JUNE / / 17 / / ISSUE 35

VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

Illegal AFK-ing???
Drug Epidemic Worsens
MAVRICK JONHNSONN

Luis, one of our beloved admins,

is a criminal!! This week he was
#exposed when SM Dallas noticed
that he had been /afk for 55 whole
minutes!! As you all know afk
players are kicked after 30
minutes, so he is blatantly defying
the rules he protects! How he even
achieved this is unknown, and we
can only wonder why he was afk
for so long. Keep an eye on /baltop
just in case he's doing some secret
grinding!
AMBER GRIS
Another week of drug use. This story is based on Super Momterator
Dallas reporting on the many deaths happening as a result of drug
overdoses, but is she really as concerned as she claims to be? A recent
photo from the Cyanco de Mayo festival clearly shows Dallas picking
up drugs, probably for personal consumption as soon as the players
turn around. How could the members of the staff team allow this to
occur within their ranks? After asking in the global chat what players
thought about Dallas alleged drug use Similar(Known Dallas affiliate)
immediately responded “i do drugs lol”. It's like the players don't even
care about the dangers, and general mismanagement of the server due
to rampant drug use. If everyone stopped using drugs, the server would
probably be running Minecraft version 455.24 by now, and everyone
would be admins. Only the Great Akomine, Destroyer of Drugs, can
save us now.

Dallas getting drugs so

she can inject them later

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 JUNE / / 17 / / ISSUE 35
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

SLEUTH!
Poll 29 Recap
GamerTag Files POLE DANCER
The X Files lesser known cousin bares all
Poll 29 asked: ‘What is your favorite
SARAH GOLEM Bench Boys song?’, and the results
are in! The favorite Bench boys song
The wonderful tacooo620206’s file has been opened. Taco had joined of our incredible readers is (Bench)
the server under a different name. She stated that she had hated her old Surfin’ U.S.A.! This song was the
tag and knew that she wanted to change it. With the help of her friends most listened to song for 8 years in a
upon the server she was finally able to come up with her new tag. Taco row in Birch Beach Qualia, so it only
stated KB, Day, Octo, and herself were talking within chat. The makes sense. We had some very
conversation started off with burritos and switched over to tacos. Taco strange other answers this week,
decided to change her name to Taco_are_good, which quickly caught which will of course be displayed
on by other players. She chose to keep her name since it reminds her of below the new poll, as usual. The
friendship. Thank you Taco for allowing your file to be opened! new poll 30 ‘Which accent is the
best?’ is now available at
https://villageweekly.weebly.com
Fun fact Tacos gamer tag has a mistype it is supposed to be
tacooo62026 but ended up with tacooo620206.
THE RUMOR MILL
GOSSIP PERSON
AD
Sup sluts, this week we’re back with
Vote Vanilla 4 CM! those sweet deets! This week’s
Are you tired of having non-normal CMs? Well you’re in tantalizing tale is not only juicy, but
luck! Rumour has it Vanilla is normal. By voting Vanilla also scandalous. Notorious Naomi
you will receive tons of never seen before events. Along has been rumored to “already have a
with the classics like build comps and village showcases! sidepiece” post break-up, and we can
Vote Vanilla 4 CM today! ~This message is approved by only guess as to whom. Could it be
Vanilla, I am normal powerful, suave, and almighty Ako?
Rumors of their budding romance has
Myst the Savage circulated the server for months, and
have not been explicitly denied. Or
Who hurt MysteriousKing to make him such a Savage? A troll maybe its Gerrit, Naomi’s most
joined the server this past week and did what they do best…. Troll. controversial lacky? This might be
So MysteriousKing decided to tell him how he really felt. Specific the hottest potential love triangle
insults included "you're probably the kind of guy who would suck since the Twilight series!! It will be
off random strangers at the railway for 5 bucks" and "so shut your fascinating to see if any of these
damn trap up." Whatever it was that hardened Myst against those rumors have merit, and if so which
who mischievously cause issues, this reporter is surely amused. We ones?! As usual please PM a reporter
hope MysteriousKing stays this savage whenever there is an insult if you or a loved one have or are
flying. experiencing rumors. Afterall, our
stories are YOUR stories!
XOXO Gossip Person

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JUNE / / 17 / / ISSUE 35
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

CURRENT EVENTS:

The Race for CM

NOT ME

Voted Out CM, KoalaBurrito joined the CM Race late this week. That didn't discourage her fans
though and she is placed in a respectable place in the voting. There is still a few days left to cast your
vote but Server favorite Dallas has a strong lead. No matter the outcome Village Weekly is confident
that any of these candidates can bring glory to the role and hopefully end the nonstop voting out that is
so prevalent in recent times.

Criminal on the Loose

Naomi strikes again, and this time she doesn't even deny it! Mali
perished this week after falling *cough*pushed*cough* from "a
high place". Conveniently, Naomi was nearby, and claimed to be a
witness to this tragedy. She then claimed she was guilty because she
did nothing to stop her, which leads this reporter to believe she has a
guilty conscience for murdering a member of her OWN CULT. We
can only wonder what info Mali had that led Naomi to kill her in
what is obviously a cover up. When will this madness end? Police
still have yet to apprehend this menace to our peaceful society.

Octo Resorts to Cannibalism

Octo, a notable bird person, shook the server this Monday when he afked to get Chicken soup.
Mastermind Mali pointed out the injustice of this act, because Octo is a bird, and he was eating chicken
so that means he is resorting to Cannibalism!! As similar said, "octos eating cannibal soup" We know
he's been sick, but Cannibalism is not the cure! We hope that Octo feels better soon, but hopefully not
with eating his cousins this time.

Luis in the Market for Sweet Bringer

Dependable, Eligible, Noble Bachelor Luis revealed the secret to his

heart this week and it's one close to many as well, sweets! This loveable
scholar has an extreme sweet tooth and if you want to try and take him
off the market the way to do it is bringing him nonstop treats! My
suggestion if you are wooing the elusive brit is to throw cakes at him
whenever you see him. The continuous love and sugar will only have a
positive effect and get you hitched! Village Weekly hasn't been able to
report love in weeks! So, make sure if you woo him and plan a wedding
you inform us ;)
Future Congratulations to whomever is spouse to Luis, I hope you're a
baker so you can keep up his sweet cravings.

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JUNE / / 17 / / ISSUE 35
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
BENCH!!!!!!!!

Benches Of Tilgangur
GRAINY PLANKER

Welcome back bench gang, this week's bench is the one everyone has been asking for. I get at least 457
letters a week asking me to cover this bench, and up until now I have made you all wait. So finally,
here she is, the S tier bench Sonia! Sonia is located under Tilgangur’s guardian dragon, Dreki, making
her the safest bench in the entire city. There have been 0 crimes committed on Sonia, as everyone fears
the anger of Mr. Drek. Sonia provides a mountain top view of central Tilgangur, a view other benches
only dream of ever having. Sonia also comes with a pumpkin table and a lantern for light. Because of
all these amenities, Sonia is a very busy tourist destination, so when you go visit her, be sure to check
traffic along the way and plan accordingly. Sonia is well known for loving money, so be sure to send
money to her bank account, known as Tenretni the A.I.. Thanks for reading about another incredible
bench, be sure to check back next week for a super secret currently unknown bench.

Looking for a Good book? Swing on by to

Alli’s Book Store for some quality
literature today! Located in downtown
Tilgangur, Alli’s Book Store has some of
the best books VC can offer!

Written a Good book? Swing on by to

Alli’s Book Store for some quality money
today! Located in downtown Tilgangur,
IMPORTANT SUBMISSION Alli’s Book Store has some of the best
money VC can offer!
Siren Screamer
URGENT I got this Very Important message in my mail box
from a secret sender it stated that ‘words has it... that legend is a
LEGEND ?? :O :o :0 i can not believe it’. HOW DID NOBODY
NOTICE THIS UNTIL NOW???????????? Honestly are you
guys even LOOKING AROUND. Legend is Incredible and
somehow people were not aware that he is a LEGEND!>. IF you
all don't open your eyeballs in the next 73 SECONDS I WILL
SCREAM. Find Legend NOW and tell him he is LEGEND.

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