MAR / / 4 / / ISSUE 20

VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

Senate Sortition Beautiful Wedding

Opens for Term 2
TED CRUZ AKA THE ZODIAC KILLER
This week it was announced that
the senate sortition list is up and
ready for names! This is a great
opportunity for players to have a
hand in server politics, and make
their voices heard! The list is
available on the forums, all you
have do is nominate yourself! The
new senate will be chosen at
random (minus CM seat), so
everyone has a chance! The term
limit is 4 months, so it's a miniature love in beginning their Minecraft lives together ❤
commitment! Please plan to be
active if you are chosen in the
senate. Once the new term
members are announced the senate
can vote a speaker of the senate to
organize and guide meetings!
MARY K
After a long wait, Village Weekly is proud to announce the union of
JarHas and MutluMali! This pair has been planning their matrimony
since Marriage Master was introduced, but because of living on different
continents it made it hard to set a date. After JarHas stayed late to attend
Allison's event, it was the perfect time for these two to wed. Procuring
Naomi's wedding planning the two had a ceremony space set up in their
own village Chamomile with a magenta color in abundance. Naomi wed
them in a loving quaint ceremony to much fanfare. A little outside the
box the two also had a lavish reception with lots of dancing, gift giving,
and cake! Sir_Robot acted as wedding photographer and got numerous
good shots throughout the ceremony and reception for the happy couple.
Village Weekly is so happy for Jar and Mali and we wish them all the
Singles out there find love, and your ceremony could be featured in
Village Weekly!

The Reception: Photographed by

The Ceremony: Photographed by
Sir_Robot
AlliCat_22

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 MAR / / 4 / / ISSUE 20
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

OH NO!
Issue 19 Poll Recap
Better Cyphur Chronicles POLE OROID

Wasn’t One Enough? Last week's poll asked, “Is Chef a Serial
Killer?” and once again the results are
MY PINKIE TOE HURTS
in. They seem to lean towards Yes, but
not in a confirmed way. While the Yes
The server was a bit miffed when a new Cybot was released to and No votes were tied at 4, the votes
VillageCraft from god knows where called "BetterCyphur." It kept from readers who had already been
making statements about not being from TEA (Tilgangur killed reached 7! So based on these
Environmental Agency) so we can only assume he was telling the truth. results, it can be extrapolated that Chef
This robot started with being very helpful and attempting to be Cyphur- is not only a serial killer, but she has
like until it was apparent that this robot only wanted to destroy nearly killed half of you, our fabulous
Tilgangur. Making statements about its job to Kill and making TIL DIE Village Weekly readers. Be sure to
started to heighten the fear in the community. The Tilgangur invest in some good armor and a big
Environmental Agency warned against the dangerous "Green Fox”, so it sword if you haven’t been killed by
was clear that BetterCyphur had infiltrated that department. Naomi then Chef yet. This week’s poll: “What is
declared that Tilgangur has deemed Better Cyphur a threat to the your Opinion of the Bullying of
community and the Tilgangur Military made the strike to neutralize the Akomine?” is now live at
threat and called an airstrike. BetterCyphur was camped out on an https://villageweekly.weebly.com
outside Island in the Tilgangur Isles and was swiftly exploded. The
threat was no more and VillageCraft was "safe" once again. FroggyBee Great
THE EDITOR

FroggyBee is one the best new

additions to VillageCraft! She always
has a kind word to say and is friendly
with many different groups! FroggyBee
is also an incredible builder and has a
nice new village with the cutest
architecture. FroggyBee is fantastic and
a pleasure to have around! Village
Weekly Loves you FroggyBee!

The messages sent about BetterCyphur

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MAR / / 4 / / ISSUE 20
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

CURRENT EVENTS:

Events:
YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO IT IS

Last week’s event was a wonderful time with friends and fun! The winner of the game was Papamoses,
followed by Jarhas, Octo, and Day! It was a little chaotic but an overall success, thanks to everyone
who participated and made the first “official” event great! The next event will be a community
showcase for Tirinuvik on 3/17. Get ready to tour the new player village while celebrating St. Patrick’s
Day! Wear green or be pinched!

Ako Betrayed?
On Tuesday the creator, owner, and admin of the server, Akomine, was utterly betrayed by the community.
When he got on the server to slave away for our community, he greeted everyone with a "Hola hola", but
alas! Not ONE (1) person said hello back. Not only were there a few players online, but also a staff member!
Distraught and depressed Ako logged off to go cry into his maple syrup. Not long after, Sir Robot pointed
out how heartless and mean everyone was. Immediately many players tried to make pathetic excuses for
why they didn't say hi, but it was too late for that. This is the father of the server. Our daddy, if you will.
Daddy Ako, we're sorry! #AkoBacko
UPDATE: According to shadow, Ako is unloved and a tyrant. Ako declined to comment on this statement.

Gerrit, Rabbit Murderer

CSI VC

Our favorite killer has struck again, this time against a different kind of prey. Most players are quite
familiar with Gerritt and his love of killing other players. The server was doing what it usually does in
the evenings, players gathering for chats and working on builds when out of nowhere Gerrit said
“rabbits scream when you kill them”. There was a pause as players digested what had been said. Nurtul
made a statement that sums up most players opinion: “Gerritt is a sociopath murder”. Despite his
violent tendencies, Gerrit is loved!

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 MAR / / 4 / / ISSUE 20
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
GOSSIP!

OctoGamer And Legend in Nightly Affair?

XOXO GOSSIP GIRL

Any Gossip loves a good affair story, so the server was flabbergasted the other night when Legend and
Octo were making blatant remarks about cheating on their spouses! Legend started off trying to
schedule a time to "smash again" and everyone knows that can only mean sexual smashing and nothing
else! Octo wanted to meet that night but warned his flame to be quiet of their nightly actions! This
reporter attended both of their weddings and is distraught that they would blatantly abandon their
spouses this way. Almost as bad as how CSB is always cheating on Lishman with Airbo. The state of
Matrimony on VillageCraft is in a sad way these days. Chef and CD were forgotten to be asked for a
comment regarding how they feel about the in-your-face infidelity. We can only speculate on how they
would respond so I will do just that! Chef would either scream at the injustice and demand a divorce or
just be like whatevers. CD would most assuredly shrug and go back to tinkering on his redstone
creation. Will this smashing ruin two Minecraft marriages? Or will they continue as before? Time will
tell for these homewreckers.
Luis Confirms There Will Be No /OP

Isn't it the dream to be oped on a Minecraft Server??? No? Yeah, not mine either. But many players throughout the
years beg for staffers to /op them. Ranging from trolls to longtime players this is an often request. Server God Luis
crushed all those players hopes and dreams this week when he declared that not even admins have /op.
Even more so that he can't /op anyone, which raises the question How does one get op-ed? The answer is simple,
you don't. We must all play Minecraft and forget that silly notion of oping on VillageCraft. #nomoreop

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MAR / / 4 / / ISSUE 20
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

Top 5 Player Shops

/warp m is easy and convenient, but there are so many incredible player markets on VillageCraft that
are more affordable and helpful to players. The big markets of Istrana and CCE are always a safe bet
for purchases before you go to Qualia and both have signs at warp ad. In this article though we're going
to break down the best singular player shops on the server. From least to most here is our top 5 best
player shops on VillageCraft.
5. Be MINE - /warp v-MineShop - owned by Naomi: Everyone knows Naomi is a monotony freak
and enjoys tunneling in a strip mine for hours. Be MINE is the fruit of her labors, housing shops for
stone as well as all of the minerals minus gold. It boasts prices cheaper than Qualia and is located in
Tilgangur
4. Furniture Store in Istrana - /warp v-Istrana - owned by Legend: This store is in one of Istrana's
shopping districts so you might have to ask someone to show you exactly where it is. It sells anything
Furniture related from anvils to bookcases, and fences and walls Legend's Furniture store is a godsend
to anyone that hates crafting. Cheap prices as well which everyone loves!
3. Nether Shop - /warp v-nethershop - owned by 5Henrik: This shop was one of the first to sell all
the items from the Nether update! If you want anything from 1.16 5Henrik has it and at a reasonable
rate too! Netherite scraps can also be purchased at Nether Shop so it's well worth it.
2. Shaz Co - /warp v-shazco - owned by Shazam: this shop sells a lot of cool late game items such as
beacons and netherite. The best part is Shazam is always adapting his shop to things players want to
buy so it's worth checking out! The only downside is this one doesn't have a sign at /warp ad so ask
Shazam or a gold VIP friend to get you there.
1. TGF - /warp v-tgf - owned by Cyphur: This shop is iconic in regards that most players know and
use it for xp and the shops there. Having every enchantment book located there for sale it is THE spot
for enchanting gear as you can get xp right there. Tgf is probably the most well known singular player
shop so that's why it's #1 on this list
So next time you need items I implore you to check out player shops before you hop over to Qualia.
#ShopLocal
Q. What goes in hard and dry then comes out
Dad Joke of The Week: wet and soft? A. Chewing gum

Village Weekly Symbol Viciously Attacked

This week has been very sad for you, the incredible fans of Village Weekly, as our beautiful sign at
community art was destroyed. The sign was created by CyphurTheFox in December of 2020, just as Village
Weekly was taking off, and advertising like that really helped us to quickly grow into VillageCraft’s premier
news source. During another violent community art dispute, it was destroyed by a player who we will keep
anonymous, but whose name rhymes with Chensley. Why would they do such a thing? Maybe they were
confused, read it backwards, and though it was our evil competitor, Weekly Village? Whatever happened, it
has since been restored, and we hope occurrences such as this can be avoided in the future as people learn
how to chill tf out and just make art together.

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MAR / / 4 / / ISSUE 20
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

Crystal Hollow Turtle Hell?

Investy Gator

It was a bright Friday morning, people were going to work, excited for the bright day ahead of them.
Suddenly, my phone rings. Pretty standard stuff, my boss checking in asks me to do a quick turtle welfare
check in Crystal Hollow. “No Problem” I think, just get to hang out in a classy town for a few hours. As soon
as I arrived though I could tell something was wrong, and as I approached what can only be described as a
‘Turtle Cage’ I could tell why. What was clearly meant to be a safe haven for the local turtles had quickly
turned into a deadly deathtrap for all ages. There were turtles drowning under the walls, children screaming
for food, and manly turtles just stacked against the wall, with no way to escape. Being the ace apprentice
reporter I am I quickly snapped a picture on my Nokia 6236i and started writing about this gross injustice.
/ How can the owners of this beautiful place be responsible for such pain? Because it is friday, I will not be
investigating further, as that would cause me to go over my government mandated maximum hours per week.
If i am not too busy next week I will let you all know more about this harrowing situation.

The potential turtle abuse situation in Crystal Hollow

Chef in A Hole

Chef is in a hole
Chef says “its true” “im in a Hole”

This is an image of Chef in a hole

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MAR / / 4 / / ISSUE 20
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
Pepsi Zombies Invade Tilgangur
Guzzles Coker and also Pepsier
URGENT ALERT! Last week there were multiple reports of strange happenings in the town of Tilgangur, from
a full Cyphur’s Cheap Cooked Cod Store (probably created by a Chinese scam artist) to more occurrences of
unruly drinkers at Brutal’s Pub. The most terrifying event though was the invasion of the Pepsi™ zombies.
These creatures started appearing from docking yachts soon after the Completion of the Coca-Cola™ store
nearby. They started swarming the streets of Tilgangur, and were even immune to sun damage, due to the
helmet nature of their very powerful Pepsi™ heads. At this time it is unknown if there are any survivors
remaining in the area, but it is recommended that all Village Crafters wishing to continue living stay away from
the village of Tilgangur and all surrounding villages until the VillageCraft Government decides to log on and do
something.
*Village Weekly has no claim to the trademarked Coca-Cola or Pepsi labels. All References to Coca-Cola and
Pepsi are made in parody. Coca-Cola and Pepsi are owned by their respective parent companies and have no
affiliation with Village Weekly (Please Sponsor Us) (We Have Ad Spots)

4K Drone Shot of the arriving

Zombies

Do you want awesome items like

Gapples, Netherite, or Beacons??
Located in historic Swag Ville, Shaz Co is
run by RealJoelEmbiid and hosts a score
of epic items completely looted and
created by him!
Abenji also helped create the building and
works to bring Shaz Co to the world-
renowned status it deserves!

So, if you need anything cool, chances are

Shaz Co has it! Just /warp v-shazco or ask
Shazam to tpa you there!

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