Lincoln Hall Association Publications

~ The Lincoln Holler ~ “Shooting the Shit While You Take Yours”

Volume 2, Issue 21 April 19, 2010

Mark Your Letter from the Editor End of the Year

Calendar Awards
There's really not much to
LHA Meetings say right now.
At the End of the Year Banquet
(details on page 2), awards will be
Tuesday Good job on Bunny handed out to some of the most out
standing people in the building.
Bonanza. Next year it'll be
9 pm even bigger and better. I'll be coming around to each room
Reading Room Hopefully you've
over the course of the next week or so
and taking down votes for each
signed up for category. I'll give a brief explanation
____________ classes. If you
before you vote, also.

haven't yet, well, Here's the list. Mull it over a little:

________ sucks to be you.
Mr. Lincoln
Whipple Hall Schools ending
soon. Don't screw
The Nathan Award

Council up now. Go to Brotastic

class.
9 pm Brass Balls

Camping this Friday- Teenie Weenie

Fishbowl Saturday. Do not get lost in The Cock Blocker
the desert.
Best Beard
End of the Year Banquet. You LHA MVP
This Week's Weather should go. Pay Angel now.
The Pornocopia
Tuesday: It was cold and windy. It Yeah, so that's about it.
The Invisible Man
sucked really bad in comparison to
Monday. I'm just going to leave that On Display
half empty.
Wednesday: Snow and rain and so Most Plunger Worthy
much other stuff that I didn't think Stay Positive. Dirtiest Room
I'd see for the rest of the year. - Brian Parcon
Editor in Chief The Hammer
Thursday: Rain / Snow
High: 59 Room 312 The Ladies Man
Low: 40
The Fat Cat
Friday: Sunny
Best Appearance
High: 74
Low: 44
Selected Headlines Worst Appearance
Saturday: Sunny Best Athlete
High: 79
Low: 44 - Obama now talking with - Clinton in Estonia for Best Student
possible High Court picks NATO Meetings Unsung Hero
Sunday: Sunny
High: 79 - Celtics don't miss Garnett - Georgina confirms highly Most charismatic
Low: 44
in 106 -77 win over Heat enriched uranium seizure The “Mawm” Award
Monday: Mostly Sunny
High: 77 - Oil Rig explodes off of - Obama suggests value- Best Prank
Low: 46 LA.; 11missing, 17 hurt added tax may be an option. The WOW Award
Page 2
Camping:
Most people are heading out at
4:30 on Friday
Brian's Car is leaving around 7:00
It's all going down at Pig Rock
Drivers:
Robert, Joey, Paul, Sean, Brian,
and Jordan
Cost is $10
For food and stuff.
Pay up by Thursday.
Bring a Sleeping Bag and a tent if
you feel like it.
Ask Robert for any details.
_________________________
___________________
End of the Year Banquet:
Cost is $3
For food and labor.
Sunday, May 2nd
The Sunday before finals week
Joe Crowley Student union
Ballroom C
4:30-6:30
Seating is limited so pay ASAP.
Collared shirt and tie necessary.
_________________________
___________________
Fishbowl Cafe:
For those with talent, sign up at
the front desk.
Volume 2, Issue 21 April 19, 2010
WANT ADS
Either Lincoln or White Pine. Details to come soon.
Grab a cigar and class it up with a
st
May 1 at 7:00pm long forgotten Lincoln Tradition.
Outside on the Whipple Lawn
Show off or support the event. _________________________
It should be pretty awesome. ___________________
Underground Poker:
_________________________
___________________ Rule #1
You do not talk about
Price is Right: Underground Poker.
Saturday, April 24th in JTB 100 Details coming to a chosen few
soon.
Free prizes
Fun games Or you could just ask Mark or
Brian about it.
If you're interested in helping out,
Talk to Brian.
_________________________
___________________
_________________________
___________________ I don't have anything else to put
here, so here's that image of the
Frisbee Golf: Students for Liberty Pony again.
Sunday,
April 25th at San Rafael Park.
Sign up for a time at either front
desk.
Ask Randy for details.
_________________________
___________________
Cigar Send Off:
Friday, May 7th in front of Lincoln
and beyond.
Page 3 Volume 2, Issue 21 April 19, 2010

This Week Brought to You by the Letter “I”

something a man is doing.

Things that make men Irate:

Nagging
There are many things women bitch about, and just
as many reasons why they bitch. None of these
reasons are good of
course; since any
end to which
nagging is the
means can't possibly
have been a noble
enterprise to begin
with.
For example,
women are all to
Irate: eager to remind you
of minor hygienic
oversights that men
Man's default -and only- emotion. Men are always
happen to have from
irate; sometimes for good reason, and sometimes for
time to time, like
no reason at all. Not to be confused with moody,
forgetting to shower.
which is what women become at least once per
After a second or
month, any time you want take a leak off a bridge,
third week, we get a
or any time you want to have sex which happens to
little tired of hearing
be 100 percent of the time. So in other words, being
about it, so we break
moody is a woman's natural response to men being
down and bathe so
irate, because God forbid a woman do anything
she'll finally shut
unless it's a response to, or obstruction of,
her hole.

A Little bit of Comedy... ...and Inspector Gadget doing some inspecting

from: www.xkcd.com
Page 4 Volume 2, Issue 21 April 19, 2010

This Week Brought to You by the Letter “I” (Cont.)

Random Loudness
It's hard to say what the most irritable thing a woman
could do is, but laughing excessively loud is high up on
the list. Here's a rule of thumb: If she has to take in a
breath before she laughs, then she's laughing too fucking
hard. Everyone has seen this type of woman before; she
has a big mouth, lots of teeth, and a fake tan. She laughs
so hard she turns red in the face and gasps for air as if it's
the funniest thing she's ever heard, slamming her palm on
the table like a primate, sucking in more air with every ear
piercing crackle. It's not that funny; nothing is that funny.
And while you're at it, you don't need to say that's
hilarious" every time you laugh at something. We know
you think it's hilarious. Of course we all know the real
reason you're laughing is gain approval from your friends
around you, which is why you turn to look at them to
verify that they are laughing along with you.
Crying
Men hate when women cry. It's not that we feel sorry for
them, it's that we don't know what to do while they're
crying. When women start to cry, men feel trapped. Some
men feel like there's something they could be doing to
make the woman stop, and they feel obligated to stay until
she does. Here's what you can do to stop a woman from
crying before she even starts, or at least minimize the
wailing when she does:
• Have her walk it off. No feelings can be so
wounded that a couple of laps around the block
can't fix.
• Give her ice cream. All women love comfort
foods when they feel down, and those foods are
usually fattening. So she'll gain a few more
pounds, no big deal. The reason she feels bad in
the first place is because you don't want to see her
fat ass anyway. Win-win.
• Tell her to find religion.
• Whip out your penis in front of her; all women
are delighted to see a man's genitals. Or at the
very least, she'll be concerned that you're
thinking of your cock in her time of suffering and
she will be too frightened to continue.
People who say "ciao" before they
hang up
Anyone who says "ciao" instead of "bye" or even "later"
to end a phone call is an asshole.

Editor in Chief: Brian Parcon

Webmaster: Ryan Herzig Website: www.lha-nevada.co.cc
Submissions or Comments can be emailed to LHApress@gmail.com
or slipped underneath 312's door.

Comic shared under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 2.5 License.

All opinions expressed are those of the contributors and do not represent the views of the
Residence Life, Housing, and Food Service Department or the University of Nevada, Reno
or the chief editor unless explicitly stated.