Every why hath a wherefore.

-- William Shakespeare, "A Comedy of Errors"

October 12, the Discovery.
It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss
it.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently
married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand
Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all
fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran
out at the heels of their boots.
-- Samuel Foote
Q:
What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
A:
A doberman.
"Turning a supertanker"
Husse Jul 27 2007
A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big
enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant.
-- Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure", II, 2
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
There is a great discovery still to be made in Literature: that of
paying literary men by the quantity they do NOT write.
You'll never be the man your mother was!
"It seems to be not only in Vista creative is "a bit" problematic"
Husse Jul 10 2007
You see, I consider that a man's brain originally is like a little empty
attic, and you have to stock it with such furniture as you choose. A fool
takes in all the lumber of every sort he comes across, so that the knowledge
which might be useful to him gets crowded out, or at best is jumbled up with
a lot of other things, so that he has difficulty in laying his hands upon it.
Now the skilful workman is very careful indeed as to what he takes into his
brain-attic. He will have nothing but the tools which may help him in doing
his work, but of these he has a large assortment, and all in the most perfect
order. It is a mistake to think that that little room has elastic walls and
can distend to any extent. Depend upon it there comes a time when for every
addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before. It is of
the highest importance, therefore, not to have useless facts elbowing out
the useful ones.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Study in Scarlet"
Q:
How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Two. One to assure everyone that everything possible is being
done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
The only people for me are the mad ones -- the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time,

the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn
like fabulous yellow Roman candles.
-- Jack Kerouac, "On the Road"
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you
have few friends.
You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier
to do.
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
"I almost never get problems with my systems, and when I do they are really seri
ous"
Husse Nov 28 2007
Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.
You look tired.
Q:
How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
"I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the
credit for answering this incredibly vital question."
"This shows the importance of not just doing something, but to do it after you t
hink about it and take note of what you do - how often do we not follow that adv
ice"
Husse Sept 28 2007
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the
difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A:
Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
You will inherit millions of dollars.
As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid enough to worry.
"Apology just about accepted, but please don't use such language. If you can't g
et something to work which works for everybody else, it's most likely that the e
rror is with you - right?"
Husse Jul 30 2007
Q:
What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room?
A:
A dinner party.
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must
have somebody to divide it with.
-- Mark Twain
"I begin to sound grumpy but that's unknown to me....."
Husse Nov 27 2007
"If we solve the fuse problem and you can use the CD player we are sort of done,
but the disorderly behavior of your disks are worrying"
Husse Aug 5 2007
"Right now I'm really confused as to whether it's the 1405 or the 1505 that's gi
ving all the problems...."
Husse Jul 6 2007
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
"If we solve the fuse problem and you can use the CD player we are sort of done,
but the disorderly behavior of your disks are worrying"

Husse Aug 5 2007

You'll never be the man your mother was!
When one burns one's bridges, what a very nice fire it makes.
-- Dylan Thomas
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
This life is yours. Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.
The Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest is held ever year at San Jose State
Univ. by Professor Scott Rice. It is held in memory of Edward George
Earle Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873), a rather prolific and popular (in his
time) novelist. He is best known today for having written "The Last
Days of Pompeii."
Whenever Snoopy starts typing his novel from the top of his doghouse,
beginning "It was a dark and stormy night..." he is borrowing from Lord
Bulwer-Lytton. This was the line that opened his novel, "Paul Clifford,"
written in 1830. The full line reveals why it is so bad:
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents -- except
at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of
wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene
lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty
flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
"I don't know if something can be done, but something should be done...."
Husse Jul 28 2007
You will be misunderstood by everyone.
Q:
What do agnostic, insomniac dyslexics do at night?
A:
Stay awake and wonder if there's a dog.
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
"Sorry - but this is nonsense and I can't even think of what it means..."
Husse Oct 7 2007
Communicate! It can't make things any worse.
The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly.
I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go.
A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea.
Turning the curve he waved his hand. A sleek brown head, a seal's, far
out on the water, round. Usurper.
-- James Joyce, "Ulysses"
You will stop at nothing to reach your objective, but only because your
brakes are defective.
So so is good, very good, very excellent good:
and yet it is not; it is but so so.
-- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
"No - I definitely do not try to start a war"
Husse Jul 29 2007
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie;
and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head
into the shop. "What! no soap?" So he died, and she very imprudently
married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand
Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all
fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran
out at the heels of their boots.
-- Samuel Foote

Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do.
Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A:
To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
While you recently had your problems on the run, they've regrouped and
are making another attack.
Just to have it is enough.
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket Bibles which are on very
very thin paper.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-- Mark Twain
I dote on his very absence.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
Q:
What is orange and goes "click, click?"
A:
A ball point carrot.
"Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none."
-- Shakespeare
You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,
they're not all recommended.
Q:
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
to really want to change.
Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your
life in such a mess.
"Have you managed to complete the install?
Maybe my old eyes but I can't figure it out from your post."
Husse Mar 24 2007
Q:
Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A:
The cats keep trying to bury them.
Q:
What's the difference between Bell Labs and the Boy Scouts of America?
A:
The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Q:
What do you get when you cross a mobster with an international standard?
A:
You get someone who makes you an offer that you can't understand!
Big book, big bore.
-- Callimachus
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
You have no real enemies.
You have taken yourself too seriously.
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
"I've yet to master a way to search all files for a string with a reasonable out
put (reasonable output is the crux - grep gives a confusing output to say the le
ast)"
Husse Apr 15 2007
Q:
What is orange and goes "click, click?"
A:
A ball point carrot.
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Q:
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Five. One to screw in the light bulb and four to share the
experience. (Actually, Californians don't screw in
light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.)
Q:

How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A:

Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all
those Californians trying to share the experience.
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
-- Mark Twain
If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
365 useless things.
Q:
How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. We'll fix it in software.
Q:
A:

How many system programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The application can work around it.

Q:
A:

How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. We'll document it in the manual.

Q:
How many tech writers does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
None. The user can figure it out.
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.
Buy the negatives at any price.
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
"What do you mean? Install Synaptic - it's there from the beginning....."
Husse Nov 18 2007
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you
nothing. It was here first.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
Why do WASPs play golf ?
A:
So they can dress like pimps.
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
Q:
What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out?
A:
Chewing gum.
Chess tonight.
You teach best what you most need to learn.
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
Q:
What is the difference between Texas and yogurt?
A:
Yogurt has culture.
Q:
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
to really want to change.
You look tired.
"I'll see if I have the time to guide you into that - I have a life and a wife a
nd a job"
Husse Aug 28 2007
You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
Remark of Dr. Baldwin's concerning upstarts: We don't care to eat toadstools
that think they are truffles.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"I've got a WRT54G v.2 and I had to "strangle" it to 11 mbps and change channel
to get a connection that didn't break up all the time - I think it still does no
w and then, but my wife doesn't tell me"
Husse Jul 7 2007
You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
You look tired.
Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must
have somebody to divide it with.

-- Mark Twain
What do you call the scratches that you get when a female
sheep bites you?
A:
Ewe nicks.
"Unfortunately there are so many ads for old tin cans for sale when you search t
he web so a search is useless"
Q:

Husse Apr 4 2007

You will step on the night soil of many countries.
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
You will be awarded some great honor.
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
You are taking yourself far too seriously.
Writing is easy; all you do is sit staring at the blank sheet of paper until
drops of blood form on your forehead.
-- Gene Fowler
Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
misinterpreted by somebody.
"I begin to sound grumpy but that's unknown to me....."
Husse Nov 27 2007
You will be attacked by a beast who has the body of a wolf, the tail of
a lion, and the face of Donald Duck.
You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years.
"Even if I am the main support person here I still am a relative newcomer to Lin
ux, so sometimes I have to take one or two steps more than the "real guru""
Husse Nov 6 2007
Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
new lover.
A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.
I fell asleep reading a dull book, and I dreamt that I was reading on,
so I woke up from sheer boredom.
Q:
Why should you always serve a Southern Carolina football man
soup in a plate?
A:
'Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.
There's small choice in rotten apples.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar."
-- Mark Twain
Q:
What do you call a principal female opera singer whose high C
is lower than those of other principal female opera singers?
A:
A deep C diva.
It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best
judge of one.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Q:
How do you save a drowning lawyer?
A:
Throw him a rock.
... A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he
was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.
-- Mark Twain
Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
"What ever you do - never install windows after linux - the mbr is completely ov
er written"
Husse Sept 23 2007

"Hmm I have seen someone else with the same problem, which is one of these "shou
ld not happen" things"
Husse Nov 23 2007
"I'm sorry but I simply don't understand what you mean"
Husse Apr 4 2007
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
"This is a situation where you can't be sure what's doing what...."
Husse Aug 31 2007
Q:
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:
Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.
[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur. Ed.]
"... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often
picturesque liar."
-- Mark Twain
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
Consider well the proportions of things. It is better to be a young June-bug
than an old bird of paradise.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
"Good afternoon, madam. How may I help you?"
"Good afternoon. I'd like a FrintArms HandCannon, please."
"A--? Oh, now, that's an awfully big gun for such a lovely lady. I
mean, not everybody thinks ladies should carry guns at all, though I
say they have a right to. But I think... I might... Let's have a look
down here. I might have just the thing for you. Yes, here we are!
Look at that, isn't it neat? Now that is a FrintArms product as well,
but it's what's called a laser -- a light-pistol some people call
them. Very small, as you see; fits easily into a pocket or bag; won't
spoil the line of a jacket; and you won't feel you're lugging half a
tonne of iron around with you. We do a range of matching accessories,
including -- if I may say so -- a rather saucy garter holster. Wish I
got to do the fitting for that! Ha -- just my little joke. And
there's *even*... here we are -- this special presentation pack: gun,
charged battery, charging unit, beautiful glider-hide shoulder holster
with adjustable fitting and contrast stitching, and a discount on your
next battery. Full instructions, of course, and a voucher for free
lessons at your local gun club or range. Or there's the *special*
presentation pack; it has all the other one's got but with *two*
charged batteries and a night-sight, too. Here, feel that -- don't
worry, it's a dummy battery -- isn't it neat? Feel how light it is?
Smooth, see? No bits to stick out and catch on your clothes, *and*
beautifully balanced. And of course the beauty of a laser is, there's
no recoil. Because it's shooting light, you see? Beautiful gun,
beautiful gun; my wife has one. Really. That's not a line, she
really has. Now, I can do you that one -- with a battery and a free
charge -- for ninety-five; or the presentation pack on a special
offer for one-nineteen; or this, the special presentation pack, for
one-forty-nine."
"I'll take the special."
"Sound choice, madam, *sound* choice. Now, do--?"

"And a HandCannon, with the eighty-mill silencer, five GP clips, three

six-five AP/wire-fl'echettes clips, two bipropellant HE clips, and a
Special Projectile Pack if you have one -- the one with the embedding
rounds, not the signalers. I assume the night-sight on this toy is
compatible?"
"Aah... yes, And how does madam wish to pay?"
She slapped her credit card on the counter. "Eventually."
-- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background"
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
"Sorry - I can't know what you know"
Husse Sept 7 2007
"Even if I am the main support person here I still am a relative newcomer to Lin
ux, so sometimes I have to take one or two steps more than the "real guru""
Husse Nov 6 2007
"You don't have to post twice (no crossposting) we read and answer all we have a
n answer to"
Husse Jul 21 2007
Sheriff Chameleotoptor sighed with an air of weary sadness, and then
turned to Doppelgutt and said 'The Senator must really have been on a
bender this time -- he left a party in Cleveland, Ohio, at 11:30 last
night, and they found his car this morning in the smokestack of a British
aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'
-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton
bad fiction contest.
Never commit yourself! Let someone else commit you.
"I don't know if something can be done, but something should be done...."
Husse Jul 28 2007
April 1
This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three
hundred and sixty-four.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big
enough majority in any town?
-- Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"
You will have a long and boring life.
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of
24 hours.
-- Mark Twain, on New England weather
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
"But - it is sad that it is so, not complicated, but not at all straight forward
"
Husse Aug 5 2007
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928. Watch for it everywhere.
Reply hazy, ask again later.
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
-- William Shakespeare, "The Rape of Lucrece"
"Hmm I have seen someone else with the same problem, which is one of these "shou
ld not happen" things"

Husse Nov 23 2007

Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,
they're not all recommended.
Q:
What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A:
Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
are removable!
Q:
A:

An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his

very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
Yes, up to isomorphism!

Q:
A:

What is a compact city?

It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
policemen!
-- Peter Lax
Be cheerful while you are alive.
-- Phathotep, 24th Century B.C.
Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
"Don't add a new topic to the end of an old one - there's a great risk you'd go
unnoticed....."
Husse Sept 9 2007
Q:
What do you call a half-dozen Indians with Asian flu?
A:
Six sick Sikhs (sic).
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
"And yes - I'm a bit omnipresent
This is my hobby"
Husse Sept 24 2007
He hath eaten me out of house and home.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
Q:
How was Thomas J. Watson buried?
A:
9 edge down.
You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant.
-- Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure", II, 2
Q:
What is the difference between a duck?
A:
One leg is both the same.
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made
school boards.
-- Mark Twain
"Language problems does not make things easier. Please read the answers you get
and please write as clearly as you can - I can't guess what you mean - no one ca
n."
Husse Jul 11 2007
"This is the kind of hassle you can get into when you install an OS be it Window
s or Linux (I could give you some sad stories about installing Windows)"
Husse Sept 18 2007
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt
of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He
brought death into the world.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
Never reveal your best argument.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
-- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
"Problems like this makes me wonder if I should install some virtualization soft
ware and run an instance of Mint in that. I could then destroy that Mint in all
kinds of ways"
Husse Nov 12 2007
A morgue is a morgue is a morgue. They can paint the walls with aggressively
cheerful primary colors and splashy bold graphics, but it's still a holding
place for the dead until they can be parted out to organ banks. Not that I
would have cared normally but my viewpoint was skewed. The relentless
pleasance of the room I sat in seemed only grotesque.
-- Pat Cadigan, "Mindplayers"
Q:
What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A:
"The elephants are coming over the hill."
Q:

What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing
sunglasses?
A:
Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
Give him an evasive answer.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
"The diversity in Linux is both its strength and its weekness"
Husse Sept 23 2007
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use
in reading it at all.
-- Oscar Wilde
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
Q:
What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
A:
The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
Q:
Minnesotans ask, "Why aren't there more pharmacists from Alabama?"
A:
Easy. It's because they can't figure out how to get the little
bottles into the typewriter.
"At times some error is hiding behind it, but I would not care"
Husse Jul 9 2007
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
-- Mark Twain
Many enraged psychiatrists are inciting a weary butcher. The butcher is
weary and tired because he has cut meat and steak and lamb for hours and
weeks. He does not desire to chant about anything with raving psychiatrists,
but he sings about his gingivectomist, he dreams about a single cosmologist,
he thinks about his dog. The dog is named Herbert.
-- Racter, "The Policeman's Beard is Half-Constructed"
"That is the magic sudo command. So put sudo in front of the command and it'll w
ork."

Husse Jul 20 2007

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV
Give him an evasive answer.
There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a
rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2,
to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the
manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2
admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
"Sorry, I underestimated your need for help"
Husse Jun 30 2007
Q:
What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out?
A:
Chewing gum.
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.
Q:
What do you call a blind, deaf-mute, quadraplegic Virginian?
A:
Trustworthy.
Q:
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A:
Take away his credit cards.
Snow Day -- stay home.
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
You'll wish that you had done some of the hard things when they were easier
to do.
Q:
How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying?
A:
When his lips move.
Cold hands, no gloves.
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Chicken Little was right.
Q:
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
A:
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
The ripest fruit falls first.
-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
You're at the end of the road again.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
As to the Adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Don't relax! It's only your tension that's holding you together.
"Well - I don't think anyone would succeed to publish a web sight"
Husse Dec 2 2007
All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to come from
the mouths of people who have had to live.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus,
"one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."
-- Mark Twain
"Unfortunately there are so many ads for old tin cans for sale when you search t
he web so a search is useless"
Husse Apr 4 2007
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.

Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.

-- Shakespeare
Q:
What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
A:
The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
"I don't think you'll be sad but you'll never be able to run Vista with that"
Husse Jun 2 2007
If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
"Easy does it!
Don't scare the forum members....
I'm not quite sure either of you really understands the other"
Husse Jun 16 2007
If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.
-- Ernest Hemingway
"As for sharing home partition let's just say I was warned when I read lot's of
posts in different forums before I moved my home - i.e. on my computer, not in t
he real world"
Husse Apr 26 2007
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
At once it struck me what quality went to form a man of achievement,
especially in literature, and which Shakespeare possessed so enormously
-- I mean negative capability, that is, when a man is capable of being
in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching
after fact and reason.
-- John Keats
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
"I see you are a real gnome"
Husse Jul 15 2007
Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your
life in such a mess.
Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."
-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
You tread upon my patience.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
The only people for me are the mad ones -- the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time,
the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn
like fabulous yellow Roman candles.
-- Jack Kerouac, "On the Road"
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
Your present plans will be successful.
You will have long and healthy life.
It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely
the most important.
-- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, "A Case of Identity"
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
"Unfortunately some apps don't end up in the menu."
Husse Apr 13 2007
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
"Good afternoon, madam. How may I help you?"
"Good afternoon. I'd like a FrintArms HandCannon, please."
"A--? Oh, now, that's an awfully big gun for such a lovely lady. I

mean, not everybody thinks ladies should carry guns at all, though I
say they have a right to. But I think... I might... Let's have a look
down here. I might have just the thing for you. Yes, here we are!
Look at that, isn't it neat? Now that is a FrintArms product as well,
but it's what's called a laser -- a light-pistol some people call
them. Very small, as you see; fits easily into a pocket or bag; won't
spoil the line of a jacket; and you won't feel you're lugging half a
tonne of iron around with you. We do a range of matching accessories,
including -- if I may say so -- a rather saucy garter holster. Wish I
got to do the fitting for that! Ha -- just my little joke. And
there's *even*... here we are -- this special presentation pack: gun,
charged battery, charging unit, beautiful glider-hide shoulder holster
with adjustable fitting and contrast stitching, and a discount on your
next battery. Full instructions, of course, and a voucher for free
lessons at your local gun club or range. Or there's the *special*
presentation pack; it has all the other one's got but with *two*
charged batteries and a night-sight, too. Here, feel that -- don't
worry, it's a dummy battery -- isn't it neat? Feel how light it is?
Smooth, see? No bits to stick out and catch on your clothes, *and*
beautifully balanced. And of course the beauty of a laser is, there's
no recoil. Because it's shooting light, you see? Beautiful gun,
beautiful gun; my wife has one. Really. That's not a line, she
really has. Now, I can do you that one -- with a battery and a free
charge -- for ninety-five; or the presentation pack on a special
offer for one-nineteen; or this, the special presentation pack, for
one-forty-nine."
"I'll take the special."
"Sound choice, madam, *sound* choice. Now, do--?"
"And a HandCannon, with the eighty-mill silencer, five GP clips, three
six-five AP/wire-fl'echettes clips, two bipropellant HE clips, and a
Special Projectile Pack if you have one -- the one with the embedding
rounds, not the signalers. I assume the night-sight on this toy is
compatible?"
"Aah... yes, And how does madam wish to pay?"
She slapped her credit card on the counter. "Eventually."
-- Iain M. Banks, "Against a Dark Background"
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard
this message.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
-- Mark Twain
Q:
What's tan and black and looks great on a lawyer?
A:
A doberman.
"Be very careful with what you do with IP-tables - it's extremely hard to get ri
ght - I've tried to set rules in a router with IP-tables - small wonder the thin
g did not fly out of the window"
Jul 7 2007
Q:
Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A:
Because he was hungry.
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.

Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things
than someone who hasn't.
-- Mark Twain
He was part of my dream, of course -- but then I was part of his dream too.
-- Lewis Carroll
"Hmm I have seen someone else with the same problem, which is one of these "shou
ld not happen" things"
Husse Nov 23 2007
Q:
What's the difference between Bell Labs and the Boy Scouts of America?
A:
The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
Q:
Why did the tachyon cross the road?
A:
Because it was on the other side.
You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.
Q:
What does it say on the bottom of Coke cans in North Dakota?
A:
Open other end.
Q:
Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A:
To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
"Sorry - when you are used to something it's easy to forget that everybody is no
t"
Husse Jul 12 2007
Anyone who has had a bull by the tail knows five or six more things
than someone who hasn't.
-- Mark Twain
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
"... all the modern inconveniences ..."
-- Mark Twain
To be or not to be.
-- Shakespeare
To do is to be.
-- Nietzsche
To be is to do.
-- Sartre
Do be do be do.
-- Sinatra
"Long time ago since I got so exuberant...."
Husse Mar 3 2007
The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
-- Blaise Pascal
If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.
Q:
How many journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring
light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot
to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for
reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb-assassin to break
the bulb in the first place.
Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time. So long
as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks
into, there is room for lateral movement. Once this begins, its rate is
a matter of discretion.
-- Corwin, Prince of Amber
You enjoy the company of other people.
"And no - computers is no exact science"
Husse Nov 14 2007
Q:
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A:
Take away his credit cards.
Q:
How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A:
Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
You teach best what you most need to learn.
Someone is speaking well of you.
How unusual!
"Sorry - when you are used to something it's easy to forget that everybody is no
t"
Husse Jul 12 2007
The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
It is often the case that the man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best
judge of one.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"The Ubuntu developers have gone to great lengths to make sudo as smooth as poss
ible in the GUI environment, and they've done a very good job. By re-enabling th
e root user and even logging in as root, you literally throw their work out the
window, take your safety belt off and drive head-on into traffic. Yes, it is a b
it insane.."
Husse Mar 20 2007
"I don't want to spend all my time tied to the computer - my wife needs some att
ention too"
Husse Oct 14 2007
So you're back... about time...
Someone is speaking well of you.
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
Q:
Why don't Scotsmen ever have coffee the way they like it?
A:
Well, they like it with two lumps of sugar. If they drink
it at home, they only take one, and if they drink it while
visiting, they always take three.
You are the only person to ever get this message.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we
are not the person involved.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
Q:
What do little WASPs want to be when they grow up?
A:
The very best person they can possibly be.
You will be divorced within a year.
It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits:
freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.
-- Mark Twain
A light wife doth make a heavy husband.
-- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
"The ICH controllers (chipset) do have problems, I'm not at all surprised - they
are a pain in Windows as well...
There are some oddities in them and in motherboards that may explain why not all
are hit...."
Husse Jun 2 2007
Blow it out your ear.
"That's an impressive piece of laptop"
Husse Sept 12 2007
Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and
enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to
lend money.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

For a light heart lives long.
-- Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
"computers are really hard to understand - one user has no problems and another
all the problems in the world with the same hardware...."
Husse Jun 20 2007
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
Slow day. Practice crawling.
Q:
How many college football players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Only one, but he gets three credits for it.
You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
"Age is no obstacle - I'm pretty new to Linux and Mint and passed my 61 birthday
last month"
Husse Sept 23 2007
Q:
Know what the difference between
and putting wings on an elephant
A:
Who knows? The elephant *might*
"Oh dear - you got another chance to hug

your latest project

is?
fly, heh, heh...
Microsoft"

Husse Sept 2 2007

A hundred years from now it is very likely that [of Twain's works] "The
Jumping Frog" alone will be remembered.
-- Harry Thurston Peck (Editor of "The Bookman"), January 1901.
Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not
original and the part that is original is not good.
-- Samuel Johnson
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
Q:
How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:
Three. One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all those
Californians trying to share the experience.
Tell the truth or trump--but get the trick.
-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
"Sorry - I can't know what you know"
Husse Sept 7 2007
Q:
What does it say on the bottom of Coke cans in North Dakota?
A:
Open other end.
"Even if I am the main support person here I still am a relative newcomer to Lin
ux, so sometimes I have to take one or two steps more than the "real guru""
Husse Nov 6 2007
"I did a quick search for the printer and most hits were in languages I don't un
derstand"
Husse Oct 3 2007
Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
really worth having.
"Please don't crosspost and don't post in a subforum that's completely irrelevan
t to your question"
Husse Jul 27 2007
Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
You will contract a rare disease.
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.

There was a phone call for you.

Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Big book, big bore.
-- Callimachus
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.