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KENZIES
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PORTFOLIO: A COLLECTION OF
MUSINGS ON THE SELF
 Suhir Hammad’s Poem

“Exotic” addresses the problematic view in

aspects of society that women are to be

admired – not for their talents, personality,

or mind, but instead for their bodies

and their surface beauty. With the

depiction of women more or less as an

object, respect for them as individuals apart

from their gender becomes practically non-

existent as they lose their true identity, and

are reduced to nothing more than a beautiful

object on paper to be looked at. To further

analyze the voice of the woman speaking in

the poem, I decided to compare exactly what this poem represents, to an “exotic”

photo of a model from the show America’s Next Top Model.

Repeated multiple times throughout the text, the narrator – a woman – voices how

much she doesn’t want to be men’s exotic. While reading the poem, I was reminded

of the fabricated images of women portrayed by the many modeling industries, who

encourage women that to behold a sense of self-worth is through [perfecting]

their appearance; clearly not what the narrator sees as being valued. The modeling

industry calls for very unrealistic women – women who are in other words unique in
appearance, or should I say “exotic”. They are expected to live up to roles

that model elegance, grace, perfection, and in a sense become malleable to any

other person or image that their company wants them to mold to. Models are to be

shaped into any “form” that will demand attention, and ultimately an image
that will advertise well enough to sell a product. In the poem, some of these images

are shown though descriptive word choice, Hammad choosing words like “delicate

fragile colorful bird”, “Harem girl,” and “geisha doll” – the list goes on and on, all

reflecting negative roles based on a skewed depiction of women as servants of

men, or something of a doll. The narrator rejects the thought and denounces herself

from these roles, even so much so as to say that some of her physical features

describe her “other” self, like her hair that wasn’t meant to entice, or her eyelashes

that don’t have a beat but rather just a blink (1364). She achieves her purpose in

separating her identity in personality from her physicality, ultimately shedding the

notion that any value at all is beheld in a woman’s appearance. She stands strong

against what society defines as a beautiful and important person, most importantly

refuting any sort of merit that men have in perceiving women as “exotic” beings,

and giving women their own title as WOMEN – as they rightfully deserve.

After reading Immanuel Jal’s Warchild, one would never walk away untouched

by the message he writes so passionately about,

addressing the horrors of war fought by children,

war atrocities, hate brought on by war, the

burdens that him and many other Sudanese lost

boys went through. Learning that Immanuel Jal is

now a famous rapper, it reminds me how his

music embodies far more than other rap artists who rap about violence and sex –

things that don’t hold heavy significance. The music that Emmuel Jal has presented

to the world embodies a hope for an end to the fighting in Sudan as he stands up

against oppression, which is the very purpose of his rapping.

Immanuel Jal’s background story is far more fascinating and truly horrific

compared to most rap artists today, thus creating something real and worth rapping

about that sets him apart from other artists. Brewing at the center of the hope that

Jal raps about is his faith in Christ, which he came to accept and acknowledge after

escaping the horrors as a child soldier. The reason Jal raps today mirrors very

closely to the purpose of Lecrae, a Christian rap artist who suffered a different

kind of suffering, but his end result yields the same as Jal, where he now raps about

the hope that Jesus has for the people of his world, against the sin in this world. Like

Jal, the life he lived before accepting Christ was sinful and full of violence, being a

part of gang activity ranging in many different areas, ranging from the south side of

Houston, all the way to San Diego and Detroit. Again like Jal, he was raised by a

single mother (Jal’s father wasn’t a present father figure while growing up) and

found the gang life as much an outlet for his anger and feelings of weakness, similar

to Jal’s security found in the SPLA as a child soldier. Though Lecrae’s experience is

not that mundane as Jal’s, his message all the same is just as significant
– he raps about something that has meaning to himself and a community, and

elevates the persona of J e s u s , instead of taking pride in himself.

 I have always been interested in

learning about other cultures, and

have always been fascinated

particularly by Native American

culture. Reading the poem

“Remember” by Joy Harjo at first

didn’t strike me as particularly

cultural, but it seemed that the

central meaning could be adhered to

any person of any culture, that meaning being to remember what you represent for

culture and owning your heritage – who you are and what you represent. The

narrator takes pride in who she is, and the traditions and beliefs her Native

American culture deems as important. Repetition is used with the word

“remember”, also being used as a command, ordering one to stand up for what

they represent. This instantly reminded me of Disney’s Pocahontas, where

Pocahontas stays true to who she represents even in the midst of opposition that

John Smith brings, his view of European perspective that her culture is uncivilized,

and to teach and show him to accept the differences in their culture in order to

develop a respect for each other.

Many symbols of nature in this poem reflect symbols of nature from

Pocahontas, in turn unearthing more insight to Native American culture conjured up

through the images that both works heavily show. In Pocahontas, Pocahontas’

dependence on Grandmother willow for advice and guidance about which path to

take in life suggests the significance that ancestors throughout the generations are
there to direct their descendants, which is also suggested in the poem

“Remember” in line 16 where Harjo commands them to listen to them for they are

alive poems (1364). Not only is there a connection believed to be present between

deceased members of a family, but also that a person is a part of nature’s

family as well, being “the earth whose skin” one is along with all other
nationalities who are “red earth, yellow earth” etc. respectively (line 11-13). Being a

part of the earth’s family is further depicted in the song “Colors of the Wind” in

Disney’s Pocahontas, when Pocahontas sings that “the river and the water are (her)

brothers,” and “the heron and the otter are (her) friends.” An intimate

relationship is present between an individual and the nature around them with the

elements as well as animals too.

After learning more about the symbols in the poem and that they

represented a family-like tie, and comparing that to how Pocahontas defends her

way of life against colonization and educating John Smith on their way of life at the

expense of putting her tribe in danger, I understand how meaningful it is for Harjo

to write to her Native American brothers and sisters. Her purpose for them is to

“Remember” who they belong to, and what they stand for. I believe that her

purpose should be applied broadly to different cultural peoples, encouraging them

to embody their heritage and

culture.

“Children of the Sea” by

Edwidge Dandicat was such

a captivating story for me to

read because of his creativity

to design his work as unread letters between lovers, my appreciation stemming

from the emotion and sincerity put into letters. Personally, I journal quite

frequently, and often address a reader although I know very well that no one will be

reading it. To address an unknown reader interestingly draws me closer to this

unknown reader, even though I know very well the reader doesn’t exist. Willingly

sharing details with the purpose of informing creates a notion of s e c u r i t y that

one is not alone. Much after reading “Children of the Sea”, I came across an

article talking about letters written from a little girl of age 12 named Melissa

Martinich to a U.S. marine by the name of Kevin Preach, and the effect it had on

both of them – ultimately when the letters were passed to the hands of the Marine’s

mother after he passed away (Walker 1). Finding this article made me want to

reflect and draw upon the influence writing can have over people, over their

emotions and their mindset as well. For the student and her teacher, it

was sharing in the experience that they could provide a mental escape for the

soldier for just a brief moment, as well as giving support by expressing their

gratitude in his service to the country. Different in “Children of the Sea”, neither of

the journals ever gets to one another, but just the journaling itself was a

{distraction} from the realities that they were experiencing. Being at sea, the

man writes about his hardships during his immigration to America that are

incomparable to the insignificant realities that the girl is facing at home, for she

writes about strife with her parents. Similarly, Melissa Martincich wrote about her

day to day realities, like “her excitement for dancing” and the numerous questions

for him to answer (Walker 3), in turn showing her lack of understanding exactly

what he is going through.

 Journaling preserves events as fresh as reliving it, as well as

preserving characters almost as real as being face to face with

them. For both the woman and the man in Children of the Sea, they were able to
preserve each other in the journals they wrote to each other, keeping one another

close in a very distant sense. In comparison, Walker’s article focuses on how

Melissa’s letters to Preach had touched his mother, for the letter preserved part

of her son’s character – he kept it, for she knew it held value to him. These two

works I n t e n s i f y the power of writing, and the effect it can have on a person.

As a kid, I did a lot of dreaming. Dreaming of who I could be “when I

grow up”, if maybe I’d be a teacher, or maybe a doctor, the options being
endless since “growing up” was such a thing of the future that couldn’t possibly be

grasped. I was drawn back to my childhood when reading “Song of Becoming” by

Fadwa Tuqan, reminiscing how care free life was before I actually grew up and

how I used to play without a care and with only dreams like the boys in the first

stanza of the poem. “Song of Becoming” mirrors very much one of my favorite

childrens’ books by Shel Silverstein, The Giving Tree, in that the leaving behind of

one’s childhood is a way of accepting that our dreams might not always come true –

or maybe that happiness and honor comes at a higher price. We are challenged
to do more, be more, change more as life moves on.
 The Giving Tree tells of how a young boy would once play with the tree,

eating its apples and swinging from its vines – simply enjoying the nature of the

tree. As the boy grows older, he doesn’t have time to play, and instead asks from

the tree all it offers little by little, using it up until nothing but a stump was left. The

relationship between the boy and the tree is bitte

rsweet , for the tree loves the boy enough to

sacrifice himself for the boy to build a boat and a

house, these things being the boy’s focus now instead

of playing (Shel). The symbol of the tree represents the

fruits of life, first in the beginning the limits are

endless and the tree itself seems exciting; however, as

life moves on, the tree seems less and less exciting

and finite, the tree eventually becoming a stump. In

relating the meaning of this symbolism to “Song of Becoming,” life proves to

operate in the same way – in that the boys are no longer “assuming the roles of

great heroes in history” (lines 8-9) but now have the responsibility and the capacity

to change history with experience, having “grown more than the years of a lifetime”

(line 26).

It’s interesting to reflect on the perspective of the future from childhood,

noting the simplicity of that time, and how our desire for what we want out of life is

perceived from that naïve perspective. Reality is so much different seeing it from

the future, and hindsight view looking so much more promising. I think like the boy,

we’ve got to be happy in the end with whatever life gives us versus what we want

from it… to be happy just to sit atop the stump.

 Gregor in The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka has it rough, for I can’t imagine

waking up one day to find myself a “gigantic insect,” with “numerous legs [that]

waved helplessly before [my] eyes” (428). From there on, his life is completely

changed – he no longer is able to provide for his family, let alone even

communicate with them. A question that came to my

mind was this: How might I react in Gregor’s case?

How might Gregor and I be similar in this way?

Pondering more on these thoughts, I wanted to

explore the idea of birth order, for both Gregor and I

are firstborns, and maybe what the personality types

of firstborns might be, and how that might affect

reactions to something as devastating as turning into

an insect.

According to an article by CBS, psychologist

Kevin Leman says that firstborns are natural leaders, and from this stems
their need to provide for others… not only to adequately provide but to also do it

perfectly without any surprises (Neal 1). They are also reliable. Like Gregor,

his role in the family before he became a vermin was to provide financial help to the

family, and his need to care for his sister even came down to wanting to send her to

violin school. The fact that first born children don’t like surprises to their plan
is satirical when compared to Gregor’s fate waking up all of a sudden as a bug. The

very nature of a bug is that it is weak, despicable, and incapabable of

communication – all the exact opposites to that of a firstborn child. Thinking on the

title, a metamorphosis is usually viewed as a beautiful transformation like that of a

caterpillar into a butterfly, into something completely new and original from the old

self. However, this idea is also satirized, since Gregor instead went from an able-

bodied leader to a worthless insect. With this drastic of a change that Gregor has no

control in overcoming, he’s forced to live in dependence apart from his past, self-

reliant lifestyle.

I also being a firstborn, see similarities in how I feel the need to provide for

others and how surprises often throw me for a loop. If it were I in Gregor’s case, I

think I’d also fall into decline, and feel {unimportant} and {unheard}. As

depressing as this story is, it’s humbling to me to realize that even when I

might have the ability to control how things to a certain extent play out from day to

day, anything could happen, for I need others and can’t do everything.

Success is without a doubt something that people strive to attain. Some

stumbling upon it by chance, others motivated and working at all costs to grasp it,

others only ever meditating on what owning success would be like. Thus, the

common view of knowing

success and valuing it is to

experience it – isn’t this the

case with most everything?

That experience leads to

understanding something

best? It wasn’t until I read

the poem “Success is Counted Sweetest” by Emily Dickinson that I began to see an

alternate way to look at what knowing success is, exposed through her main point

that success or victory is only completely understood by the defeated, even though

it might not be physically achieved.

My thoughts wander to those who risk losing everything – their jobs,

families, money - for the chance of winning and attaining a dream set in stone, or a

rigid goal. It’s as if they crave the search itself and the idea of victory over the

actuality in possessing it, that when they do lose all, the seeking is the only chance

of hope and the only vision they want to see. I have witnessed this personally

having an entrepreneurial father, so I understand how - to him - that success means

so much more from so far down than those who have the ability to reach out and

take it effortlessly like fruit from a tree. Further, I see this pattern of

brokenness within the main character, Willy Loman, of Death of a

Salesman by Arthur Miller, who identifies similarly with my dad in yearning for

success. His sense of self-worth is put into what he can build himself up to be in the

business world as a salesman, not valuing knowledge but rather finding worth in the

number of people that he could know – in his madness he makes up lies and

exaggerations in order to make himself more worthy, saying to his boys that he’s

known all through New England by the most prominent people (Miller 19). To play

the part is the closest Willy can get to tasting success. Willy’s mindset is so skewed

and caught up in this obsession to win that he eventually commits adultery as

evidence to prove him a person of having high spirits, and also discourages his son

Biff in the pursuit of knowledge and urges him to seek glory in sports, for his sons

“are built like Adonises,” giving them the advantage in being well liked, which he
upholds over intelligence (Miller 21). This shows the weakness in his character, in

that all satisfaction of the self is based off of others’ approval. In the end, after bills

and the mortgage were long since due, after his family was falling apart, his craze

for success drove him to death; evident to just how precious victory can

seem to those who lack it. In Emily Dickinson’s poem, the parody of the value of

success is juxtaposed between the victors of a war and the narrator who “as he

defeated – dying –,” challenging the notion that the dying soldier may have lost in

battle, but outdid them in the understanding of their own victory (line 9). The value

that success beholds is represented as “nectar” in line 3, symbolizing the succulent

taste and richness of success; however, to understand its value Dickinson writes in

line 4 that it “requires sorest need,” which the defeated soldier in the poem has

nothing but death to look forward to, and for Willy in Death of a Salesman nothing

but failure in making sales at his old age… both are in sorest need and know

best what is held in success.

Making this connection was significant to me, seeing that my life shouldn’t

have to be a worthless road to earning an insignificant title to my name like “Dr.” or

“M.D.” for the sole purpose of seeking glory – my drive should be for keeping an

EVER-PRESENT JOY in the midst of troubled times and good times. It’s living for

the people I love and the advancement of others, and not about always succeeding.

Having experienced hardships financially all my life and not always having the

ability to do as well as others, I do understand what success in its entirety means

compared to those who happen to be blessed financially – however, that doesn’t

mean I seek it. I am happy to be where I am… it is a blessing to be

me and to have what I have all the same.

 Works Cited (Other than the textbooks):

Gabriel, Mike and Goldberg, Eric. Pocahontas. Walt Disney Company, 1995.

Miller, Arthur, and Gerald Clifford Weales. Death of a Salesman. New York: Penguin, 1996.
Print.

Neal, Rome. "Personality Traits Linked To Birth Order - The Early Show - CBS News."

Breaking News Headlines: Business, Entertainment & World News - CBS News. 11

June 2002. Web.

<http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/06/10/earlyshow/living/parenting/main5116

94.shtml>.

Silverstein, Shel. The Giving Tree. New York: Harper & Row, 1964. Print.

Walker, Laurel. "Letter to Marine Touches His Mom - JSOnline." Journal Interactive (2010):

1-4. Milwaukee Journal Sentinel - Breaking News, Sports, Business, Watchdog

Journalism, Multimedia. Web.

<http://www.jsonline.com/news/waukesha/91983314.html>.

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