GCOM Chapter 9

Interpersonal Conflict Management

I.

Definition of Conflict
A.

General Definition: Essential Elements

1.

B.

Conflictthe expressed struggle of interconnected

parties who perceive incompatible goals and interference
from one or more parties in attaining those goals

Types of Conflict: It's Not All Bad

1.

Destructive Conflict: Taking No Prisoners

I.

2.

Constructive Conflict: Working It Out

I.

3.
II.

Destructive conflictcharacterized by escalation,

retaliation, domination, competition, defensiveness,
and inflexibility

Constructive conflictcharacterized by
communication that is cooperative, supportive, and
flexible

Destructive Versus Constructive Conflict: It's All About

Communication

Relationship Dialectics
A.

Dialectics within Relationships: Pushing Us/Pulling Us

1.

Connection-Autonomy: Hug Me/Leave Me Alone

I.

2.

Predictability-Novelty: Be Stable/Be Spontaneous

I.

3.

Connection-autonomythe desire to come

together with another person yet remain
independent and in control of ones own life

Predictability-noveltya desire for both stability

and change in interpersonal relationships

Openness-Closedness: Tell Me More/Tell Me Less

I.
B.

Dialectics with Outsiders: Us and Them

1.

Inclusion-Seclusion: Be Together/Be Alone

I.

C.

III.

Openness-closednessthe tension between

accessibility and privacy

Inclusion-seclusionin a relationship when you

want your partner to spend time with outsiders yet
also want them to spend time alone with you to
nurture your relationship

2.

Conventionality-Uniqueness: Conform/Don't Conform

3.

Revelation-Concealment: Go Public/Be Private

Addressing Dialectics: Not a Balancing Act

1.

Amalgamating Dialectics: Addressing Both Needs

2.

Selecting: Choosing One Need Only

3.

Segmenting: Categorizing

Communication Styles of Conflict Management

A.

Collaborating: Looking for Win-Win Solutions

1.

Confrontation: Addressing the Problem

I.

B.

2.

Confrontationthe overt recognition of conflict

and the direct effort to manage disagreements
effectively
Integration: Finding Mutually Satisfactory Solutions

3.

Smoothing: Calming the Storm

Accommodating: Yielding to Others

1.

C.

Compromising: Halving the Loaf

1.

D.

Accommodatingwhen we yield to the needs and

desires of others during a conflict

Compromisingwhen we give up something to get

something

Avoiding: Ignoring Conflict

1.
E.

Competing: Power Forcing

1.

IV.

Avoidingwhen we sidestep or turn our back on conflict

Competingwhen we approach conflict as a win-lose

contest

Managing Conflict Competently

A.

Styles in Action: Smooth Sailing to White-Water Rafting

B.

Transforming Competing into Collaborating: Cooperation

Revisited

C.

Styles and Partner Abuse: Addressing Aggression

D.

Anger Management: Controlling the Beast Within

1.

Constructive and Destructive Anger: Intensity and

Duration

2.

Anger and Attribution: Is It Intentional?

3.

Managing Your Own Anger: Seizing Control

4.

Managing the Anger of Others: Communication Jujitsu

E.

Workplace Bullying: Conflict and Anger Meet

F.

Forgiveness: Healing Conflict's Wounds

1.

Forgiveness Defined: Healing, Not Hurting

I.

2.
G.

Forgivenessletting go of feelings of revenge and

desires to retaliate

The Process of Forgiveness: Four Stages

Culture and Conflict: Different Styles

Amalgamatingwhere both contradictory forces are addressed without

compromising on either impulse
Bridgingconsiders the goals of all parties in the conflict and offers a new
option that satisfies the interests of everyone involved
Collaboratingcooperating

Conditional forgivenessforgiveness that attaches stipulations that make

it clear any further transgression will not be tolerated
Conventionality-uniquenesswhen we are torn between wanting our
relationships to be the same yet different
Dialecticsthe tensions that arise from contradictory needs that push and
pull us in opposite directions simultaneously in our relationships with others
Direct forgivenessexplicit and unambiguous forgiveness
Equivocationusing language that permits more than one plausible
meaning, often as a substitute for outright lying
Expanding the piefinding creative ways to increase resources, typically,
money
Expressed struggleconflict
Forgivenessletting go of feelings of revenge and desires to retaliate
Inclusion-seclusionin a relationship when you want your partner to spend
time with outsiders yet also want them to spend time alone with you to
nurture your relationship
Indirect forgivenessforgiveness that is just understood, where there is no
direct acknowledgement of the forgiveness
Integrationa collaborative strategy that meets the goals of all parties in
the conflict
Interconnected partieswhen the behavior of one party must have
consequences for the other party
Norm of reciprocitythe idea that you give back what you get from others
Openness-closednessthe tension between accessibility and privacy
Revelation-concealmenthow much we reveal to outsiders about a
relationship
Segmentingwhen partners divide certain parts of their relationship into
domains or categories
Selectinggiving attention to one contradictory impulse while ignoring the
other
Smoothingthe act of calming the agitated feelings of others during a
conflict episode

Stonewallingwhen one partner refused to discuss problems or physically

leaves when the other partner is complaining, disagreeing, or attacking
Workplace bullying--persistent verbal and nonverbal aggression at work
that includes public humiliation, constant criticism, ridicule, gossip, insults,
and social ostracism communication that makes work tasks difficult or
impossible, and socially isolates, stigmatizes, and discredits those targets
Yieldingsacrificing your own needs out of genuine concern for your
partners well-being or to prevent further conflict