Conflict Resolution Tips

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Step back and slow down

Express strong feelings without blame

Explore what is most important the

other person by listening and asking
questions out of curiosity

Most of us repeat unhelpful behaviors in

Strongfeelings make it impossible for us to

conflicts because we are unaware of

what we are doing
We can onlychange habits through awareness
Plan what you want to sayto avoidsaying
somethingthat will escalate a conflict

reallylisten
Use I-statements to express what
youre feeling
Be sure to state a feeling(as opposedto a
judgingstatement) after sayingI feel
Be sure to carefullydescribe the other partys
behavior without addingevaluations to it
The keyis to be completelyhonest without
blamingthe other

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Be clear about your intentions

and goals for the conversation

If your most important goal is to win, blame or

change the other party, the conflict will probablyescalate, no matter what skills you use
If your intention is to blame or change others,
you dont learn howto prevent the problem
fromrepeatingitself
Onlybegin a conversation about a conflict in
order to learn somethingnew, express your
views andfeelings, or to problem-solve.

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Listen first to understandask

questions to explore the other
persons story

If others feel listenedto theyare more likelyto

tryto understandyou
Leverage for change comes fromunderstanding,
not fromconvincingthemyou are right
It is rare for people to feel trulylistenedto and
still experience the conflict as negative
Be aware of your internal barriers to really
listening, such as thinkingyou are right and
strongfeelings about the subject matter

People do not usuallyenter a conflict bystating

what is most important to them

You can onlyproblemsolve if you knowwhat
the other person reallywants
People usuallyenter a conflict with onlyone
solution (theirs) to a problem

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Let go of the myths about conflict

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Conflict is not a contestdont make it one

Be aware of how your own

self image might make you
more defensive

Conflict is not always negative

Avoidan all or nothing, blackandwhite view

of yourselfin this wayyou will become

more open to feedback

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Remember the four principal

approaches to conflict

Acknowledge the conflict

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Take responsibility for

your assumptions

If you resist, theywill push even harder

To acknowledge does not mean to agree
Be willingto change

Be willingto let go of your interpretation

believingthat our beliefs andconclusions about

others are the truth creates a lot of conflict
Share with others what you see as the rawdata
andhowyou interpret it (your thought process)
When others speakabout their conclusions, ask
howtheycame to those conclusions

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Find common ground

Be sure to note areas of agreement as well

as areas of disagreement
Identifyingareas of agreement reduces
defensiveness

Resolve it if you cancall us if you cant, (206) 443-9603

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When initiating a conversation about

a conflict

Askthe other partyif theyare willingto

have a conversation
Tell themthe topicandthe importance of the
conversation to you in maintaininga good
relationship
Allowthemto save face

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Be open to learning new information

Or, visit us at kcdrc.org for more options.