Damaged goods

A broken vase
Lays shattered up on the floor
A 101 pieces
It will be whole no more
It can be glued back together
But it wont be the same
After being broken in to pieces
Attempts to fix it are lame
Try as you may
To put it back together
But the vase will be damaged
Changed and distorted forever
The person that smashed it
Felt better for a short time
No thought for the vase given
To him it was all fine
For a vase has no feeling
So can be seen as damaged goods
Should a person be compared?
Can a person be damaged goods?
A vase has no feelings
In comparison to me
I cannot be fixed
Is clearly what you see
In a way I am not broken
No broken piece got lost
All my broken pieces
Have remained at all costs
Each time we got broken
Another piece would hide
And then when they'd finished
We could hide back inside
So my abuse left me shattered
101 pieces on the floor
We put ourselves back together
Meaning we are not broken no more
A flawed human being
But no longer 101 pieces on the floor
So many broken pieces
Make us stronger at the core
It was damaged goods that broke us
As at one time we was one
Our mind shattered in to pieces
For other peoples fun
My damaged deranged parents
Tried to break me in every way
They did nothing but fail
As I am still here today
No one has lived my life
So cannot compare me to a vase
A vase has cracks and chips
I have real scars
The scars have made me strong
Even if others are to blind to see
We are not damaged goods
Because of what was did to me
The only damaged people
Are the ones who shattered my mind
But in the process made me stronger
We are now unbreakable you will find
And so call me damaged goods
But really you have no right
When it comes to you and me
I will always win the fight
I am stronger than most I know
Even though you think I am broke
It is you who has the problem
Because of the cruel words that you spoke
So view me as damaged goods
But I am better than you
All my broken pieces
Are bigger people than you
For I see me as a person
With feelings that are true
Not a broken vase
That is held together with glue
Even though there are several pieces
I know that I am strong
Together we are whole
But I knew that all along
No I am not damaged
And no longer broken on the floor
I am who I am
But a victim no more







The mother that never was

She carried me in her womb
And then she gave birth
She was the mother who never was
My birth was to be an eternal curse
She mothered me as a baby
And at least kept me alive
She was the mother who never was
I am lucky to have survived
She went on to feed and clothe me
And meet my most basic needs
She was the mother who never was
I had to follow her every lead
She never ever loved me
Only when she would abuse
She was the mother that never was
Who simply saw me as a doll to use
She would hug me in public
Her affection was fake
She was the mother who never was
I had to give for her to take
I saw her as superior
I tried my best to behave
She was the mother who never was
She used her daughter as a sex slave
I thought that she was normal
And my rape was ok
She was the mother who never was
A child's navet is easy to betray
She made me think she was helping
She pinned me to the bed
She was the mother who never was
Ensuring I did whatever others said
I tried my best to please her
But my best wasn't ever enough
She was the mother who never was
Who treated me so brutally rough
Only ever loving in public
Playing happy families
She was the mother who never was
No one cared to hear my pleas
Dressing me as slut
They paid the asking fee
She was the mother who never was
Who got her sex for free
Taking me for granted
My body was never my own
She was the mother who never was
I was simply properly paid for so violence condoned
So in the dark of the night
I was never ever saved
And the mother who never was
Will lead me to an early grave
No funeral wanted
And no prayers said
The mother who never was
Can be pleased her daughters dead
A sense of relief
As she got away with her crimes
The mother who never was
Won't ever even pay a fine
She did what she wanted to
With no thought for me
The mother who never was
Should be thankful her daughters free
Instead she won't care
I'm her daughter no more
The mother that never was
Is simply a selfish whore
Tortured from cradle to grave
By a mother incapable of love
The mother who never was
Can't harm me if there is a heaven above

The ultimate betrayal

A fathers ultimate betrayal
Is to love his daughter too much
Taking her body for granted
With every forbidden touch.
He tells her he loves her
With each forceful thrust
Burning his way through her soul
Fulfilling his evil lust.
Ignoring her pleas and cries
Until she simply cries no more
His satisfaction leaves her alone
Laying naked on the floor.
Time stands still
Her body pulsates with pain
She only knows shes alive
Because the shame burns through her veins.
The hands of the devil
Pin her to the floor
The evil force within him
Fills her body once more.
As 2 become one
A part of her dies
The only thing keeping her alive
Are the fear and the lies.
By day she is a hated daughter
But by night a loved sex slave
Using the lessons of love
Her devoted father gave.
Selling her body
Working as a whore
Playing a whole new game
She was a child no more.
She lives in a seedy world
That to most is unknown
Where Property is paid for
So Violence is condoned.
They can do what they want to her
Because they paid the asking fee
Earning her fathers living
But he gets her for free.
Fathers so called love
Leads her to a early grave
Too ashamed by her secret
Of living as a sex slave.


Some things cant be healed

A bruise will heal
And the physical pain disappears
But the emotional and mental torture
Is forever expressed with floods of tears.
A cut can be stitched together
And eventually fades away
But the visible scar is a constant reminder
Of the violence inflicted each day.
A broken bone can be fixed with plaster
Or held together with pins
But the my nightmares and pictures
Mean I constantly pay for your sins.
A black eye is soothed with an ice pack
And the swelling reduces and fades away
But the memory of the attack
Is relived each time I hear you name.
A headache improves with painkillers
Or a decent nights sleep
But my mind is overwhelmed with images
Of the secrets I promised to keep.
Depression can be lifted
With therapy and medication
But it just promotes a false mood
It does not help with my sense of isolation.
Physical pain may fade away
And I may look fine on the outside
But inside Im tortured and screaming
Because of the memories, hurt and lies.
Sleepless nights are helped with tablets
Or relaxation and meditation
But when all that fails
Nothing helps with the frustration.
Although Im no longer physically hurt
It does not mean Im not in pain
The emotional and mental torture
Ceases to fade away.
You cant see a broken heart
Or fix a scarred and tortured mind
There isnt a simple pain killer
To take away the tears I keep locked inside.
So although Im not physically crippled
Or have a broken bone
My injuries are just as severe
Nobody understands so I feel all alone.
So when you think I am coping
And there is no physical proof I am in pain
Emotional pain still hurts
Im consumed by hurt sorrow and shame.
There is no cure for an illness
Caused by violence and pain
I force myself to become immune
But my symptoms dont go away.
So on the outside everything appears normal
And I get by day by day
I survive not live
Peoples actions cost nothing but the debt Im forced to pay


Growing up

I grew up with a thief
Who stole my childhood
He took away my innocence
Which has now gone for good
I grew up with a burglar
But he didnt break in to my home
He broke my heart and soul
And left me feeling hurt and alone
I grew up with a terrorist
But nobody even knew
I was tortured every day
Used, abused beaten black and blue
I grew up with a liar
But she told me it was the truth
Its not hard to deceive a child
Even when her actions are the proof
I grew up with a rapist
Who can justify his crime
Was just teaching me the facts of life
So has never even paid a fine
I grew up with a pimp
Who sold me from the age of 9
Apparently I wanted to do it
So my consent meant it was no crime
I grew up with a bunch of pedophiles
Who to this day think they are in the right
It was what they believed
So was no use putting up a fight
I grew up with a control freak
And I wonder if ill ever be free
It feels like what ever I do
Your find a way to abuse me
I grew up with a monster
That made me want to die
I havent yet succeeded
All I can do is wonder why
Why am I still here?
After all I have been through
I shouldve died from suicide
Or from being beaten black and blue
Im forced to live a life
That died before it could start
I dont feel alive
Even though I have a beat in my heart
Im happy with each day that passes
As its a day closer until I die
Then there be no pain or suffering
No more hurt or lies

Is time a healer?

Ive been told times a healer
But I dont believe thats true
My days are never easy
Because of what Ive lived through.
Ive been told to look to the future
And forget about my past
But I am consumed by pain
That will forever last.
Ive been told to forgive and forget
But that I will never do
I cant forgive and will never forget
The pain I was put through.
Ive been told that Im lucky
At least Ive survived
I guess that is true
Its a miracle I am alive.
Ive been told not to feel sorry for myself
That it wasnt that bad
My life has been a nightmare
I have the right to be mad.
I have been told it could be worse
I dont think so
Most people cant imagine
The horrors I have been shown.
Ive been told theres no such thing
As a broken heart
But mine was never whole
Its been broken from the start.
Ive been told Im safe now
But I still live in fear
My nightmares plague me
And I cry so many tears.
Ive been told Im better off without them
And I guess I should be glad
But I still will wish
I had a mum and dad.
Ive been told so many things
But the only thing thats true
My life is what I make it
But will I come to terms with what Ive lived through?
Ive been told Im mentally ill
But Im just traumatised
Because of the hurt and sorrow
The pain and the lies.
So when you try and help me
And suggest it will all be ok
That things will get better
And tomorrows a brand new day.
Please also consider
Although a brand new day
Is a brand new start
Its not that simple
As my world has been torn apart.
I know people do their best
And their intentions come from the heart
But it takes more than words
To mend a broken heart

Time stands still for no one

Time stands still for no one
But time stood still for you
Some say times a healer
But that simply is not true
Twenty years have passed by
And I think of you each day
Wishing you was still here
And wasn't took away
Twenty years of wondering
Of what your life would have been
If only I got to see you grow up
If you wasn't conceived through sin
Twenty years of sadness
And twenty years of regrets
Twenty years of memories
That I never will forget
Twenty years of missing you
Wishing I could turn back the clock
To see you for just on more minute
Instead youre the baby everyone forgot
Twenty years of grieving
For my baby that is dead
A product of bad breeding
That's what my mother said
Twenty years of punishment
Knowing that I'll never be free
My life's a prison sentence
No happy future do I see
Any hope of a happy future
Was destroyed when my baby died
Two lives destroyed in one day
Living don't mean I've survived
I'll never be happy in life
And I'll never be a mother
All because from birth
I was tortured as people's lover
So twenty years ago
A part of me died
Because I lost my baby
I'll never be truly alive
So don't tell me times a healer
Because you can't bring back the dead
For them time does stand still
I wish I was dead instead.

Suicidal ideation

My final night
I spend it alone
Life flashes before me
My pain I am shown
I reflect on my memories
That have made me me
They torment my mind
But no one can see
I think of the worst
That ill never forget
And sit and acknowledge
I cant live with the regret
The what ifs and whys
If I did this or did that
The 100s of questions
But answers dont change facts
Silence surrounds me
Apart from the voice
That utters to live or to die
That is the choice
The world is sleeping
At peace with the night
When they wake up
Ill be starved of the light
My mind in darkness
No heartache or pain
No more memories
That drove me insane
Nothing but stillness
And nothing but calm
No more flashbacks
When woken by the alarm
No more surviving
Because you cant live
A sub standard life
People take but dont give
History repeating itself
Year after year
There is no respite
Just a river of tears
I cannot swim
The rivers to deep
It gets deeper and deeper
The more that I weep
So in the stillness of the night
I sleep with the dead
Finally at home
Safe in my bed
Away from the war
I fought all alone
Finally I lost
And I am free to roam
To look for my daughter
In the dark of the night
Alone in her cradle
Not out of mind but out of sight
Never forgotten
Although all alone
But knowing one day
Her mother would come home
The final night
My mind is set free
To start a new life
With just my daughter and me
In a distant world
Away from the pain
If there is a heaven
We wont be hurt again
We have suffered enough
But together at last
Nothing else matters
Silence drowns out the past.

No hope
A continuing tragedy
Is all my life will be?
I will never be free
Because of what my parents did to me.
A life sentence
For simply being born
A life that was worthless
And one that no one will mourn.
Tortured from cradle
And forced to a early grave
All because her parents
Used her as a sex slave.
No forgiveness given
I hope they burn in hell
And finally be punished
For the daughter they would sell.
A product of bad breeding
So sold as a reject
Used and abused
As her parents pet project.
A grade a awarded
A golden medal given
For destroying their daughters life
But they will never be forgiven.
Raped and abused
She finally gave in
To be with her loved ones
Who were conceived through sin?
The devils spawn
Is what my baby was named?
Thats 2 lives destroyed
And my parents are to be blamed.
A baby stolen from its mother
Two lives destroyed in just one day
Both received the death penalty
Because a daughter disobeyed.
A Mother refused to abuse her baby
So the gran parents did it instead
It is my parents fault
That my baby is dead.
So 2 lives destroyed
But at least finally at peace
The life sentence over
They finally got released.
Two of gods children
Starved of any love
Will today find out
If there is a heaven up above

Giving birth dont make you a mother

You was never ever my mother
Despite the fact you gave birth
To me you were an incubator
That is all you are worth
Most women can be an incubator
But not all go on to be a Mum
Most love & cherish their children
But you abused me just for fun
Instead of keeping me safe
You tortured me each day
Abusing my body and soul
Dressed up as a game we'd play
Most children are protected
From people just like you
Its there Mum's who protect them
From what you put me through
You said you were helping me
By pinning me to the ground
To ensure I didnt struggle
No escape could be found
Who were you really helping?
And did he really need your help
In destroying your daughters body
Ignoring how she felt
You never ever helped me
But tortured me instead
The hatred that you shown me
Made me wish that I were dead
You never ever loved me
The love you shown was perverse
The sexual abuse from you
Seems so much worse
A mother forces her daughter into sex
But she cant be charged with rape
No justice ever done
My childhood you'd forsake
You made me feel to blame
As I always felt in the wrong
Deserving to be punished
And so was abused for so long
Turned in to a sex slave
And sold to earn your keep
Not many people
Can call their mother a pimp
My mother dragged me up
With no sense of right from wrong
Its not hard to fool a child
But you was in the wrong all along
Youre a disgrace to every woman
And deserve to be stoned for what you done
Tortured to death by the general public
For their entertainment & fun
But 2 wrongs dont make a right
And I am a better person than you
I was a mother to myself
Because you didn't have a clue
You taught me right from wrong
Because I would hate to be like you
The opposite is right
I wont ever do what you do
I have learnt to be a human
Instead of an animal like you
Your actions disgust me
A zoo is to good for you
I can thank you for teaching me
How not to be a mother
A daughter should be protected
And not used as your lover
I would rather die than be like you
As forced sex is a crime
The ultimate betrayal
And yet you havent even paid a fine
Still you live with your conscience
That should torture you each day
I hope that your memories
Are on repeat and replay
I dont know how you can live with yourself
After everything you have done
Your daughter was your toy
Used for entertainment and fun
Still one day an old and lonely witch
Can reflect upon her crimes
Her memories can cripple her
And thats better than doing time
You will always be hated
And I hope you rot in hell
Because of the daughter
Whos home was a prison cell
So you may have tried to destroy me
But you failed in that to
I will never be beaten
By subhuman like you
I am stronger than most I know
And I never give up
All because I had a mother
Who is a complete fuck up?

Raped in every way
You raped my body
Before I was four
Leaving me in agony
Bleeding and red raw
You raped my heart
No love was I shown
Just used & abused
Then left all alone
You raped my mind
Filling it with memories
I will never ever forget
What you did to me
You raped away my soul
Leaving behind a empty shell
Unable to be loved
Because to me sex means hell
You raped away my innocence
And made me into a child whore
Making me hate myself
And believing I'm evil at the core
You raped away my safety
I feared the dark of night
I feared the coming day
All I could do was fight
You raped away my efforts
Of trying to behave
I wasn't ever good enough
So I was treated as your slave
You raped away my caring
My love turned in to hate
I couldn't love my parents
Who thought that love was rape?
You raped away my happiness
The little that I had
People saw a smile
But I have never been so sad
You raped away my hope
I thought I was finally free
Even when I left home
You'd still find ways to rape me
You raped away any normality
And left me feeling confused
I thought I was so bad
I deserved to be abused
You raped away my childhood
And I won't ever get it back
Never a little girl
All because you would attack
You raped away my life
And I wish that I were dead
Instead I relive my memories
Every time I go to bed
But yes you raped my body
But it no longer belongs to you
I'm no longer your sex toy
I'm free from what you do
Yes you raped my heart
And left me starved from any care
Now other people love me
And my heart will one day repair
Yes you raped my mind
But one thing that is true
It's you that's sick in the head
We all know what is true
Yes you raped my soul
But I have started up a new
I have become my own person
And no longer controlled by you
Yes you raped away my innocence
And for this I won't forgive
I truly hate you both
For fucking your own kids
Yes you raped away my safety
But I'm now happy alone at night
I know you can no longer hurt me
Youre finally out of sight
Yes you raped away my efforts
But I was strong enough to flea
I never gave up trying
And succeeded in becoming free
Yes you raped away my caring
I had no choice but to hate
I am able to love other people
My love you couldn't take
Yes you raped away my happiness
But each day I can smile
My life is far from perfect
But I am at least happy for a while
Yes you raped away my hope
But I hope you rot in hell
I hope one day to kill you
Cuz of putting me through hell
Yes you raped away my normality
But what's normal any way
Why should I feel abnormal?
Because of what you'd do and say
Yes you raped away my childhood
And that proves youre the devils spawn
You are simply evil
I wish you were never born
You won't ever rape away my life
You will never have that right
Nothing more than an incubator & sperm donor
My life will be fine; youre out of sight