We never get a story that reads: 'And I know that having written

this, I shall not live out the night.'

(Three weeks later)
'Well, I guess I was wrong. They haven't come yet, and I'm beginning to
think that just maybe I'm awaiting my unspeakable doom in vain . . .'
(Six weeks later)
'Ok, I've gone through the ritual to summon Lyh'huh, the Speaker of Doom, from
his otherworldly realm of Sithlo. I apparently missed the entire section on
the use of the Voorish Sign as being essential to the success of the entire
thing. I'm going to perform it again. I pray that I will survive the coming
ordeal and feel the blessings of the sunlight when day breaks.'
(Twelve weeks later)
'Right! The ritual must have been completely worthless. I never should have
trusted that blasted Miskatonic Head Librarian, Dr. Llanfer! How he got the
job after the great Henry Armitage is beyond me. I've packed my bags and I'm
going to take a trip up to Arkham to give that bastard a piece of my mind!'
(Thirteen weeks later)
'The entire house is destroyed! I've come back to smoldering ruins of my
secluded gabled roofed mansion to hear tales from my neighbors about some
monstrosity emerging from the angles of non-Euclidian space to wreck my home.
The description of the tentacled creature sounds exactly like Lyh'huh, the
Speaker of Doom, as per its description in the Winters-Hall translation of the
Eltdown Shards (page 42, footnote 3). This means that the spell did indeed
work, and the worst part is that I WASN'T EVEN THERE!
Like a fool I returned my copy of Wenn's _True Magik_ to the Miskatonic
University Library just before I gave Dr. Llanfer a three hour long speech
questioning both his ability as a librarian and his parentage by non-relatives.
I wonder if I take him some cookies he'll return my library privileges.'
(Fourteen weeks later)
'Damn that Dr. Llanfer! Apparently, New England librarians just can't take a
joke! I'm going to have to perform the ceremony for the summoning of Lyh'huh,
the Speaker of Doom, without the original text. I hope that my memory and my
occasionally jotted down notes don't fail me in my quest.'
(Sixteen weeks later)
'Going to perform the ritual again. Maybe it was the fact that I originally
performed the ritual twice that made it work.'
(Seventeen weeks later)
'Still waiting.'
(Twenty weeks later)
'Have decided to summon Hastur instead.'
(Twenty two weeks later)
'Now trying Azathoth. One of these idiotic spells just has to work!!!'

(Twenty five weeks later)

'Left the house to go grocery shopping. While I was gone, Lyh'huh, Hastur, and
Azathoth showed up and destroyed my recently rebuilt home. I'm thinking of
giving up trying to summon gods of the Cthulhu Mythos pantheon and joining the
local Quaker sect.'
(Twenty seven weeks later)
'I've performed the ritual to summon Lyh'huh, the Speaker of Doom, Hastur and
Azathoth again. I've decided to tie myself up in a chair and sit here until
they show up. As God is my witness, I will not be denied an unholy death at
the claws and slime-covered pseudopodia of otherworldly beings!'
(Thirty five weeks later)
'AAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! THE EYES , THE EYES!'
(Thirty five weeks and twelve hours later)
'Sorry false alarm. Just some tree branch scratching at the French doors. I
rushed over to this diary before I had a chance to check it out. Sorry......
Still waiting.'
(Thirty seven weeks later)
'I can't take it! These beings seem to not care a whit about me and my needs!
Just what kind of creatures are these Cthulhu Mythos Deities? Some kind of
non-anthrocentric gods that care as much for humanity as humans do for the ants
they crush under their feet?
Well, I'll show them! I'll put a bullet through my own head! I don't need
any of them! Lyh'huh, the Speaker of Doom, can kiss my ass!'
(Thirty eight weeks later)
The following is a condensation of an article appearing in the Partridgeville
Gazette for December 7, 1949.
INSANE WRITER DIES IN MYSTERIOUS SUICIDE
________________________________
Andrew Juehl, 37, was found in his storm-damaged home last night at 9 p.m..
Police have ruled the death to be suicide by the use of a .38 revolver. Police
are baffled, however, at the complete and utter destruction of the home.
"Damnedest thing I've ever seen. It looks as though nature herself cut loose
on this house just minutes after Mr. Jeuhl's unfortunate death," explained
Detective Sergeant Dirk Tomason. "I've seen some pretty weird things,
especially when I was working at the local glue factory as a young man. But
this is just really really spooky."
Police were summoned to the house by Andrew Juehl by telephone. Police,
however, did not respond immediately to the call, but waited five hours to
investigate.
"You've got to understand. This past summer, all that Mr. Juehl did was
call the police every night. He kept screaming about Lyh'huh, the Speaker of
Doom, or something trying to get in his house and kill him.' Detective
Sergeant Tomason said. "When we'd show up, there was never anybody trying to
break in. After several months, we decided that sane callers should get
priority over Mr. Jeuhl's ramblings."

Neighbors claim to have heard the final shot from the revolver that ended
Mr. Juehl's life and then curiously claim to have seen huge octopoid monsters
descend from the sky and dance upon the recently renovated Juehl estate.
Police have dismissed these stories as products of "even more looney writers"
The End
------ by James Ambuehl & Steven Marc Harris