Compiled by Nguyen Le Thuy Tien 01678392496 tiennguyen.nltt@gmail.

com

Two Sample SAT Essays

Prompt: Consider carefully the following quotation and the assignment below it. Then plan and write an essay
that explains your ideas as persuasively as possible. Keep in mind that the support you provideboth reasons
and exampleswill help make your view convincing to the reader.
Theres no success like failure.
Assignment: What is your view on the idea that success can begin with failure? In an essay, support your
position using an example (or examples) from literature, the arts, history, current events, politics, science and
technology, or from your personal experience or observation.

A 6 Essay
Learning the lessons taught by failure is a sure route to success. (THESIS STATEMENT) The United
States of America can be seen as a success that emerged from failure: by learning from the weaknesses of the
Articles of Confederation, the founding fathers were able to create the Constitution, the document on which
America is built. (BEST SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [1]) Google Inc., the popular Internet search engine, is
another example of a success that arose from learning from failure, though in this case Google learned from the
failures of its competitors. (NEXT BEST SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [2]) Another example that shows how
success can arise from failure is the story of Rod Johnson, who started a recruiting firm that arose from
Johnsons personal experience of being laid off. (NEXT BEST SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [3])
The United States, the first great democracy of the modern world, is also one of the best examples of a
success achieved by studying and learning from earlier failures. (TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EXAMPLE 1)
After just five years of living under the Articles of Confederation, which established the United States of
America as a single country for the first time, the states realized that they needed a new document and a new
more powerful government. In 1786, the Annapolis convention was convened. The result, three years later, was
the Constitution, which created a more powerful central government while also maintaining the integrity of the
states. By learning from the failure of the Articles, the founding fathers created the founding document of a
country that has become both the most powerful country in the world and a beacon of democracy. (FOUR
DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 1)
Unlike the United States, which had its fair share of ups and downs over the years, the Internet search
engine company, Google Inc., has suffered few setbacks since it went into business in the late 1990s. (TOPIC
SENTENCE FOR EXAMPLE 2) Google has succeeded by studying the failures of other companies in order
to help it innovate its technology and business model. Google identified and solved the problem of assessing the
quality of search results by using the number of links pointing to a page as an indicator of the number of people
who find the page valuable. Suddenly, Googles search results became far more accurate and reliable than those
from other companies, and now Googles dominance in the field of Internet search is almost absolute. (THREE
DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 2)
The example of Rod Johnsons success as an entrepreneur in the recruiting field also shows how effective
learning from mistakes and failure can be. (TOPIC SENTENCE FOR EXAMPLE 3) Rather than accept his
failure after being laid off, Johnson decided to study it. After a month of research, Johnson realized that his
failure to find a new job resulted primarily from the inefficiency of the local job placement agencies, not from
his own deficiencies. A month later, Johnson created Johnson Staffing to correct this weakness in the job
placement sector. Today Johnson Staffing is the largest job placement agency in South Carolina, and is in the
process of expanding into a national corporation. (FOUR DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT
EXAMPLE 3)
Failure is often seen as embarrassing, something to be denied and hidden. But as the examples of the U.S.
Constitution , Google, and Rod Johnson prove, if an individual, organization, or even a nation is strong enough
to face and study its failure, then that failure can become a powerful teacher. (THESIS STATEMENT
REPHRASED IN BROADER WAY THAT PUSHES IT FURTHER) The examples of history and business
demonstrate that failure can be the best catalyst of success, but only if people have the courage to face it head
on.
1

Compiled by Nguyen Le Thuy Tien 01678392496 tiennguyen.nltt@gmail.com

Why This Essay Deserves a 6

This essay serves up all four SAT essay ingredients. It takes a very strong and clear stance on the topic
in the first sentence and sticks to it from start to finish. It uses three examples from a very diverse array of
disciplinesfrom Internet technology to history and politics to a profile of an entrepreneurand it never veers
from using these examples to support the thesis statements position. The organization of the essay follows our
Universal SAT Essay Template perfectly, both at the paragraph level (topic sentences and development
sentences) and at the overall essay level (intro, three meaty example paragraphs, a strong conclusion). The
command of language remains solid throughout. The writer does not take risks with unfamiliar vocabulary but
instead chooses a few out of the ordinary words like beacon, deficiencies, and innovate that sprinkle just the
right amount of special sauce throughout the essay. Sentence structure varies often, making the entire essay
more interesting and engaging to the grader. Finally, no significant grammar errors disrupt the overall
excellence of this SAT essay.
Heres a quick-reference chart that takes a closer look at this 6 essay based on the actual SATs
evaluation criteria for graders and based on our Universal SAT Essay Template.

A 4 Essay
Failure can sometimes lead to success. (THESIS STATEMENT) Many Internet commerce businesses have
learned from the terrible failures of the dot-com boom and bust, and today are in much stronger more successful
positions than they were just a few years ago. (SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [1]). Another example proving that
failure sometimes leads to success is that of Arnold Arnie Wagner, a heavy metal drummer who learned to
play the drums in a better different style after a crippling car accident almost killed him and his band.
(SUPPORTING EXAMPLE [2])
Not all Internet businesses vanished when the dot-com boom went bustsome picked up the pieces, learned
from their mistakes, and moved on. The Internet boom was good to online shoppers but not so great to online
businesses. Shoppers reaped the benefits of all kinds of great deals and online promotions, while e-commerce
businesses did themselves in. Some Internet companies realized the mistakes others were making, such as
offering too deep discounts and not charging for shipping, and they now have benefited by not suffering the
same pitfalls. Only the failure of other business made this happen. (FOUR DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES
TO SUPPORT EXAMPLE 1)
Arnold Arnie Wagner is one of the best drummers alive today. (NO TOPIC SENTENCE TO
SUPPORT EXAMPLE 2) Hes sure lucky to be alive! Arnie lost his right arm in a car crash just as his band
Darkness Falls was beginning to establish success. Rather than give up and fail with his one arm, Wagner took
the problem on courageously and decides to view it as an opportunity to change his drumming style. He has a
special drum kit designed for him, complete with electronic pedals controlled by foot, which leads him to a new
style and his band to even greater heights of success. (FIVE DEVELOPMENT SENTENCES TO SUPPORT
EXAMPLE 2)
Failure doesnt have to end there. Often people and businesses use others failures or even their own to learn
from mistakes and try not to repeat them. Proof? Today Arnie Wagner is still on top of the drumming world,
and many online businesses continue to thrive. (THESIS STATEMENT TOUCHED ON, BUT NOT
REPHRASED IN BROADER WAY THAT PUSHES IT FURTHER) The examples of history and business
demonstrate that failure can be the best catalyst of success, but only if people have the courage to face it head
on.

Compiled by Nguyen Le Thuy Tien 01678392496 tiennguyen.nltt@gmail.com

Why This Essay Deserves a 4

This essay does an adequate job serving up all four SAT essay ingredients. Its competent overall but not
exceptional. Thats the key difference between 4 essays and 6 essays. The 4s are like average students: They do
the work the night before, turn it in, and get back a passing grade that keeps their parents off their back. The 6s
are above excellent students: They do their homework days in advance, turn it in early, and impress teachers
with the superior quality of their work.
More specifically, this 4 essay takes a stance on the topic in the first sentence and sticks to it, but the
stance is not resoundingly clear from the start: Failure can sometimes lead to success. The thesis statement is
vague and makes the essays positioning wishy-washy, which makes it weaker overall than the 6 essays
unwavering stance. It does use examples to support its position, but its examples are not as sophisticated or as
varied as the examples in the 6 essay. Theyre also not linked together with transitions and occasionally veer
slightly off topic. The organization of the essay follows our Universal SAT Essay Template closely, but not
perfectly. For starters, it contains only two examples. Though not disastrous, including only two examples
limits the breadth of your support. It also makes the strength and quality of your examples all the more crucial,
since having only two will make the grader scrutinize them more closely than if your support were spread over
three examples.
At the sentence level, this essay does include a thesis statement and a topic sentence in the first example
paragraph, but the structure begins to derail at the beginning of the second example paragraph. The writer
introduces the drummer Arnie Wagner, but not in a way that is directly related to proving the thesis statement.
The paragraph meanders toward a topic sentence, but never regains a sure footing. The conclusion refers back
to the thesis statement in broad terms (Failure doesnt have to end there), but it does not tie the essay together
as well as the broadening conclusion found in the 6 essay. The command of language remains acceptable
throughout. Compared to the 6 essay, this 4 essay contains significantly more spelling and grammar errors, most
notably the jarring tense shift in paragraph 3. The entire passage is written in the past tense, but suddenly shifts
into the present tense with the sentence that begins, He has a special drum kit. . . . This essay also features
repetitive sentence structure that makes it a much duller read than the 6. The 4 contains no special sauce
whatsoever, another contributing factor to its average quality overall.
Source: Sparknotes.com