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Hamburger | Meathead
"A Hamburger is warm and fragrant and juicy. A hamburger is soft and non-threatening. It
personifies the Great Mother herself, who has nourished us from the beginning. A hamburger is an
icon of layered circles, the circle being at once the most spiritual and the most sensual of shapes. A
hamburger is companionable and faintly erotic: the nipple of the Goddess, the bountiful belly-ball of
Eve." -- Tom Robbins from "The Genius Waitress" in Esquire, 1983
Once upon a time, hamburgers were the All-American inexpensive meal that Dad was allowed to
immolate in the back yard until they looked, and tasted like, black hockey pucks. Then came
McDonald's and burgers became tan and tasted like a tanned hide.
To the observant burger anthropologist, there are at least a dozen distinctive species and subspecies
of burger. Like sports teams, everyone has a favorite. Most hamburgers are distinguished mainly by
the condiments. But condiments don't make the burger. The meat does. And how you cook it.
But first, let's play culinary anthropologist and study the menu of the major species of burger.
***
Steakhouse Burgers
you wish to read more on the subject, please read my article on Food Safety, Knife Safety, and Grill
Safety.
A note to vegans and omnivores
I respect your food decisions and I hope you will respect those of others. Vegans: You will probably
not like this article and may be grossed out by the pictures. You should probably click away now.
This article is NOT about the merits about eating meat. If you would like to debate that, here is
another article where you can debate meat eating. Please refrain from posting warnings on that
topic in this article as you have in the past. Omnivores: Please refrain from slandering and baiting
vegans. If either side starts a squabble, I will flag you as abusive and delete the comments as
violations of the terms of Huffington Post comment policy, specifically:
o They are off-topic.
o They are clearly posted with the explicit intention of provoking other commenters or the staff at
Huffington Post.
Made from ground steak, not scraps of lips and tail, it's adipose at 8 ounces and 3/4" thick and goes
bumper to bumper on a 4" bun, with a chocolate brown crunchy crust whose savor is accented with
a soupcon of charred beef fat amplified by more than a kiss of salinity, and, when broached, it bursts
like a grape in my mouth coating it with earthy beefy flavor that says "I am not a lowly peasant meal,
I am not an assembly line product, I am a rare treat that is American cuisine at its epitome because
to make me properly you've gotta have your stuff together."
In the steakhouse, its dominion, this steakburger is usually broiled under scorching hot gas flames
until the proteins metamorphose and the lipids in the fats char. It sits on a pillowy soft bun capable
of absorbing its ample juices, buttered and toasted enough to add richness and crackly texture,
simply adorned with lettuce, tomato, perhaps salty/smoky/crunchy bacon, perhaps a viscous layer of
melted cheddar, and your choice of ketchup, mustard, mayo, or a blend of all three. In such a state,
it transmogrifies from simple sandwich to feast. Forget everything you think you know about cooking
burgers. Click here for my recipe for the perfect Steakhouse Burger.
Diner Burgers
chemistry, the Maillard reaction that makes proteins soar beyond their natural state when heated
well above 300F. Click here for my recipe for the perfect Diner Burger.
The Smashed Burger. A popular variant of the Diner Burger is The Smashed Burger which starts as
a golf ball sized meatball and gets smashed into the plancha to achieve maximum surface contact
and jagged crunchy edges. This method is popular in diners across the nation, but the epitome is the
Shake Shack with three locations in NYC and a cult following that forms long lines.
The Onion Burger. An excellent variant of the style is The Onion Burger, where raw onions are
pressed into the raw top of the patty while the first side is on the griddle, and when it is flipped, they
caramelize and get sweet in the burger grease and practically fuse to the surface.
Cheeseburgers
We can also include in this category the 50 pound burgers (betcha can't eat one), and the quadruple
stack (held together by skewers, not toothpicks), and the burgers topped with everything from
pineapple rings to salmon. Any attempt to list all the Silly Burgers is as futile as trying to list all
political lies.
Mini-Burgers. Among the subspecies is the recent trend to mini burgers. Some are thin disks, some
are fat, they are meant to be less filling and higher markup, and often served with chocolate martinis
and other abominations in shee-shee bars. Some audacious and uneducated chefs call them sliders.
Not, not, not!
restaurants the the chiles are smoke roasted, some fry them on the griddle, and some puree them in
a blender with other goodies. Some are topped with bacon, and a spoon of sour cream. The Owl Bar
& Cafe and the Buckhorn Tavern in San Antonio, NM, are on everyone's top five list.The South
Carolina Pimento Cheese Burger
The Pimento Cheese Burger (it is two words down there) is another regional specialty especially
popular in Columbia, SC and in other pockets of the South. Pimento cheese spread replaces the
melted cheese as well as the ketchup, mustard, and secret sauces. You can add lettuce, tomato, and
onion, but that's it. And yes, I know the correct spelling is pimiento, but not many places spell it that
way. The Varsity, in Atlanta, GA, probably sells more of them than anyone, but the owner was once a
student at the University of South Carolina in Columbia. So there.The Connecticut Steamed
Cheeseburg
There is a section of Connecticut that seems to have a thing for Steamed Burgers, and there are a
number of restaurants making them in the Burg'r Tend'r, a box designed just for the purpose. Just
cram a big patty into a rectangular pan about 3" wide, top with a slice of cheese, and put in the
steam oven. No need to flip it. Wet, juicy, gooey.The Cincinnati Chili Cheeseburger
This town has made its fast food reputation with hot dogs (called Coneys) and spaghetti topped with
a ground beef sauce called Cincinnati Chili, and then topped with oyster crackers, a mound of
shredded cheddar cheese, and onions. Although the Chili Cheeseburger is not widespread, it can be
found at such landmarks as Gold Star Chili. Click here for my recipe for Cincinnati Chili which you
can add to your burgers with cheese and onions to approximate the real thing.The San Antonio
Beanburger
The San Antonio, TX, beanburger is believed to have originated at the late and lamented Sill's Snack
Shack (a.k.a. The Triple S) in 1953. The patty is topped with refried pinto beans, cheese (usually
Cheez Wiz or cheddar), onions, and crushed Fritos corn chips. Picante and guacamole occasionally
barge in but they are interlopers. Several restaurants in and around San Antonio serve a version of
the dish. One popular version is at Cheesy Jane's.The West Virginia Slaw Burger
The West Virginia Burger is made like their Hot Dogs, topped with a ground beef chili, hashed
coleslaw, chopped onions, and mustard. Click here for my recipe for the slaw.The Little Havana
Frita
Salisbury Steaks
In the 1860s, during the Civil War, Dr. James Henry Salisbury, had success treating diarrhea with a
diet of all lean ground beef. In the 1880s he introduced the Salisbury Steak, patties of beef scraped
from pounded steaks, seasoned and mixed with onion, then grilled. He prescribed them three times
a day as a treatment for all manner of digestive ailments. Within a few decades Salisbury Steaks
began showing up on menus and in cookbooks, and they can still be found on menus, particularly in
rural areas, often served on toast, smothered in gravy and mushrooms.Hawaiian Loco Moco
Not a true hamburger because it is not served on a bun, this popular local specialty begins with a
bed of white rice topped with a ground beef patty or two, doused with brown gravy, and crowned
with a fried egg or two.Meatball Sandwiches
An Italian American favorite. The meatballs are made with moistened bread, egg, and might even
have pork or veal in the grind. Two or three balls, about 1.5 to 2" are served on a section of a high
gluten and medium crust loaf, topped with a marinara sauce, and often sauted peppers and melted
mozzarella cheese.Meatloaf Sandwiches
These are usually made from leftover slices of meatloaf served on white bread.Spoonburgers and
Scoopburgers
These are a mound of loose ground meat that has not been formed into a patty. Some are griddled
and some are cooked in a pot with stock and spices. The meat is then piled on the bun, crumbly.
Taylor's Maid-Rite in Marshalltown, IA, has been making them since 1928 and they seem to be
popular in many joint around the Mississippi River in Iowa and Illinois. But it's not a patty so it's not
really a burger.Sloppy Joes
A variation on the Spoonburger, this loose meat sandwich is usually ground beef cooked in a pan
with onion and seasonings, drained, and mixed with a ketchup based sauce, usually doctored
heavily.Doughburgers or Slugburgers
These are a holdover from The Depression when restaurants stretched ground meat by mixing it
with flour and cooking it on a griddle. Sometimes called slugburgers because you could buy one for
a nickle, which was called a "slug" at the time, and they are still available in a handful restaurants in
the deep South. There are variations made with grits, soy meal, bread, potatoes, and crackers. There
is even an annual Slugburger Festival in July in Corinth, MS, but if you miss the party, stop in at
Borroum's Drug Store & Soda Fountain in Corinth and order one. I'm told it hasn't changed much
since it was founded in 1865.What's missing?
Please let me know if I've missed any legitimate regional or national styles of burgers. I'm talking
about a style that is popular in more than one pub or restaurant, not just a local concoction that
everyone loves.
Close
fishbrake:These are still popular in areas of the country where German immigrants settled, mostly in
the Midwest. Basically it's hamburger, seasoning and cabbage wrapped in dough and baked in an
oven, so the burger and bun all cook together. Often found in older diners, they're also sold by the
Runza fast food chain.
cajunk:New Orleans offers a hamburger poboy that is basically the equivalent of eating about 4
burgers at once on french bread. I think you should have a doctor on hand if you want to try and put
one of these down.
Millers Boy:Another common wrinkle on burgers down under is the presence of beetroot. Normally
you buy this stuff in a can at the supermarket, already pickled and sliced.
For some reason, when burger joints started opening down under (especially NZ) adding beetroot
became 'de rigeur'. Perhaps it's our colonial deprived background, we have to include probably the
least appetising vegetable in an imported foodstuff.
Surprisingly, anyone who has grown up with this stuf in their burgers usually likes it. I can taste it
instantly and it triggers waves of palpable nostalgia with every bite.
It's actually the bane of mothers everywhere because beetroot juice is incredibly good at staining
clothes and teeth and is a nightmare to get out of clean white shirts. It will even stain the interior of
the bun deep purple if it's assembled without care.
In the photo, the beetroot is the red slices of stuff between the cheese and the red onion.
JMike:Without a doubt, the beanburger at Mama's Cafe in San Antonio -- fairly well described in the
article, but you GOTTA have guacamole!
Millers Boy:In just about every burger joint or diner in the Antipodies (Australia & New Zealand) you
will find a 'Hawaiian' burger on the menu. This is usually whatever they call a hamburger, with the
addition of a slice of pineapple that has been grilled for a few seconds.
It's odd that it's called a 'Hawaiian' because Fijia & Tonga are both more likely to have pineapples
and are much close to home that Hawaii but I guess it sounds more exotic. Definitely my favourite Pineapple really adds something to a burger flavour!
Joshua D Wolter:The "Big Boy" burger and it's variations are served nationwide. Known to many
Americans as the "Big Mac," it's origin is with the Big Boy chains that were once very popular.
A Big Boy sandwich consists of two thin beef patties placed on a three layer sesame seed bun with
lettuce, a single slice of cheese, and Thousand Island dressing, or (in some locations) tartar sauce on
each slice of bun. Unlike the similar McDonald's Big Mac, onions were not automatically put on the
sandwich. Kil@Wat in Milwaukee InterContinental Hotel has even taken it's traditional vision to the
sandwich, saying that it is the most traditional to the origional.
thendr:With several locations in southern Japan (Kyushu), the Karatsu Burger bus is a great place to
stop and grab a burger. My favorite is the "Specialty Burger". It contains a thin hamburger patty,
fried egg, slice of ham, cheese, and topped with lettuce, tomato, pepper, and bbq sauce between 2
toasted buns.
herbkornfeld:Similar to the White Castle burger, and possibly predating it, is Salina, Kansas' own
Cozy Inn burger.
Sold six to a sack since 1922 and covered in freshly chopped onions, ketchup, mustard and with a
single pickle chip, it's come to be known as the "best stinkin' little restaurant in the USA" as the
onion aroma you will acquire by standing in the establishment long enough to order your sackful will
have everyone around you hungry for the rest of the day. It's a must-try burger for the classic slider
aficionado. They have shipped them worldwide through the years to Cozy-lovers desperate for their
fix.
The Cozy Inn's site with pics, history and such: cozyburger.com/
tanqueray77:What many west of the Rockies call my favorite burger a "California Burger" (or being
a native Californian, just call a burger). Most places simply consider it a burger with lettuce, onion,
tomatoes and condiments, but most of the best California style have a great thousand island sauce
(like the famous In-n-Out Burger, the Double-Double - pictured), a toasted bun and fresh local meat.
Steven Kippel:The Southern California chain Farmer Boys has burger called the Farmer's Burger. It
has two 1/4lb flame broiled patties, two pieces of cheese, hickory smoked bacon, and fresh avocado.
They are excellent.
jodm:Made from exceptional steak, charred on the outside, red juice on the inside, that drips down
your chin as you eat it. The extra juice on the plate can be mopped up with fries
henryle74:There is this awesome burger at red robin. at first I thought i would hate it but I was in an
experimental mood so I ordered it and now I love it. It is called the royal red robin and is
cheeseburger topped with a fried egg with mayo and bacon. It is soooo good.
Andra Zeppelin:Colorado's tasty lamb, ground up, spiked with minced lovage, green garlic, and
preserved lemon, cooked on charcoal, served on a Dijon lathered slice of slighly charred bread and
topped with grilled sweet onions and fresh arugula. Open face serving!
Recipe at www.frenchpressmemos.blogspot.com
reapfood:Lombardino's grilled lamb burger with a fried quail egg, gruyere cheese, and homemade
pickles. Just one of the awesome gourmet burgers featured at the annual Burgers & Brew: The Taste
Is Local! event in Middleton, WI. http://reapfoodgroup.org/Programs-Events/burgers-and-brew.html
JaniceF:I am wounded that your vast reference of burger style sandwiches did not include the near
famous Primanti Brothers cheesesteak sandwich from Pittsburgh, PA. The provolone topped patty is
topped with french fries, tomato, and a vinegar based cole slaw between two slices of fresh Italian
bread. A true Pittsburgh tradition, it is absolutely delicious and has been featured on several food
shows on the Travel Channel. Everyone should eat one when they visit the burgh! The battery in the
photo is for visual size referencing. Footnote: this fan finds the cheese steak the perfect hang over
cure!
tanqueray77:While it may sound heart stopping, the combination of pastrami and a grilled beef patty
in the same sandwich is quite good. First found at Minos Burgers in Anaheim, CA (then spread to
Crown Burgers in SLC, UT), the pastrami burger can be found at most every independent burger
shack in Southern California.
Holowacz:Deep into the Carolina Lowcountry's sea islands, almost to the mighty Atlantic, sits the
Shrimp Shack...purveyors of a very simple fried minced shrimp patty on seeded bun, enjoyed by all.
Behold, Hilda's Shrimp Burger.
The shrimp fleet docks from Forest Gump are just across the Highway, and summertime tomato and
vegetable farms, like Dempsey's, offer all-you-can pick ripeness: corn, peppers, tomatoes grown in
island soil. Historic Penn Center and the tabby Chapel of Ease are a quick meander down Seaside
and Lands End Roads. Sheriff McTeer's old place, Coffin Point Plantation, still reminds the visitor
that magic and root work are still as thick as the pluff mud. And there ain't no better place to kayak
and the marshes and meet a few dolphins than nearby Chowan Creek.
Stop and see Hilda, near the far end of St Helena Road, and have a shrimp burger at her little old
shack.
btmom:8 oz. of ground steak trimmings, no filler, medium/medium rare (lots of juice!), American
cheese, and meat well seasoned. If the foregoing is done right, I take the top off the bun so I can
finish the meat.
---------------------------Copyright (c) 2010 By Meathead, and all rights are reserved. All text and photos by Meathead. For
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