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No Cure For Love by Peter Robinson - First Chapters
No Cure For Love by Peter Robinson - First Chapters
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14 December
My Darling Little Star,
Thank God I have found You again. When I lost you I
entered the darkness. Lost in the dark silent Room with only the
Hum of my Machines and my Memories and Images of you.
I told myself you could not have known what I feel for you.
Love strikes me Dumb. I see all that now. Thank you for giving
me another chance, thank you for seeking me out.This time there
will be no mistaking my Love. This time I will prove myself to
you again and again until you feel the Power of my Love and
come to me. I wont let you go this time.
You think you do not know who I am, but you do. They took
you away and Seduced you and stole you from me, just as the
others did before. They have tried to blot out your Memory of
me. And I failed you, Sally. Yes, I did. But everything is clear
now. The months I spent Lost and Wandering in the dark Room
have made everything bright as Day, the Visions I bore witness
to have made my Purpose clear, they have revealed our Destiny.
Now I watch you on the Screen and I know you are speaking
only to me.
As I labor to prove myself to you, you will remember me and
you will come to me. Then, my love, will we lie together and I
will bite your Nipples till the Blood and Milk flow down my
chin. We will hack and eat away the Corrupting Flesh, the
Rank Pollution of Tissue and Sinew, and go in Moonlight shedding our Skin and spilling our Blood on the Sand through the
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Mirrors of the Sea where all is Peace and Silence and no one
can harm us or tear us apart ever again Forever and Forever.
Be Strong, my Love. I have much to Plan and Execute before
we can be together as Fate intends. My mind Boils and Seethes
with the Burden, the Weight and the Glory of it. All for you. Let
me prove I am more than equal to the Task.
With all the love in my bursting heart,
M.
Sarah Broughtons hand shook as she let the letter drop on the
glass-topped table. She wiped her palm on the side of her
jeans.
It was the third letter in two weeks, and by far the most
detailed. The others had merely hinted that she should begin
to prepare herself for a special event. This was also the first
one to contain anything even remotely sexual.
Sarah walked over to the sliding glass doors. Beyond the
deck and the narrow strip of lawn, the rocky promontory on
which her house stood dropped twenty feet. Below, fine white
sand sloped down to the Pacific Ocean, darkening where the
breakers pounded the shoreline not more than fifty yards out.
Sarah stood and watched a wave swell until its rounded
peak turned translucent green then burst into a crest of foam
that rushed horizontally along its length until everything
churned into a roiling white mass. Sometimes she thought she
could stand and watch the waves for ever. The roar was deafening, and through the open door she could smell salt and
seaweed and something dead, that odour of primordial decay
that always seemed to linger around the edges of the sea.
Though the temperature was in the mid-sixties, Sarah
shivered and hugged herself. Her nerves werent that good
to begin with, hadnt been for over a year, and now she felt
defiled, violated and scared. But even as she trembled, she
found herself probing the feeling, storing it for later use. If
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Peter Robinson
wooden steps from the deck to lawn, then down the stairs
carved in the rock. At the bottom stood a gate made of sixfoot-high metal railings, painted black, all with very sharp
points. It didnt offer much security, though, Sarah realized.
Anybody who really wanted to could climb up the rocks
beside it easily enough.
On the beach, she slipped off her sandals and wiggled her
toes in the sand. Though the sun was only a white ball through
the haze, its brightness made Sarah squint and reach in her
purse for her sunglasses.
There was hardly anyone around. For Sarah, the mid-sixties
was warm enough for sunbathing, but it was chilly to the
natives. Also, while this area of the beach wasnt exactly private
property, access was difficult because of the solid wall of
houses, flanked on both sides by low-rise office buildings.
Out towards the horizon, water and sky merged in a white
glare. A light ocean breeze ruffled Sarahs cap of short blonde
hair. It would soon dispel the sea-mist. She walked with her
hands in her pockets, eyes scanning the beach for interesting
shells and pebbles.
To the north, the mountains were almost lost in the haze,
and to the south she could just about make out the Santa
Monica Pier with its restaurants and amusement palaces.
Funnily enough, it reminded Sarah of childhood holidays in
Blackpool, staying at Mrs Faircloughs boarding-house. Of
course, it was rarely over sixty degrees in Blackpool more
often than not it was about fifty and raining but her mum
and dad would always splurge on one good variety show at
the pier theatre, and it was there that her love of show business had begun. And just look at her now. Top of the world,
Ma. Well, getting there, anyway. Such a long journey, such a
long, long way from Blackpool to Hollywood.
As usual, thinking of her mum and dad brought her other
problem to mind: the family she had put off dealing with for
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too long. She hadnt been home in two years now. Her mother
was dead, had been since long before the rift, but there were
still Paula, her dad and the kids. Well, she would be facing
them at Christmas.
And now, on top of everything else, the letters.
As she walked along the edge of the beach, Sarah felt uneasy.
Not for the first time these past couple of weeks did she keep
looking over her shoulder. And whenever she did notice
anyone walking towards her, she felt herself tense, get ready to
run.
There was something else as well. Earlier that morning,
when she was coming back from her run, she had seen something flash in the sun, way up on the crest of the hills above
the Coast Highway. Of course, there were a lot of houses up
there, and there could be any number of explanations
windows opening, even car windshields glinting in the light
but she had felt as if someone were looking down on her
through binoculars.
Now she thought she saw something flash again, further up
the beach this time. But she was being silly. It could be someones glasses, a ring, anything at all. Maybe just a
birdwatcher.
She told herself not to be so paranoid, but she couldnt
shake the feeling. There was something else that bothered her,
too. This time, in the letter, he had called her Sally.
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She should have left for work hours ago, but he hadnt seen her go.
Usually a cab or that grey-haired man in the Cadillac picked her
up to take her to the studio around eight-thirty. Not today. She
had to be still in the house. He hadnt seen her leave, and he knew
he couldnt have missed her; he had been in the area for four
hours, since before dawn, watching her house just like he had
every day for the past two weeks, first up in the hills, now down
on the beach.
As usual that Tuesday morning, he had found his safe, secluded
spot in the hills before dawn and watched her run. His powerful
Zeiss binoculars silhouetted her moving image against the slowly
brightening sea. Every morning she ran at least a mile up the
beach and back as the sun came up. She was always alone, the
only one out at that time.
As he had lain high above her, though he could sense the city
throbbing and buzzing behind him, hardly a soul stirred nearby.
He could see the lights of ships twinkling out at sea, the headlights of cars on the Coast Highway, already pale in the light of
the rising sun as they arced around the long curve between
Topanga and Santa Monica.
She timed herself against the sunrise, as if following and
emulating its natural rhythms, in tune with it, like the dawn
goddess. Or so it seemed to him. Every day now the sun rose a
little later, but it was always just hidden behind the eastern hills
when she started out and balanced on top of them like a huge
fireball when she got back.
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He watched the tide, too, how it ebbed and flowed. She always
ran right along the water line. He had seen the spent waves foam
and sparkle around her feet as if she were the very rebirth of Venus.
Suddenly, here she came again.Walking out of the gate onto the
beach. Not to run this time, but just walking, looking contemplative. His heart expanded so much he thought it would explode in
his chest. She was thinking about him. He knew it. She must
have received his latest letter and read it. Now she was walking
alone on the beach thinking about him.
He lay on a rock about a quarter of a mile further west, on the
Topanga State Beach. It was eleven in the morning now and
there were a few people around, some brave surfers and couples
walking hand in hand. They didnt bother him, though. He knew
he just looked like someone lying on a rock watching the seabirds.
Plenty of other people did that. It didnt look strange at all.
In fact, living here, you would have to think very hard to find
anything that really did seem weird, he thought. His kind of city.
The place where he had finally become what he had been from
the start but had only vaguely sensed before; where he had recognized himself at last; the place where he had both lost and found
his soulmate, his lifes companion.
He pulled her into focus through the lenses. The binoculars
were so strong that he could fill them with her head and shoulders. She wasnt silhouetted now, and he could see her downcast
eyes, see her chewing softly on her lower lip, that slightly crooked
tooth overlapping at the front, the only blemish on a perfect face.
Well, that could easily be altered.
He could almost hear her thoughts, how she was racking her
brains to remember who he was, who it was loved her so much, so
she could come to him. He felt her calling out to him. But no, not
yet. There was still much to do before they could truly be together.
For a moment, he felt guilty for torturing her so, but it passed.
After all, wasnt anticipation one of the sweetest parts of
conquest? And he had yet to conquer her.
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While he didnt know what would happen after the consummation when he thought of that, everything turned red he
knew that he would continue to feel this exquisite blending of
aching and longing, of joy and desolation, while he courted her
from a distance. And he knew that she could feel it too.
There was also something special, something subtly erotic
about watching her through the binoculars. To the naked eye, she
was nothing but a dot in the distance, but when he raised the
lenses, there she was, right in front of him, in his face, her thoughts
clear for him to read in her almost-perfect features. And when she
made those little unconscious gestures, the things he loved her for
so much, like scratching the side of her nose with her pinky, and
he knew he was the only one in the world watching her, he felt
such pride and power in his possession that it was all he could do
to stop himself from jumping up and running into her arms.
But no. Not yet. For now, he must give himself up to the alternate waves of ecstasy and terror that swept through him, made
him dizzy and wild, that whispered to him what he must do to
win her love. He must worship her from a distance. It was all too
new; he wasnt ready yet, and he didnt think she was either. Oh,
he loved her; Lord knew how much he loved her. But he had to
make her realize that she loved him, had to make her see that he
was the one. Soon, it would be soon . . .
As he lay there on his stomach watching her poke at small
shells and pebbles with her bare toes, her little nails painted pink,
his hands started to shake and he felt himself getting hard against
the rock.
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They ate lunch at one of those Hollywood restaurants where
six red-coated valets drag you out of your car and drive off
with it if you so much as slow down out front. The first time
it had happened, Sarah had seriously thought they were being
carjacked, having read about such things in the papers, but
Stuart had just laughed. He often laughed at her English ways.
Stuart himself was Southern Californian all the way through.
Sarah recognized a couple of bit-part actors she had worked
with on the series and said hello as she passed by. Most of the
diners, however, were tanned, female shoppers taking a break
from Rodeo Drive, the ultra-chic Melrose or La Brea.
Wherever she ate, Sarah tried to guess whether the waiters
were aspiring actors or screenwriters. This one, who introduced himself as Mark, was tall, with dark good looks, a
muscled body and sleek black hair tied in a ponytail. Definitely
an aspiring actor. Rarely had Sarah known writers to look as
good as that.
Stuart looked at the tables crammed close together in the
small patio area. Fuck, he complained, these things must
multiply overnight. And I thought this place was supposed to
be so crowded nobody comes here any more.
Sarah raised her eyebrows.
Yogi Berra, Stuart explained.
What?
Yogi Berra. You know, the baseball guy. Known for his
redundancies and non sequiturs.
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Sarah shook her head. Mark scraped her chair back over
the terracotta and beckoned her to sit. Sunlight filtered
through the trellises, where a parkful of greenery climbed and
entwined, occasionally offering a white or red blossom to the
close observer. Mark explained the specials, then handed
them menus, handwritten on laminated fuchsia cards about
four feet by two.
It aint over till its over, Stuart tried. Its dj vu all
over again.
Oh, yes. Ive heard that before. Sarah thought she should
mollify him a little.
Stuart beamed. See. Yogi Berra. He said that.
Sarah laughed. Stuart Kleigman was about fifty years old
and twenty pounds overweight, tanned, wore black-rimmed
glasses and had sparse silver-grey hair swept back to reveal a
pronounced widows peak.
Dressed very conservatively for Hollywood, in an expensive lightweight grey suit and cheap maroon-and-ivory striped
tie, he always stood out among the Hollywood crowd, with
their silk shirts buttoned up to the top, their T-shirts, jeans and
running shoes. Stuarts shoes were handmade in Italy, and the
black leather was so highly polished that you could see your
face in them. He reminded Sarah of a bank manager from one
of those fifties American comedies that ran day and night in
syndication: I Love Lucy or The Beverly Hillbillies.
Stuart was head of casting at the studio, but he had also
become her friend, and he meant more to her than anyone
else in the country; he had believed in her, given her a chance
at fame and fortune, without demanding anything in return.
But it was more than that; he had given her back her selfrespect and her confidence. Well, some of it, anyway.
She turned back to the menu. California cuisine. It never
failed to amaze her. Back in Yorkshire, where she had been
born and raised, the standard fare was fish and chips fries,
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as they were called here with a side order of mushy peas and
maybe, for the truly adventurous, a dollop of curry sauce on
the chips. A salad usually consisted of one limp, translucent
lettuce leaf with a thin slice of greenish yellow tomato squatting on top of it, and there was generally a bottle of salad
cream nearby, too, if you really wanted it.
Now, though, here she was in Hollywood trying to decide
between a Swiss chard and leek frittata or Belgian endive and
dandelion greens with Cabernet vinaigrette. Salad dressings
alone must be a growth industry in California, she thought. If
only her mother could see her now. Or her father. She could
just picture him scanning the menu with a scowl on his face
and finally commenting, Theres nowt edible here, most
likely within the hearing of the chef.
Finally, she decided on the endive and dandelion with a
glass of Evian water. Stuart went for rosemary chicken strips
and fettucini with sun-dried tomato and garlic cream, but
then he always did overeat. That was why he was twenty
pounds overweight.
Going to Jacks birthday party tonight? Stuart asked after
Mark had disappeared with their order.
Sarah sighed. Wouldnt miss it for the world.
Thats my girl. Ill pick you up at eight. So wheres this
letter you were telling me about on the way here?
Sarah opened her purse, took out the letter and handed it to
him. Its probably nothing, really, she said. I just . . .
Stuart pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and
frowned as he read.
Hmm, he said, putting it back in the envelope. Ive seen
worse. Id say the real mystery is why you havent had anything
like this before now.
What do you mean?
Stuart waved the envelope. This kind of thing. Its all over
the place in this business. Occupational hazard. Everybody
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Okay. So by the time you get back, your Romeo will have
probably found someone new to pester.
You think so?
I guarantee it. Look, if you want, I can arrange with the
post office to have your mail sent through me or the studio,
get it vetted. A lot of people do that.
Maybe thats a good idea, Sarah said.
Consider it done.
Mark appeared again out of nowhere and asked if their meals
were all right. Given the attention they were getting, Sarah
suspected he had recognized Stuart as a casting director. They
told him things were fine and he faded back into the greenery.
Sarah hadnt been aware of the conversations around her, but
now she heard low voices, the occasional burst of laughter,
drinks rattling on a tray.
Stuart spread his hands. Youre welcome to come stay with
Karen and me till you leave, if you want.
No. Thanks, Stuart, but Ill be okay.
Stuart picked up the letter. Can I keep this? Theres a guy
Id like to show it to, just to get his opinion. Like I said, its
nothing, but maybe he can put you a bit more at ease.
A policeman?
Uh-huh. He can at least have a look at the letter, reassure
you theres nothing to worry about. Its his job. He deals with
shit like this all the time. Hes an expert.
Okay, said Sarah.
Mark came back and asked them about dessert. Sarah only
wanted a decaf cappuccino, but Stuart went for the pink
gingered pear compote with cassis, which was duly delivered.
Now, he said when Mark had vanished again. Are you
sure its a good idea to do this Nora in this . . . what is it?
A Dolls House. Ibsen.
Right. Are you sure its a good idea to do this thing on
Broadway?
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So what do you think? Maria asked, looking at her watch.
Arvo shrugged. Give him fifteen, twenty minutes, then
were out of here.
It was almost three oclock in the afternoon. Detectives
Arvo Hughes and Maria Hernandez, from the Threat
Management Unit of the LAPD, had been sitting in a diner
near Sunset and Vine for almost two hours waiting for Sandi
Gainess self-styled boyfriend, Chuck, to turn up.
Last week, Sandi, who worked as a waitress in the diner,
had been referred to the TMU by Hollywood Division. A guy
called Chuck, whom she had dated casually once or twice and
then ditched, had been pestering her, phoning and making
threats and racist insults. He had also walked into the diner
the last two Tuesdays, just after the lunchtime rush, and acted
weirdly, threatening to kill her and himself if she didnt give
him another chance.
On both occasions, Sandi had been able to persuade him to
leave without much trouble, but she was shaken and worried.
So Arvo and Maria were here to talk to him. The detectives on
the TMU usually worked alone, except on interventions like
this. Arvo didnt expect any trouble, and rarely got any, but
you had to be careful. The simple obsessionals the ones you
had known and been emotionally involved with were by far
the most dangerous kind of stalkers.
The diner was an old-style bar and grill, with a lot of brass
around the bar and booths separated by dark wood panels.
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sit down and talk like rational human beings, okay? He held
out his hand.
Chuck looked at the hand, then ignored it. Rational? he
echoed. She didnt behave like a rational human being, did
she? She never even gave me a chance. What is it, Sandi? They
really do have bigger cocks, your own kind? That it? This not
big enough for you?
He fumbled at his fly with his free hand.
Theres no need for this, Chuck, said Arvo. Come on, give
me the gun. Youre making everyone nervous.
Let em sweat. I get no sleep because of this bitch. I get
headaches. Here. This not good enough for you? His dick
hung limply out the front of his pants. Why dont you kiss it,
bitch! Why dont you go on your knees and kiss it.
Oh, God. Dont kill me. Please! Sandi wailed.
Chuck was crying now, passing his peak like a roller coaster
on its way back home. Arvo figured if he could get through
the next few seconds there might be a chance that they would
all get out of the place alive.
Come on, Chuck, he said, holding out his hand. We can
talk about this. I know we can. Youre an intelligent man. You
dont want to hurt anyone. Give me the gun, Chuck.
Chuck looked directly at Arvo for the first time, his face
slick with sweat, tears flowing down his cheeks. Arvo held eye
contact for what seemed like hours, aware only of the sound
of the streamers fluttering in the draught, but at the end of
that time, he knew he had him. The man was a habitual loser,
just desperate, trying a little harder than usual to succeed at
something, at anything.
Ah, what the fuck, he said finally, shoulders slumping. Its
only a replica anyway. He handed the gun to Arvo, put his
dick away and zipped up his fly.
Arvo felt like smashing his stupid face in. Instead, he gritted
his teeth and patted Chuck down. Though he was sure the
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Peter Robinson
man would hardly use a replica when he had a real gun in his
pocket, it was best to be safe and follow routine procedure. He
didnt bother with cuffs. That could wait until a patrol car
arrived. Chuck wasnt going anywhere right now. He looked
like a man who wanted to talk.
Sandi dashed off to the washroom, hand over her mouth.
Slowly, the members of the birthday party started peeking
from under the table and getting to their feet, all a little sheepish now it was all over. Pretty soon, Arvo thought, theyd be
indignant. Theyd start asking for their money back, replacements for the drinks that got spilled, maybe even threaten a
lawsuit. Hed seen it happen before. Then theyd embellish
what had happened for their friends, be the centre of attention at parties.
The bar staff stood up and dusted themselves off. One of
them poured himself a stiff shot of Scotch. Arvo nodded to
Maria, who went to call Hollywood Division, then led Chuck
by the elbow to one of the booths and jammed him in the
corner.
Chuck wiped his face with a napkin. The tissue was so thin
that it shredded and pieces stuck in little clumps on his cheeks
and chin, like the bits of paper you put over shaving nicks.
Im glad its over, he said. You know that? Im glad its
over. I feel such relief. I havent slept for two weeks thinking
about her. You know that? You know what that does to your
mind? I loved that woman. Do you believe it? Loved her. She
treated me like dirt. I couldnt kill no one, man.
Calm down, Chuck, Arvo said. You only dated her a
couple of times, isnt that right?
So? What does it matter how many times I dated her?
Dont you believe in love at first sight?
Arvo sighed and wondered if he should give an honest
answer. If truth be told, hed lost a fair bit of sleep over Nyreen,
too. Before he could say anything, though, Sandi stormed
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over to the booth and stood over them, hands on her hips.
Now look what youve done, you piece of white trash. A
whole tray. Youre gonna have to pay for them drinks.
Chuck fell silent for a moment, mouth open, then he started
laughing through his tears. Arvo almost felt like laughing with
him.
Sandi just stood there, eyes flashing, and Chuck looked at
Arvo. Isnt she unbelievable? Isnt she magnificent? Then he
turned back to Sandi, adoration clear in his eyes. How about
bringing me a drink, honey? Make it a Martini. Very dry. With
a twist. He glanced at Arvo again. And maybe one for my
friend, here, too.
Arvo shook his head. One of those days. Then he heard the
welcome sound of a police siren.
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