5ike/
?Lea3e hi6 alone+? Cli3e sai"/ An" we "i"/ E!4et for so6e o5s4ene
0estures throu0h the tiny Toyota>s 5a4k win"ow as we ulle" ahea"/
The houses thinne" out+ "an0lin0 in 6ystery at the en" of snakin0
"ri3eways+ an" we entere" the no&6an>s&lan" in the 6i""le of the islan"/
Outsi"e our 5la4k en4la3e an" li0htin0 out for the white si"e of the islan"/ It
was only a few 6iles to the o4ean+ 5ut our sense of s4ale was o2 fro6
sen"in0 so 6any su66ers in our safe little 4ir4uits/ We ha" for6e" s4outin0
arties to e!lore the "irt trails 5ehin" $ashashi6uet *ark+ strikin0 out
towar" Bri"0eha6ton+ an" 6a"e o44asional forays u BBQ to the twisty+
forsaken 5en"s of Swa6 %oa"+ in a tentati3e East Ha6tonly sal3o+ 5ut
0enerally we 4on:ne" our shenani0ans to the "e3elo6ents+ to o5sessi3e
loos u an" "own $ain Street in town/ The 4o6in0 of the 4ars 4han0e" all
that/
$y 6other use" to say that the white eole went to the o4ean
5ea4hes in the 6ornin0 an" the 5la4k eole in the afternoon/ I "on>t know
how 6u4h of that was Fat&out se0re0ation or a 6atter of te6era6ent&&white
eole 0ettin0 a 7u6 on the "ay to "o white&eole thin0s+ an" 5la4k
eole+ well+ 0ettin0 there when they 0et there/ Certainly that :rst 0eneration
4lai6e" an" settle" on Sa0 Har5or Bay 5e4ause the south si"e was o2&li6its&&
the white eole owne" the 4oastline+ South Ha6ton+ Bri"0eha6ton+ East
Ha6ton/ An" the Jersey shore+ an" e3ery other san"y stret4h of 3ista&full
roerty in the tristate area+ the natural la4es of es4ae fro6 4ity life/ No
Ne0roes+ lease/ That :rst 0eneration 4a6e fro6 Harle6+ Brownstone
Brooklyn+ inlan" Jersey islan"s of the 5la4k 4o66unity/ They were "o4tors+
lawyers+ 4ity workers+ tea4hers 5y the "o=en/ )n"ertakers/ %ese4ta5le
rofessions of nee"+ after Ji6 Crow>s lo0i49 white "o4tors won>t lay a han" on
us+ we ha3e to heal oursel3es8 white eole won>t "eli3er us to (o"+ we 6ust
sa3e oursel3es8 white eole won>t throw "irt in our 0ra3es+ we 6ust 5ury
oursel3es/ #ill a nee" well+ an" you rosere"/ *roser an" you took what was
yours/ On4e The War was o3er @there was only one War when the ol" hea"s
took us to s4hoolA+ :nishe"+ an" the new A6eri4an future 5e4kone"&&with
5ony skeletal :n0ers+ 5ut 5e4konin0 nonetheless+ "on>t <ui55le&&an" why
shoul"n>t they answer1 They ha" fou0ht to 6ake a 0oo" life for the6sel3es+
3an<uishe" the ri6iti3es an" 5ar5arians out to kill the6+ kee the6 out+
strin0 the6 u+ an" they wante" all the soils of their stru00le/ A la4e to 0o
in the su66er with their fa6ilies/ To 6ake so6ethin0 new/
If only they 4oul" see us now/ O *ioneersO
Throu0h the ruste" hole in the 5a4kseat Foor+ I wat4he" the ashalt
5lur/ %an"y warne" us 4onstantly to 5e 4areful aroun" the snowFake" e"0es
of the hole+ so as not to 6ake it worse/ E3ery 5i0 5u6 in the roa"+ 5its of it
fell away into the 3oi"/ I nu"0e" the ruste" e"0e with 6y foot an" saw it
"isinte0rate an" Fy away/ ) front+ %an"y starte" in with a story of last
ni0ht>s shift at the Lon0 Wharf+ the restaurant on the town ier/ His work
stories in3aria5ly re3ol3e" aroun" tis+ ela5orate u&an"&"own 6elo"ra6as
full of "efeats an" su""en+ triu6hant re3ersals/ ?At :rst we thou0ht it was
0oin0 to 5e a slow ni0ht///? I re6e65ere" to ask N* a5out his 7o5 at Jonni
WaJe/
?I like workin0 there/ The 6ana0er is 4ool+? N* sai"/ ?An" so6eti6es
they let you 5rin0 a int ho6e/?
?Can you 0et 6e an ali4ation1? I aske"/ I>" ut it o2+ 5ut I nee"e" a
7o5/ I was out of 6oney+ we nee"e" T, "inners for the ne!t few "ays+ an" as
it stoo" now %e00ie was 0oin0 to ha3e to ay for the6 out of his Bur0er 'in0
ay4he4k/ $y 6other woul" rei65urse hi6 when they 4a6e out+ 5ut I "i"n>t
relish ha3in0 to 5e0 sou 6oney fro6 hi6/ So9 :ll out an ali4ation for Jonni
WaJe an" take it fro6 there/
We ru65le" a4ross the woo"en 5ri"0e o3er the railroa" tra4k+ an"
tra3erse" LG after not too lon0 a wait/ Before July #ourth weeken"+ 4rossin0
%oute LG was a 6inor hassle/ But after the #ourth+ the 4ryts u&islan"
"is0or0e" their Ha6tonite )n"ea" in earnest+ an" you ne3er knew how lon0
you>" sen" stran"e"+ waitin0 for the 4ara3an to thin/ @Helful Hint SLMN for
the Ha6tonite )n"ea"9 suns4reen slows "own the rate of "e4o6osition 5y
solar rays when you are ri"in0 aroun" with the to "own/A Then we were in
Sa0aona4k+ oin0 into the roa"si"e "eli for sulies+ an" a few 6inutes
later we ulle" u at Left Left+ the 5ea4h "own fro6 the town 5ea4h/ No
er6it nee"e"+ no life0uar"s/ An" this year+ no arents/
WE T%)D(ED IN #O%$ATION )* THE D)NE+ 5ea4h 0rass lashin0 our
4al3es+ enterin0 that stran0e =one of 5la4k san" at the hea" of the 5ea4h/
The 5la4k san" was twi4e as hot as the rest of the san" on the 5ea4h+
insirin0 4artoony 4ries of ?Ow+ ow+ owO? in for6er ti6es+ an" a stoi4 teeth&
0rittin0 to"ay/ There weren>t 6any eole/ We ha" our i4k of sots/
?Let>s 0o o3er there+? %an"y sai"/
?O3er here+? Cli3e 4ountere"+ an" we followe" hi6 to a sot a5o3e the
ti"e line+ "e6ar4ate" 5y a 0arlan" of "rie" seawee"/ Cli3e ha" always 5een
the lea"er of our 0rou/ He was 7ust 4ool+ no 7oke/ I itie" $ar4us for his
3i4ti6hoo"8 I itie" Cli3e 5e4ause he ha" to han0 out with us/ He was that
rare thin0 a6on0 us9 halfway nor6al+ so4iali=e" an" 4aa5le an" 4haris6ati4/
Like&&he "i" sorts/ Basket5all an" tra4k+ 4atain of one of the tea6s at his
s4hool+ I 4an>t re6e65er whi4h+ he was 0oo" at 5oth of the6/ So6eti6es he
trie" to 0et a 5asket5all 0a6e to0ether+ two&on&two+ 5ut after a while we 7ust
starte" layin0 three a0ainst hi6+ an" he still won+ lea3in0 us a sorry si0ht at
the si"e of the 4ourt+ 5ent o3er an" "i==y+ al6s on our knees an" rea4hin0
for i6a0inary asth6a inhalers/ I6a0inary asth6a inhalers 4reate" a la4e5o
e2e4t+ whi4h was 5etter than nothin0/
Before %e00ie an" I ha" an E6ty House+ an" thus the 6eetin0
la4eI"earture oint for e!e"itions+ the one sure way not to 5e e!4lu"e"
fro6 that "ay>s a"3entures was to 5e the :rst one o3er at Cli3e>s 4ri5+ where
all the 6a7or "e4isions went "own/ Cra4k of "awn was a 5it e!4essi3e+ 5ut the
thinkin0 went that you 4oul"n>t 5e "it4he" if you stu4k 4lose to Cli3e/ Tall an"
6us4ular+ he ha" the hysi4al 6i0ht to 5eat us u+ 5ut he 5roke u :0hts
5etween us instea"+ searatin0 4o65atants while "o"0in0 their whirlin0 :sts+
an" no one 4o6laine"/ A relu4tant Solo6on with a soul at4h+ he en"e"
"isutes o3er the i6ortant issues of the "ay+ su4h as who 4alle" shot0un
:rst+ who ha" ne!t on the "i3in0 5oar"+ who was u on *un4h&Out+ the 3i"eo
0a6e in the lo55y of the East Ha6ton 6o3ie theater that we worshie"
like a a0an tote6 while the white eole stare"/ He knew how to talk to
0irls+ ha" 0irlfrien"s+ lural/ (oo"&lookin0 0irlfrien"s+ too+ fro6 all a44ounts+
with all their teeth an" e3erythin0/ Last su66er he>" e3en "ate" an ol"er
wo6an&&in her twentiesO Who li3e" in Srin0sO Who ha" a ki"O He ha" his
ro5le6s like the rest of us 5ut he ha"n>t let the6 "efor6 his 4hara4ter yet/
Not 5a4k then/
We i4ke" our sots aroun" 4a6+ layin0 our towels "own+ wei0hin0
"own their e"0es with sneakers an" so"as to kee the6 fro6 Fiin0 u/ An"
it haene"+ like that+ after an in4re6ent of ti6e so tiny that neutrons an"
rotons were the only witnesses9 we 0ot san"e"/ In the towels+ s4als+
4lu6in0 on sweat alon0 our li65s/ It ha" 5e0un+ the 0riti:4ation of the "ay/
So6e win"y afternoons+ the win" a0itate" the san" into a nee"lin0 layer two
in4hes thi4k/ It ho3ere" a5o3e the 5ea4h+ the at6oshere of a "i2erent
lanet+ sayin0+ You shoul" not 5e here/ But what was another warnin0 a6on0
so 6any1
We were the only 5la4k eole on the 5ea4h/ $y sister>s 0rou was
0rown u+ "iserse"+ an" 6ost of the 6o6s fro6 our nei0h5orhoo"
fre<uente" the town 5ea4h+ whi4h ha" a life0uar"/ ?Stay within the 6arkersO?
There was a ni4e 5it of susense when you roun"e" the 5en" to the town
5ea4h an" saw the Fa0&&re"+ yellow+ or white&&si0nalin0 how rou0h the surf
was that "ay/ On re"&Fa0 "ays you hear" the thun"erous ha66er of the
wa3es 5efore you 0ot o3er the "une an" saw the 6ist of s6ashe"&"own
water Foatin0 a5o3e the 5attere" shore/ On 4al6er "ays the 6ost i6ortant
soun" was the life0uar" 5lowin0 his ?Shark Atta4kO? whistle/ E3ery5o"y
wante" their Jaws 6o6ent/ Seein0 the :n of the ?6ust ha3e 5een a (reat
White? 0li"in0 in the wa3es was 4ool+ an" 5onus oints if you were in the
water when the whistle 5lew an" you ha" to a""le to the shore for "ear life/
One i6ortant fa4t9 the town 5ea4h "i" not allow ra"io layin0/
*ure fas4is6/ As soon as he was settle"+ N* 4ranke" u the 3olu6e on
Cli3e>s ra"io+ a yellow waterroof Sony/ It was a 6i! tae he>" re4or"e" o2
the ra"io+ 'ISS #$+ li0hthouse to the lost/ On 4lear "ays the si0nal 4a6e
throu0h all the way to Sa0+ an" we 4row"e" aroun" the ra"io like eole in
the ol"en "ays/ You say $artians ha3e tou4he" "own in (ro3er>s $ill+ New
Jersey1 Or are these far&o2 soun"s an in3asion of 6etroolitan funk+ a
"i2erent kin" of alien alto0ether1
The son0s starte" ten se4on"s in+ the ti6e it took N* to run a4ross his
5e"roo6+ "o"0in0 6oun"s of "irty 4lothes an" 4o6i4 5ooks+ an" ress
%e4or"/ The son0s en"e" with the DJ>s trun4ate" e!li4ations9 ?Alri0ht+ that
was the 5oo65asti4&&? ?That>s for all you in the .ueens5ri"0e Houses+ Boo0ie
Down Bron!&&?
?Dou0 E/ #resh stole 6y 4ousin>s rhy6es+? N* sai"+ aroos of nothin0/
?I thou0ht you sai" Dou0 E/ #resh was your 4ousin+? I sai"/ N* was a
notorious ?that>s 6y 4ousin? &er/ I 4ertainly "i"n>t re6e65er hi6 4lai6in0
%an"y in his kinshi 0rou 5efore %an"y 0ot wheels/
?What are you+ hi0h1 Think I "on>t know who 6y own 4ousin is1 No+ he
5it the6+ 4he4k it out+ I was at this house arty ///? an" he traile" o2 on one
of his 4hroni4les/ I looke" u at the sky an" his wor"s were su4ke" away 5y
the win"/ A s6all lane 4hu00ere" arallel to the shoreline+ a 5anner
slitherin0 5ehin" it9 ,ISIT B)PP CHEW/
I walke" u to where the 5ea4h 4ru65le" away into the o4ean/ Left Left
fa4e" the Atlanti4+ not that 6ea0er+ lain0 5ay 4ra/ Not 5i0 enou0h to surf
in e!4et in front of an a"3an4in0 hurri4ane&&you ha" to 0o u to $ontauk for
that+ an" none of us was so in4line"/ There were no houses 5eyon" the
wa3es+ no sli6 sits of lan"+ as on our turf/ Just in3isi5le 4ontinents/ It was the
E"0e of Thin0s+ an" the E"0e like" to 0ra5 at you+ ull you in/ I wasn>t e3en
toe&"ee in the water when I hear" 6y 6other>s warnin0 in 6y ears+ ?Wat4h
out for the un"ertowO+? whi4h wasn>t a 5a" hilosohy+ really+ ali4a5le to
6ost situations in a 6etahori4al sense+ 5ut I hate" 5ein0 so 4on"itione"/ I
ne3er went ast where I 4oul" feel the 5otto6 5eneath 6y feet+ so riti"es
an" un"ertow weren>t 6u4h of a 4on4ern/ But you 4oul" feel it+ e3en in the
shallows&&the ra3enous ull when the o4ean su4ke" 5a4k into itself to 0ather
for the ne!t wa3e+ the ne!t 3olley in its sie0e a0ainst lan" an" lan"lu55ers&&
i/e/+ you/ The o4ean was ki"nain0 ar6s an" a 6uJe" 3oi4e that sai"+ You
ain>t 6u4h at all+ are you1 Noe+ not 6u4h at all/ San" 5eneath 6y feet+ that
was 6y rule/
?Aren>t you hot in that shirt+ 6an1? Cli3e aske" when I sat 5a4k "own/
?No/ Why1?
?Bla4k a5sor5s li0ht+? he sai"/ ?So it heats u&&that>s why on a hot "ay
you>re 6ore 4o6forta5le wearin0 li0ht 4lothes/?
I "i"n>t know that+ 5ut as I looke" aroun"+ I "i"n>t noti4e anyone
wearin0 5la4k/ $ay5e there was so6ethin0 to it/
?HeyO HeyO YoO?
$ar4us hot&foote" it o3er the 5la4k san"/ He>" 6a"e 0oo" ti6e+ 5ut
then he was uttin0 in a lot of 5ikin0 ti6e to an" fro6 work/ $ar4us ha" only
5een out for a week an" he was alrea"y on his se4on" 7o5/ E3ery su66er he
went throu0h a "o=en+ easy/ He 0ot his foot in the "oor no ro5le6+ sinnin0
his "is6issal fro6 his last 7o5 to his new 5osses the sa6e way he sun the6
to us/ ?The "ay 6ana0er was out to 0et 6e+? he>" tell us+ or+ ?I ha" a
ersonality 4onFi4t with the 4ook/? ?The owner was all 4oke"&out+? he
e!laine"+ ointin0 towar" the realities of the 6i"&>Dos resort&town restaurant
5usiness/ $ost of those eole were 4oke"&out+ 5asi4 fa4t/ If we knew that he
0ot the a! for stealin0 5oo=e&&not a 5ottle or two 5ut a whole 4rate&&he
tru6e" us with+ ?They were so6e strai0ht&u ra4ists/? Whi4h always worke"/
In any shere/ Who a6on0 us 4oul" refute su4h a 7u"06ent1 It was like
sayin0 ?It>s hot? "urin0 a heat wa3e/ No "isute/
?Where>s 6y towel1? $ar4us aske"/
We sha"e" our eyes with our han"s an" s<uinte" u at hi6/
%an"y sai"+ ?You sai"+ 4an you 5rin0 it in the 4ar+ not 4an you lu0 it
"own the 5ea4h for 6e/? He 0a3e $ar4us the keys an" $ar4us returne" to
the "une/
?Da0+? Bo55y sai"/
?That was 4ol"+? Cli3e sai"/
%an"y yawne" an" stret4he"/ He turne" o3er on his 5a4k+ e!osin0 his
0reat 6a66aries/ They 5o55e" on his sto6a4h/ ?Ain>t nothin0 5ut a than0+?
he sai"/
?Why "on>t you ut your shirt 5a4k on+ %an"y+? N* sai"/ ?You>re 0oin0
to s4are the white eole/?
?Yeah+ %an"y+ shit+? I sai"/
?Sh&ee&it+? %an"y sai"+ slain0 his 4hest 3i0orously/ He was in a 0oo"
6oo"+ or else he woul" ha3e thrown out ?You want to walk ho6e1+? his now&
stan"ar"+ si0nifyin0&en"in0 resonse/
?Shit+ I>ll show the6 so6ethin0 to 5e s4are" of+? Bo55y sai"/
?What are you 0oin0 to show the6+ you fu4kin> al5ino&lookin> 5it4h1?
N* sai"/
E3ery5o"y 4ra4ke" u e!4et for Bo55y+ who 0rowle"+ ?Shut the fu4k
u+? an" turne" o3er to e3en u his tan/ He was a :er4e an" a00ressi3e
tanner in the early art of the su66er+ to 0i""ya his skin to a le3el&layin0&
:el" 5rown/ By late July+ al5ino woul"n>t aly as an insult+ e!4et in a retro
kin" of way when you 4oul"n>t think of anythin0 else/ It was always ni4e to
ha3e a sare/
These were the early sta0es of Bo55y>s transfor6ation into that weir"
4reature+ the re&s4hoole" 6ilitant/ We were 6a"e to think of oursel3es as
o"" 5ir"s+ ri0ht1 A44or"in0 to the worl"+ we were the "e:nition of ara"o!9
5la4k 5oys with 5ea4h houses/ A ara"o! to the outsi"e+ 5ut it ne3er o44urre"
to us that there was anythin0 stran0e a5out it/ It was si6ly who we were/
What kin" of 5our0ie sell&out Ne0roes were we+ with B$Ws in the "ri3eway
@Bla4k $an>s Wa0on+ in 4ase you "i"n>t knowA an" ri3ate s4hools to tea4h us
how to use a knife an" fork+ sort that fro6 "at1 What a5out keein0 it real1
What a5out the news+ statisti4s+ the 0reat narrati3e of 5la4k atholo0y1 Just
4he4k out the newsaers+ refera5ly in a 6o3ie&style 6onta0e se<uen4e+
the alar6in0 hea"lines "roin0 in&fra6e with a thu"+ one after the other9
C%ISIS IN THE INNE% CITYO+ WHITHE% ALL THE BABY DADDIES+ THE T%)TH
ABO)T THE WEL#A%E STATE9 THEY J)ST DON>T WANT TO WO%'+ NOT LI'E IN
THE (OOD OLD DAYS/ Hey+ let>s sto ussyfootin0 aroun" an" 5rin0 5a4k
sla3ery alrea"y+ 7ust look at these "ishan han"s/
Bla4k 5oys with 5ea4h houses/ It 4oul" 6ess with your hea"
so6eti6es+ if you were the sus4eti5le sort/ An" if it 6esse" with your hea"+
0ot un"er your 5rown skin+ there were so6e tyi4al an" well&known
re6e"ies/ You 4oul" e65ra4e the 5ea4h art&&re3el in the lu!ury+ the
er4etion of status+ wallow without 4are in what it 6eant to 5e 5orn in
A6eri4a with 6oney+ or the aearan4e of 6oney+ as the 4ase 6ay 5e/ No
aolo0ies/ You 4oul" e65ra4e the 5la4k art&&take so6e i"ea you ha" a5out
what real 5la4kness was+ an" 6ake theater of it+ your LQ&G one&6an show/
#olks of this tye 4oul" i4k Bootstrain0 Stri3er or *rou" *illar+ 5ut the 6ost
oular 5ran"s were $ilitant or Street+ $ilitant 5ein0 the oosite of 5our0ie
4aitulation to The $an+ an" Street 5ein0 the anti"ote to )er $i""le Class
e6as4ulation/ Street+ 0hetto/ A4t har"+ a4t out+ a4t in a way that woul" 4o6e
to 5e 4alle" 0an0sterish+ ullin0 etty 4ri6es+ a soft kin" of tou0h+ knowin0
there was so6eone to ost 5ail if one of your 0ru55y s4he6es fell aart/
Or you 4oul" e65ra4e the 4ontra"i4tion+ say+ what you 4all ara"o!+ I
4all 6yself/ In theory/ Those in4line" to this re6e"y "i"n>t ha3e 6any o53ious
6o"els/
In Bo55y>s 4ase+ his 5irthri0ht+ if we 4an 4all it that+ 6a"e hi6 a
re6ature nationalist/ The 4usto6ary s4he"ule for 0oo" 6i""le&4lass 5oys
an" 0irls 4alle" for the6 to 0et $ilitant an" fashiona5ly Afro4entri4 the :rst
se6ester of fresh6an year in 4olle0e/ )n"erlinin0 key assa0es in The
Auto5io0rahy of $al4ol6 - an" that asse"&aroun" aer5a4k of Bla4k Skin+
White $asks/ Or0ani=e a 6ar4h or two to rotest the la4k of tenure for that
4ontro3ersial rofessor in the Deart6ent of Bla4k Stu"ies/ Or0ani=e a 6ar4h
or two to rotest the la4k of a Deart6ent of Bla4k Stu"ies/ It asse" the
ti6e until 5usiness s4hool/ Bo55y 0ot an early start on all that+ returnin0 to
Sa0 fro6 his soho6ore year of hi0h s4hool with a new+ 4lie"
ronun4iation of the wor" whitey+ an" a fon"ness for usin0 the hrases
?white&i"enti:e"? an" ?false 4ons4iousness? while wat4hin0 The Cos5y Show/
It 4ause" ro5le6s as he frette" o3er his =i 4o"e @?S4ars"ale ain>t nothin0
5ut a hi0h&4lass shantytown/ It>s a 0il"e" lean&to?A an" how 4han0in0 his
na6e 6i0ht a2e4t his I3y Lea0ue rose4ts @?Your trans4rit says Bo55y
(rant+ 5ut you sai" your na6e was Sa"at -?A/
We use" to 6ake fun of hi6 for 5ein0 so li0ht&skinne"+ an" this
ro5a5ly 4ontri5ute" to so6e of his o3er4o6ensatin0/ The 7oke was that if
the ''' 4a6e oun"in0 on Bo55y>s "oor an" "e6an"e"+ ?Where the 5la4k
eole at1? @it>s well known+ the fon"ness of the ''' for en"in0 senten4es
with a reositionA+ he>" say+ ?They went thatawayO? with a 6instrel eye&roll
an" 3au"e3ille ar6 Fourish/ He re5elle" a0ainst his 0enes+ the Cau4asian
DNA in his 3eins s<uare&"an4in0 in there with stron0 Afri4an DNA/ It>s a tou0h
5attle+ "efen"in0 one Fank a0ainst nature while nurture snu4k in fro6 the
east with whole 5attalions/ He "ire4te" 6ost of his hostile talk at his 6other+
who worke" on Wall Street/ ?$y 6o6 woul"n>t 0i3e 6e twenty "ollars for the
weeken"/ She>s su4kin0 the white 6an>s "i4k all "ay+ $or0an Stanley 4ra4ker+
an" 4an>t 0i3e 6e twenty "ollarsO? In two weeks+ his arents were 0oin0 to
0i3e hi6 a use" Saa5 for his 5irth"ay+ 0enerosity that 4reate" a whole new
0enre of 5itterness/ ?$y 6other>s so 5usy tryin0 to 0et a at on the hea"
fro6 $assa that she 4an>t 0i3e 6e 0as 6oney/ Tellin0 6e I shoul" 0et a 7o5&&
"oin0 what+ su4kin0 the white 6an>s "i4k1? His 6other 5ore the 5runt of his
6is0ui"e" ra0e+ e3en thou0h his father worke" at (ol"6an Sa4hs+ so it>s not
like he was "ashiki&4la" an" runnin0 a 4o66unity 4enter so6ewhere/ (et a
5un4h of teena0e 3ir0ins to0ether+ an" you>re 5oun" to ru5 u a0ainst so6e
6other issues/ Let he who is without sin 4ast the :rst stone+ 4ast the :rst
lu4ke"&out or5 of Oe"ial horror/
?Well+? N* sai"+ ?I think it>s ti6e for this Ne0ro to 0et hi6self "own the
5ea4h an" see if he 4an 4he4k out so6e titties/?
?There>s nothin0 "own there+ 6an+? I sai"/ It was an ol" 0a6e+ an"
ri00e"/ E3ery su66er we hike" o2 in sear4h of that 4lou"&4loake" Shan0ri&la+
the nu"e 5ea4h/ Le0en"s ha" 4ir4ulate" for years+ in hushe" tones "eli3ere"
to wi"e eyes/ Our 6others o44asionally sni2e" a5out ?those #ren4h eole
lyin0 aroun" with their tos o2+? an" ol"er ki"s wowe" us with tales of lon0&
li65e" honeys sun5athin0 in little a4ks/ If at lon0 last you "is4o3ere" their
nestin0 0roun"s+ there was one last hur"le/ They 6i0ht 5e lyin0 on their
sto6a4hs/ Tou0h lu4k that/ But 6ay5e they were on their 5a4ks+ an" if the
stars ali0ne" you saw the6 turn o3er&&in unison+ 0lorious unison&&to e!ose
their 0ifts to the worl"/ They were a65assa"ors of the international 7et set+
the kin" of lo3elies oulatin0 Ja6es Bon" 6o3ies an" Duran Duran 3i"eos/ I
hear" ?Wat4h out for the un"ertowO? when I looke" at the water+ an" a 3oi4e
4ooin0 ?Oh+ Ja6esO? when I looke" "own the 5ea4h+ in a kin" of
$a"onnaIWhore whilash/
#or years we tol" our 6o6s that we were ?0oin0 for a walk+? while
3isions of e6ty 5ottles of Bain "e Soleil an" suer6assi3e frie"&e00 areolas
"an4e" in our hea"s/ We walke" an" we walke" an" we ne3er saw anythin0+
returnin0+ fore3er returnin0+ with slu6e" shoul"ers an" a faintly 6u65le"
?Ne!t ti6e/? So6e of us still hel" out hoe/ I knew 5etter+ 6y learne"
hellessness en7oyin0 a 5anner year/
?I>6 "own+? Bo55y sai"/ He stoo"+ hol"in0 u his ar6 an" inse4tin0
his skin for the sli0htest 4han0e in sha"e/ He see6e" lease"/
?That>s what I>6 talkin0 a5out+? N* sai"+ thrustin0 out his han" so that
his 7i3e&ass Futter s6ashe" into Bo55y>s 6ore a00ressi3e u6&>n>&"u6+ the
two <uite "i2erent shake styles 6is:rin0 5efore :n"in0 4o66on 0roun" in
the two&:n0er sna/ As if their histori4 han" su66it ha" 4o6e o2
6a0ni:4ently+ N* yele"+ ?Alri0htO? an" turne" to a"6onish us/ ?You>ll see
what haens when we 0et 5a4k an" tell you a5out the 6onstrous+ 6ost
5o"a4ious tatas you 6isse"/ You>ll 5e like+ >Da6n I shoul"a 0oneO>?
That left 6e an" %an"y an" Cli3e an" $ar4us/ I think I "o=e" o2 for a
while/ I "i" not "rea6/ I woke u+ "isoriente"+ to the soun" of an alien
sa4eshi lan"in0/ Afrika Ba65aataa an" Soulsoni4 #or4e>s ?*lanet %o4k?
4lan0e" out of Cli3e>s ra"io/
?That>s a 4lassi4 7oint ri0ht there+? $ar4us sai"/
?I ha3en>t hear" this in a while+? %an"y sai"/ ?We use" to oen u
arties at 6y fraternity house with this/? Cli3e an" I s6irke" at ea4h other/
%an"y>s 4onstant referen4es to his frat a6use" us+ frankly/ The way he talke"
a5out it+ it soun"e" like nonsto 5a4k ru5s an" ?hey let>s wrestle?&tye
horsin0 aroun"/ But he ha" a 4ar/
?>C>6on la"ee==O>? $ar4us san0+ his 5o55in0 hea" loose on his ne4k/
?You know they 5it that o2 'raftwerk+? I sai"/
?Bit what o2 who1? $ar4us aske"/
?That art ri0ht there/? I hu66e" alon0/ ?'raftwerk is this (er6an
5an" that reten"e" to 5e ro5ots/ They ha3e this son0+ >Trans&Euroe
E!ress+> that has that >Da Dah Da> art/?
?Afrika Ba65aataa "i"n>t steal anythin0/ This is their son0/?
?I>6 serious+ it>s true+? I sai"/
?This son0 4a6e out :rst/?
Afrika Ba65aataa an" Soulsoni4 #or4e sai"+ ?'ee ti4kin> an" to4kin>+
work it all aroun" the 4lo4k/?
?No+? I sai"+ ?>Trans&Euroe E!ress> 4a6e out in the late >GHs+ I>6
tellin> you/ Elena ha" the ei0ht&tra4k/? %e00ie an" I inherite" her ol" stereo
when she went all hi0h&te4h an" futuristi4 with 4assettes+ whi4h was 0reat+
e!4et that so6ehow we only en"e" u with two ei0ht&tra4k taes9 Trans&
Euroe E!ress 5y 'raftwerk+ an" The Best of the Co66o"ores/ It was a
0ruelin0 4oule of 6onths+ listenin0 to those two al5u6s o3er an" o3er&&so I
knew I was ri0ht/
I "i"n>t un"erstan" 5a4k then why $ar4us was hasslin0 6e+ 5ut I 0et it
now/ A 4oule of years later+ if so6eone sai" ?I stole that o2 an ol" Lou
Donal"son re4or"+? an" the sa6le ki4ke" it+ you 0ot rese4t for your
e!ertise an" keen ear/ #unk+ free 7a==+ "is4o+ 4artoons+ (er6an synthesi=er
6usi4&&it "i"n>t 6atter where it 4a6e fro6+ the art was in 4on3ertin0 it to new
use/ $aniulatin0 what you ha" at your "isosal for your own uroses+ 7erry&
ri00in0 your new 4reation/ But 5efore sa6lin0 5e4a6e an art for6 with a
hilosohy+ 5itin0 o2 so6e5o"y was a 6a7or 4ri6e+ thu00ery on an atro4ious
s4ale/ Your style+ your 3i5e+ was all you ha"/ It was toile" on+ worrie" o3er+
your latest tweak resente" to the worl" ea4h "ay for aro3al/ *ull your
o4kets out so that they hun0 out of your ants in a 4lassi4 5roke&ass ose+
an" you still ha" your style/ If so6eone was stealin0 your style+ they were
stealin0 your soul/
But I "i"n>t say this to $ar4us/ I "i"n>t know it 6yself/ I 7ust knew that it
was okay to like 5oth Afrika Ba65aataa an" 'raftwerk+ an" I like" what Afrika
"i" with 'raftwerk/ A4ross the o4ean ri0ht there+ the (er6ans 5an0e" out
tunes on state&of&the&art synthesi=ers/ Soulsoni4 #or4e+ they ha" the re3er5
u so hi0h it soun"e" like they were layin0 that ?Trans&Euroe E!ress?
6elo"y on so6e Foor&6o"el Casio 7o5 fro6 %a"io Sha4k+ the "yin0 C
5atteries 4roakin0 out throu0h 5roken seakers/ I i4ture" the 5eat 5o!
4o3ere" in ele4tri4al tae+ only workin0 if you ket it roe" at a forty&:3e&
"e0ree an0le "ue to a loose wire insi"e+ en3isione" the6 re4or"in0 the son0
in a 7anitor>s 4loset "ee in the 5owels of so6e utown hi0h&rise/ They
"is6antle" this ie4e of white 4ulture an" ro"u4e" this freakish an"
sustainin0 thin0+ re4on:0urin0 the 4hilly ori0inal into a 4o66unal artifa4t/
They yelle"+ ?E3ery5o"y say+ >%o4k it+ "on>t sto it+>? an" the 4row" yelle"
5a4k ?%o4k it+ "on>t sto it? in "utiful assent/ How 4oul" they not1 *ro5a5ly it
was u on *lanet %o4k where I wante" to 5e half the ti6e+ where they
transorte" all us unlikely 4hosen+ Close En4ounters&style/ There were other
la4es 5esi"es this+ the son0 sai"/ I wasn>t tryin0 to ra0 on Afrika+ 5ut salute
his o""5all a4hie3e6ent/ His ara"o!/
$ar4us wasn>t ha3in0 it/ Be4ause I "i"n>t say it/
?You>re lu4ky the Pulu Nation ain>t aroun"+? he sai"/ ?They>" s4al your
shit+ 5ury you u to your ne4k in the san"+ an" let the ti"e roll in/ They ain>t
layin0+ son/?
I looke" at hi6 5lankly/
He shook his hea"/ ?I was at this arty one ti6e an" this su4ker fro6
Be"&Stuy was all+ >#u4k $anhattan+ Be"&Stuy 5lah=ey&5lah+ Be"&Stuy 5lah=ey&
5lah> an" these "u"es fro6 the Pulu Nation 4a6e u an" waile" on hi6/ $y
5oy was like 5lu55erin0 with 5loo" an" sali3a an" shit runnin0 "own his fa4e/
You 5etter wat4h what you say/?
?I was 7ust tryin0 to share so6e infor6ation/?
?Yeah+ ri0ht+ I for0ot you like that white 6usi4+ you fu4kin> Siou!sie an"
the Banshees&listenin> 6otherfu4ker/? He s4rat4he" his 4hest an" thou0ht for
a 6o6ent/ ?With your 6onkey ass/?
Let the re4or" show that 6y 5la4k T&shirt was in fa4t a Bauhaus T&shirt+
ur4hase" the re3ious fall "own in the ,illa0e on the 3ery :rst of 6y weekly
tris to s4a3en0e for new al5u6s+ 0enerally 3inyl "isat4hes fro6 the worl"
of the ale an" winnowe"+ 5ut it was true that I ha" worn 6y Siou!sie an"
the Banshees T&shirt the week 5efore/ I "i"n>t 5uy ra&&I hear" it all the ti6e+
%e00ie an" Elena ha" all the 0oo" stu2+ so there was no reason to sen" 6y
allowan4e on it/ %a was a natural resour4e+ 6i0ht as well ay for sunli0ht or
the 3ery 5ree=e or an early&6ornin0 4ar alar6 0oin0 o2/ No+ I sent 6y
6oney on 6usi4 for 6oin0/ *erfe4t for "riftin0 o2 on the "i3an with a "a6
towel on your forehea"+ a 6inor&4hor" soun"tra4k as you 6oane" into
reFe4tin0 ools a5out your ela5orate 6isera5leness/ The sin0ers were faint+
an"ro0ynous 0hosts+ "ra00in0 their too&hea3y 4hains a4ross the lains of
6isery+ the 0loo6y 6oors of "is4ontent+ in sear4h of relief/ Let>s 7ust ut it
out there9 I like" the S6iths/
?I "on>t know what you>re talkin0 a5out+ $ar4us+? Cli3e sai"/ ?I ut on
that Tears for #ears son0 last ni0ht an" you were all+ >That>s the shit/>?
$ar4us win4e"/ ?I like that 3i"eo+ 6an/ It>s a 0oo" 3i"eo/?
With that+ the ar0u6ent en"e"+ the latest 6eanin0less 5or"er skir6ish
in the lon0 war o3er what white 4ulture was a44eta5le an" what was not/ We
re"rew the 6as fe3erishly+ throwin0 out our a0ree6ents an" 4on4essions/
This week surf wear was in+ an" we 4lai6e" O4ean *a4i:4 T&shirts an" $aui
shorts as our own/ Ne!t year+ La4oste was out in ene6y territory a0ain+
re4lai6e" 5y the "ili0ent for4es of se0re0ation/ There was one rule+ thou0h9
Cli3e tru6e" e3erythin0/ If Cli3e 0a3e his 5lessin0+ it was okay+ whether it
was Donny an" $arie or Twiste" Sister/ (olf+ whate3er/ But for the rest of us+
the rules 4han0e" "aily/ It ket you on your toes/
A#TE% A TI$E+ we stoo" one 5y one+ an" looke" at the wa3es an" one
another an" no""e"9 ti6e to 0o in/ The sun was a si4k "eath ray 4uttin0
throu0h the 4lou"less sky&&e3er sin4e Cli3e tol" 6e a5out the heat&0atherin0
<ualities of 5la4k T&shirts+ an o3en of EH&EH 4otton&oly ha" 5roile" 6y Fesh/ I
was retty su00esti5le/ Cli3e an" $ar4us shoute" war 4ries an" "o3e into the
water/ I ran "own to the surf on4e+ ran 5a4k+ ran "own a0ain+ ran 5a4k @I ha"
a syste6A+ then 5urst into a full&see" wa"e+ 0ri6a4in0 at ea4h fri0i"
4enti6eter>s a"3an4e u 6y 5elly+ hol"in0 6y ar6s a5o3e the water as if
5attlin0 <ui4ksan"/ %an"y "ie" in a toe an" a""e" 5a4k to his 5lanket/
No+ I 4annot swi6 in the 4on3entional sense/ To this "ay/ O3er the
years I ha3e learne" how to 0enerate forwar" 6o3e6ent in a li<ui" 6e"iu6
throu0h a 4o65ination of herky&7erky Fi&Fain0 ar6&an"&le0 6o3e6ents+
5ut nothin0 that aroa4hes the stan"ar" "e:nition of a stroke/ I 4an Foat on
6y 5a4k&&that 4ounts for so6ethin0+ ri0ht1 In the "oo6e"&o4ean&liner 6o3ie
that runs in 6y hea"+ 6ore fre<uently than I like+ I Foat on 6y 5a4k to the
e3entual safety of the res4ue 5oat or "eserte" islan"/ Slish&slashin0 aroun"
with a healthy stroke+ hell+ that>s 4allin0 attention to yourself+ alertin0 sharks+
who are attra4te" to 6o3e6ents that rese65le those of an ?ani6al in
"istress+? a44or"in0 to what I rea" in 6y shark 5ooks in ele6entary s4hool/
$i0ht as well 5e a tra3elin0 4hu6 sales6an/ Best to Foat an" reten" to 5e
"ea"+ or so 6y thinkin0 went 5a4k then&&an" in 4al6 water I foun" nothin0
6ore ea4eful than "oin0 that 3ery thin0/ Lettin0 6y 5o"y 0o+ as if I "i"n>t
ha3e a 5o"y at all an" there was no 5arrier 5etween 6e an" the sea+ while
waitin0 for one of 6y frien"s to Fi 6e o3er or ull 6e un"er+ 5e4ause that>s
what frien"s "o+ 5ut if I 4oul" 0et a few 6inutes alone out of the worl" I was
hay/
I wasn>t "oin0 any of that freewheelin0 Foatin0 in the o4ean/ I nee"e"
to know where the 5otto6 was/ Anyti6e I straye" into a "ro&o2+ where I
knew there ha" to 5e a 5otto6 an" yet su""enly there wasn>t+ I ani4ke"/
Ese4ially at Left Left+ where there was no life0uar"/ Cli3e an" $ar4us swa6
out an" I staye" 5ehin"+ u to 6y waist+ turnin0 aroun" e3ery 6inute to
4he4k out the ne!t wa3e sneakin0 u on 6e/
I lu65ere" "own the shore a ways so I 4oul" take a whi= without the
su""en war6 at4h waftin0 o3er to 6y frien"s+ 7elly:sh&like/
#ro6 "own on the 5ea4h+ you 4oul" only see the tos of the
Sa0aona4k houses+ 5ut fro6 the water you 0ot a 5etter 3iew/ Our houses on
Sa0 Har5or Bay were 5un4he" u all o3er one another+ an" it 4reate" a 4lose&
knit 5ea4h 4ulture/ Here the houses were 6oore" 5ehin" the "unes like
5attleshis/ These were no <uarter&a4re lots like the ones aroun" our way+
who knew what was 5etween these houses+ Oly6i4 ools an" tennis 4ourts/
Cro<uet arenas where the layers swatte" hu6an skulls a4ross the 0rass/
Behin" the 5i0 win"ows+ eyes 4onsi"ere" an" sur3eye" all+ the 0i0anti4 ti"al
e3ents as well as the 6inor hu6an ones+ the ones wearin0 5athin0 suits an"
sun5lo4k/ Behin" the win"ows so6eone sai"+ There were so6e 5la4k eole
4o6in0 u the 5ea4h so we 0ot out our 5ino4ulars/
#ro6 the water+ I saw the lon0 ar6s of the 5ea4h+ east an" west/ I saw
Bo55y an" N* 4o6in0 5a4k+ 5ut no one else out strollin0/ On the 5ay+ there
was always so6e5o"y/ So6e 0aloot or other/ The 6i""le&a0e" la"ies 4a6e"
out in front of so6eone>s house ea4h afternoon+ usually ours+ as folks fro6
A=urest an" the Hills an" Nine3ah ro6ena"e" 5y+ 6akin0 the roun"s+
lea3in0 footrints that were hysi4al tra4es to a "o=en 4on3ersations/ Tra"in0
infor6ation&&who>s u+ who>s "own&&while the tiny wa3es ni55le" at the shore/
That was the so4ial s4ene/ They 4a6e u the stes to our house to :!
the6sel3es "rinks+ to use the 5athroo6+ whether our arents were out or not/
We sat u strai0ht+ stoe" 4ursin0+ 0ot into raise"&ri0ht 6o"e/ They 6a"e
0in an" toni4s an" s4rew"ri3ers+ 6o3e" T, "inners asi"e to 0et at the i4e&
4u5e trays+ an" aske" when our arents were 4o6in0 out/
I 5elie3e" 6y arents when they sai" they were 4o6in0 out+ o""s 5e
"a6ne"/ %etrie3in0 the sou 4ans fro6 the sink+ ru55in0 the "rie" 5rown
stains o2 the sto3e to/ E3en if in the en" they "i"n>t show+ the threat ket
the house fro6 fallin0 4o6letely into utter teena0e entroy/ When they
4alle" to say they weren>t 4o6in0+ it was always a few 6inutes after we
:nishe" 4leanin0+ as if they ha" us un"er sur3eillan4e/ It ket us in line+ the
ne4essary illusion that they returne" e3ery #ri"ay/ Who knew how %e00ie an"
I woul" ha3e li3e" if we truly li3e" in a worl" without arents/ When we tol"
their frien"s that they weren>t 4o6in0 out+ we 0ot s6irks an" shakes of the
hea" 5efore they retreate" "own to the 5ea4h to 4ontinue their 4ir4uit+ i4e
4la4kin0 in their lasti4 Solo 4us/
A wa3e kno4ke" 6e "own an" sent 6e 4artwheelin0 in swirlin0 san"/ I
walke" out farther to 5e safe/ I thou0ht+ If they>re 0oin0 to kee skiin0
weeken"s+ I was 0oin0 to ha3e to a"at/ We nee"e" T, "inners to sur3i3e/ If
the 7o5 at Jonni WaJe "i"n>t 4o6e throu0h+ there was a "ishwashin0 7o5 at
the San"5ar that $ar4us tol" 6e a5out/ I looke" u an" saw that Bo55y an"
N* were 5a4k/ %an"y was u on his feet/ N* sai" so6ethin0 outra0eous&&his
ar6s sun in "ee ane4"ote theatri4s&&an" then I saw so6ethin0 stran0e/
The three of the6 were lau0hin0+ an" then N* e!ten"e" his han" an" %an"y
ut his han" out+ an" the han"s 0rew 4loser+ al6ost in slow&6o+ an" then I
4oul" see it+ e3en fro6 that "istan4e+ as if I ha" 5ino4ulars+ the 6ost 5ot4he"
han"shake of the "ay/ N* aroa4he" serentine+ atte6tin0 to reli4ate the
u6&>n>&"u6 that Bo55y ha" use" on hi6+ a""in0 a wi00le 4loser+ 5ut
%an"y was e!e4tin0 so6ethin0 else entirely+ 0oin0 with a :n0erti ull+
"ou5le s<uee=e+ 5efore win"in0 u with a shoul"er&to&shoul"er 6anly half&
hu0/ They re4o3ere" an" N* 4ontinue" his story+ Bo55y no""in0 in
enthusias6/
It was un6istaka5le/ E3ery5o"y was fakin0 it/
A 5i0 wa3e lifte" 6e o2 6y feet an" when it rolle" ast+ I sou0ht the
5otto6+ 5ut it wasn>t there/ $y toes oke" aroun"+ 5ut I 4oul"n>t feel
anythin0/ I ha" 5een ulle" out+ an" 6y "o0&a""ler>s 6in" trie" into full
fear 6o"e+ 6y :0ht&or&Fi0ht i6erati3e ki4kin0 in with a fury/ @Thank you+
retilian 5rainste6/A I un"erstoo" instantly that the water wasn>t 6erely an
in4h o3er 6y hea"+ 5ut fatho6s/ I was in the un"ertow+ en route to Euroe+
there were sharks+ an" no shark whistle to si0nal that I was in "an0er/ $y
han"s rea4he" out/ I trie" to 6ake the water into a roe&&fro6 the outsi"e I>6
sure it looke" as if I was ullin0 6yself towar" shore+ han" o3er han"/ But I
6a"e no ro0ress/ $y 4hest ti0htene" an" 6y feet s4ra55le" 3ainly for the
5otto6 a0ain an" 6y 4hest ti0htene" e3en 6ore/ Cli3e sai"+ ?I>6 0oin0 in/?
He was ri0ht ne!t to 6e/
?HeyO I nee"&&4an you 0i3e 6e a han"1? I aske"/
He looke" 4onfuse"+ then stu4k out his han" an" towe" 6e in half a
foot/
I felt the san" 5eneath 6y feet+ or tiy&toes se4i:4ally/ I ha" water
u to 6y ne4k an" I was lo3in0 it/ I starte" to e!lain the situation 5ut Cli3e
4ut 6e o2/ ?Hey+ no ro5le6+? he sai"/ ?They>re 5a4k+? he sai"+ ointin0/ I
saw that $ar4us was alrea"y out of the water an" hea"in0 towar" the others/
N* "e5riefe" us when we 7oine" the6/ ?There was no one out there 5ut
this ol" white 6an out walkin0 one of those horse&lookin> "o0s+? he sai"/ ?Do0
4a6e u to his 4hest+ lookin> like it wante" to eat hi6+ if you ask 6e/ So this
0uy sees us walkin0 u to hi6 an" he starts frownin0 like we were tryin0 to
6o3e in ne!t "oor to his house/?
?Looke" like a rune+? Bo55y sai"/
?*rune&ass 5it4h/ We ket 0oin0+ 5ut we "i"n>t see one nake" la"y/
They 6ust 5e farther "own the 5ea4h+ I "on>t know where they>re han0in0
out/ But you know we>re not 0oin0 to walk all the way to $ontauk/?
?So we turn aroun"/?
?Bo55y>s like+ >I>6 tire"+> an" we start hea"in0 5a4k an" who "o we see
a0ain 5ut that ol" white 6an an" his 5i0 "o0/ An" he>s eye&5allin0 us a0ain/
Just Fat&out starin0/ So I>6 like+ he wants to look at so6ethin0+ he 4an look at
this+ an" I ulle" 6y shorts "own an" 6oone" his funky ass/ I was like+ >'iss
6y 5la4k ass+>? he sai"+ 6akin0 a ro5oti4 self&sankin0 6otion/ ?>'iss itO>?
We 5uste" out lau0hin0/ Lyin0 6otherfu4ker/
?He looke" like he was 0oin0 to ha3e a heart atta4k ri0ht there/ An"
you know that "o0 woul" ha3e ate hi6+ too/ Be all+? N* ut forth his 5est
sha00y&"o0 3oi4e+ ?>I>6 sorry you>re "ea"+ 6aster+ 5ut a ni00er>s 0otta eat/>?
%an"y shook san" out of his T&shirt/ ?I>6 rea"y to hea" 5a4k+? he
announ4e"/ He was the "ri3er/ That was that/ We a4ke" u our stu2/
We walke" u the "une in sin0le :le+ en"&of&the&afternoon weary+
4astin0 our fa6iliar silhouettes/ #i3e o>4lo4k June li0ht+ wrun0 out 5y the sun+
san"e" an" "a6&&this "ay was one in a lon0 series/ We ha" 5een "oin0 this
for years+ 6akin0 a"7ust6ents at the 5e0innin0 of the su66er+ :ne&tunin0+
to 0et use" to ea4h other a0ain after nine 6onths stu4k in our "i2erent
4orners of the 4ity/ #i0urin0 out the ne!t 3ersion of ea4h other/ So6e5o"y was
4o6in0 with the stu2 fro6 their nei0h5orhoo"+ the other 0uy was 5rin0in0
the stu2 fro6 his nei0h5orhoo"+ an" they 4olli"e"/ By the en" of the su66er
we were all on the sa6e a0e/ I was alrea"y sayin0 "ef an" fresh at
<ua"rule 6y o2&season rate/
We "i"n>t 4han0e all that 6u4h year to year+ we 7ust 5e4a6e 6ore of
oursel3es/ Where were we the ne!t su66er1 A few in4hes 4loser to it/ Bo55y
returne" with a 6ore re:ne" 3ersion of his 6is0ui"e" Bla4k *anther&ness+ as
interrete" 5y a ri3ile0e" West&4hester ki" who ha"n>t rea" that 6u4h/ N*
reaeare" with a 6ore "ura5le 4lown ersona+ 0ettin0 the 0estures an"
un4h lines "own+ un"erstan"in0 the auses an" 3arious 4ues that traine"
your frien"s an" fa6ily into 5ein0 your au"ien4e/ E3ery5o"y on their own
tra7e4tory althou0h we so6eti6es interse4te"/ An" 6e1 'eein0 6y eyes
oen+ 0atherin0 "ata+ 6ore an" 6ore fa4ts+ 5e4ause if I ha" enou0h
infor6ation I 6i0ht know how to 5e/ Listenin0 an" wat4hin0+ takin0 notes for
so6ethin0 that 6i0ht one "ay 5e a "ia0ra6 for an in3ention+ a workin0 self
with 6o3in0 arts/
)ntil then fu65lin0+ tryin0 to 0et a sure 0ri/ Hoin0 no one noti4e"/
?(et all the san" o2 your feet 5efore you 0et in+? %an"y or"ere"/ ?I
"on>t want you 6essin0 u 6y 4ar/ You know you>re so6e san"&0ettin>&in
6otherfu4kers/?
We rolle" our eyes an" 4lu55e" our feet with our towels/ We sla66e"
the "oors shut/ I looke" out the 5a4k win"ow to wat4h $ar4us "isaear
aroun" the 5en"/ We 5e4a6e 6ore of oursel3es+ 5ut what "i" that 6ean in
$ar4us>s 4ase1 He ha" a lon0 ri"e ahea"/
Ten 6inutes later we were still sittin0 there/ The 4ar woul"n>t start/
There was a ay hone o3er at the town 5ea4h+ whi4h we 4oul" use to 4all a
tow tru4k+ 5ut not at Left Left/ We went to Left Left to 5e left to oursel3es/
%an"y trie" the en0ine one 6ore ti6e/ Nothin0 haene"/ I i4ture"
rust srinklin0 "own into a ile un"erneath the 6otor ea4h ti6e he turne"
the key/
We sat for a 6inute/
?Da0/?
IT WILL HIT $E WHEN I LEAST E-*ECT IT+ CA%%IED on the 0usts of a
restaurant>s 3entilation syste6 or s6otherin0 6e at the threshol" of a
frien">s aart6ent as I>6 0reete" an" tol" of the 0oin0s&on in the
kit4henette&&the tale of the han"e"&"own re4ie relaye" o3er the telehone
5y an a0e" relati3e+ the 5ot4he" :rst 5at4hes/ It is the s6ell of "essert+ the
s6ell of 4ho4olate an" sustenan4e share"+ the aro6a of waitin0 treasures+
anti4iation itself/ The s6ell of nor6al4y/ It is "essert+ an" the su0ar&"eli3ery
syste6 in all its 0uises&&4ookies+ ies+ 4akes+ the ela5orate 4onfe4tions that
are tri5ute to the 4reati3ity of the hu6an 6in"/ It re6in"s 6e of i4e 4rea6/ It
6akes 6e 0a0/ It 6akes 6e want to uke/ After all this ti6e/
That su66er was 6y :rst tour of "uty at Jonni WaJe an" the
5e0innin0 of 6y e!ile fro6 the worl" of "e4ent eole/ Not that I knew the
ulti6ate ra6i:4ations of takin0 a 7o5 there+ I 7ust knew I ha" to 6ake so6e
6oney/ A 4o6e"ian on4e sai" that 6ini6u6 wa0e is your 5oss>s way of
tellin0 you+ If I 4oul" ay you less+ I woul"/ Certainly+ when I :rst starte"
workin0 there+ $artine+ the owner of Jonni WaJe+ ai" 6e the lowest a6ount
allowe" 5y law/ In other wor"s+ an" I feel I shoul" stress this oint+ it woul"
ha3e 5een ille0al for hi6 to ay 6e less/ If you laste"+ e3ery four weeks he
"ole" out :3e&or ten&4ent raises/ How 6u4h you 0ot was "eter6ine" not 5y
4o6eten4e 5ut 5y 4haris6a+ how 6u4h he 3alue" your 4o6any/ You 4an
0uess whi4h s4he"ule I was on/
The ni4kels a""e" u+ 5ut it 4annot 5e sai" that 4ash was our true
4o6ensation+ ese4ially if one 4onsi"ers with a 4ol" an" so5er eye the
ha=ar"s of the 7o5/ No+ our a4tual rewar" 4a6e in the for6 of a 6u4h 6ore
ehe6eral ten"er9 we ate i4e 4rea6/ As 6u4h as we wante"/ E3ery shift/
Whate3er we 4oul" 4ra6 "own our 0ullets/ Cho4olate i4e 4rea6 for 5reakfast
an" lun4h if I ha" a "ay shift+ 4ho4olate i4e 4rea6 for lun4h an" "inner if I ha"
a ni0ht shift/ Whate3er Fa3or we "esire"+ washe" "own with as 6u4h so"a as
we 4oul" stan"/ The so"a 6a4hine was stin0y with the 4ar5onation+ 6akin0
e3erythin0 into a kin" of syru+ 5ut this was only aroriate+ in keein0 with
the 4onsisten4y of e3erythin0 else we sol"/ We were arenti4es of oo=e+
se4iali=in0 in thin0s that 6elte" out of a soli" state into a sti4ky li<ui" or
otherwise Fowe" slowly+ like the soft i4e 4rea6 we le3er&"isense" fro6 a
hu66in0 6etal 5o!+ an" the 4ho4olate fu"0e an" straw5erry sau4e we la"le"
on with 0usto/ There was all this 4an"y sta4ke" u in the 5a4k of the store&&
Heath 5ars+ %eese>s *ie4es+ (u66i Bear kno4ko2s that ersire" rain5ows on
hot afternoons&&that we 7a55e" into the i4e 4rea6 as toin0s/ This was fair
0a6e as well/ If we sol" it at Jonni WaJe+ you 4oul" eat it/ In theory+ if you
ha" a fetish for wafer 4ones+ this was your 4han4e at wafer&4one&eatin0
nir3ana+ an" you were free to 4ho6 your way throu0h whole 5o!es+ sta4k
after sta4k+ when the 4o6ulsion sei=e"/
But wafer 4ones are not 4entral to this 4hroni4le/ It was all a5out the
waJe in there+ the new&fan0le" Bel0ian waJe 4one/ There was no es4ain0
it/ The "ust of the waJe 6i!ture swirle" in the air like as5estos in the 0uts of
a 4on"e6ne" fa4tory+ rooste" in the soft warrens of the lun0s+ 4lun0 to hair
like sweet "an"ru2+ 4o66in0le" with sweat an" 4on0eale" into salty
4on4o4tions unre4kone" 5y the 6akers of the se4ret re4ie/ When you
worke" the waJe 0rills+ the stea6 of the 4ookin0 4ones 5e4a6e a lo4ali=e"
at6oshere+ the tar&it e!halations of an an4ient+ stunte" lanet/ You learne"
not to i4k at the soft stu2 if you noti4e" it on your ar6&&so6eti6es it was a
"ro of 5atter+ sure+ 5ut so6eti6es what aeare" to 5e 5atter was a4tually
your 6elte" skin+ a44i"entally 5urne" while tryin0 to 6aintain the 4ra=y
hustle of the irons+ an" what you were a4tually eelin0 o2 was a 5it of
yourself/
ONE A#TE%NOON+ not lon0 after I 7oine" the Jonni WaJe fa6ily+ I was
ra4ti4ally 4o4oone" in the stu2/ The ele4tri4ity in the house was out+ so we
"i"n>t ha3e any hot water+ whi4h 6eant I ha"n>t taken a shower an" 6y
e3ery ore was still lu00e" u an" 5attere" "own fro6 the re3ious ni0ht>s
shift/ I>" for0otten to wash 6y sare Jonni WaJe shirt @$artine+ with so6e
4ere6ony+ resente" you with two Jonni WaJe T&shirts on the "ay of your
:rst shiftA so I ha" to wear it e3en thou0h it was soile"+ 4o3ere" with 5atter
an" 5efu"0e" fro6 a sun"ae 6isha/ I "a55e" at *eanut Butter Chunk stains
with a wet so4k an" 4rosse" 6y :n0ers that 5y the ti6e I 0ot to work they>"
"ry into in3isi5ility/ It was 0oin0 to 5e a s6elly 4oule of hours/ I raye" that
6y waJe 6usk woul" 5e 4a6ouFa0e" 5y the 0reater+ waJi=e" en3iron6ent
of the store/
%e00ie 4a6e in an" tol" 6e a5out the ele4tri4ity that 6ornin0/ It was
6y turn in our arents> 5e"&&we swit4he" o2 sleein0 in our arents> roo6
when they were in the 4ity/ As soon as they ulle" out of the "ri3eway+
whoe3er>s turn it was 5lurte" out+ ?I 0ot their 5e"+? to lay 4lai6+ to hea" o2
any ar0u6ent o3er who ha" "i5s/
Whi4h was ri"i4ulous/ Di5s was "i5s+ we "i"n>t ha3e to 4all it/ E3er
sin4e we were 5orn+ we>" li3e" a44or"in0 to the rou0h frontier 7usti4e of e3en
Stehen+ an" e3en Stehen ha" a erfe4t 6e6ory/ Whose turn was it to "ra0
the 0ar5a0e 5a0s out to the 4ur5+ whose turn to "e4i"e what 4hannel to
wat4h+ whose turn to i4k the :rst ie4e of 4hi4ken&&that freshly 4ar3e" 4hunk
of 5reast osin0 on to of the ser3in0 latter with a 4ris ie4e of skin 4oyly
sliin0 o2 it+ o53iously the 5est ie4e of all+ the 6eal&6aker/ It was all
re4or"e" in e3en Stehen>s i66ortal le"0er+ an" we o5eye"/ As for6er twins+
%e00ie an" I were "ri3en 5y the fear of 5ein0 short4han0e"+ that the other
6i0ht 0et a 5i00er ortion of the a3aila5le resour4es in our househol"+
whether they 5e e6otional+ 6aterial+ or entirely i6a0ine"/ Your 5rother+ your
"e fa4to oonent in a hun"re" 5attles a "ay+ 5i0 an" s6all+ 6ust not re4ei3e
6ore than his share 5e4ause that 6eant that you were re4ei3in0 less than
your share/ We were terri:e" of roof of what we un"erstoo" to 5e true/
O44asionally the syste6 5roke "own/ The "ay 5efore the ele4tri4ity
went out+ in fa4t+ we ha" 7ust su4h a situation/ A 4ornerstone of 7urisru"en4e
in our two&6an 4ountry 6aintaine" that you were not lia5le for your 5rother>s
resonsi5ilities+ hen4e the 4onstant "e4larations of ?That>s not 6ine+ that>s
%e00ie>s? with re0ar" to roerty la4e" where it shoul"n>t+ an" ?It>s Ben7i>s
turn? with rese4t to so6e "uty or 4hore/ Bla6e an" resonsi5ility were
synony6s in our "i4tionary+ an" we "isa3owe" all asso4iation until there was
no a3oi"in0 it/
One law that 4a6e into lay <uite fre<uently+ 0i3en our lo3e of
reare" 6eals+ was Thou Shalt Not Clean Thy Brother>s Sou *ot/ There was
one 0o&to ot that was i"eal for war6in0 a si!teen&oun4e 4an of sou to
eatin0 te6erature+ 4ele5rate" for its heat&4on"u4tin0 roerties an" an
ele0ant surfa4e&area&to&hei0ht ratio that ena5le" it to heat u fast without
5oilin0 o3er if we su2ere" a sell of teena0e "istra4tion an" for0ot a5out it/
A44or"in0 to our hi0hly rituali=e" ot eti<uette+ if you use" it last+ you ha" to
4lean it if the other erson nee"e" it for their sou&&instantly sto whate3er
you were "oin0+ 5ust out the son0e+ an" ru5 away the resi"ue of Chunky
Beef Stew/
What haene" in the eiso"e in <uestion was that 6y 6other ha"
6a"e ta4os for us the ni0ht 5efore she an" 6y father went 5a4k to the 4ity/
Distra4te"+ she ha"n>t washe" the ot out+ an" it sat on the far 5urner of the
sto3e for "ays/ It was "urin0 a heat wa3e+ an" we "i"n>t ha3e air&
4on"itionin0/ $akin0 the la4e e3en hotter was the fa4t that the win"ows
were 4lose"/ $y father ha" 5een yellin0 at 6y 6other with su4h 3olu6e an"
fero4ity the ni0ht 5efore they left that I ha" 5een sei=e" 5y a "ee hu6iliate"
feelin0+ whi4h usually araly=e" 6e 5ut on this o44asion sent 6e s4urryin0
aroun" the li3in0 roo6 4losin0 all the win"ows/ The houses on the 5ea4h
were <uite 4lose to0ether+ you see+ 4o6are" to the interior streets of the
"e3elo6ents+ to 6a!i6i=e the use of the lot/ In the 4ity+ when 6y father
raise" his 3oi4e+ it was 6ore or less swallowe" u 5y the a65ient noise of the
4ity an" a5sor5e" 5y the walls of our rewar 5uil"in0+ whi4h were the ro"u4t
of the 4onstru4tion i"eas of a 5etter era an" 6eant to take a li4kin0/
The soun" of 6y father>s 3oi4e still es4ae" throu0h the s4reen "oor+
5ut 5y shuttin0 the win"ows I thou0ht I 6i0ht 4ut o2 the 6ost "ire4t routes to
our nei0h5ors> ears/ I i6a0ine" the ro0ress of the soun" wa3es throu0h the
air+ as "ei4te" in 6y Intro"u4tion to *hysi4s te!t5ook9 the yellin0 5oun4in0
o2 the 4lose" win"ows an" re6ainin0 trae" insi"e the house+ ri4o4hetin0
aroun" us o2 the refri0erator an" the 6e"ia stan" an" the fra6e" water4olor
of the Lon0 Wharf+ whi4h was the only thin0 han0in0 on our walls+ an" then
so6e of the yellin0 sie3in0 throu0h the s4reen "oors an" Fyin0 out o3er the
"e4k 5efore 5ein0 lost an" "i6inishe" in the i66ense 3oi" of the 5ay+ where
there was no one to o3erhear/ $y arents i0nore" 6e on 6y win"ow&4losin0
6ission or "i" not see 6e/ They "i"n>t 6ention it/
The thin0 was+ now that %e00ie an" I were out workin0+ the 0lass "oors
of the li3in0 roo6 were shut 6ore often than usual+ an" "urin0 the heat wa3e
the house really 5e4a6e an o3en+ what with the win"ows 4lose"+ too/ I ha"
ne0le4te" to oen the6 a0ain after 6y arents> "earture/ In the ta4o an+ a
wi"e an" 5elo3e" skillet of 3arie" urose+ nature took its 4ourse/
?What>s that s6ell1? %e00ie sai" when he 0ot 5a4k fro6 work/ I ha"
s6elle" so6ethin0+ too+ 5ut wasn>t 5othere" enou0h to in3esti0ate/ %e00ie
an" I sni2e" near the likely sour4es/ The trash 4an+ whi4h we e6tie" only
when o3erFowin0/ A44or"in0 to the e3en&Stehen syste6+ an" its referen4e
for last&6inute 4horin0+ there was no reason to take out the trash if it was
ossi5le to 4lose the li" of the trash 4an or if it tilte" oen+ roe" u 5y
0ar5a0e+ at an an0le of less than forty&:3e "e0rees/ But the trash 4an "i"n>t
stink too 6u4h/ We 6o3e" the "ishes out of the sink/ In our lo0i4+ we "i"n>t
4lear the sink unless all sink&relate" tasks ha" 5e4o6e i6ossi5le 5y the
7uttin0+ =i00urat 6ess+ an" 4onse<uently foo" so6eti6es loitere" un"er the
lates an" 5owls an" 6ol"ere"/ But the 4lu6s of 5rownin0 foo" "i"n>t stink
that 6u4h/ The s6ell 4a6e fro6 the sto3e/
?What>s in there1? I aske" %e00ie+ referrin0 to the ot/
?It>s not 6ine+? he sai"+ testifyin0 un"er oath/
?It>s not 6ine+? I sai"+ with e<ual 0ra3ity+ an" now that we ha" lea"e"
not 0uilty to whate3er 4har0e was a5out to 5e rea"+ I lifte" the li" o2 the ot/
The sten4h 5urst forth/ The ale 5oil of 6a00ots writhe"+ 5u6e"+ an"
0rin"e" in the "e4o6osin0 0roun" 5eef an" oran0e lu6s of soli"i:e" fat/
They slithere"+ sli0htly tinte" ink 5y the Ta4o $i! #la3or *a4ket/
?(ahh+? I yelle"/
?Arr00h+? %e00ie s4rea6e"/
We were 5rothers/
I slae" the li" 5a4k on the ot an" we 4onferre"/ I resse" "own on
the li" as if leanin0 a0ainst the rattlin0 (ates of Hell/ The ro5le6 was that
this situation la4ke" re4e"ent/ The ot was outsi"e the rea4h of the law+
o3er the state line/ Who ha" 7uris"i4tion1 It was 6y 6other>s ot/ E3entually
it woul" 5e 4leane" on an e3e&of&arents>&return 4leanu+ an" whoe3er was
on kit4hen "uty that "ay woul" ha3e to s4ru5 it out/ It was %e00ie>s turn
4o6in0 u+ in fa4t/ But that was in the future&&our arents woul"n>t return for
"ays/ Di" %e00ie>s i6en"in0 resonsi5ility aly retroa4ti3ely1 No+ he
ar0ue"+ 7ust as I ar0ue" the re3erse&&an" ha" the roles 5een swit4he"+ we
woul" ha3e ar0ue" the oosite 7ust as learne"ly an" e6hati4ally/ The ot+
in the eyes of the law+ "i" not e!ist as su4h/ It wasn>t 6y ot+ or %e00ie>s
ot&&it was so4iety>s ot/
The s6ell+ howe3er+ was no hyotheti4al/ I 6a"e a su00estion/ I>" 0et
ri" of the 6a00ots+ 5ut %e00ie woul" s4ru5 it 4lean/ $otion asse"/
Afterwar"+ I oene" the win"ows/ We "i"n>t yell at ea4h other that 6u4h
any6ore+ those "ays/
Eiso"es su4h as these+ when e3en Stehen was ut to the test+ 6a"e
us run to the safety of our arents> <ueen&si=e"/ When you 0ot the 5i0 5e"+
you ha" it until our arents returne"+ whi4h 6eant that when they skie"
the weeken"+ you ha" it for like ele3en "ays strai0ht/ Bonus/
%e00ie stu4k his hea" in the "oor/ ?There>s a 5la4kout+? he sai"/ I 0ot
u to 4he4k it out/ The ower went out a lot/ Any 5i0 stor6 kno4ke" "own a
ower line or two so6ewhere a4ross the Lon0 Islan" 0ri"/ So6eti6es it was
our ne4k of the woo"s+ so6eti6es it wasn>t/ The ower went out for a 4oule
of hours+ or+ in the 4ase of hurri4anes+ "ays/ Our sto3e was ele4tri4+ an" we
nee"e" ele4tri4ity for the hot&water heater+ 5ut the ower usually returne"
<ui4kly so 5la4kouts were rarely 6ore than a 6inor nuisan4e/ You 5roke out
the 4an"les+ 4urse" yourself for not 5uyin0 6ore 5atteries after the last
5la4kout e3en thou0h it ha" o44urre" to you lenty of ti6es+ an" went to 5e"/
By the ti6e you 0ot u in the 6ornin0 the li0hts were 5a4k on/ )sually/
It was 5eautiful an" 5lue outsi"e/ But nothin0 turne" on as I toure" the
house+ Fiin0+ swit4hin0+ oenin0 the refri0erator/ I slie" out the si"e "oor
to see if I 4oul" hear Chu4k Woolery>s 3oi4e 5oo6in0 fro6 $rs/ Johnson>s T,&&
she was a 5i0 Lo3e Conne4tion fan an" fro6 all e3i"en4e ha" "is4o3ere" a
twenty&four&hour Lo3e Conne4tion 4hannel&&an" saw the ti4ket noose" on the
"oorkno5/ LILCO ha" 4ut o2 the 7ui4e for nonay6ent/ There was no 5la4kout/
It was 7ust us/
?Da0+? %e00ie sai"/
?That>s 4ol"+ ri0ht1? I sai"/
%e00ie went to 4at4h the 5us to his 7o5 at Bur0er 'in0 an" I 4alle" our
6other at work/ ?Any 6essa0e1? her se4retary aske"/ I tol" her no/ Tellin0 6y
6other>s se4retary that the 7ui4e was shut o2+ that was i6ossi5le/ I was
wire" not to let other eole know our 5usiness/ What haene" in the house
staye" in the house+ 4aro6in0 o2 the walls an" furniture an" us+ until it was
a5sor5e" or for0otten/ When 6y 6other 4alle" 5a4k+ she see6e"
un4on4erne"/ ?That>s 7ust a ay6ent 6i!&u+? she sai"/ ?I>ll take 4are of it/?
She tol" us they>" 5e out on #ri"ay/ She>" see us then/
AT A .)A%TE% TO #O)%+ I hea"e" o2 to work/ I sni2e" 6y shirt a0ain9
funky/ $artine was 0oin0 to 5e there to o3ersee the weeken" "eli3ery+ an" N*
was on "uty+ so I was 0oin0 to 0et ri55e" o3er the Hea"&*attin0 In4i"ent/
*lus+ on Thurs"ays eole 0ot an early start on the weeken"+ "ri55lin0 in with
their 4ru6le" 5ills an" thirsty stares/ It was 0oin0 to 5e a tou0h shift/
The win" ha" i4ke" u/ $ay5e it was 0oin0 to rain+ 5ut not anyti6e
soon/ I 4oul" take the 5ea4h short4ut/ Takin0 the 5ea4h 6eant you skie" a
5un4h of streets+ Terry Dri3e an" the rest+ e6er0in0 on Bay Street with a ni4e
hea" start/ Terry Dri3e was na6e" after $au"e Terry+ the siritual ar4hite4t of
the "e3elo6ents+ an"+ if one followe" the lon0 strea6 of 4ause an" e2e4t+
the series of 4onse<uen4es rilin0 a4ross the 0enerations+ resonsi5le for
e3ery se4on" of 6y Sa0 Har5or life/ On ol" $au"e Terry>s shoul"ers lay the
5la6e for all of it/
She was art of a 0rou fro6 Brooklyn an" .ueens who starte" 4o6in0
out in the >MHs an" >QHs+ stayin0 in the East3ille se4tion+ near the He6stea"
House/ East3ille was where the 5la4k an" In"ian workers settle" "urin0 Sa0
Har5or>s whalin0 5oo6+ workin0 the shis/ One "ay our $au"e+ after walkin0
throu0h the "irt aths su66er after su66er to what woul" 5e4o6e A=urest
Bea4h+ "e4i"e" to in3esti0ate who a4tually owne" those woo"s/ Whi4h 6eant
that she ha" alrea"y 4on4ei3e" of so6e i"ea of the "e3elo6ents+ ri0ht1
Why in3esti0ate unless you ha" a lan/ What in4i"ent ut the i"ea in her
hea"+ what kin" of "ay or e3enin0 "i" she ha3e to 6ake her hoe an"
s4he6e+ think u su4h a thin01 That was one story not han"e" "own/
The twenty a4res 5elon0e" to a 6an na6e" $r/ (ale+ who>" 5een
tryin0 to unloa" the6 for so6e ti6e/ No one wante" the ar4el/ It wasn>t on
the Atlanti4+ like the ri6e a4rea0e of Bri"0eha6ton+ South Ha6ton+ et4/
Terry hat4he" a lan where she>" sell the lots for hi6&&to her frien"s+ to her
frien"s> frien"s+ an" so on+ the 6i""le&4lass 5la4k folk of their a4<uaintan4e&&
TGEH for an insi"e lot+ TB+HHH for a 5ea4hfront lot/ The wor" went out/ One 5y
one the houses went u/
Cut to forty years later+ to 6e+ 6ore se4i:4ally+ as I 6a"e 6y way to
work an" 4onfronte" one s6all hit4h/ Takin0 the 5ea4h short4ut 6eant
runnin0 a 0auntlet of for4e" so4ial intera4tion/ That afternoon+ I saw as I
walke" alon0 the si"e of the house "own to the 5ulkhea"+ I 4au0ht a 5reak/
There was only one of 6y 6o6>s frien"s on the 5ea4h in front of our house/ It
was $rs/ Collins+ $ar4us>s 6other+ a 4oy of *eole 6a0a=ine in her la/ Her
han" "an0le" o3er the si"e of her 5ea4h 4hair+ fallin0 on the ri6 of her 0lass
of white wine/ San" 4lu6e" to the 4on"ensation on the 0lass like rust/ There
were three e6ty 5ea4h 4hairs/ I saw 5athin0 4as in the water/ (oo" ti6in0/
?How are you to"ay+ $rs/ Collins1?
She looke" at 6e o3er the ri6 of her sun0lasses/ ?#ine+ :ne+? she sai"/
She inse4te" 6y "irty shirt/ ?You hea"e" o2 to that Jonni WaJe1?
?Yes/?
?You 0oin0 to 5rin0 5a4k a little of that %o4ky %oa"1? she aske"+ as she
"i" e3ery ti6e she 4au0ht 6e on 6y way to work/ I was su4h a s<uare that I
always took her literally+ an" 6y 6in" reele" into "eserate s4enarios where
I was for4e" to s6u00le out a int un"er an" 5etween laser 5ea6s+ ast
infrare" sensors/ $artine allowe" us one take&ho6e int a week ?for our
fa6ilies+? an" the 6others of Jonni WaJe e6loyees 0leefully srea" the
wor"+ lor"in0 o3er their a44ess to Can"y Ale *raline an" ,anilla Nut Swirl/
$rs/ Collins an" I were not relate"/ If I 5rou0ht a int ho6e for a fa6ily frien"+
was I 5reakin0 $artine>s trust1 Di" I 4are a5out $artine>s trust after the
In4i"ent1 Contri5utin0 to 6y neuroti4 5a4k an" forth was that we "i"n>t 4arry
%o4ky %oa"+ that Fa3or 5ein0 too e"estrian for the full&tilt e!oti4 4a3al4a"e
that was Jonni WaJe/ Not only was she askin0 6e to steal8 she was askin0
6e to steal so6ethin0 that "i"n>t e3en e!ist/ A thou0ht ro5le69 the $oron>s
Dile66a/
To reeat9 ?You 0oin0 to 5rin0 5a4k a little of that %o4ky %oa"1?
I no""e"/
?When are your arents 4o6in0 out1?
?To6orrow+? I sai"/
She s6ile"/ It was a 6erry 7oke+ when our arents were 4o6in0 out/
?Alri0ht then+? she sai"/
I went on 6y way/ $ost of the houses on the 5ea4h 5a4k then were
6o"est 5un0alows+ fronte" 5y "e4ks that sta55e" out towar" the 5ay or 5y
sloin0 0rass lawns that slunk "own to the 5ulkhea"/ The e!4etion was the
$artins>+ whi4h s<uatte" o3er three lots an" was a real Ha6tons&style
6o"ern 5ea4h house+ one you 6i0ht see in a 6a0a=ine when they ran out of
white Ha6tons houses to feature/ Whi4h was ne3er/ It was the 5i00est
house in A=urest at that ti6e+ a refu0ee fro6 the other si"e of the islan"+ its
0reat win"ows reten"in0 to o3erlook so6e tonier stret4h of 5ea4h/ $r/
$artin owne" a few %KB stations in the Northeast an" was retty loa"e"/
There were always i4ku tru4ks arke" outsi"e 5elon0in0 to the 0ar"eners+
the ool 0uys+ the "u"es erfor6in0 who knew what u0ra"es an"
installations insi"e/ I>" ne3er 5een insi"e&&e3eryone>s arents went to the
arties+ 5ut ki"s weren>t allowe"/
E3eryone still talke" a5out $r/ $artin>s :ftieth 5irth"ay arty+ when he
hire" (la"ys 'ni0ht an" a *i to erfor6/ They 4oul" only a2or" one *i after
all the foo" an" li<uor/ It was a new 5ree" of 5ash/ Bo55y>s 0ran"father+ who
was art of the :rst 0eneration+ use" to tell us how when the houses :rst
starte" 0oin0 u+ on the "irt roa"s 5efore the "e3elo6ents 0ot a3e"+
e3eryone was wel4o6e when you threw a arty/ $ay5e you "i"n>t know ea4h
other ersonally+ 5ut you all ha" the sa6e story+ ri0ht+ when it 4a6e "own to
it9 after a lon0 7ourney you ha" foun" safety on this shore/ Sur3i3ors an"
nei0h5ors/ Week"ays were <uiet+ run 5y the wi3es+ who took 4are of the ki"s+
hit the 5ea4h+ an" ten"e" to the "e3elo6ents with 6atriar4hal 4are/ The
6en 4a6e out on #ri"ay+ an" the so4iali=in0 5e0an/ If you saw the li0hts or
hear" the 6usi4+ a44or"in0 to Bo55y>s 0ran"father+ you walke" on u an"
ushe" in the s4reen "oor+ whether you knew the erson or not/ An" on4e
you walke" in+ you were 5loo" 5rothers/
That soun"e" 4ra=y+ frankly/ The 4usto6 of a 5etter ti6e/ Half the fun
of ha3in0 a arty+ it see6e"&&an" I seak as so6eone who was not in3ite" to
arties+ an" thus ha" an outsi"er>s erse4ti3e&&was in e!4lu"in0 eole+
ese4ially your nei0h5ors+ who woul" 5e for4e" to listen to the 6usi4 an"
lau0hter+ 4losin0 their win"ows to kee noise out as so6e 4lose" win"ows to
kee noise in/
The houses en"e" at A=urest Bea4h roer+ where you set u your
5lankets an" 0ear if you weren>t han0in0 out in front of the house of so6eone
who li3e" on the 5ea4h/ It was where %e00ie an" I an" $ar4us an" Bo55y ha"
sent 6ost of our sunny afternoons as 4hil"ren+ "oin0 the stan"ar" ki"&on&a&
5ea4h stu2+ 6akin0 thin0s out of san"+ throwin0 "ea" 4ra5s at one another/
Our rela4e6ents were there+ reena4tin0 our 5ot4he" 4reations+ our futile
asti6es/ An" one "ay they>" 5e assin0 their own rela4e6ents as they
tro6e" o2 to work in town/ I "i"n>t re4o0ni=e any of their 6others+ 5ut
wa3e" anyway+ an" they wa3e" 5a4k/ We were nei0h5ors/
I 7u6e" o3er the tiny tri4kle we ha" always referre" to as the $innow+
5ut what anyone with any sense 4alle" the Drain *ie+ whi4h was less
ro6anti4 5ut 6ore honest/ It was where the street runo2 tri4kle" into the sea/
Tiny sil3er 6innows hun0 out there+ whi4h we use" to use for 5ait/ We
"ra00e" an ol" 5e"srea" u towar" the ri"0e" ie+ s4ooin0 u "o=ens of
:sh into our "in0y net/ When we hoiste" the 4loth 5etween us+ strainin0
a0ainst the wei0ht of the water as it "raine" out+ the 6innows hoe" an"
Foe" on the "irty threa"s/ We "ro3e our hooks throu0h the6+ twistin0 their
slen"er 5o"ies on the 6etal as their 0uts an" eyes oe" out/ We "roe"
our lines o2 the Lon0 Wharf or "ry&4ast o2 A=urest+ hoin0 for a ni55le fro6
the or0ies an" 5a5y snaers/ We ha"n>t :she" in years/
The $innow 6eant that I>" rea4he" the *u5li4 Bea4h+ another
ne0le4te" haunt+ althou0h this was to 4han0e ne!t year when we starte"
0ettin0 hi0h in the arkin0 lot+ in Bo55y>s 4ar/ The *u5li4 Bea4h&&whi4h was
oen to all of Sa0 Har5or+ i/e/+ the white eole&&was now key in that it
ro3i"e" the se4on" half of the short4ut to town+ to work/ The 4o66ute to
Jonni WaJe+ in"ee" e3erythin0 Jonni WaJe&relate"+ o44uie" su4h ri6e real
estate in 6y 5rain that I ha" e3en stoe" ha3in0 swi66in0&lesson
Fash5a4ks when I 0ot to the *u5li4 Bea4h/ .uite a feat+ 0i3en the tor6entin0
e4hoes of 6y failure an" their re3er5erations throu0h the years/ The 0hostly
hrases&&?Blow out your noseO+? ?Now FoatO+? ?Let 0o of 6y ar6+
0o""a6nitO?&&were 7ust a whiser+ 5arely au"i5le o3er the ti"e/ Swi66in0
Instru4tor+ *rison Ca6 (uar"/ It was 6y :rst lesson in true uselessness/
(uy+ Snaer+ Shark&&I 4an>t re6e65er the se4i:4 5en4h6arks 5e4ause I
ne3er rea4he" the6/ I was left 5a4k three years in a row+ the tallest (uy on
the 5ea4h+ loo6in0 o3er the little ki"s like a 0awky 6onu6ent to inetitu"e+
whereuon 6y 6other washe" her han"s of 6e/ A Sa0 Har5or Ba5y was
so6eone who ha" 5een 4o6in0 out here sin4e 5irth+ like 6y 6other+ like
%e00ie an" 6e+ like those ki"s I ha" 7ust asse" on A=urest Bea4h/ A Sa0
Har5or Ba5y who 4oul"n>t swi6 was a sha6e on the whole 4o66unity+ a
"e:4ien4y in that area 5ein0 a wi"ely re4o0ni=e" re"i4tor of later "e3ian4y
%e" To6kins+ for e!a6le+ was a notorious nonswi66er+ an" we all know
how he en"e" u "esite all the a"3anta0es/ (lu0 0lu0/
I walke" throu0h the arkin0 lot an" u the roa"+ slittin0 o2 to hit the
last le0 of the short4ut+ a shunt of woo"s that let out on Bay Street/ There>s a
house there nowa"ays+ so you ha3e to take the lon0 way aroun"/ I>3e
retra4e" 6y ol" routes to 6ake sure what I know is lausi5le in the retellin0+
an" to 0i3e a sortin0 4han4e to the #or0otten an" the %eresse"+ those two
o3erlooke" 4ousins of ours there in the 4orner a3oi"in0 eye 4onta4t/ @Chi6e
in whene3er+ 0uys/A The house is 4ool+ stark&an0le"+ a 0ray 0ar0oyle of hi+
an" I like it e3en thou0h it "oesn>t :t in with the rest of the houses on Bay
Street+ the Dut4h 4olonials with lon0 4aa4ious or4hes+ the (othi4 re3i3al
a5o"es+ ine3ita5ly festoone" with re"&white&an"&5lue 5untin0 4o6e July
#ourth/ The last ti6e I 3isite"+ the new house ha" a lasti4 lay0roun" set in
the yar"+ whi4h see6e" o""+ 5e4ause the u5li4 5ea4h>s lay0roun" was so
4lose/ But then ki"s "on>t lay out there like we use" to/
The short4ut slin0shotte" us into White Sa0 Har5or an" ha" the 5onus
of =iin0 us ast the house on the 4orner of Bay an" He6&stea"+ where a
a4k of "o0s+ a6ere" La5s an" well&5rushe" saniels+ always 5urst out
fro6 un"er the or4h to taunt an" snarl at the assers5y It also took us ast
the sha55y 0reen house where the i4ku tru4k with the Confe"erate&Fa0
5u6er sti4ker arke"+ for4in0 us to say ?#u4kin> re"ne4ks? whene3er we
asse" it/ O3er the years+ the ?#u4kin> re"ne4ks? tally really ile" u/ We
were si4k of sayin0 it an" si4k of seein0 the tru4k e3ery su66er/
%oun" the 5en"+ ast Hi0h Street+ an" I was ra4ti4ally in town/ I
asse" the Cor6aria %etreat House+ known in our ne4k as the Nunnery/ *er
4usto6+ I ause" for a 6inute to i4ture what went on at the en" of the
"ri3eway+ 0enerally inti6ations of les5ian lo3e/ Infor6e" 5y late&ni0ht 4a5le
Fi4ks+ 6y i6a0ery that su66er feature" wisy youn0 wo6en who 4a3orte"
in ni0hties+ hol"in0 4an"lesti4ks in the 6oonli0ht an" 0i00lin0 as they 4hase"
ea4h other a4ross the 0roun"s/ The s4enes 0enerally en"e" u with a lot of
ettin0+ with roo66ates sayin0+ ?You 5e the 5oy an" I>ll 5e the 0irl an" we>ll
ra4ti4e kissin0 oen&6outhe"/?
I rea4he" the sleey 6arina+ ho6e ort in those "ays for s6all
6otor5oats+ se4on"han" Chris&Crafts+ :sher6en>s se4ials with Bu"weiser in
the 4ooler+ an" the o"" swanlike sail5oat+ restin0 in our hu65le 4o3e
5etween e!4ursions/ O44asionally so6eone>s sleek 4i0arette 5oat+ strai0ht
out of $ia6i ,i4e/ The 5i00er 5oats were rare+ 5ut it was alrea"y startin0+ the
6i0ration of the 5oors+ as the 6arinas of the Ha6tons :lle" u 5erth 5y
5erth an" the ri4h eole on the other si"e of the islan" "is4o3ere" Sa0
Har5or as a la4e to 6oor their e!tra3a0antly 0au"y ya4hts/
It ha" 5een a lon0 ti6e sin4e Sa0 Har5or 0ot its start as a shiin0
ort+ :rst as a 4on"uit for 0oo"s fro6 the Atlanti4 an" Lon0 Islan" to
Conne4ti4ut&&lu65er+ foo"&&then hittin0 its stri"e "urin0 the whalin0 5oo6/
Har" to i6a0ine the shis that use" to "ro an4hor there/ The town is
6entione" in $o5y&Di4k&&it>s a Sa0 Har5or shi that takes .uee<ue0 fro6 his
South Sea ho6e to A6eri4a/ *erhas you>3e hear" how that turne" out for
hi6/ E3en his no&"ou5t Shark&le3el swi66in0 skills 4oul"n>t sa3e hi6 fro6
his fate/ I>ll oint out that .uee<ue0 ha" a 5it of "ou5le 4ons4iousness a5out
hi6+ to e65roi"er a the6e9 ?An" thus an ol" i"olator at heart+ he yet li3e"
a6on0 these Christians+ wore their 4lothes+ an" trie" to talk their 0i55erish/
Hen4e the <ueer ways a5out hi6+ thou0h now so6e ti6e fro6 ho6e/?
It 6ust ha3e 5een <uite a si0ht+ sleey Bay Street swar6in0 with the
anti4 4o66er4e of the whale tra"e&&4o4keye" 4atains harru6hin0 "own
the 0an0lanks of assorte" s4hooners an" 0reat shis+ salty "o0s of all shae
an" te6era6ent an" 4olor "ra00in0 haroons+ hu66in0 the latest sea
shanty+ an" 0enerally roilin0 a5out where what is now or"erly si"ewalk+
ta6e" 0rass/ As I 5e0in to "es4ri5e the kin" of work I use" to "o in Sa0
Har5or+ the s4ooer>s tra"e+ I try to i4ture what thin0s were like one&
hun"re"&:fty years earlier+ an" of 4ourse it>s "i6/ All I 4an 6uster+ truly+ is an
i6a0e of the 5la4k sailors tru"0in0 ho6e at the en" of the "ay to East3ille+
the "ire4tion I ha" 7ust 4o6e fro6/ I tie" 6y hat to 0hosts as we asse"
ea4h other/
At the stoli0ht+ Bay Street en"e" an" I ha" a 4hoi4e/ Turn left+ towar"
the Corner Bar+ or turn ri0ht+ onto the Lon0 Wharf/ I turne" ri0ht/ The wharf
has 6ore than enou0h to kee us o44uie"+ ese4ially on war6 su66er "ays
like the one in <uestion/ I was on 6y way to work+ an" it was the Lon0 Wharf
that Jonni WaJe 4alle" ho6e/
The Lon0 Wharf was the 6ain "ra0 "urin0 the whalin0 "ays/
Now it ser3e" a "i2erent tra"e&&touris6 an" leisure+ althou0h 0i3en
national statisti4s on o5esity+ 5lu55er still ha" its ni4he/ Baysi"e+ the
"is4othe<ue an4horin0 the wharf+ was a new Ha6tons 5ea4hhea" for
artyin0 New Yorkers/ Their 4on4erts feature" 5i0 o na6es an" the re0ular
4lu5 ni0hts 0enerate" 4row"s an" tra;4 of a kin" the town ha" ne3er seen
5efore/ There was no 0oin0 5a4k/ A"7a4ent to Baysi"e was the Lon0 Wharf
*ro6ena"e+ a warren of well&he!e" seasonal shos that ne3er laste" lon0/
Anti<ues stores 4olle4tin0 si!ty years of lases in taste 3is&a&3is su66er&
ho6e "e4oration/ Bri0ht an" shiny reie 4lothin0 stores sellin0 weir" thin0s
like re&tie" sweaters&&sweaters that 4oul" not 5e worn in the 4on3entional
fashion as they were in fa4t fat 4otton ne4kla4es+ 6eant to rest on the
shoul"ers in i66a4ulate WAS* style/ A 4o6i4&5ook store 4a6e an" went+ an"
a 3i"eo store/ The 6ana0er of a 4i0ar sho in4orre4tly 4al4ulate" the rate of
Ha6toni=ation&&the 5o"y of s4ienti:4 lore on this su57e4t was still s6all&&an"
his esta5lish6ent <ui4kly "isaeare"/ The only sur3i3or+ an" it is there to
this "ay+ was Jonni WaJe/
The Lon0 Wharf %estaurant roun"e" thin0s out+ ro3i"in0 o3erri4e"
A6eri4an fare in e!4han0e for the 3iew/ Any sot on the wharf se4iali=e" in
the i4tures<ue an" "are" you to "islike it/ A lithe 5ri"0e ar4e" o3er to North
Ha3en+ an" a reli4a of a win"6ill+ festoone" with a histori4 la<ue or two+
ro3i"e" a han"y *olaroi" sot/ Shelter Islan" 5roo"e" a4ross the water+
"u65 an" stoi4/ The restaurant o3erlooke" the 6arina+ an" this was 5efore
5i0 ya4hts took o3er the east si"e of the wharf+ so there were still lenty of
sots for :sher6en to "ro re"&an"&white 5o55ers o3er the si"e+ their 4at4h
Failin0 in the 5u4kets at their feet/ The tiny :sh you 0ot o2 the wharf&&
snaers+ or0ies&&was a aro"y of the ol" tra"e+ 5ut tasty when frie" in a
skillet/
The wharf was twi4e as lon0 "urin0 its hey"ay/ I "on>t know what
haene"/ $ay5e it 5urne" u/ Di into a lo4al history @of anywhere+ reallyA
an" you>ll 4onstantly rea" a5out thin0s 5ein0 ?"estroye" 5y :re/? In BG&
whate3er+ $ain Street 5urne" "own+ ?"estroye" 5y :re/? In BD&so6ethin0+
Bay Street was in4inerate"+ ?"estroye" 5y :re/? An" then they re5uilt in the
new style/ By BCDE+ there was a "i2erent kin" of :re sweein0 throu0h Sa0
Har5or re5uil"in0 the la4e/ A lo4al 4hara4ter use" to ro"u4e 5u6er
sti4kers that sai" I HAD A WHALE O# A (OOD TI$E IN SA( HA%BO%+ as a
winkin0 whale wa3e" its tail/ I ha"n>t seen one in a lon0 ti6e/ I think there
was a "ire4t 4orrelation 5etween the "isaearin0 5u6er sti4kers an" the
e6er0en4e of Ha6tonsy esta5lish6ents/ That ea4h ti6e a 4ar with a I HAD
A WHALE O# A (OOD TI$E IN SA( HA%BO% sti4ker on its fen"er went o2 to
the wre4kin0 yar"&&a "ark&5lue Che3y with a 3inyl to+ a 5rown #or" station
wa0on with fau!&walnut anelin0&&a nou3elle 4uisine restaurant oe" u+ a
"ay sa oene" its "oors+ a 7et&set et store 6arke" u ri4es on their
han"6a"e 4hew toys/ That for e3ery "isaearin0 winkin0 whale+ a Jonni
WaJe took its la4e/
B%ISTOL>S ICE C%EA$ ha" their tru4k arke" outsi"e Jonni WaJe/
$artine shifte" the 4ans on the "olly to "ou5le&4he4k the6 a0ainst his list of
what ha" 5een illa0e" in the re4e"in0 se3en "ays/ White 6ist 5oile" o2 the
4ans+ "isaearin0 in the afternoon heat/ ?Hello Ben7i+? $artine sai"+ 5arely
lookin0 u/
I no lon0er win4e" when he 4alle" 6e Ben7i/ $y 0reat lans at the
5e0innin0 of the su66er of 0oin0 5y Ben ha" 5een "isaointe"+ so I ha"
0i3en u on frien"s an" fa6ily 6akin0 the swit4h+ 4on4entratin0 instea" on
the un"erstan"in0 stran0ers of 6y future a4<uaintan4e+ 6y hyotheti4al an"
i6en"in0 easy0oin0 4hu6s/ N* ha" :!e" 6e in Ben7i&"o6 5efore I e3en 0ot
in the "oor/ He>" 5rou0ht 6e an ali4ation+ whi4h I :lle" out on the sot an"
0a3e 5a4k to hi6/ $artine 4alle" 6e in the ne!t "ay/ ?So you>re Ben7i+? he
sai"+ ri0ht o2 the 5at+ an" I knew I wasn>t 0oin0 to 0et out fro6 un"er 6y
na6e/ Seein0 that I was another one of 5la4k Sa0 Har5or>s 6ysterious
6i""le&4lass 5oys+ $artine 0a3e 6e a few sots in the rotation/ $y :rst 7o5/
I followe" the "eli3ery 0uy insi"e/ The front of the sho+ the 4usto6er
si"e+ wasn>t that lar0e+ whi4h 6a"e it all the 6ore terrifyin0 when you looke"
u fro6 the 3ats "urin0 the e3enin0 rush to see su4h a fero4ious thron0/ So
6u4h 6ena4e er s<uare in4h/ When you walke" in+ the 3ats were ri0ht in
front+ an" a 0entle 4urrent of lust "rew the 4usto6ers forwar" to the 0lass+
where they 6ar3ele" at the frosty 5ounty 5efore the6/ Before I went to work
there+ 6y i"ea of an e!oti4 Fa3or was $int Cho4olate Chi+ the Baskin&
%o55ins 3ersion of ushin0 the en3eloe/ The la5els on the 3at win"ows
insi"e Jonni WaJe "estroye" 6y ro3in4ial notions/ What the hell was a
raline+ an" what woul" ossess so6eone to insert it into a 4reature 4alle"
Cran&$o4ha1 These were nefarious "oin0s/ But then+ the se4on"ary 0i66i4k
of the la4e+ after the waJe 4one+ was in:nite re4o65ination/ One s4oo of
this with another s4oo of so6ethin0 else+ an" then 4a that o2 with a
toin0/ When all else faile"+ sti4k in so6e 6arsh6allow/
A0ain+ I knew a5out srinkles+ 5ut that was as far as thin0s went for
6e+ toin0s&wise/ Jonni WaJe ha" a 3ast Toin0s Bar+ featurin0 all kin"s of
won"rous thin0s lai" out in a 0au"y a0eant of 0luttony A6eri4an&style+
free"o6 ser3e" as&you&like&it/ A *le!i0las 5arrier rote4te" the 5ar fro6 the
4usto6ers+ I swear it was 5ulletroof an" riot&teste"/ Is the toin0s 5ar
rea"y for its 4lose&u1 Let us 4ue the or4hestra as we an lo3in0ly+
lin0erin0ly+ o3er the "eli0hts in the tiny 4ontainers/ #ra06ents of 4an"y 5ars+
4hoe" u Heath an" $oun"s+ slinters of Sni4kers+ (u66i Bears that we
sho3e" hea":rst into 3anilla 5lu2s+ $K$>s an" %eese>s *ie4es+ 4ontainers of
ras5erries an" 5lue5erries that wore haloes of 4ir4lin0 fruit Fies/ Cho4olate
4his+ 7i66ies+ sha3in0s of 4o4onut/ We 7a55e" these ite6s into the s4oos+
e!tra oints if you hear" a 4ra4k as the 4one 5u4kle" un"er the strain+ we
"olloe" on hot fu"0e an" 5utters4ot4h on 4o66an" with a fetishist>s 4are/
Durin0 slow stret4hes+ the 6ana0ers "ire4te" us to 4lean u the 5ar+ an" we
s4rae" a son0e 5etween the 4ontainers an" swet the 0risly "re0s into our
al6s/ The 3ery resi"ue of "esire/ At the en" of the ni0ht the Foor was ta4kier
than the aisles of a orn theater+ an" our sneakers 6a"e 4reaky&sti4ky noises
as we walke"/
Ne!t to the 3ats was the hu0e free=er where $artine store" the
unoene" 4ontainers/ The waJe aaratus was 5y the win"ow/ S<uee=e ast
that an" you were 5ehin" the 4ounter+ where+ on that afternoon+ Ni4k leane"
a0ainst the Soft Ser3 6a4hine/ ?What>s u+ Ben7i1? The toothi4k 5o55e" on
his li/
I saw he ha" a new 0ol" 4hain/ His ol" one sai" ni4k in two&in4h letters+
an" was stu""e" with tiny white rhinestones/ His new 4hain sai" 5i0 ni4k in
two&in4h letters+ an" was stu""e" with tiny white rhinestones that 0littere"
6ore e!u5erantly than those of its re"e4essor+ the ersat= "ia6on" in"ustry
ha3in0 6a"e a"6ira5le stri"es in the last few 6onths/ ?Ni4e+? I sai"/
?(ot 6y 6an in .ueens *la=a to "o it+? he sai"+ eerin0 "own at his
lo3e/ Ni4k was out full ti6e now so he 6a"e a oint of 0oin0 5a4k to the 4ity
a lot/ He>" 5een a su66er ki"+ one of our 0an0 throu0h 6any a"3entures+
5ut so6ethin0 ha" haene" 5etween his arents&&we ne3er aske" a5out
fa6ily ro4esses+ only a44ete" the results when infor6e"&&an" now he an"
his 6o6 were li3in0 out in Sa0 Har5or Hills full ti6e/ Shu""er/ He went to
*ierson Hi0h S4hool+ was te4hni4ally a townie 5y "e:nitions that he hi6self
woul" ha3e uhel"+ an" was e65arrasse" 5y this/ When his s4hool6ates
entere" the store+ he went all 4asual+ "ownlayin0 the 4onne4tion+ 6utterin0
?What 4an I 0et you1? with true su66er&7o5 4onte6t/ ?This whole Sa0 thin0
is 7ust te6orary+? he fre<uently tol" us+ to reassure hi6self/
$y father woul">3e ki4ke" 6e out of the house if I walke" in with a 0ol"
4hain aroun" 6y ne4k/ Not that it e3er woul">3e o44urre" to 6e to 0et a 0ol"
4hain/ ?Who "oes he think he is1? I 4an hear 6y father say/ ?Where "oes he
think he 4o6es fro6+ the Street1? The Street in 6y father>s 6in" was a 3ast+
a5stra4t lane of 5la4k atholo0y/ He>" 0rown u oor+ :0htin0 his way ho6e
e3ery "ay o2 Leno! A3enue+ an" any hint that he ha"n>t es4ae"+ that all his
su2erin0 ha" 5een for nau0ht+ kin"le" his te6er an" his "ee fear that
asiration was an illusion an" the Street a la5yrinth without e!it+ a 6ess of
4onne4tin0 alleys an" a3enues always lea"in0 5a4k into itself/ So no 0ol"
4hains+ no/
The stereotye stu2 was har"+ no 7oke+ no 6atter where you 4a6e
fro6/ Look+ we ha" all kin"s in A=urest/ We ha" "ie&har" 5our0ies+ we ha"
:rst&0eneration 4olle0e stri3ers+ fake WAS*s+ the o"" 6ellowin0 $ilitant+ 5ut
no 6atter where you fell on the se4tru6 of ri0hteousness+ "own with the
4ause or u with The $an+ there were 4ertain thin0s you "i" not "o/ Too 6any
eole wat4hin0/
You "i"n>t+ for e!a6le+ walk "own $ain Street with a water6elon
un"er your ar6/ E3en if you ha" a retty 0oo" reason/ Like+ you were 0oin0
to a otlu4k an" ea4h erson ha" to 5rin0 an ite6 an" your ite6 7ust
haene" to 5e a water6elon+ lu4k of the "raw+ an" you wrote this on a si0n
so e3eryone woul" un"erstan" the 4onte!t+ an" as you walke" "own $ain
Street you hel" the si0n in one han" an" the e!laine" water6elon in the
other+ all 4asual+ erhas no""in0 5etween the water6elon an" the si0n for
e!tra e6hasis if you 6a"e eye 4onta4t/ This woul" not haen/ We were on
"islay/ You>" a"" 4o3er ur4hases+ as if you were 5uyin0 he6orrhoi" 4rea6
or so6ethin0+ throw so6e ales into the 5asket+ a 4arton of 6ilk+ 5utter+
so6e fu4kin0 saltines+ an" all s6iles at the re0ister/
#or ar0u6ent>s sake+ let>s say there was a 5ran" of 4hara4ter who was
a5le to say+ #or0et that+ I>6 0oin0 to walk u an" "own $ain Street with a
water6elon un"er ea4h ar6O An" one 5etween 6y le0sO Bi0 0rin on 6y fa4eO
*eak o> rush hourO Su4h re5ellion was inherently self&4ons4ious+ o3erly
"eter6ine"/ It "oth rotest too 6u4h+ "es4ri5e" an inner 4onFi4t as 5i0 as
that of the water6elon&a3oi"ers/ We were all of us stu4k whether we wante"
to a"6it it or not/ We were eole+ not erfor6an4e artists+ all aearan4es
to the 4ontrary/
But Ni4kO Ni4k e65ra4e" early >DHs fashion of youn0 5la4k 5oys with
3er3e an" unasha6e" 0usto/ He lo3e" two&tone 7eans+ 0ray in the front+ 5la4k
in the 5a4k+ 6onths out of fashion 5ut authenti4 4ity artifa4ts in Sa0/ The fat
la4es on his A"i"as were u2y an" 6a0ni:4ent+ an" if he wasn>t wearin0 his
Jonni WaJe shirt with the slee3es rolle" u 7u3enile "elin<uent&style+ he wore
a 'ni4ks 7ersey that showe" o2 his 6us4les/ Sai" 6us4les whi4h ha" 5een
ro"u4e" 5y lu00in0 his ra"io aroun"/
His ra"io was the 6ost ri"i4ulous thin0+ the 5i00est ra"io any of us ha"
e3er seen or e3er woul" see/ #or the 6ost art+ the 4onsu6erele4troni4s
in"ustry fo4use" its inno3ation towar" 6iniaturi=ation+ the li0hter Walk6an+
the 6ore 4o6a4t stereo/ They reser3e" their assion for the 0i0anti4 for
their tele3isions&&e!4et in the 4ase of Ni4k>s ra"io/ In this one area+ "i" they
sare the6sel3es their lo3e for the "is4reet+ the han"so6ely "etaile"
"i6inuti3e/ His ra"io was a yar" wi"e+ half as 6u4h tall+ a 0lea6in0 sil3er
sla5 of stereohoni4 "yna6is6/ It "i"n>t "o 6u4h/ *laye" the terri5le East
En" ra"io stations/ *laye" 4assettes/ $a"e a "u5 at the tou4h of a 5utton/ #or
all I know it was 6ostly air insi"e+ sa3e for the 5ushel of "ou5le&D 5atteries it
took to ower the thin0+ an" whi4h Ni4k sent 6ost of his wa0es on/ That+
an" the 0ol"/ Its only true talent was in the real6 of 3olu6e+ of ro"u4in0 the
soun" ro6ise" 5y its for6i"a5le fra6e/ Ni4k ne3er turne" the "ial ast G+
after an in4i"ent he refuse" to "es4ri5e/ The two seakers were like 5i0 5la4k
eyes 0larin0 out fro6 the fa4e of "e:an4e itself/ The ra"io sai"+ I a6+ an"
what of it1
When we walke" "own the street with it&&I 4oul" 5arely 4arry the thin0+
I>ll a"6it&&white eole stare" an" el5owe" ea4h other in the 0ut an" 6a"e
little 7okes to ea4h other+ whi4h we 4oul" not hear 5e4ause the ra"io was so
er3ersely lou"/ Our arents shook their hea"s when they saw it+ an" sai"+
?So+ that>s so6e ra"io Ni4k has+? when they saw his 6other/ We all
worshie" it+ an" Ni4k was one of $artine>s fa3orites so the ra"io ha" its
own er4h 5y the win"ow/
?I>$ BEAT+? Ni4k sai"/
?You>re tellin0 6e+? I sai"/ We>" 5oth 5een on last ni0ht>s shift/
We"nes"ays were the slowest "ays&&it wasn>t the rush that kille" you+ 5ut the
5ore"o6/ Bore"o6 6a"e you eat/ So6e 6ore i4e 4rea6+ another 6ilk shake/
Then when we ha" to 6o+ swa5 the "e4ks out front+ we 4oul" 5arely ro"
the 5u4ket a4ross the Foor/
$artine hel" the free=er oen for the "eli3ery 0uy+ "ire4tin0 the Oreo
to the to for easy a44ess/ We went throu0h Oreo retty <ui4kly an" $artine
ha" a keen sense of his 4usto6ers> ha5its+ the e55 an" Fow of their 4ra3in0s/
He was a new kin" of entrereneur in our sleey ha6let+ in"ee" the East En"
in 0eneral/ A har5in0er/
#or years we>" hit the Tu4k Sho for all our i4e&4rea6 nee"s/ It was 7ust
aroun" the 4orner ne!t to the 5ank+ an" ho6e to the town>s 3i"eo 0a6es/ We
sent a lot of ti6e there+ 5uyin0 so"as+ 4an"y+ an" the o44asional 4one fro6
(a5e+ the owner an" sole e6loyee of the 7oint/ We slae" our <uarters
"own for ne!t&u on Asteroi"s+ %o5otron+ (ala0a+ Ber=erk+ the whole 5eein0&
an"&5liin0 ro0ues> 0allery+ esta5lishin0 "i5s 5y layin0 our 4oins ne!t to the
5rown woun"s in the lasti4 where the 5i0 ki"s ha" set "own their 4i0arettes/
(a5e was a stran0e 0uy+ an a0in0 5eatnik shiwre4ke" in Sa0 Har5or
after what 6ust ha3e 5een a lon0 unlikely story/ Ha" he won the Tu4k Sho in
a weeklon0 oker 6arathon+ or ha" it 5een left to hi6 5y an estran0e" un4le
who wante" to 6ake a 6an out of hi61 We saw hi6 e3ery "ay an" "i"n>t
know anythin0 a5out hi6/ Tall an" 0aunt+ his lon0 "ark hair ru55er&5an"e"
into a onytail+ he wore a 0ray twee" 7a4ket e3en on the hottest "ays an"
like" to a4e out in front of the store s6okin0 *all $alls/ He>" look out towar"
the water+ s6oothin0 out his ,an"yke in thou0ht+ lea3in0 us alone insi"e+
trustin0 that the 5la4k 5oys woul"n>t steal anythin0/ An" we "i"n>t+ thou0h
we o5sesse" o3er the fa4t that he left us alone/ ?That>s a 4ra=y white 6an
ri0ht there/?
We>" 0ra"uate" to "i2erent "i3ersions an" 6ore ressin0 5usiness an"
"i"n>t loiter at the Tu4k Sho any6ore/ The rest of the town+ too&&how 4oul"
the hu65le Tu4k Sho+ with its altry su0ar an" wafer 4ones+ 4o6ete with
the waJe+ whi4h was the future itself1 (et outta here with that horse&an"&
5u00y shit/ Noe+ $artine ha" the 0i66i4k that 0ot the eole in the "oor
an" ket the6 4o6in0 5a4k/ The Sa0 Har5or Jonni WaJe was his thir" sho&&
he ha" two others u&islan" so6ewhere+ su44essful enou0h for hi6 to
e!an"/ It wasn>t 6u4h of a 0a65le/
$artine was a sto4ky Do6ini4an "u"e with ale eyes an" sti2+ short&
4roe" oran0e hair/ He>" 4o6e to A6eri4a as a teena0er an" "es4ri5e"
hi6self as ?a real i66i0rant su44ess story+? ha3in0 worke" his way u fro6
5a0 5oy at a 0ro4ery store in .ueens to 6ana0er+ to owner of that store an"
others/ %e4ently he>" sol" his e6ire an" 6o3e" to Lon0 Islan"+ where he 0ot
into the i4e&4rea6 tra"e/ I 4an see $artine sittin0 in the loun0er of his new
li3in0&roo6 set+ lottin0 what to "o with his 0ro4ery&store ro:ts+ Fiin0
throu0h a fat 5in"er of fran4hise 5ro4hures/ He 4o6es to the Jonni WaJe
a6hlet&&?True Bel0ian #la3orO?&&an" the i4tures an" te!t a""ress
so6ethin0 "ee in his no6a" soul/ ?This is a nation of i66i0rants+? he>" say
in won"er+ when he 4a6e in on $on"ay an" sur3eye" the "a6a0e of the
weeken" rushes/ Whi4h "i"n>t 6ake 6u4h sense&&was he sayin0 that our
4usto6ers were literally i66i0rants+ or was he a""ressin0 a lar0er notion of
uni3ersal "isossession 5rieFy re6e"ie" 5y i4e 4rea61 ?I66i0rantsO?
?So6e of us 4a6e on sla3e shis+? N* woul" say/
?Always so ne0ati3eO? $artine reson"e"/ N* was on the ten&4ent&raise
tra4k/ So you know/
$artine ha" lenty of hilosohi4al nu00ets he>" s4oo out an" share
fro6 ti6e to ti6e+ 6ostly relate" to the interse4tion of 4ertain theories he
ha" a5out hu6an 5eha3ior an" i4e&4rea6&store 6ana0e6ent/ ?No one wants
to look at fruit Fies+? he>" 6ur6ur to the Toin0s Bar+ while shooin0 away
the tiny swar6 ho3erin0 o3er the ras5erries+ the tenor of his 3oi4e 6akin0 it
4lear he wasn>t really referrin0 to fruit Fies 5ut so6ethin0 else/ So6e elusi3e
rofun"ity/ ?Hea3y 4one+ li0ht of heart? was another fa3orite+ e!ressin0 his
7oy at the si0ht of a 4usto6er>s ar6 "iin0 un"er the wei0ht of a trile&
s4ooe" e!tra3a0an=a/ ?*eole 4o6e here for a 4run4hy Fi0ht of fan4y? was
an en"&of&shift "e4laration of satisfa4tion at his life>s 4ourse/
O53iously+ he was 5la4k/
?Don>t ull that shit on 6e+? N* tol" Ni4k+ the ar4hite4t of this
ro3o4ation/ ?He has 5lue eyes an" 5lon" hair/?
?I>" say they were ha=el+ shit+ your sister $ary has those ha=el eyes+?
Ni4k 4ountere"+ anti4iatin0 this atta4k/ ?An" his hair is that re" you see on
those Cari55ean ni00ers so6eti6es+ an" that>s where he>s fro6+ Do6ini4a/?
N* shook his hea"/
?What a5out Little John1? I sai"/ Little John was Bo55y>s 4ousin/ He ha"
strai0ht "irty&5lon" hair+ 0ray eyes+ an" an in"isuta5ly Cau4asian 4ast to his
features+ ro:le&on&a&4oin Cau4asian 4ast/ But he was Bo55y>s 4ousin+ an" he
a4te" 5la4k enou0h /// frankly we ne3er really talke" a5out it/ In fa4t+ 6ay5e
we 6a"e an e!tra e2ort not to talk a5out it/
?E!a4tlyO? Ni4k sai"/
?But that>s Little John+? N* sai" "is6issi3ely
?$artine kees his hair short 5e4ause it>s kinky as hell+? Ni4k sai"/ ?You
know that/?
?He>s not no 5la4k Do6ini4an/?
?They 0ot Do6ini4ans walkin0 roun" 5la4ker than all of us/?
?But if you 4alle" the6 5la4k they>" un4h you in your fa4e/?
?That>s true+? Ni4k ha" to 4on4e"e/
N* looke" at 6e/ ?What "o you think+ Ben7i1?
?I "on>t know/? I shru00e"/ ?You ne3er know/?
It was Ni4k 3ersus N* in this <uarrel+ whi4h went on for weeks+ with
ea4h si"e 4o6in0 5a4k with their new e3i"en4e to 5olster their 4ases/
?Why "o you think he hire" so 6any of us1? Ni4k "e6an"e" one
e3enin0 when the last of the rush tri4kle" out/ ?You know these white eole
out here "on>t want to ha3e 5la4k eole 5ehin" the 4ounter/?
?Be4ause he ays 6ini6u6 wa0e1?
One shift+ Ni4k ha" 5een on e"0e/ $essin0 u 6ore than usual/ (i3in0
the in4orre4t 4han0e+ 4onfusin0 Cho4olate Banana with Cho4olate Banana
Ha=elnut+ eelin0 6ealy waJes o2 the 0rill&&rookie stu2 like that/ $artine was
in the store that "ay+ in the 5a4k 6akin0 a lot of 4alls/ I noti4e" that Ni4k ket
eye5allin0 hi6/ When $artine sai" 0oo"&5ye an" walke" out of the store+ Ni4k
su66one" us e!4ite"ly to the win"ow/
?You seeO You seeO? Ni4k sai"/
?What1?
?$artine walkin0 to his 4ar/?
?What a5out it1?
?You 4an>t tell 6e that>s not a 5la4k walkO?
?I "on>t see it/?
?His ar6sO His hisO?
A 4oule of "ays after that+ S6okey %o5inson 4a6e o3er Ni4k>s ra"io
an" $artine starte" in on a lu65erin0 shuJe while talkin0 to a "istri5utor on
the hone/ He was a 5it sti2+ 5ut well within the ran0e of $i""le&A0e" Bla4k
$an (ettin0 His (roo3e On/ Ni4k el5owe" 6e in the sto6a4h an" I hear" a
4ra4k&&in surrise+ I>" fra4ture" the Two S4oos %as5erry Swirl in a WaJe
Cone that I>" 5een a4kin0/ Ni4k tie" his hea" towar" $artine an" 0lare"/
You see1 You see1
See in"ee"/ We>" straye" into "ee eye&of&the&5ehol"er terrain/ An"
you know we weren>t 0oin0 to ask/ If he wasn>t+ he>" :re us for thinkin0 that
he was+ an" if he was+ he>" :re us for it not 5ein0 o53ious/ The <uestion
woul" ha3e re6aine" a4a"e6i4 if not for the Hea"&*attin0 In4i"ent+ whi4h
raise" the stakes/ Drawin0 6e in+ a4tually+ e3en thou0h I>" trie" to stay on
the si"elines/
THE DAY O)% ELECT%ICITY WENT O)T+ N* sauntere" in late+ wearin0 a
fresh Jonni WaJe shirt his 6other ha" washe" for hi6/ His 6other was no
weeken" arent/ She was a tea4her 5y rofession+ an" "ashe" out to Sa0+
a4ke" for the su66er+ as soon as the :nal s4hool 5ell of the year starte"
rin0in0/ He sai" hi to Ni4k+ slae" 6y han"+ an" then looke" at 6y hair an"+
with a 0lan4e at $artine+ sai"+ ?You sure you want to lea3e it all e!ose" like
that1 You want a hat1?
I sai"+ ?Shut u+ 5it4h/? I>" 5een e!eri6entin0 with ?5it4h+? tryin0 it
out e3ery 4oule of "ays/ (oin0 well so far+ fro6 the resonse/
Ni4k Fi4ke" N*>s ar6 with his :n0er/ ?Why you 0ot to insti0ate
so6ethin0 all the ti6e1? he aske"/
N* hea"e" strai0ht for the so"a 6a4hine an" shoute" out+ ?$artine+
you 0et enou0h *ista4hio this ti6e1? winkin0 at us o3er his fake "ili0en4e/
The Hea"&*attin0 In4i"ent ha" o44urre" the week 5efore+ after a ost&
lun4h rush/ It was a hot "ay+ stea6in0+ rilin0 the nati3es/ The waJe&4one
suly was low when the rush hit+ an" of e3ery5o"y on shift+ I was known as
a 4lut4h waJe&roller+ kno4kin0 the6 out at an en3ia5le rate when the
ressure was on+ not that su4h a skill was worthy of en3y+ 5ut you 0et the
oint+ I 0ot the 7o5 "one without sa4ri:4in0 <uality an" with few re7e4ts/ The
rush en"e" on a 5rutal note when a fa6ily of si!+ 6o6 an" "a" an" their
natterin0 5roo" in e3ery se4ies of khaki shorts&&Sansa5elt+ leate"+ hi&
hu00in0 elasti4&&"e4i"e" it woul" 5e neat if they all ha" 5anana slits/ Whi4h
were our a5solute 5ane 5e4ause e3eryone thou0ht the 5anana slit was 3ery
e!oti4 an" so they eye5alle" e3ery ste of the 4onstru4tion ro4ess an"
tra"e" notes afterwar"+ with one of the 0rou ine3ita5ly 4o6lainin0 when
their slit ha" a s6i"0en less fu"0e than their 4o6anions>/
E3entually+ the fa6ily 5eat it out the "oor/ The 0uys 5ehin" the
4ounter+ an" 6e in 6y waJe er4h+ 5e0an to rela!/ $artine e6er0e" fro6
the 5a4k an"+ o5ser3in0 6y a44o6lish6ent+ the sta4k of 4ones+ sai"+ ?(reat
7o5+ Ben7i+ those are so6e real 4ones you 0ot there+? an" he atte" 6e on the
hea"/ Two 5oun4es/
I sti2ene"/ I think I hear" N*>s 7aw "ro/ $artine was out the "oor with
his 5rief4ase/
?What the+? I sai"/
N* 4a6e aroun" the 4ounter/ ?Yo+ $artine 7ust atte" you on the hea"
like you were a i4kaninny/?
?I>6 not his&&? I starte"/
?White 6an atte" 6e on the hea" like a i4kaninny+ I>" ki4k his ass+
shit/?
?$artine is 5la4k+? Ni4k sai"/ ?He was 7ust sayin0+ >(oo" 7o5+
5rother6an/>?
?That>s so6e ra4ist shit ri0ht there+? N* sai"/ ?*at a 5la4k 6an on the
hea"/?
There has 5een far too little resear4h "one in the area of what "ri3es
white eole to tou4h 5la4k hair/ What are the ori0ins of the stran0e
4o6ulsion that for4es the6 to rea4h out to s6ooth+ s<uee=e+ et+ at+
5oun4e their :n0ers in the soft+ resilient e!u5eran4e of an Afro+ a natural+ a
7ust&"oin>&its&own&thin0 7u65le of 5la4k hair1 It>s only hair&&5ut try tellin0 that
to that se4i6en eyein0 a se"u4ti3e 5on5on of 5la4k lo4ks+ as the sweat
5ea"s on their forehea" an" they tre65le with the intensity of restraint+ their
:n0ers lo4ke" in a :st in their o4ket9 I 4annot tou4h it+ 5ut I 6ust/ A 5la4k&
hair fon"ler has a few fa3orite <uestions that they like to ask when they
fon"le/ ?How "o you 4o65 it1? ?How "o you 6ake it "o that1? ?How "o you
wash it1? With a i4k8 7ust "oes it8 sha6oo/ Jerko2/
A 0oo" startin0 oint for su4h a stu"y 6i0ht 5e a 6etroolitan
res4hool+ where the ra4es are for4e" to 6i! with ea4h other/ Let the 4a6era
roll/ The hours of foota0e+ 4aturin0 the white s4hooltea4her>s ats of her
4har0es> nay hea"s&&0oo"&6ornin0 hello+ after&re4ess how"y+ en"&of&"ay
farewell&&will 5e a fruitful a3enue of resear4h/ It>s an an4ient 4uriosity+ no
"ou5t+ one that :n"s its :rst full e!ression "urin0 sla3ery/ The 4onta4t of the
two ra4es on a "aily 5asis+ on New Worl" soil+ as they 5reathe its stran0e air/
*i4ture the sla3ehol"er as he sur3eys his roerty+ 5oth ani6ate an"
inani6ate+ walkin0 5etween the rows of the sla3e sha4ks+ the :el" ni00ers
stan"in0 at attention/ He asses a youn0 5oy with 5ri0ht eyes+ roun"
4heeks /// an" an irresisti5le >#ro+ unta6e"+ al6ost Firtatious/ Is it /// 4an it
5e /// winkin0 at hi61 He will et his roerty an" et is the 4orre4t 3er5+ for
these are ani6als 5efore hi6/
I ha" un4he" a white 4lass6ate or two or three+ so6e 5oys an" a 0irl+
in the sto6a4h or the eye+ "urin0 6y early ele6entary&s4hool years for
inaroriate >#ro&tou4hin0/ ?I 7ust wante" to see what it felt like/? I un4he"
the6 a44or"in0 to 6y father>s lessons/ In ea4h 4ase+ the rin4ial 4alle" our
house that e3enin0+ 6y 6other answere"+ 6y father listene" to one si"e of
the 4on3ersation+ 4a6e to a 5oil+ aske" for the hone+ an" then s4hoole" $r/
Aletta in the :ner oints of 5la4k history+ atiently+ ine!ora5ly/ That was a
lon0 ti6e a0o/
N* starte" a 4a6ai0n/ In slow 6o6ents he>" whiser+ ?It>s like la65>s
wool+? with a tone of won"er in his 3oi4e/
When I returne" fro6 6y ten&6inute 5reak+ he>" s<ueak e!4ite"ly+ ?I
lo3e its kinky te!ture/?
An" also+ ?It srin0s 5a4k so fast/?
An" 6erely ?NayO? if he was feelin0 ithy/
Ni4k sai"+ ?He>s 5la4k+ I>6 tellin0 you+? an" that>s how thin0s went for a
ti6e/ What ha" 5een $artine>s intent1 Cau0ht 5etween N*>s in"i4t6ent that
I>" 5een unke"+ an" Ni4k>s 3ision of ra4ial soli"arity/ I was in the 6i""le+
5en"in0 as usual in the "ire4tion of whate3er 5ree=e was 5lowin0 throu0h 6e
that "ay/ The "ay our ele4tri4ity went out+ I in4line" towar" N* an" his 3ision
of eternal+ unen"in0 ra4e warfare/
What are you 0oin0 to "o a5out it1 What are you e3er 0oin0 to "o
a5out anythin01
$A%TINE DIDN>T STAY LON( after the "eli3ery 0uys left+ "ri3in0 o2 to
?4he4k out the other stores+? lea3in0 us in the 4are of Bert+ our no5le skier/
Bert 6a"e a 0oo" show of 5ein0 uri0ht when $artine was a5out+ 5ut on4e
the 5oss left he sent half the shift in the 5athroo6+ shi3erin0 in han0o3er/ I
"i"n>t know 6u4h a5out han0o3ers at that oint+ so in the years sin4e 6y
Jonni WaJe ti6e+ Bert has staye" with 6e as *atient Pero of $ornin0&After
In4aa4itation/ It was always ni4e when Bert 4a6e u on 6ana0er rotation/
He 6a"e the tou0h shifts easier+ too reo44uie" with his nausea an" that
ni0ht>s lans for hi6 to 0et in a fe3er o3er re:llin0 the 4aro5 4his or too&
0enerous s4oos/
The :nal 6e65er of the Thurs"ay ni0ht shift 7oine" us in the for6 of
one of the Cousins+ $e0+ an" I was i66e"iately re6in"e" of 6y shirt/ Why
"i" I ha3e to stink to"ay1 ?I thou0ht $arsha was on to"ay+? I sai"+ then
reali=e" that it 6i0ht aear as if I were o3erly fa6iliar with her s4he"ule/
Whi4h was true/
?We swit4he"+? $e0 e!laine"/ $arsha ha" a "ate with one of the
5oys+ one of the Te"s an" Derri4ks an" Sa66ys who oulate" the Cousins>
lull&erio" 4on3ersation an" ho3ere" outsi"e near 4losin0 ti6e/ The Cousins
were fun/ $arsha+ a lu6 little thin0 with "ye" re" hair+ li3e" u&islan" in
Center $ori4hes+ an" $e0 ha" 4o6e "own fro6 her ho6e in %ho"e Islan"
so6ewhere to sen" the su66er with her kinfolk/ $e0 ushe" 6y 5uttons+
6ostly "ue to her New Wa3e hair4ut+ whi4h sli4e" a4ross her fa4e in a ni4e+
har" an0le/
It was a 4oule of weeks 5efore I noti4e"+ as she 5ent o3er one "ay+
that she 4ut it that way to 4o3er her la=y eye/ That I knew her se4ret 6a"e it
e3en 6ore e!4itin0 when her 5reast 0ra=e" 6y el5ow+ or 6y el5ow 0ra=e"
her 5reast+ "een"in0 on your erse4ti3e+ althou0h I ha3e 6y erse4ti3e
an" I>6 sti4kin0 to it/
$y el5ow s6ooshe" her 5reast at least on4e er shift/ It was a ti0ht :t+
there in the 3ats/ We rea4he" ast ea4h other+ leanin0 in+ a44u6ulatin0 our
little sha3in0s fro6 near5y or a"7a4ent Fa3ors+ so6eti6es 4o6etin0 for the
sa6e Fa3or+ tra"in0 s4oos one after the other/ Breathin0 ea4h other>s 4oole"
5reath/ So there was lausi5le "enia5ility 3is&a&3is the tit 4ollisions+ 5etween
0ra3ity workin0 on her 5o"y+ an" 6y lon0+ skinny ar6s/ But the thin0 is+ it
ne3er haene" with $arsha or Arianna+ the other 0irl I worke" with
so6eti6es/ An" it haene" e3ery shift+ whi4h was outsi"e ro5a5ility/ I
always 6ur6ure" a <ui4k ?Sorry+ sorry+? an" $e0 sai"+ ?No ro5le6+? an" we
4ontinue" on our 4ones or sun"aes/
One s4oo "rea"+ one s4oo e!4ite6ent&&su4h was 6y ortion when I
worke" with $e0/ As a shift ro0resse" without a tit 4ollision+ I>" think+ the
sell is 5roken+ an" then a few 6inutes later&&s6oosh+ that soft ine3ita5ility/
Sorry+ sorry/ All these years later+ I 4an only 4o6e to the 4on4lusion that she
was steerin0 her 5reasts into 6y el5ow the whole ti6e+ as a 7oke or a thrill+ I
"on>t know+ other eole>s ki4ks are as 6ysterious as 6y own/ @Hol"in0
han"s in the roller "is4o+ a tit 4ollision in the i4e&4rea6 3ats&&an ar4 see6s to
5e shain0 u here+ or+ 0i3en that there are only two oints+ a strai0ht line of
as4ent+ Tea6 $an&Chil" 4o6in0 fro6 5ehin" in the se4on" half/A When I think
a5out it+ the 6e6ory 4alls u this o"" 6i! of sensations&&the heat of her
5reast an" the 4ol" 0usts of the free=er+ the latter o3erowerin0 the for6er
so that "esire was 4oole" o2 an" e!tin0uishe" the 6o6ent it 4a6e into
5ein0/ Soun"s a5out ri0ht/
The Cousins ha" a 4ar+ an" a network of arty tisters+ an" were
0enerally ha3in0 a 6u4h 5etter su66er than I was/ $e0 in3ite" 6e&&or us+
really+ 6e an" N* an" Ni4k+ so I 4an>t say it was a ersonal in3ite&&to 7oin
the6 at one of the arties they hear" a5out e3ery weeken"+ at so6e ar4ane
West Ha6ton a""ress or sinister&soun"in0 East Ha6ton 5ea4h I>" ne3er
hear" of+ *low&Bu""y Blu2s+ Su0ar&Ban0 Drift/ I wante" to 0o+ 5ut "i"n>t want
to 0o alone+ an" N* an" Ni4k weren>t intereste" in the Cousins> lifestyle/ Of
$arsha+ they oine" that she ?nee" to sha3e her ar6s? an" ?0ot so6e
5ooty+? an" re0ar"in0 $e0 they o2ere" that she was ?too skinny+? ha" a ?Fat
ass+? 5ut was ?okay in the fa4e/? I6a0ine if they knew a5out the la=y eyeO
They weren>t intereste"+ 5ut there was so6ethin0 else there+ too+ a fear of
0oin0 o2&6a+ of tra3elin0 to a art of the East En" that we "i"n>t know/
Where we "i"n>t know where the e!its were in 4ase so6ethin0 ra4ial went
"own+ that s6all ra"ius of li0ht 4reate" 5y a 5ea4h&arty 5on:re 6a0nifyin0
the "ee 6ysteries that lay 5eyon" it+ that 0reater "arkness/ #u4kin>
re"ne4ks/
#our to si! was "ea"/ E3eryone at the 5ea4h or washin0 san" o2 their
feet+ tu00in0 "own the e"0e of a swi6suit to inse4t tan ro0ress/ Ni4k was
6akin0 5atter in the 5a4k+ an" N* an" $e0 an" I took turns with the few late&
afternoon stra00lers/ I ha"n>t eaten all "ay+ so I 6a"e lun4h&&a 4ho4olate 6ilk
shake+ hea3y on the syru/ There was a hot&"o0 6a4hine on&site+ where the
franks sun eternally like 0risly 0ri6 lanets+ an" o44asionally I>" 6ake a
wret4he" feast of one+ an" e3ery so often I>" 0ra5 a sli4e of i==a fro6 Con4a
D>Oro or a 5ur0er fro6 the Corner Bar+ 5ut 6ost of the ti6e I ate i4e 4rea6/
Cho4olate in a lasti4 4u with rain5ow srinkles+ 4ho4olate 6ilk shakes+
4ho4olate i4e&4rea6 so"as+ 4ho4olate twist "isense" 5y a le3er into wa3y+
5rown+ short&li3e" eaks/ I 6ean+ it was free+ an" all you 4an eat+ without
li6it+ an" it was ni4e to li3e like a 0lutton for a 4han0e+ un4he4ke" an"
unreser3e"/ It was new for 6e/ I was nauseous at the en" of ea4h "ay 5ut
that see6e" a s6all ri4e+ an" 5y the ne!t shift I 6a0i4ally for0ot how si4k
I>" 5een an" starte" all o3er a0ain/
?Your shirt s6ells kin"a funky+ Ben7i+? N* sai"/
?Yeah+ I for0ot to wash it/? I sneake" a eek at $e0/ She was frownin0
at her :n0ernails+ o5li3ious/
?S6ells like /// s6ells like ///? As N* rea4he" for the aroriate
analo0y+ Bert sta00ere" out front an" ut Ni4k on waJe "uty/
?Da0+? Ni4k sai"/
?Better to 0et it now+ than when all those eole out there starin0 at
you+? I sai"/
?S6ells like the #unk of #orty Thousan" Years+? N* sai"+ :nally/
I ha3e not "es4ri5e" the 6akin0 of the waJe 4ones+ I know/ I>3e 5een
uttin0 it o2/ There was a 5it of theater in3ol3e"/ ?Look at what he>s "oin0+
$o66yO? You sat on a se4ial er4h in the front of the store for all to o0le as
you la"le" 5atter onto the four waJe 0rills+ whi4h were 6ounte" to0ether on
a wheel/ Sin the wheel+ re6o3e the 4one+ roll it u in the 6ol"+ sray on the
nonsti4k 4ookin0 sray+ a"" 6ore 5atter+ sin the wheel+ an" on to the ne!t/
?I want one+ $o66yO? Soun" easy1 (o fu4k yourself/ $o3e too fast an" the
4ones eele" o2 li6 an" useless+ 6o3e too slow an" they turne" out as
5rittle as ashes an" "isinte0rate" at a 0lan4e/ We wore thi4k 0lo3es 5ut often
5urne" our forear6s on the 0rills+ hen4e the 5eat&u tu5e of 3ita6in&E
oint6ent to re3ent s4arrin0+ ne3er far fro6 rea4h/ When the 5atter
o3erFowe"+ s<uee=e" out when the 0rill to 4a6e "own+ we s4rae" o2 the
stala4tites of 5atter with a aint s4raer/ Is a aint s4raer a stan"ar" foo"&
rearation utensil1 You ha" 5e4o6e a li3in0 a"3ertise6ent for the waJe
4one+ a 4o0 in a Bel0ian "essert 4o65ine/ ?S6ells so 0oo"O? The hun0ry ones
wat4he" your e3ery 6o3e+ a 0ru55y 6o5 ea0er for this se4ta4le/
The hu6an ei"er6is is a won"rous thin0/ When you ulle" waJe
"uty+ a *le!i0las 5arrier searate" you fro6 the hor"es+ an" this was no s6all
5oon+ ese4ially "urin0 the weeken" rushes/ By the en" of the ni0ht+ the
a44u6ulate" swa55e"&on oils fro6 untol" forehea"s an" forear6s an" han"s
4o3ere" the 0lass so thorou0hly that our oressors were lost in the fo0 of
their own lenitu"e/ ?If I 4annot see their fa4es+ I will not ha3e the
ni0ht6ares+? I whisere" to 6yself+ as stea6 u2e" out fro6 the si==lin0
0rills9 Win"e! 5y the 4rate+ you 4an i6a0ine/
A tall 6an in a Hawaiian shirt 4a6e in+ his fa4e so re" an" eelin0 that
he 6ust ha3e ha" sun5urns on his sun5urns/ It was 5e0innin0+ Thurs"ay
ni0ht in all its hu6anity/ At the start of the shift+ we laye" You>re )+ tra"in0
o2 4usto6ers until the nu65ers 6a"e it i6ossi5le/
?All yours+ Ben7i+? $e0 sai"+ lookin0 u fro6 that week>s Dan>s *aers/
She was "ee in the 4lu5 a0es+ re4onnoiterin0 the weeken"/
?Why a6 I u1 You 7ust 0ot here/?
?I>6 takin0 6y 5reak+? she sai"/
?Huh1?
?I>6 takin0 6y 5reak at the start of the shift+? $e0 sai"/ ?What1 There>s
no law a0ainst it/?
I looke" at the 4usto6er an" knew he was one of those %u6 %aisin
I65e4iles/ Of 4ourse o3er ti6e you 0ot to know what eole were 0oin0 to
or"er as soon as they walke" in the "oor&&the inner was written on the outer/
%u6 %aisin I65e4iles looke" like they were wiltin0/ They ha" a "istin4ti3e sa0
to their ostures+ their fa4es sla4k an" loose+ as if their "ay&to&"ay ha"
"raine" away so6ethin0 essential/ One 5ite of %u6 %aisin+ thou0h+ an" they
instantly erke" u+ stan"in0 u strai0ht+ eyes a&sarkle/ It was weir"/
He took a nu65er e3en thou0h he was the only 4usto6er in the store/ I
waite" for hi6 to seak/ %u6 %aisin I65e4iles always 6a"e a show of
4onsi"erin0 other Fa3ors&&4ooin0 ?Oh+ that looks 0oo"? an" ?I>3e 5een
6eanin0 to try that?&&5efore settlin0 on their fa3orite+ the olyester of i4e
4rea6/ Inno3ati3e in its ti6e+ erhas+ %u6 %aisin was lou" lai" shorts ne!t
to a fresh 4an of Dou5le $o4ha Bo65asta/
?%u6 %aisin+ lease/?
?In a waJe 4one1? I aske" in a leasant 4hir/ $artine wante" us to
ush the waJe/ At the eak of a rush+ our 4olle4ti3e In a waJe 4one1s trille"
throu0hout the store like 5eautiful 4hi6es/
?I>3e 5een 6eanin0 to try one of those ///?
I e!hale" with i6atien4e/ I knew where this was 0oin0/
?A su0ar 4one is :ne/?
I starte" s4ooin0/ One ni4e thin0 a5out %u6 %aisin+ it was soft/
Ese4ially after it ha" 5een in the 3ats for a while/ A new 4ontainer fresh out
of the free=er was a horror/ All you 4oul" s4rae out were these tiny ri55ons
that 6a"e it look like you were eelin0 a 4arrot while arents lifte" their
whels u to the 3ats so they 4oul" see us workin0 away+ the ki"s> noses
"ra00in0 0reasy s6ears a4ross the 0lass/ The sha3in0s a""e" u o3er ti6e+
5ut with those 5ea"y little eyes hawkin0 you it was a real hassle/
I ran0 hi6 u an" he left the store+ newly ener0i=e" an" li4kin0
thou0htfully/ $y shake ha" 6elte" so I oure" it out an" 6a"e a 4ho4olate
i4e&4rea6 Foat+ easy on the selt=er/ Ti6e "isaeare" into the ser3i4e&
in"ustry 3oi"/ You looke" at the 4lo4k an" saw twenty 6inutes ha" asse"/
What haene"1 I saw N* 6ashin0 so6e Oreo into a int 4u/ He noti4e" 6e
an" sai"+ ?$y 6o6 wants so6e for this weeken"/?
?Di"n>t you 0et a int yester"ay1? Whi4h was true/ $rs/ Collins>s %o4ky
%oa" re<uests wei0hin0 on 6y 6in"+ I took note of 6y frien"s> int&6akin0
ha5its in hoes of :0urin0 a way out of 6y ro5le6/
?Da0+ Ben7i/ What are you+ the Jonni WaJe oli4e1?
I ha" a thin0 a5out stealin0/ I "is4o3ere" this in :fth 0ra"e+ the :rst
ti6e 6y white 4lass6ates starte" their "aily swiin0 runs throu0h the 4an"y
ra4ks of the (riste"es ne!t to s4hool/ An"y al6e" a roll of $int Certs an"
winke"/ I stoo" 5ehin" hi6 with a 0rae #ruit %oll&) I inten"e" to ay for+
a44or"in0 to so4ial nor6s/ He whisere"+ ?Take so6ethin0+ 6an+? 5ut 5efore I
4oul" e3en think a5out it+ I hear" Si"ney *oitier>s 3oi4e in 6y hea" an" in
that 4ris+ fa6iliar+ so&"i0ni:e" tone+ he "e4lare"+ ?They think we steal+ an"
5e4ause they think we steal+ we 6ust not steal/?
An"y ai" for his sour i4kle+ the ill&0otten Certs se4ure in his 4oat
o4ket/ I ai" for 6y #ruit %oll&)+ half into!i4ate" with a new self&
ri0hteousness/ The ne!t 4oule of years+ I shook 6y hea" in "isaro3al
when one of 6y frien"s stole so6ethin0/ I sent 6y allowan4e on Star5ursts
an" Jolly %an4hers+ le0it all the way/
Stealin0+ Si"ney *oitier sai"+ was for the white ki"s/ Let the6 ull their
etty 4ri6es if they wante"&&we were 6a"e of 5etter 6aterial/ There was no
real har6 in it+ riin0 o2 a 4an"y 5ar or 5o! of 4ou0h "ros here an" there
unless+ an" e3eryone a0ree" on this oint+ you were one of the 6isera5le+
anony6ous 'leto 'i"s+ those unfortunate souls who 4hannele" their ho6e&
turf "ysfun4tion into s4hoolti6e a4tin0 out+ ru66a0in0 throu0h eole>s
4oats "urin0 re4ess+ shakin0 "own unse4ure" lo4kers at key 6o6ents of
oortunity/ @Bettina+ Bettina/A It was easy to i4ture the for5i""en tro3es
un"erneath the 'leto 'i" 5e"s+ twenty Foors a5o3e *ark A3enue&&the shiny
6oun" of Ti6e! wat4hes+ #ioru44i sun0lasses+ ele4troni4 4al4ulators+ an"
5ra4elets en0ra3e" with the na6es of haier 4hil"ren/
So it went until hi0h s4hool+ when the rules 4han0e"+ as usual/ Now the
0oo" 5oys of 6y Sa0 Har5or 4rew ulle" the o44asional 4ri6e&&s6u00lin0 a
Bu"weiser out of the South Ha6ton G&Ele3en un"er a sweatshirt+ sti4kin0 a
*enthouse into a 4oy of O$NI for 4a6ouFa0e an" walkin0 out of the I"eal/ I
a5staine"+ an" Si"ney *oitier+ o5ser3in0 6y eers> thie3ery+ ket silent+
6erely 4lu4kin0 his ton0ue o44asionally/ I ha" only trie" to steal so6ethin0
on4e/ An" I ha" learne" 6y lesson/
THE (%EAT COCA&COLA %OBBE%Y o44urre" in the srin0 of BCDE+ when
I foun" 6yself in that 6ost unlikely la4e+ a arty/ I>" run into Bo55y one
afternoon at Tower %e4or"s on Si!ty&si!th Street/ I was lookin0 for a Dee4he
$o"e twel3e&in4h8 he was "own fro6 S4ars&"ale to 5uy )/T/#/O/>s "e5ut
al5u6/ We rarely saw ea4h other "urin0 the s4hool year+ 5ut <ui4kly i4ke"
thin0s u a0ain as if we>" ri""en throu0h the Hills the "ay 5efore/ As we were
a5out to slit+ I re6o3e" all ta0alon0I6oo4h e6anations fro6 6y 3oi4e an"
aske" what he was u to that ni0ht/ He sai"+ ?(oin0 to a arty/ Wanna
4o6e1? An" 6ay5e that was a kin" of theft+ 5e4ause with the :nesse of
i4kin0 a o4ket I>" sare" 6yself a ni0ht at ho6e wat4hin0 4a5le/
The arty was a few 5lo4ks away fro6 6y house+ on Ninety&ei0hth o2
West En" A3enue/ Bo55y went to a re s4hool in %i3er&"ale that ha" a 6i! of
4ity ki"s an" West4hester ki"s/ I 6et u with hi6 in front of the $4Donal">s
outsi"e the su5way/ ?'aren>s arents Fy away e3ery weeken"+? Bo55y tol"
6e+ ?so she has a lot of arties/? I i4ture" weeken" after weeken" of arties+
#ri"ay to Sun"ay 5a44hanals where ki"s s6oke" wee" an" "rank 5eer in full
'i" with the E6ty House li5eration+ a notion reinfor4e" when we walke" in
an" saw e3eryone loun0in0 on 4ou4hes+ or leanin0 a0ainst walls in 6ellow
a2e4t/ It see6e" they ha" 5een there for "ays in a erfe4t ha5itat of 4ool
oise/ Bo55y intro"u4e" 6e aroun"+ an" I was 0reete" with 0enuine+
non7u"06ental interest/ New York ri3ate s4hools all "rew fro6 the sa6e ool
of well&s4ru55e" s4ion+ 5ut these eole see6e" ni4er than the relia5ly
"is6issi3e 5ran" at 6y s4hool+ like they>" 6ake sa4e for 6y tray an" s4oo4h
o3er if I walke" 5y their lun4h ta5le+ or 6ake fun of 6y 4lothes in a way that
sai"+ We>re 4lose enou0h that 6y 7okin0 re3eals our hu6an 4onne4tion+ as
oose" to+ You>re a 7erk an" I>6 an asshole/ I thou0ht to 6yself+ I 4oul" 0et
use" to this/ I went to look for a 5eer+ an" there I stu65le" on the #ort 'no!
of 4ar5onate" 5e3era0es/
A few weeks earlier+ the Co4a&Cola Co6any ha" "is4ontinue" their
si0nature 4ola/ They>" lost 6arket share to *esi/ Diet Coke+ the sister 5ran"+
ha" 5een too su44essful+ lurin0 away 4onsu6ers with the ro6ise of thinner
thi0hs+ a :0ure 6ore in line with that Aero5i4i=e" You/ The hi0her&us hit
uon a 4atastrohi4 solution/ They "e4i"e" to rela4e the 6ost fa6ous "rink
in the worl" with an i6ostor/
I ha" 5een a""i4te" to Coke for years+ with a two&or three&4an&a&"ay
ha5it sin4e the :fth 0ra"e+ startin0 aroun" the sa6e ti6e 6y s4hool6ates
starte" stealin0+ now that I think a5out it/ When 6y sister tol" 6e not to 5e
so hyer+ or 6y arents tol" 6e to kno4k it o2+ I 3i5rate" with the strain of
keein0 still+ an" won"ere" why nature ha" 4urse" 6e so&&it wasn>t until I
was in hi0h s4hool that I learne" what 4a2eine was/ $y lo3e for Coke went
5eyon" 6ere 5u==+ howe3er/ How 4oul" one not 5e 4har6e" 5y the
e2er3es4ent 7o3iality of a tall 0lass of the stu2&&the 6ani4 a4ti3ity of the
5u55les+ oin0+ refor6in0+ oin0 anew+ sli"in0 u the insi"e of the 0lass
to free"o6+ as if the 5e3era0e were a4tually+ 6ira4ulously+ 4a2einate" on
itself/ That tart :rst si+ refera5ly with i4e kno4kin0 a0ainst the lis for an
a""e" sensory Fourish+ that stunne" the 5rain into total re4all of leasure+ of
all the Cokes 4onsu6e" 5efore an" all those i6en"in0 Cokes+ the lon0 line
of satisfa4tion un"erinnin0 a life/ What for0i3eness for the sure6e
"isaoint6ent of a fountain Coke that turne" out to 5e :==less an" "ea"+ or
a lukewar6 Coke that ha" 5een sittin0 for a while+ fallin0 away fro6 its i"eal
te6erature of QN/E "e0rees #ahrenheitID "e0rees Celsius+ all the 5u55les
Fe"+ so that it ha" 5e4o6e a useless 6u" of su0ar/ Whi4h is what New Coke
taste" like+ a4tually/
I re6e65er when I :rst hear" that they were 4han0in0 the for6ula/
Aril LM+ BCDE/ It was "innerti6e an" I>" wan"ere" into the li3in0 roo6 to ask
6y 6other a <uestion&&I 4an>t re6e65er what it was+ as it was erase" 5y the
terri5le infor6ation/ Dinnerti6e 4usto6 ha" %e00ie an" 6e eatin0 in his
roo6 5efore an array of sit4o6s+ the $RARSRHs+ the > '%*s+ while our arents
ate in the li3in0 roo6 wat4hin0 the e3enin0 news/ @I 6o3e" into 6y sister>s
roo6 when she went to 4olle0e+ 5ut %e00ie 0ot to kee the T, after a series
of ne0otiations too By=antine to 0o into+ hi0her&le3el e3en&Stehen stu2
5eyon" 6ortal ken/A I walke" in 7ust in ti6e to hear the news4aster say+ ?A
surrisin0 announ4e6ent a5out an A6eri4an 4lassi4/? So6ehow I knew/ I
staye" throu0h the 4o66er4ial 5reak an" wat4he" as %o5erto (oi=ueta+ the
CEO of Co4a&Cola+ 4heere" the en" of the worl"/ It was in4on4ei3a5le+ like
ta6erin0 with the laws of nature/ Hey+ let>s try (ra3ity&#ree Tues"ays+
5u4kle u+ 6otherfu4kers/ #ro6 this "ay on+ water is in4re"i5ly Fa66a5le+
see how that 0oes/ I slunk 5a4k to 6y roo6+ "i==y an" 4onfuse"/ It was as if
so6eone ha" oe" the to of the worl"+ an" let all the air out/
Within "ays+ I>" 4ornere" the lo4al 6arket on Ol" Coke in a 0ri" "e:ne"
5y BHNth Street to the north+ Ninety&si!th to the south+ an" fro6 A6ster"a6
to the ri3er+ 5uyin0 u what I 4oul" fro6 the 4orner 5o"e0as+ the in4reasin0ly
sli4k "elis oin0 u on Broa"way+ an" the assorte" stationery stores of the
>hoo"/ By the ti6e New Coke starte" to aear+ a few "ays after the
announ4e6ent+ I was well reare"+ with a hu0e stash in 6y 4loset+ a rayer
a0ainst Doo6s"ay/ @A se4ret stash+ 'leto&style/A I ha" no "rea6s of
ro:teerin0+ of sellin0 6y sto4k at a "ear ri4e to a:4iona"os when the "ay
4a6e that the eole of Earth "is4o3ere" the treasure they ha" "estroye"+ as
if the 4ola were an e!<uisite li=ar" or siny 5i3al3e "ri3en to e!tin4tion in our
ra4e>s sa3a0e "ri3e to ruin/ No/ I wante" it all to 6yself+ like an art thief who
steals Nu"e Des4en"in0 a Stair4ase or so6e key *i4asso an" han0s it on the
wall of his own ri3ate 0allery+ for his wi4ke" an" in0rown leasure+ at ea4e
with the fa4t that the worl" is unaware of his a4ti3ities+ an" erhas that is
a4tually the oint of the entire e!er4ise&&althou0h su4h a senti6ent is
ro5a5ly not too surrisin0 4o6in0 fro6 a 5oy whose 6ain re4reation was
6astur5ation/
When I>" :nishe" 6y s4urryin0 u an" "own the a3enues+ an" haule"
6y si!&a4ks 5a4k to 6y lair+ it see6e" as thou0h I ha" enou0h Coke for a
lifeti6e/ But of 4ourse it went fast/ I trie" rationin0 6yself to one 4an a "ay+
5ut that "i"n>t last lon0/ I 4oul"n>t kee 6y han"s o2 the stu2/ $y arents
ha" a arty+ an" 6y 6other aske" if she 4oul" ?5orrow? a few 4ans for
6i!ers/ BorrowO How "i" she e3en know a5out 6y stash&&if she knew that+
what else "i" she know1 There were 6a0a=ines in 6y ossession I shoul"
6ay5e hi"e 5etter/ What 4oul" I answer 5ut yes+ sin4e she 4oul" not see or
7ust lain i0nore" the "eseration in 6y eyes/ What a horror it was to see all
those half&:nishe" 4ans strewn aroun" the house+ it was a 5attle:el"+ 6y own
(ettys5ur0+ an" I learne" that "ay what it is to 6ourn when I hear" the sa"+
e!hauste" hissin0 as I oure" the re6ains "own the sink/
I was sus4eti5le+ then+ when I went into 'aren>s kit4hen an" so6eone
oene" the 4a5inet ne!t to the sink an" I saw a Fash of re"/ As if in a "rea6+
I knelt "own to see an" there it was+ si!&a4k uon si!&a4k of Sweet Brown
(ol"/ I was astoun"e"&&yes+ there was 6ore Coke in the worl"+ 5ut 6ore
i6ortant+ there were others out there like 6e+ those who ha" 5een
"isaointe" 5y life 5ut who "i" what they 4oul" to 5eat 5a4k 4haos/ I "rifte"
away fro6 the kit4hen to let this re3elation settle in/ As I hun0 out with
Bo55y>s frien"s an" talke" an" 7oke" with the6+ 6y "rea6 of 5ein0 a"ote"
5y their 4lan fa"e" away/ The 4ans+ the 4ans ket returnin0 to 6y 6in"+ like a
re" 4urtain fallin0 "own to hi"e the worl"/ After two 5eers I knew what I ha"
to "o/ I>" ne3er ha" two 5eers 5efore/
I retrie3e" 6y 7a4ket fro6 'aren>s arents> 5e"roo6+ whi4h ha" 5een
4o66an"eere" as the 4oat roo6+ an" slie" 5a4k to the kit4hen/ A 5oy an"
a 0irl talke" 4lose to0ether ne!t to the fri"0e/ I tosse" so6e i4e into a 0lass+
lou"ly an" e6hati4ally+ an" "e4lare"+ ?Just lookin0 for 6i!ers+? an" they
s6ile" an" 6o3e" away/ O5s4ure" 5y the 4a5inet "oor+ I wrae" a si!&a4k
in 6y 7a4ket an" ulle" the ne!t si!&a4k forwar" so that it aeare" as if
nothin0 were a6iss/ $y 4ri6e 6i0ht not 5e noti4e" for "ays/ I stoo"/ No one
ha" noti4e" 6e/
I walke" 3ery ?a4t naturally? out into the li3in0 roo6/ $y lan was to
stash the 0oo"s in a safe area in the 4oat roo6+ an" e!it 4al6ly with the stu2
at the en" of the arty/ The li3in0 roo6 was <uiet+ the talkin0 roo6 as
oose" to the "an4in0 roo6+ 'aren>s 5e"roo6+ where the 6usi4 was
4ranke" u/ Whi4h is what 6a"e the 4rash that 6u4h 6ore lou"/ In 6y
ner3ousness I ha" 4lu6sily wrae" the si!&a4k+ an" when I a"7uste" it as I
walke" a4ross the roo6+ the 4ans slie" out in the slow 6otion that is the
see" of hu6iliation/ They 4lattere" a0ainst the har"woo" Foors/ E3eryone
looke" o3er+ 5ut 6y 4ri6e was so ine!li4a5le that outsi"ers 4oul" not
4o6rehen" what ha" 7ust haene"/ They returne" to their 4on3ersations as
I i4ke" u the si!&a4k/ All of the6 e!4et for 'aren/ She looke" into 6y fa4e
an" shook her hea" e3er so sli0htly in sa" assess6ent/ She took the Coke
fro6 6y han"s an" sai"+ ?I think you shoul" 0o now/?
In the followin0 "ays+ I "on>t know what I re0rette" 6ore&&6y e!ile
fro6 those who 6i0ht ha3e 5een 6y new frien"s+ 6y 4lass6ates fro6 the
s4hool I 6i0ht ha3e 0one to ha" I 4hosen "i2erently+ or the loss of si! Cokes/
#rankly+ it was a toss&u/ Botto6 line+ the eiso"e ut an en" to 6y
trou5le6akin0 e2orts/ What was the oint1 $o3e/ Don>t 6o3e/ A4t/ Don>t a4t/
The results were the sa6e/ This was 6y la5yrinth/
N* *LACED HIS $OTHE%>S *INT of i4e 4rea6 in the free=er out front+ to
kee it out of the way/
?I think I 6i0ht ha3e a hot "o0+? I sai"/
?In a waJe 4one1? $e0 shrieke" 6ale3olently+ an" we 4ra4ke" u/ $y
han" instin4ti3ely shot u to 4o3er 6y 6outh/
$y 6outh/ Is it ossi5le I ha3en>t 6entione" 6y 6outh yet1 $y 6outh
was e3erythin0 you ha3e e3er foun" reellent 0athere" to0ether+ ile" in a
4aul"ron+ 6elte" "own 5y sa"ists into an a5horrent alloy+ an" then shae"
into 4lis an" wire for la4e6ent on 6y teeth/ I wore 5ra4es+ you see+ tiny
self&estee6&su4kin0 "eath>s&hea"s all in a row+ turnin0 6y s6ile into a foo"&
Fe4ke" 0ri6a4e/ Oh+ I ket the6 retty 4lean+ 5ut a series of 4orn&on&the&4o5&
relate" in4i"ents ha" lante" the see"s of a neurosis+ an" e3ery so often+ if
the sy4holo0i4al weather was ri0ht+ 6y han" "arte" to 4o3er 6y s6ile fro6
3iew/ So I 0uess so6ethin0 was 5rewin0 that "ay+ 5e4ause to o5ser3ers it
aeare" as if I were sni;n0 6y al6/
?Why are you sni;n0 your al61? $e0 aske"/
?Nothin0O? I sai"/
The fa6ilies starte" tri4klin0 in+ the early eaters full of i==a sli4es an"
frie" 6is4ellany fro6 one of the seafoo" restaurants on $ain Street that
4han0e" na6es an" owners e3ery su66er/ Only the "istri5utors of ro4esse"
fro=en&:sh arts re6aine" the sa6e+ eternal in their way+ 6aintainin0 suly
lines season after season/ Bert e6er0e"+ atten"e" 5y his soun" e2e4t+ a
Fushin0 toilet/ He 6oe" his forehea" with a wet towel an" tol" 6e to take
the 0ar5a0e out 5a4k/
The sky was 0ettin0 "ark/ ?Is it 0oin0 to rain1? I aske" Ni4k/ The sole
0ra4e of the waJe aaratus was its ro!i6ity to the win"ow+ allowin0 a
risoner>s 3iew of the outsi"e an" insirin0 6any a waJe&"uty sa4e&out/
?Not yet+ 5ut it>s all 4lou"y/?
If the rain 4a6e <ui4kly+ we>" ha3e an easy ni0ht/ I took out the
0ar5a0e/ Now I>6 no 4he6ist+ so I 4an>t 5reak "own the rea4tion with any real
authority+ 5ut I>" ha3e to say that Bristol>s ha" 5een for4e" into an unholy
a4t when they "e3ise" their i4e&4rea6 for6ula/ In e!4han0e for
suernaturally "eli4ious Fa3or+ the i4e 4rea6 4oul" not sur3i3e for lon0
outsi"e its 4ontainers/ It starte" rottin0 i66e"iately when e!ose" to roo6
te6erature/ Stan"ar" Deal&with&the&De3il tra"e&o2 stu2/ By the e3enin0+
that 6ornin0>s i4e 4rea6 reeke" like 4ur"le" hell/
There was always a hole so6ewhere/ I "rie" a 6ulti4olore" trail
a5o3e the re3ious "ay>s "rie" trail like a "ishit Ja4kson *ollo4k+ alon0 the
*ro6ena"e+ aroun" the 5a4k of Baysi"e+ to the o;4ial Jonni WaJe Du6ster/
With so6e "i;4ulty+ I tosse" the hea3y 5a0s insi"e+ turne"&&an" saw (a5e
a4ross the street+ leanin0 a0ainst the "oor of the Tu4k Sho+ eye5allin0 6e/ I
looke" "own+ took a ste+ looke" u a0ain+ an" he was still starin0 at 6e/ An"
that e!ression on his fa4e&&was it "isaro3al1
Not only was 6y Jonni WaJe T&shirt stinkin0 5ut now it 5la=e" an
o5no!ious neon re"+ the white lo0o 5linkin0 its 6essa0e9 Traitor+ Treason+
Traitor+ Treason/ No+ we "i"n>t 3isit (a5e any6ore/ On4e in a while we>" 0et
sei=e" 5y nostal0ia an" walk in to lay a 3i"eo 0a6e/ The la4e was always
e6ty/ The 0a6es see6e" so silly/ How 4oul" we ha3e sent so 6any hours
in there+ stan"in0 like 6orons+ our :n0ers tain0+ eyes 0la=e"1 I walke"
5a4k to the store+ lookin0 at the 0roun"/ I re6e65ere" an in4i"ent fro6 a few
weeks a0o+ when (a5e ha" stoe" 6e on 6y way to Jonni WaJe sayin0+
?Hey+ you 0uys ne3er 4o6e in these "ays+? 7a55in0 his *all $all towar" 6e/
An" I sai"+ ?Yeah+? not e3en stoin0 to 5e olite/ I was late for work/
I 6a"e it ast the Tu4k Sho+ i0norin0 (a5e>s stare/ Who woul"n>t 5e
6a" at 5ein0 rela4e"1 Just another s6ear un"er $ar&tine>s stea6roller/ *at
at/ ?Whate3er haene" to the Tu4k Sho1? you>" hear in the 4o6in0 years/
It was ?"estroye" 5y :re/? Ne!t su66er it was a health&foo" store/
The win" was i4kin0 u+ the sky o3er the wharf a "irty 0ray foa6/
Althou0h I>" only 5een 0one four 6inutes+ the store was a4ke"/ Often they
4a6e out of nowhere+ at the 5ehest of a si0nal out of ran0e of hu6an ears/
Bert 4au0ht 6y eyes as I wri00le" throu0h the 4row"/ ?In4o6in0O? he yelle"
fro6 the other si"e/
In4o6in0+ e!a4tly/ War an" sie0e analo0ies 4a6e easily in there+ "urin0
a rush/ I was 6ost artial to a s4enario I 4alle" the Po65ie Hi"eout+ 0i3en 6y
early trainin0 in horror 6o3ies9 the hu6an 5ein0s in the house+ the furniture
naile" u a0ainst the "oors an" win"ows to reel the li3in0 "ea"/ Dawn of the
Dea"+ with its 4onsu6er&so4iety su5te!t+ ha" its arti4ular lessons/ #or those
who 6ay ha3e 6isse" it+ 5asi4ally the "ea" ha3e 4o6e to life an" "esire
hu6an Fesh/ In 5allerina 4ostu6es+ oli4e6an unifor6s+ an" terry&4loth
ro5es+ the "ea" roa6 the streets in sear4h of rey/ On4e they were nor6al
eole/ In this entry in the Li3in0 Dea" series+ hu6an sur3i3ors ha3e
5arri4a"e" the6sel3es in a 6all+ a 6i4ro so4iety with all the a4ka0e" foo"
an" 4onsu6er ite6s they 4oul" want/ At one oint in the :l6+ as the
4hara4ters stan" at the "oors an" look at the hun"re"s of 6in"less =o65ies
0athere" outsi"e+ they won"er what "ri3es the6/ ?It>s so6e kin" of instin4t+?
one of the6 says/ ?This was an i6ortant la4e in their li3es/? Their 5rains
are 0one+ 5ut they retain this one thin0/ I know now that when the li3in0 "ea"
4o6e+ it will not 5e at the 6all that they 0ather 5ut at the i4e&4rea6 sho/
On4e in a while+ in the 4ity+ I>ll 4o6e a4ross a white erson+ an" Sa0
Har5or will 4o6e u an" they>ll say+ ?Oh+ I "i"n>t know 5la4k eole went out
there/? Whi4h I always :n" funny+ 5e4ause until that su66er+ I thou0ht all
the white eole I saw in town were townies/ Townies with 4he4kere" ants/
That>s how we saw thin0s fro6 our ne4k of the woo"s/ Workin0 at Jonni WaJe
tau0ht 6e that all those white eole who 4a6e in 4oul"n>t ha3e 5een
townies 5e4ause if the tiny ha6let ha" 5een ho6e to that 6u4h 6is4rean4y
year&roun"+ it woul" ha3e 5een swallowe" 5y the Earth lon0 a0o/
They took a nu65er fro6 the ink lasti4 "isenser an" waite"+ the
entire Ha6tons/ The s6ell of the waJe 4ones "rew the6 insi"e+ the sa6e
way we ha" 4au0ht 6innows with ol" sheets an" 5e"srea"s&&they Fun0
the6sel3es towar" the oen seas of their "esire/ They wore Fi&Fos that
s6a4ke" like wet lis+ they shuJe" forwar" in tassele" loafers+ in white
tennis sneaks+ an" their olo shirts rowle" the entire astel se4tru6+ fro6
li6e 0reen to Crea6si4le oran0e to 5a5oon&5utt ink/ They were 6e65ers of
3arie" fraternities+ ya4ht 4lu5s+ 0olf 4lu5s+ se4ret&han"shake 0rous+ they
were stri3ers+ inheritors+ an" the ri3ile0e" 5ore"/
All kin"s of Fies out there in the su66er+ stu4k to the 0ently swirlin0
5rown stris/
We ser3e" the6/ (ar"eners who sent the afternoons sheher"in0
rows of to6atoes to a 3ul0ar fullness throu0h ele0antly 0ritte" o3erri4e"
0lo3es/ %etirees shakin0 their hea"s o3er the weeken" tra;4 an" hissin0
in3e4ti3e at the youn0+ youn0 street 4os an" their new re0ulations+ these
ea4h&fu== 4onsta5les who treate" the6 like new4o6ers e3en thou0h they>"
5een 4o6in0 out for years/ The I&%e6e65er&Whensters lu65ere" in with their
6usty 4atalo0ues of the 5y0one+ "ra00in0 I,s of "istille" nostal0ia 5ehin"
the6 on 4reaky wheels+ lookin0 "own on the new 6oney an" re6inis4in0
a5out the silent $ain Street of yore+ when you 4oul" walk whole yar"s
without 5ein0 insulte" 5y sni3elin0 little e6issaries of the ustart future/
There were eole who e6er0e" fro6 5i0 ol" 4ars that they "on>t 6ake
any6ore+ whi4h sat un"er tars in i66a4ulate 0ara0es waitin0 for the three
"ays of the year they 0ule" an" starte" "own the lanes+ these 0awke"&at
lu!ury ri"es of the "ea"+ slowly toolin0 "own the 6ain "ra0s of the towns for
all to see an" on"er/
They 4a6e fro6 all o3er the East En"/ The youthful rin4es who
swer3e" "runkenly "own the 5a4k roa"s an" were written u 5y ea0er
"euties who saw their reorts 4ru6le" u 5y wi=ene" sheri2s with a 4urt
?What are you+ stui"1+? as the oli4e 5lotters of the weeklies "etaile" taw"ry
"o6esti4 "istur5an4es ne!t to tear&out 4ouons a"3ertisin0 ?L&for&i Nite at
Jonni WaJe/? In"ee" oli4e&5lotter ha5itues sta00ere" into the store in
5etween 4aers/ ?I think I know that 0uy/? Those "eosite" 5y heli4oter+
those who utt&utte" "own LG in 7aloies+ those who 5lesse" the Earth with
e3ery footste+ those who "ei0ne"+ those who stooe" to+ those who woul"
0et their i4tures ne!t to their o5ituaries in the Ti6es+ an" those who woul"
lie on the Foor of their a57e4t roo6s for "ays 5efore 5ein0 "is4o3ere"/
You 0ot to know the lo4als/ There were eole who ha" uroote" their
li3es at 0reat 4ost+ the 4on3erts who ha" 7ust 5e4o6e year&roun"ers with
s4he6es of 5elon0in0/ Entrereneurs who fell in lo3e with the silen4e an" the
sunsets an" 4on3in4e" the6sel3es that their esta5lish6ents woul" su44ee"
a0ainst the o""s&&restaurants ser3in0 lo3in0ly ro"u4e" foo" of a se4iali=e"
5ent+ 4urio shos whose shel3es 5u4kle" un"er kni4kkna4ks that were
hysi4al 6anifestation of their owner>s sy4holo0y/ The shokeeers who
shi3ere" with "eseration an" oun4e" whene3er a 3isitor rouse" the sleey
5ells o3er their front "oors+ the shokeeers who woul" take until 0ri6
O4to5er to a44et what was o53ious+ when they franti4ally trie" to
rene0otiate their leases+ an" 4a6e into Jonni WaJe less fre<uently as the
su66er wore on+ as they starte" to 4ut 5a4k on e!tras+ an" when has i4e
4rea6 5een anythin0 5ut the "e:nition of e!tra1
We "i"n>t "is4ri6inate+ we s4ooe"/ #or the 5urnouts+ the Fotsa6+ the
hu6an tu65lewee"s who were all of us 5ut for our 4hoi4es+ who foun"
ur4hase in Srin0s+ outsi"e A6a0ansett+ 5etween towns on "irt roa"s+ in
little roo6s a5o3e $ain Street storefronts+ in 5ase6ents of 5leak illu6ination/
$a0a=ine e"itors who assi0ne" arti4les on the hot sots in or"er to a3ail
the6sel3es of 4o6s thereafter+ oh how they wa""le" in/ The 4aretakers of
other eole>s roerty+ the eole who li3e" on 5oats+ the ainters out to
4ature that fa5le" East En" li0ht+ stoo&shoul"ere" writers ironi4ally "i00in0
the aJuen4e while sni;n0 aroun" for atrons/ *osers/ Cele5rities in sha"es/
Sailors without shis/ Des4en"ants of lo4ally fa6ous whalers+ whose na6es
hun0 on street si0ns to re6in" eole of what they ha" ne3er known/ *otato
far6ers "eli5eratin0 o2ers fro6 "e3eloers+ the su66er inFu! of hel+ the
waitresses an" 5arten"ers an" sous&4hefs Fain0 in on their annual
6i0ration/ De4khan"s of ya4hts on the lookout for we""in0 rin0s on :n0ers+
the easy rey+ those well&a4<uainte" with knots of all kin"s+ au airs
stu65lin0 in hi0h heels on their ni0ht o2 an" wearin0 too 6u4h 6akeu an"
hellessness on their fa4es/ Two s4oos+ lease/
They ointe" throu0h the 0lass an" or"ere" us aroun"/ C&list
4ele5rities 3isitin0 the houses of their B&list frien"s+ ho3erin0 i6atiently at
the 4ounter as they trie" to 7u00le 4on"es4ension an" 4onfusion at the sa6e
ti6e/ Ol" la"ies with o""5all thin0s on their hea"s9 tur5ans+ ill5o! hats fresh
out of 6oth5alls+ Foy wi4ker 4reations that "rooe" o3er their 5i0 "ark
sun0lasses/ Weeken" house0uests full of lo3e an" i"eas an" fretful talk of
s4he"ules+ the train on Sun"ay that woul" take the6 away too soon/
Weeken"ers+ weeken"ers of e3ery "isosition+ sayin0+ Look at this+ Che4k this
out+ Isn>t that the 4utest+ the <uaintest+ "aw"lin0 5efore win"ow "islays
while the i4e 4rea6 6elte" in sweet ri3ulets o3er their :n0ers+ Isn>t this the
kin" of thin0 we 4an "islay in our houses an" ha3e a little story a5out if
anyone shoul" ask+ an" we hoe they ask+ 5e4ause if they "on>t there is this
0reat a5yss of us we 6ust na3i0ate/ Youn0 enthusiasts of fu"0e/ The
s6eare"+ the "au5e"+ the u0ly eaters out for their fa3orite treat/
They wante" i4e 4rea6 an" we ser3e" the6/ We s4ooe" an" s4ooe"/
#or 4ru65lin0 entities hel" to0ether only 5y the ener0y of their :er4e "is"ain+
who were often+ ara"o!i4ally+ ni4e tiers+ 0o :0ure/ Heiresses tu00in0 "our
oo"les fro6 la4e to la4e&&?It>s 0oo" to ha3e so6eone to talk to?&&an"
0ri==le" he&6en who worke" with their han"s+ sneerin0 at an" riin0 o2
their 4lients+ those a6ere" 4ity infants who6 they o3er4har0e" for woo"
an" nails an" sa4kle so that they 4oul" a2or" a se4ial oil to ru5 into their
4alluses/ The ket+ the 6o"els an" rent 5oys an" sun"ry a6ena5le+ as if we
were not all ket 5y this la4e in so6e way+ so who were we to sneer/ The
stran0e 4heerlea"ers an" the weir"ly s6ilin0+ the 3i4ti6s who 7ust 5o55e"
alon0 on the 4urrent one ti6e too 6any/ Waste" 4lu55ers "riftin0 o3er fro6
Baysi"e with eyes the 4olor of ras5erry sher5et+ who resse" their noses u
to the 0lass to 3iew the stark 6a7esty of the 3ats an" shu""ere" at the
lenty/
They han"e" us 6oney an" "roe" 4oins into the ti 4u fro6 ti6e to
ti6e/ S4ra55lin0 4reatures with ower of attorney+ swa00erin0 insti0ators
who woul" e6er0e uns4athe" fro6 i6en"in0 sa3in0s&an"&loan "isasters+
4a0ey ,*>s of ins4ruta5ly na6e" 4ororate "i3isions who skie" into the
store half le3itatin0 on their own 6a0ni:4en4e an" sneere" with i6otent
"is"ain at the nu65ers on the aer ti4kets/ %enters whose thin 4o6laints
e4hoe" in the halls of aweso6e 6ansions+ renters in sha55y 4la5oar" shares
that "i"n>t ha3e enou0h 5athroo6s+ renters of total "u" houses with
o3er5ur"ene" seti4 tanks an" serious "raina0e issues/ Weeken" ho5oes
without a la4e to stay+ who hit4he" a ri"e on the :3e o>4lo4k fro6 *enn+
7u6e" o2 an" rowle" after fun+ 4arouse"+ fu4ke" or "i" not fu4k+ foun" a
5e" or sofa or Foor or slet on the 5ea4h an" 6ira4ulously "i" not 0et
6oleste" in any way+ "o=e" late an" starte" a0ain on Satur"ay+ with 6ore or
less su44ess in their a"3entures+ an" took the early train 5a4k Sun"ay
6ornin0 reekin0 of their ills an" hoes+ no""in0 o2 in 5liss/
An" there 6ust ha3e 5een 4reatures of su4h aJuen4e that I 4annot
e3en se4ulate a5out their "ay&to&"ay+ outsi"e the fa4t of their sweet tooths/
They li3e" o3er in South Ha6ton so6ewhere+ on estates 0uar"e" 5y sole6n
he"0es+ an ar6y of little 0reen etals reellin0 all in3a"in0 eyes/ I i6a0ine
stea6in0 6u" an" hairless retilian 4reatures swooin0 "own low fro6
5etween fanlike rehistori4 lea3es/ Bein0s e6er0e fro6 the 0ray 6u4k+
raisin0 their 0reat eye&"o6es a5o3e the silt+ Fi4kin0 ton0ues/ The e!a4t
shae of their 5o"ies+ the nu65er of 0ills in their ne4k an" su4kers on their
6ottle" "i0its+ I 4annot say+ 5e4ause in or"er to 6in0le with Earth eole
they nee"e" to wear hu6an&Fesh 4ostu6es+ for only then 4oul" they walk
a6on0 us+ an" of 4ourse e3entually they 4a6e throu0h the "oors of Jonni
WaJe like all the rest+ like all of us+ an" I ser3e" the6 i4e 4rea6/
But not that ni0ht/
The li0hts went out at D9MH+ 7ust when thin0s were 0ettin0 0oo" an"
horri5le in their fa6iliar way/ The ink aer ti4kets Futtere" to the Foor+
stu4k fast to 6elte" 0oo/ The han"s re4ei3e" the 4ones/ A stray 5oo5
4ollase" a0ainst 6y el5ow an" I felt a tiny Futter in 6y 0roin/ Sorry+ sorry/
Another sensory or0an ie" u9 6y nose/ The s6ell of 5urne" waJe turne"
the air a4ri"/ N* was on the 0rills+ "islayin0 his 4usto6ary ri"e in his 7o5/ I
looke" u an" saw hi6 toss a 4harre" #ris5ee into the trash&&it "issol3e" into
a 5la4k 3aor as it Few throu0h the air/
Choy waters/ Bert erfor6e" a 4ourse 4orre4tion+ uttin0 6e on the
0rills to hea" o2 "isaster&&eril+ thy na6e is waJe shorta0e/ I tra"e" la4es
with N*/ He han"e" 6e the aron/ I ut on the aron/ He han"e" 6e the
0lo3es/ I ut on the 0lo3es/ As I rea4he" for the la"le+ I 0lan4e" to 6y ri0ht+
into the twinklin0 eyes of a towhea"e" ur4hin who looke" u at 6e in
won"er+ a Fyin0 5uttress of 4lear 6u4ous atta4hin0 his nostril to the lasti4
5arrier&&an" the li0hts went out/
The only illu6ination was the 4ri6son eye of the ower in"i4ator on
Ni4k>s ra"io/ They waile"&&insi"e the store+ the e3enin0 strollers out on the
*ro6ena"e an" the wharf+ the 6i"&a65le folks on $ain Street/ Bert 0ru65le"
in the "ark an" aeare" with so6e Fashli0hts an" we :nishe" out our
or"ers+ on the house sin4e the re0isters were out of 4o66ission/ We 5anishe"
the rest of the unfortunates fro6 the re6ises/ They 6ille" aroun" in the
4orri"or outsi"e+ 4lut4hin0 their nu65ers as the news sunk in/
?Thank (o"+? $e0 sai"/
?It was startin0 to 0et 4ra=y in here+? Ni4k sai"/ ?Look at the6 ///?
Hea"li0hts washe" o3er their 5o"ies+ ro"u4in0 s4ary silhouettes/
?We>re 4lose"O It>s a BLAC'O)T+ shit+? N* shoute"/
'ee your 3oi4es "own+ I 6ur6ure" to 6yself&&the li3in0 "ea" will
know we>re insi"e/ Bert lo4ke" the front "oors for a""e" rote4tion an" tol"
us he was 0oin0 to try to 0et $artine on the hone/
?$ay5e we>re 0oin0 to 4lose early+? I sai"/
Ni4k :""le" with his ra"io an" foun" WLN(/ ?The ower>s out in the
Town of South Ha6ton+ an" we>re 0ettin0 reorts that the li0hts are out
e3erywhere fro6 .uo0ue to A6a0ansett///? It ha"n>t starte" rainin0 yet+ 5ut
o53iously the stor6 was "oin0 so6e "a6a0e u&islan"/
?$artine 6ust 5e freakin0 out+? N* sai"/ ?Bla4kout on a hot ni0ht like
this&&all this i4e 4rea6 is 0oin0 to 5e u""les+ yo/?
?Su4ks for hi6+? $e0 sai"/
All of it was 0oin0 to 5e sou if the li0hts took too lon0 to 4o6e 5a4k
on/ That was a lot of 6oney/
Bert returne"+ Fashli0ht un"er his 4hin to 0i3e his fa4e a 0houlish 4ast+
an" tol" us that $artine wante" us to 0i3e it an hour to see if the ele4tri4ity
returne"/ Then we>" 4all it a ni0ht/ E3en if the li0hts 4a6e 5a4k on in a few
hours+ the ni0ht was a wash/ E3ery5o"y was 0oin0 to stay ho6e in 4ase the
7ui4e went out a0ain/
Who knew what was 0oin0 on out there1 It soun"e" wil"/ *eole
whooin0+ 4ars honkin0 at thin0s that "arte" ast in the ni0ht/ The DJ was
e!4ite"/ Nothin0 e3er haene"+ now this to sa3or9 ?We ha3e a reort fro6
Eri4 of Water6ill+ who>s stan"in0 outsi"e the Can"y 'it4hen+ an" he says all
of $ain Street Bri"0eha6ton is "ark/? Bert tol" us of the last ti6e he was in
a 5la4kout+ a story that in3ol3e" two Swe"ish e!4han0e stu"ents+ a 5orrowe"
,ol3o+ an" two 5ottles of Jose Cuer3o/ ?We "i"n>t nee" le6ons+ if you know
what I 6ean+? he sai"/ I "i"n>t/ Outsi"e the win"ows an" 5eyon" the 0lass
"oors of the store+ the :0ures loe" in the "arkness+ 4au0ht 5y ran"o6
slashes of illu6ination/ We hear" their 3oi4es as they ran into 4o6ra"es an"
share" info+ tra"in0 "isaoint6ents/ All in it to0ether/
The hone ran0 a 5it later/ ?That>s it+ we>re "one+? Bert sai" as he 4a6e
5a4k out/
?Shift o3er1? Ni4k sai"/
?Our 6aster has soken/?
?$aster1? I aske"+ 5efore N* 5eat 6e to it/
?It>s a :0ure of see4h/?
?We 5etter 0et ai" for a whole shift+? N* sai"/
?I>6 sure you>ll 0et your TD/ME+? Bert sai"+ to our 0eneral 4ontent6ent/
Like I sai"+ the 6oney a""e" u/
We 4leane" u what we 4oul"/ Se4ial 5la4kout ro4e"ures 4alle" for
us to lay "own 0ar5a0e 5a0s on to of the oen 4ontainers in the 3ats+ to a""
another layer of insulation/ 'ee the 4ol" insi"e where it 5elon0e"/ Bert
"ou5le&4he4ke" the 5a0s when we were "one+ tu4kin0 their e"0es "own ti0ht/
?He>s 0oin0 to freak if he 4o6es in to6orrow an" all this is 6elte"+? he sai"/
I was wiin0 "own the waJe aaratus when the "oor starte" rattlin0/
?We>re 4lose"+ "a6n it+ shit+? I sai"/
?Let 6e in+ foolO?
It was the other 4ousin+ $arsha/ ?You 0uys 0ot o2 lu4ky+? she sai"
when I oene" the "oor/ She>" 4o6e to fet4h $e0/ She an" her "ate+ an" one
of her "ate>s 5u""ies+ were waitin0 outsi"e/
?Hey Bert+ 4an I 0o1? $e0 aske"/ She rearran0e" the slash of hair
a4ross her fa4e+ 5ut 0i3en the li0htin0 4on"itions+ her la=y eye wasn>t 0oin0
to 5e an issue that ni0ht/ There was a 6o6ent in the "ark when I ha"
i4ture" her 0i3in0 6e a ri"e ho6e @ha" she "ri3en to work1 I "i"n>t knowA
an" then 3arious thin0s o44urrin0/ She 0ra55e" her 5a0 an" was 0one/ ?See
you laterO?
Soon the rest of us were out on the wharf/ The win" 4oole" the sweat
that ha" soake" into our Jonni WaJe T&shirts/ #olks were "rinkin0 5eer an"
lookin0 at the stars/ The eole on the 5oats ha" their ra"ios u lou"+ the
6an"atory $otown fa3es fro6 The Bi0 Chill soun"tra4k o3erlain0 ea4h
other in the ni0ht/ A few yar"s away+ the win"ows of the Lon0 Wharf
%estaurant 0lowe" fro6 the tiny 4an"les on the ta5les/ Bert sai" he was
0oin0 to hea" to the Corner Bar/ His frien" was 5arten"in0/ It wasn>t the :rst
5la4kout ni0ht he>" sent there/ Ni4k went o3er to the Lon0 Wharf %estaurant
to see when %an"y was 0ettin0 o2/ $ay5e we 4oul" 0et a ri"e ho6e or
6ay5e there was a lan 5rewin0/
N* 4urse"/ ?Yo+ Bert+ 4an I 0et the key1 I left 6y int in there/? He
"isaeare" into the *ro6ena"e with the keys/ I was surrise" that Bert 7ust
tosse" hi6 the keys/ Of 4ourse N* wasn>t 0oin0 to steal anythin0+ 5ut I was
always surrise" 5y these little trustin0 0estures fro6 white eole in
authority/ Like when (a5e went outsi"e the Tu4k Sho for a s6oke+ full of
faith in our 4hara4ter/ I shoul"n>t ha3e 5een surrise"/ We ha" earne" it 5y
5ein0 0oo" 5oys/ An" look at (a5e now/
N* returne"/ I sai"+ ?Da6n+ I for0ot 6y 6i! taeO Can I 0o an" 0et it1?
Bert shook his hea" an" han"e" 6e the keys/ ?Hurry u+ 6an/ I nee" a
0o""a6n 5eer/?
I 4an>t e!lain what haene"/ I 4an only tell you+ the 5est I a6 a5le+
a5out how I use" to li3e/
$i! taes were the erfe4t ali5i/ All of us in the teena0e 4rew ha"
the6+ they were a snashot of this 6onth>s soul translate" into 6usi4 an"
arran0e" in erfe4t or"er/ We let e3erythin0 else 0o 5ut we were fas4ists
a5out our 6i! taes/ They were our ne4essary e3i"en4e/ We took turns+
sti4kin0 the6 into Ni4k>s ra"io when it was our 0o+ to 6ake so6e5o"y listen
:nally/ I ha" a fall 0uy in N*+ who 5y his own a"6ission ha" returne" to the
free=er to retrie3e his int/ I unlo4ke" the front "oor an" stoo" 5efore the
6a66oth free=er/ You ha" to really ull har" on the free=er "oors/ They were
"esi0ne" to stay shut an" 6ake a stron0 seal/ I ulle" the6 oen an" the
4ool air tu65le" o3er 6y fa4e/ I 4oul"n>t see it+ 5ut I i4ture" the white 6ist
in the "arkness sillin0 out in 4hilly+ 0hostly ten"rils/ The heat an" hu6i"ity
rea4he" insi"e+ 5rushin0 their :n0ertis alon0 the si"e of the 4ans an"
transfor6in0 the frost there into 5ea"s of water/ It was an e!4han0e+ the
outsi"e 4o6in0 insi"e an" the insi"e enterin0 outsi"e+ like a tiny "arkness
that 0rew an" then srea" to 4o3er whole towns/ I left the "oors oen+ :rst at
a ten&"e0ree an0le+ then a twenty&:3e&"e0ree an0le/ Like that/
I 0a3e the keys 5a4k to Bert/ He slae" us :3e an" a""e" o3er to
the Corner Bar+ the hea"li0hts of the 4reein0 4ars li0htin0 his way/ At the
interse4tion+ a 4o wa3e" a 0lowin0 re" 4one aroun" an" aroun"/ Ni4k ha"
so6e Bu"weisers in his han"s+ a 5ri5e fro6 %an"y for us to wait until he
:nishe" his shift/ I was tire" an" I s6elle" an" I "e4i"e" to 0o ho6e/
It was so "i2erent walkin0 ho6e without streetli0hts+ ese4ially on4e I
0ot ast the 6arina+ where eole ha" their 5oats lit u an" were ha3in0 a
hi0h ol" ti6e+ "rinkin0 an" lau0hin0/ Surely the youn0 la"ies at the Cor6aria
%etreat House were "an4in0 with their 4an"ela5ra un"er the stars with e!tra
assion toni0ht/ The farther I 0ot fro6 town the "arker it 0ot an" there were
fewer 4ars slowly nu"0in0 their way throu0h the "ark to li0ht 6y ath/ The
rain still ha"n>t 4o6e+ 5ut the win" fusse" the trees an" this was the only
soun" I hear"/ The 4an"les an" kerosene lanterns 5urne" in the win"ows of
the houses+ ulsatin0 in oran0e an" yellow+ showin0 the way+ 7ust as they ha"
a hun"re" years a0o/ I 4oul"n>t see the ower lines an" telehone an" 4a5le
wires an" I 4oul"n>t 6ake out the fan4y 4ars in the "ri3eways/ E3ents ha"
ulle" the lu0 on the 6o"ern worl"/ As if it ha" ne3er 5een/ The li0hts in the
win"ows of the fa6iliar ol" houses ha" 0ui"e" the 6en ho6e when they
returne" fro6 sea+ the earth5oun" 4onstellations they re4o0ni=e" an" truste"
an" steere" 5y/ I knew where I was/ I ha" walke" these streets 6y whole life/
#or a few 6inutes I was a true son of East3ille+ returnin0 with 6y 5rothers in
the "ark "own Bay Street an" He6stea" Street after a 0oo" "ay>s work/
The li0hts were on when I woke u the ne!t 6ornin0/ The rain ne3er
6a"e it/ %e00ie an" I sent the afternoon 4leanin0 u the house+ un"oin0 the
6ess of our "ays/ Our arents arri3e" that e3enin0 an" it all starte" a0ain/
I "i"n>t work that weeken"&&Ni4k ha" aske" for 6y Satur"ay ni0ht shift
to hel ay o2 his 0ol"&&an" when I 4a6e in $on"ay there was no 6ention of
the oen free=er an" the i4e 4rea6 insi"e+ soli" or otherwise/ I "i"n>t ask
a5out it/ Jonni WaJe was a fa6ily+ an" 6y e!erien4e of fa6ily was that you
"i"n>t ask too 6any <uestions/ A few "ays later+ on the wall a5o3e the "esk in
the 5a4k of the store+ $artine tae" u a sheet with a list of Bla4kout %ules+
the last of whi4h was9 "ou5le&CHEC' THAT THE #%EEPE% DOO%S A%E SH)TO
The followin0 su66er+ the list was still there+ an" ne!t to it was a i4ture of
$artine an" his 5rother+ taken at a fa6ily reunion ?5a4k ho6e+? or so he tol"
us/ They ha" their ar6s 4rooke" aroun" ea4h other>s ne4ks an" 4us of ale
5eer in their han"s/ They looke" a lot alike in the fa4e an" ha" the sa6e
s6ile/ If you "is5elie3e" what eole tol" you+ all you ha" to "o was look at
the s6ile/ His 5rother was 5la4k as hell+ no 7oke+ with a 4ra=y 4rown of kink on
his hea"/
The Co4a&Cola Co6any 5rou0ht 5a4k Coke&&now 4alle" Classi4 Coke&&
soon after the 5la4kout+ on July BH+ BCDE/
I worke" at Jonni WaJe for another two su66ers+ eatin0 i4e 4rea6 all
shift+ e3ery shift/ The s6ell of the 5atter haunts 6e still/ $y 6eta5olis6 was
su4h that I ne3er 0ot fat+ 5ut e3entually 6y 0or0in0 turne" into a for6 of
a3ersion theray an" 6a"e 6e hate i4e 4rea6+ the 3ery si0ht of it+ an" this
hatre" srea" to the entire "essert worl"+ an" 6ost sweets/ It>s a terri5le
thin0 to hate "essert+ to re6o3e yourself fro6 the ways of 4i3ili=e" eole/
You learn to see thin0s "i2erently fro6 the other si"e+ stan"in0 there 5ehin"
the rote4ti3e lasti4+ lookin0 at the nor6als an" their easy leasure in
si6le thin0s/
#ro6 ti6e to ti6e+ I think of the free=er an" ha3e a 3ision of the
4atastrohe/ As the ni0ht 0rows lon0+ the 4ontainers at the 5otto6 of the ile
start to 5u4kle un"er their 5ur"en/ What is insi"e has 0one soft an" weak/
The 5otto6 4ans 4ollase un"er the wei0ht of their 5rothers an" the ones u
hi0h tu65le out of the free=er+ kno4kin0 the "oors wi"e+ the li"s of the 4ans
oin0 o2/ The 4ans slash out their 0uts+ one after the other/ It>s "ark+ an"
no one 4an see it 5ut 6e+ I 4an see it+ the rain5ow 4ala6ity on the tile+ the
0reen 6int an" 5loo"re" sher5et an" other assorte" lenty in a 4ookie&
4lotte" slu"0e oo=in0 out a4ross the Foor+ 6arsh6allows Foatin0 like 5roken
teeth+ all this in a slow an" u0ly wa3e+ rea4hin0 towar" 6e like a han"/
ALL THE ILL SHIT WENT DOWN ON TH)%SDAYS LI'E 4lo4kwork/
$on"ays we slet in+ lulle" 5y the silen4e in the rest of the house/ The only
ra4ket was the 4arenter ants 0nawin0 the soft woo" un"er the "e4k+ not
6u4h of a ra4ket at all/ It was safe/ When we 6et u with the rest of the
4rew+ we tra"e" 5aro<ue s4he6es a5out what we>" 0et u to 5efore the
arents 4a6e out a0ain/ The rest of the week was a 3ast 4ontinent for us to
e!lore an" 4on<uer/ Then su""enly we ran out of lan"/ We"nes"ays we
woke u a0itate"+ reali=in0 our i"yll was half o3er/ We 0ot 5usy to 4ra6 it all
in/ So6eti6es we 6esse" u on We"nes"ays+ 5ut it was ne3er a Thurs"ay&
si=e" 6ess&u/ No+ Thurs"ay we reser3e" for the thorou0hly 5ot4he"+
6ishas that 4alle" for sha6e an" :rst ai" an" aolo0ies/ All the ill shit went
"own on Thurs"ays+ the "isasters we 6a"e with our own han"s+ 5e4ause on
#ri"ay the arents returne" an" our "isasters were out of our 4ontrol/
The :rst 0un was %an"y>s/ Whi4h shoul" ha3e 5een a si0n that we
were hea"e" towar" a 4lassi4 Thurs"ay/ I ne3er went to %an"y>s&&he "i"n>t
ha3e a han0in0&out house/ But e3ery5o"y else was workin0/ Ni4k at Jonni
WaJe or in the 4ity 5uyin0 stu2 for his B&5oy "is0uise+ Cli3e 5ar5a4kin0 at
the Lon0 Wharf %estaurant+ %e00ie an" Bo55y at Bur0er 'in0/ I felt like I
ha"n>t seen %e00ie in weeks/ We ha" 4ontrary s4he"ules+ 6e workin0 in
town+ hi6 o2 Fiin0 Whoers in South Ha6ton/ When we o3erlae" in
the house we were too e!hauste" fro6 work or 0earin0 u for the ne!t shift
to e3en 5i4ker roerly/ I ha" no other otion 5ut to 4all N*+ not 6y nu65er&
one 4hoi4e+ an" his 6other tol" 6e he was at %an"y>s/ Nor6ally I woul" ha3e
sai" for0et it+ 5ut there was a 4han4e they 6i0ht 5e "ri3in0 so6ewhere+ an
e!e"ition to 'arts&a&(o&(o or Hither Hills+ an" I>" ha3e to hear the6
e!a00erate how 6u4h fun they ha"/
%an"y li3e" in Sa0 Har5or Hills on Hillsi"e Dri3e+ a "ea"&en" street o2
our usual 4ir4uit/ I knew it as the street where the Yellow House was+ the one
$ark Ja6es use" to stay in/ $ark was a ner"y ki" I 0ot alon0 with+ who 4a6e
out for a few su66ers to 3isit his 0ran"6other+ who was of that :rst
0eneration/ When I turne" the 4orner to Hillsi"e+ I saw that the Yellow House>s
yar" was still o3er0rown an" the 5lin"s were "rawn+ as they ha" 5een for
years now/ I ha"n>t seen $ark in a lon0 ti6e 5ut a few weeks a0o+ 5y
4oin4i"en4e+ I>" aske" 6y 6other if she knew why he "i"n>t 4o6e out
any6ore an" she sai"+ ?Oh+ it turne" out that $r/ Ja6es ha" another fa6ily/?
There was a lot of Other #a6ily 0oin0 aroun" that su66er/ *eole
"isaeare"/ I aske"+ ?What haene" to the *eterses1? an" 6y 6other
reson"e"+ ?Oh+ it turne" out $r/ *eters ha" another fa6ily+ so they "on>t
4o6e out any6ore/? An" what haene" to the Barrowses+ ha"n>t seen those
0uys in a while+ Little Ti66y with his 4rut4hes/ ?Oh+ it turne" out $r/ Barrows
ha" another fa6ily so they>re sellin0 the house/?
#or a while it 3er0e" on an ei"e6i4/ I foun" it fas4inatin0+ won"erin0
at the 6e4hani4s/ One fa6ily in New Jersey an" one in 'ansas&&what kin" of
4o3er story hi" those 6iles1 These were lies to asire to/ An" who was to say
whi4h was the %eal #a6ily an" whi4h was the Other #a6ily1 Was the Sa0
Har5or fa6ily of our a4<uaintan4e the sha"owy+ anti6atter fa6ily or was it
the other way aroun"+ that fa6ily li3in0 in that new Delaware su5"i3ision+ the
one 0o55lin0 4ru65s with a s6ile1 I i4ture the ki"s s4ra65lin0 to the front
"oor at the soun" of Da""y>s 4ar in the "ri3eway after so lon0 @the 5rief
hone 4alls fro6 the roa" only 6a0nify a5sen4eA an" Da""y takin0 a few
6o6ents after he turns o2 the i0nition to orient hi6self+ :0ure out who an"
where he is this ti6e/ Yes+ I re4o0ni=e those eole stan"in0 in the "oorway&&
that>s 6y fa6ily/
How e!tensi3e was the transfor6ation1 The rules an" "e4or an" entire
3i5e 4han0in0 fro6 house to house/ In that other =i 4o"e+ Da""y was a ie&
u;n0 te""y 5ear in a sweater 3est+ a throw5a4k to a sit4o6 i"ea of 0enial
aternity+ eelin0 o2 wis"o6 like ?You know+ son+ so6eti6es a 5o"y>s 0ot to
stan" u for hi6self? an" ?We all 0et 5ruise" so6eti6es+ 5ut then we "ust
oursel3es o2 an" say+ (olly+ to6orrow is another "ay/? $o66y was always
takin0 the 5ir" out of the o3en+ she "olle" herself u on Our Anni3ersary an"
they walke" out ar6 in ar6+ they ne3er 6isse" a year/ E3eryone tu4ke" in
ti0ht/ The fa6ily ate to0ether an" 4o66uni4ate"/ An" then Da""y lit out for
this =i 4o"e+ 4han0e" his fa4e+ an" e3erythin0 was re3erse"/ One 6an+ two
houses/ Two fa4es/ Whi4h house you li3e" in+ ki"s+ was the lu4k of the "raw/
You 6i0ht 4all this se4ulation "u65/ Ea4h house 6a"e the other a lie/
None of it was real/ I>6 not so sure/
%an"y an" N* were in the street/ They were 5ent o3er+ lookin0 at
so6ethin0 on the 0roun"/ I yelle"+ ?YoO? They "i"n>t reson"/ I walke" u/
?Look at that+? N* sai"/
?What haene" to it1? I aske"/ The ro5in was lyin0 on the ashalt+ 5ut
it "i"n>t ha3e the fa6iliar trea"&6ark tattoo of 6ost roa"&kill/ It was tiny an"
still/
?%an"y shot it+? N* sai"/
%an"y 0rinne" an" hel" u the BB riFe to show it o2/ It looke" real+ 5ut
that was the oint/ If it looke" real+ you 4oul" reten" it was real+ an" if you
ha" a real 0un you 4oul" reten" to 5e so6eone else/ The 6etal was sleek+
inky 5la4k+ the fake woo" 0rain of the sto4k an" forear6 0lossy in the sun/ ?I
0ot it at Cal"or+? he sai"/
We looke" "own at the ro5in a0ain/
?It Few o3er an" lan"e" on the ower ole an" I 7ust took the shot+?
%an"y sai"/ ?I>3e 5een ra4ti4in0 all "ay/?
?Is it "ea"1? I aske"/
?I "on>t see any 5loo"+? N* answere"/
?$ay5e it>s 7ust a 4on4ussion+? I sai"/
?You shoul" stu2 it an" 6ount it+? N* sai"/
I thou0ht+ ?That>s un4ool+? a 7u"06ent I>" i4ke" u fro6 the stoner
4row" at 6y s4hool+ who ha" "e4i"e" I was ?okay? towar" the en" of the
srin0 se6ester an" let 6e han0 out in their 3i4inity or at least lin0er
un6oleste" as a relu"e to a ro3isional a"otion 5y their 4lan ne!t fall/
@They ha" a Wee" for Ner"s 4harity an" a stron0 4o66it6ent to "i3ersity/A I
like" un4ool 5e4ause it 6eant there was a 4o"e that e3eryone a0ree" on/ The
rules "i"n>t 4han0e&&e3erythin0 in the uni3erse was either 4ool or un4ool+ no
4onfusion/ ?That>s un4ool+? so6eone sai"+ an" ?That is so un4ool+? another
a;r6e"+ the 3oi4e of 7usti4e itself+ nasal an" un4o6li4ate"/
%an"y let N* take the riFe an" N* hel" it in his han"s+ testin0 its
wei0ht/ It looke" soli" an" for6i"a5le/ He ai6e" at in3isi5le knu4klehea"s
loiterin0 at the "ea" en" of the street9 ?Sti4k >e6 uO? He u6e" the sto4k
three ti6es+ 4la4k 4la4k 4la4k+ an" ulle" the tri00er/ An" a0ain/
?It>s e6ty+ "u66y+? %an"y sai"/
We hea"e" into his house to 0et so6e 6ore ?a66o/? %an"y li3e" at
the en" of the street in a lon0 0reen ran4h house with fa"in0 oran0e tri6/ I>"
ne3er 5een insi"e/ He oene" the s4reen "oor an" yelle"+ ?$o6+ I>6 insi"e
with 6y frien"sO+? an" the soun" of a T, "isaeare" as a "oor 4lose" with a
thu"/ I "i"n>t know 6u4h a5out %an"y>s ho6e life+ 5ut I knew his father
wasn>t in the i4ture/
There were fathers who worke" in the 4ity "urin0 the week an" there
were fathers who were a 3ariety of 0one/ I knew %an"y>s father 4a6e out one
weeken" e3ery other su66er 5e4ause I>" hear 6y arents talk a5out it/
?Stanley>s out this weeken" with his youn0 0irlfrien"Ie!ensi3e
4arIsee"5oat+? whate3er ro he was ri"in0 that year/ I assu6e" he "i"n>t
stay on Hillsi"e/
The 5lin"s were tilte" oen+ sen"in0 lanes of li0ht to 4har0e slow&
"an4in0 6otes of hair an" "ea" skin/ N* an" I sat on the lasti4&4o3ere"
furniture while %an"y went into his roo6/ I s6elle" "o0+ an" re6e65ere" a
re4ent 4on3ersation with %an"y a5out his "o0+ Ti0er+ a 4o4ker saniel who
ha" 4hoke" on a ie4e of roe an" "ie" two years a0o/ I noti4e" so6e white
fur trae" un"erneath the lasti4 on the uholstery an" e!erien4e" a
"o4tor>s&o;4e wa3e of ner3ousness/
?Can we sit "own here1? I aske"/
?What "o you think the lasti4>s for1? N* sai"/
%an"y returne" an" le" us out throu0h the kit4hen into the 5a4kyar"/
Brown lea3es "rifte" in tiny "irty ools in the 5utts of 4hairs/ Behin" the
house was woo"s+ allowin0 hi6 to 4on3ert the atio into a :rin0 ran0e/ He>"
"ra00e" the 5ar5e4ue 0rill to the e"0e of the trees&&I saw a line of ashes in a
trail&&an" aroun" its three feet lay 4ans an" 4us ri""le" with tiny holes/
%an"y set u a Si! $illion Dollar $an a4tion :0ure on the 0rill>s li"/ It took a
few tries to 0et hi6 to stan" u strai0ht/ We>" out0rown tyin0 ar6y 6en to
5ottle ro4kets+ failure itself "esite our "elusions of NASA&like 4o6eten4e+ so
this was a lo0i4al e!tension of a4tion&:0ure a5use/
?Le66e 0et a shot+? N* 5e00e"/
?I 0o :rst+? %an"y tol" hi6+ with the i6erious tone he>" 6astere"
"urin0 his stint as the 'i" with the Car/
Ste3e Austin+ the Si! $illion Dollar $an+ who ha" 5een re5uilt at 0reat
e!ense with ta!ayers> 6oney+ stoo" on the re" "o6e+ his 5ioni4 han"s in
eternal sear4h of ne4ks to throttle/ %an"y took ai6/ Ste3e Austin stare"
i6assi3ely+ his e!tensi3e ti6e on the oeratin0 ta5le ha3in0 0rante" hi6 a
stoi4>s <uiet 0ra4e/ It took :3e shots+ %an"y u6in0 an" 4la4kin0 the sto4k
with in4reasin0 fury as we o5ser3e" his shitty 6arks6anshi/ Ste3e Austin
tu65le" o2 the li" an" lay on his si"e+ his ose un"istur5e" in the "irt/ Di"n>t
e3en 5link/ They really knew how to 6ake an a4tion :0ure 5a4k then/
?I want to 0et the otional s4oe for 0reater a44ura4y? %an"y
e!laine"+ ?5ut that 4osts 6ore 6oney/?
?Le66e try that shit now+? N* sai"/
I left soon after/ I threw out a ?You 0uys want to hea" to East Ha6ton
to 5uy re4or"s1? 5ut no one 5it/ I thou0ht we were ast layin0 with 0uns/ I
walke" aroun" the si"e of the house an" when I 0ot 5a4k into the street the
5ir" was 0one/
That was the :rst 0un/ The ne!t 0un was Bo55y>s/ This one was a
istol+ a reli4a of a C66/ We were in his roo6/ Bo55y ha" in3ite" 6e to lay
Lo"e %unner on his Ale IIU+ 5ut when we 0ot u there+ he "u0 un"er his
6attress an" ulle" out the BB istol/
I 7erke" 6y hea" towar" the oen "oor/ ?What a5out your 0ran"a1?
He ointe" to his alar6 4lo4k/ It was G9ME *$/ Whi4h 6eant his
0ran"father ha" 5een aslee for :3e 6inutes/ Bo55y>s arents returne" on
weeken"s+ like ours+ 5ut in his 4ase he was not 4o6letely unsuer3ise"/ His
0ran"arents 4a6e out for the entire su66er to 6ake sure he 0ot fe"/ But
after G9MH+ Bo55y 4rawle" o3er the wall/
His 0ran"arents were frien"s of the :rst 0eneration+ 5ut they>" ne3er
5ou0ht a house "urin0 the 0ol" rush/ They staye" with als on weeken"s+
an" then Bo55y>s arents starte" rentin0 a house in the >GHs+ u the street
fro6 our ol" house on He6stea"+ whi4h is how he 5e4a6e su4h an inte0ral
art of our 4rew/ His fa6ily ha" 5uilt the house u in Nine3ah two years a0o+
an i6osin0 0ray 5ea4h house o3erlookin0 the 5ay fro6 on hi0h/ I re6e65er
layin0 Alien *rison Cell in the 4e6ent foun"ation when the 4onstru4tion
workers were o2 sla4kin0/ Slintery an" 3erti0o&in"u4in0 stairs le" "own the
"une to the water/ It was a 5i0 la4e&&6ost of the :rst&wa3e houses were
sin0le&story&&with a 0uest roo6 "ownstairs an" three 5e"roo6s ustairs/
Bo55y>s 0ran"arents staye" on the :rst Foor+ so we ha" a state&of&
the&art slier&on&stairs warnin0 syste6 in 4ase his 0ran"father+ a0ainst all
o""s+ was still utterin0 aroun" ast G9MH/ In the 0reat lo4al tra"ition+ his
0ran"6other staye" in her roo6 at all hours+ o44asionally su66onin0 Bo55y
in for 4onferen4es fro6 whi4h he>" e6er0e with a :3e&or ten&"ollar 5ill for
?treats/? I "on>t think I saw her that whole su66er/ His 0ran"father was a real
0entle 0uy+ always kin" to our 6an0y 5un4h when we 4a6e o3er/ (entle in
that way that sai" he>" seen a lot of ra4ist shit in his life an" was 0la" that
thin0s ha" turne" out 5etter for his 4hil"ren an" 0ran"4hil"ren/ That 4ool ol"
5ree"/ His "au0hter ha" 6arrie" another Brooklynite&&not a Sa0 0uy+
althou0h he 0rew u with Sa0 ki"s in the o2&season an" knew the 6yth&&an"
now they ha" :nally arri3e"/ He ha" a ri0ht to 5e rou"/ An" a ri0ht to 0et
so6e "a6n slee at the :rst hints of twili0ht/
?$e an" N* went with %an"y to Cal"or an" 0ot one+? Bo55y sai"/ ?He
0ot the sil3er one+ 5ut I wante" the 5la4k one/ It>s the 7oint+ ri0ht1? Of 4ourse
%an"y was the fa4ilitator/ Seein0 %an"y fon"le his riFe+ 0i3en its otential+
ha" the ara"o!i4al e2e4t of 6akin0 hi6 look like a 6onstrously o3er0rown
5a5y/ He 6i0ht as well ha3e 5een su4kin0 his thu65/ Bo55y>s real&lookin> 0un
allowe" hi6 to in"ul0e his har"&ro4k fantasies an" 5ury his "ee re&s4hool
weakness/ Hi"e his 0ran"father>s soft features in the s4owl of a thu0+ the
thu0 of his in3erte" West4hester fantasies/ A kin" of 5la4kfa4e/
?(re0 Da3is>s 4ousin has a 0un like this+? Bo55y sai"+ s<uintin0 "own
the istol>s si0ht/ ?I saw it on4e at his house/ You know what he>s into+ ri0ht1?
?No+ what1?
?You know+ so6e har"&4ore shit/ He was in 7ail/? He hel" it out/ ?Do you
want to hol" it1?
?No+ that>s all ri0ht/?
?What are you+ a ussy1?
I shru00e"/
?$e an" %e00ie were shootin0 stu2 o3er at the Creek to"ay+? Bo55y
sai"/ ?He has 0oo" ai6/ He shoul" 5e a snier in the Ar6y Cors/?
I>" seen %e00ie 5efore he went o2 to Bur0er 'in0+ aske" hi6 what he>"
5een u to/ ?Nothin0/?
?Let 6e see that+? I sai"/ It was hea3ier than it looke"/ Its insi"es "ense
with 4ause an" e2e4t/ I 4urle" 6y :n0er aroun" the tri00er/ Okay/ (ot the
0ist/ I reten"e" to stu"y it for a few 6ore 6o6ents an" 0a3e it 5a4k to
Bo55y/
?I>6 0oin0 to 5rin0 this shit to s4hool+? Bo55y sai"/ He ut his 4ra=y
fa4e on/ ?Sti4k u so6e ink 6otherfu4kers/ Bla&5la6O?
Whi4h was 5ullshit/ Huntin0 reies&&the Dea"liest (a6e of All&&woul"
4ut into his "aily 3i0il outsi"e the 4olle0e 4ounselor>s o;4e/ Desite his
re4ent theatri4s/ This BB&0un shit was 6akin0 eole a4t like "u66ies/
To wit9 he ointe" it at 6e/ ?Han"s in the airO?
I shiel"e" 6y eyes with 6y han"/ ?(et that shit outta 6y fa4eO?
He lau0he"/ ?Hot oilO Hot oilO? he sai"+ rollin0 his eyes 6ani4ally/
?Shoot 6y eye out+? I sai"/ %e00ie ha" starte" sayin0 ?Hot oilO Hot oilO?
whene3er I 5osse" hi6 aroun" or sai" so6ethin0 la6e/ After the twentieth
ti6e+ I aske" hi6 why he ket sayin0 that+ an" he sai" there was a se6i&
retar"e" 0uy who worke" at Bur0er 'in0 throu0h a se4ial ro0ra6+ an" he
always 0ot a0itate" when he walke" 5y the fryers+ s<uealin0 ?Hot oilO Hot
oilO? to re6in" hi6self/
?Don>t worry/ I 0ot the safety on+? Bo55y sai"+ ullin0 the tri00er/ The
BB shot out+ hit the wall+ ri4o4hete" into his 4o6uter 6onitor+ 5oun4e"
a0ainst the win"ow+ an" "isaeare" un"er his 5e"/ ?Sorry+ 6anO Sorry+
sorryO? he yele"/ Downstairs+ one 6i0ht 4on7e4ture+ 0ran"a stirre" in his
slee/
At least it was a lasti4 BB/ %an"y ha" 4oer BBs an" Bo55y ha"
lasti4 BBs at that oint/ The lasti4 ones "i"n>t hurt that 6u4h/ The 4oer
ones 4oul" "o so6e real "a6a0e+ thou0h+ as I saw the ne!t week when I
foun" 6yself out on ?tar0et ra4ti4e/? We were on our way to Bri"0eha6ton
to walk aroun"/ $e+ %an"y "ri3in0+ Cli3e+ an" N* Then %an"y ulle" into the
arkin0 lot of $ashashi6uet *ark/
?I thou0ht we were 0oin0 to Bri"0eha6ton+? I sai"/
?After we 0o shootin0+? %an"y sai"/ He slie" the 4ar keys into his
o4ket/
We walke" into the trails 5ehin" the ark/ N* 4arrie" a 6ol"y
4ar"5oar" 5o!/ When I aske" hi6 what was insi"e he sai"+ ?That woul" 5e
tellin0/? I followe" 5ehin" %an"y an" N*+ an" ahea" of Cli3e+ a44or"in0 to a
5elo3e" sur3i3or s4enario fro6 the ol" "ays/ The trails+ you see+ were
6aintaine" 5y the wheels of i4kus+ 6otor5ikes+ an" AT,s+ whi4h 0roun"
"own foolhar"y wee"s+ 4hurne" u the "irt+ an" snae" o2 the 5ran4hes of
the sa" oaks an" sti4ker 5ushes to the si"e/ Where the trails oene" into
s6all 4learin0s+ we "is4o3ere" roof of ol"er ki"Ire"ne4k resen4e&&ol" 5eer
4ans an" 4i0arette 5utts+ sure+ 5ut also shot0un shells/ The woo"s 5etween
towns were the "o6ain of 0oo" ol" 5oys an" their 0oo"&ol"&5oy in4linations/
Out of rea4h of the law+ out of earshot+ they 4oul" 0et "own to the 5usiness
of shootin> thin0s/ We ne3er in all our su66ers 4a6e a4ross another soul out
there+ 5ut su4h a thin0 was 7ust a 6atter of ti6e+ surely/ Walk towar" the rear
of the a4k 5ut ahea" of the last 0uy+ an" you ha" insulatin0 5o"ies to
rote4t you in 4ase of a65ush/
Or so 6y youn0 self theori=e"/ To"ay we were ar6e"/
%an"y ha" the sot all i4ke" out/ The a5an"one" 'ar6ann (hia/ It
6a"e sense/ We>" trie" to 6ake a laythin0 of it 6any a 5ore"o6&4ra=e"
afternoon+ 5ut it was too ruste" to aroa4h an" roerly in4ororate into
hi0h 7inks 5eyon" throwin0 ro4ks throu0h the "win"lin0 win"ows/ We were a
"utiful an" tetanus&ho5i4 0rou+ lo4k7aw 5ein0 the 6ost sinister 3illain we
4oul" i6a0ine/ ?His fa4e twiste" into a 0ri6a4e of horror/? But not any6ore/
The 0uns 0a3e us the "istan4e to hasten the 4ar>s ruin/
Whene3er you saw the re" 'ar6ann (hia+ that "e5ase" 3i4ti6 of the
%ust (o"s+ so6e other ki"s ha" rie" o2 another ie4e in the interi6/ The
hu54as+ the 6irrors/ One "ay the win"shiel" wiers were stu4k out like
antennae+ an" no one tou4he" the6 5e4ause the e2e4t was 4ool+ satisfyin0
a"oles4ent aestheti4s of "estru4tion/ Another su66er we 3enture" out an"
the uholstery hun0 out of the "ri3er>s win"ow like a 0hastly ton0ue/ 'i"s all
o3er like to 6utilate it/ Sin4e this is a What Haene" tale+ I won"er how the
4ar 0ot there+ who owne" it/ A5an"one" 5y 7oyri"ers+ left to "ie 5y a
su66erin0 se4i6en who 4oul"n>t kee u the ay6ents/ Ha" I seen the6
7ust the "ay 5efore+ these fa4eless el"ers+ sailin0 throu0h the 4rosswalk in
their new fa5 ri"e e3en thou0h I ha" the ri0ht of way+ ha" I ser3e" the6 i4e
4rea6 at Jonni WaJe for no ti+ "i" they throw a HushO our way when we 0ot
too lou" at Con4a D>Oro1 We "i"n>t know ea4h other 5ut we ha" this hi""en
link/ We were relate" 5y rust/
%an"y>s :rst atte6ts were unse4ta4ular/ But as his ai6 i6ro3e"
an" he :0ure" out the key ressure oints+ a BB "isinte0rate" a ni4e se4tion
of the 4ar>s weakene" fra6e instea" of =iin0 strai0ht throu0h an" lea3in0 a
tiny :n0erti&si=e" hole you ha" to 0et u 4lose to see/ ?You see how I u6
it1? %an"y aske" rhetori4ally/ ?The 6ore you u6 it+ the faster the #*S/? #eet
er se4on"+ I 0uesse"+ an" later 4on:r6e" when I sat on so6e ket4hu&
staine" riFe literature in the 5a4kseat of %an"y>s 4ar/ ?Low #*S is 0oo" if you
7ust want to s4are a "eer or another 4ritter o2 your roerty/ Hi0her #*S is
when you really want to sen" a 6essa0e/? Yee&hawO
N* an" Cli3e took turns with N*>s istol&&%an"y 4lun0 ti0ht to his 5a5y
to"ay&&an" while it was "i3ertin0 for a while+ I starte" to won"er if we ha"
enou0h ti6e to "ri3e to Bri"0eha6ton an" 5a4k 5efore 6y shift/
?We 7ust 0ot here+ "a0+? N* sai"/
?I>6 not rea"y to 0o+? %an"y sai" as he reloa"e" his riFe/ His 4ar+ his
keys/
Cli3e ha" taken a few shots/ He was the only sensi5le one a6on0 us+
5ut he see6e" to 5e en7oyin0 hi6self/ ?Why "on>t you 0o an" try it1? he
aske" 6e/ Co&ot the 4o6lainer/
I thou0ht a5out %e00ie an" Bo55y takin0 otshots at s<uirrels an"
"ea" horseshoe 4ra5s/ I took N*>s 0un/ I"enti4al to Bo55y>s+ e!4et in sil3er/
Cli3e o2ere" the 4arton of BBs to 6e/ In their s6all 5lue 5o!+ the
4oerhea"s turne" 6olten in the sun/ N* sai"+ ?Let>s 5reak out the stu2+?
an" oene" the 5o! he>" 5rou0ht alon0/ It was :lle" with ite6s s4a3en0e"
fro6 his 5ase6ent+ a or4elain 3ase+ a 5un4h of "rinkin0 0lasses with 0roo3y
>NHs "esi0ns+ a Nerf foot5all with tooth 6arks in it+ a 5ottle of re" nail olish+
an" other 7unk 4hosen for its 5reaka5le <ualities/
?Here+ "o the ra"io+? N* sai"/ ?Don>t shootO? He "u0 into the 5o! an"
er4he" an ol" transistor ra"io on to of the 'ar6ann (hia/ I took 6y ti6e/ I
wie" the sweat o2 6y forehea"/ I hel" 6y shootin0 ar6 with 6y left han"+
0unslin0er style/ Drew a 5ea"/
The ra"io 6a"e a sa" ?Tin0O+? tottere" in 4hea susense+ an" fell in
the "irt/ I>" hit the ra"io towar" the to+ kno4kin0 it o2&5alan4e/ The wor"s
?Center of (ra3ity? o44urre" to 6e+ se4on"han" tra4k&an"&:el" lin0o fro6 6y
3ain atte6t to la4e out of */E/ that srin0 throu0h the 0lory of hi0h 7u6/ I
4oul"n>t throw a 5all worth shit with 6y 0irly ar6 5ut so6ehow I>" hit the
ra"io/ N* an" Cli3e whooe" it u+ slain0 6e on the 5a4k/ Cli3e o2ere" a
terse ?(oo" shootin0+? like a "rill instru4tor tryin0 not to 5e too a;r6in0/ I
0rinne"/
We ositione" the other reli4s fro6 N*>s 5ase6ent/ The 3ase "i"n>t
e!lo"e+ 5ut ea4h ti6e it was hit+ another 7a00e" se4tion fell o2 so we 4oul"
see 6ore of its insi"es/ It :nally 4ollase" on its own while we were reloa"in0/
I ai6e" at an ol" la6sha"e of rain5ow&4olore" 0lass+ an" while I "i"n>t re&
4reate the swell 6arks6anshi of 6y :rst atte6t+ I ha" to a"6it it was fun/
Not the shootin0 itself+ 5ut the satisfa4tion of "is4o3erin0 a new way to kill a
4hunk of su66er/ It was like s4rain0 out a little 4a3e+ 6akin0 a new sa4e in
the hours to hi"e in for a ti6e/
I la4e" the :nal 3i4ti6 on to of the 4ar&&the neon&0reen Nerf foot5all/
We>" sa3e" it for last 5e4ause nothin0 toe" Nerf a5use/ It was %an"y>s
turn+ 5ut N* esta5lishe" "i5s+ as it was his Nerf 5all/ Whi4h+ lookin0 5a4k+ was
a rare 4ase of one of us 4hallen0in0 %an"y+ sin4e he ha" the 4ar/ It turne" out
N* 4oul"n>t hit it/ Ti6e after ti6e/ We>" 5een out there in the sun an" were
"ehy"rate"/ The rush+ the no3elty+ was 0one+ an" we all felt it/
#inally+ N* 0a3e u an" han"e" his istol to Cli3e/ %an"y sai"+ ?N*
4oul"n>t hit the 5roa" si"e of a 5arn+? that hoary 6arks6an>s slur/
N* e!lo"e"/ He ha" ut&"owns to sare+ 5ut now he 0rase" after his
tra"e6ark :nesse/ ?I 4oul" hit your fat fu4kin> ass :ne+ you fu4kin> %erun fro6
What>s Haenin0&lookin0 6otherfu4ker/?
?What the fu4k "i" you say1?
?You fu4kin> 5is4uit&eatin> 5it4hO?
%an"y>s hours of i4kin0 o2 his ol" toys in the 5a4kyar" :nally foun"
their true outlet/ He stroke" his riFe+ 4la4k 4la4k+ an" starte" shootin0 the "irt
at N*>s feet/ ?Dan4e+ ni00er+ "an4eO? he shoute"+ in Ol"e West saloon fashion+
whi4h was retty fu4ke" u+ an" the 4oerhea"s "etonate" in the 0roun" in
5rief u2s/ N* skie" fro6 foot to foot+ his 5ri0ht white sneakers Fashin0
like surren"er Fa0s/ ?Dan4eO? I "on>t think %an"y was ai6in0 at N*>s feet+ 5ut
I 4oul"n>t 5e sure/ What if he 6isse"1 One of those BBs+ "een"in0 on the
#*S+ woul" ri throu0h the sneaker+ "e:nitely/ ?Dan4eO? How 6u4h "eeer+ I
"i"n>t know/
Cli3e an" 6e shoute" for %an"y to kno4k it o2/ We were on either si"e
of hi6+ out of ran0e+ 6akin0 it easier to 4onfront hi6/ Cli3e took a ste
towar" %an"y+ han"s out "efensi3ely/ He was fast enou0h to rush hi6+ 5ut
ne3ertheless/ %an"y 0lare" at Cli3e+ I swear he 6a"e a 4al4ulation+ an" then
lowere" the riFe with a ?I was 7ust layin0/?
N* 4har0e" %an"y+ 4ursin0 like a 6otherfu4ker/ Cli3e restraine" hi6/
?That>s un4ool+? I sai"+ 5ut no one 4hi6e" in with the other&shoe ?That>s so
un4ool/? The 5oys 5oile" o2 in their neutral 4orners an" we left soon after+
s4rat4hin0 the Bri"0eha6ton e!4ursion without "is4ussion/
I HADN>T SEEN THAT in a lon0 ti6e+ that ol" :0htin0 thin0 we use" to
"o/ We use" to :0ht ea4h other all the ti6e out in Sa0/ We hone" se4ial
knu4kle un4hes+ wherein the knu4kle of the 6i""le :n0er was 4o4ke"
un"erneath 5y the thu65 for lethal 5lows+ a44or"in0 to our lore/ %eena4te"
kun0 fu oses fro6 Bru4e Lee>s too&5rief oeu3re while wrinklin0 our fa4es into
$uha66a" Ali frowns an" tryin0 to re6e65er the ositions of key ner3e
4lusters/ There were la4es on the 5o"y known to a:4iona"os+ 3ulnera5le to a
sin0le 5low/ An" that 6eant 6e+ too+ for a ti6e+ "esite re3ious "es4ritions
of 6y te6era6ent an" ersonality/ No+ really/ It>s how we were raise"/
I 0ot 6y trainin0 early/ One ni0ht in the fourth 0ra"e I was layin0 with
6y Star Wars a4tion :0ures when I hear" 6y father yell ?Ben7a6inO? fro6 the
li3in0 roo6/ I "roe" (ree"o i66e"iately/ I>" 6o3e" on fro6 layin0 the
Cau4asian heroes of the Star Wars uni3erse+ referrin0 instea" the alien an"
ar6ore" an" 6aske"/ I>" 5een Luke Skywalker for a lon0 ti6e+ the 5ri0ht rays
of the whole ?0reat "estiny? thin0 aealin0 to 6y o3er4ast soul+ an" then
Han Solo+ his wise4ra4kin0 ease in the fa4e of har"shi a kin" of tutela0e/ A
li0ht sa5er for a 5laster istol/ Then I "e4i"e" that 5ein0 the6 was tainte"/ I>"
seen so6ethin0 on T, a5out it/ One Sun"ay 6ornin0 6y arents were
wat4hin0 the 5la4k a2airs show Like It Is+ when (il No5le wel4o6e" a
sy4holo0ist who raile" a0ainst Bar5ies an" the 4ult of the 5lon"e/ (ray
wa3es swet throu0h his Afro an" he wore a 0reen&an"&yellow "ashiki+ a
sil3er Bla4k *ower :st han0in0 on a 4hain aroun" his ne4k/ Swear to (o"/ He
"es4ri5e" a stu"y where a 0rou of 5la4k 4hil"ren was tol" to ?i4k the retty
"oll+? an" when they asse" o3er the 5rown rin4esses+ ti6e after ti6e+ what
was there to say1 ?Why are our 4hil"ren 5ein0 tau0ht to hate the6sel3es1?
Bar5ie+ Luke/ Brainwashe" 5y the E3il E6ire/
Bla4k was 5eautiful+ 5ut 5la4k "i"n>t e!ist in the re&Lan"o Calrissian
Star Wars uni3erse 5eyon" the 6ale3olent 5la4k of Darth ,a"er/ @An" what
a5out Lan"o>s trea4hery in the Clou" City of Besin on4e he "i" aear1
Sellin0 Han out+ hittin0 on his la"y/ So6e role 6o"el/A So in 6y 0a6es I
5e4a6e (ree"o+ the 0reen+ s4alloe"&eare"+ 5u0&eye" ne6esis of Han Solo+
or rather in 6y 6ytholo0y+ another alien fro6 his ho6e lanet of %o"io&&
(ree"o>s 4ousin/ Hen4e the fa6ily rese65lan4e an" re"ile4tion for ri55e"
5o"ysuits/ He was a 0oo" ki"+ on the strai0ht an" narrow+ unlike his relati3e/
Or I was a Death Star Droi" with hu6an ro0ra66in0 @not 6u4h of a stret4hA
or a "efe4tin0 Stor6trooer+ skin o5s4ure" 5ehin" the ar6or lates of the
E6ire/ In 6y roo6+ (ree"o>s 4ousin re"ee6e" his eole throu0h his ri3ate
war a0ainst the for4es of e3il/ He was ?a 4re"it to his ra4e/?
?(et in hereO? I 7u6e" u/
So6eone ha" ratte" 6e out/ %e00ie only ratte" 6e out if we were
:0htin0 5e4ause it was a risky roosition&&you ne3er knew when our father
woul" intro"u4e an o5s4ure su54lause in the fa6ily rules of 4on"u4t+
so6ethin0 alon0 the lines of ?You shoul" ha3e known 5etter than to let your
5rother "o that+? whereuon the rat was in4lu"e" in his 5rother>s unish6ent/
Take his 5elt o2 loo after loo an" 5eat 5oth of us/ Don>t 4ry or you>ll 0et
so6e 6ore/ 'et you on your toes/ But we>" 5een 0ettin0 alon0+ %e00ie an"
6e+ an" in fa4t I ha" loane" hi6 twenty&:3e 4ents that 6ornin0 at 6y usual
?it "ou5les e3ery $on"ay? interest rate+ for hi6 to 5uy sna4ks/ He :en"e" for
$un4hos+ 5lowin0 throu0h his allowan4e 5y 6i"week like a 7unkie/
I 5eat it out of our roo6 an" re3iewe" the last few "ays for any slius/
I 4oul"n>t think of anythin0/ I ha" thrown two stalks of 5ro44oli into the
0ar5a0e+ 5ut I was sure that no one ha" seen 6e+ an" it ha" 5een al6ost a
year sin4e I 0ot into trou5le for not 4leanin0 6y late/ $ay5e that rule was
still 5ein0 enfor4e"+ 6ay5e it wasn>t+ you ne3er knew/ The rules 4a6e+ the
rules went+ new rules were intro"u4e"/ Then I re6e65ere" that I>" worn
sli0htly wrinkle" khaki sla4ks to s4hool that 6ornin0/ After 5ein0 inter4ete"
on our way out the "oor one "ay+ we>" 5een a"6onishe" @that>s not the wor"
5ut that wor" will "oA for wearin0 wrinkle" 4lothin0 an" fro6 then on we ha"
to lay out the ne!t "ay>s 4lothes 5efore we went to 5e"+ for inse4tion/ It ha"
to 5e the khakis/ I>" taken a 4han4e that 6y father woul"n>t 4he4k the6+ an"
I>" lost/
He was on the 4ou4h/ The T, was o2+ a 5a" si0n/ He sai"+ ?Your 6other
tells 6e you 0ot into a :0ht at s4hool to"ay/? I ha" a 5un4h of thou0hts all at
on4e/ B/ $y 6other ha" ratte" 6e out/ L/ I "i"n>t ha3e to re3en0e 6yself
a0ainst %e00ie+ an" I>" ha3e to sa3e the two or three lans I>" "e3ise" on the
short walk to the li3in0 roo6 for another "ay/ M/ It wasn>t the khakis+ so I
4oul" risk another wrinkle"4lothes "ay in the future/ Q/ I ha" no i"ea what he
was talkin0 a5out/ But this was a fa6iliar situation/ #a6iliar as in+ fa6ily/
I looke" at 6y 6other/ She "i"n>t 6o3e/ There was that way she use"
to sit in these situations+ ri0ht+ I re6e65er now/ I sai"+ ?I "i"n>t 0et into a
:0ht to"ay/?
He looke" at 6y 6other an" then he looke" at 6e/ He sai"+ ?Your
6other sai" so6e 5oy 4alle" you a ni00er at s4hool to"ay/?
Oh+ he was talkin0 a5out that/ A week a0o+ "urin0 sna4k 5reak+ Tony
%ee4e ha" "one so6ethin0 weir" to 6e/ It was Tony %ee4e>s :rst year at our
s4hool/ His father was a 5i0wi0 at the #ren4h e65assy/ The hea"6aster an"
foun"er of our s4hool was #ren4h an" a nu65er of #ren4h "i0nitaries sent
their ki"s there+ whi4h 6eant that we wat4he" a lot of #ran4ois Tru2aut
6o3ies an" we 4ele5rate" *aris Day on4e a year+ where we ate 4roissants
an" ain au 4ho4olat while the #ren4h tea4hers share" so6e 6otherlan"
tales+ like 4hil"hoo" re6inis4en4es a5out wat4hin0 4olla5orators 0et their
hea"s sha3e"/ They snat4he" the hair fro6 the 0roun" as sou3enirs/ ?You
A6eri4ans were so sho4ke" at Water0ate+? our 6usi4 tea4her $a"a6e
$a6elo4k tol" us one "ay/ ?We ha3e ne3er 5elie3e" in the owerful/ The
owerful are liars/? I was si!/
Tony %ee4e only laste" a few years/ He was a skinny little 5oy with
"ark eyes an" a sinister u&4url to the left si"e of his 6outh/ On his :rst "ay+
he ate his lun4h on a white han"ker4hief that he unfol"e" "eli4ately an"
la4e" on his "esk/ We all lau0he" at hi6 an" he ne3er "i" it a0ain+ 5ut he
was 4onstantly en 0ar"e fro6 that 6o6ent on+ fearful of these hot&"o0&eatin>
heathens an" their New Worl" 4ruelties/
The "ay 6y father was askin0 a5out+ a 5un4h of us were 0oo:n0
aroun" "urin0 Sna4k/ An"rea %aaort ha" 7ust 4o6e 5a4k fro6 Saint
Tho6as an" her fa4e was ink+ 5rown s4ales witherin0 on her nose/ We
ha"n>t 5een on srin0 3a4ation&&she>" 0otten her s4hool&work for the week in
a"3an4e an" "one it in 5etween tris to the ool/ That>s how her fa6ily
rolle"/ There was a "is4ussion a5out tannin0 while on 3a4ation+ the ros an"
4ons+ the 3arious theories of how 6u4h was ?too 6u4h tannin0+? fro6 whi4h I
a5staine"+ an" then Tony %ee4e rea4he" o3er to 6y fa4e+ "ra00e" a :n0er
"own 6y 4heek+ an" sai"+ ?Look&&it "oesn>t 4o6e o2/?
He sni4kere"+ the ri0ht 4orner of his 6outh 4urlin0 u to 4o6le6ent
the left+ an" I "i"n>t 0et his 6eanin0 an" then I reali=e"+ 0i3en the 4onte!t of
the 4on3ersation+ that he was talkin0 a5out 6y 5rownness/ The other ki"s
looke" at one another+ an" what "o fourth 0ra"ers know a5out thin0s+ I "on>t
know+ 5ut they knew wron0ness when it haene" ri0ht in front of the6 an"
An"y Stern who was 6y frien" sai"+ ?Shut u+ Tony %ee4e? an" sho3e" his
shoul"er/ ?Where>s your hankie+ #ren4hie1? E3ery5o"y lau0he" at Tony %ee4e/
The 5ell ran0 for So4ial Stu"ies+ an" we returne" to our "esks/ I>" tol" 6y
6other a5out it an hour or two 5efore I was 4alle" to the li3in0 roo6+
so6ethin0 to kill the ti6e while she tosse" eer on the ork 4hos/
I sai"+ ?Oh+ that was last week/? To 0et the fa4ts strai0ht/ This was a
6isun"erstan"in0/ ?He "i"n>t say that/? I relate" 6y 3ersion of the in4i"ent/
$y father looke" at 6y 6other an" then he looke" at 6e/ ?>It "oesn>t
4o6e o2+>? he sai"/ ?He was 4allin0 you a ni00er/ What "i" you think he was
"oin01?
?I "on>t know? slie" out of 6y 6outh an" I knew I ha" 6esse" u
5e4ause he hate" ?I "on>t know/? There was no ur4hase there/ A4tually+ I
think 6ay5e he like" ?I "on>t know? 5e4ause then he 0ot to ry you oen/
?Why "i"n>t you un4h hi6 like I tol" you1?
?I "on>t know/? I sai" it a0ain+ I 4oul"n>t hel it/
?You were afrai" he was 0oin0 to hit you 5a4k/?
I 4oul"n>t say no an" "isa0ree with hi6/ So I "e4i"e" to a0ree with hi6/
?Yes/? Surely if I stoe" stru00lin0+ tryin0 to wi00le out of this+ I>" <ui4kly 5e
(ree"o a0ain/
?Like this1? His fast fast han" stru4k 6e a4ross the fa4e an" iron rolle"
aroun" in 6y hea" an" 6y 4heek ulse" with heat an" felt like it ha" swollen
u to twi4e its si=e/ When I looke" in the 6irror later+ it looke" nor6al+ if a 5it
re"+ 5ut that>s what it felt like/ I hear" Elena an" %e00ie 4lose the "oors to
their roo6s+ 5ut how 4oul" I hear that really+ 5e4ause they were too far away+
5ut I 7ust knew that>s what they "i" 5e4ause that>s what we always "i"/ In
these situations/
?Can he hit you har"er than this1? he aske"+ an" he swatte" 6e a0ain+
har"er/
$y eye5alls 5o55e" in their water/ In the 4orner of 6y 3ision+ 6y
6other un4rosse" her le0s/ I sai"+ ?I "on>t know/?
He swatte" 6e in the fa4e a0ain+ har"er/ This ti6e I was rea"y an" I
tol" 6yself+ "on>t fall o3er/ ?Can he hit you har"er than that1? he aske"/
?No+? I sai"/
?Then there>s nothin0 to 5e afrai" of/? A ause/ I was 5reathin0 a lot
throu0h 6y nose/ ?Don>t you 4ry now+? he sai"+ so I "i"n>t/ ?Who>s 0oin0 to
rote4t you if you "on>t "o it1 $e1 Your 6other1 The worl">s not 0oin0 to
rote4t you/ That>s what I>6 tryin0 to tea4h you/?
The lesson was+ Don>t 5e afrai" of 5ein0 hit+ 5ut o3er the years I took it
as+ No one 4an hurt you 6ore than I 4an/ The sa6e en" result+ really/ The
ne!t 6ornin0 I went u to Tony %ee4e an" un4he" hi6 in his fa4e an" sent
hi6 Fyin0 a0ainst his "esk/ No reer4ussions/
S)$$E%S WE B%AWLED/ We were hun0ry for sli0ht+ for ro3o4ations
5i0 an" s6all+ an" when one "i"n>t aear+ we tru6e" u 4har0es/ Turf/ The
6ore whole you were+ the 6ore turf you ha"/ You 4oul" tolerate the
o44asional tresass/ But if you ha" so little turf that you felt like you 5arely
ha" any air1 You tol" so6eone they ha" 4rosse" a line they "i"n>t know
e!iste"/ Then you un4he" the6 in the fa4e/
The :rst e<uations of 6anhoo"/ (enerally you un4he" so6eone
youn0er an" s6aller/ Co66on sense/ A 6ore e3en 6at4h was so6eti6es
una3oi"a5le/ The stan"ar" :0ht was 5rief an" awkwar"/ A <ui4k 5low to the
fa4e sent you into your fa3orite stan4e+ one that 4annot 5e foun" in any
5o!in0 ri6er in the lan"+ or sent you sear4hin0 after a 4herishe" 6artial&arts
6o3ie ose+ *rayin0 $antis+ Turtle *osition/ The tra"itional eithets were
o2ere"+ stran0e ersonal oaths 6uttere"+ an" thin0s <ui4kly "e0enerate"
into a sla :0ht+ an" then the ine3ita5le innin0 to the 0roun" 5y this "ay>s
fa3ore" son/ The other 0uy Foe" in hea"lo4ke" futility+ "irt 6ashe" into
Afro an" s4al that woul" take e!tra :n0ernail s4raes in the shower to
re6o3e+ an" we stee" in to 5reak it u/
You ne3er fou0ht unless there was an au"ien4e/ On the si"elines we
i4ke" our 5oy an" he4kle"/ ?Oh+ shitO? ?He fu4kin> whoe" that ni00erO?
?%oe&a&"oeO? Last week>s throw "own with one of the :0hters 4a6e 5a4k in
a Fash&&sunli0ht reelin0 as your hea" was kno4ke" 5a4k+ the arena li0hts
throu0h the lea3es&&for4in0 you to root for his oonent/ Beefs an"
"isa0ree6ents fro6 years ast er3erte" the 4on3entional 5ettin0 wis"o6/
We lai" our 5ets 5ase" not on see"+ wei0ht 4lass+ or :0htin0 re4or"+ 5ut
0ru"0e/ In Au0ust BCGD+ Ni4k 5roke the :n o2 Cli3e>s Air %o4ket an" refuse"
to ay for the "a6a0es/ Hen4e Cli3e>s insisten4e that Bo55y ?Beat that
ni00erO? "urin0 the Bo55y&Ni4k *u0ilists in *olo series of 5outs in the su66er
of BCDH/ $ar4us ate 6y last Twi==ler "urin0 a 6atinee of Her5ie (oes to
$onte Carlo+ on urose e3en thou0h he "enie" it+ an" this was the
5a4kstory when I ser3e"+ 6etahori4ally+ as Cli3e>s 4ut 6an "urin0 the
Show"own of >DB/ But short&ter6 6e6ory entere" in as well/ Sen" a
satisfyin0 roun" of han0in0 out the re3ious afternoon with so6eone+ an"
you were in their 4orner if so6ethin0 oe" o2+ 5roken toys an" stolen
Twi==lers 5e "a6ne"/
The winner was 0enerally whoe3er wante" it 6ore+ an" 0enerally that
was so6eone who>" ha" a 5a" weeken" or knew they ha" a 5a" weeken"
4o6in0 u+ the Drea"e" I6en"in0/ Da6a0e reorts 4a6e in9 a rie"&oen
el5ow alrea"y s4a55in0+ a torn shirt that woul" lea" to <uestionin0 fro6
arental authorities/ They "uste" the6sel3es o2+ sayin0+ That was nothin0/
Losers 4ast asersions on their oonent>s te4hni<ue @?He has lon0 nails like
a 0irl?A+ an" winners o3ere!&laine" their 6er4y @?I 4oul"a waile" on hi6 if I
wante"+ 5ut it wasn>t worth it?A/ The 6o5 "iserse"+ "isse4tin0 the :0ht in
s6aller 0rous until so6e new es4aa"e 5ull"o=e" it all/ Ne!t ti6e+ ne!t ti6e
was lotte" out that ni0ht in 5e" when the :0hters were alone at last+ without
an au"ien4e+ un"er the 4hilly ni0ht 5ree=es of re0ret/
As we 0ot ol"er we stee" in to 5reak >e6 u instea" of hootin0
rin0si"e/ Break u so6eone else>s :0ht an" they 6i0ht return the fa3or later/
Then on uni3ersal or"er we stoe" :0htin0 alto0ether/ We were relie3e"/ #or
one thin0+ we 0ot 5i00er+ an" 4oul" "o so6e "a6a0e/ Sa6 an" TT+ two ol"er
ki"s who were 5rothers+ fou0ht one "ay an" Sa6 whie" TT>s fa4e with a
ie4e of ele4tri4al 4a5le an" the skin on his te6le was raw the rest of the
su66er like a warnin0/ We hone" our 3er5al "e!terity instea"+ learne" to
si0nify+ stu"ie" the uer4ut of the <ui4k re6ark/ Dis4o3ere" that we all ha"
0lass 7aws an" went "own like a sa4k of otatoes at the ri0ht 4o65o of wor"s/
Also&&u5erty/ That infa6ous 4ulrit/ Hor6ones re4hannele" stray ener0y
towar" the 0roin+ an" how to use that 5o"y art as oose" to the :sts/ @One
"ay+ (o" willin0/ All&*owerful Bein0+ $ost $er4iful+ Who in His 'in"ness 6i0ht
throw a 5rother a 5one e3ery on4e in a while/A In fa4t+ in the tellin0 it
5e4o6es 4lear that u5erty rearran0e" 6y 5rain so thorou0hly that this
erio" 5elon0s to another ki">s history/ What haene" to hi6+ $a1 Turne"
out he was this other 5oy/ He "oesn>t 4o6e out any6ore/
I 6ust>3e like" it+ u an" hittin0 so6eone for no 0oo" reason+
so6ethin0 stui"/ #or those few years/ Ten+ ele3en years ol"/ It 0a3e it a
la4e to 0o/ It was so6ewhere to ut it/ Our father 0a3e %e00ie his own
instru4tion+ in"i3i"ually tailore"+ an" on those ni0hts it was 6y turn to 4lose
the "oor to the roo6+ 5ut when %e00ie insti0ate" with so6eone 5i00er+ I
stee" in an" fou0ht for hi6+ that was 6y 7o5+ an" I 0ot kno4ke" "own or I
"i"n>t/ So6eti6es he insti0ate" 5e4ause he knew I was there to ste in+ 5ut
that was okay/ We were in it to0ether 5a4k then/ #rien"s 5e4a6e ene6ies for
a "ay or two an" then the 5ore"o6 was su4h that you for0ot/ You nee"e"
so6eone to lay with/ Or else you were alone/
TA%(ET *%ACTICE BEHIND THE *A%' was on a We"nes"ay I 4an>t
re6e65er what haene" the ne!t "ay/ So6ethin0 5a" ro5a5ly haene"
to so6eone/ On $on"ay we were 5a4k at the threshol" of another e6ty
week we nee"e" to :ll/ We 4on3ene" at our la4e that ni0ht/ I 5osse" %e00ie
aroun" to hel 0et the la4e in shae/ He 0lowere" at 6e+ stan"ar" oeratin0
ro4e"ure that su66er/ I tol" hi6 to strai0hten u our arents> roo6+ sin4e it
was his turn to slee in there while they were away/ There was a hone ne!t
to the 5e"+ allowin0 our frien"s to 4lose the "oor an" re3ent us fro6 hearin0
their 5it4h&ass resonses if they 4alle" ho6e an" 0ot 4hewe" out for
so6ethin0 or other/ ?Okay /// okay /// okay/? They e6er0e" with e!4uses
a5out why they ha" to su""enly 5reak out/ We "i"n>t 0loat/ (loat+ an" kar6a
sai" ne!t ti6e it was your turn/
I was washin0 the "ishes when he 4a6e out an" sai"+ ?Ben7i&&what "o
you think this is1? I 0lan4e" at it an" wie" 6y han"s o2 so as not to lea3e
any e3i"en4e that I>" tou4he" it/ It was our 6other>s han"writin0+ on one of
our father>s ol" a"s+ the ones we use" for s4rat4h after he 0ot his new
stationery/ It was 5ullet&ointe" in her work fashion9
yells at 6e in front of 6y frien"s
6eanI3er5ally a5usi3e
"rinks e3ery "ay
5lows u an" then for0ets a5out it the ne!t 6ornin0
I tol" hi6 to ut it 5a4k where he foun" it/ We "i"n>t 6ention it a0ain+
a44or"in0 to 4usto6+ an" when it was 6y turn in there ne!t week+ I looke" for
it 5ut I "i"n>t see it/
It was 0ettin0 "ark when they 4a6e o3er/ %an"y+ Ni4k+ Bo55y+ an"
Cli3e/ %an"y 5rou0ht 5eer+ a new 5ut er6anent feature that su66er/ The
"rinkin0 a0e was nineteen+ whi4h 6a"e %an"y le0al an" Cli3e an" Ni4k tall
enou0h to 5uy take&out si!&a4ks at the Corner Bar un4hallen0e"/ One 5eer
an" I was 5u==e"8 two 5eers+ I was "runk/ We aske" one another ?Whi4h one
are you on1? to see who was ahea" an" who was fallin0 5ehin"/ *ointin0 at
the e6ties for roof/
?Why "on>t you oen the s4reen "oor to let the air in here1? %an"y
sai"/
?It>s a s4reen "oor/ The air 4o6es throu0h+? %e00ie sai"/ ?*lus the
6os<uitoes will 0et us/?
?Then lea3e the li0hts out/ They won>t 4o6e in+? %an"y sai"/ ?I>6 hot/?
%e00ie oene" the s4reen "oor an" we hunkere" in the 0loo6/ We 0ot
"own to 5usiness/ We ha" three "ays/ Cli3e su00este" ni0ht 5lue:shin0 o2
$ontauk/ Ni4k 0ru65le" a5out the ri4e+ for his own reasons+ 5ut the rest of
us a0ree" that it was too e!ensi3e to 0o 6ore than on4e a season+ 0i3en the
realities of 6ini6u6 wa0e+ an" we>" alrea"y 5een on4e/ %e00ie+ who this
su66er "e4i"e" that he was no lon0er afrai" of the water+ "isa3owin0 a key
tenet of the 6en in our fa6ily+ sai" that we shoul" 5orrow Ni4k>s un4le>s
6otor5oat a0ain/ But Ni4k sai" his un4le was ha3in0 the hull re:nishe"+ lus
he thou0ht 6ay5e his father an" his un4le were ha3in0 an ar0u6ent+ fro6
the fre<uen4y with whi4h his father was talkin0 shit a5out hi6/ Like+ hourly/
Brothers&&what are you 0oin0 to "o1 Bo55y 5uste" out that ol" 4hestnut+ Ask
$rs/ Carter if We Can (o in Her *ool+ 5ut Cli3e an" Bo55y i66e"iately sai"
no "i4e/ $rs/ Carter>s son ha" "ie" :3e years a0o/ He>" 0rown u in Sa0 in a
4rew with Cli3e>s father an" Ni4k>s father+ an" the last ti6e they use" her
ool+ she ket 4allin0 the6 5y their fathers> na6es an" it 4reee" the6 out/
She saw the 5rown 5o"ies un"erwater an" thou0ht she knew the6/ Then
these fa4es surfa4e" to s4rea6 ?$ar4oO? an" ?*oloO+? other 5oys su""enly u
fro6 the "ee+ an" her 5rain 6is:re"/ Creey+ ri0ht1
Stu6e"+ an" it wasn>t e3en Au0ust yet/
?Let>s show "i4ks+? %an"y su00este"/
Cri4ket+ 4ri4ket/
?Why the hell woul" we "o that1? Cli3e aske"+ :nally/
?To see who has the 5i00est "i4k+? %an"y sai"/
?Ne!t ti6e we 0o to 'arts&a&(o&(o+ we shoul" ra4e for 6oney an" ti6e
oursel3es to see who>s the fastest+? I sai"+ steerin0 the ro4ee"in0s like a
0oo" host/ I wasn>t 6u4h of a 0o&4art "ri3er+ 5ut I thou0ht the no3elty of the
s4he6e 6i0ht aeal/
Bo55y turne" on his $C 3oi4e+ ?One Two Three+ in the la4e to 5e+? an"
%e00ie sai"+ ?Alri0htO? They starte" their routine an" I rolle" 6y eyes in the
"arkness/ Bo55y an" 6y 5rother ha" 6e6ori=e" the lyri4s to %un&D/$/C/>s
?Here We (o? an" ha" to erfor6 it at least ten ti6es a "ay/ Bo55y was %un8
%e00ie was D/$/C/ Bo55y took the lea"+ %e00ie si"e&ki4kin0 after ea4h line
like an e!4la6ation oint/ Ba4k an" forth/ Cli3e ket the 5eat with his han"s/
They>" 5een ra4ti4in0+ 5e4ause they ha" it "own at+ a real fu4kin0 "uo/
BOBBY9 It>s like that y>all
%E((IE9 That y>allO
BOBBY9 It>s like that y>all
%E((IE9 That y>allO
BOBBY9 It>s like that&a&tha&that+ a&like that y>all
%E((IE9 That y>allO
BOBBY9 Cool 4hief ro4ker+ I "on>t "rink 3o"ka+
But kee a 5a0 of 4hee5a insi"e 6y lo4ker
%E((IE9 H)HO
BOBBY9 (o to s4hool e3ery "ay
%E((IE9 H)HO
BOBBY9 Always ti6e to 0et ai"
%E((IE9 HA H)HO
BOBBY9 Cause I>6 ro4kin> on the 6i4 until the 5reak of "ayO
%un&D/$/C/ 5oastin0 a5out stayin0 in s4hool&&<uaint "ays in the history
of hi&ho/ ?We laye" (o #ish 5efore the S4ra55le 6arathon&&Ha HuhO? To
6y 4ha0rin+ I ha" ne3er hear" the son0 5efore they starte" sin0in0 it/ Too
6u4h Bu==4o4ks/ I thou0ht I knew all of %un&D/$/C/>s re4or"s+ the self&title"
"e5ut an" 'in0 of %o4k+ 5ut I was a s<uare/ The son0 was a li6ite"&e"ition
li3e re4or"in0 6a"e at a 4lu5 4alle" the #unhouse+ tae" ?#unky fresh for
BCDM+? a44or"in0 to the lyri4s/ Any 6ention of a %eal Clu5 5e"e3ile" 6e with
s4enes of sil3er leisure suits an" telehone 5ook&si=e" hi0h heels+ i6a0ery
"rawn fro6 the ol" ele3en o>4lo4k news se06ents tsk&tskin0 a5out
?De4a"en4e at Stu"io EQ? that I use" to en"ure 5efore Satur"ay Ni0ht Li3e
4a6e on/ Years later the soun" of the 4row" on the re4or"in0 was a re6in"er
that eole were out 4hillin0 an" I was still ho6e in 6y a7a6as waitin0 for a
0oo" 3i"eo to 4o6e on Ni0ht #li0ht/
Bo55y intro"u4e" the son0 to %e00ie+ who "u55e" a 4oy of ?Here We
(o? on Ni4k>s 5oo6 5o!/ Distra4te" 5y their rhy6e skills+ no one followe" u
on 6y 'arts&a&(o&(o lan+ with its 6oney&4o6etition&fa6e 0la6our/ In 6y
7ealousy+ I saw Bo55y an" %e00ie erfor6in0 their 5it 5ehin" the 4ounter at
Bur0er 'in0+ their 4lu5house where I was not allowe"+ in their aer Bur0er
'in0 4as an" hairnets+ while the retar"e" 0uy 4hi6e" in with ?Hot oilO Hot
oilO? like an a6en/
We 4ontinue" to 5rainstor6/ No ro0ress/ Then so6eone sai"+ ?We
shoul" ha3e a BB 0un:0ht+? an" it stu4k/ The only thin0 to silen4e the new
hun0er/ That was that/ Our house was full of 6os<uitoes for a week+ an" 6e
an" %e00ie ha" to slee with our hea"s un"er the sheets to kee the6 out of
our ears/
An" then I ha" one/ The ne!t "ay %an"y "ro3e 6e an" Cli3e to
Cal"or>s/ After 4onsultin0 our sa3in0s+ ket in 5attere" en3eloes in to&not4h
hi"in0 la4es aroun" the house to re3ent ea4h other fro6 ski66in0 so6e
o2 the to+ %e00ie an" 6e "e4i"e" it woul" 5e 5est if we share" a BB istol+
with one of us 5orrowin0 %an"y>s sare for the :0ht itself/ Sharin0&&the half
that is always less than half/ This arran0e6ent also allowe" 6e to kee tra4k
of %e00ie>s 0un a4ti3ity/ He was 0oin0 to hurt hi6self/ Bo55y>" 4ook u so6e
"u65 i"ea an" %e00ie woul" 0o alon0 with it an" he>" 0et hurt/ I ha" to look
out for hi6&&in fa4t+ the ni0ht of the $os<uito Su66it+ I "e4i"e" to try an"
0et the BB 0un:0ht s4he"ule" for "urin0 one of his shifts at Bur0er 'in0/ We
all 6isse" key shenani0ans 5e4ause of work/ There was no reason this
4oul"n>t 5e one of %e00ie>s ti6es to listen to 0lorious tales an" rue his
a5sen4e until the en" of ti6e/ The BB 0un:0ht was stui"+ 5ut this stui"ity I
reser3e" for 6yself/
Cli3e rattle" a :st on the s4reen "oor/ As soon as the last 6i4ro6eter
of 6y 5o"y asse" the "oorfra6e+ he shoute" ?Shot0unO+? "i5sin0 the front
seat/ Cli3e was a 6an of riorities+ an" a eerless shot0un&4aller/ Those "ays+
shot0un&&4allin0 it+ lannin0 for it+ su44essfully "isutin0 out4o6es&&was
another oular 5ran" of su5li6ate" warfare+ the 5rawlin0 ur0e "ire4te"
towar" rote4tin0 front&seat assen0er turf/ Literally rote4tin0 your ass/ He
rushe" ahea" of 6e "esite his in"isuta5le 3i4tory+ 7u6in0 into the 4ar an"
sla66in0 the "oor shut/
We took the 5a4k roa"s+ ar0uin0 like real li3e 0rown&us o3er the One
True %oute+ 6ur6urin0 the in4antations/ %i0ht at Te!a4o+ left at S4uttlehole+
turn at the #ar6/ There was a se4ret 4o65ination that unlo4ke" the East En"
an" we all thou0ht we ha" it in our o4ket/ The ower of ure lore/ You truly
li3e in a la4e when you "on>t 5other with 4hu6 stu2 like street na6es+
5e4ause the na6es of the streets are irrele3ant/ The Bi0 %e" Barn+ the
Burne"&Out House+ the se4on" left+ these were inar0ua5le 4oor"inates an" all
the 6a you nee"e"/
The ol" Cal"or 4o6le! is a 5i0 6all now/ These "ays e3ery 5ran"
na6e that e3er 5efoule" your 6ail5o! with 4atalo0ues has a storefront+ 5ut
5a4k then there were only three entities of note9 Cal"or+ 'in0 'ullen+ an" the
Dri3e&In/ #or6er lay0roun"s in less arti4ular ti6es/ The Dri3e&In was 4lose"+
an" ha" a ostao4alyti4 3i5e/ It was easy to i4ture the sur3i3ors of the Bi0
One 4on0re0atin0 in the lot+ hair fallin0 o2+ teeth 5o55in0 in their 0u6s+ an"
Fesh a5la=e with (o"&awful rashes as they looke" u at the "irty s4reen for
6essa0es fro6 their fallen worl"/ The wee"s an" 0rasses 5roke throu0h the
ashalt as if they were the last of their kin"+ they "rooe" in the air+ Feshy
kin to the 0ray seaker 5o!es Fowin0 on their iron stalks/ In our 7a66ies+
un"er the threa"5are su66er&ho6e 5lankets+ we>" li3e" for "ou5le features+
the s4rat4he"&u Disney rints fro6 the >NHs an" early >GHs+ then the s4ary
se4on" feature we trie" to kee our eyes oen for/ We>" wake u for a
0li6se of low&5u"0et horror+ stirrin0 on 4ue fro6 so6e lot&wi"e tre6or to
see the (oo" *arts we>" reli3e a6on0 oursel3es the ne!t "ay/ Look+ it>s a
youn0 Dirk Bene"i4t fro6 The A&Tea6 turnin0 into a hu6an snake+ s4ale 5y
s4ale/
The Dri3e&In was 4lose"/ Ha" 5een for a while/
Daer "an4in0 hot "o0s 5e4kone" us to the 4on4ession stan"
5etween features an" we 0ot lost in the 3ehi4les+ "eserate for silhouettes of
our a4<uaintan4e/ In the "ayti6e we also 0ot lost an" searate" in sear4h of
foo"+ a6on0 the 0i0anti4 aisles of 'in0 'ullen/ A suer6arket+ althou0h suer
is too weak a 6o"i:er for the for6i"a5le 5ounty of 'ullen>s real6/ The 6eat
aisle alone was a 0riller>s ara"ise+ a 4hunk of 5loo"y lenty/ We>" ru65le"
throu0h the aisles+ our feet tu4ke" into the rails of the shoin0 4art/ We
were there to oli4e our 6other+ who so6eti6es ne0le4te" to see the wis"o6
in a fa6ily&si=e" a4k of Yo"els/ But that su66er we were ast our
enthusias6 for that e!er4ise/ Downri0ht un6anly+ 4allin0 shot0un for a
0ro4ery tri/
An" then there was Cal"or+ the East En">s one&sto e6oriu6 for
a4tion :0ures an" 5ea4h towels+ inse4t&reellin0 4an"les an" 5ea4h 4hairs+
li0hter Fui" an" Fi&Fos/ The 6aintenan4e sulies that ket the 3a4ation
hu66in0 an" 0oin0+ as any lase in 6o3e6ent for4e" 4onte6lation of that
o2&season life waitin0 on the other si"e of La5or Day+ when nothin0 in the
shel3es of Cal"or 4oul" sto the ine3ita5le written on the snay 5ree=es an"
<ui4k sunsets/ There was one aisle we ne3er ha" 4ause to enter+ the $an
Aisle+ full of a44outre6ents an" ros+ 0as tanks+ 5ar5e4ue arahernalia of
o5s4ure urose+ 4hro6e shaes worke" o3er in the 4oarse lathe of 6ale i"+
hea3y an" 0lea6in0 on hooks/ An" BB 0uns/ That "ay we asse" the toy
se4tion without thou0ht+ en route to our new toy aisle/
There was no atten"ant at the 4ounter+ an" "esite 6y i6a0inin0s no
re"&arone" "rone rushe" to shoo us away/ %an"y showe" o2 his knowle"0e
with the arran0e6ents 5ehin" the 0lass/ Those are the see" loa"ers+ those
are the s4oes/ An" there+ 6y 5oys+ there are the 0uns the6sel3es/ You ha"
to 5e ei0hteen or ol"er to 5uy one+ so we han"e" our ra00e"+ 5alle"&u "ollar
5ills o3er to %an"y an" su66one" a teena0e la4key/ She ulle" out her key
4hain to unlo4k the 4ase/
?Do you want the 5la4k or the sil3er1?
Bla4k+ 5a5y/ @Internal 3oi4e ?5a5y+? not e!ternal eole&3oi4e ?5a5y?A
%e00ie an" I "i"n>t ha3e toy 0uns 0rowin0 u+ so we ha" to 4at4h u/
E3en when the house was e6ty+ I 0ot ner3ous walkin0 aroun" with it/ (reen
or oran0e water istols ha" 5een okay+ 5ut anythin0 else sent our father
see4hifyin0/ ?That>s so6e white&6an shit+? he>" say+ 4on:s4atin0 the 4a
0un fro6 a 5irth"ay arty 0oo"y 5a0/ ?Whitey lo3es his 0uns/ Shoot
so6e5o"y he lo3es that shit/ So let hi6/ No ki" of 6ine is 0oin0 to 0et that
6in"&set/? I ra4ti4e" solo+ "ee in the re4esses of the Creek+ out of si0ht of
5ea4h0oers an" ho6eowners/ Why startle the hay 3a4ationers with the
si0ht of a skinny+ slou4hin0 teena0er+ the sun 0lintin0 o2 his 5ra4es an"
han"0un1 All they wante" was to 0et out of the 4ity for a few "ays an" ut
their feet u/ I roun"e" u so6e 6ussel shells fro6 the "ark san" at the e"0e
of the Creek an" stu4k the6 in a thin 5la4k row/ $y 0reat ai6 the :rst "ay
was 7ust "u65 lu4k+ a little taste to 0et 6e hooke"/ I ni4ke" the shells+ tinkin0
o2 5its/ The "ay of the :0ht+ I>" ha3e the 5i00er tar0ets of 6y frien"s/
We ar6e" one 5y one/ %e00ie tol" 6e he was ?0oin0 o2 to ra4ti4e
with Bo55y+? an" "isaeare" for one of their se4ret 4onfa5s+ ro5a5ly a
ra==le&"a==le rain0Ishootin0 e!tra3a0an=a of 0reat theater/ It>s like that
y>all/ Anti4iatin0 the hi&ho stars a few years o2/ Not that the rest of us
were i66une/ N* tu4ke" his ie4e into his 5elt like a swa00erin0 4o on the
take or the 4ra4ker sheri2 of a Ji6 Crow *o"unk+ Cli3e was o5ser3e" 5ustin0 a
Dirty Harry 6o3e when he thou0ht we weren>t lookin0+ an" %an"y was often
foun" 4ra"lin0 his riFe to his 4hest+ a 0rueso6e sneer on his fa4e as if he
were a5out to take an East Ha6ton 5istro hosta0e/ I 6yself fa3ore" a two&
han"e" ro6isin0&rookie ose+ fa3ore" 5y Starsky an" Hut4h e!tras who 0ot
4lie" 5efore the :rst 4o66er4ial an" were a3en0e" for the rest of the hour/
?He woul"a 6a"e a 0oo" 4o+ 7ust like his ol" 6an/?
When we all 0ot to0ether in the "ays lea"in0 u to the e3ent+ it was
only a 6atter of ti6e 5efore we starte" osin0 for al5u6 4o3ers/ @The
hoto0raher always 0ets a ki4k out of takin0 i4tures of these ra 0uys+ they
reen an" strut 6ore than suer6o"els/A We stoo" in a line+ in 4hara4ter/ The
6o3ie an" T, 4o6arison is the natural analo0y+ 5e4ause 5a4k then we were
infor6e" 5y 4o 6o3ies an" 4o shows+ 5ut 0i3en the future of ra 6usi4+
the al5u6 4o3er is the 5etter :t/ Not one fro6 inno4ent >DE+ 5ut a few years
in the future+ when the 6usi4 4han0e"/ We were a osse9 the A=urest Boys/
We>" learne" to 4han0e the 4hara4ter of our :0htin0 an" woul"
4ontinue to "o so for the rest of our li3es+ rea"7ustin0 for "i2erent
ro3o4ations+ "i2erent stakes/ The 6usi4 0rew u+ too+ testi4les "roin0+
3oi4e 4han0in0+ 0oin0 fro6 this9
%hy6es so "ef rhy6es rhy6es 0alore
%hy6es that you>3e ne3er e3en hear" 5efore
Now if you say you hear" 6y rhy6e+ we 0onna ha3e to :0ht
>Cause I 7ust 6a"e the 6otherfu4kers u last ni0ht
To this+ in so short a ti6e9
?Hey yo+ Cu5e+ there 0o that 6otherfu4ker ri0ht there/?
?No shit/ Wat4h this/// Hey+ what>s u+ 6an1?
?Not too 6u4h/?
?You know you won+ (/?
?Won what1?
?The Wet T&Shirt Contest+ 6otherfu4kerO?
Vsoun"s of 0un:reW
Lyri4s fro6 the afore6entione" ?Here We (o? an" then ?Now I (otta
Wet>4ha+? 4oyri0ht BCCL 5y I4e Cu5e+ 5orn the sa6e year as 6e+ who 0rew
u on %un&D/$/C like we all "i"/ ?Wet>4ha+? as in ?wet your shirt with 5loo"/?
All of us+ the sin0ers an" the au"ien4e+ were of the sa6e 0eneration/
So6ethin0 haene"/ So6ethin0 haene" that 4han0e" the ter6s an" we
went fro6 :0htin0 @I>ll kno4k that 0rin o2 your fa4eA to annihilation @I will wie
you fro6 this EarthA/ How we 0ot fro6 here to there are the key assa0es in
the history of youn0 5la4k 6en that no one 4ares to write/ We li3e it instea"/
You were har" or else you were soft+ in the slan0 "rawn fro6 the
territory of 6anhoo"+ the state of your ere4te" self/ Wor" on the Street was
that we were soft+ with our ri3ate&s4hool unifor6s+ in our 4o=y 5ea4h
4o66unities+ so we learne" to walk like har" ro4ks+ like B&5oys+ the
uni6ea4ha5ly "own/ E3en if we knew 5etter/ We hear" the 3oi4es of the
4onstant "a6nin0 4horus that tol" us we li3e" false+ an" we "e4i"e" to 5e
otherwise/ We talke" one way in s4hool+ one way in our ho6es+ an" another
way to ea4h other/ We 0ot 0uns/ We 0ot 0uns for a few "ays one su66er an"
then 0ot ri" of the6/ Later so6e of us 0ot real 0uns/
ON WEDNESDAY WE WENT O,E% THE %)LES at Cli3e>s house/ $e+
$ar4us+ %an"y+ an" Cli3e/ Cli3e>s arents worke" for the Boar" of E" an" only
4a6e out on weeken"s+ an" he ha" a ni4e "e4k on whi4h to "is4uss 6atters
of i6ortan4e/ The "e4k furniture was 5ran"&new+ fu6in0 u a 4lou" of
lasti4 6usk/ We weren>t allowe" to sit on it/ The week 5efore+ a44or"in0 to
Ni4k+ he>" 4o6e o3er for a 3isit+ an" 7oine" Cli3e at the ta5le/ Cli3e>s 6other
su66one" Cli3e into the house+ an" when he 4a6e out+ he went aroun" to
the 5a4k of the house an" fet4he" an ol" 6il"ewy 4hair for Ni4k to sit on/ The
for5i""en ase4t 6a"e the 6eetin0 see6 6ore o;4ial/
No fa4eINo shootin0 at the eyes+ that was a no&5rainer/ No 4heatin0&&if
you>re hit+ you>re hit+ "on>t 5e a 5it4h a5out it/ Sa0 Har5or Hills was the
5oun"ary of the 5attle:el"+ no 4uttin0 throu0h to other "e3elo6ents an"
sneakin0 5a4k to e6er0e a65ush&style/ I sai" we shoul" all wear 0o00les 7ust
in 4ase+ an" to 6y surrise they see6e" to a0ree/ There was talk of
syn4hroni=in0 wat4hes+ 5ut no one wore a wat4h in the su66er e!4et 6e+
5e4ause su66er is its own ti6e an" I was the only one who "i"n>t know this/
When the s4he"ulin0 <uestion 4a6e u+ I sai"+ ?To6orrow ni0ht1+? "urin0
%e00ie>s shift+ an" e3eryone at the ta5le was free then so there were no
o57e4tions/ The weeken" was out&&too 6any eole aroun"&&an" no one
wante" to ut it o2 >til ne!t week/ %e00ie was 5en4he" an" I was 0la"/
Not that it 4oul" ha3e 0one "own any other way/ Althou0h we hat4he"
the lan for the BB&0un war on a $on"ay+ there was no "ou5t that in the en"
it woul" 0o "own on a Thurs"ay/
There was one 6atter left to "is4uss/ Cli3e 5rou0ht out so6e
le6ona"e/ Classy/ I took notes/ $e an" %e00ie>s house was a han0out a" for
the 0uys "urin0 the week+ 5ut Cli3e 6a"e 5etter use of his 'i" with an E6ty
House situation+ 5rin0in0 ho6e 0irls fro6 Baysi"e an" e3en ha3in0 0irls fro6
his hi0h s4hool out for a few "ays/ He 5use" the6 in fro6 the 4ity+ an" "i"n>t
e3en ay for the Jitney/ The 5oy ha" style+ our Hefner in 'an0ol/
Siin0 his le6ona"e+ Cli3e raise" the issue of %an"y>s riFe an" the
#*S/ A 6etal BB out of one of the istols+ at the ran0e we were 0oin0 to 5e
shootin0 at one another+ hurt a little 5it 5ut not that 6u4h+ a44or"in0 to
hearsay/ *u6 the riFe enou0h ti6es+ howe3er+ an" a 4oerhea" BB was
0oin0 to 5reak the skin/
?But if I 4an>t u6+ I>ll 5e at a "isa"3anta0e+? %an"y 6oane"/
?We ha3e to :0ure out how 6any riFe u6s is e<ual to the stan"ar"
istol shot+? I o2ere"/
?How "o we :0ure that out1? Cli3e aske"/
?We 4an test it out on $ar4us+? %an"y sai"/
$ar4us sai"+ ?Okay+? an" we hea"e" out into the yar"/ $i"week+
6i"afternoon+ we "i"n>t ha3e to worry a5out assers5y $ar4us took o2 his
shirt/
%an"y loa"e" his riFe/ ?Let>s start at one+? he sai"/
I sai"+ ?$ar4us+ why "on>t you turn aroun" so it "oesn>t 0o in your fa4e
or so6ethin0/?
$ar4us turne" aroun" an" 0ritte" his teeth/ There was a routine he
use" to "o when one of us 0ot 6a" at hi6+ where he ulle" u his shirt an"
4lowne"+ ?*lease+ $assa+ $assa+ $assa+ lease+? anti4iatin0 the whi+ %oots&
like/ He ha" the sa6e e!ression on his fa4e/ %an"y stoo" four yar"s away+
ai6e"+ an" :re"/ The BB hit $ar4us in the sine an" 5oun4e" o2/
?Shit+ that "i"n>t hurt+? $ar4us sai"/ ?Do I ha3e a 6ark1?
We tol" hi6 no/ %an"y sai"+ ?Then let>s try three ti6es+? an" stee"
4loser/
?Ow+? $ar4us 4rie"/ But it still "i"n>t 5reak the skin/
Cla4k 4la4k 4la4k 4la4k 4la4k/ I noti4e" that %an"y ket 4reein0 4loser
5etween shots+ 5ut I "i"n>t say anythin0/ Neither "i" Cli3e/
#i3e ti6es an" $ar4us s4rea6e" an" a 4res4ent of 5loo" s6ile" on his
skin/ ?So "on>t u6 it 6ore than four ti6es+? Cli3e sai"/
?Yo+ that hurt+? $ar4us sai"/
?Let>s 6ake it no 6ore than two+ 7ust to 5e safe+? I sai"/
I 4oul"n>t slee that ni0ht/ The 6os<uitoes "i"n>t hel/ Then it was
Thurs"ay an" its tally throu0h the years/ When N* 5roke his ankle sneakin0
into his 5e"roo6 win"ow after han0in0 out late at the %e4 %oo6 with those
townie 0irls/ When I "i"n>t roerly hose o2 the loun0e 4hairs on the "e4k
was a Thurs"ay+ an" the ne!t "ay I 0ot 4on:ne" to insi"e the roerty line for
a week an" o5e"iently stu4k aroun" like a fool e3en when they were out of
town an" woul" ne3er know/ #i0ht after :0ht+ too 6any to 4ount/ When the
4hain fell o2 $ar4us>s 5ike an" he s6eare" his 5are feet all the way a4ross
the 0ra3el of the Hill tryin0 to sto&&that was Thurs"ay all o3er/ Our weekly
full 6oon/
I woke u wron0/ I hear" noises in the li3in0 roo6/ It shoul" ha3e 5een
<uiet/ ?Why aren>t you at work1? I aske" 6y 5rother/
?I swit4he" 6y shift so I 4an 5e in the war+? he sai"/ I later learne" Ni4k
ha" "one the sa6e thin0+ 6akin0 it four on four/
I tol" hi6 he 4oul"n>t 0o/ He>" 0et hurt/ ?When they>re away+ I>6 in
4har0e+? I re6in"e" hi6/
?You>re not in 4har0e of 6e/?
O""/ It always worke" when our sister use" that line+ like e3ery :3e
6inutes/ ?Yes+ I a6/?
?What are you 0oin0 to "o&&tell on 6e1? he sai"+ an" he ha" 6e there/ I
4oul"n>t rat hi6 out or else I>" 0et it+ too+ 7ust like the 0oo" ol" "ays e!4et
now I was a4tually 0uilty/ He went o2 to 0et in so6e last&6inute ra4ti4e/
At :0ht ti6e+ I hea"e" u Walker/ I asse" the sto si0n at $ere"ith
an" noti4e" it was fre4kle" with sil3er+ the re" aint 4hie" away&&tar0et
ra4ti4e for one of our frien"s+ ro5a5ly $ar4us+ who li3e" two houses "own/
Ni4e 4luster on the T an" O/ He ha" 0oo" ai6+ "een"in0 on how far away he
was stan"in0/
I stoo" in front of the E"war"ses>/ They>" 5een so6e of the earliest
3i4ti6s of the Other #a6ily 5u0/ Y3onne E"war"s was 6y sister>s a0e+ an"
ha" a re for throwin0 hea3y o57e4ts when she 0ot an0ry+ usually at her little
5rother/ %alh+ who haene" to 5e 6y :nal oonent in the "ays of su66er
s6a4k"owns/ %alh was an in&5etweener like %an"y+ too youn0 for us to
a44et into our lans+ an" too ol" for the youn0er 4ro of ki"s/ He was
har6less+ an" o44asionally we>" let hi6 han0 aroun" us+ 5ut that ha" 5een
years a0o/ I "on>t know what he "i" with his "ays+ 5ut with a 4ra=y sister like
Y3onne+ he ro5a5ly sent a lot of ti6e "u4kin0/
Like all of our :0hts+ it starte" o3er so6ethin0 little/ A e55le+ a4tually/
He was two years youn0er than 6e+ an" I was a hea" taller/ Whi4h ro5a5ly
ena5le" 6e to 4roon+ ?You>re lost little 0irlllll+? fro6 the Doors re4or" our
sister laye" o3er an" o3er+ when I saw hi6 sittin0 on the 4ur5 that "ay/
#orlorn+ with his ashy el5ows on his ashy knees an" 6esse" u >#ro/ The
wor"s 7ust oe" out/ That>s what o44urre" to 6e to say as I 5ike" ast hi6/
He 0a3e 6e the e3il eye an" threw a e55le at 6e/ It skie" on the
0roun" an" 7an0le" a5out 6y sokes/ No 5i00ie 5ut then I saw $ar4us
4o6in0 "own the street+ slain0 a 5asket5all+ so there was a witness/ I
7u6e" o2 the 5ike an"&&ausin0 to kno4k the ki4k&stan" "own&&sai"+ ?What
the fu4k are you "oin01? Like I sai"+ he was s6aller than 6e/ I>" wra this u
retty <ui4kly/
The :0ht was lon0 an" "rawn out an" went on for 6iles+ if you
untan0le" our a4es an" lai" the6 out len0thwise/ I>" ne3er seen su4h fury
5efore/ In a little erson+ anyway/ I un4he" hi6 in the fa4e an" he took it an"
retreate"+ walkin0 5a4kwar"+ an" I a"3an4e" on hi6 for a while u the roa"/
Then he rea4he" so6e internal 5or"er an" starte" a"3an4in0 on 6e+ hittin0
6e in the fa4e+ an" I retreate" for a while+ walkin0 5a4kwar" until I was u
a0ainst 6y own ersonal wall an" a"3an4e" on hi6 a0ain/ That>s why ro
:0hts ha3e a rin0&&otherwise eole woul" 7ust walk all o3er the 0o""a6ne"
la4e+ u the aisle throu0h the seats+ out the lo55y+ an" into the a3enues/ We
rowle" after ea4h other u an" "own Walker+ 5a4k an" forth+ the 6oroni4
en"ulu6+ as 6y frien"s 4a6e out one 5y one+ sni;n0 this on the win" fro6
all oints an" followin0 alon0si"e like a news 4rew+ ro3i"in0 5low&5y&5low for
the folks at ho6e/ His e3il eyes on 6e the whole ti6e/ I>" 0et hi6 in a
hea"lo4k 5ut he woul"n>t 0o "own to the 0roun" like he was suose" to/ He
was tou0hO I trie" to "o an In"iana Jones 6o3e+ fro6 when he>s 0ralin0
with the Na=i 5ruiser on the airlane an" sla6s the 0uy>s hea" into the win0
a 5un4h of ti6es/ I thou0ht this was a se4ta4ular 0i66i4k an" trie" to re&
4reate it with %alh>s hea" instea" of the Na=i hea"+ an" the An"ersons> re"
,ol3o instea" of the airlane win0/ But I 4oul"n>t 0et his hea" to the 6etal/
His ne4k was suerstron0+ ro5a5ly fro6 "o"0in0 his sister>s 5ri4ks/
E3entually we 0ot tire" an" ut "own our :sts/ He "i"n>t 5eat 6e an" I
"i"n>t 5eat hi6+ 5ut sin4e I was the ol"er one+ the 7u"0es 4alle" it his way/ If
any5o"y aske"+ I woul" ha3e sai"+ Look+ the other 0uy wante" it 6ore/ He
was "es4en"e" fro6 a 4onstru4tion 6aterial&throwin0 eoles an" was in
serious trainin0 5etween that an" the whole Other #a6ily thin0+ whi4h he
ro5a5ly wasn>t aware of 4ons4iously 5ut you know he ha" to 5en" 5efore
su4h :er4e in3isi5le 0ra3ity/ Ese4ially if his fa6ily was the Other #a6ily in
<uestion+ with the 4heaer resents an" fainter hu0s/ But no one aske"/
%e00ie wasn>t there+ an" he "i"n>t 6ention it 5ut I know he hear"+ so in the
en" I "i" lose+ in the eyes of 6y inner ref I 4ut throu0h the E"war"ses>
"ri3eway/ The su66er of that last :0ht was the last su66er they 4a6e out/
WHEN I (OT TO CLI,E>S HO)SE+ we were all there e!4et for Ni4k/ He>"
4alle"+ whiserin0 a5out how his 6o6 was ho6e an" he 4oul"n>t 0et out of
the house with his BB 0un/ $ar4us su00este" we start without hi6/
?But then we>" ha3e une3en tea6s+? Bo55y sai"/
?One of us 4an sit out+? I sai"/ ?Youn0est :rst1?
?#our is 5etter than three+? Cli3e announ4e"+ an" we 4a3e"/
It was 0oin0 to 5e "ark soon+ so we 0ot 5usy 6akin0 tea6s/ E3ery5o"y
wante" to 5e on Cli3e>s tea6 5e4ause Cli3e>s tea6 always won+ 5ut %an"y
was a fa4tor with his riFe e!ertise/ *lus+ if you aeare" to 3alue his %an"y&
ness in all its won"rous for6s&&"ri3er+ hunter /// well that>s all I 4an think of
ri0ht now&&he 6i0ht rule in your fa3or "urin0 an u4o6in0 shot0un "isute/
He threw o2 years of stur"y 6athe6ati4s/
%e00ie sai"+ ?$e an" Bo55y are a 6ini&tea6 5e4ause we>3e 5een
ra4ti4in0 to0ether+? an" I was aalle"/ We>" ne3er not 5een a 6ini&tea6+
what with the whole ?Ben7i >n> %e00ie+ Ben7i >n> %e00ie? sin0son0 thin0
throu0h the years/ The only thou0ht that ha" 4al6e" 6e that afternoon was
that I 4oul" rote4t hi6 5etter if he was on 6y tea6/ Sen" hi6 on a 4ra=y
6ission out of the way until it was all o3er/ He "i"n>t look at 6e/
This histori4 se3erin0 of the Ben7i&>n>&%e00ie allian4e went un&re6arke"
uon/ But who was I ki""in01 No5o"y thou0ht of us as the ol" unit any6ore
e!4et for 6e/ So6e 5rothers threw 5ri4ks+ others si6ly walke" away fro6
ea4h other/ The :nal tea6s were 6e+ Cli3e+ $ar4us+ an" Ni4k on the ,i4e @for
$ia6i ,i4eA an" %an"y+ Bo55y+ %e00ie+ an" N* on the Cool Chief %o4kers/
When Ni4k :nally 0ot his ass o3er there+ I ulle" out the aint 0o00les I>"
res4ue" fro6 the 4o5we5s un"er the "e4k an" N* sai"+ ?(o00les1? I>"
5rou0ht the6 for %e00ie/
?No one sai" anythin0 a5out 0o00les/?
?I "on>t 0ot 0o00les/?
?I>6 not wearin0 any ussy&ass 0o00les+? $ar4us sai"/ An" neither was
%e00ie+ I "i"n>t e3en 5other to :0ht with hi6 a5out it/ I "i"n>t wear the6+
either/
The sky was 0ettin0 "ark/ We went o3er the rules a0ain an" 4ounte" to
two hun"re" er the 0ui"elines/ Then it was on/
We ran away+ s4atterin0 a44or"in0 to haywire teena0e lo0i4 towar" the
hi0hway+ towar" the 5ea4h/ I 7o00e" aroun" the 4orner+ 4he4kin0 to see if I
was in anyone>s si0hts+ an" 7u6e" into the un"e3eloe" lot ne!t to the
Ni4hols House/ I wa"e" in "ee enou0h that I 4oul"n>t 5e seen fro6 the roa"+
5ut shallow enou0h that I 4oul" see anyone 4o6in0 "own Cli3e>s street or the
street $rs/ Jenkins>s house was on/ #ifty&two+ :fty&three/ (ettin0 there/ It was
al6ost too "ark to lay at this oint+ 5ut the oor 3isi5ility woul" hel 6e/ I
was 0oin0 to wait for one of the Cool Chief %o4kers to re4on 6y way an" then
a65ush the6+ a fa3orite ta4ti4 of 6ine to this "ay/ Wait for the ri0ht 6o6ent
in an ar0u6ent with a lo3e" one+ then a65ush the6 with so6e hurt I>3e hel"
on to for years+ the list of in"i4t6ents nurture" in the "arkness of 6y hi"eout+
an" say+ ?(ot4haO? See how you ruine" 6e/ If I was lu4ky+ Bo55y an" %e00ie
woul" sto ri0ht in front of where I was hi"in0+ to re0rou or 5reak into son0+
an" I>" take the6 5oth out/
A :reFy 5linke" into e!isten4e+ "rew half a wor" in the air/ Then 0one/
A 5la4k 5u0 se4ret in the ni0ht/ Su4h a stran0e little 0uy/ It 6ateriali=e"+
3isi5le to hu6an eyes for 5rief 6o6ents+ an" then it "isaeare"/ But it 0ot
its na6e fro6 its fake ti6e+ eole ti6e+ when in fa4t 6ost of its 5usiness
went on when eole 4oul"n>t see it/ Its true life was in3isi5le to us 5ut we
4alle" it :reFy after its fra4tions/ 'nowa5le an" :!e" for a few se4on"s+
sharin0 a short se06ent of its 6essa0e 5efore it 4ontinue" on its real
6ission+ unknowa5le in its true self an" 4ourse+ outsi"e of rea4h/ It was a 5a"
na6e 5e4ause it was in4o6lete&&5oth arts were true+ the 5ri0ht an" the
"ark+ the one we 4oul" see an" the other one we 4oul"n>t/ It was 5oth/
I 6o3e" 4loser to the street so I 4oul" 0et a 5etter 3iew an" so6eone
hit 6e in the fa4e with a ro4k/
Hot oilO Hot oilO
A ro4k/ That>s what it felt like/ $y hea" snae" 5a4k an" the to half
of 6y fa4e thro55e" like I>" 5een slae"/ I 4urse" an" stu65le" out into the
street/ Who throws ro4ks at a BB 0un:0ht1 I yelle" for a ti6e&out/
%an"y oe" out of the woo"s on the other si"e of the street/ ?I hit
you+? he sai"+ in surrise an" ri"e/
?Why are you throwin0 ro4ks1?
?No+ it was a BB/?
I oke" 0in0erly aroun" 6y left eye/ He>" hit 6e in the so4ket+ in the
hollow 5etween the tear "u4t an" the eye5row/ There 6ay 5e a roer
anato6i4al na6e for that art of the eye so4ket+ 5ut I "on>t know it/ It felt like
a ro4k/ I 4oul"n>t see out of it/ There was stu2 in it/ %an"y rea4he" forwar"
an" I 5atte" his han" away/ I hear" N* say+ ?What>s u1? I tra4e" 6y :n0erti
alon0 the lu6y hole in 6y fa4e+ the stin0in0 Fesh/ It 5roke the skin/ He>"
u6e" it 6ore than two ti6es/
?What haene"1? Cli3e aske"/
?Ben7i>s out/ I hit hi6+? %an"y "e4lare"/
?I>6 not out+? I sai"/ ?He u6e" it 6ore than twi4eO I>6 5lee"in0O He>s
"is<uali:e"O?
%an"y took 6y fa4e in his han"s an" lifte" 6y 4hin for a 5etter look/
He "i" this <ueasy thin0/ He 5ent his fa4e "own an" stu4k his ton0ue in the
woun"/
I ushe" hi6 away/ ?What the hell are you "oin01?
?I was 4he4kin0 the taste to see if it was 5loo" or sweat+? he sai"/ ?It>s
sweat/ You ha3e sweat all runnin0 "own your forehea"/?
I tol" hi6 to kee the fu4k o2 6e+ freaka=oi"/ I tou4he" the hole in 6y
fa4e an" sta00ere" into the 4one of the streetli0ht/ #at 7une 5u0s 4rawle"
o3er one another on the 0roun" in their wret4he" streetli0ht ritual/ I hel" u
6y :n0er/ It was 5loo"/
Bo55y an" %e00ie aeare"+ an" then all the Cool Chief %o4kers an"
,i4ers+ 0uns "an0lin0/ %e00ie 0ra55e" 6y ar6 an" wante" to know if I was
all ri0ht/ I ha"n>t hear" his 3oi4e like that in a lon0 ti6e/ I shook 6y hea"
"runkenly ?What the hell "i" you "o+ %an"y1? %e00ie sai"/
?He u6e" it 6ore than twi4e+? I sai"/ E3ery5o"y 6ur6ure" "a0+ in
their "isarate "a0 re0isters/ When they 0ot a look at the woun"+ they re&
"a00e" at how 4lose it 4a6e to 6y eye/
%an"y "enie" it+ 5ut to 5reak the skin fro6 a4ross the street+ he ha" to
u6 it a lot 6ore than twi4e/ We all knew it/
I reali=e" the Horri5le Thin0/ I sai"+ ?It>s still in there/? I ro5e" aroun"
the woun"/ The skin was tou0h an" swole u+ 5ut 5eneath that was
so6ethin0 har"er+ like a earl/ I share" the Horri5le Thin0/
%an"y "i"n>t 5elie3e it/ ?Let 6e see+? he sai"+ his han"s out/
?(et away fro6 hi6+? %e00ie shoute"/ He stee" 5etween us/ ?Ben7i+?
he starte"+ s<uintin0 at the 5loo"y hole in the oor li0ht+ ?you ha3e to 0o to
the hosital/?
?We 4an>t "o that+? $ar4us sai"/ ?We>ll 0et in trou5le/?
?We>ll all 5e in so6e serious trou5le when our arents 4o6e out
to6orrow/?
I looke" aroun"/ They ha" "e4i"e"/ E3en Cli3e+ who in his alha
"o0ness 4oul" ha3e 0ra55e" %an"y>s keys an" taken 6e if he wante"+ fu4k
e3ery5o"y/ He was lookin0 "own the street+ as if he hear" his arents ullin0
u+ a3oi"in0 6y 0a=e/ Half 0a=e/
%an"y sai"+ ?How are you 0oin0 to 0et there1?
?That>s un4ool+? %e00ie sai"/ He was 6y 5rother/ I lo3e" hi6/ The way
he sai" it+ I knew/ He>" foun" stoners/ $ay5e he was 0oin0 to 5e all ri0ht after
all/
?That>s so un4ool+? I sai"/ Justi4e a44or"in0 to 5rothers an" stoners9 if
so6eone nee"s to 0o to the hosital an" you 0ot the 4ar+ you ha3e to take
the6/
%e00ie sai"+ ?Bo55y+ your 0ran"a 4an "ri3e usO?
Bo55y 0ot weaselly ?He>s aslee&&look+ it>s "ark/?
?I "on>t ha3e to 0o to the hosital/ I>6 okay+? I sai"/ %e00ie roteste"+
5ut e3eryone else was so thorou0hly relie3e" that it was so6eone else>s
Thurs"ay that the oint was 6oot/ I>" take one for the tea6/ I "i"n>t 4are that
that>s what they wante" of 6e/ I>" take the hit 5e4ause that>s what I "i"/ The
other 0uys turne" on %an"y for uttin0 the6 in this osition+ 5it4hin0 a5out
the u6in0 an" whether ai6in0 for 6y fa4e was an a44i"ent or not/ He
"i"n>t 0i3e an in4h&&?It 7ust haene"?&&5ut "i" o2er 6e ?auto6ati4 shot0un
for two weeks? as 4o6ensation/ But the ne!t week Bo55y 0ot his 4ar+ an"
the 0irls :nally aeare"+ an" %an"y>s rei0n was o3er/
$y lan was to 0o ho6e an" try an" s<uee=e the BB out+ i6le&style/
$e an" 6y 5rother walke" away+ one al6 o3er 6y eye an" 6y other han"
on his shoul"er/
?We 4an still lay three&on&three+? N* su00este"/
We trie" to 4ut throu0h the E"war"ses> house on the way 5a4k+ 5ut the
li0hts were on/ So6eone was ho6e/ We took the lon0 way aroun"/
In the 5athroo6 6irror+ 6y eye looke" "is0ustin0/ Like I>" 0one a few
roun"s with a real hea3ywei0ht/ The so4ket was all swollen u+ an" 5loo"
tri4kle" o3er 6y nose an" ol"er+ "rie" tri4kles of 5loo"/ I washe" 6y fa4e o2
an" 0ot a 5etter look/ I 4oul" feel the BB in there/ I 4oul"n>t 6o3e it/ It was
lo"0e" in the 6eat or so6ethin0/ %e00ie ho3ere" aroun"+ tryin0 to 5e
helful+ 5ut he freake" 6e out so I aske" hi6 to 0i3e 6e a 6inute/ I trie" to
wi00le the BB a0ain+ alyin0 ti6e&honore" =it&oin0 rin4iles of strate0i4
le3era0e like a 6o"ern&"ay Ar4hi6e"es/ Nothin0 haene"+ an" the inFa6e"
Fesh was so ten"er that I 4oul"n>t really ha3e at it/ Bloo" with "ark little 5its
in it "ri55le" o3er 6y :n0ers/ We>" thou0ht it all out an" "e4i"e" 6etal BBs
were okay 5e4ause in theory they weren>t 0oin0 to 5reak the skin+ 5ut now I
ha" a tetanus&4o3ere" ti6e 5o65 in 6y hea"/ I was 0oin0 to wake u with
lo4k7aw an" waste away in 5one&oin0 6isery/ Shoul" I ha3e o44asion to Fy
5etween then an" 6y "eath"ay+ to 3isit an international lo4k7aw se4ialist at
his 6ountain&to 4lini4+ for e!a6le+ 6etal "ete4tors woul" 0o o2 an" I>"
ha3e to e!lain the whole "u65 story/
We "rank so6e of our father>s se3en&oun4e $iller 5ottles/ I ut i4e on it
an" we wat4he" the last half of The *aer Chase/ I>" try a0ain in the 6ornin0/
The ne!t 6ornin0 the swellin0 ha" 0one "own a little an" the hole was
s4a55e" o3er/ I trie" s<uee=in0 it a0ain/ The BB wasn>t stu4k in the tou0h
Fesh any6ore+ 5ut now the ?entry woun"? was 4lose" o3er/ Our arents were
4o6in0 out that ni0ht an" they were 0oin0 to 6ur"er us/ *layin0 with BB
0uns/ Allowin0 %e00ie to lay with BB 0uns when I was in 4har0e of the
house/ Both of us lettin0 the other lay with BB 0uns when we shoul" ha3e
known 5etter/ Three 4aital o2enses ri0ht there/
I was 0oin0 to ha3e to 0et it out/
I ha" a s4alel fro6 6y ei0hth&0ra"e s4ien4e 4lass+ 5ut it was in the
4ity/ Our father>s ra=or 5la"es were the "isosa5le kin"+ en4ase" in lasti4 to
re3ent e!a4tly this kin" of 6isuse/ I sent %e00ie out to #re"eri4o>s/ ?(et
so6e of those ol"&fashione" ra=or 5la"es+ the ones eole use to kill
the6sel3es/?
I stare" at 6y stui" fa4e/ So6e ki"s re5elle" to 0et attention/ I "i"
stui" thin0s 3ery 4arefully+ sen"in0 all of 6y ti6e thinkin0 of ways to
en0ineer s6all stui" thin0s without 0ettin0 4au0ht/ Thin0s so s6all that no
one else 4oul" see the6 an" only I knew a5out the6/ But there I was last
ni0ht+ 5ein0 stui" in a 0rou+ an" of 4ourse that 5roke 6y rules an" look
where it 0ot 6e/ Who hol"s a BB&0un war at twili0ht1 The "u65 an" the
"eserate/ I ha" that thou0ht+ What if I 4oul" 0o 5a4k in ti6e1 Just thirteen
hours/ A si6le ti6e 6a4hine was all I was askin0+ a lefto3er ro fro6 a
s4ien4e&:4tion 6o3ie/ You ha" to ha3e real owers to ull that o2+ (eor0e
Lu4as&tye se4ial e2e4ts/ Take the 4ase of 6y frien" (ree"o/ In BCCG when
(eor0e Lu4as rerelease" his Star Wars trilo0y+ he :!e" what he "i"n>t like
usin0 6o"ern se4ial&e2e4ts te4hnolo0y+ erasin0 the 6istakes of his youth/
He ha" a se4ret 4o6oun" an" an entire ner" ar6y "e"i4ate" to this
urose/ In (ree"o>s 4ase+ that 6eant rewritin0 the alien>s history/ In the
ori0inal 6o3ie+ the 0reen&skinne" 5ounty hunter is 0oin0 to "eli3er the
relu4tant hero Han Solo to the sa4e&a0e $a:a "on Ja55a the Hut+ so Han
shoots hi6 to re3ent this/ But all those years later+ that 3ersion of Han Solo+
the one who shoots :rst+ "i"n>t :t in with Lu4as>s i"ea of how a real hero a4ts/
So he 4han0e" what haene"/ He re&"i0iti=e" the s4ene+ inserte" a laser
5last of (ree"o shootin0 :rst so that Han "i"n>t shoot so6eone in 4ol" 5loo"/
Han was a hero+ (ree"o the 3illain/ There/ #i!e"/
#ans were an0ry/ *eole "on>t like it if you 6ess with their 4hil"hoo"/
But not 6e/ (ree"o "i"n>t 4han0e/ There was the :rst (ree"o+ the one we
knew+ an" the other (ree"o+ the new one that e6er0e" to 4han0e the
6eanin0 of thin0s/ To 6e they>re 5oth real/ It>s a si6le thin0 to kee the two
(ree"os to0ether in your hea" if you know how/
%e00ie returne" with a a4k of real ra=or 5la"es+ ea4h one in"i3i"ually
wrae" like 4heese sli4es/ I eele" the 4ar"5oar" o2 one/ (o" it looke"
terri5le/ It was su4h a sli6 ie4e of 6etal an" yet host to so 6u4h 6ore
otentiality than the BB 0uns/ An" I was 0oin0 to ut it in 6y fa4e/ %e00ie>s
li was tre65lin0/ His eyes watere"/ He sai"+ ?I "on>t want anythin0 to
haen to you/?
Don>t 4ry or you>ll 0et so6e 6ore/ ?I>ll 5e okay/? I ki4ke" hi6 out/
I 4ut a thin line into the s4a5 an" I s<uee=e"/ The BB "i"n>t 6o3e/ I 4ut
"eeer into it/ Nothin0 haene"/ So I 4ut another line+ an" now I ha" an -/ I
s<uee=e" as har" as I 4oul"/ The BB was too "ee/ The #*S ha" 5een su4h
that it was "own in there+ an" the skin ha" 4lose" aroun" it in an e65ra4e/ I
wasn>t so 6u4h of a sy4ho that I was really 0oin0 to "i0 in there+ shit/
We "i"n>t know what we were 0oin0 to "o/ Like the 0oo" ol" "ays when
we 5roke a la6 or ut a hole in the 4ou4h an" ran aroun" ea4h other like
4ra=y 4o4kroa4hes/ Two fu4kus waitin0 for the Bi0 Shoe/ Eye at4h1 We
raye" they>" "e4i"e at the last 6inute not to 4o6e out/ The o""s were 0oo"/
@?Ne3er tell 6e the o""s+? was a Han Solo&is6+ hero talk/A We 4leane" the
house e!tra se4ial+ e3en use" Win"e! for the :n0errints on the fri"0e/
$ay5e that woul" "istra4t the6/ We stu4k the 5loo"y 6o of Bounty aer
towels an" a 5loo"&soake" wash4loth into a lasti4 'in0 'ullen 5a0 an"
sho3e" it way "own in the 0ar5a0e/
In the 6i""le of the afternoon+ %e00ie went out to sell our 0un to N*+
who 5ou0ht it for :fty 4ents on the "ollar/ We rehearse" 4o3er stories an"
settle" on+ We were runnin0 throu0h the woo"s to Cli3e>s house an" I ran into
a 5ran4h that was sti4kin0 outO I 4oul"a oke" 6y eye outO That way they
4oul" s4ol" us for runnin0 in the woo"s+ an" lea3e it at that/ But they 0ot
ho6e an" ne3er noti4e"/ This 5i0 thin0 al6ost in 6y eye/
The BB 0uns "i"n>t 4o6e out a0ain that su66er/ We weren>t the only
ones to 0et ri" of the6/ The thrill was 0one+ lus the 0irls :nally aeare"+
like I sai"+ 4ontortin0 our Thurs"ays into a new sort of 6isera5le/ #or so6e of
us+ those were our :rst 0uns+ a rehearsal/ I>" like to say+ all these years later+
now that one of us is "ea" an" another araly=e" fro6 the waist "own fro6
a4tual 5ullets&&"ru0&relate"+ as the aers ut it&&that the 0a6e wasn>t so
inno4ent after all/ But it>s not true/ We always fou0ht for real/ Only the nature
of the :0ht 4han0e"/ It always will/ As ti6e went on+ we learne" to ar6
oursel3es in our "i2erent ways/ So6e of us with real 0uns+ so6e of us with
6ore ehe6eral weaons+ an i"ea or i6ro5a5le lan or so6e sort of
for6ulation a5out how 5est to 6o3e throu0h the worl"/
An i"ea that will let us 5e/ *rote4t us an" kee us safe/ But a weaon
nonetheless/
It>s still there/ )n"er the skin/ It>s 0oo" for a story+ so6ethin0 to sho4k
eole with after I>3e known the6 for years an" feel a nee" to surrise the6
with the other 5oy/ It>s not a s4ar that eole noti4e e3en thou0h it>s ri0ht
there/ I aske" a "o4tor a5out it on4e+ a5out 5loo" oisonin0 o3er ti6e/ He
shook his hea"/ Then he shru00e"/ ?It hasn>t kille" you yet/?
WE WE%E A COSBY #A$ILY+ (OOD ON *A*E%/ THAT was the lin0o/
#ather a "o4tor+ 6other a lawyer/ Three ki"s+ re&s4hoole"+ with 4lean
:n0ernails an" ni4e 6anners/ No i6erial 5rownstone+ 5ut our *rewar Classi4
G wasn>t too sha55y+ s<uee=in0 us ti0ht in ol" ele0ant 5ones/ Di" we s<uir61
Oh so <uietly/
The Cos5y Show was the Nu65er&One Show in A6eri4a+ lea"o2 6an of
NBC>s Thurs"ay Ni0ht Dynasty/ White eole lo3e" it+ e3en the ones who took
it as s4ien4e :4tion+ so6e 4olore" 3ersion of Ti6e Tunnel or Lost in Sa4e/
Who are these eole1 We sai"9 *eole we know/ An" we wat4he" it/ *eole
we knew starte" wearin0 sweaters with 6in"&6eltin0 atterns+ in tri5ute to
the Co= Hi6self+ an" the 5ar5er shos 5u==e" u 3ersions of Theo>s latest
hair4ut+ whate3er he an" his frien"s sorte" on set+ in their 5rief 4areers+
those han"so6e 5oys who went nowhere/ The youn0 6en 6ar4he" out of
5ar5er shos to all 4oor"inates with Fattos+ fa"es+ hi&tos of *isan a65ition9
Theo>s ar6y/ ?They>re a real Cos5y #a6ily+? eole sai"+ when a4<uaintan4es
5roke the at6oshere to 5etter or5it/ A ter6 of a2e4tion an" a"6iration/
#ro6 the street+ I>" 5een relie3e" to see that the 5e"roo6s were "ark/
A lon0 "ay at work+ then su2erin0 throu0h #ri"ay&e3enin0 LIE tra;4&&6y
arents were often aslee when I 0ot o2 the late shift at Jonni WaJe/ Then I
rea4he" the stes an" hear" the T, an" saw the 6oths sta00erin0 in the
li0ht fro6 the li3in0&roo6 win"ows/ $y father was awake/ ?Where>s
Shithea"1? he aske" as I 4lose" the "oor/
?He>s still at Bur0er 'in0+? I sai"/ We were a few 6onths into When Da"
Calle" %e00ie Shithea" for a Year/ That srin0+ 6y 5rother 5rou0ht ho6e two
C 6inuses on his reort 4ar"+ a new re4or"/ %e00ie an" fresh6an year were
not 5u""ies/ He Funke" test after test+ the ones han"e" out 5y tea4hers an"
the 6ore i6ortant ones+ the ones 0i3en 5y other stu"ents/ It was this latter
5ran" of o <ui= that he really 4are" a5out+ whi4h is a ity 5e4ause you 4an
ne3er reare for the6/ Ese4ially if you were ki"s like us/ These other
0ra"es went "own on your real *er6anent %e4or"+ the one you 4arrie" on
your erson at all ti6es e3en when hi0h s4hool was lon0 o3er/ E3eryone saw
the 6arks you 0ot+ as if they ha" -&ray eyes/
Our father rea4te" with the 5oilerlate threats an" haran0ues+ an"
:nally this rena6in0/ Whene3er our father was in the roo6+ %e00ie
"isaeare" an" in his la4e lin0ere" this e65arrassin0+ e3er&a44ounta5le
stain/ ?Is this Shithea">s1? he>" ask+ hol"in0 u a 4oy of Sin that ha" fallen
5etween the 4ushions of the 4ou4h/ Li0ht5ul5 5urn out1 ?Shithea">s usin0 too
6u4h ele4tri4ity/? I 0ot o2 the hook a lot/ I was 0rateful/ We were always
0rateful when so6eone else 0ot the 5usiness/ If I left so6e "irty "ishes in the
sink+ 6y father sai"+ ?These 6ust 5e Shithea">s+? as he asse" 5y+ an" I took
the hint an" s4ru55e" the6/ It wasn>t until La5or Day that I reali=e" that o3er
the 4ourse of the su66er %e00ie ha" 6o3e" 6ost of his Bur0er 'in0 ti6e to
the weeken"+ tra"in0 an" swain0 with 4o&workers shift 5y shift to 6ini6i=e
e!osure/ That ni0ht he was at B' like I sai"+ an" ha" arran0e" for a "ou5le
on Satur"ay/ That was a 5i0 4hunk of <uality ti6e "isose" of ri0ht there/
I oene" a 4an of 4rea6 so"a an" leane" a0ainst the fri"0e/ $y father
sai"+ ?I was won"erin0 when you were 0oin0 to sto ha3in0 6e 4ut your hair/?
I ran 6y al6 a4ross 6y 5ristly s4al/ ?Cli3e has a whole 4lier set/?
?Look like one of those 4orner ni00ers+? he sai"/ (rous of 5rown youn0
6en&&5la4k+ Do6ini4an+ *uerto %i4an&&hun0 out in alternatin0 shifts outsi"e
the 5o"e0a on the 4orner of BHBst an" Broa"way+ that lo4us of li4entiousness/
Whene3er so6ethin0 went awry in the nei0h5orhoo"+ the 4orner ni00ers
ea0erly stee" u for s4ae0oat "uty/ (u6 6ashe" into your shoe+ runny
"o0 shit in front of the 5uil"in0+ transit strike9 these were all well&known
6anifestations of 4orner&ni00er hi0h 7inks/ They ket their hair 0ra=e" "own
to <uarter&in4h stu55le+ an" Cli3e ha" in"u4te" 6e into their 0an0/
?I like it+? I sai"/
?Your hea"/? He shru00e"/ He leane" 5a4k on the 4ou4h an" returne"
to the T,/ It soun"e" fa6iliar/ I>" seen the 6o3ie 5efore/
It was the :rst ti6e so6eone else ha" 4ut 6y hair/ Sin4e I 4oul"
re6e65er+ 6e an" %e00ie ha" a ritual/ When our hair 0ot too 4ra=y+ we
aske" our father to 0i3e us a hair4ut+ an" he ut us o2+ sayin0 he was too
5usy or ha" ha" a lon0 "ay at his ra4ti4e+ an" o3er the ne!t few weeks or
6onths we>" ask a0ain+ 7u"i4iously sa4in0 out our re<uests so as not to ?na0
like an ol" wo6an+? an" then e3entually one e3enin0 he>" 4o6e ho6e tisy
after ?a 6eetin0? an" 5reak out his s4issors/ Bla4k 5ar5ers the worl" o3er+
they use ele4tri4 4liers/ These are 6o"ern ti6es/ In 6any se4tors+
te4hnolo0i4al a"3an4es are wel4o6e" an" e65ra4e"/ $y father+ howe3er+
lo3e" his se4ial air of ol"&s4hool 5ar5er s4issors+ an" we lo3e" the6+ too+
5e4ause the soun" of the lon0+ thin 5la"es sniin0 a0ainst ea4h other was
the soun" of his un"i3i"e" attention/
As I sat on a 4hair in the 5athroo6+ hol"in0 the towel ti0ht aroun" 6y
5ony shoul"ers an" starin0 into the 5la4k&an"&white su5way tile+ he tri66e"
an" tri66e"+ 0ru65lin0 a5out the li0ht+ tiltin0 6y hea" to an" fro with a :r6
ush of his in"e! an" 6i""le :n0ers/ He "rew u tufts with a i4k an"
s<uinte" an" 4lie"/ I 6ur6ure" the *ri6e Dire4ti3e to 6yself+ ?Don>t 6o3e
your hea"+ "on>t 6o3e your hea"+? e3en thou0h it ne3er worke"/ I 6o3e"/ He
always tol" 6e I 6o3e" no 6atter how 6u4h I 4on4entrate"+ no 6atter how
6any oaths an" le"0es I "e3ise" 5etween hair4uts+ as if a new arran0e6ent
of wor"s 6i0ht 6ake thin0s turn out "i2erently ne!t ti6e/ At so6e oint he>"
say+ ?You 6o3e" your hea"/ Now I ha3e to e3en it out+? an" I 4urse" 6yself
as he 4ut an" 4ut+ an" 6y >#ro 0rew shorter an" shorter an" shorter ///
But when he was "one+ it was erfe4t/ Like when he 0rille"&&you ha" to
a"6it that "esite e3erythin0+ he was a 6aster 0riller/ It was one of those
thin0s he "i" well+ you 4oul"n>t say anythin0 a0ainst it+ it was a 4ornerstone
of our reality/ He 0a3e us 6iniature 3ersions of his own 4ut+ the sa6e one
he>" 0i3en hi6self sin4e hi0h s4hool+ when he took o3er hair4ut "uties fro6
his father/ The hair4uts re6aine" erfe4t for whole hours&&"on>t 5e thrown o2
5y the fa4t that no 4a6era e3er re4or"e" the6/ The sell 5roke when you
took a shower or slet on the6+ whereuon all his tu4ks an" ats an"
ro""in0s were un"one an" our suer5 4rowns 5e4a6e utterly 6isshae"
an" "isor"ere"+ the un"erlyin0 rin4iles re3eale" as 4ounterfeit/ What
o44urre" on 6y s4al 4oul" not 5e 4alle" a ?style? in any true sense+ an" it
0ot wil"er the lon0er it 0ot/ It was a weir" 5la4k a6oe5a testin0 the e"0es of
itself+ throwin0 out nay seu"oo"s here an" su""enly there+ an
unre"i4ta5le new "ire4tion e3ery "ay/ I swear it li3e"+ an" ha3e 4o6e to
5elie3e that its e3er&shiftin0 lu6s an" ten"rils were a "oo6e" atte6t at
4o66uni4ation with the hu6ans/ The tra0e"y of the "ay&after hair4utsO An"
all the "ays afterO The 6onths asse" until we ha" to a"6it to oursel3es that
the worl" a5horre" us+ an" the ro4ess starte" anew/
Nee"less to say+ I ha" no i"ea how fu4ke" u the hair4uts were at the
ti6e/ To us they were nor6al/ Just how thin0s were "one in our house/ @%aise
your han" if you 4an relate/A $y "elusions en"e" that srin0 when I was
4leanin0 out 6y "esk "urin0 one of 6y erio"i4 ur0es of ner"ery/ $y twenty&
si"e" "ie ossesse" a 4urious will+ returnin0 to ester an" trou5le 6e e3en
thou0h I ha" thrown it out a hun"re" ti6es+ the se4ter of DKD 0a6es ast/
This ti6e I threw it out the win"ow/ @I foun" it un"er the ra"iator a week
later/A I stashe" "o0&eare" 4oies of #a6ous $onsters in a 5o! at the 5a4k of
the 4loset an" hi" all the 4o6i4 5ooks I>" 5ou0ht sin4e the last ur0e+ in 4ase
a 0irl 6ateriali=e" in 6y roo6 "ue to a transorter 6alfun4tion/ I was in a
0oo" 6oo" or so6ethin0+ feelin0 oti6isti4+ like so6eone ha" 4hu4kle" at a
7oke that I>" 6a"e in Biolo0y+ or History+ an" it ha" 0one to 6y hea"/
I 4a6e a4ross a a4ket of :fth&0ra"e 4lass i4tures un"er 6y 4oy of
Swa6 Thin0 SME/ It is the nettleso6e <uality of ele6entary&s4hool i4tures
to re3eal the true nature of our 4hil"hoo"s/ Nothin0 is how we re6e65er it+
an" all the ne4essary alterations we>3e 6a"e in or"er to sur3i3e with se6i&
fun4tionin0 sy4hes are e!ose"/ Best to lea3e the6 alone/
Lookin0 5a4k+ I think I ha" what is 5est "es4ri5e" as a relasarian
fon"ness for :fth 0ra"e+ its la4k of 4o6li4ation/ No 6ore/ $iss #re"eri4ks+
the So4ial Stu"ies tea4her whose 4ruel s6ile ha" haunte" 6e for years an"
who was a4tually the "efault settin0 in 6y ni0ht6ares when I nee"e" an e3il
authority :0ure+ ha" a 6elan4holy fa4e now that I really e!a6ine" it/ She
see6e" a 5it too skinny+ al6ost ill+ an" I 0ot to thinkin0 a5out what her
house looke" like+ i4turin0 the sha"ows in the kit4henette where she
reare" her lonely 6eals/ Two s4oos of 4otta0e 4heese on a 5i0 leaf of
wilte" i4e5er0 lettu4e+ an" a si"e of 6isery/ She ne3er aeare" in 6y
"rea6s a0ain/
S4annin0 the rest of the hoto0rah+ it was 4lear that none of us+
tea4her an" uils alike+ ha" re6aine" untou4he" 5y that horri5le ei"e6i4
6akin0 the roun"s 5a4k then+ >GHs fashion+ the 6ani4 stries an" rints of
the shirts an" skirts an" ants a kin" of rash on our Fesh that only a new
"e4a"e 4oul" 4ure/ Then there were the ki"s the6sel3es/ No one looke" like
they were suose" to/ These 4han0elin0 4reatures surroun"e" 6e in
olyester+ tou4hin0 6y el5ows/ Stran0ers/ I tra4e" a :n0er alon0 their fa4es
like a 6o3ie a6nesia4 /// that 6ust 5e 6y 5est frien" /// his na6e is An"y ///
that>s the s6art 0irl who sat in front of 6e all year /// she ate frankfurters out
of a Bioni4 Wo6an ther6os :lle" with hot oily water/ Then there was 6y own
fa4e/ $y fa4e was not the one I re6e65ere" showin0 to the worl"/ Were 6y
eyes so "ark+ those "ays1 There was so6ethin0 a6iss with 6y 6outh+ always
6y 6outh+ e3en 5efore I 0ot 5ra4es/ $y lis were 4hae"+ sure+ 5ut the
4hainess see6e" to ha3e e!ten"e" its territory+ so that a hu0e white halo
en4ir4le" 6y 6outh+ like I>" 5een eatin0 ashes for 5reakfast+ lun4h+ an"
"inner/ An" then there was that thin0 on to/
That really fu4ke"&u hair4ut/
I re4o3ere" fro6 the 4lass i4ture retty <ui4kly/ It wasn>t that 5a"/
Seein0 the white letters i"entifyin0 6y ho6eroo6+ the 4onstru4tion&aer
6a of #ran4e we>" toile" o3er that winter+ the oster of Neil Ar6stron0
Foatin0 "own to the lunar surfa4e+ I felt a ni4e war6 tin0le of nostal0ia/ The
killer was the four anes of wallet&si=e" hotos 5eneath the 4lass i4ture/ It
was 7ust 6e there/ They shoul" ha3e stoe" 6e/ They shoul" ha3e stoe"
6e at any nu65er of 4he4koints/ As I trie" to lea3e the aart6ent&&here+ a
4lose relati3e woul" ha3e 5een key/ The "oor6an 4oul" ha3e taken 6e asi"e/
We 0ot alon0+ hi6 an" 6e+ tra"in0 heys with enthusias6+ or so I thou0ht/ But
he sai" nothin0/ Certainly the 5us "ri3er+ "e fa4to "euty of the 5o"y oliti4+
4oul">3e for5i" 6e entry+ riin0 6y 5us ass in half an" tossin0 it to the
"irty 5la4k trea"s/ The se4urity 0uar" outsi"e s4hool shoul" ha3e 5eat 6e
with his Fashli0ht+ an" surely 6y ho6eroo6 tea4her+ $iss Barrett&&sti4kler 5y
nature+ wiel"er of a 5ifo4ale" annihilatin0 0a=e&&shoul" ha3e sho3e" her 5i0
woo"en "esk u a0ainst the 4lassroo6 "oor+ 5a4k 5ra4e or no 5a4k 5ra4e/ All
of the6 shoul" ha3e sai"+ What the fu4k is u with your hair1
O53iously it ha" 5een 6onths sin4e 6y last tri6/ Instea" of a hair4ut+
the hoto0raher ha" 4ature" so6e ri6or"ial ro4ess unfol"in0/ The
uni3erse tu00e" an" resse" on 6y hair with in3isi5le :n0ers+ the way it ha"
ulle" u 6ountains to the sky an" 0ou0e" the "eeest o4ean 4has6s+
where the only li3in0 5ein0s are ale 5oneless thin0s rootin0 aroun" in
e3erlastin0 0loo6/ What else is there to say 5ut that in 6y 3i4inity lar0er
for4es were at work+ the an4ient un"erinnin0s of it all/ There are natural
laws/ The Thir" Law of Ther6o"yna6i4s says that as te6erature aroa4hes
a5solute =ero+ the entroy of a syste6 aroa4hes a 4onstant/ Sir Isaa4
Newton>s Thir" Law of $otion hol"s that for e3ery a4tion+ there is an e<ual
an" oosite rea4tion/ The entity on 6y hea" was roof of another
fun"a6ental law9 a fu4ke"&u Afro ten"s towar" 4o6lete fu4ke"ue"ness at
an e!onential rate o3er ti6e+ as e!resse" 5y the e<uation+
AN X # R t
where AN is A5solute Nainess+ # is fu4ke"ue"ness+ an" t is ti6e
The ane of hotos was un4ut+ of 4ourse/ Who>" want a i4ture of that
in their wallet+ oisonin0 their 6oney1
I "on>t re6e65er 5ein0 tease" a5out 6y hair or 6y a4ute 4hainess/
But surely they 6a"e fun of 6e+ the 4hil"ren in the hoto0rah an" the
stran0ers out of fra6e/ Surely they ha" to see it/ Why "i"n>t they say
anythin01 I was "ue for another hair4ut when I foun" those i4tures+ 5ut it
ne3er o44urre" to 6e not to ask 6y "a" to 4ut 6y hair as usual/ We>" always
"one thin0s a 4ertain way/ Then out in Sa0 I was at Cli3e>s house when he
was 4uttin0 N*>s hair+ an" when he was "one he turne" to 6e an" aske"+
?You want 6e to 4ut o2 that 7un0le 5ush or what1?
I :nishe" 6y 4rea6 so"a an" went to wash out the 4an/ Chi4ken arts
5o55e" in a 5i0 ot of water in the sink+ "efrostin0/ He was 0oin0 to 5ar5e4ue
to6orrow/ I 6a"e a note/
?He 7ust 5oile" that "i==y 5it4h in the hot tu5+? he sai"/
Halloween II/ ?Da0+? I sai"/ I sat "own on the 4ou4h an" wat4he" the
rest of it with hi6/
%e00ie woke 6e u with his fren4h&fry s6ell when he 4a6e in/ The
fren4h&fry s6ell was al6ost another erson in our roo6+ stu65lin0 in the
"ark/ When I 0ot u+ he>" alrea"y 0one 5a4k to work/
It was al6ost noon+ fro6 the noise/ Satur"ays in Sa0 Har5or+ I like" to
lie in 5e" listenin0 to the weeken" re3 itself u/ #irst+ thou0h+ I 4on4entrate"
on the house noises+ to see what I>" 5e 0ettin0 into/ The s4reen "oor
sla66e" shut an" so6eone entere" the li3in0 roo6&&6y 6other+ fro6 the
walk/ She 6a"e a 4o66ent+ 6y father reson"e" in his wise4ra4kin0
intonation+ an" 5oth of the6 lau0he"/ I rela!e"/ Thin0s see6e" okay out
there/
I ha" three seakers&&the two win"ows an" the 4ra4k 5eneath the
"oor&&that fun4tione" as 6y tri&honi4 hi&:+ :llin0 the roo6 with the 6elo"y of
an A=urest afternoon/ If I 4lose" 6y eyes+ I saw e3erythin0 erfe4tly/ Thin0s
ne3er haene" otherwise/ Last&6inute lawn 6owers sun an" sat+ an" a
4ar 6a"e a slow turn >roun" Terry onto Walker+ re4onnoiterin0 to see whi4h
houses ha" 4ars in the "ri3eway/ That eternal <uestion9 Who>s out+ who>s out1
Three houses u+ Bi0 Dennis 4ranke" u his Earth+ Win" K #ire 5est of+ whi4h
5y that oint in the su66er I knew tra4k 5y tra4k+ 4roonin0 the ne!t son0
while this one was still on the se4on" 3erse/ ?%easons+ the reasons that we
hear/? Out on the water+ two 6otor5oats 4ruise" in 4ir4les+ rearin0 for the
5usy weeken" workout9 haulin0 worthies u on water skis8 :shin0 e!e"itions
in the (reat Beyon" outsi"e the 5ay8 an" slow 7aunts aroun" the Ne4k or into
Baron>s Co3e+ "een"in0 on one>s 6oti3es/ The weeken" 7i0saw :t to0ether
into the shae on the 5o!+ the one we were ro6ise"/ Then I hear" it+ a
soun" the nor6al erson woul" ne3er noti4e/
*oo6/
It was the 6a0net/ There was one 6a0net with whi4h I was well
a4<uainte"/ It resi"e" in the ne!t roo6+ in the lower left <ua"rant of the
kit4hen islan"+ se4urin0 the li<uor 4a5inet "oor/ It ro"u4e" a soun"&&*oo6&&
when the twin 6etal stris on the 4a5inet "oor 4onne4te" with the 6a0net in
the 4a5inet itself/ *oo6 6eant the li<uor 4a5inet ha" 5een "elete"/ *oo6
6eant it ha" starte"/
I felt a twin0e/ Then rela!e"/ It was okay&&I>" "e3ise" an e!it strate0y
when I saw the 4hi4ken in the sink/
I ha3en>t 0otten to the layout of our little hi"eaway yet/ The 5ea4h
house was a ran4h 5un0alow 6y 0ran"arents 5uilt in the late >NHs/ Lon0
lanks staine" a "ee+ earthy re" 4o3ere" the e!terior+ an" the roof sloe" at
a narrow an0le+ like a 5ook that ha" 5een set fa4e"own/ The two s6all
5e"roo6s fa4e" the street8 walk out of the6 an" you were in a hallway with a
5athroo6 on your ri0ht 5efore thin0s oene" u into the li3in0 sa4e/ The T,
area an" en4ir4lin0 4ou4hes on the left+ kit4hen an" "inin0 on the ri0ht/ The
north wall was 0lass+ fa4in0 the "e4k+ an" 5eyon" that stret4he" the 5ea4h
an" the 5ay/ ,isitors 4o6in0 u fro6 the 5ea4h use" the s4reen "oor+ an"
those fro6 the street use" the si"e "oor ne!t to the sto3e/ The 4lo6in0 u
the si"e stairs was an in3alua5le early&alert syste6+ allowin0 us to s4urry into
the 5a4k if we "e4i"e" to reten" not to 5e ho6e/ Whi4h was <uite often/
We>" sent three su66ers there/ We use" to stay on He6stea"
Street+ in the ol" house 6y 0ran"arents ut u when the "e3elo6ents
starte" 0oin0/ $y 6other an" her sister inherite" the two houses+ an" then in
so6e intri4ate 5a"&5loo" transa4tion our fa6ily 0ot the 5ea4h house an" 6y
aunt 0ot the He6stea" House/ O53iously+ fro6 an o57e4ti3e real estate oint
of 3iew+ the 5ea4h house was the 5etter roerty/ Lo4ation+ lo4ation+ et4/ But
I>" sent 6y true 4hil"hoo" at the other la4e+ an" I ne3er 0ot o3er lea3in0 it/
$y laun"ry list of sy4hi4 in7uries asi"e+ the He6stea" House was 7ust
5i00er/ In the new la4e we were on to of ea4h other/ $y sister 0ot the
se4on" 5e"roo6 whene3er she 4a6e out+ for4in0 6e an" %e00ie to slee in
the li3in0 roo6+ waitin0 for her or our arents to 0et u so that we 4oul"
stu65le o2 into their roo6s for the short 5ut i6ortant stret4h of late&
6ornin0 slee/
The 5ea4h house was still 5i0 enou0h for you to sneak aroun" in+ slink
into the 5athroo6+ an" 0enerally 0et your shit to0ether 5efore you ha" to say
0oo" 6ornin0/ This "ay+ I hear" 6y 6other talkin0 to one of her frien"s out
on the "e4k+ so I "ashe" into the 5athroo6+ 4he4ke" that the 4oast was 4lear+
an" then 6a"e a 5reak for it to 6y arents> 5e"roo6 to use the hone/
?Ja6es 0oin0 to 5ar5e4ue to"ay1? I hear" N*>s 6other ask/
?You know Ja6es+? 6y 6other answere"/
Bo55y sai" he>" i4k 6e u at two o>4lo4k to 0o "ri3in0 aroun"/ I
4ounte" to one hun"re"+ an" when I e6er0e" $rs/ (ri6es was 7ust
"isaearin0 "own the stairs to the 5ea4h/ (oo" ti6in0/ $y 6other tu4ke"
her hair into her 5athin0 4a+ an ol" fa3orite of hers+ white with rain5ow&
4olore" lasti4 Fowers Foatin0 on it/ ?Ha3e to 0et 6y swi6 in 5efore those
6ania4s 0et out there+? she sai"/ In a few hours+ the 5oats woul" 5e =iin0
5a4k an" forth+ the "ri3ers with one han" on the wheel an" the other in the
5eer 4ooler+ eyes on the ro3e for the ne!t es4aa"e/ There ha" ne3er 5een
an a44i"ent+ 5ut an afternoon in Sa0 Har5or ha" se4ial o4kets of tsk&tskin0
that nee"e" to 5e :lle"/
$y 6other looke" 0reat/ Always this 6a0i4 haene"9 as the su66er
went on+ she 0ot youn0er an" youn0er/ The sun tanne" her skin to a stron0+
3ital 5rown+ an" her thin 4row>s feet "isaeare"+ usherin0 an i6ish twinkle
into her eyes/ Durin0 the week she was a 6il"&6annere" attorney+ an in&
house lawyer for Nestle/ E3ery few years+ I aske" what she "i" there+ an" she
sai"+ ?Oh+ you "on>t want to know a5out that+? or worse+ e!laine" in full
"etail+ 4ausin0 6y synases to shut "own/ So6ethin0 a5out international
tra"e6arks+ the rote4tion of the Nestle fa6ily of ro"u4ts an" to&se4ret
for6ulas/ We 0ot a 5i0 4rate of Hot Co4oa with $ini $arsh6allows e3ery
Christ6as that laste" us all year/
City 6ornin0s+ she ar6e" herself for the 6i"town hustle+ walkin0 out
in her 6ono4hro6ati4 5usiness&wear an" Nikes+ her ni4e shoes in a *BS tote
5a0/ It>s a li3in0/ But out there+ she was a "i2erent erson/ She>" ne3er
6isse" a su66er the last forty years/ Her frien"s on the 5ea4h were her
frien"s fro6 the ol" "ays/ Her 4rew+ like 6e an" %e00ie ha" our 4rew/ She
wasn>t the only one who went 5a4k to the start of A=urest+ 5ut Sa0 Har5or
worke" on her in a way I>" ne3er seen it "o other eole/ There was a art of
her that only e!iste" out there/ It 6a"e her 0o/
?Soun"s like so6eone is ha3in0 a arty u the 5ea4h+? she sai"/
?That>s 7ust Bi0 Dennis an" his 6i! tae+? I sai"/ ?Where>s Da"1?
?He went "own the 5ea4h to talk to $r/ Ba!ter+? she sai"/ She walke"
"own to the water/
I ha" the la4e to 6yself for a while/ I ate 5reakfast an" wat4he" Youn0
#rankenstein on Channel BB/ Ea4h ti6e I wat4he" it+ I 0ot E er4ent 6ore of
the 7okes/ Just killin0 ti6e until Bo55y i4ke" 6e u/ He ha" a 4ar now+ his
arents> atte6t at se"u4in0 hi6 with the sweet nothin0s of 5our0ie 4o6fort/
I "i"n>t 4are how the 4ar 0ot there+ re3elin0 in the after6ath of our 4ou/
%an"y>s 6esse"&u 7aloy was now in e!ile+ the last&resort o3erFow 3ehi4le+
shot0unne" no 6ore/ We ha" reesta5lishe" the natural or"er/ E!4et for the
whole 0irl thin0/
The 0irls 7ust aeare" one "ay+ stein0 out of their 4la6/ The house
4a6e :rst/ We noti4e" it on one of our early 4ir4uits at the start of the
su66er/ It ha" o5literate" a 4hunk of woo"s of no se4ial 3alue+ 5ereft of
4herishe" short4uts an" "ilai"ate" hi"eouts+ 5ut it still hurt/ It was an >DHs
refa5 7oint+ no salt5o! or ran4her+ 5ut so6ethin0 you 6i0ht see if you took a
wron0 turn an" 0ot lost in the su5ur5s/ I>" ne3er 5een to the su5ur5s+ 5ut I>"
seen 6o3ies set in sterile su5"i3isions where o3er ti6e the "ea" rottin0 heart
of su5ur5ia was lai" 5are+ an" the houses in those 6o3ies looke" like that
house/
The s4attere" intel an" unsu5stantiate" reorts tri4kle" in halfway
throu0h the su66er/ Day One9 ?There are so6e 0irls out+? $ar4us "e4lare"/ ?I
saw so6e 0irls walkin0 u Ca"6us+? %e00ie reorte"/ ?What+ little ki"s1? ?No+
our a0e/? ?Let>s 0o see/? ?No+ they>re 0one+ 6an/? Day Two9 N* alle0e" that
?Their na6es are De3on an" Eri4a/? ?Sisters1? ?No+ 6an+ you see how li0ht
De3on is+ an" then the 6o6s an" os1 No way Eri4a is her sister/? #a4t9 they
were 4ousins+ an" it was De3on>s house/ Day #our>s "e5rie:n0 4ontaine"
6ore 4on:r6e" si0htin0s+ 5onehea" se4ulation+ an" then so6ethin0 new&&
:rsthan" en4ounters/ The 0irls haile" fro6 New Jersey+ hi0h&s4hool
soho6ores to&5e/ De3on ha" ?those 5i0 Lisa Lisa titties+? Eri4a ?a "i4k&
su4kin0 6outh/? ?That>s too youn0 for 6e+? Cli3e "e6urre"+ ?5ut y>all shoul"
0i3e it a shot/? ?I>" hit either one of those honeys+? %an"y "e4lare"+ sharin0
his enthusias6 for statutory rae/ N* resente" his 4on4lusion9 ?De3on woul"
0ra5 your 7i6 with a <ui4kness/? I sai"+ ?%eally1? By Day #i3e+ it was all o3er/
Bo55y an" N* 4alle" a 6eetin0 to announ4e that they were 0oin0 out with
the6+ followin0 an e3entful afternoon when the 4ousins ?went for a ri"e? in
Bo55y>s 4ar/ I ha"n>t e3en 6et the6 yetO You 0o to work+ s4oo so6e i4e
4rea6+ 4o6e 5a4k ho6e+ an" the whole 5alan4e was o2/ Cars+ 6an/
?That Ba!ter is a ani4+? 6y father sai"+ sli"in0 oen the s4reen "oor/
He ha" an e6ty 0lass in his han"+ art of a set we 5ou0ht when we starte"
stayin0 at the 5ea4h house+ to rela4e the >NHs 0lasses with 6o" "esi0ns on
the6+ olka "ots an" o"" 0eo6etri4 for6s/ The ol" stu2 went in the 0ar5a0e/
?What are you "oin01?
?Nothin0+? I sai"/
?Ti6e to 0et a :re starte"/?
He was known u an" "own the 5ea4h as a 6aster 0riller+ the win"
itself in ser3i4e to his le0en"+ 5earin0 the e!<uisite s6ell of 4ara6eli=in0
6eat throu0h the "e3elo6ents/ E3ery Satur"ay+ e3ery Sun"ay+ in 0oo"
weather an" 5a"/ On 0oo" "ays+ the 4hi4ken skin 5u55le" fero4iously+
sunli0ht "an4in0 in the 7ui4es+ an" on 5a" "ays the rain e3aorate" on the li"
with 5itter hissin0 soun"s/ He "i"n>t 5elie3e in (o" 5ut was a "e3out
worshier of (ore&Te! the $ira4le #i5er+ 0rillin0 into autu6n an" winter while
ar6ore" in his 5elo3e" Win"5reaker/ ?This stu2 really works+? he e!4lai6e"+
an0ry 0usts riin0 the fa5ri4 5a4k an" forth/ Nor>easters roare" u the
4oast+ 5rin0in0 6inor 4o6li4ations 3is&a&3is :re&startin0+ 5ut he always
"is4o3ere" his ersonal stor6&eye 5eneath the o3erhan0+ a6i" the 5luster+
the Fa6es riin0 with fury in the win"/ Autu6n "ays+ ours was the only
inha5ite" house on the 5ea4h+ the 5u4ket of :re a si0n of life an" an4ient
4a3e6an lore/ He 0rille" in a 5li==ar" on4e+ as he like" to re6in" eole+ for
ki4ks an" to ro3e that he 4oul"/ You shoul" 5e so lu4ky as to witness su4h a
stran0e an" 6ar3elous si0ht/ Shelter Islan"+ the 5ay+ e3erythin0 that e!iste"
outsi"e our roerty line+ was an i6enetra5le 3oi"+ a kin" of hun0ry
sali3atin0 "arkness+ as the snow swirle" like a thousan" :reFies into the li0ht
thrown out fro6 the li3in0 roo6/ We were the only ones left+ the last hu6an
5ein0s+ or 6ay5e the :rst/ The 4hi4ken took lon0er to 4ook+ 5ut when he
5rou0ht it 5a4k insi"e it was fantasti4/
If you tol" hi6 you weren>t hun0ry+ he "i"n>t 4are/ He>" 0rill anyway/
E3entually you>" eat it/
*oo6O Nee"in0 a refresh6ent/ How 6any was that1 The one I hear"
in the 5e"roo6+ an" ro5a5ly a refresher at $r/ Ba!ter>s/ *lus this one/
Startin0 at who knows what ti6e that 6ornin0/ I 4al4ulate"9 al6ost an hour
until Bo55y was 0oin0 to i4k 6e u/ I 4oul" 6ake it/
Before the oo6 was the to4k of the li<uor&4a5inet "oor su4kin0 away
fro6 the 6a0net/ You 4oul" hear the oo6 all o3er the house8 the to4k was
a sli0hter soun"+ inausi4ious+ 0i3en that it was the start of thin0s/ It was
si6ultaneously the soun" of two thin0s searatin0 as well as the sna of
e3entualities lo4kin0 into la4e/ A se<uen4e 4ountin0 "own+ ti4k& to4k/
To 5e 4o6letely a44urate+ you hear" the i4e :rst+ 5ut so6eti6es i4e is
7ust i4e an" not an o6en/ I 6yself en7oye" a ni4e Coke with i4e fro6 ti6e to
ti6e/ I4e foresha"owe" only inter6ittently/ $y father ru66a0e" in the
free=er+ 6o3in0 the half&full 5a0 of Tater Tots o2 the i4e tray/ Then the i4e
tu65le" into the 0lass/ It was a short fall 5ut it see6e" lon0er/ The i4e 4u5es
7a66e" in like in6ates/ Then&&to4kO
The 5ottle of Tan<ueray thunke" on the woo" of the kit4hen 4ounter+
followe" 5y the tinny ras of the 5ottle 4a sli"in0 4lo4kwise/ Cra4k 4ra4kO
The 0in shattere" the i4e+ sli4in0 lanes throu0h the 4u5es+ 5ut they
re6aine" whole+ only the thin fu== of frost 6eltin0 into the al4ohol/ The :rst
of the "ay>s 6any 4he6i4al rea4tions/ *oo6&&the 6a0net ulle" the "oor
shut/ He oene" the refri0erator "oor an" another 6a0net+ silent in its 4oat
of white a44or"ion lasti4+ "rifte" away fro6 the 6etal fra6e/ The toni4 water
hisse" as the ressure in the 5ottle :==e" away/ The 5ottle 6a"e a sli0ht tin0
as it sli" into the ra4k in the fri"0e "oor+ ne!t to the relish an" 6ustar"/
I was well a4<uainte" with all these soun"s an" hear" the other silent
thin0s/ This 6a"e no soun"9 6y father stirrin0 his "rink with his :n0er/ This
also 6a"e no soun"9 that "rea"e" 4al4ulation+ how 6any is that to"ay1
Certainly this 6a"e no soun"9 the un"erstan"in0+ I>6 ushin0 6y lu4k 5y
han0in0 aroun" here/ An" silent now 5ut soon to 6ake itself hear"+ the
4he6i4al rea4tion in his 5rain that sai"+ Let>s 0et this hate in 0ear/
?Can I turn the 4hannel1? I aske"/ He ha" turne" to CNN/ ?%oa" Warrior
is 4o6in0 on/?
?(o ahea"/?
We were a 6a"e&for&T, fa6ily/ E3ery new 4hannel a""e" to our lineu+
e3ery 6a0ni:4ent ho6e&entertain6ent a"3an4e in4rease" the ossi5ility that
we woul"n>t ha3e to talk to one another/ If we li3e" a hun"re" years in the
future+ we>" ne3er ha3e to "eal with one another at all/ *eerin0 LQ&G into our
3irtual&reality hea"sets+ we>" 6erely 5u6 into one another e3ery so often+ a
fa6ily that knew itself as ki4ks in the shin an" el5ows in the sto6a4h/
Althou0h if I sto to think a5out it+ that woul" ro5a5ly 5e 6ore hysi4al
4onta4t than we ha" now/
There>s no "ialo0ue in the :rst ten 6inutes of The %oa" Warrior+ on4e
the narrator sets u the when&where&why @After Ao4alyse&Ao4alyti4
Wastelan"&Sur3i3al/A The %oa" Warrior an" his "o0 s4our the "esert lookin0
for foo" an" 0as/ $ohawke" 6a"6en ri"e 6otor4y4les an" tru4ks an"
soue"&u 6us4le 4ars+ reyin0 on the weak/ Thin0s ki4k into 0ear when the
%oa" Warrior "is4o3ers the settle6ent+ an ol" oil re:nery where a 5an" of
hu6ans ha3e 4o55le" to0ether a 4o66unity in the 3oi" of the worl"/ They
li3e un"er sie0e+ the leather&4la" sy4hos 4ir4lin0 their walls+ the outsi"e
worl" hollerin0 in 6ena4e/ I lo3e" The %oa" Warrior/
Throu0h the 0lass+ 6y father 0ot to work/ #irst u+ 0rill re/ He
wheele" the We5er to the si"e of the "e4k an" "u6e" last week>s ashes
o3er the rail/ They thrashe" throu0h the air in 0ray wa3es/ His eyes were
slits/ The ashes tu65le" into their 6oun"/ Ten feet searate" us fro6 the
nei0h5or>s house+ an" no one e3er walke" o3er there+ ese4ially sin4e 6e
an" %e00ie ha" out0rown ?e!lorin0? the roerty+ reten"in0 the s4ru5
ines an" 0narle" 5ushes were alien territory/ Tryin0 to 6ake unknown that
whi4h was 4o6letely known/ The 6oun" 0rew hi0her all su66er+ har"enin0
into 5la4k 4akes when it raine"/ O2&season+ the win" took it away so he 4oul"
start o3er a0ain/
Ne!t 4a6e the 4ere6onial s4ru55in0 away of last week>s 0rease fro6
the 0rill/ ?Don>t want that to Fare u when I>6 tryin0 to 4ook so6e 4hi4ken/?
He 4leare" the "ishes in the sink to ha3e roo6 to work/ The SOS a"s
"isinte0rate" into ink su"s an" nu5s of 6etal in his han"/ To si"e+
un"ersi"e+ the tiny 4ra4ks where the ro"s 6et/ This took a while/ He hu66e"
so6e Nat 'in0 Cole/
I went to the 5athroo6 an" when I 4a6e out+ CNN was on/ I turne" it
5a4k to The %oa" Warrior/ He "i"n>t reson"/
I wante" so6ethin0 to rea"/ The T, was always on in our house+
whether eole wat4he" it or not/ We nee"e" soun"+ any kin" of soun"/
Wat4hin0 T, an" rea"in0 at the sa6e ti6e was stan"ar" o/ We "i"n>t ha3e a
lot of 5ooks in the 5ea4h house/ There were 6y 6other>s Danielle Steels an"
Ju"ith 'rant=s+ ol" horror an" s4i&: no3els of 6ine an" %e00ie>s that were
neither 5elo3e" nor 0ory enou0h to rerea"/ I ha" so6e ol" A6a=in0 Si"er&
$ans an" $ar3el Two&In&Ones in our 5e"roo6 "resser+ 5ut the last few
6onths I ha" renoun4e" all thin0s "orky an" was "oin0 <uite well at it+ 6y
srin0 ner"&ur0e an" su5se<uent hair4ut re3elation fee"in0 6y resol3e/
Whi4h left The Book of Lists+ that e44entri4 en4y4loe"ia of the worl"+
5oilin0 "own tri3ia into thi4k+ 6urky lu6s of truth/ National BestsellerO It was
fallin0 aart/ I>" rea" it 6any ti6es+ 5ut there was always so6e new list that
fell out fro6 5etween the a0es into 6y la+ tweakin0 6y status <uo/ Not N
*ositions for Se!ual Inter4ourse or D %e6arka5le Es4aes fro6 De3il>s Islan"+ I
ha" those 6e6ori=e"/ I "i"n>t 4are that the 5ook was alrea"y horri5ly "ate"
in BCDE @SB Hero of A6eri4an Boys an" (irls&&O/ J/ Si6son8 SB $ost
Beautiful Wo6an of $o"ern Ti6es&&Twi00yA/ I still rese4te" the 4lassi4s+ like
D Cases of Sontaneous Co65ustion an" BH (hastly (hosts+ whi4h 6i0ht as
well ha3e 5een 4o66an"6ents 4ar3e" into stone ta5lets+ eternal an"
aweso6e/ Sontaneous 4o65ustion is a rare o44urren4e+ to 5e sure+ 5ut you
ne3er know/ #orewarne" is forear6e"/
$rs/ (ar"ner a""e" u fro6 the 5ea4h an" 6a"e her way a4ross the
"e4k/ I saw her out of the 4orner of 6y eye an" "u4ke" into Dr/ Ashley
$onta0u>s BH Worst Well&'nown Hu6an Bein0s in History/ @You>" 5e
surrise"/A She rae" on the 0lass/ I fei0ne" 5ein0 startle"/ She was ni4e
enou0h&&her "au0hter an" son were 6y sister>s a0e+ so we>" ha" a lot of
"ealin0s o3er the years&&5ut still/
?How you "oin0+ 0irl1? 6y father aske" 4heerfully/
?Just 6akin0 6y way "own the 5ea4h+? she sai"/ ?$in" if I use the
fa4ilities1?
Another thin0+ 5esi"es the routine <ui4ksan"+ was that you ha" to talk
to 0rown&us all "ay if you staye" in the house/ They 4a6e u for a 5athroo6
sto+ to say hello an" 4he4k o2 this en4ounter fro6 their weeken" to&"o list+
to 0ra5 the "rink that was always o2ere"/ Ba4k then I "i"n>t reali=e that 6ost
0rown&us "i"n>t want to talk to you as 6u4h as you "i"n>t want to talk to
the6/ Hello+ how are you1 The s6allest intera4tion 6a"e 6e shri3el as I
4onsi"ere" the 4onse<uen4es/ $y 5rother an" 6other an" sister+ they were
known <uantities/ I knew how to fa4tor in 6y 6other>s rare sells of "e:an4e
an" %e00ie>s 6onkey&wren4h ways/ These eole 4o6in0 u fro6 the 5ea4h
were ro0ue 3aria5les+ an" you 4oul"n>t re"i4t their e2e4ts/ The wron0 wor"+
the wron0 re6inis4en4e 6i0ht set the afternoon on a new+ 4hoy 4ourse/
They 6i0ht say or "o so6ethin0 that starte" a rea4tion+ either when they
were there or after they left+ hours later when his 5roo"in0 ha" 0ot a hol" of
it an" we were the only au"ien4e/ The soun" of the s4reen "oor 4losin0
5ehin" the6 was ne3er 6u4h of a relief 5e4ause you "i"n>t know what they>"
left 5ehin"/
?You 6akin0 so6e of that 0oo" 5ar5e4ue1? $rs/ (ar"ner aske" as she
left the 5athroo6/
?You know 6e+? he sai"/ ?Can I :! you so6ethin01?
She went o2 e6ty&han"e"&&re&5ar5e4ue 3isits were always shorter
than when foo" was aroun"&&an" 6y father went out to start the :re/
?She 5etter not of stunk u the 5athroo6+? he sai"/
I 4hu4kle"/
To4k+ thunk+ ras+ oo6/
'in0sfor" 4har4oal+ 6y father>s fuel of 4hoi4e/ When it 4a6e to 0rillin0+
anyway/ The 4oals rustle" out of the 5i0 5lue&an"&white 5a0 onto the 0rate/
(ra3ity ha" a "esi0n+ tossin0 the6 in a 4ertain arran0e6ent/ $y father ha"
his own laws+ a re4ise 4on4et of :re for6ation hone" o3er the years/ To
eole like you an" 6e+ a 5ri<uette is a 5ri<uette/ Not to hi6/ He see6e" to
analy=e ea4h 4oal in"i3i"ually+ takin0 6easure of its stren0ths+ "e:4its+
se4ret otential/ The "ia6on" in the "arkness/ He knew where they nee"e"
to 0o+ re4o0ni=in0 the uni<ueness of ea4h 4u5e an" "eter6inin0 where it :t
with the rest of the tea6/ He asse65le" the yra6i" 6eti4ulously+ er4ei3in0
the in3isi5le&&the 4rooke" 4orri"ors of 3entilation 5etween the 5ri<uettes+ the
heat tras an" ine3ita5le 3e4tors of release" ener0y+ any otential
irre0ularity that 6i0ht un"er6ine the ro7e4t/ The su5li6e
inter4onne4te"ness of it all/ He asserte" his or"er/ Built his :re/
The 4anteen of li0hter Fui" was an in"isensa5le tool in this enterrise+
u there with the satula an" ton0s/ @He 4rie" ?Ton0sO? like a T, sur0eon
"e6an"in0 a s4alel/A He "ouse"+ he "ren4he"+ he 5ati=e" his 4reation with
a truly fu4kin0 0rueso6e a6ount of li0hter Fui"/ The fu6es were into!i4atin0+
stran0ely aeti=in0 in their no!iousness+ an anti&aro6a to the aro6a to
4o6e+ as interlinke" as the 4aterillar to the 5utterFy/ The 4oals were so
thorou0hly su2use" with li0hter Fui" that e3ery so often a ile ree6ti3ely
i0nite" itself when a 6at4h5ook 0ot within thirty yar"s+ 4hoosin0 to e65ra4e
its "estiny with honor/ On those o44asions when a 6oun" of 4oals "e4line" to
self&i66olate+ a sin0le 6at4h sent it u with a sine&tin0lin0 whoosh/ $y
father no""e" to the :re an" let it 5e for forty 6inutes to allow it to 6ake
ea4e with its 0o"/
E3ery so often+ one of his frien"s or a 0aloot out for the weeken" 4a6e
u fro6 the 5ea4h an"+ wat4hin0 this ritual+ felt insire" to share their :re&
startin0 te4hni<ues/ ?I 6ake what I 4all a little >nest> of newsaers un"er the
4oals/? ?You shoul" try one of those 4hi6neys that they ha3e now/? $y father
0lare" at the6 like the i65e4iles they were+ satula a&"an0le/ $ake a little
nest ?Whitey in3ente" li0hter Fui" for a reason+? he tol" the6/ Who 4oul"
ar0ue with that1
?Ja6esO You u there1?
$r/ Turner>s 5al" hea" 5roke the hori=on of the "e4k/ $y han"
whi6ere" in anti4iation of the 5one&4rushin0 han"shake/ He was one of 6y
father>s ol"est 4ronies/ They went way 5a4k+ to 4olle0e+ the late >EHs+ when
they were art of a han"ful of youn0 5la4k 6en in:ltratin0 the 5i0&ti6e
Northeast s4hools/ Brothers fro6 Brooklyn+ Harle6+ hu""lin0 to0ether as the
$assa4husetts winters+ the New Ha6shire winters+ took a 5ite out of their
asses/ What were they "oin0 0ettin0 I3y Lea0ue e"u4ations1 They weren>t
suose" to 5e there/ They hun0 ti0ht with the :3e or si! other 5la4k 0uys in
their s4hool+ "rank 5eer with the :3e or si! 5la4k 0uys the ne!t s4hool o3er/
Date" the :3e or si! 5la4k la"ies at the 0enteel wo6en>s 4olle0e the ne!t
town o3er+ an" the other s4hools on the 5la4k network+ roa"&triin0 to the
5i0 "an4e that weeken" at B/)/ or S6ith+ or u to $ontreal+ where fro6 all
a44ounts so6e 4ra=y ra4ial utoia e!iste"+ inte0ration of the sort that>" 0et
you lyn4he" in half the South/ $y father 6et 6y 6other "urin0 that ti6e+ on
the New En0lan" 5la4k&4olle0e 4ir4uit/ So that>s where all this 5e0ins+ 6ay5e/
$r/ Turner was also a Sa0 Har5or 0uy+ son of one of the :rst fa6ilies to
4o6e out here/ I 6ention this 5e4ause it was one of those ro0ue 3aria5les
with the ower to transfor6 6y afternoon/ $y father 0ot to talkin0+ talkin0
0ot to "re"0in0+ an" who knew what 6i0ht haen/
?When "i" you 0et out1? 6y father aske"/
?Last ni0ht/?
$y father went to 0et hi6 a "rink/ $r/ Turner staye" on the "e4k an" I
ket 6y hea" in The Book of Lists to war" o2 eye 4onta4t/ $r/ Turner ha" his
own 4o6any+ sellin0 a4ka0e tours to Afri4a an" the Cari55ean/ See the
$otherlan"+ 0et in tou4h with your herita0e+ 3a4ation where e3eryone looks
like you for a 4han0e/ He "isat4he" Feets of ri4kety 5uses to 4hu0&4hu0 u
s4ra55ly 6ountain roa"s+ ki4k5a4ks "e4i"in0 where they stoe" for lun4h/
He ne0otiate" "eals with trinket outosts hawkin0 authenti4ity in 6any
for6s+ 5ea" ne4kla4es an" fertility sy65ols+ the o6niresent 6asks
reFe4tin0 5a4k the fa4es of senti6ental lon0in0/ When you went to
so6eone>s aart6ent+ you ne3er aske"+ ?Hey+ where>" you 0et that 4ool
Afri4an 6ask fro61+? 5e4ause the answer was always+ ?$ike Turner>s tour/?
There were 'enyans "ri3in0 B$Ws u to their 6ountain 3illas+ 5i0 satellite
"ishes in their 5a4kyar"s+ 5e4ause 5la4k A6eri4ans nee"e" a little whi2/ He
ro3i"e" a ser3i4e/
I ha"n>t seen hi6 sin4e he 4a6e o3er to our aart6ent to aolo0i=e for
how thin0s went on our Ja6ai4a tri last Christ6as/ He>" 5ooke" us into a
4ru65lin0 all&in4lusi3e in $onte0o Bay where the roa4hes were as 5i0 as
li=ar"s+ the li=ar"s were as 5i0 as 5ats+ an" the 5ats ha" su4h an i6ressi3e
win0san that you wante" to ask the6 for a lift 5a4k to J#'/ E3ery5o"y 0ot
foo" oisonin0 one ni0ht at the 4ray 5u2et+ e!4et for 6e 5e4ause I was
workin0 a not&eatin0&sala" an0le that winter+ ine!li4a5le lookin0 5a4k these
years later+ 5ut fortuitous/ ?I "on>t work with the6 any6ore+? he infor6e" us/
?The son has really run that la4e into the 0roun"/? $y father ha" 4urse" his
na6e for weeks+ 5ut after he aolo0i=e" they went out "rinkin0 an" it was
like nothin0 haene"/ They went way 5a4k+ like I sai"/
$y father tosse" hi6 a Bu"weiser/ ?$y son 0ot hi6self one of those
hair4uts like the 5oys on the 4orner+? he sai"+ 6akin0 sure I hear"/
?Corner ///1? $r/ Turner su4ke" his teeth/ ?$an+ all the ki"s ha3e that
now/?
Now I ha" to 0o out an" say hi/ He ul3eri=e" 6y han"+ 5ut not as
6u4h as usual+ thanks to 6y re4ent fortifyin0 re0i6en of i4e&4rea6 s4ooin0/
?Lookin0 like a 6an now+ huh+ Ben7i1? he sai"/ ?You 0ot yourself a 0irlfrien"1?
?No/?
?Shit+ if I were you I>" 5e all o3er the 0irls they 0ot out here/ When I
was 4o6in0 u+ shit/? He winke" at 6y father/
N #ake S6iles in Ben7i>s House
To *atroni=e (rown&us
On Hearin0 Cruel *ut&"own of #a6ily $e65er
#alse #ront of In3ulnera5ility
When All Else #ails
Bi=arro #or6 of Co0niti3e Dissonan4e
To A3oi" Bein0 Ne!t
?That re6in"s 6e+? $r/ Turner sai"+ liftin0 his eye5rows+ ?you know
who else is out1?
?Who1?
?$a5el/?
?$a5el Ja4kson1?
They sni4kere"/
?Ha3en>t seen her in years+? 6y father sai"/
?I know she "on>t want to see you+ 5oy+? $r/ Turner sai"/
$y father shru00e"/ ?Shit+ I 4an>t hel what I a6/ How she look1?
?Like her hus5an" left her ass for that youn0 thin0+ what else she 0oin0
to look like1?
?Ba4k when+ thou0h/?
?Da6n/?
I went insi"e to 4all Bo55y/ He was late/ His 6other tol" 6e he>"
alrea"y left/ He>" honk his horn any 6inute an" I>" 5e free/ $ay5e we>" 0o 5y
De3on an" Eri4a>s or so6ethin0/ $ay5e I woul"n>t e3en ha3e to su00est it+
he>" 5rin0 it u an" I 4oul" 6aintain an air of "isinterest/ I ha"n>t 5een insi"e
De3on>s house yet+ torturin0 6yself that I 6isse" the Han0in0 Out in Their
Base6ent erio"+ those four fa5le" "ays 4ut short on4e De3on>s father 0ot
win"/ Wor" was he was ?really stri4t/?
?I 5etter 0o "own there an" see what these eole are 0ettin0 u to+?
$r/ Turner sai"/ He shook his 5eer 4an to see how full it was/
?Co6e 5a4k an" 0et so6e 4hi4ken when you>re "one struttin> throu0h
your 4oo+? 6y father sai"/
He 4he4ke" the :re+ srea"in0 his han" o3er 4oals/ ?$a5el Ja4kson is
out/? He shook his hea" an" s6ile"/ ?Ba4k in 4olle0e+ she was :ne ///? He
stoe"/ He looke" at his al6/ ?That>s why you shoul" 6arry a 3ir0in+? he
sai"/ ?*eole talk a5out you/ You want to 5e out with your wife an" ha3e
so6e fool whistlin0 a5out what he use" to "o1?
?%i0ht/ I 6ean+ no/?
?What you "o follows you+ that>s what I>6 tryin0 to tell you/?
?%i0ht/? He hea"e" for the kit4hen/ Ash ni55le" the 4orners of the
4oals/ One of 6y 6other>s frien"s walke" "own to the 5ea4h alon0 the si"e of
the house+ "ra00in0 a 5ea4h 4hair a4ross the 4ra4ke" a3in0 stones/ Early
Satur"ay afternoon+ there were "istra4tions/ A 4o4ktail arty u in Nine3ah+ or
a 5irth"ay lun4heon at the Salty Do0+ 5ut the 5ea4h was H./ Thin0s always
en"e" u on the 5ea4h+ in front of our house/
When I walke" insi"e+ he was 0ettin0 out the 4hi4ken/ CNN was on/ I
turne" 5a4k to The %oa" Warrior/ He "i"n>t say anythin0+ 5ut I 4oul">3e turne"
on $T, at full 3olu6e an" he woul"n>t ha3e hear"/ E3erythin0 4ease" to e!ist
when he si4e" u the 4hi4ken/ His worl" shrunk to the si=e of the alu6inu6
tray 5efore hi6+ a tye of s4reen/ He s4rutini=e" the li6 rows of 4hi4ken
arts as his han" 7a00e" o3er the6/ There are those a6on0 us who ut their
faith in 6arina"es/ #or others+ 5ar5e4ue sau4e&&Te!as&style to6ato&5ase" or
North Carolina 3ine0ar&infuse"&&is the or"er of the "ay/ $y father "i"n>t tru4k
with any of that/ ?Salt/ *eer/ *arika/ That>s all you nee"/ All you e3er "o
nee"/? #irst one si"e+ then he Fie" the6 ie4e 5y ie4e an" "i" the other
si"e/ As a 4on4ession to the rest of hu6anity+ he>" 5rush on so6e 5ar5e4ue
sau4e at the en" if you aske" for it+ 5ut it was o53iously 5eneath hi6 an" a
5etrayal of 5e"ro4k 3alues/ Sla on so6e store&5ou0ht Hein= 4ra+ to show
what he thou0ht of you/
He ket 4han0in0 the 4hannel out of ha5it/ CNN an" the Ni0htly News
were the only thin0s he wat4he"/ To hi6+ the fa4es on the s4reen&&the
an4hors+ the news6akers+ this "ay>s 3i4ti6+ an" all the e3ery"ay heroes&&
were a ara"e of shiftin0 6asks/ *ros of an i"ea+ like the sou3enirs our
frien"s an" nei0h5ors 5rou0ht 5a4k a4ross the Atlanti4/ He saw the true fa4es
5eneath an" 4alle" the6 out/ He "i"n>t nee" a telero6ter8 he knew his
4o66entary 5y heart/ A Tele3an0elist snu4k his han" into the 4olle4tion 5o!/
?*ro5le6 with 5la4k eole is that they waste all this ti6e rayin0 to (o"
when they shoul" 5e out lookin0 for a 7o5/? Welfare $o6s e!ose"O ?No5o"y
e3er 0a3e 6e anythin0/ Di"n>t ask for anythin0/ So6e eole nee" to 0et o2
their asses/? A Hot Youn0 Thin0 sue" her 5oss for s<uee=in0 her 5ehin"/
?Wo6en always talkin0 a5out how they want to 5e e<ual+ 5ut they 0et 6a"
at you if you "on>t hol" the "oor for the6/? The )n"erse4retary of Bullshit
e!lainin0 why he wante" to 5o65 so6e 4ountry/ ?Whitey always tryin0 to
5low so6e5o"y u/ They shoul" ut all those war6on0ers on an i4e Foe in
the North *ole with the en0uins+ let the6 5low ea4h other u an" lea3e us
the hell alone/? He was our talkin0 hea"/ The only 4hannel we 0ot/
To4k+ thunk+ ras+ oo6/
No5o"y e3er 0a3e hi6 anythin0+ an" he ne3er aske"/ His arents "ie"
5efore I was 5orn/ I "i"n>t know 6u4h a5out the6 5e4ause he ne3er talke"
a5out the6/ I knew his stan" on e3ery issue+ 5ut his arents were a 5lank/
E!4et for the fa4t that they ne3er 0a3e hi6 anythin0/ He washe" "ishes at
an utown restaurant to ay for 4olle0e+ the :rst one in his fa6ily to 0o/ After
that+ 0ra" s4hool/ ?I "i"n>t know I 4oul" "o anythin0 else+? he tol" us/ ?Ba4k
then if you wante" to 6ake so6ethin0 of yourself you went into the Sa4re"
Se3en?&&he ti4ke" the6 o2 on his :n0ers&&?Tea4her+ *rea4her+ Do4tor+ Lawyer+
Nurse+ Dentist/ )n"ertaker/ If white eole aren>t 0oin0 to "o it+ we ha3e to
"o it oursel3es/ Searate an" as e<ual as we 4an 6ake it/ I looke" aroun" an"
thou0ht+ E3ery5o"y 0ets si4k/ An" all the 5la4k eole I knew+ they ha" 5a"
feet/ So I 5e4a6e a foot "o4tor/? He "i" two "ays a week at Harle6 Hosital
an" three "ays at his o;4e on $ornin0si"e Dri3e/ I ne3er saw it/ I assu6e it
e!iste"/ He 6a"e a 0oo" li3in0/ He was ri0ht&&5la4k eole ha" so6e 5a"
feet+ althou0h it shoul" 5e ointe" out that he worke" with a self&sele4tin0
sa6le/
I will a"" here the ersonal o5ser3ation that 5ein0 a o"iatrist tau0ht
you how to really ut your foot u so6eone>s ass/
$y 6other returne" fro6 the 5ea4h/
?You :nish 6akin0 that 6a4aroni sala"1? 6y father aske"/
?It>s here in the fri"0e+? she sai"/
?Your 6other 6akes the 5est 6a4aroni sala"/?
She oure" herself so6e white wine/ ?It turne" out to 5e a ni4e 5ea4h
"ay/?
?They>re all "own there1?
?Where else woul" they 5e1? She looke" o3er at 6e/ ?You 0oin0 to stay
insi"e all "ay1?
?Bo55y>s 4o6in0 o3er/ We>re 0oin0 "ri3in0 aroun"/?
?You>re 0oin0 to stay for so6e 5ar5e4ue1? 6y father aske"/ ?I 0ot that
0oo" 4hi4ken >4o6in> ri0ht u/>?
?I alrea"y talke" to hi6/?
A sha"ow 4rosse" his fa4e 5ut then that 0ene we share" ki4ke" in+ the
one that sai"+ Don>t show it/ To see his e!ression+ he was 5a4k at his
ti6eta5les+ when to ut on what+ turn this+ take o2 that/ He was a 6aster
0riller/ It was 0oo" I was 0ettin0 out of there/
The :re was rea"y/ He s4rae" the ile into an e3en re" layer&&none of
that hoity&toity "ire4tIin"ire4t heat&=one 4ra for hi6/ Behin" hi6+ this ol"
la"y I "i"n>t re4o0ni=e 4a6e u fro6 the 5ea4h+ her 0ray&urle hair okin0
out fro6 5eneath a 5i0 Foy straw hat/ Bet 6e 6oney an" I woul" ha3e
0uesse" she was in her si!ties+ 5ut I foun" out she was twenty years ol"er/
She 4arrie" her a0e in her 6o3e6ents+ in her tiny hesitant stes an" the
tre65le in her han" as it skie" alon0 the rail/ ?(ail+ is that you1? she sai"+
tryin0 to see into the li3in0 roo6/ ?Louisa sai" you 6i0ht 5e u here/?
$y 6other rushe" out to the "e4k/ ?$rs/ %ussellO?
?Natalie+? 6y father sai"/ ?How you "oin0+ 0irl1? They 0a3e her 5i0
hu0s/ She ha" to 5e an A=urest ol"&ti6er to 0et this kin" of treat6ent+ one of
6y 0ran"arents> frien"s+ whi4h was 4on:r6e" when she looke" aroun" an"
tol" 6y 6other+ ?I re6e65er when your father starte" 4learin0 this lot/? No
6atter how ol" you were+ you re6e65ere" the trees 0oin0 "own/
?Ben7i&&4o6e out an" say helloO? 6y 6other sai"/
When I shook her han"+ $rs/ %ussell win4e"/ ?That>s so6e han"shake/?
Was that so6e kin" of a 7oke1 She tol" 6e she ha"n>t seen 6e sin4e I
was a 5a5y/ ?Your 0ran"father&&he was 7ust the ni4est 0entle6an that e3er
4a6e out here/ A real one of a kin"/?
?Doesn>t she look 0oo"1? 6y father aske" 6e/ ?I swear you ha3en>t
a0e" a "ay+ 0irl/?
?I "o 6iss 4o6in0 out here+? she sai"+ al6ost 5lushin0/ ?I shoul" 6ake
6ore of an atte6t/?
?You>re always wel4o6e aroun" 6y house+? 6y father sai"/
?Is that #inns Sirit1? $rs/ %ussell ointe" out to the water/ A 5i0 white
ya4ht 4rawle" slowly a4ross the water towar" the Lon0 Wharf/ I 4oul"n>t see
any5o"y on it/ Bi0 ya4hts were a rare si0ht 5a4k then+ "riftin0 aroun" like
ru6ors/
?I saw it out here last year+? 6y 6other sai"/ She went to fet4h the
5ino4ulars/
?It>s a 5i0 one+? 6y father sai"/
?It>s fro6 Hollan"+? $rs/ %ussell sai"/
?If you 0ot a ya4ht like that+ you 6i0ht as well show it o2/?
?Is it too 5i0 for the ya4ht 4lu51 They>re retty stri4t there+ I know+?
$rs/ %ussell sai"/
After 6y 6other an" $rs/ %ussell went 5a4k "own to the 5ea4h+ 6y
father tol" 6e+ ?That>s what you look for in a wo6an&&0oo" DNA/ She really
hasn>t a0e" a 5it/ If you want to know what a wo6an is 0oin0 to look like in
thirty years+ look at her 6other/ It>s all asse" "own/?
?%i0ht/?
?That way you "on>t 6ake 6istakes/ Her 6other+ too&&she was a
kno4kout/ Ol" as hell when I 6et her+ 5ut still/ Classy/ A real la"y/ She was
"ark/ That>s why she was always ni4e to 6e/ I wasn>t one of the6+ either/ She
wasn>t one of these li0ht&skinne" ussies they 0ot out here/ I "on>t know
where the 5it4h was fro6+ 5ut it wasn>t no Sa0 Har5or+ I>ll tell you that/?
I thou0ht+ This is where the "ay 4ur"les/ It was in his osture+ this
ri0i"ity/ He stare" "own the 5ea4h/ #ro6 u there+ it all srea" 5efore hi6+
the slow&6o3in0 a0eant of an A=urest Satur"ay/ ?All these 5our0ie 5it4hes
out here ///? He lifte" the 5ino4ulars/ ?Who>s that "own there 5y the %o4k1?
He asse" 6e the 5ino4ulars/ ?That>s Sherry/ She>s frien"s with Elena/?
?She>s 0oin0 to 5e fat when she>s forty/? He took the 5ino4ulars 5a4k
an" looke" at her a0ain/ ?(otta wat4h for that/ Don>t want eole talkin0
a5out how you 0ot a whale for a wife/ It>s in the 0enes+ I>6 tellin0 you/?
Bo55y honke" his horn/ I ran to the 5athroo6 to 4he4k 6yself out in
4ase we saw De3on an" Eri4a/ Not 5a"/ I was likin0 6y hair4ut 6ore an"
6ore/ When I 0ot to the street+ the 0irls were in"ee" there/ De3on in the
assen0er seat ne!t to Bo55y+ an" Eri4a in the 5a4k with N*/
It was the :rst su66er De3on>s fa6ily 4a6e out+ whi4h was why we>"
ne3er seen the6 5efore/ A44or"in0 to 6y 6other+ De3on>s father use" to
4o6e out so6eti6es in the >NHs+ so the fa6ily ha" so6e 5ona :"es+ 5ut that
was way 5efore 6y ti6e/ I ha" :nally 0otten a 0an"er at the fa6ous
twoso6e when N* 5rou0ht the6 5y the i4e&4rea6 store to show the6 o2/ I
ha" the usual "isreuta5le s6ears on 6y Jonni WaJe T&shirt an" was
6anhan"lin0 a sun"ae/ (oo" ti6in0/
The answer was o53ious9 Eri4a/ I>" listene" to the De3on 3ersus Eri4a
"e5ate for a lon0 ti6e+ 6ana0in0 e3er&6orhin0 ortraits of the6 in 6y
6in"+ ea4h new oinion or reort sli"in0 their features aroun"+ a""in0 an"
su5tra4tin0 5a5y fat+ tintin0 the Fesh/ Deen"in0 on your har"wire" tastes&&a
little li0ht or a little "ark+ lu6 or lean+ rey or an iota less rey&&you
si"e" with one 4ousin or the other/ @A6 I talkin0 a5out 4hi4ken1 If you "elete
the rey stu2+ I 6ean/ I ha3e 4hi4ken on 6y 6in" to"ay/A Eri4a was skinny+
like 6e/ We>" 6ake a ni4e skinny 4oule+ ne3er takin0 u too 6u4h roo6 an"
assin0 the "ays "is4ussin0 our si2y 6eta5olis6s/
I 4rou4he" so I 4oul" see e3ery5o"y in the 4ar/
?>Su+ Ben7i1? N* sai"/
?Hi+ Ben7i+? Eri4a sai"/
?Ben+? I sai"/
?What1?
?What>s u1? This was Bo55y/
?Just han0in0/?
?Your "a" 5ar5e4uin01?
?$r/ Cooer 6akes the 5est 5ar5e4ue+? N* infor6e" Eri4a+ tain0 her
forear6/
?He>s a real istol+? Bo55y tol" De3on/
?He>s a tri+? N* sai"/
Eri4a sai"+ ?Oh/?
?So what ///1? I "i"n>t know who to talk to/ I>" 6a"e lans with Bo55y+
5ut I wante" to 6aintain an easy0oin0 6anner for De3on an" Eri4a>s 5ene:t
so that I looke" like a re0ular 0uy that eole wante" to 5e frien"s with+ an"
art of that entaile" a4knowle"0in0 N*>s resen4e+ e3en thou0h N* ne3er
shoul" ha3e 5een there in the :rst la4e/ I was suose" to 5e in the 5a4k
with Eri4a/ $y eyes 7u6e" fro6 fa4e to fa4e as I 5o55e" 5etween the
win"ows/
?Look+? Bo55y sai"+ ?we>re 0oin0 to ha3e to 4at4h u with you later+
okay1?
?We>re 0oin0 to the o4ean+? De3on sai"+ 5ore"/ Yeah+ for0et De3on/
De3on was totally se4on"&tier+ ese4ially sin4e Eri4a ha" lau0he" at 6y 7oke
the other "ay+ 5on"in0 6e er6anently to her/ See+ we were at Con4a D>Oro
an" N* ulle" out his wa" of Jonni WaJe ay+ riJin0 throu0h the 5ills like a
5i0 shot+ so I sai"+ ?What are you+ *hil %i==uto fro6 the $oney Store1? an"
Eri4a lau0he"/ Her s6ile was in4re"i5le+ so in4re"i5le that 6y han" shot u to
4o3er 6y 5ra4es/ In 6y 5ook+ we>" 5een 6arrie" for years/ N* was sittin0 in
6y seat/
?You 0oin0 to 5e aroun" later1? Bo55y aske"/
?Yeah/?
?I>ll "ri3e 5y later+? he sai"/ ?Try to sa3e 6e a ie4e of that 0oo"
4hi4ken/?
?Bye+ Ben7i+? Eri4a sai"+ her wor"s 5arely es4ain0 the win"ow 5efore
they ulle" away/
To4k+ thunk+ ras+ oo6/
No+ it wasn>t ossi5le to hear that all the way out in the street/ I ro4ke"
6y heels on the 4ur5/ I "i"n>t ha3e to turn aroun"/ I 4oul">3e walke" to town
for a sli4e+ i4ke" u a s4ien4e&:4tion no3el at Canio>s an" taken it to
$ashashi6uet *ark/ Che4ke" out the "e3elo6ents to see who else was
aroun"/ But I "i"n>t/ This was where I li3e"/
?You sti4kin0 aroun"1? 6y father aske"/
I no""e"/ The trays sat on the ta5le ne!t to the 0rill+ the 4hi4ken arts
in for6ation on the alu6inu6 like :0hter lanes waitin0 for takeo2/ He
whistle" ?La"y? 5y 'enny %o0ers/ $ay5e the 4lou" ha" asse"/ He>" ha" a
0oo" ti6e with $r/ Turner an" $rs/ %ussell+ an" with $r/ Ba!ter earlier/ I
"e4i"e" to lay the o""s/ I went insi"e+ 5a4k to The %oa" Warrior+ the :rst
5at4h si==lin0 5ehin" 6e/
I>" wat4he" the 6o3ie so 6any ti6es it was sha6eful/ I saw e3ery
s6ashu an" 4rash&u an" sinout 5efore it haene"+ 5ut still 0ot u6e"
like I was 5a4k in the East Ha6ton theater seein0 it for the :rst ti6e/ An
alert went o2 in 6y hea"+ warnin0 6e that this was as 5a" as 4o6i4 5ooks+
5ut I ut o2 6akin0 a rulin0 on the 6atter/ Call the 6o3ie s4i&: or fantasy or
what ha3e you/ Now that I>6 ol"er+ I ut it u there with Be4kett as ure
realis6/ But then+ 6ost "ays I>6 u to 6y ne4k in san"/
$y father stoo" in the "oorway/ ?What "o you want1 A 5reast an" a
win01 A 5un4h of win0s1 I>ll "o those :rst/?
?I "on>t 4are/?
?That>s not an answer/ What "o you want1?
?So6e win0s/?
I knew white ki"s in s4hool whose arents "i"n>t let the6 wat4h T,+
these ur4hins with s4a55e" knees who always ha" their han"s out for 4ru65s
when you 6entione" *otsie or Cha4hi/ Still 6eet white eole who 4row+ ?We
"on>t let our ki"s wat4h tele3ision/? Can>t say I>3e e3er hear" a 5la4k erson
say that/ $ay5e I shoul" tra3el in "i2erent 4ir4les/ *erhas one "ay+ as the
for4es of ra4ial ro0ress transfor6 e3ery 4orner of our nation&&4an you hear it+
the insirational ?o3er4o6e? 6usi41&&we will 4ross the 4olor line in T,
rohi5itions/ What 5la4k erson "i"n>t like lau0hin0 at the shenani0ans white
eole 0ot u to on T,1 White eole were 5la4k 4a6+ our nati3e kits4h8
white sit4o6s 6a0ni:e" the 4a6iness to 0rotes<ue roortions/ Hu0/ Talk it
out/ I>6 here for you/ What kin" of shit was that1
You 4oul" only lau0h/ Sit4o6 white folk+ 6o3ie&of&the&week white folk
were our 4oon show/ Ju"0e>s Dau0hter Hooke" on *ot+ Teena0e %unaway Sent
to %efor6 S4hool&&these earnest 4autionary tales laye" like ure 3au"e3ille+
ese4ially the oenin0 6inutes+ with the 6onta0e se<uen4es esta5lishin0 the
*erfe4t Ho6e+ the *erfe4t #a6ily/ Like+ they ate 6eals to0ether/ Co6e on+
now/ An" then the u==le" rea4tions on4e the 4risis 5oile" o3er/ ?I foun" this
in your roo6/ Where "i" you 0et it1? ?I 0ot a 4all fro6 s4hool to"ay/ They say
you ha3en>t 5een in weeks/ What>s 0oin0 on1? Thin0s went "own "i2erently in
our house/ These were trans6issions fro6 a "istant star/
$y father stu4k his hea" insi"e/ ?Do you want 5ar5e4ue sau4e or no
5ar5e4ue sau4e1?
?I "on>t 4are/?
?It>s a si6le <uestion/ An i"iot 4oul" answer it/ Do you or "o you not
want 5ar5e4ue sau4e on your 4hi4ken1?
?No/?
?I>6 0oin0 to ut a little on so6e ie4es+ 5e4ause I know eole like
that/?
The Cos5y Show 4ornere" us+ for4in0 us to re4onsi"er our osition/
That was so6e 3ersion of oursel3es on the s4reen there/ After so lon0/ $y
6other tol" us that when she was 0rowin0 u+ whene3er a 5la4k fa4e
aeare" on tele3ision+ you ran throu0h the house to tell e3eryone+ an" they
"roe" what they were "oin0 an" 0athere" aroun" the %CA/ If you ha" ti6e+
you hit the hone to srea" the wor"/ You 4oul" lan your "ay aroun" it&& Jet
ket a list of u4o6in0 aearan4es of 5la4k eole on tele3ision+ no 6atter
how s6all/ Nat 'in0 Cole+ Diahann Carroll in Julia/ $ake so6e roo6 on the
4ou4h to 3erify that you a4tually e!iste"/ $y 0eneration ha" (oo" Ti6es @si!
seasonsA an" Ba5y+ I>6 Ba4k @one&fourth of a seasonA+ shows that honestly
"ei4te" how the 5la4k 4o66unity li3e" in this 4ountry/ Like+ what to "o
when the heat 0oes o2 in the ro7e4ts in the 6i""le of winter/ How to sort
thin0s out when your "ea"5eat hus5an" returns after se3en years with a
7aunty ?Ba5y+ I>6 5a4kO? Hen4e the title/ The ra4ti4al 6atters of the 5la4k
"ay&to&"ay+ "on>4ha know/ $e an" %e00ie an" Elena tune" in+ 6akin0 roo6
on the 4ou4h to 3erify that we "i"n>t e!ist+ while 6y father restraine" hi6self
fro6 ki4kin0 in the set9 That>s not how we li3e/
Cos5y resente" a ro5le6/ What "i" it 6ean when 6illionaires sai"+
?I>6 0oin0 for a little 5it of that Cos5y than0?1 Stan"in0 there in so6e fu4ke"&
u sweater/ Hun0erin0 for 3ali"ation after all they>" a44o6lishe"/ If a sit4o6
ha" this 6u4h inFuen4e+ then there was nothin0 to 6ake fun of/ Su4h thin0s
were ossi5le/ The 5o! 4ontaine" thin0s of 3alue/ Where "i" that lea3e us
when we looke" aroun" our own houses1 The re4etion was terri5le/
In the en" what haene" was+ 6y father ut so6e 6a4aroni sala" on
a aer late an" as he walke" 5a4k out to the :re+ the late Fie" o3er an"
the 6a4aroni sala" fell on the "e4k/ I saw hi6 stan"in0 there lookin0 at it
when he 4alle" out+ ?Ben7iO?
I 7u6e" u so fast I 0ot a hea" rush/
?(o tell your 6other I nee" her+? he sai"/ He turne" to the 0rill an"
stu4k the ton0s into the s6oke/
I walke" slowly/ I 5reathe" lou"ly throu0h 6y nose/ $y heart was
u6in0 fast+ thanks to the a"renaline+ 5ut when the 5loo" rea4he" 6y hea"
it turne" to lea" so that e3erythin0 a5o3e 6y shoul"ers was un5eara5ly
hea3y/ At the 5otto6 of the stairs+ 6y 6other an" her frien"s sat in their
fa6iliar 4ir4le+ with 6a0a=ines in their las an" lasti4 4us 5y their ankles/
Wi"e wet 4ir4les 5loo6e" on the 5a4ks of their 5ea4h 4hairs+ their afternoon
swi6 "ryin0 in the sun/ $rs/ Burnett was tellin0 a story when they looke" u
an" saw 6e/ $y 6other shooe" a horseFy fro6 her foot/
I 0a3e a 0eneral hello to the la"ies in the 5ea4h 4hairs an" sai"+ ?$o6+
Da" has a <uestion for you/?
She looke" at her le0s to rea;r6 that she was 0oo" an" settle"+ an"
si0he"/ She stoo"/ ?*ro5a5ly wants to know where the other 5a0 of 4har4oal
is+? she sai"/
Her frien"s no""e" an" looke" at one another/
We walke" u+ 6e ahea" walkin0 faster/ I wante" to 0et insi"e 5efore
she 0ot there/
?What haene"1? she aske"+ seein0 the 6a4aroni sala"/
?I thou0ht I "i"n>t want you 5uyin0 these 4hea aer lates
any6ore+? 6y father sai"/ ?Look at this/ Why "i"n>t you listen to 6e1 What "o
you think I a61 You treat 6e like I>6 so6e kin" of 0o""a6ne" ussy/?
?I went to 'in0 'ullen&&they were out of the6/?
?>Out of the6/> You shoul" ha3e 0one earlier/ You were sittin0 aroun"
here all 6ornin0 on the hone+ talkin0 horseshit with your frien"s/ You shoul"
ha3e ha" your ass in the 4ar on the way to 'in0 'ullen/ True or not true1?
?I ha" a lot to "o to"ay/?
?True or not true1?
?True/?
She 5a4ke" away+ towar" the li3in0 roo6/ To kee her frien"s fro6
hearin0/ As if they ha" not hear"/ He a"3an4e"/ She was in the li3in0 roo6/
Then he was+ too/
$y 6other ha" 5een layin0 the o""s/ Earlier in the su66er+ he>"
thrown a :t o3er the oor <uality of Di!ie 5ran" aer lates an" 5anne"
their use/ In his e!tensi3e 5attery of tests+ they 4oul"n>t suort the wei0ht of
4hi4ken an" a si"e of 6a4aroni sala" or Ore&I"a Tater Tots/ They 5u4kle"/
$oisture <ui4kly 4rile" the6/ You re<uire" three+ ossi5ly four to a4hie3e
a"e<uate :r6ness/ $y 6other ha" laye" the o""s that a 6onth later he>"
for0otten a5out his 5an an" it was safe to 5uy the 6ost a3aila5le 5ran" of
aer late/ It was one or"er a6on0 6any+ after all/ So she 0a65le"/ I saw
how it went&&6y 6other ner3ous while 5uyin0 the Di!ie lates a few weeks
after the :rst in4i"ent an" hol"in0 her 5reath when he starte" u the 0rill/
Nothin0 haene" an" she rela!e"/ We>" 5een usin0 the Di!ie aer lates
a0ain for a while/ $ay5e she felt a twin0e the :rst few ti6es+ 5ut now it was
al6ost Au0ust/ Surely it was safe/ We all laye" the o""s in our little ways/
So6eti6es 7ust walkin0 into a roo6 was layin0 the o""s/ E3entually the
o""s 4au0ht u to you/
They were insi"e the house with 6e/ After the <ui4k Fash of relief that
it was so6eone else>s turn to"ay+ I ha" to fa4e ra4ti4al 6atters/ Other ti6es+
I 4oul" 4lose the win"ows an" try to 4ontain it+ 5ut it was an A=urest
Afternoon/ E3eryone was out/ *eole 4o6in0 u fro6 the 5ea4h or the street+
walkin0 alon0 the si"e of the house&&there were too 6any+ too 4lose/ I
4oul"n>t lea3e the house 5e4ause I ha" to a4t like nothin0 was 0oin0 on/ I
turne" into a ro4k/ I fo4use" on the T,/ I turne" u the 3olu6e/ The 6ore I
4on4entrate"+ the less I 4oul" see/ The 6o3ie soke of 6ayhe6/ There were
hunters/ There were ursue"/ They kille" ea4h other in the win"in0&"own
worl"/
?We talke" a5out this/ These lates are 4hea/ I nee" the lasti4 ones/
That>s all I ask/ I>6 tryin0 to 4ook for 6y son/ Di" you 0o to S4hia3oni>s1?
?S4hia3oni>s "oesn>t 4arry that kin"/ All they ha3e is those/?
?If S4hia3oni>s "oesn>t ha3e the6 then you shoul" kee lookin0 until
you :n" the6/ I>6 tryin0 to 0rill here/ What a6 I suose" to ut the foo"
on1 This Fi6sy shit1 I sen" all this ti6e&&why 4an>t you "o what you>re
suose" to "o1 Are you tellin0 6e that there>s nowhere on this islan" that
has lasti4 lates1 What a5out South Ha6ton1?
?I "on>t ha3e ti6e for that/?
?You ha3e ti6e to sit on your fat ass an" talk to your frien"s/ >Yeah+
yeah+ uh&huh+ uh&huh/> You were sittin0 on your ass 7ust now/?
?Ja6es+? 6y 6other sai"/
This was how 6y 6other "isaeare"+ wor" 5y wor"/ She 0ot ol"er 5y
the se4on"+ that 6a0i4al Sa0 Har5or e2e4t fa"in0/ So6ethin0 haene" to
6y 6other in her life that she ne3er "efen"e" or rote4te" herself/ That she
ne3er "efen"e" or rote4te" us+ when it was our turn/ I "on>t know what it
was/ I suose it was the sa6e thin0 that re3ente" 6e fro6 "efen"in0 or
rote4tin0 her+ on4e I was ol" enou0h/ I ket 6y 6outh shut an" wat4he" T,/
D $ost Co66on Silen4es in Ben7i>s House
Just *outin>
%eally Woun"e"
Arehension of One>s Weakness
To A3oi" #urther *ro3o4ations
In"e!in0 of (ru"0es
*rea65le to E!losionIErution
Stunne" in the After6ath K %eelin0 fro6 the #ero4ity of the Atta4k+
Ese4ially When You Ha"n>t %eally Done Anythin0
To A44o6any a #urti3e There&There (lan4e of Sy6athy
?You think you>" 5e sittin0 "own there talkin0 all that horseshit if I
wasn>t "oin0 what I>6 suose" to1 All week lon0 sla3in0 for this fa6ily/ I>6
not like all these other ussies out here/ I work 6y ass o2/ I "on>t ask for
anythin0 e!4et I "on>t want 4hea shit in 6y house/? I saw a hea" aear
a5o3e the 5ea4h stairs+ a torso in a 4herry&4olore" olo+ an" then whoe3er it
was 5a4ke" away/
I 5urrowe"+ I 5urrowe" "ee into The %oa" Warrior/ No wor"s/ Just 4ars
s6ashin0+ 6etal 4run4hin0 into 6etal+ 5ullets an" arrows ier4in0 Fesh/
(rease an" 5loo"/ We ha" rea4he" the sa""est art of the 6o3ie in 6y 5ook+
the "eath of the %oa" Warrior>s "o0/ He was na6e" Do0/ A 6utt+ the %oa"
Warrior>s only frien"/ They share" e!ire" "o0 foo" out of ruste" 4ans/
Nothin0 else to eat in the wastelan"/ The %oa" Warrior 0o55le" "own the
0ray aste with a s6ile+ as if it was the 5est thin0 he>" e3er taste"+ an" Do0
nose" after the stu2 at the 5otto6/ To0ether they eli6inate" their ene6ies+
Do0 7u6in0 out to startle the unk hol"in0 the 4ross5ow at the ri0ht
6o6ent so that the %oa" Warrior 0aine" the a"3anta0e/ He was a 4ool "o0 to
ha3e+ Do0/ He ha" your 5a4k/ I woul"n>t 6in" ha3in0 a "o0 like that/
Then I re6e65ere" that I hate" "o0s/ Be4ause "o0s hate" 6e/ $y
whole life they 4hase" 6e like I was 6a"e out of ki55le/ They 5are" their
teeth an" sli4k ink 0u6s+ e!4a3atin0 harrowin0 soun"s fro6 "ee in their
5ellies/ Bi0 "o0s+ s6all "o0s/ They s6elle" it on 6e/ #ear+ so6e kin" of
weakness/ They sense" the art of 6e that relishe" 5ein0 4rushe" an"
"estroye"/ It was always in there+ the 0o5lin 6in"+ sali3atin0 an" ru55in0 its
4laws to0ether+ waitin0 for the "inner 5ell announ4in0 it was ti6e to feast on
6y hu6iliations/ They 5arke" an" snarle" at 6e with the 5rute
un"erstan"in0 that this was all that I wante" an" "eser3e"/
?Now 4lean that u an" 0et 6e so6e 0o""a6ne" lasti4 lates/?
A few years a0o+ 6e an" %e00ie went e!lorin0 on our 5ikes/ We>" run
out of la4es to 6ake ours+ so we stru4k out where it ha" ne3er o44urre" to
us to 0o/ We went "own Di3ision Street+ in the white art of town/ We "i"n>t
know where it went/ We 7ust knew we were si4k of our ol" la4es an" tire"
4ir4uits aroun" Sa0 Har5or/
It>s a s6all town/ On4e you>re o2 the hi0hway+ you 4an 0o for a lon0
ti6e without a 4ar "ri3in0 5y or so6eone 4o6in0 out of their house to 0et the
6ail/ We only went a few 5lo4ks+ 5ut e3en one a3enue o2 our 6a felt like
6iles/ %e00ie an" 6e s6ile" at ea4h other/ *e"alin0 o2 into a"3enture/
The Do5er6an 0alloe" out into the street an" we were araly=e"/ It
stoe" two feet away+ 6us4les 3i3i" un"er the skin+ 5ri0ht yellow teeth
snain0/ Ti6e stoe"/ Its aws s4rae" on the ashalt in its furious half
stes/ I thou0ht it was 0oin0 to ri us to shre"s/ Do5er6an ins4hers ha"
rela4e" the (er6an sheher" as the 6ost fearso6e "o0 aroun"+ in those
<uaint "ays 5efore the it 5ull hit the 5i0 ti6e/ We>" hear" the stories/ It was
rea"y to lea u an" tear out our throats+ :rst 6e an" then 6y 5rother/ There
was no one aroun"/ No one 4alle" hi6 o2/ No one 4are"/
We "i"n>t say anythin0/ We 5a4ke" u a slow in4h at a ti6e/ #or the
:rst few feet the Do5er6an staye" with us+ 4ontinuin0 his threats/ E3entually
he rea4he" the en" of his territory an" stoe"/ We left hi6 there in the
6i""le of the street+ us 0oin0 5a4kwar" on our 5ikes+ a""lin0 our feet on the
a3e6ent+ until we 0ot aroun" the 4orner/ We went ho6e an" 0ule" "own a
lot of Hi&C to rela4e what we>" sweate" out+ an" tol" the story of Di3ision
Street to our freake"&out frien"s+ who were en3ious that we ha" so6ethin0 to
talk a5out/ They sai"+ ?Wow/?
When our arents 4a6e out that weeken"&&this was when Elena was in
4har0e "urin0 the week&&our father tol" us to 0et in the 4ar an" show hi6
where it haene"/ We were s4are" until %e00ie ointe" out that the "o0
4oul"n>t 0et us throu0h the 4ar/ We ket the win"ows rolle" u an" lo4ke" the
"oors 7ust in 4ase/
?You see that there+? he sai"/
?What1? I waite" for the Do5er6an to 4o6e loin0 out/
?That/? We ha"n>t seen the lawn 7o4key the :rst ti6e/ The little 6i"0et
stoo" in the 6i""le of the lawn hol"in0 a 0ol" rin0+ 0rinnin0 in his 5ri0ht re"
0etu/ Shinin0+ well&olishe"/
?That>s how they train it to atta4k 5la4k eole+? he e!laine"/
?That 4ra4ker in there tosses raw 6eat 5y the lawn 7o4key+ the "o0
eats there e3ery "ay an" then when it sees 5la4k eole it thinks+ #oo"/
You>re lu4ky it "i"n>t tear you aart/?
I looke" at %e00ie an" %e00ie looke" at 6e/ Da0/
?It>s not the "o0>s fault/ It>s how it was traine"/? He stee" on the 0as/
?I want you to stay away fro6 that house+? he sai"/ ?I "on>t want you 4o6in0
here a0ain/?
The %oa" Warrior>s s4ore thun"ere" now that the yellin0 was o3er/ I
turne" "own the 3olu6e/
?Look at this+? he sai"+ hol"in0 u the :rst 5at4h/ ?I lo3e itO? He
transferre" the 4hi4ken into a 0lass 5owl/ ?I>" 0rill on the 6oon if I 4oul"+? he
sai" wistfully/ An" $ars an" Saturn an" 5eyon"/ Is there 0rillin0 in Hea3en1
Who knows what an0els eat/ But I know there>s 5ar5e4uin0 in hell+ an" its
your 3ery 0uts an" inner stu2 5la4kenin0 5efore your eyes/
?You rea"y for so6e 0oo" 4hi4ken1? he aske"/
?Yeah+? I sai"/
We were a 6a"e&for&T, fa6ily an" when he 4alle" ?A4tionO? we hit our
6arks an" "eli3ere" our lines like ros/ The s4rits were all the sa6e/ We ha"
the for6ula "own/
$rs/ (ar"ner returne" to use the fa4ilities/ ?Where>s (ail1? she aske"+
kno4kin0 the san" o2 her feet 5efore she stee" insi"e/
He "i"n>t answer so I sai"+ ?She ha" to run to the store/ She>ll 5e ri0ht
5a4k/?
She no""e" an" went into the 5athroo6/ When she 4a6e out+ he
stoe" her/ ?(irl+ you 5est take a win0 if you know what>s 0oo" for you+? he
sai"/
?$666+? she sai"/ ?I was hoin0 to 0et a ie4e of that 5ar5e4ue/? She
0ra55e" a win0 an" toe" o2 her white wine 5efore re7oinin0 the la"ies on
the 5ea4h/
#or all his fear that eole were wat4hin0 all the ti6e+ that eole will
talk a5out you unless you>re 3i0ilant a5out what they see+ no one was
wat4hin0 at all/ No one 4ares a5out what 0oes on in other eole>s houses/
The 0ru55y "ra6as/ It was 7ust us/ The soun"sta0e was e6ty+ the
ro"u4tion lot s4he"ule" for "e6olition/ They>" turne" o2 the ele4tri4ity lon0
a0o/ We "eli3ere" our lines in the "arkness/
?Here you 0o+? he sai"+ han"in0 6e a <ua"rule&reinfor4e" aer late
of 4hi4ken win0s/
You ha3e a fu4ke"&u hair4ut an" e3eryone knows you ha3e a fu4ke"&
u hair4ut/ But no one says anythin0/ You "on>t know you ha3e a fu4ke"&u
hair4ut+ or know it an" 4an>t a"6it it/ )ntil one "ay you fa4e the fa4t that you
ha3e a fu4ke"&u hair4ut an" you 0et a new one an" e3eryone says+ (oo"
7o5+ as if they>" 5een waitin0 for it/ As if they 4are"/
?How is it1? he aske"/ He hel" the ne!t tray of 4hi4ken in his han"+ one
foot insi"e the house an" the other on the "e4k/
I took a 5ite/ It was like 5itin0 into san"/ The 7ui4es ha" 5oile" away or
slattere" the 4oals+ lea3in0 these "rie"&u shre"s sti4kin0 to 5one/ I looke"
at the other win0s on the late in 6y la/ They were 4harre" an" shrunken+
the lot of the6+ 4ru65lin0 into 5la4k se4ks/ I 4hewe" u the san" an"
swallowe"/
?It>s 0reat+? I sai"/
THE HI(HLI(HT O# THE S)$$E% WAS THE )/T/#/O/&&Lisa Lisa 4on4ert at
Baysi"e/ Lisa Lisa an" Cult Ja6 hea"line"+ thanks to their 4rosso3er hit ?I
Won"er if I Take You Ho6e+? 5ut )/T/#/O/ was the real "raw in our ne4k of the
woo"s/ They>" rule" the winter with ?%o!anne+ %o!anne+? a la6entation
a5out a Fy 0irl who woul"n>t 0i3e the6 the ti6e of "ay/ In the tra"ition of the
,illa0e *eole+ they e6loye" the6e ersonalities/ The E"u4ate" %aer
5oaste" of his 4aa4ious intelle4t @?She nee"s a 0uy like 6e+ with a Hi0h I.?A+
Do4tor I4e wooe" her with his knowle"0e of the 6e"i4al worl" @?Der6atolo0y
is treat6ent of the skin /// There>s anesthesiolo0y ohthal6olo0y+ internal
6e"i4ine an" lasti4 sur0ery+ orthoe"i4 sur0ery an" atholo0y?A+ while the
'an0ol 'i" ut his faith in /// his 'an0ol+ thou0h frankly one shoul" ne3er
un"eresti6ate the ower of a44essories to hel one stan" out in the 4row"/
$i! $aster I4e+ their DJ+ ket silent+ referrin0 ?to seak with his han"s+? as
they sai" in his 6ilieu/
A youn0 la"y 4allin0 herself %o!anne Shante release" an answer re4or"
4alle" The %eal %o!anne+ a %asho6on&style re3ision of her "ealin0s with
?"i4tionary 5reath? an" his frien"s/ Answer re4or"s to answer re4or"s
es4alate" 6atters+ with %o!anne>s ?arents? 4hi6in0 in+ her 5i0 ?5rothers+?
far&Fun0 se4on" 4ousins+ an" the o44asional 5ystan"er+ 4ul6inatin0 in
?%o!anne>s a $an+? whi4h+ like a hi&ho Hiroshi6a+ stunne" all in3ol3e" an"
e2e4ti3ely en"e" the 4onFi4t/ In re3isitin0 the %o!anne Wars of the 6i"&>Dos+ I
know I run the risk of stirrin0 the "ee an" :er4e e6otions asso4iate" with
that unfortunate eiso"e+ 5ut I feel the 5a4k0roun" is ne4essary to e!lain
our e!4ite6ent/ )/T/#/O/ @)n Tou4ha5le #or4e Or0ani=ationA reresente"
teena0e stri3in0+ youthful erse3eran4e a0ainst the o""s+ an" 0oof5all
ersonas that 6a"e our own sta5s at rein3ention look like 0enius/ Baysi"e
a"3ertise" the 4on4ert in Dan>s *aers all su66er+ so 5y Au0ust we were in a
5it of a froth/
You ha" to 5e ei0hteen to 0et into the 4lu5/ It was a for6er roller rink+
a kin"a sket4hy oeration where the skates s<uishe" unwholeso6ely 6oist
on your feet an" the s<uirrelly DJ often "isaeare"+ uttin0 O2 the Wall on
reeat an" sliin0 out the 5a4k/ Sin4e the re3a6+ we>" 5een 5arre"/ The
6ore a"3enturous a6on0 us trie" all su66er to 5rea4h the walls in a strin0
of le0en"ary failures in3ol3in0 strate0i4 fa4ial hair+ stu"ie" non4halan4e+ an"
so6e insire" 5usiness a5out the $ake&A&Wish #oun"ation/ It was sa" to see
Cli3e an" Ni4k 0et into 4hara4ter an" shuJe u to the 3el3et roe only to
twist 5a4k to Earth with 6elte"&o2 feathers/ If they 0ot in+ it was like all of us
0ettin0 in/ When they faile"+ we a44ete" our ortion of sha6e/
By the ti6e the 5i0 "ay rolle" aroun"+ the only erson with a real shot
was N*+ who>" 5een 5ri5in0 $arlon the Boun4er for weeks with the Lon0
Wharf>s to 4urren4y&&i4e 4rea6/ $arlon 4a6e into Jonni WaJe a 4oule of
ti6es a ni0ht+ N* "u4kin0 suer3isors as he :!e" hi6 a 4u with a
4onsiratorial no"/ $arlon resu6e" his ost+ slowly eatin0 his Banana $int as
a 0a00le of reenin0 Ha6tonites <ueue" u for inse4tion/ He su4ke" on
the tiny soon with a ensi3e air while araisin0 those 5efore hi6+ so6e
ni4e theater that lent his 7u"06ents the air of "e6ente" 4ari4e/
?I know I>6 0ettin0 in&&I set hi6 uO? N* tol" us/
?Better hoe #re""ie isn>t on that ni0ht+? $ar4us ointe" out/ ?He>" 5e
like+ Ni00er+ lease+ Ni00er *lease/?
#re""ie was this 5i0 5ruiser fro6 Bri"0eha6ton+ known for his
6artial&arts e!ertise/ In a""ition to workin0 Baysi"e+ he 5oun4e" so6e
ni0hts at the %eef+ a 4lu5 on LG where $ar4us ha" worke" earlier in the
su66er "urin0 one of his short&li3e" 0i0s/ @?The 5ar5a4k sai" I stole two
5ottles of ea4h s4hnas+ 5ut I was fra6e"/?A ?He has this 4ase in his trunk
where he kees his nun4hu4ks an" sai an" throwin0 stars+? $ar4us warne"
us/ ?One ni0ht #re""ie was workin0 the "oor an" this re"ne4k 0ot u in his
fa4e so he 5uste" out his sai like 5oo6&5iO an" sent that 5it4h into tra4tion/?
A""in0+ ?Hi0h all the ti6e on 4oke+ too/? All I knew a5out hi6 was that when
he or"ere" his Oran0e Sher5et+ he ne3er tie"+ a3oi"in0 the si0ht of the ti
4u as if it 4ontaine" i4tures of his re&"u655ell+ ninety&nine&oun"
weaklin0 self/
?$arlon>s workin0 that ni0ht+? N* sai"+ ?I alrea"y 4he4ke"/ I>6 not
worrie"/?
I NE,E% T%IED TO (ET IN/ $y "aily routine alrea"y 0enerate" lenty of
e65arrass6ent&&why 0et 0ree"y1 But as Au0ust 0ot 4loser+ I :!ate" on the
4on4ert+ "rawin0 u lans for one+ "eter6ine" sortie/ Not 5ein0 arti4ularly
tall+ an" ossessin0 a reu5es4ent 6ien I foun" i6ossi5le to shake+ 6y
i"ea was to wear so6e reie 4a6ouFa0e to hel 6e :t in with the strea6
of East En" swells&&no 6u66y&5an"a0e Chu4k Taylors or #lier T&shirt&&an"
hol" 6y a"3an4e&ur4hase ti4ket as if it were i"entity aers at a 5or"er
4rossin0/ Sin4e I>" 4o6e o3er ti6e to 5elie3e that no one was arti4ularly
intereste" in what I ha" to say+ I ten"e" to 6u65le or talk fast in an atte6t
to hel eole 6ore easily i0nore 6e+ so I ra4ti4e" a"a6ant hrasin0s of
fa4ts like ?I 5ou0ht this ti4ket? an" ?I ai" 6oney for this ti4ket/? I also
4rosse" 6y :n0ers that the no&"ou5t&4o6li4ate" refun" ro4ess reresente"
a 5ureau4rati4 hassle the 5oun4er "i"n>t want to 0et in3ol3e" in/ That>s all I
ha" 0oin0/
The ni0ht 5efore the 4on4ert+ I walke" u to Bo55y>s to 5e0in the hunt/
A nor6al erson woul">3e i4ke" 6e u at 6y house+ 5ut Bo55y+ like so
6any 5efore hi6+ was lost in the 6oral fo0 of :rst&4ar ownershi/ Aarently I
ha3e issues in this area&&why "i" a 4han0e in 4ir4u6stan4e 6ean a 4han0e in
4hara4ter1 It see6e" a 5ran" of weakness/ His re4ent ro6otion ro5a5ly
ha" so6ethin0 to "o with it/ He>" 5een ki4ke" ustairs+ fro6 Little Bo55y to
7ust Bo55y/ (i3en the stri4t hierar4hy of a0e 4lasses out in Sa0+ no6en4lature
ro5le6s arose fro6 ti6e to ti6e/ If ki"s in two "i2erent a0e 0rous ha" the
sa6e na6e then+ lo0i4ally+ one was Little an" one was Bi0/ Bi0 Bo55y was in
6y sister>s 0rou+ a few years ol"er than us/ Sin4e his "ay of 5irth+ our Bo55y
ha" 5een sa""le" with the Little si0n han0in0 aroun" his ne4k/
There was one easy rule9 if there was a Bi0 -+ an" a Little -+ they ha"
to ha3e ni0ht&an"&"ay ersonalities/ Bi0 Bo55y was a 7erk+ no "isute/ He 4ut
in line at the 3i"eo 0a6es in town+ whet the sa"isti4 ase4ts of his
ersonality on $ar4us with 4ool "ili0en4e+ an" was known to ri the hea"s o2
Han Solo a4tion :0ures an" eat the6/ I ha" a4tually witnesse" this last
"esi4a5le a4t+ an" it haunts 6e still/ But Bi0 Bo55y ha" stoe" 4o6in0 out+
you see/ Workin0 in the 4ity+ whate3er+ so Bo55y was un<uali:e"+ 7ust Bo55y+
an" free to unfetter his 4hara4ter/ By0one Little Bo55y+ he was like 6e&&a ni4e
ki"+ 4on3eniently in3isi5le+ 5elo3e" 5y aunts an" un4les+ eretually re&
win4e in anti4iation of ha3in0 his lu6 an" in3itin0 4heeks in4he" 5y
so6e el"erly relati3e with 5oun"ary issues/ Now+ he 4oul" 5e a 7erk/ It
woul"n>t ha3e surrise" 6e if there was another Bo55y layin0 in the san" of
the Sa0 5ea4h+ thus 4rownin0 our Bo55y Bi0 Bo55y+ an" this hyotheti4al
tyke "onnin0 the ni4e&ki" 6antle/ Nature a5hors a 3a4uu6/
As I asse" the Sa0 Har5or Hills 5ea4h+ the stra00lers were fol"in0
their 5ea4h 4hairs an" whiin0 the san" fro6 their 5lankets/ The 0nats
0athere" in 5o55in0 4lou"s an" in the lon0 0rass the 4hitterin0 inse4ts
salute" twili0ht/ It was 0ettin0 "ark earlier+ the en"less su66er "ays no
lon0er so atient with our atte6ts to 4ra6 it all in/
I 4li65e" the stes u to Bo55y>s house/ His 0ran"father let 6e in/ He
ha"n>t sha3e"+ a thin white fur 4o3erin0 his 4heeks+ an" he looke" harrowe"
in his fa"e" 5lue $or0an Stanley T&shirt+ a sou3enir fro6 his "au0hter>s 7o5/ I
"i"n>t know he>" returne"&&two weeks earlier+ he>" ha" so6e kin" of ?health
s4are? an" 0one 5a4k to the 4ity to 0et 4he4ke" out/ He sli" the s4reen "oor
wi"e+ s6ilin0+ 5ut I noti4e" a new+ 0in0erly <uality in his 6o3e6ents+ like he
ha" 5roken 0lass in his sliers/
He tol" 6e Bo55y woul" 5e ri0ht "own/ He aske" after 6y arents+ an"
%e00ie+ an" then sai"+ ?Been "oin0 any :shin01?
?Not this su66er+ no/? Si! years a0o+ he>" taken 6e an" %e00ie an"
Bo55y out to the Lon0 Wharf to :sh for snaer an" or0ies+ 4allin0 a hu""le
to share his 6etho" for threa"in0 the 5ait se4urely throu0h the hooks/ ?If the
eye os out+ you know it>s 0oo" an" ti0ht/? E!4et for ni0ht 5lue:shin0 o2
$ontauk+ whi4h was an e!4use to stay u until Q a6 an" "rink se3en&oun4e
$illers+ I ha"n>t :she" sin4e that "ay/
?Your 0ran"father lo3e" to :sh out here/ We use" to 0o out all the ti6e
on that little 5oat he ha" 5a4k then/?
I no""e"/
?It>s ni4e to see the youn0 eole followin0 in the tra"ition/ I know he
woul" ha3e like" to see you out there+ "roin0 a line like we use" to/?
?I like :shin0+? I sai"/ I hear" Bo55y thu6in0 aroun" ustairs so I sent
a teleathi4 5last to 6ake hi6 hurry/ $y 0ran"arents "ie" 5efore I was 5orn
an" I "i"n>t know how to feel when eole talke" a5out the6/ I ha" this thin0
in 6y hea" where they sat 6e "own an" lai" it all out+ the way thin0s work+
how to 6o3e+ what to 5e+ 5ut I>" ne3er 0et that infor6ation now/ E!4et the
har" way/ I i4ke" a 5urr o2 6y so4ks+ 5ut "i"n>t know where to ut it+ so I
7ust hel" it in 6y han"/
?That>s the 5eauty of 4o6in0 out here+? Bo55y>s 0ran"father sai"/
?Ha3in0 this la4e/ *eole like your 0ran"father workin0 har" to 6ake
so6ethin0 for his fa6ily+ an" assin0 it "own to your 0eneration/? He
su""enly reali=e" how the "ark ha" 4ret in aroun" us an" he 0roe" un"er
the la6sha"es/ ?You>re lu4ky+ you know that1?
?Yes/?
?To ha3e all of this/?
?Yes/?
When Bo55y an" I 0ot in the 4ar+ we trie" to 4o6e u with a lan/
E3ery5o"y was workin0 that ni0ht e!4et for us an" Ni4k+ 5ut Ni4k ha" 0one
to the 4ity to 5uy re4or"s/ @Soun"s+ the East Ha6ton 6usi4 store+ "i"n>t
4ater to us unless we wante" so6ethin0 To QH/A We nee"e" 5eer/ The <uest
for 5eer+ with its "aily intri0ues+ re3ersals+ an" 4li2&han0ers+ ha" 5e4o6e our
fa3orite su5lot/ How to 0et it+ who to 5uy it+ where to "rink it+ startin0 all
o3er a0ain the ne!t "ay/ Our tall frien"s weren>t aroun"/ We>" "runk a few of
6y father>s 5eers alrea"y that week+ an" I "i"n>t want to ush it/ It was a
lon0 shot+ 5ut we :nally "e4i"e" to hit town+ an" then the other key la4es+
like the G&Ele3en in South Ha6ton+ to see if any a6ena5le arties
6ateriali=e"/ Like one of 6y sister>s 0rou+ or Orrin/ Orrin was this ol"er white
hiie 0uy who oo=e" aroun" the towns+ eretually en route to or in
5etween o"" 7o5s an" es4aa"es+ an" he>" 5uy a si!&a4k for you if you
listene" to his latest sa" story of ?I was 7ust 6in"in0 6y own 5usiness when/?
He s6elle" like a 5a4ke"&u sewer+ 5ut it was worth it/
?They ha3e these la4e 6ats at the Corner Bar+? Bo55y tol" 6e as we
5roke out of Nine3ah+ ?that ha3e the history of the Ha6tons written on the6
an" they sai" that Sa0aona4 is an In"ian wor" 6eanin0 >the lan" of the 5i0
5rown nuts/> I was eatin0 a ha65ur0er an" 7ust 5uste" out lau0hin0/?
?That>s funny/?
?I was like+ >I 0ot your 5i0 5rown nuts ri0ht here/>?
?Your sa4a"ilia4+? I sai"/
He looke" o3er at 6e/ I tol" hi6+ ?Like in >The $essa0e> 5y
(ran"6aster #lash an" the #urious #i3e+ when $elle $el ras?&&I trie" to 0et it
ri0ht&&?>Neon 'in0 'on0 stan"in> on 6y 5a4k+ Can>t turn aroun"+ 5roke 6y
sa4a"ilia4/> His nut sa4k/ He>s sayin0 e3erythin0>s so tou0h+ it>s like 0ettin0
ki4ke" in the 5alls/?
?I ne3er knew what he was talkin0 a5out there/?
?Yeah+ well/?
Bo55y turne" into A=urest an" infor6e" 6e that he was 0oin0 to "ri3e
5y De3on>s house to see if she was 5a4k fro6 her fa6ily outin0/ ?If she>s
there+ I 0otta 0i3e you the 5oot+ "u"e/? I>" 7ust "ra00e" 6yself to his house/ I
thou0ht9 Chaoti4 E3il/ I ha"n>t "one that in a while+ triin0 "own the
ali0n6ents/ Durin0 6y 5i0 DKD hase @O4to5er BCDB&Aril BCDMA+ I>" taken
the 0a6e>s 4lassi:4ation syste6 to heart+ "olin0 out ali0n6ents to the worl"/
See+ a44or"in0 to The *layer>s Han"5ook+ eole an" 6onsters 4an 5e 5roken
"own 5y their inner natures+ with (oo"+ E3il+ an" Neutral on one a!is+ an"
Lawful an" Chaoti4 on the other/ Lawful (oo"+ for e!a6le+ "es4ri5e" a
kni0ht>s "utiful te6era6ent+ an" Lawful E3il the ersonality of a "i4tator or
e3il kin0&&they ha" an or"er they o5eye"+ sti4kin0 5y their rules whether it
4alle" for the6 to sa3e eole>s asses or 4ut o2 their hea"s/ Neutrals 5ent
towar" (oo" or E3il "een"in0 on whether they "a55le" in the o44asional
altruisti4 a4t or ha" a en4hant for sta55in0 eole in the 5a4k/ %o5in Hoo"
was a Chaoti4 (oo" tye+ lawless an" unre"i4ta5le 5ut len"in0 a helin0
han"+ an" Chaoti4 E3il was the 5anner of twiste" rankster+ like the Joker in
Bat6an 4o6i4s/ Or 0uys with their :rst 4ars/
I took this ta!ono6y seriously/ It 7ust 6a"e sense9 eole ha"
ali0n6ents+ an essential nature/ If you 4oul" see who an" what they were+
you>" 5e 5etter e<uie" to "eal with the6/ Before 6y sister 5e4a6e a
otential 0irlfrien" an" they ha" to treat us 5etter+ the Ol"er Boys of Sa0
were Chaoti4 E3il throu0h an" throu0h/ Co6in0 a4ross a 0rou of the6
han0in0 out on the 4orner of Terry or $ilton+ you ha" to steel yourself/ They>"
say+ ?Ni4e 5ikeO Can I see it for a se4on"1? an" then 5ook u the hill+
seesawin0 on your tiny Hu2y+ lea3in0 you in the 6i"st of their howlin0
4ronies/ You>" "is4o3er it "u6e" on your front lawn hours later with 0rass
s6eare" in the e"als+ 7ust when you were a5out to rat the6 out/ $ar4us was
their laythin0+ a5use" an" "isrese4te"/ They trie" hi6 an" sent hi6
srawlin0 into the shar 0ra3el+ isse" in his Coke+ sto6e" his kites/ Chaoti4
E3il+ like I sai"/
The :rst week of ei0hth 0ra"e+ I leane" o3er to An"y Stern in the
6i""le of se4on"&erio" S4ien4e an" whisere"+ ?Don>t you think Dr/ Na"ler is
Lawful E3il1? Yes+ Dr/ Na"ler+ the "ra0on waitin0 "ee in the 4a3e of 7unior
hi0h/ We>" hear" the tales for years+ an" now here he was+ with wil" re" eyes
an" s4aly ar6or/ A late la5 reort kno4ke" your 0ra"e o2 :3e oints+ :3e
oints that 4oul" only 5e earne" 5a4k throu0h e!tra 4re"it/ An unyiel"in0
faith in a 5o0us syste6/ Lawful E3il/
?What1? An"y aske"+ win4in0/
?Lawful E3il+ 6an/?
?ShushO? He looke" aroun" for ea3es"roers an" i0nore" 6e the rest
of 4lass/ This was 6y :rst in"i4ation that I la00e" in la6eInot&la6e
knowle"0e+ what 4oul" 5e sai" when 0irls or 4ool ki"s were aroun"+ an" what
4oul"n>t/ $entionin0 DKD+ you 6i0ht as well fart while layin0 se3en 6inutes
in hea3en+ not that I>" e3er laye" se3en 6inutes in hea3en+ 5ut I ha" sent
so6e ti6e thinkin0 a5out it an" it ha" o44urre" to 6e that fartin0 was
so6ethin0 you shoul"n>t "o+ if the o44asion arose/ I>" ha3e to 0et use" to it+
fallin0 5ehin"+ 5e4ause this was no te6orary 4on"ition/ The 0uy "roin0 o2
the weekly a6hlets outlinin0 the shiftin0 teena0e 4o"es an" e"i4ts skie"
6y house+ or so6eone stole the6 fro6 6y "oorste 5efore I 0ot u/
I was un"eterre"/ Taken with the reassurin0 4larity of the ali0n6ents+ I
"i"n>t sto with eole+ ro4ee"in0 on to la5el inani6ate o57e4ts+ a5stra4t
syste6s+ an" states of 5ein0/ A na&&Lawful (oo"+ 4ertainly/ The
Assassination of Beta6a! at the han"s of "astar"ly ,HS&&that was Lawful E3il
all o3er+ for what was 4aitalis6 5ut 6ale3olent "esi0n e!er4isin0 its ower1
(ettin0 u for s4hool was Neutral E3il 5y 6y si0hts+ the 5lank slate of the "ay
with its ossi5ility for fun or 6isery Neutral in itself+ the E3il 4reein0 in with
the s4hool thin0+ 5ein0 for4e" to lay 6y art in the so4ial aaratus/ I was a
"ork+ not a 4o0/
DKD ha" few other real&life ali4ations+ e!4et as a 6eans of
eretuatin0 3ir0inity an" in its "ei4tion of e!isten4e as a ne3er&en"in0
series of 0ri6 a"3entures in "un0eons/ I rue" the for6er+ e65ra4e" the latter
as an ele0ant 6etahor/ @Or+ in 6y lan0ua0e of the ti6e+ ?Yeah+ 6an+ that
really su6s it u/?A E3entually I for0ot a5out the ali0n6ent thin0/ I lost 6y
taste for nuan4e on4e I 5e4a6e a teena0er/ Nuan4e 0ot you nowhere/
EitherIor was where it was at/
We hit $ere"ith A3enue/ ?N*>s 0oin0 to 0et 6e an" the 0irls into
)/T/#/O/+? Bo55y sai"/ ?They ha3e to 0i3e it u after that/?
?%i0ht+? I sai"/
The li0hts in De3on>s house were out+ an" Bo55y "ro3e 5y without
4o66ent/ The hunt was on/ Halfway u Bay Street+ we rolle" u on this 0uy
walkin0 5a4k fro6 town un"er the weein0 willows/ It was "ark+ 5ut I thou0ht
I knew hi6/ Our eyes lo4ke" when we asse" ea4h other+ an" e3en thou0h he
"i"n>t re4o0ni=e 6e+ I aske" Bo55y to turn aroun"/ ?That>s 6y un4le+? I sai"/
This went a0ainst 6y stri4t rules for a3oi"in0 all 5ut the 6ost ine3ita5le
intera4tions with 0rown&us+ 5ut for so6e reason I wante" to say hi/ I think I
wante" to show o2 that 6y frien" ha" a 4ar+ that we>" entere" the ne!t le3el/
?$ay5e he 4an 5uy us 5eer+? Bo55y sai"/
?Are you 4ra=y1 He>ll tell on us/? E3eryone o3er the a0e of thirty was in
4ahoots in 6y 5ook+ Tele!in0 reorts to the 4o66an" 4enter so that the
4olore" in on the wall 6a hel" 6y 4urrent osition/ ?Suse4t is walkin0
0awkily in a south&southeasterly "ire4tion/?
?)n4le Nelson+? I sai"/ ?It>s Ben/ Ben7i/?
He eere" into the 4ar/ ?Where>s %e00ie1?
?He>s workin0 at Bur0er 'in0/?
)n4le Nelson no""e"/ He>" settle" into a 5earish u"0e sin4e I>" last
seen hi6+ his olo shirt ti0ht on his 4hest an" e!osin0 a 4enti6eter of 5elly
when he 6o3e"/ His hair thinne" in the sa6e attern as his father>s+ the 0ray
retreatin0 fro6 a shiny atoll of s4al/ I>" always like" )n4le Nelson+ ras4ally
)n4le Nelson with his shitty lu4k an" wi"e+ ea0er fa4e/ He was 6y 6other>s
4ousin o2 so6e 5ran4h I 4oul"n>t kee tra4k of+ the i6ortant art 5ein0 that
his arents an" 6y 6other>s arents ha" 5een art of the :rst Sa0 wa3e/
$ention his na6e an" hea"s shook+ han"s wrun0/ $y 6other>s fa6ily was
roer+ well 6annere"+ raise" ri0ht/ )n4le Nelson was ?5a"+? in their
4lassi:4ation syste6/ ?That>s where Nelson "ro3e u on the lawn+? 6y 6other
re6in"e" us whene3er we went "own Sa00 %oa"+ in tri5ute to that su66er
s4an"al of yore/ He>" "roe" out of "ental s4hool @the horrorA+ laye" house
with That Sanish Wo6an @4rin0e+ 4rin0eA+ an" worst of all+ $o3e" to
California+ whi4h was 4o"e for s6okin0 ot an" 0rou se!/ All this was in the
>NHs an" early >GHs+ 5efore I was aware8 I re4ei3e" these stories as ure
history+ When )n4le Nelson Sank the Chris&Craft u there with Washin0ton
Crossin0 the Delaware an" Ji6i Hen"ri! Chokin0 on His Own ,o6it+ of e<ual
i6ort/ I ha"n>t seen hi6 in years/ It ha" 5een a while sin4e he 4a6e out to
6ake the roun"s/ Chaoti4 (oo"+ I woul">3e sai"&&5u4kin0 the 5our0ie syste6+
5ut "arin0 an" 5i0hearte"/
?What are you 5oys 0ettin0 u to1?
?Just 0oin0 for a "ri3e+? I sai"+ as if I were so6e South Ha6ton fossil
takin0 out his $o"el T ?You stayin0 o3er at the Yellow House1?
His eyes "ie" an" he sai"+ ?I>6 han0in0 out at E""ie Ba!ter>s this
weeken"+ seein0 what he>s u to/ But they>re uttin0 the 0ran"&ki"s to 5e"+
so I "e4i"e" to 0o out for a little 5it/ I>6 too ol" for&&?
?Do you think you 4an 5uy us so6e 5eer1? Bo55y aske"/
?I>ll 5uy you so6e 5eer+? )n4le Nelson sai"+ in a 5link/ ?Just "on>t tell
your 6other+ Ben7i/ I know I>6 her fa3orite 4ousin+ 5ut she>" still wrin0 6y
ne4k/?
Bo55y>" aske" the only ol"&ti6e Sa0 Har5or 0uy who>" "o it for us+ as
if re4o0ni=in0 )n4le Nelson>s 6is4hie3ous 5ent ri0ht o2/ I wante" to un4h
hi6 in his fa4e+ like the ol" "ays/ I think he wante" wor" to 0et 5a4k to his
arents+ to ro3e that "esite a44etin0 the 4ar @an" 0as 6oney+ "esite his
4onstant tithin0 of usA+ he 4oul" still 5rin0 the6 6isery/ Brin0+ in fa4t+ a new
kin" of 6isery/
I o2ere" )n4le Nelson the front seat 5ut he wrinkle" his fa4e/ I
re6e65ere" the ti6e he s<uee=e" in with us at the ki"s> ta5le "urin0 a
fa6ily reunion+ 5e00in0+ ?Le66e in here+ I>6 one of you 0uys/? We lau0he"+
an" he entertaine" us for the rest of the 6eal+ 4lownin0 aroun"/ O2 5ehin"
hi6+ his father 0ri6a4e" as he wat4he" )n4le Nelson>s 5i0 le0s 5oun4in0 on
the tiny 4hair/
He leane" forwar"+ 7a66in0 his el5ows into the front seats/ ?You 7ust
ha3e to "o 6e a fa3or an" take 6e aroun" the Hills when we>re "one/?
?Bet/?
?)n4le Nelson use" to ha3e an $(+? I sai"/ There was a i4ture in the
He6stea" House of hi6 leanin0 on the hoo" of this e6eral" See" %a4er
3ehi4le/ Cool as hell/ He was wearin0 hi 3isor sha"es an" ha" a 5eatnik , of
hair shrou"in0 his li/ No+ not e!a4tly in line with the stan"ar" Sa0 Har5or
ali0n6ent/
?#resh+? Bo55y sai"/
?That was the 5est ti6e+? )n4le Nelson sai"+ ?takin0 that 5a5y u
these roa"s/ (ettin0 u to no 0oo"/? He sat 5a4k+ s6a4kin0 his han"s on the
uholstery/ ?Lon0 ti6e a0o+ 5oy+? he sai"/ ?Now it>s your turn to "o all that
stu2 we use" to "o/? It was <uiet 5a4k there as we =ie" u the turnike+
an" I ket 6y 6outh shut in 4ase I sai" so6ethin0 ki"like+ an" he 4han0e"
his 6in"/
After we went to G&Ele3en an" 4a6e 5a4k an" "roe" hi6 o2+ Bo55y
an" 6e went o3er to 6y house an" "rank the 5eer an" wat4he" Hooer an"
Terror Train/ ?That>s the killer+ ri0ht1? he aske" after e3ery susi4ious twit4h+
an" I sai"+ ?'ee wat4hin0/? We "i"n>t stay u late/ We ha" a 5i0 "ay
to6orrow/
I WO%'ED THE NE-T A#TE%NOON/ Chan0e ha" 4o6e to Jonni WaJe
o3er the weeks+ autu6nal tele0ra6s to re6in" us of the Feetin0ness of the
season/ The new Soft Ser3 6a4hine arri3e"+ a sin0le no==le "eli3erin0
4ho4olate+ 3anilla+ or straw5erry with the ress of a 5utton/ It 5u==e" all "ay
with an unholy ower/ Jonni WaJe H. sent o3er a 5o! of T&shirts with the new
lo0o&&a s6ilin0 4one with sin"ly ar6s an" le0s/ $ore than one 4usto6er
re6arke" that it looke" like a "an4in0 "il"o/ I "i"n>t know what a "il"o was+
so I ha" to ask/ The 4usto6ers were always ri0ht in Jonni WaJe/ An" :nally+
the 4ousins were 0one/ $artine :re" the6 after they>" ro55e" one too 6any
%e""i&wi 4ans of its NO+ 4ausin0 the white li<ui" to our o3er the 4ones an"
5oats instea" of ro"u4in0 a han"so6e+ 3erti4al swirl/ Yeah+ $e0 an" $arsha
ha" "e3eloe" <uite a whiets ro5le6 to 4oe with the stress of life in the
waJe&4one tren4hes+ an" olite so4iety ren"ere" its unish6ent/ $y el5ow
tin0le" o44asionally in hanto6 arousal an" to this "ay re6ains 4har0e"+ a
sha6eful ero0enous =one/
Takin0 their shifts was Jen+ a re"hea"e" lo4al 0irl an" stu"ent of New
York State>s la5or laws+ ese4ially with re0ar" to the "uration an" fre<uen4y
of 5reaks/ She "e4lare"+ ?I>6 0oin0 on 6y 5reak+? as if "arin0 the 6ana0er to
sto her+ an" when no one sai" anythin0+ 5e4ause no one was ayin0
attention+ she a""e"+ ?We>re allowe" two ten&6inute 5reaks er shiftO? 5efore
stor6in0 away/ #or so6e reason I 4an>t fatho6+ she was a ti 6a0net+ whi4h
was fortunate 5e4ause we "i33ie" u the ti 4u e3enly+ a ni4e syste6 for
so6eone like 6e+ who sent 4usto6ers> 4han0e lu66etin0 "own their
o4kets/
D&"ay+ I was on with Jen an" N*/ The start of the shift was so
une3entful+ I al6ost for0ot it was a week"ay/ Then Jen sai"+ ?The Boat *eole
are here/?
The Boat *eole+ "one i4kin0 $ain Street 4lean+ 4a6e our way to
4ontinue their "estru4tion/ What I knew a5out Conne4ti4ut 4oul" :t in a
thi65le+ or 6ore roerly+ a su0ar 4one or 5lue ei0ht&oun4e lasti4 ser3in0
"ish+ 5ut I "i" know this9 e3ery week"ay 6ornin0+ resi"ents of that :ne state
5oar"e" a ferry for an outin0 to the Ha6tons/ That the 5oat "i"n>t sink is a
won"er+ 0i3en the stuen"ous hu6an 6ass that oure" "own the 0an0lanks
onto the Lon0 Wharf at noon/ They rai"e" the 4urio shos+ stoe" tra;4 as
the slow her" of the6 6ean"ere" a4ross the street+ "aw"le" in 0lassy&eye"
leasure at the kits4hy whalin0 arahernalia an" WAS* a44outre6ents in
the win"ows/ They stoe" to eat/ They rose fro6 the ta5les in unison+
0reasy nakins fallin0 fro6 their las like a Fo4k of "o3es in su""en+
4o66unal heart atta4k/ They strolle" 5a4k to the ferry u $ain Street+ u the
ashalt of the Lon0 Wharf+ attin0 their 5ellies+ whi4h 0ur0le" with :sh&an"&
4his an" frie" 4la6s an" 5attere" 4o"+ the 5otto6 hal3es of their 5o"ies
5usy with "i0estion an" their 5rains full of that e4uliar 6elan4holy that
6arks the en" of an a"3enture or of an e!loit win"in0 "own/ Then they
s6elle" it/ The waJe&4one aro6a "an4in0 on the sea 5ree=e+ an" they were
renewe"+ sta6e"in0 into Jonni WaJe with their ton0ues han0in0 o3er their
lis/
Boat *eole rushes were 5rief&&no one wante" to 5e left at the en" of
the wharf+ wa3in0 at the "isaearin0 shi&&5ut the "earture&ti6e an!iety
6a"e the 4usto6ers all the 6ore 5oorish an" 5ullyin0/ It was o3erwhel6in0/ I
re6in"e" 6yself that it woul" soon 5e o3er/ The assault ha" a :nite len0th/ I
use" that rationali=ation a lot in those "ays/ When thin0s woun" "own+ I
"rifte" into one of 6y 6i"s4oo sa4e&outs/ So6eti6es when you ha" your
hea" "own in the 3ats+ ti6e stoe"/ The swirlin0 white 6ist stalle" in the
air+ han0in0 like ri55ons/ All soun" "roe" out+ the whirrin0 of the 5len"er
an" the ra"io+ an" e3en the stati4&y 5u== of your own thou0hts/ I "on>t know
where I went "urin0 those sells/ They only laste" a few 6o6ents yet they
4ontaine" a little s4oo of the in:nite+ a waJe&erfu6e" eternity/
I hear" a kno4kin0 on the 0lass an" assu6e" it was the 4usto6er
s4ol"in0 6e for s4ooin0 the wron0 Fa3or+ 5ut it was Eri4a+ franti4ally wa3in0
hi on4e I looke" u/
?You>re really workin0 in thereO?
I was still artial to Eri4a>s 4har6s+ 5ut ha" ut asi"e 6y fantasies of
her "u6in0 N* an" then in the e!hilaration of her new free"o6 reali=in0 6y
3irtues/ It "i"n>t see6 like the N*&Eri4a unit was 0oin0 anywhere+ 6akin0 it
har" to look at her so6eti6es+ ese4ially when she ha" her hair in a onytail
an" her fa4e 5e4a6e a still life of teena0e ro6ise+ "ark an" 5ene3olent/ If I
ha" a 4o2ee sho or "ry 4leaners+ I>" ut her hea" shot on the wall 5y the
re0ister e3en thou0h she wasn>t a 4ele5rity/ N*>" stoe" 0i3in0 us u"ates
on whether he ha" tou4he" her tit or whate3er+ a"otin0 a reser3e an"
4ir4u6se4tion we>" ne3er seen in hi6 5efore/ His ela5orate yarns "rie" u+
at least when it 4a6e to stories a5out 0irls/ Is ta6e" the wor"1 He 4a6e out
fro6 the 5a4k of the store an" we took our 5reaks+ Jen no""in0 with rou"+
6otherly en4oura0e6ent/
Outsi"e+ De3on waite" with Bo55y/ De3on wore a 5lue olka&"ot 5ikini
to+ khaki shorts+ an" re" toenail olish8 Eri4a wore a re" olka&"ot 5ikini to+
khaki shorts+ an" 5lue toenail olish/ It ha" 5een a 5usy 6ornin0/ De3on
s6ile" at 6e while ra"iatin0 that fa6iliar s4hool&year 3i5e that she was 3ery+
3ery uni6resse" with 6e/ I was stan"in0 out in the sun+ the sea0ulls
e4kin0 a few feet away+ 5ut I 4oul">3e 5een 5a4k in the 4ity+ stu65lin0 like a
4lo" throu0h the hallways of 6y hi0h s4hool/ *i4ture the 0reat fa4tory
4hurnin0 out the wo6en who woul" ne3er s6ile 6y way e!4et in
4on"es4ension+ the 5usy asse65ly lines+ the intri4ate "istri5ution lan that
ensure" that 6y 3i4inity was well sto4ke"/ Eri4a+ at least+ woul" 4hu4kle at
so6e o""5all 4o66ent of 6ine/ De3on "i"n>t un"erstan" a sin0le wor" out of
6y 6outh+ 5ut she was raise" ri0ht an" "i"n>t e!ress her re3ulsion o3ertly/ I
think she was si6ly u==le" 5y 6e/
We stoo" on the little stri of 0reen a4ross fro6 Jonni WaJe+ 6e an"
the "ou5le&"aters/ The thin0 a5out "atin0 4ousins+ I o5ser3e"+ was that it
0enerate" a lot of non3er5al 4o66uni4ation+ 5ushels of <ui4k 0lan4es an"
raise" eye5rows+ as the 5oys reassure" the6sel3es that their 5anter an"
osturin0 was workin0+ an" the 0irls 4he4ke" in with ea4h other to 6ake sure
they>" 6a"e 0oo" 4hoi4es/
It was a fa6ous art of the Sa0 Har5or e!erien4e+ "atin0 within the
"e3elo6ents+ swain0 sit with other 4hosen ones/ Your own kin"/ There
were fa6ous lo4al teena0e airin0s that went on fore3er+ le" to 6arria0e+
reoulation of the nei0h5orhoo"+ e!tension of the 5ran"/ N*>s arents were
one su4h (ol"en Coule/ When they :rst starte" 4o6in0 out+ their houses
were a4ross the street fro6 ea4h other&&see the6 wa3in0 at ea4h other
5efore they turne" in at ni0ht+ the 6os<uitoes hoin0 on the s4reens/
E3ery5o"y knew e3ery5o"y>s fa6ily+ so artners 4a6e re<uali:e" an"
notari=e"/ Whether thin0s worke" or not+ you were 0oin0 to 5e in ea4h
other>s fa4es for the rest of your li3es/ The "ou5le&"aters ha" to ask
the6sel3es+ Where is this 0oin01
The 5ri"0e to North Ha3en was a lon0 white frown 5efore us/ #ro6 ti6e
to ti6e+ sui4i"al ainters an" laywri0hts @few artists fro6 other "is4ilines
artook for so6e reasonA Fun0 the6sel3es fro6 its 4on4rete hei0hts+ 5ut the
water wasn>t 3ery "ee+ an" they usually en"e" u 5ein0 "ra00e" 5y a
0a2er>s hook onto a assin0 6otor5oat+ or wa"in0 out "e7e4te"ly+ isse" that
they>" lost their wallet/ A few yar"s fro6 our feet+ sea0ulls sta00ere" an"
e4ke" at a fallen waJe 4one&&run the :l6 5a4kwar" an" the 5its Fy u into
the han" of an an0uishe" 4hil"+ un&5reakin0 an" :ttin0 to0ether as his fa4e
transfor6s fro6 an0uish to a5sent6in"e"+ Oreo&li4kin0 e4stasy/
Bo55y ru55e" his le0 an" tol" us a story a5out how on the way out of
the house+ he trie" to 7u6 into his 4ar like Cro4kett an" Tu55s when he
slie"/ ?I al6ost 4rushe" 6y sa4a"ilia4+? he sai"/
We all lau0he" e!4et for N*+ who sai"+ ?Sa4a&what1?
?$y nut sa4k+? he sai"+ 0esturin0 at 6e for 5a4ku/
I sai"+ ?I rea" a 5ook a5out Sa0aona4 5y Honore "e Ballsa4k+? 5ut that
only 4onfuse" thin0s 6ore so Bo55y e!laine" a5out the 5i0 5rown nuts an"
the rest/ ?Look it u/?
?In what1? N* aske"/ He was ri0ht&&no one ha" a "i4tionary out there/
$ay5e an ol" S4ra55le "i4tionary+ 6issin0 half its a0es an" frothin0 with
sil3er:sh+ 5ut that was it/ ?I>ll 5et you a hun"re" "ollars you>re wron0+? he
sai"/ #ro6 ti6e to ti6e+ this 4o6etition e6er0e" 5etween N* an" Bo55y
o3er who was the alha "o0 in this "ou5le "ate+ 4o6li4ate" 5y the fa4t that
Bo55y ha" the 4ar keys/ A hun"re"&"ollar 5et was a serious es4alation of
stakes+ three weeks> wa0es/
Bo55y 4oul"n>t 5a4k "own/ His 0irl was wat4hin0/ His 0irl>s 4ousin was
wat4hin0/ He looke" at 6e for reassuran4e+ an" I shru00e"+ 5ut it was
alrea"y too late anyway/ He was 4o66itte"/ The 6oney was in the 5a0&&if
you 4an>t trust a ner" with a 5i0 wor"+ who 4an you trust1
The hy"rauli4 wail startle" us an" we turne" as the 5i0 tour 5us ulle"
u in front of Baysi"e/ Destination9 CHA%TE%/ %oa"ie&lookin0 0uys in 5la4k T&
shirts stee" out an" Eri4a s<ueale"+ ?It>s the6O?
De3on sai"+ ?I ha3e to 0et a look at the E"u4ate" %aer+? startin0 a
"is4ussion with Eri4a o3er who was ?all that+? hi6 or Do4 I4e/
We walke" o3er+ haltin0 at an in3isi5le line 5y the lanters that we
sense" 4i3ilians shoul"n>t 4ross/ We waite" for a 0li6se/ ?I>6 0oin0 to 0et
y>all in+? N* sai"/ ?I 0ot the hooku/ E!4et for you+ Ben7i/ I "on>t ha3e that
6u4h of a hooku/?
I wasn>t o2en"e"/ I ha" 6y own s4he6e+ an" e3en thou0h it 4y4le"
5etween "oo6 an" sure thin0 e3ery :3e 6inutes+ I was 0oin0 to e!e4ute it/ I
wante" in/ But to say it was to kill it+ to e!ress a want out lou" was to 5e
slae" 5a4k "own/ I ket 6y 6outh shut/
When no one else 0ot out of the 5us+ I sai"+ ?$ay5e it>s 7ust their
e<ui6ent/? De3on s4owle" at 6e as if I were their tour 6ana0er+ arran0in0
their tra3el to sty6ie her/ It was e!a4tly the sort of 5u==&kill 4o66ent a
u==lin0 fellow like 6e woul" 6ake/
We 0a3e u/ N* an" 6e returne" to work+ an" Bo55y took the 0irls
ho6e so they 4oul" ?0et rea"y for toni0ht/? *erhas so6ethin0 else of note
haene" in the ne!t hour an" a half+ 5ut I "on>t re6e65er 5e4ause Lisa Lisa
an" )/T/#/O/ walke" in/
Yeah+ we 0ot 4ele5rities in Jonni WaJe/ Nowa"ays Baysi"e is this 5i0
theater+ so there>s always so6e a4tor or a4tress who>s "oin0 a show there+
han0in0 aroun" the wharf+ lus Sa0 Har5or itself is not the sa6e la4e+ so the
a65ient 4ele5rity <uotient has 0one u+ our 5aseline 4ele5rity resen4e+ 5ut
5a4k then it was "i2erent/ They 4a6e for Baysi"e+ to 4lu5+ an" so6eti6es
they 4a6e into Jonni WaJe/ #>rinstan4e+ "o you know the a4tor Saul %u5inek1
He always lays the weaselly lawyer 0uy+ the suortin0 layer who "ou5le&
4rosses the lea"in0 6an+ like in A0ainst All O""s/ Anyway+ he starre" in this
ro6anti4 4o6e"y 4alle" Sou for One+ whi4h I "on>t think 0ot a 5i0 release+
5ut I saw it on T, "urin0 one of 6y 6any 5e4al6e" afternoons an" not lon0
after+ he walke" into Jonni WaJe/
?Hey+ you were in Sou for One? I sai"/
He see6e" "u5ious/ Or e3en "isaointe" for so6e reason/ ?Where "i"
you see that1?
?Ca5le+? I sai"/ He looke" sa"/ I "i"n>t 0i3e hi6 free i4e 4rea6/ 'aren
Allen fro6 %ai"ers walke" in on4e an" I 0a3e her free i4e 4rea6+ 5e4ause who
in the worl" "i"n>t ha3e a thin0 for 'aren Allen+ who literally woul" ha3e 5een
the 4oolest 0irlfrien" in the worl"/ *un4hin0 out 6otherfu4kers+ shootin0
Na=is/ She ha" these in4re"i5le fre4kles 4o3erin0 her fa4e like srinkles/
So6e other 4ele5rities 4a6e in+ "runk or hi0h after 0oin0 a few roun"s in
Baysi"e+ an" s4ooer&4usto6er 4on:"entiality for5i"s 6e fro6 na6in0 the6+
5ut let 6e 7ust say that you>" 5e surrise" @Lori Sin0erA/ The 5i00est si0htin0+
of 4ourse+ was when Lisa Lisa an" )/T/#/O/ walke" in that "ay/
Lisa Lisa was shorter in erson+ 5ut her 4hest was 5i00er/ I si0ne" o2
on that/ She wore a re" leather 7a4ket with lon0 frin0es an" ti0ht ti0ht 7eans
rhinestone" "own the o3erworke" sea6s/ Cult Ja6+ the two 0uys who were
her 5a4ku layers+ weren>t with her/ They were ro5a5ly uttin0 on their
6as4ara+ a len0thy ro4ess 7u"0in0 fro6 the 6usi4 3i"eo/ There weren>t any
other 4usto6ers+ 5ut Lisa Lisa rie" a nu65er fro6 the "isenser anyway
an" looke" at us 6eanin0fully with ten"er uy eyes/ Jen 7u6e" u/ She
"i"n>t re4o0ni=e her/
)/T/#/O/ was "resse" in A"i"as tra4k suits+ out of 4hara4ter&&Do4tor I4e>s
stethos4oe an" white s6o4k waite" in the war"ro5e trunk&&e!4et for the
'an0ol 'i"+ who wore his tra"e6ark 4haeau/ N* an" 6e rushe" to take their
or"ers+ 0i3in0 4ool&4at hea"&no"s 5y way of intro"u4tion/
?So you 0uys are layin0 toni0ht+ huh+? N* sai"+ 0ra55in0 a s4ooer
fro6 one of the tiny sinks atta4he" to the 3ats/
The E"u4ate" %aer 0runte" an" tae" the 0lass a5o3e the $o4ha
*raline Surrise/
The 'an0ol 'i" aske" for two s4oos of Straw5erry with $K$s/ ?In a
waJe 4one1? I aske"/
?What>s that1?
?It>s a 4one 6a"e out of waJe/?
?Yeah+ one of those/?
I 6a"e it for hi6 an" he tol" 6e+ ?$i! $aster I4e will ha3e two s4oos
of #u"0e %ile/? I ha"n>t hear" the DJ seak/
?In a waJe 4one1? $y eyes "arte" 5etween the two 6en/
The 'an0ol 'i" 4he4ke" in with his artner/ $i! $aster I4e 5linke"
slowly an" tilte" his hea" e3er so sli0htly/ ?Yes+ a waJe 4one+? the 'an0ol 'i"
sai"/
I "u0 into the 3ats with N*/ ?This is 4ool+? I sai"/
?I>6 0oin0 to ask the E"u4ate" %aer/?
?Ask hi6 what1?
?A5out the sa4a"ilia4+? he sai"/ ?I ain>t losin0 no hun"re" "ollars/?
?Why "on>t you try Do4 I4e instea"1? I su00este"/ ?Sin4e it>s a art of
the 5o"y/?
?(oo" i"ea/?
He han"e" Do4 I4e his 4one an" sai"+ ?Can I ask you a 6e"i4al
<uestion1?
?Shoot/?
?What>s a sa4a"ilia41?
?E!4use 6e1?
?The sa4a"ilia4/?
?*erhas you>re referrin0 to the sa4roilia4 7oint+ 5etween the sa4ru6
an" the iliu6/ Is that ossi5le1?
N* looke" at 6e/ ?Is that it1?
I sai"+ ?You know+ fro6 >The $essa0e>1?
?Oh yeah+ $elle $el is always 0oin0 on a5out his 5a4k ro5le6s/ The
sa4&ro&i&li&a4/ Can I hel you with anythin0 else1?
We shook our hea"s an" Do4 I4e rea4he" into his o4ket/
?No+ it>s on the house+ 5rother+? N* sai"/ ?No ro5le6/? Do4 I4e
thanke" hi6+ an" N* <ui4kly snu4k in+ ?But there is one thin0 /// sin4e we>re
helin0 ea4h other out here+ you know /// 4an you ut 6e on the list toni0ht1
So that I 0et in1 I>3e 5een like "yin0 to see your show all su66er/?
Do4 I4e 0lan4e" o3er at his 4rew/ They li4ke" their i4e 4rea6/ $i!
$aster I4e no""e"/
?I 4an "o you lus one/ What>s your na6e1?
?N*/?
?N* what1?
?Just N*/ They know 6e there/?
After they left+ he sai"+ ?Just in 4ase/? Now that the "ay ha" arri3e"+ I
wasn>t 0oin0 in for that if&one&of&us&0ets&in 4ra/ I was isse" at the thou0ht
of the6 insi"e an" 6e stan"in0 outsi"e the 4lu5 like a fu4kin0 7erk/ We
leane" a0ainst the 4ounter/ The new Soft Ser3 6a4hine hu66e" o6inously+
un"ers4orin0 the e6tiness that was our li3es in the after6ath of a 4ele5rity
si0htin0/ C&list+ 5ut still/ Jen sai"+ ?Sa4a"ilia41?
AT HO$E+ I lai" out 6y 4ostu6e/ I "u0 in the 4loset an" retrie3e" a air
of Serry To&Si"ers fro6 two su66ers a0o/ They "i"n>t :t+ 5ut I 4oul" fake
4o6fort until I 0ot insi"e/ I 0ra55e" one of 6y father>s %alh Lauren olos+
6y skinny ar6s okin0 out like sti4ks/ I inse4te" the leate" khaki shorts 6y
6other 0ot 6e at the 5e0innin0 of the su66er/ She 5ou0ht the6 on
auto6ati4 ilot as if I still wore 4lothes like that+ hoin0 that 6y 5u66y
hase ha" e!hauste" itself/ I ha" :3e hairs on 6y fa4e+ two on the left+ an"
three on the ri0ht+ whi4h I ha"n>t sha3e" sin4e July+ in anti4iation/ I ee"
the6 with 6y :n0ernails so they stu4k u&&0rotes<uely+ in retrose4t+ 5ut I
was satis:e" with the e2e4t/ With any lu4k+ I woul"n>t ha3e to seak+ 7ust
han" 6y ti4ket o3er an" shuJe in/ Be4ause of 6y fu4kin0 5ra4es/
It was Thurs"ay ni0ht+ 5ut weeken" tra;4 4lotte" the interse4tion of
Bay an" $ain/ One of the town 4os 4hoe" at the air to kee thin0s 0oin0/
They were alrea"y 0atherin0+ linin0 u outsi"e an" a4ke" in little 0rous+
waitin0 for the rest of their arty to arri3e+ ha3in0 a 4i0arette+ su4kin0 at the
"a6 en" of a roa4h/ I s4anne" the 4row"+ assu6in0 they>" 0one in without
6e+ 5ut then I saw Bo55y an" the6 o3er 5y the win"6ill/ #ro6 their 5o"y
lan0ua0e+ thin0s were 5oilin0 o3er+ with Bo55y an" N* an0le" into ea4h
other+ an" De3on an" Eri4a attin0 ea4h other>s ar6s in suort/
?You know he>s not a ra4ti4in0 hysi4ian+? Bo55y sai"/
?But he ha" to rea" all those 6e"i4al 5ooks to 4o6e u with those
rhy6es+ so that>s where he 0ot it fro6+? N* reson"e"/
?I>6 not ayin0 you shit until I 0et so6e 6ore roof/?
?You 5etter 0i3e 6e 6y 6oney+ with your 4hea ass/?
?You 5oys use so6e foul lan0ua0e+? Eri4a sai"/
I sai"+ ?Hey+ 0uys/?
After a few re6arks a5out 6y 4ostu6e @?Sa=+? ?*oin"e!ter+? ?Warren
T/ Hi00in5otha6 the Thir"?A+ we hea"e" o3er to Baysi"e/ ?Where>s $arlon1?
Bo55y aske"/
The insi"e 6an was nowhere to 5e seen/ S<uattin0 on a re" stool at
the ala4e 0ate was #re""ie the #ier4e+ 7ust now 0ra55in0 an ID fro6 a
<ui3erin0 anore!i4 who>" 5een in a terri5le hair&sray a44i"ent/ He shook his
hea" "is6issi3ely These were his "esise" Boat *eole+ "ishe3ele" tra3elers
fro6 the "ea" kin0"o6 of 5ore"o6+ with their "eserate fa4es an" Day&(lo
attire/
?I thou0ht you sai" you were 0oin0 to 0et us in/? De3on oute"/
?He ro5a5ly stee" away for a se4on"+? N* sai"+ ru55in0 Eri4a>s
5a4k/ ?*lus+ I>6 on the list/?
?That>s you+? Bo55y sai"/ ?What a5out us1?
We 0ot in line 5ehin" a 4oke"&out 4oule/ The 0uy ha" a $er4e"es&
Ben= lo0o on his T&shirt+ %ay&Bans 4o3erin0 his eyes+ while his 0irlfrien" wore
Daisy Dukes an" :shnets+ one shoul"er okin0 out of her sweatshirt/ In those
one&5are"&shoul"er "ays+ it was easy to i4ture her hi""en shoul"er white
an" 3eine" fro6 la4k of sun/ I stoo" u strai0ht an" 6y 5a4k 4ra4ke"+ 6y
lun0s 4onfuse" at this su""en roo6iness in 6y 4hest 4a3ity/ I felt like a
0ira2e+ with 6y three e!tra in4hes of hei0ht+ 5ut I :t ri0ht in with the freakish
6ena0erie aroun" 6e/ There were the stan"ar"&issue ol"er 0uys wearin0
white 7a4kets o3er 6ono4hro6e T&shirts+ $ia6i ,i4e&style+ the white fa5ri4
0i3in0 their o3ertanne" Fesh a retilian 4ast/ Their ar6 4an"y tottere" on the
si"ewalk with tease"&out ostri4h hair+ in leather ants+ snakeskin ants+
6otley&4olore" antaloons+ their 5louses oen to the na3el an" shoul"er a"s
sti4kin0 out/ The u5i<uitous astels rei0ne" that year+ an" o3ersi=e" 7ewelry+
5ra4elets as 5i0 as inner tu5es Foin0 on wrists an" 5elt 5u4kles like li4ense
lates sarklin0 in the streetli0hts/ Lookin0 5a4k+ there 6ust ha3e 5een so6e
un"erlyin0 theory to it all+ an a0ree"&uon notion+ 5ut like I sai"+ I wasn>t
0ettin0 those weekly u"ates+ an" in this 4ase I wasn>t 6issin0 out/
De3on an" Eri4a 4he4ke" the tails of their white shirts+ Fattenin0 the6
a0ainst their 6at4hin0 ink 4or"uroy skirts/ ?(et rea"y+? N* sai"/ ?Ben7i+ why
"on>t you stan" 5ehin" us an"+ uh+ let us 0o in :rst1?
I sai" to 6yself+ I ai" for this ti4ket with har"&earne" 6oney/
The four of the6 stee" u an" #re""ie s4rutini=e" the6 as if 6ullin0
ressure oints an" ner3e 4lusters to 7u7itsu/
?Where>s $arlon1? N* aske"+ 4o=y/ Bo55y e!ten"e" a 6anly hea"&5o5/
?He 0ot arreste"+? #re""ie "rawle"+ lookin0 at De3on an" Eri4a/
?He was 0oin0 to hook us u+? N* sai"+ whiserin0/ ?I work ne!t "oor
an" he always 4o6es in/?
?I "on>t know anythin0 a5out that/? He Fi4ke" his hea" at the 0irls/
?What are they+ thirteen1?
?We>re on the list+? N* sai"/ ?)/T/#/O/ ut us on their list/?
#re""ie rouse" a aw an" 4onsulte" his sheets/ *erhas he>" ha" an
earlier 4areer in 4i3il ser3i4e/ ?They "on>t ha3e anyone "own here/?
?We ha3e to 5e there+? N* sai"+ a 5it franti4 now/
?E3en if you were on the list+ I 4an>t let these little 0irls in/ You two
6ay5e+ 5ut these little 0irls1 They>" shut us "own/?
Another Fa6eout at the 0ates of Baysi"e/ We>" seen it 5efore all
su66er+ the 5roken fa4es an" the ine3ita5le stunne" "riftin0&away/ I
followe"/ There was no use/ We 6ar4he" o2 to the 0rass/
Eri4a sai"+ ?He 4alle" us little 0irls/?
?We>re not little 0irls+? her 4ousin sai"/
N* strai0htene"/ ?Well+ I>6 0oin0 in/?
?What a5out us1?
?You hear" hi6+? N* sai"/ ?They>" 0et shut "own/ I>6 sorry+ 5a5y/? A
sol"ier e!lainin0 the fa4ts of war/
?You 4an>t 7ust lea3e us out here/?
?What "o you e!e4t 6e to "o1 $iss the 4on4ert1?
?Bo55y+? De3on sai"+ ?I want you to take 6e ho6e/?
?$e+ tooO?
Bo55y looke" like he>" swallowe" a 5u4ket of :shhooks/
?We>re not 0oin0 to walk+ 6otherfu4ker+? De3on sai"/
R R R
THE (I%LS AND THEI% D%I,E% LE#T/ I>" like to say that N* an" Eri4a>s
5on" was stron0 enou0h to sur3i3e this little 4ontrete6s+ 5ut it was not to
5e/ Shit was tense/ In the followin0 "ays+ Bo55y>s refusal to honor his "e5t
an" N*>s 4onstant 0riin0 that he ?nee" to 0et ai"+? itte" the 4ousins
a0ainst ea4h other as they "efen"e" their 5oys/ Throw in the 0irls>
resent6ent o3er 5ein0 "it4he"+ whi4h they ro5a5ly e00e" on 5etween
the6sel3es when they 0ot 5ore"+ an" it was all too 6u4h for the youn0
lo3ers+ unteste" as they were in this arena/ A week later+ Eri4a ki4ke" N* to
the 4ur5+ an" De3on reali=e" that it wasn>t as fun "atin0 5y herself+ so she
5roke u with Bo55y as well/
As for 6y role in the 5reaku+ I 4an only shru0 o3er 6y 6isrea"in0 of
?The $essa0e/? In re4onstru4tin0 6y sa4a"ilia4 theory+ I ha3e to 0o 5a4k to
when I :rst hear" the son0+ when I was twel3e/ $elle $el was on the 6ike
unfurlin0 his litany of ur5an "is<uiet&&?Don>t ush 6e >4ause I>6 4lose to the
e"0e /// It>s like a 7un0le so6eti6es+ it 6akes 6e won"er how I kee fro6
0oin0 un"er+ ah huh huh huh?&&an" when he 0ot to the art in <uestion+ I
thou0ht he was sayin0 that 0ettin0 ki4ke" in the 5alls was on ar with transit
strikes an" 0ettin0 his 4ar reoe"/ He a""e" what soun"e" to 6e like
?a"ilia4? to ?sa4+? in or"er to roun" out the rhy6e+ so6e nonsense sylla5les
for rhyth6+ like ?ah huh huh huh/? Then o3er ti6e I for0ot how I>" wrassle"
"own that 4on4lusion+ an" sa4a"ilia4 5e4a6e an o;4ial 6e"i4al ter6 in 6y
6in"/ On se4on" thou0ht+ I take 5a4k 6y shru0/ $ishearin0 son0 lyri4s+
6akin0 your se4i:4 tra3esty of the wor"s+ is the ri0ht of e3ery hu6an 5ein0/
(ettin0 so4ke" in the nuts+ the "un0eon&&these were 6etahors that 6a"e a
lot of sense to 6e/ Bla6e so4iety/
E3ery ti6e the "oors oene"+ the 6usi4 4a6e out in a 0reat 0ust/
?Suer #reak? was the tiin0 oint/ What is there to say a5out ?Suer
#reak?1 #i0ure out a way to harness the essen4e of ?Suer #reak? an" you>"
ut E!!on out of 5usiness/ #lyin0 4ars+ funky Fyin0 4ities/ That was it/ I tol"
N* I was 0oin0 ahea" with 6y lan/ ?I ai" 0oo" 6oney for this ti4ket+? I tol"
hi6/
?#re""ie+? N* reasone"+ ?I think I 4an talk to #re""ie/ >An" this is our
0a6e lan/>?
It was o3er like that/ We 0ot 5a4k in line+ an" when we rea4he"
#re""ie>s stool+ he 5arely 0lan4e" at 6y ti4ket an" wa3e" 6e throu0h/ He
wa3e" N* throu0h+ too+ with a 4urt+ ?You 5etter hook 6e u with so6e of that
shit you sell o3er there/?
An" so it 4a6e to ass that N* an" 6e were the :rst of our 4rew to 0et
into Baysi"e/ That was 6y only e!4ursion that su66er+ 5ut N* 6ilke" his
"ual hooku until La5or Day/ @$arlon 0ot out on 5ail the ne!t "ay/A That fall+ in
the 4ity+ I>" s6u00le 6yself into the *eer6int Loun0e an" Area a few
ti6es+ in 6y "i2erent 4ostu6e of lai" New Wa3e 7a4ket an" 4o65at 5oots+
5ut they raise" the "rinkin0 a0e to twenty&one that De4e65er an" it was a
lon0 ti6e 5efore I 0ot into a 4lu5 a0ain/
Stein0 insi"e+ I saw they>" "one a lot of work to the la4e sin4e its
roller&rink "ays/ Instea" of 5o"ies "riftin0 in 4ir4les+ now eole>s 6in"s
erfor6e" en"less 4ir4uits+ 0li"in0 throu0h nee"&a&"rink wanna&"an4e like&to&
fu4k nee"&a&"rink+ the 4lu5&lan" loo of "esire/ *eole wa"e" in an" out of
the hu6an surf aroun" the 5ars+ hol"in0 "rinks a5o3e their shoul"ers to kee
the6 a5o3e water/ Waitresses in nile&oin0 T&shirts+ 5attle&worn fro6 a
su66er of rou0h "uty+ 4arrie" trays u to the ,I* se4tion on the se4on" Foor+
the rin0 of ta5les 4ir4lin0 the "an4e Foor/ How ni4e to look "own on those
5elowO Look at her+ that one looks like she>s into it/ The DJ 4ut it u in his
er4h+ interretin0 the 4row" throu0h Lennon sun0lasses+ the twistin0 5o"ies
like tea lea3es/ He took 4ounsel fro6 the la"y at his si"e+ who stoo" in the
"ark as the Foo"li0hts =a00e" aroun" her+ hi"in0 her features 5ut 4astin0 the
eerie sha"ow of her Afro&u2s a0ainst the wall/ His 6use+ the te6er of our
ni0ht/ By the sta0e+ te4hies hun4he" o3er the 6onitors like "is4o I0ors+
unwin"in0 the 4a5les 4oile" aroun" their ar6s+ 7a55erin0 into walkie&talkies/
Che4k one+ 4he4k two/ $i! $aster I4e>s turnta5les waite" at the 5a4k of the
sta0e+ 4ross&fa"ers set to =ero+ 5la4k styluses oise" like the 0ri6 hea"s of
0ar0oyles/
%ain5ow li0hts strafe" our 5o"ies/ $y hea" 5o55e"+ with a little e!tra
on the "own5eat/ Thinkin0 a5out )/T/#/O/ now+ it>s har" to re6e65er why I
was so e!4ite"/ The 5eat is i66ortal+ sure+ 5ut the lyri4s of ?%o!anne+
%o!anne? are so fu4kin0 4orny+ 6an/ It>s a 4lassi4 5e4ause of when it 4a6e
out+ those early "ays of hi&ho when anythin0 with a 5it of no3elty was
6es6eri=in0+ 5ut it>s 0oofy as hell/ Nowa"ays I rea" a5out the6 "oin0
nostal0ia 0i0s+ reunion shows with eole like Who"ini an" 'ool $oe Dee an"
Dana Dane+ 5reak "an4in0 on their a4hin0 sa4roilia4s+ 5ustin0 out their hits
for the a0in0 fans/ Brin0in0 it all 5a4k/ #or Bo55y an" N* an" De3on an"
Eri4a+ hearin0 the son0 ro5a5ly 4alls u 6e6ories of their "ou5le&"atin0
"ays+ sneakin0 aroun" after 4urfew+ arkin0 at Ha3en>s Bea4h in the "ark/ #or
6e+ I>6 re6in"e" of a 4aer that "i"n>t 0o wron0 for on4e+ lookin0 5a4k
fon"ly on a "ay without in7ury/
The DJ "roe" ?%as5erry Beret+? to seis6i4 e2e4t/ $ost of the6
weren>t there to see the 4on4ert/ It>s a safe 5et the ol"er white eole+ the
6i""le&a0e" East En" "eni=ens+ were not "ie&har" )/T/#/O/ fans/ They showe"
u 5e4ause they>" hear" that Baysi"e was the la4e to 5e that ni0ht/
%efu0ees fro6 the known an" hu6"ru6+ the s6otherin0 "ay&to&"ay I 4oul"a
5ou0ht a 5eer+ 5ut I "i"n>t want to ush 6y lu4k+ i4turin0 the 6usi4 4uttin0
o2 an" 'la!ons soun"in0 as the 5arten"er "is4o3ere" I>" 6a"e it ast
se4urity/ E3erythin0 4o6in0 to a sto as they all looke" at 6e+ the utter
oosite of what was 0oin0 on now/ No one looke" at 6e/ I was one of the6
on the "an4e Foor an" they were one of 6e/ I 7ostle"+ was 7ostle" in turn+
4ollision as 4o66uni4ation9 I a6 here+ we>re here to0ether/ The 5ass 5oun4e"
6y shirt on 6y 4hest/ $y el5ow 6ashe" the ri5 4a0e of this forty&so6ethin0
white la"y in a 0reen 6etalli4 7u6suit an" when I turne" to aolo0i=e+ she
si6ly s6ile" an" 4ontinue" swayin0 to the 6usi4/ At so6e oint I>" starte"
"an4in0/ I was a retty 4ray "an4er+ 5ut how 4oul" I 6uster sha6e with
that 6usi4 rewirin0 6y e3ery syste61 We 4an re5uil" hi6/ A lane of 5lue
li0ht sifte" throu0h the 4row"+ "ea" in 6y eyes for an instant/ N* was o2
so6ewhere+ 0ettin0 u to so6ethin0/ I "i"n>t know anyone/ An" it was okay/
So6ethin0 0oo" was a5out to haen/ I 7ust ha" to wait/ Weir" tren"oi"s
surroun"e" 6e+ fearso6e 0ee=ers+ "ru00e"&out wa4kos+ 5ut now we were
4o6ra"es/ We were all there for the sa6e thin0/ The DJ ho3ere" a5o3e us+
throwin0 "own his thun"er5olts/ He 6i!e" in a se06ent of De55ie Harry
sin0in0 ?%ature? an" they s4rea6e"/ A4tually+ I "e4i"e"+ I>6 not "an4in0
that 5a"ly at all/ I thou0ht+ This is (oo"/ No <uali:er+ 4haoti4 or otherwise/
Si6ly9 (oo"/
I knew what E3il looke" like/
THE NI(HT BE#O%E+ after )n4le Nelson 5ou0ht 5eer for us+ we ha" to
4arry out our art of the 5ar0ain an" take hi6 aroun" the Hills/ ?I 7ust want to
see if so6e eole are out+? he tol" us fro6 the 5a4kseat/ ?A look&see/ I>ll 5e
<ui4k/?
?How 4o6e you "on>t 4o6e out any6ore1? I aske"/ I ha" the si!&a4k
5etween 6y feet/ If 6y 4on3ersation rankle" hi6+ he>" ha3e to :0ht 6e for it/
?You know+ I want to+? he sai"+ ?5ut I ha3e too 6u4h stu2 to "o+ I 0ot a
lot of stu2 I>6 tryin0 to 0et o2 the 0roun"/ Little this+ little that/ Can>t 5e
"rinkin0 5eer on the 5ea4h all "ay with all these eole/?
We turne" onto Bea4h A3enue/ ?Still here+? he sai"/
?Left or ri0ht1?
?%i0ht/ ) there ///? he traile" o2/ The white house was "ark+ the lawn
5ushy an" 6onstrous/ One of the shutters tilte" "own forty&:3e "e0rees on
its re6ainin0 hin0e+ e!osin0 shattere" anes an" the "arkness within/
?(uess they aren>t aroun"+? )n4le Nelson sai"/ ?That>s Lionel>s house/ That>s
where we always hun0 out/ Day an" ni0ht/?
I>" ne3er seen anyone in there/ It was one of our haunte" houses+ with
a "roolin0 6an&4hil" 4haine" u in the 5ase6ent ni55lin0 ani6al 4ra4kers or
a 5atty ol" la"y stirrin0 u a ot of 'i" Sou/ What woul" our houses look like
thirty years fro6 now1 We>" still 5e here+ ri0ht1 Or woul" we 5e out in the
worl" like )n4le Nelson+ our ho6es sha"owe"+ the 0utters sroutin0 Fora+ the
"ri3eways 5u4kle" an" rie"1 Haunte" 5y us/ An" one of the other houses
u the 5lo4k or aroun" the 4orner the new han0out sot for the ne!t
0eneration/ Those future ki"s tossin0 e55les at our win"ows an" runnin0
away s4rea6in0+ or "arin0 ea4h other to kno4k on the "oor/ Dou5le&"are
you&&4ra=y eole use" to li3e there an" they>ll 0et you/
He resu6e" the tour of his "e3elo6ents+ sueri6osin0 his houses
o3er the houses we knew+ lea"in0 us 5ea4hwar"/ When he saw the li0hts
outsi"e the Ni4holses>+ he aske" us to slow "own/ $y 6other always sai"+
?Looks like so6eone>s ha3in0 a arty+? when she saw a line of 4ars like that+
5un4he" u on the 4ur5/ #i0ures 6o3e" in the 5ay win"ows an" 5eyon" the
s4reen "oor/
?Here1? Bo55y aske"/
?I>ll 4at4h u with the6 later+? )n4le Nelson sai"/ ?There>s one 6ore
la4e I want to see/?
Bo55y s4owle" an" ket "ri3in0/ We rea4he" the last street in Sa0
Har5or Hills+ the "ea" en" on the water/ ?*ull u there on the left+? 6y un4le
tol" us/ We arke" in front of the Lee>s+ where A55y+ one of 6y sister>s
frien"s+ use" to stay/ $ay5e he knew her arents fro6 the ol" "ays/ I turne"
aroun" to ask hi6 what he wante" to "o/ He was starin0 out the win"ow+
a4ross the street at the Yellow House+ his arents> la4e/ I>" for0otten that>s
where it was/
The Yellow House was a 4o=y 5un0alow+ eretually 6usty an"
o3erstu2e" with sailin0 6e6ora5ilia/ %u""ers an" shiny 5rass 4leats owne"
ri6e "e4oratin0 real estate+ the re6ains of 5elo3e" 3essels lon0 0one/ )n4le
Nelson>s father was one of that seafarin0 0eneration+ like 6y 0ran"father an"
Bo55y>s 0ran"father+ hit4hin0 his 6otor5oat to the station wa0on at the start
of the season+ 4hu00in0 out into the "ee water to :sh+ toolin0 aroun" the
Cari55ean in the winter/ )n4le Nelson ha" inherite" so6e of that/ His ol"
Sun:sh sent its :nal+ ne0le4te" su66ers lo"0e" in the 5ea4h 0rass in front
of our house+ its 6il"ewin0 white&an"&yellow sail 4olle4tin0 "irty lakes "urin0
rainstor6s/ When I was little+ our arents haule" us to the Yellow House to
reunion 5ar5e4ues or 5irth"ay arties for so6e Southern 4ousin 6y a0e
who6 I>" ne3er 6et 5efore an" woul" ne3er see a0ain/ The ki"s runnin0 on
the 0rass+ the arents on the atio+ siin0 their "rinks/ So 6any years a0o/
?You 0ettin0 out1? Bo55y aske"/
?No/?
He sat there lookin0 at his ol" house+ not sayin0 anythin0/ I "i"n>t see
anyone insi"e+ 5ut all the li0hts were on/ The 5u0 =aer sarke"/ ?Is your
father out1? I aske"/
?Yes/?
?How>s he "oin01?
?I "on>t know/?
We 4alle" his father )n4le (i"eon+ whi4h was what our 6other 4alle"
hi6/ Look at )n4le Nelson now an" you saw hi6 in there/ Althou0h he was as
skinny as 6e when he was youn0er+ Nelson ha" 0rown into his father>s
shae+ his 5elly srea"in0 out+ his 4heeks roun"in0 into ales/ )n4le (i"eon
"i"n>t ha3e 6u4h ti6e for ki"s+ whi4h was :ne with 6e+ an" I "i"n>t
re6e65er that 6u4h a5out hi6 5eyon" what tri4kle" out in 6y 6other>s
stories a5out her 4ousin>s 6isa"3entures/ ?)n4le (i"eon was 6a"/? ?You
shoul" ha3e seen )n4le (i"eon>s fa4e when he 0ot the 5ill/? In 6y 6in" he
was a 4hara4ter stan"in0 to the si"e of one of the 5a"&5oy ane4"otes+ tsk&
tskin0 at hi0h 7inks/ One of the foun"in0 fathers+ with their i"eas of how
roer 5la4k eole shoul" a4t/
Bo55y 4leare" his throat/
)n4le Nelson sai"+ ?He tol" 6e+ >Don>t set foot in 6y house e3er a0ain/>
So I>6 not/? I stare" strai0ht ahea"/ ?That "oesn>t 6ean I 4an>t look+ "oes it1?
he aske"/ The "e3elo6ents were usually hoin0 this late in the season/ It
wasn>t too late/ You 4oul" 4ount on a 5ar5e4ue or two at least+ win"in0 "own
to stra00lers+ a 0et&to0ether shrinkin0 to "iehar"s+ the eole with nowhere
else to 0o/ But no one was aroun"/ I hear" nothin0 e!4et 6y un4le>s
5reathin0/ The re3ious stos ha" 5een win"ow&"ressin0/ This is where he
wante" to 5e/ ?I 4an look+ ri0ht1?
An inse4t si==le" in the =aer+ 4on3erte" to s6oke/ He Fie" a
swit4h in hi6self/ He 4lae" his han"s to0ether lou"ly an" sai"+ ?Let>s 0o+
5oysO If you "ro 6e at the Ni4holses>+ I>ll 5e 6u4h o5li0e"+ an" I>ll see those
:ne :ne eole an" relie3e the6 of their :ne :ne li<uor/ It>s early yetO?
?Okay+? I sai"/
When we "roe" hi6 o2+ Bo55y sai"+ ?Well+ that was a 5u== kill/?
I sai"+ ?Yeah/? But 6ostly I thou0ht+ E3il/ Nothin0 else to 4all it/ I
4oul">3e 6a"e u 6y own lyri4s to what asse" 5etween the father an" the
son+ so6ethin0 a5out 6isun"erstan"in0s+ the ones that "on>t 6atter an" the
ones that are e3erythin0+ 5ut I woul">3e 0otten the wor"s wron0/ $ake u
lyri4s to so6eone else>s son0 an" you ut yourself in there+ 5ot4hin0 it all/
AS ?%A*T)%E? T%ANS#O%$ED INTO ?BAD (I%LS+? N* tae" 6y
shoul"er+ 6ateriali=in0 in the 4row" with two Bartles K Jay6es wine 4oolers in
his han"s/ He 0a3e 6e one/ He starte" to seak 5ut it was too lou" to hear
hi6/ I knew what he was sayin0 anyway/ It was 0oin0 to 5e a 0reat ni0ht/
One 6ore thin0+ 5efore the 4on4ert starts+ an" they>re 0oin0 to 0o on
any se4on"+ you 4an feel it/ It>s not that i6ortant+ 5ut in 4ase it 4o6es u&&
Sa0aona4 is a Nati3e A6eri4an wor" 6eanin0 ?the lan" of 5i0 0roun" nuts+?
not ?5i0 5rown nuts/? The la4e 6ats of the Corner Bar 4ontain a worl" of
knowle"0e+ ne3er to 5e "ou5te"/ Bo55y 6isrea"/ I>" hate for you to reeat
that in 4on3ersation/ It 6i0ht lea" to 4o6li4ations/
Now you>ll ha3e to e!4use 6e/ Can you feel it1 It>s a5out to start/
E,E%YBODY HATED WLN(/ IT WAS SA( HA%BO%>S lone ra"io station+
5ea6in0 out senti6ent at CL/B 6e0ahert=+ re3er5eratin0 throu0h our skins
an" inner transistors e3en when the stereo was o2/ They 4alle" the6sel3es a
Classi4 Ol"ies station+ sinnin0 the re<uisite $otown an" Beatles an"
5arefoot sin0er&son0writers to 7ustify the6sel3es to a"3ertisers+ 5ut their
se4ialty was the o""5all tune+ the one&hit won"ers an" Fuke a4hie3ers+ the
?*o4orn?s+ the ?$onster $ash?es+ the su5li6ely "rea"ful ?Itsy Bitsy Teenie
Weenie Yellow *olka Dot Bikini?s/
E3ery5o"y>" hear" those 0oofy son0s a 6illion ti6es 5efore+ an" it was
a 4ol" 4ol" heart that "i"n>t hu6 alon0 for at least a se4on"/ What sent
eole tra6lin0 to the e!its was a "i2erent kin" of onehit won"er+ a se4ies
of son0 so 4loyin0 an" unasha6e" that the soul shi3ere" in re4o0nition/ They
4a6e to WLN( to "ie+ these 6is:t "itties9 fe3erish "e4larations of a2e4tion+
tear7erkers a5out 6a0i4al last&4han4e afternoons+ o"es to the e3erlastin0 that
were thinly 3eile" 5i"s for restrainin0 or"ers/ %ente"&5y&the&hour strin0
se4tions sawe" away at our resistan4e+ loneso6e sa! solos arahrase"
heart5reak/ I 4an>t tell you the na6es of the son0s 5e4ause I "on>t know+
4an>t say who 0ot the son0writin0 4re"it an" who 4ashe" the royalties/ All I
4oul" "o was su44u65 to the LN( E2e4t when these son0s 4a6e on/
It ro4ee"e" thusly9 out of the seakers e6er0e" a son0 you>" hear"
only on4e 5efore in your life+ one that left su4h a faint re4or" in your 5rain
that it was a 6e6ory of a 6e6ory/ *araly=e" 5y 4onfusion+ you won"ere"+
Where ha3e I hear" this 5efore1 The answer was+ Nowhere i6ortant/ #ar
fro6 s4orin0 so6e si0ni:4ant life assa0e+ it was 6ost likely the soun"tra4k
of an anti&e3ent&&sear4hin0 for the 6at4hin0 so4k+ wiin0 tartar sau4e fro6
your li&&5ut the "ee sense of fa6iliarity an" loss was unshaka5le/ That was
the LN( E2e4t&&a feelin0 of nostal0ia for so6ethin0 that ne3er e!iste"/ It
4reee" eole out/ An" 6ay5e you>" ne3er e3en hear" the son0 5efore+ only
thou0ht you ha" an" 4o6letely in3ente" the 4onne4tion+ so ni65le the
son0>s ersuasion/ There was a <uality to the 3oi4es of the sin0ers+ these
fa4eless war5lers an" sweater&3este" har6oni=ers+ that 6a"e their 4orny
s4enarios an" s4h6alt=y leas hynoti=in0+ transortin0/ #or a few 3erses+
that was you trottin0 alon0 5y the "eartin0 train 4ar+ 4o6in0 aroun" to tell
the truth after all this ti6e+ that was you in the fo!hole 5e00in0 your 0irl 5a4k
ho6e to stay true+ that was you stan"in0 there without "efenses for on4e+ in
the ourin0 rain+ sayin0 what ha" to 5e sai"/ You 4an>t say lon0in0 without
the l+ n+ an" 0/
At so6e weak 6o6ent these son0s ha" hit the o 4harts+ 6in0lin0
with the 6ore likely o 4reations for one 5rief+ 0lorious instant/ Out of la4e
at the arty+ "i00in0 their el5ows into the wall an" ner3ously 4hu00in0 un4h
5efore they were foun" out/ They fell out of the To QH an" tu65le" "own the
rankin0s+ lu66etin0 away fro6 6ost eole>s 4ons4iousness /// out of our
uni3erse an" into another+ wel4o6e" into the WLN( :r6a6ent the se4on"
they hit QB+ twinklin0 in their 5y0one 4onstellation/ I i6a0ine that the LN(
E2e4t was e!a4tly the oosite for the sin0ers/ #or the6+ hearin0 their son0s
4o6e on wasn>t the reinfor4e6ent of an illusion 5ut the a;r6ation of reality&&
if so6eone was layin0 their re4or" after all this ti6e+ then they a4tually
e!iste" an" it wasn>t 7ust a "rea6+ their 6o6ent onsta0e/ They hear" their
wor"s a0ain+ restore" after 5ein0 strie" 5y $u=ak&6akers an" ele3ator
4o6osers+ an" were 6a"e whole/
E3ery5o"y hate" WLN( 5e4ause WLN( fu4ke" you u/ They turne" the
station in a New York 6inute/ $y frien"s ha" no ti6e for it+ :""lin0 for ro0ue+
4lear&"ay 5roa"4asts fro6 'ISS #$ in the 4ity/ $y 5rother was enterin0 a 5i0
re00ae hase/ $y 6other like" 4lassi4al 6usi4+ =oo6in0 ast CL/B on the way
to all that u5li4 ra"io wine an" 4heese at the 5otto6 of the "ial/ An" while
6y father ha" a well&known weakness for Easy Listenin0+ he loathe" the
3oi4e of LN(>s afternoon 0uy+ %usty *ot=&&%usty *ot=O&&who6 he referre" to as
?that 6an? 5efore shuttin0 o2 the little *anasoni4 5oo6 5o! in the 4orner of
the "inin0 area/
So of 4ourse WLN( was @one ofA 6y se4ret sha6e@sA+ in"ul0e" when I
ha" the house to 6yself/ The son0s were too 6awkish to 5e anythin0 other
than solo leasures+ sa3ore" in ri3ate while ti4klin0 in3isi5le i3ories or
fon"lin0 a hanto6 6i4rohone/ The furti3e way I s4oe" out the re6ises+
slowly turnin0 u the 3olu6e on the ra"io+ wary of e3ery in4re6ent+ settin0 it
a little hi0her an" hi0her as I 0rew 5ol"er+ 4ertainly e4hoe" uni3ersal orn
roto4ols/ So6eti6es I for0ot to 4lean u after 6yself an" hours later I>" hear
?Who>s 5een listenin0 to WLN(1? fro6 the li3in0 roo6+ whereuon I>" walk
out an" "e4lare ?I hate that stationO? like a roer 4iti=en/ In fa4t+ 6y father
aske" the <uestion the sa6e way he aske" ?Who>s 5een wat4hin0 Channel J1?
in the 4ity+ when the "ial on the 4a5le 5o! ointe" to the lo4al re"&li0ht
"istri4t/ Channel J+ ho6e of )0ly (eor0e an" $i"ni0ht Blue+ the orny u5li4&
a44ess shows that ha" 5een 6any a $anhattan 5oy>s an" 0irl>s intro"u4tion
to nake" 6o3in0 arts+ a stret4h of sha55y Ti6es S<uare in the T, lineu/
So6eti6es I was the 4ulrit+ so6eti6es not/ It says a lot a5out the worl" that
5ein0 walke" in on with your han"s "own your ants while Al (ol"stein
laye" so6e 0rainy a4tion 4li of Seka was refera5le to 0ettin0 4au0ht
sin0in0 alon0 to ?Who *ut the Bo6 @In the Bo6 Bo6 Bo6A/?
I 5rin0 all this u 5e4ause one late afternoon towar" the en" of the
season+ I was "ou5le&"osin0 on 6astur5atory asti6es&&listenin0 to WLN(
an" tou4hin0 6yself/ Not tou4hin0 6yself like that+ 5ut runnin0 6y ton0ue
o3er the 6oun"s an" 4re3i4es of 6y teeth an" 0u6s/ I>" 0otten 6y 5ra4es o2
a few "ays earlier an" was in 4o6lete e4stasy o3er the feel of 6y new
6outh/ Look on 6y Works+ y>all+ an" DesairO Whi4h is not to say that in all
ro5a5ility I ha"n>t artaken of the 6ore 4on3entional for6 of self&
0rati:4ation in the last twenty&four hours+ I 7ust wasn>t "oin0 it ri0ht then/ I
hel" 6astur5ation in hi0h estee6+ for without it we>" ne3er ha3e "e3eloe"
the oosa5le thu65+ an" fro6 the oosa5le thu65 Fows all of 4i3ili=ation+
the shain0 of ru"i6entary tools+ 4reation of :re for war6th an" foo"
rearation+ 4a3e aintin0s+ 4uneifor6+ an" e3entually the Beta6a!/ Think
a5out that ne!t ti6e/
I ro5e"+ I olishe"+ I ti4kle" the s6ooth an" lo3ely surfa4es of 6y
nake" 4hoers/ They>" ne3er 5een like that9 le3el+ e3en+ sans 0usty 0as/
Half the reason the 5ra4es went on in the :rst la4e was to 4orre4t 6y
6a0ni:4ent o3er5ite+ whi4h I>" hele" 5u4k out when I was a ki"/ I su4ke" 6y
thu65 well into 0ra"e s4hool+ oin0 that little fu4ker in 6y 6outh at e3ery
a3aila5le 6o6ent of alone ti6e/ Su4kin0 on the tit that ne3er 0a3e 6ilk/ I see
I>6 0oin0 way 5a4k with you to"ay+ "own 6e6ory lane where the ashalt
stos an" it>s 7ust "irt lea"in0 o2+ to the ori0in of this lo3e of solitary
4onsolations/ Holy 4ow+ it win"s its way 5a4k to the 4ri5+ this self&leasurin0
5ent+ in the all&too&fre<uent onanis6+ the =onin0 out to sa"&sa4k nar4issisti4
5alla"s+ su4kin0 6y thu65&&the 3arious strate0ies of 0ettin0 a little 4o6fort
in this 4ol" 6ean worl"/ If you ha" these thin0s+ you "i"n>t nee" anyone else/
I :nally starte" lea3in0 6y thu65 alone when 4hi4ken o! rie"
throu0h 6y se4on"&0ra"e 4lass an" I 0ot little white 5listers all o3er the
insi"e of 6y 6outh fro6 sti4kin0 6y tainte" "i0it in there/ I ha" the o! on
the outsi"e like e3eryone else+ 5ut insi"e+ too+ where no one 4oul" see/ I
looke" in the 6irror+ an" thou0ht+ Curse"O Or whate3er wor" se4on"&0ra"ers
use to nail that feelin0 of 5ein0 sin0le" out for a 0hastly an" se4i:4 "oo6/
Snake"O (o5lin>"O So6e say that it>s an ol" wi3es> tale that su4kin0 your
thu65 will 6ess u your teeth+ 5ut 0i3e 6e a san"wi4h 5oar" an" I>ll shill for
this theory u an" "own Broa"way/ Surely so6ethin0 that felt so reassurin0
nee"e" to 5e unishe"+ 5y "efor6ity+ 5lin"ness+ 5y a la0ue of white 5listers
3isite" uon the wi4ke" territory of 6y 6outh/
The 5ra4es were suose" to 4o6e o2 fresh6an year+ 5ut I ne3er went
to 6y aoint6ents so the treat6ent stret4he" on for an e!tra year an" a
half/ That srin0 I :nally 0ot 6y a4t to0ether an" starte" ful:llin0 6y half of
the 5ar0ain+ snain0 the ru55er 5an"s aroun" the sikes an" hooks+
showin0 u at the ri0ht ti6e to Dr/ Hen"erson>s o;4e/ He was an okay 0uy/ I
like" the way he sai"+ ?You 6i0ht feel a sli0ht ressure+? as if this were a
rarity an" not a 4onstant state of 5ein0/
?How>s Sa01? he aske" when I 4la65ere" into his 4hair that last ti6e/
The su66er 5efore+ he>" rente" a 4on"o in Baron>s Co3e 5ehin" town+ an"
when I ran into hi6 on the 5ea4h or whate3er+ this se4ter rose 5efore 6e+
hi6 loo6in0 in his s6o4k an" 6ask+ siny an" serrate" i6le6ents 0lintin0
in the su66er sunli0ht/ On those o44asions I hu66e" hello to hi6+ keein0
6y lis ti0ht/
?The usual+? I sai"/
He 0ot to work with his 6allet an" 6onkey wren4h an" unsha4kle" 6y
teeth/ A 0rueso6e funk "rifte" away fro6 the a44u6ulate" 6i4ros4oi4 an"
not&so&6i4ros4oi4 foo" 5its that ha" 5een rottin0 un"er the 6etal for years/
He 4leane" 6y teeth an" 6y ton0ue "an4e" o3er the6/
He han"e" 6e a 6irror/ ?You>re 0oin0 to 5e kissin0 a lot of 0irls now/?
I "i"n>t 6in" 5ein0 atroni=e" 5y Helful Hints fro6 the 5a4k of the
Ortho"ontists> Han"5ook/ It 6a"e sense to 4o6li6ent the re4ently
strai0htene" on their new look+ to hel the6 are4iate the en" result of all
their su2erin0/ What ti4ke" 6e o2 was the i6li4ation that 5ra4es were what
hel" 6e 5a4k fro6 a0e&aroriate shenani0ans+ the fa5le" fren4hin0+ 5ra&
fu65lin0+ an" 5lue 5alls/ O53iously+ it woul" ha3e 5een har" for 6e to kiss
fewer 0irls+ 5asi4 6athe6ati4al roerties of the nu65er =ero 5ein0 what
they are/ In or"er to i6ro3e 6y ortfolio+ I nee"e" to "u6 the 5ra4es/ But
what of the essential 6e 5eneath e3erythin01 In the lo0i4 of 6y a2e4tion+
those who woul" lo3e or kin"a like 6e 4oul" see 5eyon" the Iron $ai"en
e65ra4in0 6y teeth+ 6y in4o6etent resentation an" 4hroni4 0aloot&ness/
None of that 6attere"/ There was so6ethin0 0oo" un"er there/ I ha" to
5elie3e that/ If you 4oul"n>t see it+ you weren>t worth 5ein0 with+ ri0ht1 Not
worth kissin0/ So what eole saw of 6e was a test/
Ba4k at the aart6ent+ I 0rinne" an" sneere" at 6yself+ ra4ti4in0 with
6y 6outh/ I looke" at 6y new s6ile an" won"ere" what it 6eant/
I was in the 4ity for four "ays/ On the way in fro6 the islan"+ a erfe4t
oran0e "o6e of s6o0 4o3ere" $anhattan/ The "o6e ket in the Au0ust heat
an" hoar"e" the sten4hes of the 4ity+ the "e4ayin0 0ar5a0e an" 4ar e!haust+
the e3aoratin0 essen4es of those trae" insi"e/ I stee" o2 the Jitney at
Ei0hty&si!th Street an" wa"e" into the 5o0/ It ha"n>t raine" in a while+ an"
6isera5le u""les fer6ente" alon0 the si"ewalks+ "ark o57e4ts 5o55in0 in
the6 an" 6ulti4olore" oil trails ho3erin0 on their surfa4es/ It was late enou0h
in the su66er that eole were too 5eaten "own 5y the heat for ra0e an"
3iolen4e/ They 0a3e in+ slu6in0 u the si"ewalks+ 6artyrs to the 4hoi4es
they>" 6a"e/
%e00ie ha" 5een 5a4k a few ti6es to 5uy re4or"s or 4lothes+ 5ut this
was 6y :rst tri 5a4k to the 4ity/ $y roo6 was a snashot of 6y 5rain 4ir4a
two an" a half 6onths a0o+ a i4ture of the 6ess left 5ehin" 5y the
e3a4uation/ Yellowin0 ,illa0e ,oi4es lay oen to the 4on4ert a0es+ listin0 the
na6es of 5an"s I ha"n>t seen an" 3enues I>" ne3er 5een to/ All srin0 I
6e6ori=e" their a""resses an" situate" the6 in the a6orhous "owntown
that e!iste" in 6y hea"/ One "ay I>" 6ake it "own there after "ark+ 5elow
#ourteenth Street/ That hi 6urk/ The re4or"s I 6arathon&tae" the ni0ht
5efore I left were strewn a5out+ half out of their slee3es+ the Birth"ay *arty>s
$utiny+ the :rst two Stoo0es re4or"s/ Stu2 I 5ou0ht 5e4ause I>" hear" it on
the 6i! tae 6y ol"er sister laye" when she 4a6e 5a4k for srin0 5reak/
Who>s that1 What>s this1 Elena was sen"in0 the su66er away fro6 us+
workin0 at a 6o3ie theater in her 4olle0e town/ $y father 6a"e a fuss a5out
that+ 5ut what was he 0oin0 to "o+ 0o u there an" "ra0 her "own1
No one was aroun" in the 4ity+ 6y few frien"s fro6 s4hool/ I wante" to
0et 5a4k to Sa0 as <ui4kly as ossi5le/ I ha" two 6ore weeks of su66er left/
I wasn>t "one with it yet/
WHEN I (OT BAC' O)T+ the sta0ehan"s ha" 6o3e" e3erythin0 aroun"/
$ost eole+ they lea3e a la4e for a few "ays an" are reassure" on their
return that "esite their worry+ they ha"n>t 6isse" anythin0/ The le0en"ary
arty+ the life&4han0in0 late&ni0ht han0out/ Not in 6y 4ase/ Not e3er/ The
worl" really ra6e" u its 4arousin0 when I wasn>t aroun" an" I ha" to listen
to all the "etails when I 0ot 5a4k/ This was ese4ially true towar" the en" of
su66er+ when thin0s a44elerate" as they 0ot "rawn into that Sete65er
0ra3ity/ Just four "ays+ an" Cli3e was 0one/ I "i"n>t 4are for sorts+ wat4hin0
or arti4iatin0+ 5ut Cli3e>s fa5le" 5asket5all 4a6 i6resse" 6e as a se4ial
4allin0&&he ha" a hi0her urose+ 0oin0 o2 to ful:ll his "unkin0 "estiny/ In the
tra"ition of Sa0 frien"shis+ I woul"n>t see hi6 until ne!t year/ Bo55y was in
the 4ity+ for a few "ays or for 0oo"+ it wasn>t 4lear/ His 0ran"father ha" 0otten
si4k a0ain+ so they were all 5a4k in West4hester "ealin0 with that/ Whi4h left
us without a 4ar+ as %an"y was workin0 "ou5le shifts at the Lon0 Wharf to to
o2 his tuition war 4hest/ It 6i0ht ha3e 5een De4e65er+ the "esolation we saw
when we walke" aroun"/
We ha" one late arri3al to rela4e those we>" lost+ $elanie/ She use" to
4o6e out when she was a little 0irl+ a44or"in0 to N*/ N* ha" inherite" the
nosy&historian 0ene fro6 his father+ who 6aintaine" an e!tensi3e 6ental
"ata5ase on e3eryone in the "e3elo6ents/ How lon0 they>" 5een 4o6in0
out+ whi4h ar4els their fa6ily ha" 5ou0ht an" tra"e" o3er the "e4a"es+
where their ki"s an" 0ran"ki"s were 0oin0 to s4hool+ an" how 6u4h they
were or were not rakin0 in fro6 their 5i0 7o5s/ $elanie>s fa6ily was :rst
0eneration+ N* tol" 6e one "ay as we were wiin0 "own the 3ats in Jonni
WaJe+ 5ut they>" sol" their house on Cu2ee Dri3e ten years a0o/ ?$y "a"
sai" her "a""y 6a"e so6e 5a" 5usiness "e4isions/? (ettin0 ri" of your Sa0
house+ that was unfor0i3a5le/ Like sellin0 your ki"s o2 to the 4ir4us for 4ra4k
6oney/ $r/ Downey was an outsi"er+ you see+ an" "i" not un"erstan" our
ways/ How else to e!lain losin0 his fa6ily>s 6ost re4ious ossession1
Now the Downeys were "i3or4e" an" $o6 was tryin0 to re4onne4t with
her herita0e/ The story was an easy sell in the "e3elo6ents&&the waywar"
"au0hter 5a4k in the 5oso6 an" the i6ostor 5a4k where he 4a6e fro6+
sellin0 use" 4ars in a 4hea suit so6ewhere/ $elanie an" her 6other rente"
a house in the Hills+ 5a4k out for the :rst ti6e in years/ E3eryone 4alle" her
6other ?*ea4hes+? a 4hil"hoo" ni4kna6e now re4lai6e"/ *ea4hes ut on a
0oo" show+ insinuatin0 herself into the little klat4h on the 5ea4h in front of
our house/ She 4li65e" u on the #ranklins> 6otor5oat an" water&skie"+ the
only 6i""le&a0e" la"y 5ra3e enou0h to "o so when Te""y Jr/ was at the hel6/
The la"ies rose fro6 their 5ea4h 4hairs an" wat4he" fro6 the shore as the
5oat hoiste" her fro6 the water/ *ea4hes wa3e" at the6 like a teena0e
5eauty <ueen showin0 o2 "urin0 the talent ortion+ wo55lin0 only a little on
the turn/ She e3en 0ot a letter rinte" in the Sa0 Har5or E!ress 5it4hin0
a5out the weeken" tra;4+ a 0esture of ri0hteous outra0e that won o3er
anyone still relu4tant to wel4o6e her 5a4k into the fol"/
Her "au0hter was si6ilarly a"et/ She ha"n>t yet 4lai6e" her 5irthri0ht
as a roer Bla4k A6eri4an *rin4ess+ the sartorial 6arkers an" "e5ilitatin0
stares+ so it wasn>t until the followin0 su66er that Eri4a an" De3on
wel4o6e" her into their 0an0+ 5ut Ni4k <ui4kly s4ooe" her u/ So to seak/
She 5e4a6e a fa6iliar si0ht at Jonni WaJe+ okin0 her hea" in to 4oa! Ni4k
out for a 5reak on one of the Lon0 Wharf 5en4hes an" lin0erin0 outsi"e at
en" of shift so that they 4oul" walk 5a4k in the "ark/ Her little whee=in0
lau0hter si0nale" her aroa4h+ aroun" "e3elo6ent 4orners an" the stoos
of houses+ an" then she 4a6e into 3iew/ She walke" in a style halfway
5etween an a65le an" a sashay&&she was e"0in0 towar" the sashay+ 0ettin0
it "own+ learnin0 how to ut her 5i0 his into it/ Ne!t year+ whoo&5oy/
I :rst saw her on N*>s 5a4k atio+ early Au0ust/ She was stra""lin0
their ol" 0reen&an"&white loun0er an" siin0 Country Ti6e le6ona"e/ The
un6i!e" 5its of the Fa3or a4ket swirle" aroun" ea4h ti6e she tie" the
0lass to her lush lis+ her lon0+ 4urly hair 4orks4rewin0 into the air/ $elanie
was soft an" roun" in a sweet+ 5a5y&fat way+ with this re6arka5le a5ility
where she 4on3erte" e3erythin0 she wore on her le0s into hot ants+ the
ress of her thi0hs turnin0 ri6 white tennis shorts into Daisy Dukes+ the
=ier ta5 of her a4i"&washe" 7eans stan"in0 at attention like a nee"le on a
ressure 0au0e/
I "i"n>t re6e65er $elanie fro6 when we were little+ 5ut she ulle" o2
a 4on3in4in0 "islay of insi"er knowle"0e like a well&5riefe" sy/ She talke"
a5out the ?Dan4in0 *o4orn Bo! an" Hot Do0? a"s that use" to run 5etween
features at the ol" Dri3e&In+ hynoti=in0 you into a tri to the 4on4ession
stan"+ an" na6e&4he4ke" #re"eri4o>s an" the Can"y 'it4hen with authority+
as if she>" en7oye" an un5roken line of hallowe" su66ers/ With De3on an"
Eri4a 6akin0 only strate0i4 aearan4es in our s4ene After the Breaku+ she
was usually the only 0irl aroun" an" wasn>t 5othere" 5y it/ The Ni4k thin0
hele"/ I 0uess she "i"n>t 6in" that he was te4hni4ally a townie+ or 6ay5e
the fa4t that her own 4re"entials were out of or"er 5rou0ht the6 4loser/ She
fei0ne" interest in his ho55ies like a ro+ like she>" 5een 6arrie" a 4oule of
ti6es an" knew how to tolerate the fee5le enthusias6s of 6en/ She wat4he"
atiently while he a"7uste" the 0rahi4 e<uali=er on his 6onstrous ra"io+
furrowin0 her 5row with 4on4entration "urin0 his le4tures on how this
arti4ular settin0 really enri4he" the 5eat5o!in0 in ?The Show+? 5ut the B si"e
of the sin0le+ ?La&Di&Da&Di+? 5ene:te" fro6 a little 6ore tre5le+ to fore0roun"
Sli4k %i4k>s 3o4al "e!terity/
Althou0h+ ri0ht+ there was that one afternoon of foresha"owin0/ The
0an0 was eatin0 sli4es at Con4a D>Oro+ the oran0e "ros of 0rease turnin0
the aer lates oa<ue/ ?That>s not a sa6le+? Ni4k sai"+ ?they "i" it li3e in
the stu"io/? You "i"n>t want to 0et Ni4k starte" on $elle $el>s stu"io a4u6en/
I 0uess $elanie sense" I was lookin0 at her an" she turne" to 6e an"
sur0i4ally Fi4ke" her eyes to the 4eilin0/ Then she returne"+ rat+ to his
"issertation on ?#unky Beat+? that ol"&s4hool 6aster te!t/ But I saw her/
THAT>S WHE%E THIN(S STOOD that "ay I was alone in the house
listenin0 to the ra"io/ It was the weeken"+ so %e00ie was ullin0 a "ou5le at
B'+ an" it was the thir" 4lou"y "ay in a row so the 5ea4h was e6ty e!4et
for the one&weeken"ers+ who ha" to 6ake the 5est of it/ $y arents were o2
at so6e fun4tion in Nine3ah/ I was killin0 Fies with ru55er 5an"s/ I snu4k u
as 4lose as their hun"re"&eye" hea"s allowe"+ then "rew 5a4k the ru55er an"
let >e6 ri/ I>" 0otten retty 0oo" at the hunt o3er the su66er+ lea3in0 tiny
re" s6ears on the win"ows an" walls/ $y 4harnel house o> horrors/ The li0ht
was fa"in0+ 5ut I sotte" one unlu4ky "u"e lin0erin0 5y the han"le of the
0lass "oor an" I stalke" o3er+ 6y ton0ue ti4klin0 6y uer ri0ht 5i4usi" ///
when I su""enly 0ot really "eresse"/ A sa"ness u6in0 throu0h 6y
5ran4hin0 4aillaries+ su2usin0 6y li65s+ slashin0 into the furthest
hi"eaways in 6y inkie toes an" lu6s of earlo5e/ It was su4h a rofoun"
in4i"ent that I i6a0ine the intensity of it left 4he6i4al 6arkers in 6y hair that
a hi0h&te4h la5 4oul" i"entify+ like I>" 5een s6okin0 so6e serious reefer+ that
5a4k&row utown&theater shit/ The Fy Few away/ I ut 6y han" on a 4hair to
stea"y 6yself/
I 5e4a6e aware of the 6usi4 an" un"erstoo"/ I 0ot "in0e" 5y LN(+ 5ut
0oo"/ The lyri4s 4arousele" in 6y hea"9
Ha3e I a hoe or half a 4han4e
To e3en ask if I 4oul" "an4e with you+ you&oo1
Woul" you 0reet 6e or olitely turn away
Woul" there su""enly 5e sunshine on a 4ol" an" rainy "ay
Oh+ Ba5e+ what woul" you say1
Ha" I hear" this son0 5efore1 Surely I 6ust ha3e in another life/
Another house/ The sin0er 4roake" out his roosal/ His was no 3el3et
instru6ent+ 5ut he 6a"e u for it in intensity/ The "eseration that is 4ousin
to assion/ I was there with hi6 at the En0lish seasi"e resort at the en" of
su66er/ The 4oastal retreat ast its hey"ay/ It>s the last ni0ht at the Di6e&a&
Dan4e 5efore they "e6olish it+ the last 5i0 4on4ert of the season 5efore they
shutter the 5oar"walk/ There he is in his one 0oo" suit+ seersu4ker+ with shiny
el5ows an" stains fro6 twenty wakes+ the wi"ower who has 5een stan"in0
alon0 the wall all ni0ht+ wat4hin0 her+ lookin0 away when she turne" her
hea" towar" hi6/ This an0el in white with her "ark eyes an" 0lowin0 skin/ He
saw her at the :rst "an4e at the start of the su66er&&he>" 0one on a lark+
usually he staye" away fro6 su4h thin0s&&an" returne" e3ery Satur"ay ni0ht
to 0et a 0li6se/ Workin0 u his ner3e/ To risk lo3e one 6ore ti6e/ Toni0ht is
his last 4han4e an" he 0athers hi6self+ ru55in0 the ri6 of his ol" "er5y with
his thu65s an" "i00in0 his winnowe" soles into the "an4e Foor/
Ha" I hear" this son0 5efore1 I "i"n>t know/ Was that a 4larinet+ that
fartin0 soun"1 I listene" to the wor"s an" trie" to 0o 5a4k/ When was it1 The
hanto6 when/ No+ it was a sa!ohone/ The sa! layer walt=e" throu0h his
solo+ he was u on a tene6ent roof at 6i"ni0ht+ layin0 for all the lonely
ones+ who "rifte" fro6 their 5e"s an" 6o3e" to their win"owsills to hear this
6ore 4learly/ They 4oul"n>t see hi6/ It was the 6oon itself layin0 those
lus4ious notes/ In the 6ornin0 they weren>t sure if they>" "rea6e" it/ They
trie" to re6e65er the 6elo"y all "ay an" 4oul"n>t for the life of the6/ By
lun4h+ they were thorou0hly asha6e" for lettin0 hi6 "own/
The son0 en"e" an" the 3olu6e sike" u to show4ase a 4o66er4ial
for Allen $/ S4hnei"er %eal Estate/ I hear" 6y arents> 4ar in the "ri3eway
an" "o3e for the ra"io+ sinnin0 the "ial to 6y 6other>s Nothin0 But the
Classi4s/ They 4a6e u the stairs+ an" when they 0ot insi"e 6y father
resu6e"/ It was an ar0u6ent fro6 insi"e the 4ar that they>" ause" in
5etween 4lose" sa4es/ Who knew what starte" it/ By then it was "ee into
the an4ient 0ru"0es an" unfor0i3a5le failures/ The usual/
I ha"n>t 6a"e any lans/ But I "i" what I nor6ally "i" not "o/ I left the
house/ It was funny&&as soon as the "oor 4lose"+ I 4oul"n>t hear it/ $ay5e the
win" 4arrie" it in another "ire4tion/ It 0ot win"y at sunset that ti6e of year/ I
was always tor6ente" 5y the knowle"0e that the entire "e3elo6ents 6ust
ha3e 5een listenin0 to us+ 5ut the s4reen "oor whee=e" shut an" those
soun"s were 0one/
Walkin0 out of the "ri3eway+ I trie" to 0et the son0 out of 6y hea"/ It
"i"n>t work/ What if so6eone 4a6e alon0 an" hear" 6e hu66in0 it1 *i4kin0
u a "itty fro6 WLN( was har" to e!lain+ like 4lai6in0 you 0ot ,D o2 a toilet
seat in a 5us station/ You walke" aroun" with it to your sha6e/ There were
son0s that were 0uilty leasures+ like ?#ernan"o/? That ABBA shit/ E3ery5o"y
ha" >e6/ Then there were son0s that 5etraye" fun"a6ental i"eas you ha"
a5out yourself/ Ha3e I a hoe or half a 4han4e/ There 4oul" 5e no
a44o66o"ation for su4h e!osure/ $y frien"s woul"n>t un"erstan"/ %e00ie
woul" un4h 6e in 6y fa4e/ Certainly 6y sister woul"n>t aro3e+ 5ut I saw
her so rarely that I no lon0er worrie" a5out what sar4asti4 re6ark she>" throw
6y way/
I HA,EN>T TAL'ED ABO)T ELENA 6u4h 5e4ause she wasn>t there/ I
ha3en>t talke" a5out her 5e4ause she went o2 to 4olle0e an" ne3er 4a6e
5a4k/ I>3e 6entione" the 0reat 6i0ration+ when you sto 4o6in0 out to Sa0
e!4et for the o44asional 3isit/ You 0ot a real su66er 7o5 in the 4ity+ or
so6ethin0 on 4a6us+ or an internshi in the o;4e of a fa6ily frien"/
Co66on rite of assa0e/ Enou0h of this 5our0ie shit/ You left the la4e that
6a"e you to take your 4han4es in the wi"e worl"/ But Elena "i" 6ore than
out0row Sa0 Har5or/ She went o2 an" we saw her on Thanks0i3in0 an"
Christ6as+ an" so6eti6es she 4a6e 5a4k "own to New York if she ha" a
lon0er 3a4ation+ 5ut it was ne3er the sa6e/ She hasn>t 5een in here 6u4h
5e4ause she>" alrea"y 6o3e" on/
Elena was three years ol"er than 6e/ (rowin0 u+ she was our
5a5ysitter+ 5u""y+ an" 5ully+ a44or"in0 to her nee"s/ Tu00in0 us out of tra;4+
turnin0 the o3en on to MEH "e0rees so that 6e an" %e00ie 4oul" sli"e our
Swanson>s in there si"e 5y si"e+ keein0 $on"ays at D *$ in a stran0lehol"
for her 5elo3e" Little House on the *rairie/ Those har"&won frontier lessons/
When we "estroye" her ner3es+ she threatene" to tell our father+ whi4h shut
us "own like that/
She sli66e" "own an" hie" u when she hit hi0h s4hool+ un3eilin0 a
4ool "owntown ersona that 6a"e the 6ost 5lase ri3ate&s4hool "e5 see6
like a 'entu4ky ru5e/ She 4a6e ho6e after e3eryone was in 5e" an" tosse"
0lossy in3ites fro6 the *eer6int Loun0e an" Dan4eteria onto the ta5le in
the foyer+ where they a44u6ulate" like e!oti4 sti4kers on a stea6 trunk/ At
ni0ht+ stran0e soun"s e6anate" fro6 her roo6+ 5ruise" 6elo"ies wrun0 fro6
$ission of Bur6a QEs an" ink&5la4k Fe!is out of British 6usi4 6a0a=ines/
There were #ri"ay e3enin0s where she>" sy4h herself u 5y layin0
San"inistaO 4ut for 4ut+ all si! si"es+ an" then tro6 out of the house in Day&
(lo 5oots to wrestle "own the ni0ht/ Lea3in0 6e an" %e00ie alone in the
house with a sta4k of slatter Fi4ks fro6 Cra=y E""ie>s+ fas4inate" 5y i"eas of
our future+ hi0h&s4hool sel3es/ Su4kersO
The last few su66ers+ she>" 5een in 4har0e when our arents were in
the 4ity/ Now that it was 6y 7o5+ I knew what her e!ression ha" 6eant when
our arents> frien"s aske" when our folks were 4o6in0 out/ She was a 4a6
4ounselor at Boy>s Har5or+ 5ossin0 those ki"s aroun" all "ay+ whi4h 6a"e
thin0s easier for us as she was all out of fas4ist "ire4ti3es 5y the ti6e she 0ot
ho6e/ I listene" to her sneak out of the house after 6e an" %e00ie went to
5e"/ I hear" the 4ar "oor sla6 as she went o2 on her se4ret 6issions an" I
ut 6yself in 4har0e of us in the e6ty house until 6ornin0/ Her :nal
su66er+ she was too hi an" stran0e an" ?white&a4tin0? for the Sa0 Har5or
5oys an" 0irls she>" 0rown u with+ an" went out to :n" others like her+ her
fellow unlikelies/ She ne3er 5rou0ht the6 aroun"+ 5ut she 6ust ha3e foun"
her tri5e/
I only saw her on4e that su66er/ The week 5efore I 0ot 6y 5ra4es o2/
Bo55y was still out+ an" we were "ri3in0 "own $ain Street+ South Ha6ton+
rushin0 to 4at4h the G9LH show of Beyon" Thun"er"o6e/ We>" seen it 5efore+
5ut we ha" nothin0 else to "o/ We were a5out to turn into the arkin0 lot
5ehin" the theater when Bo55y sai"+ ?Isn>t that your sister1?
She was a4ross the street+ s6okin0 a 4i0arette in front of one of the
fan4y restaurants reser3e" for 0rown&us/ If our arents took us out to "inner+
it was to the Lo5ster Inn or the latest one&season ho6e&style frie"&4hi4ken
7oint or takeout la4e/ The 0rown&us ket the shiny+ written&u restaurants
for their ni0hts away fro6 the ki"s/ Or away fro6 the wi3es/ She was talkin0
to a (er6an&lookin0 0uy with lon0 5lon" hair an" 5ri0ht white teeth that
0lea6e" fro6 all the way a4ross the street/ He ha" a Eurotrash "e6eanor I
will fore3er asso4iate with the hi0h&te4h terrorists of Die Har"+ an" yeah+ I
know the 6o3ie "i"n>t 4o6e out until three lon0 su66ers later+ 5ut what "o
you want+ the 6o3ie 6a"e a 5i0 i6ression on 6e+ an" it is har" to a44et
the notion of a re& Die Har" worl"/ The 4ruel e;4ien4y of those 0uys/ She
atte" his ar6 an" s6ile" at so6e little witti4is6 of his+ tra4in0 "own to his
el5ow/ They were fu4kin0/
They were still there after we foun" a arkin0 sa4e/ Whi4h was 0oo"+
5e4ause I "i"n>t want to ha3e to 0o insi"e the restaurant an" tell the 0ar4on
or whate3er that I wante" to look for so6eone/ Her 4o6anion sotte" 6e
aroa4hin0 an" wat4he" 6e o3er her shoul"er/ His fa4e ha" that e!ression
I>3e seen 6any ti6es+ when I>6 walkin0 "own the street an" there>s a white
erson sittin0 alone in a 4ar/ The look on his fa4e was the one they always 0et
5efore they lo4k the 4ar "oors/ Cli4k+ 4li4k+ 4li4k u the street as I ass/ We
were in South Ha6ton/
?Elena1?
She 0a3e 6e her hu0&&I>" for0otten how 0oo" it felt&&an" intro"u4e" 6e
to Derek/ He lost his s<uint an" shook 6y han" with a 5i0 5i0 s6ile/
?What are you "oin0 here1 When "i" you 0et out1?
?I 7ust oe" in for the weeken"+? she sai"/ ?I>6 3isitin0 Derek/?
Bo55y 4he4ke" out her frien"+ raisin0 a sketi4al eye5row/
I sai"+ ?Oh+ I "i"n>t know/?
?It was a last&6inute thin0/?
?When are you 4o6in0 o3er1 >Cause I work&&? I 5e0an to say/ Be4ause I
"i"n>t want to 6iss her/
?I>6 ro5a5ly not 0oin0 to ha3e ti6e to 6ake it o3er there+? she sai"/
?*ro5a5ly/ It>s 7ust a <ui4k 3isit/?
?Oh/?
The tra;4 rushe" in the street/ Bo55y tol" 6e he was 0oin0 to 5uy
ti4kets an" that I shoul" 6eet hi6 o3er there/ Elena no""e" her hea" towar"
Derek an" he slunk into the restaurant/ She ha" a lot of trainin0 with
"eli3erin0 non3er5al "ire4ti3es+ workin0 on 6e an" %e00ie all those years/
Elena took a "ra0 an" e!hale" throu0h her nose/ ?Do 6e a fa3or an"
"on>t tell $o6 an" Da" you saw 6e+ will you1? she sai"/ ?They woul"n>t
un"erstan"/?
?You weren>t e3en 0oin0 to see us/?
?Don>t start outin0/ Of 4ourse I want to see you an" %e00ie/? She
s<uee=e" 6y shoul"er/ ?I>6 0oin0 to try an" 4o6e out for lon0er 5efore I
ha3e to 0o 5a4k to s4hool/ This was a sur&of&the 6o6ent thin0/? She
sta6e" out her 4i0arette an" sai"+ ?You know how it 4an 5e in that house/?
?What "o you 6ean1?
?You know what I>6 talkin0 a5out/?
She looke" throu0h the win"ow of the restaurant after Derek/ ?Just "o
6e a fa3or+ Ben7i+ an" 0et out when you 4an+? she sai"/ ?Work har" an" 0et
into a 0oo" s4hool/ That way you>re out of the house an" that>s it/?
?I "on>t un"erstan"/?
?Yes+ you "o/?
The ne!t ti6e I saw her was Thanks0i3in0/ She staye" one ni0ht an"
then went to a arty in Conne4ti4ut so6e frien" of hers fro6 s4hool was
ha3in0/ She was 6eetin0 all sorts of new eole+ she sai"/
R R R
NO+ I DIDN>T HA,E TO WO%%Y a5out runnin0 into Elena with that son0
in 6y 5rain/ Those 4orn5all wor"s on 6y lis/ I was out in the 6i""le of the
street+ a few houses u/ #ar enou0h away that I "i"n>t ha3e to reten" I "i"n>t
li3e where I li3e"/ It 4oul" 0o on for :3e 6inutes or :3e hours/ This ti6e I was
0oin0 to stay away/
?Ben/? $elanie stoo" at the 4orner of $ere"ith/ She was on the 0rass
5y the 4ur5+ her :n0ers slaye" out on her his/ She wore a white 5utton&
"own shirt ti0ht enou0h that it 6a"e her look like she>" 7u6e" a 4u si=e/
She>" twiste" her hair into two lon0 5rai"s that "an4e" on her shoul"ers
when she 6o3e" her hea"/ I "i"n>t see Ni4k/
She ro""e" so6ethin0 on the 0roun" with her foot/ She sai"+ ?That>s
0ross/? It was a yellow 4entie"e of lasti4+ 4lu6e" with "irt/
?Yeah+ you shoul"n>t litter+? I sai"/
?It>s a 7i66y hat/?
?%i0ht/? I ha"n>t seen one outsi"e the a4ka0in0 5efore/ So6eti6es
0uys I knew oene" their wallets to show o2 their e!e4tations+ an"
a6ateurs like 6e 0awke" at the outlines of the rin0/ Now I reali=e" I ha" seen
the6 5efore+ out in the woo"s 5ehin" the ark or "eFate" on a si"ewalk
a6on0 the other fu4ke"&u New York 4onfetti/
She s4rae" it with her san"al u the 0rass an" into the woo"s/
?Ni4k>s at work1? I sai"/
?I "on>t know where Ni4k is/ I>6 not his keeer/?
?Okay/?
?What are you "oin01?
?Nothin0/?
?%i0ht+? she sai"/ We took a few stes "own Terry/
?I 4an>t 5elie3e it>s al6ost Sete65er+? I sai"/
?Yeah/?
I aske" her when she was 0oin0 5a4k/ She tol" 6e+ ne!t week/ It was
that ti6e of year/ At ni0ht we starte" 4losin0 the win"ows/ The 5ree=es woke
you in the 6i""le of ni0ht or startle" you at "usk with their su""en
la4erations/ You re6e65ere" a4kin0 at the 5e0innin0 of the su66er an"
tryin0 to :0ure out how 6any lon0&slee3e" shirts an" sweaters to 5rin0+ an"
reali=e" you 4hose the wron0 nu65er like you "i" e3ery year/ It was al6ost
o3er/ The 4ity rose hi0her an" hi0her on the hori=on/
?You 6ust 5e 0la" to 5e 4o6in0 out here a0ain+? I sai"/ I ha" a roll of
non se<uiturs in 6y o4kets an" I was 7ust tossin0 the6 out a4ross the water
tryin0 to 0et a 0oo" ski 0oin0/
?It>s ni4e out here+? she sai"+ ?5ut it>s not all that/ Too <uiet+ you
know1? I knew she li3e" in .ueens+ an" in 6y ro3in4ial hea" the Outer
Borou0hs were a hot5e" of li4entiousness/ Sa0 Har5or eole who li3e" in
.ueens an" Brooklyn were si6ly 4ooler/ No ifs+ an"s+ or 5uts/ They "i"n>t
4a0e the6sel3es in ri3ate s4hool/ Their arties rie" the weeken" asun"er/
The stan"ar" ro7e4tions of the reresse"/ But hearin0 4on:r6ation fro6
$elanie+ who was like a year youn0er than 6e+ 7ust a fresh6an+ 6a"e 6e
feel like 6ore of a sti2 than usual/
She kin"a s<uinte" at 6e as we roun"e" the 4orner an" I re6e65ere"
the hone 4all/ See+ so6ethin0 out of the or"inary ha" haene" the "ay
5efore/ We were at N*>s house+ 6e an" $ar4us an" Ni4k/ N*>s 6other was at
a lun4heon in the 4ity+ so we a3aile" oursel3es of his house for a 4han0e/ We
were out on the atio+ talkin0 shit+ when N* went to answer the hone/ He
oke" his hea" out of the 5a4k "oor/ He looke" u==le"/ He sai"+ ?It>s
$elanie/?
Ni4k took his ra"io o2 his la/ N* sai"+ ?She wants to talk to Ben7i/?
Now we were all 4onfuse"/ Ni4k sat 5a4k "own+ not lookin0 at 6e/ N*
shru00e"/
The hone was shae" like a 5anana+ a sa"+ 5ri0ht&yellow reli4 of
early&>Gos "esi0n whi6sy/ The 4oils of the han"set 4or" were so 0narle" an"
in4estuous that I ha" to ull for e3ery in4h/ ?Hello1?
?It>s $elanie/?
?Hi/? The han"set trie" to srin0 away fro6 6e/
?What are you "oin01?
?Han0in0 aroun" with N* an" %e00ie/ What a5out you1? I "on>t know
why I "i"n>t 6ention Ni4k/
?Just wat4hin0 T,/?
I looke" out the win"ow into the 5a4kyar"+ 5ut I 4oul" only see the ol"
tire swin0/ I fell o2 it when I was little an" s4rae" u 6y fa4e an" still hate"
it for 4hu6in0 6e out/ ?Not 6u4h haenin0 here/? I 4leare" 6y throat/
?It>s a 5orin0 "ay/? I hear" a 3oi4e in the 5a4k0roun"/ *ea4hes/ ?I 0otta
0o+? she sai"/ ?We>re 0oin0 to Cal"or for sliers/?
?Okay/?
I went 5a4k outsi"e/ N* sai"+ ?Oh+ Hea3enly Do0/?
?She 7ust wante" to see what was u+? I sai"/
Ni4k sai"+ ?She>s all ///? swattin0 his han" at an in3isi5le 0nat/ He
wrinkle" his fa4e into a well&known e!ression of 6ale a00ra3ation at the
oosite se!+ so instantly re4o0ni=a5le that it 4oul" ha3e 5een an
international si0n for su4h a thin0+ han0in0 in airorts an" train stations/ He
"i"n>t see6 isse" with 6e an"+ in 6y way+ I for0ot a5out the hone 4all a
6inute later/ She wante" to say hi/ It wasn>t that weir"/
E!4et for the relia5le haunte" houses+ A=urest was :lle" u/ E3ery
weeken" the new arri3als 5u==e" their he"0es into shae+ turne" the fau4ets
until the rust ran out+ e!4han0e" their ol" 6il"ewe" "oor6at for the latest
o2erin0 fro6 the Har"ware Store in Town/ Cars were 5u6er to 5u6er in the
"ri3eways an" 4lotte" the 4ur5s+ the 3ehi4les of se4tators asse65lin0 for
the $ain E3ent/ The 5i0 :reworks show 5efore they ha" to hea" 5a4k to the
4ity/ I reali=e" I was hu66in0 that son0 a0ain an" stoe"/ How lon0 ha" I
5een "oin0 that1 Ha" she hear"1 I sai"+ ?You 4alle" 6e Ben 5efore/?
?I thou0ht that>s what you wante" eole to 4all you1?
?That>s ri0ht/?
?Ben7i is 4ute+ 5ut I know what you 6ean/ I use" to always 0o+ >Ben7iO
Ben7iO> whene3er you 4a6e "own the 5ea4h with %e00ie/?
Huh/ ?When were you last out1? I aske"/ ?I know you use" to 4o6e out
here all the ti6e+ 5ut I 6ust ha3e 5een really little 5e4ause I 4an>t
re6e65er/?
She shook her hea" an" s6irke"/ ?Just until I was :3e/ But I re6e65er
it all/ You use" to stay at that re" house on He6stea"/ We all ran aroun"
layin0 re" li0ht+ 0reen li0ht in the 5a4kyar"/ An" there was that ol" u6
that use" to 5e ho6e 5ase/?
?You re6e65er that1? I saw it+ 6e an" the rest of the 0an0 =i0=a00in0
a4ross the 0rass+ saw all their fa4es 5ut "i" not see hers/
?You re6e65er that ti6e I kisse" you1? she aske"/
?What1?
?I was like :3e or so6ethin0 an" I tol" you we shoul" 0et 6arrie"/?
?%eally1?
?Yeah/?
?What "i" I "o1?
?You ran away s4rea6in0/?
?%eally1?
?$y 6o6 ha" to aolo0i=e to your 6o6 5e4ause I ket followin0 you
aroun" tryin0 to kiss you all the ti6e/?
?That>s weir"/? Was she fu4kin0 with 6e1 That>s all I 4oul" think/ There
was that hone 4all yester"ay+ an" then her tellin0 6e this/ This was a lot+ a
4onsira4y of 4ity&style+ ri3ate&s4hool 4ruelty/ No other e!lanation/
?I thou0ht you were the 4utest 5oy out here+? she sai"/ She stoe"/
?What haene" to you1?
?What haene"1? I 4o4ke" 6y hea" 5a4k 5e4ause I felt that was the
aroriate resonse to su4h a state6ent/ Insulte"+ et4/ What a nor6al
erson woul" "o/
?No+ I "on>t 6ean it like that+? she sai"+ 4hu4klin0/ Her :n0ers 5rushin0
"own 6y ar6/ ?I 6ean+ you 7ust always see6e" so hay all the ti6e/ You
ha" that *lanet of the Aes a7a6a to you like" to wear as a shirt e3en
thou0h it was the "ayti6e+ an" you were always lau0hin0 with %e00ie at
e3erythin0/?
?Now I>6 all an0ry an" 6a"1?
?I "i"n>t say that/? She 5u6e" 6e with her hi/
Huh/
We were outsi"e $ar3>s house/ It was a ran4her with a lon0 Fat roof+
ainte" a ro5in>s&e00 4olor that was what ra"iation woul" look like if you
4oul" see ra"iation/ Li0ht 4a6e fro6 the 5ase6ent win"ow+ throu0h the "irt
slashe" on 5y the rain/ I thou0ht a5out %usty *ot=+ the WLN( afternoon 0uy/
He 4oate" his 3oi4e with so 6u4h re3er5 it soun"e" like he worke"
un"er0roun"+ only 0ettin0 fresh air "urin0 one of their re6ote fee"s fro6 the
Sa0 Har5or $asons> Annual #ish #ry/ @?Ti4kets are still a3aila5le at the
$uni4ial Buil"in0 on $ain Street/?A #ro6 his he4at ro4k&>n>&roll atois+ I
i4ture" hi6 with a white 5eret an" satin 5ase5all 7a4ket+ stan"in0 in front of
a few si0ne" hoto0rahs of hi6 shakin0 han"s with Bill Haley an" His
Co6ets+ the Yar"5ir"s+ an" sun"ry 4rooners "resse" in 6at4hin0 4ar"i0ans/
He worke" alone in his "un0eon+ stirrin0 the 4aul"ron+ 4on4o4tin0 lon0in0 for
his listeners/
WLN( "i"n>t lay hi&ho+ of 4ourse+ outsi"e the o44asional sin of
?%ain> %o"ney/? That>s where $ar3 an" his un"er0roun" oeration 4a6e in+
"own in his 5ase6ent/ $ar3 was an in&5etweener+ a few years ol"er/ He was
?street&s6art+? wiel"in0 the latest styles with the unself&4ons4iousness that
4a6e fro6 a4tually 5ein0 that elusi3e thin09 uni6ea4ha5ly "own/ On4e he
hit hi0h s4hool he stoe" 4o6in0 out+ to 4o66it hi6self to the B&5oy
lifestyle/ He was the :rst erson I 6et with two turnta5les/ One turnta5le+ you
like" 6usi4/ Two turnta5les an" you were an artist/ In the su66er of >DB+ he
4ut u ?(oo" Ti6es? like a true a4olyte of (ran"6aster #lash+ slashin0 the
fa"er 5a4k an" forth in a three&4ar" 6onte ani4+ ru55in0 out a few tentati3e
s4rat4hes+ =i =i/ The fa6ous 5ass line strutte" like a hustler aroun" the
roo6 in a 5ei0e 7eans suit+ with an Ale Ja4k on his hea"9 What 4an I 0et u
to now1 He "i"n>t ha3e that 6any re4or"s in his 6ilk 4rate+ 5ut they all ha"
the na6e of the son0 5la4ke" out with $a0i4 $arker/ ?That>s so no one 5ites
6e+? he e!laine"/ We 4row"e" aroun"+ wat4hin0 his 6a0i4/ After a while
he>" say+ ?I>ll see you later&&I 0otta ra4ti4e+? an" he was alone a0ain in the
4e6ent roo6+ workin0 solo in his 5unker like the WLN( 0uy/ You "eli3er the
news an" you "o it alone/
$ar3>s 6other still 4a6e out/ She>" ro5a5ly 4o3ere" his DJ ta5les with
se4on"&ho6e 5ase6ent 4ra+ ol" sewin0 6a4hines an" si"erwe55e" 5oo0ie
5oar"s/ The stu2 you kee aroun" 5e4ause you 4on3in4e yourself that one
"ay you 6i0ht use it a0ain/ We all know how that en"s/ $elanie re6e65ere"
$ar3 fro6 the ol" "ays an" I tol" her that he "i"n>t 4o6e out any6ore
5e4ause he thou0ht Sa0 was for ki"s/ She tol" 6e a5out her 4ousin+ who was
a 5i0 DJ at so6e 4lu5s in the Bron!+ an" then sai" she re6e65ere" when
$ar3>s 6other threw a 5irth"ay for hi6 an" in3ite" all the ki"s/ One of the 5i0
ki"s starte" 4hasin0 $ar4us aroun" the i4ni4 ta5le tryin0 to noo0ie hi6+ an"
$ar4us slie" an" 4rashe" into it+ sen"in0 the 5irth"ay 4ake Fyin0/ ?It went
all o3er the la4e/?
I re6e65ere" that "ay/ E3ery5o"y wearin0 so6e for6 of 6ulti4olore"
strie" arti4le of 4lothin0+ that was the rule/ %e00ie atte6te" to sal3a0e a
4lean 4hunk of 4ake fro6 the 0roun"/ It was so6ethin0 he 6i0ht "o+ 0ather
what he 4oul" fro6 the 6ess/ $ake sure he 0ot his/ But I "i"n>t re6e65er
$elanie/ I trie" to ut the s4ene 5a4k to0ether+ i4ture the fa4es un"er the
4ar"5oar" arty hats/ I 4oul"n>t see hers/ But she ha" to 5e there/ Was that
the "ay she kisse" 6e1 Ho3erin0 at 6y si"e all afternoon+ 5rushin0 her ar6s
a0ainst 6e 5y a44i"ent/ Then leanin0 o3er/ I was her hus5an"/ It 6ust ha3e
haene"/ Where "i" it 0o1
That fu4kin0 son0 s4ra55le" in the 4a0e of 6y hea"+ shakin0 the 5ars9
#or there are you+ Sweet Lollio
Here a6 I with su4h a lot to say+ hey hey
Just to walk with you alon0 the $ilky Way
To 4aress you throu0h the ni0htti6e
Brin0 you Fowers e3ery "ay
Oh+ Ba5e+ what woul" you say1
Like I sai"+ I>" 5een "in0e"+ 5ut 0oo"/ Now it stirre" u all the silt at the
5otto6/ Brin0in0 6e aroun"/ It was 6y :rst kiss I was re6e65erin0+ that lost
"ay I re4o3ere"/ I saw it 4learly/ The son0 6ust ha3e 4o6e throu0h the
kit4hen win"ow that "ay+ the ra"io set on WLN( when $ar3>s 6other
4he4ke" the weather reort/ She left it there at CL/B an" the en4hant6ents
followe"/ The 5i0 ki" tor6entin0 $ar4us was Bi0 Bo55y+ no+ it was Neil+ Neil
the er3ert who one ti6e 4li65e" u the roof of our or4h to ee on Elena
an" 0ot 4au0ht/ $y arents an" his arents "i"n>t talk for two su66ers/ He
was re6e" at $orehouse now+ that was the wor"/ $ar4us s6ashe" his skull
into the ta5le an" thin0s went into slow 6otion as the Car3el 4ake an" Di!ie
lates an" Hi&C tu65le" throu0h the air/ So6eone ulle" on 6y ar6+
whiserin0+ ?Ben7i/?
It see6e" i6ossi5le not to re6e65er so6ethin0 like that/ The :rst
ti6e a 0irl ut her lis on yours/ What kin" of 4hu6 for0ot 5ein0 a :3e&year&
ol" 6a4k1 I woul">3e 4oaste" on that for years if I>" known/ But I "i" know/ I
was there/ What ut it out of 6y 6in"1 I looke" at $elanie>s ro:le+ the 4oast
of her nose an" 6outh an" 4hin/ She was one of us/ A Sa0 Har5or Ba5y/
We were at the 4orner+ the en" of %i4har"s Dri3e/ The natural
"estination was town/ Where we>" run into so6e5o"y an" then it woul"n>t 5e
7ust 6e an" her any6ore/ There was nowhere else to 0o/
$elanie sai"+ ?There it is/? I turne" an" saw the ol" la4e u the street
an" I knew it wasn>t her at all/
I will take the worl" at its wor" an" allow that there are those who
ha3e e!erien4e" 0reat lo3e in their li3es/ This 6ust 5e so/ So 6u4h fuss is
6a"e o3er it/ It follows that there are others who ha3e lo3e" 5ut 4a6e to
reali=e o3er ti6e that what they ha" was 6erely the sha"ow of a 0reater
ossi5ility/ These settle"+ an" 6a"e "o+ or 5roke thin0s o2 to 4ontinue the
sear4h/ There are those who ha3e ne3er lo3e"+ an" they walk throu0h their
"ays 0rasin0 after true 4onne4tion/ An" then there is 6e/ La"ies an"
0entle6en an" all of you at ho6e 7ust tunin0 in+ the an0el of 6y heart+ 6y
lon0 lost lo3e+ was a house/
There she was+ 6y Sweet Lollio/ *osin0 4oyly 5ehin" the ol" he"0es+
7ust a we"0e+ a 5it of thi0h+ 3isi5le 5ehin" the trees/ When eole were insi"e
at ni0ht+ the li0ht fro6 the win"ows slashe" throu0h the lea3es an"
5ran4hes+ "ilutin0 the "arkness/ It was always a 4o6fort roun"in0 the 4orner
an" seein0 that after you>" 5een runnin0 aroun" all "ay/ Soon you>" 5e insi"e
with e3eryone else/
The win"ows were 5la4k/ Sin4e the swa+ where we 0ot the 5ea4h
house an" 6y aunt ket the He6stea" House+ she rarely 4a6e out/
O44asionally she 0a3e the keys to frien"s for the weeken"+ an" it was
"istur5in0 to see an alien 3ehi4le in our "ri3eway/ Ours+ e3en thou0h it wasn>t
any6ore/ $y 6other woul" 4all her sister to "ou5le&4he4k that e3erythin0
was okay/ I ha"n>t seen anyone there all su66er/
?Let>s 0o see+? I sai"/ She walke" with 6e without hesitatin0/ The
house 6y 0ran"arents 5uilt was a s6all Cae Co"+ white with "ark shin0les
on the roof an" re" woo" 5ra4in0 the se4on" story/ It was 6a"e of 4in"er
5lo4k+ sta4ks of it haule" out on the 5a4k of 6y 0ran"father>s tru4k/ E3ery
weeken" he 5rou0ht out a loa"+ rattlin0 "own the hi0hway/ This was 5efore
they ut in the Lon0 Islan" E!ressway+ you un"erstan"/ It took a while/
E3ery weeken"+ he an" the lo4al talent ut u what they 4oul" 5efore he ha"
to 0et 5a4k to his 5usiness on $on"ay/ E3entually he an" 6y 0ran"6other
ha" their house/ Their ie4e of Sa0 Har5or/
The he"0es out front were s4ra00ly an" "isreuta5le+ 5ut the lawn was
0ra=e" "own to re0ulation hei0ht/ The house looke" like it "i" at the start of
e3ery season+ rea"y for us to oen it u/ ?Do you want to 0o insi"e1? I aske"/
?Will we 0et in trou5le1?
?No one>s usin0 it/?
She sai"+ ?Okay+? an" the way she sai" it =ae" 6y 0roin+ ushin0 6y
"i4k u a0ainst 6y 7eans/ It was al6ost "ark/
The "ri3eway le" to the 5a4k atio/ Wee"s an" low Fowers sneake"
throu0h the 4ra4ks in the "e4ayin0 4on4rete 5etween the a3in0 stones+ an"
it was still li0ht enou0h to see so6e anthills in there+ too+ the telltale
3ol4anoes of oran0e "irt/ In for6er "ays %e00ie an" 6e knelt o3er the6 with
a 6a0nifyin0 0lass fro6 the Wharf Sho+ tiltin0 the in4ineratin0 5ea6 on any
unfortunate 4ritters oin0 out for a hi3e erran"/ It was where we ha"
arran0e" the "oo6e" ra"io 6en an" 5a=ooka 0uys fro6 our lasti4 latoons
into the ath of Tonka 5ull"o=ers+ an"+ farther 5a4k+ :lle" 5ri0ht lasti4
5u4kets with water fro6 the hose/ The to""ler 0a6es we foun" 6eanin0 in/
We sent "rawn&out afternoons transferrin0 water fro6 4ontainer to
4ontainer+ sillin0 so6e ea4h ti6e until the 4e6ent was "ren4he" an" we
were all out an" we 4rie" for a re:ll/ Crawlin0 aroun" like ants oursel3es+
"oin0 nonsense thin0s like that/ Behin" the atio+ the 5a4kyar" sloe" u+
an" the u6 still stoo" there like a ruste" s4are4row+ its un"er0roun" ies
lea"in0 nowhere/ I "on>t know if they e3er le" anywhere/
The atio furniture was ile" on the s4reene"&in or4h+ a ri4kety
4ontration that ket the sun o2 us on hot "ays an" the rain o2 us on 4lou"y
ones+ the water rollin0 o2 the roof into worn&away hollows as we swun0 on
the ol" ro4kin0 4ou4h+ wat4hin0 this an" ki4kin0 our feet out/ The roof of the
or4h was "ire4tly un"er the ustairs win"ows an" %e00ie an" 6e use" to
sneak out onto the taraer in Al4atra= 5reakouts/ Not that we ha" anywhere
to 0o/ E3entually we 0ot 5i0 an" 5ol" enou0h to 7u6 o3er the si"e+ that lon0
se3en&foot "ro/ We waste" a lot of ti6e "oin0 that/ Wishin0+ $ay5e this ti6e
we>ll 5reak so6ethin0/
I tol" $elanie to wait there an" s4uttle" throu0h the furniture/ We left
the win"ow to the 7unk roo6 unlo4ke" when we li3e" there/ $ay5e 6y aunt
"i"+ too/ What was there to steal1 We were 6ore likely to 5e a44i"entally
lo4ke" out than ro55e"/ I sho3e" the win"ow oen+ 4la65erin0 onto the
lu6y 0uest 5e"+ whi4h was 4o3ere" with our ol" 5oar" 0a6es an" 6y aunt>s
sy thrillers/ Staine" sha"es fro6 thrown&out la6s an" 5uste"
Wee"wa4kers+ :shin0 oles an" lasti4 5o!es full of s4rews/ I walke" aroun"
to the 5a4k "oor an" let her in/
The house looke" s6all fro6 the outsi"e/ That was its tri4k/ Ste insi"e
an" it went on for 6iles/ We were in the kit4hen+ where the ale 0reen
(eneral Ele4tri4 alian4es hu66e"+ the 6at4hin0 "ishwasher an" fri"0e
an" ran0e nestle" a6on0 the ink #or6i4a 4ountertos/ The ele4tri4ity was
turne" on an" they sarke" to life8 the ele4tri4ity was turne" o2 an" they
shu""ere" into 4o6as for nine 6onths/ The "oor 4reake" as I 4lose" it+ as it
always "i"/ You ne3er for0et your :rst 4reak/ It was the ori0inal 4reak+ the
4reak stan"ar" that I woul" 4o6are all other 4reaks to/ E3erythin0 in that
house was 6y 6o"el for thin0s out in the worl"/ This is what a "oorkno5
looks like/ This is what a "rain looks like/ The :rst 4hair I 4alle" a 4hair was
there in the li3in0 roo6+ ne!t to 6y one an" only an" e3er la6/ $y feet
"an0le" for years until the Foor :nally rea4he" u to 6eet the6/ Win"ow/
Cou4h/ Co2ee ta5le/ $y e3erlastin0 o57e4ts/
?Co5we5s+? $elanie sai"+ s4rain0 her fa4e/
A seafarin0 sort+ 6y 0ran"father ha" anele" the li3in0 roo6 in 5roa"+
5rown lanks of knotty ine that 6a"e it look like the 5elly of a shi/ A 5uoy
fro6 his ol" sail5oat hun0 o3er the 4ou4h+ the na6e ar4in0 a4ross it in
weathere" 5la4k aint9 $Y (LO%Y/ The ol" horseshoe 4ra5 was still there+ the
"rie" shell han0in0 on the nail 6y father ha" ha66ere" into the wall after I
5rou0ht it 5a4k fro6 the 5ea4h/ The only thin0 I noti4e" that was "i2erent
was the T,+ 5ut I 4oul"n>t 5elie3e that the ol" 5la4k&an"&white still worke"+ so
I for0a3e its rela4e6ent/ It took :3e 6inutes to war6 u+ 6akin0 all sorts of
franti4 soun"s+ like you>" startle" the eole insi"e fro6 their "o=in0/ A white
"ot :nally 6ateriali=e" in the 6i""le of the s4reen/ A white "ot in a sea of
5la4kness/ The :rst star in the uni3erse on the :rst "ay/ It 0rew an" srea"
an" the soun" 4a6e on an" e3entually the 4o6e"ian hit his un4h line+ the
weather6an tol" the future+ the 6onster stee" out of the fo0/ You ha" to
wait for it to 4o6e aroun"/
?Ni4k>s workin0 toni0ht you sai"/?
?I>6 not his keeer+? she sai"/
?Do you want to 0o ustairs1? I aske"/ Our eyes were 0ettin0 use" to
the "ark an" a 4ar 4a6e u He6stea"+ illu6inatin0 the roo6 an" us in a
li0hthouse swee/
?Okay/?
This was 6y ol" house where all the 0oo" thin0s still li3e" e3en thou0h
we ha" 6o3e" on/ E3erythin0 as it was/ E3en the 5oy+ the one who always
see6e" hay/ He ha" to 5e here/ This was where he li3e"/ Hauntin0 the
la4e in his olyester ants an" fu4ke"&u Afro/
Was the sa6e 5ottle of hy"ro0en ero!i"e sittin0 in the 6e"i4ine
4a5inet1 The 0risly white foa6/ He was always runnin0 aroun" an" not
lookin0 where he was 0oin0/ It all 5u55le" u/ I saw it 4learly/ I thou0ht it ha"
5een the kiss that the son0 retrie3e"+ 5ut it was this la4e/ $y lost lo3e>s fa4e
was the two win"ows fa4in0 the street+ the front "oor for a nose+ an" the
three 5ri4k stes for a 6outh/ Darlin0/ I hu66e" the 4horus an" I "i"n>t 4are
if $elanie hear"/ Certain son0s 0ot you like that/ You 4oul" 6ake fun of the6+
i0nore the6+ try to tune the6 out+ 5ut the 3erses still 0ot insi"e/ *eole you>"
ne3er 6eet o2ere" the wor"s you were una5le to sho3e ast your lis+ sayin0
what you felt a5out so6eone on4e+ or 6i0ht 5e4o6e 4aa5le of feelin0 one
"ay/ If you were lu4ky/ They soke for you/ (atherin0 the s6all+ rou0h thin0s
you re4o0ni=e" in yourself/
The ki"s> roo6s were on the se4on" Foor/ I walke" u ahea" of her+ 6y
:n0ers li0htin0 on the 5anister 6a"e s6ooth 5y all our han"s+ :n"in0 the nail
hea"s raise" 5y the settlin0 woo"/ I anti4iate" ea4h one 5efore 6y :n0ers
"is4o3ere" it/ I>" fallen "own the stairs lenty when I was learnin0 how to 0o
"own stairs/ Sla66in0 6y stui" hea" a4ross the stes an" :nishin0 in a
5ruise" hea at the 5otto6/ This was the la4e where I learne" to i4k 6yself
u+ 5e4ause when I fell the house was always e6ty/
Elena>s roo6 was on the left+ 6e an" %e00ie>s was on the ri0ht/ The
sha"es at the 5a4k of our roo6 were oen+ enou0h a65ient li0ht sneakin0 in
for us to 6ake out the two 5e"s+ the "resser+ an" the weir" 3anity ta5le that
ha" 5een 6o3e" u there 5efore I was 5orn+ for la4k of a 5etter la4e/ The
6irror of the 3anity was Fanke" 5y two 6irrore" win0s on hin0es&&if you
6o3e" the6 into a trian0le+ lea3in0 a slot for you to eek insi"e+ the 6irrors
retreate" into en"lessness+ tossin0 i6a0es of the6sel3es 5a4k to the6sel3es
in a nar4issisti4 loo/ It looke" like a tunnel 5urrowin0 throu0h the 5a4k of the
3anity+ throu0h the wall+ an" into an e!tra"i6ensional 5eyon"/ It was
a6a=in0 how lon0 I 4oul" stare at that/ The shouts of 6y frien"s layin0 with
%e00ie 4a6e u throu0h the win"ow+ or 6y sister yukkin0 it u with her
0irlfrien"s in the ne!t roo6 an" I stoo" there starin0/
?This was 6y 5e"+? I sai"/ I sat "own an" srea" 6y al6 out/ The
5loo6 of ruste" srin0s sotte" the 6attress/ She sat "own ne!t to 6e/ She
sai" so6ethin0 an" I reson"e"+ "rawin0 u senten4es fro6 a reser3oir/ I
ha"n>t 5een on 6y 5e" for years/ The last ti6e I slet in it&&the ni0ht of that
su66er>s La5or Day arty&&I ha"n>t known it was 0oin0 to 5e the :nal ti6e/ A
4ar 4ret u He6stea"+ the hea"li0hts 4astin0 a win"ow&shae" trae=oi"
a4ross the 4eilin0/ I knew the 4ir4uit&&the li0ht tra3ersin0 the wall ne!t to the
3anity+ 4reein0 u the white 4eilin0 tiles+ then elon0atin0 an" "isaearin0
in the 6i""le of the roo6/ If the trae=oi" 5linke" o2 there+ the 4ar 4ontaine"
stran0ers+ re33in0 u to BBQ/ If it 4ontinue" a4ross the 4eilin0+ it was 6y
arents returnin0 after a ni0ht out+ turnin0 into the "ri3eway+ "ri3in0 the
"ia6on" into its ho6e 5erth a5o3e 6y 5e" 5efore 6y father shut o2 the
en0ine/ When that haene"+ I was safe fro6 all the ni0ht soun"s that ha"
unsettle" 6e sin4e we were sent to 5e"/ I 4oul"n>t slee+ e3en then/ I
followe" ea4h transit of li0ht+ hoin0/ When the li0ht ho3ere" an" stoe"+
6y arents were ho6e an" e3erythin0 woul" 5e okay/
?It>s <uiet u here+? she sai"/ Her knu4kles reste" a0ainst 6y thi0h/
?It is+ isn>t it+? I sai"/ She looke" into 6y fa4e/ Her eyes 0listene" in the
"ark/ Then she shut the6+ s4rewin0 the6 "own like she was 4on4entratin0
3ery har"+ an" she urse" her lis/
Why 6e1 She was 0oin0 out with Ni4k+ 5ut 6ay5e she wasn>t any6ore/
Certainly all the e3i"en4e ointe" to the 4on4lusion that she wante" 6e to
kiss her/ The tale of the 4hil"hoo" s6oo4h+ the hone 4all yester"ay+ her
4urrent ose&&oh+ let>s sto there+ I think we ha3e what they 4all a
reon"eran4e+ 0oo" eole of the 7ury But why1 I re3iewe" our re4ent
en4ounters/ Ha" I 5een 4ool or sai" so6ethin0 funny1 A44i"entally 5rou0ht
forth the winnin0 arts of 6e1 I 4oul"n>t think of anythin0 outsi"e of 6y usual
shti4k/ $ay5e 6y Bauhaus T&shirt was :nally ki4kin0 in+ a"3ertisin0 6y
sohisti4ate" 6usi4al tastes/ Di" she like Bauhaus+ too1 It was unlikely/ She
see6e" retty New E"ition/ It o44urre" to 6e that Ni4k looke" a lot like
Bo55y Brown/ Was she tryin0 to 0et 5a4k at Ni4k for so6ethin01 I wasn>t the
erson you 6a"e out with to 6ake so6eone 7ealous/ I was the erson you
6a"e out with to 6ake so6eone ity you+ like+ look how far I>3e fallen sin4e
you left 6e+ what with the far&o2 stare an" 0eneral air of "e0ra"ation/ I was
6issin0 so6ethin0/ $y 5ra4es were o2/ But that see6e" su4h a tri3ial thin0/ I
was a "u66y for skiin0 6y aoint6ents/ I 4oul" ha3e 5een "oin0 stu2
like this all the ti6e+ aarently/ I thou0ht of E6ily Dorf6an sli"in0 her lon0
:n0ers aroun" 6ine an" now $elanie Downey er4he" on 6y 5e" like a
ny6h in a aintin0 5y one of the Ol" $asters or like one of the 5u!o6 4a6
4ounselors in #ri"ay the BMth+ a5out to 5urst out of her 4herry hot ants/ The
0irls ha" to rea4h out to 6e/ I was too in3olute"/ They ha" to ull 6e out of
6yself/ *ull 6e where1 As if it were 5etter outsi"e+ with the rest of the worl"/
I nee"e" eole to 5e a5le to see ast 6y 4reaky fa4a"e in or"er to ro3e
their worth+ 5ut when they "i" see ast it+ I refuse" to a44et it/ If eole
looke" insi"e+ surely they>" <ui4kly "is4o3er there wasn>t 6u4h to see/
She sai"+ ?)h1?
All this thinkin0O You un"erstan" the i6e"i6ents I fa4e" 5a4k then/
E3erythin0 4a6e to a halt 5efore this relentless 0rin"in0&o3er/ A nor6al
erson woul" ha3e 4on4entrate" on the 6atter at han"+ 5ut I 4a6e fro6 a
"e0enerate line/ I was at a arty 4hattin0 u a hi0h&ro5a5ility 5ut 0ot
foolishly "istra4te" 5y the lon0&shot lo3ely a4ross the roo6 whose s6ile ket
6e on the hook/ In this 4ase+ the 5ewit4hin0 lass wasn>t e3en a lass at all+ 5ut
a two&story art&ti6e ho6e with a leaky roof an" erio"i4 s<uirrel infestation/
I was art of a "ea"&en" tri5e of hu6an 5ein0s twi""lin0 our thu65s for
e!tin4tion/ We i4ke" the wron0 line in suer6arkets+ sittin0 like 5a0s of
4e6ent with our 6ea0er foo"stu2s in our 5asket+ 4ountin0 an" re4ountin0 to
6ake sure we ha" less than ten ite6s+ an" when we :nally resol3e" to swit4h
to the faster line+ it was too late an" now that was the slow line/ In fa4t+ the
a4t of us 7oinin0 that line 6a"e it the slow line/ We eere" into the "oors of
a4ke" 5uses an" "e4i"e" to wait for the ne!t one+ like we ha" all the fu4kin0
ti6e in the worl"+ an" looke" u the street for twenty 6inutes for the ne!t
one+ :nally "e4i"in0 to walk+ an" then the ne!t 5us =oo6e" ast as we
0alu6he" 5etween stos/ We sat like i"iots as 0or0eous 0irls with 5i0+
atient lis o2ere" the6sel3es to us while we re3erie" o3er 5y0one
4o5we55e" thin0s/ We ne3er know when we ha3e it 0oo"+ an" we for0et so
easily/ We will "ie out/ Not that this arti4ular o44asion was a 4han4e to ass
on 6y wret4he" 0eneti4 6aterial an" e!ten" 6y kin">s useless rei0n on this
earth+ 5ut you un"erstan" where su4h 5eha3ior lea"s&&e3entually the
a44u6ulate" 6isse" oortunities+ shortsi0hte" "e4isions+ an" wron0 turns
will o3ertake us/ We are too stui" to li3e/ It>s a6a=in0 we 6a"e it this far/
Just kiss her/ I kisse" her/ Leane" o3er+ e3ery a"7ustin0 srin0 in the
6attress =in0in0 in loutish 4o66entary/ It was the house/ I 4oul" 5e the real
6e 5e4ause this was where I li3e"+ free fro6 what haene" an" who I 4a6e
to 5e/ No 6atter what eole saw when they looke" at 6e+ there was this
6an insi"e/
Di" I 6ention that 6y eyes were oen1 I wat4he" her eyes ro3e un"er
their sha"owy li"s/ Her ton0ue was soft/ Softer than 6y ton0ue+ or were all
ton0ues the sa6e "e0ree of softness an" 6ine was soft+ too1 I lifte" a han"
an" reste" it on her tit/ I s<uee=e" it/ (in0erly+ like a sailor who>" 5een
thrown o3er5oar" an" woke to :n" san" un"er hi6/ Is this real+ the soft stu2
5etween 6y :n0ers1 She e!hale" throu0h her nose/ This was a real feelin0/
The 4horus went like this9
>Cause oh+ Ba5y I know
I know I 4oul" 5e so in lo3e with you
An" I know that I 4oul" 6ake you lo3e 6e too
An" if I 4oul" only hear you say you "o+ oo oo oo oo
But anyway+ what woul" you say1
I know that I 4oul" 6ake you lo3e 6e too/ I was wron0 a0ain/ It wasn>t
the house I was in lo3e with+ either/ It was what I ut in it/ I saw it 4learly now+
the "ay I :rst hear" the son0+ as if I were eekin0 into the 3anity to :n" the
s4ene unfol"in0 in in:nite truth/ It was in this 3ery house+ 6any years a0o/
The sun was 5ri0ht an" e3ery 4olor "a==le"/ $e an" 6y 5rother were on our
knees on the 4e6ent in the 5a4k of the house+ ra66in0 our toy ei0hteen&
wheelers into ea4h other/ E3eryone thou0ht we were twins 5e4ause we were
ne3er aart/ CB ra"io was kin0+ an" we talke" in 6isarehen"e" CB lin0o/
?Breaker One Ni0ht+ Breaker One Ni0ht/? I ha" a re" ri0 an" 6y little 5rother
ha" a 5lue one&&when our 6other took the6 out of the shoin0 5a0+ it was
6y turn to i4k :rst+ so I 0ot the one I wante"/ ?We 0ot a S6okin0 Bear on
our tail/? $y sister was lyin0 on the fa"e" 0reen 4haise+ aintin0 her toenails
a 5rain&slittin0 re" with s6all+ "eli4ate strokes/ She an" her frien"s ha" 7ust
"is4o3ere" nail olish an" eye sha"ow an" stu4k to a stri4t ra4ti4e re0i6en/
She sai"+ ?Co6e here+ %e00ie+ let 6e "o your nails+? an" he sai"+ ?No+ noO?
$y 6other Fie" the a0es of a 6a0a=ine at the atio ta5le+ wearin0 the
white sweat5an"s that were always on her wrists that one su66er she
laye" tennis/ ?It>s 0oo" for the heart/? She looke" so youn0/ She sai"+
?Elena+ lea3e your 5rothers alone+? an" turne" the a0e/ $y father uen"e"
the 5a0 of 'in0sfor" an" shook a 6oun" into the 0rill/ He sai"+ ?The :rst
5at4h will 4o6e o2 in aro!i6ately :fty&:3e 6inutes/? An" I sai"+ ?YayO YayO?
5e4ause there was nothin0 5etter than his 5ar5e4ue/ We were a fa6ily/ This
was the s4ene the son0 0ifte" to 6e/ The ra"io laye" in the kit4hen+ the
5la4k transistor ra"io sittin0 on to of the 0reen (E fri"0e/ The 6an san0
throu0h stati4+ ?I know that I 4oul" 6ake you lo3e 6e too/? That erfe4t "ay
so lon0 a0o when we were all to0ether/ The 5eautiful afternoon 5efore it went
wron0/
Of 4ourse it ne3er haene"/ But that was WLN( for you/ (ot you
e3ery ti6e/
I was su4kin0 on her ne4k/ $y sto6a4h 0rowle"/ $y eyes were still
oen/ That>s how I saw the hea"li0hts/ The li0hts 6o3e" a4ross the wall+
tra4in0 the "istan4e like a nee"le sweein0 a4ross a re4or"/ But the li0hts
"i"n>t "isaear where they were suose" to/ They ket 0oin0+ to 6y
arents> la4e+ an" we hear" the tires snain0 the e55les an" stones in the
"ri3eway/
?Oh+ shitO? I sai"+ 7u6in0 u as if the house were 6a"e of 0lass an"
we were su""enly 3isi5le u in the air+ Foatin0/
?Who is it1?
We s4ra65le" to the si"e win"ow+ whi4h 0a3e us a stee an0le on the
"ri3eway/ It wasn>t so6eone ullin0 in to 6ake a )&turn/ The hea"li0hts
e!tin0uishe" an" the "oor oene"/
?We 0otta 0et out of here+? I sai"/ I was ha3in0 an a4tion&Fi4k 6o6ent+
<uotin0 the hero after he "is4o3ers the ti4kin0 ti6e 5o65/
?This su4ksO? she sai"/
I unlat4he" the win"ows/ She sai"+ ?Are you 4ra=y1?
?No+ look&&the roof/? I saw her frown at 6e/ ?It>s totally safe/? Then
whiserin09 ?$e an" %e00ie use" to 0o out here all ti6e/?
We hear" the front "oor 4reak oen/ That 4reakO I threw a le0 outsi"e
an" ulle" 6y 5o"y throu0h/ $elanie 5an0e" her hea" on the fra6e an"
sai"+ ?OwO?
?ShhO?
?OohO?
?ShhO?
We stee" o3er the twi0s an" a4orns lo55e" fro6 the trees/ I le" her
to the si"e of the or4h away fro6 the "ri3eway/ ?Now what1? she whisere"+
lookin0 o3er/
?We 0otta 7u6 for it+? I sai"/ $ore a4tion&Fi4k "ialo0ue/ The e"0e of
the 4anyon+ the 6er4enaries> 7ee 5oun4in0 4loser/ The kissin0 ha" 7ostle"
so6ethin0 loose+ so6e he&6an narrati3e/
?I>6 not "oin0 that/? A han" "ownstairs "is4o3ere" the la6 in 6y
arents> for6er 5e"roo6+ throwin0 li0ht onto the 0rass/
?We ha3e to+? an" I 7u6e"/ It really wasn>t that far+ an" 6y le0s knew
what to "o after so 6any rehearsals/ I>" seen 6yself 7u6in0 o2 the or4h to
es4ae a ra0in0 :re or a 6ass of =o65ies 6oanin0 u the stairs+ 5ut ne3er
thou0ht I>" 5e lookin0 u at a 0irl+ sayin0+ ?I>ll 4at4h you/?
I "i"n>t/ She kno4ke" 6e into the "irt like an A46e an3il/ She yele"/
Lou" enou0h for the erson insi"e to hear/ Then we ran/ Alon0 the si"e of the
house+ "ashin0 a4ross the front yar" an" into the street/ I hear" so6eone yell
after us+ an" snu4k a 0lan4e 5a4k to see a silhouette on the front stoo/ But
we were aroun" the 4orner with a <ui4kness/
R R R
THE NE-T DAY I SAW $ELANIE throu0h the win"ow of the 0rill/ I took
6y 5reak/ She sat on one of the 5en4hes+ ru55in0 her san"als in the "irt+
retty toes okin0 out/ She wat4he" 6e walk o3er/ A li6ousine rowle" u
the lane 5etween us+ a slow 5la4k shark+ an" I waite" for it to ass/ Her
e!ression "i" not 4han0e/ I 0a3e her the i4e 4rea6 I>" s4ooe" for her/ $int
Cho4olate Chi in a WaJe Cone with %ain5ow Srinkles+ what I>" hear" her
ask for all those ti6es when she 4a6e in to see Ni4k while 6y hea" was
"own in the 3ats/ She sai"+ ?Oh+ thanks+? an" e!ten"e" her soft ton0ue to the
i4e 4rea6/ ?It>s hot out to"ay/?
I tol" her that 6y aunt ha" let one of her e6loyees use the house for
the weeken"/ She sai"+ ?That>s okay+? an" looke" ast 6e an" Ni4k
6ateriali=e" an" sli" u ne!t to her+ 4ir4lin0 his ar6 aroun" her an" sliin0
his :n0ers into the ti0ht o4ket of her 7eans/ He "i"n>t ask a5out the 4one/
That was that/
$y aunt sol" the house a few years later/ When I aske" her why she>"
"o su4h a thin0+ she tol" 6e+ ?I ne3er went out there/ What was the oint of
hol"in0 on to it1? I was aalle"+ 5ut you know 6e/ I was nostal0i4 for
e3erythin0 5i0 an" s6all/ Nostal0i4 for what ne3er haene" an" nostal0i4
a5out what will 5e+ lookin0 forwar" to lookin0 5a4k on a ti6e when thin0s 0ot
easier/
She sol" the house to that 5ran" who kee it u+ "ili0ently 6ailin0
4he4ks to the lawn 0uy an" the 0uy who turns on the water at the start of the
season+ 5ut who ne3er see6 to 4o6e out/ They ha3en>t "one a thin0 to it+
reainte" it or anythin0+ so it looks like it always "i"/ When I walk 5y there
now+ I 4oul" 5e starin0 at a hoto0rah of when 6y 0ran"arents 7ust
:nishe" it+ the6 stein0 out into the street to a"6ire what they>"
a44o6lishe"/ Or the :rst ti6e I saw it when I was a 5a5y+ aloft in 6y
6other>s ar6s/ #ar away+ then 0ettin0 5i00er an" 6ore real the 4loser we 0et
to it/
It looks like it>s waitin0/
THE BOYS LINED )* TO %ACE/ THEY DO)BLE&'NOTTED their shoela4es+
the sa" noo"les 0one 0ray fro6 a su66er of tra6in0+ an" ulle" u their
tu5e so4ks+ whi4h slowly Futtere" "own their 4al3es an" ankles for la4k of
elasti4/ They nose" their sneakers as 4lose to the line as ossi5le+ newly 0un0
ho a5out 6illi6eters an" the s6all a"3anta0es that 0et us throu0h life/ The
re" 4halk "isaeare" o3er the 5usy "ay as feet treate" it like the "ust it was+
sweein0 it away into the 5eyon"+ 5ut for now it was a rese4te" 5or"er+
4or"onin0 o2 the i4ni4 ta5les an" re"&an"&white 4oolers an" se4tators fro6
the layin0 :el" in the 6i""le of the street/ The anti4iation/ The 5oys
unwrae" their fa3orite s4owls an" 0lares to sy4h out their 4o6etitors/
Any se4on" now/ An" then the false start+ fro6 that ki" who was you an" 6e/
Ea0er to 5e0in an" ner3ous with e3ery5o"y>s eyes on hi6 an" then fu4kin0
u/ ?Da0+? the other 5oys 0roane"+ shakin0 their le0s an" 0atherin0
the6sel3es anew/ An0ry as if the whole su66er were at stake/
The 0irls went :rst/ The E&to&G&year&ol"s who 5elie3e" the se4ret of
see" was in the fa4e+ in the :er4e+ s4run4he" e!ressions they ushe"
ahea" of their 5o"ies+ an" then the D to ios+ <ui4ksil3er in onytails+ an"
:nally the 0awky an" 0lorious BB to BLs+ ra4in0 for the last ti6e+ srintin0
"eserately into teena0e reo44uations an" Feein0 the 0irls they ha" 5een/
$r/ (ra"y raise" his starter istol+ his other han" 4uin0 the 5la4k
stowat4h 5o55in0 on his 4hest/ $r/ (ra"y+ year after year/ With his 5rown&
an"&re" skin&&half Cherokee+ so he 4lai6e"&&an" skinny ar6s an" le0s an"
ot5elly/ He was a notorious "rinker a6on0 unaolo0eti4 "rinkers+ le0en"ary
for his annual ass&out in the "ri3er>s seat of his "ark Ca"illa4+ as the ra"io
laye" an" the 6otor hu66e"+ too out of it to walk u to his front "oor/ This
was his one so5er afternoon of the season/ He ha" a "uty/ His son ha" 5een a
natural athlete an" e3ery5o"y sai" he 4oul" ha3e 5een in the Oly6i4s if
he>" wante" to+ he was that 0oo"/ But then he fell in with the wron0 4row"/
After the ra4es+ $r/ (ra"y hit the ru6 un4h in front of the Delaneys> with a
<ui4kness+ to 4lose the "istan4e/ $r/ (ra"y with his tre65lin0 ar6 sti4kin0 u
in the air an authority only ki"s were stui" enou0h to o5ey/
They ran to ro3e who was the fastest+ the 6ost worthy+ to settle three
6onths of s4ores+ they ran for their arents+ who "i" or "i" not wat4h fro6
the si"elines an" "i" or "i" not 4heer the6 on/ #irst+ Se4on"+ an" Thir" *la4e
0ot 6e"als/ $r/ (or"on+ the 4hair6an of the Sa0 Har5or Hills I6ro3e6ent
Asso4iation+ knew a 0uy in Wains4ott who kno4ke" the6 out at a reasona5le
ri4e/ The winners wore the 6e"als all "ay+ inne" to their 4otton&oly shirts+
lookin0 "own to 6ar3el at the6 when a 4lou" asse" the sun or they
shi3ere" fro6 so6e internal tre6or+ liftin0 the6 u for 0rown&us to e!a6ine
after a"6irin0 re6arks/ Cli3e always 4a6e in #irst when the 6ess of us use"
to ell&6ell "own the street+ e!4et for the year when he twiste" his ankle+
an" he still ha" the6 u on the wall of his roo6+ a 5lue row rouse" 5y the
"raft whene3er you oene" the "oor/ I ne3er won+ 5ut I ne3er e!e4te" to/ It
was okay/
We were the 5i0 ki"s at the La5or Day arty now that Elena an" her
0rou were o2/ Wat4hin0 fro6 the si"elines+ 7awin0+ "is"ainful/ We were "own
to a skeleton 4rew/ $e an" %e00ie/ N* an" Ni4k+ who was stayin0 out in Sa0
in his weir" e!ile after the rest of us i4ke" u our stakes/ Ti6e was+ we
ne3er 6isse" this "ay/ But other thin0s were 6ore i6ortant now/ Cli3e an"
Bo55y an" $ar4us were alrea"y in the 4ity/ We were 0rowin0 into those who
went away/
When %e00ie an" 6e 6a"e it o3er to Sa0 Har5or Hills+ N* an" Ni4k
were talkin0 to a tall 5oy with ha=el eyes an" rusty 4urls/ His na6e was Barry
Da3i"/ He wore 0ray Lee 7eans+ 4rossin0 his ar6s o3er a strie" 5lue&an"&
4ri6son Le Ti0re olo/ Also+ a 4onstant s6irk/ He looke" fa6iliar an" I :0ure"
hi6 for so6eone>s 4ity 5u""y out for the 5i0 "ay+ or a Southern relati3e u
for his annual "ose of 5our0ie:4ation/ La5or Day+ all sorts of stran0ers left
their 6ark/
We were learnin0 that it wasn>t as 6u4h fun wat4hin0 the ra4es when
you weren>t runnin0/ If the 0irls were still out+ we woul">3e 5een "i3erte" 5y
so4ial erfor6an4e+ 5ut De3on an" Eri4a ha" alrea"y 0one 5a4k to New
Jersey+ an" $elanie an" her 6o6>s rental was o3er/ %ent your house out for
Au0ust+ sure+ 5ut you>" 5e a fool to 0i3e u La5or Day/ Wat4hin0 the little 0irls
ta4kle the street+ it was 4lear that our 0rou>s 0en"er "isarity was only a
statisti4al 5li&&the ne!t 0rou was well sto4ke"/ Elena>s 0rou ha" 5een well
5alan4e"+ too+ an" with the6 no lon0er 4o6in0 out+ the o3erty of our
situation was e3en 6ore aarent/ There woul" 5e no fashion show this year+
an" 6ay5e the ne!t few+ until the ne!t 4ro of 0irls transferre" their interests
fro6 hos4ot4h to runways/
?They 5etter ha3e a 0oo" DJ this ti6e+? Ni4k sai"/
?That last 0uy was illin> with all that $otown shit+? %e00ie sai"/
N* sai" there wasn>t 0oin0 to 5e a DJ this year/ Ni4k "i"n>t 5elie3e it+
5ut 6y 6other ha" tol" us the sa6e thin0 that 6ornin0+ o2erin0 the
hyothesis that there wasn>t enou0h 6oney in the 5u"0et ?5e4ause they
sent so 6u4h on those new Sa0 Har5or Hills si0ns of theirs/? They were
<uite natty+ the si0ns+ stan"in0 at the hi0hway entran4es of all the
"e3elo6ent streets+ the 7aunty 5la4k whale with its 4o6e&hither look/ Now
A=urest woul" ha3e to 0et its a4t to0ether an" 0et new si0ns+ too/ It was a
4ol" war+ 5ut har6less/ ?That>s 6esse" u+? Ni4k sai"/
?That>s so6e 5ullshit ri0ht there+? Barry Da3i" sai"/ ?I thou0ht you sai"
this was a real arty/?
?There>s the 5on:re+? I o2ere"/
?Wa4k&ass 5on:re+? he sai"/ ?I>6 0onna 0et 6e so6e i4e" tea/? He
walke" away an" I aske" Ni4k+ ?Who>s that1? ?That>s N*>s 4ousin/? He
shru00e"/ ?He 4a6e out for the "ay/? Out in Sa0 Har5or+ it was 0oo" oli4y to
wa3e at e3eryone you asse"+ whether you haene" on the6 as they were
re6o3in0 0ro4eries fro6 the trunk or as they stoo" in the 6i""le of their
lawns with he"0e 4liers an" a 3a4ant e!ression on their fa4es+ where3er+
5e4ause there was a 0oo" 4han4e you were relate"/ Cousins like 4ra5&0rass
out there/ You ne3er knew how 4lose you were to those you asse"/ This "ay+
that rule was in a5eyan4e/ You>" sen" all "ay 5owin0 an" salutin0+ it was
ri"i4ulous/ La5or Day+ the oulation was at its hi0hest+ with one&weeken"ers
out for their annual 3isitation+ relati3es 4ara3annin0 like Okies to 5reak in the
new 4on3erti5le 5e"+ an" the s4attere" alu6ni 4o6in0 aroun" a0ain to see if
it was as they re6e65ere"/ The Sun"ay of La5or Day weeken" we 4row"e"
into this one street to see one another an" say 0oo"&5ye/
Nine3ah *la4e+ the "ea" en" to the 5ea4h the rest of the year+ was
to"ay the "ea" en" of su66er/ We 4oul" 0o no further/ The ne!t "ay we>"
4lose u our houses+ ullin0 in the lawn furniture+ win"in0 hoses aroun"
forear6s in 6essy loos+ leanin0 on fau4ets with all our 6i0ht for that e!tra
5it that 6eant ea4e of 6in" for nine 6onths/ S4hool+ work+ autu6n/ As if
autu6n was not alrea"y here/ Ni0hts we =ie" 7a4kets to the ne4k+ an" "ays
0ooseFesh oe" on our le0s as we trie" to s<uee=e one 6ore use out of
shorts we>" ne3er wear a0ain/
But for0et all those 4ity inti6ations/ To"ay was the Sa0 Har5or Hills
La5or Day *arty/ Car" ta5les rela4e" the 4ars outsi"e of houses+ set a&
wo55le 5y it4hers an" Tuerware/ We 4a6e" out+ sharin0 our foo" an"
"rink an" stories/ $ayo 0lue" 0lo5s of otato sala" to soons+ you ha" to
shake har" to lo it into the 4o6art6ent on the 5lue lasti4 late/ *otato
sala"+ where woul" we 5e without otato sala" 4lu6e" with yellow la"y5u0s
of yolk+ otato sala" 5y the 5ushel an" 4rinkle" alu6inu6 tins of 0reens
stea6in0 o3er Sterno 4ans of 6ur6urin0 :re/
Bu4ket We5ers an" Fat hi5a4his unfurle" 6a0ni:4ent 5anners of 0ray
s6oke/ With a late in your han"+ you 6i!e" an" 6at4he" fro6 e!erien4e/
There was $r/ Ja4kson an" his 0rille" 4hi4ken/ He>" 6a"e a na6e for hi6self
with his La5or Day 4hi4ken+ the arts 6arinate" o3erni0ht in so6e han"e"&
"own Tennessee 4on4o4tion/ He ha" a lon0 line waitin0 for a ie4e/ He 4oul"
har"ly kee u/ A few houses "own+ $r/ Turner ro""e" franks+ lookin0
forlornly "own the street at $r/ Ja4kson an" his followers an" resol3in0 to
ste u his 0a6e+ althou0h ne!t year he>" 5e out with the hot "o0s a0ain+
7ealous a0ain/ We lotte" an" lanne" an" ne!t year 4a6e aroun" an" we
were in the sa6e la4e/ Ol" relia5le/ An" how 4oul" I for0et $rs/ #ren4h an"
her 4u4akes+ soft as the ti4kin0 that an0els stu2 in their illows/ The
4u4akes went 5efore three o>4lo4k an" her 5rownies "isaeare" like that+
re"u4e" to s6ears at the 4orners of 6ouths an" :n0ernails an" the "irty
shirts of "irty ki"s with no ho6e trainin0/ The 5i0 5owls of ru6 un4h were
re:lle" un4tiliously+ in less&re0ulate" roortions as ti6e went on/ You knew
who to hit u for what/
At any 0i3en 6o6ent so6eone was layin0 ?Ain>t No Stoin> )s Now/?
La5or Day+ we 4ornere" the worl"wi"e 6arket on eole layin0 ?Ain>t No
Stoin> )s Now/? It was the 5la4k national anthe6/ The "is4o 3ersion of ?We
Shall O3er4o6e+? 4ourtesy of $r/ $4#a""en K $r/ Whitehea"/ It 4a6e out of
our 4ars as we "ro3e to the store for last&6inute aer lates an" ket4hu+
issue" triu6hantly fro6 san"&Fe4ke" 5oo6 5o!es on threa"5are 5ea4h
towels+ 5lare" out of 5a4kyar" atios fro6 an4ient a6s lu00e" into 5ri0ht
oran0e e!tension 4or"s un4oile" for annual "uty/ There>3e 5een so 6any
thin0s that hel" us "own&&4he4k/ But now it looks like thin0s are :nally
4o6in0 aroun"&&4he4k/ We>re on the 6o3eO&&4he4k/ Whether the asso4iation
was 4i3il ri0hts triu6h+ 5ustin0 throu0h 0lass 4eilin0s in 4ororate towers+ or
6erely the silly 7oy of 0li"in0 aroun" a roller rink as you 4hase" your frien"s
an" o44asionally hel" han"s with so6eone+ aloft in a olyurethane hea3en+
the son0 a""resse" the 0enerations/ No stoin>/
Ol"er folks sunk "own in 5ea4h 4hairs an" "i" not stir the whole
afternoon+ wat4hin0 it all+ waitin0 for eole to 4o6e o3er an" ay rese4t/
They were the only ones a5le to sa3or or rue the s6all 7okes of ti6e/ Like+
isn>t that Sa66y *arkerson an" Ja6es Norton Jr/ layin0 with ea4h other1
Their 0ran"arents were als+ the arents 4oul"n>t stan" ea4h other+ an"
then the 0ran"ki"s foun" ea4h other one "ea" afternoon an" 5e4a6e
5u""ies for life/ The seasons set e3erythin0 ri0ht a0ain/ $y arents>
0eneration 6a"e the roun"s+ oin0 in for a "rink at one of the houses+
6akin0 4arefully ti6e" aearan4es at the fun4tions they>" ro6ise" all
week to atten"+ hot on the trail of lost frien"s ru6ore" to 5e out after so lon0/
They 4he4ke" on their 4hil"ren only o44asionally/ Why worry to"ay1 It was
La5or Day/ Nothin0 5a" 4oul" haen/ They 0ot a 5reak fro6 us/ We 0ot a
5reak fro6 the6/ To6orrow it was 5a4k to the aart6ents an" we>" 5e all
o3er ea4h other for nine 6onths/ We>" ha" all su66er to sew u the tears
an" ush the stu;n0 5a4k insi"e+ 5ut it was o3er/ The little ki"s =oo6e"/ $e
an" 6y frien"s stoo" with our ar6s 4rosse"+ shakin0 our hea"s/
When was the :rst La5or Day arty1 The Last Chan4e Dan4e/ Sur&of&
the&6o6ent thin0 one su66er in the early >EHs+ a ni4e i"ea+ so6e frien"s
0ettin0 to0ether+ then 5e4o6in0 o;4ial as it 5e4a6e a hit+ eole looke"
forwar" to it+ with a lannin0 4o66ittee an" folks 7o4keyin0 for their little
3isions/ #oot ra4es for the ki"s aearin0 one year/ The fashion show+ whi4h I
ne3er un"erstoo"/ Was this the han"iwork of fa6ous "esi0ners the 0irls
strutte" aroun" in+ re3iews fro6 *arisian runways1 The 0irls were 0a6e+
6i6i4kin0 oses fro6 6a0a=ines/ Throw a kiss to the 4row" like I tol" you+
"ear/ At "usk the "an4e arty 5e0an+ on the woo"en sta0e ere4te" the
$on"ay 5efore an" sittin0 in the street all week+ teasin0+ 5e4konin0/
Ju6 on it to test its soli"ity/ #or a few su66ers we 5use" in a 0rou of
Al3in Ailey "an4ers&&so6e5o"y ha" 4onne4tions&&an" they 6o3e" "eli4ately
in their 5ei0e leotar"s+ a slow e!<uisite "islay/ They use" Cli3e>s 5ase6ent
as a 4han0in0 roo6+ an" we 4row"e" aroun" the little win"ow for a 0li6se
of ni or 6u2 an" were run o2 5y Cli3e>s 6other/ Always+ always run o2/ That
was our whole story/ The 5on:res starte" a0ain aroun" when the "an4ers
stoe" 4o6in0/
It was ti6e for the last ra4e/ A wo6an snat4he" her to""ler fro6 the
tra4k/ E3ery5o"y was rea"y+ 5ut $r/ (ra"y was ha3in0 a ro5le6 with his
stowat4h/ At the en" of ea4h ra4e+ he 4he4ke" the sta4k of aer in his
han"+ "i2erent 4olors an" sto4ks fro6 6any years+ to see if any new re4or"s
ha" 5een set+ if the le0en"ary ti6es of yore still stoo"/ ?An" Sta4y Carter
6aintains the re4or" for 0irls> BB to BLs+ set La5or Day BCGN+? he>" announ4e
for the eole in the stan"s/ We looke" aroun" for Sta4y Carter+ now in her
early twenties+ a 4hil" on her shoul"er+ s6ilin0 at the 6ention of her lon0&a0o
feat+ those ne!t to her slain0 her on the 5a4k/ She ran this street+ too+ 5a4k
in the "ay/
We waite"/ There was this new 0an0 of ki"s+ 5oys an" 0irls I ha"n>t
seen all su66er/ Where "i" they 4o6e fro6+ these 4o4ky little shits+ a4tin0
like they owne" the street1 As if these were not our ra4es they were runnin0/
Where ha" they 5een hi"in01 Bi"in0 their ti6e all these 6onths+ on A=urest
Bea4h while we trie" to 4lai6 the o4ean 5ea4h+ sinnin0 the 4o6i4s ra4ks at
the I"eal now that we ha" a5an"one" the6/ They rowle" aroun" on their
5i4y4les lookin0 for the ne!t 4aer or "isaoint6ent+ Foatin0 a5o3e the
seat+ assaultin0 the e"als for a few se4on"s an" then 0li"in0 for a while+
sa3orin0 this ro4ess/ Dit4hin0 their half&eaten sli4es at Con4a D>Oro when
their lookout :n0er&whistle" of our aroa4h/ They 5ristle" at the line while
$r/ (ra"y "i4ke" aroun" re4itin0 the rules they alrea"y knew/ Our
rela4e6ents/
?I shoul" 0et in there an" win that 6e"al+? Barry Da3i" sai"/ ?Take that
shit/?
?You>re too ol"+? %e00ie sai"/ He "i"n>t like this ki"/
?I know that+ shit/ I was 7ust sayin0/? He oke" the last 5it of
ha65ur0er 5un in his 6outh an" li4ke" his lis/
$r/ (ra"y took his ti6e/ We 0rew i6atient/ Let>s 0et this show on the
roa"/ We were all there/ It was where we 6in0le" with who we ha" 5een an"
who we woul" 5e/ Sharin0 sa4e with our e4hoes out in the sun/ The shy ki"
we use" to 5e an" were 0rowin0 away fro6+ the 4on:"ent or har"&lu4k 6en
we woul" 5e4o6e in our i6en"in0 seasons+ the el"erly sur3i3ors we>" 0row
into if we were lu4ky+ with 0ray stu55le an" 0reen sun 3isors/ The 0enerations
rela4in0 an" relenishin0 ea4h other/ E3ery su66er this shiftin0&o3er took
la4e in s6all "e0rees as you 6o3e" 4loser to the erson who was waitin0 for
you to 4at4h u an" so6e youn0er 3ersion of yourself el5owe" you out of the
way/
Where was 6y rela4e6ent+ then1 Whi4h 5oy was it+ stan"in0 with the
others at the startin0 line/ Waitin0 for it to 5e0in/ *ro5a5ly that kno4k&knee"
4reature in the 0reen 6esh T&shirt+ with the s4a55e" knees an" telltale
6esse"&u Afro/ Just lookin0 at hi6+ you knew he wasn>t 0oin0 to win/ It was
in the way he 4arrie" hi6self+ last la4e 5efore he>" taken a ste/ But he>"
0i3e it a 0oo" try/ Like he always "i"/ They ha"n>t 5eaten that out of hi6 yet/
?(et on with it+ (ra"yO? so6eone yelle"+ an" the 0rown&us lau0he"/
An" who was I rela4in01 A44or"in0 to this s4he6e+ he ha" to 5e here
on this street+ 4howin0 "own on so6e of $r/ Ba!ter>s ork ri5s/ Was he one of
Those Who Di"n>t Co6e Out Any6ore1 Ha" he 5een hay out here+ or was
he out in the worl" ne3er seakin0 of this la4e 7ust as it "i" not seak of
hi6+ the one who "i" not turn out as e!e4te"/ Di" he :n" so6eone1 Was he
here wat4hin0 o3er his ki"s to kee the6 safe an" re6inis4in0 with the ol"
als+ shakin0 han"s that were 4ol" an" wet fro6 5eer&sna00in0 "is into
4oolers+ 4at4hin0 the eye of his wife fro6 the other si"e of the street/ She
s6iles 5a4k an" they share this 6o6ent in the 4row"/ $ay5e he "i"n>t e!ist
an" I was the :rst of 6y line/ The 6utant strain/ Or I was in his 3i4inity+ 5ut I
4oul"n>t re4o0ni=e hi6 5e4ause I "i"n>t 5elie3e I 4oul" 0row into that one "ay+
s6ilin0 an" assure" an" at ea4e/ That sleein0 art of 6e :nally rouse" to
a4tion/ $ay5e I saw hi6 e3ery "ay out here+ assin0 hi6 5y+ I was lookin0 at
hi6 now+ an" I itie" the 3ery si0ht of hi6+ too s4are" to a4knowle"0e how I
woul" turn out/
The istol soun"e"/ They ran "own the street+ all the 5oys BB to BL+
6inus the asth6ati4s+ slain0 "own the a3e6ent in their 4hea ru55er/
The o53ious winner+ the tallest ki"+ the 6ost ut&to0ether ki"+ the one who
knew how to 6o3e throu0h the worl"+ <ui4kly ulle" out in front/ The ki" I ut
6y 6oney on+ the one in the 0reen 6esh shirt+ "i"n>t 4o6e in last+ 5ut 7ust
5arely/ He hun4he" o3er 5y the :nish line+ antin0/ Tou0h ra4e/ The :rst ti6e
we ran it+ I re6e65ere"+ this street was still "irt/ They :nally ut so6e
ashalt "own an" then eole starte" retirin0 out here+ stayin0 ast La5or
Day an" throu0h the winter/ It wasn>t their su66er la4e any6ore/ It was
their ho6e/
The winner 7u6e" u an" "own/ $r/ (ra"y sai"+ ?Al6ost 5eatin0 (ary
Os0oo">s fa6ous re4or" fro6 BCDB+ 5ut not <uite+ is Little Cli3e of A=urestO?
There was a Little Cli3e1 How 4oul" there 5e 6ore than one Cli3e+ it was
ri"i4ulous/ The re4ent o3erla in $oha66a"s an" $al4ol6s 6a"e sense+
ti6es 4han0e+ 5ut how 4oul" there 5e another Cli3e1
With the ra4es o3er+ the 4row" re4lai6e" the street after 5ein0 enne"
in the si"elines+ 5u6in0 their 5utts a0ainst the fol"in0 ta5les an" ol" la"ies>
4hairs/ I 4au0ht si0ht of 6y runner as the eole hustle" in/ He turne" fro6
his frien"s an" a "arkness 4hurne" throu0h his features for a 6o6ent 5efore
he foun" his 6ask a0ain/ Yeah+ he ha" to 5e 6e/ That was 6e all o3er/ The
look of fret when he slis u an" for a se4on" other eole 4an see it/
So6eti6es you re4o0ni=e yourself in other eole ri0ht o2 an" so6eti6es
it>s su54ons4ious/ When you 0et ol"er+ you 0ather frien"s an" lo3ers for
reasons other than the a44i"ent that your houses are 4lose to0ether/ There>s
an a;nity+ stu2 you share in 4o66on an" thin0s you seek out in other
eole/ So6ethin0 "rew you to0ether 5ut you "i"n>t un"erstan" that se4ret
un"ertow until one "ay after years an" years of talkin0+ it 4o6es+ the key
story that lays it all out/ Who 4oul" know at the start of that inno4ent e3enin0
that this was the ni0ht to 6ake it lain/ They tell you what haene" an" you
think+ we>re 6ore alike than I knew+ 5ut of 4ourse you "i" know+ it>s what
5rou0ht you to0ether/ In4o6lete 4hil"ren 5e4o6e in4o6lete a"ults/ You
4an see it/ You :n" ea4h other/
$ay5e 6y earlier 6o"el+ the 7olly son of Sa0 Har5or I was rela4in0+
was lookin0 at 6e in that 6o6ent+ a 4an of Bu"weiser restin0 on his aun4h+
5a" 6usta4he shru55in0 his li+ thinkin0+ Why is he stan"in0 aroun" when he
4oul" 5e out ha3in0 fun1 Su4h a 4hu6/ I 4an relate/ Talkin0 a5out that
su66er all this ti6e+ so6eti6es I ha3e to sto an" say+ I "on>t know who this
Ben7i ki" is+ either/ Certainly he woul" not re4o0ni=e the 6an he 4a6e to 5e/
The oor sa/ I nee" hi6 to :0ure out how I 0ot where I a6+ an" he nee"s 6e
to reassure hi6 that "esite all he knows an" has seen an" feels+ there is
6ore/ I 4an listen to hi6/ But of 4ourse he 4an>t hear a "a6n thin0 I say/
?You 4an run+ 5ut 4an you 7u61 Look at you/ You 4an run+ 5ut 4an you
7u61? Barry Da3i" was layin0 kee&away with Little Cli3e>s #irst&*la4e
6e"al/ The youn0er 5oy 0ra55e" for it an" Barry Da3i" snat4he" it hi0her/
Was there anythin0 worse than a 5i00er ki" layin0 kee&away with your
stu21 That "reary rehearsal for a"ulthoo"/ It wasn>t so6ethin0 we>" "o to the
little ki"s/ Well+ so6e of us+ 6ay5e/ But ne3er on a weeken"+ when arents
were aroun"/ Barry Da3i" "i"n>t 4are who saw/ Little Cli3e>s 4heeks re""ene"/
?Look at youO?
I was a5out to say so6ethin0 when Barry Da3i" went sti2+ like he>"
5een =ae" 5y one of those 6ythi4al fallen ower lines we ket 5ein0
warne" a5out after a stor6/ An ol" la"y ha" hi6+ I "i"n>t know her na6e/ She
was one of the 0reat shrunken 6atriar4hs of the 4o66unity+ the ones who
only 4a6e out of their :rst&Foor roo6s in the 5a4k of the house one "ay a
year/ They ha" seen it all+ witnesse" the earth 4ool an" the newly a6hi5ious
hea3e the6sel3es onto san"/ The uneasy 5irth of the "e3elo6ents/ She
snae" Barry Da3i">s ar6 se4urely in her 4law an" sai"+ ?Sto that this
instantO Sto itO Listen to 6e when I>6 talkin0 to you/?
Barry Da3i" looke" at his ar6+ 4onfuse"/ His 6in" 4oul"n>t ro4ess this
interferen4e/ I looke" aroun" for N*>s 6other+ tensin0 6yself for the
se4ta4le of her "is4ilinin0 her nehew in front of e3eryone/ He lowere" the
6e"al "own to Little Cli3e/
?Where are your arents1? the ol" la"y sai"/
#or a se4on" there+ I thou0ht he was 0oin0 to who her/ It was a 5i=arre
i"ea/ Su4h a thin0 woul" ne3er haen/ But what he "i" "o was al6ost as
i6ro5a5le&&he wren4he" his ar6 free an" "isaeare" into the eole an" I
"i"n>t see hi6 until the 5on:re/ The ol" la"y harru6he" an" lowere" herself
into her 4hair/ She i4ke" u her fan an" wa3e" it a4ross her fa4e an" 5reast/
It wasn>t that hot/ She s6ile"/
THAT NI(HT+ you 4oul" al6ost 4all it 4ol"+ so we ea0erly wat4he" $r/
Ni4kerson arran0e the woo" of the 5on:re while we ru55e" our han"s
to0ether/ Clou"s o3ertook the sun late in the afternoon an" we were all
=ie" u now/ The 5on:res 4a6e 5a4k to A=urest with the return of the
Ni4kersons/ $r/ Ni4kerson starte" 4o6in0 out as a ki"+ the sa6e ti6e as 6y
6other+ then "roe" out for a stret4h in the late >NHs an" >GHs/ California+
"i3or4e+ re0rou/ After his arents asse"+ he reoene" his an4estral 5ea4h
house/ ?It>s 0oo" to 5e 5a4k+? $r/ Ni4kerson ket sayin0 his ho6e4o6in0
su66er+ to let us know how 0rateful he was/ He reinstitute" the 5on:res that
La5or Day/ While we were in Sa0 Har5or Hills+ he was here in front of his
house with a sho3el "i00in0 out the it+ throwin0 the san" into a 6ountain
5esi"e hi6/ His son Nat use" to it4h in+ 5ut Nat was in 4olle0e now/
We>" hi" so6e si!es of Strohs in the woo"s an" 6a"e forays 5a4k an"
forth+ the 4ans 5ul0in0 in the o4kets of our Win"5reakers/ ?Can you see it1?
we aske" one another+ tiltin0 into the li0ht to see if the outline was 3isi5le/
We sie" the6 with theatri4al furti3eness when we thou0ht no one was
lookin0/ $e an" N* 6a"e one 6ore run into the woo"s 5efore $r/ Ni4kerson
starte" u the :re/ I s4rae" the lea3es o2 the si!&a4ks+ our 4areful
4a6ouFa0e/ ?We 4an ea4h ha3e three+? I sai"/
?I ut in 6ore 6oney than anyone+ so I>6 0oin0 to ha3e four/ Ni4k only
ut in two "ollars/?
?Okay+? I sai"/ I was 0ettin0 6y three/ I "i"n>t 4are what other eole
were "oin0/ As we walke" "own the stes to the 5ea4h+ I sai"+ ?You shoul"
kee an eye on Barry Da3i"/?
?What for1?
?He>s a4tin0 all wil"/ He>s 0oin0 to 0et into trou5le/?
N* shru00e"/ ?Can you see it1? he aske"+ ointin0 to the 5eer in his
o4ket/
The 4row" aroun" the :re was s6aller than it ha" 5een the last few
years/ There were fewer teena0ers in nee" of an an4hor for their ni0ht+ an"
not 6any 0rown&us+ as the (ar"ners were ha3in0 a 4o4ktail arty u the
street on Walker/ That>s where our arents were/ )nlike us ki"s+ the arents
saw a lot of ea4h other in the 4ity+ for 5usiness+ for 6eetin0s of their 3arious
4lu5s an" fraternal or0ani=ations/ The (ar"ners> arty was the :rst ite6 in
the new so4ial season while "own on the 5ea4h the youn0er set fora0e" the
s4ras of the su66er/ The s6aller ki"s+ the ten&year&ol"s an" whatnot+
s4rutini=e" e3ery "etail of 5on:re&4onstru4tion with "e"i4ation+ re6ainin0
5ehin" an in3isi5le line of safety as if their arents were waitin0 for an e!4use
to 0ra5 the6 away fro6 the fun/
O3er ti6e I ha3e learne" that what 6akes a 6an is not his i"eas or his
wor"s+ what 6akes a 6an is the a5ility to s<uee=e out a fero4ious strea6 of
li0hter Fui" fro6 a 4an an" throw a 6at4h on it/ $r/ Ni4kerson was a 6an/
The heat felt 0oo"/ We srea" our :n0ers out+ ushin0 a0ainst the war6th/
Sarks twiste" on their tur5ulent 4urrents of heat an" "ark knots e!lo"e" in
the woo"/ As our eyes a"7uste"+ the "arkness ate u the worl" outsi"e the
li0ht of the 5on:re+ the 0low of East Ha6ton o3er the *oint+ the white
inri4ks fro6 town/ Our fa4es 4a6e u out of sha"ow an" you starte" to
learn other eole>s outlines+ the way they walke" in the ni0ht/ You saw a
shae+ an" then it was so6eone you knew "iin0 in for a 6inute/ Then they
returne" to the sha"ows/
?When are you hea"in0 5a4k1? we aske"+ o3er an" o3er+ 4hirin0 it like
4ri4kets/ The 6aster <uestion of the su66er ha" 5een rela4e" with this
one+ nothin0 left to wrin0 out of the su66er e!4et ra4ti4alities/ Early
to6orrow+ late to6orrow+ Tues"ay 6ornin0 ?to 5eat the tra;4/? Tra;4 was
the entire er3ersity of the worl" shrunk "own to a lon0 5ea" of re" li0hts+
an" if you 4oul" 5eat that+ you 4oul" "o anythin0/ It was a kin" of 0reatness
we asire" to/
?Is that one of our 5eers1? I aske" Barry Da3i"/ He "rank it out in the
oen+ without a s6i"0en of sha6e/
?What is this+? Barry Da3i" sai"+ ?Na0&a&Ni00er Day1 He sai" I 4oul"
ha3e one/? He no""e" to the "arkness/ There was no one there/ As lon0 as I
0ot 6y three/
After throwin0 a :nal raft of woo" into the :re+ $r/ Ni4kerson tol" us he
was 0oin0 to the (ar"ners>/ ?Let it "ie out+? he instru4te" us/ It wasn>t late+
5ut 0i3en the turnout+ an" his son>s a5sen4e+ I 0ather he was resi0ne" to the
fa4t that this woul" not 5e one of the infa6ous Ni4kerson 5on:res+ with
sho3in0 6at4hes @?She nearly fell into the :reO?A+ un"yin0 "e4larations @?I>3e
always wante" to 0et with you+ e3er sin4e we were little?A+ an" new lo3ers
sliin0 away into the ni0ht @?I "on>t think they 4an see us?A/ So6ethin0
a5out this "ay was o2/ No one ha" e3en 5rou0ht out a 5oo6 5o!/ That>s how
"elete" it was/ The su66er of *urle %ain+ we ket Fiin0 the 4assette
o3er an" o3er+ sin0in0 at the to of our lun0s/ $ay5e ne!t year/
It was only a 6atter of 6inutes 5efore we "iso5eye" hi6/ The :nal
aunts an" un4les an" ran"o6 0rown&us who stoe" 5y 5rieFy to 4he4k out
the :re were 0one/ The reu5es4ent 0irls "isaeare" in a hu""le+ for one
last se0re0ate" La5or Day e3enin0 5efore thin0s 0ot 4o6li4ate"/ Then one
of the little 5oys ha" a tiny twi0 in his han"/ He ran u to the :re+ reten"in0
to throw it in+ an" s4ra65le" 5a4k to his frien"s+ who s<ueale" with 7oy He
"i" this a few ti6es+ the others "arin0 hi6+ an" :nally he threw it in for real+
sayin0+ ?It was an a44i"entO It was a44i"entallyO?
Soon it was "rie" 4lu6s of 5ea4h 0rass+ those weir"&lookin0 5la4k
4ra5s I>3e ne3er known the na6e of+ an" 4rinkly :stfuls of seawee"/ The little
ki"s stoe" retreatin0 after 6akin0 their 4ontri5utions+ as if they ha" thrown
their fear in+ too+ stan"in0 4lose to the :re to 3erify that e3ery last 5it turne"
to ash/ They no""e"/
?What we nee" is so6e :reworks+? N* sai"+ like Fint/
?Does any5o"y 0ot so6e $&Dos1?
We shu""ere" at this "ia5oli4al roosition/ To/// a4tually 5low u the
:reO
?$&Dos woul" tear that shit aart/?
?*la4e the6 at strate0i4 oints/?
?Holy shitO?
?Wi4ke"O?
?What a5out this+? one of the ki"s sai"/ He hel" u an E3erea"y nine&
3olt 5attery for our 4onsi"eration/
?You 4an>t throw that in there+? his frien" sai"+ full of 0leeful hysteria/
?It>ll e!lo"eO?
?It>s not 0oin0 to e!lo"e+? %e00ie sai"/
?Shit+ I>ll "o it+? Barry sai"+ swiin0 it an" tossin0 it into the :re/ We
7u6e" 5a4k&&?She>s 0onna 5lowO?&&5ut nothin0 haene"/
I sai"+ ?What>s ne!t1? I wasn>t tryin0 to u the stakes/ I was 7ust sayin0
what we were all thinkin0 an" feelin0/ It woul"n>t sto there/ It was our last
ni0ht/
Barry Da3i" stee" into the li0ht with a thi4k 0ray roe/ It ha" nestle"
in a "irty lu6 u in the 5ea4h 0rass 5y the Ni4kersons> for years+ washe" u
after a nor>easter or "is4ar"e" after so6eone>s ins4ruta5le 6ission/ He
hea3e" it in+ half of it fallin0 into the re" heart of the :re an" the rest lan"in0
at the e"0e of the it+ laun4hin0 a lu6e of sarks/ We whooe"/ We hi0h&
:3e"/ We "a00e" in our fashion/ It 6a"e rustle&y noises as it went u+ it
whistle"+ a 4he6i4al insi"e it ro"u4in0 5rief 5lue 7ets/ Barry Da3i" Foe"
the rest of the roe into the :re with a 5ran4h/ Then he threw the 5ran4h on
to of it+ too/ Barry Da3i" sai"+ ?What>s ne!t1 What>ll I "o ne!t1? He stee"
into the "arkness/
?That ni00er>s 4ra=y+? %e00ie sai"/
?Yeah+? I sai"/
Not lon0 after+ we hear" a shout an" then three lou" thu6s/
So6ethin0 on the stairs/ The sha"ow that 5e4a6e Barry Da3i"
sto6e" "own the 5ulkhea" stairs+ "ra00in0 a lon0 re" 5en4h/ *art of
so6eone>s atio set/
?He>s 0oin0 to 5urn u $r/ Ni4kerson>s 5en4hO?
He lu00e" it a4ross the san"/ We tol" hi6 it was a 5a" i"ea an" he
sai"+ ?Don>t worry+ it>s not his 5en4h+ shit/? He hel" it o3er his hea" an" we
shut u an" he threw it into the :re/ It 6a"e a ni4e li0ht as it went u+
oenin0 new stret4hes of the 5ea4h/ I looke" aroun"+ tryin0 to see if there
were any 0rown&us 4o6in0/ There was no one 5ut us ki"s/
?That>s one atio set&5urnin> 6otherfu4ker+? N* sai"/
?With his 6onkey ass+? I a""e"+ 5e4ause the insult woul" ha3e 5een
nake" 7ust sittin0 there+ on this 4hilly ni0ht/
?Where>" he 0o1? Ni4k aske"/
Soon after+ we hear" the thu6s a0ain+ 5ut this ti6e the li0ht fro6 the
renewe" :re was su4h that we ha" no ro5le6 seein0 it 4lo" "own the stes/
It was the twin of the :rst 5en4h/ I i4ture" the i4ni4 ta5le "esolate in the
6i""le of 5lue&an"&ink a3in0 stones+ 6ournin0 its fallen 5rothers/ I>" tol"
6yself that Barry Da3i" ha" rai"e" so6e5o"y>s 0ar5a0e out on the 4ur5+
stu2 they were 0ettin0 ri" of at the en" of su66er+ 5ut o53iously that wasn>t
true/ The 5en4hes were new+ fresh fro6 the Out"oors se4tion of Cal"or+
"is4ounte" for En"&of&the&Season Sa3in0s/ He hel" the 5en4h o3er his hea"+
totterin0+ an" he let out a Tar=an yell an" tosse" the se4on" 5en4h into the
:re/ It 5an0e" a0ainst the :rst one an" sli" o2+ kno4kin0 aart $r/
Ni4kerson>s 4areful e"i:4e in a 5la=in0 4as4a"e/ The little ki"s lo3e" it an"
hoe" u an" "own a6i" the sarks/ Little Cli3e hi0h&:3e" Barry Da3i"+ his
new hero/ He threw his 6e"al in the :re/ It 4urle" u on itself an" 5e4a6e a
5la4k sot/
Barry Da3i" i4ke" u a 5eer fro6 the san" an" took a 5i0 swi0/ He
starte" u the stes/
This ti6e we followe" hi6+ all of us+ the ki"s satellites aroun" hi6 an"
our 4rew keein0 a little "istan4e+ as if we>" 5e a5le to "isa3ow 5ein0
a44o6li4es if so6eone 4au0ht hi6/ Who was this 0an0 of little ki"s 4heerin0
hi6 on1 Were they 6ore 5loo"thirsty than us+ or 7ust less s4are" an" 6ore
"u651 If there was a Little Cli3e+ then why not a Little Ni4k+ Little %e00ie+ an"
of 4ourse Little $e+ skinny 5o"y shi3erin0 in his A=urest sweatshirt an" not so
0lu6 in the li0ht of the :re+ ener0i=e" 5y this es4aa"e/ $e an" 6y 0an0
shoul" ha3e stoe" Barry Da3i"+ 5ut it was har" to resist the leasure of
wat4hin0 so6eone fu4k u so 4olossally Can you 5elie3e this 0uy1 What>s he
thinkin01 What>s wron0 with hi61 As if we "i"n>t know/ As if we weren>t
7ealous of so6eone who 7ust "i"n>t 0i3e a fu4k/
%e00ie sai"+ ?He>s 0oin0 to 0et into a lot of trou5le/?
I tol" N*+ ?You shoul" really sto hi6/?
?What for1?
?He>s your 4ousin/?
?He>s not 6y 4ousin+? he sai"/ ?I thou0ht he was your 4ousin/?
?I>3e ne3er seen hi6 5efore in 6y life/?
?That>s what Ni4k tol" 6e+? he sai"/ We "ashe" ahea" to 4at4h u/
He>" taken it fro6 the (ar"ners>/ E3ery5o"y>s arents> 4ars stret4he"
u an" "own the street in front of the house/ The 6usi4 was lou"+ the >GHs
soul 4lassi4s e3ery5o"y knew 5y heart 5e4ause of ni0hts like this+ when they
laye" in a holy loo/ A 5i0 0lass wall o3erlooke" the atio on the si"e of the
(ar"ners> house an" we 4oul" see the6 all in there+ lau0hin0+ 5o55in0 to the
6usi4+ siin0 4o4ktails/ E3ery5o"y>s arents+ all the arents en7oyin0
the6sel3es 5ehin" the 0lass as if it were a T, s4reen/ I saw 6y father talkin0
to $rs/ (reene+ with his sly s6ile+ an" 6y 6other "eeer in the roo6+
4arryin0 an i4e 5u4ket/ She la4e" it on the ta5le an" tu4ke" her hair 5ehin"
her ear/ We ket "u4ke" "own 5ehin" the 4ars so they 4oul"n>t see us/ Barry
Da3i" walke" u to the e"0e of the atio+ 7ust insi"e the s<uare of li0ht 4ast
fro6 the roo6+ an" he lifte" the e"0e of the re" woo"en 4haise loun0e to test
its wei0ht/ It ha" wheels on one en"+ an" he ulle" it o2 the atio an" onto
the 0rass/ The 6usi4 "i"n>t ski a 5eat/ No one insi"e noti4e" hi6 at all/
He 6aneu3ere" it aroun" the arke" 4ars an" "ra00e" it into the
6i""le of Walker+ sin0in0 ?Darlin0 Nikki/? The wheels s<ueake" hi"eously/ The
little ki"s 4lae" their han"s an" 0i00le"/ He 4oul" 0o all ni0ht/ Sure+ there
was a :nite nu65er of atio sets in the "e3elo6ents+ 5ut 6ore than enou0h
to kee the :re 0oin0/ )nless so6eone stoe" hi6/ There was a serious la4k
of suer3ision+ you 4oul" say/ I hear" Ni4k tell N*+ ?He>s no fa6ily of 6ine+
shit/? The 4ushion fell o2+ an" the little ki"s i4ke" it u+ hol"in0 it 5etween
the6 like all5earers/ Barry Da3i"+ the 0host ki" who was all of us an" none+
e3ery5o"y>s 4ousin an" no one>s+ ulle" the re" 4haise "own the street/
When we 0ot to the Ni4kersons> "ri3eway+ I tae" %e00ie>s shoul"er/
?Let>s 0et a 5eer+? I sai"/
%e00ie stoe"/ The 0rou left us 5ehin"+ 6ar4hin0 ahea" to the
5ea4h/ He sai"+ ?Okay/? )sually we ha" to 5i4ker o3er stu2 like that+ 6e
6akin0 hi6 6iss out on so6ethin0/ As we walke" away+ we hear" it
thu6in0 "own the stairs to the 5ea4h/ The ki"s 4ounte" o2 e3ery 4rash an"
s4rea6e" when it hit the san"/
There were still a few 5eers left/ I>" alrea"y ha" 6y three/ I took
another an" 0a3e %e00ie one/
?That was 4ra=y+? %e00ie sai"/
?Yeah/?
He took a 5i0 si/ ?I like $iller 5etter/?
We hear" the6 shout "own on the 5ea4h+ the lou"est 4heer yet/
?There it 0oes+? %e00ie sai"/
Then it "ie" out/ It was <uiet/ At so6e oint that "ay+ I>" hear" 6y last
lawn 6ower until ne!t year/ Lawn 6owers all su66er+ an" now they were
:nally silent/ If your shit wasn>t in shae 5y now+ it was ne3er 0oin0 to 5e/
?Are you rea"y to 0o 5a4k to the 4ity1? I aske" hi6/
$y 5rother took another si/ ?Yeah+ I>6 retty si4k of Bur0er 'in0/?
We "rank/ A 0ray ,ol3o 4a6e aroun" the 4orner/ They were layin0
?Ain>t No Stoin> )s Now? at lou" 3olu6e/ As if it 4oul" ha3e 5een otherwise/
We hel" the 5eers 5ehin" our 5a4ks/ I 4oul"n>t see who was insi"e 5ut I
wa3e"/ You ne3er know who 6i0ht 5e at the wheel+ an" how 4lose you are to
the6/
Late that ni0ht+ when the :res were lon0 "own to ash an" the last
li6es were shiwre4ke" at the 5otto6s of the last "rinks+ an" all the li0hts
were out+ I was still awake in 6y 5e"/ Like I always was/ The sha"ows fro6
the trees tre65le" on the 4eilin0/ Ne!t year+ %e00ie was 0oin0 to 0et the 5e"
5y the win"ow/ E3en Stehen until the en" of ti6e/ I thou0ht+ It wasn>t that
5a"+ sleein0 in the other 5e"/ I>" 0et use" to it/
I thou0ht a5out s4hool/
I ha" a week to 0et a new lan to0ether/ I ha" to 0et so6e new
re4or"s/ I was tire" of all 6y taes/ I nee"e" new 4lothes+ too/ #irst thin0
Tues"ay+ I was 0oin0 to hea" "own to the ,illa0e an" 4he4k out Blee4ker
Bo5>s an" Tower to tra4k "own that Li3e Skull re4or"+ an" then hea" o3er to
Canal Jeans an" 0et so6e new 4lothes/ It 4a6e to 6e in a Fash9 4o65at
5oots/ Why 4oul"n>t I wear 4o65at 5oots1 The "ress 4o"e sai" we 4oul"n>t
wear sneakers to s4hool+ 5ut there was nothin0 a5out 4o65at 5oots/ Like
leather ties&&we ha" to wear ties+ 5ut there was no rule se4i:4ally for5i""in0
leather ties+ so eole wore the6 all the ti6e an" the a"6inistration 4oul"n>t
say anythin0 a5out it/ )nless they 4han0e" the Stu"ent Han"5ook o3er the
su66er/ I>" 4ross that 5ri"0e when I 0ot to it/ #irst "ay of s4hool+ I>" walk in
with a new 7a4ket+ so6e lai" New Wa3e nu65er+ an" 6y new ants+ an"
4o65at 5oots/ Start thin0s o2 ri0ht/ (irls woul" take this as a si0n I was
"i2erent/ That was another thin09 6ake out with three 0irls a se6ester/
Sete65er+ O4to5er+ No3e65er+ De4e65er/ #our 6onths/ That 4a6e out to
one e3ery :3e or si! weeks/ At leastO Srin0 se6ester was lon0er+ so that was
like one e3ery se3en weeks/ Si! 0irls/ .uite the re0i6en/ Was that too
a65itious1 I 4oul" "o it/ *eole 4alle" 6e Ben7i 5ut that "i"n>t 6ean I wasn>t
Ben/ A lot ha" haene" o3er the su66er/ It "i"n>t work out the way I ha"
en3isione" 5ut you ha" to a"6it so6e stu2 haene"/ I 0ot 6y :rst 7o5+ an"
now if so6eone sai"+ Hey+ look at Ben7i>s ri0ht ar6+ it>s 5i00er than his left
5e4ause he 7erks o2 so 6u4h+ I 4oul" say+ No+ that>s fro6 s4ooin0 i4e 4rea6/
You ha3e no i"ea what a relief it was to ha3e an e!4use for a <uestion no one
woul" e3er ask/ I 0ot 6y 5ra4es o2/ I kisse" $elanie Downey an" tou4he" her
tit/ Not un"er her shirt+ 5ut still/ I was "e:nitely 6ore to0ether than I was at
the start of the su66er/ It "i"n>t see6 like that 6u4h ti6e ha" asse"+ 5ut I
ha" to 5e a 5it s6arter/ Just a little/ Look at the way I was last La5or Day/ An
i"iotO #ifteen looks at fourteen an" says+ That 0uy was an i"iot/ An" :fteen
looks at ei0ht an" says+ That 0uy knew so little/ Why 4an>t :fteen an" three&
<uarters look 5a4k at :fteen an" a half an" say+ That 0uy "i"n>t know
anythin0/ Be4ause it was true/ Two a se6ester/ But it ha" to 5e two "i2erent
0irls/ Or not/ No nee" to 0o 4ra=y/ But "e:nitely Tues"ay+ hit the ,illa0e an"
0et this year starte" ri0ht/ I>" 5e si!teen in No3e65er+ ol" enou0h to 0et into
CB(B>s an" Ir3in0 *la=a/ #inally start seein0 so6e 4on4erts/ (o to 6ore
arties/ That was the key/ I ha" to 0o to 6ore arties/ Other s4hools> arties+
where I ha" no re/ Crash+ whate3er/ Lay o2 the Cokes/ I 4oul" "o it/ It was
0oin0 to 5e a 0reat year/ I was sure of it/ Isn>t it funny1 The way the 6in"
works1
*E%$ISSIONS AC'NOWLED($ENTS
?To of the Worl"? 5y %i4har" Carenter an" John Bettis
@4A BCGL Al6o $usi4 Cor/ an" Nails $usi4/ Coyri0ht renewe"/
All ri0hts 4ontrolle" an" a"6inistere" 5y Al6o $usi4 Cor/ @ASCA*A
)se" 5y er6ission/ All %i0hts %eser3e"/
?Now I (otta Wet >4ha?
Wor"s an" $usi4 5y O>Shea Ja4kson
@4A BCCL WB $usi4 Cor/ an" (an0sta Boo0ie $usi4
All ri0hts on 5ehalf of (an0sta $usi4/ A"6inistere" 5y WB $usi4 Cor/
All %i0hts %eser3e" @4ontains sa6les fro6 ?A<ua Boo0ie? an" ?(et Out of
$y Life Wo6an? 5y (eor0e Clinton+ Jr/+ Bootsy Collins+ Bernar" Worrell
an" Allen ToussaintA/
All %i0hts %eser3e"/ )se" 5y er6ission of Alfre" *u5lishin0 Co/+ In4/
?Oh Ba5e What Woul" You Say?
Wor"s an" 6usi4 5y E/S/ S6ith
@4A BCGL @%enewe"A Chaell $usi4 Lt"/
All %i0hts %eser3e"/ )se" 5y er6ission of Alfre" *u5lishin0 Co/+ In4/
?Here We (o?
Wor"s an" 6usi4 5y Joseh Si66ons an" Darryl $4Daniels
@4A BCDM %a5asse $usi4 Lt"/
All ri0hts a"6inistere" 5y WarnerIChaell $usi4 Lt"/
All %i0hts %eser3e"/ )se" 5y er6ission of Alfre" *u5lishin0 Co/+ In4/
Acknowledgments
I>" like to thank 6y fa6ily an" all the 0oo" eole of A=urest+ Sa0
Har5or Hills+ an" Nine3ah for all the a"3entures+ an" ese4ially 6y 5rother
Clarke+ who is the 5est/ (eor0e Cha3e=+ owner of Bi0 Olaf I4e Crea6+ hele"
5y 0i3in0 6e three su66ers of resear4h for 4hater three/ He was a 0reat
5oss an" if you>re in the nei0h5orhoo"+ you shoul" sto in for a 4one/ Tell >e6
Chi sent you/
A shout&out to the ol" 4rew9 Je2 (oins+ Billy *i4kens+ Julius #or"+ Lee
Bosti4+ an" E3an Cot6an/ I hoe you all are well an" BB free/
A shout&out to the new 4rew9 'e3in Youn0+ %i4har" Nash+ Nathan
En0lan"er+ an" Ni4ky Dawi"o2/ Your hel on the 5ook is 3ery 6u4h
are4iate"/ Also+ no BBs for you/
A 6illion "e5ts are owe" to suera0ent an" suerfrien" Ni4ole Ara0i+
an" those wily "esera"oes Lily Oei an" Ji6 Hanks/
Dou5le"ay is aweso6e+ an" Dou5le"ay eole are the 6ost aweso6e
of all/ It>s an honor to 5e u5lishe" 5y the likes of Willia6 Tho6as+ Alison
%i4h+ an" $elissa Ann Dana4=ko/ It has 5een a lo3ely ten years/
I a6 lu4ky to ha3e re4ei3e" suort fro6 the $rs/ (iles Whitin0
#oun"ation an" the John D/ an" Catherine T $a4Arthur #oun"ation o3er the
years/ Truly+ ?This ro0ra6 was 6a"e ossi5le 5y/? The Cull6an Center for
S4holars an" Writers was i66easura5le hel+ an" I>" like to thank Jean
Strouse+ A"riana No3a+ Betsy Bra"ley+ an" *a6ela Leo for 6akin0 it su4h a
swell la4e/
An" 6u4h 6u4h lo3e to Natasha an" $a""ie/
DO)BLEDAY
This 5ook is a work of :4tion/ Na6es+ 4hara4ters+ 5usinesses+
or0ani=ations+ la4es+ e3ents+ an" in4i"ents either are the
ro"u4t of the author>s i6a0ination or are use" :4titiously/
Any rese65lan4e to a4tual ersons+ li3in0 or "ea"+ e3ents+ or
lo4ales is entirely 4oin4i"ental/
Coyri0ht @4A LHHC 5y Colson Whitehea"
All %i0hts %eser3e"
*u5lishe" in the )nite" States 5y Dou5le"ay+ an i6rint of
The Dou5le"ay *u5lishin0 (rou+ a "i3ision of %an"o6
House+ In4/+ New York/
www/"ou5le"ay/4o6
*a0e LEM 4onstitutes an e!tension of this 4oyri0ht a0e/
DO)BLEDAY is a re0istere" tra"e6ark an" the DD 4olohon is
a tra"e6ark of %an"o6 House+ In4/
En"aer 6a 5y ,ir0inia Norey
LIB%A%Y O# CON(%ESS CATALO(IN(&IN&*)BLICATION DATA
Whitehea"+ Colson+ BCNC&
Sa0 Har5or 9 a no3el I Colson Whitehea"/ && Bst e"/
/ 46/
B/ Afri4an A6eri4an teena0e 5oys&&#i4tion/ L/ A"oles4en4e&&
#i4tion/ M/ Sa0 Har5or @N/Y/A&&#i4tion/ I/ Title/
*SMEGM/HQGNDSME LHHC
DBM>/EQ&&"4LL
LHHDHBMEBH
eISBN9 CGD&H&MDE&ELCMC&N
3M/H