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Psychiatry
Australian and New Zealand Journal of
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DOI: 10.3109/00048679009062882
1990 24: 17 Aust N Z J Psychiatry
Paul E. Mullen
A Phenomenology of Jealousy

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by Alonso Pelayo on October 21, 2014 anp.sagepub.com Downloaded from by Alonso Pelayo on October 21, 2014 anp.sagepub.com Downloaded from
A PHENOMENOLOGY OF JEALOUSY
Paul E. Mullen
Phenomenology is the study of conscious mental events [ l ] . That it is con-
scious events requires emphasis, particularly at this moment in the historical
development of psychiatry when we are still emerging from the thrall of
psychodynamic causalities, said to lie in unconscious and unknowable
realms, and are in danger of descending into another mythology of extra
conscious mechanisms compounded from neurobiological speculations.
Australian and New Zealand Journal of Psychiatry 1990; 24:17-28
A phenomenology of jealousy involves an explora-
tion of the experiences and activities involved in being
jealous. For such an exegesis the position from which
the reading is to be attempted and the nature of the texts
which are to be interpreted need to be clarified.
Jealousy will be approached from the viewpoint of a
clinical psychiatrist, but one concerned, in this essay,
with the jealousy which forms part of the potential, if
not the experience, of most of us, rather than with
morbid processes which afflict a disordered minority.
The material, the text, is derived by the methods of
phenomenology from written self descriptions, the
explorations of novelists and philosophers, the ac-
counts and behaviour of patients, and finally the
results of direct questioning, both systematic and un-
structured [2].
The status of what will follow is that of a tentative
descriptive analysis concerned with meaningful rather
than causal connections; it is about plausible under-
standing rather than empirically based explanations in
terms of causal mechanisms. The data on which the
analysis is based is culture bound and can only lead at
best to a narrative knowledge, which lays no claim to
being a science and cannot lead to any closed system
of certainty [3]. A descriptive analysis such as this can,
however, give rise to hypotheses which are then open
to empirical refutation. The systematic study of
Department of Psychological Medicine, University of Otago
Medical School, PO Box 913, Dunedin, New Zealand
Paul E. Mullen, FXCPsych, FRANZCP
jealousy is still in its infancy, but where relevant, such
material will be drawn upon. A final caveat: this essay
concerns jealousy, not envy, and then only the jealousy
which arises in romantic and erotic relationships.
J ealousy only exists as the experience of a particular
individual, it is not a thing, but a lived relationship.
Lagache [4] in his monograph on jealousy wrote Un
&at de jalousie nest pas seulement une manibre de
vivre la relation amoureuse, mais une manikre
dexister. (J ealousy is not only a way in which love
is experienced but a mode of being). Behind jealousy
is the jealous individual whose own jealousy is unique.
In our attempt to grasp the manifestations of jealousy
which are measurable and reproduceable, it is all too
easy to lose the central aspects of what is a meaningful
lived experience. Even within the individual, jealousy
is a constantly changing complex. Proust [ 5] wrote in
Remembrance of Things Past that J ealousy is never
a single continuous and indivisible passion. It is com-
posed of an infinity of successive .... of different
jealousies each of which is ephemeral, although by
their uninterrupted multiplicity they give us the im-
pression of continuity, the illusion of unity. In
abstracting the common elements from the multitude
of unique jealousies there is a danger of reifying
jealousy into a thing with an independent existence.
Emotions form a heterogenous group which vary
from reactions such as disgust and anger, which owe
much to physiology and something to culture and
individual experience, to complex states like nostalgia
and gratitude, which owe much to culture and ex-
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18 A PHENOMENOLOGY OF J EALOUSY
Figure 1. The elements of jealousy
perience and something to physiology. In approaching
the phenomenology of jealousy it is aspects of con-
scious experience which are of concern. The bodily
symptoms and physiological changes, so often em-
phasised in the studies of emotion, are not the topic of
this enquiry, still less the genesis of emotion from
supposed drives and instincts. In describing the ex-
perience of an emotion there is utility in treating
separately the aspects of judgement, desire, imagina-
tion, feelings and predispositions to behave. Emotions,
like all intentional states, are about something and in
the case of jealousy they are about the beloved and to
a lesser extent, the rival. Jealousy occurs in the context
of relationships. The cultural and social background
determines, in large part, the expectations of the
relationship and the context in which jealousy is
evoked. These elements which will be employed to
describe jealousy are schematically represented in
Figure 1. The figure illustrates some of the elements
which contribute to the experience of jealousy (see
text). The Loved One is the object and central concern
of jealousy. J udgements, desires, feelings, fantasies
and predispositions to behave may all be directed at
the loved one and secondarily at the actual or supposed
rival. J ealousy is experienced in the immediate context
of a relationship. The social and cultural realities
determine the construction of the norms and assump-
tions which constitute the relationship for the jealous
partner and the loved one. The drama of jealousy is
played out within the experience and constraints of
time and space.
To divide and make distinctions between aspects of
a lived experience involves rending apart what is a
continuous process. To describe in a manner which
can be generalised involves making distinctions, but
those divisions are creatures of convention rather than
the reflections of reality. The caveat should be kept in
view during the over-simplifications which follow.
Judgements
Emotions have come to be regarded as perturbations
and agitations which occur within us in particular
circumstances; responses to special classes of stimuli.
They are viewed as being at the other pole to reason
and judgement. Solomon [6,7] has rejected this view-
point, arguing that emotions are intentional states
which involve judgements and choices. He goes as far
as to claim emotions are defined primarily by their
constitutive judgements, given structure by judge-
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PAUL. E. MULLEN 19
ments, distinguished as particular emotions (anger,
love, envy, etc.) by judgements [7]. Emotions are not,
as so often assumed, the antithesis of reason, but the
expression of judgements. Though they can produce
an irrational outcome, in the sense of failing to advance
the subjects needs and purposes, they nevertheless
embody decisions.
The jealous individual is often unaware that passion
is dependent on prior judgments. The language and
accents of the jealous, however, reveal their judge-
ments. They speak with indignation, they speak of
betrayal, of desertion and of disloyalty. Betrayal is
only possible when fealty is judged to be due and
indignation can only arise when you consider yourself
to have a moral right.
Love is often equated with ownership and jealousy
with a resentment at the loss of a possession. What is
put in question, what is judged to be at risk, is an aspect
of property rights. Davis [8] expressed this by stating
In every case jealousy is a fear or rage reaction to a
threatened appropriation of ones own, or what is
desired as ones own property. Such formulations are
at best insufficient as love usually involves a relation-
ship between human beings the unique feature of
which is that the lover returns affection. Sartre [9]
states The lover does not desire to possess the beloved
as one possess a thing; they demand a special type of
appropriation. They want to possess a freedom as
freedom ... to be freely chosen as beloved. Love
cannot be vouchsafed by an oath of loyalty nor guaran-
teed by fear. The presence of the beloved is of little
value if it depends only on the desire not to go back on
a pledge or on fear of the consequences of leaving.
The need for love to be freely given puts the truth of
love continually in question. I can watch what she
does, listen to what she says, interpret her every move
and mumble, but I can never know what lies behind
the observable. The other escapes me even when by
my side. Having a mind of her own is necessary for
her to truly love, to freely chose to love me, but the
mind of another is always opaque, always in doubt. Is
it love or the performance of love? The appearance,
but not the substance? Is it true love? Once the ques-
tion is raised then it remains forever open. Once love
is put in doubt, jealousy is possible. Perhaps this is why
Nietzsche [ 101 in one of his aphorisms notes, About
two persons I have never reflected very thoroughly,
that is the testimony of my love for them.
The first judgement in jealousy is usually that love
was freely given, the second that it is now in ques-
tion.What is put in question when love is subjected to
doubt will depend on what is believed to constitute
love. Anthony Trollopes novel, He Knew HeWas
Right, first published in 1869 [ll], deals with the
theme of jealousy within the context of the mores of
the European bourgeoisie in the mid nineteenth cen-
tury. The book chronicles the descent from jealousy to
insanity and death of Trevelyan, an English
gentleman. The jealousy is initiated by Trevelyans
suspicions that his young wife has encouraged too
great a social intimacy with a Colonel Osborne, an
ageing bachelor. There is no question at the outset of
sexual impropriety, merely an error of social etiquette.
Trevelyan raises with his wife the advisability of
receiving visits from Osborne in the expectation that
she will take his view as her own. Emily, while reject-
ing his view of the situation, agrees to accept, out of
wifely obedience, any order he shall give with respect
to the Colonel. Trevelyan is trapped in a cleft stick, for
to give an order not to admit Osborne will indicate that
his wife does not freely give her agreement, but to fail
to provide an instruction leaves her free to act against
his wishes. Poor Trevelyan vacillates by giving her
orders, then withdrawing them. He voices the demand
that she must know his real wishes, irrespective of
what he actually says and demands she reassures him
that their wishes are the same. It is the central
dilemma for the lover that forced compliance is useless
for it is a free and willed agreement that constitutes
love. Trevelyan bemoans the fact the Emily is no
longer content with him as her one god on earth, but
makes to herself other gods. Make me your idol and
do it freely without being asked and without question,
this is all Trevelyan, like so many, needs to keep
jealousy in check.
Trevelyans jealousy involves the judgement that
his wife no longer freely complies with, and shares his
views and this perforce puts her love in question. He
accepts that she will obey if ordered, but this is not
enough. Fidelity in action alone is never enough, it has
to be in thought as well. The Christian tradition sup-
ports this need to define faithfulness in thought as well
as action. Matthew, Chapter V, verse 28, puts it suc-
cinctly: But I say unto you, that whosoever looketh
on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery
with her already in his heart. Love voluntarily given
and fidelity even in the innermost thoughts and fan-
tasies; these are the demands, if not of the lover, then
of the jealous. Such refined sensibilities may seem far
removed from contemporary sexual jealousy. In our
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20 A PHENOMENOLOGY OF JEALOUSY
societies it has to be admitted that jealousy, particular-
ly in males, frequently involves the suspicion of an act
of sexual infidelity. It is the concrete act of fornication
which is judged to have occurred or be desired by the
partner. In fact even in clinical practice jealousy is
encountered which focuses on loyalty, commitment
and an exclusivity of intimacy, without directly raising
issues of sexual fidelity.
The fear of loss of attention has been placed at the
centre of the jealousy complex by Tov-Ruach [12].
She has argued that jealousy arises from a transfer of
attention which deprives the individual of the regard
which confirms and constitutes an important aspect of
their sense of self. We sustain central elements of our
self image such as humour and attractiveness, by
having these qualities acknowledged and attended to
by others. She argues that jealousy tends to focus on
romantic relationships exactly because sexual atten-
tion is the most intense form of attention most of us
experience. The loss of this attention threatens a loss
not only of the other, but of aspects of ourselves.
J ealousy does not judge that it has lost a relationship
to another, it believes it is being robbed. The jealous
feel cheated of what is rightfully theirs. To be jealous
is to judge oneself to be a victim and to blame others
for this distress. J ealousy involves an objection to loss
and that objection derives from a judgement that the
loss of the relationship is imminent [ 131.
If jealousy is dependent on judgements and to some
extent choice, then reason should be able to defend
against this passion. The rational response to the chal-
lenge of the partners infidelity might be irony or
humour rather than jealousy. Kierkegaard [14] ex-
pressed this delightfully: Imagine the response of that
paragon of reason, Socrates, on accidentally discover-
ing his wife, Xanthippe, in the act of adultery ...
accidentally because it would be essentially unsocratic
to imagine Socrates being profoundly concerned about
Xanthippes fidelity or that he might spy on her. I
believe that the subtle smile which changed the ugliest
man in Athens into the handsomest, must for the first
time have been transformed into a roar of laughter ...
for whether Socrates was made cuckold is of no im-
portance, he remains the same intellectual hero with
the horns upon his forehead ... but were he to become
jealous he would become ridiculous. Another
philosopher, Bertrand Russell [ 151, expressed similar
views on the ability of tolerance and reason to tame
jealousy. The required posture would appear to be not
just rational, but also a tolerant and slightly amused
distance from the beloved. Presumably those who can
avoid engaging their self esteem in romantic relation-
ships and can remain detached and ironic, will be proof
against jealousy.
Measures of self esteem and jealousy scales show
little correlation [16,17], but there is evidence that
those who believe themselves to be dominant and
more attractive than their partners, seem less likely to
experience jealousy in that particular relationship [ 18,
191. The cognitive appraisals involved in both the
judgement that the relationship is threatened and in
directing the subjects response to the threat have been
studied by social psychologists [ 191. These studies
have tended to confirm the extent to which judgement
and assessments are integral to the jealousy complex.
Feelings
J ealousy is a passion in which the sufferer may be
wracked by intensely painful and distressing feelings.
Tiggelaar [20] stated that the predominant feature of
jealousy is a grievous and painful feeling permeated
by a sense of oppression and anxiety.
A feeling of loss and apprehension are almost
universal. Such feelings may be experienced in physi-
cal terms. One of our patients when confronted by
evidence of her husbands infidelity described feeling
as if she were made of thin glass; transparent, rigid and
about to shatter into a thousand fragments. In
Nathaniel Hawthornes [ 2 I] tale of jealousy the unfor-
tunate Roderick not only experiences jealousy as a
snake eating him away but his nature as a green
reptile with an ice-cold length of body and the sharpest
sting ....
Sadness is present in most experiences of jealousy.
The sense of loss and the fear of a future depleted and
empty usually leads to a sadness. The sadness may be
often obscured by the more active and clamorous
feelings of anger and restless distress. Sadness can be
muted because jealousy is often a state in which loss
is feared rather than accepted and sadness replaces
jealousy only when hope is abandoned. Sadness being
a passive experience is likely to predominate when the
loss is accepted, whereas jealousy frequently involves
excitement and activation which is still directed at the
future and at changing that future. Tears in jealousy
may express a complex mixture of anger and humilia-
tion rather than the gentler feelings of sadness.
The feeling of being ashamed is commonly ex-
perienced as part of the jealousy complex. The in-
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PAUL E. MULLEN 21
trusion of a third party is usually judged to damage, if
not destroy, the essence of the love relationship. Why
we believe that the intrusion of another inevitably
degrades the relationship is not open to logical jus-
tification, but hopefully immediately apparent to our
empathy.
Straus [22] argued that shame is what separates our
public and intimate modes of being. Intimate activities
such as the erotic and spiritual are jeopardised by the
intrusion of public experience characterised by the
profane gaze of the non-participating stranger. The
stranger is of necessity an observer who objectifies and
stultifies the immediacy of intimate experience. Ob-
servation by others inserts the attributes of public
being into the heart of private and intimate being.
Those in love have no use for the dirty joke, pomog-
raphy or the self-observation of the mirror. These are
representations which make public objects of lovers,
stripping them of their intimate and unfolding unique-
ness and reducing them to frozen caricatures.
Shame understood in this manner is relevant to
jealousy. J ames J oyce [23] described exactly such a
disruption of intimacy by the intrusion of another with
the consequent shameful self-consciousness: While
he had been full of memories of their secret life, full
of tenderness and joy and desire, she had been com-
paring him in her mind with another. A shameful
consciousness of his own person assailed him.
Jealousy brings with it a feeling of being ashamed not
just because of the exposure of private vulnerabilities
but because of a feared destruction of the development
and unfolding of the love relationship. J ealousy
believes that an outsider has been introduced into the
intimacy of the relationship. The private, and to use
Strawss term, immediate, relationship has been
drawn into the public sphere by the presence of a
voyeur, the rival. The further development of loving
and erotic relationships is impossible in the face of
being ashamed.
Anger is often present in jealousy predisposing to
aggressive behaviour. The feelings of humiliation are
also expressed with the sense of losing out to a rival
and being exposed as inadequate in the eyes of the
world. Those in the grips of jealousy may describe
feelings of agitation and restlessness. This can be
experienced as a pervasive sense of unease, with a
need to act, but no clear sense of what it is that can or
should be done. Feelings of increased sexual arousal
and erotic interest toward the partner may be ex-
perienced and these are explored later in the paper
under the rubrics of desire and fantasy.
Artists have attempted to express the feelings as-
sociated with jealousy and to reveal through their
medium the experience of this contradictory and
chaotic passion. For example, the first step into
atonality in 20th century music was taken by Schoen-
berg. It has been suggested by some musicologists that
Schoenbergs final loosening of tonal ties related to his
own jealous reaction to his wifes relationship with
their mutual friend, the painter Gerstl [24]. Though
jealousy was not the cause of what was to become the
most important movement in 20th century music, it
may have been the occasion as Schoenberg found
expression for his feelings by moving into a style
bereft of the pre-existing constraints and structure.
A number of workers have gathered data on the
feeling states associated with jealousy by the use of
structured interviews and questionnaires. A common-
ly described experience is that of the so called jealous
flash where a brief, but intense autonomic arousal
occurs in response to a perceived threat of infidelity
[25,26]. In such studies fear and anger are the most
commonly acknowledged feelings with increased
sexual arousal being reported less commonly
[19,27,29]. Bryson [29] reported on the basis of a
components analysis of questionnaire data that three
principal patterns could be isolated. These were: emo-
tional devastation characterised by anxiety, depres-
sion and perplexity; intropunitiveness with self blame
predominating, and Anger directed at both the partner
and rival. Amstatz [30] using a similar approach,
emerged with three slightly different feeling states.
The first was characterised by anxious insecurity and
anger at the self: the second she terms relationship
dysphoria and was marked by depression with a sense
of betrayal coupled with anger at the partner: the final
type she named revitalization and involved, among
other experiences, sexual arousal.
Desires
The desires which characterise jealousy are complex
and contradictory. The desire to expose the partners
infidelities jostle for a place alongside the desire to put
the jealousy to rest by proving the suspicions ground-
less. The desire to hurt often co-exists with heightened
sexual desire as can a wish to berid of the troublesome
partner exist alongside the fear of losing them.
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22 A PHENOMENOLOGY OF JEALOUSY
The structure of human desire and its relationship to
drives cannot be fully described here. The view of
desire as directed at maximising pleasure and minimis-
ing pain which permeates so much psychological
theorising is at best irrelevant in attempting to grasp
the nature of jealousy. If such a utilitarian economy
held sway in the human mind, jealousy would be a
transitory emotion of no consequence. The problem is
that in erotic and emotional relationships we desire not
pleasure as such but a relationship with a particular
person. The average man through mental sluggishness
and the wish to conform, comes to deceive himself into
conceiving of no other goal for his desire than the
pleasure of ejaculation [9]. This self appraisal make no
sense in jealousy where what is feared is the loss of a
person with all the properties attributed to them by the
lover. If orgasm reigned supreme, the fear of loss
would produce a rapid transfer of affection and atten-
tion, not the complex passion of jealousy.
In many jealous individuals the desire to discover
whether their suspicions are justified becomes over-
riding. Jealousy involves a passionate desire for truth,
or at least a very particular type of truth. Proust [5]
described this phenomenon in his hero Swann: All
manner of actions from which hitherto he would have
recoiled in shame such as spying, putting adroitly
provocative questions to casual witness, bribing ser-
vants, listening at doors, seemed to him now to be
precisely on a level with ... the methods of scientific
investigation, with a genuine intellectual value and
legitimately employable in the search for truth. A
patient recently assured us that he would rather know
the truth about his wife, however shocking, than live
in a world where every action, every occurrence, was
weighed, considered and studied in a constant search
for knowledge about his wifes supposed infidelities.
He honestly believed that if she would gratify his
desire to know he could find peace. This was despite
the fact that his wife had been providing him with
detailed answers to his enquiries, however eccentric
and intrusive they appeared to her, on a daily basis for
over 20 years. In addition she had put up with his
almost constant observing presence. When asked what
more could she do to satisfy his desire to know, he
replied with the tearful appeal, all I want is for her to
tell me the whole truth.
In jealousy there may be reported an arousal of
sexual desire and heightened erotic interest in the
partner. Minkowzki [31] claims that there is a charac-
teristic frigidity in mamages prone to jealousy, a
frigidity which is replaced by feelings of erotic
pleasure when the jealousy of the partner is aroused.
The heightened sexual interest which may accompany
jealousy can produce both puzzlement and distress in
those who cannot come to terms with the powerful and
contradictory desires to punish and to possess sexual-
ly. In some the conjunction of these desires may find
release in sado-masochistic fantasy and action. The
exploitation of the erotic potential of jealousy can
become a central and necessary part of sexual arousal
in certain individuals.
The capacity of jealousy to heighten and perhaps
even to induce the emergence, not just of erotic desire,
but of love itself, is a common theme in literature and
drama of all types Qui non zelat, non amat. A
standard theme from Restoration drama to TV sit-com
is making someone jealous so as to make them realise
that they love the object of their jealousy. In our
cultures discovering in oneself the pangs of jealousy
is identified with the recognition of love. If jealous
then you must desire the object of your jealousy.
Jealousy tends to find itself lauded not only as that
which reveals our love, but also as the force which
maintains those bonds. Mercier [32] a forensic
psychiatrist, expressed such righteous sentiments
noting The institution of marriage and the instinct of
jealousy work for the same end and serve the same
purpose. Love selects, jealousy mounts guard to repel
third parties from entering the sacred fold.
Imagination and fantasy
Imagination and fantasy play a prominent role in the
jealousy complex. The activation and agitation so
characteristic of the individual in the grip of jealousy
often manifests in vivid imaginings and fantasies.
Tolstoy [33] describes the power of imagination in
jealousy. I lost control over my imagination: it began
to paint for me, in the most lurid fashion, a rapid
sequence of pictures which inflamed my jealousy ...
They were all of the same thing: of what was happen-
ing there, in my absence, of her being unfaithful to me
... I contemplated their picture, I couldnt tear myself
away from them, I couldnt erase them from my mind
and I couldnt stop myself dreaming them up. But that
wasnt all: the more I contemplated these imaginary
pictures, the more I believed they were real. Our
patients frequently describe vivid visual images of
their partners having intercourse with the suspected
rival. These images force themselves on the unwilling
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PAUL E. MULLEN 23
subject despite their resistance. They may exert a
fascination for the jealous individual who finds them-
selves repeatedly fantasising about the scenes which
cause them the greatest pain.
The images and fantasies of jealousy are
predominantly of the acts of infidelity. The other com-
mon group are of acts of revenge perpetrated on the
unfaithful partner and rival. The jealous individual
may derive comfort from these dreams of vindication
and retribution. In both types of fantasies when
recounted there may be prominent elements of
violence and sado-masochism.
J ealous men not infrequently describe vivid mental
images of their partners being raped or sexually
humiliated at the hands of the supposed rival. In the
mildest form this consists of the jealous males imagin-
ing that not only are their partners seduced away by
the rivals but that these other men treat their lovers
with contempt. There is an obvious incongruity be-
tween accusations of betrayal and these fantasies of
forced subjugation or rejection. Interestingly in those
men who are sufficiently introspective to comment,
their identification in the fantasies tends to be with the
partner who is the victim rather than with the rival.
This identification with the partner augments the sense
of humiliation and passive subjugation inherent in
both sexual betrayal and being sexually humiliated. In
their imagining they not only lose their lover to the
rival but that most precious possession, the lover, is
disdained and damaged. Seeman [34] has reported on
the fantasy life of a number of jealous women. These
women reported fantasies of their male partners as
seducers or rapists with the rival conceived of as the
innocent victim. In such fantasies the jealous woman
identified with the naive virgin falling victim to the
philandering husband.
The images of infidelity are usually painful and
distressing to the jealous, but their responses may be
more ambiguous. On occasion such fantasies are ex-
perienced as erotic. The increased sexual desire for the
errant partner in jealousy may be fuelled in part by the
erotic nature of these fantasies of infidelity. This ap-
pears to be true for both images of the partner enjoying
sexual relations with a rival and those involving sado-
masochistic elements. In some individuals the jealous
imaginings become a major source of erotic arousal.
This group overlaps with those partners who swap
stories and fantasies of sexual adventures with others
in the service of increasing their mutual excitement.
In the jealous the dividing lines between imagina-
tion, belief and the certainty of experienced reality
often become vague and ill defined. The fascination of
jealousy, for the psychopathologist, lies in large part
in the ease with which otherwise normal individuals
in the grips of this passion can generate beliefs, in a
manner and of a type, which would in other cir-
cumstances be regarded as delusional. A middle aged
executive who had been receiving counselling for
marital problems, including jealousy, gave an account
of such a development. He was away from home on
business and phoned his wife in the evening. She, after
answering the phone, asked him to wait a moment
while she closed the door because of the noise of the
television. He heard in the background the sound of
music and what he took to be a mans voice. He
thought once the brief phone conversation was over,
that his wife had seemed flustered and keen to shorten
the call. He ruminated for a while on whether the
sounds he had heard could have been the television or
whether a man was with his wife. An hour or so later
when lying in bed he turned his suspicions over and
over in his mind. He began to imagine a scene at home
with his wife listening to music in the arms of her lover
when his phone call intruded. The imaginings gave
rise to a detailed visual image of the conceived in-
fidelity which he ran through again and again. Unable
to sleep he began several times to phone his wife, each
time failing to complete the call because of the absur-
dity of phoning her in the early hours of the morning
on such a foolish pretext. Finally after further futile
attempts to sleep, he packed and left the hotel to begin
the drive of several hundred miles to his home. As he
drove the imaginings became for him more and more
a conviction that his wife was at this moment with her
lover and if he could reach home in time he would
catch her inflagrunte. In the event, he did not arrive
in his home town until mid morning when his wife had
already departed for work. He frantically searched the
house for signs of what he now was convinced had
been a love tryst the previous night. Subsequently this
man could not accept that this event was a product of
his imagination. He no longer believed it had occurred;
he knew it had with all the certainty that imbues direct
experience. The lurid and detailed nature of the fan-
tasies seemed a proof of the reality of the imaginings.
This certainty co-existed with the capacity to recount
in detail the above story of how the suspicions gave
rise to images which merged into beliefs which in turn
became knowledge.
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24 A PHENOMENOLOGY OF JEALOUSY
Behaviour
Jealousy watches. Its organ is the eye, an evil eye
[35]. The jealous are constantly vigilant for the tell tale
signs of betrayal. Mental processes are often described
as heightened and speeded up. To use the words of
Henry Fielding [36] from his novel TomJones: Noth-
ing is so quick and sudden as the operations of the
mind, especially when hope or fear; or jealousy to
which the two other are but journeymen sense it to
work. The jealous are alert to their environment,
scanning for anything out of place which would point
to the feared infidelity. Robbe-Grillet [37] in his novel
Jealousy catches this quality of the watchful and self
referential aspect of jealousy.
Checking is an almost universal behaviour among
the jealous, checking that the lover is where they say
they are and with whom they say, cross checking,
re-checking. Dickens [38] describes the progress from
suspicion through checking to conviction of infidelity:
from suspicion to jealousy Mrs. Snagsby found the
road natural and short .. (suspicion) prompted her to
nocturnal examinations of Mr. Snagsbys pockets; to
secret perusals of Mr. Snagsbys letters; to private
researches in the ledger, till, cash box and iron safe; to
watching at windows, listening behind doors and a
general putting of this and that together by the wrong
end. Life for the jealous is an unending task. Nothing
is irrelevant, a clue or even final information may be
awaiting them in the next mail delivery, in the
husbands coat pocket, in the wifes purse. A jealous
patient complained that what she resented most was
the sheer waste of time and effort her jealousy in-
volved her in by the checking on every aspect of her
husbands life. Perhaps the one virtue of jealousy is
that it develops an interest in all the partners activities.
J ealousy, like love, involves focussing an intense at-
tention on to the partner. It compliments with
curiosity. The inquisitional cross-questioning of the
lover by their jealous partner is frequent and may
involve attempts to threaten or cajole admissions from
the partner. The harassed lovers may satisfy the jealous
partners by admitting, or even inventing, acts of in-
fidelity. This can produce temporary respite, or some-
times violent reaction. The jealous subjects need to
extract a confession is caught with dreadful vividness
by Emile Zola [39] in his novel The Beast in Man.
Rouband is questioning his wife about his suspicions
that she has had a sexual relationship with her guar-
dian. In fact she had been the victim of this mans
sexual attentions when she was under his care as a
child. Confess he repeated, you did sleep with him
... he knocked her down, grabbed her hair and by it
held her head to the floor.
Confess. You slept with him. Confess you
slept with him God damn you he cried or Ill
knife you! She could see murder plain on his
face ... Fear overcame her; she capitulated just
to end it all. All right then, yes its true. Now
let me go. After that it was frightful. The
admission which he had so savagely extracted
was a direct body blow ... He seized her head
and banged it against the table ..,
The violence continues and escalates and the ques-
tioning of Rouband begins again and again demanding
more and more sexually specific details of the wifes
previous sexual encounter. The insatiable need to
know inherent in jealousy cannot be satisfied by con-
fession. Jealousy demands repeated revelation gar-
nished with the minutest detail. What confession
rarely succeeds in doing is satisfying the jealous, for
just as no evidence of innocence can convince, so no
confession is sufficiently detailed.
Behaviours aimed at attaining reassurance by the
jealous partner are equally common and may alternate,
or even co-exist, with behaviours aimed at exposing
the suspected infidelity. Thequest forreassurance, like
that for the true account of the infidelity, is inex-
haustible. Such activities can never produce the
desired result, for any assurance is inevitably called in
question, and the repetitive unvarying demands for
further reassurance continue without respite.
The jealous may also indulge in actions aimed to test
the fidelity and devotion of the lover. This can vary
from behaviours which stretch the tolerance of the
partner to direct attempts to provoke infidelity. It is
surprising how often jealous individuals either verbal-
ly, or in their actions, invite their partners to take an
interest or start a relationship with a potential rival.
The why dont you; I wouldnt mind if you did
speeches and the surely youd like to stay on a little
longer with Tom, Dick or Harry, theres no need for
us both to leave just because Im tired provocation.
This type of testing can never comfort the jealous. As
Lothario, in Cervantes [40] tale, tells his friend An-
selmo when he persuades him to try his wifes virtue,
such a course cannot reassure and can only lead to
disaster. However, the desire to know for certain
which harasses and oppresses Anselmo is irresis-
tible though he recognises it as extravagant and
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PAUL E. MULLEN 25
beyond the least shadow of reason. One of ourjealous
patients went as far as to persuade his wife, much
against her will, to accompany him to a wife-swapping
party. This led to a predictable disaster, with a few
weeks later the unfortunate man making a determined,
but fortunately non-fatal, suicide attempt.
J ealousy, with its angry feelings, judgements of
betrayal and destructive fantasies, is all too often in-
volved with behaviours aimed at hurting or harming
the lover. The seventeenth century divine, Richard
Burton, [4 11 wrote in The Anatomy ofMelancholy that:
Those which are jealous proceed from suspicion to
hatred; from hatred to frenzie; from frenzie to injury,
murder and despair. Fortunately not everyone who
falls under the sway of jealousy proceeds all the way
down this path from suspicion to murder. The impulse
to hurt or harm is intimately linked to the experience
of jealousy, but it does not necessarily find expression
in the battering of the loved one or the rival. The rage
stirred up by jealousy has as its object both the loved
one and the supposed rival, but it is on the loved one
that the aggression usually falls. The doubts about who
falls victim to jealousy are dispelled by the studies of
the violence engendered by jealousy [4,42,43].
J ealousy motivates a significant proportion of the
serious violence in our communities. In a number of
studies of domestic violence jealousy has been iden-
tified as a significant contributor [44-461. Amongst
homicide offenders jealousy is one of the more com-
monly reported motivations [47,48] and Daly and
colleagues [49] concluded their own study of
homicide in Detroit be noting that male sexual
jealousy may be the major source of conflict in the
overwhelming majority of spousal homicide in North
America. A study of aggression in a cohort of 138
patients presenting to the psychiatric services with
problems of jealousy, revealed that over half had com-
mitted physical assaults on their partners, in some
cases inflicting serious damage, though none had been
charged with an offence as a result [43].
On the basis of diaries recording the behaviour and
thoughts of a relatively large sample of jealous sub-
jects, White [19] was able to identify a number of
behavioural responses. The most frequent response
was to attempt to improve the relationship by doing
such things as making oneself attractive, giving com-
pliments and attempting to be more helpful.
Demanding that the partner declare their commit-
ment to the relationship, or alternatively seeking sup-
port and reassurance from others, were also common.
A significant proportion of those exposed to actual or
potential infidelity attempted either to deny the exist-
ence of the threat, or avoid confronting the problem by
such mechanisms as re-interpreting the partners ac-
tions, in a manner which purged them of any intention
to be unfaithful. Attempts to break up the rival
relationship by methods including aggression, both
verbal and physical, were also recorded.
Temporality
An integral part of any state of mind is the ex-
perienced relationship to time. In joy, for example, we
are immersed in the present with the passage of time
and the future it brings only a dimly conceived threat
to our present state of being. In contrast, in depression
the focus of our being is on the past, replete as it is with
its perceived deficiencies and guilts. The future closes
in or ceases to exist, as, for the depressed, the passage
of lived time slows to an endless painful dragging.
The relation to temporarality in jealousy is complex
and variable. Ramm has argued that there is in jealousy
the element of a valued present which is slipping away
as an unwanted future approaches [50]. In jealousy we
bring forward the feared future to confront and distress
our very being in the present. J ealousy is about
premonitions. The fear is of the partners future loss
but jealousy believes that this loss is occumng now.
Tellenbach [ 131 refers to this as a portentous shift in
which an anticipatory fretting begins in which loves
withdrawal is felt as inevitable. In the experience of
jealousy the feared future comes forward into our lived
present.
Fear is part of the jealousy complex. Fear occurs in
the face of a threat; in the expectation of an oncoming
evil. Heidegger [51] argues that the future is the
primary meaning of fear and that ones having been is
of the least consequence to the temporality of fear.
Fear is characteristically an awaiting which lets the
threatening future come back to confront us in the
present. In the face of this potentiality, Heidegger
suggests the individual becomes bewildered and con-
fused in the present so that they lose any sense of
proportion and become unable to make any definite
choice. A frantic restless confusion in the present
results.
This explication of the temporality of fear can be
applied to the experience of jealousy, with benefit in
some cases. We occasionally encounter individuals in
states of acute distress about the feared loss of a partner
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26 A PHENOMENOLOGY OF JEALOUSY
in whom the distress is generated entirely by a future
possibility. One man described several days of intense
agitation and vivid fantasies of his wife deserting him
for another. This had been precipitated by learning of
his wifes promotion at her work which would put her
in a position of greater responsibility and earning
potential than himself. This man had become over-
whelmed by the fear of losing her which rapidly trans-
lated into a conviction she was now, at that moment,
having an illicit affair. In the absence of any obvious
contender for a rival, this mans mind leapt from one
possibility to the next, finally focussing on an acquain-
tance who in fact had never seen let alone related to
the wife. His fear having been brought forward into
the present became embodied in a man chosen almost
at random forgetting the usual constraint of what is
likely, let alone possible. In the face of the potentiality
in the future of losing his wife, he backed away from
the fear in bewilderment and became lost in fantasies
of infidelity and an absurd search for a rival in the
present. The jealousy complex often has this element
of fear of future loss present to some degree and can
to that degree be expected to be infused with this type
of temporality.
The jealous, though oppressed by a feared future, are
nevertheless intensely concerned with the present. In
some, as described above, this may represent only the
bringing forward of a threatening future but they are
not only afflicted with a fear in the face of an approach-
ing threat, but also distress at an actual or feared
betrayal in the present which presages a future deser-
tion. The future fear is transformed by jealousy into an
experience of present betrayal. The extent to which the
jealous are overwhelmed by the present possibilities is
often demonstrated by the need to keep the suspected
partner under constant observation. As soon as the
lover is out of sight the rich panapoly of the possible
overwhelms them. They are transported in imagina-
tion into the infidelities occumng at that moment. The
suspicions of some jealous individuals would provide
a source of zany humour if they were not so tragic. The
fantastic creations of the jealous imagination which
suggest illicit intercourse to be possible in the most
unlikely of places and at the speed which would defeat
even a severe case of premature ejaculation. The
image of it happening now, at this very minute, is the
plague of the jealous. Their present is overwhelmed.
Time drags slowly by for those in the grips of such
jealousy, for every instant is crowded with imagining
the infinite possibilities which open up before the
errant lover. This type of jealous experience traps the
sufferer is an endlessly expanded lived time of images
of present betrayal and future desertion.
The loved one
J ealousy has as its primary object the partner or
loved one and only secondarily the rival. The account
already given of the judgements, feelings, desires and
actions are all to some degree descriptions of the
properties intended by the jealous individual as part of
their consciousness of the partner. It is perhaps worth
highlighting a few additional aspects of the conscious-
ness that the jealous have of their lover.
Desirability is a characteristic attributed to the
partner by jealousy. The fear of loss assumes that the
partner is valued and is capable of attracting the atten-
tion and desire, if not love, of a rival. J ealousy dresses
the partner in desirability. On occasion when viewed
from an outside perspective the partners desirability
may be far from obvious. Karl Marx [ 52] in a footnote
in Das Kapital stated that man sees and recognises
himself and his value; in other men, he knows himself
by his reflection. J ealousy is, in some respects, a
flattering mirror in which to recognise and measure
oneself.
The attributes of the lover reflect back on the
jealous. In jealousy there may be boast: the boast that
what I have is highly desirable which in turn makes
me special. One of our patients would expound at
length about how many men desired his wife. He
talked of her being constantly ogled and said should
he leave her side she would be inundated by offers she
might find impossible to resist. The pride in his object
of jealousy was as obvious as was her pleasure in
preening herself whilst he spoke.
The lover in the mind of the jealous is flawed by
infidelity or its possibility. Not only are they desirable
but also wayward. Those in the grips of jealousy are
often aware that the infidelity they believe to be occur-
ring may arise not from the concrete guilt of the
beloved but from the influence of jealousy colouring
their judgement. When the jealous identify their ex-
periences as arising from the passion itself, then their
suspicions are transformed from signposts to infidelity
into symptoms of jealous ailment. J ealousy then need
have no significance for the actual behaviour of the
lover. To quote Proust [5] once more: The hypotheses
according to which it was his jealous imagination
alone that blackened what was in reality the innocent
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PAUL E. MULLEN 27
life of Odette, this hypothesis which after all was
beneficent since, so long as his amorous malady lasted,
it had diminished his sufferings by making them seem
imaginary.
A number of our patients insisted that they never
truly doubted the fidelity of their partners; it was only
the jealousy which created the suspicions. It was
clearly a comfort for these people to relegate the belief
in their partners transgressions to the realm of
symptomatology. The doubts were metamorphosed
into acknowledged delusions. On occasion, the
suspicions of infidelity have more substantial corre-
lates in the external world than the sufferers wished to
face.
Jealousy like love is a state of intense pre-occupa-
tion with the partner. J ealousy arises from a fear that
the relationship will be lost and in response generates
a state of mind which focuses attention and concern on
the lover. In the mind of the jealous the relationship is
sustained for every thought and action of the lover is
attended to and kept alive. One man recalling this
period in his life talked of the attempts to keep the
jealousy alive, to hold back the depression and empti-
ness which he know would follow when that passion
was replaced by an acceptance of the loss.
The rival
The rival can exist for the consciousness of the
jealous individual as an object with no certain correlate
in the external world. Even when the rival is known or
identified with an actual person, there is still consider-
able scope for the attribution of qualities to the rival.
The rival is often conceived of in extreme form and
invested with either strongly positive qualities or an
odious absence of virtue. This is true even when
jealousy can put no name to the shadowy figures which
plague its consciousness. In jealousy where no certain
rival exists, then someone in the jealous individuals
own circle of acquaintances may be focussed on as the
likely offender, even when no contact exists between
the lover and the supposed rival. In these circumstan-
ces it is often a figure who is admired or envied by the
jealous individual who is selected as the likely rival.
In other circumstances, the jealous individual may
suspect members of their own family, choosing those
whomthey see as having their own qualities, but in
greater degree or graced by youth. A figure whom they
had previously wished to emulate or whom they had
envied in some regard is likely to be selected as can-
didate for the rival. In these circumstances the jealous
individual experiences themselves as devalued in
comparison to the idealised image of the rival.
Envy of the rival may therefore constitute part of the
structure of jealousy. This envy may be both the
destructive envy which wishes to deprive the other of
what they have or emulation where the desire is to
become like or to obtain like. The jealous individual
may construe the rival as possessing attractive
qualities which they lack and this then explains why
the lover is drawn away from them. These attractive
qualities may be of any type, though interestingly they
often appear to reflect the pre-occupations of the
jealous individual rather than the partner. Thus the
greedy selected their rivals from amongst the wealthy,
the ambitions from those with high status, and the vain
from those who appear to them more physically attrac-
tive. Confronted with the superiority of the rival they
have constructed the jealous are overwhelmed by their
own limitations and inferiority.
The jealous individual may conversely have a con-
sciousness of the rival as without positive qualities.
How could anyone with any self respect or sense
become involved with someone like that? The rival is
conceived as lacking good qualities and as outside of
the social norms, as marginal. Lacking wealth, posi-
tion, intelligence, status, the rival is therefore free of
responsibility and moral commitment. The lack of
qualities attributed to such rivals is usually coupled
with the fear of the freedom this lack of encumbrance
gives them. The denigration of the rival devalues the
partner and allows expression of rage against both, but
it rebounds on the jealous who is left to contemplate
what is so dreadful about them that such a rival may
be preferred.
conclusion
What of the effects on those who suffer from
jealousy. What does it make them? Barthes [53] ex-
pressed their plight succinctly, As a jealous man, I
suffer four times over: because I am jealous, because
I blame myself for being so, because I fear that my
jealousy will wound the other, because I allow myself
to be subject to a banality: I suffer from being ex-
cluded, from being aggressive, from being crazy, and
from being common.
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28 A PHENOMENOLOGY OF J EALOUSY
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