MAY / / 20 / / ISSUE 31
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO
Something Fishy
CARL JENKINS
This week the unthinkable
happened, Shadow's beloved
aquarium was robbed! His main
and largest reef has been scalped
and left devoid of life. His more
prized fish, housed behind
extensive security, have also been
snatched. There is no evidence nor
leads as to why this has happened
so we may only speculate. We're
they stolen to add to another
players collection? Or was
someone just hungry? How did
they bypass security? Lish and
Bish Detective agency has yet to
be contacted but we're sure it's just
a matter of time.
Tutorial Chicken in High Demand
MELANIA TRUMP
Since Gerritt introduced discussion about new spawn upgrade ideas in
January (seen here http://www.villagecraft-
server.com/forum/index.php?topic=5277.msg48697#msg48697) the
server has been abuzz of new ideas. One of the most prominent is the
idea of a Tutorial Chicken. Tutorial Chicken?? The phrase is often met
with confusion, but this revolutionary idea of Tenretni is one to
support. At the spawn will be a chicken that when clicked with take
players through various scenes explaining VillageCraft to them. It's
less clunky then the OG Spawn Tunnel and more informative then the
current system. It is for that reason that players have been clamoring
for the Tutorial chicken. You can see a passionate outburst from some
dedicated players in the picture above. The tutorial Chicken doesn't just
make sense, it is also clearly needed. In the shot captured from one of
our Reporters you can see a new player dies, asks for a Tutorial, and
promptly leaves. Even this random Broumy sees the value of Tutorial
Chicken. Picket in the streets, we need Tutorial Chicken and we need it
now.
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 MAY / / 20 / / ISSUE 31
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

INTRUIGE!
Issue 30 Poll Recap
GamerTag Files POLE FAN
The X Files lesser-known cousin bares all
Another interesting poll is coming to
SARAH GOLEM a close this week. The answer we
asked you was “What color is the &d
VillageCraft’s fun loving reptile enthusiast’s file has been cracked color code in Minecraft?”. The
open. AlliCat_22 had been a part of the server for about 6 years. She results indeed up being 2 for Pink, 5
was gifted the Redfox_13 Minecraft account from a friend. Alli knew for Purple, and 4 for Magenta. While
that RedFox was not her identity and she would eventually change it. the Wiki would disagree, it seems the
Within the year of 2020, Alli was discussing how she wanted to change definitive answer is that the &d color
her tag with an unnamed source. That unnamed source then stated, code is purple. We also agree with
“Why don’t you use AlliCat?” AlliCat was a nickname bestowed to her your feedback that there should be
back in highschool from one of her favorite teachers, so it holds a more colors added to the game, but
special place within her heart. When she hears the nickname it brings that's a topic for a later poll. Be sure
up many fond memories of her teacher and the adventures she made to vote in poll 28 “Which admin of
along the way. AlliCat is a great example on how deep some gamer tags VC staff would be easiest to beat
can be to players. up?” now at
https://villageweekly.weebly.com

Side Note: If you see AlliCat_22 make sure you greet her with “Hello Airbo, from Best
AlliWithTheAss!” aka her almost GamerTag
Admin to Great Player
THE EDITOR

Airbongus is legendary. This Forums

lurker is without a doubt one of the
greats. Quite simply Air cares. He cares
about others and wants the best for us
all. Any time he joins the server it gets a
bit brighter and there is lots of love and
laughter. We love you Air!!

Nipple Licker on The Loose

In yet another scandal, Staff member and notable cult leader

Naomi was discovered to be a pervert. Initially she stated "I
will lick anyone's nipple" in a voice call, which bewildered
those attending. Later, it was revealed by a young player at
the wee age of 20 that she had "twisted his tit" to which she
clarified "HARD". We can only wonder why this abuse by a
staff member is allowed to continue. To those who have been
touched, there will be a Naomi Touched Me meeting next full
moon.

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MAY / / 20 / / ISSUE 31
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

CURRENT EVENTS:

Apocalypse is Coming
A PERSON WHO LOVES EVENTS

Apocalypse PVP

• Starts at 6 pm EST
• Can you survive the apocalypse?
• Last one standing wins an award!

Did you know there was an event this Saturday?? Neither had we until this morning! So, I took a look at the schedule
and was able to get a little bit of information. It starts at 6 pm EST so plan to show up! Apparently if you are the last
one standing you get a prize! So bring your best PVP Skills and bring those opposers to death!

A Reflection.
I am sad. I feel alone. I know I am loved, but I just feel numb. What is my purpose? What are my goals? Who
will I become? The stress of school, work, life overcomes me. What is a person to do with these feelings?
Why worry so? So I say stop, no more. I am strong enough. I can do it. Pain is inevitable, but not unbearable. I
will push. I will fight. I will succeed. Who cares what my purpose is? I will do what I can to become my best
self. I may not know who I am, but I will simply be. I am strong enough. I am good enough. I am me.

Do you ever need to advertise?? Village Weekly would love to do it for

you!

Need a spouse? Put out an ad!

Have a Shop? Put out an ad!
Want someone dead? Put out an ad!

Just PM a Reporter the details! (That’s Allison, Naomi, or Nurtul in case

you forgot) and we will make sure your ad ends up in the next issue!
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MAY / / 20 / / ISSUE 31
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

ROBOT!

TopicBot4000
TOPICBOT 4000

Honey is both a substance and a block in Minecraft. It comes from bees and has a fairly unique
orangey-yellow color many humans seem to enjoy. Players can drink honey to recover hunger and
remove the poison effect. Honey never expires and can be kept in almost any temperature and humidity
condition. Honey can be crafted into a honey block and placed on the ground. This trait can also be
used for more efficient storage of large quantities of honey. Qualia sells honey and bee accessories at
the big beehive.

A Tweet by Nurtul:

Benches of Tilgangur
Grainy Planker Looking for a Good book? Swing on by to
Alli’s Book Store for some quality
Welcome back for another bench! This bench is one of the
literature today! Located in downtown
younger members of Tilgangur, and it is known as Kylee.
Tilgangur, Alli’s Book Store has some of
Kylee was built by the incredible builder known as
the best books VC can offer!
Farmey. Kylee overlooks Tilgangers’ famous wedding
venue, the church district, and many of the foreign
Written a Good book? Swing on by to
embassies. As a part of the magical wishing tree, this
Alli’s Book Store for some quality money
bench most likely has incredible powers flowing through
today! Located in downtown Tilgangur,
it. There are many accounts of people sitting on Kylee and
Alli’s Book Store has some of the best
suddenly ending up somewhere else, usually exactly the
money VC can offer!
place they wish they could have been instead of Tilgangur.
While this is a great ability, it has left many unprepared
passengers stranded in less than hospitable locations, so be
careful what you wish for when visiting Kylee.

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MAY / / 20 / / ISSUE 31
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

N vs N: The Hot New Debate Series

-Nerp Nerp the Mongoose
Introducing the brand-new segment that nobody wanted, but you get to witness, N vs N. This pits Bestest
Friends Nurtul and Naomi against each other on the most trivial of matters! I'm your host Nerp Nerp the
Mongoose, let's get into those rankings!
This week the topic up for ranking is Minecraft Fish. That includes Cod, Salmon, Tropical Fish, and Pufferfish.
Let's see what each N decided

Naomi

1. Tropical Fish - They are beautiful, diverse, and the perfect size for an aquarium! I have 3 myself and they
are gorgeous
2. Pufferfish - They are so cute and who doesn't love a fish that gets spiney and kills everything? Their smol
to large cube ratio is inspiring. If I was a fish I would be a Pufferfish
3. Salmon - out of the regular looking fish Salmon is just prettier. That nice red and green ratio is balanced
and they look good in the water. I also have very strong memories of Legend dropping them on my head
which triggers me and makes salmon less happy.
4. Cod - Nurtul is going to rage about this placement, but what is special about Cod? They're ugly and not a
good shape. Only good for cheap eating in my opinion.

Nurtul

1. Cod - How could you ever say anything bad about the almighty COD. Cod spawn like everywhere, giving
you a friend in any wet situation. If you did not know C.O.D. stands for Cool Omnivorous Dudes, and
Cod stand tall over that name with their coolness.
2. Tropical Fish - Naomi has one thing right, and it’s these bad boys. Tropical fish have so many incredible
variations, and they are great mounts for the pet parkour at the Slime Kingdom amusement park.
3. Pufferfish - Pufferfish can puff and I think you use them for potions? They can be used to trap people in
death holes so that’s pretty cool of them
4. Salmon - I don't even know what salmon do, they look like watermelons but inside out and dumber.
Salmon Bad.

There you have it folks! They seem to be in agreement about Tropical Fish being great for many different
things. The hottest debate of the century seems to be over Cod, so state your opinions on whether you're team
#CODYeah or team #CODNo !! Once again this is Nerp Nerp the Mongoose and I hope you'll join us for next
times N vs N!!

Guns were probably invented in China in the 9th century. They use a directed explosion to
launch a bullet at a very high speed toward a target.

Guns are a great tool for cutting rope, collecting berries, and keeping the weirdos who hang out
at Walmart away from you. There are many different types of guns, but they all can be used by
pressing a lever to do an explosion which will launch the projectile(s).

If you don’t have a gun, you probably need one to keep those foolish zombies away from you,
lucky for you, they can be bought at Nurtul’s Gun Gallery in Slime Kingdom. /warp v-
Slime_Kingdom
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