The Orchid Bug

To the best of my knowledge no one has ever seen the Orchid Bug but
Ive been bitten by it and Ive seen the debilitating effects of its bite on
many people over the years. If you love orchids youve been bitten too
but do you remember just when it got you. I do- and while it was more
years ago than I really care to think about, I remember the occasion
vividly.
I was sixteen, had not long had my drivers licence (you could get them at
that age then) and was seriously mad keen on fancy pigeons. Id received
an invitation to visit Gordo, a breeder of quality Fantails and Jacobins
who lived at Coromandel Valley in South Australias, Adelaide Hills and
while he was in his late thirties our love of the pigeons seemed to
transcend the age barrier.
Youthful enthusiasm had seen me arrive fairly early and by 8.45am we
had a team of fantails in the show pens going over their finer points,
parentage, progeny and future prospects. Gordos house was on a sloping
site that ran down to a small watercourse and the pigeon loft was on the
southern boundary closet to the watercourse.
The loft was in shade and it was a bit on the cool side for me although
Gordo was right at home in shorts and a T shirt but the opposite side of
the gully was bathed in bright morning light. A simple barbed wire fence
separated the two properties.
The northern gully face above the watercourse was scarred by a gravel
track that wound its way up the slope.It had rained the night before and
the ground was a little soggy underneath. Little rivulets of water ran
down the track and coated the grasses with glistening dewdrops.
I remember we had the tail of a bird spread when I heard the crunch of
heavy footsteps on gravel. Looking across to the gully, an attractive
honey blonde woman wearing a cream coloured mini skirt and heavy
black rubber gumboots came walking down the track. On her hip she
carried a large pot with green strappy leaves and half a dozen lolly pink
sprays of flowers arched up and out of the foliage. Bouncing in the
sunlight and contrasted against the cream of the womans dress the
effect was dazzling and the whole effect seemed to positively glow in the
morning light. In a strange way the rough utility of her gumboots just
seemed to enhance the look.
That was the moment, right there that the orchid bug got me. Whats
zat I asked, somewhat gobsmacked.

Oh thats just my wife changing the plants

around in the house, Gordo replied
nonchalantly.
No, not the lady, the flowers, the flowers,
what the heck are they, I stammered
excitedly.
Gordo shot me a look that said yeah right
but kept it unsaid. Theyre Cymbidium
orchids, I grow em. I own that land as well, he said cocking a finger at
the northern gully face, and if you look up the top youll see my shade
house, but you wouldnt be interested in flowers.
Gordo was wrong. My mother had fostered a love of gardening in me at
an early age, but as a teenager you sure didnt admit it among your
mates. It just wasnt the blokey thing to do. But Gordo also liked flowers
and so I fessed up and asked for a look in the shade house. Recognising a
kindred spirit, we put the pigeons away and Gordo took me up the hill to
the shade house which was huge, covering about 1600 square metres. As
soon as the door was opened I was hit with a kaleidoscope of colour and
the deal was sealed.
I was a regular at Gordos from then on and with patience he taught me
about cymbidiums and orchid culture in general.
About twelve months later Gordo decided he was going to have a
clearance sale to make way for a new batch of seedlings. We spent a
good couple of weeks organising the shade house so that the various
colours were grouped and a special area was created for the sale plants.
The orchids were in full bloom and it looked spectacular so up went the
sign.
There was no other advertising. Gordo simply nailed a hand painted sign
on the strainer post of a paddock at the corner of his road. All it said was
ORCHID EXPO, 3 MILES ON LEFT and the date.
The day arrived and the people came. They came in numbers that I for
one didnt expect and that was the day I learned the pulling power of an
orchid. It was also the day I saw en masse the effects of the orchid bug.
When you think about it, the orchid bug must be a real ornery critter
because the range of reactions to the bite are pretty extreme and
diverse. As the door opened that day and I saw the bug go to work.
One of the first reactions I noticed was that the eyes pop- the eyebrows
lift, the eyes seem to widen miraculously and the eyeballs bulge out of
their sockets. For others, the jaw muscles are acutely effected as the jaw
drops and the mouth falls slackly open.

Some perfectly balanced and rational people become blithering idiots

scarcely able to string an intelligent sentence together and they seem
racked with indecision. Im not sure if its a symptom of the indecision or
if the bug has a brief paralytic effect but mobility can also be effected as
people just seemed to stop dead in their tracks, riveted to the spot until
the spasm passes.
Still others become highly charged and excited. These people normally
have little jumps up and down on the spot or hop from foot to foot and
look like excited dogs on a leash just busting to be let loose. Their heart
rate must be through the roof.
Just occasionally you might find some poor soul who gets afflicted with
the whole lot of these symptoms. Whatever, the symptom(s) you will
know the Orchid Bug has sunk its fangs in. Its not known to be fatal and
you learn to live with the effects but they can be quite long lasting, even
lifelong.
Do you remember when you got bitten?