10 Easy Ways To Deal With WOMEN1

June 11, 2014
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10 Easy Ways to Deal With Me When

I'm Being a Bitch
Posted: 07/30/2013 10:41 am
Read more
Relationship Advice, What Women Want, Bitch, Dating Advice, How To Understand
Women, Mood Swings, Understanding Women, What To Say To An Angry Woman, Women
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Women don't come with a manual. If they did, men wouldn't need man caves.
The truth is, part of what makes women appealing can also make them terrifying. Their
emotional volatility is either fascinating or distressing, depending on how it's expressed, yes
-- but also on how it's taken.
Every woman's got her moods. Most men are by turns charmed, bewildered and blindsided
by them. Here are some hints to help you keep your cool when I'm being a red hot bitch:
10. Don't resist it
I cannot overemphasize this one. Resistance is the most common reason my being a bitch
gets us into all kinds of trouble (and not the fun kind instigated by tequila and a hot tub).
In case you're wondering what this means, it includes saying things like, "Calm down,"
"Would you just relax?" "What's the big deal?" and, "You're overreacting."
This is much like pouring gas on a lit flame.
When I'm pissed, no matter how ridiculous it may seem, it's happening. Wishing it wasn't or
telling me to stop isn't going to work. It's similar to attempting to stop a tsunami. Is you
telling the big bitchy wave to stop being a big bitchy wave going to work?
Nope. But if you accept that the wave is happening and grab a surfboard, you'll get farther
and be in for a hell of a ride.
I know how complicated women are -- trust me, I'm living proof of this. But if there's
anything I've learned about men, it's that the more I'm accepted for exactly who I'm being
in this moment, the more I change and morph and melt into something more accepting
myself.
9. Know that it won't last forever
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-curtin/10-easy-ways-to-deal-with-me-when-im-being-a-bitch_b_3676315.html?utm_hp_ref=tw[6/11/14,
4:49:35
PM]
Have I ever been a bitch forever? Have I? Have you ever known any women who was?
(Meryl Streep from Devil Wears Prada doesn't count).
No. Emotions don't last forever, no matter what they are. That's why they're called emotions -- energy in motion. There is no permanent state, particularly when it comes to
women. We can switch from ecstatic to melodramatic in an instant, and be ready for
tiramisu right after.
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By the way, do you think that's easy? No. A lot of the time it's exhausting. You should try
being on this roller coaster of emotion, not just being around it.
8. Know that it's not really about what it's about
When I'm being a bitch, we're in Emotion Land. We left Logic Land long ago and as much as
you may lament its absence, that ship has sailed (right on over the tsunami). I may be
crying hysterically 'because' you forgot to call, or sniping at you 'because' you forgot to buy
the right kind of milk. But it's not really about that. In other words, it's not really about
what it's 'about.'
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It's not that it has nothing to do with the milk; it's just that it's more about something else.
In fact, I may not even know exactly what's wrong myself.
The best way for you to deal with this is to stop playing the game of "fixing what this is
'about,'" and start listening for what it's really about. The more you can hold off on shaming
me for being upset over something 'illogical,' the more we can work as a team to figure out
what's really going on.
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7. Have fun with it

Are you one of those people who loves watching sh*t go down when there's something
destructive happening? Are you like, daaamn, look at those waves flood over the
boardwalk, or those cars floating down the street, or that (empty) house get torn up
by that hurricane? Holy Sharknado, this is amazing!
Use that. Pretend my storm is an actual storm, and you get a front row seat (which,
incidentally, some people would pay for). Witness it the same way you would a tempest -- it
swirls and rages, lessens and worsens, and eventually dissipates.
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Because the things I'm saying and the way I'm acting isn't 'the truth.' It's just what's true for
me in that one particular moment. It will change in the next moment, just like the weather.
And once you stop taking it to be something to be defended against or resentful of, it can
actually be kind of entertaining.
I'm like your own personal hurricane. Besides, wouldn't it be boring if it were sunny skies all
the time?
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A Boyfriend
4:49:35
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6. When I act like a child, think of me like a child

Half the time when I'm being a bitch, it is exactly the same as when a 3-year-old is wigging
out because s/he's sleep-deprived. There is no logical reason for the behavior -- it's a
physiological reaction. As adults, we assume we're all capable of being normal, rational
beings all the time.
We're not. Especially not those of us with riotously, spectacularly, outlandishly fluctuating
hormones.
Seriously, when I'm whining or bitching or complaining seemingly just for the sake of it,
picture me as a tiny little girl in a tiny little dress with a tiny little diaper and a tiny little
face red from bawling, who is upset that you just gave her the wrong milk. How seriously do
you take that toddler? How much compassion do you have for her?
Dave I Know My 9-Year-Old Son's

'Type': Pretty Boys With Dark Hair
You always knew I was secretly a 3-year-old. Now make it work for you.
5. Call me out (gently)
For me personally, this works best when you give a nickname to my bitchy side.
My ex used to use "'tudy," short for "attitude-y." This was brilliant, because it named what
was happening without making me the bad guy. It also acknowledged that I'm not only that
-- there are many aspects and facets to me. This just happens to be the one that's coming
out right now.
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Photo In The Dark
It usually went a little something like:

Me: [Looking in fridge] "Really?? You forgot that I asked you specifically to get whole milk
this week? You know I'm trying out that new Fat Is The New Skinny Diet -- you just thought
you'd ruin my chances, or what?"
Him: [Glancing over at me; pausing for a moment] "Hey there, 'tudy! I've missed you. What
you been up to?"
I'd roll my eyes but no matter how much I wanted to, I couldn't suppress a smile. He knew
me -- all of me -- and he wasn't scared of it. Instead of taking my comment as a huge and
monumental attack on his manhood that he must defend against, it was more like, 'let's
acknowledge that bitchy thing Mel just said.'
It's not that he wasn't taking me seriously. It's that he wasn't taking me too seriously.
4. If you can't handle it, leave
It's all well and good to talk about enjoying it, but sometimes, that's just not possible. In
those moments, don't tell me I shouldn't be or feel a certain way. If you can't handle it, get
out the way.
Look, I love my sister like, well, a sister. But she can be a real bitch sometimes. And I've
learned that occasionally, it's best to just leave the room. Sometimes I can read her moods
and know that she's ready to talk; other times I know it's about her blood sugar being low;
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4:49:35
PM]
and sometimes it's just a different type of mood -- the untouchable one. It's that one where
no matter what I say or do, she's just going to be a bitch.
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For the most part, I know when to stick around and when to stay away. Then there are the
times when I read it wrong and get scratched by her 'tudy talons. At that point, I retreat
into the other room and lick my wounds.
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Both are fine, but it's a whole lot more pleasant when I read it right and beat a hasty retreat.
You should feel free to do the same.
3. Take care of yourself
You don't always have to put up with my crap. Just because I'm in a bad mood doesn't
mean you're responsible for it -- or for fixing it. As my man, I expect you to give me
attention and put energy into the relationship, but I don't expect either 24/7.
You are, in fact, a whole separate being with your own experiences and needs and
responsibilities. And your first responsibility is to yourself: If you can't handle it or don't
have the energy or just don't want to deal with me in a certain moment, don't.
DO NOT sacrifice yourself or your truth just to make me 'happy.' It doesn't work, anyway -you usually get resentful that you tried to help and it didn't fly. I'd much rather you take
care of yourself in the moment and have space for me later than overextend yourself now
and blame me for it later.
Instead, try just letting me know: "Hey, I get you're upset and I want you to know I care. At
the same time, I need to take care of myself right now so I'm gonna go chill for a while.
Cool?"
With this, you've solved half of it anyway just by acknowledging that I'm not OK. I at least
feel seen, and I'm also primed to get that it's not all about me all the time.
Sometimes, it's easy for me to forget that.
2. If you don't know how to support me, ask
You don't have it all figured out. You don't have to know exactly what to do or how to do it
or what to say or how to say it beforehand. It's far better to admit you don't know than to
constantly attempt to figure out the enigma wrapped in a riddle served on a bed of
unpredictable with a little dollop of wtf on top that constitutes the psyche of a woman.
If you are really at your wit's end, but you do have the energy and you do want to know
what's going on or how to help -- ask. For example: "I don't know what to do or how to help
right now, but I want to. How can I support you?"
That will bring me up short.
And much of the time, I will tell you. This can flip me right out of my mood and put me into
a different one. I might start to bawl; I might ask for chocolate; I might collapse into your
4:49:35
PM]
arms and say, "I just -- *sob* -- want - *sob* -- a foot rub. Can you -- *hiccup* -- give me -*searching look* -- a foot rub?"
Because usually when I'm being a bitch, there's some need that's not being met. I don't feel
heard, or I'm craving connection, or I'm not feeling expressed, or I'm just generally feeling
like I don't matter. Here's a truthful secret for you: Sometimes I lash out just to make sure
that I do matter -- that I can at least impact someone.
The point is, usually all that frustrated and angry energy wants to be transmuted into
something else, something softer and more accessible and more yielding. If I'm given the
genuine space for it, it will.
You can create that space. Sometimes.
1. Love me anyway
Please, God, let me find a man who is capable of this. Let me find someone who doesn't
take me too seriously, isn't intimidated by mood swings and embraces the fact that I'm
pretty judgmental a lot of the time. Let me find someone who knows that while I'm totally
imperfect and totally impatient, I'm also totally loyal, totally affectionate and willing to go
all out for my friends. Let me find someone who sees it all -- not who shuts down when
I'm not at my best.
And if it's in the cards for me, let me find someone who doesn't just tolerate me, but
genuinely finds my quirks endearing. Let me be discovered by someone who doesn't see me
as a problem to be solved or a thing to be handled, but as a woman to be loved.
Even -- or maybe even especially - when she's being a bitch.
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OtayPanky
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You're welcome
This sounds like a great outline for a book: "Femi-narcissism for Dummies".
4:49:35
PM]
Seriously, this is a pretty good window into what feminism has devolved
into. It's the desire to have her cake and eat it too: We're all equal, and
there should be no treating woman as "less than" in our society...and at the
same time, I get to act "like a three year old" whenever I want to and you
should put up with it because you love all of me.
Ummm...no. Just...no. Just like, the fact that young men have a perpetual
woody isn't a free pass to be all rapey and Lord of the Flies.
You've got hormones? Welcome to the human race. Learn to deal with them
in a way that doesn't make them anyone else's problem - including your
partner's - or just leave the opposite sex alone until you are willing to do
that particular bit of growing up work.
That's equal opportunity advice, for the menz and the womenz both.
30 JUL 2013 11:43 AM
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MonkeyDaddy
516 Fans
Agent of Evolution
Complete lifetime avoidance should solve the problem nicely.

30 JUL 2013 11:35 AM
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oregoncharles
0 Fans
Compare with:
http://www.salon.com/2013/07/29/i_couldnt_stop_hitting_my_husband/
Verbal abuse is still abuse. Curtin is an abuser, and utterly unapologetic about
it. OtayPanky has it right, and MonkeyDaddy offers the simple, sure-fire
solution.
30 JUL 2013 4:18 PM
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nonChristian
557 Fans
Not even Jesus can save me
Wow I read that article, if she was a man, she would be in jail for
domestic violence right now.
31 JUL 2013 8:09 AM
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4:49:35
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thtrmgr
139 Fans
1
compassionate misanthrope and idealistic cynic
A) it gets better with maturity; but B) if it doesn't, see someone who can
test your hormones--the raging hurricanes aren't normal actually.
Occasional irritability is, yes. But temper-tantrums aren't. And yes, you
could just be suffering from periodically abnormally low progesterone, even
as young as you sound like you are (your levels do ebb and flow however
so find someone who knows what they're doing). It's not all about whether
or not "he" can weather your storms, it's also about you battening down
the hatches and recognizing that it takes two. It's okay to be cranky from
time to time and yes, he's gonna pluck your nerves on occasion, but you
need to recognize that being an adult means acting like one, even when all
you want to do is lash out.
30 JUL 2013 11:23 AM
OtayPanky
704 Fans
You're welcome
thtrmgr: it gets better with maturity

--Yes, it SHOULD get better with maturity. But that depends on having
some sort of reasonable vision for what maturity looks like, and why
it's a desirable and even necessary goal.
The problem is, this blogger is a LIFE COACH. She's putting herself out
there as some sort of wise woman (too young to call her a "crone",
really), helping other women to self- actualize in some way or another.
There's nothing wrong with that role, per se - but there's something
very wrong when the blind are leading the blind.
"Love me and put up with me, even though I'm behaving like a selfish
b" apparently sounds reasonable to women, and for women, these
days. To see how unreasonable it really is, just do a gender flip of the
"b" word.
30 JUL 2013 1:59 PM
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Roland_Darktower
Read Conversation
48 Fans
These are all very helpful and this is a refreshingly honest article. I agree that
men need to be
4:49:35
PM]
supportive in these ways. My observations are that despite doing all of

these things though, sometimes it's still not worth it. The inner bitch in
most (not all) of my girlfriends was a big factor in our breakup(s), obviously
I played a role as well. There is a threshold and once it's met, it becomes a
net negative to be in the relationship and therefore time to move on. The
reason I've now been in a relationship for 20+ years and going strong is
because my baby owns it. That would be a rule for the women, if there are
10 rules for the guys, the one for women is, just own it. I know that's not
always possible. Some of my SOs were "tsunami" women, totally
uncontrolled and immersed in a completely irrational state of mind. The
woman I'm with now has less drastic swings, so she can own the bitch
pretty easily. Ladies, Own That Bitch! :) If the bitch runs wild for too long
then guys will often put the ultimate hammer down on rule #3, take care of
yourself first. The final act of rule #3 is walking away for one's own
personal health and sanity.
Fearless_Rika
31 Fans
Very good comment. I was once a "tsunami" girl myself. From my

teenage years into my early twenties I used to get upset over the
silliest things. Although I often didn't know myself why I was THIS
angry and what about, at the time I felt that I couldn't stop myself. I've
met my partner during my "tsunami" years, and we have survived
them together. Nowadays, it is very rare for me to get unreasonably
upset and throw one of those mindless temper tantrums (happens
maybe once a year). We've been together for 10 1/2 years now, and
I'm very glad that he has put up with my mood swings the first couple
of years. I'm owning it now most of the time.
Cheers to you and your woman!
31 JUL 2013 3:05 AM
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KateWest
0 Fans
Nope. Not into ranting or temper tantrums. Like spoiled children not getting
their way. Mature adults, grownups - don't do that. More into respecting
those around me these days. Do unto others .... and, yup, be responsible
for yourself.
2 AUG 2013 6:28 AM
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jennyserene
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4:49:35
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"6. When I act like a child, think of me like a child."

Wow. Telling guys to think of their gals as wayward little girls is really
progressive.
3 AUG 2013 11:32 PM
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kushman513
88 Fans
Save your face.What u type doesnt matter to me
Thanks very informational

30 JUL 2013 12:51 PM
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Hugh B. (Hugh_Briggs)
SUPER USER 398 Fans
Bass-Fu Master
SMH. Seems a lot of notes for your man to have .. A bit like 'If the bomb
starts ticking, press the green button 8 times, then the red button twice.."
30 JUL 2013 5:44 PM
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RealistBC
1,353 Fans
Micro-bios must pass muster. Mine won't.
Only #4 makes any sense.

30 JUL 2013 8:29 PM
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June 11, 2014

Search The Huffington Post

'Richmond Hubris' Drove Eric

WaPo Suggests Women Stop 'Taking

HOT ON THE BLOG

Featuring fresh takes and real-time analysis

GET UPDATES FROM MELANIE CURTIN

Founder, Vixen on the Loose

10 Easy Ways to Deal With Me When

George Will's Horrendous Column On

Trader Joe's Proves That Obamacare

And Miss USA 2014 Is...

7. Have fun with it

Jessica Simpson Is Pretty In Purple

45 Things That Are Better Than Having

6. When I act like a child, think of me like a child

Dave I Know My 9-Year-Old Son's

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Comments are closed on this entry.

Complete lifetime avoidance should solve the problem nicely.

Not even Jesus can save me

thtrmgr: it gets better with maturity

supportive in these ways. My observations are that despite doing all of

Very good comment. I was once a "tsunami" girl myself. From my

"6. When I act like a child, think of me like a child."

Save your face.What u type doesnt matter to me

Thanks very informational

Micro-bios must pass muster. Mine won't.

Only #4 makes any sense.

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