JAN / / 21 / / ISSUE 14

VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

Naomi Voted Out??? Who Tremors Of Change

Will Be CM Next?
ANTON VAN LEEUWENHOEK
ARIANA VENTI (I’M NOT REALLY THAT THIRSTY)
is still seeing lasting, although
With VillageCraft as active minor, effects. Murmurs of
In a shocking turn of events, beloved CM
as ever, it's no surprise there dissent have been heard in
Naomi was voted out of her seat this week,
is some unrest, as in all various late night voice chats
when players wanted to "see how everyone
communities there is always and private /l chats about staff
felt". The majority of players were shocked
someone to disagree. dissatisfaction stirring. As
and dismayed, but decided just to vote her
However, with the upheaval much as this reporter would
back in. In an even twister turn Naomi
of the CM’s seat we can't like to outline said dissent, it is
announced her unwillingness to run again. She
help but question if this time currently under investigation
originally had planned to step down in
change is in the air. There and therefore we have a non-
April/May at the end of a year as CM and
have been intense debates on disclosure at the moment. This
thought it unfair to run since she planned to
free speech, ethics, and server has seen so much in its
resign soon. To see her taken out before her
current events this year, and time and it's fascinating to be
year completion is saddening, but it’s a good
I'm sure more are on the way witnessing what I can only
lesson to those who took her steadfast
in the upcoming year. A imagine is a new era and
leadership for granted. The current confirmed
memorable controversy was commentate on the current
players running for CM are: Alli, Dipjack,
the War on Farms, that events in a way that preserves
Hobbes, Legend, LilEgg0, ShadowGirlEmzy,
and Bahamut. There certainly are some server server history!
favorites but it's still too early to call a likely
successor. A few people were nominated but
declined to run and a handful still needed
enough nominations. It'll be difficult finding
someone as dedicated and active as Naomi to
take over, but it will be interesting to see who
manages to follow in such impressive
footsteps.

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 JAN / / 21 / / ISSUE 14
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

GROSS!
Issue 14 Poll Recap
How to Make A Friend So You’re Never MOMMY

Alone Again!
Last week's poll asked “Is Ako a
No Friends? No Worries! Dictator?” and the results are in! We
had great results this week, with tons of
OPERA WINFRIED
votes, so this week's data is conclusive
and finally answers the burning
*************Slight Trigger Warning It’s a Horror question VillageCrafters are constantly
Piece**************** thinking. The results were close, but it
seems that Ako IS infact a Dictator.
So, you're lonely, bored, and in search of a companion to talk to? Then Now I'm no expert on dictators, but this
boy do I have the secret for you! The first step is to head to your neared does line up with his ability to ban
end portal, forest, or bathroom floor! Next you want to choose your people from the Minecraft server he
friend. Typical options are endermites, silverfish, spiders, centipedes, owns, similar to the ability of the late
and any other small leggy or crawly creature. It's a plus if they burrow Fidel Castro to ban people from Cuba.
naturally, then you don't have to struggle, like putting a cat in a crate. Hopefully, this will help you to think
Once you've selected your new friend, go somewhere where you can be about the way you speak to and about
alone for a while, it can take some time to accurately pair. Being in a this glorious figure. This week's poll “Is
nice dark room is best, it hurts less when they're calm. It will be a little Dipjack full of Fake News?” Is now
uncomfortable but soon you won't even feel it so have no fear! I find it's available at
easiest to lay on your side in the fetal position, it achieves the best https://villageweekly.weebly.com
results and the easiest access. The next step is to carefully plan your ShadowGirlEmzy,
route. The typical orifice used are the ears but plenty have used genital
holes, butt, their mouth (the stomach acids are bad for your friend so I Caring to a T
don't recommend this), and some REALLY lonely people have had
success using their eyes. Try to stay as quiet as you can as it initially THE EDITOR

burrows, as much as it hurts the chances of someone hearing and

interrupting cannot be risked. Try to sleep for a bit. After a few hours Emily has been a nice addition to
you will barely notice any pain, and you'll never be alone again! VillageCraft in the past year. She has
created a cool village, Crystal Hollow.
She is super funny! She has lots of cool
animals! Plus she is an imaginative
builder and drawer! Ask Emily for epic
drawings and animal pics for a treat!
Village Weekly Loves Emily!

Update on A Happy Couple!

Way back when marriage was finally legalized, the first happy couple to be married was SuperMod Nurtul to CM
candidate and senate member Alli. We've decided to go back and check in to see how the marriage has fared all
these months! “Being married to Allison has been like a great round of mob arena that never ends!” Says Nurtul.
When we reached out to get a quote from Alli she had this to say: “We have the perfect relationship, he is the fungus
upon which my Rattlesnake Plantain roots form a symbiotic relationship.” Clearly the bliss of marriage has yet to
wear off, and the Player Who Must Not Be Named will have to wait somewhere else for Divorce. The happy couple
have an adopted son, player Nathan, but have yet to have children of their own. Many players have commented on
the couples’ numerous public makeout sessions and a small handful have made the attempt to come between them.
So far no one has managed to get either to stray, so it seems that this couple is the real deal!

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JAN / / 21 / / ISSUE 14
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

Dipjack’s Fake News

THAT ONE GUY

Mad Lad Dipjack has been running his mouth quite a bit about Minecraft Marriage in the last few
weeks. He started by telling people that he couldn't get married and when this wasn't enough for his
groupies he announced the council would forbid it. Well, this council seems like a load of fakeness, but
then AbysmalSimp pointed out the council’s possible motive for existing. “This secret organization is
plotting to overthrow marriage on VC?” This lovestruck reporter certainly hopes not! Then Dipjack
came up with the most outlandish load of horse crap when he forced Akomine to announce that he
wasn't allowed to get married. Hmm. This long term reporter wasn't fooled by that and got the inside
scoop. This is simple FAKE NEWS. Akomine wants to have this silly little diversion to distract us
from the true atrocities he is committing such as Jaywalking! Sorry to burst your bubble Dipjack but
you can get married just like the rest of us. The choice is always up to you. And we are on to you Ako.

Art Submission
From Mali: Elections are often a difficult time, but as a reminder to try to stay positive, calm, and friendly, I
drew Allison and Yvette's new pets high-fiving (down low style). I hope that everyone can look at these chill
animals and remember to keep their conversations friendly. :)

Response 1: I love how well you summed up the spirit of the people it's inspired by. Yvette cat seems
uncertain about this strange creature but accepting, nonetheless. Allison lizard looks grumpy but overall
excited at the prospect of friendship. I think this is a great show of solidarity the community needs to heal
after this election.

Response 2: holy shit this is so cute asdfghjkl this is exactly what we need in these trying times

Response 3: I very much enjoy the vibes of this piece. Very cute critters are always good, and cute critters
ABSOLUTELY VIBING is infinitely better. Very good piece and I hope we can see more of these.

Dad Joke of The Week:

My son is now at that age where

he's curious about the human
body. I guess I'll have to hide it
somewhere else now…

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 JAN / / 21 / / ISSUE 14
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
TIP!

Industrial Building Ideas

JOANNA PORTER

So, if you’re following along with my tutorials, you now have a Vacation house, and an apartment
building. “So, what's next?” I hear you asking, and I'm back this week with an answer: Factories!
Factories are a great way to generate even more income for your growing village. It can be tough
managing all the expenses of building roads, paying builders, and buying your way into exclusive
clubs, so the income boost a factory provides could really turn any treasury around. One of the first
steps to getting a factory build is deciding what you want your village to produce. There's always space
in a big market, such as soup, for newcomers to the industry. On the flipside, you could start yourself a
new industry and work to control the production, as Cyphur has done with the guardian farm industry.
Once you know what you want to produce you have to design a floorplan where creating your product
is viable. Make sure there is a reasonable flow of production from where you have raw materials
coming in, to where you want to ship out the finished product. Finally you get to do the fun part, and
build the facility. Be sure when you're building to add viewing locations for the visitors that come to
see how their favorite product is produced. And before you finish, be sure to put a big logo on the
outside so all your future fans can take selfies in front of their favorite mega-corporation. I hope this
advice helps you to add another important feature to your village. Be sure to keep an eye out for the
next important addition to your village!

Sophie Outs BrutalFive At Family Gathering

This week in Keeping up with the McCraftens Sophie outed Brutalfive to the whole family! Naomi, one of the
main heads of the family, invited the whole gaggle of the fam over to her lavish private estate for a family dinner.
Siblings Naomi, Katie, and Legend were in attendance. Katie's son Brutal was there along with Naomi's children
Emily and her husband MysteriousKing. Their daughter Sophie was also there. I imagine everyone, myself
included, is confused and lost about all of that mess so let's move on. During dinner there was fox pole dancing and
discussion of Sophie's drug addiction to cocaine. Then as everyone moved into the living room to relax, Sophie in
her anger outed Brutal as gay. The family was shocked to say the least as Brutal has always deeply affirmed his
straightness. Regardless they all loved and accepted him immediately. As the family grows, our comprehension of
the whole matter lessons! Join us next week for Keeping up with the McCraftens!

More Proof Brutal Is French

This week Brutalfive exposed his french
ways. In the voice call someone doubted
that there is Dominos Pizza in England.
After Brutal clarified that of course
there are, Naomi asked him this simple
question. "Brutal are there domino's in
France?" Brutal answered without
missing a beat, "well yeah there are
duh" that was all this reporter had to
hear to know that Brutalfive is indeed a
fake Brit. #exposed

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 JAN / / 21 / / ISSUE 14
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

The Birth of A New CM Era

Hello Village Weekly Readers, it’s Naomi, Term 6 CM, and I wish to reflect introspectively about my
time as CM and what is to come for the next round. I’m not sure what drew me to the role in the first
place, but if I had to put a reason behind it then it was that people believed in me. I hadn’t really
considered being CM until Relevart suggested it and thought I would be good at it. Mulling it over in
my head I figured, why not? It would be an interesting challenge to see if I could manage to do a good
job. When the majority of the community was happy and accepting, it made my job that much easier. I
hadn’t anticipated how easily players can throw their dissatisfaction at you when the most unassuming
thing goes wrong. This I feel could be a reflection of how our society has pivoted into cancel culture, if
you do something someone doesn’t like they get rid of you fully. I faced this about 3 months into my
term when I had a poorly planned event and members of the community wanted me out. It made me
ponder all of my event decisions from there on out, "am I thinking of all the possible mistakes? Will
people have fun? Will they hate me forever if this all crumbles??” It helped me grow to learn more
about myself as a person. I do not need to overthink so many tiny details when they are absolutely
irrelevant. Unfortunately, just because I know that doesn’t mean I don’t still see the doubt creeping in
from time to time. Being CM was a test of my multitasking as I balanced a school semester with 6
classes, work 4 times a week, as well as my social life with my friends. It was a hectic pace of life.
Without all of that I sit seeing a lot of aimless wandering in my future. I devoted so much time into this
seemingly meaningless time zap and for what? I will tell you what. It was for the players to enjoy
themselves, and a little bit of selfishness on my end. Every time after an event when players would talk
about how cool Halloween was! Or How epic that one build comp turned out it would brighten my day
that I was able to make that happen. Selfish because it was making me happy and because at the end of
the day, being CM has given me juggling skills on an extreme level. Many people can plan and execute
events in person, but in this time of Covid how many have diverse experience doing it online? This
article has gotten a little away from me as I reflect, and I want to finish on a positive note. I loved all
my time planning events on the server for players to enjoy, but I also loved the fun planning and
building sessions with Nurtul and Cyphur. I loved exploring new plugins on test servers with Cyphur
and Legend. But overall, I loved the community aspect of my role. As the 9 months of my CM term are
up and we deliver the baby that is the next term of CM I hope that it is someone that loves the
community as much as I do, because if you have that then you will succeed as a Minecraft Community
Minister.
Luis’ Fear Exposed
Definitely not a robot but incredible human being Luis slipped up this week and
exposed his weakness! (Stay Tuned) It all started when the crazed Australians
were showing pictures of their housemates, aka huge spiders. While other
Australians came to compare who had the scariest spider picture, Luis made his
thoughts clear. Luis exclaimed "The first spider isn't real, is it?" And "Please tell
me it's not." Both of these quotes are very telling on how Luis feels about these
big bois. So basically, if you're ever in an epic anime battle against Luis the way
to easy success is throwing these huge Australian Spiders at him.

Another plot of Akomine’s was foiled this week. In a planning committee meeting for
the End of Life event, Dallas was unable to talk due to her microphone being server
Dallas muted! Once Cybot was able to "fix" the problem Dallas could finally speak her mind.
Silenced by It's clear that Akomine wanted to Silence Dallas in hopes to keep something under
Akomine wraps. Why else would she have been missing for so long? Hopefully, Dallas feels
safe now that Village Weekly is aware of the situation and won't let Ako harm her
again. PAGE 5