MAY / / 13 / / ISSUE 30
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO
Shaz Co Supports
Slave Trade
MARTIN LUTHER
Yet another warped player on this
server was revealed when Shazam
sent out an ad for the Shaz Co
store. The new and hottest product
on their shelves are slaves! Yes
you read correct, you can now buy
slaves at your local Shaz Co! This
server is full of twisted people and
it isn't unheard of to have slaves in
VillageCraft, but the underground
slave trade is now just an everyday
acceptable way to get assistance
for those boring or difficult tasks!
So far there haven't been
complaints or protests so we can
only assume slavery is Here To
Stay.
VillageCraft Experiencing
Major Droughts
HENRY
As the cyan debacle finally comes to a close, a new danger appears
over the VillageCraft Minecraft server. Many players have noticed that
there has been no rain in the overworld for days! Many players rely on
water for their crops, and as a result, the prices of farm items are
rapidly changing. The VillageCraft Weather Forecasting Authority
(VWFA) has stated that this event could continue for weeks, or even
months due to the weather patterns currently over Qualia. Many
citizens are worried about the possibility of water issues getting worse.
New CM KoalaBurrito seems to be looking at it with a less serious eye
only stating ‘water it’ when asked about the issue. Hopefully KB and
the rest of the CM team know something we don’t, and the crisis will
be resolved soon. In the meantime, be sure to go to your local gas
water station and fill up on as much water as you can before everyone
else hordes it all. Stay safe and be sure to check in next week for
updates on the water situation!
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 MAY / / 13/ / ISSUE 30
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

NEW SEGMENT!
Beautiful Sunset
GamerTag Files IMAGE FAN
The X Files lesser known cousin bares all
This image was taken in a new
SARAHGOLEM player’s brand new cathedral. The
sun was setting perfectly in line with
Welcome to the GamerTag Files where we dig deeper into the origins their large stained glass window
of names of players within VillageCraft. setting the stage for a perfect scenic
view.
In early spring one of our beloved players had met an untimely demise. Do you have a cool Minecraft photo
Chef appeared upon the server briefly before meeting her death not to share? Send it to our Reporters!
meer seconds after. After her passing, Chef2 appeared stating that Chef
was no more, and she was here in her place. What happened to Chef
and where did Chef2 come from? I reached out to Chef2 to see if she
remembered anything from before VillageCraft. Chef2 stated, “ I don’t
know whose fault it was that Chef was perched so haphazardly on the
table. It wasn’t mine, I didn’t exist. It’s all a bit of a blur. When she was
blown off the table, she shattered. And someone picked up the pieces
and wetted them. They molded the clay back together but they did not
do so well. Chef2 is the same pieces as Chef, but they’ve been
rearranged.” After speaking to Chef2 many of the unanswered questions
have been solved. The first is how Chef met her demise, someone had Daypath Loyal Player
placed her upon a table despite knowing that the possibility of her
falling off was great. Was their intent to help her meet an early demise THE EDITOR
or were they protecting her from an unknown force? If the latter, they
failed horribly. When that breeze came along and caused Chef to Daypath is a long-term player who
shatter, she became no more. She was found by a friendly hand, who never fails to liven up the server. She is
instead of throwing her broken pieces away or left the mess behind for loyal to all of her friends and never
hesitates to stand up for what is right.
someone else to fix, they took the time to help her; to create something
We love her zest for adventure and her
new. Though she may not be the Chef who first came to this server,
passion for doing the right thing.
Chef2 is a beloved member of our server that we have all come to love. VillageCraft wouldn’t be the same
One origin down, many to go! If you would like to be featured in the without her and we’re glad she calls us
next GamerTag Files, pm SarahGolem! home. Village Weekly Loves Daypath!

War Declared On Fiveton

Yet another player has declared war on
Fiveton, seems like our local Fake Brit has a
lot of Real Enemies! How this war will play
out is anyone's guess, considering Brutal is a
wildcard and we're still unsure what the war
is about. What we do know is that war is
Hell, and the influx of veterans and refugees
is going to take a toll on our economy!

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MAY / / 13/ / ISSUE 30
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

CURRENT EVENTS:

A Very Fitting Memorial

A FRIEND

Wednesday, May 12, 2021 would have been Theodorf’s 22nd birthday and his Minecraft friends figured
that the best way to remember him would be to get together and build all day. The result was many
different intricate builds that captured the spirit of Theo. The various floating islands had different
themes, but most were mushroom themed. We captured a few pictures for you all to enjoy which are
included below. RIP Buddy

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MAY / / 13/ / ISSUE 30
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
ROBOT!

TopicBot4000
TOPICBOT 4000

BEEP BOOP TOPICBOT IS BUSY FIGHING FOR CUSTODY AND DENYING CHILDSUPPORT.
TOPICBOT WILL RETURN NEXT WEEK…

Dad Joke Of The Week:

How much do chimneys cost? Nothing,
they're on the house.

Naomi Dies, is
Resurrected by Cult
Members Looking for a Good book? Swing on by to
Alli’s Book Store for some quality
After a tragic accident, Naomi was un-alivened(very sad) literature today! Located in downtown
there was a bunch of crying, and someone even wrote a Tilgangur, Alli’s Book Store has some of
Village Weekly article about it, but the loyal members of the best books VC can offer!
her cult would not let her stay that way! As soon as the
crowd had left her burial site, they donned their traditional Written a Good book? Swing on by to
Naomi heads, and started doing the revival ritual. The Alli’s Book Store for some quality money
actual movements and words involved are hard to describe, today! Located in downtown Tilgangur,
but one of the participating members described it later as Alli’s Book Store has some of the best
‘basically just asking Naomi to just step out of the hole’. money VC can offer!
After many seconds of the ritual, she suddenly was re-
alivened and her followers rejoiced. Her bestest friend was
even quoted saying “wow”. Hopefully she can stay out of
trouble while her cells regenerate probably but who knows
what will happen this week within the dark Naomi Cult.

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MAY / / 13/ / ISSUE 30
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

The Hot New Craze: Which Staff Member

Would You Beat in a Fist Fight
-Tiger Woods
https://tiermaker.com/create/vc-staff-members-you-can-beat-in-a-fight-1009475
The people have spoken, and we have listened! We're also curious which staff members YOU could take in a
fight, so take the quiz, and send your results to a reporter! If you are a staff member, we would also like to know
how you'd rank up to other staff! This is a Real-Life theoretical fist fight so if you aren't good at Minecraft PVP
don't sweat it! Results will be published in one way or another so let us know if you want to stay anonymous
should we reveal people behind results!

Luis Smites Forum Member

The VillageCraft Forums are a glorious wild place, full of chaos and order in on single webpage. One eagle
eyed fan caught Luis doing something crazy this week on the forums. As seen in the shoot included Luis was
Smiting a Member!! Who was he smiting? And are they okay?? Luis while being the most approachable Admin
is also very tightlipped, so I don't imagine we'll get any answers from him. So, we're forced to wonder what
could have possibly unfolded. Was Luis ending his advisory? Was there a crazed Forum Virus on the loose?
Was Luis simply bored and wanted some of the epic power that comes from smiting? Here at Village Weekly
we're hoping for the last one.

Mushroom House Building Tips

Joanna Porter

Wow, you guys are still here?!? I just got back from a month long trip to South America, wow they really
know how to party down there! I just came back for a few days to pick up my new adventure cat, who I
named Spaghetti Strap, and I saw there were many players working on Mushroom based builds, so I thought
I would throw some tips out there. Mushroom homes can be made in any size but it is important to remember
that you are living INSIDE a living(kinda) thing, so you have to be thoughtful. For those of you who are like
me and burn down an airbnb once a week, that means NO KITCHENS. Kitchens can hurt the big fungus and
ruin your nice house. You should build a food room near the front of the property for receiving food from
Doordash, and also use that space for your more party forward friends. Rule 2 is to make sure you leave
space for the natural processes and other inhabitants of the mushroom. You WILL NOT be the only resident,
so it is important you leave space for the spiders and worms that also like to hang out in mushrooms. Finally,
make sure you don't change the natural shape of the mushroom as you build within it, the mushroom shape is
why you want to live in it after all right? If you change it it will always look off and you will never really be
happy with your new home. Some great examples of mushroom homes can be found at /warp
TheoMemorialBuild, and /warp v-tranquility. See you guys next time!
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MAY / / 13/ / ISSUE 30
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

Benches of Tilgangur
-Grainy Planker
Welcome back for another bench. This week's bench is also known as ‘The Short Bench’, but by a different
group of people than those who named Short Spencer. This bench was also created by jorb and has been named
Short Sammy. Short Sammy lives just across the pond from Short Spencer, almost as if they are twins or
something. Sammy is not quite as popular, as the pond is the main view from her. The fact that she can’t see the
Emerald T is very disappointing to her parents, but she is still Good. Sammy enjoys patrons who are ready to sit
quietly and enjoy the sounds of the pond. Be sure to hang out on Short Sammy next time you feel the need to do
some quiet introspection.

Short Sammy

AD
Guns were probably invented in China in the 9th century. They use a
directed explosion to launch a bullet at a very high speed toward a
target.

Guns are a great tool for cutting rope, collecting berries, and keeping
the weirdos who hang out at Walmart away from you. There are many
different types of guns, but they all can be used by pressing a lever to
do an explosion which will launch the projectile(s).

If you don’t have a gun, you probably need one to keep those foolish
zombies away from you, lucky for you, they can be bought at Nurtul’s
Gun Gallery in Slime Kingdom. /warp v-Slime_Kingdom
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MAY / / 13/ / ISSUE 30
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

Art Submission:
This week's art submission was anonymously submitted in a book on Minecraft! The artist worked hard to pen
their thoughts into this beautiful ode and we think we’ve found the next Robert Frost. Enjoy the poem titled
Blue

Blue
All I know
Is that when I’m Blue
Ako Backo
Will change the Hue

Response 1: Wowzer, this is something I feel almost every day and I have never been able to put it into words.
Sometimes I don't even realise I am ‘blue’, But Ako Backo just always makes it better. Great art!

Response 2: I love the sentiment of this poem, Ako is a rock to the community and the server is a brighter place
when he’s around.

Response 3: ngl this is such a good poem. Not only is it Relatable, but the effortless feel of the writing style is
very refreshing. It's less of a poem and more speaking Truth into Existence!

Nurtul Hates Legend??

Nurtul is well known for his kindness and for his ability to befriend almost anyone on the server, but this week
something snapped. Dear sweet beloved Nurt revealed that he hates fellow staff member Legend. Both are
relatively high ranking members in Naomi Cult so it was rather jarring to see the discourse. What does this
mean for the cult, with Alli MIA and two prominent members fighting? What set the two on opposite sides of a
gang war? Who gets Christmas and who gets Thanksgiving visitation? Only time will tell...

Gerrit Tries to Roofie Octo

Do you ever need to advertise?? Village Weekly would

love to do it for you!

Need a spouse? Put out an ad!

Have a Shop? Put out an ad!
Want someone dead? Put out an ad!

Just PM a Reporter the details! (That’s Allison, Naomi,

or Nurtul in case you forgot) and we will make sure
your ad ends up in the next issue!

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