NOV / / 5 / / 4
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO
A Skin Routine for
Everyone
DOLORES
Village Weekly is leaking a secret
discovered last week when spying on
discussion between Nurtul and Chef about
Nurtul’s skin care routine. When asked
why he was so cute, Nurtul attributed his
devilish good looks to semen, and procced
to explain the process he goes through to
extract his miracle mixture. Chef pointed
out the alkaline properties and questioned
the legitimacy of Nurtul’s claims. He
responded that the perfect mixture was
ultimately semen and lemon juice which is
the “ultimate skincare sauce”. Chef
countered that vaginal fluid would be
superior due to it’s more acidic nature.
Village Weekly agrees with Chef since
everyone knows the magical properties of
women and their fluid.
Chef and Nurtul discuss this Skincare
VC’s Drug Epidemic
I SNORT CRACK
He also stated, “everything is
It is becoming apparent connected”. Later in the week sources got
that our once wholesome inside info about some dirt exchanged
server has a dark between Super Mod Nurtul and player
underbelly of crime and Daypath. Day claimed to “only be 13” but
other devious activities, then can be quoted saying “I don’t hate you
including a severe drug Nurtul, your my dealer”. Nurtul then agreed
epidemic. Hobbes, Super to take Day to his drug den as long as she
Mod and attempted promised to not tell the police. Once an
homewrecker, gave us a agreement was reached, he gave her the
very concerning statement exclusive tour, before excusing himself to
tying the Cyphur story to “beat his Russians”. Day asked if he would
our rampant drug problem. gently beat Naomi since (allegedly) she is
When asked for a quote he also Russian.
replied, “If you uncover
the Cyphur plot you will
have your answers”. He
provided no
direct answers, but heavily
implied that VC was using
our Cy-bot to distribute
drugs to the lower income
areas, to help Big Gov
profit off of the prison Players gathered for Halloween were delighted when
system’s slavery. He did Drugs were passed out.
mention that Cy’s true
identity would hold more
answers, and that the
accusations in Village
Weekly’s earlier issues
may have some truth.
PAGE 1
 NOV / / 5 / / 4
HOT NEWS!
Corruption Corner: Week 2
We will find the Truth!
AUGUSTE DREW
This week in the Corruption Corner,
we tackle the growing Drug Epidemic,
and how it needs to be stopped by the
currently lax staff of Village Craft.
Last weekend, another drug dealing
den was discovered, beneath
Tilgangur. I want to know how
hideouts such this can continue to be
created completely within the sight of
an obviously blind VC staff.
The Recently Discovered Drug Den
Local community leader Germitt says:
“Its pretty terrible, Lots of addicts
everywhere.” Having drugs exist as
part of an underground culture is not a
good thing, but the fact that people are
doing them in the open, and bringing
them into places such as Gerritt’s gated
community and Tilgangur does not
bode well for the future of the server.
This master disaster is just another
issue ignored by the VC staff, who
gossip and galivant around in creative
mode while us citizens struggle to stay
out of the dark pit that is addiction.
As recently as Tuesday Morning,
Super Mod OctoGamer was seen
offering pot to player Poobert.
These are the people we choose
to keep us safe? He later talked
Poobert through the entire
process to make this disgusting
drug.
A snippet of conversation from the deal
Something must be done about
this corrupt staff. Recently there
have been rumors supporting the
growing hashtag #AlliForStaff
but who knows what will actually
be done by this unjust group of
rulers.
Octo was transparent and kind in showing
his drugs
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
Issue 2 Poll Recap
THE POLL MASTER
Last week the Poll Zone question was
“Who Do You Think Will Win
UHC7?”. Well the results are in for
both the poll and UHC7! The results
can, as always, be seen on our
website homepage, just beside this
week's new poll. The poll winner was
OctoGamer and Shensley, with
OctoGamer being the returning
champion, and this time the
community was correct, as they won
UHC 7 handedly. Sadly
Ham_And_Eggs,CDPIV,papamoses,
and Frog gained no votes in this poll,
I guess they need to get their fans
more interested in future events. Be
sure to check out all the exciting
content in the Poll Zone this week,
including the new Poll “Are Staff
Doing Enough to Stop the Drug
Epidemic?”. Village Weekly polls
and results can be found on our
homepage at:
https://villageweekly.weebly.com
Eastia, A Delight to All
THE EDITOR
Eastia, recent winner of the build
comp has been an exciting addition to
the VillageCraft Community! Always
bringing a cheery hello and excellent
conversation skills, a talk with Eastia
can do no harm. Add on the
incredible talent this player has and
they’re a force to be reckoned with.
Village Weekly Loves you Eastia!
PAGE 2
NOV / / 5 / / 4
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

CURRENT EVENTS:

UHC, Most Dead to Exposure

DEATHMASTER666

UHC7 was held this past Saturday and while it was an

exciting event where the competition was slimmed
down to the final team there was barely any pvp! Most
teams kept to themselves and did not interact. CSB,1 of
the beloved Hickman bros, was taken out by the wall’s
instant kill, while crowd favorite Legend was killed by
a baby husk early on. Shensley and OctoGamer were
strong competitors from the start, losing very little
health when players had already gotten tossed around
by mobs. Frogster was also exceling, even being the
first to build a nether portal! Regardless the Players Competitors wait for the challenge to begin
were narrowed down until it was Daypath Vs Shensley
and OctoGamer. Day battled but was no match for the
strong champions and with that UHC7 was finished
leaving the organizers even more ideas on how to make
it better for the next one.

November Community
Showcase
SLIME LOVER

The next Community Showcase will be this Sunday at 8

pm EST! Come check out enchanting Slime Kingdom,
the asthetic work of KingNurtul. heck out the Church of
his Sliminess or start a brawl in Applebeets, Slime
Snowy Slime Kingdom
Kingdom has plenty to offer!

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NOV / / 5 / / 4
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
CYPHUR WATCH

Is Cyphur Real? Air Weighs in! Chef Missing?

Who is he really?
CONCERNED CONNOR

Welcome back readers to our ongoing investigation into Is Cyphur Real? As Village Weekly recently learned
our theory stands, Cyphur is a robot, possibly more, controlled by Ako. of the disappearance of Chef
“Cyphur” may also be used to leak important VillageCraft Staff news to the from our own Naomi, “Chef has
average player. Well our reporters were able to catch up with Ako’s bestest left VC again … :( ” Where has
friend in the world, Airbongus. Air described a recent time with Ako saying she gone? Is she okay? These are
this: some of the burning questions we
intend to answer. After some
Look, I don't want to feed the conspiracy or anything but... last investigation we found that
night I was in a Discord call with Ako for a long time. We were accused axe haver Legend12369
on VC for a while until Cyphur joined late at night while Ako was was seen with the missing Chef
still on. earlier this month, Coincidence?
That is an axe that could be used
As soon as Cyphur joined, I noticed a strange and subtle change in for harming Chef, which is the
Ako's tone of voice and general mood. He seemed a bit jittery. unlikely worst-case scenario.
Scared even. I've known this man for a decade and I've never seen Some of the information we
him act like that. It was bizarre. gained from absolutely nowhere
Ako said hello to Cyphur but Cyphur never said a single word in suggests they could be together
chat. He was just sitting there. Ako got off not long after that, his on an axe throwing adventure
voice was extremely shaky when he said good night. He seemed from which Chef will safely
disturbed. It was weird, man. return. We hope this is the
current situation, and we will
Our Reporters are dedicated to finding the truth about this suspicious manner keep all of our readers updated
that Ako is responding in regard to Cyphur being his robot. If his own on the status of the missing and
longtime best friend is miffed at his actions with Cyphur this must give our beloved Chef.
theory credibility! Stay tuned dedicated following, and we will expose the
secrets of “Cyphur” and what Ako’s motives for creating him are.

Legend, Abusive or Accused?

ALAN

Village Weekly was recently tipped off about yet another bullying scandal,
this time of Super Mod Legend. Our source stated that they were a victim of
his alleged abuse, and that if they told anyone what he had done they would be
banned. This leaves us only speculation about the incident, and how heinous it
must be for such an extreme cover-up. Clearly staff abuse has become a
rampant disease in our beloved server, and the players are beginning to clamor
for an overthrow of power. This isn’t the first allegation against the VC staff,
and it is doubtful it’s the last.

Clearly Legend in a murder-y area

PAGE 4
 NOV / / 5 / / 4
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

Height Elitist Bullies Tall People

SMOL BOY

TastePasteHaste, a prominent player on the server, is a height elitist. VillageWeekly has watched him mercilessly bully all
players under 5’10”. Paste began slinging height inspired insults early one morning last week, telling CM Naomi that she
gave off “short vibes”. For the Record Naomi stands at a crisp 5'8. NBravado replied “paste is a tall mf and is disrespectful
to all of us because of it;lmao no paste calls me short to my face already I don't want to make it worse”. NBravo is 5'9 an
even taller height then the already above average Naomi. In researching for this article the average height of women in the
USA is 5'4. Both Naomi and NBravo tower over that so Paste has confirmed his Height Elitist manner. Clearly there is a
bullying epidemic on our good wholesome Christian server, that can only be solved by capping Paste at his knees.

Paste Bullies Naomi and Bravo over Height

Earlier this week, one of our beautiful From CEO to King

reporters was invited to the exclusive
coronation ceremony of Business
Mogul TastePasteHaste, now known as kept anonymous. Many others agree and it leads readers outside the kingdom to
King Paste. Among the attendees were wonder if Paste is really the just and fair leader he claims to be, or another greedy
KingNurtul, Gerritt and King Paste’s tyrant just starting on the warpath.
ArchBishop, SkyDaBeast_YT. There
were many others invited to the classy
occasion, but due to a global virus
epidemic scheduled for the same time,
they were unable to make it. While the
ceremony was short, it included all the
important features, such as the handing
of the Scottish pufferfish and diamond
encrusted diamond to the new ruler.
Finally Paste was given the golden
crown of kingship. While the ceremony
was pleasant, many are saying negative
things about Paste’s decision to be The end of Paste’s Coronation Ceremony

crowned. “He already owns my

mortgage, why does he need to add a
royal tax to my mansion after?” cries
one of Paste’s subjects, who asked to be

PAGE 5