9 / / 9 / / ISSUE 47

VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

Cyphur’s Plot to
Cause Conflict
Qualia Redstone Shop
SWIPER THE FOX
Reopens
VCW III coming to a Village BENTON STEBBINS
Weekly Special edition near you?
It's not as unlikely as you think. After a sudden closing for remodeling, followed by an alleged bombing,
Brutal’s mostly empty ‘village’ Hei Qualia’s Redstone Shop (/warp redstone) finally reopened! The grand
was recently seen with newly reopening ceremony was held by CyphurTheFox and attended by a few
constructed weapons along its random players who happened to be online at the time. Cyphur spent
northern border, with some even months working tirelessly on the new shop and it really shows! Not only
pointed at the ancient city of Gere. does it provide infinite redstone materials at pretty high prices, but it also
When asked about these weapons shows shoppers how to build some simple redstone gadgets. This is
Brutal quickly defended the builders aimed at helping players who don't usually use redstone to build some
“nurt and cy defending fiveton”. fun devices for their home (and also to buy more redstone). Be sure to
With these tensions rising, someone check out the shop next time you are aimlessly flying around Qualia!
may soon decide to care about Gere
and build weapons on the Hei side
with the intention of launching an
attack on Brutal’s empire. Check
back next week for full coverage on
the conflict as it continues to grow.

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 9 / / 9 / / ISSUE 47
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

ASK!
Woah!
Ask Alli REPORTER PETE
A trip to the wild side, by VC’s wildest
Literally saw that Naomi is
player! BrutalFive based on this informant

ALLI

Hi guys this week's question is "is it true that koalas’ fingerprints are
similar to a humans?" Well dear reader, I'll do you one better! Not
only are they like humans but they've even been mistaken at crime
scenes as people! And unlike primates they evolved theirs separately
yet are still almost indistinguishable. It's very unlikely yet totally
possible for police to mistake a koala fingerprint for a human and
catch the wrong criminal! See if you can guess the koala vs the
human! Anyways that's all for this week, don't forget to Ask Alli! Namoi denies these claims stating

Honestly, this seems like a

concrete alibi from Naomi, but we
have our eyes on you
THE RUMOR MILL
Hey bitches, witches, and simps,
how's it hangin? This week the hot
gossip on the street is that player
Real Canadian Beaver on the Jjohannes2010 is looking for head
and doesn’t care who it comes
Server! from! When he asked Brutal for
head Brutal told him he was 10. Jj
asked for more heads (yes with an
Wow! Guess what readers, we are playing MC with a S, how much head does this guy
REAL Canadian Beaver who is a proud RCMP Officer! need?), so hide cause this guy
Jjohannes, now proudly known as JJ revealed to won’t stop until he has beheaded
CDPIV and Namoi this week that he is indeed a beaver everyone in sight! Anyways that's
and lives in wooden houses! We are blessed to be it for this week!
graced by his presence since not only is he a beaver, XOXO Gossip person
but he is Canadian! And a beaver playing Minecraft is
such a feat as well! He seems to have mastered
gameplay and can read and write in English! Quite an
impressive sight to see if you get the chance. So if you
see JJ on the server give him a hello! Also check out
his cool village made of wood!

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VILLAGE
WEEKLY

WOW!

Naomi Trapped By Magma

RUPERT GRINT

Magmastrider was recently caught

by 7-34 civilians trapping Naomi in
an illegal Honey Block Cauldron
trap. It is well known that you can
place honey blocks and cauldrons,
but if you configure them correctly
you can breathe a singularity that can
trap even the most seasoned staff
member. Naomi, as the saltiest staff
Do you ever need to advertise?? Village
member, shows this off by getting
Weekly would love to do it for you!
caught in magmastriders clever trap.
While this trap is technically illegal
under the 1864 Geneva Conventions,
the VC staff have no way of stopping Need a spouse? Put out an ad!
this powerful weapon and as a result Have a Shop? Put out an ad!
is is still used in many places today.
It was previously a secret, but a Want someone dead? Put out an ad!
recent youtube video brought it to
light, showing all sorts of evil
players, such as magmastrider, how Just PM a Reporter the details! (That’s
to overthrow the government. Allison, Naomi, or Nurtul in case you
forgot) and we will make sure your ad
ends up in the next issue!

Procrastination Curse
Mali and someone we are not able to disclose due to an
extensive NDA, were faced with a big problem these
past few weeks. They are doomed to have every
assignment in their college to be 4 days late! Mali
jested that they must go to the same college since they
are facing the same issues. This reporter fears that they
are faced with a Procrastination curse! They are trying
everything in their power to have everything on time,
but them who can not be mentioned had their textbooks
4 days late! And Mali had their professor not posting
the class information and all of the dates mismatched
between the course and the Syllabus. Since they are
being diligent the only solution is that the
Procrastination curse has hit them and there is nothing
they can do. It may be their prospective schools fault,
but it won’t matter in the end, they are cursed. I think
they probably caught it in that dreaded vc1. So steer
clear of VC1 and you’ll probably be safe.

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VILLAGE
WEEKLY

BENCH!

Benches Of Tilgangur
GRAINY PLANKER

Back again with Bench Weekly! That's right, we don't need Village Weekly when we have our own thing
going on. This week’s Pair of Benches is very important as they were built as a monument to the Bestest
Friendship between Naomi and Nurtul. These benches were named Naomi and Nurtul after their creators and
have the current record for the most graffiti on a pair of benches in Tilgangur history. These benches are
located between the ghost dogs in the Tilgangur dog park and the delicious Applebeets:Tilgangur, now
serving half price tacos on Tuesdays! Come check out these excellent benches with your own bestest
friend(s) for a great time!

Nurtul Tweet

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