Crystal 4, Gaze 1.

5 FOUNDED AT 22:15 ON 30 DEC 09 10 Apr 2010

V E R Y S P A R S E L Y R E A D “ N O N P E R I O D I C A L ” A M O N G 4 0
F A N S A T F O C O L O R I

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GOOD BYE…...GEMENA !!
Goma, 08 Apr 10. Are we saying it too early and too loudly? Let us see…! 49
days….and the contingent was still counting ! Luckily on the 50th day after deploying in
Gemena on 17 Feb 10, our detachment at Gemena, formally and finally wound up, with
the helicopter ferrying into Goma by late evening , yesterday. Presently, it is only the
EAGLE’S EYE helicopter which has ferried in. Since the time IAC has set its foot on DRC soil, after
seven years and as many rotations, this is the first time contingent had deployed an ac,
 “ P H YS IC A L TOR- (against the tenets of LOA) so far away from base, in a „hostile‟ and „savage‟ country side
TURE”
along with the our brethren from Bukavu. A total of 90:10 hrs have been flown which
 100 HOURS CLUB includes the ferry hours of 6 hours „one way‟ over one of the most desolate terrain, which
 PARTY AT „PX‟ is only next to the Glacier back home !
HOUSE !
In order to ensure a smooth conduct of operations, the contingent had rotated
 „NYMGO‟ NIGHTMARE
the crew „four‟ times and the helicopter was also replaced once with adequate hours. The
crew rotation was accomplished every time beginning with a flurry of mails between IAC-
INSIDE THE ALO-CMAO-CLO-LOG OPS-AIR OPS-KINSHASA and in the reverse order for confirma-
BALL... tion, followed by last minute E-MOPs and cancellation of ac at the last minute. After a
few raised BPs and „firm assurances‟ of „timely‟ return, the change over crew had to do a
HEARD AT THE BAR 3 sort of „circum navigation‟ to reach Gemena via Kisangani, Kinshasa and Mbandaka.

LETTER TO A FIANCEE 2 No event is without its ups and downs at all levels. This dett was only for 15 days
initially, extended to a month and then to 45 days and finally stretched to 50 days. As
CORRIDOR WHISPERS 3 they say, “Decency is not be misunderstood as weakness”, the who‟s who at Kinshasa pre-
cisely did that. Unable to „convince‟ BAN AIR to operate and powerless to pressurize the
BEST 250 MOVIES MAP 5 Oryxes to proceed to Gemena, MONUC found it convenient not to let the IAC leave Ge-
mena, as they found us „ever accommodating‟ and „flexible‟!. However, thanks to an in-
complete and confusing fragmented document called “FRAGO”, the ac ferried back right
RATION PARADOX 5
under the nose of those who were trying to hold it back !

BELOW THE BELT 4 In a major set back to “Op Western Thrust”, just a day before the ferry back, the
FDLR rebels „took over‟ the Mbandaka air port. Though the airfield was under the MO-
HUMSE GUSSA 5
NUC control shortly, it was not without its share of casualties in terms of injuring 9 civil-
KYUN? ians, a GHANBAT soldier laying down his life and probably a fixed wing pilot, which was
unconfirmed. Since our ac could not assist due to a UN ‟safe‟ rule of ‟no passengers with
Donde update 4 aux tanks‟, the ac had to come back. But KINSHASA wants ‟only IAC‟ back there and
hence „staging‟ ac support is not being extended to get back our ground crew and equip-
EDITORIAL CORE GROUP
ment. The CMAO is in Kinshasa to fight the cause of IAC and long parleys of meeting
Editor in Chief—Yella were on while we were going to the press. Hopefully some sensible decision is expected
Chief Editor—Shanks on Monday.
Chief de Art—AK
In the meantime on 7th our ground crew at Gemena had to run for cover at night
Everybody else is Reporter ! when a FARDC soldier started firing indiscriminately to air his grievance. Bullets were
Feedbacks to flying thick and fast all over. Everyone huddled in the makeshift hangar and waited for
gomaeagles@gmail.com normalcy to return. It was soon restored by EGYPTBAT. But it was a close shave for our
guys there! Let us get them back soon notwithstanding all the above. So, is it “Good bye
Gemena” from us or “Welcome Back” from Gemena? Anybody guessing??
 GAZING CONTD

PARTIES

WG CDR PURI & SHINDE - BIRTHDAYS

SQN LDR BAJWA - ANNIVERSARY

(WITH ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE “RUBBER BAND” BACK...THE CACOPHONY WAS AT ITS BEST DURING THESE OC-
CASIONS)

WG CDR SHANKAR - 100 H IN FOREIGN SOIL

(OBVIOUSLY…..RUBBER BAND PLAYED)

RUBBER BAND IS AWAITING ITS CALL TO PLAY IN THE „YET TO BE HOSTED‟ PROMOTION PARTIES OF

BHISHMA PITAMAH AND COOL CAT !!

THIS LETTER BY A PROSPECTIVE GROOM TO HIS FIANCEE, WAS INTERCEPTED ‘ACCIDENTALLY’ BY ONE OF OUR
‘ENTEPRISING’ CONTRIBUTOR. IT ONLY MAKES US LAMENT AS TO ‘WHAT LEVELS THE ART OF LOVE LETTER
WRITING HAVE FALLEN TO!”...THERE ARE ONLY TWO POSSIBILITIES ! ITS EITHER GUYS HAVE LOST ALL SENSE
OF ROMANCE OR GIRLS HAVE BECOME SO GULLIBLE !! Hmm...our times were not so easy !!! Owing to the length
of the letter, it would be published in two parts !! Any resemblance to actual person is purely intentional !!!

Dear Lissi (though it sounds like Lassi, pl don’t mind)

I wanted to write this letter long time back but since we got engaged only recently, i am writing this now.
Let me start from the beginning...,

We disembarked (that means we came down barking) from our aircraft on 21 Nov 09 at Kigali (no we
didn’t give any galis) and everyone’s wild imagination and presumptions of discovering vast expanses of jungles
with gorillas sailing from trees was in sharp contrast with the beaming faces and warm hugs of fellow countrymen
(obviously which gorilla would hang around?). Exchange of pleasantries was immediately followed by swapping
SIM cards. The last leg of our journey was by road and entailed driving through the winding roads of Rwanda as
we made slow progress towards Goma (no..dont look at me like that. Goma is not another girl). At last our
journey ended when we entered the Focolori camp (no..not another abuse) which will be home (without you)
for us for the next one year. The camp is 158m x 157 m surrounded by a 10 ft barbed wire boundary wall with secu-
rity lights interspersed in between.(I am a man of small details you see!) We were warmly welcomed to Goma by
the Commander and all personnel and got more than an earful of instructions on the methods to be embraced
(honestly...i am not trying to be naughty here) for existence in Congo. The next morning saw our introduction to
UN way of living in modules and the running around for the ablution unit was, well, received if not well-received!!

Now, having spent nearly four months, I will begin with our schedule.(we should have got engaged in
Dec only, so that i could have told you all these earlier) Well, our day begins pretty early in the morning (even
before you get up) at about 5:15, when we wake up and trudge our ways to the loo. What follows there needs no
description (same as in India!).The only difference being that we are quite close to each other out here!!
(no..no..please don’t look at me like that again. I have not changed loyalties) We change into our Track Suits
(Adidas), Shoes (Adidas) and socks (Puma) and proceed for PT. After two rounds of the of the camp we have some
exercises and few of the moves that we practice (separately..not together) comes in handy for those who love to
gyrate to the latest tunes at DDRRR ( the expansion i will tell you in private, ok?) and other Clubs! I go to the
gym after the run and pump some iron.( I am trying to keep my promise of reducing that beer belly, but you
please keep your promise...ok?) But don’t expect me to become Rambo overnight! Junior doctor and Dicky sir
have taken that honours…at least that’s what they thinks…?(i will tell all about them later in private ok?) For
those who are religiously and spiritually inclined, the next few minutes are spent praying or on Yoga.(i am also re-
ligiously inclined and spiritually oriented...dont doubt me) continued in next page….
 GAZING CONTD

HEARD AT THE BAR WHISPERS IN THE

MEMBER 1: BAR MAN…..KYA HAAL HAI? GET ME ONE GOOD TE- CORRIDOR
QUILA SHOT. SUNA HAI KI TUM BAHUT BADIYA COCKTAIL
AUR PUNCH BANATE HO?
NOT TO BE THE ONE
MEMBER 2: KYA BAAT HAI…..FELLA? WELCOME BACK. SO HOW
WAS THE LEAVE AND HOW DID IT GO? TO SHY AWAY FROM EXPERIMENTING,
AHQ, THIS TIME HAD FIELDED FOUR
MEMBER 1: (winking) COULDN’T HAVE BEEN BETTER BOY !
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? YOU LOOK WORRIED...KYA BAAT HAI? GP CAPT IN THE FORTHCOMING
MEMBER 2: KYA KAREN YAAR? MY SECTION CHAPS ARE DOWN IN CHANGE OVER AT BUKAVU. THAT IN-
THE DUMPS WITH PERFORMANCE ANXIETY.
CLUDES THE CDR, COO AND BOTH THE
MEMBER 1: TERE JAISE SECTION CDR HOGA TO, IT IS NOT A COs. IN THAT IF THE COO IS GOING TO
SURPRISE. WHY ARE YOU TROUBLING THEM WITH ALL THESE
PERFORMANCE COUNSELLING NOW ITSELF. STILL LOT OF TIME BE FROM 62/63 COURSE, THEN WHAT
IS LEFT FOR THAT. ALL YOUR CHAPS ARE GOOD. DONT WORRY.
ABOUT THE CDR? IT INDICATES ONLY
MEMBER 2: GANJOO….I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT .
ONE THING…..”BOYS...WE CANT PLACE
MEMBER 1: THEN ? YOU ELSEWHERE AND THERE IS NO
MEMBER 2: I AM TALKING ABOUT….(whispering) PERFORM- SCOPE FOR PROGRESSING YOU GUYS
ANCE ANXIETY DUE TO MEFLOQUINE. IT SEEMS BY THE TIME
YOU ARE ON TRACK….. THE LEAVE IS OVER !! EITHER...SO THIS IS A PARTING GIFT
MEMBER 1: I WISH I COULD ANSWER THAT ! PURA CHUTTI, IN
FROM AIR FORCE. ENJOY AND LEAVE” !
-LAWS KE SAAT ….KYA BOLUN! AS SUCH I WAS BELOW PAR !! HOW MANY TAKERS FOR THIS??
BAR MAN…...RUM PANI LAGA YAAR ..!
From 0715 hrs (till the waiter pushes out of the dining hall) we have breakfast. It is a display of various good-
ies and concoctions and a few moments are spent in deciding what to eat and getting the sequencing correct much to the
exasperation of the cooks and waiters. (I’ll write in detail about the food that we eat in a subsequent letter). (in between
b’fast and lunch..we do a lot of flying..well..at least intend to. I will write about flying in another subsequent letter
ok?) Lunch is at 1300 hrs and we settle down only realising that there is no more space left in the plate and the meal is
under the watchful eyes of our doctors.(ok..ok..i will henceforth eat only when the doc is not there) In a recent series
of tests on various officers it was revealed that the cholesterol level was on the rise and resulted in a lecture by Doc. As
the dietary preferences of many changed overnight, our predicament at the breakfast and lunch table only worsened.

Lunch is followed by a siesta.(it varies from 30 minutes to 3 hours) Incidentally, in the meanwhile our
“Papa” (the locally employed Jeeves) has cleaned the room, washed the clothes and polished the shoes. Sometimes he
polishes the clothes and washes the shoes! (i hope you know what to do with what?) We pay him $10 a month and he
works for about 4-5 guys, preferably with different brands of undergarments and socks. (i can assure that i am wearing
my own only, as i have an unique identification system for my undergarments).

(The red highlighted part is the only ‘romantic’ part in the entire attempt! The remaining part of the
‘LOVE” letter would be published in next issue)

HUMSE GUSSA KYUN?

FOCOLORI, 5 APR: “Humse Gussa Kyun?” This was the question which the owners of Doga, Soleil and Coco Jumbo precisely
wanted to ask the residents of Focolori camp. In this difficult economic times in DRC, losing even a small amount of clientele is
going to have heavy impact on the ‟revenue‟ of the clubs and the ‟livelihood‟ of many who are associated with it ! Not to let this
happen, the owners of these three clubs joined hands, in a rare display of solidarity and sought an audience with the Cdr himself.

They met the Cdr and apprised him of the „deteriorating‟ state and status of the clubs, due to „continuous‟ non-
patronizing attitude adopted by their regular customers from Focolori. They even extended the olive branch by way of offering
heavy discounts on beer and waiving of entrée fees for those entering the clubs before 2200 h. They even submitted to Cdr, a list
of their „VIP‟ customers, to whom they would extend special privileges at the club premises. For the Cdr, they said, he is „most
welcome‟ any time of the day or night !! They pleaded to the Cdr, “Sir, please dont ignore us. Send your people”.

The Cdr, on his part assured them of his „best‟ intentions and promised that he would look into the matter. All the „khas‟
Customers of the camp are waiting with bated breath on the decision of the Cdr. Cdr lamented BAN MP ko kon samjayega?
 BELOW THE BELT
(Nobody will be spared...I promise) By Chief de Art

Nymgo nightmare D/B CORNER

WITH THE NET CONNECTION BEING WHAT IT FOR THE USERS OF NYMGO AND SKYPE

IS, THE ONLY LIFE LINE OF THE PERSONNEL,

“NYMGO” ACCOUNT RAN DRY QUITE SOME TIME

BACK. PEOPLE WHO WENT ON LEAVE WERE GIVEN

$600 WITH A REQUEST TO RE-CHARGE THE AC-

COUNT. TILL DATE IT IS YET TO BE CREDITED !!

WHY CANT IT BE DONE HERE ITSELF? WITH NYMGO

NOT BEING THERE, PERSONNEL HAVE RESORTED TO

USING ISD, WHICH HAS RESULTED IN LONG QUEUES

FOR THE CALLS TO MATERIALISE. IS IT WISE TO LET

A MOLEHILL BECOME A MOUNTAIN?

FLYING METER DONDE UPDATE

(WEEK ENDING 10/4/10)

HE IS ON HIS WAY AGAIN. HE SAILED

OUT OF CAPE TOWN ON 01 APR 10.
PRESENTLY HE IS 3930 NM FROM MUM-
BAI ON A COURSE OF 075. THE SEA IS AS
OF MODERATE WITH SE WINDS.
“BRAVERY IS NOT ABSENCE OF
FEAR….IT IS MASTERY OF FEAR”. KEEP
YOUR BEST WISHES ON FOR HIS SAFE
VOYAGE. NAVY IS PLANNING GRAND
GALA RECEPTION IN MUMBAI ! FOR
35:20 25:40 MORE INFO LOG ON TO
www.sagarparikrama.blogspot.com
 THIS MAP WAS „STUMBLED UPON‟ BY THE
EDITORIAL „HARD CORE‟ GROUP AND WAS IMME-
DIATELY AND RIGHTFULLY WHACKED !!! RE-
QUEST ZOOM TO READ PROPERLY.

Chakola Chief is a worried man these days. He has got a lump in his throat, which neither can he swallow nor can
he spit it out! That is how to manage good, low calorie, highly nutrient, low cholesterol, less oil consuming items in ration
in the coming days for the contingent. The new RDS software about to be put in place by UN in MONUC is a double edged
sword. Concerned by the rate at which contingent personnel are becoming obese and also the rampant selling of UN au-
thorized rations in the local market, which obviously is due to most of the contingents selling or just giving them away to
the local populace and the colossal loss of revenue on the rations, UN has devised a new software, which is going to moni-
tor the calorific value of the ration items being demanded by the contingents. Henceforth, the luxury of demanding what-
ever one feels on the list of approved items is a thing of the past. Till date the calorific value was not given any importance.
The items were authorized and if it is demanded the contractor supplies it.

In the new system, all the contingents are to plan their daily, all three meals, MENU in advance based on their
strength. Once decided, if the menu is fed into the software, it calculates the calorific value of the meal based on the prem-
ise that each individual is authorized for 3500 calories per day. Hence, if the calorific value is exceeded, the menu would
not be approved and one cannot demand the items too ! For demand of the items, it has to be approved by this software. i

Therein lies the paradox for our Chakola Chief. We Indians make our food based on our emotional value and not
on calorific value. We want everyone to eat as much as they can and the food has to be as tasty as possible. And that is
feasible only if one adds lots of Ghee, Refined Oil and deep fry each and every dish !! We do not have any Nutrition Con-
sultant amidst us. To his utter amazement and disbelief our Chakola Chief could not believe and fainted when his Catering
Asst and the Chief Chef told him that for frying 1 kg of potato, they require 500 g of oil. This he says if you feed in the soft-
ware, the software not only will reject the value it will also stop functioning for IAC-I and send a message to UN HQ in New
York, which will enable us to wind up from Goma at the earliest !! As per DOC you will be booked under SEA for this too!!

Efforts are underway to make our cooks and catering asst to believe that tasty food could be made even with less
oil. That responsibility now rests with Chakola Chief to convince them. He is spending sleepless nights on the net to iden-
tify all those dishes which meet the above standards. So folks, get set for the rush hour in mess, coz soon, its going to be on
„first come first served basis”. All the best. Stock up your reserves in the room now itself.
 THE 100 HOURS-IN-FOREIGN-SOIL CLUB
DUSHY, SREEDHAR, SHANKS, BHUYAN…..AND COUNTING

Eagle commented that, while it has the honorary membership of this

club, he is very proud of the achievement of this feat... when compared with
the last rotation. In the last rotation, the 100 h barrier was crossed only
by a very few, that too towards the fag end of the tenure, much to the dismay
of the IAC-III crew !!! He wished all those joined and yet to join many more
100 h and happy landings.

PARTY AT „PX‟ HOUSE !

Eagle flew in with left wing dropping at an angle and said, „I am high on alcohol boy. Thank God, I es-
caped those BAN MP guys!” I asked how come he is so tipsy? He reminisced, „wow...what a party‟! In an imme-
diate reciprocation of the warmth they experienced at Focolori camp, the PX canteen manager Balaji and his
friends (from India and Pakistan), called Eagle and his friends along with the Cdr for a birthday bash at his
residence. Eagle said, scotch flowed freely and there was mutual respect, admiration and bonhomie in the air.
The Pakistani played a good host. The atmosphere was lively and as usual, the ever ready and obliging mem-
bers of the rubber band made the evening more memorable for the birthday „boy‟. There is considerable pres-
ence of Indian community in Goma and the interaction was cordial. Cdr also participated in making the eve-
ning jovial by singing numbers from yester years ! Such get together prove that, everybody irrespective of
caste, creed or country crave for only one thing. Cordial relations and good life, isn't it...asked eagle. Eagle
said he was reminded of a Kushwant Singh‟s saying, “You can rely 100% on a Pakistani who drinks with you”. I
tend to agree ! As somebody said, “If you are on common ground, ideological differences are buried”!! So True.

The eagle was quite rudely awakened from his deep slumber. Even the pretty wall clock
indicated an unearthly hour of the night. The sound seemed to emanate from one of the ablution
units. It seemed to be coming from deep within the darkest corners of the human soul. The ea-
gle, now that he was wide awake, decided to check out and address the issue at once. As he ap-
proached the dimly lit loo, he soon recognised the figure taking shape in front of him. It was Bud-
ding Arnie, mouth wide open, facing heavenwards with a painful expression on his face. The
sound seemed to originate from his mouth. “What in world are you doing at this unearthly hour?”
asked the eagle. “Oh! Did I scare you? I was gargling and freshening up for the morning PT” Ar-
nie replied. “But it‟s not even morning!”the eagle complained. Arnie elaborated “In military par-
lance „morning‟ is that period of time when you have just had enough sleep to be woken up
again, when your bio rhythm has hit rock bottom and when you wish someone would kill you
rather than wake you up. Remember „no pain, no gain‟!”. The eagle could smell the foul sarcasm
in the air. “You enjoy your PT while I‟ll catch up with my sleep” he said and flew off to his solitary
perch on the tallest tree. But before he could resume counting sheep, he suddenly heard a shriek
“Position take for trunk rolling and unrolling!”. Unable to fathom the meaning of these words he
decided to turn his gaze towards the source of the sound. And lo behold! He saw around 200
adult men bent downwards, with an equal amount of rotund bums pointing accusingly towards
the dear Gods! And as the GTI counted “5, 6, 7, 8” the entire gathering regained a more civilised
position while feeling up their own bodies. “Surely they must not be practising the teachings of
Vatsayana at this hour!” he thought. The GTI shouted again “Hands aparting exercise, to your
left, begin”. “Definitely obscene!” thought the eagle. “These exercises would suit Mata Hari more
than these middle aged, hairy chested, bald group of men” he thought. “Laughing exercise posi-
tion take” screamed the GTI. And as the air reverberated with devilish laughter, the eagle flew off
to a quieter place thinking, “A little work out for the grey cells would benefit this lot more than the
morning Physical Torture — not only for them...but for us too !”.