JULY / / 29 / / ISSUE 41
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO
Alli Inherits Fetish?
JIMMY’S MOM
Alli, VillageCraft’s favorite
biologist, has finally been outed.
Everyone knows that Allison's
mother does have a piss fetish,
whether they want to or not, but
we recently discovered, with some
help from the larger brain of
JustVanilla, that Allison has the
same fetish. Allison obviously
goes to a lot of trouble to hide this
from us, usually by distracting us
with stories of her mom. Now the
truth is out, Allison is forced to
forge her own fetish story and stop
hiding behind the deeds of her
mother.
Mr. Shark, the
Enterprising Businessman
AMY RICHARDS
New Zealander know as Mr. Shark has recently made his first million
and when looking at his impressive farm complex it’s easy to see how.
This farmer (#FarmBad) was recently renovating his iron farm when
we caught up to him for a chat. He said he built the farm himself a
while ago and it’s been broken for quite some time. This brave man
decided to take it upon himself to fix it and was successful! It wasn’t
without its trials though as Mr. Shark died losing most of his
belongings in the lava. With $1.5 million we’re sure this entrepreneur
will bounce back quickly. In the meantime, please give Mr. Shark a
shoutout when you see him because you are bound to have a delightful
conversation like the man himself!
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 JULY / / 29 / / ISSUE 41
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

ASK!
What have our
Ask Alli
A trip to the wild side, by VC’s wildest player!
Writers Been up to?
A REPORTER

ALLI
Alli – Hugging geese and animals
Hello dear readers! I have been Asked, and you shall be answered! The and shiz what a legend!
question this week was "Why are male seahorses the ones who give Naomi – Boring schoolwork, what a
birth, and not the females?" Well first let me clarify, technically it isn't a lame human being a responsible
true birth, in the way you would think! After an elaborate courtship student
dance the female releases her eggs to the male, who puts them in a Nurtul – Doing the same thing he’s
pouch much like a kangaroo’s. The male then adds his sperm, like been doing for the past year, aka
sticky icing on a cake. The male shuts the pouch and keeps it shut until playing games and taking names! He
it is time for them to hatch. The male gives birth by ejaculating the is the absolute best!
babies out and leaves to go get some cigarettes or something. If the Mali – Been starring in a PLAY!
babies stick around the male will consume them, similar to my father. Slay!
Now the reason why: it's theorized that more babies can be produced
this way, and since seahorses are broadcast spawners that don't exhibit THE RUMOR MILL
parental care past the caring of eggs. While the male holds on to the
fertilized eggs the female is free to make more eggs that the male can GOSSIP PERSON
take after the babies are hatched. The male can give birth and be
"impregnated" the same day! Next time you ladies see a man's belly Hello lovers and losers! This week's
button you tell him to cover that nasty stuff up before you lay eggs in it! whispers have crawled their way into
Till next week, and don't forget to Ask Alli! my ear (I only have one) and I'm here
to spread that rumor Mayo on your
brain bread! Our favorite law abiding
Mali has been BANNED from steam
for illegal activities! Her well known
friend {ED{CULOWAG}ALLEN}
reached out to reveal she had been
permabanned. All she had to do was
admit her guilt and friend the Valve
Admin from steam on Discord,
KeithMir0n#1759, to get her account
back. It's a mystery to us what this
heinous crime was, and why the
Valve admin only wants to be
contacted through Discord, but it
must've been bad! If you have
information pertinent to Mr.Mir0n's
case kindly find a jar of sticky (NOT
WET!!) mud, and yell. Keith will
hear you, and justice will be served.
Anyways, hmu for any random
rumors, and as always,
XOXOXO Gossip Person

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JULY / / 29 / / ISSUE 41
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

CURRENT EVENTS:

Big Building Buisness

CAROL SCHAFFERT

This Sunday will be the start of the Team Build Comp! Teams will be building a plot for Tal Avar,
teams must have at least two members. Teams can sign up on the forums: https://www.villagecraft-
server.com/forum/index.php?topic=5433.msg49683;boardseen#new but for you lazy folk here is a copy
of the rules: TAL AVAR TEAM BUILD COMP starts 8/1! Hosted again in the CM world, you can
build anything you like that fits into the general theme of Egyptian/Babylonian/Mesopotamian - it can
be a house, a shop, a blacksmith, a church, a temple, a pyramid, a water feature, even a park -
anything you would like as long as it fits into the very broad theme. The winning build will be selected
by approval voting, with any ties resolved by the CM team, and the winning builder will receive
$200,000 VC AND their build will be included in Tal Avar with a plaque reflecting the builders’
names.*

Did I mention this is a team challenge? You must have at least two members on your team with no
limit on the maximum, but each person may only build on one team. Building can be delegated
primarily to one person, just not exclusively - you gotta place a block or two somewhere

As before, NO WORLD EDIT but staff may supply full creative items. We will go 10 full days as before,
so walk like Egyptians and show us your best stuff!

*if you all make as many amazing things as you did for the prior build comp, we reserve the right to
include more than just the winning build in Tal Avar - those builds will receive plaques also with the
builders’ names just no cash prize

Us here at VillageWeekly are proud to announce that we have a team and will be building along side
ya’ll! We look forward to seeing everyone’s awesome builds! So sign up today, and be a part of
something bigger!

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 JULY / / 29 / / ISSUE 41
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
EEP!!!

Dallas Skinwalkers
HANNIBAL LECTURN

The server has been #CONFIRMED to be dripping in skinwalkers! Multiple Dallas wannabes have
been spotted recently, making it hard to know which one is the REAL Dallas. First witches and now
this! VillageCraft needs a supernatural exterminator asap! Who upset the delicate balance and allowed
these creatures loose upon the players? This seems like the plagues in Egypt, the water may be blood
(idk taste it), then witches (toads), Gerrit is the lice, the wild animals are yall, so pestilence must be the
skin walkers! That means boils are next so keep up with your skincare folks! Then would be hail,
which sounds like a euphemism for VC drama, then locusts which are obviously the buzzes of people
spreading VC drama, next would be the darkness which could be the actual VC night, or just the
darkest of VC times. Lastly is the death of all first borns, so spread some lamb/goat/sheep blood over
your doors so that God knows you read Village Weekly and spares you.

Naomi JumpScare
Naomi seems to have trouble distinguishing things from other things,
and she gave us another example earlier this month. Naomi, your
favorite skyscraper jumper offer, was seen using players as
trampolines. We are not sure how she could get these things confused,
unless of course the players were dressed as trampolines, but that
would be an outfit we have not seen yet. Maybe Naomi was secretly
doing drugs and was very confused. Whatever was going on, be sure to
watch the skies for Naomi's feet before they connect with your head. Mali Kicked Out?
Everyone knows Mali, very cool VC player with no secrets, or is she???
It was recently leaked by the investigator herself that Mali was, until
recently, a member of the FBI. As a computer enthusiast, she was
probably one of the people who hacks into your webcam and watches you
sleep to make sure you dont snore like a terrorist. While Mali has left the
agency, she still has some powerful connections, so be careful talking to
her about the loose regulations on gun sales in Slime Kingdom, or the
amazing drug buying spot under Tilgangur.
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JULY / / 29 / / ISSUE 41
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
SUBMISSIONS!

Dogs!
DOG LOVER!

I love dogs so I have taken your submissions of the bestest dogs and have included them here for your
enjoyment!

Paisley
Bailey Pitbull Mix
Basset Hound

Jackson
Doberman

Sulley
St. Bernard

Barney
Austin Boston
Labrador Terrier
Lulu Retriever
Collie Mix

Benny
Long Haired Bailey
Riley and Finn Labrador
Chihuahua
Corgis Retriever
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