MAR / / 11 / / ISSUE 21

VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

A Dry Season for Horse Strangler Finally Caught

Love
GEORGE MICHAEL
If February was a month of love,
March is shaping up to be slack in
matrimony on VillageCraft.
Perhaps it's everyone focusing on
their studies or the lack of suitable
matches in those active, but
Minecraft marriages are at an all-
time low. In this decline of love the
server has seen an increase of
strife. I guess the new trendy thing
is to pick a fight so if marriages
don't start happening Village
Weekly has no hope but to join
right in! So, we beg of you please
find love, so we don't have to
#StartTheViolence
DAVID BOWIE
Over the years many horses have been beaten, strangled, and brutalized,
and the perpetrator had remained a mystery despite many investigations.
This week during a routine evening of companionship and building
player Sir Robot declared he found a horse. It, like many other poor
horses down on their luck, was also beaten, strangled, and brutalized.
Our original suspect was a player who has asked to stay anonymous but
was quickly released once we heard what SM Nurtul told the server.
"I'm always free to kill a horse" and "It’s my whole job" was intended to
be sent over /l but clearly Nurtul forgot and sent the messages where
everyone could see them. This is basically a confession, and we here at
Village Weekly charge Nurtul with 218,574 counts of Horse Slaughter.

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 MAR / / 11 / / ISSUE 21
NAZI?!
Gerrit70 Is A Proud Nazi
#Confirmed
ANNE FRANK
After years of speculation, Village Weekly is startled to inform the
public that Gerritt is indeed a Nazi! After years of claiming so and not
acting in a Nazi manner the confirmation came from one of the discords
newest features, the magic 8 ball in the Skynet Fun Channel. Someone
asked the magic 8 ball if Gerritt was a Nazi and it quickly claimed yes!
There is nowhere he can hide now from the Nazi hunters that will seek
his end. The most dangerous game is now on and who will win? The
proud Nazi or those who seek to end oppression?
*Disclaimer - Village Weekly is a proud opposer of Antisemitism. We
support the work of correcting misconceptions about the Holocaust and
support the survivors and their families.
/ and we love him for it! From the very
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
20 Poll Recap
Issue 19
POLE OROID
Last week’s poll asked, “What is your
Opinion of the Bullying of Akomine?” and
the results are in! The most voted for was
‘Ako Backo’, and we are glad to see
everyone showing their support for the
return of the being who may or may not be
Nurtul’s and Naomi’s boss. We are very
disappointed that so many people chose
the option ‘I literally don’t care’. The list
of these people’s social security numbers
are currently being sent to over 100 bounty
hunter message boards for immediate
extermination by the denizens of the
nether. This week’s poll “What should
Nurtul’s punishment be?” is now live at
https://villageweekly.weebly.com
CyphurTheFox, Best
Robot Around <3
THE EDITOR
Any fan of Village Weekly knows our
beloved Cybot. Cyphur goes above and
beyond to make VillageCraft a better place
beginning Cyphur has been a strong fan
and supporter of Village Weekly and we
thank him for that! Cyphur is kind, helpful,
fantastic, intelligent, and a pleasure to have
around! Thank you for all you do Cyphur,
we here at Village Weekly appreciate you!
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MAR / / 11 / / ISSUE 21
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

CURRENT EVENTS:

Events:
YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO IT IS

Get ready for an exciting community showcase! Come tour the new player village Tirinuvik on 3/17.
There will be many exciting things, including a scavenger hunt! It will also be St. Patrick’s Day so
wear green or be pinched!

Parliament Proceedings
With the conclusion of the latest Parliament vote, VillageCraft will soon have the bottled xp plugin! This
plugin allows you to bottle up any xp you have for a price so you can use it later! No longer will you have to
fear losing those 40 levels when you die! Just bottle it up before doing something reckless. It can also
become a money-making opportunity when you sell the bottles to other players! Up next for a Parliament
vote will be the brewery plugin. This long-awaited addition will allow you to create your own brews and
have a multitude of drunken effects. This will not only enlighten the technical player but allow for the most
interesting of roleplay opportunities. If this is passed you and other players can spend the night drinking and
face the consequences of your actions! If you aren't a Member of Parliament just let a staff member know!
It's open to any active player and you can vote on these plugins and more!

Wanted: Dallas Exclusively Shits

Hello :) Burrito here, I am searching for
my anonymous donator!
If you have no idea what I’m talking
about, someone donated some money to
the server to give me $20+ vip, which is
very kind and I’m so grateful for it!
Since I’m so grateful and happy to have
this privilege, I’d like to thank the person
who donated personally!!!!
So, if you have any information
whatsoever, dm me!
Thanks :)
In New Player Chests
Some people swear by bidets, other traditional toilets, but SM
Dallas has a different preference altogether. She revealed this
week that the only way she can poop is in a player chest,
specifically new players. This must be inconvenient during
times of few new players, and we wonder what the time range
is on what constitutes as a new player. Why would she expose
herself like this? What compels her to have this habit? These
questions remain unanswered. If you or a loved one have been
diagnosed or died of Dallas Pooped In Your Chest (DPIYC)
you may be entitled to financial compensation in this class
action lawsuit. Please call the number of your screen for your
free consultation today!

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 MAR / / 11 / / ISSUE 21
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
MCCRAFTENS!!

McCraftens Expansion Pack?

XOXO GOSSIP GIRL

Minecraft got a new dlc this week when Server Daddy's Ako revealed that he is Mod Naomi's father.
Why he waited this long is unclear, as is who her mother is. Could it be Cyphur? As an extension of
Ako he could have been used as a surrogate to carry Naomi, or maybe Ako is having a Secret Affair.
What effects will this knowledge have on the servers hottest family? Only time will tell!

Istrana Government Surge

If you're passionate about roleplaying government then Istrana is the perfect place at the moment. This past week it
has awaken from it's dormant state and is ready to start enacting bills to the city. Istrana was already an appealing
place to live with its free housing program and now that your voice can be heard you should go check out getting a
residence there. The market system that is cheaper than Qualia is also appealing in Istrana. Talk to Yvette if you're
interested in getting involved in everything Istrana has to offer!

Ship Building Tips

Joanna Porter

Hey Minecrafters! Sorry I missed a week, I was on a trip with my dog Butter to the incredible island of Amanpulo
in the Philippines. We had a great time really reconnecting over pupachinos and gold-plated mojitos. As a result, I
have some top-tier tips this week about building ships! Ships are great, because they fill out water space so that you
can get those stinky staff members to claim more land for you! They can also be used for sunbathing, and creating
a sunset scene every evening in your fabulous village. The first step is to find a ship design you like! My favorite
ships are based on the Galleons used in the 1600’s, but you can choose any design or ship type that speaks to you.
The next step is to build a hull in the water, you usually want to start with an outline to create the shape, and then
build the bottom in that shape. Next you can hire someone to drain the water out but be sure they use responsibly
sourced sponges or buckets, so as to not harm the coral life in our quickly dying ocean ecosystems. Next, you can
build decks, be sure to plan for all the rooms and spaces you want to have available to your guests and ship staff.
Finally add the propulsion system and any iconic details, such as railings or cannons. These details help to make
your ship recognizable and iconic to all your guests and adoring fans. Now you just have to plan a trips to enjoy
your new creation. Some great ship examples are in the port of Qualia, the new area of Tilgangur, and wherever
Chef is right now. Thanks for reading! Be sure to keep up with village weekly to see my next set of building tips!

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