FEB / / 25 / / ISSUE 19
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
WE WASTE OUR TIME SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO
Community Art
HARVEY BIRDMAN
There was plenty of space cleared on
community art this week, so we invite
our readers to go leave their mark!
Create a cool pixel art or sign your
name in a fancy manner! Community
Art is a free for all, so just make sure
you understand that anything can be
removed at any time to make way for
new art. If you are wildly attached to
your epic creation feel free to get some
help to rebuild it in your village! The
snow is white and ready for you at
community art! Just follow the warp
sign to the right of /warp m and you're
free to build whatever your heart
desires. Anything goes!
Raynite Breaks Legs: Never to Walk
Again?
SALEM 1690S
Tragedy strikes our homely server once again! The morning after
an exciting night out, Local Soup Enjoyer Raynite fell to their death
after waking up in a high place. Their co-worker Grynnate said
‘He’s fine don’t worry guys’ as Raynite recovered. Though it was
later found after an exclusive interview with Raynite themself that
“No I’m not, I broke my legs” and after a few minutes of crying “I
will never be able to walk again”. It is so sad to see more and more
VillageCraft members being hurt in this manner. The parliament
needs to pass progressive soup control to keep this deadly substance
from being thrown about by these young people. Almost 90% of
people who fall from a high place have previously eaten soup, yet
our government turns a blind eye to the dangers. This also shows
the issues with our healthcare system. I personally spent over 58
hours last week looking for a hospital to have my kneecaps
removed, and I couldn't find it. The only time people are able to
find a hospital is when they end up in one after a tragic accident
such as this. Then, after all that work, the hospital couldn’t perform
a simple leg transplant. I can't believe that our towns and cities have
devolved to this state, and I pledge as an ace reporter to get to the
bottom of these injustices and solve them, whatever it takes!
*Disclaimer: ~15 hours after the writing of this article the
anonymous reporter was found dead from a heart attack at age 24
Community Art as of 2/25/21
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 FEB / / 25 / / ISSUE 19
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

BUILD!
Issue 18 Poll Recap
Mine Building Ideas: DAN THE POLL MAN

Put the Mine in Minecraft Last week's Poll asked: ‘What do you
think happened to Hobbes’ Cobblestone?’
JOANNA PORTER And the results are in! After the
mysterious disappearance of Hobbes’s
Guys, it has come to my attention that many of you don’t have a entire stock of cobblestone last week, we
beautiful, effective mining operation. You know that the game is called knew that you, the Villagecraft
community, would be able to supply us
MINEcraft right? So this week, I'm going to teach all yall how to start a
with the important info on where the stock
beautiful and effective mine. Everyone knows that a mine is a great went off to. The winning answer was
source of income. Strip mining for hours on end is also a great way to actually Other, but the majority option was
meditate with your thoughts and just chill out for a little bit. As a result, that it was eaten by Cobble Chompers. If
many people don't put much design thought into their subterranean you haven’t run into the Cobble
headquarters. A stunning mine is an added feature that will keep people Chompers, they are terrifying people that
coming back to your village, and just keep your mind at ease while you love to munch on Cobblestone, and many
of them don’t like to farm their own
dig. One of the most important design features is symmetrical and
cobble, so they buy and eat cobble from
consistent tunnels. There is nothing more pleasing than looking down a other players. It is a secret society, but they
hallway with evenly spaced tunnels going off to each side. On the same are out there in large numbers, so be sure
note, make sure your lighting is also consistent and evenly spaced. This your cobble chest is secured at all times.
creates a picturesque view down every hallway. Also try to remove Some other answers included used to
gaps in the walls and floor after you dig out those good good ores. You summon the god Cthulu(leader of the
have to remove them but try to fill in the hole to keep the smoothness of chompers) and sold by the rich(which
the tunnel after you leave. Finally, a special touch is some kind of small makes no sense but whatever). This
week’s poll ‘Is Chef a Serial Killer?’ is
recurring structure down the length of your main tunnels. A good now live at https://villageweekly.weebly.com.
example of this is the wooden supports that spawn in natural abandoned
mineshafts. You can do a support like this, or create something else,
like incorporating your lights or having regular storage spots. If you Shensley, Best Friend Ever
need some inspiration, there is a great mine in Crystal Hollow under the
THE EDITOR
bee. Otherwise, there are fantastic mines all over. Just start digging!
You all know Shensley as the Staffer
closing the reports, but we’re here to report
that he rocks! He is a loyal friend and not
afraid to speak his mind! Village Weekly
loves you Shen!

Chef Is A Serial Liar

This week there was a shocking revelation when
beloved jokester Chef was not only lying, but
doing it more than once! Commenting on her
building progress she declared "Hull: Done" she
quickly recounted when she realized this was
Delicious mine built by False! Everyone thought this was a one time
OctoGamer
mistake until she did it again! This time she
remarked once again that the Hull was done but
quickly exposed herself saying this was simply
not true. When she stated that indeed she had
finished the Bow and that it was actually done
Nurtul said what we were all thinking. "I just can't
believe you anymore." We'll let our readers
decide on if they trust Chef or not. Is she a serial
liar?? Or does she just get confused about boat
parts?
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FEB / / 25 / / ISSUE 19
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

CURRENT EVENTS:

Event: The Critic Is Coming

YOU ALREADY KNOW WHO IT IS

You better watch out you better watchout because the Critic Is Coming, the event starts at 7:00 PM
EST, come work your way through The Critic’s maze and solve some puzzles! Tell your friends and
your family! Prizes are awarded to the first four people to complete the map!

Cave Talk
With the upcoming Caves and Cliffs update this reporter going to give you 5 cool facts about caves and
caverns!
1. What is the difference? A cave is one chamber and a cavern is a series of chambers connected by natural
passages.
2. A stalactite is a formation holding tight to the ceiling and a stalagmite is a formation coming up from the
bottom. When these two meet they create a column!
3. A cave is created naturally using water! The water clears out the chamber initially and then water carries
minerals to create formation growth.
4. Dripstone, the most common type of formation growth, takes 120 years to grow a cubic inch on average!
5. The technical term for a formation is a speleothem! Disclaimer: if you use this term most people are going
to instantly regard you as a know it all.
We hope this small segment taught you some cool things about caves!! Fingers crossed Minecraft creates
epic caves like there are in real life to explore!

Dallas Wants Players Dead

Make Love AND War

Everyone knows Staff are here to help players

and enforce the rules, that's why we were so
shocked to hear Dallas's conversation with
Day about the New Player Policy. The Policy
is to make sure new players aren't targeted as
an easy kill, as it's frustrating to n00bs.
Apparently, Dallas has experience getting
around those pesky policies with a loophole,
which we can only imagine she figured it out
for her own nefarious deeds. We have no other
proof but be warned Dallas, Village Weekly is
watching!

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FEB / / 25 / / ISSUE 19
VILLAGE
WEEKLY
POETRY

A Haiku
POET BOB

Cyphur Not Staff?

The server was turned on its head Wednesday

when SM Cyphur became player Cyphur.
According to SM Nurtul, Cyphur was fired,
although a reason why wasn't given. A little while
later his power was quietly restored, possibly by
Ako who didn't want to lose such a useful spy.
Ford F150 Although he has his position back we now know he
can be vulnerable. We only wonder how long it
Big Tires, Light bar on top will be until someone tries to take him down again!
Oh, how I love you

Match Made in Heaven

Village Weekly is ecstatic to announce the marriage of FroggyBee and KoalaBurrito! A love story for
the ages these two's magnetic connection was first noticed in a pub below CyphurTheFox's Edonia
home. Once Burrito knew she wanted to settle down she contacted successful matchmaker Naomi who
gauged how willing FroggyBee was to get married. Once getting the go ahead, Burrito then found an
incredible flower field and prepared the lavish proposal. With notable figures such as Akomine and
Yvette in attendance Burrito popped the question to which FroggyBee gladly accepted! A swift
ceremony was put together by Dallas on a beautiful boat and the two were wed, with expert officiant
Dallas to perform the ceremony. Village Weekly loves attending these Minecraft weddings so please
keep falling in love!

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FEB / / 25 / / ISSUE 19
VILLAGE
WEEKLY

Gerrit A Weirdo?
This just in: JarHas allegedly reported that children are unsafe around Gerritt. When Mali first made
this claim it was doubted, but another witness was called to the scene. Chef confirmed, saying, "He
Said It I Was There." When asked why he would say such a thing about the well-loved character that is
Gerritt, he responded with a simple "No comment." This leaves many questions in the air. Why would
JarHas make such a claim? Is there any evidence to uphold it? What's the deal with Chef murdering
pigs? Perhaps one day we will find the answers.

Dad Joke Of The Week: Q. Why are men like diapers? A. They are
usually full of shit, but thankfully disposable.

Art Submission: This art was submitted by Allison and

was drawn on paper with colored
pencil and a pen. A lovely mixed
media it shows CyphurTheFox. The
artist had this to say, “It’s Cyphur! I
haven't drawn in years, and my
drawing tablet wasn't working but it is
technically art!”

Response 1: very respectable proud

looking fox, the artistry is very nice I
love the color blending of the green!

Response 2: Nice Fox. Good Fox.

Anthropomorphic Ball Of Fur. I like
how it looks exactly like Cyphur(The
Fox) and also has very large ears that
are good. Cyphur should change his
discord icon to this image
Immediately.

Response 3: It’s nice.

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