JULY / / 1 / / ISSUE 37
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO
Cult Activities Out
of Hand
SLENDER JAMES
Mali is known to many as a sweet,
gentle soul, and also for being a
wonderful friend and player. But,
like many, the claws of the Cult
have ensnared and corrupted,
causing poor Mali to wander away
from the path of righteousness.
Instead, Mali fell prey to the sweet
whispers and temptations of
Naomi's Sphere of Influence (NSI)
and attempted to make a human
sacrifice in the name of the
Almighty. A dark day for
VillageCraft indeed.
A Note from Vanilla
VANILLA
Dear Village Weekly Readers,
I do not know how many people still read Village Weekly, nor do I
know how many people this message will reach. With that being said,
this message is not intended to be directed towards any person or
persons in any way, shape, or form. I ask that you please read the entire
message. I am writing this message in regards to the drama that we
have all been experiencing on the server. It has gotten extremely out of
hand, and we are all responsible for it, myself included. I am deeply
disheartened by this, as I once knew this server to be a welcoming and
loving place. I would tell anyone who would listen about how amazing
all of the people are, and that it is the main reason that I am still on the
server to this date since joining in 2014. Recently, things have
changed, and I can no longer tell others about this wonderful server as
it would now be a lie. We have created a server full of toxicity and
drama. A server that I no longer recognize. I think that we can all agree
that this is not the VillageCraft that we have grown so fond of over the
years. It is time that we lower our weapons and drop our swords of
anger and hatred towards each other. It is time that we own up to our
mistakes and apologize for them. It is time that we come together and
make VillageCraft the server we once knew and loved. I hope that,
with this message, we can move on from all this unwanted drama. No
longer will I stand for a server that has been divided for far too long.
My hope is that you will agree with what I have to say and take action
towards ending the drama.
With love and hope for the future of VillageCraft,
Vanilla_Gal signing off...
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 JULY / / 1 / / ISSUE 37
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

SLEUTH!
Issues 35/36 Poll
GamerTag Files
The X Files lesser known cousin bares all
Recap
WOOHOO POLLS

SARAH GOLEM
Last week's poll asked, “Which
VillageCraft's lovable KittyPopping's file has been opened. Kitty Accent is the Best”, and the results
created her tag with the help of a Vine. She loved the video but knew are in! The most voted for answer
that she should not have pussypops as her gamer tag. She went with the was ‘Australian’. It seems the
PG version and came up with KittyPopping. “I also love cats, so it members of that great place decided
seemed more fitting that my name is cat related.” stated Kitty. Kitty's to band together and take over the
tag does not have a deep meaning to her intially. As she continues to polls. Conversely, American and
play video games her online friends greet her using the tag. Like many American Lite got 0 votes each. Also
gamer tags, Kitty’s tag is quickly becoming like a second name. “It’s in a twist vote, someone wrote in
actually turning into a nickname in real life as I game with some of my cat's voice sounds as an accent. Did
irl friends and they like the name for me as I do have cat-like they misunderstand the poll? Do they
tendencies.” What started as a joke soon developed into a loving even know what an accent is? Make
nickname that she shares with online and real life friends. Kitty has sure to ask your friends if it was them
truly shown us how gamer tags can become meaningful to us as time and let us know so we can interview
moves forward. Thank you Kitty for sharing your story!! them for the next episode of ‘Into the
polls’. The poll team will send $1000
to whoever can turn in the submitter
of this strange and interesting
Tape Sniffers response. The new poll is “Is
Akomine a Kidnapper?”. Be sure to
vote in it at
Dear, sweet, beloved Chef is actually a pervert and we can PROVE https://villageweekly.weebly.com
it! This reporter overheard Chef and the illustrious Naomi
discussing how they aggressively loved the smell of tape. Chef also
admitted to live for putting tape alllll over her face, which is THE RUMOR MILL
frankly disgusting. What self respecting person covers themselves
GOSSIP PERSON
in TAPE. Not to mention corrupting our already vaguely corrupt
staff member who already is under community scrutiny. It's
bewildering how the community allows this nonsense to continue. Hey bitches we're back with more
sweet sweet words from the street,
this time with SCANDAL! As you
know, Village Weekly has 3 CEOs,
and it was leaked to us little guys that
they have been PLOTTING. For
what we don’t yet know, but what
other reason would they have for
meeting in the Minecraft meta? Air
and Ako seem to have slowed their
onslaught to take over the server so
are these 3 the next phase of the
plan? Only time will tell…
XOXO Gossip Person

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JULY / / 1 / / ISSUE 37
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

CURRENT EVENTS:

Survival Games!!
EVENT LOVER

The first event for new CM Dallas was underway today as players competed in different maps to be the
very best. Dallas did an excellent job advertising the various maps her team and her worked to create
which resulted in lots of excitement among the players leading up to the event. On the forums, Dallas is
keeping track of how well people compete on the different maps so check it out to see how various
players ranked out. Lots of fun and we can’t wait to see what Dallas does next!
http://www.villagecraft-server.com/forum/index.php?topic=5427.0;topicseen#msg49663

Real Naomi Sighting? Or fake?

This reporter decided to go where none had gone before, and that is to go witness
the Nefarious Naomi in person. Using incredible sleuthing powers of deduction and
intricate calculations, I hunted down the controversial queen herself! After visiting
thousands of caves, caverns, and crevices I found the pit she calls home. I tempted
her out with Hardee’s and snapped a quick picture before I frightened her off. The
sound of the flash spooked her, so she quickly scampered back to the tunnel of
limestone she is native to. Because Naomis are prized for their meat, fur, and
customer service, we cannot disclose her range map to the public at this time. Still,
not much is known about this exotic species, but it is exciting to be one of the
privileged few documented to be in her presence.

Sim Asking God for Smite

God Hates Similar, Similar hates god, sounds
simple right? NO!!! Similar is not allowed to hate
god. God is so good and cool and similar is not
allowed to hate because god says so. Similar
deserves to be smitten and become unalive, but they
can’t die after that, because they don’t deserve it,
Similar must do 10000000 years in the deathstatis
zone near Brutal’s big mess of a region before the
death is allowed. Similar bad, god bad, death bad
everyhting bad.

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 JULY / / 1 / / ISSUE 37
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
ASK AWAY!

Ask Alli
ALLI

Hello dear readers, this week the query is: "How do bears use the bathroom when hibernating? Do
they?" Well, beloved paper consumer, I'm glad you asked! First I should specify that bears aren't true
hiBEARnators (teehee), as they are still aware of their surroundings, create body heat, and even rear
their young while "hibernating". A true hibernator completely shuts off body systems, like arctic
ground squirrels when they become a living popsicle; and woodfrogs, which pump their own urine into
their veins to use as antifreeze to keep their cells from bursting. But bears DO spend a whole season in
a den, and they hold that poop till spring! After the last poop for the year the bear is happily nestled
away until spring, but the body still continues to do its thang. Because of this, the intestinal secretions
and dead cells (skin, hair, etc) create what is called a "Faecal plug". This then dehydrates and blocks
them up only to be released 6 or 7 months into hibernation. It has been said that the smell is not
unpleasant, so I'll leave that to you to figure out. Remember, dear readers, to send me all of your nature
themed questions so that I can share my cursed knowledge with the world. Until next week!

Top 5 Reasons Dallas Will Be

Best CM
The 9th Community Minister of VillageCraft has been voted
in: Dallas! This long-time staff member is going to crush it
as CM, and for the reasons listed below, we think she will
be the best one of all time.
5. Dallas is beloved by all. Amongst the petty discourse that
is often spreading through VC, Dallas typically remains
beloved amongst all the groups. Because of this lack of
distaste for Dallas, she will be able to host events without
scrutiny and without someone waiting for her to fail.
4. She doesn’t run a cult. This display of exclusivity seen in
a certain past CM (Naomi we're looking at you) is rather
discouraging to the server as a whole. Without inspiring
toxicity on VillageCraft, Dallas will be a success.
3. CM potentially being a path to staff has been a long-term
dispute throughout the years. With Dallas already being a
staff member, this debate doesn't have to happen. Dallas has
already shown competence as a staff member, so we have no
doubt she'll be a smashing CM.
2. She has kids, which means she has the patience to put up
with all the server’s BS. Raising 3 Amazing children is no
easy feat, so the skills used in child rearing will make her
well versed in quelling the elaborate characters that call
VillageCraft home. A Tweet By Nurtul:
1. Dallas cares. Quite simply, she cares about the server’s
well-being and all of its players. This is the best quality in a
CM because it means they aren’t doing it for notoriety or the
title. Without a doubt in all her actions, you know it’s for the
betterment of the server.
So, we here at Village Weekly say Welcome to Dallas as 9th
CM! We know you're going to be a hit and can't wait to see
the events you bring to the community!

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JULY / / 1 / / ISSUE 37
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WOW!

Akomine Kidnapper???
A CONCERNED CITIZEN

In a move nobody saw coming, we are making up, I mean discovered this very very credible theory! The
Akomine, aka the Server Daddy could be a kidnapper. The concern is that the beloved Airbongus hasn’t been
seen since he “visited” Ako in Canada. Since Akomine has proved he is proficient in being someone else.
Cough Cyphur. It is easily apparent that he could have been pretending to be Air this whole time to hide his
ruse! Air never joins the public voice call, which is obvious when Air is actually locked in Ako’s basement or
closet. Vanilla pointed out that running a Minecraft server is the perfect way to steal children as they are
notoriously stupid and will put themselves in danger. Akomine probably kidnapped Air and had him shipped to
him and you could be NEXT! So next time you see Ako say HELLO but keep your distance, so he doesn’t steal
you and force you to enjoy a Canadian lifestyle.

TERRORIST ATTACK
AT MOB ARENA!!!!

Someone blew a bunch of people up at the Mob Arena. This

is bad. Mob arena is a place of peace and friendship, not
blowing up. If you are a terrorist, please do not blow people
up at Mob Arena. Instead, try blowing people up in Qualia,
or even in Akomine’s village when he is not around. A great
location for blowing people up is the Redstone Shop in
Qualia. As it is currently closed, no one will probably even
notice if it is blown to dust. Also, next time you are blowing
things up, make sure to take a picture for the next issue of
Village Weekly!

Tiny CM Bean CRH’s Reign of Terror

Continues

CRH keeps doing it, and we are sick of writing about it. It’s
always the same dumb stuff. CRH Stalks someone weaker
than him, murders them, and causes players to want to quit.
Sure, it’s legal, but it’s a dick move that hurts players that
are minding their own business. It’s a classic display of
people not evolving with the player base of VC and
remaining stagnate in being rude. VillageCraft is better than
that, but until CRH is stupid enough to pick on someone
who can fight back and kill him, he will continue this prick
behavior and there will be no solving it. Keep on trucking!
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